Chris Hoadley (3:41)

Oh, right. I saw that part too, because I haven't finished it yet either. Okay, three parts.

Brian Green (3:45)

Yeah, the three parts. I'm about halfway through the whole thing.

Chris Hoadley (3:48)

Yeah, I'm through the. The second one.

Brian Green (3:50)

Okay.

Chris Hoadley (3:51)

But yeah, the temptations, where they would make everybody, like have to resist all these.

Brian Green (3:56)

No, not resist. Eat as much as they can.

Chris Hoadley (3:58)

That's right.

Brian Green (3:59)

Yes. Eat as much as they can. So the temptations. And I don't know if this went all through the whole season. I don't remember it in later.

Chris Hoadley (4:06)

That would be the. To the detriment of their weight loss.

Brian Green (4:08)

Correct.

Chris Hoadley (4:09)

So.

Brian Green (4:09)

So here it is. Ready? Walk into a room. You're 300, 400 pounds. Clearly you have some kind of obsessive eating. You have a problem with food, you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Right. And they take these people, they work them out to death, and then they have a temptation day, which is basically, they walk into a room and there are hundreds, if not thousands of pieces of food, like pizza, cupcakes, donuts, pastries.

Chris Hoadley (4:37)

Yeah, all kinds of stuff.

Brian Green (4:38)

And then they would say, after having not been around their family for months at a time, they would say, you can go home for the weekend and visit your family if you are the person who eats the most amount of food. So they would.

Chris Hoadley (4:50)

That's so cruel.

Brian Green (4:51)

They would incentivize them to eat it. So then they, they would walk in, they, tears streaming down their face, eating deep dish pizza. Right. Because they knew that this was to the detriment of the game, but to the benefit of their mental health.

Chris Hoadley (5:05)

Right, right.

Brian Green (5:06)

And the producer was like, you got to simulate things that happen in real life. I mean, most people aren't going to be in a boot camp for six months with professional trainers. So what happens when they walk by the refrigerator or go by the donut shop? It's like, I have never. Some lady said it on the show. And I totally agree. I have never walked into a room where there is a day is full of food and they're going to give me a free flight home to my kids if I just eat as much as possible. Yeah.

Chris Hoadley (5:29)

That's so cruel.

Brian Green (5:29)

God, it was insane. That show eventually and obviously was taken off air. Not only did I think it had run its course, was it still, if it was still popular today, it'd still be on the air today. But I think people realize that there are competing interests. When you're 400 pounds and you're going to win $250,000 and you have professional trainers, you are going to do. If you want that money and you want that fame, you're going to do whatever it takes. By the way, most of the contestants, at least the ones that are shown in the television show, most of the contestants have gained some, if not all of the weight back, because that is the reality of obesity. Obesity is not easy. It's not. There's nothing easy about losing weight. That's why all of us fail at diets. All of us do. And the people who stay svelte and, you know, highly trim and slim and work out obsessively, you know, that's a problem on the other side, in my opinion. But also if you stay that healthy, that's because I think you're genetically predisposed.

Chris Hoadley (6:31)

A lot has to do with genetics.

Brian Green (6:32)

Yeah. Not because you have some fucking superpower. You're like have, you know, you're better than anybody because that's just the way you're. You just have a genetic predisposition to being that way.

Chris Hoadley (6:44)

And mental.

Brian Green (6:44)

And mental.

Chris Hoadley (6:45)

I think mental health.

Brian Green (6:46)

Yeah. You know, losing weight is really, really tough. And now there are so many tools that can help you. Medical tools that can help you. People are just. Doctors are going bananas over these GLP ones. They're saying, yeah, we don't know what happens long term. But so far so good, right? So far so good. Besides some short term side effects like throwing up.

Chris Hoadley (7:06)

Well, I mean, they've been using them for diabetics for a long time.

Brian Green (7:09)

Yeah.

Chris Hoadley (7:10)

So they can kind of see what's going on there. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of downside.

Brian Green (7:14)

Yeah. I read an article, could we have found the cure to obesity? Right. The actual cure to obesity. And some doctors are saying, yes, some doctors are more cautious. Some doctors are saying they're bad for you. But of course, there's always going to be naysayers in the group. But, you know, then I just, you Know, I. Then maybe that's. Maybe the Biggest Loser doesn't make any sense anymore too. Is because. Why not just get on GLP1s and start eating more healthy and exercising? But that show was wild. I mean, that show is wild.

Chris Hoadley (7:43)

And I met Jillian Michaels. Really? Her career really blew up from that.

Brian Green (7:47)

Both of them? Yeah, Jillian and.

Chris Hoadley (7:49)

And the other guy.

Brian Green (7:49)

I forgot his name.

Chris Hoadley (7:50)

Yeah. But, God, the. You better do this. Are you about to pass out?

Brian Green (7:59)

Good. You fat fuck. Get out of my gym. She, like, mean with, you know, then there would always. She'd wrap around it with a compliment or, you know, see, I told you you could do it. Yeah, I'm fighting for $250,000. If 15 million people are watching me, including every one of the people that I ever knew, like, of course there's motivation there. And yeah, it's just. It was just a wild show in that documentary. I'm. I'm like. I do remember watching the Biggest Loser.

Chris Hoadley (8:25)

Oh, yeah.

Brian Green (8:26)

Because this is still a time, you know, when network television had some cachet. You would watch what was on you. You know, unless you had a TiVo, you couldn't go back and watch the things that you missed. There was no streaming. There wasn't a Netflix. You had to go to Blockbuster to get a movie. The good old days of Blockbuster.

Chris Hoadley (8:44)

The Blockbuster.

Brian Green (8:46)

Speaking of Blockbuster, I saw an ad for a Blockbuster candle. A Blockbuster candle. A candle that smells like Blockbuster.

Chris Hoadley (8:53)

Like the inside of the store.

Brian Green (8:54)

Yeah. I never remember.

Chris Hoadley (8:55)

I don't remember that being a distinctive thing.

Brian Green (8:58)

Well, the thing is, is that there is this condition that, that's. That may resonate with some people. Doesn't resonate with me that they have to go to some kind of retail store to go poop. Have you heard of this? No. This is a thing.

Chris Hoadley (9:13)

No, I've heard of people who can't poop anywhere except home.

Brian Green (9:16)

Yes.

Chris Hoadley (9:17)

But I have not heard of the retail poop.

Brian Green (9:19)

I'm not gonna say their name, but I will share that. Someone that I once was related to, like a step, you know, an in law type.

Chris Hoadley (9:26)

Okay.

Brian Green (9:28)

Told me that she only pooped once a week. Oh, once a week. Now, I don't think this is particularly abnormal for women. I. I have. I have read before that women on average, healthy. It doesn't sound healthy at all. But she ate like a bird. So, you know. Okay, all right, whatever. She ate like a bird, drank like a fish. So you figure out. But. But she said she pooped once a week and that she knew what day and generally what time she was going to poop in that week. But if she missed that window, she wasn't home. If she was out of her comfort zone, like on vacation, she just wouldn't poop. And I thought I. I thought that was clearly. But then I stayed with her for. At. For long periods of time, and. And I realized that I don't even, you know, like, maybe it is true. I don't see when she's going to the bathroom. Right. But there are people who are reporting, and there are psychologists and medical doctors. There's a medical doctor who had a reel, who said, this is a real thing, that people walk into a place and it allows their bowels to relax. Either the smells or the feeling of being in there. It. It's like coffee. It allows their bowels to relax. Listen, I know every day for a fact, as my kids do, as my wife does, as everybody in the household knows, I wake up, I do not pass go. I. Maybe I'll say hello to my children. If they happen to be from here to the refrigerator, I might pass go and say hello to my children. I grab that cup of coffee, and as soon as I pop the lid on that cup of coffee, I need to be somewhere near my own bathroom, because that's it. I'm going. I'm seeing you later. I am. It's like clockwork. It's Clockwork Orange, if you will. Clockwork Brown. And that's just the way I am. I'm extraordinarily regular. Don't ask me why. That's just the way it is. But I know the coffee has something to do with it, like, for a.

Chris Hoadley (11:10)

Lot of coffee, as a diuretic.

Brian Green (11:12)

But for me, it's just the smell of the coffee that then gets my body moving. Right. I could not feel like I have to go to the bathroom. When I grab the cup of coffee and I pop the lid before the coffee even hits my lips, I can smell it. And then it's like my body just goes into mode. It's like, all right, let's go. Shit. That's it. Let's go poop.

Chris Hoadley (11:30)

Smell is one of your. The most powerful senses I know.

Brian Green (11:33)

That's your. That's part of the way that we eat. We eat with our nose, we eat with our eyes, We. Some people eat with their ears.

Chris Hoadley (11:40)

And it has a. It has, like a direct connection with your memory.

Brian Green (11:43)

Yeah. So there is a condition that some people report and that medical doctors have confirmed that, like, coffee is a. It's like Pavlovian, right? You walk into Target, you Got to take a shit. I think that's a terrible, terrible condition to have. But then again, I did work at McDonald's and I knew there were a couple regulars and I knew exactly what was going. They'd take a newspaper to the back, they'd come in, they'd order their double bubble fart burger, and then, you know, triple egg cheese and sandwich McMuffin and a cup of coffee. And then they wouldn't even eat it. They just put it down on the table and they'd run to the bathroom. Straight to the bathroom.

Chris Hoadley (12:25)

The McDonald's smell was their. Was their poop smell.

Brian Green (12:28)

That's right. That's right. And as a young employee at McDonald's, a 15 year old employee of McDonald's, you know that I had to be the one to go in and clean up that bathroom. I still have nightmares about that. I mean, people are weird and disgusting and gross. Yes. What are they thinking we went to when we were at Disney. Disney has like an attendant or two or three per bathroom, Right? That's their whole job, their whole life is just sitting in one particular bathroom and cleaning it up.

Chris Hoadley (12:57)

I can imagine you need it.

Brian Green (13:00)

Hundreds of thousands of people every day coming in and out. There's a lot of. That's a lot of toilet flushing. It's a lot of shit going down there. Right. And my son and I go. Go to the bathroom in one of the places in Magic Kingdom. And we go to the bathroom and we pop open the door because he's got a go number two. So we pop open the door and there is shit on the wall. Like had flown on the wall.

Chris Hoadley (13:21)

Oh, yeah. God.

Brian Green (13:22)

And I'm like, under what circumstances does one just pull down their pants, bend over and aim it at the wall?

Chris Hoadley (13:31)

Yeah.

Brian Green (13:32)

What animal does that? My dog does a better job of aiming her poop than this human being did on any given day.

Chris Hoadley (13:41)

Yeah.

Brian Green (13:42)

Why do you do. Why would you do that under any. What gives you the thought that you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna see how far I can spray my diarrhea. It's so bad. It's so gross. I don't want to know you if that's the kind of person you are. I understand accidents happen, but you think it would, like, splash in the bowl?

Chris Hoadley (14:01)

Don't talk about it anymore.

Brian Green (14:03)

Jeez. I'm gonna put pictures up. No. Kevin, can we get some pictures?

Chris Hoadley (14:09)

No.

Brian Green (14:11)

I tell you the story of when I was a kid. I hope you're not. Some. Some people are turning this off and going, I'm going to do this after lunch, Right. Did I tell you the story of when I was a kid in grade school and we had to. We had to have a big school meeting? Did I tell you this?

Chris Hoadley (14:30)

No. We were talking about your parent teacher conferences the other day, but. What?

Brian Green (14:33)

Yeah. No, this wasn't that. The principal called all of the students in who were in fourth to eighth grade.

Chris Hoadley (14:39)

Okay.

Brian Green (14:43)

And she was like, I cannot believe I'm even having to have this conversation. But our janitor had to clean up feces from the floor of the boys bathroom. And then everyone's laughing. The whole class is laughing, right? Yeah. She's like, stop it. You know, it's not funny. And the janitor standing there with, like, his mop, and he's shaking his head. I felt so bad for the guy.

Chris Hoadley (15:14)

Oh, yeah.

Brian Green (15:15)

And she goes. How? You know, she goes. And we've narrowed it down to the fourth through eighth graders based on the size of the.

Chris Hoadley (15:26)

Oh, God.

Brian Green (15:29)

And the whole class. I mean, everybody was just so much fun. We thought this was the best thing since sliced bread. And we had to get a lecture about pooping.

Chris Hoadley (15:42)

Did anybody ever find out who it was?

Brian Green (15:44)

No, I don't think so. I think they chalked it up to, you know, kids being kids or an accident or something happened.

Chris Hoadley (15:50)

I don't know if the rumors went around with the kids themselves.

Brian Green (15:53)

We know. We tried to make. I think I knew who it was. I think I knew who it was. Based on just behavior in general. I think I knew who it was. There was a kid who wasn't quite right. You know, there's always one kid that's not quite right, and I thought it was him, and he was a big boy, and they said it was a big boy thing anyway. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

Rachel (16:19)

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcbpodcast.com Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212433, 3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

Brian Green (17:18)

I just make it worse than it already is. We're talking about adding more technology into the TCB studios. I am following a guy right now who is on the quest to be one of the few people on earth who, in one shot, has gone from the beginning of the Appalachian Trail to the end of the Appalachian Trail. I'm fascinated by his reels. They're really. You know, he's. He's documenting every single day, if not twice a day or three times a day. He's like 200 miles in. I think it's 2,700 miles altogether.

Chris Hoadley (17:48)

It's a long way. We did a little part of it.

Brian Green (17:51)

We did half a mile, and we got lost. We were less than 100 yards from our car, and we.

Chris Hoadley (18:02)

We couldn't find.

Brian Green (18:02)

We were getting nervous that we were kind of getting stuck in the Appalachian Trail. We went to the park at Amicalola Falls, I think is what it's called Amicala Falls.

Chris Hoadley (18:11)

Beautiful waterfall.

Brian Green (18:12)

Gorgeous one, I think, tallest waterfall in Georgia. It's gorgeous. You got to walk up 600, 700 stairs to get to the top. If you start at the bottom. At the top is a hotel. It's beautiful. It overlooks the Appalachian Mountains. It's at the. One of the very. The highest one of the peaks in Georgia right up there, and they have a little winery, and you can go up there. And we ordered a glass of wine or whatever. We got up the stairs. Took us a long time, but we managed to get there. But then we walked back down on the trail. We didn't want to go down the stairs because the stairs are very crowded. There's a lot of people walking up and down those stairs. And if you get stuck behind some people and it's not like they're, you.

Chris Hoadley (18:48)

Know, 15ft, not very wide.

Brian Green (18:50)

Yeah. And so we said, okay, well, let's.

Chris Hoadley (18:52)

Just go our own way.

Brian Green (18:54)

You can get on the Appalachian Trail to get back down to the parking lot. And this is a half a mile as the crow flies. It's not very far. It's just down. Right. But the trails are marked by different colors and posts and sticks. Yeah. We were just bebopping down, probably half drunk or all drunk, and we got lost in a minute. In one minute, we didn't know where we were. We had just started there and gone down there. And by the way, it was fall. You could see through the trees. It wasn't like. It was like overgrown foliage. We could clearly see, but we couldn't figure out.

Chris Hoadley (19:31)

He's like, kind of slipping with the leaves.

Brian Green (19:33)

You're just sliding down the mountain into different colored trails. And it wasn't very well marked. It's crazy. I still remember that feeling of like, how are we gonna get out of here? Are we gonna have to call for help? Cause I think we're supposed to go this way. But then I thought that two turns ago, and then we, like. We'd walk for a half an hour and end up at the same place. And I'm like, shit, I thought we were going down, but we were really going up. How's that? How did we do that? And so we thought we would be the first to have to be rescued. 10 yards from the car. Update on two missing hikers. They were found in less than 60 seconds by local sheriff's officers. 10 yards from their car.

Chris Hoadley (20:24)

Yeah, I think by the time we actually found the car, it was like, dark.

Brian Green (20:27)

It was dusk. Yeah, it was getting dark. Yes, it was. We started at like 4pm and we ended up in dark. Three hours to go a half a mile. But to be fair to us, there was a small ravine we had to cross. And that's right. I think that confused us.

Chris Hoadley (20:42)

Have some pictures from that day.

Brian Green (20:44)

Oh, I'm sure I do have pictures of us up at the top. I'm in a. I still remember what I'm wearing. I'm in a blue Nike run, like, track suit, and I've got my sunglasses on, and we're drinking wine in the top of a hotel. But this guy is. I mean, I. I'm for it.

Chris Hoadley (21:03)

So he's doing it all in one shot. Because many people have hiked the full Appalachian Trail. Right. But not in this time period or something.

Brian Green (21:11)

Yeah, I think what it is, he's going up and down. So, you know, you go up and go down. Yeah. And I think that is what makes it the 2200 miles or something. You go up and you go down, and there's a certain time of year when you have to start. Yeah.

Chris Hoadley (21:22)

You have to plan that.

Brian Green (21:23)

Yeah. I think it's Now I think you have to be, like, not the hottest part. You don't want to be up north during the winter. You got to come back down. So it's like. I think. I think you start now. You start in mid August, and then you try and get back, I think, by January or February or something like that, before the snow gets, you know, really starts covering the mountains. So. So I'm all about this guy. He's doing it for a cause. You know, congratulations. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll donate. I forget what the cause is. Books or something. I don't know. Who cares? But he's doing it. But it does remind me of the time. Not with you, but I actually. When I was a kid, I was. I fell in love with. And I say love with. I mean, like, I was in love with them, but I was kind of afraid of them, too. They were like, true hippie chicks.

Chris Hoadley (22:09)

Oh, okay. Yeah, you've talked about.

Brian Green (22:11)

Yeah. And we kind of became a trio for a while. We went down to Disney World. We went on some. We used to, like. We. A couple times we just got in the car and we would be traveling the back roads of the Panhandle, and we stopped and got our fortunes told on the side of the road. All. All the while listening to tapes of the Grateful Dead. Like tapes from. From people who had taped the Grateful Dead. Right. So for a minute. Bootlegs. I was a true hippie dippy, but I had my head shaved and I was wearing Doc Martens, and so I was the militant hippie, as they used to say. So I didn't fit the mold, but I was into it. Smoking a lot of pot, doing lsd, taking ecstasy. Back when ecstasy was the thing that, you know, you enjoy. I was doing it all, and we were having fun, and. And I was in love with these girls, but a little bit afraid of them. One was. One came on really strong to me, and that made me nervous. I don't know why, but I was nervous about the whole thing.

Chris Hoadley (23:08)

You're attracted, but nervous.

Brian Green (23:10)

I was still. I was at the age where I was scared of pussy.

Chris Hoadley (23:12)

Exactly.

Brian Green (23:13)

It's true. It's true. You know, I'd make all kind of excuses, but anyway, so these three girls and these two girls and I, part of a larger group of friends, they decided they're gonna, like all hippies in Atlanta, decide to do at some point when they're 17 years old, go hype, hike the Appalachian Trail. And so a group of us decided we were going to do this at one Point. And completely ill prepared, having no idea what we were getting ourselves into packing so lightly. We probably would not have made it two weeks, let alone the entire 2200 miles. And we started at point A, where most people start, the Appalachian Trail up in North Georgia. And so we had spent a couple of days scrounging together materials, like, you know, a little pup tent. Right. Some water bottles, some fuel for this, you know, some camping food. I think we had packed some trail mix.

Chris Hoadley (24:09)

Basically your backyard camping.

Brian Green (24:11)

Exactly. Experience. Yeah, that's. That's like kind of. The point is like, we were prepared to spend one night where there would likely be running water right next door to us. Right. We were not prepared to do anything else. But I trusted the hippie dippies in the group that they knew exactly what they were doing. So we get up there, it's like an. It's an afternoon. I think it's late summer. I remember it being warm. I'm still wearing Doc Martens and long. You know, I'm still wearing the same uniform I had always worn, which are bell bottom jeans, bell bottom skater jeans, Doc Martens and two T shirts. Why two T shirts? I don't know. To stop. I don't. Who knows? You just. That was just the thing you did back then. You wore a white shirt under a colored.

Chris Hoadley (24:52)

The wallet chain.

Brian Green (24:54)

Wallet chain was always with me, you know, because you're going to need a wallet when you're on the Appalachian Trail with no money in it, by the way. I mean, I had no money, no credit card. They didn't have debit cards like they do today. I mean, you could get one, but, you know, whatever. So we get up there and we get. We park the car at the place where we're supposed to park the car. And the intention was three weeks up, three weeks back. That's what we were gonna do a full six weeks. We're gonna be back by. I think it was Halloween or something like that.

Chris Hoadley (25:23)

So just as far as you could go in three weeks.

Brian Green (25:25)

As far as we could go in three weeks. We had a. We had a point that we wanted to go to. You know, one of the guys in the group had a map. He knew where you could stop at a general store. There were, you know, there are places where you go civilization. It's not like you're in the. For all, you know, six weeks, you stop at places. There are places you can sleep. There are hotels and motels. There are bnbs. There are places where the government has put up little shacks where they have, like, you know, shitty mattresses and running water. So this is a thing. And, you know, it's a well worn path. And so we get up there and we start hiking. And I don't even think we get six or seven miles in the first day. And that is not a good clip. You're not going at a good clip if you only get six or seven miles in a day, depending on the terrain. But everything seems scary to me.

Chris Hoadley (26:12)

Yeah.

Brian Green (26:13)

And I'm starting to realize that the people around me really don't know what they're talking. There's a lot of matt looking at the map. There's a lot of backtracking. We forgot we let. We went this way. We should have gone that way. When it's all. This is the easy part of the trail too.

Chris Hoadley (26:24)

Right?

Brian Green (26:24)

This is the part of the trail that like you and the family do on a Saturday afternoon. Not the part where like, you know, hardcore hippie hikers do it. Right. And there's one guy who's kind of leading the charge. And I'm quickly losing faith in his ability to do anything. And so now night night is starting to come and I think to myself, we gotta stop and eat something. I've been living on, like now it's all the raisins at the bottom of the trail mix. The only thing that's left is the worst part of the trail mix. We all know it. Let's just all admit it. It's the M and Ms. That are good and the peanuts that are good. You know what I'm saying?

Chris Hoadley (26:56)

Yes.

Brian Green (26:58)

So then we're like, what are we going to eat for this? And they had brought some like, camping, like, you know, ready to eat camping.

Chris Hoadley (27:05)

Things like dehydrated stuff.

Brian Green (27:07)

Dehydrated stuff that you would have to put in a kettle, cook it with, you know, under a sterno. And the camping equipment wasn't like it is today. And even if it was, we couldn't afford it. So we didn't have any of it. Someone had like an old teapot their mom had given them and they didn't have a holder, so we had to like hold it over. Our guy tried to make a stick thing and the stick set on fire. It's all thing. Right. And no one knew how to make a campfire. It was a. We were terribly ill prepared. The pup tent did not pup. There was no pup to the pup tent. So here we are, first night, not very far off and things aren't going great. And everybody is trying to stay positive about this, but we're just being honest. It's. I, I know that it's not going great. I am scared, right? If we get 20 miles in and now we really have a trek back and we. I really don't remember where we're gonna go. What if I want to bail? I'm gonna have to call somebody to bring me out. And I know my dad's not picking me up from nowhere. Yeah, he's already bailed me out of jail. He's not bailing me out of the Appalachian Trail, that's for sure. I don't have a money for a bus ticket, plane ticket, you know, rental car. Forget a rental car. What's that? I'm 17. So the first night we, we eat some shitty food that's not even cooked. You know, that's like weird consistency. It's not good. I'm very hungry. We're kind of, you know, the water's running low and now we're going to have to think about where do we get water?

Chris Hoadley (28:33)

Water?

Brian Green (28:34)

Yeah. Is there a place where we can get water? There are some places, but we haven't found them. So this dude's down at the stream and he's like, I don't know, checking it for contamination. And I'm like, this just all sounds so weird. So I tell the girls, I said, you know, I don't know, I'm not feeling great about this right now. I'm not feeling like this is the best situation. They're like, no, no, no, no. You know, this is part of the, it's part of the thing, man.

Chris Hoadley (28:57)

Part of the journey.

Brian Green (28:58)

One of them's got like a little battery operated tape player and where she's playing the Grateful Dead. And then she's like, let's just, let's just smoke some pot and we'll get some sleep. Smoke some pot under the stars, which you can't really see.

Chris Hoadley (29:11)

Did you have like a sleeping bag?

Brian Green (29:13)

We had a, we had a. Yeah, a sleeping bag. Yeah. Each of us had like a little roll up sleeping bag, but it wasn't very thick. And I remember it got very cool that night and we got so fucking high and everybody else seemed to be sleeping except for me who was just having an internal anxiety panic attack. And every noise that I heard was a bear or a lion or elphaba, you know what I'm saying? My mind was going wild. Yes. What's that? What's that? Did you hear that? I remember like I cozied up to one of the girls real close because I, I was actually legitimately Scared.

Chris Hoadley (29:51)

Yeah.

Brian Green (29:51)

Because we had talked about this. There are black bears up there, you know, we can't keep food out. And I don't think anybody took any precautions about any of this stuff. No one had like bear spray, a gun, forget about it. We were just like a bunch of kids pretending we knew exactly what we were doing. And delete. Our fearless leader was really just a dipshit stoner who went to private school, you know what I'm saying? Who probably never can.

Chris Hoadley (30:14)

How big was your group?

Brian Green (30:16)

There was, I think if I remember correctly, there was like six or seven of us.

Chris Hoadley (30:19)

Okay.

Brian Green (30:20)

With the knowledge and the conversation that at times some of the group may move faster than the others, we may break up. Right. And I, I just wasn't. It didn't feel like it was a cohesive group. And then I got really started thinking about what happens if tomorrow we move faster. They move faster than we do now. We don't have our fearless leader. Doesn't know how to catch a fish. Has no idea how to trap anything. Brought five ready to eat meals.

Chris Hoadley (30:45)

Can't read the map.

Brian Green (30:46)

Can't read the map. We've already backtracked. We've only made it like, you know, 10 yards from the car. What are we gonna do? So the next morning, you know, everyone's getting up and you know, some people go find this water source and they're down there, you know, splashing it on and I'm like, I'm not bathing in that shit filled river. And now my stomach's all cramped. I've travel tummy.

Chris Hoadley (31:07)

I'm like, oh no.

Brian Green (31:08)

Yeah, someone's got one roll the toilet paper. It's, it's just bad. It's just bad. It's just. I got, I was so excited about this. I thought this was going to give me some bona fides in the hippie community. And what I'm really realizing is I am not cut out for this type of thing. I'm a city boy.

Chris Hoadley (31:25)

Not your thing.

Brian Green (31:25)

Yeah. I need to be in the suburbs where there's a TJ Maxx around the corner. That's what I need. A McDonald's and a TJ Maxx. I don't want a bear and a stream and one roll of toilet paper between seven people. And I'm already feeling like everyone's starting to smell a little rank and it's just bad. So we all managed to get our camp and get up and we go maybe like another two miles in four hours. I mean, honestly, we don't know where we are. This Guy's on not reading the map. He thinks we're here, we might be there. We're supposed to be seeing something in the corner. You know, I'll figure it out. And he's like a real stubborn kind of guy.

Chris Hoadley (32:04)

You know it all.

Brian Green (32:05)

Yeah, he's a know it all. And when we're backtracking, I'm like, didn't we already go this way? Listen, we had to go over there to make sure that we were in the right direction. You know, it's like, okay, dude. All right. I didn't know this guy very well. So I think five hours into day number two, I am starting to formulate.

Chris Hoadley (32:26)

A plan of how to get out.

Brian Green (32:28)

Of how to get out.

Chris Hoadley (32:28)

Yeah.

Brian Green (32:29)

If I could walk really fast and I could not have to backtrack. If I could remember the stakes and the trails and the things that we did. If I could just get to where we camped last night, I think I can. It's a pretty straight shot to back to the car. And if I could convince the girl who owned the car, then we could all go back to. To this. Okay, so late afternoon. We're still going to walk some more, but we're taking a break. But then some of the people are like, I think we should just call it a day. I think other people in the group are starting to mute. They're getting the same idea. And I believe I'm still high from the night before. Like, I'm. Haven't had much sleep. I'm kind of panicking. So we stop, and I managed to separate the girls from the group a little bit, right? And I'm like, listen, I. I don't think we know what we're doing. I think this is a dangerous proposition. We haven't seen any civilization. I think we're supposed to be seeing civilization. Like, we could be lost already. And even though we're on a trail, which trail are we on? Because Jim Bob over there doesn't seem to be able to sniff it out, Right? What if we just bail? We walk backwards. We can probably wake up tomorrow morning and make it in one day. You know, it's only seven or eight or nine miles, however long we've walked. We don't even know because we don't even know where we are on the map. But I think we can still make it and not get lost and make it back to the car. And by tomorrow night, we could be doing whippets at your house. Like, now. I'm trying to get a proposition going. We could be listening to 78. You know, we could be listening to 10-6-78, where Cornell 73. Cornell 73, where Phil does an incredible bass solo. If we can just get back because the batteries are going to die in this day player soon and we don't have anywhere to go. And they're both like, well, we kind of said we would do three weeks. And if we leave, then we have the toilet paper. You know, probably leave the toilet paper here. Leave them here, Leave the trail mix here. What are we going to do? I don't manage to close the deal, but now I'm convinced that one way or the other, I'm getting back to that parking lot and maybe I'll just have to hitchhike back down. Yeah, hop on the back of a motorcycle, give a blowjob to a trucker, something. I'll have to figure it out, Right? So we go to sleep and then I'll tell you after the break.

Rachel (34:56)

Let me do something Brian has never done.

Brian Green (34:59)

Be brief.

Rachel (35:00)

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

Brian Green (35:30)

All right, so we're. So now everyone's decided we're stopped for the night. So it's like getting dusk and we. Someone manages to build like a small, I think campfire or something like that. We get more of these ready to eat these MREs that are just disgusting. The second night, we're a little better at cooking them than the first night, but it's still gross. I'm side eyeing these girls every chance I get. I'm like, yeah, sure. You know, this guy, this leader dude is opining about what the next day is going to look like. And you know, this is the day we're going to make a lot of progress. We're going to get 15 miles tomorrow. And I'm like, 15 miles? We haven't gone six total. What are we doing?

Chris Hoadley (36:07)

And then I.

Brian Green (36:09)

Out in the woods, we're just, we're just camping really close to the car without any supplies to do. So no tent, wet sleeping bags, cold clothes. I mean, I only brought like one change of T shirt because we were gonna wash Our clothes in the stream, dry them off and put them on the back of it. You know, just put them on the back of the knapsacks.

Chris Hoadley (36:29)

And did you guys come up with this plan? Was it like one night, drunk and high?

Brian Green (36:33)

Yes.

Chris Hoadley (36:33)

Okay.

Brian Green (36:34)

Yes, we hatched it. I think we hatched it in a car ride in Florida that this is what we wanted to do because we knew a guy who was going to do this.

Chris Hoadley (36:43)

Oh, you're gonna hitch on with him?

Brian Green (36:44)

We were gonna hitch on with their group.

Chris Hoadley (36:46)

Okay.

Brian Green (36:46)

Their group was. We knew loosely, the guy, the leader dude, know. And we did not know that well, but he had claimed that he had been on parts of the Appalachian Trail for weeks at a time. But it was clear to me that that was not true. Like a lot of 17, 18, 19 year olds, he was just full of. Just like. I was just like. Everybody was right. We all try and make ourselves sound a lot more important than we are. But now we're here, and this is dangerous, and people die on this trail all the time. They'd get disappeared. They get eaten, they get killed. They. They fall and break a leg, and they don't have any way to get in touch. True.

Chris Hoadley (37:21)

Yeah.

Brian Green (37:21)

Now with cell phones. Yeah, now with cell phones it's different. But that's the other thing. There's no communication to the outside world. If someone was to have gotten hurt or fallen, I quickly realized someone else would have to go back and get help. And the only guy who supposedly knows how to read a map is looking at it upside down. He thinks we're in Rhode Island, Georgia. We're dead. We're sitting there. We're just off the trail. We're obviously a larger group, so, you know, making some noise. And up walk two real hippies. And I mean real hippies, dreadlocks and all, you know, Betty Boop and whatever, you know, Sun Starseed and Sunbeam walk up and they're like, hey, y', all, how's it going? You know, and we're like, yeah, great. All I want to do is help, but now I'm wondering if we need help from them. Do you know what I'm saying?

Chris Hoadley (38:22)

Yes.

Brian Green (38:23)

Yes, they are dirty. I mean, they look like they've been doing this for a while.

Chris Hoadley (38:28)

Yeah.

Brian Green (38:29)

And they're not exactly clear where they came from. They're not exactly clear where they're going to. They just pop a squat. And now we're all talking to them. And like, the. The. The leader dude, I think. I think his name was Bobby. Bobby is like, you know, welcoming them into the conversation. Like he thinks he, you know, now we found some kindred spirits that are going to be able to help us out. These guys have like hobo backpacks. They got like a thing on a stick. And I think they had a dog with them too, if I'm not mistaken. It was like a whole scene. Right? And I was like, oh, they were.

Chris Hoadley (38:58)

Just homeless is what it was, basically.

Brian Green (39:00)

Yes. Or homeless. Or dehomed, because that's the way they wanted it. Maybe. Maybe that was the truth. That's okay too. Whatever's clever. They. They start talking. And then after, like, I'm kind of like talking with the girls. And after a minute, I'm not really interested in these two because I'm not getting a great vibe from them. And then after a couple of minutes, now they're offering to sell LSD to the group. Like liquid lsd, but for like a dollar. Like, give us a dollar and you know, take a. Take a bop, you know, God. And oh, no, our fearless leader is the first one to take a bop.

Chris Hoadley (39:38)

Oh.

Brian Green (39:38)

And I'm like, nope, I'm not going to be tripping my balls off. I'm already anxiety ridden about this.

Chris Hoadley (39:43)

Exactly.

Brian Green (39:44)

I'm not. I'm not going to go through another night of no sleep tripping my balls off. But a couple of the other people in the group do. And I'm like, okay, so now these people are near us. Some people are tripping balls. I am not. And I see one. I see the guy who had come up, you know, sunbeam. I see the guy who had come up, One of the other people was sleeping who had not taken lsd. And I catch him with my eye. I catch him over in the corner rummaging through their stuff. Their stuff, Right. But I don't know what to do because I'm like, do I confront the guy? And then now we have a real scene. He's tripping balls. I don't like him. I'm not getting a good vibe from him. But luckily the other two girls that I was with saw this happening too. And when they saw this happening, I turned to them and I go, are you ready?

Chris Hoadley (40:39)

Yeah.

Brian Green (40:41)

And both of them said at the exact same moment, as if they were identical twins. Yes, we are out of here. Yeah. So I don't know what he rummaged through. I don't know what he grabbed. You know, we kind of kept an eye on it to make sure they. He wasn't physically hurting anybody, but he clearly was looking for something. And he may have taken Something. And I don't remember how that all panned out, but they slept very or, you know, kind of camped very close to us. Everybody's tripping balls. And then we. The sun starts to come up. I'd manage to close my eyes for a minute. The sun comes up, and Bob, our fearless leader, is nowhere to be found. He is nowhere to be found. His stuff is there, but he's nowhere to be found. One of the sunshine is nowhere to be found. So Sunbeam is there. Sunshine is gone. Bob is gone. The guy, the girl, and our fearless leader, they are gone. And I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah. And so I'm like, let's go right now. Let's go. And they're like, we can't leave. What if he's. And I'm like, I can't see this situation getting much better, so let's not be a part of it. Let's get out of here. I'm sure Bob is fine. He's probably tripping his nuts off down by the stream or something like that.

Chris Hoadley (41:55)

With sunshine.

Brian Green (41:56)

Yeah. So now we have to decide how we're going to break it to the group, right? And so it was determined.

Chris Hoadley (42:01)

Just toss the toilet paper and run.

Brian Green (42:05)

It was determined that I was the one who had to say it because I was the least hippie, like, you know, and I could. I just is the excuse in the group. I'm like, I'll take the bullet.

Chris Hoadley (42:14)

Yeah, you didn't have any rep to be ruined.

Brian Green (42:17)

Nope, I'll take. I'll take the bullet. So I go up to the remaining people in the group and that now, like, you know, Sunbeam is there, too, and where they're all, like, sitting around and, you know, getting ready and packing up, and then, where's Bob? Should we go look for Bobby and whatever? And I say, I have the toilet paper in my hand. And I'm like, okay, hey, everybody. Good morning. You know, and everyone's sitting around like, hey, what's going on?

Chris Hoadley (42:45)

You're. You're walking in the dock, Martin.

Brian Green (42:47)

Yeah, I'm walking in my diary. Good morning, everyone. Sleep good? Good trip? You still trippin'? How much more LSD did you do after I went to bed? Did you get anything out of anybody's knapsack there, Sunbeam? Anything good? I have an offering. Some kind of moist toilet paper. It's wet toilet paper. So in the moment, this is why this even made me think of this. So in the moment, I still remember this. In the moment, I go, listen, me, and we're gonna Head back. What?

Chris Hoadley (43:30)

Yeah.

Brian Green (43:32)

Yeah, what? We don't even know where Bobby is, you know? And I said, I know, but I gotta be honest. For the last couple days, I've had explosive diarrhea. It's making me wonder if I'm in any condition to be out here. I feel a little.

Chris Hoadley (43:51)

I think I got dysentery.

Brian Green (43:52)

Yeah, I think I might've. And brought it in. And I don't want to make anybody else sick. And I just need a car ride home. And they're like, no, it's okay. You know, you'll. It'll flush itself out. And I'm like, I don't know how much more there is to flush out. We're not eating well out here. We're out of water and toilet paper is running low. But I wanted to give you the toilet paper, make sure that we didn't leave you high and dry. Pun intended. Or dirty and wet. You know? But listen, I really hope that everything goes well for everybody. Sunbeam, it was really nice to meet you. And he was like, yeah, man.

Rachel (44:33)

Yeah.

Brian Green (44:34)

Listen, it's. You know, sometimes. Sometimes we're called to do it, and sometimes we aren't. Not for everybody. And I think to myself, you've been living out here for 10 years. You were born to do this. Look at me. I have a chain around my wallet that's empty. I'm a poser. I should be waiting in line for Alice and Jane's tickets, not out here on the Appalachian Trail.

Chris Hoadley (45:00)

It sounded like a great idea, but it's not turning out to be.

Brian Green (45:04)

And then I got my parting words, which were, do you wanna. Do you wanna drop on your way out.

Chris Hoadley (45:11)

Oh, my God.

Brian Green (45:12)

From Sunbeam. And I was like, I would, but I don't have any cash on me. And he goes, no, no, no, man. It's cool. It's cool. It'll come back around. I'm like, if I take a drop, I'm gonna be the one coming back around because we're never gonna find our way out of here. So I said, no, man. As much as I'd love to, with the stunt, you know, with the shits, I'm afraid, yeah, it might make things worse. And he's like, yeah, you might be right about that. And the other people, they tried to do a little haggling with us. Like, you know, come on, one more day. You know, stay one more day. If we can't get to the hotel, you know, if we can't get to a place to sleep and, you know, some food, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah. We said no. So we managed to make it out of there on our, on our own. We, you know, we had map. Like there was more than one map. But he would. This was just the guy who happened. He told us he knew what was going on.

Chris Hoadley (45:58)

Right.

Brian Green (45:59)

But we managed to get out in one day afternoon. Yes. By just following what our, our noses and the map and looking for little signs, we managed to get out of there very quickly. So I know we were not very far. Takes about 30 minutes in tough terrain to walk a mile if you're going at a normal clip. I think it took us five hours to get out of there. We might have been 10 miles in. I mean, maybe 10.

Chris Hoadley (46:23)

Yeah, it was probably best you got out when you did.

Brian Green (46:25)

We did. And so what happened? What happened to Bob?

Chris Hoadley (46:28)

That's what happened to Bobby.

Brian Green (46:29)

Well, it turns out that even though some of his stuff had been left there in a LSD induced haze, he apparently fell in love with, you know, Soulbeam or whatever her name was. They had some kind of, you know, romance going on and in their trippy state had decided that it was best that they go ahead to the next post. Walking in the nighttime. I could not believe that they would want to do this because it is not easy to walk during the daytime in some of these places, let alone the nighttime. Yeah, but they had made it a cut. They were like a couple miles ahead and eventually they crashed out. Like after a day or day and a half they crashed out and the group caught up with them eventually. But for like a day and a half they were just gone and no way of communicating. I am so glad, so glad that we decided to bail when we bailed because had we not done that, we would have been stuck in that chaos and confusion and I would have been even more scared than I already was. The best feeling in the world was good to the car that I had had up until that. Up until my life was number one, turning around and heading back. But was number two coming up on the parking lot or knowing we were on our way to the parking lot. And listen, even though I did not technically have explosive diarrhea, I really had to go to the bathroom. When we got back, I was ready.

Chris Hoadley (47:51)

All those raisins and trail, all those.

Brian Green (47:54)

Peanuts and almonds and M&Ms. And shitty beef stew. Dehydrated beef stew had built up into quite a. Had worked up quite a bundle. I was home by midnight. Best day of my life. I keep on pressing that button. I'm sorry.

Chris Hoadley (48:18)

Oh my God.

Brian Green (48:19)

Wow.

Chris Hoadley (48:20)

That's a good one. Well, hopefully the guy that you're following on his track is more prepared.

Brian Green (48:26)

He looks much more prepared than I do. Much more prepared. I don't think this is his first rodeo. He's trim, he's fit. And by the way, just like as a follow up, follow up, the guy, one of the guys in the group who was not Bobby, I met, I connected with him years later when I was in my early 20s and he was. Because he was dating a girl, I was working at a restaurant. So we just kind of serendipitously ran back into each other. Still a big hippie, still loved him to hike and all that stuff. And when I met him, he was preparing to walk up and down the trail and he did. Okay, he did it. Now, he didn't do it in one shot. He stopped at some point because of something. He had gangrene or something like that. But he did it. I mean, he went and he really did it. And I had a friend in college.

Chris Hoadley (49:20)

That did it, that did do it too. We were impressed.

Brian Green (49:23)

Yeah, there's. I think there are, I think there's probably a number of people who do it every year. Right. But it's not many. It's not like thousands of people accomplish this. It's hard. It's really hard. And you got to know what you.

Chris Hoadley (49:37)

And a lot of people go one, you know, just do one way.

Brian Green (49:40)

Yeah, yeah. One way I think is that's the. Yeah, that's the advanced route. But then when you're an expert, you go up and down. Right. But then if you're just a beginner, it's like ghost. Like I. It just spend a day or two up there and you figure out if that's what you really want to do. It's likely you won't. It's likely you won't want to do that. So I'm just saying, not trying to knock the Appalachian trailers, but it's.

Chris Hoadley (50:05)

Oh, no, it's a whole thing.

Brian Green (50:06)

It's tough. And the easiest part is the beginning of it. That's the easiest part of it.

Chris Hoadley (50:11)

Yep.

Brian Green (50:11)

I mean, I know that there are flatter parts of it, but that's, you know, whatever. Anyway, there you go. All right. 2 1. 4333 TCB 212-438-22 Questions? Comments, concerns? Content, Ideas? Please do stay in touch. We'd love to hear from you at the commercial break on Instagram. Follow us there. YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio. Do subscribe to that channel, we'd appreciate it. Tcpodcast.com your free sticker now available. All the audio, all the video and more information about Chrissy and I. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

Chris Hoadley (50:51)

I think so.

Brian Green (50:52)

I'll tell you that I love you.

Chris Hoadley (50:53)

And I love you.

Brian Green (50:53)

Best to you, best to you. Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, do say, and we must say goodbye. Sam.