Unhindered In The Land Of Women!

Summary

The Commercial Break: “Unhindered in the Land of Women!”

Episode Date: October 1, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Tina (guest co-host for Krissy Hoadley)

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Overview

In this lively, irreverent episode, Bryan and guest host Tina (sitting in for the Mempho-fest-bound Krissy) riff on everyday chaos, Mempho festival adventures, the absurdities of grown-up vacationing, and take a deep-dive, satirical look at the world of pickup artistry and "natural seducers," via a vintage video from infamous PUA Zan Perignon. The show weaves in topical banter around military grooming standards, free speech, and the lines between confidence and delusion, all with The Commercial Break’s signatory blend of sarcasm, improv, and affectionate mockery.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Midlife Vacationing & Mempho Festival FOMO

• Vacation Recovery Realness:
  • Bryan and Tina trade war stories about vacation exhaustion and the practical need for “recovery from your vacation.”
  • “I need a vacation for my vacation. Honestly, man, I’ve felt that way for a decade.” (Bryan, 02:29)
• Car Sickness Woes:
  • Bryan shares torturous tales involving his family’s car seat-puking curse (Disney World, Walmart, and the hospitality of a random car wash owner in Florida).
• Festival Fails & Mempho Memories:
  • Tina and Bryan reminisce about being stuck in tents by porta potties and festival hotel “adventures” in Memphis.
  • Memorable quote:
    • “Certain parts of Memphis shouldn’t be walking at 3 o’clock in the morning to go get food. No, no sir. No siree Bob.” (Bryan, 07:42)

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2. Pop Culture & Free Speech: The Jimmy Kimmel Mini-Saga

• Listener Shout Outs & Disagreements:
  • Amanda, a listener, gets props for sticking with the show despite political differences.
• Jimmy Kimmel, Censorship, and Free Speech:
  • The hosts reflect on the fallout from Jimmy Kimmel’s controversial monologue, supporting free speech even when opinions differ.
  • Bryan recounts reaching out to Danny Ricker (Kimmel’s EP), who credits Jimmy directly:
    • “I would love to take credit for any of this, but this is all Jim.” (Bryan, 11:37)
  • “When Jimmy fucking Kimmel is the guy we’re relying on to keep our free speech alive... But he’s the dude who was on ‘The Man Show’... That’s the lynchpin for democracy!” (Bryan, 12:51)
• Principle Voiced:
  • “Once we start telling people what they can and can’t say...then we are fucked. It is a slippery slope.” (Bryan, 09:49)

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3. Military Absurdity: The “Beardos” Directive

• New ‘Warrior Ethos’ and Grooming Standards:
  • Bryan unloads on Pete Hegseth (new DoD head), who apparently assembled all US generals for a pep rally largely focused on banning beards and enforcing new “height and weight” standards.
  • “You pull all of these incredible men and women into a room...and you talk to them about beards, personal hygiene? That feels more like a shift meeting at McDonald’s...” (Bryan, 16:25)
  • Tina is indignant: “I love a man with a beard.” (Tina, 18:10)
• Mockery & Sarcasm:
  • Jokes about “Nordic pagans,” military-as-pageant, and how Top Gun mustaches would disqualify pilots these days.
• Social Commentary:
  • Both hosts agree, left or right—this is a waste of resources and time, channeling the idiocracy of paranoid, performative policymaking.

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4. A Deep-Dive Roast: Pickup Artists & The Land of Women

(Breakdown of Watching Zan Perignon’s “Enlightened Seduction” Video)

Intro to Zan Perignon & PUA Satire

• Hosts recall Zan’s previous “chakra” speech; this time they roast his Enlightened Seduction video from the pre-beard era—think 1990s director’s chair, awkward green corduroys, black backdrop.
  • “Let me set the scene: He’s got a black drape behind him, which is not particularly well done...He has a bright white coat on...and then like green...corduroys or something?” (Bryan, 28:28)

Dissecting Zan’s “Natural Seducer” Philosophy

• PUA Phraseology & Mockery:
  • “Are those who have acquired—these rare men—are those who have consciously learned the ability to see women in their natural state...” (Zan, 27:46)
  • “I know their hair, their makeup and their clothing. I literally have X-ray vision. My name is Zan Perignon and I’m the CEO of Enlightened Seduction Productions. Seduction for noxious esp. Oh yeah, baby.” (Bryan, 28:07)
• Hypnosis Vibes & The “Land of Women”:
  • Recurring hypnosis gags:
    • “You’re feeling very sleepy. The age of beardos is over.” (Bryan, 31:04)
    • “Unhindered in the land of women. Now it’s a fairy tale.” (Bryan, 31:19)
• Endless Circular Reasoning:
  • “He never gets to the fucking point. He will talk and talk and talk, making no conclusions whatsoever.” (Bryan, 29:52)
• “Checklist” Satire:
  • Zan lists “traits” of a natural (comfort with women, dating beautiful women, threesomes, ‘extracting’ phone numbers) in a stilted, monotone delivery.
  • “Extract? What is this, a procedure?” (Tina, 38:04)
  • “Can I convince her to have a secret affair...Well, no, that’s a different question.” (Zan, 39:39)
• Mocked PUA Assumptions & Creepy Possessiveness:
  • “He never called her again.” (Bryan, 56:42)
  • “All women are not your women. That’s possessive. That’s possessive.” (Bryan, 59:53)

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Key Traits of a “Natural” Seducer—As per Zan (and mercilessly mocked):

• Trait 1: “They are all his girls”

  • The “natural” sees every woman as “his” and seeks to heal their “faded dreams, dead and dying relationships...” (Zan, 51:15)
  • Hosts skewer this as condescending and patronizing.
  • “It’s a pretty interesting way to start a conversation: Are you dead and dying and broken? Yes, you look like a sad, broken human.” (Bryan, 52:46)

• Magical Fixers:

  • “Again, nothing like a guy who wants to fix a woman...” (Bryan, 51:31)
  • “Do you want some sort of medal for hanging out with a...with a girl who was overweight?” (Tina, 55:51)

• Trait 2: “Power over women lies in the power they have over him”

  • The “delight” and “vulnerability” angle—with a (much-mocked) reference to George Clooney:
    • “He comes across as being delighted by women...delighted by the way they flow through life...” (Zan, 61:04)
  • “Oh, my God. He’s putting himself in the same category as George fucking Clooney.” (Bryan, 61:04)

• Zan’s Overarching Philosophy (as distilled/satirized):

  • Delusional self-confidence is key—“I simply decided one day...every woman that talks to me is interested in me. It’s not always true, of course.” (Zan, 44:54)
  • “Completely delusional.” (Tina, 45:14)

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5. Recurring Satirical Themes

• PUAs & Possessiveness:
  “All women are not your women. That’s possessive. That’s possessive.” (Bryan, 59:53)
• Mock-Scholarship & Shakespeare:
  • “Shakespeare wrote, she’s beautiful and therefore to be wooed. She is a woman and therefore to be won...They are all his women...It doesn’t mean he’s going to steal her away...” (Zan, 57:05)
  • “Yeah, because dating was a thing back in Shakespeare’s time.” (Bryan, 57:35)
• Confusing Confidence & Creepy Obsession:
  • “Seducing a woman implies you’ve got her...But he’s saying sometimes you can’t reach her glass to get the roofie in there.” (Bryan, 44:35)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When Jimmy fucking Kimmel is the guy we’re relying on to keep our free speech alive...That’s the lynchpin for democracy!”
  — Bryan, 12:51

• On Beards in the Military:
  “No more beardos. That’s gonna be the sound bite.”
  — Bryan, 26:09

• “I literally have X-ray vision. My name is Zan Perignon and I’m the CEO of Enlightened Seduction Productions.”
  — Bryan, parodying Zan, 28:07

• “You’re feeling very sleepy. The age of beardos is over.”
  — Bryan, 31:04

• “Can I extract a phone number from a girl in a club or party?”
  — Zan, 38:04
  “Extract? What is this, a procedure?”
  — Tina, 38:04

• “Do you want some sort of medal for hanging out with a...with a girl who was overweight?”
  — Tina, 55:51

• “All women are not your women. That’s possessive. That’s possessive.”
  — Bryan, 59:53

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• Vacation & Car Seat Stories: 02:00–06:50
• Mempho Festival Memories: 06:51–08:01
• Free Speech / Jimmy Kimmel Segment: 08:02–13:48
• Military “Beardos” Satire: 13:48–20:05 (with Pete Hegseth soundbite at 24:57)
• PUA & Zan Video Roast Begins: 27:18 onward, with deep dive continuing through episode
• Trait #1 “They are all his girls”: 50:06–53:15
• Trait #2 “Power over him”: 60:15–63:42

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Summary & Tone

The episode is a high-energy, recurring riff on the delusions and contradictions of prescribed masculinity—whether by military decree or self-proclaimed “natural” seduction. Bryan and Tina skewer with affection, never cruelty, and maintain a tone that’s both breezily irreverent and sharply observational. The episode is full of subtly layered social commentary but always delivered in the goofball, improv spirit that defines The Commercial Break.

Final Thoughts:
The main lesson, if any: Real connection and confidence defy formulas and checklists, and the desire to “fix” or possess others is best left to the history books and bad YouTube videos.

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Best to you... until next episode!

Transcript

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[Brian Greene]

Did you drink before you came here? No, but I'm gonna start drinking if we don't start getting to the fucking point here. On this episode of the commercial break.

[Zan Perignon]

He is not like other and women know it.

[Brian Greene]

What is the music going on here? This sounds like when you walk into like Laura Ashley 1986 or a potpourri.

[Tina]

Shop or he's about to just drop some mad hypnosis.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, that's true. We're all coming out brainwashed.

[Tina]

You're feeling very sleepy.

[Brian Greene]

You're feeling very sleepy. The age of beardos is over.

[Zan Perignon]

So who are these men allowed to roam unhindered in the land of women?

[Brian Greene]

Unhindered in the land of women. Now it's a fairy tale.

[Tina]

Where is this magical place?

[Brian Greene]

I want to know. I'm there. I'm all about this. I want to walk unhindered in the land of women. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and decidedly not Kristen Joy Hoadley. Tina. Best to you, Tina.

[Tina]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Greene]

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Chrissy on her annual pilgrimage to Mempho with two weeks before and two weeks after for recovery purposes. Hey, listen, as I mentioned the other day on the show, if I could, I would. If I could, I would most certainly. I mean, that's just a big party with like your favorite band playing two nights in a row.

[Tina]

And we just need grace at this age.

[Brian Greene]

I mean, yes, I agree with you.

[Tina]

Give me some kudos for making it to the party and then give me my time.

[Brian Greene]

I totally agree. Give me time to recover. I need a vacation for my vacation. Honestly, man, I felt that way for a Decade. I mean, when I come back from vacation, the worst feeling in the world is feeling like you have to go to work the very next day. But every time I plan a vacation, I plan it to the last minute so that I have to go to work the very next day.

[Tina]

It's about the worst thing in the world.

[Brian Greene]

It's the dumbest thing in the world. I gotta start getting smarter. Like plan, you know, take a couple days there, Brian, before you have to get right back into it.

[Tina]

Mike's always like, you really want to drive home on Saturday? I was like, no, I don't. But what I don't want to do is drive home on Saturday and wake up for work on. I just, I can't.

[Brian Greene]

You are super smart and I wish I would take a little bit of your intelligence and apply it to my vacations. Now we have gotten a little smarter. Like when we go to my dad's house, my dad's only, you know, a couple hour drive away. But we go there for the weekend, we've gotten smarter. We will come home on Saturday or early on Sunday morning. Because the worst thing in the world is getting home Sunday night, having to wash, bathe all the kids and then be up at 6 in the morning the next day.

[Tina]

Forget unpacking the car.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Tina]

Everyone's off kilter from the travel and the schedules. Being off while you're on vacation just to begin with.

[Brian Greene]

That's it.

[Tina]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And my child and one of my children throws up every single car ride.

[Tina]

So that's amazing.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. One of my kids got Astrid when I met her. Very early on we would take. We were in Europe and we were taking a car ride. And this was after we had been to a theme park. We went to a theme park called Europa World in Germany. We stayed there for a couple of days. Then on the way back to Switzerland, which was like a five hour car ride, she got car sick. She had to, we had to pull over. She had to throw up a number of times. She's like, this has never happened to me. I don't understand why. Maybe it's. And she had not felt good on one of the roller coasters. Made her a little. Her head to spin a little bit. Ever since then, Astrid has had car sickness. And so some. Either it's Astrid or it's the baby. Astrid or the baby. One of those two is always throwing up. Even when we drive like an hour and a half away. It's fucking.

[Rachel]

It's not real.

[Brian Greene]

It's not funny, but it's funny. We've been through three different car seats with that kid in the last six months. Because once they throw up in it. No, you throw it away. We were literally in a Walmart parking lot. I can't remember if I told this story on air with Chrissy, but we were in a Walmart parking lot with all kinds of different, like, cleaning solutions that I had bought inside. And Astrid's trying to clean it out. No running water, you know, nothing.

[Tina]

Yeah, it's impossible.

[Brian Greene]

And then it happened on the way back from Disney World. And luckily one of the guys who owned a car wash in Ocala, Florida, the middle of fucking nowhere, he. He took mercy on me and told me I could use his hose to wash it. I tried to pay him and he was like, I've been there, dude, don't worry about it. But they were in this Walmart parking lot. And finally, after like a half an hour of trying to get the puke out of every crack and crevice in those complicated car seats, we put a plastic bag over it. I was like, I'm just going to leave it here.

[Tina]

Have you seen them? They make, like, shower caps that go over these. Car seat.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tina]

And I'm like, you know what? Thank God I never had a kid that made me need one of those.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, yeah, I think we might be at that stage.

[Tina]

Yeah, just do it. I mean, you know, then you just throw the thing away.

[Brian Greene]

If you have a kid, if you've had a kid in the last 10 years, then you will understand the plight of a father and a mother, father and. Or a mother with a car seat. Because the baby car seats, like the ones they use until they're three years old, two or three years old, those are so incredibly complicated and cumbersome and cumbersome and heavy and huge. And you. It takes you an hour to put them in. It takes you an hour to take them off. And then they have a million cracks and crevices that anything can get down into, especially puke.

[Tina]

Sometimes you find it after you make it bigger for the next size and the. And the strap is sticky and you're.

[Brian Greene]

Like, oh, God, what was this child doing? Burn it.

[Tina]

Start over.

[Brian Greene]

So anyway, I agree with you. We need to plan smarter. That's it. I'm going to plan smarter for my next vacation, which is. I don't know when that'll be. Not anytime soon because Chrissy's taking vacation to go to mempho memphis.com. if you want tickets, they are still available. That is happening this weekend. So you better get on if you're in the Memphis area, it's a good time. I went, Chris, you went, you came? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tina]

We were at the tent.

[Brian Greene]

Besides being stuck next to the porta potties, I would say that it was a lot. I would say besides the general rank.

[Tina]

It was a great festival.

[Brian Greene]

It really was. Mike came with us too. Oh yeah, I remember that. We all went down there and, and really had a time.

[Tina]

We gave Mempho the what fors.

[Brian Greene]

We did give him the what fors. The. The only thing that I really remember about Mempho is that I'm in Memphis. No knock on Memphis. I, I love that fucking town. But we're staying at some brand new boutique hotel somewhere in the middle of somewhere in Memphis. And that was because it was like contracted with the festival and so we got one of the rooms and I was hungry after the first night of the festival, so. And Astrid was not feeling good, she was actually sick. So I ordered food and I went to go pick it up. I had to walk a mile and a half to get the food. And, and I'm going to tell you what right now. Memphis part. Certain parts of Memphis shouldn't be walking at 3 o' clock in the morning to go get food. No, no sir. No siree Bob. But I made it home in one piece by keeping my head down and just walking fast. That's what I did. I would have happily given up my food had I been attacked. I just would have given up the food.

[Tina]

Just take it.

[Brian Greene]

Just take it. Take my shitty cheeseburger. So it's. It's Tuesday as we're recording this Wednesday as it's coming out. I just wanted to mention very briefly two things. Number one, we have not been back on air since Jimmy Kimmel and that whole debacle. We've actually been off this entire time. But we did put out an episode. We repeated the Danny Ricker episode. I made a little, you know, a little prologue to that and a lot of people texted in and I want to share, I want to share, I guess anecdotally I'll share what a young lady named Amanda who has been listening to the show, has been texting with the show. And I know Amanda and I do not see eye to eye when it comes to some political stuff. She's mentioned it before in the past. It's been, you know. But I give her kudos because she still continues to listen to the show, she still continues to be a fan and she doesn't care when we talk politics because she doesn't see eye to eye with us when we talk politics. And that's okay, right? We don't talk politics a lot on this show, but every once in a while, you got to touch the third rail. It creeps in. It's too big to ign. Yeah. It's too big to ignore. It's like the big Christmas present under the tree. You can't not unwrap it on occasion. It's the big one under the tree. Right. You got to shake the box every once in a while. So even though Amanda and I disagree probably on a lot of the politics, she wrote me an extremely nice note after that Danny Ricker episode, sharing that there is one thing that we can agree upon and she appreciated the way that I approached that, and that is that once we start telling people what they can and can't say, we start overtly threatening to take, you know, business away, licenses away, livelihood, livelihoods away because we don't agree with what somebody says, then we are fucked. It is a slippery slope, and we are quickly going to become the country that no one wants to live in, right, left or center. And so Jimmy, Danny is a friend of the show. Danny Ricker, who's the executive producer, head writer at Jimmy Kimmel, is a part of the show. I communicated with him. He did not say anything interesting to me. And I wouldn't share that on the show if he did. But of course he didn't. He couldn't. He was never. I never asked him to.

[Tina]

Right, sure.

[Brian Greene]

I just wanted him to know that, hey, we're with you, we support you. And Danny was kind enough to respond. And so when I was watching Jimmy. Did you watch Jimmy's monologue from that night?

[Tina]

I did not.

[Brian Greene]

Brilliant. You got to go watch it if you haven't had a chance. You know, only 68 million people have watched it. Tina, don't worry about it. It's two weeks ago.

[Tina]

She saw it.

[Brian Greene]

You. You really heard it last. The monologue. What do you do? You get pulled off air for something that you said that was maybe ill timed, maybe misconceived, maybe the, you know, it just wasn't the right time to say what Jimmy said. I don't know. Whatever you think of what Jimmy initially said, that's up to you. But it wasn't until three days later, when the chairman of the FCC decided he was going to complain about it, that ABC took him off air. They suspended him, quote, unquote. Then there was, you know, this back and forth. The whole creative community, Hollywood, everybody, you know, the Story. You have to have had your head in the hole not to know the story. So he comes back and I will share this. How difficult it must be to be sitting in that room making decisions about what is going to be said when he comes back. Do we compitiate? Do we capitulate? Do we apologize? Up, up, down, and, you know, center? Do we ignore it and just go right back? Like, I imagine Dave Letterman probably would have ignored everything that had happened and just would have been right back into the punchline. Sure, that's. That's how I imagine Dave would have handled it. Jimmy did not. He threaded the needle so beautifully and he did not stand down, not one inch. But he made it clear that he was not apologetic, but that he had empathy for what had happened to that young man that we all know about. I'm not going to mention the word because it's. It's such a hot topic right now that who knows who's banning who for what right now. Which is sad that I even have to say that, really, honestly, but that's the way that it is. So I thought Jimmy did a wonderful job. That monologue was incredible. So I write Danny while I'm watching the monologue, while it's happening, while it's being out, I said, hey, what a great job you guys did. Cause I know that they had all been working on this big comeback monologue together. I said, what a great job you did. Congratulations. You know what? He responded almost immediately. He said, I would love to take credit for any of this, but this is all Jim. Like, we didn't do much here. This is all Jimmy. Jimmy really was the one who wrote this out. And that made me feel even better about Jimmy Kimmel. I mean, listen, when Jimmy fucking Kimmel is the guy we're relying on to keep our free speech alive. No knock on Jimmy Kimmel. But he's the dude who was on the man show.

[Tina]

It was the girls on trampoline.

[Brian Greene]

It was the girls on trampolines. That's the dude we're relying on. That's the lynchpin for democracy. It's Jimmy fucking Kimmel. I love the guy. I like his late night show. I love Danny Ricker. It's my favorite late night show, if I'm being honest. But I mean, that's the guy. That's the guy. It's not like, you know, some poet or some, you know, famous author or, I don't know, somebody like Bruce Springsteen. I know it's Jimmy Kimmel. Anyway, he did a great job. And I just Wanted to mention those two things. Number one, congratulations, Jimmy. I thought you did a great job. You deserved. Every. Every eyeball that you got, you deserved. I mean, Trump wanted him to shut up, and he got the best ratings of his life. And number two, I do appreciate people like Amanda who can. Who we can not see eye to eye, but then we can find commonality in certain places. And I think we can all agree free speech is just one of those things. You don't touch it.

[Zan Perignon]

Don't.

[Brian Greene]

Just don't touch it. Free speech, the judicial system and the military, we just should. That should be free from political bullshit. Right? And speaking of that, did you see that Pete Hegseth, the. I don't know, what do they call that now? The Department of War head of the Department of.

[Tina]

What did he do now?

[Brian Greene]

He has now flown in every general in the entire military into Washington D.C. this morning as we were recording this, so he can give a big pep rally to all of the generals about the new age of the warrior ethos. Yes. Okay. Exactly the way that I feel. I want you to listen. Just. Just take a listen to this. Are you ready?

[Tina]

I'm ready.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, no, I lost it. Oh, no, I lost it. Hold on. I hate that when I get something already and then I lose it. But then maybe I should be a little bit more prepared than waiting for my phone to load. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Tina]

How do you prepare yourself to walk into a pep rally like that?

[Brian Greene]

I have to imagine that if you're a general in the United States military and you're a military career person, I don't know, they ring the bell.

[Tina]

They're like assembly time. Let's go.

[Brian Greene]

Let's go. We're gonna listen to this dipshit. Wasn't he a guy on Fox? I mean, he was like a newsman on Fox. I do know that he was in the Reserve, like the Army Reserves, I think. Or maybe he was like a National Guardsman or something like that. So he was at some point in the military, but this is the same dude that was, like on Fox and Friends.

[Tina]

Yes.

[Brian Greene]

And now he's the head of the Department of War without any military experience that's meaningful whatsoever. Now, okay, he's the guy that we got, I guess. And so I think we're supposed to rude him. I'm not sure. Where did that go? Oh, damn it. I lost it. Okay, so this. I will share this. So he gets up there. Him and Donald Trump are gonna give this big pep rally. So he gets up there and he Spends five and a half minutes on beards. How we're not gonna have the age of beardos. I think he was trying to, you know, make a funny little play on the word weirdos. The age of beardos is over. We're gonna be high and tight.

[Tina]

This better not be true.

[Brian Greene]

I'm just saying it is a thousand percent true. I had it. Like, I had the clip here. I'll see if I can find it during the break. I had the clip here. And it is unbelievable that he called every general in the entire world into Washington D.C. first of all, security wise doesn't sound like the smartest move, but okay. Not exactly a great use of resources. Couldn't we have done this over zoom?

[Tina]

Sure.

[Brian Greene]

And number three, you pull all of these incredible men and women into a room that are literally waiting to put their lives on the line for freedom and democracy, and you talk to them about beards, personal hygiene. That's why you had to call everybody in. That feels more like a shift meeting at McDonald's than it does at the Department of fucking Defense, which you call the Department of War for whatever reason. Why are we even doing that? That just sounds antagonistic.

[Tina]

Just harkens idiocracy in my mind. Just starts.

[Brian Greene]

It really is. It really is. I just can't even believe it. I mean, I think right, left or center, you have to agree that this is not a great use of time. On behalf of all of the most important men and women fiscal conservatives right now, I have no idea. They are literally have their whole. I don't know, they have their heads directly up their asses. I just don't know. And the Democrats are doing no better, by the way. So let's just. Why don't we just democratize? Clean house. I just think clean house start over.

[Tina]

Like the car seat.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. Just throw it out. Take it to Walmart, Put it on one of those, you know, islands with all the people. Throw trash out. You know what I'm talking about? With one tree that looks sick and it's got all the bad pine straw and you just leave it there and hope that somebody comes and picks them all.

[Tina]

Clean it up.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. Hope that someone comes and picks them up and takes them home. All of them. All. Whatever. They're 400, 800 of them. Whatever. Put them there. And let's get some. Some new people. I don't know who those people are, but I could think of a few. I mean, JoJo Siwa would make a better Department of Defense head at this point than Phoenix said. And I'm not kidding. This is insanity. You brought them in to talk about their beard?

[Tina]

What's his problem with the beard? Let's talk about this for a minute, cuz I take issue with that alone. I love a man with a beard.

[Brian Greene]

I would have thought that beards have become ubiquitous with manliness.

[Tina]

Of course.

[Brian Greene]

And over the last since Trump, they've taken on a whole new connotation. The warrior ethos, which is what Pete is so jazzed about in his three piece suit.

[Tina]

Right.

[Brian Greene]

You know, his two inch too short pants. You know, the warrior ethos in your Italian leather loafers. Yeah. Your skinny jeans. Right. I mean, come on. That warrior ethos is embedded into these guys with these big beards and these jawlines and that's what it's all become. We, you know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend like you don't. So why are now everybody has to be clean shaven? Even Disney World backed off that one. Even Disney World backed off that one. His, his problem is if you give an inch, you take a mile. It's like the smashed window. He says the smashed window. Theory of policing. If you let one person smash a window, if you let it go, then the small stuff goes, the big stuff goes. I can understand how that might be concerning if like we're talking about, you know, randomly shooting off guns at innocent people. But that's not what we're talking about. It's a fucking beard or a mustache. Who cares? As a matter of fact, in Top Gun, some of my favorite pilots in that movie have a really nice mustache. Didn't they have mustaches in that movie?

[Tina]

Yeah, yeah. Goose had a mustache.

[Brian Greene]

Goose had a mustache. If Goose can have a mustache, so can any of those guys in that. As far as I'm concerned, the guys that flew all the way.

[Tina]

Grow it, grow it.

[Brian Greene]

Jakarta to listen to drunk pig Seth. They can feel free to dress however you want to dress as long as you're ready for action when the time comes.

[Tina]

Yeah. I'm really not worried about your facial hair.

[Brian Greene]

Who is Pete Hegson?

[Tina]

Pete.

[Brian Greene]

Pete's running around.

[Tina]

He's got hair, facial hair envy or something.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. He also talked about all of the fat people that were walking around the Pentagon and that now they're going to have new height and weight standards. Height and weight standards. Is this Ms. USA or is.

[Tina]

Are they going to have to run a marathon?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, this is victorious.

[Tina]

Fly a plane.

[Brian Greene]

What is going on? I know what's going on. I don't even think. I guess you do have to do you have to be a certain height to fly a plane?

[Tina]

You do. My dad wanted to join the Air Force and couldn't because he was too short.

[Brian Greene]

No shit. Really? Well, I guess you do have to tell. Yeah. You got to make sure. Gotta reach the pedals. You gotta reach the pedals on an airplane. And there are pedals on an airplane.

[Tina]

You would know.

[Brian Greene]

I would know. And it's the most unnerving thing to learn is that the pedals on the airplane really only work when you're on the ground. Yeah. You gas it, and the plane goes banking to the left down into the ground. So as soon as you get in the air, take your feet off the pedals is what I learned really quick.

[Tina]

I'll try to remember that. Should I ever.

[Brian Greene]

Please, too. All right, enough bitching about Pete Hegseth. I'll see if I can find the clip so I can actually, you know, wrap this segment all up. Let's take a break. I didn't call you in here to talk about politics or political or military. Beards, beardos, all day long. What I actually want to talk to you about is Zan Perignon, our favorite PUA from the 21 convention that Chrissy and I have done plenty of. I found, like, a vintage video of him, like, early on, like, when he's really. He calls himself Seduction. Seduction Illuminata, whatever the fuck that means. He's got a whole course out there. I got some video from it. I think we should watch it.

[Tina]

I think we should.

[Brian Greene]

All right, I'll try and find Pete. We'll get over to Zahn. We'll get back. It's. It's Mempho week here at the commercial break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-43333. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

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[Tina]

Oh, hey, love your shoes. If you're hearing this, this is your sign to try those on. Trust us, you can totally pull them off. In fact, try on every shoe here if you want. We won't stop you in our house, you've got unlimited freedom to play. And hey, fall is the perfect season to do wear. Be whatever you want. And with tons of shoes that get you and prices that get your budget, we'll give you something to brag about. So go ahead, try them on. Let us surprise you.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, it's mempho week here at tcb and so Tina is with me. Hi, Tina.

[Tina]

Hello. Hello.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, but of course you've been listening to the first. I wouldn't think you would just skip right to the second segment. Or maybe you did. But anyway, listen, I found this clip of Pete talking about grooming standards. It's one of 10 directives that he had and that some of them are like, you know, now all military will adhere to the male standards. I'm not getting into it. Let's listen to what he says about grooming. Hold on.

[Pete Hegseth]

And so many of you do this already. Active guard and reserve this also means grooming standards. No more beards, long hair, superficial individual expression. We're going to cut our hair, shave, shave our beards and adhere to standards. Because it's like the broken windows theory of policing. It's like when you let the small stuff go, the big stuff eventually goes. So you have to address the small stuff. This is on duty, in the field and in the rear, if you want a beard, you can join special forces. If not, then shave. We don't have a military full of Nordic pagans, but unfortunately we have had leaders who either refuse to call BS and enforce standards or leaders who felt like they were not allowed to enforce standards. Both are unacceptable. And that's why today, at my direction.

[Brian Greene]

First of all, can you hear his shoes squeaking? His shoes are squeaking. It's so unnerving.

[Tina]

Those brand new Italian.

[Brian Greene]

I know, yeah. And here he is talking about the military standards and he's in a three piece suit. It's unbelievable.

[Pete Hegseth]

Of unprofessional appearance is over. No more beardos.

[Tina]

No more beardos.

[Brian Greene]

No more beardos. That's gonna be the, that's gonna be the sound bite. When you address these guys, you need to address them with a moniker. Monica of seriousness. And I just don't think this is serious conversation for these guys. I really don't. I don't think it matters whether or not someone has a beard. Talking all about living up to male standards. And you know, it's 20, 25. There are so many women in our armed services and have been they've fulfilling critical roles. Fulfilling critical roles Since World War II, since the revolutionary War, let's put it that way. And those roles may not always be on the front lines or as a general or whatever, but it's just unbelievable to me that we're going so we're going so petty and so backwards.

[Tina]

Pendulum swing is insane.

[Brian Greene]

It is absolutely insane. Now let's talk about the pendulum swing. When it comes to puas, one of our favorite pickup artists is Zon Perignon. Zan Perignon. We found him at the 21 convention when he was giving a speech on your whatever chakra. I don't know if you remember that, but he was talking about his chakras and he's like, I can't remember what the name of the chakra is. Whatever. It's like, okay, if you're gonna, if you're gonna drop chakra, just all the chakras. Yeah, if you're gonna drop chakra, you better know which one you're talking about.

[Tina]

They are Pretty important.

[Brian Greene]

They are pretty important. I found a video that is called Enlightened Seduction. That's his name of his company, the Way of the Natural.

[Tina]

The natural what?

[Brian Greene]

I don't know. We're about to find out. Let's listen to him as he gets into it. Right here. This is early Zone. Look at how young he is. I don't know if you've seen a picture of him lately. This is probably 20, 30 years ago.

[Tina]

He's not a beardo.

[Brian Greene]

No, he's not a Beardo. But he is now, but he wasn't back then.

[Zan Perignon]

Are those who have acquired these rare men. Are those who have acquired. Who have consciously learned the ability to see women in their natural state. Who can see right through their makeup, their walls, their insecurities and their clothing.

[Tina]

But you've never woken up next to a woman before. That's my most natural state.

[Brian Greene]

I know their hair, their makeup and their clothing. I literally have X ray vision. My name is Zahn Perignon and I'm the CEO of Enlightened Seduction Productions. Seduction for noxious esp. Oh yeah, baby. And why are you sitting in a director's chair? It's.

[Tina]

The whole scene is unsettling.

[Brian Greene]

Let me set the scene. He's got a black drape behind him, which is not particularly well done. But let's get past that because this is probably 1990 something somebody's basement. He has a bright white coat on. I mean flat white coat on with a black shirt. And then like green. What are. What are the corduroys or something?

[Tina]

They're like. They look like they're a little. Been worn too many times, like some old black jeans.

[Brian Greene]

Ye. And then he's sitting in a director's chair for what? Well, he is the director of Enlightened Seduction Productions.

[Zan Perignon]

Loss. They see women as they really are. Women can sense immediately when they are in the presence of a man who likes women, who thinks they are beautiful, who makes them feel lovely, who delights in them.

[Brian Greene]

I would really like to understand what that feels like.

[Tina]

Is he trying to put us to sleep?

[Brian Greene]

Such a bad. He's such a bad communicator. But what he's saying is so funny. He hasn't gotten much better in the 30 years since.

[Zan Perignon]

By the way, he genuinely likes women.

[Brian Greene]

Genuinely. What is it genuine? Oh, he must be from Canada. That's how they say genuinely.

[Zan Perignon]

And men that like women are liked by women. So what?

[Brian Greene]

What in the good are you talking about?

[Tina]

Most heterosexual men like women like women.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Tina]

Not every heterosexual female is going to like You. I mean, that's not a qualifier.

[Brian Greene]

No, it doesn't really matter how much you like women. And if you. And people. Guys who really like women might turn women off, if you know what I mean. They're a little creepy, right? There's a. There's a sweet spot in there somewhere, number one. Number two, I'm remembering the most important thing we need to remember about Zahn. He never gets to the fucking point. He will talk and talk and talk, making no conclusions whatsoever. So just get ready for that.

[Zan Perignon]

Women open themselves up to him willingly.

[Brian Greene]

This is because he like a beautiful flower. They open themselves up to him frequently.

[Tina]

He's been a meditation guru.

[Brian Greene]

He could have. I'm all right. I could go to sleep with this guy. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna put him on tonight for my daughters as they're going to sleep. And I'm gonna say, just remember, if anybody starts talking like this, run. Yes, run. Sleep is not the right reaction that.

[Zan Perignon]

Women universally respond to. He is not like other men, and women know it.

[Brian Greene]

What is the music going on here? This sounds like when you walk into, like, Laura Ashley, 1986 or a potpourri shop.

[Tina]

He's about to just drop some mad hypnosis.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, that's true. We're all coming out brainwashed.

[Tina]

You're feeling very sleep.

[Brian Greene]

You're feeling very sleepy. The age of Beardos is over.

[Zan Perignon]

So who are these men allowed to roam unhindered? Unhindered in the land of women.

[Brian Greene]

Unhindered in the land of women. Now it's a fairy tale.

[Tina]

Where is this magical place?

[Brian Greene]

I want to know. I'm there. I'm all about this. I want to walk unhindered in the land of women.

[Tina]

Only men that women like. Yeah, apparently nothing else but women.

[Brian Greene]

Let's do it. They're unhindered. Like they should be captured or just on a leash. Yeah, they're X men. They need. They need to be cornered and scooped up.

[Zan Perignon]

What qualities do they possess that compel women to allow them liberties not afforded to other men?

[Brian Greene]

What liberties are you? You must give us more detail.

[Zan Perignon]

These are the men we call naturals. Natural seducers. A natural facility with women.

[Brian Greene]

And I have been trying to become one for my entire life. And that's why I present to you today my white coat.

[Tina]

I love how he implies that all women just walk around wanting to be.

[Brian Greene]

Naturally seduced by a natural. A natural. I'm a natural.

[Tina]

Sometimes I just want to go to the grocery store.

[Brian Greene]

I know.

[Tina]

Get my Ben and Jerry's and go home.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. That's. I think that you're right, that this is the fallacy of a lot of these PUAs. The assumption is they're always like, you know, they say, do the open, and then you do the close, and then you, you know, there's all these pieces, these segments. Formulaic, formulaic, very mathematical. And they're also assuming that every girl that is out there in the wild that you might interact with is ready for your cold open. I mean, it's just not true.

[Zan Perignon]

A man who is comfortable in the land of women. Now, there have been times at speaking engagements where I've been introduced as an example of a true natural. Zan, my friend, Zan is a natural. And as I'm walking up the stage, I'm scratching my head and I'm thinking, is that really true? Am I really a natural? Is that really what I am?

[Brian Greene]

You're so humble. Zan. Zan. He can't even say his own name right.

[Tina]

Tell us some more. Zan.

[Brian Greene]

Zahn, you idiot.

[Zan Perignon]

Am I a true natural? Well, let's run down the usual checklist, shall we, and find out.

[Brian Greene]

Please, let's do that.

[Zan Perignon]

Do I believe in women? Yes, I do.

[Brian Greene]

Jerk. Do I believe it?

[Tina]

Like there's some fabled entities, unicorns, they're three year dolphins.

[Brian Greene]

Do I believe in women? Well, after a bit of research and a lot of chatgpting, I'm. I'm. I'm leaning toward it. I'm thinking about it.

[Zan Perignon]

Am I comfortable around women?

[Tina]

I am.

[Zan Perignon]

Do I flirt with women?

[Tina]

Of course.

[Zan Perignon]

All ages, shapes and sizes.

[Brian Greene]

Uh, oh. Oh, no, that's terrible. Let me stop here, because this is a perfect segue into something I saw this morning I desperately wanted to talk about. There is a movie from 1982 called Blame it on Rio. Do you know the name of this movie? Blame it on Rio?

[Tina]

I know who's in it.

[Brian Greene]

I'm about to tell you who's in it because I can't remember.

[Tina]

I was three, so I'm pretty sure I would have been much later in.

[Brian Greene]

The Blame it on Rio. Hold on. Okay, Very famous, very famous. Michael Caine, Demi Moore, and then some other people. Valerie Harper. Some other people you would not have known because nothing really happened. Michelle Johnson. Let me tell you the plot of this movie. It was pointed out in an Instagram reel, and I can't believe this movie even exists. Two men are divorced from their wives and they decide to go to Rio de Janeiro on their family vacation with their two teenage daughters. Their teenage daughters are both 17 years old. Michael Caine falls in love with his best friend's teenage daughter, spends the entire movie having sex with her behind his best friend's back. Not even kidding. And the girl who played this Lolita, Michelle Johnson, whatever her Name is, was 17 at the time. She is naked throughout the entire movie. The undertones and overtones are insane. Just the stuff they pointed out in the reel was like, oh, I cannot believe this movie still exists. And you should read the reviews about this movie on fucking Rotten Tomatoes. How many creepy men are saying, this is my favorite movie. I love this movie. People don't understand. It was different back then. What's the big deal? Happens all the time.

[Tina]

It's not different back then. It was still illegal.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, it happens all the time that you sleep with your best friend's 17 year old daughter. By the way, Michael Caine is a smooth, young 58 year old man in this movie. 58. It's insane. So Zahn apparently likes them all ages, sizes and shapes too.

[Zan Perignon]

Have I. Have I dated beautiful women? Yes, I have.

[Brian Greene]

But it was complete accident. But I paid for the sex blindfolded the whole time. I have. And I paid for it with my credit card.

[Zan Perignon]

Have I had great relationships with wonderful women? The best.

[Brian Greene]

The best.

[Tina]

I like how he separated that from dated beautiful women to had relationships with wonderful women. As if they're two categories.

[Brian Greene]

They are two categories completely. You're mixing it up, Tina. You just don't understand. You're not a natural like I am. He's speaking a language only. Only those who are unhindered in the land of women can understand. Oh my God. The best. I want to cut that into a draw.

[Tina]

His hand gestures. I wish the audience could see him.

[Brian Greene]

I know. Well, you can't.

[Zan Perignon]

YouTube.com TheCommercial what about this question? Have I slept with a lot of women?

[Brian Greene]

The best.

[Tina]

Notice, not beautiful or wonderful.

[Brian Greene]

The best.

[Zan Perignon]

More than most, I suppose. Have I had threesomes or more sums more than three?

[Brian Greene]

Is that a question on the checklist?

[Tina]

Thank you for clarifying. Yeah, you're not a natural.

[Brian Greene]

If you. If you haven't had a morsum, I'm out. I haven't had a morsum. And the threesome didn't really include me. I was in the room. But does it come up?

[Tina]

I watch the threesome.

[Brian Greene]

What's that?

[Tina]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

I'm whacking off to the twosome. That could be a threesome. Does that make it a threesome? I'm just curious. Are there rules? Are there qualifiers? There's what I need to know.

[Tina]

This is an intense checklist.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, this could be the one check that I don't get.

[Zan Perignon]

Hmm.

[Tina]

Oh, he doesn't.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, Fade to black. He doesn't.

[Tina]

He leaves a mystery.

[Brian Greene]

That's a dangling participle if I've ever heard one.

[Tina]

He's got more than one of those?

[Brian Greene]

Yes. Seriously.

[Zan Perignon]

So am I a natural? Does that make me a natural? Well, how about this question? Can I extract a phone number from a girl in a club or party?

[Tina]

Extract?

[Brian Greene]

Extract. What is.

[Tina]

What is this a procedure?

[Brian Greene]

I know it's a medical procedure.

[Zan Perignon]

Can. Can I perhaps extract the entire girl from the club or the party?

[Brian Greene]

Let's. Let's forget the phone number.

[Tina]

We're not extracting people from anywhere, sir.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, let's calm down on the name. You know, all heights, ages and sizes.

[Tina]

I appreciate you trying to improve your.

[Brian Greene]

Vernacular, but extract is not the word. Can I convince someone or can I bring someone home? None of it sounds good, actually. Just leave that part out, Don.

[Zan Perignon]

Yeah, I suppose I can, but there are other guys that are better at doing that than me. Like I always say, I am not a pickup artist. That's not what interests me. How about this question? Can I take your woman away from you?

[Brian Greene]

Oh, provocative. Do tell.

[Zan Perignon]

Nah, probably not after all.

[Brian Greene]

Probably not.

[Zan Perignon]

You're most likely a good husband or boyfriend.

[Brian Greene]

Sorry?

[Tina]

You're watching my video.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. That's so true. So true. That's why you picked up a copy from my enlightened seduction production. I gotta imagine if you're on that mailing list, you are the furthest thing from a good boyfriend or husband. Not because you couldn't be, but because boyfriend or husband is probably not how you're described.

[Zan Perignon]

Leave you for me. But can I convince her to have a secret affair with me? Well, no, that's a different question.

[Brian Greene]

Isn't that taking her away from you? What is the difference?

[Tina]

What is he on about?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I don't know. He's still. We're still on the checklist. I thought we had gotten past this. This is why he's on.

[Tina]

He just keeps asking questions.

[Brian Greene]

I know. This is why he's so. He's asking them in the third person to himself, by the way, and he's answering them. I wonder if there's like a. Like a production crew behind this or if he's definitely.

[Tina]

No, not this card.

[Zan Perignon]

Oh, I wouldn't. Of course, that's not the way I do things. But, yeah, I probably could. You see, I am a lover of beauty. Beauty in all its forms. Art in all its forms. And that attitude will make you automatically more magnetic to women. Tactics and techniques will allow you to take a girl home from a club or a party. We'll teach you that. But what I'm talking about is so much deeper. Because given an hour with that very same girl, your delight in her will create a kind of poetry for her, a connection. So here is the part that really interests me. As opposed to your vagina?

[Brian Greene]

What?

[Tina]

Extraction.

[Brian Greene]

Extraction. Also known as kidnapping. Given an hour, I can figure out how to get her out of the club without anybody noticing.

[Tina]

Oh, good.

[Brian Greene]

Wait until she leaves for the bathroom.

[Zan Perignon]

Up. A girl. What interests me is the notion of creating chemistry and amplifying attraction. You know, the first time you spend time with her over coffee or a glass of wine. So maybe I'm not the best at convincing a girl to leave the club with me.

[Brian Greene]

Well, then, thank God I paid $399 for this stupid VHS tape. Congratulations, Zahn. This is why Zahn has not had a flourishing career as a PUA is because he. I do give him this. He has humility in his braggadociousness. There's somewhere in there, it feels like, you know, he understands how ridiculous this all really is. It's almost like he can't help himself. There's nothing else he's good at in life.

[Tina]

I still want him to tell us how he's going to help you create chemistry.

[Brian Greene]

He. He's. I'm. I'm promising you right now. I am a. Almost an expert on Zan or Zahn. And Zan here cannot come to a conclusion or a point. He can't give you detailed information. It's impossible for him to do because none of these guys can, because they don't know how to do it themselves. They can't then extract the information you need in order to get it right.

[Zan Perignon]

They can't give me an hour with that very same girl. And I can pretty much guarantee that she will remember me for the rest of her life. So does that make me a natural?

[Tina]

I can only imagine why you're going to remember him for the rest of your life.

[Brian Greene]

That's not always a good thing. That's not always. Yeah, that's right. I remember breaking my arm in fourth grade for the rest of my life. It's not for the right reasons.

[Tina]

Nope.

[Zan Perignon]

Let's see. Do I believe that I can seduce any given woman in any room? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

[Tina]

Dare?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Zan Perignon]

Now, am I always pictures or.

[Brian Greene]

It didn't happen. Pictures or it didn't happen.

[Zan Perignon]

Successful in seducing any given woman in the room.

[Brian Greene]

I'll take the over under.

[Zan Perignon]

And that is a very, very important point for you to remember. You see, my ability.

[Brian Greene]

Wait, I wanna. I think that we talked over that. But that. That bears repeating. Do I believe I could seduce any woman in a room? Yes. Yes, I do. Do I believe I would be successful at seducing any woman in the room?

[Tina]

No.

[Brian Greene]

No, probably not. What's the difference?

[Tina]

There isn't.

[Brian Greene]

Isn't there? Doesn't there have to be like, some mutual agreement on seduction?

[Tina]

That's what chemistry is.

[Brian Greene]

That's what chemistry is. Yeah. You can't figure.

[Tina]

You can't have it or you don't.

[Brian Greene]

Or you don't. That's right.

[Tina]

They can want it in the relationship. You may feel it. But if they don't, it's not chemistry.

[Brian Greene]

That's right.

[Tina]

It's just obsession. And you need some help.

[Brian Greene]

I could walk around a room licking the back of women's necks all day long too. It doesn't necessarily mean anybody's gonna enjoy it.

[Tina]

Right.

[Brian Greene]

But I like my odds. After I take this course from enlightened seduction Production, he's gonna teach you how.

[Tina]

To meditate into woman fairyland. You can run around unhindered in your mind.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. In the land of the women.

[Zan Perignon]

And my belief in my ability to seduce women is not necessarily related to my actual success in seducing women. I'll tell you this. That attitude.

[Brian Greene]

What is the difference? Yeah. So wait, you can seduce a woman and not. I don't. I don't get it.

[Tina]

He has a very strong belief that.

[Brian Greene]

He can seduce someone. But whether or not he's successful doing that.

[Tina]

The important part.

[Brian Greene]

What I'm saying. Yes. Is seducing a woman implies that you've got her. Like, if I seduce you, I've got you. We're on the same page. Some chemistry is born. Now we're both in this little world together of magic where, you know, the romance and attraction happened. But he's saying sometimes you can't reach.

[Tina]

Her glass to get the.

[Brian Greene]

To get the roofie in there.

[Zan Perignon]

It will take you very far. It is endearing to women.

[Brian Greene]

By the way, nothing funny about roofing a woman. Absolutely.

[Tina]

Absolutely not.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. Please. But understand the tone of our.

[Tina]

Yes, we're.

[Brian Greene]

We're making fun of something that's not very funny.

[Zan Perignon]

And there is no harm in it, believe me. It will open far more doors for you than it closes. It's refreshing to women to Hear that? I simply decided one day long ago that every woman that talks to me or interacts with with me at all is interested in me. It's not always true, of course.

[Brian Greene]

Of course, but I'm just completely delusional.

[Tina]

Did he just realize this at 29 years old?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, he's completely delusional.

[Zan Perignon]

It is a very fun and empowering way to conduct your life. So was I born a natural? Was I born naturally good to the women? No. And I'll tell you why you don't.

[Brian Greene]

Say it's not true, Zan.

[Zan Perignon]

It's because the first secret of naturals is this. They're not born with it. Every man.

[Tina]

Maybe it's maybe a natural means.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I think. I think you're right. That is a good point, Tina. Doesn't natural imply that it comes naturally?

[Tina]

There was no training or modifications.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. No, no. You're a professional, not a natural.

[Zan Perignon]

Throughout history, who was good at women was good because he chose to be at one point in his life.

[Brian Greene]

This is the porniest music I have ever heard. This 70s porn music playing in the background is perfect for him.

[Zan Perignon]

He decided to consciously get that part of his life handled. He made a choice, and so he began to interact with women. He began to listen to women. He tried and failed.

[Tina]

Where's that course?

[Brian Greene]

What's that?

[Tina]

Where's that course?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I want to know that course.

[Tina]

The art of rejection.

[Brian Greene]

The art of rejection is the one we teach these idiots how to be rejected. It's part of the game.

[Zan Perignon]

Paint the things that worked and discarded the things that didn't. In other words, he invented himself. So there's nothing I say or do that you can't say or do. It's all just a choice. Naturals are not born, they're made.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, I'm not sure I'm with you on that one, Zan. Zan, I can't take that. I can't unhear him saying his own name as Xan. All right, let's do this. Let's take a short break, and we'll be back with lots more Xan.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Brian Greene]

Be brief.

[Rachel]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome. Bombas makes the most comfortable socks, underwear and T shirts.

[Brian Greene]

Bombas are so absurdly comfortable, you may throw out all your other clothes.

[Rachel]

Sorry, do we legally have to say that?

[Brian Greene]

No, this is just how I talk. And I really love my Bombas.

[Rachel]

They do feel that good. And they do good too. One item purchased equals one item donated. To feel good and do good, go to bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S dot com and use code audio at checkout. When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Zan Perignon]

Learn [e-mail] this podcast is supported by FX's English teacher. Last year's critically acclaimed series returns to follow Evan, Gwen and Markie as they.

[Brian Greene]

Vie for their students divided attention.

[Zan Perignon]

See why Cosmopolitan called its premiere season a master class of comedy while glamour raved. It's the year's funniest and most heartwarming new comedy series. FX's English Teacher.

[Brian Greene]

All new Thursdays on FX.

[Zan Perignon]

All episodes now streaming on Hulu.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, we're here with enlightened seduction productions by Zan, talking about the naturals that he that are not naturally born with it. They're of course made. And that's the nature nurture thing, Tina, that we've all been, you know, wondering for. Ethos. How exactly is a man who walks unhindered in the land of women? How do they come to be? And according to Zan, they are made, not born. Now we got that out of the way, I'm going to fast forward a little bit here because we're really in the thick of it with all of this bullshit. And I want to get to the meat and potatoes. So we're fast forwarding to what I assume is trait number one of a natural. Let's hear him drone on about this for a minute.

[Zan Perignon]

Trait number one to a natural seducer. They are all his girls. Every woman is his woman. He has immense compassion for women.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, I'm watching a show about that right now called Seeking Sister Wives on tlc.

[Tina]

I love it.

[Brian Greene]

It's Back. It's back. And I didn't even know it was back until I saw that I had two episodes already recorded.

[Tina]

Okay.

[Brian Greene]

And they are back. I will update everybody on the comings and goings of the Sister Wives or the Seeking the Sister Wives, which is a fantastic show about a bunch of fucking morons. And I just don't know how they do it. I don't know how you do it.

[Tina]

I don't either. Well, I mean it's not. They don't have a clear cut path.

[Brian Greene]

No, that's for sure. Yeah, it's. It's so difficult.

[Tina]

They don't have a list.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. So there's the people, the season number six and there are the people who have been on since season one. And each season they are trying to bring a new sister wife into the mix. And yet again they're back on season number six with a brand new woman. They're trying to news now for television or for real life? I'm not sure what the deal is. I'm assuming at this point it's for television, but man, what a show. Zan would be perfect on this show.

[Zan Perignon]

And he sees their sadness and their loss, their faded dreams, their dead and dying relationships, their stultifying careers and responsibilities. And he makes it his mission to impart beauty to her life.

[Brian Greene]

Again, nothing like a guy who wants to fix a woman. Nothing like.

[Tina]

And how dare you suggest that my dreams are faded. Yeah, my career is. Whatever he just said.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, he's talking, he's talking about picking up women who are vulnerable and broken. Right. Which by the way, we all are at some point in our lives. So you know, look at the last five years of the commercial break. I'm dead. Dying and broken.

[Rachel]

Faded dreams.

[Brian Greene]

My faded dreams.

[Zan Perignon]

And he does this with every woman, including the 60 year old waitress who is serving him eggs for breakfast. They are all his girls. He makes that waitress shine. He makes her feel pretty. He makes her feel alive and inspired once again. It's because he believes that women deserve passion and he knows they are not getting it from the men they are involved with. So it is his mission to correct this imbalance is the first trait.

[Brian Greene]

I love picking up the 60 year old woman making me scrambled eggs in the morning. Nothing wrong with a 60 year old woman. But I don't make it my mission in life to try and fix their broken dreams.

[Tina]

No. And I double dog dare some man try to treat me like I'm not. Like I'm not satisfied and my dreams are dying and broken.

[Brian Greene]

It's a Pretty. It's a. It's a pretty interesting way to start a conversation. Are you dead and dying and broken? Yeah.

[Tina]

I look really sad.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, you look like a sad, broken human. You want to. No.

[Tina]

All right, here's a five dollar tip.

[Brian Greene]

I guess I got to go back and watch the entire tape.

[Zan Perignon]

A natural seducer.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, look, a change in position. Yeah, a new shirt. He's standing in front of a white backdrop. He's oily for some reason.

[Tina]

This is way better for his complexion.

[Brian Greene]

I agree.

[Zan Perignon]

As compassion for women. All women. Remember, they're all his girls. It is his mission in life to make them feel alive and pretty again. And he does it to illustrate that. I'll tell you a story of time. I was at a party.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, here we go.

[Zan Perignon]

And it was a really fancy party. There's a lot of people there and a nice big house and a lot of pretty girls there. And I remember I was sitting on the. On the. On the arm of a couch. And there was three girls sitting on the couch. Pretty maidens all in a row.

[Brian Greene]

They started jacking me off one by one. It's like a porn movie. I started getting blowjobs. One by one. I went down the road. Oh, yeah, I can imagine it now. Lots of pretty girls. Big house. Nice big house. Fantastic party.

[Tina]

Unhindered.

[Brian Greene]

Best party you've ever been to.

[Zan Perignon]

And the one I liked was the one in the middle. But I was talking initially to the one on. Closest to me on this end. And eventually going to start to turn my conversation to the one in the middle. So I'm sitting on the end of this couch talking to this.

[Brian Greene]

This is called Running Train in the middle. This is called Running Train Girl.

[Zan Perignon]

And we're. And she's. She was a fun girl. And we're having a great conversation. She was pretty and lively and it was. It was excellent. We're laughing and joking. And a guy came up to me through the crowd, an acquaintance of mine, a guy that kind of knew. Knew me and I kind of know him. And he walked up to me and.

[Brian Greene]

Started making out with me. And all of a sudden, the cat's out of the bag.

[Zan Perignon]

And I said, hi, how you doing? And he leaned down to me and he whispered in a stage whisper, a loud whisper. What are you doing, Zan? I've never seen you pick up a fat chick before.

[Brian Greene]

Oh.

[Zan Perignon]

And he trundled off through the crowd. I looked down at this wonderful, beautiful girl that I've been talking to and I saw her face fall. And it broke my heart. I saw her sadness and I couldn't believe.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, didn't happen, first of all. Never happened. Never happened. No one ever came up and said that. Okay, but. Go on, Zan, please. Tell me your fairy tale.

[Zan Perignon]

That he would say that, and he was already gone. I grabbed her by the hand and I said, come with me. I picked her up out of the couch, put my arm in hers like this, and I spent the rest of the entire evening at the party with that girl. I ignored the other girl I was trying to see. I ignored all the girls there. I made her feel like she was the most beautiful girl there. We were the light.

[Brian Greene]

I need a hero. I need a hero to be here to the end of the night.

[Tina]

Do you want some sort of medal for hanging out with a.

[Brian Greene]

With a girl who was overweight? I mean, this.

[Tina]

Yeah, what is this?

[Brian Greene]

And first of all, never happened. Never happened. He is telling this story to make himself feel better and look like a hero. He is literally trying to pick up women through this video. And it's. It's just so transparent. You don't tell a story like that. If that's really what. If that's really what happened and it didn't. If that's really what happened. You just go about your life. Okay, you know what? You were having a good time with somebody. You don't. Now you're taking pity on people and.

[Tina]

Yeah, you want some accolade.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. No. And now ask Pete.

[Tina]

Swipe him left, buddy.

[Zan Perignon]

Yeah, the party. We were telling jokes and wandering around, introducing ourselves. Everybody. She was my girl for that night. That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Greene]

How wonderful she must have felt when you never called her back again.

[Zan Perignon]

When I say a natural seducer has compassion for women. They are all his girls. He takes care of them all. That's what I mean.

[Tina]

That was number one.

[Brian Greene]

Shakespeare.

[Tina]

It's not even number two.

[Brian Greene]

It's not even number two. Now we're moving into Shakespeare. What? There's a title card on the video that says Shakespeare. What are we doing?

[Zan Perignon]

Shakespeare wrote, she's beautiful and therefore to be wooed. She is a woman and therefore to be won. This is what he believes. He knows that most women are not really 100% single. Every woman that is even remotely pleasant to be around has a guy of some stripe somewhere. She either has a husband or a fiance or a boyfriend or a guy she is seeing or a guy she is kind of dating or a guy she is sleeping with or a guy who likes her.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, because dating was a thing back in Shakespeare's time. There was courting.

[Tina]

There was a thing called courting tolerates.

[Zan Perignon]

Or a guy she can call. You know, to wait for a woman to be completely single is to wait a long time. True, she might be newly single, but that is a very narrow window. Most women will get involved on some level with someone very soon. And the enlightened seducer recognizes this and gives it no further thought. They are all his women. They are all his girls. It is his mission to make women feel beautiful again. It doesn't mean that he is going to steal her away.

[Brian Greene]

Zan, we need you more now more than ever. Can you please come to the year 2025? This version of Xan. Yeah, not the down on his luck, didn't sell a book, went through a bad divorce that we know so well.

[Zan Perignon]

But this one from the guy she is with. It just means that in his presence she feels like a woman. He shares the secret of women. They love men. They desire them. They desire sex as intimately and directly as any man.

[Brian Greene]

Yet, sometimes, you know, I feel like we know in our personal lives, I feel like we know guys like this, guys who talk like this, guys who act like this. I. I wonder if you would agree with. After we get off air. I wonder if you would agree with me because I'm start. I see some characteristics that maybe you. You might know much better than I will. But we'll get to it. We'll get to it.

[Zan Perignon]

Disguise it. This is because of society, friends, family, her career. She must hide it. He realizes that a woman is complicit in her own seduction. She desires it. It's a very powerful frame of mind because when you believe that, they start to believe it too. When you consider it like this, that they're all your girls.

[Brian Greene]

Same with conspiracy theories. Dude, we're not all going there.

[Zan Perignon]

There is no such thing as picking a girl up. She's already picked up. She's already your girl. You respect that. She's in a relationship, but she's still your girl. You have respect for her.

[Brian Greene]

What in the good fuck is he talking about?

[Tina]

He's coming at some very basic concepts in a real weird roundabout way.

[Brian Greene]

Really weird, really complicated, really unnecessary way. All women are not your women. That's a possessive. That's possessive.

[Tina]

And yeah, you can't see even say that out loud.

[Brian Greene]

No, I. In 2025, no way. I guess this is why he's now the depressed. It's on because it didn't work out for him. Trade number two. All right, we'll get to this one.

[Zan Perignon]

Every true lover knows that the secret to his power over women lies in the power they have over him. Wow. That goes against everything that we've been taught. I'm the prize. She's just another girl. She has no power over me. Right, right. In theory, that is correct. But in practice, the notion of being unable to control your desires around her can be very seductive. Every seducer from Casanova to George Clooney recognized the power of showing a little vulnerability to a woman. And they used it very consciously. He comes across as being delighted by women. That's the way he is. And truly, he is delighted by women. He is delighted by the way they flow through life.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, my God. He's putting himself in the same category as George fucking Clooney. George Clooney, that has one huge trait. One huge. It's not even a trait, it's a thing that he has that one ups every other guy in the entire world. He is incredibly famous, good looking, rich. I've named three. I said one. Now I've named three things. He is the things. Yes. Lead role on er. Yeah. He manufactured a Persona on screen that he took off stage. He's just a cool, smooth cucumber, but he can afford to be what's not to. What's. What's not to Love about George Clooney's.

[Zan Perignon]

Own life and the way they occupy this world. Their essence enamors and enchants him. And in return, he can't help but celebrate them. That's the key. He can't help it. He lets it be known that he is delighted by her. He genuinely likes women. And men that like women are liked by women. The trick is not to overcompensate, to be too vulnerable. You don't want to come across as inept or pathetically needy.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, see, that's where I think I lose it. I think that's my thing. I'm just being vulnerable. My throat hurts real bad. I got a bad flu. Flu.

[Zan Perignon]

Just occasional flashes of vulnerability or non smoothness in her presence.

[Brian Greene]

Non smoothness.

[Zan Perignon]

This is because men who exhibit.

[Brian Greene]

No, you landed that plane perfectly non smoothly.

[Zan Perignon]

Weakness to a woman can sometimes be intimidating to her. She might reject you to prove a point and to bring you down to a level of humanness. Again, to prove a point. Intimidated and vulnerable sometimes. And she mistrusts a man who doesn't sometimes display a human side as well. So you may have massive experience with women.

[Brian Greene]

The music is getting worse as we go along.

[Tina]

There is little Paul turned it down 10 hours ago.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, he should have turned it off 10 hours ago. Nothing quite like being obnoxious the entire time through with shitty music that you paid $12 for on some random website. All right, okay. I don't know how much more I can take of this right now anyway, but.

[Tina]

Wow, it's the slow build on those lists with this guy.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. Zan has been this way for. I mean, now, we've seen him through different parts of his career.

[Tina]

Three decades.

[Brian Greene]

Three decades. He has always been this guy. I. I have to give it to Zan about one thing. Zon. About one thing. Zahn is probably the least offensive pickup artist out there. He says some really dumb.

[Tina]

Really dumb.

[Brian Greene]

But I had, I think, in my heart of hearts, I don't believe that Zahn is up to no good.

[Tina]

He wanted to tell these men, just be a safe space to women. Except he said it in a really creepy way.

[Brian Greene]

Yes.

[Tina]

He said, be polite and be human, which everyone should be doing anyway.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, just.

[Tina]

But he'd have to make it creepy in, like, 70s porn.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, it's weird. 70s porn production with a lot of extra words and you're throwing in Shakespeare. You're basically, I think, taking like three sentences worth of really good communication in terms of turning it into two hours. It's too much. But it's funny that it is. It's funny for us. So there you go. Anyway, no love lost here, Zaun. You're. I'm sure you're a wonderful human being. Okay, well, Tina. Hey, thanks, of course, for being here today. I hope you come back because we gotta. You know, we got a couple days of this, so hopefully Tina can come and help us out and maybe we'll have some other special guests along the way. Chrissy. Of course, at Mempho, you can go to memphofest.com and still get tickets to see Widespread Panic for two nights. And then there's a bunch of other people that are playing two, three stages of fun. A big electric dance area, lots of vendors, food stuffs. Great food stuffs. And then you're in Memphis, where, of course, you can, you know, the birthplace of rock and roll.

[Tina]

You can walk.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. You don't walk. Yes, there are certain places. Places. Listen, not because I, you know, you should be scared of walking, but because there are just some places, you know, when you're not at home and you're unfamiliar with the territory, you do have to mind your P's and Q's.

[Tina]

Do a little homework.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, do a little homework. All right. TCBpodcast.com all the audio all the video right there from one location including this one. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions? Comments concern concerns Content Ideas. We'll take them all right there. Text us or leave us a voicemail at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day. They air here on the audio. Okay, Tina, that's all I can do for now. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you.

[Tina]

Best to you.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Tina and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

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[Brian Greene]

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[Zan Perignon]

Trust me, because I'm about to eat it.

[Brian Greene]

That hits right away. Attempt the Popeyes Hot Ones menu in stores. Love that chicken from Popeyes. Limited time in participating U.S. restaurants. Race the rudders. Raise the sails. Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching over rock.

[Pete Hegseth]

Wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

[Brian Greene]

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[Pete Hegseth]

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[Brian Greene]

Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a free $250 credit for the next one. Get started [e-mail] campaign terms and conditions apply. Satan, Ass and Doug. Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Zan Perignon]

Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Brian Greene]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Tina]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings.

[Brian Greene]

Very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.