Walking The Cardboard Carpet!

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Walking The Cardboard Carpet!
Release Date: May 15, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Tone: Irreverent, self-deprecating, story-forward, full of asides and inside jokes

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Overview

In this episode, Bryan and Krissy gear up for their ambitious upcoming "12 hours of TCB" episode marathon, riff on AI-generated content and their chaotic creative process, and deliver a wild, comedic story about being accidentally roped into a disastrous "celebrity" Sweet 16 party. The duo’s banter—ranging from pop culture (P. Diddy’s trial) to inside radio biz stories—delivers exactly what TCB fans love: offbeat anecdotes, zany tangents, and "we're all just winging it" hilarity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Anticipating the "12 Hours of TCB" Marathon

• [03:36]–[05:06]
  • Bryan and Krissy announce "12 hours of TCB" on May 31. They'll drop 12 episodes in one day, recording some live and mixing in pre-recorded celebrity interviews.
  • Learned that posting so many episodes at once required coordination with Apple so their podcast wouldn’t be flagged as spam.
  • Quote:
    • “We had to contact Apple to make sure that they wouldn't delist us on the RSS directory if we put out 12 episodes in one go.” – Bryan [04:15]
  • They poke fun at their own process and the mad scramble it will entail.

2. AI, Song Parodies, and TCB’s Brand of "Tie-Dyed Shit"

• [05:37]–[12:39]
  • Bryan discusses fiddling with AI (specifically ChatGPT and Udio Studio) to create Grateful Dead-inspired TCB merch and music parodies.
  • AI generates a "tie-dyed piece of poop" as the TCB logo, leading to self-roasting about the show’s reputation.
  • Quote:
    • “ChatGPT thinks so little of the Commercial Break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye.” – Bryan [07:52]
  • They debut an AI-aided song, "TCB is Terrible," stitched from the show's real one-star reviews. The song becomes a hit among listeners for its brutal honesty and catchiness.
  • Notable lyric, delivered in a faux boy band style:
    • “TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian...” – DJ Dan [11:06]

3. P. Diddy Trial – Banter, Outrage, and Moral Questions

• [13:15]–[24:41]
  • The duo discuss the newly begun P. Diddy trial and react with shock and disgust to allegations of violence and abuse, referencing infamous party stories.
  • Bryan rants about the industry’s code of silence and wonders aloud about the broader culture of complicity.
  • Quotes:
    • “If you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of [having something to do with Tupac Shakur’s death]?” – Bryan [16:41]
    • “No one's coming out in defense of him… Well, because I think everyone pretty much knows they got his number.” – Bryan [20:56]
  • The pair spiral off into a bit about "Big Lube" and "baby oil conspiracies," turning even grim news into absurdist improv.

4. The Disastrous Sweet 16 "Red Carpet" Debacle ("Walking the Cardboard Carpet")

• [27:23]–[66:24]
  • Bryan recalls being invited to what was billed as a star-studded, high-profile party for Atlanta’s social elite—only to discover he’s been duped into a frigid, lackluster Sweet 16 with zero actual celebrities.
  • Detailed breakdown of the party:
    • "Red carpet" is just taped-together cardboard.
    • No A-list guests, just awkward teens and scattered Real Housewives types.
    • DJ Dan is the party’s DJ, using rented gear, and the "bar" is a half-empty cooler with Natty Ice.
    • Claims of major media coverage (Vogue, Rolling Stone, MTV) are hogwash.
  • Memorable moments and quotes:
    • Bryan (on the cardboard carpet): “It was cardboard, paper taped together.” [42:34]
    • Bryan (on the party’s bar): “You want me to chip in a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. Guest of dishonor.” [57:20]
    • Bryan (on being approached for a soundbite):
      – “What does it feel like to be at Daniella's birthday party? ... Like, it's... Congratulations on turning 16. It really has been quite the surprise. Me especially. I've been very surprised.” [60:52]
  • They’re asked to MC and perform, but bail, reflecting on their mutual friend’s wild overestimation of the party’s significance.
  • The cab out of the party is the final insult—Bryan instructs the driver to "roll over the lawn," leaving tracks across Big Papa’s lawn.

5. Reflections and TCB’s Enduring Friendship/Chaos

• [66:24]–[67:34]
  • Krissy and Bryan laugh at how this debacle has provided years of podcast fodder and mutual ribbing.
  • Bryan admits: “Sim Colla FM was a comedy of errors. And, quite frankly, me being one of them.” [65:11]
  • They close the episode with their typical "Best to you" signoff and reminders to contact the show.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian." – DJ Dan, singing the parody song [11:06]
• "ChatGPT thinks so little of the Commercial Break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye." – Bryan [07:52]
• "Red carpet, by the way, it's mucky and wet. So now we've just tracked mud all over the red carpet. We're the first ones to walk this red carpet. Red cardboard, I'm sure." – Bryan [43:43]
• "You want me to chip in a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. Guest of dishonor." – Bryan [57:20]
• “If you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of [having something to do with Tupac Shakur’s death]?” – Bryan [16:41]
• “Sim Colla FM was a comedy of errors. And, quite frankly, me being one of them.” – Bryan [65:11]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [03:36] — "12 hours of TCB" logistics and hype
• [07:52 & 11:06] — AI/TCB branding mishap and the ‘TCB is Terrible’ song debut
• [13:15–24:41] — P. Diddy trial, celebrity party secrecy, "Big Lube" tangent
• [39:11–66:24] — FULL Sweet 16 party debacle story
• [65:03–end] — Reflections, denouement, and sign-off

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode delivers classic TCB mayhem: roast-yourself humor, off-the-wall stories, unexpected tangents, and a legendary party-gone-wrong tale bursting with punchlines. If you want to know whether Bryan and Krissy’s lives are as chaotic as their show, this episode is proof—complete with red cardboard carpets and all.

Transcript

[Brian Greene]

Always clean your head and your shafts after every hole. That about does it for me. Kit Thordsen in the WSHIT Sports tonight studio. Hambone and Holy. Coming up in just a few minutes, but it's the top of the hour. Let's take a listen to a message from our exclusive sponsor, Tina Tam and Tweezers.

[DJ Dan]

At Tina's you can be your best. At Tina's you can leave the rest and relax your mind. Because at Tina's you're the star. At Tina's you can park your car, leave the daily grind. At Tina's you can get a tan, Pluck your brows or trim your clam. At Tina's we'll even wax your behind. Tina Tan and Tweez. Tina Tan and Tweez. Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Tan and Tweeze. At Tina's you'll leave fresh and red from our UV burning beds you'll be ready to bone. At Tina's we'll pluck the hair poking out your underwear. Clean up that no no zone. Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Tan and Tweez.

[Brian Greene]

That's right, Tina. Tina Tannin. Tweeze is now re reopened. Come on down and get your feathers plucked.

[DJ Dan]

At Tina's wheel. Clean that crack. Shave your manly hacky sacks so don't be ashamed At Tina's Wheel. Got you, girl. From your hair to your netherworld grooming is only game. Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Tan and Tweeze.

[Brian Greene]

Tina Tan and Tweeze. Crabapples only. Plucking, Waxing and tanning salon. So come on down, gals, and don't be afraid. Guys, it's buy one hole, get the next hole free on all waxing to celebrate Tina Tan and Tweeze's grand re reopening.

[DJ Dan]

Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Tan and Twee. Tan and Tweez. Tina Tan and Twee.

[Brian Greene]

On this episode of the Commercial Break. Okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'd like a beer now.

[Brian Greene]

Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks. You want me to chip in a couple bucks? I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me, and you want me to pay a couple bucks for a Natty ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. Guest of honor. Guest of dishonor. The next episode of the commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best you, Chris.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Best you, Brian.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you out there with the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this lead up into the 12 hours of TCB. Everybody getting very excited. Very excited. Chrissy mainly will. She won't with you. I don't know. Tune in and see.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'll be here. I'll be here. I'm excited.

[Brian Greene]

I'm excited too. I am excited. I like, I like a good challenge. This is a big one, but we're gonna tackle it. For those of you that don't know, the 12 hours of TCB May 31, that's a Saturday. We're gonna be starting 9, 10am Keep your, keep your phones close and you'll get that ding when that, make sure you're following us and then you get that ding when the first of many episodes comes into your phone that day. Ding, ding, ding, ding. So many episodes. We had to contact Apple to make sure that they wouldn't delist us on the RSS directory if we put out 12 episodes in one go. But so a little bit about the minutia of the 12 hours of TCB which we're talking about this week. So everyone get used to it. So Chrissy and I are actually going to be doing six or seven episodes on that day. Just about an hour before you hear it so that then we can edit it and publish it on the hour, on the next hour. And in between those hours when we're recording, you're going to be hearing an episode with a celebrity guest that we are pre recording because God bless us, that would never work out in our favor. Should we try and do that on the day though? We did have some guests that offered.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And one of those guests was Tom Papa, who I like very much. He's like, I just think he's one of the coolest guys out there. Another middle aged white man saying Tom Papa is cool. Tom Papa is cool. I like Tom Papa.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've loved him for a long time.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. And so I wanted to share that I'm like keeping an eye on Tom Papa and all his social media. I have been for a long time. I like, I was following him.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We had him on last year.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we had him on last year.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So yeah, we've certainly been following him closely.

[Brian Greene]

Well, the commercial break has at least been following him since then. We have this like sly move that we do on the Commercial break, which might be part of the reason why no one follows us is that we only follow the people who come on the show. Why? I don't know. I don't know. Some strategy we were told to do. I don't think it's working out in our. I don't think any social media strategy is working out in our favor, but we are desperately trying just know that we are cutting up the exact same content we put everywhere else and putting it on Instagram. There you go.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

So much of it.

[Brian Greene]

So much of it. So much. So I'm watching his social media and I think, you know, you and I have been talking about this. The Breaking the Grateful Bread tour.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Greene]

Which he is doing right now. It's his stand up tour. He's running around doing theaters and he's got all the imagery and iconography of the Grateful Dead. And very interested to hear whether I think he is. He must be a fan of the Grateful Dead. He must be. But I love that so much. And I was telling Astrid, I'm like, we should do this. We should do like a Grateful Dead kind of thing for merch for the commercial break. To which she said, don't you think Tom might be a little bit upset if you just took his idea and ripped it off? And I go, it's the age of AI, babe. Everybody's ripping off everybody. Don't worry about it. So I said, let me go in that little AI thing that I've been playing around with. Let me see if it can whip up a commercial break logo. That. That would be a Grateful Dead ish type logo. Now, I'm not the world's biggest Grateful Dead fan. I do like them very much. I actually think they're the greatest American rock and roll band that has ever been and maybe ever will be. But not because I personally think, not because they're my personal favorite band ever, but just because they are the true American rock and roll story. Right. Okay. We've talked about this before. So I go and I say, give me the image. Chatty. Go for it. Give me that commercial break logo in Grateful Dead imagery. Now I'm going to send this to Marco so we can put it on YouTube. Or maybe we'll put it on it. Maybe we'll do something besides put a clip of our show on Instagram and I'll show this Chrissy. It's a tie dyed piece of poop is what it is. It's what it came up with. A tie dyed piece of poop that has the commercial break neon Logo that says it all. ChatGPT thinks so little of the commercial break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye. Where did it get this idea that that was the imagery that should be associated with. With the commercial break? I don't know. I really don't. But it's just another example of why you shouldn't trust everything that you find on Chat GPT. Chrissy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Greene]

However, we have been getting a lot of feedback on the songs that we have been playing that I have been making through AI. Now, to be clear, I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that. None of these lyrics are written by AI because if there's one thing I've been known for in my life, it is my lyricism. I am a poet at heart.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sunny side up.

[Brian Greene]

Sunny side up is all you need to know. Exhibit A, Exhibit A, Sonny side up. Exhibit B. Dapper dialogue. Oh, it's not total shit, says the producer.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Just tie dyed shit.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, just tie dyed shit. So lest you think that I am just asking Chad GBT to do this whole cloth, or Udio Studio, whatever I'm using. Udio Studio is a weird name for it, by the way. But anyway, I give it the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go well. The other day I decided, what if I just went out there? What if I just found a bunch of reviews and asked Chat GPT or Udio Studio to make me a pop song based on nothing but the reviews. Now, if you've been listening to the commercial break, you'll know that this song played in front of an episode earlier this week because it was just too good to even let it. Wait one minute. Hot off the presses. It had to go out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We sent that out in the evening and it was a rousing.

[Brian Greene]

It was a rousing success.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Greene]

Everybody. Everybody agreed. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's very catchy and hilarious.

[Brian Greene]

Oh my God. And we have so much feedback about it. Were going wild. They loved it. And when somebody said, are those really reviews? Well, you can't get reviews to rhyme. So I had to take lines from certain reviews and piece them together. And I took a little artistic liberty with a couple. Some of the wording around some of them so that I could get it to be like a catchy song.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That is there.

[Brian Greene]

The spirit is there. Trust me, if you heard it in the song, it's the sentiment of someone out there. Probably most people out there. Let's be Honest about it. TCB is terrible. All right? So for your own edification and at your request, in case you did not hear it, TCB is terrible. Or as Astrid said, it should be named Worst to you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, worst to you.

[DJ Dan]

Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. The co host is asleep. She's pretty dark. People like the show. Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck they talking about?

[Brian Greene]

I turn it off when it starts.

[DJ Dan]

TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember that one.

[Brian Greene]

That's good. This podcast is fucking sad.

[DJ Dan]

Is this what we think is funny now? How do I turn it off? My ears are saying, ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I did. I'm deaf. In my defense.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

In my defense.

[Brian Greene]

In my defense.

[DJ Dan]

That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind. What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Brian is a hack. These two aren't funny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made? So many episodes, none of which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.

[Brian Greene]

I like the harmonization afterwards.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, it's great. It is fantastic.

[DJ Dan]

I love it.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, my God. So great. Thank you, Udio Studio, for one of the. One of the laughs I'm getting this week, because that was great. And by the way, someone actually did say that in an email.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Worse to you.

[Brian Greene]

No. Well, worst to you. That's a joke that many people have said that's not particularly original. We say best to you, they say worst to you. Worst podcast ever. But they said, I'm deaf in my defense. So the actual comment went, I kind of like this show, but I'm deaf in my defense. So if you're reading it, I guess it's okay.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We just talked about the. In my defense, too.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, in my defense. In my defense, if you have to be defended. If you're starting in my defense, then it's already bad. Like Chrissy said, in my defense, I have to be drinking at all these. I have to stay up till four in the morning. So, anyway, thanks to everyone who's written in. We're having a lot of fun with it. It's a week full of musical charm here on the commercial break. Musical charm and disarm. Yes. And experimentation, for sure. So the P. Diddy trial started. In case you didn't know, in case you're living under a rock, the P. Diddy trial has started. And wow, wow, wow. I mean, if one third, one tenth of what is being said is even close to the truth and we're only on like day one or two. Yeah, but if one. First of all, the video with Cassie of her being dragged down the hallway.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I saw it once and I can't.

[Brian Greene]

Watch it is in fucking tense, man. It's intense and it's awful and I'm sorry if you're a man, you're not a man if you treat somebody that way. You're not a man if you treat another human that way, let alone a woman. And I know that chivalry is dead and equal and all that other bullshit, but I just am a firm believer in chivalry. And one of those things is, is that you never touch a woman in anger for any reason except self defense. That's it. Period. End of sentence. And this does not look like self defense to me. And I don't think there's.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh no, he's like coming after her.

[Brian Greene]

He's coming after her, he's running after. He's dragging her by her hair, he's throwing things at her. And he's got a million bodyguards. He doesn't need any self defense. No, he is the opposite of self defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him. Even that right there is enough for me to say lock away. Put him away for a little bit. But then all of the other drama that has come out around this is so many people saying so many things that are just quite frankly base, violent and nasty. P. Diddy was, is not the superstar, you know, R B mogul that we thought he was. I mean, I don't know who he thought he was, but. And I don't know why I didn't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Think he was that.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, who hot Who? Not you, not P. Diddy. He just wasn't. And now this is making me. I say all this.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He seemed like a fun loving guy that liked to party. Maybe it was a little bad boy. I mean, he had the whole bad boy records, but yes. I mean, I did not know all of that was hiding underneath the surface.

[DJ Dan]

He.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

For years. Decades.

[Brian Greene]

Decades.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

He certainly had a reputation for having a strong arm when needed. He certainly had a reputation for not shying away from threats or violence when he wanted to get something done or he thought you were wronged. I mean the guy, that's the, that was the guy's whole image, bad boy records and people who worked for him said he was a real tyrant at times. But until a year or two ago, I don't think anybody really could have conceived the depths at which the depravity that was going on. And here's two things that I just think this makes me think. Number one, did Diddy have anything to do with Tupac Shakur's death? Because if you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of that? And a lot of people for a long time have believed that he had something to do with it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm sure there's some. Some kind of involvement, some kind of invol.

[Brian Greene]

But then, number two, and I think maybe even more damning, how many people went to these parties and knew that this shit was going on and have not ever and not now said a fucking word? Nobody. Nobody. No Famous person? No. Beyonce? No. I mean, I could. You could go on. You could name people forever, up to and including, I don't know, the other day I saw, like, Seinfeld or somebody was at these parties.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I can't remember the people were at these parties. It was a big deal every year, his white party. And I mean, I think there's a difference between going to a party and, you know, mingling around.

[Brian Greene]

Yes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Having some drinks and leaving. And then what was happening behind the scenes at these parties after the party.

[Brian Greene]

Couldn't agree with you more. Being there doesn't implicate you in some crazy, illegal, violent sex party. That's not the truth. But there are certainly people who went to those parties who had to have known something was going on or participated in something, or were forced to do something or were part of something. And no one, and I mean no one in the celebrity, you know, group of celebrities. Big, big old blanket here has said a fucking word. No one. The only person I have heard that has talked about this is Howard Stern.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And what did he say?

[Brian Greene]

This is what he said. And this is Howard's story. And so I might be bastardizing it, and you can text me and tell me if you know that you know something different. But what he said was he was invited to one of these white parties and that he went and that he was put in a cordoned off area at the house and he was not allowed to go to any other part of the house. And the cordoned off area where he was was not like where all the other big time celebrities were. That he was kind of just like shoved in a corner and had to stay.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like a little rope.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. Like with a rope. And he's. Yes, that's. That's the way he tells the story and that he was like, you know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Not in a corner, I'm sure. Why would he. He wouldn't stay.

[Brian Greene]

He didn't stay. He left. I mean, I would, too. Yeah. I'm not gonna. You bited me here to put me into a corner. I can't even go into the house. What are you talking about? That's the kind of thing that happens to Brian Greene and Howard Stern. Because I have been to parties.

[DJ Dan]

Where.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They put you in a corner.

[Brian Greene]

I have waited so long to tell this story. It wasn't you. I don't think that went. Did you go with me to the party at the house in the mansion at Simcoe fm?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Greene]

Okay. All right, all right. I'm going to tell this story in a few minutes. On the opposite side of the break. I'll tell the story, and you will be fascinated.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember hearing about this, man, the.

[Brian Greene]

My sweet 16 party that I ended up showing up and not because I knew that it was a. My sweet 16 party.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I cannot go with you.

[Brian Greene]

All right, I'll tell you this story. Oh, it was me and Cam. I think. I think it was me and Cam that ended up duped into going to my sweet 16 party. And let me tell you about this party. I will in just a few minutes. But if you go to a party and they're coordinating you off and there was, like, security, armed security, not letting Howard go anywhere.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Why? Why wouldn't he be able to go?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, because he's a huge mouthpiece.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. You got it. You got it. Because he is a huge blabber fucking mouth. Just like no one's ever tell Brian a secret. My family stopped talking to me because they don't want to hear it on the air. They don't want to hear it on the radio. This is just like. It befuddles me. And no one has come out in the defense of any of these alleged victims. And no one has come out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, I think other victims have come out in defense of the other victims. No one's coming out in defense of him.

[Brian Greene]

No one's coming out in defense.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Well, because I think everyone pretty much knows they got his number. Number. When you have 65,000 gallons of lube in your basement.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. And this isn't just one person. This is tons of people coming out from 50, 60 over the years. Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

What I'm. I guess my. My finer point is that none of these celebrities have come out like these people who are at the parties who may have known, who saw something, who could have just, like, had an Inkling that something was going on. Like, you know, not everyone's super sharp, but a lot of people have good intuition and they go, huh, what's going on in that back room over there? And why are these people? And, you know, why is this person, you know, completely plunked out? And why is that person doesn't have control over their arms and legs? Like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, I don't know. I mean, what I'm gathering is that was like a very, very inner circle, but basically the people that were in the room with these people that were drugged and incapacitated.

[Brian Greene]

Inner sanctum. And you're in a rectum. But I saw a video of, like, Leo DiCaprio at some of these parties and he was conked out. Justin Bieber and he was conked out. There's a lot of celebrities that were in, like, really weird states of mind that videos are now coming out from back in the late 90s, early 2000s. And they just look like they're in a different frame of mind altogether. Like, not their right mind. So, anyway, listen, I guess it's all.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Going to come out.

[Brian Greene]

Whatever the prosecution has against him. And listen, if this is a witch hunt, this is all alleged and innocent until proven guilty. I think one thing he's clearly guilty of is battering, that's for sure. Assault and battery without any doubt. Like aggravated assault and battery without any doubt. And for that, there is indisputable evidence, indisputable proof that that happened. And he needs to have some time to think about that on his own. Right. And he needs to make amends for that. But if any of this other stuff is true, throw away the key now, if he's innocent, I'll be the first one to come on here and say they had it wrong.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There's no way he's innocent. There's. There's smoke, there's fire. There's like so much evidence and so many people.

[Brian Greene]

That's it. It's.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's it.

[Brian Greene]

And you know, there's videos.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He's not innocent.

[Brian Greene]

No. And, you know, there's videos. You know, there's videos, pictures, pictures, whatever. Videos. People went home and took pictures of themselves battered, bruised in different states. You know, that there's all kind of shit that's just going to come up to the wood, come up through the woodwork. And I think he knows. I think he knows that he's. That this is now got to be a. It's got to be a trial of public opinion. And that's the only way that he's Going to win is if for some reason he gets the jury to believe that the government is after him for some reason. And we see that works all the time. So, you know, welcome to 20, 20 fucking 5.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Let's have. Let's be optimistic.

[Brian Greene]

Let's be optimistic. Yeah, let's be optimistic that the prosecution gets this one right. And by the way, the government does go after people all the time that are innocent, so.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, yes, there's that. But this.

[Brian Greene]

I'm playing both sides of the fence. I'm like Perry Mason today. I'm like. I'm trying to. Trying to balance the. What do they call that? Balance the levers of justice. The scales of justice, Chrissy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Perry Mason.

[Brian Greene]

Perry fucking Mason, that's me. I am an investigator of.

[DJ Dan]

Of.

[Brian Greene]

With a keen eye and a good sense of smell.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They're not going after somebody who's got that much money and that much power without cause.

[Brian Greene]

True story. And without a whole shitload of lube. That's all I gotta say.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Big baby oil.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, Big baby oil. Big baby oil is framing P. Diddy because they are. They have been moving oil across state lines illegally. And now big lube is after P. Diddy. Big lube. Can a man enjoy his lube? Can a man have gallons? Can't a man take baths in lube? I literally have a lube Jacuzzi at night.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Baby oil isn't even lube, is the thing.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, but it is.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, it can be. It's not the proper lube.

[Brian Greene]

It's a. It's a. It's a tanning enhancer. That's what I like to call it. I have gallons of baby oil, too. I put it all over me before I go to the tanning bed. I slide right in and I slide right out. Baby oil is the worst kind of lube. If you're using baby oil for lube.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. You're doing it wrong.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, well, it's like a last minute. Holy shit. What? Do we have anything in the house that could work, right? I'd rather use lotion before I use baby oil. That's all I got to say. All right, well, those are my personal preferences.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's good to know, Mr. Mason.

[Brian Greene]

5:30. I sure hope the retirement village is listening.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You can bet Judy is.

[Brian Greene]

Joan. Joan. Yeah. Joan is definitely not listening to me. Yeah, I'm not worried about Joan. Well, that's true. Joan is onto me.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She's gonna keep tabs on you.

[Brian Greene]

I bet you 1000 bucks that Joan hates me. But Owen thinks the show is great. Owen's listening. He's like, I'll be right back, Joan. I gotta go to the grocery store. That's funny. He hasn't been to the grocery store by himself in 26 years. He's sitting out in the public's parking lot. Best to you, Brian. Best to you. All right, let's take a break, and I'll tell the story about my sweet 16 party.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I can't wait.

[Brian Greene]

We'll be good.

[Rachel]

Why don't you text us, and we can text back, and then you can text us in reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the [e-mail] thecommercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You wanna play? Come on. Bye.

[Brian Greene]

All right, real quick. There's a guy that I follow on. I don't follow him. He comes up my algorithm all the time, because, you know, my algorithm. And he's just like. Seems like a lonely Midwesterner. Maybe he lives in Canada. Not even sure. Here's how he looks. You know, maybe I'll send this video to Marco so he can put it up there. Seems like a nice enough guy. Likes to tell jokes. He just sits in his chair all day long and just reel after reel. Tells terrible jokes and says weird stuff into the camera, but nothing offensive. He doesn't get into politics. He doesn't talk about women in a particularly terrible way. I mean, you know, he's just one of those guys. He just thinks he's funny, right? He's got his own audience. But to his defense, he's got. Already got way more likes than 99% of our posts. And this is the post. Here, let me play it for you. To the tune of Gangster's Paradise. We've been spending most our lives watching streaming and eating potato chips. We've been spending most our lives watching streaming and drinking RC Cola. And he thinks that that's just great for him. He thinks that's funny. And listen, I would make it rhyme at least. But okay, whatever. To each their own. Yeah, to each their own. So the year is the year and we have Chrissy. And I have now left Clear Channel and I am working in marketing. I've started my own Internet marketing company. I can sell you SEOs.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Top of the Googles.

[Brian Greene]

Top of the Googles. How about some pay per clicks? You know those ones right up top, like you could pay to get there. And that's gonna make boom. Your business out of control. 10x your business for $45,000 a month reporting. What's that? Chrissy sold SEOs too.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I did. I went to another SEO company.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, one much. Anyway, whatever. That's not the point of the story. But then about two or three years into me owning this business with Raphael, having this business with Raphael, I got a strange phone call from a mutual friend that had worked at Clear Channel with us. And the mutual friend says, there is an Nigerian oil man. Now, instantaneously, I'm skeptical because, you know, Nigerian oil milk men. It doesn't necessarily have the best connotation in the world. Not that I want to paint all Nigerians the same way, but Nigerian oil scam is like the phrase you use when you've been duped online. That's what you use, right? I have $50 million in a bank account. If you could give me $5, then I could get you 5 million of it. You know, the whole thing. Anyway, y. So she says there's a Nigerian oil man here. He's very prominent, he's very rich, and he has an idea to start an online radio station. Well, online radio stations at that time were just becoming kind of like a thing.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. And they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station, yet most of the.

[Brian Greene]

Time, they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station. You would take the feed from the terrestrial station, you would put it streaming on a website. You would, you know, you would go to the radio station's website, click, play, and then the feed would come up. The same feed you were hearing over air. That was revolutionary in the sense that you could be in Chicago and listening to Atlanta's radio stations where before you could never do that unless it was a clear night and the wind was blowing to the west or whatever, however the fuck all that shit works anyway. But what was becoming fad is for people, like individuals to buy these, like, rather inexpensive licenses for music, and then they would have their own radio station online. They'd build A website. You'd press play and they would be the one. They'd have their own radio station online, basically, is what was happening. And this is the. During the time of ustream, like very early live streaming technology. And this is before or right as podcasting is starting, like maybe the same year. So podcasting is not a thing, certainly not like it is now. And this is kind of revolutionary, cool, cutting edge at the time. And he wants to start one, but he doesn't know how and he has no idea who's gonna run it. He just. This is an ego project for him, a vanity project for him. So. And I've told this story before, so I meet a man named Simon Guabadia. Now, those of you, there's gonna be just a few of you out there who are gonna know this if you're.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

A Real Housewife, if you're a Real.

[Brian Greene]

Housewives of Atlanta fan. That's right, you're going to know Simon Guabadia as the ex husband of Porsche. Porsche, who got married to Simon Guabadia after falling for the same scam that Simon has been running on everybody. That he is a Nigerian oil man who has millions and millions of dollars, who is a very successful human being who has created many businesses, all of them worth billions of dollars. There's only one problem. None of it is true. None of it. He actually is a guy from Nigeria that came to America illegally, got kicked out of the country, came back under a different name, got kicked out of the country again, came back a third time under a different name, and now he is currently sitting in a detention center, an ice detention center. Because Donald Trump don't play that. Homie don't play that anymore. So now the latest anybody has ever has heard of Simon is that he is sitting in an ice detention center waiting to get deported back to wherever it is he came from or wants to go or they want to send him, and then he will never be allowed back in the United States. Once Porsche found all this out, she divorced him anyway. He also got us. He got. He scammed us. He told us we had hundreds of thousands. He asked me how much was it would it cost to build an online radio station?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And I went, meanwhile too, he's like picking you up in what? The Rolls are?

[Brian Greene]

Rolls Royce Phantom.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The Phantom.

[Brian Greene]

The Phantom. He's picking me up in a Phantom. He's driving me around town.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. Going to the hottest restaurants, places, spending.

[Brian Greene]

All kinds of money, buying, you know, thousands of dollars in bottle services, taking me to studios, meeting famous people, parties with Red carpets. He's wooing me to come over and work for him because I'm like, I'm not going to do. I'm not going to leave the job that's paying me. Okay. Money. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, let's be honest about it. I've never been rich, but, you know, I'm making a living.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And I know what I'm doing, and I helped start this company, and I don't want to leave it for a wing and a prayer. And he is wooing me, showing me that he's got the means to not only pay for this, but make it happen the right way. And that's the one condition I had. I need a staff. This needs to be a job. You need to be able to at least provide one year of financing for this and then an additional six months. If it's not making its way at that point, then we can all say, maybe this didn't work, or we have to retool it. And he said, make me the budget and bring it to me. To which I did. And I'll never forget, I got the. I put the staff together from people that he knew and people that I knew. There was a big meeting at one of his restaurants that he, quote, unquote, owned, which turned out he'd never owned it in the first place. But anyway, I went. He was an investor who was an investor, which meant that. But he pretended he put money into it, and then he took money out of the till to pay for Brian's bottle service at the hottest restaurants in Atlanta. And so I go upstairs, it's me and him and our mutual friend. We have this big meeting. I explained to him that this is gonna be between 6 and $800,000 on the low end for a year to pay for everybody and make this work. And he says. And he signs it, done deal. Right. Without questioning any of it. And I was like, I come back downstairs, there's, like, 20 people waiting for me, and I'm like, green light. Go, kids.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. You're like, we're doing it.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we're doing it. And within weeks, we had a space. We had bought equipment. We had the real deal. We did it the right way. We had, like, an actual radio station. You did.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I went over there quite a few times.

[Brian Greene]

Cameras, microphones, radio boards, thousands of yards of wire that somebody else helped me set up. Luckily, I mean, we just put it together. It was. It was an amazing feat. We did it in, like, two weeks, and we got that bad boy up and running, and we Met many people along the way.

[DJ Dan]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Celebrities and otherwise. A lot of the Real Housewives of Atlanta stopped by. This was a. What we called a genre, free radio station. So every color, every race, every creed, every style of music, every. We had tons of different. It was kind of a good idea, like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, it was. I mean, because there were what, blocks of hours where people had their own shows.

[Brian Greene]

Yes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And it could be anything.

[Brian Greene]

It could be hip hop, it could be R and B and soul. It could be rock and roll. It could be. I did the morning show, you know, essentially an early version of the commerc break. Much worse, but an early version of the commercial break. And we would do that a couple hours in the morning. And then late at night there would be, you know, La Reid's children were doing a show. Anyway, we met many people. And one day Simon comes in with somebody that somebody related to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And right now, I won't say the name, but actually I'm gonna say the name. Kim Zoliak. Remember Kim?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Brian Greene]

Okay. Early in the show's history, only in the Real Housewives of Atlanta history, there was a lady named Kim Zoliak who. Zolciak. Who was on the show, and she had a boyfriend. And the boyfriend was married. And the boyfriend was referred to as Big Papa.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Papa.

[Brian Greene]

Big Papa was not almost ever on camera, but he was just known as Big Papa. But people who knew things here in Atlanta knew exactly who Big Papa was. He was a well heeled real estate developer, quote, unquote. Yeah, he was another Simon Gubadia turned out, but okay, all right. Simon comes in with this lady, not Kim, but another lady who is a person who is friendly with Big Papa. And they are going to throw a party. And this party is going to be covered by some of the biggest press outlets in the world. Elle Magazine, Vogue, early tmz.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember you talking about this party. Cause I think you did try to get me to go.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, I think I did try to.

[DJ Dan]

Get you to go.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I was like, no, I don't know what the reason was, but normally I would be right there with you. But yeah, I did not go.

[Brian Greene]

Rolling Stone magazine, everybody was going to be there. But the coup de grace was it was going to be filmed by MTV for a reality show for like a part. A reality show about fancy parties, you know, big lavish parties that were gonna be thrown. And this was going to be thrown at a mansion directly across the street from the governor's mansion here in Atlanta. Now, if you Know Atlanta. Then you know that the governor's mansion is on a street called West Paces Ferry, which is the most expensive real estate in the state. It is. These are huge estates, opulent, crazy houses. Al Capone owned, bought a house for his wife right next to the governor. And it's like a six acre compound called like the Pink Mansion or the Pink palace or something like that. These houses are crazy. They're huge, but 32 rooms that, that kind of. Yeah, so I see the address and basically the request is go cover it. Talk about it. Be there as a guest. A guest of honor was, quote, unquote, a guest of honor. Brian Greene, president of Simcoe FM.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Greene]

Morning show host extraordinaire on Ustream to 110 people. Go cover it. Oh, cover it. What am I, Kurt Loder? I mean, Dan Rather, Anderson Cooper? But at the moment I'm like, sounded exciting. This is a. By the way, this is a birthday party, but it's going to be the bash of all bashes. You got to be there. It's at big Papa's house, his personal house. And I thought to myself, well, how.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Can I turn this down?

[Brian Greene]

How can I turn it down? Can I bring a guest? Sure, but give me the name. It's got to be on the guest list. Okay. So I think I asked Chrissy. Chrissy said no or couldn't go or whatever the deal was. I think I asked another lady I was dating, okay, she said no, or maybe she met us there later or something like that. I can't remember. But I asked Cam, who's my morning show co host guy, to come with me at the time. And we go to this party in a cab and the cab drops us off in this crazy long driveway, this huge circular driveway. And I can see on the side of the house there's a red carpet, there are lights, there are. There's a big to do. And by the way, I think this is like February. It's like 42 degrees outside. It is freezing cold. Freezing cold.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

For Atlanta.

[Brian Greene]

For Atlanta. Hey, listen, 42, when it's nighttime and I think anywhere is pretty cold, but it's pretty bone chillingly to me. It's bone chillingly cold, difficult. So I'm dressed with a little bit, you know, sweater on, figure.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Dress for success.

[Brian Greene]

Dress for success. Chrissy, I had my best Doc Martens.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

On your finest chain.

[Brian Greene]

I had my finest wallet chain. That's right. Only the finest wallet chain for you, sir. Big Papa. So as we're pulling into the driveway, I can see on the side of the house, there's this little red carpet thing set up. Now the party, let's say it start. I don't know who knows this many years off, but let's say it starts at 8 o'. Clock. I think we got there 8:15, 8:30, knowing just to be a little fashionably late, right? So we get there and, you know, I open the door and there's a guy standing there. Like, we opens the door, like, near where the front of the house would be, this incredibly large mansion. Huge stairs leading up to the front door. There is a huge man standing there. As I walk up to go to the front of the stairs, the guy goes, here for the party? And I said, yes, do you need my name? Uh, And I go, okay. And he goes, side of house. And I'm like, oh, okay, side of house. I guess that's how we're entering the party. So we walked the, like, you know, football field over to the side of the house, and there's, like, mucky grass. We walk over to the side of the house, there's a little path. We get up to where I'd seen all the lights and the car and the carpet and the commotion. And Chrissy, I instantaneously know that I am in for not the night I expected, as what was going on was like two rented lights, a rented heater, a backdrop that had been printed at Kinko's. Kinko's. It was hanging from a string by clotheslines. And the red carpet was not a carpet at all. It was cardboard, paper taped together.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

And I was like, oh, okay. I guess this is how. And by the way, there is no one standing there. Not a soul. No cars parked in front. No one there. Not a soul. And I'm like, okay, I guess we have to. I guess we should have been more fashionably late. We came a little bit too early. We walked down the red carpet. Someone pops out from behind the little clothesline, Kinko's thing, and is like, oh, hello. Are you on the list? And I go, I am Brian Greene, and who's with you? I said, cam, you know this guy Cam? And she goes, hmm, I see your name, Mr. Green, but I do not see Cam's name. Here, let me make a phone call really quick while we get the photographers over here. And I'm like, okay. Cam and I are looking at each other. We're like, okay, maybe we just may. Maybe it looks better on tv. I don't know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We're here now.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we're here now. Might as well. Make the best of it. Yeah, they have to make a phone call to let us in. That's gotta be important, right? I mean, it's gotta be some kind of party. And even though this looks a little.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Rinky, no matter of the cardboard I'm standing on.

[Brian Greene]

No, no, the cardboard, by the way, it's mucky and wet. So now we've just tracked mud all over the red carpet. We're the first ones to walk this red carpet. Red cardboard, I'm sure. The red cardboard. Walking the red cardboard. So these terrible lights are like blaring down on us. I can see.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've seen those before where they're just like alternating.

[DJ Dan]

And they're.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, they're clinky and clunky and they're doing this. It's just terrible. And. And then you could see the clothes pins hanging, like holding this piece of like flappy paper up and it's blowing in the wind.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Step and repeat. Or they were taking pictures.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. Step and repeat. Step. But don't repeat. You might rip the cardboard. No repeating. Don't rip the red cardboard. Yeah, just step, stand slightly. Yes. Can we put a towel down? So the girl is like behind the magic curtain, and I can hear her on the phone and she's like, you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Know the magic Kinko's curtain?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, the magic Kinko's curtain. And I'm standing on the red cardboard carpet and I'm like. I can hear her back there. And she's like, mm, mm, mm. Okay. Mm, mm. Wonderful. Mm. Okay. Okay. Mm, mm. Okay. And then she pops her head back and she goes, well, I didn't get ahold of who I needed to get ahold of, but I'm going to allow it. And I was like, okay, and pictures, Are we supposed to take pictures? And she's like, I've called the photographer, please wait. And I'm like, oh, oh, okay. All right. Well, down comes from the front of the house, down comes running some like 15 year old dude with wild hair, like, dressed in jeans and a T shirt. And he's got like a. I don't know, like a Nikon. $35. Yes. And he's like. And Cam and I are just like. He doesn't tell us anything. So we're just like standing there and he's like, like running around us taking pictures. And I'm like, wow, this is strange. And so then he stops and he starts to walk away. And I go, hey, is that like, are you the. What outlet are you from? And he goes, oh, no, I'M I'm just taking pictures. And I go, I know. Are you from an outlet? And he's like, I don't get it. And I go, are you, like, from a magazine outlet? Are you from, like, is this for, like, do you need my name or anything? You want to make sure you get the spelling right? You know, something like that? And he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. It's just gonna go. It's just gonna go in a collage. And I was like, a collage? What kind of collage is it gonna go in? A collage? Like an art collage? Collage, yeah. MTV does collages. That's what they're known for. They're collages. Collage. So now Cam and I are just looking at each other like, oh, God. And at least we'll get drunk, right? Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like, where is the bar at those.

[Brian Greene]

Where is the bar? So I pop around the little thing and I go, can we go into the party now? And she's like, yes, yes. You're a little bit early. We're not expecting most of the big names for a little bit now, but there are some people in there. Please feel me to mix and mingle.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's me.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. And I go, wait, the big names are here? I showed up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Brian Greene]

I'm me. And that Cam is not even on the list. So I go, okay, all right, cool. And she goes, just right around the corner. And I'm like, okay. So we walk around this dark corner. No lights, no nothing. We walk around this dark corner. There's like two wrought iron gates. We walk into a little plaza area. Then you open up this, like, black door, this gate essentially an outdoor gate. You open it.

[DJ Dan]

Surprise.

[Brian Greene]

It's a courtyard. Yeah. Surprise. You're on cantic camera. Yeah. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Happy birthday. We open up this black door, and it's a pool with a courtyard around it. Yeah. And the house is, like abutting two, like, two sides of it is the house. And then there's like a little pool house to the left and a brick wall around it. So we're talking like half a football sized field area right here. Right. And there are. And I shit you negatively, 50, 50 children under the age of 18 all hanging around like, this is a Sadie Hawkins dance and no one has been asked to do it. Like, it is the most unbelievable scene. Cam and I are like, dj?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There had to be a dj. No, no. Oh, not yet.

[Brian Greene]

But it Started quickly after we got there. And it was like, DJ Dan brings you all the best from the 90s. And today, your DJ Dan is starting in five minutes. And I'm like, holy shit. This is like a cruise ship for teenage. Like, we showed up at the. At a teenage nightclub. What is this? What are we doing? I look at Cam and I go, oh, my God. What is this? Like, these are kids. These are children. What are we doing here? And Cam's like, I don't know, dude. Get to the bar, bro.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'd be saying immediately.

[Brian Greene]

I'm pissed off. I'm like, I don't know what's going on here. Maybe this is like the children of the celebrities hanging outside. Maybe they have like a. This is the playpen area. This is the area for.

[Rachel]

Right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

All the big parties. The main party's inside. Yeah, this is the children's table.

[Brian Greene]

I know it's gotta be inside. I know it in my head. I'm like, it's inside. Just don't worry about it. It's inside. Come on. Come on, Cam. Let's go. Let's find the bar. Let's get in here so I can hear DJ Dan. You know, DJ Dan does all the parties, weddings and bar mitzvahs. Call DJ Dan7. He's like, doing commercials for himself, testing the microphone. And I'm like, oh, my God. Meanwhile, there's one large speaker stuck on a stick outside facing the pool. That's the sound system going on in here. And there's like, those rented twirly lights going all around.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Greene]

I'm trying to figure out what the scene here is. And all I can think of is the scene is, these are the children of the people who are at the party. And it's just a weird mix.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We've been directed.

[Brian Greene]

We've been directed into the kids angle. Now it makes sense. They thought I was, like, the high school teacher. The collage, the whole thing. They're doing an art project.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Cardboard.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. I needed to go to the other side of the house where the adults are going in.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you went to the wrong side.

[Brian Greene]

Yes. That's where Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear have showed up. I showed up, you know, I don't know. With that kid from Malcolm in the Middle. Like, I showed up on that side of the house. But it's okay. I'll figure it out. I'm determined. I'm here. I got a cab back. Then. You didn't call an Uber. You called a Cab. It was gonna take a half an hour. Might as well find the bar and get a shot of Jagermeister before you leave, right? All right. Okay, so let's take a break and I'll tell the rest of the story. We'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'.

[DJ Dan]

Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi, cats and kittens.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Rachel here.

[Rachel]

Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void, like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we'd love to hear your voice. Voice, Because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com the commercial break, and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've gotta take date with my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Brian Greene]

All right, so here it is. Me and my buddy, we've entered into the wrong side of the house. We've entered into the teenage part of the party, but we're gonna find the adult part of the party. But the thing is, is that I like, I can see up into the house and I don't see a whole lot of lights on or anything. So I'm. But it's a huge house, so I'm thinking I just gotta get in there and find the party maybe, you know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Greene]

Down the street, it's another wing of the building, so I find my way into. I find my way to where this DJ Dan is. I can see him on a picnic table inside of a basement. He's got his equipment set up. I can see him in there. So I go and I grab the door to open it and it gets pulled right away, closed back like it's a big glass door and someone jumps right in front of it and pulls it back. And I was like, oh, sorry. And then he cracks the door open a little and he goes, yeah. And I go, yeah, I'm here with the party. Like, Simon told I got invited to the party. I'm supposed to be here covering it. Oh. Oh, you with that Simon guy? I said, yeah, I am. He told me to come here. All right, Simon guy. Okay. And then someone goes, I guess, man. And he's like, all right, man, come on. But you go, only in this room. And I was like, oh, okay. All right. Only in this room, I guess. All right. So he opens the door, Cam and I go in. He closed the door right behind us. And he goes, you're only allowed in this room. That's it. That's all we've rented. And I go, that's all you've rented? And he goes, yeah, this is all for the party. That's what's rented, is this room. And I was like, wait, this room? And the outside? And he goes, yeah, this is a party. And I go, okay, can you explain to me what this party is? And he goes, I don't know. I'm just here for security. And I go, oh, okay. And where is the bar? And he goes, well, couple of us. A couple guys got some beers over there in the cooler. And I go, a couple guys got some beers in the cooler. That's the bar. The bar is. A couple guys got some beers and a cooler. And he's like, I don't know, man. Talk to dj. He seems to know what's going on. Okay. All right.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Hey, Dan.

[Brian Greene]

DJ Dan. So I go up, he's like, you know, he's got that headset in, and he's doing a Wiki Wiki. Wiki Wiki. He's like doing his sound check or whatever, you know, you can't hear anything, but he's doing this whole thing. And so I walk up, and he's like doing this whole number, and he goes. He points his finger up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

One minute.

[Brian Greene]

One minute. Yeah, he's doing this whole thing one minute again. And I'm like, okay, all right. One minute. Like a third time now. It's like three minutes I've been standing there like a fucking moron to talk to DJ Dan, the bar mitzvah DJ at a party where Rolling Stone is supposed to be covered. Where is Richie Sambora? So finally, he takes the headset off and he goes, what's up, dude? And I go, hey, DJ Dan, what is this party all about? And he goes, Sweet 16, baby. And I go, Sweet 16? And he goes, it's sweet 16 party. And I go, It's a sweet 16 party. I thought MTV was gonna be here. And he goes, well, they applied to be on that show, my sweet 16. So they got like a camera crew running around to take some footage. Hopefully they're gonna.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember that show.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. They're gonna do it over at a different location, I think. And this is where. I swear to God, he says, I think they're gonna try and do it at Diddy's at a different location, a different day. But this is like the primer. They're doing like a cut reel, like a hype reel. And I was like, they're doing a hype reel for my sweet 16. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, and this is rented. And he goes, just this room. And I go, just this room is rented. The whole party is outside where those kids are. And he goes. He goes, yeah. I go, is any adults showing up besides me, you and the security guard making sure that this one room you've rented doesn't get bastardized? And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I've been told a lot of people are showing up. A lot of people. And I go like, who is showing up? And this is what he says. He goes, I'm not supposed to say this, but you know, that guy from Bush? And I go, gavin Rossdale? And he goes, that's right, the one that's married to, you know, Gwen Stefani at the time.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And I go, really? And he goes, word is Gwen's in town doing a record, and he's been invited and he knows somebody, and he goes, so I'm supposed to keep that on the hush, hush. But we're hoping. And I'm like, we're hoping. And he goes, it'd be good for the real. And I go, and I'm not talking about a reel for Instagram. I'm talking about, like a VHS movie that they're gonna send to mtv hoping amongst hope that they get picked for a My Sweet 16 showcase on it. And I was like, oh, my God, whose kid is this? And he tells me, and I know the name of the lady. And so. And I'm not gonna say it here, but it's a Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I was like, okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, I'd like a beer now.

[Brian Greene]

Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks. You want me to chip in a couple Bucks. I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me, and you want me to pay a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler? DJ Dan, the guest of honor. Guest of honor, guest of dishonor. So I throw a fiber down and.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I grab whatever tags. I need a drink.

[Brian Greene]

Absolutely. And I grab two in order to make this yes, tall boy Natty Ices. Meanwhile, a couple other people have managed to mull in here to like, you know, mull it in, right? You know, a couple other adults in this room now. And so I'm just standing there and guy comes up to me, you know, really nice. And he goes, so did you know this was a sweet 16 party? And I go, I had no idea. And he goes, he goes, that was not on the invite. He said I was supposed to show up, but gonna be the rager. And he. And then.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The rager.

[Brian Greene]

The rager. That's what he said. And I go, yeah, man, I was totally not thinking this was gonna be this. And I go, I feel a little strange about being a guy in a glass encased room overlooking A sweet 16 party with a tall boy of Natty Ice, you know what I'm saying? While DJ Dan has to sound check on a picnic table. I don't know what's going on here. And he goes, yeah, man, this is not how it was pitched to me. He goes, so I think I'm just gonna head, but you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, no, no, I'm cool, You know, whatever. So him, him. And he goes back over. He. I can see him. He's rolling up something. Cam and I are standing there talking. DJ Dan starts the music, which is the most obnoxiously loud thing you've ever heard for a party that is like, you know, not even the size of my house. Honestly, it's not. There's, there's. There's no need for all this loudness, but it's just going on and on. And then all of a sudden I see out of the corner of my eye, like moving lights. And what, what happens next has gotta be probably one of the funnier things I've ever seen in my life as a crew of four or five people with cameras come into the party and are running around with those lights on, like the, you know, like the mountain monsters have on top of the camera.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

They're running around filming as if this is the Vietnam War. They are literally filming everything from head to toe, moving their cameras so quick. All quick cuts. Moving around, you know, going over to people, handing a microphone to them. There's a girl who's talking all this other stuff. I'm like, oh, wow. Okay. This is crazy. Crazy. So instant. Instantly, I'm like, we gotta bail. Yeah, let's get a. I get a cab. I call the cab. They're gonna be here in 20 minutes. So let's finish these beers. Let's get out of here. DJ Dan's loud. I'm not gonna be in some Sweet 16 super cut. Like, I'm just not gonna do it. Let's get out of here. And as we're leaving, as we open the door and now we're leaving, we get caught by one of the cameras, right? Like, you know, the guy's just doing this whole number around our heads. And I'm like, oh, my God. As we to walk, I don't know what to do. So I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to leave. And he's like, hold on, hold on. We got to get some words from you. Words from you. Who are you? And I go, jason. Jason. That's my name. Jason. This girl comes running over with that microphone, little. Little like a tape deck, recorder on her thing. And she's like. She's like, what does it feel like to be at Daniella's birthday party? And I'm like, like, it's. Congratulations on turning 16. It. It really has been quite the surprise. We've all been very surprised about the turnout tonight. Me especially. I've been very surprised. And she's like, any words of wisdom for the. For the birthday girl? And I'm like, make your invites more clear next time. I don't know. What do you want me to do? Actual carpet, red carpet. And as I'm leaving, I see two of the Real Housewives getting out of their car, getting. Walking the red cardboard carpet. And they have their own camera crews.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Following them around.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Doing shot, you know, cameras, video, the whole nine yards. One of which I know. And so I wait for a second so I don't get in the middle of it. It. But I'm still headed out the door. Like, I don't care who showed up. I'm out. This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and camp. We're gonna go an adult place. But as she turns the corner, she's like, oh, hey, I'm so glad that you came. I'm so glad Simon invited you. So what I was thinking is you can do like a little birthday, like, little speech when the cake comes. Do a little birthday speech. And then I want you to talk a little bit on the camera. And then I want you to do a little number, a little song, you know, little thing, little song and dance. And I go, hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I actually just called a cab. I had no idea that this was a sweet 16 party. And I am not 16. Like, this is just. I just don't feel comfortable being here. I apologize. Like, I don't wanna do that. I'm sorry. And she goes, but Simon told me if I put you on the guest Listen that you would come here and you would do this whole, like, kind of be like the, you know, the thing of the night and like the MC of the. And I was like, the jester? Yeah, the court jester. What am I supposed to do? Entertain a bunch of 16 year olds? How do I do that? DJ Dan's doing just a fine job. All the 16 year olds seem just as uncomfortable as they did before DJ Dan started playing. They're all in little corner. They're all in their little groups hanging out around a cold pool. By the way, it's 42 degrees outside and I've dressed to be in an inside party. So I, I gotta go, I gotta go. And she's like, I'm really disappointed. And I thought you were gonna stay. I said, listen, no one told me what this was, so I thought I was coming to like an adult party where someone had told me that Rolling Stone magazine was gonna be here. And she's like, oh, oh, they still might show up. And I was like, no Rolling Stone magazine writer and the history of every has covered a 16 year old's birthday party for a Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm sorry, it just has never happened. And I go, listen, no offense, but there's not even a bar here. It's DJ Dan's personal stash of beer that he brought in a rollaway igloo. I'm sorry, but this is not my vibe. And I was indignant about it. And when we were leaving, here's the best part. When we were leaving, we got boxed in. Like the cab got boxed in. So the cab's all. He doesn't know what to do. So he's like, I don't know what to do. Da, da, da. And these people have the nicest lawn you have ever seen in your entire life. And I said, roll over the lawn. Yeah, go through it. Get me out of here. And he Left tracks all the way to the street. I mean, that guy just tore up the grass from one end to the other. And I couldn't have been more happy about it.

[DJ Dan]

It.

[Brian Greene]

Because I figured, well, I got duped, but at least I put a few dents in Big Papa's blonde. And that, my friends, is why you always should double check your invitations.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yes, that tracks with the. The whole era. Yes, that was the sim.

[Brian Greene]

Colmcolla FM was a comedy of errors. And one of the. Quite frankly, me being one of them, I'm not. I'm not putting. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal here. We all were hoping amongst hope that for some reason, this was the magic bullet that would send us all to fame and success. And I really thought this. This was another stepping stone. To get there. I was going to be filmed at this luxurious, serious party with celebrities. And what I found out was Big Papa has no furniture in his house. That's what I figured out. Right. He wasn't even there.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, of course he wasn't.

[Brian Greene]

He wasn't even there. They rented the property. That's. And not even the whole property. The pool and the room. Yeah. DJ Dan needed warmth. DJ Dan was smart. He got paid to show up. Yeah, he was the only one that got paid. Paid to show up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And a security guy.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. Anyway, very interesting. Very interesting.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Years later, that has made the commercial break. So you know what? That was the.

[Brian Greene]

Listen, the payoff. It was funny when Cam and I got drunk later on that night. Of course, it's even funnier now.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember you calling me the next day. You're like, you're never gonna play.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm expecting, like, oh, wow. You know, it was that good. You're like, no, no.

[Brian Greene]

It was a sweet 16 birthday party. And I could not have been more mad at our mutual friend because she had a lot to do with me showing up there because I was a little reluctant because I really didn't know what to expect. And she was like, oh, my God, you gotta go. Like, this is like, this is gonna be the it party of the year. And I'm like, the it party of the year. Don't even know what that means, but okay, I don't want to miss it. Yeah, God forbid I miss it. Oh, too funny. Anyway, turns out I don't think that girl ever got her Sweet 16 MTV show, but either did I. So there you go. Fair enough. All right. 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 3, 3. TCB. 2, 1 2, 4, 3, 3,. 3, 8 2, 2, questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or call us on the 31st of May to be on the 12 hours of TCB. TCBpodcast.com all the information and your free swag and and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Greene]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

[DJ Dan]

Sam.