Wedding and A Wetting!

Summary

The Commercial Break Episode Summary: "Wedding and A Wetting!"

Episode Details:

• Title: Wedding and A Wetting!
• Release Date: February 12, 2025
• Hosts: Brian Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley
• Description: In this episode, Brian and Kristen delve into the chaos and hilarity surrounding Brian’s experience attending a family wedding in Seville, Spain. From dealing with a rebellious dog to navigating cobblestone streets in a wet suit, the duo provides a humorous and heartfelt recount of their adventures.

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1. Introduction to the Chaos

The episode kicks off with Brian introducing a significant mishap he encountered: a plumbing disaster that led him into a deeper conversation about his dog, Blue.

Key Quote:

• Brian Green [03:14]: “I do know, I'll have a conversation with them. The dog is on Prozac. Doggy Prozac. Low dose Prozac.”

2. Blue the Dog's Predicaments

Brian shares the ongoing struggle with his dog, Blue, who has been experiencing heightened anxiety. Due to a Prozac shortage, Brian and Kristen decide to transition Blue to doggy Xanax, leading to unexpected behavioral issues.

Highlights:

• Prozac shortage forces a switch to Xanax for Blue's anxiety management.
• Blue's behavior deteriorates, causing household chaos.
• The couple contemplates the effects on both Blue and themselves, reflecting on the challenges of pet ownership amidst medication changes.

Notable Quote:

• Brian Green [07:18]: “I think that might be the solution. Xanax. I'll take the Xanax, and we'll let her continue to be crazy.”

3. Navigating Atlanta’s Weather and Parenting Stress

Transitioning from pet woes, the hosts discuss Atlanta’s unpredictable weather and Brian’s attempts at meditation as a coping mechanism for parenting stress. This segues into the main story of attending a wedding abroad.

Key Quote:

• Brian Green [16:28]: “Let me share this little piece of information, connect some TCB history with you.”

4. Journey to Seville, Spain

Brian recounts the family's trip to Seville for a family wedding, highlighting the logistical nightmares and humorous incidents that ensued.

Subsections:

a. Arrival and Initial Challenges

• Cobblestone Streets: Brian describes the difficulty of navigating narrow, horse-friendly streets of Seville, leading to parking mishaps and frantic searching for their designated parking spot.

  Quote:

  • Brian Green [24:18]: “She was doing tens of thousands of dollars of damage to the side of the car.”

b. The Wet Suit Incident

• Unexpected Rainstorm: While dressed in a full suit, Brian attempts to walk back to their condo with his child in a stroller. A sudden downpour drenches them, leading to a comical struggle inside a grocery store to dry off.

  Notable Quote:

  • Brian Green [28:32]: “I'm wearing a three-piece suit. I'm wearing a fucking suit.”

c. The Grand Wedding Reception

• Venue Splendor: The wedding takes place at a magnificent cathedral in Seville, adorned with chandeliers and opulent decorations. The setting is idyllic, but the presence of restless children adds to the chaos.

• Dancing Horse Act: A highlight of the reception is an unexpected performance featuring a horse dancing flamenco, complete with a rider in traditional regalia. This spectacle captivates the attendees, making it a memorable part of the celebration.

  Quote:

  • Brian Green [53:58]: “The horse is bowing to her and then up on two legs and then back down.”

d. Managing the Kids During the Reception

• Kids' Wild Hour: As the reception progresses, the children participate in the "Ora de Loca" (Crazy Hour), leading to excess energy and subsequent bedtime battles for Brian and Kristen.

  Key Quote:

  • Brian Green [59:35]: “That 30 minutes caused sheer terror in the household.”

5. Reflections on the Wedding Experience

Brian and Kristen reflect on the blend of cultural richness and parental exhaustion experienced during the wedding. They highlight the beauty of Seville and the grandeur of the event, juxtaposed with the real-life challenges of traveling with children.

Highlights:

• Cultural Appreciation: Appreciation for Spanish traditions and the stunning architecture of Seville’s landmarks.
• Parenting Realities: Honest discussions about the difficulties of maintaining routines during travel and large family events.

Notable Quote:

• Brian Green [61:03]: “Spain will have us if Spain will have.”

6. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

The episode concludes with Brian and Kristen discussing their current decision to pause live shows due to personal commitments and upcoming plans, including reflecting on their fifth anniversary and potential future events.

Key Quote:

• Brian Green [18:46]: “We are not going to do them in spring. So if that's what. If you're looking for that conversation, there it is.”

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Conclusion

"Weddinng and A Wetting!" offers listeners a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and cultural insights as Brian and Kristen navigate the intricacies of a family wedding in Spain amidst household chaos. Their candid and comedic storytelling provides both relatability and entertainment, making it a memorable episode of The Commercial Break.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Brian Green [03:14]: “I do know, I'll have a conversation with them. The dog is on Prozac. Doggy Prozac. Low dose Prozac.”
• Brian Green [07:18]: “I think that might be the solution. Xanax. I'll take the Xanax, and we'll let her continue to be crazy.”
• Brian Green [24:18]: “She was doing tens of thousands of dollars of damage to the side of the car.”
• Brian Green [28:32]: “I'm wearing a three-piece suit. I'm wearing a fucking suit.”
• Brian Green [53:58]: “The horse is bowing to her and then up on two legs and then back down.”
• Brian Green [59:35]: “That 30 minutes caused sheer terror in the household.”
• Brian Green [61:03]: “Spain will have us if Spain will have.”
• Brian Green [18:46]: “We are not going to do them in spring. So if that's what. If you're looking for that conversation, there it is.”

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode, focusing on the primary narrative of the Seville wedding and the surrounding family dynamics. Advertisements, intros, and outros have been excluded to maintain focus on the content discussed.

Transcript

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[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, let's take a poll. How weird does it feel to be called someone's fiance?

[Brian Green]

Right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

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[Unknown Male Speaker]

Waiting there for you. It's going to take a lot to drag me away from me. There's nothing.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the Commercial Break, Brian is dripping down wet, full suit on.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

So what do I do? I take off my jacket and I put it over the child's head. So now I've covered my little baby with a jacket in the store.

[Brian Green]

Yes, the wet jacket in the store. The baby's crying because now she's got a jacket over her head.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She can't see what's going on. I'm standing at the front of the store.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Why would you put the jacket in front of her?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I don't know. I thought, eh, I don't want anybody to see her wet. I have video of this. I swear to God it's true.

[Brian Green]

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The party of the morning.

[Brian Green]

Ah, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my best friend and the co host of this incredibly dumb podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. As she's about to tell the girls here in studio that I avoided yet another plumbing disaster here at the house. The tub was not draining in my house, and I was getting concerned about this. It was like, draining slower and slower.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I know what the reason is.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

All right.

[Brian Green]

But maybe you don't. It's probably adjunct, but I don't think you know the exact reason. So the girls like to take baths. They're smaller, and the girls love the bath time. I mean, the boys do, too, but I tell the boys, I say, you really got to take a shower because you're sitting in your own stink in a bath, essentially. And kids get really dirty. So, yeah, my germaphobic nature, I'm passing it along to my children, passing all my anxieties along to my children. I'm keeping therapists in business. Okay? So I tell my. I tell my guys, I say, hey, get in the shower. Wash that dirty ass of yours. Wash that. Wash your ping pang and your ching ching, and let's get it all done. And then the girls, they take baths because they refuse to get in the shower unless I drag them in there. So I think to myself, well, there must be a clog down in the drain, because when I'm going to wash their hair and, you know, I start the water again, it just fills up. It's draining slower than it fills up. And so I'm getting concerned that, you know, something's going on down there. But now I'm very concerned about all the plumbing. So I do what I know to do, and that is take a hammer and screw to things and, you know, see if I can get that plug up. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I was just fooling around in there. And it's got one of those, like, the kind you twist, like the plumber plug that you tw. It's attached, and you twist it and push it down, and you twist it and pull it up.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Not like a plug, like an independent plug. It's actually attached to the. Whatever the drain, whatever the that's called. So I unscrew, unscrew, unscrew. I unscrew the drain, and I look down there, and I can see, like, something purple down there, but it's a little dark. So I take a screwdriver, and I can't even get the screwdriver down there, but it feels spongy. So I Take the screwdriver and I kind of scrape along the sides. And what do I pull up? 150,000 hair ties is what I pull up. I pulled up an entire ball and I'm talking like a ball that was like 6 inches big of hair ties.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Hair ties.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Hair ties.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I was going to say hair, and you were right. It was adjacent.

[Brian Green]

Your hair is everywhere. Remember that Dashboard Conventional song?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Your hair is everywhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, hair is everywhere. Between Astrid, the girls, and that fucking dog, that hair is everywhere. Because of course we got to give Blue a bath every 15 seconds because she's a mess too, that dog. So I've decided. People have written in. People wrote in and they said, hey, listen, go to the vet. There are medications that can help with this. And I responded to some of them. Listen, I think we've been through the, all of the medications, but I certainly will go back to the vet and I'll have a conversation with them. The dog is on Prozac. Doggy Prozac. Low dose Prozac. And we have it on a pharma. It's like an automated online pharmacy that sends it. So the other day I go to give Blue her medication like I do every night, and there's no more medication. So I tell Astrid, I said, hey, you know, there's no more medicine. She's like, oh, no, we buy it from the pharmacy. I'm like, listen, it's not there. Astrid goes and does a little investigation to find out that the online pharmacy and many pharmacies locally are out of Prozac. There's. There's a Prozac shortage. Remember how all the prices were going to go down and everything was going to be available for us? The eggs are $5,000 a dozen, and there's no more Prozac for my dog. So things are going really well. So no more Prozac for the dog. So I say, okay, this is it. This is the jumping off point. Let's take Blue off of Prozac, right?

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah, let's go cold turkey.

[Brian Green]

Let's go cold turkey. Which I know can be dangerous. Understand we're keeping a close eye on Blue. And here's how I know things are not going so well for Blue. Because every third step in this house, I am stepping in pee. Blue is peeing. Literally walking and peeing around the house. And I am absolutely done with it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm throwing my hands in the air. I'm making a plea to the gods. Please find me a solution to the craziness that is Blue. I can't do it any. I don't know what to do.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Is their doggy Xanax?

[Brian Green]

There is doggy Xanax, but that makes me feel a little bit bad. Like, I know Prozac also has an effect on her brain, but Prozac is like an antidepressant. Xanax is a. Is a depress.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

What about the effect on your brain? Yeah, maybe you need Xanax.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think that might be the. I think that might be the solution. Xanax. I'll take the Xanax, and we'll let her continue to be crazy. Maybe I'm the one who needs to chill out. I am irritated so much by all the barking, but now. Now Chrissy is irritated by the barking, too. Tina's only been here for two days, and she's already irritated by Blue. Even Noemi, who is like, the most calm, kind, gentle person you have ever met in your entire life. Like, when I say sweet lady, I mean sweet lady. She came to me last week, and.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She goes, but I. I don't know about Blue.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I heard her say, I think there's.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Something really wrong with her. And I'm like, oh, you just noticed. You've been with us for eight years, and you're just noticing now that something's wrong with Blue?

[Brian Green]

And she's like, no, but seriously, I.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Really feel bad because she's really crazy, and I'm. I know that's her on Prozac. That is her on medication. What do we do?

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I mean, I throw my hands up in the air. At this point, I have no idea what to do.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

But there's an imbalance somewhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Chrissy, there's an imbalance.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I grew up with a dog exactly like that, and it will. It will drive you insane. And there's. You know, it's the dog, and you love the dog.

[Brian Green]

Of course.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

You know, you want to help the dog. The dog seems agitated.

[Brian Green]

The dog seems anxious. Anxious, extraordinarily anxious. And anytime there's any movement of any kind, any talking of any kind, any anticipation that food might be coming, anything. Anything a dog would normally not get so upset about, she just goes on a barking spree, or she twists and turns, or she jumps on the couch, or she runs out in the mud or she shits on the floor, it's like she is so anxious. And so we use these pads around the house because, of course, Blue is so crazy that she won't even go outside to go to the bathroom. I mean, sometimes she does, but we tried to housebreak her. And I know that small dogs are hard to housebreak. Like, I also understand that that's just part of the nature of having a small dog. So we put these pads around the house. Sometimes we'll go through 15 in a day.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

In a day.

[Brian Green]

In a day. A day.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I don't, I. We don't even go to that many diapers in a day.

[Brian Green]

It's insane.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

How do you go through. How do you pee 15 times in a day?

[Brian Green]

And so then I thought, oh, you know, sometimes we think, oh, maybe she has a urinary tract infection.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

That must have gone down that road.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we've gone down that road before too. No, no. Urinary tract infection, it's just a function. It's just a, like a cause that the causation must be anxiety. It must be some form of anxiety. So what do we do? I don't know. I don't know anymore. I officially throw my hands up in the air to the gods and I say, let what happened may happen. I'm going to leave the front door open and hope that nothing bad occurs. I'm going to leave the front door.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Investigate the Xanax part, the doggy Xanax. They've got to have it.

[Brian Green]

They do, yeah. Yeah, they do. And it's a controlled substance and it's a big deal to get it from. The doctor told me a long time ago when she, when he put her on Prozac, he said, listen, this is one step before we have to get into like the like super controlled substances like Xanax. And he goes, that is certainly a solution, but just understand that is a depressant. It is going to change the dog's personality. No doubt about it. But I think you might be right. At this point, it's either the humans or the dog. One of us has got to be sane. One of us has got to be calm and sane. Like, I went and meditated today for the first time and I don't know, three months, I felt so good after I got back. It is, I come in, I pull up to the house, I'm happy. Go lucky. I'm listening to our podcasts and I'm like, yeah, we can be funny at times. I'm so excited about life.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah, we can be funny at times.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Hey, we.

[Brian Green]

We are funny.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Sometimes I'm feeling kind of optimistic about life, you know? Ah, yeah. Maybe, maybe eventually we will have listeners. I feel good about myself.

[Brian Green]

I'm like, it's not so bad.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

700 episodes in, we could crack a few jokes. We're getting the hang of this. I know how it goes. And. And then I open the door and. And I'm.

[Brian Green]

I'm met with chaos, Absolute chaos. And there's nobody home but me.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

It's just me in blue, barking incessant. About what?

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm like, blue, what. What do you want? What do you.

[Brian Green]

What's going on? What's in your head? The other day, I. She was in here, and she was laying down, and she was being so sweet and so calm as she can be. And so I got down on the floor and I pleaded with her. I said, blue, I love you. You know I love you. I brought you home in my little arms, you tiny little thing fit in one hand. You didn't speak for the first 10 days that we owned you, I did not hear a peep out of that dog. Not one thing. And I said, can we just agree to be friends and to be quiet? Like, I'll be quiet if you could be quiet. I will stop yelling at you if you stop yelling at me. Not. But two minutes later, she walked out of the room. After we had this little moment, and I.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

After you had the moment?

[Brian Green]

After I had a moment. I have a Disney moment. I'm not. I'm not projecting a human personality onto this dog. And so I. I go, oh, well, yeah, you know, I felt good about that. I was like, okay. You know, Blue knows I love her. She heard me. I walk out of the room, I smell shit. She's. She's shit in the hallway. She shit in the hallway. We had a conversation.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She went. She was like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you. You fuck you, Brian. What are we gonna do? Life is chaotic.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I'll show you.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I can't watch tv. Everything's just chaotic right now. The whole situation is chaotic.

[Brian Green]

And so. But anyway, because she gets so messy, we often have to give her baths, too. Like, there's a lot of baths. And while she doesn't shed, she's a Yorkie, so she doesn't shed. If you put her into a bath, hair will fall off of her. She gets that winter coat sometimes, that winter coat.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

But now she's shedding because it's 75 degrees in Atlanta. Hey, listen, after it snows, fake spring.

[Brian Green]

Is here, and it's in full effect. I was talking to somebody else about this. I mean, weather is the lowest form of conversation.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

But we had seven hours to fill this week. So let's.

[Brian Green]

Let's Give ourselves a break. You know, I was talking to somebody who was in Philadelphia, I think Boston or Philadelphia and emailing with them and they were explaining to me that it was a balmy 36 degrees up there after they had experienced incredibly cold temperatures for a long time.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So he was sharing with me that it's not that bad. Like 36 feels pretty good. And I, and I walked outside with a short sleeve shirt on. I could have been wearing shorts. One of my kids went to school in shorts the other day. It's fucking February 3rd. I mean, or it was February 3rd. What's that?

[Unknown Female Speaker]

It's that warm.

[Brian Green]

It's that warm. We call this fake spring in Atlanta. And it'll happen probably two or three weeks before we get to April. We'll have fake spring where it gets really warm, it feels good. You can almost smell the flowers blooming, you know.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Well, I know they start to bud.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they start to bud. You get that smell. Like the grass starts to like wake up a little bit. So you get that springy smell and it feels really good. You start to think about, you know, where you're going to, which beach you're going to go to.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Planting a garden. You get fever.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Brian's skin starts to turn darker instantaneously. I, like, I could get in. I don't have to go to the tent that I can just stand out here.

[Brian Green]

I'm feeling good. I look at that pool, which is incredibly clean because I'm not the one cleaning it.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I look at that pool and I go, a few more weeks, we'll be out that pool.

[Brian Green]

And then next week, negative two, it's.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Going to be negative two. Two more snow days before it's all over.

[Brian Green]

But it is really, this is, this is what I enjoy about Atlanta. I, you know, some people like to say, they say, hey listen, you don't like the weather, wait a couple of hours and it'll change. It's an old joke and it's. They say it about San Francisco, they say it about Seattle, they say it about almost anywhere that you can say that because the weather is unpredictable by nature. Not even the weathermen get it right. So it's unpredictable by nature. But in Atlanta, it really is true that at this time of year, like during that, like the hardcore winter, winter swings in Atlanta. And when it swings in the warm direction, it feels really nice. It's some of the best weather that Atlanta has. I know spring, yeah, everybody gets giddy. The top.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I went to the park the other day, sat under a tree, read a book.

[Brian Green]

You did?

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yes. Who are you? The sun shining down on me.

[Brian Green]

God, you have so much time on your hands.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

That was my little meditation moment.

[Brian Green]

Okay, all right. Fuck you. You have too much time on your hands.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I can't even think about going to a park and reading a book.

[Brian Green]

I'm meditating, and I'm doing it quickly so I can get back to my children.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Green]

Quick. Meditate. Quick. Think of nothing.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Clear your mind.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Be still quick. It is what it is. Yeah, Quick. Hold space for that. Hold space for yourself.

[Brian Green]

Quick.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

You know, I'm thinking about it quickly.

[Brian Green]

I'm thinking about nothing quickly because I know I got something else to do. That's the problem with having kids is there's never not something to do. There's never an empty space. There's never a dead moment. It's always filled by some activity. So when you do get a chance to do things like go meditate, you really do have a stack of things behind your mind. It's like, which bill didn't I pay? You know what time I had to pick the kids up from school? Who's going to be sick tomorrow? Where did Blue shit in the house.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Which I know I'm going to come home to. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I do. I do agree with you. It is one of the nicer weeks that we've seen in Atlanta. I know in a long time it was very cold. Yeah, I just. I've said this a lot. I just don't care for the cold weather. I did my time. I put it. I served my time in Chicago for the first 12 years of my life, and 12 winters in Chicago is enough for anybody. I'm done with it.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I didn't grow up in the cold, and I'm good with not being in it either.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I took to the. I took to the warm weather like. Like a person who had been born in Florida, honestly. Yeah, I wish I could live in Florida, but it's not a great state to live in.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

And that's that.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'll be here all week. Catch us at the Daniel Point Improv tomorrow. Oh, whatever happened to that? I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Just another.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

We wrote it in the notebook.

[Brian Green]

We wrote it in the notebook, and that's what happened. More information to follow in the fall. In the fall.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Somebody wrote in the other day, when are you coming down to Florida? I said, for vacation, as I'm not going for those live shows.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I'll give it an explanation while we have just a minute here. I'll give an explanation. We have chosen to press pause on the live shows just for right now. It was, it was a lot when we were planning to do the other shows and because I don't need to get into, like, I don't want to get into everything. I had my surgery. I'm feeling better, and I think it's okay just to take a beat here for a second and not go back into a ton of stress and extra work. We just got done with the 38 days of TCB.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

We're planning the next 38 days of TCB.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And, yeah, more information on that. It's our fifth year anniversary. There's a lot going on and it doesn't feel like it's a good idea to throw additional live shows. On top of that, though, we are planning them. We're not going to do them in spring. So if, if that's what. If you're looking for that conversation, there it is. We are not going to do them in spring. We told the promoter we're just going to press pause, take a beat, regroup, regroup, and we'll get back to him in 2027.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

2027. Daniel Point. 2027. If our democracy is still around when.

[Brian Green]

You know we're functioning as a society, Chrissy and I will think about Daniel Point in 2027. All right. I will now finally tell part of the wedding story from Spain when we get back from this break. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break. I'll regroup, fix a wire. I can see it, I can hear is causing a problem. And then. Yeah, we'll be back.

[Rachel McGrath]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

Last, we left off with my conversation about the wedding in Spain. I think I was walking my child through an incredibly rainy night. Remember I told you that we went to this? So for those of you that don't know, I ended up going to a family Astrid's family wedding in Spain, which was just incredible. Like, the whole scene was incredible. It was in Sevilla So it was in the south of Spain, in the southwest of Spain. Like literally you can take a boat over to Africa from close to Sevilla. Right. So we go to this, I would.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Call it a rehearsal dinner.

[Brian Green]

I don't think it was really the rehearsal dinner, more like a rehearsal party. And it was in this huge facility sitting on the main river that runs through town. This huge event facility, restaurant, whatever had been cleared out. Absolutely beautiful. So the kids were just having a great time, as kids do in situations like this. It's way past their bedtime. We're in a completely different time zone. Kids are running all over the place and there's lots of kids. And my kids were just tearing up the place. I mean, literally running from one end to the other, driving themselves insane. But the baby, the youngest of them is just a baby. That's what she is. She's less than 2 years old. She has a schedule. That schedule has now been all kind of fucked up. We've had a long plane flight. We've had a long drive from Madrid. It's a whole thing in a small car. You know, there's nothing big in Spain. There's nothing. There's no vehicle that's big in Spain.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

No.

[Brian Green]

So to get as many kids as I have. Yes. And then I. I had to park in a tunnel. I had to park in a tunnel, but I didn't park in that tunnel. The guy who owned the parking lot. It's like a family owned business in Sevilla, if you have ever been. When I say cobblestone streets, I mean cobblestone streets. And when I say built for horses, I mean one horse. The body, length of the body, width of one horse. These buildings are so close to each other, but yet cab drivers go up those streets all the time. The local cab drivers. You know the difference between a local cab driver and a tourist in Sevilla? The tourists get stuck in between two houses and the cab drivers skillfully maneuver around. They know which way the streets go, they know which streets they can go up and down.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Sure.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

We stayed at an Airbnb, like a rent a condo, Right. Which was absolutely beautiful. Right downtown. Courtyard in the middle, just a lovely place. We rented a couple of these for some of the family members. But it was in a Y, like a street that was a Y. It was two streets that came together and then two streets went apart. The building was in the middle. Those streets were so thin that on four, not one, four different occasions, I had to look out the window because I heard the sound of.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

It's like out of the European vacation movie.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Chrissy, it was crazy. There were. There was this one lady and, I don't know, we didn't talk to her. So I have no idea where she was from, but she was driving like a Volkswagen something, and she was scraping both sides of her car along the brick of the buildings, and she just kept going.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She was just.

[Brian Green]

You're in it now, Herman. The crazy thing is she opened her window to pull in the mirror.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She was doing tens of thousands of.

[Brian Green]

Dollars of damage to the side of.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The car, but she had to make sure that the mirror didn't get.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Did the car that you rent to have a scrape on it?

[Brian Green]

Oh, this car, yes. I had to take 50 pictures because, you know, when I rented the car, it was the whole thing. I already told the story. But when I rented the car, it didn't work. And we needed a bigger car and the girl got the bigger car and she was so sweet about. But then when she pulled the car up, I got out of the car.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

To put one of my children in the car and noticed on the passenger side there was a scrape.

[Brian Green]

I don't mean a scrape. I mean a scratch probably 6 inches high along the entire side of the car. And now I know why. Because they were in Sevilla trying to navigate around apartment buildings. And in Spain, if you have a scratch that is bigger than a nickel, you will be charged for the damage period and descent. It's not like here in America you can get scrapes. And I think you can total a car here in America, and as long as you opted for insurance, they don't give a shit. It's just part of the game here. But there they take it very seriously. They have. They have rulers they will come out and measure to see how big the scratch is. I know because my first time in Spain, I got charged like $3,000 for scrapes on the car that I didn't realize were there and probably were there when I rented the car. But I had no. You know, in America, you don't think about anything like that. You get in the car and you go. You don't fucking worry about scrapes and all that shit. The car is scraped. You just make. You just take it for granted that the car is fucked up. And if you fuck it up more, it's not really going to matter to the guy at the lot. Anyway, when I get to Sevilla, we had prearranged parking. Astrid smartly prearranged parking two blocks from the condo. So of course I got to lug all the Luggage up this hill on cobblestone streets. But when I pulled into that parking lot, it was down underneath a building in a tunnel. And when I say a tunnel, I mean, think of like picture Gladiator, the movie where they keep the fighters.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

They keep the tigers waiting.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yes, that's what it looked like. And honestly, it's probably worse.

[Brian Green]

But this was a family owned place. How do we know that? Because we talked to the owner. The second that I pull into this tiny little place, there's like 50 cars in this basement. I don't see any place to park. And even if I did see a place to park, I wasn't going to be the one. There was no. I already knew that I could not maneuver around this parking lot. I understood it and so did the guy who owned the parking lot. Because when I pulled in, he got out. He got out of his little, like, cubby and he came around and give me this number. And he said, I'll do it in English because he knew I was a gringo. He already knew. He said, I'll do it for you.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I said, thanks, man, because I have no fucking clue.

[Brian Green]

So. So we go to this rehearsal dinner. Everybody's getting kind of tired. Everything's wrapping up. And some people are gonna go off and they're gonna party, but not me, because we have kids and we gotta get to sleep. And I'm not gonna take these kids out to a club. Doesn't matter where they are. The kids are an excuse for me to go home and be in my underwear. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm gonna go back to that condo and I'm gonna watch the rest of Shogun or whatever.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I'm watching. Yes.

[Brian Green]

So everyone's standing in a taxi line waiting for the cabs outside this place. And it's starting to drizzle just a little bit. Just a little drizzle. I look at the weather, I see that, you know, that's just a little passing rain shower. There's some rain behind it, but it's just a passing rain shower. And I say, don't. There's like, everybody's getting into these Ubers, but in. And these taxi cabs, but there, they don't have, like, children's seats. They don't have child seats. And you don't have, you know, put them on your lap or whatever. Even though there's some laws around it, when you have an Uber or cab, you don't necessarily need to do that. So Astrid's like, oh, I'll take these.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Kids, you take that.

[Brian Green]

Kids, blah blah, blah. You take the baby, I'll take the baby, whatever. I said, you know what, it's only a 15, 20 minute walk. I'm just gonna walk. Yeah, just let me walk. On the way home I'll pick up some food at a local mercado. How's that for your Spanish right there. Stick that in your funkin Wagnolds. And so I say let me go, just, I'll just take the kid on a walk. It's the middle of the night, it's drizzling. I really have no idea where I am. The cobblestone streets are really confusing. I have to go over this bridge over the river. And so the first thing I do as I start walking, I take a left. I'm going over this very large bridge, a lot of people out walking. And within five minutes of starting that walk, it starts to pour, the sky opens up. And now I'm pushing a 1 1/2 year old in the middle of the night in Sevilla, Spain. It's a little chilly and now it's pouring down rain. And Brian is ultra prepared because I have no umbrella and the stroller has no cover on.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Oh great.

[Brian Green]

So I.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

And you're going over the cobblestone streets.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm wearing a three piece suit. I'm wearing a fucking suit.

[Brian Green]

So. And nice shoes. Like now I'm like, fuck. And there's Astrid drives by. Baby. Exactly, exactly. Not really. Astrid's texting me, she's like, are you.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Sure you don't want us to come pick you up? But Brian, because Brian refuses to be.

[Brian Green]

Wrong about anything, it's like, nope, it'll pass.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm just gonna stop in that grocery store and stay there. Well my baby and I stop in that grocery store. To which everybody in the grocery store.

[Brian Green]

Looks at me like I'm a fucking moron. I got a child in a stroller. Everything is sopp. There's literally a puddle in the stroller. The baby is swimming in the stroller. Now Brian is dripping down wet, full suit on. So what do I do?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I take off my jacket and I put it over the child's head. So now I've covered my little baby with a jacket in the store.

[Brian Green]

Yes, the wet jacket in the store. The baby's crying because now she's got a jacket over her head.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She can't see what's going on. I'm standing at the front of the store.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Why would you put the jacket over?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I don't know, I thought, eh, I don't want anybody to see her wet. I have video of this. I swear to God it's true. I have the jacket over. Well, I thought I'm gonna make a run for.

[Brian Green]

I look on the weather app.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I can see it doesn't look like there's much rain, but it's pouring down rain.

[Brian Green]

So there's like five or six of us that are standing in the store in the opening of the store, you know, just waiting. And so one of the ladies at.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The store comes over with a towel, and it's like, do you want this for your baby? And I go, yeah, sure. I take the. I thought she meant to put it over, so I took the jacket off and threw the towel over her.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

You just replaced the towel with the jacket?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yes. And the lady's like, no, no. And she starts wiping. Yeah. She starts wetting. She starts drying the baby off. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay. All right.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Or I could do that.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yes, for sure. So standing there, it's pouring down rain. Five minutes goes by, ten minutes goes by.

[Brian Green]

It's. And now I'm. By the way, now I'm in a square. Like. Like, you know, a square. There's. There are no cars around because we're in a square. It's a pedestrian square. So me and these people are just standing there, and there is a suit.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm drenched, I'm cold, I'm shivering. The baby is like. Like looking at me. She's like, what are we doing? And I go, I don't know. I'm sorry, kid. I got you in this. I'll get you out of it somehow. So it's. So there's a. There's a. A guy. I'm assuming he was Chinese. He was standing next to me, and.

[Brian Green]

He starts speaking to me in, like, broken Spanish, right?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And I start speaking to him in broken Spanish.

[Brian Green]

And he says. I think he's saying to me, where are you going? I have an umbrella. I can help you get.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Get there.

[Brian Green]

Get where you're going.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Okay. That was nice.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was very nice. And I said, sure. I'm going, you know, norte. I'm going north. I'm going up this way.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I don't know where I'm going.

[Brian Green]

I really don't, by the way.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And.

[Brian Green]

And when you're in.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yeah, when you're in Sevilla.

[Brian Green]

Google Maps.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Google Maps cannot be counted on.

[Brian Green]

Not when you're walking. It's too difficult.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

No, it is.

[Brian Green]

It already took us three hours to find the parking lot because Google Maps couldn't tell us we had to keep.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

On going down one way streets. We couldn't figure out how to get there.

[Brian Green]

So I say to the guy, I say, yeah, yeah, I'm going this way. I kind of point. I'm going north, I'm going norte. And he says, okay, you know, me too is what he said to me. And I, at least that's what I thought he said to me. So he pops open his umbrella and. And we're like, vamos, all right, let's go. And he's like holding the umbrella over himself and over the baby. And I'm pushing from behind. And as soon as we get out of the store, he turns right and.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I turn left, goes walking down. I was like, bye, thanks.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Thanks for walking me out.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Buenos naches. Now I'm back in it. Now I'm back in it. And now I'm committed. So back to the coat. I throw it over the baby. And now I'm running through the square on the cobblestone. That poor baby is just like shaking and stirred. Freezing cold, sopping wet.

[Brian Green]

Everything's wet. I can feel my socks are squishy. Oh, yeah. We get up through the square. We get about halfway home and I'm.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Like, okay, all right.

[Brian Green]

I submit.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Surrender.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I submit. I surrender. So I flag down a taxi cab and the guy goes, where are you going? And I give him the address and he goes, I'm sorry, I can't drive up here because the streets are so small. And I'm like, well, all right. So I look at my baby and I said, we're in it now, kid. We gotta go in for a penny, in for a pound. Here we go. It took us another 20 minutes to get home.

[Brian Green]

It did not stop right. Get back to the house. It did not stop raining the entire time, by the way. We stopped for groceries at the local, at the very, like, you know, the store that was very close, very small store. And I just brought in this sopping wet stroller. I'm sopping wet. I'm making a mess through the entire store. I'm buying some bread and some meat and, you know, some stuff for the kids to have for breakfast. And I go to put it under the stroller. It's got like one of those, you know, carriers under the stroller, like every stroller does. I go to put it in the stroller and it is just a pool of water.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I kind of like kick the water out. The bread is sopping wet by the time we get home. Oh, that poor baby.

[Brian Green]

I put her right in a warm bath. So the next night is, the next day is the wedding. The wedding is in the main cathedral in downtown Sevilla, which is, it's a famous cathedral, world famous cathedral. People just, they go to Sevilla just to see the cathedral. It really is beautiful. It's huge. It is like something out of a movie.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

A lot of places in Europe, a.

[Brian Green]

Lot of places have very beautiful churches. Yeah, it's a place that the first time I ever went to Spain, my future in laws at that time, they, and my mother in law's or my, excuse me, my father in law's sister and her husband, they took us on like a 10 day journey around Spain and into the Pyrenees mountains. And that's when I, that's where I was at the ski chalet playing, you know, home sweet home.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

But when they did, they, we went and we stayed at decommissioned castles that were sold to a private hotel company in a public, private partnership with the government. And the hotel company made these castles into hotels. There's so many castles and so many of them were in bad shape because they didn't get taken care of because the families had long since left them. They don't live there anymore.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

The taxes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the taxes, taxes and all the, yeah, all the upkeep, stuff like that. So this is a really good idea that the Spanish government had and I think it's done throughout Europe now. But we stayed at this series. But anyway, every town that we went to, small and large, what the. Almost like without, without fail, we went to a cathedral in every one of those towns. And this would normally, if you told me 10 years ago, Brian, you're going to go to Spain, you're going to take a tour of the Catholic cathedrals. I would have been like the, are you talking about. Oh my God, I don't care about the cathedrals. You care about the cathedrals. When you get there, they're beautiful. The art in them and like the history. Yeah, and the history. Forget the religion and all the bad stuff that the religion has done. They're just beautiful places and they're older than dirt. I mean some of them. So this cathedral is huge, very famous. I want you to picture three football fields by three football fields. This is how big this cathedral complex is. And the inside of the cathedral is almost just as big. But the main cathedral is like, you know, 100ft in the air, stained glass windows, light coming in. It's just, it's something out of a, a novel. It's unbelievably amazing. But then they have a street trolley that rides outside One side of the cathedral, the main entrance, there's a street trolley that goes up and down with a, a road like the main road through the middle of Sevilla. So we get to the cathedral, some of my children are gonna participate in the wedding. I am really hoping they're going to be on their best behavior. I am hoping this is not the reason that everybody talks about my, you know, I'm hoping they're young, so I'm just praying.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

It's a wild card.

[Brian Green]

It's a wild card. Are they gonna behave? Are they gonna make noise or am I gonna get them to sit still? Is this baby going to be quiet? You know, I don't know. Well, the answer was no. The baby was not going to be quiet. The baby went ape shit the second that we got there. So rather than interrupt everybody's net. Very beautiful wedding, which it was, I. As soon as the bride walked down, I took the baby, I went outside, I put her in the wet stroller and we walked around the cathedral. That's what we did for like the end part of the wedding. As the wedding is wrapping up and people are walking outside, I noticed that there's like a little bit of a crowd that's gathering outside of the main entrance. There's like a. I don't know how to, how to explain it. There's a door that the cathedral is raised off the streets. So there's like five or six steps that you have to go down to get to the street level where then there's this trolley that goes up and down.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yeah, I can picture that.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so there's people coming outside. They're waiting for the bride and groom, bride and groom taking pictures, all that good stuff. They're standing outside of the main entrance and all of a sudden all of these tourists are now taking pictures of everybody dressed in, addressed to the nines and their three piece suits and their beautiful dresses and you know the kids that are come to flower girls and you know, some of my kids that people are now starting to take photographs because this is becoming quite a picturesque scene. It's the main cathedral, it's a beautiful place. And now you have a wedding with everyone dressed to the nines right outside the front door. So people are taking pictures. So I'm walking the baby back and forth on this elevated platform. There's probably a football field long, watching everybody come out, watching a little bit of a crowd gather, Watching more and more of a crowd gather, watching more and more of a crowd gather. By the time the bride and groom came out There may have been 500 or 600 people standing in a big group outside down on the, down on the street level taking pictures of everybody that was taking pictures for the wedding. The bride was beautiful, the groom is beautiful. It was like something, you know, straight out of a television show. And everybody wanted to take a picture of got so congested with people that the traffic had to stop and the trolley had to stop. The trolley in town, the train in town had to stop because people were so excited about someone coming out that had just gotten married in this cathedral that the entire town had to stop. It was so such a big deal that the local news stations showed up at some point and this was on the news the very next morning. It was crazy to me, like how, you know, kind of cool and you know, exciting that everybody, that everybody got about this. So, okay, so we take some pictures. You know, we're kind of like extended family members. So you know how you are when you're extended family member. You're not really that important. They invited you because, you know, they.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Like you but they want you there to celebrate. But you're not in like pictures.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

You're not.

[Brian Green]

Well, they did take a couple pictures with us.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I know, but not the main one.

[Brian Green]

I know my place. I'm not like inner circle, inner circle. I'm just a, like a kind of a. I'm just a more. I'm just a gringo that's married to someone they care about. Right. So they take a sympathy picture. It'll never be in the wedding album, but it's there. They'll send it to you digitally and let you know that you were part of the wedding. After all the pictures are done, the, the, the bride's father says, okay everybody, we're going to the next place. By the way, this, the wedding is at. The wedding is at, at 3:00pm it's now 4, 4:30pm there's going to be cocktails served at 5:00pm and then there's going to be dinner at 7:00pm Right. This is an all day affair. This is a Venezuelan wedding. There is going to be no stop to it. We are in part one of the seven part wedding. And I understand I'm in for the long day. So he says we're moving on to the next place. Follow me. And I thought to myself, oh great, we're just going to walk to wherever the reception is. That sounds wonderful. And it's not raining and it's not raining. Beautiful day. Sunny. I was dry. I had managed to get my shoes polished. You know, the baby did not catch.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Pneumonia, as I assumed that she would.

[Brian Green]

So he says, follow me. And I'm a following. I'm like, all right, here we go. We're gonna get some food, we're gonna get some drink. I'm gonna get these kids squared away, and, you know, we're gonna have a fun night tonight. But it. That wasn't the way it. It all went down. No, it was not to be. And I'll explain why after we get back from we do have to pay the bills because my daughters are going to get married in Spain someday and it's expensive. We'll be back.

[Rachel McGrath]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact us link page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text, we'll respond. Now, I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, so I made the assumption that we were just gonna walk to like a local, like, restaurant or facility. Right. I didn't. I didn't really know what the situation was. I hadn't been told previously what we were gonna do.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

You're just following along.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But now, you know, after the chilly rainy night the night before, now it is 80 degrees. I'm wearing a full suit. Kids are in their dresses and their full suits. Astrid's in her nice dress, and now we have to take a mile long walk not to the facility, but to catch buses that take us to the facility.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

This was.

[Brian Green]

Now, listen, no complaining here. I understand that, you know, these buses couldn't pull into if these buses had pulled into town, it really would have caused a commotion because these were like full on tour buses is what they were. Not the tour buses like the bands have, but you know, tour buses like you see on the road, you're going on a tour like a Greyhound bus, but you know, nice ones. Greyhound bus without the crackheads. You know what I'm saying? So, so we have to walk this mile to get to this street corner. Then we have to pass over this incredibly busy street. Then we all have to fit into these tour buses that then are going to take us to this location. I have no idea where we're going. I mean, Sofia is a big town, but it's not like the world. It's not Madrid, it's not Barcelona. So I'm thinking to myself, well, if.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

If we have to get.

[Brian Green]

We're right here in the middle of town. If we have to get on a bus, where exactly are we going? So we stuff everybody in the bus, all the kids, you know, babies, nap, times of the baby's going crazy. You know, everyone's going crazy. And we're on these buses and as soon as. So I say to the kids, before we leave the church, I say, you gotta go pee. You sure you don't want to go pee pee?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

We gotta walk.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I'm just telling you there's not.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Gonna be a place to go pee pee for a little while here.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna have to walk somewhere. So you guys gotta go pee pee. Let's go in the church. Let's go right now.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

No, no. The second we get in that bus.

[Brian Green]

The second those doors close. One of my daughters, who was notorious for that.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Danny. Danny.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And I already know. I already know by the way she's saying it.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Daddy gotta go pee pee.

[Brian Green]

You gotta go.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

What?

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I didn't hear you.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Pee pee.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

No, no what?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Pee pee.

[Brian Green]

I gotta go pee pee.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I told you to go pee pee before we left the church. Why didn't you go pee pee when you go to the church? I didn't have to go then.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

You didn't have to go three minutes ago.

[Brian Green]

Now you have to go now. I have to go now. Do you have a pee pee on the bus? No, they don't have pee pee on the bus.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

They don't have pee pee on a bus, man. There's nothing you can do now. You gotta wait. Now we're in it.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. We could be gone for hours. I don't know.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I told you to go before we go.

[Brian Green]

So Now I'm concerned that one of my daughters is gonna have an accident.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And we only.

[Brian Green]

I think we have a change of clothes, but I think it's under the bus, you know what I'm saying? So I'm worried now there's gonna be dribble all over the bus and I'm gonna be responsible. By the way, I just wanna let you know this, let me share this little piece of information, connect some TCB history with you. The same father of the bride. The father of the bride is the same man who. This child spilled grape juice all over.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

His yacht in Miami.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

In Miami. So now I'm like, holy shit, here we go again. She's about to ruin more fabric. This is all going down. I'm now going to be responsible for yet another vehicle sweating even more.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God, Chrissy. I'm profusely sweating. I'm a schweiter. I'm sweaty.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I'm a spritzer.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I'm spritzing. But not only that, but now I'm like holding the baby, trying to get her to take a nap, because if she doesn't take a nap, the whole world's gonna fall apart. And I'm like, please take a nap. Please take a nap.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Well, rockaby baby on the treetop.

[Brian Green]

Sweat is pouring, sweat is pouring down.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

She's wet again, it's raining again, she's sweating again. And all.

[Brian Green]

And all of a sudden I'm like, oh. And she's looking at me and she's like, relief, sweet relief.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And I'm like, oh no.

[Brian Green]

Oh no.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Because I know she's not gonna go to sleep with a shitty diaper. I just know my daughter, she's not going to sleep with a shitty diaper.

[Brian Green]

So I got a daughter that's doing.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The pee pee dance in the seat next to me. I got my 7 foot tall daughter in my arms, legs sticking out in the aisle full of shit. And I'm like, oh God, why me? Why me? Why can't I have a normal life? Why can't I be like all these other people on the bus that are drinking and having fun? No, not me.

[Brian Green]

I got a handful of shit.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Celebration of party bus.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yeah, party bus. Exactly. It's not a party bus for too long because pretty soon I think people.

[Brian Green]

People around are like.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And you know, you could say it's the baby, but that's like blaming your.

[Brian Green]

Fart on the dog.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

It was the dog. Yeah, sure, okay. Got it, Brian. Pee pee poo poo. Does Brian have to go pee pee Poo.

[Brian Green]

Poo.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

It's the baby.

[Brian Green]

Okay, all right.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

That baby looks a little big to be wearing diapers. She's just big. I don't know what to tell you.

[Brian Green]

She got it from her mother. It takes us about 30 minutes to get to this. 20 minutes, 20, 25 minutes to get to this facility. We end up in like a residential area. And I'm quite confused about what's going on. And there's like this big a bush, like, you know, these huge bushes around this gate. And, you know, you can't see anything, but all I see is like apartment buildings and houses around it. I'm thinking to myself, where are we going? I guess we're going to a house, like somebody's house. And we walk through, you know, we. Everybody's getting off the bus now. I'm quickly getting off the bus because I got problems.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yes, you do.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And you walk into this place and it is ivy covered walls and like a flower canopy, a beautiful, you know, sign with a waterfall. Like you have to walk through this little bit of a maze to get where you're going. But it's just stunning. Stunning. You know, from walking in the front gate that this was. None of this was cheap. None of this was cheap. This is. Whatever we're about to see is going to be beautiful. And it was. It was a huge open courtyard with these big tents that have tables under them.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Gorgeous.

[Brian Green]

It is two buildings, two older buildings. One of them just an event facility. Just a big glass walled event facility. Inside there's tables, there's a band that's set up. There is a chocolate foul. I mean, there's food everywhere, drinks everywhere.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

To the nines.

[Brian Green]

It is opulent. The entire thing is opulent. They have chandeliers in the tents. When you have chandeliers in the tents, I mean, beautiful. This wedding was so beautifully done, so beautifully appointed. And I'm sure that the bride had a lot to do with this. And I congratulate the bride's father on just letting that AMEX run, letting that MX run, because it could not have been cheap. But they treated everybody so well. It was so tastefully done. And so we walk into the party after I get everyone situated, after I get all of the bathroom checks and all that other other shit done. Literally, other shit done. We go and we walk into the event facility part of this. Now there's another building next door. Looks like it looks like an old house. You have to walk up like 10 steps and then it looks like an old house. But no one's going there. We're all going to the place next door that's got this big event facility. The courtyard connects the two with all the tents. So we go into the event facility and we are just being served food after food, drink after drink. I can't even tell you how much food we had. People were passing around plates of all different kind of beautiful Spanish foods, like local cuisine. It was all so good. Oh my God, it was delicious. Iberico, ham to canos, cheese plates, oysters, all. I mean all of it. Everything, Anything you could ever want. And the kids, this is just like Astrid just did this, so. Right. She got together with some of the other moms in the group and they hired a group of babysitters. So as soon as we got there, oh, it was a pro move. As soon as we got there, the kids were like literally whisked away to go play in color and play games.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

That's key.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So Asrin and I had like at.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Least 15 minutes of adult time.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Like so happy. We partied. The band was playing. Everybody's dancing. You know, the bride is dancing with everybody. It was just, it was really wonderful. I was really happy. I was having a good time. Time. We sat down for dinner. It was a multi course dinner. It was beautiful. It was lovely. I forgot what I had. I think I had steak. It was just delicious. And then after dinner, so now we're like, we're probably like four hours into the reception part after dinner is done. Oh, and by the way, the dessert was epic. It was so delicious. I asked for seconds. I. I didn't know some of the people at the table. I stole their dessert when they didn't have it. I said, can I have that? I'm fat and old and I'm American. We're not used to these sizes. I need my belly full.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Right.

[Brian Green]

I had a long night, a long wet night last night. Can you help me out? So after all of the dinner festivities are done, they ask everybody to go stand on the stairs to take a picture. Stand on the stairs of this house to take a picture. It's the, it's this huge stairwell. I'm talking like 10, 15 steps up into this house. And everybody, the entire wedding party, everybody who's there goes and stands on those steps. And so they, they have a photographer. The photographer looks like she's about to take a picture. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Chrissy, A horse, like a huge horse with the braided hair. A Spanish horse with the braided hair or Arabian horse. Whatever you call them, it was black, white. It was brown. It was like beige almost, with dark hooves and dark hair. The hair was braided, the tail was braided. There was a saddle on it. There was a guy dressed like one of the three amigos. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, full with the gear. Yes, Full Spanish regalia. And he. That horse comes out and starts dancing flamenco. Not the guy, the horse.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The horse is dancing flamenco.

[Brian Green]

And the guy is on top of him.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Like, music's playing. There's, like a speaker playing music. And the horse is up on two legs, dancing around, clapping and clocking around.

[Brian Green]

And, you know, he's. And he's making the horse dance on two feet. And I'm like, what?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And where in the fuck did I just get dropped? What happened here?

[Brian Green]

We were at a wedding, and now.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

We'Re at a horse dancing.

[Brian Green]

What happened here?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

But that wasn't the best part of it. The best part of it was behind the horse.

[Brian Green]

After the horse comes out with the guy on top and does a little number, a lady comes out in her full flamenco, and she starts dancing with.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

The horse, with the guy on top of it. So now there's this coordinated dance going on with the lady and the horse. They're, like, dancing around each other. And she's, you know, she's got the fan and the clackers and the.

[Brian Green]

You know, she's doing this whole number, and she's like, you know, seducing the.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Horse with her things.

[Brian Green]

And the horse is bowing to her and then up on two legs and then back down. And the guy is, you know, he's got his hands in the air. Chrissy. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I mean, I've seen a lot of.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Animal tricks because, you know, I'm just.

[Brian Green]

That kind of sick fuck. But I have never in my life seen a dancing horse like this. It was crazy. He's dancing and spinning, and the guy is on top of him, and I don't even know how the guy stayed on top of the horse. And the lady is running around the horse and under his leg, and, you know, she's bowing to him, and he's bowing to her. And this. It's this whole regalia that's going on right in front of us.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

And there's like, God, I love Spain.

[Brian Green]

Hundred of us just mesmerized by what is going on. This is like. I don't know whether or not this is a. Like, we're Being pranked or if this is just one of the coolest things I've seen, is this traditional wedding fair in Spain. I don't know. Clearly this is not the first time these people have done this. So this act is somewhere else. Like somewhere else they've been practicing this.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Know what I'm saying?

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I was stunned, amazed, quite frankly. This went on for like 15 minutes. They did this whole dance and the guy jumped off the horse and he did a thing with his support.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Did they take the pictures?

[Brian Green]

The pictures were taken because the lady was taking the pictures. And then all of a sudden the horse came out of nowhere. Then all of a sudden you hear galloping like click, click, click, click. Because it's all called. It's cobblestone, you know, it's brick on the. On the floor. So by the time the horse gets there, you already knew that something, something big was coming out. And so the lady and the guy and they take some pictures and away they go and it. And then the, the second part of the party. Now all of a sudden they're cleaning up all of the area around the tent and they're setting up bars outside. Coffee bar, they're bringing out an espresso machine. They've got a bar outside. And now the house part comes to life. There is a DJ inside the house. The house goes dark. Neon lights everywhere, dancing lights. And the second, the last part of the party has officially started, which is let's get crunk. Let's get crazy, people.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Now listen, I love this wedding so much.

[Brian Green]

This wedding was incredible.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I love this wedding.

[Brian Green]

This wedding was incredible. Now look, I'm a man of a certain age. I'm not old, but I'm not young. I'm somewhere in between those two. And I understand that the people who are getting married are young. They're young people and they're going to party the night away. I'm not going to be at a younger age or had I not had. Had children, I might have been right in the mix. Oh, you would have, but I. Oh, yeah, for sure. But I would have been that drunk idiot.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I would have been the guy they.

[Brian Green]

Talked about the morning after.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Who was that bald guy, the bald white guy throwing up on everybody's shoes and hitting on everybody on the bartenders.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Hey, did you get his number, too? He gave me his number too.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, it's all about odds. You gotta.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Keep your funnel full.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, exactly. At this point, the kids, like, now we're talking. It's 10, 10, maybe 11 o'clock at.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Night they're just getting going.

[Brian Green]

They're just getting going. But my kids have had no sleep. The baby's still up, all the kids are still up. And the babysitters have a clock out time. Right? So we already knew that about 11 o'clock we were going to either have to bring the kids. But surprisingly the kids went in and they were partying. You know, they do the Ora de Loca, which is the crazy hour in Venezuela. And so in the crazy hour they bring out all kinds of like props and costumes and so they have, you know, balloons and toys and hats. Oh, you know, you went to my wedding. All this different stuff. So the kids got in on the crazy hour and they went crazy.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Literally.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

So cute.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it was very adorable. So now they're in there dancing and partying. I'm in there dancing and party. Everybody's in there dancing and partying. But about 11:30, you know, Astrid and I look at each other and this is like the most difficult part about being a parent. I think you'll appreciate this. You want them to enjoy everything that's going on, but you also understand that as the parents in the room, there are consequences to your actions. And the consequences will be that by the time we get them back to the condo, all hell will be breaking loose because they will be tired, they will be hungry again and they are going to be fussy. No doubt about it. So when do you call a night a night? And Astrid and I have this debate all the time. Astrid errs on the side of let them party. Let them just party until they fall. And I'm of the mind that we have done that before and it never works out in our favor ever, ever. Keep them on schedule that's or as close to the schedule as possible. Special events like this, of course, you got to let them party a little bit. You got to let them have some fun. You want them to remember these good times. But if you don't get them to bed at some kind of reasonable like before one in the morning, you are going to be, they're going to still going to wake up at five in the morning and six in the morning, they're still going to be up. But we are going to suffer the consequences because they're going to be up and fussy and hungry and we're going to be tired and fussy and hungry. So we look at each other and she said, what do you want to do? And I said, I think we got to call it a night. I think we got to call It a night. And then we have this little back and forth like we always do. I feel bad because I feel like I'm stepping on, you know, the fun. I feel like I'm being the fun sponge. And that's not necessarily my personality. And so I. But what do you think? But what do you think? But what do you think?

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I think we should let him stay up. Okay, but I'm just reminding you that.

[Brian Green]

Last time we did that we ended up with a dirty diaper against the.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Wall, you know, and kids pulling our hair out.

[Brian Green]

And so we do this little dance back and forth to which we decided 30 more minutes. 30. Let's give it 30 more minutes.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

30 more.

[Brian Green]

That 30 minutes made all the difference in the world. The 30 minutes cause sheer terror in the household.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Sheer terror because those kids, on the.

[Brian Green]

Way home, went bananas. I rode in the car with my son. Astrid took some of the other kids with her. By the time we all got back.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

To the condo, everybody was screaming bloody murder. Everybody was screaming buddy murder. We were trying to get him into a bath. They wouldn't go into the bath. We're trying to get him to sleep. They don't want to sleep. We're trying to get him to, you know, get some food so their bellies are.

[Brian Green]

Nothing works out and they still woke.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Up at 6 in the morning.

[Brian Green]

That's the thing.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

You gotta be careful about keeping those kids up past the prescribed bedtime because.

[Brian Green]

You know that the pendulum is gonna swing at some point and you better be a parent. It's the tough part about being a parent. All right, listen. I'll talk more about this. That's my fluffy version of Please invite.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Me to the next Venezuelan wedding. Please.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I do love a good Spanish wedding.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I gotta go to the next one.

[Brian Green]

I think you might have an issue. Invite. You might have an invite, right? Gustavo's wedding right around the corner. What are we gonna do, Gustavo? Chrissy's angling for an invite to the wedding.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Hey, I gave you my seat, Gustavo.

[Brian Green]

That's it. And I do believe. I do believe not to put any pressure on any situation I do believe there is some conversation about doing that wedding in Spain. So there you go.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Start saving now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I know. That's the only thing is, it's only. It only cost $25,000 with a family of 12.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

What a story.

[Brian Green]

What a story.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

Fun time.

[Brian Green]

That's.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

That's not the.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

And I don't have small kids.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you don't have.

[Unknown Female Speaker]

I'll be partying with everybody.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're going to be in there. Oh, they would have loved you.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

They would have loved you. Everybody loves you.

[Brian Green]

You know how to party.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Yeah, but, and, and listen, that's not all the nitty gritty details.

[Brian Green]

There's some stuff I'm not going to leave to the imagination. I think there's some funnier stuff. But I really did have a good time, and I don't want to seem ungrateful. It was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. The hosts were wonderful. We were taken care of every which way. And the place where we stayed was beautiful. And Sevilla is gorgeous. Put it on the bucket list. Put it on the bucket list. Madrid, Valencia, Sevilla, Barcelona, Valencia, Mallorca. There's my list. There you go. Mallorca's number one. Spain. Spain will have us if Spain will have.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

I think Spain is one of the.

[Brian Green]

Few places I haven't talked about. So there you go. All right.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

212-4333. TCB 212433.

[Brian Green]

38. 22. As our new voice of God, Rachel would say, I want to thank Rachel McGrath for being our new voice of God. Thank you for stepping in so quickly and helping us out with the liners. I think we'll keep her.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Let's check. She's a keeper.

[Brian Green]

Yes, you can text us us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. But better yet, leave us a short voicemail and maybe your voice will be the next one to open up the commercial break episodes. We'd love that. So leave us a voicemail. And if you don't want your name said or, you know, whatever, just make sure you, you know, say a fake name. Yeah, say a fake name. We don't care who knows.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

No one knows.

[Brian Green]

Make it funny like Sid did. Add the commercial break on Instagram, tcb, podcast, all the audio, all the video right there in one location.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

And YouTube.com the commercial break for all.

[Brian Green]

The episodes on video same day there here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I think so My friend's getting his haircut and then we're gonna go to lunch. So we'll be back. Until next time. We always say, we do say and we must say.

[Unknown Male Speaker]

Sa.