
EP917: As Bryan continues his fight with the pool, the episode takes a turn toward all things wet! Pools, Slides, Oceans, Wateraparks....you name it, they discuss it. This includes Bryan's disgust at one parents choice to shower his children at the swim lesson showers!
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Brian Green
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Kristen Joy Hoadley
On this episode of the commercial break and there is a dad there and he's got two children and he's got his children in the showers and he's giving them a full shower. He's got a bar of soap, shampoo, a conditioner and a toothbrush and he's telling them to take a full. That's not the intended use of the shower.
Brian Green
Right?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It's not, it's not to, it's not to replace the shower at your home. It's just a rinse off, it's a spritz, if you don't mind. Right. I mean I could even go with okay, shampoo. All right, okay. You know.
Brian Green
Yeah. Well, maybe they were going somewhere afterwards.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Maybe, maybe.
Brian Green
And they needed to be like these
Kristen Joy Hoadley
didn't look like the kind of people would be invited anywhere. But okay, all right, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Where are you invited to? How did you get invited somewhere? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you Chris.
Brian Green
Best to you Brian.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Best to you out There in the podcast universe, how the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Update on the pool. The algae is winning.
Brian Green
I know that's the first thing I asked today when I saw you.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
The algae is winning. It was bright blue yesterday, and it's turning back a little murky, I think for an hour there. Yesterday, like right before the sun went down, it almost looked clear. It almost looked clear. Yeah, I know. In the right light, no light. Esther goes.
Brian Green
After the sun went down, the sun went down.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It looked great. Yeah, it looked great. Esther goes. I think it looks better. And I'm like, it does, it does. And then I woke up this morning and I'm like. And I was explaining to Chrissy that the truth is that, you know, if you have any algae in your pool, any green in your pool, on the walls or anywhere really, it means there's not enough. There's not enough chlorine to fight the algae. So the algae is winning the battle already. You can't just have a little spot of algae you can clean up. You gotta shock the whole thing. So there we go. Brian's back at Home Depot buying more acidic chemicals. Turpentine in there. Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm the only one who buys stuff at the pool section at Home Depot. They've had the same fucking chemicals there for 12 years. I swear to God, they have. No one buys chemicals at Home Depot except for Brian. Because I just want. Don't want to go into that pool place again. That guy fucking screwed me last time. I mean, I really spent a lot of money trying to get the pool straight. And he sent it in one direction, then he sent in the other direction. Then I had to call the professionals to clean it up. Which is exactly what will happen this time too, right? But at least I'll be like a hundred and fifty dollars in instead of like 1250 in, so, you know, I'm gonna get it right one of these days. You'd think after 10 years of owning this pool, I would have figured it the fuck out, but I have not at all figured out how to keep those chemicals in balance. But there's also salt because there's a salt cell on it. So then you gotta, you know, the salt turns into chlorine. So you gotta know how much salt equals chlorine. But then is your salt cell working? Is it working effectively? I don't know. I don't know. All this. That's one simple piece of the puzzle. I can probably figure it out. Multiple moving parts at the same time, right? That's Difficult.
Brian Green
A lot.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. I admire those dance. Yeah. I admire those 27 something stoners who spend their entire weeknight drinking at the shadiest bar you've ever been to, and then wake up in the morning and drag themselves from pool to pool, helping people, you know, have a good time. And it's almost guaranteed they do not have a pool. So they're just figuring it out as they go along. Too true. There must be like an apprenticeship program that these pool guys have, right? Like, you know, daddy pool teaches junior pool.
Brian Green
It must be. Yeah. Because, I mean, come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen, like, learn how to clean a pool.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No.
Brian Green
Like courses.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, no.
Brian Green
Or school for pools.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, school for pools would be a good thing, you know, but there's plenty of guys, Guys and girls out there who are making good money. Yeah. Cleaning pools. I mean, it's not cheap to get a pool person to come out there every week and maintain your pool for you. And that's just a pool in the backyard. Imagine all those. Like, there's a community pool here that's probably three times the size of my pool. My pool is pretty big. It might be full Olympic size. And I watch them go through the machinations also, because I take my daughters and my son up to these, like, community activities in the pools right in the middle of the park. And so when they're in the activities, I'll go walk around and, you know, take a phone call or just whatever, just dick around. Try not to look creepy, you know, when you take your. There's like a gymnastics gym here in the town that I live in, and it's. It's pretty famous actually. They have like Olympians and college athletes who have won championships. They are known for their programs. And I will say this, and this is just. I'm just saying it. Take it on face value. I'm going to try and like, you know, dance along the edges here a little bit. There are kids from ages 3 to 18 years old who are in those programs. And the gym is huge. And it's always filled with multiple classes and coaches and people and, you know, collegiate athletes and high school athletes and little guys and girls running around just learning. And so I like to watch my daughters do gymnastics. But, you know, you don't want to like leer into the. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to be that guy. So, you know, I'll look in, I'll see.
Brian Green
Well, there's gotta be other parents that Are there watching too?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Lots of other parents, but everybody knows there's one or two guys specifically that we're all looking out for. We're all, we don't know whose kids he's associated with. We're not assured. There's one guy in particular and he's just glued to those windows. Every time I go in and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Brian Green
Security of some sort?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, there's no security.
Brian Green
Anybody could just walk in.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There are a couple of older ladies who are, you know, monitoring all the situations. There's the coaches that are always there. They tend. Almost all of the coaches are female except for one or two. But, you know, we're not worried about them. Let's just be honest about it. And, and, and those ladies, they're older and I think they have a finger on the pulse. I trust they've been, they've been taking care of my daughters since they were very young. And my son too, he was in Gymnascus when he was real young. And so I trust them that if they see anything inappropriate or if they see anybody crossing the line, they're going
Brian Green
to call that too long. Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
They look like protective mamas. Right. And they act like protective mama. I trust that they, when they, when they have your children, they're protecting them as if they were their own, but that you can't stop someone from looking. You know what I'm saying?
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And there's just one or two guys that are always seem to be there and I'm just wondering who are their children? And like they always seem to be looking back.
Brian Green
Why don't you start up a conversation, say, you know, hey, who's your. Hey, who's your kid out there?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Who's your kid out there?
Brian Green
Yeah, do you have a kid out there?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Well, I really like that one. But he always said, like there's multi. There are different parts of the gym that you can observe from different points.
Brian Green
Okay.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And there's different classes going on in different parts of the gym. But these two guys, and the reason why it's suspicious to me is because these two guys seem to be looking at different parts of the gyms at different times. And so if it's me, I'm just looking at the class my daughter's in. I have no interest in any other classes. Sure. And by the way, very impressive what some of these young kids are able to do at, at age 13, 14, 15 years old, they're doing flips 10, 12ft in the air.
Brian Green
Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
But I am not staring at those children as if they were my own. There's my child, right? And now I can't even go to my. Look at my. Because one of my kids, who's a little bit older, she's like, you know, five, seven range years old.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
We have a very fun relationship. So we're always having fun with each other. There's always a joke or she's doing a flip on my shoulder. You know, I'm like a. I'm like.
Brian Green
That's been going on for years.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. I'm a gymnastics bar, basically.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
But then we have fun because we joke with each other. Well, now I think some of the other girls in her class have noticed how jokey she is with me, so the other girls are jokey with me, too. There's a problem with that, though, which is fine. Everyone's having fun. Everyone's having a good time. You know, high fives and all that other stuff. The problem is, is that when I go to the window, my daughter will run over to make jokes, and then other people in the class will come over to make jokes, too. And those teachers who are just high school girls, right, they're like, fuck that, gu. Can we get the old man out of the window? So I've learned to just, like, walk around the complex and not, like, be too much of a distraction to anybody. But I'm keeping an eye on these two guys because I don't. I don't know, I don't trust. I. I'm looking at patterns and I don't see one that makes a lot of sense.
Brian Green
Anyway, keep us updated.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There's the pool. Three football fields long, whatever it is, it's huge. And I notice that they are going through all the different machinations that I am, too. They have the. You know, in the winter, they drain it and then they clean it. You know, someone scrubbing it and deep fucking it. I don't know what they. Fuck. They do. They're all in the bottom of the pool scrubbing it. I saw one day. Then they're filling it back up with fire hoses. I might write with fire. But they have got an actual, like, fire hydrant. Like a.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Hydrant attached to the wall.
Brian Green
I've seen that.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. And they just put the hose in and there it goes. And then I see them, you know, I see the pool turn a certain color over the winter. Like, it gets a little greenish. And then they drain it again and then they fill it again. And they're always out there working on that pool. Someone's always out there doing something to that pool. Or there's always a piece of machinery around it, like.
Brian Green
Yeah. Circulating a lot of maintenance.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. So who teaches those kids how to do it? Because it's got to be just kids, right? They're just like volunteer kids. Yeah.
Brian Green
It has to be passed down.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. You know, I used to. There was a, like a neighborhood pool that one of my friends lived in a neighborhood and we used to go to.
Brian Green
I'm so curious now. Is there like a how to clean?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There's gotta be, I wanna ask, like, well, classes or. I mean, there's gotta be one guy who has all the knowledge, who passed it down to all the other guys.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Right. That's gotta be. Yeah, one dude. I mean, pools have been around forever, since ancient, probably way before that. Right. But who decided to make it crystal clear? And how did they figure out how to do the chemicals? And then they pass that down from person to person and all of a sudden we got pool guys running around in little white vans with their nets and big gallon boxes of chlorine. I mean, those guys, once they get a hold of my pool, it's crystal clear. I got no problems.
Brian Green
But here we go. Here's something. Something called Swim University says, a Beginner's Guide to Pool Maintenance.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There you go. See? Okay.
Brian Green
All right, maybe there is.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Maybe that's what I need to read.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Maybe I should ask ChatGPT.
Brian Green
Health Care Basics. Swimming Pool.com.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
swimming Pool.com. i'm going there, I'm going to figure this out. Yeah, maybe I should just ask the pool guy who comes to my house, like, how the fuck do you do that? How do you keep it crystal clear? Yes, you should ask how do you manage that?
Brian Green
Or at least ask. Okay, so like coming out of winter, what's the best routine?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
What is the best routine coming out of winter? To manage the fucking science experiment that goes on in my pool every spring. Because that's exactly what it is. And I'm not joking. But you know, I go to these like I was used to go to this neighborhood pool with my friend. A lot lived in the neighborhood.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And there's a lifeguard that was almost always there. Like at least on the weekdays, you know, 20 something lifeguard, always sitting in the chair doing her thing and then every hour she would blow that damn whistle and we'd all have to get out of the pool and then she'd go and she'd scoop it up and test the chemicals and all that. And then she'd put a little of this and put a little of that. I should ask her. I should have been like, hey, what is, what are you putting in the pool? And how does that manage the pool chemicals? Because I just.
Brian Green
Ancient Chinese wisdom.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, you would like to pool. You would like to swim in without getting gonorrhea. Gonorrhea you have in your pool. Yes.
Brian Green
She would probably just be like, they told me to put this in. So that's what I do.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's exactly what she would say.
Brian Green
Exactly what it is.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Exactly what she would say. She'd be like, if it's. If it's this color, I put that in. If it's that color, I put that. That's how you do it. And then the big, you know, pool boss daddy comes in and godfather of the pool, every Sunday night, he comes in with 10 gallons of chlorine. You wonder why. You know, there's a certain smell to almost every hotel you go to, and it's bleach. That's the smell. The smell you get is bleach. Unless you're going to like the Ritz Carlton and then you, you know, you get the fancy smells. This is like. Like a couple of people who were trying to sell hotels since.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
At one time, the whole thing. Yeah. It was like Spencer, it was the
Brian Green
celebrity or whatever was that guy that everybody hates.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Spencer.
Brian Green
Yeah, like Spencer.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Heidi and Heidi and Spencer. Yeah.
Brian Green
I think you're right.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. But anyway, that, that, that notable smell that you smell in most hotels is chlorine. It's bleach. Right. Essentially similar, I think, compounds, bleach and chlorine. And, you know, there's a reason why water parks, theme parks and hotels all smell like that. It's because they just use an immense amount of the shit.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Because it's generally not harmful to humans unless you get it in your eye or down your throat. Right. And so maybe that is the route that I should take with my pool. Take that damn salt cell off of it. Just, you know, just. I don't know, somebody's got to come in and connect a hose or something and figure something out. But take the salt cell out of it and just dump chlorine in there every day or two. A lot of chlorine. And hope that my children don't get
Brian Green
some terrible rash and that everybody's hair doesn't turn green.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, no. You can tell the difference, man. When I get, you know, it's our thing during the summer, go out there, four or five o' Clock two or hour or two, three sometimes of just letting them play in the pool. And that is instant good night for everybody.
Brian Green
Oh, yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Instant night bedtime for everybody.
Brian Green
Yeah. Between the sun and then the. Just the energy expended in the pool.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's. It. There's no combination for knocking out children better than Benadryl. It's sun and swimming. Yeah, that's it. Right. And I would say to you that when they go in the pool, I'm always telling my daughters, especially, get in the shower immediately, go in that shower, put some shampoo on, get some conditioner in there, because your hair is going to fry if you just keep swimming like that. And all that chlorine. And then it gets. You know, I remember when I went to school with girls. Yeah. And during the summer, their hair would turn green because of how much chlorine was in the pool. And now they have the salt cells. The chlorine is a little less. It's a little less harsh. But I do remember, I remember one girl that I was like, you know, a girlfriend, boy, whatever. At 13 years old.
Brian Green
Yeah, you're going with.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, going with her. And two summers in a row, her hair turned literally green.
Brian Green
Was she blonde?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
She was, yeah.
Brian Green
That blonde happens with the blonde.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. That's a shame. Got to figure out can they like non green hair bleach maybe that's my big invention for the world, how to clean your pool without turning your hair green at the same time. That maybe that's my gift to God. Or some kind of shampoo that turns it back blonde.
Brian Green
Yeah, there is. There's that stuff out there.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I think if you just took a shower every time after you get out of the water, then you would be okay. You know, we take them to those swimming classes. Right.
Brian Green
Or wear the cap.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, you could wear the cap, I guess, but that's not. No one wants to wear a cap. It's unattractive. It's hard to put on. It's harder to take off. It's. It really doesn't look good. You know what I'm saying? It's not the best look. You know, you look at those swimmers like, you know, all those famous swimmers that are out there on the US Olympic team and they're wearing two or three of those caps. They put them on just like they get a half a millisecond faster because of all the aerodynamics, water dynamics, whatever you call it. We take them to the swim class, you know, throw them in the water, hope that they don't drown, you know, teenage kids. Teenage kids with your. With your child's life in their hand. And it's an indoor swimming facility. And then they have shower. They have like four pools indoors, and then they have showers in every one of the pools.
Brian Green
Indoors.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It's indoors.
Brian Green
That smell.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There's an immense amount of chlorine being used in those pools, and I'm okay with that. Like when you got so many kids in the pool.
Brian Green
Exactly.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
They're all peeing and shit in the pool. You know, they are. They got, like kids like 1 years old, you know, in the pool. Don't tell me there's not a little pee, pee, poo poo in that pool, because I know there is. The fecal content up there is up there. So keep putting chlorine in there. I don't care. Whatever. So after they get done, like we keep telling the kids, you know, go run and get in the shower, rinse off.
Brian Green
Do a good rinse. Yes, at least.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So like two weeks ago, my two of my daughters go to their class. It's like a Saturday morning, and I say, hey, come on, girls, let's go take a shower. I even brought some, you know, towels and a little change of clothes. You know, let's take a shower. And. And there is a dad there, and he's got two children, and he's got his children in the showers, and he's giving them a full shower. He's got a bar of soap, shampoo, a conditioner, and a toothbrush. And he's telling them to take a full. That's not the intended use of the shower.
Brian Green
Right.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It's not to replace the shower at your home. It's just a rinse off. It's a spritz, if you don't mind. Right. I mean, I could even go with, okay, shampoo. All right. Okay. You know.
Brian Green
Yeah. Well, maybe they were going somewhere afterwards.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Maybe, maybe.
Brian Green
And they needed to be like these
Kristen Joy Hoadley
didn't look like the kind of people would be invited anywhere, but. Okay. All right, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Where are you invited to? How did you get invited somewhere? I just. I was really irritated. I wanted to say something, but I was it.
Brian Green
You were really irritated because he was doing it in general or just because it was taking up some showers?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Well, I had to wait for his daughters. A full shower. Yeah. And people behind me, too.
Brian Green
And everybody was kind of like, right, no, you need to do it quick.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No.
Brian Green
Hey, Bob.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
Brian Green
People are in line.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Exactly. Go get a hotel room if you need I mean, whatever your situation is.
Brian Green
I don't know if Get a hotel.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's right.
Brian Green
Terminology for that situation.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Well, okay. You get what I'm saying. Find another shower that's more appropriate. Why you got to use up all our shower time, you know, with your whole show. Toothbrush. Really? A toothbrush?
Brian Green
Yeah, the toothbrush in the shower.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
In the shower. Listen, I toothbrush in the shower.
Brian Green
No, I toothbrush in the shower, too, but not while other people are awake.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, certainly not.
Brian Green
Certainly do that at the same.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I'm glad they. He decided to keep their clothes on. Like, I mean, their bathing suits on. Like, honestly, this was like, a level of showering I haven't seen in one of these places before. Always weirds me out. Like, I go to the gym, you know, and I see the guys who got, like, the full shower gear. They're ready to, like. I can understand. I guess in that situation, you just worked out, you're hot and sweaty, you got to go back to the office or whatever.
Brian Green
Right.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You need to clean yourself up. But I just don't know. I'm just not convinced to be taking a shower at the Crunch Fitness. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know. How often do those showers get clean?
Brian Green
Well, I was gonna say you probably want shower shoes for sure. Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You want shower boots? You want, like, rain boots, right? You want. I think I want. I think I want a wetsuit while I'm doing that shower. Cause I know guys, and I know what they're up to. There's. I don't know. There's a guy in there, probably with his phone. Like, you know, it's true. You know, it's gotta. Listen. Yeah. Guys are weird. I mean, we're. We're weird in general. We're a weird species, subspecies of humanity. And I just don't trust guys. Other guys, when they're showering like that, I say, hey, no, no. I go in my own. My own shower.
Brian Green
You love your own shower.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
My own shitter. Yeah. Those two things I want. Listen, I went to New York. The other. I had two hotel rooms by myself.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And I felt weird about showering and using those restrooms. I was like, well, I guess I have to really. A little bit. Like, I look at the. You know, now they put the shampoos and the conditioners, they hang them on the wall and, you know, used to get a little bottle. It was your bottle. And you had a cat.
Brian Green
Yeah, I bring my own, but because I'm a girl and I've got Special lotions and powders. Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I don't like. I'm not traveling with shampoo. That's just not my thing. But. But maybe I should.
Brian Green
Yeah. Yeah, It'd make you feel better.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Astrid got the little airplane containers.
Brian Green
Yes. And you fill up your own.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. I think that's what I'm going to do as I ponder my travels coming up.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I think I'm going to get my own shampoo and conditioner. A bottle. Unless I'm just staying at a really nice hotel, which, you know, I probably won't have that kind of luck. So, you know, I'll probably be at the. At least you're not driving the Hojo in SoHo. Yeah, no, that's true. At least I'm not driving again. But. Plane flight confirmed, and I'm glad about it. Okay, good. But, you know, I. I think really, like, I look at those containers that are sitting on the wall and I think to myself, anybody could open those containers and do anything with those containers. They could put anything in those containers. Do I trust that? I want to squirt some shampoo out of my hand.
Brian Green
I didn't even think about that. I don't really use them, but.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, listen, at Disney, they're locked, and I appreciate that. They're locked. You can't get in. You can't take the cap off.
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Unless you have a special, like, key. Now, I'm sure if someone is really nefarious, they could figure out how to get into a shower lock, a shampoo lock. But I appreciate that. You have to go the extra step.
Brian Green
Yes, exactly. You have to actually pick it.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. I stopped at a Hyatt or a Hilton or whatever I was in on the way back in Fairfax. A really nice, you know, old hotel, but nicely renovated. You know, rooms were nice and all that other stuff. And then I get in the shower and I see it's just three bottles hanging on a little machine and anybody could take the top off. And I'm like, well, I don't have any meetings. I'm actually just driving home today. Could I go without showering? The no hair I have. Probably.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So I decided to just take the hand soap and just kind of put it on my head. Yeah, same principle. I don't have any hair up there.
Brian Green
No, I worried about. You don't have to worry about it.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, that's right. But I don't know, something about somebody else's shower makes me a little. It makes me a little weirded out, so. And now that I know what it What a monstrous animal. Taking care of your own pool is going in other pools. Makes me a little weirded out. I'll tell you a story about Great Wolf Lodge when we get back. I talked to.
Brian Green
I bet there was a distinct smell there, too.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
If you think your hotel smells like chlorine, go to the Great fucking Wolf Lodge. But they have to. And if it didn't smell like, if it didn't burn your nostril hairs when you walked in the door, I would have had serious reservations about ever stepping foot in that water. Because you think there's pee pee poo poo at the swim school? You should go to Great Wolf Loft.
Brian Green
Oh, God.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I think not only is there kid pee pee poo poo in there, I think there's some adult pee pee poo poo in there. I told you the story. There was a kid in there with his trousers.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Hanging off. He's like 13 years old. His hairy ass is just all in the water. And we all have to suffer and look at it. Listen, I was 13 once, too. I mean, you know.
Brian Green
Did you. Did you talk to our friend there that works there?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, I didn't, but I talked to somebody else whose son was like, he's a pool mechanic at the Great Wolf Lodge here in Georgia, and I'll tell you about that.
Brian Green
Okay, I'm excited.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I'll share a story with you. I probably should have told this back when I actually heard the story, which was like seven months ago, but forgot about that. Okay, take a break. We'll be right back.
Rachel
Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com TheCommercialBreak. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.
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Kristen Joy Hoadley
Select homes only. Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this Carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer. Unbelievable. Okay, I accepted the offer. They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair. It's done. The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana. Give it a whirl. Love ya.
Brian Green
So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
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Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, so there's this. There's this guy. Well, I know a lady, and then she's got a son. And her son is a pool technician at one of these great wolf lodges. The one that's. That's here.
Brian Green
You need to be talking to him.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Well, yeah, but I don't really want to talk to this lady all that much. And I don't want to get a hold Like, I'm not. It's a lady that I occasionally see at the Starbucks. She's an older lady, and I say hi to her and then the other. And they're very, very sweet. He. It's a couple, and they're probably in their 70s, I would imagine. And she's been fighting cancer for like seven years, and she's just fighting the good fight. And I really like these people. They're very swee. I've been. I've actually, I started seeing them when I started running down near the river, the Chattahoochee River. And I would see them and they were one of the only people that. When I would wave and I'd wave to everybody, that would wave back and say, good morning. Right. That's a good thing.
Brian Green
It is.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So then, lo and behold, part of the social contract. That's right. It's part of the social contract. And when you. And they were always very pleasant, at least when I was running by them. Right. And it. It probably happened if I ran five days a week, I probably saw them three days a week. I saw them a lot. And then lo and behold, I move here. And then I have this Starbucks up in the corner. And so I started going to that Starbucks. And about a month and a half after I start going to that Starbucks, I see them sitting in the corner. And so the first time I see him, I said, hey, hey, good morning. And they say, hey. I'm not sure they know exactly who I am, you know, because we're not running and, you know, it's different setting.
Brian Green
Right, right.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
But then the second time I see him, she says, you're the guy down at the park running. And as I was like stirring my coffee, they were sitting near it. I said, yeah, I am. And then we introduced. And so then, Therefore, the last 10 years, we see each other occasionally at Starbucks. So she is. So her son is a technician at the Great Wolf Lodge now. She showed me pictures that he had sent her of all of the equipment down below. A Great Wolf Lodge. Oh, holy shit. I think my pool is complicated. This is really complicated. I mean, it is just machine after machine after machine, all working hard to keep the pee, pee, poo, poo at a minimum.
Brian Green
I can only imagine too, because don't they have like slides and water shooting out of things?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Pumps and different pools and, you know. But it all gets clarified. And one clarified. It's just one big chlorinated machine, essentially. And what I noticed in those pictures was Something really interesting is that in one of the pictures he was standing by like this machine. Huge. I mean, the size of this room. Right.
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Machine.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And essentially it was like a jandy filter. It was like the filter I have on my pool. It's just sucking water in, put it, straining it, sending it back, you know. But then I imagine that is where the magic happens. That's where you get the chlorination that happens. There's like a place and behind him there were huge blue barrels that said chlorine on the side of them. So. And there was like hoses stuck in them, right?
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So it's liquid chlorine that they are
Brian Green
just dumping, just pumping in there at a certain ratio to water.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I like that. Yeah, I like that. I thought, that's good. Let's have that. Let's do that with my. I. Maybe that's where I should go. Just get a big blue barrel and pour it into the pool and watch as it starts to sizzle. The pool just starts to like boil in a weird way. I like that. And I thought to myself, that is a good thing. Now this guy gets paid really good money to be down there working on those pipes and hoses 24 hours a day, essentially. They're always working on it. When we went, we got a room on the top floor that overlooked so that the hotel is like in a big U shape. Right. And on. And in the middle in the back. So it's a big U shaped hotel. And then on the back side of it is the area where they have the pool, the. The park. The big water park.
Brian Green
Like the, the. The belly of the U.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
The belly of the U. Yeah. Right. You. And then behind it, right here.
Brian Green
Yep.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Is this huge water park.
Brian Green
Okay.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's sitting under, you know, glass, essentially.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And then they have a little. They have some outdoor stuff that goes on there too. But it was cold when we went, so there was no outdoor stuff, just the indoor stuff. But you can look in. We were at the. We were in the U. I thought
Brian Green
there was an outdoor thing to that story. There was like a convention of kids or somebody.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, there were kids out there that were. What were they doing, mini golf or something? And it was like minus 7 degrees out there and it was like a splash pool. And like the kids had their feet in it. And I was like, what the fuck is going on out there? Literally frozen water on the ground. And these kids were out there splashing in the splash pool. Good for you. And that's when. When we went, it was so cold. Outside that, you know, they heat the water, but the water was still cold. It was so cold outside that I think they were having a hard time keeping it at a certain temperature because the heaters just weren't able to keep up with how cold it was outside. So it was a little bit uncomfortable even when you were inside, because the air, the. The big glass dome they have over this is, you know, 50, 60ft in the air. It is so ambient, like it's glass.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So the. The outside air is making the inside air cold. Right. And so it was a little chilly on the inside. And then you got in the water and it wasn't so hot. Wasn't the most pleasant experience. But it's like 10 o', clock, 11 o' clock at night. I am on the top floor, I am looking down. The pool closes at 10. So it's maybe it's 11 o' clock at night. I looked down and I expected to see an army of people in there just like, scrubbing away.
Brian Green
Yeah, cleaning.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Scrubbing away. I see one lady with like, a garden hose, like, going like this on the floor. And I was like, maybe it's just a little bit too early for them to be. Maybe they do it like, dead at night. Right. So I made it a point when I got up to go to the bathroom at 2 in the morning and my prostate was yelling at me. I opened the curtains a little bit and I look in. Same lady, different section of the floor, just. And I'm like, wait, you don't, like, fully scrubbed down this whole thing? You got to understand, if you've been to a Great Wolf Lodge, there are multiple pools and areas where you can go. There's a huge bar in the middle where some irresponsible adults are not paying their attention to their children getting drunk.
Brian Green
That's where I would be.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's where most people would be. Let's be real. And by the way, packed. The bar was packed. Yeah, everybody was trying to get at that bar. No one wanted to be there. Yeah, I think a drink is right. You know, they got the whole. The big, you know, yard drinks, you know, okay, so there's yard drinks. There's chicken fingers and pizza. There's, you know, there's all these big, you know, area where you can buy food and concessions, and it's all mixing with the pool areas. There's not like a really distinct. Here you sit and eat here. You go to the pool area.
Brian Green
So you could take food to the pool.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You could take food wherever you wanted to. Basically, I Mean, I think they highly discourage you from taking food into the pool. It doesn't mean that kids don't do it. My own kids were doing it.
Brian Green
Eating pizza. Duncan. Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There was like a little wave, like, you know, they had the. The infinity pools, like the beach pools. Right. So it's a slow slope that just goes down into the. Into the water. So we went over. You can't find a fucking seat because everybody gets there at 8 in the morning. There's a line at 8 in the morning to run in and get your seat. The pretend ocean. God forbid you have to sit one chair back from the pretend ocean in 30 degree weather, 20 degree water. So we're sitting by the kids area. There's a pool on this side. And you go to the kids area, you know, where the kids can go. And little slides and water guns and stuff like that. And we found two chairs together. I told you about all this. Like, some lady moved our stuff. You know, it's a big whole fucking to do. And you don't want to get into a fight at the Great Wolf Lodge
Brian Green
because likely not a good look.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, you're gonna lose. These people have nothing. They have nothing to lose. Some of them, they don't care. They ready. They came here to fight. You know what I'm saying? They practice, like, all right, someone takes our chair. I'm gonna go for the left, you go for the right. Get their food. Make sure you get their food.
Brian Green
They are ready.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. Meanwhile, these people probably have more credit available on their credit card than I do, but. Was it that Mr. Beast? I saw him do an interview a couple months ago, and the guy said, you're a billionaire now. And he said, I'm a billionaire on paper, but I probably have way more credit card debt than you do. He's like, I don't have any cash in my account.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I said, I feel you, Mr. Beast. I feel you. I'd still rather be you than me, but hey, okay. All right, so we're in this little area and then we. We go to get some food because it's. Everyone's hungry and, you know, you gotta. And there's no tables to sit.
Brian Green
Yeah. You worked up an appetite.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
We did. So we get the kids cheeseburgers and chicken fingers and all this other stuff. And there's sauces, drinks and French fries and greasy little fingers and, you know, the. We're. We didn't get a chair. Most people in this area wanted the chairs that were dry because if you sit close to where the chairs are, like A little bit in the water. It's a little bit uncomfortable. And then all the kids have squirt guns, like these machine squirt guns, you know, stuck on a pole where they could go like this. So the entire time I'm eating, those little shits are just, like, spraying my food with water. Like, fuck you. Where are your parents?
Brian Green
At the bar.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
At the bar, they're getting a yarden. Yeah, they're getting a yard. And in the beer garden, just watch some of these people walking around with a yard. Yarding.
Brian Green
That's hilarious. They have those things that reminds me of, like, I don't know, New Orleans, Cancun, spring break, something.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Exactly. They're selling hand grenades, the Great Wolf Lodge and, you know, milkshakes, and everyone's eating their pizza. It's like a bad movie sometimes for me in my head because, you know, I start getting, like, a little anxious about, like, everybody being dirty, weird, and, you know, it's just the way that I am. And. And so I, you know, I see somebody doing something in my mind, like, zones in on it, it's not coming out of their nose, and I'm like, ah, I gotta get out of here. Yeah, get me into the tub of chlorine. That's where I want to be.
Brian Green
Can I go underneath?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, that's. That feels safer to me than this. And then even, you know, when you get up in the room, you open the curtains and there they are just eating all their. You. That's the same place where I had to wait an hour and 80 minutes for a pizza.
Brian Green
Pizza, Yeah, I remember that.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It wasn't even good. I paid 200 for something. Yeah. And I was watching it. Some lady was telling her kid just to stuff free drinks into a bag. And me and this other guy were like. I don't think we say anything in this situation.
Brian Green
Like, no, like you said, they're there to fight.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. I think she just got out of prison. The way that she's hoarding food, I don't think we should say anything. I really don't. It was a weird crowd. It was a weird crowd because you. You go and you drive. Because even though Great Wolf Lodge is extraordinarily expensive and read any review about it and you will know that it's extraordinarily expensive. It is not cheap. It is just as expensive as going to Disney World. It really is. I mean, we were there for one night. I think we spent twelve hundred dollars. It was crazy how much money we spent. Four hundred for the room. You know, a Hundred dollars per ticket when you add on all the bullshits and, you know, then you get lunch and then you get dinner and it's just really pricey stuff off. But I think because it's the Great Wolf Lodge and it's here and it's a novelty and, you know, I think people either save up to go do it or it feels affordable until you actually count up how much you spend afterwards. Exactly right. And so you drive into the parking lot, which was. I mean, it was hard to get. They just. The parking lot was hard to get into. Everyone was waiting in line. You see, there's an array of cars. There's Range Rovers to, you know, Honda Accords from 2006 with no light bulb. Right. I mean, it's like there is a range of cars. You can tell it's a good mix, a good slice of the demographic. And then you get in there and you can clearly see it's a good slice of the demographic. It's everybody, you know, all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds, whatever. And, you know, I just cannot believe how much money you really have to spend to get in there. You like? There's been this argument that's been going on online for a long time about Disney World, Disney, the company, and how they keep rising prices year after year. Things get more expensive year after year. You get less and less year after year. And just like Las Vegas and its stated goal by some of these hedge funds that now own these big corporations out in Vegas, we don't need more gamblers, we need the right gamblers. Right, that makes sense. They are angling to have less people in their operations, but those people are be spending more money. They want the whales, the sharks, the people who can afford to be there. And Disney, without saying it outright, has certainly taken the same road generally. And they're saying our parks are packed with people. It's making the experience less interesting. So we need a way for the. The sharks, the whales to come in and spend the money. The people are going to come here twice a year, once a year, you know, five times in 10 years and spend a dick load of cash to stay at our nicest rooms, our most expensive stuff. Go all out VIPs. Yes. Go all out. Go to the nice restaurants, spend $300 every day on fucking, do the tea parties.
Brian Green
All of things, all the experiences.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And maybe that means we have to price out the people who would come here once in a lifetime or once a decade or whatever, but we're willing to make that trade because we got to find a Way to soften the crowds and get more money out of each person who walks in the door. You can argue with Disney all you want, but it's really just a business strategy and one that. That you might follow, one that Chanel follows, Cartier follow. I mean, a lot of these companies follow the same thing. They have scarcity and they raise their prices high, and they make the. The experience pleasurable for everybody who can afford to do it. So great Wolf Lodge seems like, at least on the surface, one of these places where everybody is welcome, welcome. The Six Flags of indoor water park operation. But it's really not. It's really expensive is really what it is. They just get you in with the idea that it's going to be cheap. And then once you get there, you can't go anywhere. You're stuck. You're locked in this building with 6,000 other people, and you can't go anywhere. So you got to spend $80 on a pizza that takes you three hours to get. And that's life, kids. That's life in a nutshell.
Brian Green
Is white water still around?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
Brian Green
Okay, where is it?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
In Cobb county, off of Cobb Parkway.
Brian Green
I mean, I remember going as a kid, but I've never really seen it again since then by some people, because I just haven't driven by it by
Kristen Joy Hoadley
some people's standards, at least at one time. One of the biggest and best water parks in the country.
Brian Green
It was a big deal when I was a kid, but so are they. I mean, obviously you can't. That's outdoors.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's all outdoors.
Brian Green
Great. Wolf has the indoor as indoors.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So it's 365.
Brian Green
Yeah. If it's raining, if it's any of it too hot, too cold, you just go.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Ye. That's it. You can just go at any time. And I would imagine that the winter time is probably more crowded, but I would also imagine that people go all times of the year because it's temperature controlled. So they have it. Whitewater's different. Whitewater's open from, like, Memorial Day to Labor Day, and that's it. And, you know, Whitewater, Six Flags. I'm sorry, but the experience is just a little miserable. And it's not a place I like to go anymore. I will go because I have children and I want them to ride the roller coasters, and I like to ride the roller coasters. The rolly coasters, as I would say.
Brian Green
I love them.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I do. But it's not a pleasurable experience because in general, the parks are shitty. They're just shitty. They're dirty, they're not well maintained, and it doesn't feel great. Like there's nothing special about going to a Six Flags. It's. You go to ride the roller. You go for the one minute of enjoyment on each roller coaster once an hour. Right. You stand in line for an hour. You take a minute to go on a roller coaster and then you get off and the food is shitty and it smells weird and it's dirty and there's garbage everywhere and people running amok and you know, I think there were like four shootings there last year. I mean, they had to hire a bunch. Well, now at the Six Flags here in Georgia, you cannot be under the age of 16 years old and go by yourself. You cannot, period, end of sentence. You have to be with an adult. That adult has to be 21 or older. If it's not, if you're not their parent, you have to have like signed paperwork. And one 21 year old adult can only be responsible for three underage people at a time. That is it. So it's like, you know, they got pretty strict on it. They also hired a bunch of more like Cobb county police officers to roam the park because last year they had some real fucking problems. These teenagers go there and they fucking wild out. And they wild out and some numb nuts brings a gun. Yeah. And starts shooting everybody or shooting in the air or whatever he was doing. And people get hurt. I don't want to bring my kids to that. No way.
Brian Green
No, they needed to clean it up.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
They needed to clean it. That's right. Needed to clean it up. And there was a company who bought Six Flags recently. The whole operation. I can't remember the name of it. Is it. It's not Hershey's? What's that park up in King's Dominion? No, there's a company, like another amusement company bought Six Flags.
Brian Green
Oh, really?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Six Flags was, was hurting. And they promised to make additional investments and additional security and make it better. And I hope they do, because when I was a kid, Six Flags was something fucking special. I like to go there.
Brian Green
I loved it.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It wasn't Disney World, but it didn't need to be Disney World. They had bigger, better roller coasters. And you went for a different reason, but you still had a good time. And every once in a while you saw Daffy Duck and that was it. You know what I'm saying? You saw Daffy Duck and you could take some pictures and you could have a good time and everyone was excited.
Brian Green
Yeah, they'd take your pictures as you were going on the roller coaster. Remember that? Yeah, everybody. Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. You had that whole make out boat. The little, you know, everyone made out on the makeout boat. Famous. Now they have cameras in there. I'm sure there's pervs in there, but that wasn't the point. The point was you could go there as a teenager, as a little teen, like, you know, 12, 13 years old, your parents could drop you off and you come pick you up at the end of the day. And everyone is having a good time. Not anymore. Because fucking some shithead brings a gun to Six Flags and then other shitheads at the front of Six Flags don't check for guns, I guess. I don't know. And everyone's having a miserable time.
Listener Sam
Time.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And then can they clean up the garbage? Can you clean up the garbage just like once an hour? Just stop by a trash can and pick up some fucking trash. Honestly, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.
Brian Green
Wow.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Wow. I sound six feet right now.
Brian Green
Yeah, we've really gone down.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I'd like to take a moment to thank our newest sponsor, Six Flags Over Georgia. I heard one of their commercials in our show a couple weeks ago and it got me thinking, should I write into them? Hey, you run ads on my show? Could you clean up the park a little bit? All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.
Rachel
Let me do something Brian has never done.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Be brief.
Rachel
Follow us on Instagram hecommercial break, text or call us 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com the commercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now was it? You're welcome.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available, and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.
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Brian Green
Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Did you have to fight a dragon?
Rachel
Nope.
Brian Green
She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Was it scary?
Brian Green
Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Did the car have a sunroof?
Brian Green
It did actually. Okay, good story. Car buying you'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.
Listener Sam
Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. A co host of she's pretty dark. People like the show. Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck I talking about? I should have a suit of stats. TCB is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth. This podcast is kinda sad. Is this what we think is funny? Now how do I turn it off? My ears are saying ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? least I didn't pay. I am deaf. In my defense, PCB is terrible. That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind. What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Brian is a ha. These two are unfunny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made so many episodes, none of which are great. TB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Go girls. Worst to you. Scared of girls. All right, thanks for lifting us up on a platform today, girls. So, you know, on a totally different subject, I see that we've now won the war in Iran and everything seems to be so much better. We're now only have to pay Iran a million dollars to send our ships through. What a fucking nightmare. I mean, honestly.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Love him or hate him, I mean we just gotta like put him in a senior citizen home where he belongs. He needs to go down to the villages. He likes that Florida, doesn't he?
Brian Green
He does.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Send him down to the villages. I mean, finally, even some Republicans are talking straight sense and they're like, well, the 25th Amendment is there just in case. Maybe we should talk about it because what a fucking nightmare. We listen, I don't argue. I don't argue with one thing. I think I'm gonna shoot you straight. Straight. I am not a Trump fan, in case you didn't know.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
However. However, I do agree that past presidents, for many, many years, 47 by my count, have ignored the fact that there is a theocracy in Iran that has become increasingly dangerous and working toward becoming a nuclear powered or a nuclear capable regime. And that is just not sufferable because that puts everybody in the region, everybody in. In so much danger. They just don't think straight. This theocracy doesn't think straight. And they have killed their own citizens in mass when they try and say anything about it. And they treat women less than, as less than humans. I mean, it's just terrible, terrible, terrible. It's a terrible regime. Just like the Maduro regime was terrible in Venezuela. But if right before we decided to bomb them back to the Stone Age. His words, not mine. There was a deal on the table where we could have gotten rid of all that nuclear fissile material and put it somewhere safe and kept an eye on them in return for the agreement that we would not bomb them back to the Stone Age.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Then why did we then decide to bomb them back to the Stone Age? It doesn't make much sense because now we are so much worse off than we were in the first place. Now the Strait of Hormuz, which carries 80% of the world's oil, not our oil, but 80% of the world's oil,
Brian Green
which affects our prices too.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Correct. Because it's a There's a petrodollar in the world. That means that if the demand is high and the supply is low somewhere, the demand is high and the supply is low everywhere. That's the way it works, the petrodollar. And it's been that way for years and years and years. As long as I've been alive and I've been alive for 120 years. So now it used to be just a short three weeks ago that those ships could go anywhere they wanted in the Strait of Hormuz. And Iran for the most part left them alone. With the, with the exception of the Houthis, which sometimes would throw some drone like attacks at people. But they were being taken care of. We were bombing them already in. The Houthis are an Iranian arm. They're being funded by Iran. But okay, that's neither here. Let's just talk about the Iranian regime. For the most part, the Strait of Hormuz was unaffected, unmolested by anything that was going on. And the oil was being carried left and right, back and forth all the time. Hundred ships by some count a day would go by. Now there are hundreds of ships on each side of the Strait of Hormuz that have been sitting there for three weeks or longer because. Because the Iranians were attacking them. If they were going through, saying, it is closed, kids, it's closed for business. As long as we're taking bombs straight up the ass, we're not going to do it. We're not going to let your ships go through. Now apparently Donald Trump has just announced a joint venture with Iran for the Straits of Harmouth. Who? Harmuz, where Iran will get paid $1 million per ship that passes through those shipping lanes. And that is a joint venture where the joint part is not quite clear. Yeah, because we're not getting paid anything. We've bombed the holy hell out of Tehran and now we've agreed that we're going to pay to reconstruct it. We have pissed off an entire nation of people because we have been killing innocent civilians all along the way and we have, have irreparably damaged our friends and allies in the Middle east, some of whom I have a hard time calling friend or ally. But you get the point, right? Places like Dubai and UAE and Kuwait, now they have suffered damages also, which I'm sure that we're going to have to pay for too, because they didn't choose to get into the war. And they also, places like UAE and Dubai was a panacea for technology and people in expats to go move. It's basically 80% Americans that lived in Dubai, but by some estimates 20% of those people have already left and they may not come back because they're afraid it's going to happen again. Right. And still we're no closer to really figuring out what happened with the nuclear fissile material because Iran says in their statement that we agreed to continue to let them enrich uranium and we said in our statement, or Trump said in his statement that they agreed to allow us to have the material and they would never enrich again. So it doesn't even sound like there's an agreement really on the table. This is insanity.
Brian Green
It really is.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
This is not how diplomacy works. And there's a reason why it's worked the same way for hundreds of years. You want to know why? Because it fucking works. Everyone shuts their mouth, they close the doors and they figure out what the real issues are and they try and come to an agreement. Does it work perfectly every time? No, of course it doesn't. Do you need to act tough sometimes? Of course you do. That's negotiation in general. But do you send out truth socials every five seconds and hope that literally the world is going to capitulate to your every wish and demand, which changes every. Every 30 fucking seconds because you have dementia and you can't get your thoughts straight. I don't blame you, dude, you're old. It's just what happens to old people. But I don't think you should be running the most powerful nation or military in the world right now. Really don't. I think that those people, even the Republicans who are talking about the 25th Amendment, have an argument to be made now. At first I was like, this is why people hate the fucking Democrats and the Republicans. Because anytime something bad happens, you know the, that you know, ah, we're going to, you know, take him out of office and the most extreme case use case comes about. But now I'm like, you might have a point. You might have a point here. Yeah, it is insane.
Brian Green
Like you said yesterday, when Alex Jones of all people is calling for it.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Megyn Kelly, Tucker Carlson, people I do not ideologically line up with in any certain circumstance, really, quite frankly, people that I detest at some point, at some level, they are saying things that are starting to make sense. Marjorie Taylor Greene sounds like the biggest adult in the room because she is speaking clearly. I am not a fan of hers, but I am saying ever since she left office, ever since she just said that she was going to leave Office. This whole Epstein thing came about. She has been saying some really common sense things. And one of the things she's saying is he's having trouble. He's not mentally well and even less so than he was four years ago or two years ago or three weeks ago ago. He's losing it. And he's sundowning and when every time he suns down, he starts tweeting out these same things.
Brian Green
All the things.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes. And he's going to get us all in big fucking trouble. We're in a situation that's really tenuous right now with Iran and the whole world, but it could be much worse. It could be worse. And before it gets there, I don't know. I really hope that Congress, on a bipartisan way comes together and they decide to put a cap on this. Like, you cannot launch military strikes unless we are proof. That's it. Period. In the sentence. Sorry, Charlie, you've lost, you know, you. It's like you've lost your privileges. You've lost your military privileges.
Brian Green
Yes.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I don't know how they do that, but it just feels very scary to me. I don't want to have to sit down with my children one of these days and watch us blowing up the rest of the world and the world trying to blow us up and say, hey, kids, it was good while it lasted. Unfortunately, you won't be part of it. Like, that doesn't sound great to me. Right. But things are scary. As 8 o' clock was approaching last night, I was getting nervous. I was getting nervous. I was getting nervous that I would. That we were going to turn on the TV and see something really bad and what. And. But I also. 50% of me knew that Trump almost never follows through on what he says he's going to do. So it was kind of like, yeah, there's still a good chance he backs out. And he did.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
With absolutely no agreement in place. I just point that out to you. There's no agreement in place. There's two different sides telling. Telling two different stories, and Israel doesn't even agree to any of this. And it's like, holy shit, this is gonna all start up again in two weeks and. And we're gonna be in the same place we were before. Pray for the world and pray for this country, because we are in some big shits right now. Meanwhile, there's kids who don't get lunch anymore for free because, you know, we took that away from them. And I can't believe lots of people without healthcare and there's no Department of Education. And you know, I read that RFK Jr. You know, one of my favorite kooks in the. In the administration took away the CDCs, monkeypox and rabies division. He closed it down. The Monkeypox and rabies division. So you know why all those monkeys that are breeding down in Florida and jumping all over people's boats. Have you seen this?
Brian Green
No.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You haven't seen this?
Brian Green
No.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
There's a. Crystal Springs, Florida, I think is what it's called. There's a certain part of the Florida that you can go to. I bet Sean knows about the South Georgia. Shawn knows. Yeah. About this. There's lots of videos out there you can watch too, online. Maybe I'll show you when we get done here. You can. You go down these crystal spring rivers and then at some point there are literally hundreds of monkeys, wild monkeys that jump out of the trees into the water trying to get. Trying to scare you to get away from their territory. Yes. Some people think it's cute. They take videos of it. I would be scared. I'm not. I'm not hanging around on a. Wild monkeys jump on top of me.
Brian Green
No.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, those things will rip your face off. They don't care. And they're the kind of big teeth too, like, you know, and they're down there breeding wild.
Brian Green
Okay.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And so you know, monkeypox right around the corner and we don't have anybody or anything to protect us from that.
Brian Green
Now what was his reasoning for taking those away?
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I guess monkeypox doesn't exist. Or maybe you need to get monkeypox so you can be immune to monkey pox. It's always his reasoning. You know, the body will heal itself, you know, Right. Drink colloidal silver.
Brian Green
Yeah, like that ate a ton of red meat.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Speaking of monkey pox, did you see in Atlanta they found a wild anaconda on the.
Brian Green
On the belt line.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
The belt line. A Burmese python that was like 15ft long.
Brian Green
Yes, that's. I saw a video of that too and it was right near where I used to live.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Wow. Yeah, I saw that. I saw it right there.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's quite amazing actually. I didn't know that we had snakes that big.
Brian Green
I know. Well, somebody thought that it was. Well, they were saying they thought it was escaped from somebody's. Be it a path pet.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
But who keeps a 15 foot Burmese python as a pet?
Brian Green
Yeah, people do keep weird stuff.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I know, but you know, I lived with a Burmese python once. He wasn't my roommate. There was a. I actually had a roommate and he had the Burmese python, but we kept them small just by feeding him, essentially once a month. Right. And you just keep them small. You feed them and they grow. You don't feed them, they stay small.
Brian Green
I guess maybe he might have escaped it. Might have escaped. I'm not sure if it was a girl or a boy, but escaped and then maybe lived in the wild and ate a lot.
Listener Sam
Lot.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Wow. Crazy. Yeah. I mean, I know we have some big snakes around here. I've seen one. I've got one living under my deck. I'm sure of it. Positive. I hear it sometimes. I'm like, I just don't tell my family. I mean, I just told them, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wake up. Wake up one day and find a snake on the side of your. On the side of your head.
Brian Green
The skin.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, because I don't go under there, but my dog does. And I'm just praying.
Brian Green
Laughs
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I'm just praying that snake is hungry one day. No, but I did see some. I Actually, that's not true. One day I did see skin under the pool house, but it didn't look like the, like, skin that I think from the same snake because it was small skin. And I think we got. I think we got a big one. I think we got a big one living under the porch. Yeah. But I think it's a king snake, and so I'm not too worried about it because it's taking care of the
Brian Green
rats and the mice and whatever. Okay.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Saw a cat the other day in the backyard, but black cat, white tail in the backyard chasing the chipmunks around. So I had to go out there and shoo it off. And then two days later, he came back, and I was like, get out of here. I got so many chipmunks living in my backyard that it's like, I don't want that cat out there killing those chipmunks. Let them be. They're all over the place. The chipmunks are under the pool. I know. I watch them. Like I have, you know, cement patio. Cement. There's the little, you know, the breaks in the cement. Right. And I. I watch every morning as one chipmunk stands out there watching guards. And then occasionally just go under the pool. And then it comes back up, and then it watches guard and it just goes back under the pool. And I'm like, what's going on? One of these days I'm gonna wake up, that pool's gonna have no water in it, and there's gonna be, like, a chipmunk house. I know. There's Gonna be a hundred chipmunks in my pool. Splish splashing in the remaining water. They're trying to get at it, I'm sure of it. It's fun. We have a good time.
Brian Green
Good times.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
We have a good time here.
Brian Green
Good times.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's what it is.
Brian Green
It did all circle back to the pool.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It always does. I try and always bring it back around, kids. That's how I do it. We went from my pool to indoor swimming to my hotel proclivities.
Brian Green
Great Wolf Lodge.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Great Wolf Lodge.
Brian Green
Six Flags Water White water.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
White water, Straight support Moose. It's a water themed show. It is just a. This is a water themed show. That's what it is. All right. Chrissy and I will be back here tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel. Please join us. And then. And it looks like we'll be back Monday. Yeah, that's what we'll be back Monday of next week as I get ready to do some traveling. So the schedule will adjust from here to there. But you'll figure it out. We'll all figure it out together. We'll keep you posted. So, yeah. So join us. And we love you. And if you're, if you're writing in, if you're like chatting in the chat room, I'm sorry, we can't respond to you right now. Something happened with our in studio visuals here and we're not really sure what that is.
Brian Green
Technical things are our strong suit.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
No, but I'll figure it out and hopefully tomorrow we'll be able to chat back at you. But that's just the way it is. Yeah. So, yeah. Oh, so do us a favor. Go to our Instagram at the commercial break. You can also follow Chrissy and I personally tcb Chrissy Brian W. Green. And then you can go to our website, tcb podcast.com for more information about the show. All the audio, all the visual right there. You can also get your free stuff sticker by hitting the contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send you 1. Takes two to three weeks to get there, so don't be impatient, please. And when I say takes two to three weeks, I mean that's about on average how much I check the email
Brian Green
every two to three weeks.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Every two to three weeks. YouTube.com they commercial break. You can find us live there. You can also catch us streaming on Twitch and Restream IO oh, tomorrow, remind me to talk to you about Zoltan. Zoltan's coming to Atlanta. Good old Zoltan.
Brian Green
Okay.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.
Brian Green
I think so.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Tell you that I love you.
Brian Green
I love you.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Say best to you.
Brian Green
Best to you.
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye. Remember to clean your pool kids.
Brian Green
Goodbye.
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Brian Green
Debt?
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Listener Sam
Sam.
Episode Date: April 9, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy (Kristen Joy) Hoadley
Theme: Water Woes, Pool Culture, and the Absurdities of Communal Spaces
This episode dives deep—sometimes literally—into Bryan and Krissy’s pool struggles, the chaotic reality of communal showers, and the questionable hygiene at water parks and amusement parks. True to their improv-comedy roots, they weave from personal anecdotes about home pool disasters and gym showers to broader social commentary on the messy, expensive world of water-themed recreation. They go on to riff about the "charm" of Great Wolf Lodge, sketchy amusement park experiences, and even touch on the current state of global politics, America’s diplomatic blunders, and bizarre wildlife stories. In typical TCB style, it’s a weird, wet, winding ride.
Algae is Winning!
Bryan vents about the never-ending struggle to keep his home pool swimmable and algae-free.
Mysteries of Pool Guy Knowledge
The duo jokes about the mysterious apprenticeship of pool maintenance workers and the lack of formal education for the job.
Online Resources & Crowd Wisdom
ChatGPT gets a mention as Bryan considers seeking AI advice on pool chemical science.
Showering Faux Pas at Swim Classes
Bryan relays his irritation with a dad giving his kids a "full shower"—soap, shampoo, conditioner, and toothbrush—in a communal rinse-off area.
“That’s not the intended use of the shower.” (18:56)
Memorable Quote:
"Why you got to use up all our shower time, you know, with your whole show. Toothbrush. Really? A toothbrush?" — Krissy (20:18)
General Public Shower Discomfort
Inside the Great Wolf Lodge
The Smells & Sights of Shared Water
The Bar is the Only Clean Place
Everyone Gets Wet, Everyone Gets Weird
Financial Realities
Six Flags and White Water: Decline and Decay
Contrast With Disney: Pricing Out the People
Hot Take on Iran, Diplomacy, and Current Events
Wild News: Monkeys & Snakes in the South
Chipmunks, Cats, and Pool Wildlife
On pool struggles and futility:
“You’d think after 10 years of owning this pool, I would have figured it the fuck out, but I have not at all figured out how to keep those chemicals in balance.” — Bryan (03:37)
On gym shower etiquette:
“You want shower boots? You want, like, rain boots, right?" — Krissy (21:06)
On Great Wolf Lodge-level mass chlorination:
“I thought my pool was complicated. This is really complicated.” — Bryan (30:44)
On overpriced family entertainment:
“It is just as expensive as going to Disney World.” — Bryan (40:02)
On amusement park nostalgia lost:
“When I was a kid, Six Flags was something fucking special. I like to go there. It wasn’t Disney World, but it didn’t need to be.” — Krissy (46:50)
On confusing diplomacy:
“This is insanity. This is not how diplomacy works.” — Bryan (58:37)
On monkeys in Florida:
“Hundreds of monkeys that jump out of the trees into the water trying to scare you away from their territory...I would be scared!” — Krissy (63:12)
True to its “Cheesecake Factory” ethos, this episode is a buffet of pool rants, family chaos, communal bath gripes, and absurdist comedy, all delivered in Bryan and Krissy’s endearing, chaotic style. It’s a waterworld episode that manages to tie suburban dad struggles, nostalgia for cleaner amusement parks, and a dash of world politics into one big, chlorinated mess.
Remember: “Clean your pool, kids.” (68:57)
If you like unscripted riffing, inside jokes, and a Seinfeld-in-a-swimsuit view of life, this episode is a perfect example of TCB’s rambling, irreverent humor and social commentary.
[End of Summary]