Whip It This Thanksgiving!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "Whip It This Thanksgiving!"

Release Date: November 27, 2024

Hosts: Bryan Green & Kristen Joy Hoadley
Title: Whip It This Thanksgiving!
Description: In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, Bryan and Kristen delve into their personal holiday experiences, societal issues surrounding food and obesity, the impact of media portrayals of extreme obesity, festive traditions, and current events related to media personalities and social platforms. True to their improv-comedy and candid style, the hosts blend humor with critical insights, making for an engaging and thought-provoking listen.

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1. Commitment to Holiday Episodes

The episode kicks off with Bryan announcing their decision to continue producing new episodes throughout the holiday season, emphasizing their dedication despite the busy time.

Bryan Green [02:33]: "We are going to be producing brand new episodes of The Commercial Break this entire holiday season."

2. Thanksgiving Meal Disasters and Turkey Troubles

Bryan and Kristen share their mutual dislike for turkey, recounting past Thanksgiving mishaps, including food poisoning experiences. Bryan humorously laments his failed attempts at cooking turkey, highlighting the shift from traditional to alternative holiday meals.

Bryan Green [13:13]: "This year we are braving the wilds yet again. We are going back to the traditional Thanksgiving meal and we will see how it all works out."

3. Reflections on "My 600 Pound Life" and Obesity in America

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the reality show "My 600 Pound Life." Bryan critically analyzes the portrayal of obesity, attributing it to factors like the accessibility of cheap, high-calorie foods and societal issues. He underscores the complexities behind extreme obesity, moving beyond mere body shaming to address deeper psychological and economic factors.

Bryan Green [07:34]: "Here's the shame on us as a society is that we have allowed the big industrial food complex here in America to get us to a point where you don't have to have a lot of money to fill your belly with thousands and thousands of empty calories a day."

4. Thanksgiving Festivities: Parades and "Best in Show"

The hosts discuss traditional Thanksgiving events such as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and the AKC Kennel Club's "Best in Show." Bryan humorously connects these festivities to the iconic mockumentary film "Best in Show," appreciating its comedic take on dog competitions.

Kristen Joy Hoadley [17:31]: "It is very festive."

Bryan Green [19:53]: "It's just really funny to me. Oh, that movie comedy."

5. Conspiracy Theories and Media Critique: Alex Jones and The Onion

Bryan delves into the recent acquisition of Infowars by The Onion following Alex Jones's extensive legal troubles. He critiques Alex Jones's reputation as a conspiracy theorist and discusses the broader implications of misinformation.

Bryan Green [27:00]: "Alex Jones is a noted conspiracy theorist... He has Infowars. He is this guy who claimed that some of these school shootings were simply black flag attacks."

Kristen Joy Hoadley [30:42]: "I can't wait."

6. Social Media and Platform Decisions

The conversation shifts to the deplatforming of The Commercial Break from Facebook. Bryan expresses frustration with the platform, labeling it as ineffective and cluttered with bots and irrelevant content, thereby explaining their decision to focus their energies elsewhere.

Kristen Joy Hoadley [32:43]: "Like we've been posting there anyway."

Bryan Green [32:50]: "We are no longer on Facebook."

7. Personal Anecdotes on Nitrous Oxide and Whippets

Bryan shares personal stories from his past involving the misuse of nitrous oxide (whippets) obtained from whipped cream cans. He reflects on the dangers and regrets associated with this behavior, highlighting a moment of self-pride in overcoming the habit.

Bryan Green [34:19]: "I was so proud of myself because I was like, nah, you're too old for that, Brian. You got kids now. You don't need to do that."

8. A Civic Presentation Gone Awry

A standout segment features Bryan recounting his experience attending a school civic presentation where the mayor delivered a highly partisan and inappropriate speech. The mayor's rant about the influence of technology and the assertion of religious values in a non-parochial school setting left Bryan and attendees uncomfortable.

Bryan Green [46:33]: "I felt that it was completely inappropriate... It drove me up a wall."

Kristen Joy Hoadley [55:42]: "Jeez."

9. Closing Thoughts and Final Insights

As the episode winds down, Bryan and Kristen wrap up their discussions with reflections on the ongoing holiday season, blending humor with their characteristic candidness. They encourage listeners to engage with their content across various platforms and hint at upcoming episodes continuing through the holidays.

Kristen Joy Hoadley [61:40]: "Best to you."

Bryan Green [61:42]: "Best to you out there in the podcast universe."

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Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [07:34]: "Here's the shame on us as a society is that we have allowed the big industrial food complex here in America to get us to a point where you don't have to have a lot of money to fill your belly with thousands and thousands of empty calories a day."

• Bryan Green [27:00]: "Alex Jones is a noted conspiracy theorist... He has Infowars. He is this guy who claimed that some of these school shootings were simply black flag attacks."

• Bryan Green [34:19]: "I was so proud of myself because I was like, nah, you're too old for that, Brian. You got kids now. You don't need to do that."

• Bryan Green [46:33]: "I felt that it was completely inappropriate... It drove me up a wall."

Conclusion:

"Whip It This Thanksgiving!" offers a blend of personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and humorous takes on holiday traditions. Bryan and Kristen navigate through heavy topics like obesity and misinformation while maintaining their signature comedic flair, providing listeners with both entertainment and insightful commentary.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. Then good news for you. Some of the best comedians in the world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room, it's the infectious laughter, it's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show regretting the $300 we're about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doomscroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Reegan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka, and literal man of the hour Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues, and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show. Commercial break this episode is sponsored in part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care about or yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little bit more attention this time of year. Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday smarter spending partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about our shopping for the holiday seasons. So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your smarter spending partner for the holiday season. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balancing account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions do apply. Hey, Chrissy, Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, it's the holiday season and a lot of times podcasts like ourselves will take off, but not us, Chrissy. We have bills to pay and miles to feed. So we are going to be producing brand new episodes of the commercial break this entire holiday season. And I thought it was important to let our audience know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jingle, jingle all the way Jingle jangle.

[Brian Green]

Your dingle dangles Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB. Our first ever 12 days of TCB.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

December 13th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes every day. Excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on on this episode of the commercial break. The other day I was at my dad's and I opened up the refrigerator door and they had been to Costco and they had bought a whole box of whipped cream in a can, like 20 bottles, right? And I looked at it and just for a second I was like, everybody's sleeping. No one will notice when the whipped cream is all watery when it comes out because Brian huffed all this stuff. No one will notice that I'm outside with my pants off howling at the moon. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the dear friend and co host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Chrissy and I currently depressing ourselves here in the studio watching My 600 Pound Life on TLC.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's really fast.

[Brian Green]

That show has been on forever and ever. I think I've been watching it forever and ever. It is sad. It's formulaic. It's sad. You want to scream at the television, how did you do this? And why can't you seem to see what's going on? And I don't want to fat shame. Here on the show as I've been accused of doing, sometimes I'm not. I hope I don't come across that way, but. But sometimes I might come across that way. But the reality is that on my 600 pound life, these people I'm explaining to Chrissy, so in case. Thank you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, because I don't really watch it.

[Brian Green]

People are usually over £600. There's few doctors in the country that will operate on someone this big because of all of the inherent dangers in operating on someone that's so unhealthy and got so many probably problems internally and externally, including skin problems, organ failure, you know, diabetes, high blood pressure, whatever it is they have going on. You can't be £600 and not have health problems. So they come in and he'll say, okay, I'm putting you on a program. It's the doctor now is out in program. You're going to go from probably consuming 15 to 20,000 calories a day to consuming 1200 calories a day eating high protein, low carbohydrates, or no carbohydrates. And then they. Because this is an issue in their head. It's an obsessive compulsive need to eat. It's some kind of disordered eating. And you didn't get this way because, you know, everything's sunny and bright in your head. You got this way because something's going on underneath all of this. And Dr. Nazard knows this. So then he tells them to go lose usually 50 or 60 pounds in a month or two, then come back and see me. And if you do that, then I will consider you for surgery. But that almost never happens the first go around. On a very rare occasion, it does. Somebody's really got themselves together, you know, they really have decided, this is it, I'm done. And they figure it out the first go. But usually it we're like two, three, four visits in, and Dr. Nile Zardin will tell them like it is point blank. He will always give them the speech, you are very fat. You're going to kill yourself. How does someone eat? Fine. Your neck. He always says this. They'll be like, well, I'm just starving and I just needed something to eat. And he'll be like, you could eat. You cannot eat for two years and not be starving. You know, he's like, yeah, it's true. You could eat for. You could not eat for years, and you probably would not starve to death. And. And then he will eventually usually do the surgery on someone, and then they have some chance of losing a greater deal of weight really quickly. He'll put them on a liquid diet for a couple of months after they have the surgery. Christy asks, how can you be on a liquid diet for a couple of months? Well, they have so much fat on their bodies. That's what your body eats in order to create energy to live, right? So you're not going to die when someone says you need, you can only go 30 days without food. That's assuming that you're a normal human being with a normal amount of fat on your body. And we all have a few extra pounds. But these people are really extraordinarily obese. I mean, look, you see, I don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Even know how you finance your food.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. And you know, a lot of these people don't have jobs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Green]

They're living in poverty.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

To eat that much, those many calories every single day, that just, wow, that's a lot of money.

[Brian Green]

Here's the shame on us as a society is that we have allowed the big industrial food complex here in America to get us to a point where you don't have to have a lot of money to fill your belly with thousands and thousands of empty calories a day. Because you could, you could use food stamps to go buy 10 boxes of Debbie snack cakes. And I don't mean to point out Debbie, but fuck that snack cake bullshit. And each one of those has 500 calories. And you could eat those till you're blue in the face and still have money left over for Cheetos and Doritos and ice cream and all this other shit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Cheap food.

[Brian Green]

It's cheap food. Cheap food tastes good because it's it, it is literally made, manufactured, manufactured to make your taste buds and your hormones to go crazy. Then they go crazy for it. That's why you can go to McDonald's. And I know this is a fucking fact, man. I have felt this before. You can go to a McDonald's or a burger King or what I name your favorite fast food place and you can go sit and eat a fucking meal. You know, Big Mac, large fry milkshake, Coca Cola. And two hours later, be hungry. You're hungry because your body's getting nothing. What it needs, it's just getting empty calories. That's right. So your body's still starving. So the what is amazing to me about this show after all of these years, my 600 pound life, after all these years of watching, is that there is no shortage of the next person to come on this show who is dealing with the exact same issue, who has gotten this large just eating on their own. And you should see the meals some of these people consume. It's unbelievable. There's one I'll never Forget it. The guy was, as soon as his mom left the house, he was ordering two or three large pizzas. And he would eat those two or three large pizzas before the morning was up. And then his mom would bring him lunch, which would be like four or five Big Macs and French fries. And then at night he would order more takeout food, you know, Chinese food, three or four dishes, and he would eat it all ever to the last rep. And he would say, I feel sick after every one of these meals. But it's the only thing that comforts me. Yeah, it's a. Yeah, it's obsessive. It's obsessive. Eating is essentially what it is. And the part that like gives me a little bit and I have sympathy for these people. Don't. Don't make it. I don't want to make it sound like I'm like these people. Like you throw the baby out with the bathwater. They're sick like anybody else who's sick. You got a problem you need addressing. You need professionals to help you come in. And we've all been there in some capacity, maybe not with eating, but what really makes me even a little bit more sympathy for these people is you have to fucking eat. When you are doing heroin, you don't need to have heroin three times a day. Like, you know, you're not going to go to the grocery store and pick up heroin three times a day so you can survive. But you need food to eat. So when you have disordered eating, it can really throw you for a loop because you must confront your demons multiple times a day. And that's got to be really, really difficult. So happy, happy Wednesday before Thanksgiving, everybody. Hope you have a great meal tomorrow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Speaking of the food additives, isn't that what Clark Griswold is? He's like a food.

[Brian Green]

He's a food additive business. Yes, he's in the food additive business. He's making that cereal a little bit more crunchy for a little bit longer. Yeah. So we can get.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

About time to watch that movie.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. Is it. I was going to talk to you about this before we got wrapped up in my 600 pound life. I. I just realized this is coming out Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I'm probably depressing everybody about the meal they're going to have tomorrow. Don't worry. One or two very large meals ain't gonna. Like I'm a dietitian. Don't worry, you won't get fat over one or two.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thanksgiving doesn't count.

[Brian Green]

No, Thanksgiving Never counts. Yeah, I'm on a diet right now too. And. And I gotta. I'm gonna have to confront Thanksgiving in the only way that I know how, and that's to have five cheat days in a row. You know, I fucking hate turkey, too. Like turkey, like the old. The tradition.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I hate turkey.

[Brian Green]

I do dislike turkey and I think it's because I've only had it cooked really well. No offense to anybody whose turkey I've eaten once or twice in my life. My dad used to. My mom used to cook a turkey and my dad would carve it up, they would team up to make it. And I do remember a few really good Thanksgivings when I was a child where I just love that fucking turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with yams, with fucking marshmallows and stove top stuffing is the only kind of stuffing you need. Stovetop stuffing and then, you know, green bean casserole rolls, fresh made rolls, pie, pumpkin pie. We used to have silk pie, French silk pie, which is just delicious. Fine with me. I do love a good apple pie with ice cream though. That ale mode, as they say. God damn, do I love that. But the recent experiences I've had with turkey are just not good. I mean, for God's sakes, I think I got salmonella one Thanksgiving that almost killed me. I don. Was from the turkey, though. I think it was from the pork. But. But if I had that turkey back from back when I was a kid, I think I would eat turkey every Thanksgiving. But usually the family has just decided that no one really cooks turkey well. So we're going to do something else. But this year. So for every year for like the last 10 years, it's not been turkey. It's been tacos or whatever, Lasagna, whatever it's been.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

This year we are braving the wilds yet again. We are going back to the traditional Thanksgiving meal and we will see how it all works out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

If you don't hear from me after Thanksgiving, then you know it didn't go well because every Thanksgiving I seem to get food poisoning. So let's see what happens this year.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But why don't you just order a really good turkey?

[Brian Green]

From where?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fox Brothers?

[Brian Green]

Well, we're not going to be near Fox Brothers, but I guess there's a places that we could order.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's tons of places that you could get like Thanksgiving meals from.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, I'm not talking about here. We're not going to be here in Atlanta, but yes, there probably are. I Think Publix does it too. I think Publix will cook your turkey for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the Whole Foods does it. That's true. And, man, what kind of gravy do you like?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm not a big gravy person.

[Brian Green]

I don't like pan gravy. I like that, you know, shitty, nasty in a jar that you warm up. They're like, you know, I don't like that. Yeah, that's for me. I'm all about that. Give me that. Give me that shitty, nasty, empty calorie gravy that we were talking about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Homemade gravy.

[Brian Green]

Pan gravy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But I'm just. I'm still, though, just not a gravy person.

[Brian Green]

That gravy. And then give me some mashed potatoes. They don't need to be anything fancy. I just want.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm not a big sauce or gravy person. I like the actual thing itself.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I am the exact opposite. I like to cover my food in sauces. Anything sauce. Hot sauce, steak sauce, gravies. I don't know. There's something about, like a dip. Yeah, well, you know. Well, no, dip in a sauce are two different things, but I. They're kind of in the same family, I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like to dip into a sauce.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you like to dip into a sauce. Oh, you don't want to pour it on something? Oh, no, pour it on. As far as I'm ladle it on, I. If I. If I can not taste the thing I'm really tasting, I would really appreciate it. My wife is always making fun of me because there's always some hot sauce on the table, and I just smother my food in it or barbecue sauce or gravy or whatever. I don't know. It's just me. I just like it like that. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was my mom's cooking that turned me off. All the hot sauces and gravy. Well, my mom was smart enough to smother her foods and gravies and sauces. Maybe because, you know, hey, listen, my mom was good for a lot of things, right? A lot of things.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody's not a good cook.

[Brian Green]

Food was not one of them. We had four go to meals. We would have those. It seemed like every week. It was just like the same rinse and repeat.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Which is fine. I survived. I'm here. You know, I got a huge parathyroid out of it, but whatever. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Happy day before.

[Brian Green]

Happy day before Thanksgiving. I hope Everybody's going to have great plants. We're going to sit around, watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's such a classic.

[Brian Green]

It's always been something that I've done. I, Even when I was single, I would oftentimes get up. Now I watch the actual live parade, but, you know, they do it live and then they do. Then they'll repeat it right away and then they'll have the kennel show, the dog show. So it's always been like a personal tradition of mine that I've carried on. Now the kids to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade just have it on in the background. Watch it, check it out. Listen to the shitty lip sync songs they do in front of the Macy's in New York. They do, man, it's just always awful. Hey, Santa. Hey, Santa. And now from Lifetimes movie, I emailed Santa. It's John Claude van Dam and Mrs. Wasn't Hollingsworth. You know, they sing some stupid song that is terribly lip synced and then.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, it moves along quickly.

[Brian Green]

Three hours. It does not move along quickly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, you know, it's usually just like a little, you know, quick burst of something and then they go to the next float.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. They. They keep it popping along. They learn to keep it popping along. But it's three, maybe four hours. I think it's three hours. Is it four hours or three hours? It's something like that. It's a long thing. But that's what's so great about it, is it ushers in the. In my opinion, ushers in the Christmas season with a lot of fanfare. I like to see the balloons. Every year they have new ones. I can deal with the shitty music because I get the Santa Claus and the Christmas trees and so many people out there seeming like they're having a lot of fun in there, usually wrapped up in some kind of gear because it's cold up there. It just seems. It's very festive to me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is very festive. Wasn't there one year when they, you know, the. They showered it with confetti. Confetti. And it was people's IRS return.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really? Is that true? Is that true?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, it was something sensitive. Something sensitive. Document Social Security records.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's the plans for the 911 attack. Donald Trump's tax returns. Oh, man, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah. Okay. All right. And then the. So we'll rinse and repeat on that. That'll probably be on for most of the day. And Then of course, you got the. The dog, the Kennel show, the 50th annual AKC. I love that, you know, Best in Show, whatever it is. And I'll tell you what, I have no fucking ide. Thanksgiving and the kennel dog show go together, but I'll take it. I'll take it. I do enjoy watching those dogs prance around like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I'm like, oh, that's cool.

[Brian Green]

You know the. The movie Best in Show?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God, one of my favorite movies.

[Brian Green]

Brilliant. From head to toe, beginning to end.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Green]

It's just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's the.

[Brian Green]

It's Christopher Guest's best work. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. Besides Spinal Tap, it's got to be my favorite. But that. Or Waiting for Government is pretty good too. But so that Best in Show, the movie, they have the two commentators, one who's the straight guy, right? And I don't say straight, like literally. I mean, he's like the straight man. He got what tells you about the facts. He's not funny. And then they always have some. In the Best in Show, they have a terribly goofy guy who's saying crazy shit. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's so great. He just died, actually.

[Brian Green]

Eugene Levy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no, not Eugene Levy. What was his name?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. His son now does the. Oh, I can't remember. Anyway, you know, he was wonderful.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's. He's hilarious.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he was hilarious. But when you watch the kennel Dog show and watch it this year, guys and girls, watch it because you'll realize that the reason why Best in Show is so funny is because it's actually right. There's one loose cannon on the group who's always saying crazy shit, and the other guy's job is to kind of pretend like it didn't happen. It is really funny to me. Oh, that movie comedy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So I have to watch that.

[Brian Green]

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? You going to be at home?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, we're hanging out.

[Brian Green]

You're hanging out? The girls coming?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The girls are coming?

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jeff's mom.

[Brian Green]

When are they going to be in town?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, they're coming in town.

[Brian Green]

They're coming in town. They're going to stay for a couple of days.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, they're staying for the week.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's great. Oh, that'll be good. Yeah, it'll be lovely. You going to put up the tree?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I am.

[Brian Green]

Okay. We already got our. We've got our tree up for three weeks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think a lot of people decorated earlier this year.

[Brian Green]

I don't know why it just struck us. It just struck me like it was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Some form of joy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think you're right about that. I think it was like, well, this is a terribly depressing time of life. Let's. I really love the country that I used to live in, but now Matt Gates is going to determine whether or not I go to the bathroom. So you know what? I'll. I'll go ahead and do that. Yeah. So I decided, let's just get it. Let's do it. Let's put it up. Let's. Let's mask our depression for the kids with a little bit of joy. And we have loved it. It's been great. We've had it up for two and a half weeks now. I've been having. It's. It's nice to turn the corner and see the lights. Everything. Yeah, the lights, the tree, the decorations, the stars.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like the first look in the morning when you.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Come out, come down the stairs or around the corner. And. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I'm the last one to bed at night often. And so I'm the one to turn off the Christmas tree. So oftentimes it's dark everywhere else in the house except for that Christmas tree. There is something about that. If we could just. Just get a snow. If we could just get a snow. But you know, it's 2024, so I don't think it snows anywhere anymore, first of all. Second of all, I think there's a hurricane coming, if I'm not mistaken. It's crazy, right? Yeah. Hurricane for Christmas. That's that. That's it. All right. We'll have lots more to talk about. Fill your upcoming holiday with a lot of joy. More depressing talk about food comas coming up after. After this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Since you clearly haven't had enough of me yet, I am back to yap in your ear and subsequently into your heart to tell you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast. You've heard these liners enough to know that we are desperate for followers. So help a girl out while you're at it. Maybe shoot us a text at 210-243-3333 TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website, tcbpodcast.com if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

[Brian Green]

This episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family and finding the perfect gift Gift. It's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The Indoor Cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up, you can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of the Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

[Brian Green]

Guess who's sitting next to me? Steve Carell in the studio.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more exclusive stories from the Office and our friendship with brand new guests and we'll be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments. So join us for brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday. Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode. Well, we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brian Green]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive. It works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. You know we didn't get a chance to talk about this last week, but did did you Hear that the Onion has purchased Infowars and all of its assets and its website and stuff like that. Now, my dad actually was very confused about what all of this was. He was really confused. And, you know, my dad is not an Alex Jones type of guy in any way, shape or form. He asked while we were watching the Paul Tyson fight. He said, oh, who's this guy who was doing this? And I said, oh, dad, yeah. Let me give you the rundown. Alex Jones is way out there. I mean, yeah, by any standards, he's way out there. I am not claiming that everything. I'm not stating that everything Alex Jones has ever said is untrue or that there isn't a bit of truth to some of the stuff that he says. I have listened to hours of Alex Jones simply for research purposes. I want to know what the crazies are doing just in case they come to my house. And I will have to say that sometimes Alex Jones will strike upon something that does to me ring a little bit true. But I'm not going to repeat any of those things here because I don't know them to be true. But Alex Jones is a noted conspiracy theorist. He has Infowars. He is this guy who claimed that there was. That some of these school shootings were simply black flag attacks, meaning that they were either recreated whole cloth like a. Like faking going to the moon, faking a school shooting to get people on board with gun reform, or that they were crisis actors involved in the shooting. Crazy. That is insanity of the highest level. It is terribly destructive to the people who are actually affected by these things. And everybody knows it, including Alex. If there's one thing that I think about Alex, it's that he does not believe his own. I think he's smart enough to know different. And I think he knows that he just happened to get on a money train, a gravy train that's hard to get off of. So he keeps going crazier and crazier and more and more loud and more and more crazy. And Alex, by the way, you know, has his own litany of personal problems going on in his own life. We won't get into those. Just know that because he said these things about the crisis actors and all this other shit, the families of this school shooting, Sandy Hook, they decided to sue him and they won a judgment against him for a billion dollars plus a billion with a B. Now, some people have estimated that Alex Jones Empire, quote, unquote, the Alex Jones empire, is worth $300 million, but certainly not a billion. And he has TV studios and all this stuff where he was producing all this shit. Even some of his own producers came out and said that he. They were instructed to magnify this and that he never believed it himself. It was just once the gravy train started, he couldn't stop. But. But the unfortunate thing is, is that if you tell a tale, there is a sucker. If you're selling something, there is a sucker who will buy it every day of the week. And some people don't know better, and some people are not so smart. Like I've. Like I've often said on this show, there's a lot of people on earth, and now some of them are not so. Well, yes. And so anyway, people were. Any. It's a whole thing. You know it. Okay, so, Onion. So in order to pay off this debt.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love that Onion. I've loved it for.

[Brian Green]

So I know the judge puts all of his assets up for sale, including the website InfoWars and all the other stuff that goes along with it, including the television studios. And there were multiple bidders on the. I don't know who's bidding on this. I don't know who wants some old television equipment, a shitty place in Austin, Texas, and a website that's notoriously linked with such terrible things? The Onion wants it. That's who wants it. So that they can make fun of him till the day that he passes away. And God bless the Onion. Honestly, God bless the Onion. They must have got. I. I never found out how much that bid was for, but it cannot have been a lot of money. A couple million dollars, maybe, right? Maybe a couple million. Maybe a couple hundred thousand dollars because it's just a URL and some old TV equipment. That's all it is. And. And Alex has moved on, and he will start a new thing, and they will be chasing him for the rest of his life for every dollar that he gets. Just like they're doing with Giuliani right now. Rudy Giuliani right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And just running around.

[Brian Green]

I know he's running around hiding makeup, melting off his face, hiding in different locations, stuffing jewelry in his pockets. I mean, what a. What a fall. What a fall. Giuliani. It could have been so different for you. Could have been so different for you. But Alex will now suffer the same fate doing the same thing, and eventually people will just stop listening to him altogether, because that's what happens, and that's what's going to happen, as was already happening. But I just find.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, is he even anywhere now what?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he already moved over to a new platform. He's got a new thing. But the thing is, is that every time that Alex gets knocked like this, like, he got kicked off Facebook, then off Twitter, then off whatever, then off whatever. And then he was just. People had to go to the website to watch him. And it was disseminated some other places, like some, you know, more conservative social media platforms, I'm sure, like, Truth Social and Telegram and stuff like that. But the reality for him is that his audience kept getting smaller and smaller because their ability to find him got smaller and smaller. And now. Yet it will take yet another knock. That brand name he spent so many years building, the brand infowars is. Is no longer. And now it will be owned by the Onion, where they can poke at him for the rest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't wait.

[Brian Green]

I do think this is a little bit of sweet justice for these families. And, you know, listen, I don't wish any ill will personally against anybody except for Alex Jones.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, if I had any interest in the guy or anything, he ever said, it was thrown out after this terrible tragedy, because that's just like, he went beyond the pale. I mean, he took it way too far. Way too far. Meanwhile, all these. I'm selling supplements all day long. Alex Jones, Super Testosterone Booster 3. He sells supplements. That's what he does. And guess what? He sells the silver. Silver. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Colloidal.

[Brian Green]

Colloidal silver. Colloidal silver. Get your colloidal silver. It makes you strong. It makes your balls big. Makes your dick long. Makes you hard. I mean, colloidal silver, it turns you silver. There's a whole movie about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There's a lady who's literally silver right now in the ground because she just drank colloidal silver till she was blue in the face. Remember that? Teresa somebody? Was that Teresa somebody.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There was a guy, too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, there was a dude. Some people I see on Facebook that I used to go to those parties with seem like they're turning silver. Member? I had a friend who was, like, terribly sick, kept claiming he was the most healthy person in the healthy person in the world, meanwhile, getting a surgery every third day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then I think he turned silver at one point. And now no one hears from him anymore. I hope he's okay. Honestly, I do. But he did turn silver. He was blind, so he couldn't see that he was turning silver, but he was turning silver. And people were saying stuff on Facebook to him. They were like, hey, dude, you're turning silver. And he would be like, fuck you. You're the big state. Deep, deep news. Okay. All right, brother. Well, turn circle silver then. Sorry about your silver. Sorry about your silver skin. Speaking of Facebook and social media and platforms, it is official the commercial break has deplatformed. Decoupled from Facebook. We are no longer on Facebook. We have deleted the page.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like. Like we've been posting there anyway.

[Brian Green]

I think we didn't. I think we never did post there. I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we're the very beginning.

[Brian Green]

We posted a few times at the very beginning. We got a couple hundred people that followed us, and then we decided to focus our energy elsewhere. But I am over it, so over it is a dead platform. It is all bots and old people at this point. And occasionally one of my crazy friends posting something he has to. Good place to, like, send along a message, like if you're getting engaged or. Yeah, I went to this wedding or it's an anniversary. Yeah, it's like a calendar reminder is basically what it is. That your friends did something cool and you did not. That's what it is. Or a place for yet some other people to just bitch and complain into the wind, it seems like, to nobody. Or to other people who can commiserate with it. So Facebook, okay, is gone. Breaking news break. No breaking news whatsoever. But just know that if you were following me on Face, following us on Facebook, it's. It's not there anymore, so. Or it won't be there. I think it takes like 10 days for it to actually, like, wash itself from the platform. So get your jollies now and go look at posts from 2020. So if you give a shit about any of that stuff, go look at it now because it's all going to be gone really, really, really soon. You know, I do have to say this, that I'm proud of myself, Chrissy. I'll tell you why I'm proud of myself. Very rarely am I proud of myself, but today I am.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Please do.

[Brian Green]

Okay, all right, here it goes. There was a time, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but just follow me here. There was a time when I would. Could walk into, like, a restaurant cooler or open someone's refrigerator or something like that, and I would see a can of whipped cream, and the first thing I would think is whippets. Let's do whippets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God, I forgot about that.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember that? Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. All right. I know that lots of people are still doing it. I think I told you that the. I. Yeah, the local. All the vape stores, all the vape stores now sell.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep. Nitrous.

[Brian Green]

You used to have to go to a fish concert. It was someone's dad who was a dentist to get. But it's not the. You know, I. I don't know this personally, but I know someone who bought one of those canisters from a head shop. And they said that for some reason it wasn't quite the same thing. And I think it's because they go. They can only sell the food, like the food grade, not the medical grade.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That makes sense.

[Brian Green]

Nitrous oxide. Right. But for those of you that don't know whipped cream in a can, it has nitrous oxide, this laughing gas, the same stuff you get at the dentist. And that's how they keep it cold and compressed like that. And so now in many states, like in Georgia, you can just buy it. You can buy whole cans of it, bottles of it, big tanks of it, but you can't get the medical grade stuff, like actual. The actual, like, Strong Laughing gas, 100 laughing gas, unless you have a license to do so. And I do know that there's lots of people that do that can do that, too. I don't think it's hard. I think you just have to prove that you're somewhere for some good reason, you're using nitrous oxide, which I don't. I think you just manufacture some paper. I'm telling you how to do it. I'm just saying you might be able to do it. Hey, stay tuned, kids. I'll show you how to do all the illegal stuff. But there was a time in my life when nitrous oxide through a whipped cream can was really hard to ignore. It reminds me of a story that when we worked at Chili's, that we would go through whipped cream like it was. I mean, for the desserts, because every dessert included whipped cream. You might go through 10 cans of that stuff on a busy Saturday night. No shit. Because just think of all the desserts, they got all the whipped cream. And, you know, then kids put extra whipped cream. And, you know, sometimes you make, like, whipped cream pie, like just whipped cream, that's it on a bowl, and send it to the kid. But one time the general manager had to, when I was working there, had to have a conversation with the staff because people were just going in there and doing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Huffing it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Like whole boxes of whip it were getting lost because basically they were. We were taking all the nitrous oxide. I say we, because I was included. We're taking all the nitrous Oxide out of it. It was something fun to do in the middle of your shift. Just go and get a quick whip it, and then you come back. And so for years at. When I was younger, it. A whipped cream can was not something you passed by. It was something you huffed. Right. That was just the way that it was. I mean, I don't know about you, right? But me, right, okay. But I was so proud of myself. Now I haven't. I haven't been tempted by a whipped cream can in a long time. I know there's better ways to do it if I want to do it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But is this the proud part?

[Brian Green]

This is the proud part. The other day I was at my dad's and I opened up the refrigerator door, and they had been to Costco and they had bought a whole box of whipped cream in a can, like 20 bottles, right? And I looked at it, and just for a second, I was like, ah, everybody's sleeping. No one will notice when the whipped cream is all watery when it comes out because Brian huffed all this stuff. No one will notice that I'm outside with my pants off, howling at the moon. No one will notice. But I was so proud of myself because I was like, nah, you're too old for that, Brian. You got kids now. You don't need to do that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Good for you.

[Brian Green]

So proud of my, like, little victories, Chrissy. Small wins, tiny little victories. There was one time when I. We were in Athens and we were visiting a young lady, a hippie chick, that. That her and I had been friends for many years, and we were visiting her in Athens where she was going to school. Me and my friend Eduardo were up there, and it was like a Thursday night or something. Not a lot to do. We didn't want to go to the bars. So we decided, let's do some whippets. So we went from head shop to head shop, trying to figure out if they would give us at the time the little cartridges that you could get. Oh, yeah, they only sold the cartridges. They did not sell the crackers in order to get into the cartridge. So we had. So we bought a couple of boxes, but we could not figure out where to get a thing to open the little cartridges of the whippets. So in an act, a final act of desperation, we went to Kroger and cleaned out every single whipped cream can that they had. And there was like 30, 40 whipped cream cans. And we put them in a bunch of baskets and we rolled it up to the front. And I'll never forget my dear friend who was like, you know, trying to pay for college with loans. Broke out our credit card and we paid like $400 for these whipped cream.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh my God.

[Brian Green]

And the guy was like, the guy at the front the counter was an older gentleman. He was like, why are we buying all these whipped creams?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Having a big party.

[Brian Green]

That's what we said. We said ice cream party. Ice cream party. And all I remember is just being really, really intoxicated for most of the night and waking up to many, many, many whipped cream cans all over the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Place and horrible headache.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. That's the thing, is that nitrous oxide in that form will give you a fucking headache because who knows what else it has in it. But listen, it's a good time for a couple of minutes, you know, you'll have fun. That's the other thing too is it doesn't last very long. And then you learn, I think what stopped all this, the no. 2 for me. Besides, when I go to the dentist and I want it because I don't want to feel the dentist in my mouth, what stopp nitrous oxide for me is that I learned just how damaging it is to your actual brain cells.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's not the reason why you feel the wah wah wah is not because of some magic ingredient in the nitrous oxide. It's because it's starving your brain of oxygen, making it's. It's replacing the oxygen in your blood cells, making your brain go haywire for a second. And that's what it is. It turns out you could, you know. What's that? Auto erotic asphyxiation is probably just the same. So go ahead and tie a rope to the back of the closet. God. And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you've gone off the rail.

[Brian Green]

Don't Tony Bourdain it. Sustain it with no. 2 loud fresh whipped cream. So next time, next time you go to that family event and your mom says, can you pick me up some cool Whip on the way, you say, no, mom, it's whippets for me. That's the only way to go. And then at least, you know, let get through dessert before you do the whip it. That's all I. That's my suggestion to you, Chrissy. That's my thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Words to live by.

[Brian Green]

Well, thank you. It is Thanksgiving. I thought I'd give a little wisdom to the kids. Kids. All right, we'll be back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast and go to our website tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our master massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now Please text us at 212-4333, TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

As we.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Are you into pickleball?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, but my dad is.

[Brian Green]

Oh, your dad's playing pickleball.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's sweeping the nation.

[Brian Green]

It is sweeping the nation. I'm just reading about how tennis and pickleball, they're they're at each other's throat a little bit because a lot of communities are changing their tennis courts into pickleball courts and some people are up in arms about it. But the guy who leads the national association of I don't know Tennis people decided put out A statement and said that actually pickleball has been great for tennis too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because it's generated interest in ball related sport in general. Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Court games.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, I, you know, I'm, I've played pickleball once. It's fine. I've played tennis a lot. It's fine. Also neither of my favorite sport to play, but it's not bad. However, what I saw yesterday on Instagram was, did you see that guy who kicked the other guy in the head playing a pickleball match?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

They were going to, they somewhat, you know, it's doubles. So it's four gentlemen playing and the match is over and one guy screams loudly, yeah, look at that, we won. You know, and he goes to shake hands with the other two, drops his paddle and when he goes to pick it up, they lose. One of the guys in losing team kicked him. Like, I'm talking like punted him. Punted him in the head. And it was way disturbing. I was like, wow. Holy fucking shit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's bad sportsmanship.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's bad sportsmanship. That's not fun for anybody, is it? It, is it? Do we have to go there? No, I wanted to tell this story last week and never got to it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The rest of the wedding.

[Brian Green]

No, not the rest of the wedding story. I'm going to tell that. But give me a. There's reason, there's reasoning and I'll explain when we get there. But okay, just settle down. Everybody settle down. I don't quite want to tell the wedding story yet. I really do have a good reason. Last week I got invited to a civic presentation. Let's put it that way, a presentation with where some civic leaders are going to show up, including the mayor of Schittville here, where I live. And I gotta tell you, I thought I was in. I thought I was in a movie like Christopher Show.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, Christopher Guest movie.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I did. I was wondering when somebody was going to pop out and say we're filming this for, you know, I, I don't know, Mr. Beast or something like this because it was the most insane thing I've ever seen. So this was at a school. The kids were there. The school was being presented an award for this, that or the other.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Congratulations.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Not to me. I had nothing to do with it. I just was invited to come watch. And so what you've got. Let me set the scene for you. You've got an auditorium. Auditorium full of middle school children. Okay. So probably two or 300 middle school children. You've probably got about 150 adults in the room sitting up front in the first three or four rows. You've got a stage. That stage has a full middle school band on it. They're all standing there just lovely as can be, ready to play for the dignitaries in the room. And then you've got the mayor of Shitsville. I'm not going to mention where I live because whatever. And so, so the principal of the school gets up and she says, we're so excited to receive this award for, you know, it's, it's such an honor and we've done so well. And this goes out to all the students and faculty who made this happen and the parents who are supportive and yada, yada, yada, all the pleasantries you would expect. And she was just as lovely as could be. We will now, we'd like now like to hear a song that the band has prepared for us. And it was like Wind Beneath My Wings or something, right? With two poor children who are just scared shitless doing a duet together, you know, Meanwhile, while the band has got like the recorder. Yeah, okay, fine, that is to be expected. You just expect that coming out of a middle school. Children, like, they did the best they could. They really were brave for getting up there and agreeing to do it in the first place. And I give them all the credit in the world for doing it because I was in band once too. And I know once you get up on the stage it's a scary thing, like there's a lot of people watching you and you feel like they're all watching you and that zit on your nose. But anyway, so then somebody gets up and he starts giving this, he starts giving this like, biography, this big hyped, you know, at the age of three, our next distinguished guest found himself, you know, in the bayou of Louisiana, raising himself up, wrestling gators, saving babies, taking children out of Flamio orphanages, you know, I mean, it just went on and on and on. It was like this big hype fest. It was almost like the mayor had hired a hype man or handed him the thing to read, which I started to assume, you know, at age 17 he joined ROTC, where he was named the best ROTC man ever in the history of rotc. He, he was almost hurt in combat, you know, in overseas. It was just like this 15 paragraph biography where the guy could do no wrong and he was the hero in every paragraph. And I started to think to myself, did the mayor write this himself? Did he write this himself? Because no one you could write A, you're my best friend. You could write a hype piece about me to introduce me somewhere you could not find 10 really nice things to say about me that were impressive. Every sentence was impressive. And it started to sound like bullshit after a minute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I was like, maybe it was somebody who wanted to curry favor.

[Brian Green]

I think that's what was going on. Curry favor. Or again, it was handed to him to read. On behalf of the office of the mayor. Now, let me tell you about the mayor of Schittville. The mayor of Schitt's. Phil. I know a few things about. He is roundly disliked here in our community. He won by a small margin. He, when it looked like he might not win, the election was rigged. Rigged? Yeah, Rigged betcon. He was not going to concede.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Recount.

[Brian Green]

Recount. He was not going to concede. He. He was getting investigations, investigators, lawyers and attorneys. He's just one of these people who just gets all riled up and can't find a way to gracefully bow out or lose. So it had to be him was the one that was the winner, or it was illegitimate altogether. Now, he did win legitimately by a couple hundred votes, but he is just this type of personality who has zero political experience in his life and does not know how to address a crowd without getting ultra political. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, you've got a room full of children. You've got maybe 150 adults in the room. You are talking to the kids.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This is a school presentation, an award.

[Brian Green]

Yes, but here. You ready?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Please, please give a warm welcome to Mayor Flugelhorn. You know, like warm applause, you know? Okay. Okay. Hi, children. I am so proud to be here today with the distinguished principal and you children here and your parents and others. What an honor it is. What an award you. You've won. I want to talk a few minutes about God. God is the most important thing in any one person's life. And that's why I have decided to start all city council meetings with prayer. And since I'm starting all city council meetings with prayer, I want you to go home tonight and remind your parents of the importance of prayer. I want you to tell them that you would like to start every morning with prayer and end every day with prayer. Because if you don't start your morning with prayer, your 5 inch screen will start to take over your life. Do you know what the 5 inch screen is? Children. And they're all like, uh, a phone.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Instagram has been programming you since the day you got on it. And TikTok is controlled by Chinese media conglomerates that are posting things directly inside your brain. And the 5 inch screen will control your life unless God intervenes. And that is why today I would like to tell you a little story about myself. When I was five years old, I found myself opening the cookie jar after my mother told me not to. And when I did, I took a cookie, even though my mother taught me not to, and I closed the cookie jar. She did not know that I took that cookie. But after reflection and prayer with our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, I decided that it was time to tell my mom that I took that cookie from the cookie jar. And when I did, she said the following words to me. God will save you, my son. And that is my message here today for all of you and your 5 inch screens. Put them away and put the Lord in your hands. The Lord is the one who will save you and only the one that will save you. When it seems like transgenderism is going to take over the world with its homosexuals and its polyamory. God will save us. When bastards want to claim that elections are fair and free when clearly they're rigged. God will save us. When women want to assert themselves in households and talk back to their husbands, as my wife sometimes does. Am I right, honey? Am I right? God saves us. So let us end with a prayer here today. Now I square on all this holy. Now maybe I'm getting a little bit exaggerated. This went on for five minutes, this whole rah, rah, rah sis boom about God. Like super conservative Christian hahui in a school that is not a parochial school. It has nothing to do with Christianity. It's not one of those kind of schools. But he went on and on and on, even joking that his wife gets out of line sometimes and he has to pray to God on a How to put her back in line. Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jeez.

[Brian Green]

The principal of this school, who is a girl boss, I just might say, was standing behind him looking increasingly uncomfortable about all things that were going on in here to the point where she kind of continued to, like, creep up on the stage where she was in his peripheral vision. And then finally, like, you know, almost, almost, guy kind of took the microphone out of his hand, hand this tweed, by the way. He was wearing, like, a bright, bright orange shirt with a dark blue tweed blazer. It was the most. It was a clown suit is what it was for the most part. And the kids in the audience couldn't have gotten less out of the conversation that he had for Them. But he just went on and on and on, and it reminded me of such. What strange times we live in when these things are usually just very ceremonial. Congratulations to the kids. Congratulations. You're at a wonderful school, and your faculty has done a great job, and you're the future, and we can't wait for you to do great things in our society and help our communities grow. You kids, you really got a good thing going here. Keep it up, right? Today is national or today is the Schitt's fill you school day, right? Yeah. I hereby declare it Schittsville Youth school day and then leave. That's it. Shake a few hands, kiss a few babies. But everything is so partisan these days that you can't get up and use a mic, have a microphone without spouting some crazy fucking shit. And it drove me up a wall. You should have. If. If he could have. I'm sure he was looking at me at some point, and he could see the clear look of disdain on my face.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Arms crossed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, arms crossed. I think I made a blowjob motion at one point. Like, it was. It was so highly partisan. And I thought, what about the other people in the room who maybe don't feel the same way you do about God and Jesus Christ? Like, is it okay that we exist, too? Is it all right that we're here also? Can't we just talk about the school and forget about it? Do we have to talk about transgender bathroom use when it. When it's not a problem? There's nobody here having that problem that I know of, that I'm aware of. I mean, for God's sakes, Chrissy, what.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Are we going to do, Vote him out?

[Brian Green]

Well, I. I didn't vote him in. That wasn't my choice. That's my opinion. I swear to God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chrissy, was there anybody else that kind of. You know, you looked around and they were.

[Brian Green]

Everybody.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody was like, God, what?

[Brian Green]

I definitely got the sense that some of the teachers were snickering.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I definitely saw a couple people right in front of me moving around in their seat in a way that would indicate that maybe they didn't feel comfortable with what was going on, but I don't. I don't. I. You know, I. I don't want to speak. I don't want to put words in anybody else's mouth. And maybe it's very well possible that everybody knew exactly what he was going to say, but I don't think he gave a copy of those remarks ahead of time, and everybody was like, sounds good, dude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

No way.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you were pretty, you, you were pretty upset about it.

[Brian Green]

I was upset about it, Yeah. I felt that it was completely inappropriate. And as a dignitary also in the room. Yeah, as a dignitary in the room, I felt it was rather unfair that we had to be subjected to that. I just wanted to go there and help the school celebrate. That's it. That's all I wanted to do. But, you know, whatever. To each their own. I'm also well aware that, you know, there's plenty of people that don't share the same opinions I do, so. Yeah, I just got a good dose of the other side of the aisle at a time when I didn't expect it. Forced dose, forced perspective.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

All right, well, here we are Thanksgiving week and we'll be here with you for the rest of the week. I hope you're enjoying what I assume is some time off with your family, with your friends, with your loved ones. Turn on that Thanksgiving day to parade tomorrow, then follow it up with the kennel show and then the commercial break. It's a trifecta. You can't lose. You'll go from super celebratory to awfully depressing and then it'll be a day you can then turn on. I think there's a 600 pound life marathon on TLC to help you count those calories. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm not watching any 600 pound life, that's for sure. No way. All right. TCBpodcast.com that's where what do we. Nah, reminds me of that fight. Wow, the Jake Paul fight. Yeah. TCB podcast.com that's where you go. More information about the show and Chrissy and I. You can get your free sticker by going to the contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send you one. No muss, no fuss. All the audio and video is there too. You can watch it and listen to it. All that good stuff. Please subscribe on your favorite podcast player. Follow us. That would be huge. It'd make a world of difference to us. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB podcast on TikTok YouTube.com the commercial break. Soon every episode of the commercial break will be on video on YouTube and on Spotify. So check that out. 212-4333. TCB. Okay. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today, but I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. The holidays are all about sharing with family meals, couches, stories, Grandma's secret pecan pie recipe, and now you can also share a cart. With Instacart's family carts, everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are. So you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry SA or who should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cart and then share the meals and the moments. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes plus enjoy free delivery on your first three orders, service fees and Terms Apply when it Comes to Hiring, Don't Search for great Talent Match with them thanks to Indeed. Indeed is your matching and hiring platform with over 350 million global monthly visitors, according to Indeed data, and a matching engine that helps you find qualified candidates fast. And Indeed doesn't just help you hire faster. 93% of employers agree Indeed delivers the highest quality matches compared to other job sites, according to a recent Indeed survey, leveraging over 140 million qualifications and preferences every day. Indeed's matching engine is constantly learning from your preferences, so the more you use Indeed, the better it gets. Join more than 3.5 million businesses worldwide that use Indeed to hire great talent fast. Just go to indeed.com listen right now and listeners of this show will get a 75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility, go to indeed.com listen and tell them you heard about them from this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. SA Ed I have it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

These days, being an adult can feel more overwhelming than it does fun. Any kids out there willing to trade places?

[Brian Green]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Worth a shot. You know who can rekindle the magic of childhood? Apple and Eve Juice. We were the first to put juice in a box and 50 years later, we're still packing the joy. One sip of our fresh, delicious fruit taste and you're right back to the goodness of being a kid. So when the grind dulls your shine, tap your inner child to reclaim it. Shop Apple and Eve in store today and let's kid ourselves.

[Brian Green]

Have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the commercial break.