The Commercial Break — "Yes Sir! Yes Sir!" (June 7, 2024)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break blends hilarious personal anecdotes with a signature irreverent breakdown of the Travel Channel's "Mountain Monsters." Bryan Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley riff on drive-thru safaris, unruly pets, and the wild world of cryptid hunters. Their offbeat banter transforms the review of a Chupacabra-hunting episode into a farce that lampoons both reality TV and Southern folklore, all while maintaining the show's laid-back "hanging-with-friends" vibe.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bryan’s Drive-Thru Safari Giraffe Fiasco

• [01:38 – 11:44]
  Bryan narrates a wildly funny story from his dating days, involving a Georgia animal safari where a giraffe vandalized his car to steal his Sirius satellite radio antenna with its “crazy strong tongue.”

  • Memorable Details:
    • The dilemma of renting the park’s "disgusting, broken-down van" versus risking animal damage to his car.
    • Giraffe’s long tongue wrapping around the satellite antenna, pulling out wires:

      “She Took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand. And now she's doing it with her tongue. It's amazing.” — Bryan ([08:37])

    • The aftermath: "She basically took the Sirius satellite radio and just like snapped it in half... she caused a bunch of damage to the top of the car."

• Segue: Viral News Story
  A similar event in Texas where a giraffe lifted a toddler from a truck bed made the news:

  "Paisley was riding in the truck bed with her mom when her dad stopped so they could feed the giraffe. That's when the giant animal reached down for a bag of food the kid was holding. Grabbing a hold of her shirt, the giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth..." ([11:46])

2. Ferocious Safaris & Unruly Pets

• [13:55 – 19:55]
  The hosts discuss the terrors (and absurdities) of drive-thru safaris with kids and unpredictable pets.

  • Buffalo, ostriches, and llamas are “scary as hell” when you’re confined with them.
  • Extended riffing on Bryan’s “unbreakable” (and untrainable) dog, Blue — so tenacious that even two dog psychologists gave up.
    • Blue has "little dog dysmorphia":

      "They think that there's a...psychology in small dogs...they imagine themselves to be big dogs, regardless of what size they actually are.” — Bryan ([15:07])

    • Dog therapist departed saying, “Don’t even pay me. Don’t worry.”
  • Kristen and her husband contemplate adopting a dog and cat, with the caveat of not declawing and the horrors of puppy teeth.

• Pet Management Tangents

  • Banter about “declawing” cats and “debarking” dogs:
    • Bryan jokes: “I wasn’t going to do it, but if I was going to do it, how much would it cost and when was the next available appointment?” ([18:53])
    • On voice box removal:

      "It's kind of universally understood to not be the best...it doesn’t work because they will find a way to make noises regardless." ([19:28])

3. Introduction: "Mountain Monsters" and the World of Cryptoids

• [19:54 – 22:33]
  Responding to a fan's request, Bryan and Kristen launch into a mock-watchalong of “Mountain Monsters,” a reality show about cryptid hunters (chasing the Chupacabra this week).
  • Brief on the longtime dynamic of the Mountain Monsters crew — recurring cast of toothless, bearded, bumbling, but lovable cryptid seekers.

Deep Dive: Mountain Monsters Breakdown

Setup and Characters

• [23:01+]
  • The hosts play and dynamically react to the audio of a Mountain Monsters episode.
  • Characters like "Trapper," “Huckleberry,” and “Buck” are ribbed for their southern charm, wild eyes, and rambling dialog.
    • Bryan: "He looks like someone you'd see sitting in front of a Cracker Barrel on one of those Ford swings...not a tooth in his mouth." ([29:54])

The Chupacabra (and Bigfoot?)

• [24:16 – 55:04]
  • The Mountain Monsters are hot on the trail of the “bloodsucking vampire Chupacabra,” possibly in league with Bigfoot.
  • The "Chupacabra” is presented as a possum/boar-like puppet, barely disguised—fueling Bryan and Kristen's running gag about low-budget special effects:
    • "It definitely looks like Sesame Street circa 1983." — Bryan ([26:09])
  • The team’s command structure is repeatedly lampooned:
    • "Every military in the world trains their special forces in making as much noise as possible...by repeating yes sir, yes sir, yes sir every five to ten seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy." ([37:38])

Chaos, Gunfire, and Absurdity

• The “hunters” shout, cock guns (or add foley gun noises), and crash their ATVs as they pursue puppet-monsters in the dark.

  • “Something literally just tried to eat you...and what you do is you stop so that you can investigate. And then you call other people with guns who swing them around wildly.” — Bryan ([33:12])

  • Gun sound effects are mocked:
    • "I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once. I'm pretty sure you only can do it once...he doesn't even move his hands." ([48:25])

The “Capture” and Inevitable Foil

• The team “captures” one or two supposed chupacabras (which look suspiciously like pigs), get excited, then discover their trap has been broken open and the cryptids escaped—maybe aided by Bigfoot.

  • "We got that son of a b*tch." ([45:27])

  • "So we're meant to believe that these things got trapped...but luckily, while they had their backs turned, the chupacabra managed to escape by cracking through the walls." ([50:10])

The Bigfoot-Chupacabra Bromance

• Narrative contortions:
  • Bigfoot and the Chupacabra are now a team ("He went right in there and saved his [chupacabra’s] ass...That's what that was" — [53:14]).
  • Bryan improvises a “cryptid phone call” skit:

    • "What do you think about a blow job later on tonight?" ([54:31])

Riffs on Reality TV & Southern Folklore

• The hosts continuously mock the lack of scientific method, the campy editing, and the absurd “evidence.”
  • “If they had caught a blood sucking vampire, Chupacabra or Bigfoot, they would be the most famous people in the world. But they did not. And they're still on Travel channel.” — Bryan ([44:59])
  • On the show's archetypal chaos:

    "Classic Mountain Monsters episode. There is no safety involved whatsoever." ([32:19])

Notable Quotes & Moments

Animal Antics & Safari Stories

• [08:37] Bryan: “She Took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand.”
• [11:46] Viral Texas giraffe toddler story: "Paisley was riding in the truck bed...the giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth..."

Mountain Monster Mockery

• [29:27] Bill (Mountain Monsters): "You may not believe in Bigfoot, and you may not believe in Chupacabras, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side."
• [37:38] Bryan: “Every military in the world trains their special forces in making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now by repeating yes sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir...”
• [48:25] Bryan: "Why did that guy cock his gun five separate times? I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once."
• [53:57] Bryan (as Bigfoot & Chupacabra): “What do you think about a blow job later on tonight? We’ll talk about it. Get us out of here first.”

Final Recap

• The hosts close out by poking fun at the "proof" of cryptids:
  • [56:09] Bryan: ...“Unfortunately, it was a hand puppet and it was clear that it was a hand puppet. But hey, listen, A for effort, boys. A for effort.”
  • “All I got to say is...I think we could add to the realism is more gun cocking. If you could get more gun cocking.”
  • “I think I would be a little bit, little bit more convinced.”

Episode Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:38] — Bryan’s giraffe car-antenna story
• [11:44] — Texas giraffe toddler news story
• [13:55 – 19:55] — Safari terror; dog (Blue) and pet antics
• [19:54 – 22:33] — Listener request for Mountain Monsters; setup
• [23:01 – 56:28+] — Live riffing and breakdown of "Mountain Monsters"
• [37:38] — “Yes sir! Yes sir!” military spoof
• [48:25, 50:41, 53:57] — Gun sound effect jokes, cryptid phone call skit
• [56:09] — Debrief and closing banter

Tone & Takeaway

The episode is a freewheeling, affectionate roast of both personal misadventures and American subcultures obsessed with cryptids. Bryan and Kristen thrive on tangents, meta-commentary, and escalating absurdity: from a giraffe outsmarting satellite tech, to a Chupacabra/Bigfoot buddy-cop spoof, to the never-ending parade of Mountain Monsters' misfires and fumbled science. The comedy lands through wry observation, silly voices, and a gleeful disregard for conventional linear structure—a perfect sampling of TCB’s “chaotically just FINE” charm.