Yes Sir! Yes Sir!

Summary

The Commercial Break — "Yes Sir! Yes Sir!" (June 7, 2024)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break blends hilarious personal anecdotes with a signature irreverent breakdown of the Travel Channel's "Mountain Monsters." Bryan Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley riff on drive-thru safaris, unruly pets, and the wild world of cryptid hunters. Their offbeat banter transforms the review of a Chupacabra-hunting episode into a farce that lampoons both reality TV and Southern folklore, all while maintaining the show's laid-back "hanging-with-friends" vibe.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bryan’s Drive-Thru Safari Giraffe Fiasco

• [01:38 – 11:44]
  Bryan narrates a wildly funny story from his dating days, involving a Georgia animal safari where a giraffe vandalized his car to steal his Sirius satellite radio antenna with its “crazy strong tongue.”

  • Memorable Details:
    • The dilemma of renting the park’s "disgusting, broken-down van" versus risking animal damage to his car.
    • Giraffe’s long tongue wrapping around the satellite antenna, pulling out wires:

      “She Took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand. And now she's doing it with her tongue. It's amazing.” — Bryan ([08:37])

    • The aftermath: "She basically took the Sirius satellite radio and just like snapped it in half... she caused a bunch of damage to the top of the car."

• Segue: Viral News Story
  A similar event in Texas where a giraffe lifted a toddler from a truck bed made the news:

  "Paisley was riding in the truck bed with her mom when her dad stopped so they could feed the giraffe. That's when the giant animal reached down for a bag of food the kid was holding. Grabbing a hold of her shirt, the giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth..." ([11:46])

2. Ferocious Safaris & Unruly Pets

• [13:55 – 19:55]
  The hosts discuss the terrors (and absurdities) of drive-thru safaris with kids and unpredictable pets.

  • Buffalo, ostriches, and llamas are “scary as hell” when you’re confined with them.
  • Extended riffing on Bryan’s “unbreakable” (and untrainable) dog, Blue — so tenacious that even two dog psychologists gave up.
    • Blue has "little dog dysmorphia":

      "They think that there's a...psychology in small dogs...they imagine themselves to be big dogs, regardless of what size they actually are.” — Bryan ([15:07])

    • Dog therapist departed saying, “Don’t even pay me. Don’t worry.”
  • Kristen and her husband contemplate adopting a dog and cat, with the caveat of not declawing and the horrors of puppy teeth.

• Pet Management Tangents

  • Banter about “declawing” cats and “debarking” dogs:
    • Bryan jokes: “I wasn’t going to do it, but if I was going to do it, how much would it cost and when was the next available appointment?” ([18:53])
    • On voice box removal:

      "It's kind of universally understood to not be the best...it doesn’t work because they will find a way to make noises regardless." ([19:28])

3. Introduction: "Mountain Monsters" and the World of Cryptoids

• [19:54 – 22:33]
  Responding to a fan's request, Bryan and Kristen launch into a mock-watchalong of “Mountain Monsters,” a reality show about cryptid hunters (chasing the Chupacabra this week).
  • Brief on the longtime dynamic of the Mountain Monsters crew — recurring cast of toothless, bearded, bumbling, but lovable cryptid seekers.

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Deep Dive: Mountain Monsters Breakdown

Setup and Characters

• [23:01+]
  • The hosts play and dynamically react to the audio of a Mountain Monsters episode.
  • Characters like "Trapper," “Huckleberry,” and “Buck” are ribbed for their southern charm, wild eyes, and rambling dialog.
    • Bryan: "He looks like someone you'd see sitting in front of a Cracker Barrel on one of those Ford swings...not a tooth in his mouth." ([29:54])

The Chupacabra (and Bigfoot?)

• [24:16 – 55:04]
  • The Mountain Monsters are hot on the trail of the “bloodsucking vampire Chupacabra,” possibly in league with Bigfoot.
  • The "Chupacabra” is presented as a possum/boar-like puppet, barely disguised—fueling Bryan and Kristen's running gag about low-budget special effects:
    • "It definitely looks like Sesame Street circa 1983." — Bryan ([26:09])
  • The team’s command structure is repeatedly lampooned:
    • "Every military in the world trains their special forces in making as much noise as possible...by repeating yes sir, yes sir, yes sir every five to ten seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy." ([37:38])

Chaos, Gunfire, and Absurdity

• The “hunters” shout, cock guns (or add foley gun noises), and crash their ATVs as they pursue puppet-monsters in the dark.

  • “Something literally just tried to eat you...and what you do is you stop so that you can investigate. And then you call other people with guns who swing them around wildly.” — Bryan ([33:12])

  • Gun sound effects are mocked:
    • "I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once. I'm pretty sure you only can do it once...he doesn't even move his hands." ([48:25])

The “Capture” and Inevitable Foil

• The team “captures” one or two supposed chupacabras (which look suspiciously like pigs), get excited, then discover their trap has been broken open and the cryptids escaped—maybe aided by Bigfoot.

  • "We got that son of a b*tch." ([45:27])

  • "So we're meant to believe that these things got trapped...but luckily, while they had their backs turned, the chupacabra managed to escape by cracking through the walls." ([50:10])

The Bigfoot-Chupacabra Bromance

• Narrative contortions:
  • Bigfoot and the Chupacabra are now a team ("He went right in there and saved his [chupacabra’s] ass...That's what that was" — [53:14]).
  • Bryan improvises a “cryptid phone call” skit:

    • "What do you think about a blow job later on tonight?" ([54:31])

Riffs on Reality TV & Southern Folklore

• The hosts continuously mock the lack of scientific method, the campy editing, and the absurd “evidence.”
  • “If they had caught a blood sucking vampire, Chupacabra or Bigfoot, they would be the most famous people in the world. But they did not. And they're still on Travel channel.” — Bryan ([44:59])
  • On the show's archetypal chaos:

    "Classic Mountain Monsters episode. There is no safety involved whatsoever." ([32:19])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

Animal Antics & Safari Stories

• [08:37] Bryan: “She Took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand.”
• [11:46] Viral Texas giraffe toddler story: "Paisley was riding in the truck bed...the giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth..."

Mountain Monster Mockery

• [29:27] Bill (Mountain Monsters): "You may not believe in Bigfoot, and you may not believe in Chupacabras, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side."
• [37:38] Bryan: “Every military in the world trains their special forces in making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now by repeating yes sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir...”
• [48:25] Bryan: "Why did that guy cock his gun five separate times? I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once."
• [53:57] Bryan (as Bigfoot & Chupacabra): “What do you think about a blow job later on tonight? We’ll talk about it. Get us out of here first.”

Final Recap

• The hosts close out by poking fun at the "proof" of cryptids:
  • [56:09] Bryan: ...“Unfortunately, it was a hand puppet and it was clear that it was a hand puppet. But hey, listen, A for effort, boys. A for effort.”
  • “All I got to say is...I think we could add to the realism is more gun cocking. If you could get more gun cocking.”
  • “I think I would be a little bit, little bit more convinced.”

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Episode Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:38] — Bryan’s giraffe car-antenna story
• [11:44] — Texas giraffe toddler news story
• [13:55 – 19:55] — Safari terror; dog (Blue) and pet antics
• [19:54 – 22:33] — Listener request for Mountain Monsters; setup
• [23:01 – 56:28+] — Live riffing and breakdown of "Mountain Monsters"
• [37:38] — “Yes sir! Yes sir!” military spoof
• [48:25, 50:41, 53:57] — Gun sound effect jokes, cryptid phone call skit
• [56:09] — Debrief and closing banter

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Tone & Takeaway

The episode is a freewheeling, affectionate roast of both personal misadventures and American subcultures obsessed with cryptids. Bryan and Kristen thrive on tangents, meta-commentary, and escalating absurdity: from a giraffe outsmarting satellite tech, to a Chupacabra/Bigfoot buddy-cop spoof, to the never-ending parade of Mountain Monsters' misfires and fumbled science. The comedy lands through wry observation, silly voices, and a gleeful disregard for conventional linear structure—a perfect sampling of TCB’s “chaotically just FINE” charm.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Those who eat the devil's corn will choke on his cob. And there's a lot of people choking on that cob out there and it ain't going to end up good for.

[Bill]

Them, not in the end.

[Brian Green]

They're going to regret that cob and choking on it, you know what I mean? On this episode of the commercial break.

[Bill]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Brian Green]

Yes, sir.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like they're half military regiment.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Every military, every military in the world trains their special forces and making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now by repeating, yes, sir, yes, sir. Yes, sir every five to 10 seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the lovely co host of the show and my dear, dear friend, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best you out there in the podcast universe, this microphone. Hello, Hello. It's always something be. It's always something. I don't know what's going on with this thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know it's been acting up.

[Brian Green]

I, I, I, if I don't press record, it never acts up. Once I press record, it acts up. I know, but I know that can't be the reason. Like the record button can't be the Whatever. Who cares? No one wants to hear about. Okay, story time with Brian. Check your panties. Check your panties. That's awesome. Check your panties.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Where did that come from?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I didn't even know who put that in there. All right, story time with Brian. Years ago, I was dating a woman and we decided to go to a animal safari local here in the state of Georgia, I think. Have we been.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, we talked about going. You told me about it, but I think I decided not to go.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, wisely. Well, I think you decided not to go because of the person that was. I was going. Oh, you didn't want to go with my. The girl I was dating? Yes. You wanted nothing to do with her.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And you made no bones about it. No, thanks. Not if she's going to be there, rightfully so. Only took me three years to listen to you. Yeah. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So better late than never.

[Brian Green]

Thank God. Thank God for small favors. Yes. So you know the type of person who always needed to be doing something. Like there was no sitting at home just chilling. It was always something. Let's go do something. Something, something. Just that type of personality. And there's lots of people out there that are like that's fine, whatever. But I, I was running out of ideas. After three years, I'm like, I, I, I, you know, what do you, what do you want to do? We, we can never do the same thing twice because that was boring and that, that, you know, then we were on whatever. So we decided to go to this, I get, I find this safari that I had been to previously, but when I got there, there's two ways to do it. It's a drive thru safari. There's lots of different animals. You can buy a huge buckets of food and you can do it one of two ways. You can either spend an extra 25 bucks and rent one of their vehicles, which was usually a broken down van from the 80s with like jail bars on them so the animals couldn't actually get in and eat you. Except for you could roll down the front windows, no air conditioning, probably stick. It was like, it was a terrible situation. Disgusting because animal slobber is all over the cars. Like they don't clean them. They're just these shitty vehicles that sit out in the hot sun all day and you can rent them for $20 if you want to. So I'm like, but why would you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because you're driving down there to get.

[Brian Green]

There so that the animals don't mess up your slobber all over your car. Because these animals like B and whatever they got, you know, woolly mammoth, I'm not even sure what the is down there, but whatever is down there, you know, you don't necessarily want to tussle with those things and your brand new shiny car. And at the time I had yet to lose my left front headlight and most of the hood. So it was kind of like that was my baby, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well, I get down there, I said the same thing to myself. I'm like, well, why the am I going to use their car when I got my own car? Save myself 25 bucks, right? Let's. Come on. It's a. What could possibly happen? Yeah, what could possibly happen?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

As soon as you say that, as.

[Brian Green]

Soon as I said, I know, as soon as I'm thinking that, you know, I knew that there was a small possibility that some damage could be done to my car. But what I didn't realize was the animal that was going to cause that particular damage to my car, what they were going to do. So at the time, back in 1922 or whatever it was satellite radios that were not installed in your car when you bought it means that you had to buy the satellite radio. You had to install it into your car. And then you had to have a little antenna that looked like a magnet. A small, round, black magnet that got stuck to the top of the car. And if you got it done professionally, they would wire it. Such as. You didn't have wires hanging all over the place. You just had one tiny little wire that was on the driver's side on the top of your car. And then there would be this little black round thing on the top. And that would be your satellite radio receiver. The way that the satellite would actually send the programming to your car. So I had Sirius satellite installed in the. In this car and that had that little black receiver. So we're driving and we get in. It's very long, you know, especially if it's crowded, people go very slow. You can try and go around them, but you know, it's. It's usually just like a one lane around them. I tried the dirt ball. Dirt blowing behind you. It's just dirt. There's no grass left anywhere because the animals have eaten it. It's just like a. It's like a m. Sahara is what it looks like in the middle of Georgia. Right. Big rolly mountains, nasty pools of water everywhere just with like all kind of in it. I mean, it's not the most pleasant place in the world, but it's fun to interact with the animals. So we buy a couple of these big barrels of food and we're out there and we're giving it to the bison and the cows and the, you know, woolly man, whatever the. They have at llamas and the, the ostriches that will attack you for the food. You know, it's like some of the animals get really aggressive, but we managed to get through most of it without any damage to the car. A lot of slobber everywhere, but not damage to the car. So I was, I was thinking to myself, great, this is the right choice. Winning myself. Winning indeed. And I have this little tiny Honda Accord is very low to the ground, right. And so the animals are kind of like having to bend over, put their heads all the way in the car to get the food. So imagine like a bison head, like a full grown male bison's head. Just stick. Like I'm in the driver's side and that thing would just stick its head right into the middle of the car with just like flying everywhere. Yeah. And you can't exactly push them out of the car because they're huge animals. They're not gonna, they're not getting out until they're Ready to get out. Right. So. And when they start to get out, that's your time to drive away. So the one thing that we were all that her and I were really looking forward to was the giraffe exhibit. Because occasionally giraffes, they were known for their giraffes. They'd have, like 10 giraffes, including a couple of babies that were taken from wherever. It was like a rescue place. So they were taken from wherever. And if you could catch them on a good day, the giraffes would be out there and they would grab food from you. But not always, because giraffes are shy and they stay in the corner or whatever. The giraffes were out, and we were driving around a corner, we could see that the giraffes were out. So I got really excited. I'm like, this is fantastic, you know, but everybody's just stopped trying to get the direct here. Giraffe, giraffe, you know, throwing food out and, you know, Mr. Giraffe, come this way. Well, giraffes don't listen to you. They're not dogs. They're not coming to you. Right. So the giraffes are standing near the driving lane, but they're not actually taking food from anybody. So I pull over and I park next to this tree. And I'm just watching this all go down because I'm like, well, they're not really eating for anybody. Let's just enjoy the an. Let's just watch and we'll enjoy until one of the larger giraffes starts heading in my direction, kind of eating leaves as it goes along. And then the giraffe all of a sudden is really close to the car. But you. I can't see it because I'm at, like, its toe level. And this Honda Accord, I'm looking at its knees. And so I don't want to stick my head out because I just don't want to interact with any other animals. Like the ostrich that's been following me for two months. That is a deadly animal. Like, those things, they will peck you to death, right? Yeah. So I'm just kind of got my window rolled down. I'm just enjoying the fact that this giraffe, these giraffe feet are, I don't know, let's call it 20, 10, 20ft from me. And then all of a sudden, the giraffe head comes right down to my level, and she. I'm assuming, because I didn't see a penis. Sticks her head into the side of the car. I have pictures of this. Sticks her head into the car with the tongue. That is about two and a half.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Their tongues are really long.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And so she starts grabbing food out of this girl's bucket of food. She starts, like, grabbing it with her tongue, right? And then I'm now grabbing food out of my. Like, she's. The head is right near me. We are looking at each other. It was insane. And it was a wonderful experience. And it was like, wow, this is. I've never been this close to any kind of wild animal, except for a dog and a cat maybe, and my mouse and that one snake that I lived with for a minute that I woke up with. And so it's got its head in there, and I am now handing her food, and she is taking her tongue, and she is wrapping it around my hand and grabbing the food. Disgusting and slimy as it was. It was very cool. Like, okay, this is awesome. This giraffe spends five minutes in the car. I mean, it's just, like, moving its head around. It's, like, rubbing up against my face. It's taking the food. I'm like, this is incredible. Oh, my God. You know, pictures are being taken, and then she takes her head out and. But she's still standing in the same location. And I'm like, we're freaking out. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Can you believe that just happened? That's insane. People are, like, honking. They're like, that's crazy. That's so cool. Because the giraffes were not going in anybody else's car. So, like, this is amazing. This is great. Until I start hearing a couple of minutes later, on the top of the car. Like a. Like sandpaper on the top of the car. And I was like, what is going on up there? And so now I have to stick my head out a little bit to look. And I see that she's got her head on the top of my car on the roof. And I'm like, what could she possibly be doing? Maybe she's licking the top of the car or something. That's really weird. I don't understand that. And then all of a sudden, the wire to the antenna of the Sirius satellite radio starts coming out of the molding of the car where they had hidden it. It's, like, ripping out. And I'm like, what is going? What? And I stick my head out again to look to see that she has her tongue wrapped around that little black thing. And she is like, right? And I'm like, oh, my. She Took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand. And now she's doing it with her tongue. It's amazing. She managed to rip out the entire wire. She basically took the Sirius satellite radio and just like snapped it in half. I mean it was not the like the radio part but the wire part. Snapped it in half and she dropped it. And we told the people that she dropped it, but she caused a bunch of damage to the top of the car. Not that that was adding any allure to the already shitty Honda Accord, but at the end of the day that's what happened. Their tongues are very powerful, right? Very powerful. I say all this to say I just read a story. Texas Drive Thru Safari. The giraffe grabs toddler out of the car. Encounter caught on video. A family in Texas got more than they bargained for when they took their two year old daughter to a drive thru safari because a giraffe snatched the kid up. Quite literally. The wild encounter from over the weekend was captured on camera showing the moment the little plate, little Paisley got lifted up and dropped by a hungry giraffe while she and her family were visiting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Picked. Picked up the toddler with the mouth.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Paisley was riding in the truck bed with her mom when her dad stopped so they could feed the giraffe. That's when the giant animal reached down for a bag of food the kid was holding. Grabbing a hold of her shirt, the giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth, frightening the girl's parents. Fortunately, all it took was the all it took to get the giraffe to let loose was Paisley's mom shouting. Paisley fell back into her mother's arms. Somehow wasn't harmed in the wow by the animal. And her dad said that my heart stopped. My stomach dropped. It literally scared the F out of me. Right. Exotic and endangered animals roam free at this facility. That's why there's a bunch of animals out and about and visitors can drive down the path and feed the critters. Obviously things can get a little hairy though, just like it did here. Paisley holding the bag of food down by her chest when she was snatched by the shirt. It's best to hold the food pellets above your head when trying to feed giraffes, says tmz. Like they're giraffe experts. But you can see an actual picture right here of the giraffe lifting the girl out of the truck bed. That's unbelievable. Yeah, they're very Strong. Very scary. Are you kidding me? That's terribly frightening. Wow. Yeah. Never again. Never again. Listen, I took some of the kids down there one year, and it. And it was 170,000 degrees outside. We, of course, rented the van because I was going to play that game twice. We, of course, rented the van. That van was like a nightmare in and of itself. It was basically like solitary confinement. You know what I'm saying? It was hot. They only blew hot air. It was like stuck on heat. So it was blowing this hot air. It was like. And the buffalo would, like, you know, scrape against the car and make it sounds miserable. It only caused my children to scream in a terrified way. And they were like, literally, like, taking the pellets and throwing them out of the window. Get it out. Get away. Get away. And when the ostriches came. Forget about it. The llamas, the ostriches, the limus, the. Whatever the. They call the emus. Limu. Emu. They were just scared shitless of this whole situation because wild animals are wild animals. They're like. They don't have any. There's no control over them. They're just doing what they know to do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe you should. Maybe you and Blue should go on a little road trip down to this.

[Brian Green]

I now sacrifice you to the g. Mother giraffe. Hold on. Let's see if we can do this. Mother giraffe. I now hand you a sacrifice.

[Bill]

Blue.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe she would do well down at this safari.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she's gonna be perfect.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She could, like, you know, keep some of the animals in line, maybe.

[Brian Green]

I will tell you what. All of those animals, it's like a. It's like, I don't know, a thousand acres, this whole thing, right? They have a zoo in the back also. That's the saddest thing you've ever seen in your entire life. But okay. And it's just a big pasture where all these animals, they haven't separate. Some of them separated for whatever reasons. But I would imagine Blue spends a day there, and all those animals gather together and they're hidden in a corner somewhere. They're like, nope, not that thing exactly. Blue's just barking at the people driving by.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like it.

[Brian Green]

Blue's not scared. I'm telling you what, for her size, you know, there's like this. This. I had a dog therapist. Tell me what dog therapist. A dog, like, psychologist.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's how. That's how far you would to take it with Blue.

[Brian Green]

You don't know how many people we've been in here. I've told the stories. I'm telling you. It's an unbreakable dog. It's like that horse from one of those movies where they try and break them. You're like, horse whisper or whatever. I'm telling you what. This is the dog that cannot be broken. She can't be trained either. There's no training. There's no. There's no broking. There's no breaking of this dog.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, it's. It is what it is.

[Brian Green]

So we went. We took it so far that we not had. We did not have one. We had two dog psychologists come into the house to help us, both of which left. Not helping us. We actually. One of them actually said, don't even pay me. Don't worry. But this particular one said that there is, like a. They think that there's a. Some kind of psychology in small dogs, that they. They imagine themselves. It's like a dysmorphia. They imagine themselves to be big dogs, regardless of what size they actually are. Right. So he said, I think Blue just thinks she's like a big German shepherd that's gonna take over the world or whatever. She is such a little bully. Such a little shit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. Yeah. But then she also can be so cute.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I was. She. She slept with me last night. I was like, well, whatever, I guess.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then still roll on her back.

[Brian Green]

I know. She came, like, popping up on the bed last night. Like, her little head was right there. It was like 12:30, and she. I could hear, like, scurrying around on my wood floors. And then she, like, popped her head up above the bed, and she was like, just, like, looking at me, and I was like, okay. All right. I guess you want to watch the West Wing with me? You want to catch a rerun of Mr. D? What do you think, Baby reindeer? What do you want to watch there, Blue? Let me know. So then I woke up this morning, and she had pissed. Of course she had pissed in the bathroom. I'm like, well, at least she got it in the bathroom. At least it was in the bathroom this time. She's so terrible. You sure you don't want a dog?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Brian Green]

Are you sure? Yeah. Like, Jeff doesn't want a companion when you're here recording. No. You guys. Are you guys gonna get any pets? Yeah. Yeah. What are you thinking?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we're gonna do a dog and a cat at the same time.

[Brian Green]

You're crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So that they. They love each other and are raised together.

[Brian Green]

A kitten and a puppy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You're gonna go to the rescue. Yes. Okay. Be careful about that rescue. I mean, I encourage you to get a rescue dog, but just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. Oh, well, you know, I got a pointer one time that would like. And it was just emaciated, and within two weeks, it turned into a pit bull. It was like, there's a pointer. And then when it grew, when I actually fed the thing, it was a pit bull. And I was like, oh. And, you know, a bitey pit bull at that. It was not. It was not the best experience in the world, but. And then a cat. Huh? Like a little tabby cat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You guys are gonna have a little family over there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

How are you gonna intertwine them with your naked cooking and stuff like that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. We'll have to figure that out.

[Brian Green]

No. Either. Yeah. Those little puppy teeth are sharp. I don't want. I don't want Jeff's jingle balls getting bitten by the puppy or the cat. You gotta get that thing declawed, Please.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We'll be safe.

[Brian Green]

Do you declaw or do you not declaw?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You don't declaw anymore. I think they put these little. They. They put these little rubber tips on their claws if you. If you want to go that route.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really? Like, nail job? Like, do a little nail. Are they permanent rubber tips on their. Oh, really? Oh, very interesting. Science has come a long way, huh? I remember when we had two cats, even though I was deathly allergic. That's where I learned I was deathly allergic because my dad brought home two cats that all of a sudden went to the farm after, like, three weeks, but they were declawed, and so they had no. No claws on them. But then the conversation has evolved. Huh. People think universally that's pretty mean. What about taking a dog's vocal box out? Is that universally thought of as mean?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think there could be a case. I actually inquired about circumstances.

[Brian Green]

I actually inquired about this. Not. Not. I wasn't going to do it. I just asked. I was making a joke. I just wanted to see, you know, I wasn't going to do it, but if I was going to do it, how much would it cost? And when was the next available appointment? That's all. I was just feeling it out a little bit. And so I asked the vet. I was like, hey, Doc Collie's name is Doc Collie. I said, hey, Doc Collie. What. What do you think? Vocal box removal. They do that anymore? And he goes, they do, but only under really the, like, most dire of circumstance, like, you know, a dog just never stops barking. And I'm like, here you go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep. The candidate.

[Brian Green]

Hey, Doc.

[Bill]

Right here.

[Brian Green]

And he said that it's kind of universally understood to not be the best.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

He also goes, it doesn't work because they will find a way to make noises regardless. And so now what you'll have is a dog that's making a twice as obnoxious bark because it doesn't have any vocal cords. So now it's like. So if we think we have trouble now with Blue in these episodes, just imagine I get those voice box removes. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You just gotta go with it at this point.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, man. I think I'm stuck with it. All right, so listen, it's Friday. We've had a. We've had a request from one of what I would consider a great fan of our super fan. I hate to say that word because it sounds so weird. Just even the word fan sounds weird. A listener. A super listener. Yes. Who I like very much. Josh has been texting and he says love, love, love the mountain monster episodes. And so I think it's been a. It's been a minute since we've done a minute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So it's Friday. I thought we'd go ahead and do a mountain monster breakdown. I found the most recent one where they are, they are chasing the blood sucking vampire, Chupacabra. Oh. Which of course, who wouldn't want to chase the blood sucking vampire?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Do they have to come up with a new monster each time?

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's making things up at this point.

[Brian Green]

I think they're like favorite. It's like us, like sometimes they go back to Frankie B. They go back to the. The wood wolves or whatever they are, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't know what they call them. The Dragon Eaters. Whatever they are, whatever mythological creature in that part of Kentucky that they happen to be chasing. You know, there are favorites and they'll go after them, but I think in general. Yeah, there's new mythological creatures. Cryptoids is what they call them, that they'll go out there. Cryptoids. There's a whole, like, you know, there's a whole thing going on. Cryptoids. And there is actually a Bigfoot camp somewhere that I would maybe like to attend at some point if we can convince ourselves to get out of the studio.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You mean like a convention or a camp?

[Brian Green]

It's a camp, but they do hold a convention there. But it's like a camp. You can go there anytime and Then, you know, it's a whole thing. You go overnight and you chase Bigfoot, you make noises. I did a little investigating.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Find out more.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I did a little investigating and it sounds very fascinating. And you know, you're my ride or die. So I thought, well, maybe we could do that together.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, look, tell me more.

[Brian Green]

Not sure I want to, but you know, if I decide to, maybe I'll do that. So let's do this. Let's take a break and when we get back, we'll break down a mountain monsters.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sounds good.

[Brian Green]

We'll be back.

[Christina]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on Tik Tok at TCB podcast. Done.

[Brian Green]

Perfect.

[Christina]

Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out TCVpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Okie dokie smokey pokey. We're back here with getting ready to tee up a mountain monsters for everybody. This one's for Josh. Josh, thanks for being such a great listener of the show. We really appreciate it. And this one's for you, buddy. Here we go. Mountain monsters are chasing the vampire blood sucking chupacabra. We'll find out more obviously. So I was trolling on the Internet as you do, as I do like to to do. And here's our boys, the mountain monsters.

[Bill]

We just heard Bigfoot tree knocks. That Bigfoot's in the area. Where are you guys at? Mile and a half east of the trap. You drive, Willie.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're going Bigfoot.

[Brian Green]

A mile and a half east of the trap. How is that a direction mile and a half east of the trap? I mean, I guess if you know where the trap is, then you can just figure it out. A mile and a half east of the trap. But why are they so far apart from each other? I don't know. Shouldn't they all be gathered? And by the way, we're now looking at like the, the unsung hero of the mountain monsters. There's a guy, I can't remember his name. Willie, I think it is, or something like that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's Not Huckleberry.

[Brian Green]

That's not Huckleberry. Okay. No, but he looks like Huckleberry. He's. He looks like a young Huckleberry. He's being groomed to take Huckleberry number seven's place. He's Huckleberry number eight.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, Huckleberry in training.

[Brian Green]

That's right, guys. Huckleberry number eight. I'm his personal assistant. Huckleberry number eight here, the younger version of Huckleberry. He says very little in any of these shows, but he's like the Trapper guy, I think. But when he is on camera at night, look at his pupils. He is all pupils. All pupils.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It really is like.

[Brian Green]

I don't know what's going on with him. Yeah, it's just black. His eyes are black. It's really weird. And every. I've noticed every time they show this guy, it's the exact same thing. Really weird.

[Bill]

Putnam County, West Virginia. And we're going after the Chupacabra. Trapper radioed over.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God, the picture of this Chupacabra. Look at that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like an animated.

[Brian Green]

It looks like a possum. It's a possum.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's like a boar type thing.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. That looks weird, huh?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

These animations, who do they get to do? I know, I don't know, three year olds. I mean, honestly, guys, I mean, you're obviously a popular show. You've been on for like 10 years. You gotta have some kind of budget for the creators. Yeah, it's all going to crash services. Okay. It's like on a Mountain Dew and Taco Bell.

[Bill]

Baby believes he heard some Bigfoot. Tree knocks. We need to hurry up and get over and give them some backup.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Tree knocks.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're hearing Bigfoot's dry humping a tree, but we're chasing the vampire Chupacabra. Can't you just see, like a Bigfoot just rubbing up against the tree?

[Bill]

Chupacabra's gotta be near. I'd say those Chupacabras are right there with that Bigfoot.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you know that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I'd say.

[Brian Green]

I'd say Chupacabra's gotta be near. I done smelled his ass. I smelled Chupacabra ass. How do you know that? You've never found one of these creatures?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, but they're together. Probably together.

[Brian Green]

How are you supposed to trust each other? They run around and attack these cryptoids, but the mountain, the smoke wolves and the timber lions and all these other. They all just hang out together?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Apparently.

[Brian Green]

Apparently.

[Bill]

So Bigfoot's running Around following those two coppers getting a free meal. That's what we need, boys.

[Brian Green]

They're getting a free meal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Forget about Bigfoot. Bigfoot?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Forget about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's just follow Bigfoot because he's trying to get the other thing.

[Brian Green]

Have you ever had fried chicken, Chopra? Oh, man. Fried chopper. It's delicious. Oh, my God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They did show.

[Brian Green]

They did just show a monster. That is insane. Look at that. Yep. Wow. Definitely looks like Sesame street circa 1983. That is stuff all up again. So just to give you some. Who's listening? If the people are listening, Just to give you an idea. They're riding down on one of these four wheelers that they're always driving in because Huck's too big to walk anywhere. There it is a mile and a half east of the trap. I guess that's a fair distance. And they start screaming. And then the camera quickly pans behind them to see like a Snuffleupagus puppet behind them. Black and white. In, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Quick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, quick like. Oh, it's a two second capture. Yeah. We've actually got it stopped right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was like the safari.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Animal coming up to the car.

[Brian Green]

I think I can actually see the end of the hand going through that puppet. Yeah.

[Bill]

What's wrong?

[Brian Green]

Stop. Stop. It's a man eating monster. We gotta stop and let it take a bite out of our legs. I know. We've gotta sacrifice our penises to the Snuffleupagus puppet.

[Bill]

Oh, it had big fangs, though. Whatever it was. We're in the side beside, going to meet with Trapper. Then I feel the side beside shake. I hear a loud noise.

[Brian Green]

I turn around.

[Bill]

All I can see is fangs right in my face.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The sound effects.

[Brian Green]

Hold on one second. I'm gonna do something. Hold on.

[Bill]

It's coming for you. Is that scary enough? You like that noise?

[Brian Green]

So much mood music going on in these things. I know it's supposed to. Look at that. It's clearly a puppet. Clearly.

[Bill]

Something was just in the back of the side beside. Did you see which way it went? Which way to go, Buck? No, I just turned and looked in the back glass and it was right there. Just seen fangs.

[Brian Green]

Holy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That one guy has like an old camera, a video camera out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So now they're out of the. He's calling it side by side. Why he's calling it a side by side, I have no idea. Maybe that's a proper term. Side by side.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, side by side.

[Brian Green]

But I think it's called a four by four. Is What? It's actually called side by side. Maybe that's because you sit side by side, but you do that in a car, too. But I call it a Honda, not a side by side. Not with Buck. That's right. But they're now out of the side by side because clearly that's what you do when something with fangs is chasing you. Stop, and you let it eat you. But one of the guys has a video camera that my dad used to film our 1988 Disney Vacation. Get out. The thermals, boys.

[Bill]

Is right here. You may not believe in Bigfoot, and you may not believe in Chupacabras, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side.

[Brian Green]

What does that have to do with me believing in Chupacabras or Bigfoot? That's so weird that he asked those two questions. And then he said, but you tell me, what was that? Let's listen to that. You know, he's just a. He's a wizard with words. He is. Let's. Let's listen to it again, Bigfoot.

[Bill]

And you may not believe in Chupacabras, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side beside Puppet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep. Trapper, your production.

[Bill]

Yeah, Buck.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen.

[Bill]

We was on our way to you and something jumped in the back of the side beside and tried to attack us. I think it was the Chupacabra.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I think it was that Chupacabra.

[Brian Green]

Well, I done lost my teeth again.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he really does not have teeth.

[Brian Green]

He looks like someone you'd see sitting in front of a Cracker Barrel on one of those Ford swings. He's got the old unruly beard. He's got the old Hatfield and McCoy hat on. The floppy hat, you know, Not a cowboy hat, a floppy Kentucky hat. He's got a beard that has not been shaved or cleaned for years. Decades maybe. And then he's got not a tooth in his mouth. And he's got that. You know, people don't have teeth in their mouth. Yeah, they kind of play with their mouth. My dancers over here. I think the Bigfoot took it. So you guys got good luck with the Chupacabra. I'm gonna find some dent. Dentine. I'll be back. Over here.

[Christina]

Trapper.

[Bill]

Is everyone okay? Yeah, we're all right. We just need some backup.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're all right, but I done worked up an appetite. I gotta get back to craft services quickly. Back to the toothless wonder.

[Bill]

Okay, we're coming to you just as quick as we can get There. Damn.

[Brian Green]

Well, damn. We're gonna get there.

[Bill]

We're gonna get there as soon as we can.

[Brian Green]

Soon find my teeth. And then he turns around and he goes, damn. Well, we should talk about it for a few minutes. As quick as we can get there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that other guy. He's with the other guy. That's the yeller.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeller. I hope he starts yelling. I hope he does, because I really am in the mood to do my yelling.

[Bill]

Come on, T. Holy cow.

[Brian Green]

Let's go. Oh, my God. How God damn. Dolls in awesome teeth. And then over there without a trip. Copy. Got two fangs in them now. My Muppet puppet much a big bird. Let's get there.

[Bill]

Probably there now. Over here.

[Brian Green]

Hey. Hey, it's us. It's not a chupacabra in a side by side.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's me with the lights on.

[Brian Green]

All these cameras over here indicate that it's us. Us. I love that. Don't shoot. It's us. Oh, you don't say. The ones with the cameras. Okay.

[Bill]

Yeah. Everybody all right? Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Who's that?

[Bill]

I don't know which way it went. I bet he leaned down. He'll take a look right now.

[Christina]

Damn.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did he just shoot the. The gun? I think he just for.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No direction.

[Brian Green]

No, I think something dropped out of the sky is what happened. Let's check that out again. Now there's total chaos. There really is side by sides or whatever that is parked in front of each other with their high beams on. Every one of them has a miner's light on their head. They're all carrying guns in no particular safety direction. They're all just swinging them around wildly. Everyone's bumping into each other. This is a classic Mountain Monsters episode. There is no safety involved whatsoever. Something literally just tried to eat you with large fangs. I mean, clearly it was a puppet, but let's say it was real for just a second. Something just tried to attack you while you're driving down the road at 28 miles per hour in your foot, side by side. And what you do is you stop so that you can investigate. And then you call other people with guns who swing them around wildly. And you. They don't even know who. You have to identify yourself.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, I want to hear if it was a gunshot.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Bill]

That's why it went. I bet he leaked downhill.

[Brian Green]

Take a look. No, that's just sounding, folks. That's just them being. Just them being silly. That was stupid right in there.

[Bill]

Trapper and the rest of the guys just showed up. I don't know which way the Chupacabra went, but we got to get back hot on the trail. I know it left some sign around here somewhere.

[Brian Green]

I'm not sure which way it went, but what do you say we drop the big foot? We thought we were out here trying to get a chupacabra. What ended up happening is we're in a party in the woods. We're in a rave, sweaty, sweaty trailer. It's everywhere. I just saw 16 chupacabras having a moon circle. Over in the corner, there's two bigfoots doing ayahuasca over there. Don't eat the brown acid come off.

[Bill]

Or they got a more. He hit or something. Something tore. Right Here it is.

[Brian Green]

I got.

[Bill]

Oh, yeah, right here. Some weeds broke all over Trapper. Okay, here. Here's what we got. Here's what we got.

[Brian Green]

Here's what we got. Here's what we got. We got no teeth. We got 12 teeth between the four of us. We got four teeth.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Here's what we got.

[Brian Green]

Here's what we got. We got four teeth. We got five shotguns pointing in every direction. And we got a tipped over weed. I'm pretty sure we're in trouble now. We got a tipped over weed. That's their big break in the case. I know that's a tipped over weed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think Buck just stepped on it, then turned around and said, look, I.

[Brian Green]

Think Buck could step on a redwood and it would tip over.

[Bill]

Bill, you're a tracker, you take that track. Willie, you back him up.

[Brian Green]

All right.

[Bill]

Good deal. Yes, sir.

[Brian Green]

Huck, I want you to go deal. No problem. I'll volunteer to die. No problem. You go follow him. The guy without the gun, you go follow him.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's the only one that doesn't have a gun.

[Brian Green]

I know. He's like, all right, boss, good idea.

[Bill]

You're our best shot with security. Okay, sir. Give me that race.

[Brian Green]

Best shot with security. You guys have a security team? After all these years, we're just learning about this. No, it's not true. I don't believe it.

[Bill]

Yeah, so we can keep in contact. All right, guys, we're going to cruise out this road, run the thermal. This is a big cove in here. Maybe we can head him off on the other side of this cove.

[Brian Green]

Okay, this is a cove. How can you see shit? You're in the middle of the fucking dark.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're always showing weeds.

[Brian Green]

I know. It's just all weeds. Tall weeds. They're in the same place they were in last episode, which is the same place they were in the other episode.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

At least they're not in the cornfield.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's true. The cornfield episodes get dangerous because they're pointing guns all over the shooting in random directions.

[Bill]

Contact with it. Yes, sir. Meanwhile, Bill and Huckleberry is going to lead off on the trail. Trapper and the rest of the team's gonna head out around the COVID and see if we can't catch this guy.

[Brian Green]

And while I'm wasting a bunch of time here talking to you, people are dying over there getting eaten by the vampire blood sucking chupacabra that's friends with Bigfoot. I know.

[Bill]

I'm telling you, Trapper, that was too close.

[Brian Green]

Oh, too close.

[Bill]

Which way to go, bro? I'm looking, I'm looking, brother. Right here, right here. Look here.

[Brian Green]

Will it. Right here. Yeah, yeah. Right on down through here.

[Bill]

Right on down.

[Brian Green]

Right on down here.

[Bill]

Through here.

[Brian Green]

I think these are five older guys who are all slowly getting dementia. Right over here. What? What did you see that made you go down that way? You're not really investigating, are you?

[Bill]

He went across or didn't he? Will he hit this log right here.

[Brian Green]

He hit this log right here. Then up to the left. Then he put a Y formation. Then the defensive lineman came over to the right and sacked him. It's like they have a whole playbook for what this animal did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. And is he walking over like the log that. Is there a big hole underneath that?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because look at the tree. There's a top of the tree over there. So this is for the security lead. He's not being very safe about anything, first of all. Second of all, how do they know it went this way? There's no signs of anything. It's the middle of the night. They can't see shit. I'm coming, brother.

[Bill]

I'm coming. Watch your back, guys. Be ready. Yes, sir.

[Brian Green]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Bill]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Green]

Yes, sir.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like they're in a military regiment.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Every military, every military in the world trains their special forces and making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now by repeating, yes sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Every five to ten seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy. Military. 101.

[Bill]

Right. There's more than you kicked out of here right there. Holy. What was that?

[Brian Green]

Holy shit. What was that? It was a tree.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, I see it right there.

[Bill]

I see it, I see it. There he goes, baby.

[Brian Green]

Right there he goes. Nope, just my dentures clacking around like those fake teeth. They go, I know, we're going this way.

[Bill]

I can see this black sh.

[Brian Green]

Did you hear him? They just said we're going this way. We're going that way. Great directions.

[Bill]

Listen, we're going this way.

[Brian Green]

This way. You go that way.

[Bill]

Going through the weeds. Me and Wild Bill looked up and took ra after his ass. Right there, Bill. Hold up.

[Brian Green]

Hold up. Right there. Yeah, I seen him.

[Bill]

Where to go right through there. That tube of cobble. Run through them woods faster than a cheater on wheels.

[Brian Green]

A teeter on wheels or a cheater on A cheater on wheels. That's a. That's a news one. That's a new southern slang I hadn't heard before. Like a cheater on wheels right there.

[Bill]

Hustlebird. We see it. Careful, damn it.

[Brian Green]

Careful, damn it. Here's an idea. If you want everybody to be so careful and you're all worried about your safety, get back in your four by twos, side by twos or whatever they are, and go somewhere else. Why are you chasing this thing? What are you doing? You're putting everybody in imminent danger for no reason whatsoever for one shot of a puppet. Come on, get it together. Poor guy doesn't have any teeth. He doesn't have any teeth and you're running them around in the middle of a nightmarish scenario with cryptoids. All right, more fun to come. Let's take a break. We'll be back. What?

[Christina]

Oh, hi, it's Christina again here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC, BDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com TheCommercialBreak that's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

Okay, back here with the good old boys of the Chupacabra. The blood sucking vampire Chupacabra. And somehow Bigfoot is also showed up for the special occasion. And all we've seen so far is a bad puppet and a lot of guys running around swinging guns, wildly loaded things fast.

[Bill]

Hey, Trapper, can you hear me? Yeah, go ahead. We just Picked up his trail. And we come up to this high point, and I actually got to say it. And it took off through the brush.

[Brian Green]

I actually got to say it. Whoopee.

[Bill]

Okay, we're up on the other side of the COVID I'm gonna turn around, head back.

[Brian Green]

Why Will it just. I was actually traveling in the opposite direction, Hoping to end this nightmare and get back to the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm here, and I'm getting ready to turn back around.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I was. I was hoping to get back to the Marriott by courtyard quickly. But I guess we're gonna stay here for a while, do some more filming.

[Bill]

In the chupacabra out in front of them. We got to get this side beside turned around, get back with the team, and get this thing pushed towards the trap.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so instead of then pushing forward.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You actually took the time to do that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Found it. Now go back.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Found it. Now let me stop tape some, and then I'll be back. And then I'll turn it around.

[Bill]

I got some more eggs right here, Wally.

[Brian Green]

Right here, Right here. Holy. What was that?

[Bill]

There he goes, Bill. Right there he goes right through there. Oh, I see him. I see him up ahead there. There they are. There they are right there. He went right there. They went right across the road right there. Me and Wild Bill hot on his ass, Headed clear back up through. He crossed the road, and the rest of the team met right up with us. I seen him, man.

[Brian Green]

We were hot after him. His ass like a college girl's ass on a bar stool. I mean, we were so close, and then unfort, and we just lost him again. I don't know. I don't know what happened, guys. Where was it?

[Bill]

He crossed right up through and went right up through that. He's coming right there. Right there he is.

[Brian Green]

I've learned that. I think the. The key to a good Mountain monsters episode is a lot of cameras just shaking around.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. All directions.

[Brian Green]

Just moving around in multiple directions while the certain noises come through like, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, that's the formula.

[Bill]

Yes. Chrissy. No, he didn't come my way. He had to go right up through that way, right towards the trap.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's just got it.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Meanwhile, the filming is. They're filming them.

[Brian Green]

There's 12 different camera angles. Yet one of the Mountain monsters has his. It's literally a video camera, like the kind where you would put a VHS cassette in. It's £10. It takes three people to hold it. And he's just pointing it into the Darkness. Isn't that why you brought the camera crew?

[Bill]

Missed it. What? That's the son of a. Oh, he's right at the trap. He's smelling that blood. Let's get out of here. Let's go. Load him up. We just heard chupacabra up on the ridge. We gotta get after him. We gotta put some heat on him and get him going towards that trap.

[Brian Green]

We gotta put some heat on him. That's right. I brought my flamethrower. We're gonna set half of western Virginia on fire, but we're gonna get that chupacabra. This is the last thing I do. Can we find my dentures too? Yippee.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A vampire.

[Brian Green]

Whoa.

[Bill]

Whoa.

[Brian Green]

They're all. They're all stuffed into one. Side by side. Yeah. Driving out of control at 7 mph. So guarantee they'd crash when all else fails. For the mountain monsters fake a crash scene because that's what's happened a lot.

[Bill]

We got right up to the trap and just soon as we got there, bam. The door goes down. I know one of them at least hit the trigger off on it.

[Brian Green]

Go, go, go, go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did they get it?

[Brian Green]

No. Of course.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But they're making like they did.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, they had time to stop and talk to the camera for catching their big find. If they had caught a blood sucking vampire, Chupacabra or Bigfoot, they would be the most famous people in the world. But they did not. And they're still on Travel channel. Yeah. NBC would call with a $45 million a year deal. But that didn't happen.

[Bill]

We got that son of a bit. He.

[Brian Green]

Wow. They are really excited.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's Huckleberry security.

[Brian Green]

I got a boner for the first time since 72. I'm huckleberry number seven.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They've caught something in a storage container, I think.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I think what they caught is Billy with a big snuffleupagus. Puff it, guys. How long do I have to be in here?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's hot.

[Brian Green]

It's hot and I'm tired. I want to go home.

[Bill]

The Ames team catches any damn thing. They can kiss my damn hillbilly ass.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. Why are they so angry? Oh, there's two of them. Oh, what are they? They look like dogs. Yeah, they're pigs. Pigs. Yeah, that's what they are. They're pigs.

[Bill]

The Chupacabras busting up against the wall. It tried to bite Willie's flashlight. It's mad nice looking.

[Brian Green]

It tried to bite Willie's flashlight.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Look at Buck's face.

[Brian Green]

I know. He's so happy I done stick McDick in there hoping to get me a chupacabra hand job. I call it a chupa job. And I got a nasty little scratch on my pee pee. Look at him. He's so happy. He's like, can we get Taco Bell now?

[Bill]

Gets for jumping in the back. Beside, beside. And scared me. After death, it feels good to get the chupacabra in the trap.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And now they're just kind of like patting each other around. Got it.

[Brian Green]

No calling scientists.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Got it.

[Brian Green]

You got it. Don't call the police or, you know, I don't know, some secret NSA facility where they investigate blood sucking chupacabras. Don't worry about that. Let's all give each other high fives. And Billy will give us all nummies with his all in a day's work. Well, I guess we can go back to the hotel now. Boys, we caught two chupacabras. Hey Billy, you don't mind cleaning up the mess, do you? Just go ahead and let him go. No further investigation needed. We now have proof on our thermals. By the way, they're not even showing a picture of it. They're showing thermal imaging from inside this wooden trap. It's all wood. It's like siding on a house. So you know what? We have never. We don't see anything. There's nothing to see. It's just like you can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's some animal in there.

[Brian Green]

Some animal in there. It looks like a wild hog to me, but. This one's for you. Go fuck it. That's for you, Trevor. You get the first fucking. You go break it in and I'll be right behind you. We're gonna make chupa. Humans. Oh, I smell trouble.

[Bill]

We might not have all of them in the cage.

[Brian Green]

Guy. Why did that guy cock his gun five separate times? I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once. I'm pretty sure you only can do it once. I don't know. Let's go. That's the tail of the tape. Let's see how many times he cocked that gun. 1, 2, 3, 4. By the way, this is so funny. If you were watching this, it'd be so funny. They make the cocking of the gun noise, but he doesn't even move his hands.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, that was the sound effect.

[Brian Green]

Just the sound effect. Little too eager on the. The gun click. Yeah.

[Bill]

Listen. That son of bitch knows we got his mates. Listen. He's coming closer, boys.

[Brian Green]

You got my mates.

[Bill]

That's my woman.

[Brian Green]

I'm coming after you.

[Bill]

Real close.

[Brian Green]

Get ready. Get ready.

[Bill]

Get ready.

[Brian Green]

Get ready to kill the one thing we've been looking to get alive for years. Quick.

[Bill]

That son of a. Right out there in front of us. In front of us. Trevor.

[Brian Green]

Holy.

[Bill]

What the hell was that? What the hell?

[Brian Green]

The Chupacabra had guns, too. It's a shootout at the OK Corral. It's a shootout at the. It's a shootout. The g. At the CK Corral. Chupa Cobra. Get around there.

[Bill]

Bill.

[Brian Green]

Hey, they're here.

[Bill]

They busted out of the trap.

[Brian Green]

There they go. There they go.

[Bill]

There they go. Going over the hill. Guys, they're going over.

[Brian Green]

Oh, they busted out of the trap. Chrissy. Foiled again. Again.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Foiled again, Scooby Doo.

[Brian Green]

I don't know, Adam.

[Christina]

This time.

[Brian Green]

Boy. I guess we can't have extra dinner night with no steak dinner fronts. Boys. There'll be no chupacabra tonight. So we're meant to believe that these things got trapped into this wooden encasing and were there for a good 10 or 15 minutes just, you know, running around going crazy because they have been trapped. Trapped. But luckily, while they had their backs turned, the chupacabra managed to escape by cracking through the walls.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We need the thermal.

[Brian Green]

We need the thermal busted out.

[Bill]

Look here. Look here. Look right here. Huh?

[Brian Green]

Oh, sorry. There's a little something.

[Bill]

Look at the size of it. It's a damn Bigfoot, friend. Look at my foot sitting in there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bigfoot helped him. Bless that.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill]

Five, six in longer.

[Brian Green]

You know what they say. If you ever you need help, call Bigfoot. He'll be there for you. I've got his number memorized for jail.

[Bill]

Right there. Bill, hold up.

[Brian Green]

Hold. Another gun. Cocking noise. And no one cocked a gun. What do you think goes on in the production booth? I think we need extra gun noises, add to the suspense. Don't worry about where you put them. Just I want gun talking all over the place. If I don't have at least 12 gun in this scene, y' all are fired.

[Bill]

He's got one tooth popper right behind him right over there.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. That looks like a dog.

[Bill]

We got something on thermal. Come on, let's go.

[Brian Green]

Check them out. On the thermal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

As he walked at the slowest pace ever.

[Brian Green]

Buck is huge.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, the other one was walking really slow, too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there's no sense of urgency here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We got him.

[Brian Green]

I know if I had gotten to Chupacabra, it would be the only. Like, if that was my life's passion and work and Travel Channel had paid Me, millions of dollars over 30 seasons or whatever it is, and I finally got something to show on camera. I would just like. I would be going as fast as I could, but these guys are just like, you know, they're yelling a lot, but they ain't going anywhere.

[Bill]

Found up there a damn bigfoot track. That's what tore the hell out of the trap. You want to hear this one? I seen the bigfoot going into the big forest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The chupacabra was right behind Going into the big forest.

[Brian Green]

You want to see this one? I done seen bigfoot go into big lots. Did you know it's two furs on organic pineapples at big lots?

[Bill]

Yeah, I got it.

[Brian Green]

Recorded that.

[Bill]

And you got the bigfoot and the chupacabra together? Chupacabra was right behind him. They went over this hill into that big forest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I holding hands.

[Brian Green]

I saw bigfoot get down on one knee, and then he took out a big rock. And I'm talking a big rock. He put it right on that chupacabra's finger. They ran off together, and they ran off together to the sounds of Taylor swift.

[Bill]

Right through that field. That's what that was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Throw another one in there.

[Brian Green]

Just throw another gun in there. No one's even holding a gun at this point.

[Bill]

Call was that damn chupacabra made that distress call. He wasn't calling those. He was calling that damn bigfoot in to get him out.

[Brian Green]

A distress call?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A distress super copper did to call bigfoot.

[Brian Green]

Huh? Is this big? Is this bigfoot? Yeah.

[Bill]

Hey, it's me, chy. Hey, ch.

[Brian Green]

What's up?

[Bill]

I'm just over here stringing up some humans upside down by their feet, you know, scare some people.

[Brian Green]

Sounds great, but I got a real problem.

[Bill]

I'm stuck in a trap that doesn't.

[Brian Green]

Really do anything, But I need your help.

[Bill]

Oh, yeah. Those dumbasses from mountain monster.

[Brian Green]

Those are the guys. All right, well, I'm gonna come up.

[Bill]

Over this here ridge. I'll go down by the hollow and just go ahead and have them scream a bunch, and I'll break you out while they're not looking. Sounds like a plan.

[Brian Green]

Thanks, buddy. No problem. What do you think about a blow.

[Bill]

Job later on tonight? We'll talk about it. Get us out of here first. All right, chupy. See you soon.

[Brian Green]

Bye, bigfoot. Bye, dumbasses.

[Bill]

Bigfoot is using that chupacabra the same way we use hunting dog. Yep. Yeah. Wow. He went right in there and saved his house.

[Brian Green]

Wow. That powered a lot of things in my Life. But this, this one is outrageous. Smoke wolves almost got me. But you're telling me the Chupacabra has a CNI dog?

[Bill]

They're loyal to him and he's loyal to them. And when they got in trouble, they started yelling distress. He came and busted them out. Just like the jailhouse break. They drink the blood and he gets the carcass for food.

[Brian Green]

They got the puzzle solved at least. Here comes the funny music doing. Here comes a joke somewhere.

[Bill]

This team made a great discovery tonight. We know that this Bigfoot is communicating some way or another with these Chupacabras and using them to hunt those Chupacabras in that trap. They looked exactly like the stories I heard in the 90s.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They looked exactly like the stories I.

[Brian Green]

Heard in the 90s. Was 90s a big chupacabra year? Decade? I don't know. I was too busy with LSD to remember.

[Bill]

Listen, Bill, they ain't so awesome looking when you're staring at their teeth six inches from your neck.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's true, you know. Hey, listen, all's well that ends well. They were close.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're real close.

[Brian Green]

They almost got them, Chrissy. This time they filmed something. This is the first time we've ever seen a thing being filmed. Unfortunately, it was a hand puppet and it was clear that it was a hand puppet. But hey, listen, A for effort, boys. A for effort.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

All I got to say is just do me a favor. I think we could add to the realism is more gun cocking. If you could get more gun cocking.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

More cowbell.

[Brian Green]

More cowbell. I think I would be a little bit, little bit more convinced. Just a little bit. All right. What I want to see him do really, is start hunting. Hunting possums. That's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go. Right, right in.

[Brian Green]

Yes. The opossum. The Lord tcb possum. That's everywhere. All right, if you have a possum related question, let us know. We'd love to hear how much you hate possums. TCBpodcast.com, that's the website. You can drop us an email there. You can get your free sticker by hitting the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send one off, off to you. You can also watch all the video and listen to all the audio right there from the website. We would also like to let you know that our phone number is 1212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. We take comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas. If you'd like to be on the show, we'd love to hear you. Got a story to tell, got a question to answer. Ask for TCB's advice. We call it Ask TCB. Ask T. Brian's mom. Mom has been. Mom's been under the weather for the last month or two, but she's feeling better and I think, I think she's ready for a visit. I talked to her this morning. So my mom will be back on. If you have a question for, she will answer. It doesn't matter how nasty or disgusting or weird it is. My mom will figure it out. She will give good advice. I promise you. She's good at that. So hit us up on that line. 212-4333, TCB. Also, if you could please do us a favor, go to the Instagram, follow us at the commercial break TCB podcast on Tick Tock. I should start posting there. I don't think we made a post there in a year and we still get followers. It's good. I think we're up to seven followers now on Tick Tock. I actually saw a follower on Tick Tock. And then unbelievably, we've got like three people to follow us on YouTube.com the commercial break. You can find all of our guest interviews and selected episodes on that YouTube channel. We sure would appreciate it if you would follow us. Okay, Chrissy, that's all the excitement I can handle today.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy. And I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. Ram.

[Bill]

That cow killing bastard.