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- [00:00]
Brian Green
This episode is sponsored by our new favorite partner, Dollar Shave Club. I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor. Dollar Shave Club Ben a customer for a very long time. One very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face. We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently. That's what makes us all unique and interesting. And honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom, or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price. So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day. And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day.
- [00:50]
Chris Oakley
The Club Series 6 Blade Razor this.
- [00:52]
Brian Green
Isn'T just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this. And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight, you need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere, so you can order them from the website Amazon or get them at your favorite retailer near you.
- [01:23]
Chris Oakley
That's what I do.
- [01:24]
Brian Green
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- [01:52]
Chris Oakley
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- [01:54]
Brian Green
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- [02:25]
Mike Edinburgh
And welcome back to WSHIT Sports. It's 6:02am on the Sister Mary Tune up and confessional studio clock at Sister Mary's. We'll tune you up in a flash while we hear your confession to save your ass. Today in sports, the international diddle competition has come back to Crabapple for the fifth year in a row. This year, the Crabapple Municipal Auditorium will play host to 35 diddlers from around the world. The world renowned diddlers will be diddling their hearts out to vie for the title of the world's best diddler. And while last year's world champion from right here in Crabapple, Kevin Kunk, was disqualified for using over 17 different banned substances, that didn't stop the crab applians from coming out in force to watch the diddlers diddle. Our international sports reporter, Mike Edinburgh was right there in the middle of the action. He filed this report earlier this morning.
- [03:22]
David Glenn
A large crowd of diddling enthusiasts are here to cast a critical ear over every diddle. But a lot of very, very strong diddlers here today. So it's all now with the judges and now the crowd rising to what I suppose is a living legend in diddling. Mr. David. A certain amount of tension growing up. Now, who is going to be the world champion? Will Davy Glenn make his comeback? Is there to be a new champion? Decision on the diddling champ. In a few minutes now, we'll know the hall, as you can see, packed. Packed solid with people wanting to know who's going to be the world diddling champion.
- [04:16]
Tina
The winner is Davey Glenn with 62 out of 10.
- [04:18]
David Glenn
And David Glenn makes a comeback. And so the crowd greets the world diddling champion, David Glenn.
- [04:25]
Mike Edinburgh
There has never been and there will never be a sport like diddling. I'm proud to be a diddler myself. I have taught all of my sons how to diddle. It's a family tradition passed down from diddler to diddler. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go diddle right now while you listen to this commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break.
- [04:58]
Chris Oakley
It's cold, but there's a tent with heaters.
- [05:01]
Tina
Rainy.
- [05:01]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. Band PLAYING I happen to know the guy who's playing. Anyway, it's a whole show over there and we get right to it. We get right to work. As you do when you're in radio promotions. You drink and act like a fool.
- [05:16]
Tina
Yeah. And just to make sure everything's tasting correctly.
- [05:20]
Chris Oakley
Yeah.
- [05:21]
Tina
And that the other Customers are having a good time.
- [05:23]
Chris Oakley
You got to make sure that everyone is having a good time. You got to make sure that when you leave, they know that 94. 9 the bull. They party hard. They believe in the products they're selling. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Oakley. Bestie, you, Chris Bestie, Brian, Bestie, you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Hope you survived the St. Patrick today melee. Although Monday, St. Patrick's Day certainly helps keep things in check.
- [06:07]
Tina
Does it?
- [06:07]
Chris Oakley
No, because I remember a Monday, St. Patrick's Day, where you and I, it was a Monday. I turned the red tide green. I turned the, I don't know, the pink tide blue. I'm not sure what I did, but it was a great St. Patrick's Day. That will go down in history in infamy, if you don't mind here in some circles.
- [06:31]
Tina
And our memories, for sure, Chrissy and I, that sort of what we can.
- [06:34]
Chris Oakley
Remember of it, what we can remember, what we can talk about. It was quite the ordeal.
- [06:39]
Tina
The later in the day it gets. I don't remember as much, but.
- [06:44]
Chris Oakley
Well, I remember all of it. Well, most of it. I do remember carrying you into a hotel room.
- [06:51]
Tina
Remember a lot of yingling. I remember.
- [06:53]
Chris Oakley
Oh, green shots. Yingling. A lot of yingling. A tent, A hotel room.
- [07:03]
Tina
Yeah, we, we did have the foresight to get a hotel room.
- [07:07]
Chris Oakley
We got it right. So here it is. Chrissy and I are working for the radio station as we did for many years. Well, not many years. Four years, three years. It seems like forever.
- [07:17]
Tina
20.
- [07:18]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. You go work in radio and tell me how long. It seems like one day is like five years. It's like interstellar. You know how 1.25 seconds is a day on that planet? Mike's planet or whatever. I just watched Interstellar and that ticking noise, I don't know if you know this, but in the movie Interstellar, this is a total side here. But in the movie Interstellar, when they get to that planet, the water planet, okay, they get to the water planet, they're near the black hole and they've left the other guy in the spaceship away from the black hole and they say to themselves, we have to do this quick because every 1.25 seconds on this planet is a day on Earth. So the longer we stay here, the longer we're gone. And they end up being gone for 23 Earth years. And they're gone for like an hour and a half or whatever. Right. But that's what radio feels like. Every 1.25 seconds is like a day on earth. And so I think by that count, Chrissy and I were there for 23 years.
- [08:18]
Tina
Yes.
- [08:20]
Chris Oakley
So we are at the radio station and Yingling has traditionally been a northeastern beer. For whatever reason, the rules of the road, you can't distribute here, distribute there. But then for some reason, all of a sudden, Yingling floodgates opened and I got the account. You did. And lucky you, because St. Patrick's Day was about. They came here on January 1st and St. Patrick's Day is just a couple short months ahead. And they're going to blow it out. Oh, yeah. At a local bar. Not a local bar, a bar up north and you know, one of the suburbs of Atlanta. But they're going to get a tent and bands and they're going to have the St. Patrick D Day, it's party that they've ever had. And man, was it because Chrissy and I, we. We scouted the location and there was like a Hampton Inn in the parking lot. Like the bar is sitting in a strip mall parking lot. And in the back of the strip mall parking lot there's a brand new Hampton Inn. And we decided to rent a hotel room there so that we know, we already know it's going to be shots and beer all night long. We're not driving back to wherever the fuck we have to go. We're just going to walk over to the hotel room. Two beds. Just be clear about that. Two beds. Like Ross and Rachel. Chrissy and I never hooked up until season seven, but we're only on season six, so, you know, it's not. We're not there yet.
- [09:37]
Tina
We're not the Villages yet.
- [09:39]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, we're not the Villages yet. So we get this hotel room, we drop our bags, we park in the middle of the parking lot. So our car's halfway in between and we go to this party, which is a. It's cold, but there's a tent with heaters.
- [09:53]
Tina
Rainy.
- [09:53]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. Band playing. I happen to know the guy who's playing. Anyway, it's a whole fucking shit show over there. And we get right to it. We get right to work as you do when you're in radio promotions. You drink and act like a fool.
- [10:08]
Tina
Yeah. And just to make sure everything's tasting correctly and that the other customers are having a good time.
- [10:16]
Chris Oakley
You got to make sure that Everyone is having a good time. You got to make sure that when you leave, they know that 94. 9 the bull. They party hard there. They believe in the products they're selling. They drank a keg of Yingling on their own. There was just two of them. Well, there was three or four of us. But halfway through the night, it's probably midnight, 12:30, and I can see the look in my best friend's eye. I know that look when one eye is drifting off to the side.
- [10:46]
Tina
Yes, I did get the look.
- [10:48]
Chris Oakley
Yes, Chrissy got the look. And there were. The guys were swirling around, and I.
- [10:52]
Tina
Was like, time to go to the hotel.
- [10:56]
Chris Oakley
Time to go to the hotel. Chrissy and I literally dragged her to the hotel, threw her upstairs and said, have a good night. And when I came back three hours later, she was in the exact same position. Shoes, jacket, everything, it was gone.
- [11:10]
Tina
And like the crime scene body.
- [11:13]
Chris Oakley
Yes. Your crime scene body. Yes.
- [11:16]
Tina
One hand up here, another here.
- [11:18]
Chris Oakley
And I came back with another person who worked at the radio station. And that's. That's all the story I can tell.
- [11:24]
Tina
Yeah.
- [11:25]
Chris Oakley
Just know it was an interesting night for everyone involved. So much more interesting. I wish I could share, but I love my friend and I'm not. I'm not going to take it any further than that. So there you go. We have had a few St. Patrick's days together, and that was a Monday night also, so there you go. I don't think we showed up to work on Tuesday, but I think everybody knew that anyway. It wasn't like they were expecting us to show up. We had work obligations the night before. Yes. I just remember waking up in that Hampton Inn and our other friend had already left, and I was like, oh, ruh Roh.
- [11:58]
Tina
Oh, I had a pounding headache.
- [12:01]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. I think we went to breakfast or something.
- [12:03]
Tina
We did?
- [12:04]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. Like the Flying Biscuit or like one. Yeah.
- [12:08]
Tina
In the afternoon.
- [12:09]
Chris Oakley
Well, that's the kind of breakfast you have when you're out. You to 12:30, me to 3:30. Watching movies all night long. Anyway, that was a fun one. So I hope you survived your St. Patrick's Day. If you got any shenanigans you'd like us to know about, go ahead and text them or call them in. But I thought it was important to start the morning off or start the week off sharing two things. Number one, Aaron Weber, great guy, funny comedian, and he is our TCB infomercial this week. So if you didn't listen, go take a listen to Tuesday's episode with Aaron Weber of the Nate Borgozzi clan up there in Nashville, Tennessee. He's on Nateland podcast. He's on the Never Ending tour. He's got a 30 minute special out that's easy to digest, really funny, fun for the whole family. It's relatively clean comedy. You can watch it, you know, with small children who aren't going to understand, like, the nuances of the comedy as you, as the kids get older, they may catch on to some of the things. I wouldn't call it clean comedy. I think that's the wrong way to say it. He doesn't use traditional cuss words. That's probably the best way to put it. But he's really funny. He's a great guy to talk to. Aaron Weber and then all the links in the show notes. If you want to go from Aaron Weber, clean comedy guy to Ari Shafir, not clean comedy guy, let me tell you something. We, you know, Ari came on the show a couple of weeks ago and we had so much fun with Ari and we laughed so hard. He is such a naturally gifted comedian. He's one of these guys. But you're not going to fully understand the extent to which Ari can make you laugh until you see him on a stage doing his thing. I think even the special does not do him justice because two things. We saw Ari on Saturday night. He was nice enough to leave some tickets for us. So we went, we saw it. Number one, great tickets. Thanks, Ari. Really appreciate it. Number two, I didn't expect Ari to be as physical in his comedy as he was. Like, I watched the special and I know he walks around the stage and he uses his body in certain ways. Yeah, but he uses his body to great effect. And like, you know, the microphone as a prop and the whatever he's got, you know, at his disposal as a prop, he used it to great effect. He is a fantastic storyteller. He really is. He. And he went on forever, by the way. I expected a 45 minute, 60 minutes.
- [14:29]
Tina
He was a good hour and a half.
- [14:31]
Chris Oakley
I was an hour and 38 minutes or something. It went on for a long time and I could have done another half an hour. I really could have. He was so fucking funny. If you get a chance to see Ari in anywhere near you, this, you will not be disappointed in this. What he, the show he's putting on.
- [14:49]
Tina
He had some other great comics with him as well.
- [14:51]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, I wish I could remember their names. I'm sure I could go look them up. He had a host that did 10 minutes that was pretty funny. He had another guy come out that was in the English Teacher. Is that right? The English Teacher. Let me look that guy up real quick because I want to give him a shout out.
- [15:06]
Tina
He was really funny.
- [15:07]
Chris Oakley
He was so funny.
- [15:08]
Tina
Enjoyed him, too.
- [15:10]
Chris Oakley
The English Teacher. He did this whole bit about. I mean, it's not for the faint of heart. He did a whole. This comedian did a whole bit about. About abortion. And I just could not stop fucking laughing. Is it. It's not Norbert Leo Boots, is it? Was that him?
- [15:33]
Tina
I don't think that was his name.
- [15:35]
Chris Oakley
But no, that was definitely not him. I'm sorry. Okay, I'll find out and I'll put a link in the show Notes I don't want to waste.
- [15:43]
Tina
And there was another girl, too, that came out and she was on Netflix.
- [15:47]
Chris Oakley
Yeah.
- [15:48]
Tina
And I really liked her, too.
- [15:50]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. So, yeah, listen, I liked them all. I thought they all were good in their own way. I will say this, the other two comics that came out, the first two comics, the host and this guy from the English Teacher, they were so high energy, as was Ari. And then the girl in between was a different energy altogether. And so, yeah, okay, but she was funny. I mean, she was funny. But then Ari came out, and there was no must, no fuss, no break in between. When the host came out, it was 45 minutes later. Ari came out. There was absolutely no space in between. And when he came out, he murdered the city. From the moment he got out there, he was so fucking funny. Told a story about Bert Kreischer that I didn't know.
- [16:35]
Tina
Yes.
- [16:36]
Chris Oakley
I'm not going to. I'm not going to spoil it, because if you go see it, I want you to. And he's. Obviously, they're. His jokes are. He's so much better. It's his story. But he told the story about Bert Kreischer that I never knew, and it was uproariously hilarious. Meanwhile, there are terrible thunderstorms and tornadoes bearing down on the city of Atlanta. I mean, I think those tornadoes killed, like, 38 people on their way over to Atlanta. And that's terrible. I don't. I'm not making light of that. That was horrible. But we were all kind of watching the weather because you do not. If there's one place in Atlanta you do not want to be during a tornado, it's the tabernacle. The tabernacle is like 160-year-old church.
- [17:16]
Tina
Yeah.
- [17:16]
Chris Oakley
Where am I? 1901. So it's 120 years old. Am I. Am I mistaken when I say that the Tabernacle was somewhere where MLK Jr. Preached. At one point there was something.
- [17:29]
Tina
I mean, it was a real church, a real tabernacle.
- [17:31]
Chris Oakley
And it's still got the organ, the pipe organ sitting in the back of it, refurbished, obviously. And now it's a theater. And it's been this way since about 1996. They've had this as a theater. It's an institution, and it's a beautiful place to see anything. I saw, yeah, Raphael and I were talking. Rafa came with us. Raphael and I were talking. I saw Stone Temple Pilots at the Tabernacle in 1997, maybe so not in the heyday heyday, but pretty close to the heyday.
- [18:00]
Tina
Yeah.
- [18:00]
Chris Oakley
I have never seen a real life rock and roll star so. Rock and roll.
- [18:06]
Tina
Oh, I'm sure.
- [18:07]
Chris Oakley
Scott Wheeldon came out so high and so charged up and so ready to go. We are both convinced that we saw him smoking crack during the show. Yeah, it was it. That probably was true at that point. I think it was known that he had an addiction problem. There was something going on there that no one could quite figure. Wasn't a cigarette. Couldn't quite figure it out. But this guy put on a show like I have never seen before in my entire life. He was like. The whole crowd was bouncing up and down with him, and he was so in control of that crowd, of the music. It was loud, it was fast. He was so good at what he did. I mean, I missed that guy, that. That guy, you know, you can't live like that forever. But he was so good at what he did. STP was. And they weren't even my favorite band. But when I left there, they weren't my favorite band. But I had a newfound respect for STP because I always felt like STP was like a rip off of Pearl Jam. Not always felt like that, but when they first came out, I was like, oh, this guy's just trying to mimic Eddie Vedder. You know, there's only so many. There's only so much Eddie Vedder that can go around. Eddie Vedder's got a unique voice. I thought, ah, he's just trying to rip him off. Just like Scott Stapp. Just like the next candle box, Just like the next guy. But when we got in that theater and he, like, was so rock and roll, it wasn't even funny. I was like, oh, no, this guy's not Eddie veteran. This guy is his own thing, and he's really good at what he does. The Tabernacle is a beautiful place to see A show. We get to the place a little bit early, grab our tickets, you know, old style box office. Go grab an actual ticket. Like an actual ticket, which is amazing. I haven't held a ticket in my hands in years. And we go in and we go downstairs to the tabernacle bar, which is underneath the actual venue. So you walk in and then you can go up the stairs or down the stairs, go up to the venue, down to the bar. You go down to the bar, and in the back it says $20. What do you grind?
- [20:01]
Tina
Well, you were at the merch stand, right?
- [20:02]
Chris Oakley
The merch stand, yeah. Well, I thought, well, if there's a T shirt or an album or something, I'll buy it. Because I didn't pay for the tickets. Let me support Ari in some way, shape or form, sure. But there was no merch hanging on the wall. But it said $20 Venmo at ARI Shaffir. And I thought myself, he really just put his actual Venmo out there, like his personal Venmo out there. And yes, it was his personal Venmo and it said Grindr. So Raphael being Raphael thought, oh, he's selling mushrooms. That's what it is. There's mushrooms. We can go buy mushrooms. So we thought, oh, let's go buy some mushrooms. Is he really selling money? Okay, let's go buy some. You know, he told stories about drugs and stuff like that on our show. And I know he's told plenty of other stories about doing hallucinogens. So I thought, well, maybe he's just ballsy enough to get someone to stand there and actually sell mushrooms. But I was disappointed to find there was no mushrooms. But what it was was a small, like, plastic grinder with his face on it, kind of in that, like, Grateful Dead red, blue coloring. And then on the back, he had signed every one of them. There's just like a bunch of grinders for sale. 20 bucks.
- [21:08]
Tina
A weed grinder.
- [21:08]
Chris Oakley
A weed grinder. So I bought two of them, and then I crushed up my cocaine. And there we go.
- [21:14]
Tina
On went the night your one time a year.
- [21:18]
Chris Oakley
My one time a year. My one time a year. I took a drag of a cigarette, was at the Ari show, and I quickly put it out. I was like, oh, no, no.
- [21:26]
Tina
I think that every time.
- [21:28]
Chris Oakley
I think it. Every time. Every time that someone lights up a cigarette around me, that smell gets me. And I'm like, oh, I'd love a drag. And I resist 364 days of the year. But there's one of three places where it gets me at a concert in Las Vegas or in Europe, one of those three things. And I'll even tell Astron. I'll be like, I got. Let me have a cigarette. And she doesn't. She doesn't care. She doesn't control me. She's like, okay, whatever. Do you want to have a cigarette? Have a cigarette. But every time I light up a fucking cigarette, I put it right the goddamn out because I can't take it. It's gross. It's just gross. The taste, the smell. I don't know. I almost feel drunk after, you know what I'm saying? Like, there's some weird sensation that comes over me. I think that because drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes were so intertwined in my brain for so long that now when I smoke a cigarette, I get taken back to some place. It's like I'm. I'm. I'm having a flashback of some sort of me on a floor writhing in anxiety from a long night of cocaine abuse. You know what I'm saying? It's a weird place. It's a weird place that I go. So we go upstairs and we all go sit down at these lovely seats that Ari has gotten us. And it's a good. Good crowd. It's a good mix of human beings.
- [22:41]
Tina
Next to me had a very unique laugh.
- [22:43]
Chris Oakley
I know, Chrissy, I couldn't take it. I was like, dude, I know you can't really help the way that you laugh. It's like the way that you sneeze. It's one of those things that's just like. Grows over on you over time. And some might say I have, like, an obnoxiously high weird laugh. But I do have to say, the guy sitting next to you, he sounded like a horse.
- [23:10]
Tina
I know. At that point I was laughing at him laughing because I was like, is that real?
- [23:16]
Chris Oakley
I thought to myself, the same thing. I was like, is he doing that for effect or is that like, is this a.
- [23:23]
Tina
Then I thought, is he paid? Was he paid?
- [23:25]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, me too. I was like, are we. Is Ari taping this and he needs someone to be uproariously laughing or what's going on? Because that was just too convenient that the guy right next to us was like. And he laughed at everything. Everything. Ari'd say, well, okay, dude, we get it. It's funny. We know, but it was. It was funny.
- [23:57]
Tina
It was funny.
- [23:58]
Chris Oakley
I had a good laugh every minute or so. I had a belly laugh. And yeah, he.
- [24:03]
Tina
Tina came with us.
- [24:04]
Chris Oakley
Tina came with us. Tina was there. Some people have Written in and said, why isn't Tina? On the last few episodes, Tina was always here, as in between. She was a stopgap measure. We. Christina was here for a long time. Christina moved on. Tina is always going to be a part of the show. She helps write some stuff. She helps with content ideas and guest interviews and all that other stuff. So Tina was here physically in the studio because I had set up the studio in such a way that I could not conveniently do it myself. So, you know, Brian, with all his forethought, can't actually get to the things I need to get to in order to make the show work. So now I've bought more equipment, we have more wires, and now I'm able to do it by myself. So Tina will be in here. We will check in with Tina soon. Don't worry. So I know that there's a lot of upheaval going on at the commercial break and everyone's all worried about it. Don't worry. It's, you know, it's back to Chrissy and I. Everything's fine. Astrid's still here. Tina's still here. Other people are here. You're here.
- [25:02]
Tina
Gustavo's here.
- [25:03]
Chris Oakley
Oh, Gustavo's here. Yeah. Gustavo was just on the phone with Astrid. Gustavo. You know, if Gustavo. As long as Gustavo's allowed to stay in the country, I think we're all. Oh, okay. We don't know. The Venezuelans are very much up in the air right now. Last time Trump was in office, the Venezuelans were heroes to him. And, you know, he loved them and he was protecting them. And, you know, you're welcome here. And we're giving out all these visas to make sure that the Venezuelans don't get, you know, killed by Maduro. And now it's the opposite. Now he hates the Venezuelans. Now the Venezuelans need to leave. And. And so we'll see. It's a very. It's a very unsettling time to be a Venezuelan or to love a Venezuelan, to have a Venezuelan family member. It's a very unsettling time. Now, of course, Astrid is a citizen, so I don't expect that anything bad would happen, but we just don't know. I mean, you know, it's a weird, weird time to be an American right now. And let's hope that, I don't know, there's some sense of normalcy or calm that starts to come over this White House so that we can all get about the business of having a good economy, feeding our families and not having to worry about the next dramatic thing. Anyway, that's that. Anyway, to put a point on this, Ari was hilarious. You need to go see him if he comes around. He is.
- [26:20]
Tina
Yeah. It's worth it.
- [26:22]
Chris Oakley
So good. So good. So thanks to Ari Shafir one more time for giving us those tickets and Aaron Weber, who we haven't seen live yet, but. But maybe we'll. You know who's coming in town? I want to go see.
- [26:33]
Tina
Who?
- [26:33]
Chris Oakley
Kelsey. Kelsey's going to be in town next week, I think.
- [26:36]
Tina
Yeah, actually, Tina was talking about that and I was like, let's go.
- [26:40]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, let's go. So, Kelsey, send those tickets over to Brian at. No, I don't expect free tickets. And maybe we will go see Kelsey. You never know. We're a wily group. We're out and about all the time. I mean, Saturday night, that was just one of many nights that I have been out in the last 10 years. That's one of six nights I have been out in the last decade. That's right.
- [27:06]
Tina
I know. I felt very privileged because we went to go see two nights.
- [27:09]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, Two nights In a month now.
- [27:11]
Tina
Yeah, that's why.
- [27:12]
Chris Oakley
In a month. It's crazy. The only thing that was missing on Saturday was Astrid. That's the only thing was missing. Damn it. It's hard to find a babysitter for three kids. Yeah, yeah.
- [27:21]
Tina
30. Yes.
- [27:22]
Chris Oakley
And then you have to trust the babysitter.
- [27:24]
Tina
Well, right. And then the kids have to like the babysitter.
- [27:26]
Chris Oakley
That's right. Not to be willing to stay with the babysitter. Yeah, because we could have very well just, you know, there was a couple extra ideas we had about who could babysit. But you're right about that, is that we don't know how the kids are going to react. And to have them come all the way over here to then 15 minutes later say, well, we don't need you. I don't think this is going to work out. Which has happened before because you can't leave your kids with someone when they're screaming bloody murder. You got to trust that they know something.
- [27:51]
Tina
I know. I was going to say, I wish. I mean, I was already going to the show, so I couldn't do it. But if you guys really need somebody, let me know. I would love to help you guys out.
- [28:01]
Chris Oakley
That's fair.
- [28:02]
Tina
Romantic evening.
- [28:03]
Chris Oakley
Well, they do like you, so at least you. At least you got one foot forward.
- [28:07]
Tina
Exactly. They like me, I like them. We're all good.
- [28:10]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. Okay. All right, well, let's do this. We'll talk about babysitting over the break. And then when we come back, we'll talk about stuff you care about. Okay? All right, we'll be back.
- [28:21]
Rachel
Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.
- [28:29]
Chris Oakley
Continue.
- [28:29]
Rachel
Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcbpodcast.com Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.
- [29:20]
Brian Green
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. As a lifelong entrepreneur, business owner of a mediocre comedy podcast, I do earnestly get excited when I get to share a tool or a resource that I use to better my business. And along with being a longtime entrepreneur, I am a longtime customer of Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're scaling a larger business or you're just starting out. We are currently helping one of our family members build a website on Squarespace. And like everybody else in the world, they want to use video to highlight their products and services. Squarespace makes that easy by allowing you to upload and organize your videos, create stunning libraries, and even monetize that content by adding a paywall. And now Squarespace even offers business loans. You can get fast, easy finance through Squarespace Capital. And if you're approved, it'll be in your bank account in three to four business days so that you can grow quickly. Of course, all loans are subject to credit approval, but just the knowledge that Squarespace is now trying to help business owners and entrepreneurs in many facets of their business journey puts another check mark on my personal endorsement. So go ahead, check all this out for yourself@squarespace.com commercial and you'll get a free trial. And then when you're ready to launch, you can use the offer code commercial and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com commercial. Then use that offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And thank you to Squarespace for continuing to support entrepreneurs like myself and the commercial break.
- [31:04]
Jordan Robinson
I'm Jordan Robinson, host of the new podcast the Women's Hoop Show. Each episode I'll be joined by a rotating group of women's basketball experts to talk wnba, college hoops, the new unrivaled league, and the shifting landscape of the sport. The game is growing and so are we. Listen to and follow the Women's Hoop show and Odyssey Podcast, available now for free on the Odysee app or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [31:34]
Brian Green
This episode is sponsored in part by Chime Checking. A few years ago I was doing.
- [31:40]
Chris Oakley
My end of the year bookkeeping and.
- [31:42]
Brian Green
I got got white hot when I realized that I had spent hundreds of dollars in banking and overdraft fees on one of our checking accounts. An unexpected monthly bill comes through a check that's been sitting out there for a while and wha bam. 35, 45, sometimes even $50. No thank you. That stuff adds up over time. But when you open a Chime Checking account, you can be one step closer to a better financial future because with no maintenance fees, fee free overdraft of up to $200, or you can get paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Chime Checking will have you covered and you can make progress on those financial goals that sometimes are hard to achieve. A Chime Checking account allows you fee free overdraft. With Spot Me, you can overdraft up to $200 without any fees. With Spot Me.
- [32:31]
Chris Oakley
When you set up a qualifying direct deposit, are you feeling a little stressed.
- [32:34]
Brian Green
A couple days before your paycheck comes? Well, get MyPay when you set up a qualifying direct deposit, you can make your payday any day. Make progress toward a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in two minutes@chime.com commercial that's chime.com commercial Chime feels like progress Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA members FEIC Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits do apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements do apply. Credit limits range from $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime Checking account required. Go to chime.com disclosures for more details. And thanks to Chime Checking for being a sponsor of the commercial break.
- [33:20]
Chris Oakley
Did you know that there's only one kind of dog that's allowed in Greenland? And it's a Greenland dog, Greenland shepherd dog or something like that. Greenland hound or something like that. So, you know, when Poppy Liao was here, we were sharing our love of these people who sail across the ocean by themselves or with another person for no good reason except to show the rest of us that things can be done, actual things can be done when given a chance, a little bit of motivation and a lot of effort. But I love watching these videos about these people who just like, you know, sail across oceans or there's a whole family. And now I'm watch, like stuck in this, like, loop of these, this family.
- [33:57]
Tina
Oh yeah, I've seen the families.
- [33:58]
Chris Oakley
You've seen the family. It's like there's a couple of them that do this, but this one I'm watching, it's like a dad, a mom and like three teenagers, two boys and a girl. And sometimes they have their friends with them and they have this really big boat. Like, it's a really big boat. It's got like rooms downstairs and stuff like that. But it's, it's a sailing boat. And they are sailing to some wild places. I mean, like Israel. Like they're going in the Red Sea and stopping in, you know, Iraq and wherever these places are. There's crazy places.
- [34:26]
Tina
Yeah.
- [34:27]
Chris Oakley
And they really do it. I mean, they go to the Caribbean. They go everywhere. And so somehow stuck in this loop of watching these videos, I start getting served up these other videos. And one of them is my girlfriend. And I iced in for the winter, wintered in. And I was like, what is that? Wintered in? What does that mean? What that means is they live in Greenland, they go up to the Arctic Circle, they find themselves a nice, like, fjord, like a, like a calm, a nice fjord. And they stick themselves as far in that fjord as they can get, where the water stays relatively calm and the tide doesn't shift too much and they wait for the ice to ice them in. And then they spend the winter there on a boat, like a two person sailing boat with one room. Like we're talking like sleeping on a hammock type of thing, food, and that's it. And then they just, they winterize the boat. They let the ice come, they just stay iced in for the entire winter, which is fucking insane. It is fucking insane. And the only protection they have is cold right now. I know thinking about it, they just look cold. The whole thing looks cold. Like, you're right about this. You get cold just watching the video. You don't even have to be there to feel cold because these people are in a constant state of cold. They're surrounded by ice. It's like minus 13 degrees at any given time, even during the day. And they just sit there and read and do work on the Internet and, you know, look for the bad weather that's going to come and cause problems for them. It's just. It just seems like a miserable existence. But they're all excited because they're getting away from everybody. They're like, ah, it's so excited to get away from it. You live in Greenland, you're already away from everybody. It's not like there's like a population.
- [36:18]
Tina
People that live in Greenland.
- [36:19]
Chris Oakley
They live in Greenland.
- [36:20]
Tina
They go to another part.
- [36:21]
Chris Oakley
Yes.
- [36:22]
Tina
Then cocoon in.
- [36:23]
Chris Oakley
Yes, they go cocoon.
- [36:24]
Tina
Not in a warm cocoon.
- [36:25]
Chris Oakley
They ice in for the winter. No, not in a warm. I mean, I guess if you consider the boat a warm place, but, you know, they got 50,000 gallons of diesel and they. This is the weirdest thing. They ice in, then they throw a bunch of stuff off the boat to make sure that the boat sits as high up in the water as possible. And then they go and they bury it out somewhere on the ice or in the snow for a later date. Food rations, emergency kits, communicators in case they get into trouble, and a bunch of fuel. And then they just run the generator to have heat and electricity and, you know, stuff like that. And their. Their satellite, their fucking Starlink or messing up the sky or whatever it is.
- [37:07]
Tina
Starlink.
- [37:09]
Chris Oakley
So I'm watching this whole video. It's like two hours long. It's their first. They're going to go and do this. And so they're getting the boat ready, they're getting all these things ready. And they decide we need two things for protection because we're really in the middle of nowhere. So there's going to be nothing. There's no human beings, there's no roads, there's no nothing. But what there is is polar bears and ice foxes and stuff like that. That's all that lives up there, Polar bears. Now, I don't know because I'd never met a polar bear, but I've seen them at the zoo and they're rather intimidating creatures. They're huge.
- [37:41]
Tina
Yeah, they are.
- [37:42]
Chris Oakley
And they're known to kill people because they don't give a shit. They are apex predators and if you're fucking around. And they're territorial too.
- [37:49]
Tina
So I was gonna say you're in their territory, right?
- [37:52]
Chris Oakley
So they get two things. They get a gun and they get a dog. But they can, they have to go like to another part of the tundra to go look for a dog. And they getting these like. All these dogs are living outside in this snow and ice, you know, they're not inside dogs, they're outside dogs. And they grab a dog and put them on the boat and try and train him to go pee pee poo poo other places. And he's this huge dog and he's like living on this tiny boat just sitting there while they're sailing through the waters. But in this, all this conversation, they explain that in Greenland there are no other breeds of dogs that are allowed except for service animals that have been registered and approved by the government. That's it. So like I would imagine they probably have like drug sniffing German shepherds or something like that. You know, dogs that find people when they're lost or whatever. But not many. And so I did my homework and it's true. In Greenland they only have one kind of dog. And that dog serves a real purpose. Either gets you from point A to B because it's a sled dog that has a couple purposes. Number two, it scares away the polar bears or lets you know that one's coming. And number three, keeps you warm and protected. Right? It's a, it's a real purposeful dog. And they don't bark. And so here I am eating my cream and cereal. Watching my video on being iced in for the entire winter was making me feel lonely just watching it. And I'm watching these two amazing human beings do amazing things. And I'm looking at this dog and it's just sitting there on the boat like this while they're floating through the ice trying to find a good place to land. And this dog is just as like a pretty as a princess just sitting there and only gets excited when he thinks. The dog thinks. Number one, I get, now I'm going to get to get off the boat and go take a nice run. Or number two, there's impending doom. Like there's danger even when there's drama going on with the bow, like oh my gosh, you know, the ice broke up and now we got to reposition and we could get Swept away and all this. And everyone. All the humans are excited. The dog is just sitting there quiet, as quiet as a mouse. It's not that it doesn't care. It knows instinctively that I don't need to add to this drama because everybody's already excited anyway. How did I get the opposite of whatever that is? Because I could fart and my dog Sparks for a half an hour as if the world has ended, as if there's a criminal coming inside the house to take my children away. This dog is the opposite of whatever that Greenland dog is. Those dogs have been bred for purpose, and they care about their owners, and they want them to be nice and calm and. And all I'm doing is causing myself a panic attack every 15 minutes because blue won't shut up. Won't shut up. There's storms over the weekend. I'm up. Like I get home from the Ari Show.
- [40:51]
Tina
Yeah. Yeah.
- [40:54]
Chris Oakley
When I was a kid, my dad, you know, he was a dad of a certain generation. So Maybe he wasn't Mr. Fluffy lovable all the time or any of the time, but he was a man who protected the house.
- [41:11]
Tina
Yes.
- [41:11]
Chris Oakley
And he took care of his family. That's what he did. And he did it very economically. Not a lot of words, not a lot of hugs, not a lot of I'm proud of yous, I love you. I am the exact opposite of whatever that is. I am always doting over my children. I love you. I'm proud of you. Let me help you with that. I got this. You know, maybe sometimes a little bit too much. Even Helicopter Reese sometimes. But I took picked up from my father that need and want to protect the family and make sure that they're fed. That's why the commercial break, guys. That's why the commercial break. That's why. Six years of the commercial break.
- [41:49]
Tina
Yeah.
- [41:50]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. I'm just hoping it actually starts feeding the family someday one day. But I feel this real sense of obligation. Like when I remember when the storms would come to Atlanta, my dad had the weather radio, which is what you had back then, the police scanner.
- [42:07]
Tina
Yeah.
- [42:07]
Chris Oakley
And he would stay up in his office, and he would turn that on. He would monitor. And on a couple of occasions, he said, let's get down in the basement. Right. Because tornadoes are very real here in Georgia, and they do happen. So I picked that up from my father. That need, that want to protect the family. So I get home from Ari on Saturday night. Everyone is sleeping snug as a bug in a rug. Everyone's in the same room. Because Astrid said, I'm putting everyone in the room. Actually, when I got home, there were like shoes outside in the hallway. Like she was ready if something went down before I got home. But now I'm home. And Astrid greeted me and then she went right to bed. She's like, okay, he's got it now, right? It's his shift. So I'm up. I'm watching the never ending news coverage. You know, Channel 5, David. Channel 2, David Chandley here. You know, we have a severe weather. Get down in your basement now. Impending doom now, you know, Daytona in five minutes and City Central in three minutes. And be careful. And here's all the, you know, open a window and keep your weather radio on and all this other stuff, like the dramatic news coverage, 24 hour news coverage. So I've got it on my phone and I'm watching it and I'm like, okay, okay, I'm ready if anything happens. I know. Grab the kids, put them out in the hallway and we'll survive whatever happens. We'll go to the bathroom.
- [43:19]
Tina
Aren't you supposed to get like in a bathtub too?
- [43:21]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, it's hard to put all of us in a bathtub. There's so many of us. We don't have a bath that big. Plus, the bathtubs here are on exterior walls and that's not a good idea. You got it. You want to be on the interior wall, right? Okay. So no must, no fuss, we'll get in the hallway, no problem. But here's my point. I'm like, I'm not going to wake them up unless I absolutely have to do that. Not going to wake them up. But Blue has other ideas because the.
- [43:51]
Tina
Slightest rumble of thunder, there was a lot. It was like really rumbling for a while and tons of lightning.
- [44:00]
Chris Oakley
Loud, loud, loud, loud. It was loud. It didn't end it. When this went on for like two hours, just strike after strike. I think I saw David Chanley or whatever his name is at some point, say in a 10 minute period, we've had 1500 lightning strikes in our viewing area. And that, that's crazy. 1500. And so I am just trying to be quiet, trying to keep the volume down. I'm not gonna wait. It's 1:30 in the morning. Not gonna wake anybody else up unless I have to. Because number one, it takes, it takes a herculean effort to get those children to sleep in the first place. And I don't want to have to do that twice. But number two, everybody needs their beauty sleep. Let's let's make sure they get as much rest as possible. The first rumble of thunder, and Blue's spinning in circles, barking. And I'm like, shut up, Blue. Quiet. And the more that I tell her to quiet, the more she starts spinning around and barking. Chrissy. I'm like this. I'm like, okay, here's the deal. If you bark one more time, I'm going to put you out on the back porch, and you're going to have to deal with this on your own because you are a little bitch and I don't want to have anything else to do with you. And all I could keep thinking was, if I only had that Greenland dog, we would have none of this. The dog would be quiet as a mouse, ready to jump, ready to pounce when the time was. When the time came to protect the family, she would literally lay over us to protect us from the tornado. And here's Blue. And all Blue can do is run around like a little rat making a bunch of noise.
- [45:28]
Tina
She kind of looks like Toto from the wizard of Oz.
- [45:31]
Chris Oakley
She is Toto from the wizard, yes. I wish the tornado would take her.
- [45:34]
Tina
Right? Well, I thought tornado in blue, and then that made me think of the wizard of Oz.
- [45:39]
Chris Oakley
This little shit. I mean, honestly, this little shit. She's a cute. She's cute. That's the thing, is that she's cute and it's like, so it's hard to be super angry at her, but live with her for a decade and you'll figure out how to do it.
- [45:53]
Tina
I know. It's like, I came in today, and even today just. I mean, the barking, it's incessant. I come over here, I know all the time. All the time. For years now, I've been walking in.
- [46:05]
Chris Oakley
That door anytime I come in, anytime I leave.
- [46:09]
Tina
And it's not just a bark, bark and then stop.
- [46:11]
Chris Oakley
Yeah.
- [46:12]
Tina
It won't stop.
- [46:12]
Chris Oakley
It doesn't. She doesn't. She doesn't stop.
- [46:14]
Tina
Can't stop, won't stop.
- [46:15]
Chris Oakley
Can't stop.
- [46:15]
Tina
Won't stop.
- [46:16]
Chris Oakley
That's right. She's not like us. She's just weird. She just keeps going. It's. And it's strange because when we leave the house or come in the house, it just. That's it. If. If. Even if someone we know very well, Chrissy, who comes over here all the time, like three or four days a week, she just barks and it doesn't stop for like 15 minutes. And then when you leave, it doesn't stop for 15 minutes, and it just never ends. And Any bit of. Any bit of uncom. Like something that's not calm. And she just goes at it and it drives me crazy. And she's gonna wake the whole fucking family up when there's no reason to. That's the worst part about having Blue is that at any given moment Blue could decide that something's not to her liking and she's gonna make sure that everybody knows about it by barking.
- [47:06]
Tina
Have the kids kind of got like to where they tune her out a little bit?
- [47:10]
Chris Oakley
No, no, no. Every baby that we've had, all 20 of them, every baby that we have had, it is a constant fight to keep the kids. Yes, stop, stop. But you can't reason with it because the more you try and reason with her, the more angry, the more like, worked up she gets. And it's like, no, no, no, no, sh. And I thought, oh my God, I'm a changing you for a Greenland dog. I'm. I'm sending her to Greenland and I'm going to unleash holy hell on all of Greenland as they breed her into the mix. And the Greenland calm protection dogs all of a sudden turn into barky yappy little shits. Oh, it's so terrible.
- [47:54]
Tina
Dog the other day with one of those little things on its.
- [47:57]
Chris Oakley
A muzzle.
- [47:57]
Tina
Muzzle on its snout. And I thought, oh, that's kind of sad, but I get it.
- [48:02]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, well, usually you do the muzzle when there are bite risk. That's why you do the muzzle. Because it can restrict them from opening their mouth. But a dog doesn't have to open its mouth very far to have it bark. And then instead of we're gonna get. We could take its vocal cords out like Hannibal Lectin. Yeah, we could take its vocal cords out.
- [48:26]
Tina
Hannibal dog.
- [48:26]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, I've heard dogs with their vocal cords out. It's the most annoying thing now it's a squirrel. Now I got baby squirrels living in my house. Blue, shut up. Here come the storms. I don't want it. It sounds like a dog with a sinus infection. So lo and behold, you know, the baby wa. I'm like, oh my God, come on, what are you doing to me? I just want to get some sleep. It's the first time in years that I've been out after 9:00 at night.
- [49:16]
Tina
I know.
- [49:16]
Chris Oakley
And I have to get some sleep because now I'm going to be miserable. Shut up.
- [49:24]
Tina
The weird thing is though, is that, you know, she barks, barks, barks. I come in here to the studio. She comes in and lays calmly right next to me.
- [49:33]
Chris Oakley
Well, you know, when we redid the studio, Astrid's like, just have let her stay in the studio because she seems to be okay when she's there. But the problem is that if I get worked up about something, she's gonna get worked up too. And then we're all gonna bark. Because unbelievably, the person who is really kind of over it in this family, I mean, everybody's over it, but the person who's most over it is Brian. But she just like she is attached at my hip. She. That's the other thing is that she follows me around everywhere and if I'm not like literally looking at her, she will walk in front of me and stand in front of me and just look up and I'm like, oh my. Really? I can't go anywhere. I go to the bathroom. She has to. She's trying to get in the door and I'm like, you know, I don't need to shit with you here. I don't. Oh, Chrissy, it's terrible. I want a Greenland dog. That's what I want.
- [50:22]
Tina
Yeah. Or like I told you, when I went to Mexico, there were. There was this dog that was at the, the hotel, the resort that we were at. And it was the hotel dog and it just, it went around. It was very good, nice and calm and it lived on the beach.
- [50:39]
Chris Oakley
Well, that's what we need for Blue Blue down to Mexico.
- [50:44]
Tina
They'll accept her.
- [50:45]
Chris Oakley
Well, I'm going to send her down with that Billy McFarland. And they can. Yeah, they can do the Fire Festival. There's only one problem with that. I don't think the Fire Festival is happening. What a shit show. What a shit show. I'll give you an update about that and also some 90 day fiance drama when we get back. Darcy and Stacy. Darcy and Stacy have written a song.
- [51:06]
Tina
Oh, God.
- [51:06]
Chris Oakley
And wait until you hear it. It's just about as bad as you can imagine. Let's catch up with Fire 2 and Darcy and Stacey when we get back.
- [51:17]
Rachel
Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com the commercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult now, was it? You're welcome.
- [51:51]
Tina
What is Dax, are you tracking all.
- [51:54]
Chris Oakley
Our cars on Carvana Value Tracker on all our devices? Yes, Kristen.
- [51:58]
Tina
Yes, I am.
- [51:59]
Chris Oakley
Well, I've been looking for my phone for. In Dax's domain we see all. So we always know what our cars are worth. All of them? All of them. Value surge trucks up 3.9%. That's a great offer. I know. Sell. Sell. Track your car's value with Carvana Value Tracker today.
- [52:20]
Astrid
If you've been struggling with your weight, Mochi Health is here to help. Mochi Health is a long term weight loss solution personalized to fit your unique needs and goals. Meet one on one with board certified obesity doctors and registered dietitians who are on a miss. Listen. Eligible patients can access custom formulated GLP1 medications at an affordable set price and get them delivered to their home each month. Take our free quiz@joinmochi.com and use code AUDIO40 at checkout for $40 off your first month of membership.
- [52:51]
Chris Oakley
Okay. And we're back. I'm not watching the. I'm not listening to the Severance podcast. You asked me. I listened to the Severance. What do they call them? IPAC episodes. They're like, they're essentially review episodes, but somehow the cast is connected. It's like the official. I also, I. I have listened to the Severance podcast, the one that's the official severance podcast. But this is called like the severed podcast. It's different.
- [53:18]
Tina
Yeah, I think I've.
- [53:19]
Chris Oakley
You know what I'm talking about.
- [53:20]
Tina
I listened to that one on accident one time.
- [53:22]
Chris Oakley
All interesting. There's so many theories. This show you have to watch in such detail. Every little nugget is another, like, thing to hang on to. And I love it. But I can't go down every single rabbit hole because I don't understand all of it. And I want to come to the natural conclusions that I'll come to with my own brain. But this last episode, these last two episodes have been real wing dingers. Have you watched them? Yes. Yeah, they're real wing dingers.
- [53:46]
Tina
I can't believe there's only one more. I know.
- [53:49]
Chris Oakley
I hope there's another. There's got to be another season. I mean, it's not possible to wrap this all up in one more episode. Unless that episode is like three hours long, which I hope it is. I love Sever. And that episode two episodes ago was only 30 minutes long. 36 minutes long, something like that. And that left me disappointed. But I loved the episode. A lot of people Mock.
- [54:09]
Tina
I love the way Patricia tell me everything.
- [54:15]
Chris Oakley
Stop talking so evil. Why do you talk so evil? Anyway, if you're not watching Severance, you have no idea what we're fucking talking about. But you must watch Severance because everybody's watching Severance. Okay, so I was going to talk about two things. I was going to talk about Darcy and Stacy.
- [54:29]
Tina
Yes.
- [54:30]
Chris Oakley
And then I was going to talk about.
- [54:35]
Tina
I just remember the note. Fire. Fire Festival.
- [54:38]
Chris Oakley
Fire Festival, yes. It was coming to me. It just took me a minute. So weird. I got an email over the break and then, like, it got me all flustered and here we go. Okay. Fyre Fest 2. Definitely not happening. Definitely, definitely, definitely not happening. The local government says it's not happening. The island that it's supposed to be on says it's not happening. Now, all of the hotels that were associated with this have said they have no idea what anybody's talking about. No artists have been announced, and Billy McFarlane has. So you remember how I told you that I had been contacted about, like, an ancillary something that was going on with Fyre Festival? What I did not realize until I watched a video over the. Over our little break over the weekend was that Billy has been trying to put on all kinds of events since he got out of jail, and none of them have happened. He was supposed to put. He was supposed to, like, book out a hotel, and then he was going to have, like, the biggest artists in the world play at this hotel, and he had to spend a million dollars to get a room to go to watch these artists. That never happened. He was going to do an underwater concert or it was going to be. You're going to have to use scuba gear to get down there. That didn't happen. He was gonna do a private, like, Hampton's retreat where everyone got on a helicopter and flew to the Hamptons and saw the best artists in the world. That didn't happen. So many things that Billy has said are gonna happen never happened. And all in an effort to get people to buy tickets that then he would use the money for. However he used the money, and he claims up and down, sideways that this is happening. But even the production company, who does have some experience putting on festivals, like EDM festivals down in Mexico, like three of them. But they do have some experience. They put out a statement saying that if everything goes right, we'll have this festival. But they have not announced it officially on their website, on their socials, on their Instagram, their TikTok, nothing.
- [56:31]
Tina
Meaning if we get paid, that's right.
- [56:33]
Chris Oakley
Meaning if we get paid, we don't want to be a part of this shit show. So we're going to stay as far away as possible until the very last minute. Oh, and by the way, in case anyone was wondering, Billy McFarland is on parole. He cannot leave the country. So Billy McFarland does not even have permission to be at his own festival. He has never been to the site. He has no idea what's going on on the ground because he can't physically be there. So if this isn't. If this isn't a clear indicator of just how full of this whole situation is, then let that be your warning. Billy himself has never visited the festival site, has no idea what's going on. Can't possibly know what's going on. If you're going to put on a festival like that. How long does Jeff. What does Jeff go, like a month ahead of time?
- [57:20]
Tina
Oh, way more than that.
- [57:22]
Chris Oakley
No, I mean, like, he goes, like, physically stays there for like a month ahead of time, a couple weeks ahead of time. Okay. Because that's what you need to do if you're putting on a festival. Yeah. And Jeff doesn't even own the festival. It's like there are other people that have ownership. I mean, Jeff has ownership, but he's not like the guy who's writing the checks. Jeff is the director of the festival, but he is down on the ground with his hands dirty because you're.
- [57:46]
Tina
Everything's in place. That's right.
- [57:49]
Chris Oakley
Billy can't be there. Don't buy these tickets. I'm sure you haven't, but don't buy these tickets. Let Billy learn one last lesson here. And that is, no one's ever going to trust you again to put on a festival. You should have had all of this shit figured out from the moment that you opened your mouth about it. You should have given yourself. It's crazy.
- [58:10]
Tina
I mean, is there some kind. I mean, I can't help but wonder. I mean, is he really that dumb? Or is there some kind of other motive, ulterior motive that he's getting out of saying that this is gonna happen and then it doesn't. Because I can't. I mean, you just have to be completely stupid.
- [58:27]
Chris Oakley
Yes.
- [58:28]
Tina
After you got in so much trouble the first time for all of this, and then. And to do it again.
- [58:34]
Chris Oakley
To do it again. But like, in the. Like, even worse this time because at least last time you had musicians that were booked to try and get people to trust you to do this correctly. When you have no acts now. You have no hotels. You have no indication from anybody that's actually on the ground that they know what's going on. This is like the worst possible PR disaster for any music event. Any event. And Billy on the Today show, when asked, you know, do you think people are taking a risk buying these tickets? And Billy said, well, I think you take a risk when you buy any tickets. No, you don't. Because with most festivals, they've already planned it. It's already. It's already happening. They already have the permits, the staging, the porta potties. Months and months of logistical work, and they've probably paid large deposits to these bands and these artists to get them to show up. So you know what, Billy? Yeah.
- [59:33]
Tina
You don't announce something, then plan it.
- [59:35]
Chris Oakley
No, that's what the commercial break does. Not a major music festival. But guess what? If it doesn't come across on your RSS feed, no one's gonna die. It's just insane. And to me, how anybody would be hoodwinked into doing to buying these tickets, I don't know. I'm sure there are a couple of people who have bought tickets because they just want to be in on the shit show. But, man, I'm telling you what, Billy, if you aren't making money on the festival, if you haven't already signed contracts with Netflix, Hulu, Disney, Max, you know, and all these people to make a documentary about shit show number two, you're the moron. You should have absolutely have a camera crew following you around right now. Now. So that's just an update on Fyre Fest. It's less than a month and a half. It's less than two months away. About a month and a half away. And no artist, no musical artist has been announced. But there's plenty of sports stars that have said they are connected in some way. Actually, they haven't said that. He's posted them on his Instagram. And so that just makes me feel like it's all that much more shady. Like, who's gonna. You want to pay $1,400 just for the tickets to go hang out in the same general area? You could pay $30 and go to the arena and see them play from the nosebleed seats and probably get just as much access as you're going to get at the Fyre Fest. You think Kyrie Irving is going to be hanging out with you because you paid $1,400 to be there? No, siree Bob paid the million and a half. Maybe. Maybe then Krie Irving would Be there. But I'm telling you, he's going to.
- [61:11]
Tina
Have Darcy and Stacey. We don't know.
- [61:14]
Chris Oakley
We don't know. But Darcy and Stacey, you can get them to make you a personalized something or other for like 26 bucks. Right, Miranda? Okay. All right, so let's do this. Darcy and Stacey. How do I explain Darcy and Stacey?
- [61:31]
Tina
Darcy, somebody who does not know.
- [61:33]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. To someone who does not know. I want you to imagine the biggest birthday balloon you've ever had. Then imagine four of those. Two up front, two in the back. And then imagine two smaller balloons in your cheeks, two long balloons in your mouth and then one in your forehead. And now you are imagining what used to be human beings are now just robots. I think essentially plastic robots. Darcy and Stacey, twin girls who we were first introduced to on a short lived reality show called like Twinsies or something like that back in the.
- [62:10]
Tina
Was that before she did. Because I mean, the first time I really saw Darcy or Stacy again, I don't know which one it was, but was on the 90 day before. Before the 90 days, I think where she went over there to meet that guy who was the model.
- [62:26]
Chris Oakley
The German guy.
- [62:27]
Tina
The Nordic.
- [62:28]
Chris Oakley
Yeah, the Nordic dude. Yeah, the guy from, from Norway. That's right. Yeah. It could have been the first season of. Before the 90 days or 90 day fiance the other way or whatever it is. But she got introduced to us like 10 years ago, a decade she's been in the consciousness. But she did do a shortly lived reality show before that.
- [62:43]
Tina
Okay.
- [62:44]
Chris Oakley
But I don't think it was on tlc. I think it was like UPN or something. But it only had like three episodes. And it was following these two twins who were married, both of them, who, both of them had children. They had both been divorced and moved back home with their father. And the. It was supposed to be following these two girls who had champagne tastes and caviar dreams on Walmart budgets. Whatever. And over the years, over the 90 Day Fiance programs, they haven't embedded themselves into this lexicon, into this very popular 90 Day Fiance format.
- [63:21]
Tina
I want to see like a, you.
- [63:22]
Chris Oakley
Know how they show before and after.
- [63:24]
Tina
You know how it shows? Well, you know how it shows like the phases of the moon.
- [63:27]
Chris Oakley
Yes. You know the phases of Darcy and Stacy.
- [63:30]
Tina
Because it's the one that I saw originally. Originally she was, she was pretty. She was kind of getting there. You know, she had a little bit.
- [63:39]
Chris Oakley
Of this nip tuck here. Yeah, big boobs, obviously.
- [63:42]
Tina
But it wasn't what it is today.
- [63:45]
Chris Oakley
No, today it is just they are. And I just saw an Instagram reel about Darcy, and she was going to get her monthly Botox. Monthly. She had a subscription service to Botox at this place, and she was doing a promotion for them, obviously, and she was getting this Botox. You couldn't put more Botox in these girls. No. And now they've got those weird jaw lines because they've had that jaw work done. Yeah.
- [64:12]
Tina
The fat removed.
- [64:13]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. They look like square jaws. It's really disturbing, in my opinion. It's plastic. Certain. They're starting to look like those. That cat lady and. And their eyes are almost closed because they have so many fillers that are drooping down. It's weird. They're. They're both. They seem like nice enough human beings, but they're just plastic fantastic. And they're ridiculous human beings, by the way, too. So the other day, I'm trolling on their Instagram to get an update on all the plastic surgery, and I find a song that Darcy has written for, I think a brother that they had had that passed away some years ago. And I don't want to make fun of the brother passing away. That's not.
- [64:55]
Tina
No.
- [64:56]
Chris Oakley
God bless. That's a very difficult thing to go through. But I'm not sure this is the correct way to honor him, singing this song. That is insane to me. Are you ready for this?
- [65:06]
Tina
I'm ready.
- [65:07]
Chris Oakley
All right, let's see if we can make it work. Hold on.
- [65:12]
Jordan Robinson
I'm still here. Thank you. For the inspiration generation. You will always be my angel.
- [65:27]
Chris Oakley
Here comes the breakdown. For anyone. I. I mean, not a terrible intro. Like, if, as songs go, it's not the worst. But now we're getting into, like, every song I've ever heard before.
- [65:50]
Tina
Ever lost a loved one.
- [65:52]
Chris Oakley
This is for you. For you.
- [65:56]
Tina
Just remember they're here with you.
- [66:00]
Jordan Robinson
You, my brother, we love you. There will never be a love like none can ever take your place.
- [66:20]
Chris Oakley
I. I think we could have used some autotune here. We could have desperately used autotune. You've got everything else.
- [66:26]
Tina
All the technology out there.
- [66:28]
Chris Oakley
Yes. All the technology out there has made you look like you look. You could at least use some autotune.
- [66:34]
Jordan Robinson
I live my life in honor of you. We salute to life and what it brings. Sometimes there's happiness.
- [66:52]
Chris Oakley
I don't even know if that note really exists in real life. I think that was something she made up. That's funny. I have your happiness.
- [67:02]
Jordan Robinson
Sometimes there's pain. I feel love for you. You give love to me. I know you're in a better place Although we're still apart. It's okay.
- [67:28]
Chris Oakley
It's okay. It's okay.
- [67:32]
Jordan Robinson
You're always in my heart. I was looking back on yesterday.
- [67:43]
Chris Oakley
Oh. Oh, God. God.
- [67:45]
Jordan Robinson
Girls, didn't know your future would end this way.
- [67:53]
Chris Oakley
No one knows their future is gonna end this way. I didn't know your future would end this way. Yeah, that's not a congruent sentence, but okay. Well, that's the least of the sins in this song. This is terrible. Who made this? Who did this for these girls?
- [68:08]
Tina
And said, yeah, there's always somebody that will do it.
- [68:11]
Chris Oakley
I know. You know? I know it's bad is it's got more shares than it does likes.
- [68:17]
Jordan Robinson
So precious. Don't you know you gotta love the ones that mean the most? Sometimes there's happiness, sometimes there's pain.
- [68:52]
Chris Oakley
Oh, God. That's it. Okay. That's all I can handle.
- [68:54]
Tina
Oh, vaguely like another song that I've heard too.
- [68:57]
Chris Oakley
Oh, it sounds like all the amount. It's singular. It's the music. Singularity. It's all happening right there in that song. I feel love from you. And the weird whispering in the background. I know you're out there. I can smell you on my shirt. It's like. It's just weird. It's just weird. Girls start like, come back to humanity. Come back down to earth. Ladies, please. It's. It's enough. You were. You were. Listen, I get it. You always lived in a weird world. Wherever you came from, you always lived in a weird world. You're twins. You're trying to be, you know, plastic Fantastic and beautiful all the time and all that stuff. I get that. But you have drifted so far from normalcy that it's hard to relate anymore. Like, you're just strange at this point. And God bless you, that's the way you want to live your life. Listen, you're not hurting anybody. I guess that's fine. But it just feels to me like I had. You know, when I first saw Darcy in that first season, I really felt like that guy screwed her over. Yes, he was a real jerk. Right? He was a real jerk and he screwed her over. And although I always felt Darcy was a little strange, I. I also felt like Darcy deserved better than that guy. But it didn't take me long to go, ah, well, I guess if I was him, maybe. I don't know. Can you imagine if those two are still together? No, no. He ran off with another 90 day fiance chick. Did he? Yeah, he got. Yeah, he got the better some super One of the super hot South American girls.
- [70:33]
Tina
Remember?
- [70:34]
Chris Oakley
Yeah.
- [70:35]
Tina
Is right.
- [70:35]
Chris Oakley
And she wanted to dress half naked and he got all upset about it. And it's like you knew what you were getting yourself into, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Don't try and pretend like you don't know. We all know. We all know you. The Greenland dog only comes from Greenland.
- [70:51]
Tina
You're still watching the Last Resort, right?
- [70:55]
Chris Oakley
I don't even know where I am in that show. It's on in the background. It's fine. But I can't take it anymore. I really can't. They're all so thirsty.
- [71:03]
Tina
Oh, the Last Resort one's bad.
- [71:05]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. Well, when you're on your 12th season of 90 Day Fiance and you're just. Now you're just putting all of your marriage woes out there for everyone to see. Half those couples aren't together.
- [71:15]
Tina
I know.
- [71:15]
Chris Oakley
Weren't even together together when they showed up on the show. They're certainly not going to be together after a month and a half of drinking in a jacuzzi, drinking in front of cameras on. In a jacuzzi, drinking in therapy. Yeah. Has never fixed any marriage ever. And it's not going to fix these. It's terrible. It's a terrible television show. I hope they put that one out to pass.
- [71:36]
Tina
They need to.
- [71:37]
Chris Oakley
But honestly, the. The new 90 Day Fiance that just came out is not much better.
- [71:41]
Tina
I'm not watching. Watching it.
- [71:42]
Chris Oakley
Yeah. I think it's jumped the shark at this point. I'm over it. There's too much good television to watch. There is like the seven little Johnson. That's the thing. Seven little Johnston. I gotta go to the fyre fest. I don't have time for 90 Day Fiance. It. It was so good. For so long we had an embarrassment of riches, but now it's just. It's dated at this point. Yeah. And we all know that no one comes in on. No one can get immigration papers anymore anyway, so it's kind of. It's gonna end. Yeah, it's gonna end. It's too close to the bone at this point.
- [72:16]
Tina
Yeah.
- [72:16]
Chris Oakley
If Donald Trump hasn't put a stop to 90 Day Fiance, the television show yet, he's coming after it. Trust me.
- [72:21]
Tina
Oh, yeah.
- [72:22]
Chris Oakley
He's gonna find out. That's a way he's gonna get, you know, score points. All right. Tcb, podcast dot com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one level location. You can also get your free TCB sticker. Give us your physical address on the Contact Us page and we'll send you a sticker. Just tell us you want one. No problem, we'll do it. Add the commercial break on Instagram please do follow us. We try and post clips of the show and other stuff there. I'm going to post pictures from our night with Ari Shafir up there. So follow us please at the commercial break YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day. They air here on audio and 212-433-3822 212-4333 TCB questions, comments, concerns, Content, ideas or leave a voicemail. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I'll tell you that I love you.
- [73:17]
Tina
I love you.
- [73:17]
Chris Oakley
Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.
- [73:27]
Astrid
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