Why does it bother us when someone doesn’t seem to like us?

In this episode, we unpack the tension between people-pleasing and God-pleasing. While the desire to gain favor with others can stem from good intentions, it can easily shift into seeking approval instead of living from love.

Scripture reminds us that our ultimate aim is not to please people — but to love them well. When love and faithfulness guide our thoughts, words, and actions, we find ourselves resting in God’s approval rather than striving for human validation.

What We Discuss

The difference between loving people and pleasing people
Why human approval is unstable
How our hearts can deceive us
Filtering our actions through biblical love
What it truly means to gain favor in God’s sight

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Full Transcript Below:

Gaining Favor in the Eyes of God and Others

By Keri Eichberger

Bible Reading:
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. (Proverbs 3:3-4)

The sad truth is, it sincerely upsets me when someone doesn’t seem to like me. And though I’ve certainly struggled with people-pleasing, I’ve come to the conclusion that my concern over how another may perceive me isn’t just about pleasing the person. Not to mention, I know people are impossible to always please. But I’m beginning to believe the majority of my mission to receive favor in the eyes of others is rooted in the desire to do the right thing. Not necessarily by them, but by God. But to be honest, discerning the God-honoring way can be tricky at times. Because my heart and mind can deceive me. That’s true for all of us. We may tell ourselves our words and actions are justified and right. But too often our human flesh naturally prompts us toward selfish motives. So occasionally, when someone seems to have an issue with me, I start to wonder if they are sensing such behavior, and are justified in their ill thinking and feelings. On the flipside, if someone seems to be pleased with me, if I appear to have their favor, it sometimes serves as an indicator that I’m on the right path. But then again, this thought process is flawed as well.

Do you ever personally fall into people-pleasing? Or simply and strongly desire to gain favor in the eyes of others? If, like me, you do find yourself aspiring to find right standing with people, why does it matter to you? Though the more important questions we should consider are: What really matters? And who really matters?

We certainly can’t always please people, because we are all flawed and imperfect. But we aren’t called to please people anyway. We are called to love them. God is the only one we should ultimately aim to please. He alone is whom we ought to set our hearts on pleasing. He is who we ought to set out to please. Because of our love for God—because he first loved us. And what is pleasing to God is our loving him and loving others. Our goal should not be to please others, but to love others—for the sake of God and our love for him.

In our quest to transition from pleasing to loving, our goal should also be to love the way God called us to love. The way Jesus loved. And I’m sure you’re closely familiar with this passage, but he perfectly describes how he longs for us to love in 1 Corinthians 13. Verses 4-7 read, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This type of love is a tall order, no doubt. But this is a replica of what love looks like in the eyes of our all-loving Lord. These are the attributes we should aim for in learning to love. And as we learn to love more and more like God commanded us to love, we will find favor in his eyes and of others.

Intersecting Faith & Life:

Proverbs 3:3 encourages us to, Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. And verse 4 claims, Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. So, if you desire to find favor with the Lord and those around you, let love never leave you. Instead of seeking to please people, make it your life mission to love better. Practice filtering your thoughts, decisions, words, and every action through the First Corinthians love filter. Are your actions patient, humble, kind, selfless, drenched in truth and holiness? Are your words those of protection, trust, hope, and perseverance? This is love.

While it’s not necessarily wrong to desire to want to please others, the heart and goal behind this desire should truly be to love them. As God would love. For the sake of God. Determine to root your desire to gain favor with those around you in your desire to please God. Let that desire to please God fuel your fire to love like God. And in loving like him, you may gain favor with others, but your striving to please people will be replaced with refreshed and confident rest that you are pleasing in the eyes of our good God. And that is all that really matters.

If you liked what you read, I think you will love my latest book, Win Over Worry: Conquer What Shakes You and Soar With the One Who Overcomes. You can find it on Amazon or your favorite online retail site. I hope it blesses you!

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