Rachel Abrams (1:40)

Where did this even come from? This phrase? Did you make it up?

Alice Chesler Abrams (1:47)

I don't think I made it up, but it's just from experience. It's like, I look at that photo and I thought it the time I looked so this and so that, it's like, wow, looking at that time years later, I looked so wonderful. I wish I could have appreciated it then. And I don't know how many decades it took me to finally realize it, you know, but I did want to pass that on to you before it was too late. And I'm so happy it took.

Rachel Abrams (2:18)

Okay, Mom, I have one more question for you. Since this is a Mother's Day show, you help me do the billboard for it.

Alice Chesler Abrams (2:24)

What does that mean?

Rachel Abrams (2:25)

You know what the billboard of the show is? No, the billboard is the thing where it's like, from the New York Times, I'm Rachel Abrams. This is the Daily. Okay, so it's. You start out by saying, from the New York Times, I'm and then you say your name. So can you say that?

Alice Chesler Abrams (2:40)

Okay.

Rachel Abrams (2:41)

You want to practice?

Alice Chesler Abrams (2:42)

Yeah. From the New York Times, I'm Alice Chesler Abrams.

Apple Card / Schwab Advertiser (2:47)

Excellent.

Rachel Abrams (2:48)

And now you say this is the Sunday Daily.

Alice Chesler Abrams (2:52)

This is the Sunday Daily.

Rachel Abrams (2:55)

Can you try. Can you try to sell me on it, Mom?

Alice Chesler Abrams (2:58)

Okay.

Nissan (2:59)

Should I.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:00)

Okay. From the New York Times, I'm Alice Chesler Abrams, and this is the Daily.

Rachel Abrams (3:06)

The Sunday Daily.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:09)

From the New York Times, I'm Alice Chesler Abrams, and this is the Sunday Daily.

Rachel Abrams (3:14)

I'll do the next part.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:15)

Okay.

Rachel Abrams (3:16)

Today, we partnered with the well desk here to do a call out to readers for your mom mantras. And you sent us voice memos. So many voice memos about the expressions that your moms used all the time that have stuck with you and that imparted some important wisdom about Life. It's Sunday, May 10th. Actually, mom, you want to say that it's Sunday, May 10th.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:37)

Okay. It's Sunday, May 10.

Rachel Abrams (3:40)

And we'll be right back with your mom mantras.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:44)

Wait, what do I say now?

Rachel Abrams (3:45)

We'll be right back.

Alice Chesler Abrams (3:48)

We'll be right back with your mom mantras.

American Petroleum Institute Advertiser (3:59)

This podcast is supported by the American Petroleum Institute. Energy demand is rising, and the infrastructure we build today will power generations to come. We can deliver affordable, reliable and innovative energy solutions for all Americans. But we need to overhaul our broken permitting process to make that happen. It's time to modernize and build, because when America builds, America wins. Read API's plan to secure America's future at permitting reformnow.org this podcast is supported by Vanguard. To all the financial advisors listening, let's talk bonds for a minute. Capturing value in fixed income is not easy, but bond markets are massive, murky. And let's be real, lots of firms throw a couple of flashy funds your way and call it a day. But not Vanguard. Vanguard bonds are institutional quality. Institutional quality isn't a tagline. It's a commitment to your clients. It means top grade products across the board. The Lineup includes over 80 bond funds. They're actively managed by a 200 person global squad of sector specialists, analysts and traders. The bond market is complex, and it's not something one person or a small team can realistically keep up with. Vanguard's been in the game a long time, and their scale gives them a serious edge. They're able to invest across all kinds of sectors, maturities and geographies. So if you're looking to give your clients consistent results year in and year out, go see the record for yourself@vanguard.com audio that's vanguard.com audio all investing is subject to risk. Vanguard Marketing Corporation Distributor this podcast is supported by Starbucks.

Alex (5:32)

Full and part time Starbucks baristas get up to 18 weeks of paid parental leave. So as their family grows, they'll only thing they'll miss is sleep at Starbucks. Benefits like paid parental leave are just the start.

Jane Dee (5:48)

My name is Jane Dee. I'm originally from Somerset, Massachusetts. My mother had a lot of sayings. I don't know if they're mantras, but they're certainly momisms. Every time my brother or sister or I were about to leave the house, she would remind us that all tragedy starts out in fun. I'm sorry, but way to bring the room down, Mom.

Alice Chesler Abrams (6:27)

My momism or mom mantra is hey,

Toby Crockett (6:31)

you're not the only tin can in the dump.

Kerry O'Grady (6:33)

Gargle with salt water, grab it and growl.

Bobby (6:36)

Life is like a Mardi Gras.

Toby Crockett (6:38)

You're just rattling around like a fart in a skillet.

Alex (6:44)

I'm Alex and I'm from Montpelier, Vermont. My mom's expression is boo.

Sarah (6:53)

Let me explain.

Alex (6:54)

My mom's a first grade teacher and one day when she was co teaching, this little boy stands up in the middle of her lesson, looks at her and just goes, boo. Traditionally, booing is not encouraged at school. But when she got home that day, she told me about it and we couldn't help but laugh because it's kind of the perfect response to any situation where you have no control but you

Alice Chesler Abrams (7:20)

are not happy about it.

Richard Martin (7:26)

Howdy. I'm Richard Martin from Austin, Texas. Texas is a state brimming with colorful expressions. And one that I heard frequently from my grandmother was, take an onion out of that stew. Which meant, I know you're lying to me, straighten up and tell the truth.

Gwen Harvey (7:48)

Hello, my name is Gwen Harvey. I live in Portland, Oregon. My mom's expression was, when in doubt, clean. If something is bothering you, dear child, put yourself to work. Clean a closet, clean out a cupboard. Wash the car, wash the dog. If you haven't figured out an answer or answers, at least you come away with some evidence of things being better.

Alice Chesler Abrams (8:27)

Howdy.

Bobby (8:27)

Hi, this is Bobby. I'm in Central Texas. I got a great story for you. Okay. I was stopped by the folks house and I was pulling into the garage and as I pulled in I noticed mom had a half bottle of Windex in one hand and a cleaning rag in the other. And as she was stepping back, she was looking back at whatever she had been Windexing. And as I got out of my car, I said, ma, what you doing. And she says, I just finished Windexing the water heater, and I'm. Oh, I mean, my eyes rolled back in my head. So I said, ma, honey, it's time for you to get a hobby. And she just kept grinning and beaming and staring at that water heater, and she says, I love the smell of Windex in the morning. It smells like victory.

Jessie K. (9:31)

My name is Jessie K. And I live in Miami, Florida. My mom always tells me, jesse, with one behind, you can't sit on the whole world. And this is passed down from my grandmother, who used to tell us, with one torches, you can't sit on the whole world. And what my mom means by this is essentially, you can't do everything at once.

Giselle Gauguin (10:02)

Hi, my name is Giselle Gauguin and I live in Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada. My mother, Gail, has a favorite expression, and it is there is many a slip between the cup and the lip. And it means, you know, don't count your chickens before they're hatched. Get cocky. And it's meant to, you know, bring someone down a peg. But my mother, being the wonderful person that she is, she always means it in the context of, don't worry, everything is always changing all the time, everywhere. You know, that situation at work that you can't control, that you're convinced is going to end badly, it probably won't. And if it does, it's probably not going to be as bad as you think, because there's many a slip between the cup and the lip.

Janine (10:54)

Hi, my name is Janine and I'm from Philadelphia. When I was going through my teenage years, my mom would say the same thing to me every time I was heading out the door to meet up with friends. Without fail, she would say, no sex, no drugs, only rock and roll.

Toby Crockett (11:18)

Hi, my name is Toby Crockett, and I'm from Paso Robles in California. My mom's expression was, don't teach your grandmother how to suck eggs. I was always like, okay, well, why would anybody want to suck eggs? 1. Why would anybody need to be taught how to suck eggs?

Alice Chesler Abrams (11:41)

2.

Toby Crockett (11:42)

And what did my grandmother have to do with it? Because she did not seem like the egg sucking type. Of course, later I learned more about it, you know, and understood that this was supposed to mean, hey, stupid whippersnapper, don't tell me how to do what I already know how to do, like, a million times better than you do. And while it might have been somewhat confusing as a child, now that I'm in my 60s, oh, it's so righteous. How many times do I want to say this? It's sort of like the all purpose version of mansplaining. Like, don't mansplain me and don't teach me how to suck eggs either.

Hilary Smith (12:28)

My name is Hilary Smith. I live in Brooklyn, New York. I was in middle school, and I was having some kind of meltdown about a school project that just felt too big and too overwhelming and that I was never going to get it done. And in the middle of my freakout, my mom said to me, hillary, how do you eat an elephant? And I was kind of like, what?

Janine (12:53)

What is she asking me?

Hilary Smith (12:55)

And I thought about it and I was like in a giant gulp. And she was like, no. One bite at a time.

Jonathan Kabirda (13:11)

Hi, friends, this is Jonathan Kabirda. I'm originally from Greensboro, North Carolina, and I've lived in New York for 11 years. My mom's mantra motto, expression was sing out Louise, Which for those of you who don't know, is a famous line from the musical Gypsy. And my mother, Pauline Kuberta, was Mama Rose incarnate. She just was. Was a force of life and a tornado in every room she walked into. And sing out Louise meant to my mother to always let your presence be known in every room that you walk into to make a choice. Be specific in that choice, damn the torpedoes on whatever choice you did make, and to carpe diem.

Phoebe (14:16)

Hi, I'm Phoebe. I'm from Fairfield, Connecticut. I come from a long line of Syrian women who have intense, unfriendly, frowning faces. And when people meet us, they tend to think we don't like them. And so usually this is something that I try to overcome, but my mom always, always, always reminds us that we have a Syrian look and we can use it on anyone who has wronged us or whenever we need to stand up for ourselves. If someone was being mean to us at school, she would say, give them the Syrian love. And she meant, cut your eyes to them, Give them the stank eye and let them know you can't be messed with.

Sean Stytham (15:11)

My name is Sean Stytham. I live in Seattle. My mom's expression was roll with the cookie. And she would say this typically when the plants had suddenly gone and she needed her five children to get in line in a hurry. And when I was older, I realized that this was her unintentional mashup of roll with the punches. And that's the way the cookie crumbles. And when I was younger, I thought every family used it, and only later did I realize that it was unique. To us.

Kerry O'Grady (15:46)

Hi, I'm Kerry o' Grady and I'm from Manhattan. So my mom's mantra was, if you feel bad, look better. My mom and I are complete opposites. She is always perfectly put together, and I am not. When I was a teenager, anytime I felt bad, whether it be over a boy or my skin or just life in general, my go to was wanting to hide in my room, in bed, sweatpants, PJs, no makeup, and probably Ben and Jerry's. But my mom would come in and she would say, get up, put on something cute, do your makeup and you'll feel better. And at the time, I found this insanely annoying. And to be honest, I still do. But Now I'm almost 43 and I'm a professor, and I commute nearly four and a half hours to and from my university multiple days per week. I live out of bags and I'm perpetually exhausted. But when I pack now, I find myself throwing in something a little extra, whether it be a zebra print or a bedazzled headband or some high heels. I've even perfected applying eyeliner on the Peter Pan bus. So when I get to work and a student says to me, I love your outfit today or you look great today, I immediately feel more awake than I would otherwise, more ready to conquer my day. And while I'm still not ready to say my mom was right, I'll admit that she was onto something.

Nissan (17:10)

Hi, my name is Nissan, I'm from New York, grew up in New Jersey, and my mom's line, anytime we went shopping, I'd pick something up, a candle, a jewelry, socks, ripped jeans, literally anything. And she turn it over in her hands, pause, and without fail say, we can make that, and then return the item to the shelf.

Erin (17:41)

Hello, my name is Erin and I'm from Irvine, California. And one of my moms favorite expressions is, the grass will soon turn to milk. If you think about a cow in a field of grass, the cow eats the grass and then the grass goes through this labyrinthine digestive process and then becomes milk eventually, right? So it's this idea that it might take a while, but your hard work will pay off and result in this beautiful, delicious good thing, the milk.

Toby Crockett (18:21)

My mom, as a mother of 12, had many mantras.

Gwen Harvey (18:26)

One of my favorite ones was, oh, honey. She suffers from terminal uniqueness.

Rachel Abrams (18:35)

100 years from now, who will know the difference?

Alex (18:38)

If in doubt, do without.

Richard Martin (18:41)

Oh, God, who cares?

Rachel Abrams (18:42)

We're on an adventure.

Apple Card / Schwab Advertiser (18:44)

Don't make fun of something that someone that you love loves.

Anna Curtis (18:54)

Hi, my name is Anna Curtis and I'm from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. My mother's saying was there isn't a shroud with pockets big enough. Which is a slightly more morbid way of saying you can't take it with you when you go. That my mother lived that. She lived that by having adventures by going and exploring by. And not just adventures in terms of travel, but adventures in terms of things that she did with her life. The way she raised six children, it all fell into this idea that life is for the now and the living and you have to grab it. And there was always an adventure in our lives, even things like we took an epic road trip from Winnipeg, Manitoba, up to circle, Alaska on an unpaved Alaskan highway in a Volkswagen Beetle with nothing but a tent on the top. And, you know, that's reflective of the fact that they didn't sit back and go, we haven't got enough money to go. They just went, how do we make this happen? How do we have this adventure in our lives? And so when my mother passed away many years ago, there wasn't any money left.

Alice Chesler Abrams (20:08)

That's okay.

Anna Curtis (20:09)

There wasn't a shroud with pockets big enough.

Danielle (20:19)

Hello, my name is Danielle and I live in Alamo, California. My mom is this tiny, fiery, extremely loving little Sicilian woman. To know her is to be loved by her and protected by her. But.

Alice Chesler Abrams (20:37)

Oof.

Danielle (20:37)

If you do something she thinks is not right, you will know it. This is important context for her mantra that has always stuck with me, which is, just because someone throws you a football doesn't mean you have to catch it. And what she means by that is that all through our lives, people will give you feedback or criticism or they'll make you feel bad about something. And you can just say thank you for the feedback and just not take it in because it wasn't yours.

Kelsey (21:15)

Hi, my name is Kelsey and I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana. My mom always used to say, some things just are. Originally, the story behind it was I was a kid that just needed to know why, why, why, why? And I imagine for a mom juggling all of the things that she was at that time and having a kid who my dad said came out of the chute litigating, that's a little crass. But, you know, when you're younger, you always believe there's an answer for absolutely everything. And so as I got older, I sort of just tapped into it, kind of like a touchstone. And I would remind myself some things just,

Jonathan Kabirda (22:12)

Hi, I'm Jeff and I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. My mother's mantra was, if you're lost, any road will take you there.

Diane Falcone (22:27)

My name is Diane Falcone. I live in Yonkers, New York. Something I heard from my mom a lot when I was growing up was, God punishes you. And you might wonder, why would your mom say that to you? For some context, My mom was a devout Catholic. She tried to become a nun twice in her life. My parents were very active in their parish. We did church on Sundays, and I even wore that little doily on my head back when women had to wear that to church on Sundays. So God in my household was a big deal. So if someone were to have a minor injury, like, they would bump their head or stub their toe or pinch a finger, instead of. Of getting a response from my mom, like, oh, are you okay? I would get God punishes you. Which, for me, it was horrifying. First of all, because I'm a tiny child, I don't know what I did to piss off God, but I feel like it was my mom's way of saying, well, you must have done something to deserve that. I didn't see it. So God punishes you.

Kay (23:36)

I'm Kay from Port Angeles, Washington, and my mom's mantra was this too shall pass. Oh, boy, did I hate to hear that. She'd say it when I was a teenager, and I don't know if I was complaining or something, and, you know, honestly, it felt a little dismissive. But now I'm 61 years old, I kind of get it, and I would so love to hear her say that to me again. I miss you, Mom.

Rachel Abrams (24:21)

Our mother would say, rain makes you beautiful.

American Petroleum Institute Advertiser (24:25)

Misery is optional.

Alice Chesler Abrams (24:27)

It's never so bad that it couldn't be worse.

Rachel Abrams (24:29)

She said that I should love myself first.

Toby Crockett (24:32)

There's no pillow as soft as a clear conscience.

Amy Marcus (24:38)

Hi, I'm Amy Marcus, and I'm from Kailua, Hawaii, living in the San Francisco Bay area. My phrase that I remember my mom saying a lot, the one that sticks with me, is don't make big decisions late at night. And she used to say this to me on the phone when I would call her from college because she was still living in Hawaii and I was upstate New York, so I could call her late at night and it would still be, you know, dinner time for her. And I could call her with my anxieties, my worries, my stresses, whatever, just to chat. And I remember her saying, just get some sleep, get some rest. Don't make big decisions late at night. And now, as a parent, to a two year old myself these last few years of pregnancy and new parenthood. I really wish I could call her, and I can't because she passed away at the end of 2020 unexpectedly. So, you know, parenting has you up at all hours getting so little sleep, and you find yourself maybe googling sleep training advice for your baby in the middle of the night. And then I would hear my mom's voice and she would say, no, don't. Don't do this right now.

Rachel Abrams (25:58)

Go to sleep.

Amy Marcus (25:59)

Get some rest. Make this decision when you're feeling a little more rested and can think a little more clearly.

Sarah (26:08)

Hey, this is Sarah from Madison, Wisconsin. And one of my mom's favorite expressions was, if wishes were horses, then beggars

Danielle (26:17)

would r.

Sarah (26:20)

As a kid, I remember her using it in seemingly unrelated situations. You know, like at a family potluck. Someone would say, oh, I wish we had remembered the mayonnaise. And my mom would say, well, if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. Totally confusing to things like, I wish I had gotten into that college. If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. And I kind of just always blew it off because I'm like, I have no idea what you mean by that, But a few years ago, my mom received a terminal cancer diagnosis, and I think I finally knew what she meant because life throws stuff at us and you didn't want it. And you can wish it wasn't happening, and I did, but that doesn't get you very far. I miss my mom every day, But I'm so grateful to have had her and all of her seemingly crazy sayings that have done so much to help me navigate life without her.

Rosemary Rowe (27:48)

Hi there. My name is Rosemary Rowe. I live in Sanishton, British Columbia, on Vancouver island in Canada. And an expression that I associate with my awesome mom is, you're a human being, not a human doing, as in just being is enough. Now, I have to say, this was always a bit rich coming from my mom, who's a very energetic, accomplished, go, go, go kind of person. When she was about 40, my mom went through a very, like, intense personal psychological journey of breakthrough and recovery. And she ended up switching careers. She got her PhD, she became a psychologist. But it was around this time, those early days, when she started saying to my brother and I, you're a human being, not a human doing. And as the years went by, that expression really stuck around. Anyway, I feel like this is a great full circle opportunity for me because my mom is in her 70s now, and she's recently had serious heart surgery, and she's been a bit frustrated by the pace of her recovery because she's still a very energetic, accomplished, go, go, go kind of person. So I just want to take this opportunity to remind her that. Mom, mom, you're a human being, not a human doing.

Rachel Abrams (29:40)

We'll be right back.

American Petroleum Institute Advertiser (29:47)

This podcast is supported by the American Petroleum Institute. Energy demand is rising, and the infrastructure we build today will power generations to come. We can deliver affordable, reliable, and innovative energy solutions for all Americans. But we need to overhaul our broken permitting process to make that happen. It's time to modernize and build, because when America builds, America wins. Read API's plan to secure America's future at permitting reformnow.org these days it seems

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Jonathan Kabirda (30:57)

Whew.

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Rachel Abrams (31:18)

Okay, Mom.

Alice Chesler Abrams (31:19)

Yeah.

Rachel Abrams (31:20)

So now that we've listened to a whole lot of wisdom from other moms, Mom. Do you have any advice for future moms?

Alice Chesler Abrams (31:28)

Oh, Jesus.

Rachel Abrams (31:29)

There's a mantra that you've said to me about being a parent. I wonder if you remember what it is.

Alice Chesler Abrams (31:37)

Yeah.

Diane Falcone (31:37)

Okay.

Rachel Abrams (31:38)

When you have kids, you do the best job that you can and then you pray that they forgive you.

Alice Chesler Abrams (31:44)

Oh, that's. Yeah.

Rachel Abrams (31:45)

I'm curious where it came from.

Alice Chesler Abrams (31:47)

Oh, that's my own. So, okay, so my advice for, for mothers is that we all do the best we can with what we have. It's the hardest job in the world and we're all second guessing ourselves. And, and we make so many, so many choices. And. And you just do the best you can and. And you just hope your kids forgive you. And you do everything with love. And even when you're short with them and you're. You're upset. You're still doing the best you can with what you have, and. And you just pray and you just love them.

Rachel Abrams (32:35)

That's beautiful, Mom.

Alice Chesler Abrams (32:36)

It is.

Rachel Abrams (32:42)

Happy mother's day, mom.

Alice Chesler Abrams (32:43)

Oh, my God. Happy mother's day, honey.

Rachel Abrams (32:46)

I love you.

Alice Chesler Abrams (32:47)

Thank you. I love you too, honey. Okay, now I have to go recover. Thanks, dear.

Erin (32:52)

Okay.

Alice Chesler Abrams (32:53)

Bye.

Rachel Abrams (32:53)

Bye. Thank you to all the listeners who sent us voice memos. We got more than we could possibly include, but you all have very quotable moms, and we enjoyed listening to all of them. Today's episode was produced by Tina Antolini and was edited by Wendy Dore with production assistance from Dalia Haddad. It contains Music by Pat McCusker, Marian Lozano, Dan Powell and Leah Shaw Dameron. It was engineered by Rowan Nymisto. Special thanks to Kathryn Pearson and Melonice McAfee. That's it for the Daily I'm Rachel Abrams. See you tomorrow.

Apple Card / Schwab Advertiser (33:47)

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