A Message for Our Loyal Listeners

Summary

TDB Podcast (Season 1) - Episode: "A Message for Our Loyal Listeners"

Release Date: May 15, 2025
Hosts: Joanna Coles and Samantha Bee
Guest: Susan Dominus, Writer at The New York Times Magazine

---

Introduction and Transition Announcement

Joanna Coles begins the episode by announcing the podcast's relocation, directing listeners to follow the new feed on their preferred podcast platforms or subscribe to the YouTube channel for full episodes released three times a week ([00:00-02:27]). This transition marks a significant shift in how "The Daily Beast Podcast" will deliver its content moving forward.

Sponsor Message

The episode includes a sponsorship segment by Aura, highlighting their digital safety solutions. Joanna Coles emphasizes the importance of protecting personal data from hackers, detailing Aura's features such as dark web monitoring, VPN services, and a password manager ([00:12-01:24]). Listeners are encouraged to take advantage of a limited-time offer for a free trial and dark web scan.

Holderness Family Podcast Segment

A brief promotion for the Holderness Family Podcast is presented by Kim and Penn Holderness. They share their excitement about relaunching their podcast, now titled "Laugh Lines with Kim and Penn Holderness," focusing on aging together and finding humor in getting older ([01:24-02:55]). This segment underscores Acast's role in supporting podcast creators.

Main Discussion: Family Dynamics with Susan Dominus

Introduction of Guest and Topic

Joanna Coles welcomes listeners and introduces Dan Bukatinsky as her co-host for the episode. Despite Dan being in Rome, he participates in the discussion centered around family dynamics. The main guest, Susan Dominus, a seasoned writer for The New York Times Magazine, is introduced as the focus of the episode. Joanna highlights Susan's latest book, "Family Dynamic: Why Birth Order, Sibling Rivalry, and Long-Held Roles Still Shape Us," praising its exploration of how family structures influence individual success ([02:27-05:08]).

Exploring the Book's Themes

Joanna Coles delves into the core themes of Susan's book, emphasizing the impact of sibling relationships on personal achievement. She references a positive review from Ezekiel Emanuel, noting the book's engaging and insightful narrative. Joanna expresses her anticipation for the discussion, particularly how the book resonates with personal family experiences ([05:08-06:34]).

Susan Dominus on Personal Experiences

Susan Dominus shares a childhood memory that inspired her to explore family dynamics. She recounts staying with family friends and observing their structured dinner conversations centered around math problems. This contrasted with her own family's different dinner rituals, prompting her to investigate how various family practices affect child development and sibling interactions ([06:34-08:32]).

Impact of Parental Expectations and Sibling Rivalry

An Unknown Speaker (likely Dan Bukatinsky) joins the conversation, discussing the influence of parental expectations and sibling competition on a child's drive for success. They explore the balance between parental control and the natural dynamics between siblings in shaping individual achievements. The speaker praises Susan's book for addressing these universal themes and poses a reflective question on whether the mysteries of family influence are ever fully unraveled ([08:32-09:51]).

Susan Dominus on Parental Influence and Luck

Susan Dominus responds by emphasizing the unpredictable nature of success and the role of luck. She argues that while parents can foster a "spirit of possibility" without exerting undue pressure, the dynamics between siblings and external factors also significantly contribute to individual outcomes. She shares insights on creating an environment that encourages children to pursue their ambitions freely ([09:51-10:50]).

Conclusion and Call to Action

Joanna Coles wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to subscribe to the podcast on their favorite platforms to access full episodes. She reiterates the value of Susan Dominus's insights into family dynamics and thanks the guest for her contribution ([10:50-11:08]).

Final Sponsor Message

The episode concludes with another promotional segment for Aura, reiterating their digital safety services and the limited-time offer for listeners ([11:08-12:55]). Kim and Penn Holderness briefly reintroduce their podcast, "Laugh Lines," emphasizing its focus on humor and aging, before closing the episode ([12:02-12:55]).

---

Key Takeaways

• Family Dynamics Influence Success: Susan Dominus's book explores how sibling relationships and birth order can significantly impact individual achievements, sometimes more so than parental guidance.

• Parental Role in Fostering Possibility: Creating an environment that encourages children to pursue their dreams without excessive pressure can be more beneficial than strict expectations.

• Sibling Rivalry as a Motivational Force: Competition among siblings can drive individuals to excel, highlighting the complex interplay between family members in shaping personal outcomes.

• Luck and Unpredictable Factors: Success often involves an element of luck, underscoring that not all outcomes can be controlled or predicted by family structures alone.

Notable Quotes

• Joanna Coles ([05:08]): "If you're a parent, if you're a sibling, if you're a child, if you're an only child, this book is going to explain so much of your life to you."

• Susan Dominus ([10:50]): "The best thing parents can do is create a spirit of possibility. Possibility without pressure."

• Joanna Coles ([07:37]): "I think I became like a familyologist."

Recommendations

• Book Highlight: "Family Dynamic: Why Birth Order, Sibling Rivalry, and Long-Held Roles Still Shape Us" by Susan Dominus is highly recommended for anyone interested in understanding the intricate dynamics of family relationships and their long-term effects.

• Podcast Follow-Up: Subscribe to "The Daily Beast Podcast" on your preferred platform or YouTube to stay updated with insightful discussions and expert interviews.

---

This episode offers a profound exploration of how familial relationships and structures shape our identities and successes. Through personal anecdotes and expert analysis, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the invisible forces at play within family dynamics.

Transcript

[Joanna Coles]

Want to pull off the season's freshest trends, you just need the right shoes.

[Dan Bukatinsky]

That's where designer shoe Warehouse comes in. Loving wide leg jeans?

[Joanna Coles]

Pair them with sleek low profile sneakers.

[Dan Bukatinsky]

Obsessed with the sheer trend? Try it with mesh flats. Feeling Boho comfy sandals. Nail the whole free spirited thing. Find on trend shoes from the brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at dsw. This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest. All because someone stole your identity. Hackers aren't waiting. Why are you? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Your personal data is a goldmine for hackers and Aura helps lock it down. Aura monitors the dark Web, blocks data brokers from selling your information. Includes a VPN for private browsing and a password manager to secure your accounts before criminals break in. For For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day free trial plus a dark web scan to check if your personal information has been leaked. All for [e-mail] safety that's aura.com safety to sign up and start protecting yourself and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com safety terms apply. Check the site for details.

[Kim Holderness]

Acast powers the World's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hey guys, we have an exciting announcement about our podcast.

[Penn Holderness]

For the past seven years, the Holderness Family Podcast has been the most favorite thing we do.

[Kim Holderness]

We love getting to talk to experts. We love having meaningful conversations just the two of us. And we also love hearing from you.

[Penn Holderness]

But the thing we love most is being a place where you can laugh.

[Kim Holderness]

A lot has changed in the last seven years and we feel very lucky that our audience is growing older with us.

[Penn Holderness]

So in the spirit of that, we are relaunching our podcast. We are excited to introduce Laugh Lines are we with Kim and Penn Holderness.

[Kim Holderness]

The Laugh Lines podcast will be all about aging together, better and also being able to laugh about getting older.

[Penn Holderness]

We hope you'll join us Search Laugh Lines with Kim and Pen Holderness New episodes every Tuesday.

[Kim Holderness]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

[Joanna Coles]

Welcome Daily Beast podcast listeners. I'm Joanna Coles, Chief Content Officer and as you may have heard, we've moved to keep hearing all new episodes of this show. Search for the Daily Beast Podcast wherever you get your podcasts and please tap to subscribe or just click the link in our show Notes. For a taste of what you'll get when you subscribe, here's a few minutes of today's episode, but to hear the rest, you have to follow us in our new home. Don't ask. It's too confusing. Just trust us. Hello, I'm Joanna Coles, the Chief Content Officer of the Daily Beast and you're listening to the Daily Beast podcast and my co host today is the wildly talented Dan Bukatinsky. He's an award winning actor, a writer, a producer. You loved him in Scandal, you still love him in hacks, and I guarantee there is no listener who hasn't laughed at his jokes. Dan is currently in Rome, but I thought of him for today's discussion because he's an old friend and from past discussions I know he's interested in family dynamics and that's what this episode is all about. So if you're a parent, if you're a sibling, if you're a child, if you're an only child, this book is going to explain so much of your life to you and you are going to find new ways of thinking about yourself and the people around you. So stay, stay tuned. Dan even wrote his own book, a hilarious book called does this Baby Make Me Look Straight? Great title. It's the Confessions of a Gay dad and it's currently a steal. Dan, I don't know if you knew this at 1.99 on Kindle, so hopefully people will go and buy it too because it's a great book about parenting. But today, Dan and his husband Don are proud parents of two fabulous dad, if not always the most easy of teenagers, but then what teenager is? He's a keen observer of humanity, so it's always a pleasure to spend time with him. So, Dan, thank you for joining us and I'm very pleased to introduce you on air to an old friend, Susan Dominus. Because today we're diving into the battlefield of the family home where alliances are formed, grudges calcify, and no one ever quite forgets the who got the bigger or the best bedroom? Our beast of the week this week is Susan Dominus, who's a longtime writer at the New York Times Magazine and she's now the author of a book that had me planning to call my sister the moment I put it down. And to be fair, my sister and I have only spoken once this year, so that was a big deal. Susan, thank you.

[Susan Dominus]

Wow. I wanna hear about it.

[Joanna Coles]

Well, your book is called the Family Dynamic. Why Birth order, Sibling rivalry and long held role still shape us I love that. The Times asked Ezekiel Emanuel, brother of the powerhouses Rahm and Ari Emanuel, to review it and he called it wonderfully engaging. And I agree. It's a deeply reported, often moving and sometimes funny exploration that examines how some families produce multiple high performance individuals. I think they're called. Think of the Brontes. Every single one of them wrote a novel. Horrifying. But what Susan discovered is that much of the motivation to achieve came not from parents, but from their siblings. So if you're a failure, you might actually be blaming the wrong person. Anyway, it's all fascinating. Welcome, Susan, and congrats on the book. I can't believe there isn't anybody who's interested in this book because everybody knows the issues of families. But it sort of start. You start the book with a. A memory of when you were a child and you go to spend time with another family and you realize that family rituals are different. And in fact, they were going around the table doing math problems. Can you just talk a little bit about what actually set you down the path of writing this book sort of 40 years after that incident?

[Susan Dominus]

Yeah, that was a really interesting. My parents used to go away for travel for two weeks at a time and I would go stay with. And they would sort of drop us with family friends. People used to do that kind of thing two weeks at a time. And this family dinner table for them, dinner table conversation with them was these very elaborate math games. You know, the father would turn to one of the three sons and say, a plane is leaving Cleveland flying 2,000 miles an hour, and another is leaving New York two hours later. @ what point will they cross? And, you know, we talk about current events over dinner. That was sort of the expectation. And I thought, is this happening at every other household but mine? And I just love watching the boys do this math in their head. I thought it was great fun. Until one day Michael Goldie turned to me and said, so, Susie, a plane is leaving. You know, And I burst into tears, horrified.

[Joanna Coles]

So stressful.

[Susan Dominus]

My brain went completely blank. And in my. In my own home, my father always likes to say that there was one rule at the dinner table, which was we had to chew with our mouths closed. That was, you know, very strictly enforced.

[Joanna Coles]

Quite. Also quite hard to do.

[Susan Dominus]

Yes. Especially if you're nine years old. But I think that I became like a familyologist. I was always very interested after that in other. What was happening in other families. And I sort of collected string. You know, I was obsessed with like the Kennedy dinner table rituals and the football Games and things like that. And then of course, like many bookish nerdy girls, I, you know, but what's funny is I didn't just love the Bronte's fiction. I was very obsessed with how did they all come to be the Brontes. How could three such talented young women all write groundbreaking, you know, innovative, beautiful works of fiction? What was going on in that household? Were they, you know, so I was just genuinely. I think I was a kind of ambitious little kid myself, like, maybe weirdly so. And I wanted to know what was going on that was not going on at my house. You know, there were other wonderful things going on in my house household, but it wasn't like this concerted enrichment, you know, this cultivated kind of thing.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's fascinating because we as parents, all of us, all parents, you know, are so obsessed with what they have control over and what they do not have control over. And one would like, you know, a parent would like to think that. And you listen to parents when they're expecting, their expectations of the child they're expecting are so great. Mine's going to be a concert pianist. Mine is going to be the first female president. And you already know, you already start to see the seeds of their expectation growing while that fetus is growing. This is why your book, I found riveting on so many levels. And your own curiosity, your own personal curiosity drives the narrative and your research and every conversation, every family, in a way that is. That echoes our own. I mean, how much of it is us? How much can we really, you know, control and, or shape and, or cajole our kids towards success? And how much are their siblings or the competition they have with their siblings, the thing that's driving them towards success. I just wonder because you called the book a mystery and I wonder if when you finished it, you felt like it was less of a mystery or it still remained a mystery.

[Susan Dominus]

I think this should be a relief to parents. I think it is still a mystery. I mean, it's. There is no secret code to this. I mean, first of all, there's also a tremendous amount of luck. I mean, most successful people would say that luck played a huge. There was always some fortuitous moment that could have gone a very different way. But the idea that, you know, a parent can make their kid into something and then not only make their kid into something, but like control the sibling diet dynamics so that they interact for maximum productivity or achievement. I do think the best thing parents can do is create a spirit of possibility. You know what I mean? Possibility without pressure. So like, I knew somebody who named their kid Galileo. Maybe not that like that seems like a lot to lay at a kid's feet, but to sort of say like, if you want to reach for the moon, you can reach for the moon. Like that is within your power. And we've seen people do it and people you know have done it without saying, you must reach for the moon. You must touch the moon. We will be satisfied with nothing less than you have touched the moon.

[Joanna Coles]

Well, we hope you enjoyed your sneak peek of this week's episode. Don't forget, subscribe to us on your favorite podcast app. Just search the Daily Beast podcast, then tap to subscribe or click the link in our show notes below. See you soon.

[Dan Bukatinsky]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months. On average, companies take 277 days to report a breach. That's nine months where hackers have access to your personal data. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura is an all in one digital safety solution that monitors the dark web for your phone number, email and Social Security number, sending real time alerts if your info is found. It also includes a vpn, password manager and data broker removal to to help keep you safe for a limited time, Aura is offering a 14 day free trial plus a dark web scan to check if your personal information has been leaked. All for [e-mail] safety that's aura.com safety to sign up and protect your loved ones. That's a u r a.com safety terms apply. Check the site for details.

[Kim Holderness]

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hey guys. We have an exciting announcement about our podcast.

[Penn Holderness]

For the past seven years, the Holderness Family Podcast has been the most favorite thing we do.

[Kim Holderness]

We love getting to talk to experts. We love having meaningful conversations just the two of us. And we also love hearing from you.

[Penn Holderness]

But the thing we love most is being a place where you can laugh.

[Kim Holderness]

A lot has changed in the last seven years and we feel very lucky that our audience is growing older with us.

[Penn Holderness]

So in this spirit of that we are relaunching our podcast. We are excited to introduce Laugh Lines with Kim and Penn Holderness.

[Kim Holderness]

The Laugh Lines podcast will be all about aging together better and also being able to laugh about getting older.

[Penn Holderness]

We hope you'll join us. Search Laughlines with Kim and Penn Holderness New episodes every Tuesday.

[Kim Holderness]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.