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Desi Lydic
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Jesse Lydic
From the.
Desi Lydic
Most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. It's America's only source for news. This is the Daily show with your host, Desi Lydon. Welcome.
Jesse Lydic
Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jesse Lydic. We've got so much to talk about tonight. The real presidents of America have a drama filled reunion. We look at why NBA ratings are lebroken and move over black little mermaid. Conservatives have a new fish to be mad at. So let's get into the headlines. Let's kick things off with a historic day in Washington, D.C. where former President Jimmy Carter's funeral was being held in the Washington National Cathedral. And look, I don't know how you measure the life of a man, whether through their personal accomplishments or the lives they touch, but if you measure a life by the VIP guest list at your funeral, then Jimmy Carter was a pimp. Funeral services fit for a president.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Today's funeral service bringing together five living presidents. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump to honor Carter, the longest lived commander in chief.
Jesse Lydic
Wow, that is incredibly rare to have five American presidents in the same room together. And even rarer to have Donald and Melania in the same room together. Kudos to President Carter. And it seemed pretty uncomfortable that they all had to sit next to Donald Trump. Just think about the history there. Trump tried to put her in prison, accused him of murder, said he was the secret Muslim founder of isis, said she was pretending to be black, ended his entire family dynasty, almost got him murdered, tried to overthrow his presidency and paid off a porn star behind her back. And by the way, basically all of them have said that he's Hitler. So, yeah, it's a seating chart so awkward that it probably had them asking, is there any extra room in that coffin? Although there was one surprising moment of.
Jordan Klepper
Chemistry during Carter's funeral. President elect Trump chatted with former President Barack Obama. Of course, we don't know what they discussed, but the interaction seemed friendly, with both presidents talking and occasionally smiling.
Jesse Lydic
Ooh, someone's trying to make Elon jealous. It's a little weird for Obama though, right? To go from this guy is future Hitler to. Oh, man, cool story, future Hitler. And by the way, Kamala noticed. Ooh, ooh. I don't know if that's funeral music was for Carter or for her. Commented, the look that I do when someone behind me at the movie theater is talking. I didn't pay 20 bucks to hear you sing Defying Gravity. Also, this is conclave. Why are you singing Defying gravity. She did not seem happy to be sitting that close to Donald Trump. She basically spent the rest of the day flipping through that funeral program like she was going to find 44 electoral votes in her. But of course, the story dominating the news right now is the Los Angeles wildfires. There's been so many challenges as LA workers try to control these fires, like water shortages and manpower shortages, but there's one thing that we have an endless supply of good old fashioned Made in America blame. And of course, one of the country's leading blame producers is Donald Trump.
Jordan Klepper
I've been trying to get Gavin Newsom.
Jesse Lydic
To allow water to come. You'd have tremendous water up there. They send it out to the Pacific because they're trying to protect a tiny little fish, which is in other areas.
Desi Lydic
By the way, called a smelt.
Jordan Klepper
And for the sake of a smelt.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
They have no water.
Jesse Lydic
Okay, we'll come back to the smelt, but can we just talk about how weird it is that this senator is staring so hard at Trump the entire time he's talking? What's the kind of behavior that makes me change subway cars? And for the record, no, the LA fires have nothing to do with smelt. But in Trump's defense, words are hard and smelt only has one syllable, while climate change has three. Now, obviously, Trump supporters aren't just blaming fish for the wildfires, they're also going back to the hits. Of course, we haven't even mentioned the idiotic DEI priorities that have infected the.
Desi Lydic
Hiring of senior personnel throughout the state.
Jesse Lydic
She's the first female LGBT plus fire chief. She's been putting her, her, her firefighters through DEI training, focusing on dei. This state has been hijacked by the extreme left.
Desi Lydic
Remember, Karen Bass is the socialist mayor.
Jesse Lydic
Who said Castro's a great guy. It is dei, that dei, which is so sickening.
Desi Lydic
What does DEI have to do with putting out fires?
Jesse Lydic
But you got a city fire chief.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Who thinks DEI is the number one issue.
Jesse Lydic
It's insulting. Okay, Leo, you're at a 2.0 right now. I'm gonna need you to bring it down to a 1.0. Okay? This whole argument is so annoying. Women can't be firefighters. They let dogs be firefighters. Society is so hypocritical. Although, to be fair, there are some signs that DEI in firefighting is a little over the top. Remember, only gay Muslims can prevent forest fires. Smokey Bear. More like Wokey Bear, am I right? Thank you.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Thank you.
Jesse Lydic
Honestly, these people really seem to think that if anyone in the LA Fire Department isn't a straight white man. It must be that the mayor used lower standards when hiring. In fact, they're so obsessed with this, it's getting a little creepy.
Desi Lydic
70% of her hires have been based on DI. Not muscularity, not experience, not size, not competence.
Jesse Lydic
This guy's talking about firefighters like the only thing they do is pose for sexy calendars. Not muscularity, not size, not girth, not cut or uncut. Sorry. Where was I? For more on the Los Angeles fire, we go live to Michael Costa. Wait, Michael, what's going on? Why are you at the airport?
Desi Lydic
Well, obviously, I'm flying to LA to help out their gay fire department. You see, you heard those Fox News pundits. There's too much dei, so they need a straight white man with big chest muscles. And that V thing going down. My doctor said not to mix steroids and ozema, but the results speak for themselves. All right.
Jesse Lydic
Do you even know how to fight fires?
Desi Lydic
Of course I do, Desi. I mean, I've blown out birthday candles. How much different can it be? And I'm not one of those pussies that needs two tries or for their mom to come over and help. What I do is I make my wish, usually to get that V thing going down, and then I own those birthday candles.
Jesse Lydic
But that's not gonna help you with this fire, Michael.
Desi Lydic
Okay, well, you know what will help, Desi? One of floppy tubes that I see firemen always pointing at fires. It's called a hose. But beware, Desi. As a straight, white male, I'm obliged to put bros before hose. You get it?
Jesse Lydic
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How exactly does you having a white male identity help you fight fires?
Desi Lydic
Well, I'm white, so the fire will respect me. I'm straight, which means I won't leave the fire halfway through to go see? And I'm male, which means I can always bust out Fire Hose 2.0. I'm talking about my peen, Desi.
Jesse Lydic
Yeah, yeah, I got that. You know what? Go ahead. Fight the fire in la. Just get on your flight.
Desi Lydic
Oh, I. I miss my flight, but I told United to let me pilot my own plane out there, so that's what I'll be doing.
Jesse Lydic
Do you know how to fly a plane?
Desi Lydic
No, but it can't be that hard. It's just a matter of defying gravity.
Jesse Lydic
Ha. You did see Wicked.
Desi Lydic
Oh, Desi, grow up. Sexuality's a spectrum. Okay?
Jesse Lydic
My God, Michael Costa, everyone. And when he comes back, we find out who's right about sports. So don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. It's a new year. And if one of your resolutions was to spend less time with the people you love and more time with those who will never love you back, you're in luck, because there's so much going on in the world of sports. So let's get into it in a new edition of sportswar.
Desi Lydic
Get ready for battle. It's time for Sports War, brought to you by gambling. Gambling, the sport Michael Jordan was best at.
Jesse Lydic
I'm Desi Lydic.
Jordan Klepper
Jordan. I'm Jordan Klepper. This is sportswar, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.
Jesse Lydic
So if I say baseball should get rid of the designated hitter, then I.
Jordan Klepper
Say everybody should have to hit the umps, the hot dog vendors, the 90 year old organist. Choke up, Seymour.
Jesse Lydic
I wish I was designated to hit you with a sock full of quarters.
Jordan Klepper
I'd like to see you try that again when I'm sober.
Jesse Lydic
Speaking of being incentivized to hit people. It was the last week in the NFL's regular season. And that means it's time for some players to cash in.
Desi Lydic
Now with the final game of the season, you get those players going all out to earn big time bucks, hitting incentives, escalator clauses in their contracts. Von Miller needed just one sack to stack $1.5 million in bonus. He barely gets a couple of fingers on the quarterback, but it counts. Miller only played three snaps in this game, but that's all he needed. The Tampa Bay Bucks could have just taken a knee with seconds to go, but their future hall of Famer needed just five more yards to earn three million bucks in a bonus. And he got it.
Jordan Klepper
Whoa. $3 million bonus. These players are putting the dam in irreversible brain damage. And I gotta tell you, Desi, I love it. You can't put a price on $3 million. I mean, if you did, it'd probably be $3 million bad.
Jesse Lydic
Take discount Joel McHale. Why do professional athletes need more money just for doing their jobs? Isn't the pussy enough? Sorry, Jordan. I should explain. Pussy is slang for vagina, which is a woman's genitals and what your face looks like without a beard.
Jordan Klepper
Wrong again, Lydic. It's what my face looks like with a beard in the 1970s. My point is, Desi, how could you not like this? Even we get performance bonuses. Every time I interrupt you, I make an extra 50 bucks.
Jesse Lydic
What are you even talking about?
Jordan Klepper
Interrupting. Interrupting. Easy. 50 bucks. The system works.
Jesse Lydic
Maybe you should use that 50 bucks to get a haircut that doesn't look like you're the stunt double for Tilda Swinton. Boom. I just hit my $20,000 Tilda reference bonus.
Jordan Klepper
You keep Tilda's name out of your filthy mouth. God, I wish you were adopted but didn't know it. That way I could break it to you when you were at your lowest and most vulnerable. Which brings me to my can't lose bet of the week. Which notorious serial killer is probably Desi's real father? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling? It's barely addictive when you compare it to smoking crack.
Jesse Lydic
Moving on. If you missed the big NBA game last night between OKC and the Cavs, don't worry, you're not alone.
Jordan Klepper
The NBA TV ratings for pro basketball games have flopped this season. Viewership is down nearly 20%. What's the blame? Well, according to many, the three point.
Desi Lydic
Shot critics accused teams of becoming excessively.
Jordan Klepper
Reliant on the deep ball in recent years. The ratings are down because of three pointers. Hard. Disagree. In fact, I got three pointers for you right here.
Jesse Lydic
Huh?
Jordan Klepper
Yeah. And you want to guess where the third one is?
Jesse Lydic
The giant boil on your back that's growing eyes.
Jordan Klepper
Correct. What is happening to my body? But they are so fun. I love these three pointers. So why would fans stop watching because of three pointers?
Jesse Lydic
Jordan, just because you only date threes doesn't mean they're fun. But that's not the real reason the NBA is bleeding.
Jordan Klepper
Viewers woke, destroyed. The NBA ratings have collapsed.
Desi Lydic
Some say it's that, some say it's.
Jordan Klepper
DEI kind of stuff.
Desi Lydic
I mean, what the heck is going on?
Jesse Lydic
Bingo. It's dei. I'll say it. There are too many Eastern Europeans in the NBA. Pack your bags, Luka Doncic, and take your little C symbols back to Transylvania.
Jordan Klepper
Whoa, Desi, Look, I'm surprised you don't like diversity, given you were a diversity hire for this job.
Jesse Lydic
Why? Cause I'm a woman?
Jordan Klepper
No, because you're a moron, Desi. Which brings me to my Jordans juiced and jacked bet of the night. Could Desi correctly spell DEI if given both the D and the I brought to you by gambling? Gambling? Did you know if you rent a storage unit, they don't check if you're sleeping in it?
Jesse Lydic
And finally, college bowl week is over. But no matter who won, there's a clear, undisputed national champion Giant Novelty vats of food.
Desi Lydic
This bowl season, a lot of the attention is on the mascots of the bowls.
Jordan Klepper
Drenching Minnesota's head coach, P.J.
Desi Lydic
Fleck, with a five gallon tube of mayonnaise.
Jesse Lydic
The trophy is a functioning toaster. And there goes the Pop Tart mascot Cinnamon roll going down. And look how he comes out. Yep. Ready to be served and enjoyed by everyone as they break off a piece of cinnamon roll mascot.
Jordan Klepper
Wow.
Jesse Lydic
Wow.
Jordan Klepper
I love this. We should be able to eat more mascots. It's funny how everyone's happy about the Pop Tart, but when I put the Philly fanatic in my mouth, it's sexual assault. How was I supposed to know that was his penis?
Jesse Lydic
If you know, you know. And you're absolutely wrong. Jordan. College sports should not be humanizing breakfast pastries. Because then when I eat them, I imagine how they were burned to death in a toaster, screaming, why, God, why? And as those hot coils roast its pastry flesh, I wonder if the pain makes them taste even better and ask myself what that says about me. But then I take another bite of their delicious jammy Pop Tart blood and smile. Which brings me to Desi's bankruptcy buster bet of the week. Will Jordan Klepper face justice for what he did to the Philly fanatic brought to you by gambling. Gambling? 20 million homeless people can't be wrong.
Jordan Klepper
Well, that's all the time we have for Sportswar.
Jesse Lydic
Join us next time when we debate whether Aaron Rodgers should re sign with the jets or accept the nomination for Surgeon General.
Jordan Klepper
No way. No way. Secretary of Interior, check your brains.
Jesse Lydic
Interior, dummy.
Jordan Klepper
What are you talking.
Jesse Lydic
Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Academy Award nominated actor whose new film is called Hard Truths. Please welcome Marianne Jean Baptiste. What a delight it is to have. Your performance in this movie is remarkable. Remarkable. Thank you and congratulations. You're getting all kinds of accolades for your performance and the movie as a whole. You play the character of Pansy.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
I do.
Jesse Lydic
Who might be described, as we saw in the clip, as a bit of a difficult woman.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Just a bit.
Jesse Lydic
Just a bit. She lashes out at pretty much everyone around her, including perfect strangers. I found her quite, quite relatable, honestly.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
The thing is, a lot of people do. I've been getting a lot of people saying, that's my mother. Lots of mother in laws, by the way. Oh, yeah, that's my mother in law, that's my auntie, that's my friend. A few people have professed to being her.
Jesse Lydic
Oh, really?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Yeah. And I'm like, you're too self aware. She's not self aware. She thinks she's nice.
Jesse Lydic
Of course she does. But That's a real testament to your performance in this. Because a character like that would possibly be hard to want to follow along and relate to and watch, but you make her so vulnerable and raw and captivating.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Right. Thank you.
Jesse Lydic
Yeah. Well, it's true. This has continued a decades long relationship with Mike Lee, who an incredible filmmaker. You were nominated for an Oscar for your performance in his other movie, Secrets and Lies. And you got a little bit of buzz going on right now for this movie too, I might say. He has a really interesting creative process. There's no. You're not handed a script and asked if you want to be part of it. You're part of the collaboration process from the very beginning.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Yeah. Oh, totally. He'll call you or email you and say, I'm doing a film. I don't know what it's about. I don't know what you'll be playing in it, but we're gonna have fun. And you go, yes, of course. I love that. I love being terrified.
Jesse Lydic
Is he just trying to trick you into writing it for him?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Yeah, no, it's a really sort of creative, collaborative, rewarding experience because, you know, he respects you as a creative artist, you know, and not just an interpreter of his vision. So you really do work on it with him.
Jesse Lydic
I heard that he asked you to write down 100 people that you knew with all these different characteristics and you made a list or did you do that on your own?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Oh, no. He always says at the start of every project, he'll say, I want you to bring in a list of people you know from real life. And you go in. I mean, I had over 100 on my list. But he doesn't ask for 100, but he wants more than five or 10.
Jesse Lydic
You are an overachiever. I would have been like, how six? You're like, I'll give you 100.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
I think it was about 140, actually.
Jesse Lydic
Oh, my God.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
And you sit there and you describe them all to him and talk about them. And it's like being in a therapy session, only you're analyzing someone else. And then, you know, that list gets smaller and smaller and smaller until you settle on about three, between three and five people. And then you do these exercises to merge them until you've got one person. And then you start building the character from there.
Jesse Lydic
And days and days and days of improv with the other actors who are cast, who are also phenomenal in the movie.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
I mean, all the performances in the movie are fantastic.
Jesse Lydic
Yes, absolutely. I'm curious because. Because you did so much improv for this character. And you were part of the collaboration process. Was someone like Pansy hard to shake when you went home, would you bring a little Pansy home with you?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
You know what? We've got a really disciplined process. We never refer to ourselves as the character. It's always in the third person. You never say I, otherwise he'll kill you. So. So you're used to getting out of character. But I'd have her thoughts in my head. So I started to sort of hear her voice with me saying, look at him. What's he got that shirt on for? Looks awful, you know? And I'd be like, shut up, Pansy, please just take me alone. But when I got home, I'd cook, I'd play music, drink wine. All the things she doesn't like doing.
Jesse Lydic
Right.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
So I was like, yes, to shake her own. I own me. It's me.
Jesse Lydic
Yes. I imagine that she comes in handy every now and again. Like I was thinking, after I watched the movie, I kept thinking about that character. I think, what would Pansy think about this? So I was wondering if you would play a little game with us. And I'm curious how Pansy would react to some of these news stories and things in the world.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Well, we'll see if we can conjure her.
Jesse Lydic
Ok. Do you need. Do you have a process? Do you need to.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
I won't warm up.
Jesse Lydic
Okay, warm up scene. All right, first question. How does Pansy feel about AI?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
What's that.
Jesse Lydic
Track? That track? What does Pansy think about Congestion pricing?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
It's disgusting. It's another way to get money out of people.
Jesse Lydic
Yeah.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
If people stayed inside, we wouldn't have the problem in the first place. So maybe there should be more curfew.
Jesse Lydic
What does Pansy think about Mark Zuckerberg's new look? I think we have a photo here.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
She thinks he needs to be checked into hospital straight away. Straight away.
Jesse Lydic
And should Marianne Jean Baptiste get another Oscar nomination?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Who on earth is that?
Jesse Lydic
I think this world needs a. A little more Pansy in it. I really do. What types of roles? Is there a particular role that you're dying to play? Anything you haven't done yet that you love to sink your teeth into?
Marianne Jean Baptiste
I quite like the baddies, you know, the Bond baddies and, you know, the criminal mastermind, that sort of character, like superhero, villain. Yes. Well, not quite. Yeah, but sort of. I mean, yeah, ok, I'll have it. I'll take it.
Jesse Lydic
Well, the truth that you are so unbelievably talented, you could do absolutely anything you want. So congratulations on everything. Thank you so much for being here. Such a pleasure. Will be in theaters nationwide January 10th. Marianne Jean B. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after the that's our show for tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents. If you can, please donate at the link below. Now, here it is, your moment of.
Jordan Klepper
Zen the bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices. God gives us a capacity for choice. We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can choose to work together for peace. We can make these changes.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
And we.
Jordan Klepper
Must.
Desi Lydic
Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcast, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus.
Marianne Jean Baptiste
Paramount Podcasts.
Summary of The Daily Show: Ears Edition – Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Release Date: January 10, 2025
In this engaging episode of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition," hosts Jesse Lydic and Desi Lydic delve into three major topics: the historic gathering at former President Jimmy Carter’s funeral, the politicization of Los Angeles wildfires, and the ongoing debates in the sports world regarding player bonuses and declining NBA ratings. Additionally, they feature an insightful interview with Academy Award-nominated actress Marianne Jean Baptiste about her latest film, "Hard Truths."
The episode kicks off with the discussion of former President Jimmy Carter's funeral held at the Washington National Cathedral, highlighting the unprecedented gathering of five living presidents: Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump.
Key Points:
Notable Quotes:
Jesse Lydic (01:20):
“If you measure a life by the VIP guest list at your funeral, then Jimmy Carter was a pimp.”
Jordan Klepper (02:43):
“Chemistry during Carter's funeral. President elect Trump chatted with former President Barack Obama. Of course, we don't know what they discussed, but the interaction seemed friendly, with both presidents talking and occasionally smiling.”
Jesse Lydic (01:34):
“It seemed pretty uncomfortable that they all had to sit next to Donald Trump. Just think about the history there...”
The segment underscores the tension and camaraderie among the guests, particularly highlighting the intricate relationships between the current and former presidents.
Shifting focus to Los Angeles, the hosts tackle the severe wildfires plaguing the region. They satirize the tendency to politicize natural disasters, particularly blaming political figures and DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) initiatives for the challenges in firefighting.
Key Points:
Notable Quotes:
Jesse Lydic (04:28):
“They have no water.”
Desi Lydic (05:27):
“What does DEI have to do with putting out fires?”
Jesse Lydic (06:00):
“It's insulting. Okay, Leo, you're at a 2.0 right now. I'm gonna need you to bring it down to a 1.0.”
The segment includes a satirical mock interview with "Michael Costa," who humorously emphasizes the absurdity of DEI-focused hiring in emergency services, further highlighting the hosts' critique of misplaced priorities.
In the "Sports War" segment, the discussion revolves around the high-stakes bonuses for athletes and the declining NBA TV ratings. The hosts use sharp humor to critique both the financial incentives in sports and the shifting preferences of sports audiences.
Key Points:
Notable Quotes:
Jesse Lydic (10:14):
“Von Miller needed just one sack to stack $1.5 million in bonus. He barely gets a couple of fingers on the quarterback, but it counts.”
Jordan Klepper (11:38):
“$3 million bonus. These players are putting the dam in irreversible brain damage. And I gotta tell you, Desi, I love it.”
Jesse Lydic (14:17):
“There are too many Eastern Europeans in the NBA. Pack your bags, Luka Doncic, and take your little C symbols back to Transylvania.”
This segment weaves humor with critical observations, illustrating how financial incentives and societal shifts impact both athlete behavior and fan engagement.
The episode features a compelling interview with Marianne Jean Baptiste, who discusses her role in the new film "Hard Truths." She portrays Pansy, a complex character known for her volatile personality.
Key Points:
Notable Quotes:
Marianne Jean Baptiste (20:23):
“He respects you as a creative artist, you know, and not just an interpreter of his vision. So you really do work on it with him.”
Jesse Lydic (18:21):
“I found her quite, quite relatable, honestly.”
Marianne Jean Baptiste (22:24):
“I owns me. It's me.”
The interview provides a deep dive into the artistic process behind "Hard Truths," showcasing Marianne’s dedication to creating a nuanced and impactful character.
This episode of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition" masterfully blends political satire, social commentary, and cultural critique with humor and insightful interviews. From the historic presidential gathering at Jimmy Carter’s funeral to the satirical take on DEI in firefighting and the commercialization of sports, Jesse and Desi Lydic offer a thought-provoking and entertaining perspective on current events. The interview with Marianne Jean Baptiste adds depth, illustrating the intersection of art and real-world issues.
Listeners are encouraged to support the California Fire Foundation and to watch "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central or stream it on Paramount+ for more engaging content.
Notable Resources: