← The Daily Show: Ears Edition
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
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- [00:01]
Jordan Klopper
You're listening to Comedy Central.
- [00:07]
Gordon Clapper
From the.
- [00:08]
Jordan Klopper
Most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. It's America's only source for news. This is the Daily show with your host, Jordan Klopper.
- [00:34]
Gordon Clapper
Welcome to Daily Chuck Gordon Clapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Elon Musk wants you to stop bullying his cars. Michael Acosta finds out the meaning of St. Patrick's Day, and those astronauts finally return to Earth. And boy, did they have a lot of unread emails. So let's get into headlines.
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Michael Costa
First.
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Gordon Clapper
First, some big breaking news. Donald Trump has released 64,000 pages of long, secret JFK files so we could finally learn who really killed JFK. And guess what? Turns out it was heart disease. Yeah, the man loved his french fries. But speaking of a once in a generation charming sex machine, Elon Musk. Now. Oh, baby, I love it. I love it. Now he's the world's richest man, the leader of Doge, and guy who thinks Sauron is the hero of the story. And say what you want about Elon, but he certainly has his fans. I love Tesla. I'm not saying Donald Trump is racist, but that man does love a hard R. But if you step outside of the White House, you'll find a backlash brewing against the founder of Teslar. Lawmakers across the country facing anger and outrage from their constituents at town hall meetings. And the primary source of the blowback is Elon Musk.
- [02:08]
Michael Costa
What are you doing to stop the activities of unelected and unconfirmed Elon Musk?
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Jordan Klopper
Elon Musk does have a security clearance.
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Gordon Clapper
We need to find out what Elon Musk is doing and how we can stop him. Elon Musk. Elon Musk has conflicts of interest out the wazoo.
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Jordan Klopper
I support Elon Musk and the department. Government efficiency.
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Gordon Clapper
Hoo hoo. Tough crowd. You know you're in trouble when you even pissed off the kid with the cherry eight ball sweater. It's like the chillest sweater there is. These crowds have been so angry towards these congressmen, some of them have decided to stop holding town halls altogether, which feels a little thin skinned, considering this is basically the same kind of vitriol an Applebee's bartender gets when the white wine's not filled to the brim. Again, Kyle, I'm sorry I flew off the handle. Papa needs his Pinot grige. And some people are not content to just scream about Elon in a high school gym they're taking to the streets or the the parking lots.
- [03:26]
Anthony Carrigan
Tonight, the FBI and ATF now investigating multiple cases of possible Arson targeting Teslas and cybertrucks.
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Jordan Klopper
This dramatic video shows multiple cars in flames.
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Gordon Clapper
Police say the attacker used Molotov cocktails. It's the latest in more than a dozen instances of arson and vandalism targeting Tesla. The same suspect shot more Teslas with a gun. Tesla cybertrucks were set on fire in Kansas City. And earlier this month, shots fired at a Tesla dealership in Oregon. Cybertrucks on fire in Seattle. Wow. You guys like petty acts of domestic terrorism, huh? Cool. Wow. Okay, let me just say nobody should be breaking the law and blowing up Teslas, especially because if you just wait a few minutes, they'll probably do it by themselves. And in case you're wondering why people might do this, some have been leaving helpful messages. This is what Tesla employees and Encinitas saw when they arrived to work today. The vandalism is too graphic to show in its entirety. We blurred out the swastika on this white Tesla as well as the F word on two different windows in front of the dealership. Nazi and scum were written as well. I think you might have wanted to blur out a little more there, because now it just looks like they just wrote. I mean, obviously Elon has a lot of kids, so he's got a lot of, you know, you don't have to be so overt. The point is there's a ton of rage directed at Elon right now, which is why last night he went on Sean Hannity and made the case for his victimhood. Bullets are being fired. Charging stations are put ablaze. Teslas are being put ablaze. What have you done that warrants this? Because I see nothing that you have done except help our country. Yeah, I mean, it's really come as quite a shock to me that there is this level of really hatred and violence from the left. Tesla is a peaceful company. We've never done anything harmful. I've never done anything harmful. I've only done productive things. I shouldn't have to explain this to Elon, but it's not about the Teslas. Teslas are actually pretty cool. Cool as a car. It's got that all glass thing going on, kind of like a Popemobile, that. It's got door handles that are hard to find, which is what everybody wants in a door handle. Everything in the car is electronic, so if it malfunctions, you just drown in it. You know, it's like a free coffin. It's cool. It's cool. I give them credit. I don't think people, though, are mad at you because of the Teslas, Elon, if I were to hazard a guess about why they'd be mad, it might be because in the last several weeks, you fired tens of thousands of federal workers. You made cuts to veterans care, life saving, foreign aid and food banks. You canceled important medical research, sometimes so abruptly that this happened. Clinical trials funded by USAID medical experiments have been stopped midstream. Some people have medical devices still in their bodies because the trials were abruptly stopped. Yeah, people might get a little upset if you stop their medical trial halfway through them. Imagine you had to stop getting your malaria medication or going home with half a butt lift. Imagine it. Imagine it. You'll never buy pants off the rack again. Or here. Here's another guess. Maybe people are mad at you because you don't seem to know what the you're doing. I'm catching. I'm catching. I'm guessing. I'm guessing. Okay. Cause you fired AV foundation safety staff, then had to hire them back. You fired nuclear safety inspectors, and you had to hire them back. You cut funding for Ebola prevention and then said, oopsie. One of the things we accidentally canceled, very briefly was Ebola. It was Ebola prevention. I think we all want Ebola prevention. Yeah, I think we do. And if someone just accidentally cut it, I think we'd all be pretty mad. I might even Banksy some Third Reich ejaculates. Look, look, I could. I could come up with more reasons, but let's be honest. Elon knows why people are mad at him. We know he's not as smart as he pretends to be, but he's also not as dumb as he's pretending to be right now. And when he goes on Sean Hannity to complain about why people hate him, he's just proving that the troll king of the Internet can't handle the consequences of the real world. But you know what? You know what? Elon? You know what? No. Here. Elon. Elon, if you genuinely want people to not hate you, you on the things you are good at. I mean, you did get those astronauts back. It was. It was. It was a beautiful moment.
- [08:26]
Anthony Carrigan
The astronaut pair who faced a prolonged stay in space nine months versus a planned one week are back on Earth tonight.
- [08:33]
Gordon Clapper
It was a team effort between the Trump administration, elon Musk, and SpaceX. And how about this welcoming committee? Like we just mentioned, a pod of dolphins seen swimming around as the astronauts waited to be escorted out of the Space X Dragon capsule. You know what? I think that's great. I have to not be a hater for A second. Okay. Elon brought them back safely from space after being stranded there for months. And dolphins even showed up to say hi. That is incredible. I mean, I wish the dolphins hadn't welcomed them back with a Sieg Heil, but still, still, it's a beautiful moment for humanity. Now. It was a joyous moment, but those astronauts were gone a long, long time. Thankfully, the good folks at NASA prepared a video to help them acclimate to the world they're coming back to.
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Unknown
Hello, astronauts, and welcome back to Earth. You got to see dolphins before they went extinct. How cool is that? As you are flown back to the U.S. this video will re acclimate your mind on what you missed while you were in space. First, the Gulf of Mexico you landed in is now the Gulf of America. But don't worry, the name change is symbolic. We're not going to war with Mexico. We're going to war with Canada and Greenland. Maybe Panama. Also Mexico. Oh, speaking of wars, when you left, it was Russia that invaded Ukraine. Now it's the other way around. Don't worry about it for now. Just focus on resting. And after you enter US territory, your space capsule will face crippling steel tariffs and you will be deported to an El Salvadoran prison. Just until we're sure that you're not Venezuelan gang members. And after your release in 2026, you will be honored at the White House, which is now run by Fox News anchors. Also, the anti vaccine guy is now in charge of vaccines. The anti FBI guy is now in charge of the FBI. And the lady in charge of the WWE runs the education department, which is gone. These great leaders will welcome you all back, except for astronaut Suni Williams. See, when you left, you were a female astronaut. And now you're a DEI astronaut. And also, you're fired. But don't worry, you'll find another job. Although, just a heads up, the stock market is down and eggs are $400. But those are both good things and also Joe Biden's fault. At this point, you're probably wondering, when can NASA send me back up to space? Well, it probably can't. NASA just got doged, which is a real sentence now. So, from all of us here in America, welcome to hell, Earth. Welcome back to Earth.
- [11:10]
Gordon Clapper
When we come back, we honor the luck of the Irish. Don't go away.
- [11:21]
Unknown
Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the coverage I need. Like 247 claims I'm on cloud nine.
- [11:29]
Anthony Carrigan
Clouds are wholly unable to support the weight of an adult human.
- [11:31]
Gordon Clapper
What's happening?
- [11:31]
Anthony Carrigan
Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and searched, you'd find no cloud numbered nine. However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese. Geese who'd encourage you to leave. Leave your 247 GEICO motorcycle claims insurance behind as they would take you in and even share their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion that may occur from a clover cricket dinner. Geico expertise for your motorcycle.
- [12:00]
Gordon Clapper
Welcome back to the Daily show. Monday was St. Patrick's Day, when Irish Americans honor their heritage with careful readings of the writings of James Joyce, group performances of traditional Irish music, and a somber reflection of the beauty of the Celtic language. But how do you celebrate being Irish in the Donald Trump era? Michael Costa hit the streets to find out.
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Jordan Klopper
One of Trump's top priorities is getting rid of dei.
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Gordon Clapper
DEI would have ruined our country, and now it's dead. Identity months are dead. Some of the months that they're targeting Black History Month, Pride Month, National Hispanic Heritage Month, Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month.
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Jordan Klopper
But even though he hates celebrating these minority groups, for some reason, there's one group he loves to celebrate. The Irish.
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Gordon Clapper
Oh, I think the Irish love Trump. We won the Irish with a tremendous amount of vote. Great people. And they voted for me in heavy numbers, so I like them even more.
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Jordan Klopper
So I stopped By New York's St. Patty's Day parade to see how Irish Trump supporters were celebrating their new status as Trump's BFFs. All right, what brings you here today?
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Gordon Clapper
Come here to be with my friends and to show Trump that I support him.
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Jordan Klopper
Yeah, I guess I'm confused. Is this a Trump rally or is this an Irish parade?
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Gordon Clapper
It's an Irish Trump rally.
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Jordan Klopper
Men in skirts. Trump is not going to like that.
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Gordon Clapper
Do you stand for dei?
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Jordan Klopper
No, but we're here celebrating the minorities that are the Irish.
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Gordon Clapper
Well, look, I'm very confused. You know, back in the 1800s, the Irish were minorities. They were coming overseas, you know, when they came across the ocean. I mean, they were discriminated against. They signed up and fought for the.
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Jordan Klopper
Union in the Civil War. You can connect with how difficult it must have been for people to come over to the United States, be discriminated against, not be favored nations. You can connect with that. Well, what about other people that are doing that now?
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Gordon Clapper
They need to wait in line. Look, I had in a former life, I had a foreign born spouse. Bye.
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Jordan Klopper
Kiss me, I'm Irish. That shirt's dei. Kisses should Be merit based.
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Michael Costa
Hey, look, I think celebrating Black History Month is good. I think celebrating mlk, who fought for our civil rights is incredible.
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Gordon Clapper
I went up against the mandates in New York City.
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Michael Costa
I fought for my civil rights because.
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Gordon Clapper
I was being discriminated against for not getting vaccinated.
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Jordan Klopper
This guy was just like mlk, except he didn't take a shot from the government. These Trump supporters also had a lot of other important observations.
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Gordon Clapper
When I went to school, we had welding, we had shopping.
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Jordan Klopper
Yeah.
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Gordon Clapper
The kids don't have nothing anymore.
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Jordan Klopper
They don't have nothing.
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Gordon Clapper
My father taught me how to put wires in, plumbing, all that stuff these kids don't have.
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Jordan Klopper
You don't think dads are teaching kids how to put wires in anymore?
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Gordon Clapper
No, no, not really.
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Jordan Klopper
But is that on the government or.
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Michael Costa
Is that on the dad?
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Gordon Clapper
I'd say it's the government. You think Trump knows how to put wires in?
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Jordan Klopper
You think Trump put wires in here? You bet he does.
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Gordon Clapper
All right, there you have it.
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Jordan Klopper
As long as Trump teaches kids how to put wires back in, he and the Irish are building a friendship that will last a lifetime.
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Gordon Clapper
The EU was set up in order to take advantage of the United States, including Ireland. Is Ireland taking advantage of the U.S. of course they are.
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Jordan Klopper
Well, that was quick.
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Gordon Clapper
Thank you, Michael. We come back. Anthony Carrigan will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
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Jordan Klopper
Hey, it's me, Michael Kosta. My new book, Lucky Loser is out now. It tells the story of how my first real dream in life was to be a professional tennis player. But I lost so much and I failed so hard that I somehow, in a story that still even surprises me, pivoted to becoming a professional comedian.
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Gordon Clapper
What?
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Jordan Klopper
That's the story here. It's touching, it's embarrassing, it's sad. Most of all, it's funny. Who knows what's next? Maybe I'll be a small dog vet or something. That'd be sick.
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Gordon Clapper
Welcome back to the Daniels Show. My guest tonight is an Emmy nominated actor whose new film is called Death of a Unicorn. Please welcome Anthony Kerrigan. Welcome, Anthony, welcome.
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Michael Costa
Thank you so much. Great to be here.
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Gordon Clapper
This death of a unicorn, they tell you what happens right there in the title.
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Michael Costa
It's a bit of a spoiler in the title. It's true. But in a lot of ways, it's your classic, you know, unicorn horror comedy. Yeah, you know, just your run of the mill. Yeah. Unicorn horror comedy.
- [17:03]
Gordon Clapper
I was gonna say unicorns are real in this horror comedy.
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Michael Costa
Oh, they sure are.
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Gordon Clapper
Did you find out they didn't go into it in the movie is the unicorn blood. What keeps PA face so young and smooth.
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Michael Costa
Oh, my God. That's been. This entire, like, press campaign is like unicorn blood for Paul. But no, I mean, no, truly, these things. I mean. Cause there were a lot of practical effects, which is, I think, what are people gonna. You know?
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Gordon Clapper
So they didn't use. They did use real unicorns.
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Michael Costa
No, they built them. They built the unicorns. They looked cool. They looked like they were real, but they were huge. And these massive set pieces that were just so cool to look at. And it's kind of a throwback to, like, Jim Henson in, like, 80s and 90s movies.
- [17:44]
Gordon Clapper
Ye.
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Michael Costa
Yeah. So it's so much fun.
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Gordon Clapper
I feel like they move through the space almost like velociraptors.
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Michael Costa
They sure do. Yeah. There's definitely some Jurassic park moments to this.
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Gordon Clapper
Although I wanted it to be a little bit more real. Like, not that unicorns aren't real, but that if they were, RFK Jr would be eating them.
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Michael Costa
You know, listen, it's still early in the year, so, like, who knows, really, what's gonna happen?
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Gordon Clapper
Yeah. You're silent for the majority of.
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Michael Costa
It's true. Yes.
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Gordon Clapper
How do you prep to be a. To find? Are you looking in the mirror? Are you practicing responses? How do you find your silence?
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Michael Costa
You know, funnily enough, it's pretty much just listening.
- [18:23]
Gordon Clapper
What?
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Michael Costa
Yeah, it's just listening.
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Gordon Clapper
Say that. Say that.
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Michael Costa
I know. Truly, it's just listening. It's just a lot of showing. I mean, you know, need to know all the beats. You actually have to kind of know what's going on more because you don't have any lines to kind of fill. Fill things with. Fill the moments with. So instead, you kind of have to be really paying attention, listening and knowing what's up.
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Gordon Clapper
So you can't just bullshit with words.
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Michael Costa
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
- [18:47]
Gordon Clapper
Trust me. It's a great tactic. I use it often.
- [18:50]
Michael Costa
Totally.
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Gordon Clapper
You find so much in all the characters that you do. I loved you on Barry as no ho Hank, and. Yeah. Amazing.
- [18:59]
Michael Costa
Thank you.
- [19:02]
Gordon Clapper
Is it true that you were only supposed to. To be in the first episode and you were going to die at the end? Yeah. Yeah.
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Michael Costa
Is that right?
- [19:08]
Jordan Klopper
Yeah.
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Michael Costa
My character was supposed to be killed off in the first episode. And. Yeah, like, my character gets shot. Sorry, spoiler from like eight years ago.
- [19:16]
Gordon Clapper
Yeah. Come on, scream it. You guys catch up.
- [19:19]
Michael Costa
But yeah, then Bill just decided, you know, after I was shot, you know. Cause he was in a car. He was just like, just open the car. Door and fall out, really. So he opened a literal door for me to. To survive.
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Gordon Clapper
But what do you think? What was it? You guys just had a connection. It was like, oh, there's more here than just killing somebody in a car.
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Michael Costa
I guess so. I don't know. He just liked my goofy accent and what I was doing. So this is.
- [19:44]
Gordon Clapper
You hide behind goofy accents?
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Michael Costa
I sure do. Yeah. We're really kind of coming to the.
- [19:48]
Gordon Clapper
Let'S get real accent to the crux of it, right? Yeah. You're not a Chechnyan gangster.
- [19:52]
Michael Costa
No, no. Which is a big surprise to a lot of people.
- [19:54]
Gordon Clapper
You even throw a Scottish accent in Death of a Uniform?
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Michael Costa
I sure did. Yes. I sure did. I mean, I auditioned with it, and then it was, like, months until I got, you know, I got the call to come do it, only at which point I realized, oh, no. Like, I have to now do a Scottish accent. Like, what am I gonna do?
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Gordon Clapper
But what are you hiding from?
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Michael Costa
Yeah. Truly. Yeah. Just. I don't know. I'm from Massachusetts, and maybe at some point, you know. Yeah, I'll do the mass accent.
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Gordon Clapper
You know, I was gonna say, that's a fun one to play around with.
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Michael Costa
Yeah, it sure is.
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Gordon Clapper
Ben Affleck isn't creating some wild drama right now that you could sneak into?
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Michael Costa
Probably. Yeah. Probably. You know.
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Gordon Clapper
Yeah. You've also been working on the new Superman movie.
- [20:33]
Michael Costa
That's right.
- [20:34]
Gordon Clapper
Right, yes.
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Michael Costa
Yeah.
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Gordon Clapper
Yeah. You are Metamorpho, is that correct?
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Michael Costa
Yeah, I play a character named Metamorpho, and I feel like I've already talked too much about the movie because it's so top secret. Yeah. But honestly, it was such. Such a blast to work on. James Gunn is just a phenomenal director, and even though it was just this massive movie, it really did feel, like, really small and intimate and like we were doing something really special. Had a lot of heart.
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Gordon Clapper
Can you tell us, like, what drew you to the character? Like, what was it about Metamorpho that you wanted to play outside of the obvious paycheck?
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Michael Costa
Yeah, yeah, there's that. That was pretty much it, I think. The. I try to find just kind of some level of pathos in whatever character I'm playing. Yeah, yeah.
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Gordon Clapper
Pathos.
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Michael Costa
Pathos.
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Gordon Clapper
Pathos draws you to it.
- [21:24]
Michael Costa
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just trying to find the humanity in whatever. In whatever person I'm playing. That and an accent, you know?
- [21:31]
Gordon Clapper
Yeah. You get to do it. You can't. Can you tell us right now, do you hide who you are in this movie?
- [21:35]
Michael Costa
No, but, like, there's still time to do adr. There's still time to do.
- [21:39]
Gordon Clapper
Okay, so if hopefully the Superman universe can get just a little bit more money, I bet they could scratch it up and you could really add some new layers. One 100% awesome. Well, death of a Unicorn will be in theaters everywhere March 28th. Anthony Kerrigan, we're gonna take a joke. That's our job for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of 10, eight days that turned into nine months. It's like a space age Gilligan's Island.
- [22:14]
Unknown
You guys are way too young to remember this, but in the 1960s early 70s, there was a show called Gilligan's Island.
- [22:19]
Gordon Clapper
This was like as close as you get to Gilligan's island these days. Like modern day giggin Gilligan's Island. It's like Gilligan's island but crazier.
- [22:26]
Michael Costa
Sort of a space version of Gilligan's island here.
- [22:28]
Gordon Clapper
Love Gilligan's Island. Okay, that's not the news. My bad.
- [22:33]
Jordan Klopper
Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts.