TDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carrell - Part 2

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Daily Show: Ears Edition - "TDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carell - Part 2"

Release Date: February 21, 2025
Host: Jon Stewart and The Daily Show News Team
Featuring: Carolyn Risher, Steve Carell, Mike Russ

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1. Mayor Carolyn Risher’s Bold Proclamation Against Satan

The episode opens with Jon Stewart narrating a peculiar news story from Inglis, Florida, where Mayor Carolyn Risher has taken an unconventional approach to combat perceived evil influences in her town.

• Proclamation Details: Carolyn Risher declares, “Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, is not now nor ever again will be a part of this town of Inglis” (00:53). She asserts her divine authority by stating, “I take this action in accordance with the words of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ” (00:53), effectively banning Satan from the municipality.

• Community Response: Initially, Jon Stewart questions the legality of the proclamation concerning the separation of church and state. Carolyn confidently responds, “No, sir” (01:37). However, support within the town is not unanimous. Carolyn expresses her frustration: “I'm not happy with it at all. It's everyone's right to believe the way they want to believe” (01:46), highlighting the tension between personal beliefs and official mandates.

• Enforcement Challenges: Jon Stewart adopts a devilish persona to challenge the proclamation, stating, “I don’t care about your proclamation. I’m coming in” (02:46). This leads to a humorous back-and-forth where Carolyn steadfastly maintains, “You are powerless in this town” (02:58), underscoring the mayor’s unwavering commitment to her decree.

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2. Exotic Animal Segment with Steve Carell

Transitioning from local governance to the animal kingdom, Steve Carell joins Jon Stewart as "Crocodile Carell," introducing a segment on exotic animals.

• Introduction of Exotic Species: Steve Carell humorously introduces himself, “This will be great. Crocodile Carell. How you doing?” (03:57). The segment focuses on various animals, blending factual information with comedic interactions.

• Discussion Highlights: Jon describes a European animal, Canis familiaris, emphasizing its predatory features: “Do you know what chicklets are? If you can imagine sharpening Chiclets with a file” (05:09). Steve interjects with his observations, adding to the playful banter.

• Unexpected Twist: The segment takes a humorous turn when Jon reveals that one of the “exotic” animals is actually a common goldfish: “It's moving around. Ah, yes, it is” (06:35). Steve expresses his disappointment, “I thought we were doing an exotic animal segment” (07:29), highlighting the show's knack for blending absurdity with entertainment.

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3. Interview with Perception Expert Mike Russ

The episode delves into the bizarre with an interview featuring Mike Russ, a self-proclaimed perception expert.

• Alien Conspiracies: Mike Russ discusses his claims about hidden truths, such as “the alien who masquerades as Donny Osmond” and the deceptive nature of white T-shirts: “The white T shirts can be lizards 12ft high” (08:37). Jon Stewart plays along, questioning the validity of these assertions.

• Malevolent Lizards and Missing Children: A particularly startling claim is made by Mike: “They eat them” (09:09) in reference to missing children, which Jon clarifies: “The lizards eat the missing children” (09:06). This leads to a discussion about Bob Hope being implicated in a child trafficking conspiracy: “He literally Runs the child buying and selling” (09:22).

• Physical Traits of Alien Bob Hope: Mike Russ details the alien characteristics of Bob Hope, noting his “pointed ears,” “pointed nose,” and “pointed chin” (09:37). He further theorizes about British aliens’ intentions: “He's British. He's here to control a great deal” (09:37).

• Levitating Technology: Jon is shown a levitating device, “a fully levitating Levitron,” which Mike Russ claims is technology from other planets: “They float their cities on other planets” (10:08).

• Humorous Wordplay: The segment concludes with playful banter over the name “Jar Jar Binks,” which Mike Russ attempts to reverse, resulting in “Skinib” (10:51). Jon humorously mispronounces it as “Raj” (10:57), adding a light-hearted finish to the intense conspiracy talk.

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4. Conclusion and Reflections

The episode wraps up with reflections on the interview with Mike Russ.

• Steve Carell’s Commentary: Steve Carell summarizes the surreal conversation: “We have 16 foot lizard aliens eating children that have been sold into captivity by Bob Hope” (11:26), blending skepticism with amusement.

• Jon Stewart’s Final Thoughts: Jon acknowledges the outlandish nature of the discussion but maintains engagement: “Really? You think so?” (11:57), highlighting the show’s balance between satire and storytelling.

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Notable Quotes

• Carolyn Risher on Banning Satan: “Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, is not now nor ever again will be a part of this town of Inglis” (00:53).

• Mike Russ on Alien Lizards: “The white T shirts can be lizards 12ft high” (08:37).

• Steve Carell’s Disappointment: “I thought we were doing an exotic animal segment” (07:29).

• Mike Russ on Bob Hope: “He literally Runs the child buying and selling” (09:22).

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Final Thoughts

"TDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carell - Part 2" masterfully blends satire, humor, and absurdity to engage listeners in a multifaceted narrative. From a mayor’s unconventional ban on Satan to bizarre conspiracy theories involving aliens and exotic animals, the episode offers a rich tapestry of comedic elements that both entertain and provoke thought. Notable interactions, such as Jon Stewart’s dynamic exchanges with Carolyn Risher and Mike Russ, as well as Steve Carell’s humorous segments, ensure that the episode remains both memorable and reflective of The Daily Show’s signature style.

For those who haven't listened, this summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, humorous dialogues, and the seamless flow that keeps the audience engaged from start to finish.

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Listen to "TDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carell - Part 2" on Paramount+ or via iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts.

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Timestamp Reference:

• 00:53 – Carolyn Risher’s Satan Ban Proclamation
• 01:37 – Separation of Church and State Question
• 01:46 – Carolyn’s Frustration with Proclamation
• 02:46 – Jon Stewart as Satan Challenges Proclamation
• 02:58 – Carolyn Declares Satan Powerless
• 03:57 – Steve Carell Introduces Himself
• 05:09 – Description of Canis familiaris
• 06:35 – Revelation of the Goldfish
• 07:29 – Steve Carell’s Disappointment
• 08:37 – Mike Russ on White T-Shirt Lizards
• 09:06 – Lizards Eating Missing Children
• 09:22 – Bob Hope’s Alien Activities
• 09:37 – Physical Traits of Alien Bob Hope
• 10:08 – Levitating Levitron Technology
• 10:51 – Jar Jar Binks Wordplay
• 11:26 – Steve Carell Summarizes Mike Russ’s Claims
• 11:57 – Jon Stewart Reflects on Conversation

Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

You're listening to Comedy Central. While most small towns do their best to fight crime and drugs, the mayor of Inglis, Florida, is far more ambitious.

[Carolyn Risher]

I feel like Satan is everywhere. He's just that type of guy.

[Jon Stewart]

As a public servant, Carolyn Risher knew it was her duty to protect the citizens from Beelzebub.

[Carolyn Risher]

Our church had a weenie roast. A light came on in my mind and I said, I want to do a proclamation and I want to do it on town letterhead with a town seal banning Satan from our town.

[Jon Stewart]

And so Mayor Risher courageously legislated the devil out of town.

[Carolyn Risher]

Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, is not now nor ever again will be a part of this town of England. Satan is hereby declared powerless. I proclaim victory over Satan. I take this action in accordance with the words of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Sealed this 5th day of November, 2001.

[Jon Stewart]

The effects of the mayor's Satan ban were immediate and miraculous. But there were some minor issues. Just to play devil's advocate for a minute. Right. Does this proclamation violate the separation of church and state?

[Carolyn Risher]

No, sir.

[Jon Stewart]

Question answered. But how has the town reacted? How has the town reacted?

[Carolyn Risher]

Wonderful.

[Jon Stewart]

Supportive.

[Carolyn Risher]

Oh, I'm not happy with it at all. It's everyone's right to believe the way they want to believe. And having this proclamation on town letterhead, it sort of shoves it down everybody's throat, like it or not.

[Jon Stewart]

Why are you in support of Satan coming to town?

[Carolyn Risher]

I'm not in support of Satan coming to town.

[Jon Stewart]

So you would say you are pro Satan?

[Carolyn Risher]

No.

[Jon Stewart]

So you are pro Satan?

[Carolyn Risher]

No.

[Jon Stewart]

But why do you want Satan in your town?

[Carolyn Risher]

I don't want Satan in my town.

[Jon Stewart]

Why do you like Satan so much?

[Carolyn Risher]

I don't like Satan.

[Jon Stewart]

It was clear I needed to take a different tack in terms of supporting Satan. Why are you? But despite one or two Satan loving dissenters, it seemed like Mayor Risher's biggest challenge was enforcing her ban. I am Satan. I'm trying to come into your town. What do you say to me?

[Carolyn Risher]

You have no right to come into Inglis.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, I don't care about your proclamation. I'm coming in. I'm all evil and I'm coming in. Looks like a nice town to set up shop.

[Carolyn Risher]

But we can rebuke Satan. We have that power to rebuke Satan coming in.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't care what you say, Satan.

[Carolyn Risher]

You are powerless in this town.

[Jon Stewart]

Imagine I'm Satan. You take away that proclamation. How are you going to keep me out Of Inglis.

[Carolyn Risher]

We have a lot of God fearing Christian.

[Jon Stewart]

Why yes. With Mayor Risher on the case, there will be nowhere for Satan to hide. Or will there.

[Steve Carell]

There are over a million species of animals on this earth here. Here to show us a few of the more exotic ones, our own zoological expert, Steve Crocodile Carell. Come on out.

[Jon Stewart]

This'll be great.

[Steve Carell]

This will be great. Crocodile Carell. How you doing?

[Jon Stewart]

I'm doing well.

[Steve Carell]

I didn't know that you had a nickname. I'm sorry, Crocodile. I'd never heard that before. I didn't know that was your nickname.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, oh, okay. Actually it's pronounced Crocodile. I was named after my grandmother.

[Steve Carell]

All right, well you know what, why don't we just get to the animals?

[Jon Stewart]

Great.

[Steve Carell]

And great.

[Jon Stewart]

Excellent idea. I think you're going to be very, very excited about what we have in store for you today, John. I'm donning these only as a precaution. Now these animals are used to being in front of people. They're used to being handles. But they're animals, right?

[Steve Carell]

Exotic animals.

[Jon Stewart]

Exotic animals. And they're unpredictable. You really never know.

[Steve Carell]

These are. Should I get out of the way? Should I?

[Jon Stewart]

No, I mean I'm a professional at this, so don't be too afraid. But if you see one start to leap at you.

[Steve Carell]

Okay? All right, well let's get to it. I'm excited about this.

[Jon Stewart]

Let's get to it. Now this first animal is actually of European descent. Yeah, it's called Canis familiaris. Yeah, it's from the Latin. Let's get him out of there right now. Now I want you to look closely now. Don't be afraid, John. Okay?

[Steve Carell]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

I want you to look closely at this animal's teeth and jaw. If we can get a shot. Well, I'll have to describe the teeth for you not being too. Oh, are we getting that? Are we getting the teeth? John? If you can imagine. Do you know what chicklets are? If you can imagine sharpening Chiclets with a file. That's what these teeth are like when they attack their prey and consume it. The prey being either something that they have caught or generally with this variety, something from a can or a bag. This. You'll notice the coat. The coat.

[Steve Carell]

You know what? I actually I'm noticing something else. A superb specimen. Are there others exotically that might. I mean, unless you have some other information about this wild beast.

[Jon Stewart]

As you can tell they're prone to seizures. The coat is very thick for urban apartment winters.

[Steve Carell]

Do you have any other. Do you have any other exotics Actually.

[Jon Stewart]

I do got that, Campbell. Yes. Let's get this. Oh, I think. I think this is right up your alley. Here we go. We get a shot of this. Take a look right down there, John, look. Quick, quick.

[Steve Carell]

Yes, it's it.

[Jon Stewart]

You see it? You see it?

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a goldfish.

[Jon Stewart]

It's moving around. Ah, yes, it is.

[Steve Carell]

Goldfish.

[Jon Stewart]

Look at that kind of thing.

[Steve Carell]

You'd maybe win at Coney Island.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, as a matter of fact, this was one of only five existing fish in my friend's apartment. And even though it is a goldfish, it is not, in fact, made of gold. I didn't.

[Mike Russ]

Ye.

[Jon Stewart]

It's not. I had it appraised.

[Steve Carell]

Well, do you have anything else? Anything exotic, perhaps?

[Jon Stewart]

Yes, Campbell, could you bring out the other exotic creature?

[Steve Carell]

Could you just.

[Jon Stewart]

I think you'll enjoy this. This is us.

[Steve Carell]

You know what, Steve, I'm sorry. That's the same dog that you had before.

[Jon Stewart]

That's where the batteries go.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, that's very nice. Listen, I'm a little disappointed because that's. I. I thought we were doing an exotic animal segment.

[Jon Stewart]

You know, you. You.

[Steve Carell]

Here's the thing.

[Jon Stewart]

You told me this morning that I had to do this segment. What, you want me to get a Komodo dragon? Is that what you want, John? I'll bring on a big Komodo dragon. They're not even legal in the United States. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? I'll bring a Komodo dragon. Is that what you want? Want a Komodo dragon? Because I can get one for you.

[Steve Carell]

Steve Carell, ladies and gentlemen.

[Mike Russ]

Yes, Steve Carell.

[Jon Stewart]

Recently on this program, I had the privilege of visiting with perception expert Mike Russ. During my long, long day, I came to realize that Mike Russ sees things other people don't. Things like counter rotating magne, the truth about the alien who masquerades as Donny Osmond. And even that white T shirts are not always what they seem.

[Mike Russ]

The white T shirts can be lizards 12ft high.

[Jon Stewart]

These are friendly.

[Mike Russ]

Some are friendly. Some want to eat us.

[Jon Stewart]

And now the stunning conclusion of Mike Russ the interview.

[Mike Russ]

This is one of the reasons why I'm out giving lectures. I want the child missing children stopped on this planet. I would love it.

[Jon Stewart]

What is the correlation between the 12 foot lizards and the missing children?

[Mike Russ]

They eat them.

[Jon Stewart]

The lizards eat the missing children. So the children we see on the side of milk containers, some. Some have been eaten by 12 foot lizards. Yeah.

[Mike Russ]

And humans.

[Jon Stewart]

Bob Hope.

[Mike Russ]

Oh, that's Bob Hope. He literally Runs the child buying and selling.

[Jon Stewart]

So when looking at Bob Hope, what could you tell me about his features that give away the fact that he's an alien?

[Mike Russ]

Well, as I'm using a laser pointer here, he's got pointed ears here, his nose is pointed and his chin is pointed. And all you have to do is exaggerate it. He's British. He's here to control a great deal.

[Jon Stewart]

So being an alien is bad, but being an alien and being British, that's worse.

[Mike Russ]

Yet, you have to understand that the British never liked the Tea Party when we dressed up as Indians.

[Jon Stewart]

Later, Mike Russ showed me an actual and fully levitating Levitron. Oh, that's great.

[Mike Russ]

It's an example of how they float their cities on other planets. Mm. See, I'm moving the. I'm moving this. I can't. I can't even touch that. Okay.

[Jon Stewart]

Now, how long will that stay that way?

[Mike Russ]

All day long.

[Jon Stewart]

By the end of the day, I could hardly contain all that I had learned. And as we broke bread together, I was amazed to see that Mike Russ continues to perceive even while eating Jar Jar Binks. Is that an actual name or is that just some creation?

[Mike Russ]

There's a lot of things you need to learn. How to reverse.

[Jon Stewart]

I told you so, Jajar Binks backward would be what? Skinib.

[Mike Russ]

Skinib.

[Jon Stewart]

Raj. Raj.

[Mike Russ]

Raj. Raj. Just reverse it 180 degrees. It's just a trick.

[Steve Carell]

Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Carell. I have to tell you, Steve, to me, this story continues to be remarkable but somewhat frightening.

[Jon Stewart]

It really is, John. And according to Mike Russ, our world may not be ours alone.

[Steve Carell]

No, no. We have 16 foot lizard aliens eating children that have been sold into captivity by Bob Hope.

[Jon Stewart]

So, no. Well, John, if you had been listening, the lizards are only 12ft tall. 16 foot lizards.

[Steve Carell]

Well, 12 foot lizards, 16 foot lizards, whatever. You know the other thing? Bob Hope is one of the most beloved institutions in America, so you should consider that as well.

[Jon Stewart]

Really? You think so?

[Steve Carell]

Thank you. Thank you, Steve.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Jon Stewart. Or should I say Trouetz Nagy? Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on.

[Mike Russ]

Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus.

[Jon Stewart]

Paramount podcasts.