TDS Time Machine | Earth Day

Summary

---

The Daily Show: Ears Edition

Episode: TDS Time Machine | Earth Day
Date: April 26, 2026
Main Hosts: Jon Stewart, Trevor Noah, Ronny Chieng, Samantha Bee, John
Episode Theme: Satirical deep-dive into the insanity, hope, and contradictions that shape Earth Day, climate action, and humanity’s attempts (and failures) to save the environment.

---

Overview

This Earth Day-themed episode of The Daily Show weaves sharp satire and skepticism through a series of comedic reports, interviews, and man-on-the-street segments, dissecting humanity’s earnest (and often absurd) approaches to saving the planet. The correspondents lampoon extreme climate “solutions,” highlight species on the brink of extinction, mock celebrity eco-virtue signaling, and grapple with the grand cosmic joke that is the “circle of life”—all while questioning whether Earth Day itself amounts to nothing more than a brief, embarrassing nod to a planet that might not want our help anyway.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Earth Day: Absurd Solutions & Satirical Takes

(01:15 – 05:25)

• Ronny Chieng kicks off with a tongue-in-cheek "practical" move: leaving the air conditioning on (with the window open) to cool the planet.
  • Quote: "Isn't that contributing to global warming? No, stupid, I left the window open." (01:40)
• Targets “geoengineering” solutions that sound outlandish and potentially disastrous, such as:
  • Spraying Aerosols in the Stratosphere:
    “So your solution to save the planet is to spray more shit into the atmosphere? Let me ask you, what's the point of saving Earth if the whole thing looks like New Jersey?” – Ronny Chieng (02:20)
  • Flooding Deserts with Ocean Water:
    Ridicules a tech proposal to move 238 trillion gallons of ocean water into deserts to farm carbon-eating algae.
    Quote: “You can't buy three boxes of Papa John’s and ask your friends to move the Atlantic, okay?” (03:33)
  • Floating Cities as Sea Levels Rise:
    Mocks humanity’s willingness to abandon land rather than solve the root causes. Quote: “We couldn't cut back on plastic straws, so we have to go on a carnival cruise that never ends.” (04:34)
• Ronny’s Two-Step Climate Plan:
  1. Everyone gives him $1 million.
  2. He enjoys life while others drift on floating cities.
     (05:02 – 05:25)

2. Global Earthwatch: Extinction & Dark Humor

(05:34 – 08:36, 13:23 – 16:13, 29:20 – 32:25)

• Samantha Bee delivers “Global Earthwatch,” chronicling tragicomic animal stories:
  • California Condor Recovery:
    Human intervention may help save condors—but with dark nods to “dodo herpes” and species isolation. (05:49)
  • Newly Discovered Species & Instant Extinction:
    The carrizol seed eater of Venezuela may break records: discovered and nearly wiped out in months thanks to dam construction.
    Quote: “It could be the quickest time from species discovery to the destruction of its habitat since scientists identified the house of cards gecko.” (07:11)
    Only three birds are confirmed to exist—and "two of them aren't even talking to each other."
  • Environmental Tip (Satirical):
    Cut up six-pack rings before hurling them out your car window—so much for helping the Earth. (07:56)
  • Natural Selection Dig:
    “If a seagull is stupid enough to get caught in the one ring I didn’t cut, I’m afraid that’s natural selection. I’m doing evolution a favor.” – Samantha Bee (08:21)
  • Cormorants Rebound—Then Become Pests:
    The cormorant’s comeback in Germany leads to calls to shoot them again to save endangered fish.
    Quote: “…until the fish make a recovery themselves and start attacking the pandas, at which point officials will start killing the fish. And the circle of life continues.” (13:30)
  • Pharmaceutical Pollution:
    “Small amounts of antidepressants in other pharmaceuticals are present in 80% of waterways sampled…The circle of life continues.” (14:13)
  • Octopus Erections:
    In "Earthwatch After Dark," science gets weird: “They made the discovery by asking teenage male octopi to go to the front of the class and solve a problem on the blackboard.” (15:14)

3. Mocking Celebrity Environmentalism

(09:25 – 12:46)

• Trevor Noah and team roast celebrities leveraging Earth Day:
  • Matt Damon’s rich-guy tips (“If your house is anything like mine…”),
    Oprah’s money-washed sweaters and eco-giveaways.
  • Quote (Trevor Noah): "Ooh, a light bulb giveaway, huh? You really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this? Everybody get the car." (10:27)
  • Media Hypocrisy:
    “ABC 20/20” flew reporters to every continent to cover excess—with the resulting carbon footprint noted.
  • Pimp My Ride Earth Day:
    Even car shows join the green-washing.
    “It’s a shame cars don’t run on cognitive dissonance.” – Trevor Noah (12:20)
  • Eco advice: Use recycled tissue, move to cloth bags, use less gasoline—“a bunch of people who couldn't even save Planet Hollywood.” (12:46)

4. Street Segments: “Prove Me Wrong, Earth Day Edition”

(18:01 – 22:56)

• Ronny Chieng hits the streets, staging silly debates about whether Earth deserves celebration.
  • Quote: “Earth doesn't deserve to be celebrated. Prove me wrong.” (18:01)
  • Spirited exchanges with passersby about the virtues of being inside vs. outside, being thankful for Earth, whether extinctions matter (“If something goes extinct, we didn’t need it in the first place.”), and eating dodo birds.
  • Accuses tall vegetarians of having large “carbon footprints”. (21:47)
  • Notable kid exchange:
    “What are you, an archaeologist or something?” – Ronny Chieng
    “Actually, no. I’m a kid.” (22:33)

5. Dire Forecasts & Climate Skepticism

(22:56 – 25:02)

• John reads out bleak extinction predictions—up to 37% of species gone by 2050, alongside mockery of conservative climate skepticism (“planet cozying”).
• Oceans getting saltier and fresher in all the wrong places might turn Earth into a “giant margarita” if tequila levels keep rising.

6. Earth Day: A War We Can’t Win?

(26:02 – 29:20)

• Samantha Bee turns to “Earth Day after the fact”:
  • “With a human kill rate of 100%, Mother Nature is one ungrateful whore. Clearly the earth hates our freedom.” (26:17)
  • Tongue-in-cheek war imagery:
    “We’re in this war [with the Earth], and we have to win it.” (27:08)
  • Interviews with activists and a NASA climatologist (Gavin Schmidt).
    • Notable Exchange:
      “I’m just an average person without access to an earthquake ray or a death star. How can I join the fight against Earth?” – Samantha Bee (28:13)
    • “Statistically, aren't Americans more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?” – Bee
      “I think that’s true.” – Schmidt (28:22)
  • Emphasizes the absurdity of our priorities: War on Earth vs. war on lightning.
  • Observes that despite human efforts, the ozone layer is slowly recovering. (28:38)
  • Conclusion: Maybe our best Earth Day plan is to escape to Mars.

7. Political Rhetoric & Real Environmental Hazards

(29:20 – 32:25)

• President Bush's “no net loss of wetlands” morphs into a promise of expanding wetlands—with mock bravado.
  • “Swampification accomplished.”
• EPA studies find toxic rivers, with “92 out of 132” chemical contaminants in Pacific salmon.
  • Quote: “We were surprised to find both kryptonite and flubber.” – John (31:44)
• Endangered species of the week: only 70 white lions left, and breeding them in the British Midlands.
  • “If there’s one place that will encourage lions to get it on, it’s a cold, dreary, overcast hole somewhere in the middle of England.” – John (32:14)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ronny Chieng:
  "Don't believe every life hack you read on the Internet. We don't need to dim the sun. We already have two dim suns. They're called Eric and Don Jr." (02:32)
• Samantha Bee:
  “As small and pathetic as 30 surviving condors are, they’re thriving when compared to the carrizol seed eater…In fact, it could be the quickest time from species discovery to the destruction of its habitats since scientists identified the house of cards gecko.” (07:09)
• Trevor Noah:
  "It’s a shame cars don’t run on cognitive dissonance." (12:20)
• John:
  "Though to be fair, the study does have a margin of error of the return of Jesus." (22:57)
• Samantha Bee:
  "We start in Germany, where the cormorant...was rescued from extinction. But having made a modest comeback, it's now threatening several species of even more endangered Bavarian fish. Nice cormorants. Real nice. You guys are real class act." (13:27)
• Ronny Chieng:
  “If something goes extinct, we didn’t need it in the first place. Prove me wrong.” (22:00)
• Samantha Bee:
  "With a human kill rate of 100%, Mother Nature is one ungrateful whore." (26:17)

---

Notable Segment Timestamps

• Earth Day Solution Satire: 01:15 – 05:25
• Global Earthwatch—Condors and Extinction: 05:34 – 08:36
• Celebrity Earth Day Roasting: 09:25 – 12:46
• Circle of Life & Species Wars: 13:23 – 16:13
• Ronny Chieng’s Street Arguments: 18:01 – 22:56
• Global Extinction Predictions: 22:56 – 25:02
• Mother Earth as Foe / Lightning Wars: 26:02 – 29:20
• Wetlands, Toxins, Endangered Lions: 29:20 – 32:25

---

Tone & Style

• Sharp satire, irreverence, and self-deprecation flood the episode: the hosts and correspondents take aim at superficial progress, scientific excess, political spectacles, and their own (and society’s) eco-hypocrisy. Both gallows humor and dumbfounded awe frame the human relationship with the natural world, making serious facts both grimly funny and thought-provoking.

---

Takeaway

The Daily Show’s Earth Day special skewers humanity’s blend of innovation, denial, and helplessness in the face of planetary crisis. Despite our technological moonshots, celebrity activism, and best intentions, the episode suggests the most honest response might simply be: laugh at ourselves, try a little harder, and maybe—just maybe—buy some extra wetland or a lightbulb on your way out.

---

Transcript

[Samantha Bee]

Morning decisions. How about a creamy mocha Frappuccino drink? Or sweet vanilla smooth caramel, maybe? Or a white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.

[Ronny Chieng]

Amazon presents Jeff vs. Taco Truck Salsa. Whether it's verde roja or the orange one, for Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea and milk. Habanero. More like habanero. Yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. You're listening to Comedy Central. Some news stories help us understand the world we live in. And some news stories are just stupid. For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng. Trevor, you probably don't know this, but today is Earth Day. So to celebrate, I got you some Earth.

[Trevor Noah]

Oh, no.

[Ronny Chieng]

You're welcome, Trevor. As we celebrate Earth, we're also trying to figure out how to save it. Take me, for instance. To help cool the planet, before I left my apartment today, I turned the air conditioning on. What? No, no. Isn't that contributing to global warming? No, stupid. I left the window open. Of course. But unfortunately for the Earth, not everyone's solutions are as practical as mine.

[Samantha Bee]

How can humankind tackle global warming? There are some scientists proposing a technique that's similar to the Earth wearing UV protection sunglasses, apparently to block out the sun's harmful rays.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Basically, what the proposal wants to do is it wants to send airplanes into the stratosphere, effectively spraying it with aerosols into the atmosphere. Almost kind of like working like you're adding extra clouds. When you do that, you essentially are trying to block more of that sunlight.

[Ronny Chieng]

So your solution to save the planet is to spray more shit into the atmosphere? Let me ask you, what's the point of saving Earth if the whole thing looks like New Jersey? And also. Also, there's no way that will work. It's like trying to get a coffee stain out of your shirt by using blood. Okay, don't believe every life hack you read on the Internet. We don't need to dim the sun. We already have two dim suns. They're called Eric and Don Jr. Hello.

[Trevor Noah]

High five. Trevor, come.

[John]

Come on.

[Ronny Chieng]

I'm not gonna high five you. I'm not gonna high five you. Oh, sorry. Didn't know you were a Trump guy. Anyway, there's a whole ocean of bad ideas out there. In fact, one of those bad ideas is an ocean.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

A Silicon Valley firm wants to stop climate change by flooding the desert. Y Combinator unveiled some radical ideas as

[Samantha Bee]

one of four moonshot scenarios presented to

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

get innovators thinking about climate change remedies. The company says by using 238 trillion gallons of ocean water, it could create millions of algae reservoirs that could combat carbon dioxide. Y Combinator expects the project to cost about $50 trillion.

[Ronny Chieng]

You're gonna move the ocean into the desert? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Unless they do it while Burning man is happening. In which case, go for it. Please take a bath, you dirty hippies. First of all, you can't move an ocean, okay? Have you guys ever tried to move a one bedroom apartment? You can't buy three boxes of Papa John's and ask your friends to move the Atlantic, okay? But at least these guys are trying to find a solution to save the Earth, okay? Other people are just waving a white flag right now.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

World leaders are exploring a concept for a floating city to guard against flood, tsunamis and category 5 hurricanes. The floating city is made up of six hexagonal islands that would be built with sustainable materials. Each island would hold about 300 people. With an entire city being comprised of 10,000 people, leaders see the as a viable solution against rising sea levels, climate change, and housing shortages. They will also be built so that they can be towed to a safer location if needed.

[Ronny Chieng]

Wow. Living on floating cities. Clearly we've given up, okay? We couldn't cut back on plastic straws, so we have to go on a carnival cruise that never ends. That's a nightmare for everyone. Except elderly couples trying to have sex with strangers, of course. I can't believe we're abandoning land so fast. We're mammals. We're supposed to live on land. No, mammals live in the ocean. Dolphins and whales. Yeah, two great examples of fishes. Thank you.

[Trevor Noah]

Okay, you know what, Ronnie?

[Ronny Chieng]

Like, at least these people are trying. All right? If you're so smart, what's your plan to save the Earth? Okay, Trevor, I'm glad you asked. I have a two step plan here. All right? Step one, everyone gives me $1 million. Okay? And then what's step two? Step two is I proceed to have a good life while the rest of you drift away on your floating cities. Happy Earth Day, everyone. High five me, Trump boy. Let's go.

[Trevor Noah]

Come on. Come. Come on.

[John]

The environment. Some people think it's a nuisance. Others believe it may be worth protecting. Most people don't care. Nevertheless, we turn to senior environmental correspondent Samantha Bee with Global Earthwatch.

[Samantha Bee]

Thank you very much, John. In today's Global Earth Watch, we look at the complex dance between nature and man and try to figure out who's winning. First up, the endangered California condor. Years of human intervention, mainly in the form of us shooting them, have taken a horrible toll on these beautiful birds, leaving fewer than 30 who call these canyons their home. Fortunately, the California condor now has new, better humans to look out for it. Sophie Osborne of the Peregrine Fund thinks the condor population can recover to the heady tune of several hundred. Basically, our goal here in Arizona is to create a self sustaining free flying condor population. They're also releasing birds in California and those two populations aren't going to meet. The two state approach ensures the birds won't be wiped out by a single disease, as scientists are ever mindful of the tragedy that was dodo herpes. As small and pathetic as 30 surviving condors are, they, they're thriving when compared to the carrizol seed eater. It's a new species of bird they literally discovered a few months ago in Venezuela. It's a funny story, actually. As the bird was being identified, a local utility company announced plans to build a hydroelectric dam that will destroy its only habitat. Oh, man, that's gotta hurt. In fact, it could be the quickest time from species discovery to the destruction of its habitats since scientists identified the house of cards gecko. Scientists fear the seed eater may die out completely since only three are confirmed to exist. And what's worse, two of them aren't even talking to each other. Something about eating too many seeds. Time now for a global Earthwatch enviro hint. Another in our series of tips on how you can help preserve earth among our most important planets. After enjoying a six pack of soda with your friends, make sure to cut the rings like so before you throw them out the window of your car. That way curious birds and fish won't get caught in them on the beach, in the park, or later at the landfill. John.

[John]

That's an interesting report, Samantha. I can't help but notice you left one ring on that six pack, uncut.

[Samantha Bee]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I did that on purpose. Frankly, John, if seagull is stupid enough to get caught in the one ring I didn't cut, I'm afraid that's natural selection. Believe me, John, I'm doing evolution a favor.

[John]

Well, thank you very much, Samantha. We'll be right back.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Big color, bigger savings. Sherwin Williams super sale is here. Get 40% off paints and stains April 24th through the 27th with prices starting at 30 89. Whether you're refreshing your interior or exterior, we've got the colors to bring your vision to life. And with delivery, getting everything to your door is easier than ever. Shop online to have it delivered or visit your neighborhood Sherwin Williams store. Click the banner to learn more. Retail sales only some exclusions apply. See store for details. Delivery available on qualifying orders.

[John]

Ooh. And a news story falls through the cracks. Our own Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back in black.

[Trevor Noah]

You can always tell it's Earth day when the CO2 emissions from the world's smokestacks start paling in comparison to celebrity emissions, telling us we can save the Earth if we start acting a little more like them. Just ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oprah Winfrey's Earth Day special.

[Ronny Chieng]

I've got a great one for you. If your house is anything like mine.

[Trevor Noah]

Stop. It's not. It's a lot smaller and it doesn't have an Affleck shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally washed with her money and giving away earth friendly products to her audience.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

We're gonna bring out the bulb so

[Ronny Chieng]

you can have a light bulb and

[Trevor Noah]

you get a smart strike.

[Ronny Chieng]

That's cool.

[Trevor Noah]

Ooh, a light bulb giveaway, huh? You really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this? Everybody get the car.

[John]

Everybody get the car.

[Trevor Noah]

Over on ABC 2020, both documented and live mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from six of the seven continents.

[Ronny Chieng]

Every second of every single day, thousands

[John]

of trees are being cut down. In fact, in just the one minute that I've been talking, an area the size of 60 football fields has been wiped out.

[Trevor Noah]

Then for God's sakes, stop talking. Your inane blather is raping the earth. Host Diane Sawyer talked to a scientist from Antarctica and found out it's cold.

[Ronny Chieng]

You can step outside for a few

[John]

seconds, but you certainly don't want to stand around for a minute or two.

[Ronny Chieng]

You get frostbitten very quickly at these temperatures.

[Samantha Bee]

So is your pole thinning?

[Trevor Noah]

I'll tell you right now, if I go through the trouble of placing a satellite call just to hear Diane Sawyer's voice, she better not thin my pole. Still, my favorite Earth Day special had to be this pimp. My Ride, a show devoted to creating the least efficient vehicles in human history, has the nerve to throw its own Earth Day celebration on Sunday. You probably want to ask Matt.

[Ronny Chieng]

Mike, are there really any benefits to using biodiesel? Hell yeah. This stuff reduces nasty diesel emissions by almost 80, which I personally love because

[Trevor Noah]

I hate That B ash. It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance. Any other final thoughts?

[Samantha Bee]

If everybody used recycled tissue, even you would have millions of trees still on the ground.

[Ronny Chieng]

I just want you to go now. Move to a cloth bag.

[Samantha Bee]

Use less gasoline.

[Ronny Chieng]

There are kind of little things that you can do. Do something wonderful for your life and get rid of this junk.

[Trevor Noah]

So there you have it. Advice on saving planet Earth from a bunch of people who couldn't even save planet Hollywood.

[John]

Now, one good thing about this weekend's blizzards is that they proved definitively that global warming is a myth. Scientists with their. But other aspects of our planet and its ecosystem remain troubled. For more, we turn to your Daily show, nature correspondent Samantha Bee and Global Earthwatch.

[Samantha Bee]

Thank you, John. Today on Global Earth Watch, we're going to be talking about the delicate balance between humans and Mother Nature, who, as we've seen countless times before, can be a complex bitch. We start in Germany, where the cormorant, an aquatic bird of prey, was rescued from extinction by conservationists in the 1980s. But having made a modest comeback, it's now threatening several species of even more endangered Bavarian fish. Nice cormorants. Real nice. You guys are real class act. So wildlife officials in Germany have come up with a novel solution to the bird fish. Kill the birds. Bavaria has asked the federal government for permission to reduce the bird population by shooting them or taking their eggs. They'll do this until the fish make a recovery themselves and start attacking the pandas, at which point officials will start killing the fish. And the circle of life continues. But just as man taketh away, man giveth to the environment, too. According to a recent study, small amounts of antidepressants in other pharmaceuticals are present in 80% of waterways sampled. The buildup of antidepressants like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, and Celexa in the tissues of marine animals can cause serious developmental and reproductive problems. Though the animals really don't seem too upset about it, here's how it works. You take your antidepressants and sewage systems carry them from your urine stream into rivers where they harm fish. Then news stories about the dead fish make you sad. So you up your dosage and take more antidepressants which re enter the water. And the circle of life continues. Uh oh, you know what that music means. Time for Global Earthwatch. After dark. Tonight's invertebrates and their erections. Dr. Janet Void and colleagues at the Museum of Natural History in Chicago have discovered that the tips of some octopi tentacles become engorged during mating in what scientists are calling the octopus erection. They made the discovery not by observing mating behavior, but by asking teenage male octopi to go to the front of the class and solve a problem on the blackboard. Biologists say the finding is beneficial to these unique and beautiful creatures, and it's one I wish I'd known about before ordering the octopus salad at the Olive Garden last night. All the free bread and salad I could eat doesn't really make up for the knowledge that I may have eaten fish penis. For Global Earthwatch, I'm Samantha Bee.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

It seems like just yesterday when I captured my son's first steps or when we recorded his soccer games on VHS tapes. Those moments are gone, but the old home movies and pictures don't need to be. That's why my son created Legacy Box.

[Ronny Chieng]

That's right, Mom. Over a million families have used Legacy Box to digitally preserve their old home movies and photos.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Simply fill Legacy Box with your old camcorder, tape, film and photos. They will professionally digitize and send them back on DVDs, thumb drive or the Cloud.

[Ronny Chieng]

With Mother's Day around the corner, it's the perfect time to get your Legacy Box and save your family's history. After all, few things are as important as protecting your precious memories. Give your mom a Mother's Day present she'll never forget. Take advantage of our Mother's Day sale, which starts now. It's our best deal of the year. Save up to 60% off visit legacybox.com keepsake and for a limited time, get an incredible 60% off your order. That's legacy box for 60% off legacybox.com

[Commercial Voice]

keepsake when you buy LG, you get so much more than just an appliance. You get more done, more cost savings, more peace of mind, and more control. Because LG appliances are designed to do more like washers and dryers with AI tech to take out the guesswork refrigerators that fit in tight spaces and keep food fresher longer or ranges with precise induction cooking and easy cleanup built in. All with the style you want and reliability you can count on so you can get more from your home every day. LG appliances so much more make life easier with LG. See the latest models and savings [e-mail].

[Ronny Chieng]

This Friday is Earth, that time of the year where we take a moment to think about more efficient ways to destroy the planet. Uh, no, I'm joking. I'm joking. It's where we think about saving the planet. And so we sent Ronny Chang into the streets of New York to get into the Earth Day spirit. Earth Day's almost here. The day that the world comes together to celebrate this planet that we all share. Unless your ideas about it are stupid, in which case I'll have to fight you on the street and Prove me wrong. Earth Day Edition. Earth doesn't deserve to be celebrated. Prove me wrong. Maybe you're right. Wow, that was the easiest prove me wrong I've ever had to win. What has the Earth ever done for you?

[Trevor Noah]

I mean, I was born here. I got these clothes here.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah, but the Earth didn't do any of that. We did that. We did this shit. Earth is a great place. Really? What's so great about it? I mean, you got the animals, you have the birds. When's the last time you pet a bird? About two years. Okay. What do you mean, two years ago? You pet a bird? My friend Eric, he owns a parakeet. We don't need to be thankful for everything. If we're not thankful for the Earth, we'd be dead. I'm not thankful for the Earth, still alive. Okay, then when you do die, then just. How do I explain it? You can't explain. You can't explain it, though. You can't explain stupidity. Earth Day. Malaysia celebrates Earth Day.

[John]

Yeah, we celebrate.

[Ronny Chieng]

Nobody knows what we just said. So inside is better than outside. Prove me wrong.

[John]

Inside you got, like, central air.

[Ronny Chieng]

You breathe in other people's air. You breathing other people's.

[John]

You breathe in their piss.

[Ronny Chieng]

It's the same stuff, breathing other people's and piss in that air that's coming

[John]

through, that's from everybody's apartment.

[Ronny Chieng]

Really?

[John]

Yeah.

[Trevor Noah]

Outside is better.

[Ronny Chieng]

Why? Well, at least we can see people. Oh, man, that's the best part of the pandemic. I didn't have to see anybody.

[Trevor Noah]

Really?

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah. Look at all these people now. Just walking around, making noise, staring, taking photos without permission. Driving around. Inside is better than outside? Prove me wrong.

[Samantha Bee]

Why don't you prove me wrong?

[Ronny Chieng]

No, that's not what this segment's called. This segment's called Prove Me Wrong. Okay, you're a kid. Don't you like being inside and playing Minecraft? Don't you like playing Minecraft?

[Samantha Bee]

Video games aren't my top priority.

[Ronny Chieng]

Okay, I'll bite. What is your top priority?

[Samantha Bee]

Rock climbing is actually my favorite thing to do.

[Ronny Chieng]

Oh, man. We got the wrong kid for this segment. You'll miss the outside. The plants. What about the plants relax you. Yeah, okay. Massages relax you, too. Not like plants. I never had a Great massage from a plant. Oh, you know what plant I'm talking about? There's only one plant on Earth that makes the Earth good. Makes you forget all your problems. Oh, I see. You're talking about cocaine.

[Samantha Bee]

Oh, no, there's better air. It's fresh.

[Ronny Chieng]

Have you smelled the air around here lately? We're in New York City, lady. See, inside there's couches. Yeah, there's also the fridge.

[Samantha Bee]

Yeah, you're supposed to be on his side. Or my side.

[Ronny Chieng]

Okay, I guess you do belong outside. Well, it's definitely safer outside. There's no door frames. How tall are you? I'm six' ten. Okay, well, outside's easier for you because I guess you're the apex predator of everything. You know, I'm actually a vegetarian. Oh. What?

[John]

It's also the best way to reduce

[Ronny Chieng]

your carbon footprint is to eat less meat. Shut the up. You're in no place to talk about carbon footprints. All right? What's your carbon footprint? You're like a size 15. If something goes extinct, we didn't need it in the first place. Prove me wrong.

[John]

All right. If you could eat a dodo bird, would you eat it? No.

[Ronny Chieng]

I feel like you're not, like, exploring enough. Wait, so your argument against this is we should be eating the things that went extinct? Yeah, that's how they went extinct.

[Samantha Bee]

So dinosaurs?

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah, miss Dinosaurs.

[Samantha Bee]

Yeah. Well, if dinosaurs didn't go extinct, people would be pretty broke by now because people dig up fossils as a living and get money from selling it to the museums. People would be broke if they didn't do that.

[Ronny Chieng]

What are you, an archaeologist or something?

[Samantha Bee]

Actually, no. I'm a kid.

[Ronny Chieng]

If something goes extinct, we didn't need it in the first place. Prove me wrong. That's a hard one. That's really hard to argue, to be honest. Okay, great. We're done here.

[John]

Time now for an environmental update concerning everyone's favorite 1/9 of the solar system. If you enjoy life here on Earth, prepare to be 15 to 37% disappointed because a new comprehensive report on man made climate change in this month's Nature magazine predicts 15 to 37% of all species on Earth could be extremely extinct by the year 2050. It's a grim forecast. Though to be fair, the study does have a margin of error of the return of Jesus. I think we know how one person in the audience stands on that. Scientists say the findings paint the clearest picture yet of the long term biological effects of global warming, or as I like to call it, planet cozying. But the study is not without its critics. Though it is without its critics who don't work for conservative think tanks. William o' Keefe of the George C. Marshall Institute says the results of the survey were flawed because they, quote, ignored species ability to adapt to higher temperatures. O', Keefe, no doubt thinking of evolution's latest triumph, the blubberless seal. Less cute, yes, but also less clubbable. We have a youth group here today. Global warming may also be affecting our oceans. A separate new study concludes that the past half century has seen the world's tropical oceans grow noticeably saltier, while its polar oceans have grown fresher. Warmer temperatures in the tropics have led to more evaporation, which in turn has caused increased rainfall and melting of the ice caps. The resulting equatorial salt belt coupled with increased ice flow could, if world levels of tequila continue to rise, turn our planet into a giant margarita.

[Ronny Chieng]

From sauce to dust to nuggets. It's Taco Bell's new Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nugget Nuggets. Are they mild? If they were mild, they'd have to change the name to Little Rascal Nuggets. Or Minor Nuisance Nuggets. Definitely Diablo New Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets. A brand new classic. Only a Taco bell at participating U.S. taco Bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney.

[John]

Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

We're gonna crack this case and prove

[Samantha Bee]

we're the greatest partners of all time. You are Gary the Snake.

[Ronny Chieng]

And your last name.

[Samantha Bee]

The Snake.

[Ronny Chieng]

Dream Team Hidden Habitats Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly working at. Zootopia 2. Now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG.

[John]

The day after Thanksgiving, you feel stuck. The day after Valentine's Day. Loved or angry. And the day after Earth Day, you feel mildly embarrassed that you forgot yesterday was Earth Day. Our Sam Bee has another take.

[Samantha Bee]

Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it. We celebrate it, clean it. We even feature Leo in an issue of Vanity Fair about it. And for all we do, how does Mother Earth treat us? With a human kill rate of 100%, Mother Nature is one ungrateful whore. Clearly the Earth hates our freedom. But try telling that to the Blame humans first Craft. Alright, so here I am at Earth Day talking to some stupid hippie about some stupid food.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

The Earth isn't doing anything bad. We're doing the bad things to the Earth.

[Samantha Bee]

Isn't it a Little childish to talk about who started what when, and who's doing what to whom. The point is, we're in this war, and we have to win it.

[John]

You know, we're really psyched about this product.

[Ronny Chieng]

It's new from Stonyfield, comes in several different flavors. There's strawberry, banana.

[Samantha Bee]

Should it taste like feet?

[Ronny Chieng]

I love Mother Earth.

[Samantha Bee]

Oh, really?

[John]

Yes, I do.

[Samantha Bee]

Well, when you suckled at your mother's teeth, did molten hot lava pour out into your mouth?

[John]

We've got 5% of the population using

[Ronny Chieng]

25% of the natural resources, polluting 30% of the Earth.

[John]

And so that's a failed system.

[Samantha Bee]

Do you do push ups?

[Ronny Chieng]

No, I don't.

[Samantha Bee]

People come out and we raise awareness,

[Ronny Chieng]

and, oh, we're being saved.

[Samantha Bee]

To win this war, we may need science. So I met with NASA climatologist Gavin Schmidt to find out how we can learn from our past mistakes. I'm just an average person without access to an earthquake ray or a death star. How can I join the fight against Earth?

[Ronny Chieng]

I really couldn't tell you.

[Samantha Bee]

Statistically, aren't Americans more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?

[Ronny Chieng]

I think that's true.

[John]

Mm.

[Samantha Bee]

Mm. Then can we afford not to have a war on lightning?

[Ronny Chieng]

It'd be difficult to do.

[Samantha Bee]

Um, that's what they said about destroying the ozone layer, but score one for humans.

[Ronny Chieng]

Actually, the ozone layer is well on its way to recovery.

[Samantha Bee]

Damn it. Fortunately, there is a way out.

[Ronny Chieng]

Today, I announce a new plan to extend a human presence across our solar

[John]

system with human missions to Mars and to worlds beyond.

[Samantha Bee]

Until we can leave this box behind, Americans will need to make sacrifices. Even if that means touring around the country in a private jet, giving energy guzzling PowerPoint presentations on some stupid crap, and releasing a movie about it. In the end, we all have to do what we can to make the planet more livable.

[Trevor Noah]

I'm just keeping myself cool.

[Samantha Bee]

It's a warm spring day.

[John]

You're at the Bee. We'll be right back. Earth is a place many of us call home. And every once in a while, we assess the damage we've done to our home and our occasional feature, Global Earth Watch. Huh? We begin tonight with one of our planet's most abundant renewable political rhetoric. Last month, President Bush took time to celebrate Earth Day by visiting one of our country's most fragile habitats, the wetlands. Along with his mother, he also brought a crew of photographers, several dozen secret Servicemen, and a few hundred supporters. The crowd then applauded as Bush raised their awareness of the indigenous creatures they were standing on Bush, known as the environmental president among the mentally insane, used the occasion to now you, like me, used the occasion to unveil his new wetlands policy.

[Ronny Chieng]

So today I'm committing our government to a new policy.

[John]

We will move beyond the no net loss of wetlands in America to having

[Ronny Chieng]

an overall increase of Americans wetlands over the next five years.

[John]

It was a bold statement, punctuated by his bold arrival at the press conference, paragliding into the wetlands and declaring swampification accomplished. Meanwhile, away from the campaign trail and onto the trail trail, the EPA last week released a study of Oregon's Columbia river that found the salmon there contain high levels of PCBs, mercury, dioxins and arsenic. The report concerned some of the Native Americans who fish the river.

[Ronny Chieng]

It worries me that it may harm the children.

[John]

It may harm myself.

[Ronny Chieng]

Our people have been here for thousands of years.

[John]

Our fish have been here forever. You know, if there's one thing you should worry about, it's whether your kids are using Wonder Bread and Cherry Coke to wash down harmful fish. So how toxic is the river?

[Samantha Bee]

We went out to look for 132 chemicals we found. Of those 92, they were found in higher levels in the freshwater fish, she added.

[John]

In fact, we were surprised to find both kryptonite and flubber. Finally, we wrap up Global Earth Watch with our Endangered species of the Week, the white There are currently only 70 white lions in existence, which is why this wildlife preserve in the British Midlands has captured four of them in the hopes of encouraging them to breed.

[Ronny Chieng]

The oldest one is about 20 months. The youngest is about 16 months. So we hope within 12 months there could be some cubs.

[John]

Because if there's one place that will encourage lions to get it on, it's a cold, dreary, overcast hole somewhere in the middle of England.

[Trevor Noah]

Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Ipvanish protects every device you own. Your phone, your laptop, your smart tv. If it connects to the Internet, it should be protected. IPVanish encrypts your connection and masks your IP address, helping keep your browsing private at home and on public Wi fi and with no device limits. One account covers everything stream with added privacy. Browse securely. Connect with confidence right now. Save 83% off the two year plan. Get started [e-mail] audio and take control of your privacy with IPVanish when you

[Commercial Voice]

buy LG, you get so much more than just an appliance. You get more done, more cost savings, more peace of mind and more control. Because LG appliances are designed to do more like washers and dryers with AI tech to take out the guesswork refrigerators that fit in tight spaces and keep food fresher longer or ranges with precise induction cooking and easy cleanup built in all with the style you want and reliability you can count on so you can get more from your home every day. Day LG appliances so much more make life easier with LG. See the latest models and savings [e-mail].