TDS Time Machine | Earth Day

Summary

The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Episode Summary

Episode Title: TDS Time Machine | Earth Day
Release Date: April 22, 2025
Host/Authors: Jon Stewart and The Daily Show News Team
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts

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1. Introduction to Earth Day Celebrations

The episode kicks off with a satirical take on Earth Day celebrations, highlighting the often superficial and performative aspects of environmental activism. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert set the tone by mocking the juxtaposition of serious environmental concerns with trivial festivities.

Stephen Colbert opens with a humorous observation:

"America celebrates Earth Day. Only 363 shopping days until next Earth Day." (00:08)

He continues to lampoon the lack of substantial action in environmental efforts:

"The celebration was held amidst a rock festival atmosphere, except there was no rock, no festival, and as we all learned from the speakers, no atmosphere." (00:31)

2. Political and Celebrity Involvement

The episode delves into the involvement of political figures and celebrities in Earth Day, presenting their efforts as largely ineffective or misguided.

Al Gore addresses environmental apologists:

"We have to make the next 10 years the environment decade in America and around the world. We have to stand against the apologists." (00:31)

Leonardo DiCaprio's participation is satirized through his interactions with President Bill Clinton:

"We started a project here at the White House called the Greening of the White House. Just by changing the lighting in this whole building, we lowered our electric bills." (01:14)

Stephen Colbert mocks Gore's environmental track record:

"Inspiring words from a man whose 1992 bestseller Earth in the Balance, now sits in landfills across the country." (00:47)

3. Samantha Bee’s Critical Commentary

Samantha Bee offers a scathing critique of Earth's plight, emphasizing humanity's detrimental impact on the planet.

"Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it. We celebrate it, clean it. We even featured Leo in an issue of Vanity Fair about it. And for all we do, how does Mother Earth treat us?" (02:03)

She highlights the absurdity of environmental efforts:

"We're in this war, and we have to win it." (02:53)

Her interaction with Matt Damon further underscores the futility she perceives:

"Shall we do push ups?" (03:29)
Matt Damon: "We've got 5% of the population using." (03:18)

4. Lewis Black’s "Back In Black" Segment

In a humorous twist, Lewis Black takes on the role of Matt Damon, portraying him as the Lorax—a symbol of environmental activism.

Lewis Black imitates Damon’s attempt to defend environmental policies:

"The Lorax is being used to present a very preservationist point of view that we were running out of trees." (09:46)

Matt Damon responds defensively:

"I had no idea. Could the warm and fuzzy Lorax actually be a radical tree hugger hell bent on destroying the wood products industry?" (09:28)

The segment culminates in a confrontational exchange:

Jon Stewart: "Listen to Me, you mother." (12:23)
Matt Damon: "I am the Lorax." (12:25)
Jon Stewart: "I don't have to answer these questions. This interview's over." (12:27)

5. Stephen Colbert’s Final Monologue

Stephen Colbert wraps up the episode with a biting monologue that satirizes both governmental and corporate responses to environmental issues.

He criticizes President George W. Bush's Earth Day speech and actions:

"Since 1970, the air is cleaner and the water's more pure and we're using our land better. And our economy has grown a lot." (13:36)

Colbert humorously predicts the end of Earth:

"April 22nd is the day in 2012 on which the Earth will end. You heard it here first." (12:42)

He mocks the futility of Earth Day initiatives with sarcasm:

"I am declaring April 25th the Earth Day. What are you going to do about that?" (19:10)

Additional quips highlight the ongoing environmental disasters juxtaposed with human apathy:

"Over the last week, it gave us volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesia and Japan, Creek tornadoes in America and the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romania, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado, and a Category 5 super cyclone about to destroy Darwin, Australia." (17:01)

6. Conclusion and Call to Action

The episode concludes with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert encouraging listeners to engage with The Daily Show's broader content:

"Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Whenever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11:10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount." (19:38)

Al Gore adds a final promotional note:

"Paramount Podcasts." (20:00)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Stephen Colbert:
  "Only 363 shopping days until next Earth Day." (00:08)
  "The Earth loves nothing more than to see us squirm." (01:22)

• Samantha Bee:
  "Mother Earth is one ungrateful whore." (02:51)

• Jon Stewart:
  "The Earth isn't doing anything bad." (02:53)

• Lewis Black as Matt Damon:
  "The Lorax is being used to present a very preservationist point of view that we were running out of trees." (09:46)

• Stephen Colbert:
  "April 25th the Earth Day. What are you going to do about that?" (19:10)

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Satire of Environmental Activism: The episode employs sharp humor to critique the often superficial and performative nature of Earth Day celebrations and environmental initiatives.

2. Political and Celebrity Influence: By spotlighting figures like Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio, the show highlights the gap between high-profile environmental advocacy and tangible action.

3. Corporate and Industry Critique: Through segments like Lewis Black’s portrayal of Matt Damon as the Lorax, the show underscores the conflicts between environmental preservation and industry interests.

4. Human Impact on the Planet: The recurring theme emphasizes humanity's detrimental effects on Earth, using hyperbolic humor to stress the urgency of environmental issues.

5. Media and Messaging: The episode critiques how media representations often fail to address the depth of environmental crises, focusing instead on sensationalism and triviality.

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Conclusion

This Earth Day edition of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition" offers a biting satirical examination of environmental activism, political involvement, and corporate interests. Through sharp humor, notable guest appearances, and incisive commentary, Jon Stewart and The Daily Show News Team provide listeners with a critical yet entertaining perspective on the state of our planet and the efforts to preserve it. The episode serves as both a comedic reflection and a call to deeper, more meaningful action in addressing environmental challenges.

Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[Stephen Colbert]

America celebrates earth day. Only 363 shopping days until next Earth Day. Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio joined forces in Washington Saturday, celebrating the 30th anniversary of Earth Day. The celebration was held amidst a rock festival atmosphere, except there was no rock, no festival, and as we all learned from the speakers, no atmosphere.

[Jon Stewart]

We have to make the next 10 years the environment decade in America and around the world. We have to stand against the apologists.

[Al Gore]

For pollution, those who believe in the old politics of environmental irresponsibility.

[Stephen Colbert]

Inspiring words from a man whose 1992 bestseller Earth in the Balance, now sits in landfills across the country. The crowd was also treated to the music of David Crosby, who was then treated to the sound of people heading over to the Smithsonian to see Archie Bunker's chair. Leonardo DiCaprio's much debated bill Clinton interview also aired this weekend. The President took Leo on a tour of the dimly lit and romantic White House.

[Al Gore]

We started a project here at the White House called the Greening of the White House. Just by changing the lighting in this whole building, we lowered our electric bills.

[Stephen Colbert]

By $100,000 a year. After blowing his wow wad early, DiCaprio scoured his journalist's handbook for other stinging retorts like Geez and awesome and Can a player get a table? The day after Thanksgiving, you feel stuffed. The day after Valentine's Day loved or angry. And the day after Earth Day, you feel mildly embarrassed that you forgot yesterday was Earth Day. Our Sam Bee has another take.

[Samantha Bee]

Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it. We celebrate it, clean it. We even featured Leo in an issue of Vanity Fair about it. And and for all we do, how does Mother Earth treat us? With a human kill rate of 100%, Mother Nature is one ungrateful whore. Clearly, the Earth hates our freedom. A but try telling that to the blame humans first crowd. All right, so here I am at Earth Day talking to some stupid hippie about some stupid food.

[Jon Stewart]

The Earth isn't doing anything bad.

[Samantha Bee]

We're doing the bad things to the Earth. Isn't it a little childish to talk about who started what when and who's doing what to whom? The point is, we're in this war, and we have to win it.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know, we're really psyched about this product. It's new from Stonyfield. It comes in several different flavors. There's strawberry banana.

[Samantha Bee]

Should it taste like feet?

[Jon Stewart]

I love Mother Earth.

[Samantha Bee]

Oh, really?

[Matt Damon]

Yes, I do.

[Samantha Bee]

Well, when you suckled at your mother's Teeth. Did molten hot lava pour out into your mouth?

[Matt Damon]

We've got 5% of the population using.

[Stephen Colbert]

25% of the natural resources, polluting 30% of the Earth. And so that's a failed system.

[Samantha Bee]

Do you do push ups?

[Jon Stewart]

No, I don't.

[Stephen Colbert]

People come out and we raise awareness, and we're being saved.

[Samantha Bee]

To win this war. So I met with NASA climatologist Gavin Schmidt to find out how we can learn from our past mistakes. I'm just an average person without access to an earthquake ray or a death star. How can I join the fight against Earth?

[Stephen Colbert]

I really couldn't tell you.

[Samantha Bee]

Statistically, aren't Americans more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?

[Stephen Colbert]

I think that's true.

[Matt Damon]

Mm.

[Samantha Bee]

Mm. Then can we afford not to have a war on lightning?

[Stephen Colbert]

It'd be difficult to do.

[Samantha Bee]

Um, that's what they said about destroying the ozone layer, but score one for humans.

[Al Gore]

Actually, the ozone layer is well on.

[Stephen Colbert]

Its way to recovery.

[Samantha Bee]

Damn it. Fortunately, there is a way out.

[Al Gore]

Today, I announce a new plan to extend a human presence across our solar system with human missions to Mars and to worlds beyond.

[Samantha Bee]

Until we can leave this box behind, Americans will need to make sacrifices. Even if that means touring around the country in a private jet, giving energy guzzling PowerPoint presentations on some stupid crap, and releasing a movie about it. In the end, we all have to do what we can to make the planet more livable. I'm just keeping myself cool. It's kind of a warm spring day.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're going to have to be. We'll be right back.

[Samantha Bee]

Ooh.

[Stephen Colbert]

And a news story falls through the cracks. Our own Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back In Black.

[Jon Stewart]

You can always tell it's Earth day when the CO2 emissions from the world's smokestacks start paling in comparison to celebrity emissions, telling us we can save the Earth if we start acting a little more like them. Just ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oprah Winfrey's Earth Day special.

[Stephen Colbert]

I've got a great one for you.

[Jon Stewart]

If your house is anything like mine, start. Stop. It's not. It's a lot smaller and it doesn't have an Affleck shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally washed with her money and giving away Earth friendly products to her audience.

[Stephen Colbert]

We're gonna bring out the bulb so you can have a light bulb and you got a smart strike. That's cool.

[Jon Stewart]

Ooh, a light bulb giveaway, huh? You really Think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this?

[Stephen Colbert]

Everybody get the COVID Everybody gets a car.

[Jon Stewart]

Over on ABC 2020, both docum lived out mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from six of the seven continents.

[Matt Damon]

Every second of every single day, thousands of trees are being cut down. In fact, in just the one minute that I've been talking, an area the size of 60 football fields has been wiped out.

[Jon Stewart]

Then for God's sakes, stop talking. Your inane blather is raping the Earth. Host Diane Sawyer talked to a scientist from Antarctica and found out it's cold there.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can step outside for a few seconds, but you certainly don't want to stand around for a minute or two. You get frostbitten very quickly at these temperatures. So is your pole thinning?

[Jon Stewart]

I'll tell you right now, if I go through the trouble of placing a satellite call just to hear Diane Sawyer's voice, she better not thin my pole. Still, my favorite Earth Day special had to be this Pimp My Ride, a show devoted to creating the least efficient vehicles in human history, has the nerve to throw its own Earth Day celebration on Sunday.

[Matt Damon]

You're probably wanting to ask Matt. Mike, are there really any benefits to using biodiesel? Hell, yeah. This stuff reduces nasty diesel emissions by almost 80% trans acid rain, which I.

[Jon Stewart]

Personally love because I hate that B ash. It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance. Any other final thoughts?

[Stephen Colbert]

If everybody used recycled tissue, even you would have millions of trees still on the ground. I just want you to go now. Move to a cloth bag. Use less gasoline.

[Al Gore]

There are kind of little things that you can do.

[Jon Stewart]

Do something wonderful for your life and.

[Matt Damon]

Get rid of this junk.

[Jon Stewart]

So there you have it. Advice on saving planet Earth from a bunch of people who couldn't even save planet Hollywood.

[Stephen Colbert]

Now, we saw President Bush in the Great Outdoors. He talked about how he loves owning his ranch in Texas. Clearly, he's a friend of the environment. But who else is? As Matt Walsh recently found out, the Earth's best friend may well be the logging industry.

[Matt Damon]

For decades, children have been enchanted by Dr. Seuss, silly tales from the Cat in the Hat and Horton Hears a who to later stories like the Lorax.

[Lewis Black]

I'll never forget the grim look on his face when he heisted himself and took leave of this.

[Matt Damon]

Mom, he's holding his butt.

[Lewis Black]

He's heisting himself by the seat of his pants.

[Matt Damon]

He's holding his butt. But Terry Burkett, a concerned mother of two, says there's more to the Lorax than meets the eye.

[Lewis Black]

The Lorax is being used to present a very preservationist point of view that we were running out of trees.

[Matt Damon]

I had no idea. Could the warm and fuzzy Lorax actually be a radical tree hugger hell bent on destroying the wood products industry? Burkitt says this is yet another example of moneyed special interests gone too far.

[Lewis Black]

There's a lot of money in the hands of environmental organizations, and the wood products industry is basically busy going to work every day and they have not had the money to get their story out.

[Matt Damon]

Yes. With only billions in revenue to work with mom and pop, companies like Weyerhaeuser and International Paper have been backed into a corner. So Burkitt drew on her experience as a mother and as an assistant plant manager for a wood flooring manufacturer to write a book that teaches children cutting down trees makes the forest happy. She called it Truax.

[Lewis Black]

People in the wood products industry are environmentalists. And that's what I try to get across in truax.

[Matt Damon]

Her book got picked up by a boutique indie publisher called the National Oak Flooring Manufacturers Association. And with nearly half a million copies in print, Truax is fast replacing Lorax in classrooms across America.

[Samantha Bee]

I'm Truex the logger. I harvest these trees for ball bats and houses and things such as these.

[Matt Damon]

And the kids love it.

[Samantha Bee]

Biodiversity. Will this still be there when the trees have been sown?

[Matt Damon]

But in any Goodwood Products curriculum, reading materials must be supplemented with hands on learning. Everything I'm showing you today is waterproof. Okay? It's gonna last you a lifetime. It's an investment, but it'll last you a lifetime. Now, when you get Venetian blinds, you're gonna want to match the blinds to the flooring. You don't want them to contrast. Okay. And remember, the blinds match the floor. Say that the blinds match the floor. Kids seem to really appreciate the wood products industry. So why didn't Dr. Seuss. I put that question to a Seuss spokesman. So you speak for the trees, Correct?

[Stephen Colbert]

I am the Lorax.

[Jon Stewart]

I speak for the trees.

[Matt Damon]

Well, I have a copy of your most recent tax return, and it seems to me you do more than just speak for the trees.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm also in charge of the brown bar BA Loots who played in the shade in their barber loot suits.

[Matt Damon]

How do you respond to allegations that you're just a hired gun who will work for any organization that will pay you? You're nothing more than a two bit shill.

[Jon Stewart]

Listen to Me, you mother.

[Matt Damon]

I am the Lorax.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't have to answer these questions. This interview's over.

[Matt Damon]

Where are you going?

[Jon Stewart]

This is bull.

[Matt Damon]

Who else do you work for?

[Jon Stewart]

Get away from me, newsman.

[Stephen Colbert]

Friday, April 22nd, was Earth Day. And that, of course, oddly enough, April 22nd is the day in 2012 on which the Earth will end. You heard it here first. President Bush marked the event by riding his airborne SUV to Tennessee to visit the Great Smoky Mountains, ironically our nation's most polluted national park. But he wound up stuck on the tarmac due to a sudden burst of hail and thunderstorms because the Earth hates him so much. So mad. But the President soldiered on with his speech, making a slight adjustment in tense in the park.

[Al Gore]

Had I been there, I'd have reminded people today's Earth Day.

[Stephen Colbert]

Since I'm not there. Let me. Let me skip right ahead to talking about our good friend, the high sulfur coal plant.

[Al Gore]

We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation to protect it. One of the interesting things about our nation is that since 1970, the air is cleaner and the water's more pure and we're using our land better. And our economy has grown a lot.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then I showed up. The whole thing went to. I know, love. The whole thing went. Now, if you didn't notice, Majority leader Bill Frist accompanied the President on that trip. Now I'm going to replace him with a tape. Keep your eye on Senator Bill Frist as the President speaks.

[Al Gore]

We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation to protect it. One of the interesting things about our nation is that since 1970, the air is cleaner and the water is more pure and we're using our land better.

[Stephen Colbert]

Help me. You know, I. I was not there. Obviously, I wasn't there. And I was only watching this on videotape. So I am not really qualified to give a diagnosis. But it's. It seems to me that Bill Frist was in a persistent vegetative state. I don't. I don't know that to be true. But of course, the biggest o never give an audience candy. The biggest environmental battle these days is over the proposal to drill in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. And those opposed to it are mobilized. And by mobilized, I mean armed with meringue. This weekend, in front of the Capitol ice cream moguls, Ben and Jerry created the world's largest baked Alaska, presumably to raise awareness about the anwar legislation now moving through Congress. So there you have it. The state of liberal opposition in this Country. We're very angry. Would anyone care for ice cream? Saturday was the 36th annual Earth Day. And who better to celebrate the Earth than the man who owns it? President George W. Bush visited a clean energy research consortium in Sacramento with a message of hope.

[Al Gore]

This nation does not have to choose between a strong economy and a clean environment.

[Stephen Colbert]

You'll get neither and like it. Now eat up and get out. Of course, no Earth Day speech would be complete without mentioning the administration's favorite environmental pipe dream.

[Al Gore]

I believe that today's children will one day take their driver's test in a hydrogen powered, pollution free card.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I believe teenagers will borrow those hydrogen cars from their future parents without permission and stay out past space curfew robo necking with their cyborg boyfriends. Thought of that when I was on a bicycle. And aside from the President? Well, as best we can tell, only one other place acknowledged Earth Day. The Cartoon Network's Boomerang channel, which aired 13 lost episodes of the early 90s. Pro environment, cartoon, Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

[Matt Damon]

How many things in your home are made from trees? Furniture, books, baseball bats. Even your house's floors and framing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Gee, why didn't that ever take off? Mommy, I want to be the superhero that tells us what our house is made of. Don't taunt me. And what was Earth doing in the run up to Earth Day? Well, over the last week, it gave us volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesia and Japan, Creek tornadoes in America and the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romania, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado, and a Category 5 super cyclone about to destroy Darwin, Australia. You know, Earth, could you meet me over at camera three, please? Hey, Earth, how's it going? So I guess kissing your ass doesn't work. We call you beautiful, precious Mother gave you your own day. Just like veterans and groundhogs even named you planet of the year in 1988. Even though by any objective estimation that was Neptune's year. We tried to make nice. And what do you do? Not only do you kill us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise your temperature just a degree, one little degree, you're all, oh, it's so hot now.

[Matt Damon]

My.

[Stephen Colbert]

My polar ice caps are melting.

[Jon Stewart]

You're a pussy.

[Stephen Colbert]

I got news for you, Earth. You ain't the only rock in the neighborhood. You know what I'm saying? We got pictures. You seen the moon? Very nice. We've been there several times. You know, they've already got a golf course. Then there's Mars. A little red, a little rocky. It's a perfect fixer upper. We got Titan out by Saturn. Very similar atmosphere to you other than it's 290 degrees Fahrenheit below zero. But we're working on space jackets. We're through sucking up to you. You want to fight? Bring it on bitch. Because at this moment I am declaring April 25th the Earth Day.

[Jon Stewart]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

What are you going to do about that? That's going to be a day to drive your half mile per hour gallon hum scalade while spraying Aquanet at baby seals. You know why? Because we're not going out baby. We're not going out like the dinosaurs my brother. Without us you're nothing but a billion year old self sustaining, self regulating organic Eden in complete harmony with itself.

[Jon Stewart]

So you explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount.

[Al Gore]

Paramount Podcasts.