TDS Time Machine | Jon's Returniversary

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Daily Show: Ears Edition – TDS Time Machine | Jon's Returniversary

Episode Overview

In the TDS Time Machine | Jon's Returniversary episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, hosts from iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts bring listeners a nostalgic yet forward-looking tribute to Jon Stewart. Released on February 17, 2025, this special episode marks Jon Stewart's return to The Daily Show, blending humor, heartfelt moments, and sharp political commentary. The episode artfully balances farewells with new beginnings, offering fans a comprehensive recap of Stewart's legacy while setting the stage for the show's future.

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1. Jon Stewart Announces His Departure and Final Episode

The episode opens with Jon Stewart delivering what appears to be his farewell address. In a heartfelt and comedic tone, Stewart announces that this is his final episode, creating an air of nostalgia and anticipation among listeners.

Jon Stewart [00:42]: "What a night. What a big, big night... this is our last night on the air."

Stewart emphasizes his commitment to covering the recent Republican presidential debate, demonstrating his dedication to journalism even as he steps down.

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2. In-Depth Coverage of the Republican Presidential Debate

Stewart transitions into a mock coverage of the Republican presidential debate held in Cleveland. Demonstrating his signature satirical style, he introduces a team of correspondents assigned to cover the top three candidates.

a. Correspondent Assignments and Banter

• Jessica Williams covers the Bush campaign.
• Hasan Minhaj handles Scott Walker's campaign.
• Jordan Klepper takes on Donald Trump.

The segment showcases playful interactions and improvisational humor among the correspondents as they discuss their impressions of the debate.

Jordan Klepper [03:12]: "I can't believe Trump took out his penis."

This line highlights the absurdity and humor infused into the political discourse, a hallmark of The Daily Show's approach.

b. Expanding the Coverage Team

As Stewart attempts to cover more candidates, he enlists additional contributors like John Hodgman, Lewis Black, and Rob Corddry. The correspondents humorously navigate the challenges of covering a crowded field of candidates, culminating in a comedic struggle to cover all ten candidates.

Jon Stewart [05:29]: "Nine out of ten candidates. Damn. So close."

This segment underscores the show's ability to blend political analysis with humor, keeping the audience engaged through satire.

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3. Nostalgic Cameos and Former Correspondents Return

One of the episode's highlights is the return of former correspondents and guest stars, creating a sense of camaraderie and continuity.

a. Surprise Appearances

• Vance DeGeneres and Mo Rocca make unexpected returns, surprising Stewart and the audience.

  Vance DeGeneres: "We're here, John."

• Jason Jones and Ed Helms join in brief, humorous exchanges that pay homage to their history with the show.

These cameo appearances not only honor the show's legacy but also provide fans with delightful reunions of beloved personalities.

b. Emotional and Comedic Interactions

The interactions between Stewart and the returning guests oscillate between heartfelt gratitude and sharp-witted banter, exemplifying the show's unique blend of sincerity and satire.

Rob Corddry [16:19]: "I'll never forget you, John. But I will be trying."

This line captures the bittersweet nature of farewells, balancing humor with genuine emotion.

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4. Jon Stewart's Farewell Monologue on "Bullshit"

In a powerful and introspective segment, Stewart delves into the concept of "bullshit," categorizing and critiquing its manifestations in society and politics.

a. Types of "Bullshit"

1. Positive Spin Bullshit:

   • Turning negative aspects into seemingly positive ones.
   • Example: "Organic, all-natural cupcakes because factory-made sugar oatmeal balls doesn't sell."

2. Complexity Bullshit:

   • Using convoluted language to obscure truths.
   • Example: "Simply put, banks shouldn't be able to bet your pension money on red."

3. Infinite Possibility Bullshit:

   • Delaying action by claiming insufficient knowledge.
   • Example: "We can't take action on climate change until everyone in the world agrees."

b. Call to Vigilance

Stewart urges listeners to remain vigilant against deceptive language and misinformation, emphasizing the importance of critical thinking.

Jon Stewart [28:06]: "The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something."

This monologue encapsulates Stewart's enduring commitment to truth and accountability, reinforcing the show's mission.

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5. Emotional Farewell and Future Outlook

As the episode progresses, Stewart delivers a heartfelt farewell, expressing gratitude to his team, family, and audience.

a. Gratitude and Reflection

Stewart reflects on his 16.5-year tenure, highlighting the collaborative effort that fueled the show's success.

Jon Stewart [28:06]: "I just want to thank everybody who lent their talents to this program. It meant the world."

b. Continuation of the Conversation

Emphasizing that the end of the show is not a finale but a pause, Stewart reassures listeners that the dialogue fostered by The Daily Show will continue.

Jon Stewart [28:06]: "This is just a conversation. This show isn't ending. We're merely taking a small pause in the conversation."

c. Transition to the Future Hosts

In a humorous twist, Stewart introduces Jordan Klepper as the temporary host, setting the stage for the show's next chapter.

Jordan Klepper [37:49]: "What we're doing here is important, John. I can't wait to change the world with you, my friend."

This transition underscores the show's resilience and commitment to maintaining its voice in the evolving media landscape.

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6. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

Stewart wraps up the episode with a blend of humor and sincerity, thanking everyone who contributed to the show's legacy.

Jon Stewart [36:36]: "My thanks to everybody over all these years. It’s the most incredible place."

He reiterates his appreciation for the audience's support and shares a personal note about his family, showcasing the human side behind the public persona.

Jon Stewart [36:36]: "I just want to thank my wife, Tracy, and my kids, Nate and Maggie. For teaching me what joy looks like."

Notable Quotes with Speaker Attribution and Timestamps

• Jon Stewart [00:42]: "What a night. What a big, big night... this is our last night on the air."

• Jordan Klepper [03:12]: "I can't believe Trump took out his penis."

• Jon Stewart [05:29]: "Nine out of ten candidates. Damn. So close."

• Rob Corddry [16:19]: "I'll never forget you, John. But I will be trying."

• Jon Stewart [28:06]: "The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something."

• Jordan Klepper [37:49]: "What we're doing here is important, John. I can't wait to change the world with you, my friend."

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Conclusion

The TDS Time Machine | Jon's Returniversary episode serves as both a poignant farewell and a celebratory homage to Jon Stewart's impactful tenure on The Daily Show. Through a mix of satire, personal reflections, and heartfelt gratitude, Stewart not only honors his legacy but also inspires the show's future contributors and audience. This episode encapsulates the essence of what made The Daily Show a staple in political and comedic discourse, ensuring that its spirit endures beyond Stewart's departure.

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Additional Information:

• Listen to More Episodes: Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching "The Daily Show" on your preferred podcast platform.

• Watch the Show: Catch The Daily Show weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central or stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.

Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

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August 6, 2015. From Comedy Central's world News headquarters in New York, this is the Daily show with Jon Stewart. What's up? Welcome. Welcome to the Daily Show. Happy birthday, honey. Welcome to the Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. Thank you very much for coming tonight. Hey, guess what? I got big news. This is it. This is the final episode. And, and, and. What a night. What a big, big night. A short time ago, the first Republican presidential debate wrapped up in Cleveland. And I think you'll all agree with me, it was incredible. So articulate. And because of that, even though it is our last night on the air, I feel a responsibility, but yet we all still remain alive. Last night on the air, I feel somewhat of a responsibility, nay, nay, an obligation to devote the entirety of our last show to our standard post debate full team coverage. And so, standing by tonight outside of Cleveland's Quicken arena where the debates were held, we've got Jessica Williams joining us with the Bush campaign. We've got Hasan Minhaj. He's with Scott Walker's campaign.

[Jordan Klepper]

That's right.

[Jon Stewart]

Jordan Klepper, Trump. Jordan Klepper will be covering Donald Trump. And I want to ask you guys, what are your impressions of tonight's really interesting debate? Oh, man, John, I thought Jeb did well. Uh huh.

[Jordan Klepper]

Walker also solid.

[Jon Stewart]

Uh huh.

[Jordan Klepper]

And I can't believe Trump took out.

[Jon Stewart]

His penis.

[Jordan Klepper]

So late in the debate.

[Jon Stewart]

It was a surprise to everyone. Now, obviously, our coverage is a bit limited. We've limited to the top three candidates due to the size of the Republican field relative to the size of our current stable of correspondence. So unfortunately, we can't really.

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh.

[Jon Stewart]

Asa, thank you. Oh, this, this is an enormous asa, thank you for spontaneously appearing in Cleveland to help us.

[Jordan Klepper]

Yeah, I'll take Kasich.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, great. Thank you. Okay, so that's okay. We've got four people covered now. And now. Oh, my God. Al Ma. Al Madrigal is Also. Thank you. Al, who do you want to cover?

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh, I get it. Al, you're Latino. Cover cruiser. Rubio. You disgust me. Stuart.

[Jon Stewart]

No, Al, there's six remaining candidates. Take whoever you want.

[Jordan Klepper]

I'll take Rubio, please.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, well, at least we can cover five people. And that would be. Contributors are here. All right, John Hodgman, Lewis Black, the contributors pitching in tonight. Thank you so much for lending a hand to our coverage. John Hodgman, why don't you take Rand Paul and Louis Black. Chris Christie. Oh, I get it. Louis, you're an angry asshole. Cover. Christie.

[Jordan Klepper]

You disgust me.

[Jon Stewart]

What? No, that's. That's not. Oh, this is amazing. We were almost there. Kristen Schall, thank you so much. This is. I gotta tell you something, though. You're really dressed up for a debate. You look lovely. Well, John, you're still here.

[Jordan Klepper]

I thought Trevor had started by now.

[Jon Stewart]

What?

[Jordan Klepper]

I said we'll miss you.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, you, too. All right, all right. Eight out of ten candidates. Eight out of ten candidates are covered. Sam B. Sam, I've missed you so much. Thank you for pitching in tonight.

[Jordan Klepper]

No, John, thank you. There's no one else. I would fly to Cleveland in August to help cover. I mean. Wait, I'm sorry, who's left?

[Jon Stewart]

Ben Carson or Huckabee?

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh, my God. Ew.

[Jon Stewart]

No. All right. Oh, damn it. Nine out of ten. Damn. So close. It would have been great if we could just cover. 9 out of 10. I don't. Is that. I don't know what to say. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, John.

[Jordan Klepper]

There's a lot of applause. There's a lot of applause here in Cleveland. That's right, John. Tonight, I heart Huckabee.

[Jon Stewart]

Steve, I gotta say, this is for me. It's very touching that you would come back after 12 years and do that.

[Jordan Klepper]

I never left, John. Becoming an international superstar is just something I did while waiting for my next assignment. We've all just been waiting, John. The whole time.

[Jon Stewart]

You've been waiting the whole time? I can't lie to you. I can't believe it.

[Jordan Klepper]

Yeah, we've all been waiting a really long time, John. Where do you get off?

[Jon Stewart]

What?

[Jordan Klepper]

I have two children to raise. And I have three.

[Jon Stewart]

That's. Wait a minute. Has everyone. Have all the correspondents just been. Just been waiting around like. It's been 16 and a half years. That can't be. What about, like, Vance DeGeneres and Mo Rocca? Are they.

[Jordan Klepper]

We're here, John.

[Jon Stewart]

They couldn't be here.

[Jordan Klepper]

We're here. Jon.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, My God, that's amazing. I can't believe you guys are here.

[Jordan Klepper]

We're here down on Wall Street, John. Ready to do our signature dollars and cents coverage.

[Jon Stewart]

It's been so long since that bit was done on the show. I can't believe you guys are here to just now do a financial segment.

[Jordan Klepper]

Yeah, well, apparently there wasn't much financial news to cover this past decade.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, well, that's. You know, you do the best, David. Hey, what's up? Hey, buddy. Oh, man. Hey, Dave. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Let me tell you something, John. You've done it. Thanks. 16 years of great TV. Thank you, sir. Next stop, Podcast. Podcast. This is. This is unbelievable. How far back are we gonna go with these reports?

[Jordan Klepper]

Okay, so we have time for one more question.

[Jon Stewart]

Right there. Yes. You the old guy. Oh, hey, Matt Walsh. Dan Bagadal, it's me, Jon Stewart. You're on my show now. Not your show. What? What do you mean? Our show? Veep, you play the congressman. Matt's the press secretary, but before that you were correspondents on the Daily Show. So I was expressing happiness that you came back here. And we're done here. Thank you, guys, that's. I just have. I just want to say one more thing. Hey, ask and answered, asshole. Yeah, you face. We're done here. All right. Excuse me, John. Excuse me. What? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Oh my God. This is amazing.

[Jordan Klepper]

Yeah, thought I'd stop by cause I.

[Jon Stewart]

Got nothing else to do tonight. Nightly show got bumped. Sorry about that, Larry Black. Shows matter, John. I apologize. Where's Jones anyway? Jason Jones? Yeah. Oh, you didn't hear? He's in Georgia filming a new show. Larry, why don't you throw to him? I used to enjoy. That's not gonna work.

[Jordan Klepper]

It will if you believe.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, Jesus. All right, I didn't know that. Well, let me try. Let me see what I can do here. All right, that's weird. Let's see if I can do it. Let's go to Jason Jones. That one. Thanks, John. Let me just say I am so happy you're gonna have some well deserved time off to watch my brand new television show, the Detour on tbs. Well, obviously you must be busy, so I'll let you get back. Thanks for asking, John. It is a hilarious new comedy show coming soon on tbs. Thanks. Thanks, Jason. The Detour. Tbs?

What?

An oddly cross promotional move by But. Hey, John. What the. Justin. Hey, what's up? Do you wanna leave the showman? Oh, right. You played Olaf the Snowman in Frozen that's right. I did. I'm a show business God, John. Among eight year olds. That's Disney money, bitch. Wow. Wow. Oh, John. John.

[Jordan Klepper]

This is intense. So many. So many old faces.

[Jon Stewart]

Rob Cordiery. I can't even believe you're back here. Rob, come here. Give me some sugar.

[Jordan Klepper]

No.

[Jon Stewart]

Rob Cordry, everybody. Wow. I can't. I'm like knocked out here.

[Jordan Klepper]

I can't. I didn't want to. I didn't want to do this. It's just. It's very embarrassing. It's just that everybody here, you guys, you're like family, you know? Especially you, John.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Rob. I appreciate that.

[Jordan Klepper]

You're like the brother I never had.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you so much, Rob. Except I'm. I think you have a brother. I think.

[Jordan Klepper]

No, no, I don't. I don't think you're right about that.

[Jon Stewart]

I think you. I think you have a brother, Rob. And I think his name is. Is Nate. And he actually was a correspondent here too. Nate.

[Jordan Klepper]

That Nate. Nate does not ring a bell.

[Jon Stewart]

No, it was me. Rob.

[Jordan Klepper]

It's me.

[Jon Stewart]

I think it's. I think you have a brother. I think you do.

[Jordan Klepper]

I'm Nate. I'm Nate Cordrey. I'm. I'm your brother. Come on, Cordrey.

[Jon Stewart]

Come on. Come on, Cordrey. Come on.

[Jordan Klepper]

I told you to wait in the car. In the trunk of the car.

[Jon Stewart]

Go.

[Jordan Klepper]

I am sorry, John. You should check in with your other correspondents.

[Jon Stewart]

All right? I'm all right. I will. Let me. Wait. What's that sound? I'll check in with another correspondent. Lord Vader, is that you?

[Darth Vader]

Stuart, I am more machine than man. Twisted and evil. Responsible for the deaths of billions of sentient beings. But it has come to my attention you have been comparing me to Dick Cheney. That seems a bit harsh.

[Jon Stewart]

I just thought there was something sith Lordy about you and him. And I just thought that.

[Darth Vader]

Let us be clear. There is the dark side, and then there's whatever he calls his sick thing.

[Jon Stewart]

No, I. I didn't mean it. I.

[Darth Vader]

The fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. And hate leads to shooting your friend in the face.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Lord Vader. Wow, that was. That was intense. A Sith Lord as a correspondent. You know, speaking of shooting, let's go overseas to our Middle east correspondent, Bassem Youssef. Bassem, are you there?

[Jordan Klepper]

John, I knew that they would eventually get to you. Who's shutting you down? The White House? The secret police? Thanks, Obama.

[Jon Stewart]

No. No one's shutting the show down, Bassem. I'm leaving. Cause I want to.

[Jordan Klepper]

Whoa. That's it.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Jordan Klepper]

What a pussy.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, John, it's me, Michael Che. Hey, what's up? Reporting live on this favorite election moment. You know, Michael, it's great to see you, but you were a correspondent for, like, two weeks. I don't know if it warranted a full cameo. You know, it could have been. Maybe it's nice to. Well, maybe some of us just like.

[Jordan Klepper]

Changing jobs before the ass groove in.

[Jon Stewart]

Our desk chair's old enough to vote. That. I gotta say, that hurts a little bit. You know, I tried to do a good thing and let you do some bits for us, and then we could go through and get. And get some. Actually, actually. Hey, Trevor, what's up? Could you give me like 20 more minutes and then. Oh. Oh, I'm. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's cool. It's great to see. You're gonna be great. I'm so excited for it. Thank you. I'm. Oh, just real quick, if you don't mind. Sure, yeah. That's just. Good job, man. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. We'll do it later. You know what? That reminds me. It's not the first time that they've had to retailer the suits here. You're finally getting canceled, John. I hate to say it, but I knew you're going to run this thing into the ground. Well, it's good to see you too, Craig. John. Oh, my God. Olivia Munn. Olivia, how are you? Ok. Congratulations, Olivia. Thank you so much. So nice to see you. Of course we're here. How are you? You didn't have to bring me a cake. That's lovely.

[Jordan Klepper]

Of course I did.

[Jon Stewart]

It's your 70th birthday. Huh? Look at that. First of all, it's not my birthday and I'm not 70. Honestly. What is it, like 75?

[Jordan Klepper]

No, you do not look 80.

[Jon Stewart]

No, it's not 80. It's neither. One of these. This is lovely. And then why are you. I hope it's not 80. Oh, my God.

[Jordan Klepper]

Come on, John.

[Jon Stewart]

I've come to take you out of here, buddy. Hey, man. What's up, girl? Riggle, what are you doing? Put me down, Riggle. Uh, no way, Jose. You're coming with me if you want to live. What? We're having a nice celebration here. There's no need to go. Rambos. You sweet, naive, frail, tiny, little. Yes. Did I say frail? You did say frail. Do you have any idea the trail of hate that you've Left Behind? Roll 212. I'm Paul Brown, CEO of Arby's, brought to you tonight by Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart. It's like your TV threw up on your face.

[Rob Corddry]

I'll never forget you, John. But I will be trying.

[Jon Stewart]

Good riddance, smartass. Don't go. Come back, John. I'm being sarcastic.

[Jordan Klepper]

And just when I'm running for president.

[Jon Stewart]

What a bummer. See you, pipsqueak. What has nine and a half fingers.

[Jordan Klepper]

And won't miss you at all? This guy.

[Jon Stewart]

John, I just don't know what to say.

[Jordan Klepper]

I'm sure you'd be missed by somebody.

[Jon Stewart]

You know, there are a lot of things happening around the world that keep me up at night, which is why I've relied on you to put me to sleep.

[Jordan Klepper]

Have fun feeding your rabbits.

[Jon Stewart]

Quitter.

[Jordan Klepper]

I'm Jon Stewart.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm dumb. I'm stupid. Nah, nah, nah. Salaam, jackass. That stings. I'm not gonna say that didn't sting a little bit.

[Jordan Klepper]

That was awesome.

[Jon Stewart]

Ed Helms. What's up, baby? You look great.

[Jordan Klepper]

Thank you so much.

[Jon Stewart]

It's so great to see you, Ed.

[Jordan Klepper]

And it's wonderful to see you.

[Jon Stewart]

That's right. You did love to sing.

[Jordan Klepper]

I do. I like to sing. I like to make movies with my friends. And, of course, I have my real passion, which is running the Rocky Mountain Institute for Men who Get More Distinguished and Handsome As They Age.

[Jon Stewart]

I've heard of that. And actually, well, this is. It's kind of nice that you're here, because I'm gonna be having some free time. Perhaps I could stop by the institute just for a quick visit at the instit. No. All right. I mean, yeah, I guess you're right. It just doesn't. John, what the. Is that. I know that V. I know that voice. Is that. Wyatt? Wyatt, where are you? Where are you, Wyatt? Hey, Wyatt. I can't hear you for the crazy applause. Yeah. Are you across the street? Maybe. Well, you look like you're right across the street. Are you coming over?

[Jordan Klepper]

I'm thinking about it.

[Jon Stewart]

I got some balls. I got some balls in the air. All right. You good? Yeah, I'm good.

[Jordan Klepper]

You good?

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, I'm good. I'd love to see you. I think about it. My social media's blowing up. I hear you. Yeah. Hey, John. Hey. What the.

[Jordan Klepper]

Hey, John.

[Jon Stewart]

Let's check in one last time to Guantanamo Bay with our old friend and longtime y. Dani. It's Getmo. Hey, Gitmo. Yitm. Yay. Yay. What a great day. Yay. Oh, my God. Gitmo. Gitmo. And John Stewart, finally getting out. Yay. Yeah. Gitmo. I got some news. I'm leaving. But they didn't really ever close Guantanamo, so it's not like. I mean, I'm going, but you. Gitmo. Not leaving. Only chance. Stuart. Yeah, Mother. God. Kid. You. We'll get you out of there. Gimme. We'll get you out of there. I promise. Well, indeed.

[Jordan Klepper]

It's nice to see you.

[Stephen Colbert]

I have to say, John. I just have to say, working here meant the world to me. I have such great memories, starting with my very first day. So let's just dive in.

[Jon Stewart]

Sure.

[Stephen Colbert]

I remember for breakfast there were egg sandwiches. Now, I chose the egg whites. And that's an interesting choice, and I'll tell you why. Because. Let me hear what you're getting the protein. You know, you're getting the protein, but also you're leaving yourself open for a second sandwich.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So that's why I went with egg whites.

[Jon Stewart]

Listen, this is all fascinating. We're gonna have to pick up the pace just a smidge.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, John, we can't. When something's important, it's worth taking the time to discuss it in depth. I'm talking 15, 18, even 20 minutes if necessary. Otherwise, what are you really doing?

[Jon Stewart]

No, I hear you. I hear. But eventually, we do have to go to commercial, so it's not.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hold on. What the is a commercial?

[Jon Stewart]

No. What are you talking about?

[Stephen Colbert]

You're talking ma.

[Jon Stewart]

Wow. This is. This is amazing. I have to say, ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing. That's it. That's all I have. My thanks to everybody over all these years. When you look at the talent that's passed through these doors, it had been hard to screw this show up. I just want to thank everybody who lent their talents to this program. It meant the world. I understand. Calm down. I get it. I get it. Thank you. Just a moment. John. It's John. It's John. I don't. It's you. It's really you.

[Jordan Klepper]

Just a moment. Aren't you. Aren't you forgetting someone? John, you can't possibly leave without saying goodbye to your Sam.

[Jon Stewart]

Wait, who's Sam?

[Jordan Klepper]

I am John.

[Jon Stewart]

You're. What am I? Diane, what is this? Cheers. Well, I don't understand.

[Jordan Klepper]

No, John, don't you see? You're Frodo.

[Jon Stewart]

Wait, you're saying I'm Frodo? How am I Frodo? Why aren't you Frodo?

[Jordan Klepper]

John, one of us is adult size and does not have hairy toes.

[Jon Stewart]

And.

[Jordan Klepper]

John.

[Jon Stewart]

Point taken.

[Jordan Klepper]

John, like Frodo, you were leaving us on a voyage to the Undying Lands.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm just going to New Jersey. Steven.

[Jordan Klepper]

For 16 years, you and your basic cable Fellowship of Funny clutched that ring of power and trudged up the steep slopes of Mount Doom.

[Jon Stewart]

We didn't. It's just. What's the Ring in this metaphor?

[Jordan Klepper]

The Ring of Power, in this metaphor is a metaphor for power. A power. A power to be a player in the world of media and Washington politics.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, but I don't really want that. So. It's not that.

[Jordan Klepper]

Jon. You know who else didn't want that?

[Jon Stewart]

Frodo.

[Jordan Klepper]

Your words, John. Frodo thought, surely Saruman would know. But I don't have to tell you what Gandalf said about that.

[Jon Stewart]

You're just gonna tell me, though, aren't you?

[Jordan Klepper]

He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, even though I could do it verbatim if I wanted, he said, my fellow Americans, it has not entered into Sauron's darkest dreams that we would seek to destroy rather than wield, this hideous power. And in Gandalf's metaphor here, power also stood for power.

[Jon Stewart]

I just want to say that I am so touched that everybody could be here tonight.

[Jordan Klepper]

And me, too, John. Is there a party or anything? Because I brought a lot of people from CBS and I told them that I know you.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes, there is a party, and you can go to it. Stephen Colbert, everybody. We'll be right there.

[Jordan Klepper]

Actually, John. John, actually, no, please, sit down. Actually, John, we're not quite done. Just a moment, John. No, you can't stop anyone because they don't work for you anymore. Huge mistake, John. It'll be quick if you just hold still. John, I have been asked, and have the privilege to say something to you that is not in the prompter right now.

[Jon Stewart]

Please don't do this.

[Jordan Klepper]

Here's the thing, John. You said to me and to many other people here years ago never to thank you, because we owe you nothing. It is one of the few times I've known you to be dead wrong. We owe you. And not just what you did for our career by employing us to come on this tremendous show that you made. We owe you because we learned from you. We learned from you by example. How to do a show with intention. How to work with clarity. How to treat people with respect. You are infuriatingly good at your job. Okay? And all of us, all of us who were lucky. And you can edit this out later, all of us who were lucky enough to work with you for 16 years are better at our jobs because we got to watch you do yours. And we are better people for having known you. You are a great artist and a good man. And personally, I do not know how this son of a poor Appalachian turd miner, I do not know. I do not know what I would. If you hadn't brought me on this show, I'd be back in those hills mining turds with Pappy. John. You know, by now I'd have. I'd have dung lung. Okay, so, John, and it's almost over.

[Jon Stewart]

All right?

[Jordan Klepper]

I know you are not asking for this, but on behalf of so many people whose lives you changed over the past 16 years, thank you. And now I believe your line, and correct me if I'm wrong, is we'll be right back.

[Jon Stewart]

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[Jon Stewart]

Welcome back. Anyway, about the debates. I don't have anything for you. We've seen the correspondence, we've met everyone who works here. And now I feel like I should probably say something. So maybe one last time. Maybe. If you want to, maybe a little. Camera three. Bullshit is everywhere. Are the kids still in here? We'll deal. Bullshit is everywhere. There is very little that you will encounter in life that has not been in some ways infused with bullshit. Not all of it bad. Your general day to day organic free range bullshit is often necessary or at the very least, innocuous. Oh, what a beautiful baby. I'm sure he'll grow into that. That kind of bullshit in many ways provides important social contract fertilizer and keeps people from making each other cry all day. But then there's the more pernicious bullshit. Your premeditated institutional bullshit designed to obscure and distract. Designed by whom? The bullshitocracy comes in three basic flavors. One, making bad things sound like good things. Organic, all natural cupcakes because factory made sugar oatmeal balls doesn't sell. Patriot act because. Are you scared enough to let me look at all your phone records? Act doesn't sell. So whenever something's been titled Freedom, Family, Fairness, Health America, take a good long sniff. Chances are it's been manufactured in a facility may contain traces of bullshit. Number two, the second way. Hiding the bad things under mountains of bullshit complexity. You know, I would love to download Drizzy's latest Meek Mill diss. Everyone promised me that. That. But I'm not really interested right now in reading Tolstoy's itunes agreement. So I'll just click agree. Even if it grants Apple Prima Nocte with my spouse. Here's another one. Simply put. Simply put, banks shouldn't be able to bet your pension money on red. Bullshitly put, it's hey, this Dodd Frank. Hey, a handful of billionaires can't buy our elections, right? Of course not. They can only pour unlimited anonymous cash into a 501 if 50% is devoted to issue education. Otherwise they'd have to 501 it or funnel it openly through a non campaign coordinating super PAC with a quarter. I think they're asleep now. We can sneak out. And finally, finally, it's the bullshit of infinite possibility. These bullshitters cover their unwillingness to act under the guise of unending inquiry. We can't do anything because we don't yet know everything. We cannot take action on climate change until everyone in the world agrees gay marriage, vaccines won't cause our children to marry goats who are gonna come for our guns. Until then, I say teach the controversy. Now, the good news is bullshitters have gotten pretty lazy and their work is easily detected. And looking for it is kind of a pleasant way to pass the time. Like an I Spy of bullshit. So I say to you tonight, friends, the best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something. We'll be right back. Alright, everybody, that is our program. Now. There are so many people to thank that I cannot plausibly do it in the amount of time allotted. Comedy Central gave me this opportunity 16 and a half years ago. The people that worked here gave me the talent and inspiration to develop it over all those years. It's the most incredible place. Honestly, today it still feels like a dream a little bit. And walking around the building today, nobody was making eye contact because I think there's so much love and pride filling the building right now that we just don't want to drown it in saline. So there's a lot of this. That. So the script is ready. So everybody's making moves with salty goggles on. So I just. I can't thank the people who work here enough, and I can't thank Comedy Central enough, and I can't thank the audience enough. Your support and enthusiasm over the years has brought to us. Don't. Don't think that the energy that you put out is not received on those days where we just feel like we don't have it and we. Well, I'm very fond of you as well, so it seemed awfully gravelly. I want to thank my wife, Tracy, and my kids, Nate and Maggie. Not gonna look over over there. For teaching me what joy looks like. And an artist I really admire once said that he thinks of his career as a long conversation with the audience, a dialogue. And I really like that metaphor for many different reasons, but the main one is because it takes away the idea of finality. This is just. It's a conversation. This show isn't ending. We're merely taking a small pause in the conversation. A conversation which, by the way, I have hogged, and I apologize for that. You. I never. I really. I should have at some point turned the camera around and seemed like. So do you guys have anything to add or anything? I've really been dominating this in a very selfish way, but I thought that was a remarkable way of getting to that. Nothing ends. It's just a continuation. It's a pause in the conversation. So rather than saying goodbye or good night, I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna go get a drink. And I'm sure I'll see you guys before I leave. So that's our show. I thank you so much for the privilege of being able to perform it for you, for the privilege of being able to do it. And so here it is. My moment is in.

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is the Daily show with your host, Jon Stewart. Thank you. Welcome. Welcome to the Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. Now, where was I? I'm excited to be back. I'm very excited to be back. Good to see you guys. Good to see you guys. Why am I back? You may be asking yourselves. It's a very reasonable question. I have committed a lot of crimes. From what I understand, talk show hosts are granted immunity. So it doesn't. Doesn't make a lot of sense, but take it up with the founders. I don't know. We're gonna have so much. We're gonna talk about this year, obviously. Elections. Maybe we'll talk about China. Maybe we'll talk about AI. Maybe something a little lighter. Israel, Palestine, who knows? When you consider the election.

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh, John Brick.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, well, well. It's Jordan Klepper, everybody. I didn't see you there. He must have snug up. Shouldn't you be out somewhere talking to insurrectionists in a parking lot?

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh, biting, John. Biting. You must be so proud of yourself with all these little satirical bits exposing the absurdities of our political process.

[Jon Stewart]

I mean, it was fun. We had a fun day. We had fun making.

[Jordan Klepper]

Oh, I bet it was. Did you save democracy yet?

[Jon Stewart]

No, I didn't. Did you?

[Jordan Klepper]

Your 90s brand of snark and both siderism. Oh, George Bush is dumb. Al Gore, So boring.

[Jon Stewart]

Wow.

[Jordan Klepper]

Searing. John.

[Jon Stewart]

I wasn't really trying to save democracy. I was just trying to.

[Jordan Klepper]

All you do is brainwash voters into accepting a corrosive status quo when they could be out marching in the streets to effect. Frankly, you disgust me.

[Jon Stewart]

I can tell that from the tone of your voice on there. But, you know, Jordan, I'm here, like, once a week. Like, seriously, what do you. What do you want from me?

[Jordan Klepper]

I was like, wait, you're only here once a week?

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Jordan Klepper]

Who's hosting the show the other days of the week?

[Jon Stewart]

The news team. Jordan, you're. In fact, you're the host this whole week after I leave. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. That's you.

[Jordan Klepper]

It's great having you back, buddy. I gotta tell you that this is gonna be so much fun. What we're doing here is important, John. I can't wait to change the world with you, my friend.

[Jon Stewart]

Thanks very much. Really nice to see you. Thank you, everybody. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts.