TDS Time Machine | Late Night Hosts

Summary

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

TDS Time Machine | Late Night Hosts

Date: December 29, 2025
Host: Jon Stewart & The Daily Show News Team
Special Guests: John Oliver, Hasan Minhaj, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers

Overview

This episode of "The Daily Show: Ears Edition" is a time-traveling, late-night extravaganza celebrating the camaraderie and rivalry among America's most renowned late-night hosts. Jon Stewart, with help from the News Team, hosts a reunion full of reminiscing, roasting, and playful competition. The episode explores the journey of immigrant comedians, backstage stories, the evolution of late night, and signature comedy bits, culminating in a parodic showdown about who really "made" whom in late-night television.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Late Night Community & Immigrant Comedians

• John Oliver & Hasan Minhaj:

  • Both discuss the challenges and quirks of adapting to American comedy as immigrants.
  • Minhaj recalls being forbidden from the Daily Show guest room and shares how "outsider perspective" shapes effective satire.
    • "The more I felt at home here, the more cognizant you are of the fact that it’s not up to you whether... you get to stay." (Hasan Minhaj, 07:04)
  • Oliver highlights the necessity of real assimilation for satire to resonate with US audiences.
    • "After nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit… Like, guns shouldn’t be weird to you." (John Oliver, 05:15)

• The "If you don’t like it, leave" Question:

  • Oliver and Minhaj joke about their citizenship and the genuine affection they have for the US, which manifests in lovingly harsh comedy.

2. The Craft of Satire & Pushing Boundaries

• The panel agrees that great satire requires nerve and a “button-pushing” instinct.
  • "I do like the feeling of being in real trouble. In comedy, it's good..." (Hasan Minhaj, 04:14)
  • "Sometimes when our lawyers say they're gonna be upset, you go, 'I'm not having a physical reaction to that at all.’" (Hasan Minhaj, 03:52)

3. The Mechanics of Late Night Talk Shows

• Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Jon Stewart discuss the nerves and logistics around launching and running live talk shows.
  • "You don’t wanna go crazy right off the bat... So what you wanna do is come in after the damn Super Bowl. It's not a good idea." (Stephen Colbert, 11:07)
• Guest Booking Stories:
  • Kimmel talks about booking Adam Carolla and Ben Stein, lightly poking fun at Hollywood connections.
• Jabbing at NBC’s late-night musical chairs, Colbert shares how other hosts react to new rivals.
  • "Jay did call. But it wasn’t a, ‘Let’s have brunch.’ It was more of a, ‘I hope you drop dead, you son of a bitch.’" (Stephen Colbert, 13:43)

4. On-the-Ground Comedy—Conan in Cuba

• Conan O’Brien recounts the wild, unplanned adventure of filming in Cuba during thawing US relations.
  • Funny moments include getting stuck at Cuban customs and bonding over Gilmore Girls on a TV.
    • "There’s no Internet... We wandered into a little building and there was an old television and it was playing Gilmore Girls in Spanish." (Conan O’Brien, 17:22)
  • O'Brien’s inspiration is classic “fish out of water”:
    • "I didn’t want it to be comedically snarky... I wanted it to be me—the joke is on me." (Conan O'Brien, 20:46)
  • The warmth of the Cuban people versus the reputation of their government is highlighted.

5. Signature Comedy Bits – Jimmy Fallon’s Thank You Notes

• Fallon brings classic bits like "Thank You Notes" to the table, with Colbert playing live keyboard—sarcasm and warmth intermingling.
  • "Thank you, slow walking family on the sidewalk… you create a barricade of idiots..." (Jimmy Fallon, 26:49)
• Jon Stewart mock-complains about "young people humor" while participating enthusiastically.

6. The Late Night "Creation Myth" Parody

• Seth Meyers, Conan O’Brien, and Jon Stewart comedically escalate the notorious “feud” over who made whom in late night.
  • Seth and Conan argue over giving “the bump” to Mike Huckabee, with Stewart jumping in as the original creator.
    • "Because nobody puts Baby in a corner. That's right. Nobody." (Jon Stewart, 30:47)
  • The recursive origin story culminates in a mock physical showdown backstage, lampooning late-night rivalries.
    • "I want to settle this in a civilized way. With violence." (Conan O'Brien, 34:19)

7. Backstage & Host Banter

• The show is laced with playful jabs, mutual respect, and riffs on late night tropes (show intros, awkward interviews, test shows).
  • "How's this thing gonna work?" (Jon Stewart, 12:47)
  • "Our producer Daniel Kellison will find something for them, I'm sure." (Stephen Colbert, 15:18)
• End with in-character singing of the US National Anthem and more behind-the-scenes camaraderie.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

On the camaraderie and unique skills of late-night hosts:

• "You do have that unique skill set—minding being a dick to people. And that really... that is the secret sauce."
  — Hasan Minhaj (03:29)

On immigrant perspective and feeling at home:

• "It's generally the kind of way that you talk shit with someone you genuinely love."
  — Hasan Minhaj (07:31)

Conan on Cuba and being the joke:

• "I didn’t want it to be comedically snarky... I wanted it to be me—the fish out of water."
  — Conan O’Brien (20:46)

Fallon’s “Thank You Note”:

• "Thank you, slow walking family..."
  — Jimmy Fallon (26:50)

On launching a late-night show:

• "You don’t wanna go crazy right off the bat, because people are judging you. So what you wanna do is come in after the damn Super Bowl. It's not a good idea."
  — Stephen Colbert (11:07)

On the “late-night feud” parody:

• "Nobody puts Baby in a corner. That's right. Nobody."
  — Jon Stewart (30:47)
• "I want to settle this a civilized way, with violence."
  — Conan O’Brien (34:19)

On host-table fingerprints:

• "These are the fingerprints of every guest we've ever had on the show."
  — Jon Stewart (23:34)
• "John McCain. Desmond Tutu. Oh, I knew it was his."
  — Jimmy Fallon (23:40)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Immigrant Comedians’ Perspective: 01:55–08:04
• Satire & Pushing Boundaries: 03:29–06:07
• Late Night Show Mechanics & Launch Nerves: 11:00–13:54
• Conan’s Cuba Story: 16:27–20:57
• Fallon’s Thank You Notes Bit: 26:16–27:59
• Late Night "Creation Myth" Parody: 29:58–34:19
• Backstage Banter / National Anthem: 35:46–37:07

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Summary & Takeaways

This "Time Machine" episode of The Daily Show is a rollicking master class in late-night comedy—part oral history, part roast, and all heart. By reuniting hosts past and present, the episode highlights the resilience and evolution of the genre. The immigrant journey, the necessity of risk-taking in satire, and the inside jokes and feuds of late-night television create both poignant and hysterical moments. Fans and newcomers alike will leave with a renewed sense that, beyond the laughs, late night is a tight-knit, ever-evolving world—one best navigated with humor, nerve, and a thick skin.

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Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

This episode is brought to you by Dead man's wire, the new film from Roquet Entertainment. Dead Man's wire is the incredible true story of the 1977 kidnapping that turned an aspiring entrepreneur into an outlaw folk hero. Directed by legendary filmmaker Gus Van Sant, dead Man's Wire stars Bill Skarsgrd, Dacre Montgomery, Cary Elways and my halla With Colman Domingo and Al Pacino. In select theaters January 9th everywhere. January 16th. Welcome to our Ugly home. Reddit is back for a historically hideous season. It's our 100th ugly house. This place is mayhem. That is impressive.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And if these walls could talk.

[Jon Stewart]

Do you cry a lot? I do. They'd have a lot to say. What in God's name is this pit? Don't get too close. You've seen the show. I'm scared of cat. Ugliest house in America. Season premiere Wednesday, January 7th at 8 on HGTV.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're listening to comedy Central.

[John Oliver]

My guest tonight is a former failed correspondent at the Daily Show. He's done nothing since then. Please welcome Mr. John Oliver.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, my God. Thank you. Hello. Yes. That's. All right. All right.

[John Oliver]

We get it. Enough. Ready? Enough.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I agree with you more than I agree with them.

[John Oliver]

Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yes.

[John Oliver]

Where it all started.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I know it's pretty weird to be back. I do not like being in that guest room at all. O that was the one room where I worked here you were not allowed to go in. And I don't like being in it. Now it really feels like I'm doing something wrong by being inside it.

[John Oliver]

You never snuck in to see a guest?

[Hasan Minhaj]

No, we were never allowed to really be in there because it had to be kept nice for the guests. And it never really occurred to me one day I might be that. And I still don't feel. So I put my bag in there and then stood in the corridor for.

[Jon Stewart]

The rest of the time.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I don't want to be in there at all.

[John Oliver]

Yeah. But this place brings back to my memories. You were here. You were in this building.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I was very much in this building. The reason I came to America. And I was here for eight years.

[John Oliver]

Yeah, same.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah.

[John Oliver]

That's why I was so happy you came on.

[Jon Stewart]

Cause we.

[John Oliver]

People don't know by looking at us, but we actually have very similar backgrounds because we both joined the show. I moved to America to do this show just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily show alumni network is so strong. I asked to meet up with Mr. Oliver. Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

And I thought, this Mr. Oliver.

[John Oliver]

I was like, there's no way this guy's gonna let me meet up with him. And you were like, no, come, come. Before work.

[Hasan Minhaj]

There's nothing I like more than talking to people who have questions about how to make field pieces.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Because it's the. It's such a narrow set of skills.

[John Oliver]

Yes.

[Hasan Minhaj]

And all you had, all of your questions were great. That was. I remember you leaving and thinking, oh, you're gonna be fine. Even though you don't have the answers yet, all your questions are right. So you're gonna be fine. You do not have a problem.

[Jon Stewart]

Ah, excellent. Well done.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I will say before. Before we make it too sincere. You do have that unique skill set, minding being a dick to people. And that really, at the end, that is the secret sauce.

[John Oliver]

Well, that is the. I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire sometimes. And everyone's like, people. I don't think people know how much you don't give a yes. Like, you truly don't give a nothing.

[Hasan Minhaj]

You will go hard in the marrow of my bones sometimes when our lawyers say they're gonna be upset, you go, I'm not having a physical reaction to that at all.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes. Yeah.

[Hasan Minhaj]

It is of no concern to me whether the Sackler family are mad with me or not.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Hasan Minhaj]

To be honest, I'm a little bit. There's a tingle of happ.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[John Oliver]

But that's kind of what you need to do.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes, definitely.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah. You like the feeling? I like the feeling of trouble.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. You did.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Hasan Minhaj]

In comedy, it's good because I'm probably a natural coward in many ways, but when it comes to comedy, I do like the feeling of being in real trouble.

[John Oliver]

Yeah. It's weird.

[Jon Stewart]

You talked about it.

[John Oliver]

You said pushing the button. You said, it's a button. You just gotta push it. Because you told me it took you two years to relearn how to do comedy in America.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I think that's probably true.

[John Oliver]

You were spot on to the day, by the way. I was. In hindsight, I was like, oh, my God. Because I remember there was a day I was in New York City gigging at some comedy club, and it was two years in, literally almost to the day. And I remember things just starting to click a little bit of, like, relearning how to do comedy, because, again, like, you, like me, we were doing comedy outside of America before we even came here.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah. And so I think the outsider perspective in comedy always works. The thing with being an immigrant here is you kind of have to learn the exact ways that your outsider perspective can translate. So you kind of have to learn basically how that can work. And once it does, you're fine. But until that point, it does feel a little bit like uncharted waters.

[John Oliver]

Yeah, it's a. It's a bit like, you know, you can come here and you can joke about America on a very surface level. And you can, you can. And that will do well for you, for, you know, if you have a 15 minute set, maybe 30 minute set. But I feel like after nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like, of like, you've been here long enough.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yes, right.

[John Oliver]

Like, guns shouldn't be weird to you.

[Hasan Minhaj]

That's right.

[John Oliver]

So really how profound your two year thing was. Like, it takes two years to learn the nuances of America. So you can make fun of them in ways which.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yes, exactly.

[John Oliver]

They appreciate.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Exactly.

[John Oliver]

Like, don't tell us we have guns. We know we have guns. Tell us something else.

[Hasan Minhaj]

If we know nothing else about ourselves, it's that we have guns to adjust. Genuinely problematic extent. That is not a fresh insight. We genuinely know. Yes, exactly.

[John Oliver]

So you were like going deeper, deeper and deeper into it, which, you know, that was my guiding light as well when I first started.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I'm so glad my incredibly insightful advice of wait 24 months worked.

[John Oliver]

It worked like a charm. I still can't believe it.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I just, deep down didn't want to hear from you again for two years. That's all it was.

[John Oliver]

Yeah, but that's the thing. We're both immigrants in America and do you ever. I guess my question to you is like, how do you answer the people who are like, if you don't like it here, leave. Because I get that a lot.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah, I mean, I guess they took. It's a. I mean, it's a horrible point, but it's a fair question. I guess now my answer would be, I'm a citizen. You can't do that. But I think the tricky thing is I felt ownership. It's very dangerous. A British person saying, I felt ownership of this country.

[Jon Stewart]

Historically, Historically does not go well.

[Hasan Minhaj]

It's amazing. I just went to India and I felt like I belonged, but I felt at home here long before my legal status was solid. That's the tricky thing. As an immigrant, the more I felt at home here, the more cognizant you are of the fact that it's not up to you whether or not you get to stay or not. So it was a Massive relief to get my green card and an even bigger relief to get my citizenship, so. Yeah. Despite the fact immigrants tend to talk shit.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Hasan Minhaj]

It's generally the kind of way that you talk shit with someone you genuinely love.

[John Oliver]

Sure.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Also, as a comedian, I only really talk shit as a way of expressing love professionally. Exactly. I don't really know how to express myself sincerely.

[John Oliver]

Right, Right.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I like you. I'm never gonna say that.

[Jon Stewart]

You.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Ronny. There, you see? There you go.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. Yeah. You and your show, that's how we love.

[John Oliver]

So we get it. Every interview I've researched you on, you profess your love for America. You're still here. Clearly, you still love it.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah.

[John Oliver]

Okay, so can you shut the up and be American for one minute instead of constantly complaining and talking like a foreign all the time? I mean, I challenge you.

[Hasan Minhaj]

You challenge me to be American?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Hasan Minhaj]

How could one do this?

[John Oliver]

I want you to eat this hot dog right now.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Oh, boy.

[John Oliver]

And then I want you to throw this football. And first of all, you have to call it a football.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Okay? I can't do that. I call it an American football.

[Jon Stewart]

Okay. American Football.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I'll call it an American football.

[John Oliver]

You gotta throw this to eat that first. And you throw this to me. Okay.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Like this?

[John Oliver]

No, no.

[Hasan Minhaj]

You got a freaking tight spiral.

[John Oliver]

We're going over there.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Okay.

[John Oliver]

All right, so eat this first. We got this from a bodega, so you might.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Oh, no, this is the way we.

[Jon Stewart]

Usa. Usa. Usa. All right. And then you gotta come over here and you gotta stand right here and.

[John Oliver]

You gotta throw a tight spiral.

[Hasan Minhaj]

How hard can that be?

[John Oliver]

All right, hang on.

[Jon Stewart]

Hang. All right. Can we get a drum roll? Drum roll for you. For you. Ready? Yeah. All right. You proved it. All right, we got. Yeah.

[John Oliver]

This is Last Week Tonight with John Oliver as. Wherever you'll find it.

[Jon Stewart]

Who gives a.

[John Oliver]

We'll take a.

[Jon Stewart]

That's not how you throw talk. We're gonna take a quick break.

[John Oliver]

We'll be right back after this.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you, John.

[Jon Stewart]

You don't do it, you don't do it.

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[Jon Stewart]

My guest tonight. He is now the former host of the Man Show. His new ABC late night series is Jimmy Kimmel Live. Ladies and gentlemen, Jimmy Kimmel. They love. They love Jimmy Gimmel. Come in. Siri. Hi, John. What's up, man?

[Stephen Colbert]

That reminds me, I need to get some of these.

[Jon Stewart]

You don't have mugs yet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Actually, let me take this. And I will have your mug on my desk daily shower. Is that all right?

[Jon Stewart]

I would be honored. All right. If you. Seriously, though, we do need those.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. You need that back.

[Jon Stewart]

Did these say the Daily show on them or not?

[Stephen Colbert]

I saw Kathy Bates was a guest on the show, right?

[Jon Stewart]

Recently, Yes, I believe. A week or not.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, just a week or two ago.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't think you can do that because your damn thing's gonna be live.

[Stephen Colbert]

The show is gonna be live. Yeah, yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

And it's debuting after the Super Bowl. I'm glad you decided to take tiny bites.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, we.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Small bites.

[Stephen Colbert]

We wanted to ease into things.

[Jon Stewart]

I think that's what it is.

[Stephen Colbert]

You don't wanna go crazy right off the bat because people are judging you. So what you wanna do is come in after the damn Super Bowl. It's not a good idea.

[Jon Stewart]

You're gonna have a ball.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, I hope so. I hope so. We've done some test shows and so far it's gone horribly and it turns out I'm very bad. You think I'm kidding, But you'll see, it's fine.

[Jon Stewart]

It's easy being this.

[Stephen Colbert]

Being on this side, but when you're on that side, that's when it's much harder on this.

[Jon Stewart]

See, I always find that side to be much harder.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Jon Stewart]

Well, yeah, because on this side, honestly, I can just do this. And then you have to fill the time.

[Stephen Colbert]

See, because what I do is I'll fill every gap with nervous laughter and pretend enthusiasm. That's a good anecdote. I heard you have a good anecdote for us.

[Jon Stewart]

Ha, ha, ha, ha ha.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know, that's me. That's my style.

[Jon Stewart]

Are you. When you interview, who'd you interview so far on the test shows?

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, we were able to land Adam Carolla. He's a really fascinating guy.

[Jon Stewart]

How did you get him? Is he working on anything new?

[Stephen Colbert]

My agent is a friend of his agent and he was able to do it. See, that's what I need to learn.

[Jon Stewart]

I love these LA stories.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, it's Hollywood. It's crazy.

[Jon Stewart]

So does Adam. Now what is he gonna do with him?

[Stephen Colbert]

Adam's helping me with the show.

[Jon Stewart]

Actually, he's gonna work on the show.

[Stephen Colbert]

As well as Loveline. Yeah. Yeah, he's gonna.

[Jon Stewart]

That's exciting and sad at the same time.

[Stephen Colbert]

We can't bear to be apart. And then my other test show guest was Ben Stein, who I was also able to guess.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. Yeah. So week two, your parents. How's this thing gonna work?

[Stephen Colbert]

It's not. It may come to that. It really may come to that. You know, you probably heard that David Letterman went to Afghanistan.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Didn't he do some.

[Jon Stewart]

It was like a. He spoke to the troops.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, it was like he spoke to the troops. And I was inspired by that, you know, being a talk show host now, that maybe I might do something. So I called my publicist and I said, grab the ET Crew. We're going to North Korea.

[Jon Stewart]

That's awesome.

[Stephen Colbert]

I have a photograph of that. That's me. And actually we couldn't get a flight to North Korea, so I went to Koreatown in Los Angeles. But the terrific people. Just like us. Just like us.

[Jon Stewart]

Only Korean in Koreatown.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, in Koreatown.

[Jon Stewart]

Now, did you have the other late night hosts called you? Did Dave call you and say, welcome to the team, let's have brunch?

[Stephen Colbert]

Dave didn't, but Jay did call. But it wasn't a let's have brunch. It was more of a I hope you drop dead, you son of a bitch.

[Jon Stewart]

Is he mad at you?

[Stephen Colbert]

He is. He's a little annoyed.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

There's room for everyone, though. Room for everyone.

[Jon Stewart]

So basically you're not backing off of the message.

[Stephen Colbert]

There's room for everyone. Yes.

[Jon Stewart]

The message seemed awfully high pitched, though.

[Hasan Minhaj]

When you do.

[Jon Stewart]

There's room for everyone.

[Stephen Colbert]

No reason, do you think?

[Jon Stewart]

Is this going to be one of those, like, mono y. Is this the battle for Los Angeles? Is it on? Is this really a late.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's going to be mano eleno is what it will be. No. Yeah, It'll be a real late night war as he crushes me every single night with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Meanwhile, I have, like, Ricardo Montalban and Can I tell you something, Rodriguez?

[Jon Stewart]

Can I tell you something? I have far more questions for Montalban. Yeah, Everybody who needs to see more Brad Pitt and Jennifer Hansen. Can I tell you something? We were just saying this the other day down at the otb. More Ricardo Montalban.

[Stephen Colbert]

Ricardo Montalban. Well, that's great because he and Charles Nelson Riley are my opening night guests. Look for that after the season.

[Jon Stewart]

I am looking for that. It's gonna be great. I'm looking forward to it. Are you gonna do like music and things of that nature?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, we'll have music and whatever we can to fill the show with things other than me.

[Jon Stewart]

Stop it. What are the girls who bounce gonna do?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, the girls on trampolines.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, they work, you know, they're working at a shelter right now. So they volunteer their, they volunteer their time to the homeless and that's. They decided to stick with that.

[Jon Stewart]

Actually.

[Stephen Colbert]

Our producer Daniel Kelison will find something for them, I'm sure.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm sorry, what was that name again?

[Stephen Colbert]

That was Daniel Kellison.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. And he is going to help all women.

[Stephen Colbert]

He has devoted his life to helping big breasted women succeed. Yes.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, I think that's terrific work on his part and I wish him well and I'm assuming has a foundation of some sort that can donate.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, he does. He does.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. Ok. Well, that's terrific.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Jugs, not drugs, it's called.

[Jon Stewart]

That's wonderful news. Jimmy KIMMEL live Sunday night following the Super Bowl. This is live. Jimmy Kimmel. Welcome back. My guest tonight, the host of Conan on tbs. Please welcome Conan o'. Brien. Where do I go? Here, come back up. All right, sit down. Hey.

[John Oliver]

Thank you.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you. Welcome, welcome. Yeah. Yes. Hola.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Welcome, welcome.

[Jon Stewart]

Hola. Hola. You're fluent.

[Conan O'Brien]

Incredible.

[Jon Stewart]

But you are fluent.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not really fluent. I have pretty good 8th grade Spanish that I have kept up over the years and that served me well. But we brought two of our writers are fluent.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, really?

[Conan O'Brien]

And we brought two of them to help us in Cuba.

[Jon Stewart]

We explain. So Conan went to Cuba and shot.

[Conan O'Brien]

An episode of my show. Yeah, we, President Obama announced that we were going to try and warm up relations a little bit with Cuba. I thought this is my chance. I want to get in before the View gets down there because you know, they're honing in on this thing. And so we got down there, we actually weren't sure we were going to get into the country because we didn't, we didn't make a lot of preparations.

[Jon Stewart]

Sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

We weren't sure we were going to get into the country. We flew in, we were told we had the right papers. We showed up. There's no Internet, so our phones didn't work.

[Jon Stewart]

We got off the plane, there's no Internet at all.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's no Internet? No, there is no Internet. They do not want people freely exchanging information. So there's no Internet, which is very strange. You got off the plane, we walked in, we handed our Papers to them. The guy looked at it. Our phones are dead and our plane is gone. And the guy just looked at us and he said, no. And I didn't know what's going to happen now? Are we going to get out? Are we going to get in? What's going to happen? We wandered into a little building and there was an old television and it was playing Gilmore Girls in Spanish.

[Jon Stewart]

And I've never way to watch it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've never felt. Yeah. I've never felt more. More happy to see it was so. And it was Rory deciding. It was Rory deciding, should I. I'm gonna quit Yale or should I stay in Yale.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I was enthralled. I'm watching it in Spanish. The parents are upset, the grandparents are upset. No one in Cuba cared. No one was watching the tv. And then finally, after.

[Seth Meyers]

I didn't know.

[Jon Stewart]

When you came in, though, didn't anyone say Coco da Team? Nothing?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, they do not know me. I was ID'd by. I got in. Our camera crew got in. What happened was I started walking around. We started shooting in Cuba immediately. We didn't know how long we were going to get to stay. And immediately. Canadians. Those damn Canadians. You all know what I'm talking about. The scourge of the world. No, the Canadians started. Canadian tourists are down there. And tourists from Europe. And tourists from Europe.

[Jon Stewart]

See, is that the weird part? So you go through this thing, you might get killed. You can't get in. You have to show your papers. Meanwhile, people from the entire rest of the world have been going there forever. Yeah. And are just like, oh, hey, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But it's a completely. It is a completely different world. It is a world that's frozen in time. My concept of this was I just want to go and meet the people. Obviously it's a politically charged situation, but I want to go and do my by now tired shtick for these people and see if it is at all amusing to them either.

[Jon Stewart]

They seem to be quite taken with these things.

[Conan O'Brien]

They were, yeah.

[John Oliver]

They.

[Conan O'Brien]

Actually, what I did was I learned to dance there. I learned to sit.

[Jon Stewart]

What dance did you learn?

[Conan O'Brien]

The Roomba. The quite. The erotic Roomba.

[Jon Stewart]

I think that's actually a vacuum cleaner. That's not. Pretty sure. That's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Apparently it's both. Apparently it is both. I learned. I went to a rum factory, became intoxicated. That is a cigar factory where 400 people work. And they're artists. They make these beautiful cigars. Handmade, each one.

[Jon Stewart]

Cigars, rum and dancing. So you basically, it was like A date night. Went down there and had.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was a sophisticated spring break.

[Jon Stewart]

Were they interested in. Once you said, I'm sure. Did they smell the American on you or did they think. Did you try and pass?

[Conan O'Brien]

They thought I was from Ireland. They were like, esun leprechaun.

[Jon Stewart]

He's Bob's big boy. Oh, they know Bob's big boy. They don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

They do, yeah. They're very interested about that.

[Jon Stewart]

That is interesting.

[Conan O'Brien]

They were fascinating. They are very interested in how the United States views them. The people are very interested in getting to know us and us getting to know them. They're very eager for it. We had no government intervention. It was very sweet. I actually. I didn't want it to be comedically snarky in any way. I did not want it to be that. I wanted it to be me. The joke is on me. I'm the fish out of water.

[Jon Stewart]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I wanted to try and make them laugh and really get to know the people. And they were fantastic. They were absolutely stunning.

[Jon Stewart]

I really think it's going to be a love. The people, the governments, who the hell cares? But the people, I think, are thirsting for that interaction.

[Conan O'Brien]

They are definitely thirsting for it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

All right. Well, I'm excited. When does it air? When does the thing air?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, it will never air.

[Jon Stewart]

What? But no, you've changed.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm just wasting your time. It's next week. Wednesday, March 4, I think. Anybody got an app? I think it's the fourth. I don't know. I'm.

[Stephen Colbert]

Jet lag.

[Jon Stewart]

Why did I just read it? Because it appeared. Just.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know. You know what's crazy? As you asked me, I saw it right there and I thought, there's a reason you're leaving.

[Jon Stewart]

I can't. The Special airs on March 1st. Conan O', Brien, my guest tonight. He is the host of the very funny NBC's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. His new book, co authored with his writing staff, is called thank youk Notes. Please welcome him to the program. Jimmy Vallon. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is very exciting for me.

[Jon Stewart]

It's very exciting for me.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is my first time on this program. Definitely my first time invited.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

But this is my first time and I'm on it. And I'm very excited to be here because this is. I'm a big fan of the show and I'm a fan of what you do.

[Jon Stewart]

Let me say this, and this is not smoke. I have not seen your show. Okay. All right.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm just very late at night.

[Jon Stewart]

I sound very late. I really like it. You know what I very much, much like about it? No, you got, first of all, Stevie Higgins, who's.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Steve Higgins is our announcer who's also a producer on SNL and worked with John Stewart years and years ago. Years and years and years ago.

[Jon Stewart]

Great guys.

[Hasan Minhaj]

One of the funniest human beings.

[Jon Stewart]

Super funny. Yes. Questo and the Roots.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Questlove and the Roots.

[Jon Stewart]

They're the best. You guys just look like exactly what you should be doing there. You're having fun. It's a very infectious program. And please tell me you are having fun. If this is all a facade and a lie, I will be very upset. You see my acting.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I can't do it. I can't act that good. But, I mean, I would say this show equally has.

[Jon Stewart]

No, no, no. You know, you are here to receive. To receive. Sit back and enjoy. This is not. This is. This is for you. I'm very pleased to see it. I'm smudging.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm smudging up the desk. I feel. This is. This feels like an iPhone.

[Jon Stewart]

And it's just. It's full of.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm smudging up. I just want to rub my face next to it. Press on it, and it just do like that.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I just hung up on somebody. You're calling me. Stop calling me. This is a giant iPhone. It's the new iPad. This is unbelievable.

[Jon Stewart]

These are the fingerprints of every guest we've ever had on the show.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, my Goodness gracious. John McCain.

[Jon Stewart]

John McCain. Desmond Tutu. Oh, I knew it was his.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah, this is Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan.

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

That's actually DNA. I don't know what that. That's not. Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I won't touch that one, but that's good.

[Jon Stewart]

That's not one you want to.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's more of his. His fingers are sliding down there. I don't know what happened there.

[Jon Stewart]

This thing's going right to the museum.

[Jimmy Fallon]

A lot of evidence there. This is really good. This is fantabulous.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you. Thank you. Are you enjoying your show? Is it a. Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

It's super fun. It's a grind, but it's like, whatever. It's like we get to have fun people on the show. It's just. We have to work a lot.

[Jon Stewart]

I called you, I called Jimmy. This was a while back. I could not contain myself. Do we have the picture of the event? This is. Is a picture of Jimmy dressed as Neil Young, and he's singing next to Bruce Springsteen dressed like 70s Bruce Springsteen. They're singing. What is it?

[Jimmy Fallon]

Whip My Hair.

[Jon Stewart]

Whip my hair.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah, by Will Smith.

[Jon Stewart]

Whip my hair back and forth. It was horrible. You gotta whip your. Whip my hair back and forth. He got a whipped way.

[Stephen Colbert]

No.

[Seth Meyers]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Do you remember what you said to me?

[Jon Stewart]

He gotta whip your head. You gotta whip your hair. That's the only impression.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's a good Bruce Springsteen.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You called me up and said some. Two very nice words.

[Jon Stewart]

You.

[Seth Meyers]

You really did.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You said that. And I go. And I go, Jon Stewart.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You know, you were the first person to call me in general when I first got my first. I got late night. I didn't get an office till the day I went on the air. And you called me the first time. They go, jon Stewart's on the phone. I go, this is insane.

[Jon Stewart]

And tell him. And I say to him, I go, don't think you can come after me, kid.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I could smell the cigar smoke over the phone.

[Jon Stewart]

I said to him in my best Irving old man voice, I will destroy you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Don't think you can come after me.

[Jon Stewart]

I can't come after me, you piece of. Well, we want to get to thank you notes. This is the thank you notes is on the bookshelf now. This is. You put this together. Clearly you guys took a lot of time and put this together. Yeah, it's. This is. This is real. I mean, this had to be.

[Jimmy Fallon]

There are words in there, right?

[Jon Stewart]

This had to been done at least by an intern with tape.

[Jimmy Fallon]

But not like that clear tape where you don't see the edges.

[Jon Stewart]

No, no, no, no.

[Jimmy Fallon]

What it is, is every Friday, if you don't mind, I'd like to read one every Friday. I like going to out some thank you notes.

[Jon Stewart]

There you go.

[Jimmy Fallon]

So I brought them here. I'm going to fake write them. I'm going to read them right now.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, do you want to. Do you want to read one on the show?

[Jimmy Fallon]

If you don't mind.

[Jon Stewart]

No, not at all.

[Conan O'Brien]

Please read it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Thank you.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, read one. Oh, you have music. You brought music.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's my BFF for six months. That's Stephen Colbert playing the keyboard right there, you guys.

[Jon Stewart]

That's nice. He used to play that music for me.

[Jimmy Fallon]

All in due time. You know what I'm talking about.

[Jon Stewart]

Doesn't matter.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, my gosh. Change his voice.

[Jon Stewart]

Change.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Turn his mic off. Turn his mic off. All right, here we go.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Slow walking family walking in front of me on the sidewalk. No, please take your time. Definitely spread out too. So you create a barricade of idiots. I am so thankful that you forced me to walk in the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to pass you so I can resume walking at a normal human pace.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you.

[Jon Stewart]

I didn't.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Here, write on this one.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, my God.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You have to write it on.

[Jon Stewart]

By the way. I don't want to say anything, but that sounded somewhat sarcastic. You're starting to get it. Yeah. Thank you, Stephen.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Don't come to it.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you, Chili's menus for showing how many calories are in your food. Then I act like I'm ready.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yep, yep, you're ready.

[Jon Stewart]

I'm into Chili's. What part of I don't give a crap do you not understand? Yeah, you. Really?

[Hasan Minhaj]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

So it's easy.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Thank you. Like that.

[Jon Stewart]

You can't. But I don't think these are gonna get a positive response. They seem sarcastic. No, they're not.

[Jimmy Fallon]

They're thanking. They're thanking actual people.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't get young people humor.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You've always said that.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank youk Notes is on the bookshelves now. Now get it now before it blows away. Jimmy Fallon. Oh, Johnny Stewart.

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[Jon Stewart]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Jon Stewart]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts. Now, earlier we talked a little bit about the Super Bowl. But don't worry, you're not going to bed without what you wanted tonight. You're not going to bed without what you came for. That's right. It's Jon Stewart's annual Super bowl commercial wrap up. What were the funny commercials? What were the sad commercials? Who wasted money? And what are the kinds of things that people can do? I know, I know, I know, I know. Listen, Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I know you love the commercial, rapper. John.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I just.

[Seth Meyers]

I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm sure the commercial thing was going to be great.

[Jon Stewart]

I was going to do my commercial wrap up. There were some really funny ones, but we'll get that.

[Seth Meyers]

Were not as funny. I just. I just wanted to come over personally to thank you, Manto man, friend to friend, for what you did for me last week on my show.

[Jon Stewart]

Stop it.

[Seth Meyers]

Now, for people who don't know, I'm in a little bit of a tiff right now with Conan o'. Brien. He claims that he made Mike Huckabee because he talks about Walker, Texas Ranger, and Chuck Norris supports Huckabee when the truth is everybody knows I made Huckabee by giving him the Colbert bump. Right Then Conan attacked me by saying he made me by talking about me on his show. And last week, this good man came on my show and set the record straight with a little bit of tape. You know why I did it about who made.

[Jon Stewart]

Can I tell you why I did it?

[Seth Meyers]

I would love to.

[Jon Stewart]

Because nobody puts Baby in a corner. That's right. Nobody puts Baby in a corner, Chuck. Nobody.

[Seth Meyers]

Can we show everybody. Can we show everybody what John did?

[Jon Stewart]

We don't need to do that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Jon Stewart]

Look at that. Okay, That's.

[Seth Meyers]

Look at that.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, we didn't.

[Seth Meyers]

I know it's alarming, but don't avert your gaze, folks.

[Jon Stewart]

That was. That was me showing that. I introduced Conan.

[Seth Meyers]

Exactly.

[Jon Stewart]

Giving him something.

[Seth Meyers]

And Conan made me. And you made Conan. You made Huckabee my friend.

[Jon Stewart]

We kept it in the family.

[Seth Meyers]

Exactly.

[Jon Stewart]

That's right.

[Seth Meyers]

But I gotta tell you, John, here's the disturbing thing.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Seth Meyers]

I'm sorry you had to go through that to prove it, that humiliation. Can we show that film again?

[Jon Stewart]

No, no, no, no, no. Don't.

[Seth Meyers]

Look how humiliating that is, John. That piece of tape right there just shows that behind the suit, behind the fame, you're empty. There's nothing backing up your career. That's it. That's who you are behind all this.

[Jon Stewart]

During that era that was actually quite fashionable.

[Seth Meyers]

That era is over, Jon.

[Jon Stewart]

Well, Bon Jovi killed it.

[Seth Meyers]

Speaking of killing, John, what I gotta.

[Jon Stewart]

Say is there more to this story?

[Seth Meyers]

There is more to this story, John. How long will it take? Hard to believe. How long is this act now, John.

[Jon Stewart]

Hold on, John.

[Seth Meyers]

Conan will not let this thing go. Even though we've proven who made Mike.

[Jon Stewart]

Huskaville try and get out of there.

[Seth Meyers]

On Friday night, impeccable money attacked both of us. By saying he made both of us. Chuck, do we have that?

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, no, you didn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jon Stewart now claims he created me. Well, tonight I'm gonna settle once and for all who created whom. All right, ladies and gentlemen, behold this photograph. That proves I was the doctor who.

[Jon Stewart]

Delivered Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think this ends the feud. I think it ends the feud. But this is my warning, and this is not a threat. This is a promise. If either Stewart or Colbert mentions this again in any way, I'm going over to their tiny little studio and I'm.

[Jon Stewart]

Kicking some Comedy Central ass. Are we clear on that?

[Seth Meyers]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Jon Stewart]

Stephen, why did you bring this up? Why did you even call?

[Seth Meyers]

I thought you should know, John. He seems pretty serious.

[Jon Stewart]

No, I think he's absolutely serious. Oh, he is.

[Seth Meyers]

And he is a big, dangerous man. He's like 7 foot 4.

[Jon Stewart]

John, he said he was gonna kick our asses. Why did you come and talk about this? He's gonna hear about this.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, he's not.

[Jon Stewart]

John.

[Seth Meyers]

There's no way. For one thing, I happen to know Conan o' Brien is too cheap to pay for cable. Not only is he too cheap, I happen to know that Conan o' Brien is too stupid to even figure out that we are talking about him. And even if Conan o' Brien were to ever make a move on either one of his.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't think we should be talking about this. I don't think we should be talking about this. Don't talk about this. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to do it. I don't want to talk about. I don't want to. I don't think this is a smart thing.

[Seth Meyers]

It's. No.

[Jon Stewart]

Would you excuse me one second? I. I feel like we've lost the light. I put Baby in a corner.

[Hasan Minhaj]

You.

[Jon Stewart]

I warned you. I warned you both. Do not keep this going. But you couldn't listen.

[Seth Meyers]

You want a tangle, Red?

[Jon Stewart]

I want a tangle.

[Seth Meyers]

How do you want to settle?

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to settle this a civilized way, with violence.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Violence.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ladies and gentlemen, let's do it.

[Seth Meyers]

Come on. I'm gonna kick your ass.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is your ass.

[Seth Meyers]

I'm gonna kick your ass.

[Jon Stewart]

Kick your ass.

[Seth Meyers]

Are you ready, John?

[Jon Stewart]

You ready to go?

[Seth Meyers]

Let's do it.

[Jon Stewart]

Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah. Come on.

[Advertisement Voice]

This way.

[Hasan Minhaj]

We should go this way.

[Seth Meyers]

I don't know where.

[Jon Stewart]

I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm new here. I've never been here.

[Jon Stewart]

Let's go this way. All right, very quickly.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that?

[Jon Stewart]

A, there's no exit. B, I have to finish my program. I have a Tim Gunn interview, and moment is end and that sort of thing, so.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's very good. Yeah. Fashionable. Why don't you finish up here? We will be in the hall and.

[Jon Stewart]

Then let the ass kicking commence.

[Seth Meyers]

Oh, yeah. You and me and this guy.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Thing better not be empty. Okay, I'm gonna take a little commercial break and ba, ba, ba, ba. Then we're gonna interview Tim Gunn, and then I'm gonna go get in a physical confrontation. We'll be right back after this.

[Seth Meyers]

I'm a fan, by the way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you.

[John Oliver]

You're good, too.

[Seth Meyers]

Thank you.

[Jon Stewart]

I like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thanks very much. The show that you do.

[Jon Stewart]

Thank you. Have you seen my show?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I. Not up late. How long has he showed A.

[Jon Stewart]

He does about four hours, and they.

[Seth Meyers]

Cut it down to 22 minutes.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Pretty quiet in there.

[Jon Stewart]

Is there a studio audience? Yeah, they.

[Seth Meyers]

No, no, they put all the laughter in later.

[Jon Stewart]

Okay. Do you harmonize? Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Take the low parts. Want to try a little something?

[Hasan Minhaj]

No. Say, can you.

[Jon Stewart]

Okay. Can you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll go high.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Say, can you see.

[Seth Meyers]

By the dawn's.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Early light.

[Jon Stewart]

What so proudly we take.

[Conan O'Brien]

It with that flare everywhere.

[Jon Stewart]

Hey, everybody, that's our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11. By the way, you know what your moment of Zen is tonight? Me going outside to kick some gangly Irish ass. All right, yeah, let's do this thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

I will rip your face from your head.

[Seth Meyers]

Yes.

[Jon Stewart]

And then I will probably get a lot of blood on your very nice sports jacket.

[Seth Meyers]

Get another one.

[Jon Stewart]

Where's Stephen?

[Conan O'Brien]

Steven had to tape his show.

[Jon Stewart]

He had to?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

All right, well, let's.

[Conan O'Brien]

We should get him.

[Jon Stewart]

Let's get him.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And then.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then, boom.

[Jon Stewart]

You will die, Seth. I am going down.

[Conan O'Brien]

A beating. From he to you.

[Jon Stewart]

Yes. Yes. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount.

[Stephen Colbert]

This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

[Jon Stewart]

Limu game. And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Seth Meyers]

Fascinating.

[Jon Stewart]

It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Seth Meyers]

Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Jon Stewart]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings. Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance company And affiliates excludes Massachusetts. The holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online and more personal info in more places that could expose you more to identity therapy theft. But LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our US Based restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Or your money back.

[Jon Stewart]

Don't face drained accounts, fraudulent loans or financial losses alone. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with LifeLock. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit LifeLock.com podcast terms apply.