TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada!

Summary

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

Episode: TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada!
Air Date: July 1, 2026
Host: Jon Stewart and The Daily Show News Team
Main Guest: Mark Carney (Canadian economist, former Governor of the Bank of Canada/Bank of England)

Episode Overview

This lively episode centers around escalating tensions between the U.S. and Canada after the 2026 U.S. presidential election, featuring satirical coverage of President Donald Trump's provocative policies and trade stances toward Canada, and the resulting political shakeup north of the border. The episode mixes sharp, political comedy with insightful interviews, including a feature interview with Mark Carney, who has just pulled off a stunning election victory to become Canada's new Prime Minister. Throughout, the show lampoons U.S. expansionist rhetoric, trade war fallout, and the unusual state of modern U.S.-Canada relations.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Trump’s Expansionist Announcements (Gulf of America & Merging Canada)

• [01:03] Trump holds a press conference at Mar-A-Lago unveiling a series of brash, performative policy ideas: renaming the Gulf of Mexico as the "Gulf of America" and urging a merger with Canada.
  • Quote: “We're gonna be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.” – Donald Trump [01:24]
• The show lampoons these as "kitchen table policies" Americans never asked for, reviving Trump's penchant for performative nationalism.
  • Host riff: “I guess Gulf of America does have a ring to it—as in, there was another horrific oil spill in the Gulf.” – Jon Stewart [01:34]
• Trump’s push for Canada to become the 51st state, referencing repeated tweets on the subject and sarcasm about whether Trump actually knows how many states there are.
  • Quote: “I’m impressed that he currently knows there are 50 states.” – Jon Stewart [01:57]
• Meanwhile, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau suddenly resigns amidst cratering popularity, leaving the field open for Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre.
  • Note: The show zeroes in on the awkward optics and tensions of this political moment for Canada. [03:11]

2. Rising Conservative Populism in Canada

• [03:51] Exchange highlighting Poilievre’s combative, populist approach, and his pushback against accusations of being Trump-like.
  • Memorable moment: “You're the one who asks the question, so you must know somebody.” – Pierre Poilievre [04:24]
• The panel pokes fun at the idea of America absorbing Canada, riffing on emotional Canadian-American travel relations, and Canada as a destination Americans pretend to be from.

3. Trump's Territorial Ambitions: Greenland, Panama Canal

• [05:12] Satire ramps up as Trump is quoted expressing interest in annexing Greenland and the Panama Canal "for national security," openly refusing to rule out military or economic coercion.
  • Quote: “No, I can’t assure you on either of those two.” – Donald Trump [06:02]
• The hosts lampoon these expansionist moves as modern colonialism, with Jordan Klepper humorously claiming “Colonialism is back, baby!” [06:55]
  • Memorable exchange: “Think about all the gifts America has to offer a place like Canada... syphilis.” – Jordan Klepper [08:03]

4. North American Trade War Escalates

• [09:29] Fast-moving headlines:

  • Trump levies 25% tariffs on Canada & Mexico, sparking a dramatic global trade war.
  • Panel riffs on rising costs for Americans—eggs, cars, everyday goods.
    • Quote: “I'm going to pay $9,000 more for a Kia Sorento. Now I finally get why they say war is hell.” – News Team [10:41]
  • Secretary of Agriculture floats the idea of self-sufficiency: Americans raising backyard chickens and becoming “small farmers” to beat supply shortages. [11:17]
  • Satirical complaints about the impracticality of urban chicken farming escalate.

• [12:19] The stock market plunges in reaction to the tariffs.

  • Satirical blame game ensues: “Damn you, Joe Biden. You were supposed to leave the password to the economy on the White House fridge before you left.” – News Team [12:42]

5. Canada Strikes Back: Polite But Firm Resistance

• [13:41] Trump rationalizes the tariffs as a response to Canadian/Mexican failure to stem illegal immigration and fentanyl trafficking, despite data showing less than 1% of fentanyl enters via Canada.
  • Quote: “Of course. Fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense. We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.” – News Team [13:56]
• [14:37] Trudeau’s retort:
  • Quote: “Donald, even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do.” – Justin Trudeau [14:37]
• Ontario premier Doug Ford and other leaders warn of consequences, though Ford’s bobsled metaphor is mocked for incoherence.
  • Panel joke: “This metaphor doesn't make any sense.” – News Team [16:05]
• Canadian businesses and citizens rally with boycotts and symbol swapping (e.g., renaming Americano coffee to Canadiano, pulling American whiskey from stores).
  • [18:08] WWE fans drown out the U.S. anthem in Toronto.

6. Satirical Coverage of Escalating Tit-for-Tat Tensions

• [19:14] Field correspondent Grace Kuhlan Schmidt at the border bluntly states “America is definitely in the wrong gear. We’re the bad guys. We suck.” [19:17]
• Segues into internal contradictions:
  • “I hate it. I'm embarrassed to be an American right now. And as an American, I'm outraged. I don't like this patriotic monster I've become.” – Grace Kuhlan Schmidt [21:08]

7. Interview: Mark Carney, Canada’s New Prime Minister

Segment begins [25:33]

Economic Crisis Management & Canadian Political Culture

• Stewart credits Carney for guiding Canada through the 2008 financial crisis, noting Carney’s pragmatism and refusal to let banks engage in risky derivatives.
  • Quote: “We did because we didn't do things we didn't understand.” – Mark Carney [26:51]
  • Jon Stewart’s take: “That's all it took.” [27:39]

Carney on U.S. Overtures and Trade Wars

• Stewart asks about American (Trump’s) aggressive rhetoric toward merging or dominating Canada.
  • Carney: “We're proud. We find you very attractive. But we're not moving in with you. It's not you, it's us. We do things a little differently in Canada.” [28:22]
  • Stewart riff: “No, we’ll be cool about it. We won’t levy tariffs on all your goods as retribution for you not going out with us. We respect your boundaries.” [29:02]
• Carney warns of real economic fallout: points to the importance of Canadian oil/electricity exports to the U.S. and the need for preparation against tariffs and trade shocks.
  • “Four and a half million barrels, a little more... come from Canada to the United States.” – Mark Carney [30:28]

Populism & Political Shifts

• Analysis of right-wing surge led by Pierre Poilievre, contrasted with Carney’s criticism of populists who “see opportunity in tragedy” and lack real-world experience.
  • “There is a type of politician...tend to worship the market. They've never actually worked in the private sector. They see opportunity in tragedy.” – Mark Carney [34:50]
• Trudeau’s resignation seen as tactical to give the Liberals a chance in the face of strong Conservative momentum.

Policy Overview: Housing, Inflation, Climate

• Carney underscores Canadian distress: wages not keeping up, housing crises, political division.

  • “Canadians have been very hard pressed in the last few years. Wages have not kept up with inflation. People are, you know, falling behind.” – Mark Carney [37:22]

• On climate, Carney addresses the difficulty of marrying long-term environmental action with near-term political realities, emphasizing industrial over personal emission cuts.

  • “Almost 30% of our emissions from Canada come from the production and shipment of oil to the United States.” [43:30]
  • “We need to do it in a way that Canadians today are not paying the price right now.” – Mark Carney [43:03]

• Stewart floats the idea of Carney running for leadership:

  • Stewart: “Congratulations on announcing on this program that you are to be the leader.” [45:10]

8. The Aftermath: Canada’s Stunning Election Upset

• [47:04] News break: Following the U.S. trade war and Trump’s insults, Canada holds a snap election—Mark Carney’s Liberal Party wins re-election in a “historic comeback.”
• Montage of Canadian voter reactions, including a mild-mannered Nana who calls Trump "an asshole" on air.
  • Quote: "Trump is, I'm sorry to say, an asshole." – Canadian voter [47:35]
• Satirical celebration of new national unity in Canada—“hockey moms, hockey dads, hockey non-binaries, hockey seniors... and of course hot Ryans.”
• Carney’s low-key victory speech:
  • Quote: “A system that, while not perfect, has helped deliver prosperity for a country for decades, is over. We are over the shock of the American betrayal, but we should never forget the lessons.” [48:32]

9. The Gordie Howe Bridge Fiasco

• [49:11] Michigan-Canada’s new public bridge is nearly complete, a symbol of binational cooperation—Trump threatens to block its opening after lobbying from the private owner of the old bridge.
  • Quote: “I will not allow this bridge to open until the United States is fully compensated for everything we have given them.” – Donald Trump [50:32]
• Satirical bit introduces a troll character living under the bridge, whose repeated answer to all riddles is “a bribe”—exposing the transparent corruption fueling Trump's decision-making. [51:50–54:33]

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “We forgot he's also gonna do some really stupid things.” — Jon Stewart, riffing on Trump's showmanship [01:34]

• “You're the one who asks the question, so you must know somebody.” — Pierre Poilievre in a confrontational interview [04:24]

• “Colonialism is back, baby. Ha ha. The world is full of distant lands we can plunder and rename after America.” — Jordan Klepper [06:55]

• “We're the bad guys. We suck.” — Grace Kuhlan Schmidt, field correspondent at the Canadian border [19:17]

• “Donald, even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do.” — Justin Trudeau on the tariffs [14:37]

• “A system that, while not perfect, has helped deliver prosperity for a country for decades, is over. We are over the shock of the American betrayal, but we should never forget the lessons.” — Mark Carney, victory speech as new PM [48:32]

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Important Timestamps

• 01:03-03:51: Monologue, Trump's “Gulf of America” and Canadian annexation ideas.
• 05:12-08:52: Expansionism, Greenland and Panama, Jordan Klepper’s “Colonialism is back” segment.
• 09:29-12:42: Trump launches trade war on Canada and Mexico, economic consequences detailed.
• 13:41-18:37: Panel debates data behind Trump’s trade war justification, Canadian backlash and symbolic boycotts.
• 19:14-21:54: Grace Kuhlan Schmidt at the border—comic self-examination of American jingoism.
• 25:33-45:33: Mark Carney interview—crisis management, U.S.-Canada relationship, Canadian elections, climate/industry, leadership bid hinted.
• 47:04-51:47: Canadian election recap, Carney’s win, the Gordie Howe Bridge fight, “troll under the bridge” corruption allegory.

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Tone and Style

The episode is classic Daily Show: sharp, satirical, and relentlessly topical, blending comedic exaggeration with genuine policy critique. The language skewers U.S. bravado and deflates political posturing on both sides of the border, peppered with absurdist asides (hockey non-binary voters, trolls under bridges) and layered with irony and pathos amid the jokes.

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Takeaways

• The episode spotlights the danger and absurdity of performative nationalism and trade brinkmanship, showing real-world consequences (rising prices, strained alliances).
• Canada’s response—driven by a united political front and public pushback—culminates in a surprising political transformation.
• Mark Carney emerges as a voice of technocratic steadiness, opposing populism and defending the importance of pragmatic, evidence-based policy—especially in the face of crisis.
• Overall, the show cautions against over-simplification in policy (whether through manufactured enemies, rhetorical overreach, or economic self-harm), while keeping the comedy light on its feet and thoroughly Canadian in flavor.

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[A]

When Donald Trump won in November, it was largely on the promise of improving the everyday lives of American people. From fixing inflation after it was already fixed to fighting the nationwide crime wave that he made up. And today, in a press conference from Mar A Lago, Trump announced one of those common sense kitchen table policies that Americans have been waiting for.

[D]

We're gonna be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.

[A]

Yeah, let's do that. Why the hell not? We have been so concerned about all the scary things that Trump's gonna do, we forgot he's also gonna do some really stupid things. I guess Gulf of America does have a ring to it, as in, there was another horrific oil spill in the Gulf. But okay, fine, let's rename the Gulf, I guess. Now let's focus on the price of eggs. President elect Donald Trump urging America's northern neighbor to, quote, merge with the US saying many people in Canada love being the 51st state.

[D]

Canada and the United States, that would really be something. You get rid of that artificially drawn line and you take a look at what that looks like.

[A]

What? That would go all the way from the Arctic down to the Gulf of America.

[E]

This is.

[A]

This is insane. Canada can't become part of America. That's the country I pretend to be from when I'm traveling abroad.

[B]

No.

[A]

Why does Trump want Canada so much when he hears that Canadians love pouring gravy on their poutine? He knows they're not talking about poutine, right? By the way, this isn't the first time he's mentioned this. He's been tweeting about making Canada, the 51st state for months now. Side note, I'm impressed that he currently knows there are 50 states, but surely Canada's not gonna just take this. Prime Minister Trudeau, tell him what's up.

[B]

I intend to resign as party leader as Prime Minister.

[A]

Goddammit. God damn it. Well, welcome to the United States, Canada. Locker rooms are over there. Our wi fi password is hack to us 69420 and you pay for health care now. But no, Trudeau didn't resign just to make it easier for Trump to take over Canada. The fact is he resigned because he's very unpopular now, and if he ran again, he'd have to face this guy, Pierre Poliev. He's the leader of the Conservative Party, and based on this interview, he's a pretty. Pretty intimidating dude.

[D]

On the.

[B]

On the topic, I mean, in terms

[D]

of your sort of strategy, currently, you're obviously taking the populist pathway.

[C]

What does that mean?

[D]

Well, appealing. Appealing to people's more emotional levels, I would guess. I mean, certainly you.

[B]

Certainly you tap.

[D]

A lot of people would say that you're simply taking a page out of the Donald Trump.

[B]

Which people would say that? Well, I'm sure a great many Canadians, but like who?

[D]

I don't know who, but.

[F]

Well, you're the one who asks the

[D]

question, so you must know somebody.

[A]

God damn, that's a power move. I haven't seen someone dominated like this since I watched baby girl. Tell you what, America's not getting Canada from him. Get on your knees. You're our province now. Good girl. But back to Donald Trump, who is now demanding to rename the Gulf of Mexico and take over Canada. Not to mention, a couple of weeks ago, Trump expressed interest in taking over the Panama Canal because why stop at just controlling birth canals? But that's it, right? That's it. Now we can get back to the price of eggs.

[D]

Well, we need Greenland for security purposes. People really don't even know if Denmark has any legal right to it, but if they do, they should give it up because we need it for national security.

[A]

Of course we do. Of course we do. Greenland is vital for our national security. It's the only way to stop Santa Claus from waltzing on down from the North Pole. And our wives. And if you're wondering, wait, Trump keeps saying America's broken. How is he going to pay for Greenland? Oh, he's not. Donald Trump said he might use military force to take control of the Panama Canal and Greenland.

[D]

Can you assure the world that as

[G]

you try to get control of these Areas you are not going to use

[D]

military or economic coercion. No, I can't assure you on either of those two.

[E]

What?

[A]

He just got elected and he's going to invade Greenland? Look, I am no war expert. I'll leave decisions regarding our military to alcoholic Fox News hosts. But I am almost certain invading Greenland is insane. Insane. At the very least, it would be nice to have heard about this during the campaign. I mean, you had time to tell a 10 minute story about Arnold Palmer's shower penis, but not one story about bombing Greenland. That would have been good to know. For more on Trump's efforts to expand America's borders, we go live to Jordan Klepper. Jordan, what's going on?

[G]

Oh, I'll tell you what's going on. Colonialism is back, baby. Ha ha. The world is full of distant lands we can plunder and rename after America. We'll get zinc Greenland. Or should I say Americaland? We'll get rubber from Cambodia, which is probably over here somewhere. Now, K. America. And we'll get our sugar from South America. Or as I like to call it, America. America.

[A]

Jordan, it's 2025. Why would we bring colonialism back?

[G]

Come on, Desi, the fancy hats alone are enough.

[A]

No, no, no. I hate to break it to you, but that hat looks stupid.

[G]

The hat does not look stupid. You look stupid without a hat. And besides. Besides, America was at its finest when it was expanding. Manifest Destiny, the Louisiana Purchase, the Oregon Trail, the California Pizza Kitchen. You know, it was so great for us.

[A]

Yeah, but it won't be great for the countries we colonize.

[G]

Why not Think about all the gifts America has to offer a place like Canada. Rhodes Sanitation, syphilis.

[A]

Canada already has all those things.

[G]

They don't have my syphilis.

[D]

Gross.

[A]

What if the Canadians resist?

[G]

They're Canadians. Don't make me laugh. The breastplate changed my nipples.

[A]

I don't know, Jordan. Superpowers have a habit of suffering defeats in harsh climates.

[G]

Name one.

[A]

Napoleon in Russia.

[G]

Name two.

[A]

Hitler in Russia.

[G]

Name three.

[A]

The British in Afghanistan.

[G]

Name four.

[A]

The Soviets in Afghanistan.

[G]

Name five.

[A]

The Americans in Afghanistan.

[G]

Name six.

[A]

The Americans in Vietnam.

[G]

Just stop naming things. You're embarrassing me in front of my head.

[A]

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[F]

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[A]

Today,

[C]

Donald Trump has been busy in the past couple of days. He switched sides in the war in Ukraine, announced a national crypto reserve, and dismantled the National Weather Service. Because part of the fun of experiencing a Category 5 hurricane is the surprise. Trump's been so busy that I was getting worried he'd forgotten his plan to start a North American trade war. But, my boy, he put it on the cow. We begin with the breaking news in

[D]

America's escalating trade war, and it's dramatic. A global trade war kicked off at the stroke of midnight. President Trump's 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico are now in effect.

[C]

Yeah, that's right, baby. Trade war. Nobody does war better than usa. Usa. Usa. That's right. Canada and Mexico are about to feel the pain. And the best part is it's not going to affect us at all.

[D]

The average American household could spend up to $2,000 more a year on everything from produce to clothes to new cars,

[E]

driving up the cost of a small

[D]

car by an estimated $6,200 or an SUV by $9,000.

[C]

We're launching a trade war, and it's going to affect us. I'm going to pay $9,000 more for a Kia Sorento. Now I finally get why they say war is hell. So that's what Private Ryan saved. That's what Saving Private Ryan was all about. Private Ryan was a different movie. Isn't this the opposite of what Trump campaigned on? Raising prices on everything? I'm already buying my eggs in installments with Klarna. And the solution that his Secretary of Agriculture came up with, it's not very helpful.

[E]

I think the silver lining in all of this is how do we in our backyards. We've got chickens, too, in our backyard. How do we solve for something like this? And people are sort of looking around

[D]

thinking, wow, well, maybe I could get

[A]

a chicken in my backyard.

[E]

And it's awesome.

[D]

I agree with.

[A]

Yeah, I think everyone who isn't a farmer right now wants to be.

[C]

Yes, great idea.

[D]

Great idea.

[C]

In this time of uncertainty, the one thing I need now is a wild animal in my house pecking my dick while I'm trying to make a frittata. Everybody who's not a farmer wants to be.

[D]

Are you kidding me?

[C]

Americans don't even go to grocery stores anymore. We just text get Cheerios to strangers on Instacart. But sure, I guess I'll Become a small farmer. And, hey, why stop at chickens? You know, I could grow my own avocados. I could raise my own cows. Wait, why am I buying my steel like a sucker when I could be smelting iron ore in my own bathtub? Either way, prices are about to go up, and I just hope that no one told that to the stock market.

[B]

The stock market drops for a second day in a row now that President Trump's tariffs are in effect.

[C]

Goddammit. Who told that to the stock market? So the stock market is plummeting, thanks to the trade war that Donald Trump started, so obviously. Well, we know who to blame for that, right?

[B]

What's left of the Biden economy is slumping so badly. It's just slumping. This is the legacy of the Biden economy.

[C]

Damn you, Joe Biden. You were supposed to leave the password to the economy on the White House fridge before you left. If we're going to blame past presidents, why stop at Biden? You know, Jimmy Carter's been awfully quiet lately. How convenient. But I guess rising prices and a tanking stock market, that's just the cost of starting a trade war with your neighbors. Now, Mexico, they expect it, right? Trump's had it out for them since no one showed up to his quinceanera. But. But why Canada? We've always been tight with Canada. We were both British colonies. We play in the same sports leagues together. We share joint custody of Ryan Gosling. If Trump is going to launch a trade war with them, I hope he has a good reason, and I'm sure he does.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Right, Right.

[A]

Trump says the tariffs are needed, and

[F]

he claims Canada and Mexico aren't doing enough to stop illegal immigration and fentanyl shipments.

[D]

The fentanyl coming through Canada is massive.

[C]

Of course. Of course. Fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense. We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.

[A]

Data shows less than 1% of the

[F]

fentanyl entering the US comes from Canada,

[A]

and only 1.5% of Border Patrol encounters

[F]

with migrants take place at the border with Canada.

[C]

Huh. Okay, so it's not fentanyl or migrants. And it can't be, because Trump's an insecure, wannabe alpha male thumping his chest so the world pays attention to him. So I guess we'll never know. It's probably Joe Biden. Whatever it is, Prime Minister Trudeau, he wasn't having it.

[B]

Today, the United States launched a trade war against Canada, their closest partner and ally, their closest friend. Now, I want to speak directly to one specific American. Donald, even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do.

[G]

Wow.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's mad. And he's not even world leader mad. He's. This is the same tone I use when I tell my daughter not to throw her baby sister into the crib. You are not that type of person that does this, even though you just did this, and you'll probably keep doing it, but you're not this. Okay, Donald. My daughter's name is Donald. And all of Canada is lining up behind Trudeau. Like Ontario's premier, Doug Ford came out to warn America about the consequences of a trade war. Although in a confusing way.

[D]

The people of the US Which I absolutely love, the American people, they're going to be paying more. The market is going to go downhill faster than the American bobsled team. Okay.

[C]

I think. I mean, it sounded like a slam, but if the market will go downhill really fast, that means our bobsled team is also fast. And isn't. Isn't that, like, a compliment? Our bobsled team is supposed to go fast. Right? Unless he's saying our bobsled team is slow, which is a slam. But then that means the market won't go downhill fast, which is good for our economy. This metaphor doesn't make any sense. The point is, Doug Ford is forcing me to learn about bobsledding, and I do not appreciate that. Is there a Canadian who can make an analogy that's a little less confusing? Donna Reardon, the mayor of St. John in New Brunswick. Maybe you have a good analogy.

[F]

I mean, we've been in this comfortable relationship with our American cousins, and now we're being attacked. So, you know, we're breaking up with

[D]

the US and it's time to move on.

[C]

Yeah, we're cousins, but we're.

[D]

But we're breaking up.

[C]

This analogy's even worse than the bobsled. You can't break up with your cousin. Sure, you can both go off and get married and start your own families and try to convince yourselves you've moved on. But she's still there at Thanksgiving every year. Yeah, she brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes, but deep down, you can see in her pale blue eyes that she's sad. And. And I'm sad, too, Stephanie. I know she can see it in my eyes, which are the same color as hers, because we're related and that that's why we can't be together. Right?

[B]

Wha.

[C]

What was I talking about. I'm sorry, but look. That's right. Oh, the trade war that we've launched for no reason. The point is, look what Donald Trump has done to Canada. They're the nicest country on earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we've brought them out to do.

[B]

Canadians are reasonable and we are polite, but we will not back down from a fight.

[G]

Ontario Premier Doug Ford threatened to shut off his province's electricity exports to the United States and block shipments of Ontario's high grade nickel.

[D]

Canadian liquor stores took American whiskey off the shelves.

[A]

There's also hashtags Buy Canadian and Boycott USA going viral. Canadian coffee shop the Morning Owl in Ottawa has renamed its popular Americano coffee to a Canadiano. WWE fans were drowning out the performance of the Star Spangled Banner in Toronto. Take a listen.

[G]

Damn.

[C]

Canada's respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis and Hubert Stevens, gold medalists in the two man bobsled at the 1932 Lake Placid Olympics. Now that's how you do a bobsled metaphor, Doug. Big bobsled fans out here today. For another reason, Trump has now pushed America and Canada into a full on trade war. And for more, let's go live to the Canadian border with our very own Grace Kuhlan Schmidt.

[A]

Grace.

[C]

Grace, what's your analysis?

[E]

It's pretty simple, Michael. America is definitely in the wrong gear. We're the bad guys. We suck. And when you've made a mistake, you have to take accountability and tell Canada to shut the upper.

[C]

Oh, I'm. I'm sorry. Tell Canada to shut the up.

[E]

Yeah, listen. America is in the wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts. But when Canada starts talking shit, my dormant patriotic instincts bubble up and suddenly I'm proud to be an American, which is crazy because I'm not. But I can't help myself when that guy called our bobsled team slow, that piece of shit.

[C]

Yeah, I actually, I think he was complimenting our team. I still don't really know.

[E]

Oh, that piece of shit. I want to take Canada's side, but when they boo our national anthem, I'm gonna have to shit on theirs. O Canada is in G major. I'm surprised it's not in a minor. I don't really know what that means.

[C]

Yeah, well, I don't want to explain it to you. And if you know America's in the wrong, then why are you defending us?

[E]

It's like seeing your mom get arrested. You know, she shouldn't have bought beer for those middle schoolers. But you're still gonna yell at the cop and try to grab his gun. It's crazy. But that's love. Love for your mom and love for your country. And if that means I can't eat waffles with Canadian maple syrup, then by God, I will eat them with ket. Yum.

[C]

You know, Grace, I gotta say, in a weird way, I admire your patriotism.

[E]

I hate it. I'm embarrassed to be an American right now. And as an American, I'm outraged.

[A]

Mm.

[E]

I don't like this patriotic monster I've become. Last night I blacked out and bought a Ford F150. And look at this shirt I'm wearing. I don't even know when I put this on.

[C]

Wait, wait.

[A]

Is.

[C]

Is that a bald eagle pooping out a maple leaf? Where. Where did you even get that? Grace?

[E]

I think I made it because I also have it tattooed on my back. Bottom line, Michael, I just want these tariffs to go away. I love this country so much, but sometimes America is just the worst.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Sometimes America is the worst. Grace.

[B]

You're right.

[E]

The did you just say about America?

[C]

Never mind.

[F]

Never mind.

[A]

Never mind.

[C]

Grace. Coolersmidt Everyone. Grace.

[F]

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[D]

My guest tonight. I'm excited about this. He is? Oh, you want to hear this? He's a Canadian economist, former governor of the bank of Canada and bank of England. Please welcome to the program. Mark Carney. Sir, Welcome sir. I welcome you to our land America. We are soon to be well there

[B]

was a border when I came.

[D]

John, when was the last time you checked Twitter? So you've really involved yourself in. I remember you from 2008 and I truly, I mean, this. Your work in helping Canada get through the economic crisis of 2008, the financial crisis that hit this country terribly, and I thought made a lot of really painful decisions for the people of this country. I thought Canada avoided the worst of that, and I believe you played a very strong role in that.

[B]

We did. I mean, thank you. We did.

[D]

You're so.

[B]

But we, you know, we did because we didn't do things that we didn't understand. So we didn't let our banks do things that they didn't understand just because all the other banks were doing them. So subprime, CDO squared, really fancy derivatives.

[D]

You're saying you didn't let. You thought. Let's not let the banks dissolve mortgages into particulate matter. Mix it into cups.

[B]

Throw it off.

[D]

Yeah. Throw it in the air. And then sell that.

[B]

Throw it in the air. Take a big profit. Pay themselves a lot of money.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And then it hits the ground.

[D]

How did you not have to do that?

[B]

We didn't understand it, John.

[D]

Son of a bitch.

[G]

Understand it.

[D]

That's all it took.

[C]

That's all it took.

[D]

So you've gone off now and you've worked with Brexit and the bank of England trying to ease that on my idea. Brexit wasn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

No. You're Canadian. You're very polite, very nice. You're never one of those, like, I want to leave a union. No, you stay in it until it dies. What are they making up there of the overtures and sort of trolling to Canada about being a part of the United States?

[B]

Well, I mean, the bottom line is not going to happen. Due respect. That the overture. I mean, because you don't want. You don't want it to be.

[A]

We're.

[B]

We're proud. We find you very attractive. But we're not. We're not moving. We're not not moving in with you. It's. It's not you, it's us. We have. We do things a little differently in Canada. We. We believe in.

[D]

I just want to tell. Before you go any further, I'm up for it. We're up for it. Whatever you do differently. We want to experiment, too. What do you guys want? We can be you. You want, like.

[B]

We can be friends. There can be a few benefits, John. Friends with benefits, but not going to

[D]

commit all the way.

[B]

Benefits of trade, benefits of, you know, defense.

[D]

Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, we'll be cool about it. We won't levy tariffs on all your goods as retribution for you not going out with us. We respect your boundaries. Is there a fear now that there will be economic trade, war with. How much of this do you believe is bluster and how much preparation do you need to do for it?

[B]

Well, we have to prepare for it. And I think, you know, you look at what happened five, six years ago when we did have a similar situation with trade, war and others, only on lumber.

[D]

And there was only a few things.

[B]

Lumber's very important to us, John. You know, it's fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Right.

[C]

Why do I feel like.

[D]

I feel like you're breaking up with me the entire interview?

[B]

We're resetting the relationship and we're gonna be stronger. We're gonna be stronger going forward because as you say.

[D]

Yeah, no, I'm just getting swiped left hard as hell. Do you think this time? You know, look, I don't know that Americans know that 50% of you know, our fuel comes from Canada.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The electricity for this, for this show comes from Canada.

[D]

Not this show.

[B]

We got some solar up on the.

[D]

Ours only comes from Venezuela. We're that leftist.

[C]

It's not bad.

[B]

Well, that brings a point. Four and a half million barrels, a little more than that of oil come from Canada to the United States. And if you don't take that oil the way your refineries are, your other option is Venezuela.

[D]

No. So, okay, so that's. It's funny you bring that up. We're taking them over as well. Are you surprised at, you know, is America generally, You know, I think we've always been known as we like to live our values and speak them. It feels like this administration is going to be more explicit about what's really happening. Hey, what's up, Greenland? I don't know if you know this, but you have something under your soil that we want, so you're ours. You know, I feel like past administrations would do the same thing, but they would be like. And we're liberating you. Like they would make it a high minded affair.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Is it easier to deal with someone that is transactional at his core in that way?

[B]

I take your time. Yeah, I'm going to take my time. No, I think in the end it's not because in the end, in a relationship, I'm going to keep the relationship.

[D]

Oh my God.

[B]

If we're going to build.

[D]

Did you just get out of therapy? What is happening? I feel like every time I say something you're like, I hear you, I hear you.

[B]

I made a few resolutions this year, John, and it was still in January. But you've got to have some shared values. You've got to be able to predict how the other's going to behave. So it's not just a series of transactions? Look, we can do a series of transactions. We're fine. We're in a strong position. You want to do a series of deals, we can do that. What's much better is to look at our. Look at everything we've had, John, together.

[D]

We could just build on it. You were just about to lean into, like. Look, man, if it's late and you're drunk, you can call us. It's cool. But I would rather we mean something to each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So that we get something out of this together.

[B]

Like Sunday afternoon in the park.

[D]

That's what I'm talking about. So right now there is turmoil. Trudeau has resigned.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

There will be new elections. Do you know when the new elections are?

[B]

They have to be by October. They could come soon.

[D]

Sooner than October.

[B]

Sooner than October, yes.

[D]

What would be the trigger of the election sooner?

[B]

Well, it would be likely the choice of the current governing party, which is the Liberal Party.

[D]

And you are of the Liberal Party?

[B]

I am of the Liberal Party, yes.

[D]

Are they looking for a new leader?

[B]

I think they might be. John.

[D]

Sir, may I recommend to you, with your charm and debonair witness, yet strong financial backbone that you offer yourself as. Have you offered yourself as leader?

[B]

I just started thinking about it. When you.

[D]

Just now.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Because here's what the Conservatives have,

[G]

and

[D]

this will blow your mind. So the Conservatives are run by Pierre Poiev?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Did I say that correctly?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

It's a fictional J.K. rowling name at best. Pierre Poliev. This is. And this always fascinates me. I want to show this. This is so Trudeau, obviously. The other guy is Pierre Poliev, it looks like. And he is Trudeau's rival. Yes. They look like two fictional boys school rivals in like a. Or like Poliev seems like a villain in a, like Karate Kid movie. Like there's something very, very off putting. What is he like in person?

[B]

Karate.

[D]

Take your time.

[B]

You're not.

[G]

You're not.

[B]

You're not far off.

[A]

He is.

[D]

Look, he is. There is.

[B]

I'll say this, there is a type of politician. You have a few of them here in the United States. I think we just stop it. Yeah, they had a lot in and around Brexit.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And we have Mr. Poliev in Canada, a type of politician who's, you know, tend to be lifelong politician. Really tend to worship the market. They've never actually worked in the private sector.

[D]

Right.

[B]

And they see opportunity in tragedy. Like you just had with the California fires. These horrible fires.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

And they see opportunity and tragedy to push an agenda that. Here's one. They prepared earlier and they fit it in. And so whether it was Brexit here, often, you know, the starve the beast type approach. So Pierre Poliev, when Covid started, his reaction was, hmm, this is a good time to cut spending and cut taxes. Everyone's just been pushed out of a job. Nobody's got work, so let's cut the taxes on the work they don't have and let's take away the social safety net when everybody's vulnerable.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And how did that work out for people?

[B]

Well, fortunately, he was in opposition, so.

[D]

Oh, that was his idea.

[B]

That was his idea. Ah.

[D]

And the people now see the headwinds for this. More right wing populism, though, are all around the world and it feels like Canada is no different there. I mean, did Trudeau bow out because he knew he wouldn't win? Is this an attempt to give the Liberal Party there a chance?

[B]

I think it does give the Liberal Party a chance, yes.

[D]

Right. And he did that purposefully.

[B]

He came to that. Yeah, he came to that conclusion.

[D]

He came to that conclusion. Or Nancy Pelosi called him and said, somewhere in the middle, somewhere, satirical comedy shows up there, did a bit that made fun of him for five minutes and he fell apart. So who are the top contenders right now that you believe give the Liberal Party the best chance? POIEV is going to be their champion?

[B]

Yes, absolutely, yes.

[D]

Who would give the best opportunity?

[B]

Well, I think in a situation like this, you need change, you need to address the economy. We've got an economic crisis because of what Mr. Trump is about to do or saying he's about to do. But we also have challenges in housing, cost of living. You know, did you have the same

[D]

inflationary pressures that we faced here?

[B]

You know, I can debate the absolute level, but we had the same inflationary pressures.

[D]

Well, no, we will debate the absolute level right now.

[B]

Well, I don't think right now. I think the. Look, Canadians have been very hard pressed in the last few years.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Wages have not kept up with inflation. People are, you know, people are falling behind, not getting ahead. Housing's very expensive. And there's this broader concern, again, exclamation point put on by the Trump tariffs, about what the future brings. The world's more divided, it's more dangerous. What are we going to do. And truth be told, the government has been not as focused on those issues as it could be. We need to focus on them immediately. That can happen now, and that's what this election's gonna be about.

[D]

Can I tell you something? I feel like I'm looking in a mirror. We just had that election.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Run. When I say run, I mean not for office. I mean run the other way that it's so hard when the headwinds are like that. It's really difficult for a candidate to come in who is saddled with the policies that are on.

[B]

But let's say. Oh, boy, let's say just throw it

[D]

now to look at you trying to preserve the relationship all the time.

[B]

A wild hypothetical. Let's say the candidate wasn't part of the government. Let's say the candidate did have a lot of economic experience. Let's say the candidate did deal with crises. Let's say the candidate had a plan to deal with the challenges.

[D]

You sneaky. You're running as an outsider.

[B]

I am an outsider.

[D]

Wow, that's. So you're going to be coming in there to say, I have not been in the government. I have worked in the financial markets. I understand all the things that go around. Trade. I mean, you worked. Look, let's take the California fires. You've done an awful lot with the banks, with insurance industries. So you understand very particularly what's happening out there in California.

[B]

Very particularly. I mean, 10 years ago, government of the bank of England, you oversee the Lloyd's of London, which does all the insurance for exactly this type of stuff. Ten years ago, they're saying there's going to be a lot more fires. So we're going to have a lot less insurance. A lot less insurance, as we've seen, unfortunately, in California. And I mean, it's an absolute tragedy with people going through a lot less insurance. Places like Canada last year, you may have noticed here in New York, we had a few fires in Canada.

[D]

Yes, I was gonna talk to you about that later.

[B]

The fires in Canada, including where I was born, my hometown, Fort Smith, Northwest Territories, around where I grew up in Alberta, these fires.

[D]

Hold on one second. Really.

[B]

Small town.

[D]

Small town, literally from Alberta. And they've probably been sleeping the whole time they heard the name.

[E]

Woo Woo.

[C]

Is the bus going out?

[H]

Burner.

[D]

What are we doing here? You got the fires.

[B]

We got the fires. Got the fires, John.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

If the fires alone would have made Canada the fourth largest emitter in the world after the United States, China and India. Just the fires Just the fires alone. And this, you could see this coming 10 years ago as the insurance companies. And now we're dealing with this, which is why we need to act more broadly on the issue of climate, through

[D]

climate and everything else. Let me ask you a question about this, because this speaks to what these Republican politicians say. They keep saying, oh, this Dei Lloyd's of London insurance companies, 10 years ago, they make risk assessments and they change policies. Did they change those policies because they assess the risk of lesbians being in the firefighting department, or did they go, climate change is happening and these fires are going to be more damaging and they're going to happen more frequently. And so we're going to be changing our rates and we're going to be dropping policies. Which one did they go with?

[B]

Very decidedly the second. And what they have seen is the number of these extreme events that they ensure. Remember, they're pulling back insurance from. You know, you can't get insurance in many coastal areas in Florida, you can't get insurance, obviously, in Los Angeles. So they've been pulling back. And still, even with all that sophistication, the number of these extreme weather events that they insure have gone up three times and the cost of it has gone up five times.

[D]

Right.

[B]

So they are furiously backpedaling.

[D]

And this gets us to the rub, which I think is why I feel like we're in such a vice when it comes to climate change and political feasibility. And what can we reasonably expect people's virtue to accomplish? You know, you have always. You've championed, with the banking industry, ESG projects, you've championed climate projects. As soon as these big banks got ahold that Donald Trump was going to be back in office, they all bailed. They all bailed on all these commitments that they made, and you're left in some ways holding the carbon tax bag. Is that going to make your running more difficult?

[B]

Wow, you packed a lot into that.

[D]

I did. Can I tell you something? I read your Wikipedia page.

[B]

Remind me to edit it later on. Two things. One, what the banks. And it's only the American banks. But what they decided to do.

[E]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Is to focus on.

[D]

I didn't know there were other banks.

[B]

Go ahead, focus on financing. But in terms of for Canada, you know, what we need to do is make sure that we're addressing these issues, doing our bit, making our companies more competitive. Because you know what's going to happen in the United States five years from now, you're going to care about it again. Right. You're going to have an election, you're going to care about it. Again, we better be in a position where we've done our bit at that point, but we need to do it in a way that Canadians today are not paying the price right now.

[D]

How do you do that? That's the rub. How do you make proactive measures on future disasters feasible? In a political moment today, every time I've seen a gas tax or a carbon tax floating, it's not politically feasible.

[B]

So the vast majority of our emissions in Canada come from our industry. In fact, almost 30% of our emissions from Canada come from the production and shipment of oil to the United States.

[D]

You're welcome.

[B]

You're welcome. Yeah. So part of it is cleaning that up, getting those emissions down, more than changing in a very short period of time the way Canadians live.

[D]

Right. But you're not, obviously, take away our oil, you're going to.

[B]

We'd like to take. Well, you don't apparently want the oil as much as you used to. We want it very bad.

[D]

Have you decided to run yet? Because a lot of people in the Liberal Party in Canada have said specifically they will not run. I think they fear the headwinds in this election. Have you decided?

[B]

I want to. Can I say one thing on that, Please. I want to defend. Because this is a very important point. So if you look at our. Our foreign minister, Melni Jolie, our finance minister, Dominic LeBlanc, Steve McKinnon, who's our labor minister, they are not running in part because there's a crisis right now because of the threat of the Trump tariffs.

[D]

So they're saying, I won't run because I want to focus on.

[B]

Yeah. Country before party and personal ambition. And it's absolutely.

[D]

Right, right, right. So. But do you say, well, I don't have a job. I don't have a job?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You don't have a job?

[G]

Presently, no.

[B]

Well, I do, but it's, you know,

[D]

UN dollars so coy with me. I love the chase. I love this cat and mouse.

[B]

Well, we had to shake things up.

[D]

We are. We are having a. We've spiced up our relationship tremendously throughout this interview. So congratulations on announcing on this program that you are to be the leader. You seal it with a handshake. Mark Carney. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back after this.

[G]

Sure.

[D]

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[F]

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[G]

To put an even bigger damper on Trump's 100 day celebration, our neighbor to the north celebrated last night in a very disrespectful way, taking on Trump and

[A]

winning at the ballot box last night.

[F]

Canada's Prime Minister Mark Carney and his Liberal Party winning re election After a

[A]

stunning turnaround, voters were swayed by US

[F]

Tariffs and comments from President Trump about making Canada the 51st state. I think who I voted for would be the best to take care of

[C]

Trump because Trump is, I'm sorry to say, an asshole.

[G]

What have we done? We've turned Canada's cutest nanas into foul mouthed expletive machines. And I know, I'm sorry to say he's an asshole doesn't sound bad to us. But in Canada she's Cardi B Cardi, bc. You know, British Columbia. Yes, thanks to Trump, the Liberal Party just pulled off a historic comeback, winning all the major Canadian demographics. Hockey moms, hockey dads, hockey non binaries, hockey seniors, hockey hockey players, and of course hot Ryans. But the winner of all this anti Trump Energy was new Prime Minister Mark Carney. And his victory is all the more impressive when you see that he is not the most traditionally electric candidate.

[B]

A system that, while not perfect, has helped deliver prosperity for a country for decades is over. We are over. We are over the shock of the American betrayal, but we should never forget the lessons.

[A]

But you're going to take us forward.

[B]

We have to look out for ourselves.

[H]

Wow.

[G]

This lady was trying to be his hype man and he's like, ma', am, please, this is a victory party. This is no place for excitement. Was Mark Carney doing that the whole campaign? What do we do?

[E]

Fight.

[G]

No, no, no. Quiet down. That was rhetorical. It's not what this is about. There is some good news for Donald Trump, and it comes right out of my own home state of Michigan, where the state motto is welcome to Michigan. We're sorry about Kid Rock. For decades now, the only bridge between Canada and Detroit has been the Ambassador Bridge. But in Trump's first term, Canada started construction on the Gordie Howe Bridge. And Trump was so excited about it that he even got a little poetic.

[D]

America is deeply fortunate to have a neighbour like Canada. We have before us the opportunity to build even more bridges and bridges of cooperation and bridges of commerce.

[G]

Wow. Wow. Remember when he used to pretend to try? At the time, we were like, look at him phoning in diplomacy. Now we're like, dear God, please phone in some diplomacy. Anyway, the. The point is, the bridge is almost complete, which will soon open up a public crossing that will enrich both our nations. Trump must be so excited for this new era of U.S. canadian friendship. This morning, President Trump threatening to block the opening of a brand new bridge between Canada and the U.S. i will

[B]

not allow this bridge to open until the United States is fully compensated for everything we have given them.

[G]

Or friendship. After all, what has friendship ever done for Trump other than associate him with the world's famous largest sex trafficking ring? Still, still, Mr. President, this bridge is a win, win. Canada is paying for all of it and they're going to share ownership with Michigan. We get a public bridge instead of having to pay tolls to the billionaire owner of the Ambassador Bridge. Why would the President oppose that? The owner of the older Ambassador Bridge, Matthew Maroon, lobbied the Trump administration.

[C]

On the same day President unleashed his tirade about the Gordy House ban.

[G]

Oh, I see. You were for it. Then one of your donors called you and you immediately turned against it. I mean, say what you want about Trump, he is always transparent with his corruption. You never have to Follow the money with him. You know, the money is like, I'm going to Donald Trump. I'll drop you a pin.

[E]

Well done, Mr. Jordan. Looks like he solved me riddle.

[G]

I, I. Wait, who. Who said that?

[E]

Tis I, the troll of the Gordie Howe Bridge. It seems you solved the riddle of the bridge dispute. Give Trump a bribe and you'll have your root.

[G]

Uh, yeah, it wasn't that hard. The answer with Trump is probably always a bribe.

[E]

But if true puzzle master ye be, then see if ye can answer these. Riddle 3.

[G]

I'm sorry, I actually have a show to do.

[E]

Riddle one.

[G]

Okay.

[E]

If two companies want profits to surge, they'll need this in order to merge.

[G]

If two companies want to merge, I'm guessing you would you try to give Trump a bribe?

[E]

Aren't you clever?

[G]

No, I'm not. The answer is just always going to number two.

[E]

If thou desires an ocean for drilling only, this will make Trump willing.

[G]

Uh, again, I'm gonna guess a bribe.

[E]

Why? Where are you getting these answers from? Did you hack my laptop?

[G]

Bridge trolls have laptops?

[E]

Yes, and the password is impenetrable.

[G]

Is the password bribe.

[E]

Riddle number three? If a 20 year sex trafficking sentence ye face, with this, your punishment may be erased.

[G]

Oh, wow. Yeah, you know, this is a tough one.

[E]

Oh, I've got you now, mister.

[G]

Is it a bribe?

[E]

Mother, I'm sorry.

[G]

Look, I'm sorry. Troll. Troll. Trump is just. It always comes down to a bribe. Why are you even guarding a bridge anyway?

[E]

Because I tried to bribe Trump by buying his crypto, but then it crashed and I lost everything, so I live here now.

[G]

Oh, I. You know, I'm sorry. That's. That's very sad.

[E]

I know. I just, like, honestly, I could really use a place to stay until I, like, get back up on my feet.

[G]

Well, good luck to you. I guess we're done here.

[E]

Not just yet. If you wish to end your bout, permit me to crush on your couch.

[G]

I mean, we're not even rhyming now, you know. Slayer rhymes counts. Okay, Gordie Howe Bridge troll. Everyone explore more shows from the Daily

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show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the

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Plus,

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this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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