TDS Time Machine | Presidents Meet Congress

Summary

The Daily Show: Ears Edition – Episode Summary

Episode Title: TDS Time Machine | Presidents Meet Congress
Release Date: March 3, 2025
Hosts: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah
Produced By: iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts

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Introduction

In this episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition, hosts Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Trevor Noah delve into significant political events, focusing on pivotal speeches by former President Barack Obama, current President Donald Trump, and President Joe Biden. The discussion is laced with the show's signature humor and sharp political commentary, providing listeners with an engaging analysis of each leader's rhetoric and the ensuing reactions from the political spectrum.

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Barack Obama's First Address After Inauguration

Timestamp: [00:15] – [05:24]

The episode opens with a humorous portrayal of Barack Obama's address to Congress, highlighting the challenges he faced in conveying economic hardships while maintaining optimism.

• Stephen Colbert introduces Obama's speech, noting the difficulty in balancing sobering realities with hopeful prospects.

• Notable Quote:
  Barack Obama ([02:01]): "We are living through difficult and uncertain times. Our economy is in crisis... Half of the students who begin college never finish."

• Policy Highlights:

  • Cutting the deficit by half within his first term.
  • Creating 3.5 million jobs.
  • Doubling renewable energy supply.
  • Advancing health care reform.

• Satirical Commentary:
  Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart humorously critique Obama's ambitious agenda, poking fun at exaggerated technological promises and the practicality of his plans.

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Republican Response by Governor Bobby Jindal

Timestamp: [05:47] – [10:23]

The Republican response, delivered by Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, is portrayed as underwhelming and out of touch with Obama's compelling address.

• Introduction of Bobby Jindal:
  Jon Stewart describes Jindal as the GOP's rising star, positioning him as a potential presidential contender.

• Notable Quotes:
  Bobby Jindal ([06:13]): "We place our hope in you, the American people."

  Bobby Jindal ([09:55]): "Their legislation is larded with wasteful spending and includes $140 million for something called volcano monitoring."

• Satirical Take:
  Stephen Colbert mocks the Republican stance by juxtaposing Jindal's comments with ludicrous ideas like "baconnaise," highlighting the disconnect between policy proposals and practical solutions.

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Donald Trump's First Address to Congress

Timestamp: [11:38] – [20:52]

Transitioning to Donald Trump's inaugural address to Congress, the hosts dissect his rhetoric and the underlying discrepancies between his promises and actions.

• Jon Stewart's Introduction:
  Describes Trump's speech as a grand event with notable attendees, including Bernie Sanders and Mitch McConnell, setting the stage for a critical analysis.

• Notable Quotes:
  Donald Trump ([11:38]): "As we mark the conclusion of our celebration of Black History Month... we may be a nation divided on policies, we are a country that stands united in condemning hate and evil in all of its very ugly forms."

  Donald Trump ([16:01]): "My economic team is developing historic tax reform. We will provide massive tax relief for the middle class."

• Key Points of Analysis:

  • Jon Stewart critiques the superficial acknowledgment of hate crimes and Trump's mixed messaging on alliances with Muslim communities.
  • Stephen Colbert exposes the disparity in Trump's tax reform, emphasizing the favoring of the wealthy over the middle class.
  • Trevor Noah narrates the speech's overarching themes, highlighting Trump's promises versus his administration's actions, such as environmental deregulations.

• Notable Exchanges:
  Jon Stewart ([17:51]): "Trump's cabinet is packed with oil and finance executives. Of course they don't need to lobby anymore."

  The hosts collectively mock Trump's attempts to "drain the swamp," suggesting his administration's ties to industry insiders contradict his claims.

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Joe Biden's First 100 Days Address

Timestamp: [20:52] – [30:03]

Focusing on President Joe Biden's first address to Congress, the hosts evaluate his ambitious agenda and the polarized reception it received.

• Jon Stewart's Introduction:
  Compares Biden's speech to historical presidential addresses, pointing out its subdued format due to COVID-19 restrictions.

• Notable Quotes:
  Joe Biden ([22:17]): "Let's raise the minimum wage to $15. Let's lower deductibles for working families on the Affordable Care Act... We need a ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines."

• Policy Proposals:

  • Raising the minimum wage.
  • Expanding the Affordable Care Act.
  • Lowering prescription drug costs.
  • Enhancing public education and child care.
  • Rebuilding trust between law enforcement and communities.
  • Comprehensive immigration reform.
  • Replacing lead pipes and banning assault weapons.

• Satirical Commentary:
  Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart humorously express skepticism about Biden's progressive agenda, suggesting it borders on unrealistic "socialist" policies. They mock conservative backlash, likening Republican critiques to sports referees making fouls calls.

• Reactions from Characters:
  Bobby Jindal: Initially praises Biden's speech but soon shifts to ironic and critical remarks, underscoring the partisan divide.

  Barack Obama: Criticizes Biden's speech as overly ambitious and likens it to irresponsible spending, further highlighting Republican opposition.

• Notable Exchange:
  Jon Stewart ([25:43]): "Republican Senator Marsha Blackburn tweeted... 'you know who else liked Universal daycare?'"

  The segment satirizes the Republican tendency to label Democratic proposals as "socialist," regardless of their actual content.

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Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: [30:03] – End

As the episode wraps up, Jon Stewart reflects on the speeches' effectiveness and the stark differences between the leaders' promises and their administrations' actions. The hosts maintain a critical yet humorous tone, emphasizing the importance of discerning political rhetoric from real policy outcomes.

• Final Commentary:
  Jon Stewart concludes by questioning the viability of Biden's proposals and Trump's contradictory actions, leaving listeners with a blend of humor and critical insight into the current political landscape.

• Call to Action:
  Encourages listeners to explore more content from The Daily Show podcast universe and to watch the show on Comedy Central or stream it on Paramount+.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Barack Obama ([02:01]): "We are living through difficult and uncertain times..."
• Donald Trump ([11:38]): "As we mark the conclusion of our celebration of Black History Month..."
• Joe Biden ([22:17]): "Let's raise the minimum wage to $15..."
• Bobby Jindal ([09:55]): "Their legislation is larded with wasteful spending..."
• Jon Stewart ([17:51]): "Trump's cabinet is packed with oil and finance executives..."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition offers a comprehensive and humorous critique of major political speeches, highlighting the divergence between political rhetoric and tangible policy actions. Through sharp wit and insightful commentary, the hosts provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of the current political dynamics, making the complex landscape accessible and entertaining.

Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[Barack Obama]

February 25, 2009.

[Jon Stewart]

From Comedy Central's world News headquarters in New York, this is the Daily show with Jon Stewart.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let's begin with a big story. Last night, President Barack Obama's not State of the Union address. Yes, the president's first speech to a joint session of Congress after being sworn in is not technically a State of the Union address. Which is nice because this is probably one year you do not want to complete the sentence the State of the Union is. But although times are tough, it's still important to make an entrance.

[Bobby Jindal]

The President of the United States.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here he comes. How you doing there, brother? Nice to see you, Chip. Nice tie. Oh, damn.

[Jon Stewart]

What's up, holmes?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, it's you. Oh, I see you.

[Jon Stewart]

Looks like we made it. Left each other on the way.

[Stephen Colbert]

He noticed me, actually. Hillary had given Obama a heads up that she'd be the one wearing the retina searing coat. Although Obama was greeted warmly, the nights speech was no small task. Obama's challenge would be to convey to the American public the sobering realities of our current situation while maintaining an optimistic tone for the future. All while desperately, desperately, desperately trying not to turn around for a quick game of Whack a molecule. Interesting fact about Nancy Pelosi. She is 1/8 gopher on her father's side. So how did Obama do?

[Barack Obama]

We are living through difficult and uncertain times. Our economy is in crisis. We import more oil today than ever before. Credit has stopped flowing. The price of tuition is higher than ever. Half of the students who begin college never finish.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sobering. Reality check. And the hope part.

[Barack Obama]

I pledge to cut the deficit in half by the end of my first term in office. This plan will save or create 3.5 million jobs. By 2020, America will once again have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world. We will double this nation's supply of renewable energy in the next three years. Our recovery plan will. In electronic health records and new technology, the United States of America will emerge stronger than before.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, Hope. There you go. Nice agenda. Solid, Confident. Definitely.

[Barack Obama]

Health care reform cannot wait. It must not wait and it will not wait another year.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, easy there, fella. Let's just keep our feet on the ground here.

[Barack Obama]

Let's just cure for cancer in our time.

[Stephen Colbert]

What are you, a wizard? Slow down. What's next?

[Jon Stewart]

You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.

[Stephen Colbert]

By 2010, we'll have shitter buns that make you skinnier 2012. We'll have a boner pill that gives you a four hour erection that you don't have to notify your doctor about. Now get out of here. Zhu Zhu. What makes you think this in any way, shape or form, Mr. President, could happen?

[Barack Obama]

This is America. We don't do what's easy. We do what's necessary.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you met America? Have you been to ama? We don't do what's easy, we do it. Do you know what e pluribus unum means? Easy and unnecessary. We're the people who invented the Roomba. Because the other automatic machine we invented to clean the floor made you do this. This was too much. This is a popular exercise in our country. We invented this. This is real. It's called baconnaise. It's bacon combined with mayonnaise for people who want heart disease but are too lazy to actually make the bacon. So in your little plan there, if you're wondering whether to go with necessary or easy, I'd go with easy.

[Barack Obama]

95% of working households in America will receive a tax cut. CEOs won't be able to use taxpayer money to pad their paychecks or buy fancy drapes or disappear on a private jet. Those days are over.

[Stephen Colbert]

That is good news for taxpayers and bad news for Armando's house of fancily draped private debts. You'd think Armando would put a shirt on in the private jet business, but apparently not. Now, with Obama's speech still ringing in America's ears, it was time for the Republican response. Luckily, they had just the man for the job.

[Jon Stewart]

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, very popular, up and comer in the Republican Party. He's been sort of the rising star.

[Bobby Jindal]

De facto head of the Republican Party.

[Jon Stewart]

He's being talked about for a possible run at the White House.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right. Big Republican rising star. The GOP's very own Shia Lab Wolf.

[Bobby Jindal]

Good evening and happy Mardi Gras.

[Jon Stewart]

The.

[Stephen Colbert]

Was that. Where, where have I seen that before?

[Jon Stewart]

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood.

[Bobby Jindal]

A beautiful day for a neighbor.

[Jon Stewart]

Would you be mine?

[Stephen Colbert]

That's right. I saw that in my childhood. But of course, this is the Governor of Louisiana. He's not going to talk to us like some besweatered friend of the trolley people.

[Bobby Jindal]

We place our hope in you, the American people. The way to lead is by empowering you, the American people. I visited Sheriff Harry Lee. He was literally yelling into the phone, well, I'm the sheriff, and if you don't like it, you can come and arrest me. Congressman Jindal. Is here and he says, you can come and arrest him too. We believe that Americans can do anything.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can we have candy for dinner? I believe that I can do anything. I want to be an astronaut that kills and eats firemen.

[Bobby Jindal]

As a child, I remember going to the grocery store with my dad growing up in India. He had seen extreme poverty. As we walked through the aisles, looking at the endless variety on the shelves, he would tell me, bobby, Americans can do anything.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, we covered that. Bacon A's. America can do anything. And I mean anything. Like, say, I don't know, the same great taste of bacon and mayonnaise in a baconnaise light. They actually make a baconnaise light half of that. It is unbelievable. You know how I like to have bacon age light and I really. I can't resist it. I like to have. Have it with a pancake wrapped in a sausage on a stick. I choose the. I choose the blueberry pancake on the sajana steak because I'm kind of a health nut. But that's what I like to do. I like to. No, don't make. May I say something to the makers of Bacon A's? I know we've mentioned your product a lot on the show tonight. Don't send us any more of it. I can't even believe. I think my tongue just took a. Jindal's task was not an easy one. You see, with Barack Obama making such a compelling case for an act of federal government, Jindal had to tell America why he thought that that's a lousy idea.

[Bobby Jindal]

Today in Washington, some are promising that government will rescue us from the economic storms raging all around us. Those of us who live through Hurricane Katrina, we have our doubts.

[Stephen Colbert]

So because a Republican administration screwed the pooch, a Democratic administration shouldn't even try? What other lessons did Katrina teach you?

[Bobby Jindal]

Their legislation is larded with wasteful spending and includes $140 million for something called volcano monitoring.

[Stephen Colbert]

So your other lesson from Katrina is, what good could possibly come from monitoring for potential natural disasters? Who cares about lava? That's. It's like a levee over topping. It'll never happen.

[Jon Stewart]

March 1, 2017. From Comedy Central's world news headquarters in New York, this is the Daily show with Trevor Noah. Last night, Donald Trump gave his first speech to Congress as president. And unlike his inauguration, everyone showed up. Bernie was there, and unfortunately, so was Ted Cruz. Uh, Mitch McConnell. Yeah, Mitch McConnell was there. And it doesn't mean. Is it just me, or does Mitch McConnell always look like he's seeing the end of the World, like, look at his. Just his face. Like, that's the kind of face you make the first time you see your par. Anyway, everyone was gathered in the Capitol to hear the President speak. And from the start, you knew it was gonna be a special night. Because not only did Trump seem to enjoy relating to humans, he even wore a non red tie. Laundry day will show you things, huh? And then he went to the podium. He's there. Gentlemen, your menu for the night. I. I recommend the Taco Bowl. Yes. And, guys, I gotta say, the tie don't lie. The speech got off to a good and unexpected start.

[Donald Trump]

As we mark the conclusion of our celebration of Black History Month, we are reminded of our nation's path toward civil rights and the work that still remains to be done. Recent threats.

[Jon Stewart]

Wow. I don't know about you, but I didn't see that coming. I bet most black people didn't see that coming. It felt like the Moonlight Oscar all over again. Like, yo, is. Is this for real? Oh, and, and you know all those recent hate crimes he's been taking heed for about not talking about? Well, he talked about them.

[Donald Trump]

Recent threats targeting Jewish community centers and vandalism of Jewish cemeteries, as well as last week's shooting in Kansas City, remind us that while we may be a nation divided on policies, we are a country that stands united in condemning hate and evil in all of its very ugly forms.

[Jon Stewart]

It all makes sense now. Trump wasn't avoiding condemning those acts. He was just saving it for a special occasion. It's like hate crime lingerie. Because, come on, let's be honest, if he condemned hate crimes all the time, we'd be like, it's just not that hot anymore. Oh, and you know how he's been alienating all of our Muslim allies? That's over, too.

[Donald Trump]

I directed the Department of Defense to develop a plan to demolish and destroy isis. We will work with our allies, including our friends and allies in the Muslim world, to extinguish this vile enemy from our planet.

[Jon Stewart]

Guys, don't tell me that speech wasn't great. Trump said friends and Muslims in the same sentence in the same sense. The only time you'd expect Trump to say Muslims and friends in the same sentence would be like, if he was like, friends, let's get those Muslims. Or it would be, go bum those Muslims. I wanna watch friends. But not with this speech. I mean, just look at how proud his two dads, Mike Pence and Paul Ryan, were standing there in their identical outfits. Who wore it better? Guys, be honest. Who wore it Better. Wow. Wow. I mean, that's. Let's be honest, that's not a flat. Paul Ryan would look better than Mike Pence in anything. Even Mike Pence's hair. He'd probably. That looks good. I'm not gonna front. That looks good. It really does, guys. Last night's speech was pretty good. And you know what? If the speech were president, America wouldn't have so much to worry about. Unfortunately, the speech and the man reading the speech have nothing in common. For example, Trump's promise to help black people, or as he calls them, inner.

[Donald Trump]

Cities, our neglected inner cities will see a rebirth of hope, safety and opportunity.

[Jon Stewart]

Now, you see that, that sounds great. It definitely sounds a lot better for black people than what Trump's Attorney General and part time hobbit, Jeff Sessions is actually doing. Because while Trump's playing nice, nice, Sessions has decided to pull back on all federal investigations into police brutality. In fact, Jeff Sessions gives so few about civil rights, he made this decision without even reading the Justice Department reports on police violence in both Chicago and Ferguson.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's true.

[Jon Stewart]

He said he knows what they're about because he read the summary, which, I'm sorry, people, is bull. It's like someone saying they hate Waffle House because of the smell when they walk past the restaurant. Shame on you. Eat the food, then throw up like the rest of us. You don't prejudge, just don't do it. All of the things President Trump said don't seem to match up with what he's doing. Take the centerpiece of his economic plan, tax reform.

[Donald Trump]

My economic team is developing historic tax reform. We will provide massive tax relief for the middle class.

[Jon Stewart]

Now that sounds amazing, especially if you're a billionaire. Because you see, Trump's actual proposed tax plans won't help the middle class as advertised. Because if you read the fine print, you'll see that the taxes will actually go up for most single parents, households and married couples with three or more children. And on average, middle class households would get a 2% cut or about 1000 bucks. But meanwhile, the super rich would get a 13% tax cut. More like $200,000. That's people like Warren Buffett. You realize through tax plans proposed by Trump, Warren Buffett stands to gain $29 billion. 29 billion. Warren Buffett does not need 29 more billion dollars. He's even giving the money away. He's busy. Like, I don't want it. Take more. Take more. And it's coming back more. This guy's got boomerang cash. Take the Money. Cha, cha, cha. Ah. I was trying to give it away. I was trying to give it away. What are you doing, Trump? How are you gonna give away. Give Warren Buffett more money? Warren Buffett needs more money the way a Hemsworth needs more abs. Like, that is not something he needs. Sorry, where was I? Uh. Oh, yeah, yeah. If last night was the first time you heard from Donald Trump, first of all, welcome to earth, you should probably leave. And, uh, secondly, you would think, judging by his speech, that his administration would be cleaner than a freshly bleached anus.

[Donald Trump]

We have begun to drain the swamp of government corruption by imposing a five year ban on lobbying by executive branch officials.

[Jon Stewart]

Are you being serious? Trump's cabinet is packed with oil and finance executives. Of course they don't need to lobby anymore. Now they run the government. That's a novel way to deal with the issue. It's like you have a raccoon problem and the animal control solves it by saying, all right, it all worked out. We sold your house to the raccoon. Now you rent from the raccoon. There you go. Problem solved. Honestly, at some point, at some point, it felt like Trump was just straight up trolling us.

[Donald Trump]

My administration wants to work with members of both parties to promote clean air and clean water.

[Jon Stewart]

Get the out of here, man. Are you Promote clean air and water. Trump, literally that morning, dismantled a bunch of water protection rules, and that's after he allowed mines to dump coal ash into streams, which. Who in their right mind, like, who. Who in their right mind thinks that's a good idea? Why would you let people dump coal ash into streams? Nothing good can come from drinking coal. Coal ash. Except for maybe now we'll definitely know who fought it. That's the only thing it'd be like. It was you, Justin. You left behind a tooth cloud, my friend. We know it was you. Everything in this speech. Climate, justice, the middle class, corruption. This whole speech was a giant decoy for what Trump's actually doing. You know what it was like? It was like in one of those heist movies, you know, while the fake blue tie, Donald Trump was distracting us with his speech, the real Trump was behind the scenes pulling off the hit job. And instead of noticing it, we're like those dumb security guards watching the security cameras going, does something seem off to you? Hey, wait a minute. No, no, we're all good. He's wearing the blue tie. Last night was slicker than any Ocean's Eleven movie. In fact, we thought about it and we're like, it would make A great movie on its own.

[Trevor Noah]

A presidency they said he'd never win. An address they said he'd never give. And now Donald Trump is about to pull off the greatest heist of all time. With a little help from the real Donald Trump.

[Donald Trump]

We know that America is better off.

[Jon Stewart]

Hey, everything good?

[Barack Obama]

Yeah.

[Jon Stewart]

He's looking presidential.

[Trevor Noah]

And he's coming for all of it. America's water.

[Donald Trump]

My administration wants to promote clean air and clean water.

[Trevor Noah]

America's money, historic tax reform.

[Donald Trump]

It will be a big, big cut.

[Trevor Noah]

And America's civility.

[Donald Trump]

The time for trivial fights is behind us.

[Trevor Noah]

When there's a job to be done, well done. There's only wonders that you can rely on. Inside Tan in theaters for the next four years if you're lucky.

[Jon Stewart]

We'll be right back. Today marks the end of President Joe Biden's first 100 days in office, which is the period where every president tries to get their big things done. You know, FDR introduced the New Deal, Ronald Reagan rolled back the welfare state, and Bill Clinton installed that stripper pole in the Situation Room. And to celebrate the occasion, last night, Joe Biden delivered his first address to Congress. Yes, for hundreds of years, Joe Biden has sat and watched other presidents give speeches to Congress, but now it was his turn. And of course, thanks to Covid, things looked a little different than usual last night. Instead of a full chamber, they just had a few people scattered around, and it looked like the lights just came on in a porno theater. But still, the big names showed up. Chuck Schumer was there, ready to trip any insurrectionist that broke in. The second dude was in attendance, signaling a runner to steal second base, I think. And in a historic moment, Kamala Harris and Nancy Pelosi became the first all female duo ever to get front row seats to a President's ball spot. But of course, the star of the night was President Joseph Roku Biden, who used the night to present America with a very ambitious agenda.

[Joe Biden]

America's moving, moving forward, but we can't stop now. Let's raise the minimum wage to $15. Let's lower deductibles for working families on the Affordable Care and Affordable Care Act. And let's lower prescription drug costs. Four additional years of public education for every person in America. Access to quality, affordable child care. Rebuild trust between law enforcement and the people they serve. The country supports immigration reform. We should act replacing 100% of the nation's lead pipes and service lines. We need a ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines. With the plans outlined tonight, we have a real chance to root out systemic racism that plagues America. Let's end cancer as we know it. It's within our power. It's within our power to do it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Jon Stewart]

Ending racism and cancer. Biden is dreaming big. I mean, I half expected him to go. You know what it. We're going to Mars right now. Get in. Get in the rocket, everyone. There's a rocket outside. Everyone. We're going to Mars right now. And by the way, for someone who people think of as a moderate, this agenda was hella progressive. Free college, free childcare. I mean, you'd think that Bernie was just off screen, you know, with these fists, like, don't you dare forget about student debt, Joe Biden, or I'm gonna shove 99% of this fist up your ass. But I guess this is the energy that people always bring to a new job. You know, Joe Biden's got that new job enthusiasm which always fades over time, you know? And right now he's like, I'm changing everything, eh? In like a year or so from now, his top priority, Top priority is gonna be angling his computer monitor so no one can see he's watching Outlander. Now, of course, Biden will only be able to get any of this done if he can win over the country. But if the only people he needs to persuade are liberals on CNN and msnbc, well, then, my friends, he's got this thing in the bag.

[Bobby Jindal]

Every single sentence had a very clear point to it, and every line of.

[Jon Stewart]

It had that Biden humility in it.

[Bobby Jindal]

It was bracing to hear a speech delivered at times by a whisper. His use of voice modulation was rather extraordinary.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was amazing to be able to have a conversational tone, almost as if he were channeling a FDR fireside chat.

[Jon Stewart]

It was really beautiful. I mean, it was beautiful. It is so personal and so intimate.

[Bobby Jindal]

And his voice, that kind of grandfatherly whisper.

[Jon Stewart]

Wow, okay. I like how the news went from we gotta hold those in power accountable to. Aw, he's just like my grandpa. I love him so much. Also, grandfathers are not really known for whispering that they're gonna end systemic racism. In fact, usually grandfathers are whispering. I think the bus driver is a Puerto Rican. Unfortunately for Joe Biden, the entire country is not made up of liberal pundits. There are also conservatives, and they were just a little less excited.

[Barack Obama]

It was an odd speech, other than someone who believes deeply that a socialist vision of America, a big government vision of America, is what the American people want.

[Jon Stewart]

Joe Biden scared the hell out of me tonight. He looked weak as commander in chief and he embraced socialism.

[Barack Obama]

The words of this speech sounded like what you would hear from a 15 year old if you gave him a credit card with no credit limit on it. Except the words came out of the mouth of an adult who should know better.

[Jon Stewart]

Republican Senator Marsha Blackburn tweeted, you know who else liked Universal daycare? With a link to a 1974 newspaper article about daycare in the Soviet Union. Okay, people, even if Stalin gave people free daycare, that is not what made him Stalin. All right? No one who ever suffered through his regime was like the Thurman and the Gulags. They were bad enough, but he also gave out toys to kids. That was the worst. And at this point, we always know that no matter what Democrats suggest, Republicans are gonna say a socialist. This has become a game now. Everything they do is socialist. Average socialist, socialist, socialist, socialist. But ironically, it's never socialism. When Republicans want to give money to big oil companies or help farmers in the Midwest. No, that's not socialism. These politicians are like sports fans now. You know, it's always a foul when it's the other team. That's a foul. Come on, ref. That's a foul. He did the look. Did you see how he looked at him? That's a foul. Come on, ref, do something. Uh, dude, your guy just shot the opponent. Hey, you know what, buddy? It's a contact sport. Man up. So, look, it's not surprising that conservatives are unhappy with Biden's progressive proposals. But. But that wasn't their only complaint. No, Biden's speech didn't just make them angry. It also made them tired. Boy, that was a dull, lifeless, boring speech.

[Bobby Jindal]

It's like he's a corpse. I mean, you can't. It's unwatchable. It was so boring.

[Jon Stewart]

I just wanted to eat a Werther's original watch in this thing and go to sleep.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was one of the most dull speeches that I've ever seen.

[Bobby Jindal]

Republican leader in the House. That would be Mr. McCarthy of California. This whole thing could have just been an email.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then, of course, we get shots.

[Donald Trump]

Of Ted Cruz sleeping in the audience.

[Jon Stewart]

You see that? Ted Cruz was so bored at that speech that he fell asleep. And I know what you're thinking right now. You think I'm gonna say something like, oh, that's weird. I thought lizards slept with their eyes open. But I'm not gonna say that, because, honestly, that was the most relatable thing that Ted Cruz has ever done. Cause that speech was Boring. And when you consider that almost none of Biden's goals are actually gonna get past Congress. I mean, we basically just listened to an old man talk for an hour about his dreams. But also, a policy speech is just a set of directions for where the President wants to take the country. And in a way, directions are supposed to be boring. I mean, you don't want Google Maps. Like, you know what would be crazy is if you drove into that lake. Do it, bitch. Do it now.

[Stephen Colbert]

Just do it.

[Jon Stewart]

Just drive me to the lake, dude. In fact, if it were up to me, these wouldn't even be speeches. You just print it out. Let the people read it. I mean, when did we decide that you can only judge a policy proposal based on how entertaining the performance of it is? Although I'll bet that even if it was printed, the haters would just bitch about the font. Ugh, really? Times New Roman. And he didn't even use one emoji. Worst address ever. But until then, we can't have people falling asleep in the middle of Biden's speeches. And it's safe to say that Biden's not gonna get any more energy anytime soon. So maybe, just maybe, all he needs is someone to hype him up.

[Joe Biden]

Independent experts estimate the American jobs plan will add millions of jobs and trillions of dollars to economic growth in the years to come.

[Jon Stewart]

Oh, yeah, Give it up for that economic growth, people. You're not with gdp. Yeah, you know me. Hit him with another one, Joe.

[Joe Biden]

This is the largest jobs plan since World War II. Creates jobs to upgrade our transportation infrastructure.

[Jon Stewart]

That's right. It's infrastructure time, people. The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. Which means we got to build another roof with sustainable materials and maybe use some solar panels, y'all. That's what we doing, right, Joe?

[Joe Biden]

America will stand up to unfair trade practices and undercut American workers and American industries like subsidies from state to state owned operations and enterprises and the theft of American technology, intellectual property.

[Jon Stewart]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whatever. He say what? Yo, man, I'm sorry, Joe, man. I'm trying, man, but this is, you know, the energy, and I don't have my menthols right now. You got to lose. This is. I'm sorry, man. I tried, Joe. I tried. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount podcasts.