TDS Time Machine | Produce Pete with Steve Carell

Summary

The Daily Show: Ears Edition — TDS Time Machine: “Produce Pete” with Steve Carell (May 29, 2026)

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Brief Overview

In this nostalgic “TDS Time Machine” episode, The Daily Show spotlights one of its cult classic segments: Produce Pete with Steve Carell. Using a blend of deadpan humor, bizarre culinary wisdom, and satirical personal anecdotes, Steve Carell’s “Produce Pete” lampoons television cooking shows, fusing earnest produce advice with Carell’s unique comedic style. This episode compiles some of Pete’s most memorable segments—each themed to holidays, seasons, or special produce—tying together jokes about food, family, life’s downsides, and the oddities of television branding.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Making the Most of Produce (03:40, 07:37, 11:58, 19:36)

• Avocado Planting Tip
  Pete offers instructions for sprouting an avocado pit at home:
  “All you do is insert three toothpicks like so and balance it in a hyacinth vase with the root end submerged… it’ll sprout in four to six weeks.” (01:49)
  Pete blames his dying plant on his cat, Mr. Boots: “God forbid I should have any nice plants, right?”

• Home Gardening & Herbal Remedies
  Pete encourages viewers to grow valerian root, echinacea, and St. John’s wort as homegrown alternative medicines:
  “Alternative medicine is all the rage, especially for those among us who do not have health insurance.” (11:58)

• Canning and Kimchi Instructions
  On canning: “It’s so, so easy. A monkey could do it. A hired monkey who dreamed of one day being an architect…” (22:38)
  Pete also demonstrates how to make Korean kimchi: “Traditionally, you are to bury the concoction for up to two weeks underground. I tried this, but I guess they’re burying power lines now…” (22:38)

2. Holiday-Themed Recipes and Satire (03:40, 05:09, 11:58, 27:54)

• Thanksgiving Succotash
  Urges strict avoidance of yellow rutabaga: “You use a yellow rutabaga and you will ruin the succotash. You will ruin Thanksgiving. I ruined a few. I’m not a... I’m not a joke.” (03:40)

• Vegan Nut and Seed Loaf
  Pete struggles to make sense of vegan cuisine: “You know what, let’s just flash those ingredients up on the screen… why don’t we just flash the preparation instructions for you as well.” (05:09)
  On vegan flavor: “The secret ingredient to vegan cooking is love. It's gotta be love. 'Cause it sure as hell isn't flavor. Happy holidays.”

• Hanukkah Latkes
  Parody-laden instructions for making latkes, with self-aware product plugs and jokes about his career:
  “If you still have the Super Chopper one, the recall is still in effect.” (11:58)

• Halloween Caramel Apples
  Deadpan on Halloween traditions:
  “Nothing says Halloween like caramel apples. Well, I guess pumpkins, maybe. Actually, yeah, pumpkins are more iconic…” (27:54)
  On trick-or-treating: “I would edutain the kids about the real evils of drugs and premarital relations and Satan in general. Well, it was really only that one year they came.”

3. Produce Lore, History, and Science (07:37, 16:56, 19:36, 30:19)

• Pineapples & Scurvy Stories
  Pete delivers a quixotic history of pineapples and recounts his own bout with scurvy:
  “I once contracted scurvy years ago, and it’s not fun. My gums bled, my teeth fell out… I wasn’t a sailor, of course, but I guess you could say I was…adrift out to sea, living in a men’s residence in Chicago.” (07:37)

• Watercress & Childhood Trauma
  Discusses watercress’s medicinal value, then segues into personal memories:
  “Sometimes when I was alone, I…would set up all my stuffed animals and have a little tea party myself. Until my father walked in one day and enrolled me in military school. Of course, that is torture for a gourmet…I was thrown in the brig when the major caught me with saffron.” (07:37)

• Thomas Jefferson’s Okra Soup
  Blending U.S. history and irreverent social commentary:
  “…our third president and avid horticulturist Thomas Jefferson…He does it with his help and ends up on the nickel. I get caught giving a massage, just a massage, to a former intern, Jessica, and I have to go to all these seminars or I lose my job.” (16:56)

• Saffron — The Most Expensive Spice
  “Saffron filaments—the dried stigmas of the saffron flower—are hand picked, and more than 75,000 are needed to produce just one pound.” (30:19)
  Pete jokes about past substance issues: “This stuff’s actually more precious than cocaine, though there was a time in my life when if you said that to me, I would have told you you were crazy and yelled at you for quite some time.”
  On trying to impress dates: “Now I use paella to get girls. Cocaine was a lot less work, I’ll tell you that much. But then my nose collapsed. Pioneer.”

4. Food, Family, and Existential Woes (19:36, 22:38, 32:35)

• Winter Blues and Mulled Cider
  Pete discusses dealing with seasonal depression and uses mulled cider as a metaphor for coping:
  “Mulled cider means the winter blues are gonna go bye bye. Unless, of course, your winter blues are seasonal affective disorder, in which case you’ll have to combine your cider with a couple hours in front of a UV lamp. And even then, some family members still won’t understand that depression is a real mental illness, a medical illness as well. And you’re not out to ruin the holidays for everyone.” (19:36)

• Audience Questions, Legal Trouble, and Redemption
  Pete returns after a 14.5-month “absence,” alluding in comedic fashion to a Martha Stewart-style scandal involving a “pyramid” salad bowl scheme:
  “…the state of New York kindly invited me to [mandatory camp]… I did my time… You probably heard about another domestic diva who also ran afoul of the law… Me? I wore a poncho when I entered. I made that myself.” (32:35)
  He signs off, “I may have gone bad, but my produce hasn’t. Wait, that’s my tagline. That’s supposed to be on camera.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Avocado Pits
  “If you want to see what a healthy avocado plant looks like, go to my website… and ignore the link for Mr. Boots’ Thought of the Day. That’s gonna be taken down real soon.” (02:22)

• On Thanksgiving
  “You use a yellow rutabaga and you will ruin the succotash. You will ruin Thanksgiving. I ruined a few. I’m not a… I’m not a joke.” (04:16)

• On Vegan Cooking
  “The secret ingredient to vegan cooking is love. It’s gotta be love. Cause it sure as hell isn’t flavor. Happy holidays.” (06:43)

• On Watercress & Military School
  “My nanny would take me to a stream…we would pick fresh wild watercress for mother’s tea parties… Until my father walked in one day and enrolled me in military school…” (09:32)

• On Product Tie-Ins
  “Media guys use all these fancy phrases like synergy and profile and leveraging my brand identity. But I…You don’t get how I end up on the hook for a warehouse full of plastic crap. Man, I should have had a lawyer look at those contracts.” (13:26)

• On Mulled Cider and Depression
  “And even then, some family members still won’t understand that depression is a real mental illness, a medical illness as well. And you’re not out to ruin the holidays for everyone. Anyway… Yep.” (19:55)

• On Canning
  “Just get off my back and let me can, okay?” (23:26)

• On Reentering Society
  “But, you know, it’s all behind me, and I’m ready to just rebuild my domestic empire. So look out, world. I may have gone bad, but my produce hasn’t.” (34:22)

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Useful Timestamps for Segment Highlights

• 01:49 – Avocado as houseplant; introducing Mr. Boots
• 03:40 – Thanksgiving succotash advice
• 05:09 – Holiday vegan nut and seed loaf
• 07:37 – Pineapple history, scurvy tale, watercress sandwiches
• 11:58 – Herbal holistic garden; Hanukkah latkes; product tie-ins
• 16:56 – Thomas Jefferson’s okra soup & Founding Father humor
• 19:36 – Mulled cider & coping with winter sadness
• 22:38 – Canning peaches and making kimchi
• 27:54 – Halloween with caramel apples and dark childhood stories
• 30:19 – Saffron, its expense, and paella for romance
• 32:35 – Return from “camp,” tackling cabbage, “pyramid” salad bowls, legal woes

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Conclusion

This “Produce Pete” retrospective is a masterclass in subversive comedy and satirical advice. Steve Carell, as Pete, blurs the line between useful life lessons and personal absurdity—offering kitchen tips, sharp cultural commentary, and an ongoing fictional saga of career mishaps, awkward social interactions, and produce-based redemption. As a time capsule and a creative satire of food television, Produce Pete remains a standout blend of heartfelt parody and genuine comic inventiveness.

Transcript

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[John (Show Host)]

Let's take a quick trip to our local green grocer Produce Pete. Steve Carell with the latest fruit and vegetable news.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thanks, John. Last week I showed you how to turn fresh avocados into rockamole. The in your face corn chip compliment. Unfortunately, when you're out of avocado, it's the pits. The avocado pits. The large pit about the size of a healthy adult testicle, will grow into a great houseplant. I always need plants around my house because my cat, Mr. Boots is very territorial. All you do is insert three toothpicks like so and balance it in a hyacinth vase with the root end submerged. Now you keep it out of direct sunlight and it'll sprout in about four to six weeks. I put one aside about two months ago, so let's take a look. That doesn't appear much different then. Actually kind of looks like it's dying. Oh, damn it, Mr. Boots. Jesus Christ. God forbid I should have any nice plants, right? Well, if you want to see what a healthy avocado plant looks like, go to my website, www.pducep-escarel.tv and there's a picture of one, along with the usual assortments of recipes and tips and ignore the link for Mr. Boots. Thought of the day. That's going to be taken down real soon. That's all for now. Until next time. Remember, leafy greens preempt cancerous growths.

[John (Show Host)]

Let's check in with Produce Pete, Steve Carell with a very special Thanksgiving edition.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thanks, John. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and this pilgrim is feeling pretty proud of his succotash now. Sounds funny, but it tastes all right. It's a traditional soup made of corned beef, fowl and salt pork. Yummy, yum. Add some turnip, potato and boiled beans. Now, make sure your turnip is a green topped turnip. You can use a purple top in a pinch, but under no circumstances should you ever use a yellow rutabaga. I don't recommend it there, pilgrim. I know some of you think I'm some kind of joke, but you know, you use a yellow rutabaga and you will ruin the succotash. You will ruin Thanksgiving. I ruined a few. I'm not a. I'm not a joke.

[John (Show Host)]

Many people are searching, in fact, for that perfect holiday recipe. Well, our own Produce Pete is here to help.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Greetings, food eaters. Sometimes I'm faced with a challenge of what to serve my vegan friends when entertaining for the holidays. Now, vegans don't eat meat or any animal products, and it can be a ho ho pain in the ass. Now, my vegan friend Brianna and her life partner Jordan have served me lots of strange vegetables up at their commune, like fiddleheads, New Zealand spinach and chard. Mmm, chard. So this year I'm going exotic with Steve's nut and seed loaf. It's actually very easy. All you need is 8 ounces bulgur wheat, 2 cups boiling water, 3 tablespoons shoyu, 6 ounces pistachio nuts, shelled. That might take you a little bit of time. 6 ounces pine kernels, 8 ounces blanched almonds. I believe that means you soak it in something. Six ounces of cashew nuts, hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds. You have got to be kidding. You know what? Why don't we just flash those ingredients up on the screen? Got that? Good. Now, hopefully you're taping this and you'll just freeze that screen. You know what, let's just flash the preparation instructions for you as well. It's just that easy. My nut and seed loaf is a tasty treat for your vegan friends, and it serves one to two people. Now remember, the important thing is you gotta be flexible. If you don't have two rounded tablespoons of buckwheat flour. Throw in a couple of eggs. You're never gonna know. And while you're at it, throw in some bacon bits. Everybody loves bacon. Have fun. And remember, the secret ingredient to vegan cooking is love. It's gotta be love. Cause it sure as hell isn't flavor. Happy holidays.

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thanks, John. Aloha friends. O he o kula AI ka Produce Pete Steve Carell Hau oli o KE aia wahalahaka hiki which is Hawaiian for Today I produce Pete Steve Carell can or will have discussed pineapple. This beloved fruit is a favorite July 4th picnic refresher. That's wonderful. Served whole or sliced and cooked on the grill with ham steaks. Who doesn't love ham in the summer? I prefer the Hawaiian variety, which are available all year round. They're our 50th state's biggest cash crop. After reefer pineapples began to spread around the world from the tropics in the 1700s, when explorers brought them along on voyages to prevent scurvy. Incidentally, I once contracted scurvy years ago, and it's not fun. My gums bled, my teeth fell out, and I was covered in these awful purple deep tissue bruises. I wasn't a sailor, of course, but I guess you could say I was, I don't know, adrift out to sea, living in a men's residence in Chicago. Young man overboard. Really wasn't, really wasn't taking the best care of myself back then. Shiver me timbers. Anyhow, look for a pineapple that's firm, never spongy, and with no bruises or soft spots like the kind I had when I ate scurvy. Remember Amina pukana apua maka hockey, which means me likey shaky heiny for old men. You know, I don't know who's messing with the cars, but I don't think that's funny. Cause it was a matter of survival. Okay? Like you guys never had sex from cash or drugs. Hypocrites. Are we still on? Thanks, John. Today we are going to talk about the delicious and nutritious watercress. An underappreciated green. The romantic poet Lord Byron once wrote that watercress doth restore the bloom to the cheeks of a young maiden. Other people think it tastes like bad lettuce, but the truth is, watercress is many things. It's a medicinal plant that can be used as a diuretic, expectorant and purgative, and as a remedy against bowel tumor. Tumors of the bowel. Bowel. Where was I going with that? Oh, yes, my recipe for watercress sandwiches. Mix about 30 sprigs of watercress in a food processor with half a stick of butter, some lemon juice, black pepper, and mix until smooth. Spread your watercress butter over 30 slices of thin white bread. Cut cut off the crusts, and serve the mini sandwiches on a tray decorated with the extra watercress sprigs. Your friends will be begging for more because they're not particularly filling. I tell ya, I have always loved watercress. As a child, my nanny would take me to a stream behind our house, and we would pick fresh, wild watercress for mother's tea parties. And sometimes when I was alone, I. I would set up all my stuffed animals and have a little tea party myself. Until my father walked in one day and enrolled me in military school. Of course, that is torture for a gourmet. I was thrown in the brig when the major caught me with saffron. Thanks, dad. So, enjoy your watercress sandwiches, folks. To some people, they mean freedom.

[John (Show Host)]

Thank you, Steve. We'll be right back. There's so much happening in the world of fresh produce, it's hard to keep track. Lucky for us, we have on our staff the Walter Cronkite of fruits and vegetables. Produce Pete. Steve Carell.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thank you, John. Hi, I'm Produce Pete Steve. And the doctor is in the garden. Did you know that with a little water, soil, sunlight and tlc, you can grow your own holistic healing garden? Alternative medicine is all the rage, especially for those among us who do not have health insurance. Herbal remedies are easy to grow at home. The good ones to start with are valerian root, a sleep aid, echinacea for strengthening the immune system, and of course, St. John's wort for depression. Crippling depression. A great way to enjoy your herbs is as a tea or infusion. After you've picked them, dry the leaves, grind them up, and make them into tea. Right now, I brewed a lovely pot of Agnes Castus tea. Mmm. That is delicious. Of course, as we all know, agnus castus is a widely used herb which helps keep balance throughout a woman's monthly cycle. And Keeps many aspects of the female reproductive system in harmony with the yoni. The yoni, as we know, is the woman's sacred circle or the genital focus of the divine feminine energy. Now remember, if you reward your yoni with health, your yoni will reward you with pleasure. Just something to keep in mind. I've learned a great deal from my visits to a social group. I'm in the Moon Sister Women's Fair where we gather in a song circle to dance and pass the talking stick and honor women's wisdom. I've sat through 10 meetings so far and so far no one's honored me with a phone number. I'll keep bringing the tea. I don't feel anything. Thanks, John. Hey folks. Christmas is right around the corner. And you know what that means. Somewhere in this general time frame is. And a great miracle is happening here with my recipe for traditional Hanukkah latkes. Latkes. Lat. Latke. Whatever. Get yourself 2 pounds of baking potatoes and the ingredients below. Grate the potatoes and onions. You will probably want to use the produce Pete Steve Carell Super Chopper too. It is of course available on my website. By the way, if you still have the Super Chopper one, the recall is still in effect. Now mix in the scallions and eggs, flatten into pancakes and fry em up. We are going to put ours here on our produce Pete Steve Carell no stick Food warmer. I've got grease on my face. You can taste the spirit of Hanukkah in the potato pancake. But that's only a small part of the holiday. For the complete experience, check out my direct market video cassette. Lakaya Protospeed Steve Carell celebrates Hanukkah. Let's have a look. Damn it. You're cheating. I know you are, you little jerk. Oh, we had fun that day. By the way, the video is also for sale on my website www.producepeteatstevecorellonline merc.se that's in Sweden. Someone decided to squat my dot com. And I understand there are many units left. You know, why did I do all these product tie ins? Media guys use all these fancy phrases like synergy and profile and leveraging my brand identity. But I. You don't get how I end up on the hook for a warehouse full of plastic crap. Man, I should have had a lawyer look at those contracts. I am so screwed. These things. These things aren't selling. This is all crap. Happy Hanukkah everybody.

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

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[John (Show Host)]

Fruits and vegetables. To most of us, they're a little more than foodstuffs, but to one man, they're a way of life. I speak, of course, of our own produce Pete Steve Carell.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thank you, John. Well, it is the dead of winter. Sunlight is at a minimum, and it is cold outside. Bitter cold. It is the perfect time to drink up some hot mulled cider now, mulled means heated, and spiced cider means apple juice with sediment. And mulled cider means the winter blues are gonna go bye bye. Unless, of course, your winter blues are seasonal affective disorder, in which case you'll have to combine your cider with a couple hours in front of a UV lamp. And even then, some family members still won't understand that depression is a real mental illness, a medical illness as well. And you're not out to ruin the holidays for everyone. Anyway. Yep, that's there. Anyway, to make your cider house rule, take two quartz cider, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/7 salt, and tie the spices you see listed below in a cheesecloth. Like, not actually tied like this. Someone is having fun with me. And put it right in here. Add your spices to the cider with the sugar and salt and slowly bring to a boil. Cover and simmer 20 minutes. And remember, a watch pot never boils. So don't stare vacantly into the pot thinking about missed opportunities and dash dreams. Remove the spice bag and serve hot with orange, sliced floaters and cinnamon stick. Mmm, it's good. Now, I can't stress this enough. You have to remove the spice bag because if you bite into it, your eyes are gonna water, which of course will open up the door to certain family members accusing you of being a drama queen. Jeremy, you dick. And if it's been that kind of week, you might wanna add a splash of. Little brandy. Whatever you got around. Okay, These weren't props.

[John (Show Host)]

Thank you, Steve. We'll be right back. We get a lot of questions about fruits and vegetables. Luckily, we at the Daily show are lucky to have our own produce. Pete, Steve Carell.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thanks, John. In the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. eliot wrote, Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear flannel trousers and walk upon the beach. While clearly, Elliot is a little. I do know something about eating a peach. Unfortunately, come September, they're out of season. Fortunately, I've got a great way to enjoy them all year long. Canning. Now, a lot of people spend their summers vacationing with family, but I spend mine in the basement putting things in jars. In this case, vegetables and fruit. Now, you could just go to the store and buy these relatively inexpensively, I might add. But why bother when you can do it yourself? It's easy and safe, as you can see in the USDA's Complete Guide to Home Canning, it's 45 pages of tips from the government on how not to blind yourself with botulinum toxin. Hey, just get off my back and let me can. Okay. Okay. All you need are an assortment of boiled jars and lids. Then you need to follow the three Ps of preservation. Peel and boil, pack and preserve with a tight, sterile seal. It's so, so easy. A monkey could do it. A hired monkey who dreamed of one day being an architect. So remember, if you want to enjoy delicious fruits and vegetables all winter long, you most certainly can. Or jar. That's my cell phone. Who put my cell phone in here? Thanks, John. Now, you might think that these look like my breasts, but actually they're cabbages. I can see it in the monitor. Now, these babies are available all year round. And when cooked for just a couple of minutes, they have a mild, sweet flavor. But if you eat them raw, it's a spicy, crunchy treat. Now, one of the most exotic ones to prepare cabbage is the Korean dish called kimchi. My friend Kim Duk, it's a. He told me about this recipe. Then, as usual, started talking about Jesus. But I steered him back to his family recipe for kimchi. Let's take a look. Chop up some cabbage, cucumbers, and some other veggies of your choice in a large mason jar. Add a mixture of two parts water, one part vinegar, some pepper, couple cloves of garlic. Now, traditionally, you are to bury the concoction for up to two weeks underground. I tried this, but I guess they're burying power lines now. Is that the. Because I got a bit of a shock. Not as big shock as the hospital nearby that lost power, but a shock nonetheless. I did finally get it buried in the front yard. And here it is. There it is. It's been there for about a month. Let's shall we. Let's try it. Okay. Let's shall. Here we go. And. God. Son of a bitch. Oh, God. Jesus. It's like putting a little bit of Korea in your kitchen. Let's just get that lid back on there. Okay. Well, that is kimchi. It's a delicious treat for outdoor meals or well ventilated dining rooms. Is my nose bleeding? God.

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

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[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

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[John (Show Host)]

A certain holiday is coming on Friday. Here with his uniquely fruit and vegetable based slant. On that occasion we turn to our old standby, produce Pete. Steve Carell.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Good evening. I am Produce Dracula and I am here to serve the carcassno and up with that. Yep, it's Halloween and nothing says Halloween like caramel apples. Well, I guess pumpkins maybe. Actually, yeah, pumpkins are actually more iconic, but we're talking about caramel apples. This recipe is so easy. In no time you will find yourself making it halfway through one of these before feeling kind of queasy. All you need are six medium sized apple, six wooden popsicle sticks. You can get those at your local, local hobby shop. In the stick and dowel aisle, half a pound of light colored caramels. You melt them, you dip in the apples. You know what, you pretty much have to be an idiot not know how to make these. You know, back when I owned a home, I used to love to decorate it up for Halloween and invite the neighbor kids over and take them down into my basement with parental consent for the most part. I would turn off the lights and I'd have a big bowl of grapes and that would be Frankenstein's eyes. And then for the next hour and a half, I would edutain the kids about the real evils of drugs and premarital relations and Satan in general. Well, it was really only for that one year that they came. Actually, they did come back the next year to throw dog feces at my house. And I believe they did that again the next year. And there was a third year in there as well. Now on Halloween, I sit in my apartment with the lights out and I eat a caramel apple. Happy halloween.

[John (Show Host)]

I don't have to tell you the world of fruits and vegetables is dizzying and complex. Fortunately, we have someone who can make sense of it all. Our own produce Pete Steve Carell.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Thank you. Thank you, John. Greece, the country, not the cooking byproduct, is not just the birthplace of democracy, it's also the birthplace of saffron. One of the most Colorful and mysterious things in your spice cabinet. Saffron filaments, the dried stigmas of the saffron flower are hand picked, and more than 75,000 are needed to produce just one pound of saffron, making it the world's most precious and expensive spice. We managed to get a hold of some chuck. Can we get a look at this? Might need to get a little tighter. Could you. Do we have a macro or zoom something? There we go. Now, that is just one filament. It is a beautiful spice that turns anything. You cook it with a glorious hue, it'll turn your food yellow. This stuff's actually more precious than cocaine, though. There was a time in my life when if you said that to me, I would have told you you were crazy and yelled at you for quite some time. That's all a glittery haze now. So let's check out this recipe for saffron Potato onion soup. All you need is get one half teaspoon saffron threads, mix them with the ingredients you see on your screen, and simmer on low heat for 30 minutes. I have made some right here. Now you might notice. Doesn't that look good? This soup isn't really saffron colored because I'm saving my saffron filament for a paella I'm making this weekend for a friend. A lady friend. It's a first date, and Lord knows I'm not gonna score with a white paella. Yep, now I use paella to get girls. Cocaine was a lot less work, I'll tell you that much. But then my nose collapsed. Pioneer.

[John (Show Host)]

As you know, the Daily Show's long been committed to the finest fruit and vegetable related journalism. But we continue that commitment now by checking in with our green grocer at long last, Produce Pete, Steve Carel.

[Produce Pete (Steve Carell)]

Hello, everybody. Produce Pete is back. I have been not on the air for quite some time. 14 and a half months to be exact. Reduced from the original 24. And I have a mountain of letters and a postcard. Concerned fans, I imagine wondering how old Pete is and where he is, what he's been up to. Let's see, that is a bill. Put that back on Mount Steve. Let's. Oh, okay. Here's one from Ms. Martha Miller. Dear Produce Pete, Steve Carell, what's the best way to cook cabbage? Hmm. Nary a mention of my prolonged absence from the fruit and vegetable scene. Okay, well, then let's get right back into it, Martha. The best way to cook cabbage is to not overcook it. Cabbage contains isothiocyanates that break down into sulfur compounds during cooking. So just boil until tender, not soft. Because, believe me, those fumes will seep out of your apartment and your neighbors will complain even though you've kept your mouth shut about their baby carriage in the hall. But I guess you can complain about everything if the government pays your rent. But okay, our dish today is Hungarian cabbage noodles, and it will make you Hungary for cabbage. Chisek it out. That didn't work. Okay, it's essentially cabbage, egg noodles and a stick of butter. You can get the whole recipe on my website, www.producepeatstevecorell.com Hungarian cabbage m-noodles.org Anyway, the great thing about cabbage is that it won't overwhelm you with flavor. There's always leftovers. Yummy. You know, I ate a lot of cabbage over the last 14 and a half months at the mandatory camp the state of New York kindly invited me to. As I'm sure you heard, I was there for encouraging viewers to invest in my produce piece, Steve Carell Salad Boil Products, which apparently my business manager set up with an unorthodox financial structure shaped like a pyramid. You know, I did my time. You probably heard about another domestic diva who also ran afoul of the law. She's out now, too, and it's all, ooh, look, she's wearing a poncho. Hey, grab a camera. Me? I wore a poncho when I entered. I made that myself. If an inmate with lightning bolts tattooed on his forehead tells you he likes your poncho, don't invite him to touch it, because it won't stop there. But, you know, it's all behind me, and I'm ready to just rebuild my domestic empire. So look out, world. I may have gone bad, but my produce hasn't. Wait, that's my tagline. That's supposed to be on camera. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.