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Kayak gets my flight, hotel, and rental car right so I can tune out travel advice. That's just plain wrong, bro. Sky coin. Way better than points. Never fly during a Scorpio full moon. Just tell the manager you'll sue. Instant room upgrade. Stop taking bad travel advice. Start comparing hundreds of sites with Kayak and get your trip right. Bad advice. You talking to me? Kayak. Got that right. Morning decisions. How about a creamy mocha Frappuccino drink? Or sweet vanilla smooth caramel maybe? Or a white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. You're listening to Comedy Central. For the past 48 hours, America has been forced to ask itself some very difficult questions about the way we forced other people to answer some difficult questions. For a country that prides itself on its moral identity, it has been a time of great introspection. One that I am happy to announce ends now. Mother. Cause you know why the royal family was in town. And I finally understand why England clings to this antiquated relic of a more primitive time. Because they are pretty, they are shiny, and they are more fun to look at than the shame that lives inside of us all. Join me, won't you, as we embark on a wondrous journey we call Will and Kate's Forced rectal feeding Free American Adventure. Just look at the excitement they've brought to our city. The Empire State Building was aglow in Union Jack colors. The Empire State Building is it changed their colors for them. Yes. What is it about these two? They lit up the Empire State Building for the royal couple. They only do that for the specialist of occasions like Canada Day and Alicia Keys record release and the grand opening of the grill inside the building. What is it about those? I assume the royal couple spent their time in New York like any other tourist, hit up the M and M store and spend the rest of the trip watching reruns of Friends in your hotel room because a homeless guy called you a white devil? Or. Or did they kick things off another way? Prince William meeting with President Obama in the Oval Office? Kate, as you can see, stayed in New York, where she visited a childhood development center in Harlem, did some arts and crafts, apparently wrapped some Christma. Yes, because what trip to America is complete without a reinforcement of our traditional gender roles? Come on, man. When you're already presiding over an institution that seems several centuries out of touch? Maybe you let the women talk politics and the guys can do arts and crafts with the children. Could that be something? But still, seeing a real live princess must have been thrilling for those lucky kids. They saw her and they shouted, princess. And they were so excited. And then one of the administrators said, actually think you're the princess from Frozen. That's adorable. And ridiculous. I mean, if she were Elsa, she'd be followed around by some pale, hairless living snow. Let it go. Now, I know what you're thinking. Are we gonna get to see the duchess wrap some presents? Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. No, I'm just kidding. Of course we're gonna see that. The duchess wrapped presents. Reluctantly, Kate showed off her gift wrapping skills while getting a little taste of New York's famous charm King wrapping. What? That is the Duchess of Cambridge throwing shade at her supervisor. That's one of these. Sure, I'll keep. We gotta gif that or jif that or whatever you kids call it on there. Or you know what? Forget about that. Meme it. Let's meme it. Yeah, there you go. When another girl texts my BAE on date night, I'm like, whatever. Whatever this expression is she's making in that picture. Of course, even with all that hard work, the royals still made time for some fun and games. The NBA and the Brooklyn Nets would like to welcome their Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to Barkley center for their first NBA game. Let's please give them a warm Brooklyn welcome. Sit down, you big headed. Yeah. That is our traditional greeting. Now, Kate and William may not know much about basketball, but they do know royalty. King James scoring big for the Cavaliers before meeting with the royal couple post game. LeBron putting his arm around Kate for photos. And yes, the much anticipated meeting between British and Brooklyn royalty took place. Beyonce and Jay Z greeting Will and Kate courtside. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're gonna touch. They're gonna touch. They're gonna touch. Let's see what happens when they touch. Contact is imminent. Oh, my God. I can't believe the hands are touching. They're answering. That's it. Anybody else expect a beam of light brighter than a thousand suns to maybe a genie riding a unicorn into a sea of diamonds? Or maybe when they all hold hands together, they form some type of sexy Voltron, maybe. Don't roll your eyes at me. Don't roll your eyes at me. But perhaps the most genuinely touching moment of the royals visit came when they met some real New Yorkers. They were treated to live musical, dance, and storytelling performances. So I told my mother what happened. The Couple so moved by 22 year old Steven Prescott's story that Prince William gave him his personal phone number. Please just call. All you've got to do is call. Is just is zero and then the country coat and then just press the number three. For more on Will and Casey's coast visit, we go out to our senior royal watcher, Jessica Williams. Jessica. Thanks for joining us, Jessica. What an exciting time. Yeah, so exciting. What an exciting time. What's the big takeaway from the royal couple's take? Seriously, John, like you don't know. No, I don't. I'm asking. Jessica, why do you got your arm phone? Is everything okay? Thanks, John. Look at their itinerary. Yeah, NBA game. Okay. Harlem, the president. Uh huh. Jon, the royals came here looking for a black friend. What? Jessica, that's ridiculous. Why would they think. John, it's the ultimate get when you're in the upper class. The Rat Pack had Sammy Davis Jr. The Love Boat had Isaac. Seriously, you think Kim Jong Un likes Dennis Rodman for his personality? Also, John, what's an Oreo without the chocolate cookies, huh? Just a gross white jizz quarter. Just not eating those anymore. Mm. But just. It's ridiculous. They have black people in the United Kingdom. Yeah, John, they have food there too, but no one's exactly raving about it. John, they went to a one man show. Even Martin Luther King wouldn't sit through some dude's one man show. They were in town for three days, they saw more black people than I do. And I live in the Apollo Theater. You. You live in the Apollo Theater? Yeah, John, it's rent control. I didn't know that. But look, the timing of their trip was perfect. They saw just how pissed off black people have been the last few weeks and knew that it was just time to pounce. I mean, look at the shirt William wore in Brooklyn. Jessica, I don't understand though, why you seem bothered by all this. Did. I mean, let's be honest, did you want them to pick you? Is that. No. Okay, look, I just wanted them to come watch my one woman show. Jessica Williams in Will and Kate plus Mate. I'm sorry that did not pan out. I know. Me too. Jessica, if you want, I'll hang out with you. What? Ew. No. You're like 60 and you live in New Jersey. What? Sorry, Mr. Drummond. Keep fishing. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know, those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents. They help you find the coverage that fits your needs so you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online@statefarm.com. like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Earlier this week, Prince Harry announced he's getting married to American actress Meghan Markle. Yeah, and this is super exciting for a lot of people. I mean. Cause they come from different worlds. You know, her mom is black, his family's super white. Uh, she's an actress, he's on welfare. Like, it's so romantic. And yesterday, details emerged about the engagements. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle selecting St George's Chapel for their upcoming ceremony, set to take place in May. The proposal took place over chicken dinner here at home. The engagement ring, two diamonds from jewelry belonging to Harry's mom, Diana, and a center stone from the African country Botswana, where the couple spent their third date. Wait, hold up. Their third date was to Botswana? I mean, normally on a third date, you might go to Red Lobster, but for a royal, you go to an entire African country. Wow. And he me good, I take his ass to Botswana. When he me good, he take my ass to Botswana. And that's it. And I say. Anyway. For more perspective on this royal engagement, we turn now to our actual British person. Gina Yashare, everybody. Gina. This royal wedding has people around the world excited. So, uh, in Britain, it must be pretty big. Oh, it's huge, Trevor. We haven't been this excited since Piers Morgan left for America. Now I can see why Americans love the royals. They're a world famous family with tons of drama. Like the Kennedys, but with better security. Uh, don't boo me. Boo Ted Cruz's dad. Wait, but Gina, Gina, like, this is. This is good news for the royal family because, like, Harry's always been known as a bad boy, right? A bit of a womanizer. Drunken fights, partying naked in Vegas. Like, they must be relieved that he's finally settling down. Settling down. This engagement is one of the most rebellious things a royal has ever done. Meghan Markle is American, she's divorced, and she's black. This is not the traditional recipe for a princess. Even in kids movies, they went green before black. Look, okay, wait. I understand American and divorce, but black? Is that. Is that really an issue in Britain? Uh, it is for the British press. I know in America, people don't really think of Meghan as super black. One, because her name is Meghan, and two, because you can't pick her out of this lineup. Of white women. Yeah, I don't know where she is. I'm not lying. But to the British right wing press, Harry might as well be engaged to Wendy Williams. How you doing? Look, I, I hear what you're saying, and I've been following the coverage from the uk. I, I don't know if I've seen that much racism. Exactly. The Brits do subtle racism. It's not the N word, it's encode. Let me show you some examples. They say meet the in laws, the very unroyal Markle family. When they say unroyal, they really mean unwhite. They also talk about how Meghan's parents are divorced and she comes from a broken family. You know who else comes from a broken family? Prince Harry. They call Meghan's family unconventional. Unconventional. The Queen is married to her own cousin. Oh, and this one, Trevor, this one's my favorite. The Daily Mail said that Meghan is almost straight out of Compton. She isn't. She actually went to a private school in Hollywood. But she's black. She's on the west coast, so she must be in nwa. First up, after two days of excruciating waiting, the royal baby finally has a name. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced the name of the newest member of the royal family, their son, Archie Harrison Mountbatten Windsor. Earlier today, the joyous new parents spoke to the press at Windsor Castle. It's magic. It's pretty amazing. And I mean, I have the two best guys in the world, so I'm really happy. We're just so thrilled to have our own little bundle of joy and be able to spend some precious times with him as he slowly starts to grow up. Oh, they're so sweet. Although I, I, I do have to admit this, right? I always find it weird when people introduce a new baby, right? Cause if you think about it, there's such a big contrast between the end product and how it was made, you know? You know, Cause if we were honest, we'd be like, we, we're really overjoyed to welcome this pure little miracle. The result of our sweaty night of, of just raw dogging, Blessed. And it's especially weird because when it's the royals, it's big news that they did one of humanity's most basic biological functions. But that's what having a baby is. Just something your body does, something humans do. It's like if there was a front page news story and the headline was just Gary Fardead. But, uh, anyway, welcome to the world, little Archie and I know some people are disappointed by the name Archie, but there's one person who's super excited. The Queen. Yeah. Cause you know, for the last nine months, she's been like, please don't be Jamal. Please don't be Jamal. Please don't be Jamal. Please, please don't be Jamal. Let's kick things off with the royal family. They're like the Kardashians, but less welcoming to black people. It's been a month since Harry and Meghan announced that they wanted to leave the family. And now they've been told that they're free to go, but they gotta leave their name tags behind. Harry and Meghan will soon be royals no more. At least publicly. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex released new details about their plan to step down from formal royal duties, including an agreement with the Queen to not use the word royal in any future philanthropic or commercial pursuits. Though they will formally retain their Royal Highness titles, they will no longer be able to use them after the transition takes place on March 31st. Damn. Harry and Meghan are losing their titles. That's the most embarrassing royal loss since William's hairline. But yes, the Queen has announced that Harry and Meghan can no longer describe themselves as royal. And I won't lie, if I was Harry and Meghan, I'd be like, fine, then we'll be known as Royale. It's actually pretty funny how petty the Queen is being. Cause basically, you know what she's doing? She's trying to turn Harry and Meghan from the official royals to the store brand. That's what she's doing. Like, you know how the store brand is kind of like the brand name but just off, like slightly, like Frosted Flakes will have Tony the Tiger. But then the store brand is a weird polar bear. Yeah. So then every morning you have to look at the box while you're eating cereal and you're like, I wish my mom didn't buy you. But I'll be honest, I don't think the Queen is gonna win this one. Because it's not like Harry and Meghan need those titles for us to know who they are. No one hears names like Harry and Meghan. And they're like, which Harry and Meghan? The ones from Nashville? Is that them? All right, everybody, as you may know and as you should know, today was a very special day for the Queen. And no, I'm not talking about Beyonce. I'm talking about the original Queen. The crown wearing, Range Rover driving, 96 year old 5 foot giant whose face has Been on money longer than any of us losers have even been alive. Long live the Queen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Every one of us from the colonies, we just get so excited when we talk about the Queen. Yeah, they whipped it into us when we were kids. It's not my fault. Where was I? Oh, yes. Yes. Queen Elizabeth II has now officially been on the throne for 70 years. Which means it's time to throw a little party. Four days of parades and pageantry underway in London this morning to celebrate the historic 70 year reign of Queen Elizabeth. Hundreds of thousands gathering outside of Buckingham Palace. Tens of millions watching around the world. An event filled with royal tradition and ceremony. 1500 troops. 350 horses. This pageantry is the envy of the world. At Stonehenge, they have been showing pictures of the Queen from different decades. The Jubilee's official dessert, a seven layer lemon trifle in honor of the Queen's seven decades of service. The Queen has given us her life. Really love her. She's beautiful. God save the Queen. The incredible composure of the Queen herself, standing on that balcony, just how glamorous Kate looked. I mean, she is becoming an icon. And then little Prince Louis, who looked, frankly, bored and a little unimpressed by the whole thing. Yeah, of course he's bored. Don't forget, he's a prince. Okay, so to him, she's not the Queen of England in her palace. She's just Granny in her house with the grandma smell. All right, it doesn't matter what the spectacle is. At the end of the day, he is still a little kid at a family party. If you want to hold his interest, you know what you got to do? You got to give him an iPad. Yeah, that's what I do with 4 year olds whenever I look after them. Yeah, I put YouTube on autoplay. And then boom, they sat for like 10 hours straight. Yeah, I'm the world's best babysitter. And they come away understanding that Bush did 9, 11. But seriously, this looked like so much fun. Four days of parties. It's like a burning man when nobody's pretending to be poor. They've got 1500 troops, hundreds of horses, seven layered desserts. The only part I didn't enjoy was when they projected the Queen onto Stonehenge. Yeah, that felt kind of like an age thing, you know? It was like, hey, you two know each other, don't you? Yeah. Queen, say hi to the stone faces. And while this extravaganza may seem excessive to people, you gotta admit 70 years on the throne is impressive. You know, in fact, it's impressive for any job. Who else has held onto a job for that long, huh? I mean, if you think about it, in fact, maybe it's time for the Queen to try something new. I mean, with the skills she's learned at this job, you know, she could try something else. She would be an incredible Walmart greeter. You know, just like plasma screens in aisle five. She could be a consultant on the next season of Bridgerton, you know. Yeah, just being like, it's not bad, but I wish we had this many chocolate hunks in my day. Yeah. Or the best foot of all. She could be a rapper. Yeah, the Queen would be seamless in that. You know, she's got the bodyguards, she's got the bling. She just went platinum. All she needs now is to start a beef with another monarch. Yeah, you want some of this? Emperor Naruhuto. Didn't think so, bitch. Now at McDonald's, a McDouble is $2.50. So you can get your gym gains on or just get lunch for only. Only $2.50. Get more value on the under $3 menu. Limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery this spring. Uber Eats has you covered whether you're celebrating mom, dad, or your favorite grad. Not all of us are great planners. And with the Uber Eats gift hub, you don't have to be send flowers, perfume, champagne or just their favorite meal straight to their door. Gifts arrive in as little as 25 minutes and you can add a personalized video message for that additional so not last minute touch. So this spring, get a leg up on gift giving with Uber Eats. Last minute gifts that land every time. Must be 21 or older to purchase alcohol. Product availability varies per Regency app. For details. There is one story that came in and conquered all the other news and it's about the Queen. We do have this breaking news just coming in from Buckingham Palace. Queen Elizabeth II has died. Just hours after her doctor said they were concerned for her health. The 96 year old queen has been at Balmoral Castle in Scotland. Among the people with her at Balmoral, her four children, Andrew, Anne, Edward and Charles, who is now officially King, automatically ascending to the throne upon the announcement of his mother's death. The Queen, of course the longest reigning monarch in British history and one of the longest reigning ever, the Queen has died and long live the King. Yes, it's official. At the age of 96, Queen Elizabeth II passed away today. You know I'm not, I'm not gonna lie. It's been interesting to see how varied the reactions to this news have been. You know, the full spectrum of emotions, everything from how will the kingdom carry on all the way to. You shouldn't have colonized India. Bye, bitch. It's been really broad, but whatever you think about the royal family or the monarchy, you've got to admit, it's insane how long Elizabeth sat on the throne. She came to power in 1952. You understand how long that is? That means she's seen Adam west as Batman, Michael Keaton as Batman, Christian Bale as Batman, Ben Affleck as Batman, survived that and then saw Robert Pattinson as Batman. And look, I'm sure there's a better way to measure time than in Batman, but you get it. She's been in the game for a minute. And on top of that, on top of that, she was a queen. The real deal. Cause these days, that term gets thrown around way too much. Yeah, you just post a photo of your smoothie online and everyone's like, yeah, self care queen. No, that doesn't make you a queen. Right. You're a Duchess of Selcai at best. Now, in case you're wondering, Prince Charles is now going to be the king, which, let's be honest, is much better than being prince. I mean, He's. No, he's 73 years old. Right. And until today, he still had the same title as his own grandchildren. That was weird. Yeah. The world wasn't made for an old prince. I can tell you now, there's no one in a Disney movie who's like, someday my prince will come and he'll wear orthopedic shoes and eat cottage cheese for every meal. Oh, like Charles is so old, he's gonna be the first royal to ascend the throne in one of those motorized stairlifts. That's how old he is. And look, if we had the time, we could talk about how this might be a good time for Britain to consider whether it wants King Charles on its currency. Or maybe this might be a good time to call it quits on the whole monarchy as we know it. But we just do not have the time for that. Because there is one ruler we must honor, and that is our majesty, the advertisers. Queen Elizabeth ii, Queen of the Andals and the first Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea and Wales, Mother of corgis and maker of chains. After 96 years of living her best life, the Queen's passing has obviously made Headlines all over the globe. So let's catch up on all those headlines in our latest installment of the Royal Rumble. Today, Queen Elizabeth was laid in state at Westminster. And no surprise, the British went all out for it. Because the British love doing shit all dignified. Well, they do. Have you seen the changing of the guard? That's a 45 minute ceremony just to clock out. So when the Queen herself dies, best believe the pomp was going to be everywhere. I'm talking streets filled with giant British flags. I'm talking soldiers with their fanciest hats. I. I'm talking a casket decked out with the royal crown on top of it. Which means, technically, for a while, that casket was the ruler of England. Yeah, I read that on Wikipedia. And officials expect that more than 700,000 mourners will come to see the Queen lying in state. With people waiting up to 30 hours in a line stretching five miles long. It's basically like trying to vote in Georgia. That's how dedicated you have to be to see the Queen. But my favorite ritual, my favorite ritual in this whole thing is, is that, and this is completely true, the royal beekeeper has to inform the Queen's bees that the Queen had died. That is a real thing that they have to do. And look, they don't have any footage of it, but I feel like I can imagine that it didn't go well. Hello, everyone. Hello. I'm afraid I have some difficult news. The Queen is dead. Yeah. No, not your Queen. Not your Queen. The Queen. Not your queen. Calm down, everyone calm down. Everything is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. Okay? We have a new leader and Charles will now be the King. No, no, no. I'm covered in be. So, yeah, a lot of people are mourning, but it turns out while the royal family has their official rituals, the people have their own way of mourning their beloved Queen. And Buckingham palace has politely asked them to cut that shit out. We've also heard that authorities are asking the public to stop leaving certain gifts outside Buckingham Palace. What can you tell us about that? Yeah, so they're specifically asking people not to bring any more toy bears. So this all started during the Queen's platinum jubilee celebrations. The Queen participated in a video skit alongside an animated version of Paddington Bear. That was a real hit here, a sensation. And so in honor of that, people have been bringing toy bears and marmalade sandwiches, which were mentioned in that skit, to the grounds of Buckingham Palace. There have been so many bears brought that the Royal park service is asking people not to bring any more bears and to instead bring organic tributes such as unwrapped flowers. Okay, hold up, hold up, hold up. This woman ruled the world's largest empire, and that's what people remember her for. People are like, oh, the lady who had tea with Paddington? Yeah. Are you kidding me? She was the longest reigning queen in world history. She drove an ambulance In World War II, she knighted legends, and she had Princess Diana killed. And you remember her from a sketch? Show some respect, Paddington bears. By the way, I'm not sure leaving a trail of teddy bears outside the palace is a good idea. I mean, that's already how Prince Andrew finds his girlfriends. But it's not just marmalade and bears. People are leaving all sorts of things. They're leaving flowers, they're leaving pictures. I'll tell you what, this is a great opportunity to get rid of anything that you don't want and just disguise it as a gift. Just be like, oh, our glorious Queen. I honor you with this Ottoman that has a wobbly leg. It is from the great Swedish king, kingdom of Ikea. But while some people and bees are mourning Her Majesty's passing, many other people are having a slightly different reaction. Not everything was scripted today. One person protesting Prince Andrew was quickly removed from the crowd. A day earlier, it was signage, not shouting, that police in Edinburgh had issued. This woman's sign was in protest against AT imperialism inflicted on the global south, she says, and now has been charged with breach of the peace. Another man, Simon Hill, where he was arrested and dearested in Oxford at a proclamation ceremony for the king after he shouted out, who elected him. I love that. I feel like everyone in the UK is amazing. It's like people heckling, you're a sick old man. Who elected him? That's a great line. Who. Who made you king? All right. Your mom. Sorry about that. Yeah. But, yeah. The police in Britain have arrested people for disrupting the royal ceremonies, basically. But with their opinions, which I was like, guys, the crown has gotten soft. Someone's just holding a sign. You realize back in the day, a crowd that didn't like you, their opinion would be that your body should be separated from your head. Now they're just holding up a sign. You can just turn the other way. Yeah, you still got a neck. Use it like you're gonna arrest a lady in Scotland for holding a sign. I've seen Braveheart. When the Scottish want to protest the British crown, you'll know. You will know. And this really makes you appreciate how much freedom of speech people have Here in America. Yeah, you can do whatever you want here. You. You can say the president, you can give a congressman the middle finger. You can try to murder the vice president. It's all free speech, baby. It's all free speech. And the backlash, the backlash to the British monarchy hasn't just been coming from the United Kingdom itself. Because in many parts of the world, especially Africa, people have a very different relationship with the Queen. Across the African continent, there have been people who were saying, I will not mourn for Queen Elizabeth. They herded more than a million people in concentration camps where they were tortured and dehumanized. Which is why you see a statement like this from the South African opposition party, the Economic Freedom Fighters, that said, we do not mourn the death of Elizabeth because to us, her death is a reminder of a very tragic period in this country and Africa's history. During her 70 year reign as Queen, she never once acknowledged the atrocities that her family inflicted on many native people that Britain invaded across the world. If there is really life and justice after death, may Elizabeth and her ancestors get what they deserve, man. May Elizabeth and her ancestors get what they deserve. You know what I love about that line is that you can't really get angry, because if you do, then it means that you acknowledge what she deserves is bad. May she get what she deserves. How dare you say that? Well, what does she deserve? I don't know. And I know some of these reactions seem extreme, but when you consider what the British Empire did, these reactions are actually pretty reasonable. Right? You can't expect the oppressed to mourn the oppressor. That's never gonna happen. It'd be like giving a eulogy for the guy who stole your hubcaps. I didn't know Maurice well, but he was definitely a go getter. By the way, has anyone seen my hubcaps? And I know some people would say, but look, Trevor, the Queen wasn't really in charge. She's just a figurehead. You can't blame her for the atrocities that the British Empire committed. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. But you also understand in her entire reign, she never repented. She never once made amends. Right? There wasn't even one, like, notes, app, apology on her Twitter. Nothing. I mean, her crown. Her crown still has that big ass diamond that they took from South Africa, right? It still has the Cullinan diamond. It is the ultimate conflict diamond. The least you could do is give it back. To who? I don't know. I don't know. But like, you could. You could try, you know, Find. Find a South African who hosts a late night TV show. It could be any one of them. Me. Amazon presents Jeff vs. Taco Truck Salsa. Whether it's verde roja or the orange one, for Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea and milk. Habanero. More like habanero. Yes. Save the everyday. With Amazon now streaming, Disney invites you to go behind the scenes with Taylor Swift in an expensive exclusive six episode docu series. I wanted to give something to the fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close the book the end of an era and don't miss Taylor Swift. The Eras Tour, the final show featuring for the first time the tortured poets department. Now streaming only on Disney plus. Two weeks ago, as you all know, Queen Elizabeth died of being old. And it's been a wild two weeks since, right? Lots of heated debates from all sides. She was an icon. She was a tyrant. Preserve the monarchy. Get rid of the monarchy. We hate Charles. We also hate Charles. But today, today Britain said, hey, let's suppress our feelings as usual because it's the Queen's. And they did it in a major way. So let's catch up on the UK's big day in our latest installment of the Royal Rumble. Today, Queen Elizabeth was laid to rest at one of her favorite castles. But before she was buried, the public was given a chance to visit her casket and and pay their respects overnight. That incredible line of mourners snaking through central London. Thousands patiently waiting to pay their respects to Britain's longest reigning monarch. Tens of thousands from around the world wait for hours to see the Queen's coffin with lines now stretching five miles to see her lying in state. The predicted wait tonight, an incredible 22 hours. We've been waiting for 10 hours since 4 o' clock this morning. Even soccer star David Beckham lining up overnight for 13 hours. I think that was a reminder of how much people in this country really like to line up. It really is a national pastime. British people enjoy queuing, as they say in this country. That's an interesting takeaway. Why are these people here? They just like lining up. Is there something else? No. Oh no. They just really like lining up. I don't think they also like the Queen, but. But this is true. Apparently standing in line is really popular in Britain. It's like their national pastime. And before you make fun of them for doing something so boring, don't forget America's national pastime is baseball, you know, which is. Yeah, when people act as if someone died, but they didn't. But 22 hours in line, that's no joke. 22 hours. Cause remember, there's no iPhone at the end of that line, all right? It's just a box. And you don't even get to open the box. And as you heard, even David Beckham waited in line, which, honestly, I found so impressive, because apparently he was offered a chance to skip the queue and he refused. Which is really admirable. I mean, especially when you consider that you don't know who you're gonna be stuck in that line with. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause at the beginning, you might be like, I'm. I'm just gonna stand in the line, and next thing you know, there's like an Arsenal fan behind him for 20 hours. It's like, man United are shit this season. Arsenal. Arsenal. God save the Queen. I miss her so much. Arsenal. But after days of queuing, today was finally the Queen's funeral. And essentially the entire country shut down for this thing. You've never seen anything like it. Schools and businesses were closed. I mean, and that's a really great way to honor, you know, someone who also never had to work. But. But it was intense. It was also a little inconvenient for people. Flights were canceled to avoid the noise. Hospitals even postponed surgeries. And. Yeah, and if you were supposed to get a surgery on a plane, forget it. That definitely wasn't happening. No, but for real, I. I think it's. I think it's actually good. I think it's good that they postponed routine surgeries because, like, everyone in the UK is distracted. You know, kind of doctors coming out, like, Mrs. Abbott, I'm pleased to say the bum lift was a success, but I needed a hip replacement. And I need a new Queen, but you don't hear me complaining. Now get on out of here with that fat ass, girl. Go on, shake it. Just shake it. So, obviously this was a huge deal, right? And by the way, no. And not just for the Brits. Leaders from all over the world flew in to be a part of this funeral. Now, what was a little strange was that President Biden arrived in a six car motorcade. Meanwhile, leaders from most other countries had to share buses. I mean, that must have sucked. It's like the whole point of becoming a world leader is that you don't ever have to ride a bus anymore. Imagine you're the Emperor of Japan and you have to pretend you don't hear Justin Trudeau shitting in the bus bathroom. And obviously, some people are mad that Biden got special treatment, but if you ask me, I think the other world leaders, they're the ones who benefited. Can you imagine being stuck on a bus with Joe Biden? With Joe Biden, the conversation would never end. It's just him, like. So then Mr. Prime Minister, I said, come on, Pop. I said, listen, Jack, I looked him straight in the eye. I took his hair, I took him off. And then mama said, what, are you moving to another scene? Come on, man. Come on, listen. And world leaders weren't the only ones in attendance. No, the queen's corgis were there too. And this was really sweet. Yeah, they got to pay their last respects. You know, see the queen one more time, and then, I assume, follow the little trail of dog treats right into the tomb. Very adorable. That's how the Egyptians did it. I'm assuming the English are the same. It's also, like, why would you bring the dogs? Why are you torturing them? What, with the dogs, like, sitting up in the morning, like, can we get a treat? And, like, I'll show you why there's no more treats. But once the funeral was over, the Queen's casket was driven to Windsor Castle to give her one last chance to experience London traffic. And, uh, everyone made it count. We are watching the royal procession of Queen Elizabeth's coffin. Cheers going up from the crowd. A crowd that has been quiet and somber throughout most of the morning. But now cheers as the Queen's coffin passes by. Flowers being thrown from the crowd toward the Queen's coffin. This is probably my favorite part of a funeral. No, it genuinely is. It's like there's a moment where everyone's sad cause somebody's gone. And then there's the moment where you celebrate their life. I. I love this moment. You know, you're like, oh. Ha ha ha. Wa ha. It's also weird that they were throwing the flowers onto the car's windshield while the dude is driving. It's a bit risky. You know, the guy's gonna end up, like, just plowing right into the crowd. Ah, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Oh, I just put those in the back with the queen. Let's go, let's go. We gotta keep moving, gotta keep moving. But aside from all the flowers and panties being thrown at the car, it was a beautiful procession. All the king's horses, all the king's men, basically everyone who couldn't save Humpty Dumpty, they were there and it was a thing. A three mile march from Westminster Abbey to Windsor Castle. Also known as the Long Walk. Yeah. Or as Kylie Jenner calls it, why didn't they take the Jad? So it was a long ride to Windsor Castle, but it was worth the wait because the ceremony, the ceremony formally laying Her Majesty to rest was not to be missed. The most intimate moving moment was when the crown jeweler removed the instruments of state. That's the crown, the orb and the scepter removed them from the Queen's coffin and placed him on the altar. And then the head of the Queen's household broke his wand of office and then placed that on the Queen's coffin. That essentially signals, we're told, that this Queen's reign is over. The coffin then lowered into the vault. There are 10 other monarchs buried there at St. George's Chapel as well. Yeah. As the world watched on, Queen Elizabeth II, the UK's longest reigning monarch, was lowered into the family vaults. And whether you are for or against the monarchy, you cannot deny this is a landmark moment in history. They broke the wand. And it's official. I will say, and yes, it's because I've read too much Harry Potter. This thing could have just as easily been part of a wizard ceremony. You know, it's like a guy in a cape holding an orb snapping a wand. By the way, why. Why is the wand getting buried with Her Majesty but nothing else? I feel like it's kind of a letdown, right? Cause they could bury her with the crown and the orb, but they're like, no, no, we'll. We'll hold onto these. Here, you. You can. You can be buried with this broken pool cue. There you go. Ta ta. All right, that's it for the headlines. But before we go for a quick break, let's check in on the stock market with our finance expert, Michael Costa, everybody. Michael, a lot of money moving, a lot of things changing. What's happening in the market today. Look, before we get into the markets, I just want to say my thoughts are with the question Queen, and I pray that law enforcement finds her killer. Okay, so there was no point. Today is a day where we reflect on the Queen's life. We reflect and evaluate our own lives. You know, I took the weekend to consider the direction of my life and which way it's going. And Trevor, I have to say, okay, honestly, now more than ever, I am absolutely crushing it. Okay. I am crushing it even harder now because that's what the Queen would have wanted. Okay. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone Paying Big Wireless Way Too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month, of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. 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