TDS Time Machine | The World Cup

Summary

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

TDS Time Machine | The World Cup

Release Date: June 14, 2026
Host: Jon Stewart
Contributors: John Hodgman, John Oliver, Jason Jones, and others

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Overview: The World Cup – Comedy, Commentary, and Culture

This "Time Machine" episode of The Daily Show takes listeners on an uproarious tour through two decades of global World Cup mania, mixing highlight reels from past tournaments with sharp comedic commentary and deep-cut cultural critiques. Jon Stewart, alongside correspondents like John Hodgman, John Oliver, and Jason Jones, skewers both international football and America's awkward relationship with “the beautiful game.” Across rapid-fire sketches and interviews, the news team explores how the World Cup unites, divides, and inevitably mystifies Americans—as well as how host countries use the sport as a PR tool amid swirling controversy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Historic World Cup Moments & Colonial Payback

(02:25 – 05:24)

• The episode opens with Jon Stewart revisiting the 2002 World Cup, notably Senegal’s historic 1-0 win over France, landing a pointed jab at their colonial history.
  • “301 years ago, Senegal was a French colony ... But now they beat them in soccer. One nothing, so I guess it’s even.” – Jon Stewart (03:15)
• Commentary on the international flavor of World Cup fandom, with jokes about cultural props and local color from Belgian pitchforks to Japanese scalpers and South Korean supporters.

2. America’s Perennial Awkwardness with Soccer

(04:37 – 06:00)

• Stewart satirizes America’s “quirky” relationship with soccer, alternating between national pride and bemused skepticism.
  • “USA Soccer: catch the chronic fatigue syndrome.” – Jon Stewart (04:58)
  • Interviews with U.S. coach Bruce Arena, their rare quarterfinals appearance dramatized as a scientific breakthrough (“cold fusion”).

3. Sports, History, and Satire—Italy vs. France

(09:38 – 10:29)

• Jason Jones delivers with a tongue-in-cheek “Great Schism” historical riff after Italy beats France, connecting soccer and centuries-old church drama:
  • “... the Great Schism was settled as it should have been all along—by penalty kicks.” – Jason Jones (10:12)

4. Infamous Incidents: Zidane’s Headbutt

(10:43 – 11:39)

• The notorious Zidane headbutt gets Stewart’s comedic conspiracy treatment, with possible explanations ranging from insults to the phrase “spicy meatball rescue.”
  • “As an Italian, it’s highly likely the talented midfielder was choking on a spicy meatball, which Zidane bravely dislodged ...” – Jason Jones (11:19)

5. The American Obstacle: Why Doesn’t Soccer Catch On?

(13:44 – 16:38)

• John Hodgman and Jon Stewart dissect the sociocultural barrier between Americans and soccer. The recurring theme: Americans want to win at sports they invented.
  • “It’s like the Olympics plus the World Series plus the birth of your first child, all multiplied by X, where X equals awesome.” – John Hodgman (14:24)
  • “Americans don’t need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports.” – John Hodgman (15:53)

6. World Cup as a Metaphor for War and Global Rivalries

(15:20 – 16:28)

• Hodgman highlights the World Cup’s deep ties to national enmities, quipping about centuries-old conflicts being replayed on the pitch.
  • “When England takes on France, for example, it’s the Battle of Agincourt all over again, with David Beckham as King Henry V and the French players as France.” – John Hodgman (15:38)

7. John Oliver’s Soccer Report: America the Underdog?

(17:50 – 22:54)

• Oliver lampoons American soccer inferiority and the awkwardness of US soccer players grappling with their unmanly career choices.
  • “I can just imagine the scene, your dad saying, ‘please, no son, tell me that you’re gay.’” – John Oliver (19:41)
• Oliver’s deadpan interviews and coaching attempts exaggerate the transatlantic soccer rivalry.
• The episode pokes fun at American fans (“England sucks!” chants) and their underdog status.

8. Global PR: Host Countries, Image Makeovers, and Corporate Overreach

(32:50 – 38:13, 45:55 – 50:00)

• Oliver and correspondents explore how host nations from South Africa to Russia use the World Cup to rehab their images, often papering over serious issues.
  • Satirical focus on FIFA’s heavy-handed commercialization and displacement of local vendors.
  • Russian PR efforts are lampooned for forced friendliness, juxtaposed with real human rights abuses.

9. Equality, Identity, and Power Dynamics in World Football

(38:13 – 45:18, 52:23 – 56:45)

• The segment exposes issues like poor officiating, nationalism, and how most powerhouse teams have “questionable” WWII histories (an absurdist Hodgman riff).
  • “They’re all countries that gave safe haven to Nazi war criminals.” – John Hodgman (42:52)
• Discussion of Qatar’s anti-LGBTQ laws and censorship during the 2022 World Cup.
  • “The captains of seven European teams planned to show their support ... but then FIFA threatened them with yellow cards ... Which ... shows you’re not the ally you claim to be.” – Correspondent (53:01)
• Chinese and Canadian media’s censorship of World Cup fan footage for different reasons.

10. World Cup Culture Shocks, Fans, and Flexes

(56:27 – 58:02)

• Uplifting anecdotes about Japanese fans cleaning up stadiums after matches, interpreted both as modesty and a power move.
  • “What is a more baller move than beating somebody and then cleaning up after them?” – Correspondent (56:57)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Senegal’s Historic Win:
  “301 years ago, Senegal was a French colony ... but now they beat them in soccer. One nothing, so I guess it’s even.” – Jon Stewart (03:15)
• On US Soccer Fans:
  “USA Soccer: catch the chronic fatigue syndrome.” – Jon Stewart (04:58)
• The Great Schism Settled by Penalty Kicks:
  “... the wound festered until yesterday when the Great Schism was settled as it should have been all along—by penalty kicks.” – Jason Jones (10:12)
• Zidane’s Headbutt—Alternative Theory:
  “It’s highly likely ... the midfielder was choking on a spicy meatball, which Zidane bravely dislodged ...” – Jason Jones (11:19)
• John Hodgman on World Cup Scope:
  “In 2002, the World Cup final was watched by some 85 trillion people.” – John Hodgman (14:07)
• Metaphor for War:
  “Americans don’t need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports.” – John Hodgman (15:53)
• Cultural Translation Snafus:
  “A Frenchman yelling in English to a group of Saudis about a British sport. It’s beautiful.” – Correspondent (55:36)
• On Japan's Clean-Up Crew:
  “What’s a more baller move than beating somebody and then cleaning up after them?” – Correspondent (56:57)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• World Cup 2002 and Colonization Payback: (02:25 – 05:24)
• USA’s Soccer Woes and Quarterfinals Upset: (04:37 – 06:00)
• Italy–France & Zidane Headbutt: (09:38 – 11:39)
• Why America Doesn’t Care (Yet): (13:44 – 16:28)
• Soccer as Global Conflict & Nationalism Satire: (15:20 – 16:28)
• John Oliver’s USA–England Report: (17:50 – 22:54)
• Africa as World Cup Host—Cultural and Economic Challenges: (32:50 – 38:13)
• Russia’s Image Makeover: (45:55 – 50:00)
• Qatar, LGBTQ Rights, and FIFA’s Censorship: (52:23 – 56:45)
• Japanese Stadium Clean-Up: (56:27 – 58:02)

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Tone & Style

Consistently irreverent, quick-witted, and delightfully satirical, the episode stays true to The Daily Show’s tradition of using humor to probe deeper truths about sport, nationalism, and the global village. The banter between Stewart, Hodgman, and Oliver bristles with dry sarcasm, sly jabs, and a running commentary on both the ridiculous and the profound moments of World Cup lore.

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Conclusion

This episode is both a chronicle and a roast of the World Cup’s oddities, controversies, and transcendent moments. The Daily Show’s panel captures why the tournament matters to billions and why, for Americans, it remains perennially mystifying—offering pithy social critiques, cross-cultural laughs, and a comedic love letter to the world’s favorite (and most fraught) game. Perfect listening for fans and newcomers looking to understand the true global impact and ongoing comic tension between America and “football."

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For full comedic effect and true flavor, check out:

• Hodgman’s rap video about soccer’s Americanization (44:03)
• John Oliver’s painfully accurate “dad” joke to US Soccer players (19:41)
• Jason Jones’ “spicy meatball” narrative about the Zidane headbutt (11:19)

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Transcript

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[Correspondent/Reporter]

You're listening to Comedy Central.

[Host/John Stewart]

Soccer fans from all over the world that isn't America descended on the tiny continent of Asia last week for the 2002 World cup, where, amidst a high level of security and an even higher level of public shame, the most popular poor sporting event in the final got underway. The Games have produced a stunning upset already. Defending champion France lost to Senegal one to nil in an unbelievably sweet win for Senegal over France. 301 years ago, Senegal was a French colony, plundered, raped, despoiled of its natural resources. But now they beat them in soccer. One nothing, so I guess it's even. Meanwhile, in Group B action, Paraguay battled South Africa to a Two, two, tie. No love lost between those two countries. Or hate or commerce for that matter. They don't. Did you know that overseas what we call soccer is known as football? It's true. And what we call the greatest country on earth, they call the Great Satan. But World cup soccer is really about the fans. Many of the true die hards to go along with their face and body paint and colorful wigs brought novelty items like this Belgian pitchfork and this Irish hammer as creative ways to show their support as well as give those novelty items a much appreciated chance to visit their homelands. Aside from hosting duties, Japan and South Korea are themselves fielding teams. The Japanese fan base includes a large contingency of young people excited for their country's first ever appearance in World cup, including these Japanese scalpers. Actually, there are plenty of tickets to be had for the event. And in Korea, supporters lined up for their chance to see today's match against Poland. And after buying one of the 50,000 available tickets, there was only one thing for this fan to say.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

This culture.

[Host/John Stewart]

That of course is the winner of Korea's annual most attainable dream competition. But what about the United States? They're there too. And US Coach Bruce arena is fired up.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

I've been at one game and I thought everything went well.

[Host/John Stewart]

USA Soccer catch the chronic fatigue syndrome. Arena was also asked his thoughts about America's match against Portugal.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

The one area that stands out with Portugal is their great attack in corporate qualities. The combination of players. It's just not one player or two players, but it's a combination of Figo, Conceicao, Pauletta, perhaps Pinto and Costa at the same time.

[Host/John Stewart]

Interesting. I have a quick follow up question. It's time to address all the sports fans out there. Are you guys tired of the same old same old? Another title for the Lakers, another title for the Tiger Woods. Another call from Tony and Masterpiqua wanting to know what Mike Alupica thinks is up with the Yankees. Well, cast your eyes over to South Korea where the United States soccer team has done something it's only accomplished once before. Cold fusion. No, I'm sorry. They made it to the World cup quarterfinals this morning. The United States team stunned Mexico 20 to advance to the World cup quarterfinals. And for the first time since 1930, the win goes a long way towards establishing the United States as a legitimate soccer power. More importantly, it gives this country a big psychological boost. Finally paying back Mexico for that time that they, you know, when Mexico. You know what? Mexico probably needed this win more than we did, quite frankly. They're the ones running here. For now, though, the streets of America's soccer crazed urban centers are teeming with one fan in particular speaking for an entire grateful nation. We've all been there, you know. Interesting note, interesting note. The man's face isn't actually painted. He's just embarrassed. Here. He saw a ghost here and here and is choking here. After his winning goal, emerging United States star Landon Donovan followed soccer celebratory etiquette and removed his shirt in jubilation. Player stripping is a ubiquitous occurrence at the World Cup. But just why do they do it? For more, we take you out to South Korea, where our chief World cup correspondent, Rob Cordry is standing by. Rob, thanks for joining us.

[John Hodgman]

Thank you, John.

[Host/John Stewart]

Rob, what a fantastic win. But I gotta ask you, when they score a goal, why do they take their shirts off?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

John. Players removing their shirts during the bright flash of victory is a healthy and natural expression of their virtuous but long sublimated warrior selves. This kind of aggressive, delicate poetry is summoned when our most elite physical champions succeed at what they were poor on earth to do. Simply put, they do it because it is beautiful and beauty must be honored.

[Host/John Stewart]

Wow. Thank you, Rob. That was. That was a really insightful report. Thank you.

[John Hodgman]

You liked it?

[Host/John Stewart]

Yeah. I thought. Yeah. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Best report ever. W W thank you. Thank you. We'll be right back. But obviously the big story that everybody's talking about, the World Cup, El Copa de Mondial. Yesterday, Italy defeated France 5 to 3 on penalty kicks to win their fourth title. Jubilant fans filled Italy's famed piazzas in celebration. We take you now live to Rome. Jason Jones, you've been covering the tournament. Jason, so good to see you. Wow. Oh, look, people are. They're still celebrating. Must have been quite a night and day.

[Jason Jones]

Crazy, crazy, John. To see these two magnificent teams kick a ball back and forth for two hours.

[Host/John Stewart]

Real thrill.

[Jason Jones]

But I think I speak for most Americans when I say the real appeal here was the subtext watching Italy and France not just play a game of soccer, but settle an old score.

[Host/John Stewart]

An old which? Italy and France.

[Jason Jones]

The Great Schism, John. Pope Clement V moving the Papacy to Avignon, France, to escape infighting amongst the Roman elite.

[Host/John Stewart]

Come on.

[Jason Jones]

Now, I know some soccer fans will tell you the matter was settled in 1378 when Gregory XI moved the Papacy back to Rome. But the wound festered until yesterday when the Great Schism was settled as it should have been all along by penalty kicks.

[Host/John Stewart]

Take that, France.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Where's your anti papacy now, biatch?

[Host/John Stewart]

Obviously, the anti papacy angle aside, the real story of the game appeared to be French star Zinedine Zidane ejected for this headbutt of Italy's Marco Materazzi in the chest. What are you hearing as to why that happened?

[Jason Jones]

Well, some say words were being exchanged, perhaps something along the lines of the Italian calling Zidane an Algerian bastard whose mother was a Berber whore. But if you look at the tape, it's equally likely Zidane was trying to save Marazzi's life as an Italian. It's highly likely that the talented midfielder was choking on a spicy meatball, which Zidane bravely dislodged from his good friend's windpipe with a quick headbutt to the sternum.

[Host/John Stewart]

Jason, a spicy meatball sounds somewhat unlikely, John.

[Jason Jones]

John, you cannot underestimate the Italian's love for the spicy meat.

[John Oliver]

The bar

[Host/John Stewart]

did the incident in any way cast a pall on the victory celebration for the Italian?

[Jason Jones]

Not at all, John. I think the Italian team can take solace in knowing that their combination of rugged good looks and victory in the World cup make them arguably the most human beings on the planet. For the next month, adoring crowds will hold their penises aloft and pass them from Milan to Naples, Stanley cup style.

[Host/John Stewart]

Well, thank you very much Jason. Enjoy the celebration. Jason Jones live from Italy.

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[Host/John Stewart]

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the World Cup, El Capa del Mundo. With football mania gripping much of the planet, we turn for insight to our resident EV expert, Mr. John Hodgman. John, thank you so much for joining us.

[John Hodgman]

Good evening.

[Host/John Stewart]

Obviously, many viewers are not knowledgeable about the game in the world of soccer. How important is the World Cup?

[John Hodgman]

Oh, it's the biggest sporting and cultural event on the world stage. In 2002, the World cup final was watched by some 85 trillion people.

[Host/John Stewart]

Really?

[John Hodgman]

Yes. It's like the Olympics plus the World Series plus the birth of your first child, all multiplied by X, where X equals awesome.

[Host/John Stewart]

But then why hasn't soccer really been embraced by Americans?

[John Hodgman]

Well, it has by some. For example, the famous soccer moms who've tried to liven the game up for Americans by introducing minivans into play. And also casual society.

[Host/John Stewart]

Casual sex.

[John Hodgman]

Yes, that's what the minivans are for. You've obviously never been to Brookline, Massachusetts, smilf capital of New England,

[Host/John Stewart]

to Americanize. John, the way soccer is followed over, the passion it inspires, the maniacal behavior in the stands, it seems almost out of control. Why?

[John Hodgman]

Well, there are two reasons for this. First, they're foreigners. And second, it's nations going against nations, revisiting ancient rivalries. In a way, it's a metaphor for global conflict. When England takes on France, for example, it's the Battle of Agincourt all over again, with David Beckham as King Henry V and the French players as France.

[Host/John Stewart]

But Americans are. We're a passionate people. We're a nationalistic people. We can get into those kinds of rivalries as well.

[John Hodgman]

Yeah, yeah. But Americans don't need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports. Take today, for example. What happened today? I have a transcript here of the pilot's response after he dropped the bomb on Zarqawi. And I'll quote, go, Roger, end quote.

[Host/John Stewart]

It's interesting, John, you know, just a last question. Who do you see taking this thing this year?

[John Hodgman]

Oh, well, they're the traditional powerhouses. Brazil, Germany, Pele.

[Host/John Stewart]

Pele is a person you can't count out.

[John Hodgman]

The Black Pearl.

[Host/John Stewart]

Jump.

[John Hodgman]

But I'd rather not make a prediction. I'd like to sit back and enjoy these games. The great thing about the World cup is 32 nations enter the tournament, but only one will move on.

[Host/John Stewart]

Move on?

[John Hodgman]

Yes. To face other Planetary champions in the Galaxy Cup. Happens every millennium. And for 3K, I will make a prediction. Rigel 7 unbeatable.

[Host/John Stewart]

Why Rigel 7?

[John Hodgman]

Jon, they've got tentacles and they're building a roboplay.

[Host/John Stewart]

All right, John Hodgman, everybody. It's Saturday. The United States of America is playing our first World cup match against our frenemies across the pond. Anglon. No one is more excited than our very own John Oliver.

[John Oliver]

Everyone's talking, talking about the big game on Saturday.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

The Americans will take on one of the tournament favorites. England.

[John Oliver]

That's right, England. The country that lives and breathes the sport. Home of the Premier League.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Here's Rooney.

[Host/John Stewart]

Oh, my goodness me.

[John Oliver]

We literally invented the game. And on June 12, we'll face off against the USA, the Clown College of Football. So when I was given the privilege of reporting from the US World cup training camp, I approached it with the appropriate level of reverence. I'm here with the magnificent U.S. soccer team. I'll try again. United States soccer. I just. I just think it's something serious.

[Host/John Stewart]

Okay.

[John Oliver]

Darfur. Darfur. Darfur. I'm here with.

[Host/John Stewart]

I got it.

[John Oliver]

I got it. I'm here with the United States soccer team. And we got it. Still, they had technically qualified for this World cup and deserve to be treated with respect.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

You know, a chance to play England in the first game is, you know, is awesome.

[John Oliver]

Do you have a positive mindset going into the game?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Definitely.

[John Oliver]

Why? Why do you have a positive mindset when you're staring to the abyss of inevitable defeat?

[Host/John Stewart]

You know, there's no.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

There's no easy games in a World cup, right?

[John Oliver]

I mean, there are no easy games in international football anymore, apart from the US and you never get to play yourself. Is that fair? Of course. Being an American soccer player presents its own unique challenges. How did you tell your parents that you wanted to be an American soccer player?

[Host/John Stewart]

Um, it was pretty easy.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

They were very supportive.

[John Oliver]

I can just imagine the scene, your dad saying, please, no, son, tell me that you're gay. Yeah, that's.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

That's actually not how the conversation went

[Host/John Stewart]

at all, believe it or not.

[John Oliver]

Oh, you haven't told him yet? Now would be the perfect time for you to make this big, brave step. Look straight into the camera and say, Mom, I'm a U.S. soccer player.

[Host/John Stewart]

Mom, I'm a US Soccer player.

[John Oliver]

Big step you made today. Huge. You should probably call them before this goes out, though. Yeah. To save them from further humiliation, I decided to teach them some basic fundamentals. This is called juggling. Juggling. Okay. Not it's not complicated. Just one and one.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Okay, you try one.

[John Oliver]

Yeah. No, not like that. No, that's not. Hold on. No, no, no, that's not it. No, no, no. Don't over complicate it. That's not. That's not how. You give me the ball. Give me the ball. You give me the ball. Give me. Stop it. Give me. Give me that.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Leave it alone.

[John Oliver]

Fine. So they could do circus tricks. That hardly makes them real footballers. Just to be certain this was nothing to worry about. I went to a US World cup warm up match. There were a few more fans than I was expecting.

[Host/John Stewart]

Usa. Usa.

[John Oliver]

And they were playing at a surprisingly high level.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

England sucks.

[Host/John Stewart]

England sucks. England sucks. England sucks.

[John Oliver]

They'd had their fun, but now they'd be playing an actual European team. The Czech Republic. This ought to be hilarious. Okay, one nice cross. Big deal. That is a pretty good run down the line. Whoa. Nice through ball. Is he. He should not be able to do that.

[Host/John Stewart]

What the is going on?

[John Oliver]

Okay, one lucky goal. Let's not get carried away.

[Host/John Stewart]

Go, go, go, go, go.

[John Oliver]

Something was very wrong. So with the England game on the horizon, I headed back to camp, knowing exactly what I needed to do. Tell you what you absolutely must do in South Africa. Midnight stroll through Soweto.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Yeah, it sounds nice.

[John Oliver]

Yeah. Just wear as much expensive jewelry as you can. Apparently a South African local delicacy is river water. Just drinking gallons upon gallons of unfiltered river water. Also, they'd need to learn the local language. I have a few phrases in Afrikaans which might help you while you're there. Just try now. Egval grog egg vilgrog. Don angel d', or. Don angeldotter o vrau of Albay. Ovrau of Raubi. That's great.

[John Hodgman]

And what does that mean?

[John Oliver]

It means it's a pleasure and an honour to be in your country. In all seriousness, I do have a heartfelt message for my adopted country. Joking about the USA has been my home for the last four years now. I'm a huge football fan. I just want to wish you all the best out there.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Thank you.

[Host/John Stewart]

Yeah, I appreciate it.

[John Oliver]

Good luck out there. All right. All the best. But let me be perfectly clear. It's not just Stuart Holden or the entire US football team who can suck it. As far as this report is concerned. Come June 12, it's you, it's America. You can all go sick.

[Host/John Stewart]

England sucks. You mother. Tell you a little bit about England right now? England, of course, is our special ally, our friend with diplomatic benefits. But this weekend, all that was put aside as the United States faced off against our mates across the pond in the first round of the 2010 World Cup. Yes, it's like the leverage Revolutionary War all over again. Only this time, most of America doesn't give a how it turns out. Of course, this World cup takes place in Africa, which presented some unique challenges.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Check this out. The American team bus yesterday was stopped on the road because of passing elephants.

[Host/John Stewart]

We've all been there. At least they got there. The Slovaks lost a goalie to a Hungry Hungry hippo. Those who tuned into the game were treated to an exciting match made even more thrilling by a swarm of angry bees that was apparently bearing down on the stadium. Where's my EpiPen? Where's my EpiPen? Who has my Epi? You know, I never thought the Daily show would have the same ending as My Girl. Oh, did I give it away? Boom. Chlumsky reference. Actually, that sound was the product of a plastic horn called the Vuvazela, named of course for famed South African horn. Great Vuvazela. You should check out his first album, Annoying. High pitched wine that cat could blow. Anyway, despite the fact that England was heavily favored, the game ended in a 11 tie due to a mishandled ball by England's goalie, Robert Greene. Years preparation and the hopes of an entire nation undone by a giant up. I'm sure the British media will handle it. With trademark reserve green being barbequed by

[Jason Jones]

the British tabloids today.

[Host/John Stewart]

The hand of Claude, they called his performance.

[John Oliver]

Rubbish. They called it. Rob. Still too green for England. Look at that one.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Green fingers.

[Host/John Stewart]

Ooh. Burn. Y' all invented the English language. Sarcasm on people. That's the best you've got? Look at our tabloids. Yeah. Imagine what they would write if we cared. Now, we sent our own John Oliver to South Africa to cover the event. He was at the game on Saturday. He joins us live from Johannesburg. Jon, how are you? Nice to see you, my friend.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Hello, everyone.

[Host/John Stewart]

You were there in South Africa, the game on Saturday.

[John Oliver]

Saturday, yeah. I was indeed there.

[Host/John Stewart]

Quite a result. Quite a result for the United States.

[John Oliver]

Whoa. Well, you know, it was a draw, John, so let's not get carried away. Both sides get a solid point and we can both now look forward to the next two games.

[Host/John Stewart]

Absolutely, absolutely. I just. It's. It's interesting. The result is proof, I guess, that both teams are equally good. They had the.

[John Oliver]

No, actually, that's not it at all, John. That's. That's not a thing.

[Host/John Stewart]

I think it's actually the definition of what happened is that both teams get the exact same amount of points, which means they are, in fact, not even subjectively, they are mathematically, I believe, equal. We're the same.

[John Oliver]

No, no.

[Host/John Stewart]

We are exactly as good as each other. Kill more. Not a mouth.

[John Oliver]

No, no, no, John. Because England are scientifically a far better team. So.

[Host/John Stewart]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, You're right, you're right. I apologize. That's. No one is better at not beating America than England. So that was the result. It was a fine result and we'll take it.

[John Oliver]

Just, if I may say, just have a quick comment on the back of that, John. Go yourself, Stuart.

[Host/John Stewart]

And if I may return the volley and say to you, John Oliver, to go yourself the exact same amount because we are equal.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

It's not.

[John Oliver]

You're misunderstanding this.

[Host/John Stewart]

You're totally misunderstanding. Misunderstand. Nothing, nothing.

[John Oliver]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this,

[Correspondent/Reporter]

but anyone can get the same Premium

[Host/John Stewart]

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[Correspondent/Reporter]

one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[John Oliver]

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Host/John Stewart]

Welcome to the daily show. My name is john. Sorry, I'm just still a little excited about Landon Donovan's Go. Fellas. Fellas. Get off of me. Can't breathe. The U.S. soccer team has been sent to the next round of the World cup. The final 16. Huge. For two reasons. First, obviously, national pride. And second, if we go all the way this year, if we win the World cup, the whole rest of the world has to then refer to the sport as soccer. Our own John Oliver was there at the game. For more we go to him live in South Africa. John Oliver, Nice to see you.

[John Oliver]

John.

[Host/John Stewart]

Congratulations to you as well. John, congratulations. I wanted to say congratulations. England defeated Slovenia 1 nil. A well played match on your end. Congratulations.

[John Oliver]

Hey, thanks very much, John. And you know what? Congratulations to you too. What a breakthrough for America. All right, you finally made it. Well now, come on, come on.

[Host/John Stewart]

Welcome the round 16. We've actually been there prior, but it was an excellent.

[John Oliver]

No, no, no, I meant welcome to the third world.

[Host/John Stewart]

I don't.

[John Oliver]

I'm the third world, John. Today America officially became a third world country.

[Host/John Stewart]

Because we won a soccer game.

[John Oliver]

Just crunch the numbers, Stuart. Rampant unemployment, Your dollar is basically valueless. You owe billions to other countries you can't win a war for. And what's more, you dominated a game of football and you deserve to win it.

[Host/John Stewart]

Yeah, but that doesn't make us a third world nation.

[John Oliver]

You're right. You're right about that, John. In a third world nation, you would have seen desperate people huddled around television sets just waiting for one moment of football joy to distract them from what is otherwise just a bleak and unforgiving life. Like.

[Host/John Stewart]

That's Seattle. It's bleaker than most.

[John Oliver]

Oh, come on.

[Host/John Stewart]

I think you're just a little upset that the world's greatest superpower is becoming one of the world's greatest soccer powers. That's right.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Mm, soccer. Mm.

[John Oliver]

Yes. Denial. I've been there, John. Don't worry. Life gets easier from here. There's a lot less pressure on you. Your flag gets set on fire. Less. Your abysmal math scores are now ranked as pretty good considering. Let's be honest, for the most powerful country in the world, you were in pretty bad shape. But for a third world country, you're easily in the top five. Easily. And now no longer are you going to have to act like you're above the rest of the planet's favorite sport.

[Host/John Stewart]

Alright, well, thank you very much, by the way. You're obviously going against Germany in the next round.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Yes.

[John Oliver]

Yeah, looking forward to that.

[Host/John Stewart]

That's a difficult match.

[John Oliver]

So I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm looking forward to it.

[Host/John Stewart]

All right, well, if Germany gives you guys England your side, any trouble.

[John Oliver]

Uh huh.

[Host/John Stewart]

And you need America to swoop in and bail your asses out again, let us know. You. You.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

So much you, John.

[Host/John Stewart]

You huge on over everybody. The entire world. The entire world. The entire world, except obviously for France and Italy, is ablaze with World cup fever. But what does this World cup mean to Africa? John Oliver finds out in his first dispatch from South Africa.

[John Oliver]

Africa, a land known for its stunning vistas, magnificent wildlife and all the sounds of nature. And now this.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

The first African World Cup. The first World cup held on African

[John Oliver]

soil to Learn more about this landmark event. I headed to beautiful Johannesburg to meet the spokesman for the World cup cup committee.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

This is the first African World Cup.

[John Oliver]

This is going to put Africa on the map.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

On the map.

[John Oliver]

And they've made this World cup as African as can be. Starting with the official song by a local artist named Shakira.

[Host/John Stewart]

Shakira?

[John Oliver]

What tribe is she from?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Well, she's not actually African, she's Colombian.

[John Oliver]

African. Colombian, doesn't matter. The point is she's not white. Yes, she's even honoured Africa by performing in oil face in her video. But that was just the beginning. Outside the stadium, it was an explosion of African culture brought to you by Coca Cola. From the beverages to the food, to the traditional African hand carved FIFA ballpoint pension. They even provided the local street vendors who'd been working the stadiums for decades with their own special zone, conveniently located, nowhere near bothersome customers.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

FIFA has imposed 1km radius from the stadium. Street vendors would not be allowed to trade. People that have been preferred in this

[Host/John Stewart]

World cup will be the McDonald, the Coca Cola's and all these European companies.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Then you'll tell me what is African about that?

[John Oliver]

Well, let me put it to you this way. What's more African than the subjugation of black people? Right?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

We don't eat hamburgers as South Africans

[John Oliver]

or as African people. We want to entertain the visitors with the local food. Does any of that food come with a free toy? Like a little plastic leopard kicking a football?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

You sound funny that question to me. Do you know, do you know how much South African government, our own government, has contributed to this World Cup? About $5 billion. We need medication, we need hospitals, we need education. What is primary here is for us to find a way of earning a living.

[John Oliver]

Clearly he was ignoring all the local jobs being created, like World cup security agents to protect Africans from being exploited by having their views heard.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Can I see the permit?

[John Oliver]

As they impounded our cameras or I realized the organizers had struck the perfect balance. You don't want to make it too African.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Not at all.

[John Oliver]

You want to give people just enough Africa to intrigue them. Not so much that it terrifies them.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Of course. What you do is you pick what you want and you leave out what you don't want.

[John Oliver]

And the one thing they did want,

[Correspondent/Reporter]

this is going to be the noisiest part.

[John Oliver]

World cup, right?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Because of our cultural instrument called vuvuzelas, right? If you're not used to it, get used to it. This is the instrument that they will

[Host/John Stewart]

like when they come here.

[John Oliver]

They will Hate it in the beginning,

[Correspondent/Reporter]

but at the end of it, they

[John Oliver]

will go, why wouldn't they like it?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Because they will regard it as noisy.

[John Oliver]

But it's not noisy. It's ridiculous. It's not noisy. There's nothing irritating about that.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

There's nothing irritating, but at the end of it, they'll go home.

[Host/John Stewart]

They'll listen when you move back to

[John Oliver]

the US Even as I reveled in the World cup spirit, it saddened me to think of all the Africans in places like the infamous township of Soweto who wouldn't get to experience it. But then, as I played with a local Soweto team, laughing and enjoying the game that had brought us together, I knew I had found the true spirit of the African World Cup. And I realized how I could give it to them. Let's show them what Africa is all about. Official FIFA licensed snow globe bought from a licensed retailer. That's. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. I got something for you. Soy blend, Scented candles.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Come on. That's.

[John Oliver]

It's relaxing. This is going to get you. This is the one I've been holding back. Boom. Come on.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Are you kidding me?

[Host/John Stewart]

Are you kidding me?

[John Oliver]

This is lightning.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

This is the Build a Bear workshop.

[John Oliver]

Let me explain to you the importance of the licensing system. Ah, they'd get it someday. Later that night, as we watched the opening game in a Soweto shebeen, and as we saw South Africa score the first goal of the World cup, bringing joy to an entire country, I had to admit, this African World cup might not be perfect, but it's absolutely amazing. Now, if they would just stop with those vuvozelas.

[Host/John Stewart]

If there was one big story coming out of the World cup knockout round, it was the refereeing. Terrible calls. The Americans had two clearly legal goals disallowed. Argentina was awarded a goal offsides. And if this absolutely good goal had been allowed for England, Germany would only have handed them their asses, four to two. Sorry, I meant their bums. Not to mention, I have no idea how the officials let this guy play for Argentina. What is that? That's not even indigenous. There's no reason. Now, obviously, the subjective, effective officiating is just one of the hurdles that soccer faces in catching on here in America. Can soccer have a lasting appeal to an American audience? For answers, we turn to Daily show resident expert John Hodgman. And you're welcome. John, thank you so much for joining us. We're delighted to have you here.

[John Hodgman]

Thank you, John. And you're welcome. But really, the World cup, why are we still Talking about this. This is ancient history.

[Host/John Stewart]

Ancient history, John. It's still going on?

[John Hodgman]

Well, yeah. The United States has been eliminated, so who cares? I mean, the only people who care about the World cup now are sad, obsessive soccer nerds trying to relive the glory of their college.

[Host/John Stewart]

I imagine that's directed at me.

[John Hodgman]

Yes, that's. That's why I was staring at you. The problem with the World Cup, John, starts with the name. The World Cup. The no problem good strong article. Cups. Where would our drinks be without them? And what does that leave us?

[Jason Jones]

World.

[John Hodgman]

Don't say that word. You know, John, I was listening to the radio the other day trying to get in touch with the average Joseph cares about. And I heard a man who made a lot of sense on this subject. The soccer thing.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

I hate it so much.

[John Hodgman]

Probably because the rest of the world

[Correspondent/Reporter]

likes it so much and they riot over it and they continually try to

[John Hodgman]

jam it down our throat. Wait a moment. If you think about it, Glenn Beck makes a lot of sense. And if you don't think about it, he makes even more sense. At every level. Soccer represents a completely alien worldview to the American. Americans, for example, are accustomed to games with excitement born of fierce competition and the occasional scoring of points.

[Host/John Stewart]

But that's soccer.

[John Hodgman]

No, John. No, no. Soccer is some swarthy Dutchman rolling around on the field pretending to have a near fatal stubbed toe.

[Host/John Stewart]

There is a bit of exaggeration at times. Diving is a tactical thing.

[John Hodgman]

Well, that brings me to my first solution for soccer. Eliminate socialized medicine.

[Host/John Stewart]

What does that have to do with soccer?

[John Hodgman]

Well, John, think of the lesson it sends to the children. No matter how minor or fictitious their injury, soccer players still get on the spot. World class medical attention whisked away on free government stretchers and cured with European magical healing spray until they're well enough to get back on the government dole or field. By which I mean dole. It has to stop. John.

[Host/John Stewart]

John, you're suggesting that injured players not receive medical attention.

[John Hodgman]

No, I'm just saying we should do it the way we do it in America. If a player is injured on the field, he goes bankrupt and loses his house. The free market never blows a call.

[Host/John Stewart]

John, part of the appeal of the World cup is its universality. It's a simple game uniting diverse cultures where everyone is equal, meeting literally on a level playing field.

[John Hodgman]

Very, very sweet, John. I was a college sophomore once too.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

But

[John Hodgman]

here in the real world, I see. I see a little problem with your egalitarian paradise. Now, who are the Countries who are still in the quarterfinals, for example, Brazil,

[Host/John Stewart]

Paruay, Spain, Argentina, Germany.

[John Hodgman]

You see the pattern. You see the pattern, don't you?

[Host/John Stewart]

They're good soccer teams.

[John Hodgman]

No, John, no. They're all countries that gave safe haven to Nazi war criminals.

[Host/John Stewart]

Wait, Paraguay? Argentina.

[John Hodgman]

Come on, John, don't be naive. Have you even seen the boys from Brazil?

[Host/John Stewart]

Wait, the US Lost to Ghana. That doesn't fit in with your theory.

[John Hodgman]

Oh, sorry, John. You're saying there's no such thing as an African born crypto fascist tyrant. Look who's in the White House, John.

[Host/John Stewart]

How much Glenn Beck have you been listening to?

[John Hodgman]

A lot. All right, the point is, John, you can't expect Americans to enjoy a game that is essentially World War II. Except this time we lose. Which brings me to my second solution.

[Host/John Stewart]

Let us win, but just let America win. Why?

[John Hodgman]

Yeah. Well, just two or three or four World Cups, so we have a taste. Americans love sports at which they're the best, like basketball and diabetes.

[Host/John Stewart]

Do you believe the World cup would be more popular if World cup players had more trouble processing sugar?

[John Hodgman]

No.

[Host/John Stewart]

Is that your.

[John Hodgman]

I believe it would be more popular if the World cup took greater pains to entertain the American audience. Which brings me to my final solution. Apologies to the Brazilian team. Roll it, Chuck. Welcome to solution number three, A soccer rap video. I'm John H. And I'm here to say I like to watch soccer, also known as football. It's not just for Europe anymore. It's also a game for American shorts.

[Host/John Stewart]

Aha.

[John Hodgman]

I'm not here just to sell ruffles. I'm also here to rap the soccer AKA football shuffle.

[Host/John Stewart]

I'll have you know, I'm pretty sure that that is sarcasm, by the way. You worked in product placement. That was nice. It was very nicely done.

[John Hodgman]

Product placement? Oh, do you mean Ruffles? America's only corrugated potato chip, or were you talking about my begrudging endorsement of soccer? Because the fact is, I'm in between advertising gigs right now, and I'll take anything I can get.

[Host/John Stewart]

Thank you very much, John Hodgman, everybody. We'll be right back.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Correspondent/Reporter]

The 2018 FIFA World cup officially kicked off today in Russia. And look, I know for most Americans, the World cup isn't important. You know, it ranks somewhere between a mid season WNBA game and the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. But for the rest of the world, this tournament is as big as it gets because it's not just about the sport. It's a chance for the coast country to rebrand itself. And if there's one country that could use some good publicity, it's Russia.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

The month long competition is expected to

[Host/John Stewart]

bring more than a million people to

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Russia and attract more than 3 billion television viewers worldwide.

[John Oliver]

A global sporting event of this scale is the perfect stage for a host nation to promote itself to the world to boost its image.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Vladimir Putin is desperate for the world to see only the positive images coming out of his country. You can get to know Russia, a unique country with a long history and rich culture. Not bad. Not bad at all. Not bad at all.

[John Oliver]

Not bad.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I like this new hospitable side of Putin, you know?

[John Oliver]

Yeah.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

He's like, if the Trivago guy had a history of shooting down airplanes, you know? Yeah.

[John Oliver]

It's a cool mix.

[Host/John Stewart]

Yes.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

But I. I understand why Putin is so excited for Russia to be hosting the World Cup. Because, you see, as a South African, I saw how hosting the tournament gave our country an opportunity to change our image. Right before the World cup, when people thought South Africa, they thought crime, aids, racism. But then, thanks to the World cup, now when you think of South Africa, you think of.

[Host/John Stewart]

You see.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

No more racism, huh? Yeah. And by the way, before you judge us, we may blow vuvuzelas, but you guys elected one. So chill.

[John Hodgman]

All right?

[Host/John Stewart]

Yeah.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

How about you chill? Just chill. Chill. And now, now, to most people, Vladimir Putin is already beyond redemption. He annexed Crimea, he meddled in the US elections, and worst of all, he bit Beyonce and framed Sanaa Lathan. But that doesn't mean that Russia won't give an image rehab its best shots.

[John Oliver]

Russia's singing grannies are on a mission to give Russia a friendlier face for the World Cup. These bubbly babushkas have penned a World cup anthem and produced a pop video

[Correspondent/Reporter]

to go with it.

[John Oliver]

The message to foreign football fans, you have nothing to fear from Russia. I won't scare you, Anna says. I'll hug you, I'll kiss you. I'll sing and dance for you.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Uh, okay, now I'm scared. A little turned on, but mostly scared. Yeah, because it feels like these super friendly Russian grannies are trying a little too hard, you know? Like, the nicer they are to me, the more worried I am that it's all a trap, and she's just gonna push me in an oven at the end. And. And those human nesting dolls may have seemed a little overenthusiastic, but at least. At least they know how to be basically friendly, because apparently the rest of Russia has to take classes.

[John Oliver]

Russians will even smile at you ahead of the World Cup. Train conductors here have been taught to forget the frowns and give foreigners big, shiny smiles to match the big, shiny new stadiums.

[John Hodgman]

I don't know, man.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

I feel like the only thing worse than a non smiling Russian is a smiling Russian. This. This is smile.

[John Hodgman]

Yes.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

I show teeth. Yeah. And then when do I bite? No, no, no, no. There's no biting. Why show teeth if no bite? So. So, look, on the face of it, Russia is trying to project a friendly image, but unfortunately, there is a dark side of their country that they can't cover up. For instance, it's been reported that gay men who are kissing in public will be reported to the police. And I'm assuming gay women kissing must report directly to Vladimir Putin. There's also been a rise in Russian fans singing racist chants, which wouldn't be a problem if y' all just kept the vuvuzelas. Mw. Oh, and as for freedom of the press, it's safe to say that, uh, you probably shouldn't say anything. As journalists from the BBC recently found

[Narrator/Advertiser]

out, it is the increasingly paranoid controlling side that's clearly there behind the makeover for the World Cup. The whole time we've been here in

[John Hodgman]

Nijni, it seems there's been somebody following us.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

At least one car, sometimes minutes. After we met local opposition activists, there was this.

[John Oliver]

The pair at the door said they'd

[Narrator/Advertiser]

come from state television to interview us, but we hadn't told anyone we'd be here.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Yes, we are here to do interview. Now, please speak directly into microphone. Now I show teeth. Let's take a moment to about the World Cup. It's the world's biggest soccer tournament when every four years, the best players from the best countries gather to compete until one team is declared champion of the world, or until someone kicks the ball through the neighbor's window and we all run home. Now, because I'm from the world, I love the World Cup. So let's catch up on everything happening in Qatar with a new installment of our World cup coverage. The 2022 World cup is being hosted by Qatar, a Middle Eastern country with a deep and rich history of having oil. And if you've been following the news, you know that there's been Some controversies over Qatar hosting the World Cup. You know, like, did Qatar offer bribes to FIFA to be the host? Did Qatar exploit migrant workers to build the soccer stadiums? Are we pronouncing Qatar right? Is it Qatar or is it Qatar or is it Qatar? And if we mumble it, do you think they'll notice? All of these are questions, but one of the biggest controversies that Qatar has has been the fact that they have very strict laws prohibiting same sex relationships. And these anti gay policies are causing some tension on the pitch.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Amid the cheers of World cup fans, controversy is simmering. It's over the host country, Qatar and other nations treatment of LGBTQ people, people.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Rainbow imagery. A sudden flashpoint after FIFA demanded the captains of seven European teams not wear this armband in support of LGBTQ causes,

[John Hodgman]

insisting the captains wear FIFA sanctioned bands.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

The team captains of several countries say they will not be wearing the rainbow colored One Love armbands as they had intended. After FIFA threatened to give players yellow cards just for doing so. After receiving two yellow cards, of course, a player will face a one match suspension.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Yeah, that's right. The captains of seven European teams planned to show their support of the LGBTQ community by wearing rainbow armbands. But then when FIFA threatened them with yellow cards, they scrapped the idea. Which in my opinion, shows that you're not the ally you claim to be. Right. You're just like, hey, I support your right to live free from persecution. Unless I get a warning in a game where I kick a ball, then I'm out. You gaze on your own. I'm just saying, that's a yellow car. I mean, ha ha ha. Like a yellow card. It's not even like you're out, just a warning and you're like, yeah, no, no, I can't. I tried. And by the way, the rainbow ban has gotta be hard for the referees too. You know, that's risky because the referees are out there and they're like, yellow card, red card. Oh, wait, we just started a rainbow. No, don't. Oh, a little crazy story as well. If you happen to be in China watching the World cup, um, you, you probably are missing some things because on the government TV network, you'll barely see any footage of the fans at all. Yeah. Because China doesn't want its citizens to see people from every other country enjoying themselves without wearing masks. Yeah. Cause they, they, they like, they just don't want them to know that that's possible. You know, I, Yeah. And I mean, I, it sounds crazy, but it's the same way Canadian TV CENSORS their footage.

[John Hodgman]

Sure.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

It'll never show fans behaving rudely. Cause then Kenny's gonna be like, wait, other people are telling others to off. We didn't know we could do that. Hey, but maybe my favorite part of the World cup is seeing how people from different parts of the world find ways to yell at each other. Cause remember, a lot of the teams have coaches who are not from their country. You know, like, for instance, Saudi Arabia's coach is actually French. He doesn't speak Arabic, but the Saudi translator doesn't speak French. So when the coach got mad at the team's performance in the first half, he had to yell at them in English so that the translator could yell at them in Arabic. What are we doing here, Messi? At the middle of the pitch, he has the ball. You stay in front of the defense. You want to go to mark him in the middle. You can make a picture with him if you want. You are in front of the defense. You have nobody.

[Host/John Stewart]

Oh, wow.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

Oh, you see, this is the magic of the World cup, people. A Frenchman yelling an English to a group of Saudis about a British sport. It's beautiful. I also wonder if the translator's augmenting the message so he doesn't lose any friends. He's just like, you are terrible. You all suck. You should be ashamed of yourself, is what he said. Because you know me, Mahmoud. I love you guys, eh? I thought you were great in the first half. I thought you guys were great. Now, so far, this World cup has had a lot of great moments. You know, Saudi Arabia pulled up a huge upset over powerhouse Argentina. Mexico had a hero heroic penalty save against Poland. Wales proved to the whole world that they are a different country than England. And one of the most exciting moments was when Japan defeated Germany in an incredible match. But my favorite part of that game was what the Japanese fans did after it. When Japan beat Germany. Fans were ecstatic.

[Host/John Stewart]

Right?

[Correspondent/Reporter]

But instead of leaving after the match to celebrate, hundreds of Japanese fans stayed in the stadium and picked up the trash that other fans left behind. Pictures on social media. So the Japanese fans threading their way through the seats, making sure the stadium

[John Hodgman]

was tidy, before leaving some online comments

[Correspondent/Reporter]

calling them the best guests in the world. Wow, that is amazing. Unfortunately, all of those Japanese fans were arrested because the Qatari police deemed the act of tidying up, quote, kind of gay. Now, I'm not gonna lie. This is one of the most amazing things to see, and you see it at every World Cup. It'll be Japan. It'll be South Korea. And I think it's a valuable lesson to all of us. If you're throwing a party, make sure you invite Japanese fans to your house. Cause then you don't have to clean up. And you know, if you ask me though, this is a huge flex from the Japanese fans. Everyone's like, oh, it's so humble. No, it's a flex. What is a more baller move than beating somebody and then cleaning up after them? Yeah, like here. Oh, let me take out your trash. Oh, oh, did you drop this? Did you drop this? Oh, yeah, no, no, no. We'll clean up. You guys can go and figure out how to play soccer. Yeah, we'll just do that. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

[John Oliver]

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[Advertiser/Promo Voice]

And when dogs eat better, pet parents notice it in things like more excitement at mealtime, better energy, softer coats, more healthy years together. Feeding real food used to feel complicated.

[Correspondent/Reporter]

We Feed Raw makes it simple. Visit wefeedraw.com to get started and see today's best offer.