← The Daily Show: Ears Edition
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
This Week's News | Jon on Alex Pretti Shooting & Desi on "Melania" Doc and Ilhan Omar Attack
00:49:21
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- [00:00]
A
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B
You're listening to Comedy Central. For the second time in two weeks, another American has been tragically killed. Streets of Minneapolis. Now, obviously all the facts are not in yet, but here is, as best we can tell, the account of what happened on this terrible day.
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A
This individual who came with weapons and ammunition to stop a law enforcement operation of federal law enforcement officers.
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B
Oh. The agents attempted to disarm the individual, but he violently resisted. Oh, dear God, they must have been petrified.
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A
This individual attacked those officers, wishing to inflict harm on these officers. Coming brandishing like that.
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B
Fearing for his life and the lives and safety of fellow officers, a border patrol agent fired defensive shots. Of course they're defensive. I mean, he had to stand his ground. This looks like a situation where an individual wanted to do maximum damage and massacre.
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A
Law enforcement committed an act of domestic terrorism. That's the facts.
- [02:20]
B
Whoa. Committed an act of domestic terrorism. That's the second worst kind of terrorism. But, hey, those are the facts. That's the facts. There's really no reason to doubt them. No evidence exists to contradict. Hold on, I'm getting a. Oh, really? I'm hearing there may be some grainy Zapruder like footage from, I don't know, every angle imaginable that contradicts the government's versions of events. Videos of the shooting of Alex Preddy have contradicted the government's account of what happened. All he has in his hand is a cell phone, not a gun. He. He's trying to help a woman who's just been pushed to the ground and pepper sprayed. He's trying to go help her with his hands up. They engage him and they're dragging him back.
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A
The videos also appear to show Preddy's legal registered firearm being removed from his person by an officer just seconds before those shots were fired.
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B
Wow. Well, it looks like we've got a real case of he said video totally disproves what he said. You know, this is also confusing. Perhaps to help get some more clarity on what's going on, we go live to Minneapolis, where our own Jordan Klepper has been standing outside in the cold. Jordan, thank you so much for joining us. What's the latest that you're hearing? John, DHS has finally completed their analysis and now has a definitive account of what happened. Let me take you through it step by step because it paints a more complete picture. This all took place in an area where illicit activity by illegal immigrants was occurring. And terrible stuff. Peddling drugs, selling knockoff labubus, showing football games without the express written consent of the NFL. You know, heinous shit. Now, shortly after, protesters arrived at the scene to create a barricade. That's when, as you can see here, the ICE agents arrived. I see. And that. I'm sorry, you're telling me that according to dhs, those are the. The ICE agents? Yes. And contrary to all the mainstream media spin, all these ICE agents want to do is keep America safe and occasionally lick their own puckered buttholes. But before they could do their job, a gang of Soros funded protesters arrived on the scene. As you can see, these guys. These guys were packing heat, posing an imminent threat with their girthy leftist dongs. This is the DHS account. I mean, it's. First of all, it's Minnesota. It's winter. You would think they'd be wearing clothes. No, don't be naive, John. If you got it, you flaunt it. This is the moment when the armed suspect finally appeared and shit got real. Pow. Pow. Pew, pew. Meow. Meow. Hiss, hiss. John, as you can see, the suspect left them no choice. Look, I don't even know where to begin. That doesn't. This scene doesn't match any of the video that we've seen. And that's clearly Doc Ock from Spider Man. That's Doc Ock. John. John, I can see this isn't resonating with you, and luckily, DHS is not married to this version. Here's another one they're pitching. What? What if I told you the ICE agents Just do this on the side. And they're actually all K pop stars. Well, that's just of K pop demon hunters. That's. You didn't let me finish. And they're all gay hockey players. The Ice agents, everybody. John, that last one's intriguing. Jordan Klepper, everybody. Thank you, Jordan. I think the lowest bottom that a government ever has to clear in terms of earned credibility to its population is obvious reality. You just got a clear obvious reality. I believe it's what the political philosopher Seneca referred to as the don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining doctrine. But watch Border Patrol commander. In short, Greg Bevino, who, by the way, appears to be just the new character the Trump Cinematic Universe has introduced. Where the did this guy even come from? It's his first season on the show. Anyway, this guy Bovino very clearly stated that the guy they killed was a terrorist attempting a massacre. I'm sure that version of events will be able to withstand even one follow up question at the presser. Questions.
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A
First question. When did agents learn that he had a gun?
- [07:31]
B
Did he ever brandish that weapon at agents Ali? This situation again, is evolving. This situation is under investigation. Oh, now it's an investigation? Oh, the investigation is evolving. I thought evolution was a generational thing. Now, three seconds after you accuse a guy of terrorism. And by the way, here's what they said at the presser after just the second question.
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A
All right, no more questions. Sorry, no more questions. Sir.
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B
I'm ready to take your questions to no more questions and two questions. And it's too bad because I happen to have a lot of questions like who's gonna investigate this horrific killing by the Department of Homeland Security that the Department of Homeland Security has clearly misrepresented. The Department of Homeland Security says they'll investigate the shooting. Oh, good luck finding the real killer, O.J. we're rooting for you. And pardon me for not trusting that the administration is going to do a fair and free investigation when they are already going out on TV moving the goalposts on why the shooting was justified, whether he was brandishing the weapon or not. He was not protesting peacefully. He was screaming in the face of ice. He had a phone up right to the right into ice's face. I mean, we all see the same thing. I mean, you shouldn't try to gaslight the administration about what happened. Somebody's on therapy talk. We're gaslighting you. You gaslighting? No, I'm gaslighting you. Gaslighting me. Are you gaslighting me a little bit. Little bit. We're gaslighting you. What the. By the way, we're gaslighting you. Speaking of gaslighting, here is Todd Blanche. A day after accusing all of us and of gaslighting the administration about what happened. I don't think anybody thinks that they were comparing what happened on Saturday to the legal definition of domestic terrorism. Oh, you don't think anybody's doing that? Well, they were certainly insinuating it. I mean, it might be hard to find someone explicitly using those exact words, but we found it.
- [09:52]
A
Violence against a government because of ideological reasons and for reasons to resist and perpetuate violence. That is the definition of domestic terrorism.
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B
I mean, we're gasli. I think that actually might be the definition of gaslighting. Look, the administration realized pretty quickly that the public is not buying their description. So they had to make a choice. Come clean and commit yourself to finding the truth, no matter where it may lead. Or just redefine who the victims of this tragedy really were. The victim are the border patrol agents. I think when it comes to the ICE agents, I think you see the incredible frustration that they feel. You know, someone screaming in your face, f you. You suck. Get out of here. That's tough to take for an eight hour day. Now look what you've. People screaming you eight hours a day is basically every customer service job in this country. That's all it is. And the national pastime of Staten Island. You're telling me trained and armed ICE agents can't handle what the average geek squad member at Best Buy has to. I told you, I didn't spill any coffee on it. Just fix it. I was upset. I'm sorry. Greg Bevino. You've got more to say. Politicians, community leaders, and some journalists engage in that heated rhetoric, calling law enforcement names like Gestapo. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Could you. Could you pronounce that again? You went full stoppo Gestapo. Stoppo Gestapo. I thought you guys hate when people do that. The way a Latino newscaster might throw out a. A Maduro, a Nicolas Maduro. But you're out there full Gestapo, like you're an extra in Jojo Rabbit Gestapo. I'm gest. In America, we pronounce it gestap. And I get that people's language can be hyperbolic, certainly. But one thing that may not be helping your case, Sergeant Bevino or whatever. Can we get a quick fit check on this mother? You know, first of all, it is slightly terrifying to Americans that you seem to be dressing for the job you want. So if I can say, if you love the Gestapo coat, you may want to change the Gestapo hair, because together it's really stapo. So if you love the coat, keep the coat, but instead of the fashy, you might want to give yourself the Garfunkel Changes everything. Or if you're really into the reverse Larry David, keep the hair, but maybe a slightly less threatening uniform. That nice. That nice. That nice. Nobody is buying your shit right now. We can't even. You know what? We can't even get through a snowstorm without being reminded of how bad, badly this is going for you.
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A
The biggest threat, though, continues to be and always really, generally, is it's ice. Ice still causing dangerous conditions, ice creating.
- [13:49]
B
Some treacherous conditions on the roads and on the sidewalk.
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A
There hasn't been an ice warning this severe in 12 years.
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When it comes to ice, all the bets are off.
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A
You need to just still be careful because ice can still be out there.
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Just don't mention the storm might be the result of El Nino or it might get dragged out of the car in front of the kids too soon. All right, fair enough. But as all of the administration's descriptions of the events and reasoning behind the events fell apart, the right did seem to coalesce on one aspect of the incident.
- [14:27]
A
When you are bearing arms and you are confronted by law enforcement, you are raising the risk of force being used against you.
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You cannot bring a firearm loaded with multiple magazines to any sort of protest that you want.
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A
I don't know of any peaceful protester that shows up with a gun and ammunition rather than a sign.
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B
Don't let the left kid you with this, that this is just a normal protest, Peaceful protesters don't have nine millimeter weapons with two extra magazines. Are you kidding me right now? Are you. Are you saying. Is that what you're saying on the right is that what. Is that what the right. Are you saying that the problem was the guy had a gun? Are you saying that the guns are the problem? Is that. Are you saying. If I may. Are you saying is everyone on the right coming together to say carrying a legal firearm was the problem? Am I hearing things? Is that really what you're saying? Really? Is that what you're saying? I guess that's what they're saying. Yeah. I want to hear it again. I want to hear you say it again, but this time not from some, you know, Congressman. I want to hear from a cabinet level secretary, and it doesn't have to be a cabinet level secretary who deals with Security or anything along those lines. Just someone who wants to jump in and comment on it, in fact. And I want this secretary to deliver this line like it's a mic drop, even though, oh, is it not? He brought a gun. Have you ever gone to a protest, Jonathan? I mean, we do have a Second Amendment in this country that. Jonathan, have you ever gone to a protest? I mean, have you gone to a protest? I mean, I've. I. No, actually, as a reporter covering it. Okay, I've been to a protest. Guess what? I didn't bring a gun. I brought a billboard. I didn't bring a. Huh? I brought a. It wasn't a. It was a. I brought a billboard. I brought three billboards. The protest was outside of Ebbing, Missouri. It was sleeve billboards. I brought them all. By the way, people don't bring billboards to protest. They call them signs. I brought a billboard. I brought a billboard. I didn't bring a. Bang bang. I brought a. There is nothing that I love more than watching somebody delivered a practiced line that they think is devastating only to trip on their own dick. This is blowing my mind. The people that brought you this guy and these guys, and these guys, as heroes who are brandishing their weapons are telling you the big mistake was letting a citizen legally carry a gun. I mean, listen, I wasn't shocked when you guys gave up the First Amendment, and I wasn't shocked when you gave up the Fourth Amendment and the 10th Amendment and the 14th Amendment at Trump's behest. But the second. Isn't that kind of the load bearing wall of the Don't Tread on me, flag your snakes down to a newt. Your deeply felt constitutional principles are suddenly the night in Monty Python. Arrgh. Come back. Come back. Ah. I'll bite you to death. I'm still a Constitution.
- [18:35]
A
Arrah.
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B
Arrah, rent it. It's very good. Come on, guys. Guns are your whole personality. Guns are your zoom backgrounds, your decorative lapel pins. Guns are how you show displeasure at documents. Guns are your Christmas cards. There's no human activity that can't be made better without the pulsing heat of your Armalite best friends. Of course, in Texas, we cook bacon a little differently than most folks. Machine gun bacon. I'm not really one to talk, but it is clear how much heavy lifting his beard has to do. Like that dude, that was like. That's some weapons shit right there. The crazy thing is, the right has jettisoned the entire integrity and belief of their political worldview, the entire foundation of it. For a guy who really doesn't give a. You gave it all up. This is your president on this harrowing weekend of bloodshed.
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A
At 11:31am this morning, he wrote on Truth Social to complain about a lawsuit and say that stopping construction of his White House ballroom, in his view, quote, would be devastating to the White House, our country, and all concerned. Just a few moments ago, he posted again, lamenting the NFL's new kickoff format.
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B
This is who you threw it all away for kickoff. Blood runs through the streets of Minnesota. A political party has jettisoned their entire knowledge of the founding documents. And Trump's out there like, hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid. This is what makes this entire Minnesota adventure so maddening. Because ultimately, we as a country are not asking for too much from our government. We're just not. We have the soft bigotry of low expectations. All we want is sane policies actually competently executed without you all being huge dicks. That's all we. Oh, no, that's not. That's not what we. We'll work on the acronym, but inst. We get bad policy executed with extreme dickishness. And to add insult to injury is the denial of the reality that we all witnessed. They're lying. We saw it. And that's how brazen. They lie when they know we've seen the truth. That's how they lie when they know we know. Imagine how they lie when there's no evidence that to contradict them. And maybe that, more than anything explains why Alex Preddy really was a threat. Because he was brandishing a weapon, a handheld aluminum 1080p 60fps weapon of mass illumination. Because there is nothing more dangerous to a regime predicated on lies than witnesses who capture the truth.
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A
There is so much chaos in the news lately, it is truly overwhelming. And if President Trump has you feeling exhausted and wanting to hide under a blanket, you're not alone.
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B
Marco Rubio admitting he hides from President Trump during his naps on Air Force One, even cocooning himself in a blanket to cover his head. He says he knows the president never sleeps on the plane and will prowl the hallways to see who's awake. Quote, I want him to think it's a staffer who fell asleep. I don't want him to see his secretary of state sleeping on a couch and think, oh, this guy is weak.
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A
Oh, Marco, Trump isn't gonna think you're weak because you're napping. He's gonna think you're weak because you're a pussy. I mean, come on. You don't have to cover yourself in blankets if you want the president to ignore you. Just be a jobs report or a. Or a middle aged woman wearing pants. By the way, how is this. And this guy suddenly the sleep police, he's like my laptop. If you don't touch him for five minutes, he just shuts down. But I can see why the people in the Trump administration want to lay low and cover up right now. The whole country is outraged over their fascist cosplaying in Minneapolis and none of them want to take the blame for it. Unfortunately for him, border patrol commander Greg Bovino has become the face of the immigration crackdown. In that he's the only one not hiding its face. People have been demanding his firing. But if there's one thing we know about president Trump, it's that he has always been a loyal man to his staff and to his wives and to his mistresses. And he is not going to toss out Greg Bovino just to cover up his own culpability. Sources telling ABC news border patrol commander Gregory Bovino is out as part of a staffing shakeup. The controversial commander has been reassigned to.
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B
His regular job along the U. S. Mexico border.
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Oh no. Como seydis. Say bye, bitch. Man, do you know how badly you have to be at immigration enforcement that you get deported to Mexico? Oof, that's an impression. Embarrassing demotion by any standards. The department of homeland security has been insisting this is not a demotion for Bevino. Oh, uh huh. Okay. Of course not. We're not throwing you under the bus. We're throwing you onto a bus and sending it far, far away. But still, there seems to be some confusion here if there's any clear, definite sign that Trump has lost his confidence in Bovino.
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B
Mr. Bovino, we just learned, has been cut off from accessing his social media accounts by the department of homeland security.
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A
Oh, he's toast. This administration practically runs on shitposting. So there's no greater punishment to them than telling someone, turn in your badge and your dank memes. I'm just kidding. They don't have badges. I can't believe that. No more screen time works on both 8 year olds and the head of a fascist death squad. Wow. Technology is really powerful. Powerful stuff. So it looks like Greg Bovino is gone. Not to be confused with Dan Bongino, who is also gone. There's anyone in the Trump administration named like Mike Bobino? That guy is, let me tell you. So now Trump has a problem. He needs to find a replacement for Bovino. Does anyone have an idea And I mean, anyone.
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B
What I would do is just bring Tom Holman in. I would love to see Tom Holman just be asked to go in there and settle things down. I would hope there may be a fresh set of eyes, Tom Homan going in there taking control of this.
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A
Okay. I think Brian Kilmeade might want Tom Homan. For those who don't know, Tom Homan is Trump's border czar, seen here eyeing a paper bag filled with $50,000. But this is, this is Kilmeade, okay? He's a Fox and Friends host. He's not a cabinet member. Just because he's spitballing ideas on camera doesn't mean that Trump's actually going to do exactly what he's suggesting. Twenty minutes later, the President just posted on Truth Social moments ago, he says, I am sending Tom Homan to Minnesota tonight. Well, me in the face. They say TV is dying, but there's still power in it. I mean, God, if Brian Kilmeade can will something into existence, imagine what I could do. Hey, Timothee Chalamet, it's time. Shave that mustache from Marty Supreme. Yeah, yeah. I think that was the best use of my power. But the truth is a suggestion from Couch people wouldn't have worked on its own. What worked was what the good people of Minneapolis have done with their bravery and their determination and their sacrifice. It was their unceasing resistance and banding together in bone chilling temperatures, mind you, that kept attention on the injustices being committed by ICE to the point where even conservatives were pushing back. At least 30 Republicans now demanding a full and complete and thorough investigation. Texas Governor Greg Abbott says that it's time for the White House to recalibrate their approach. The NRA even speaking out, posting responsible public voices should be awaiting a full investigation, not making generalizations and demonizing law abiding citizens. Republican Congressman Thomas Massie posting carrying a firearm is not a death sentence. It's a constitutionally protected God given right. I mean, I love that conservatives are speaking out, but carrying a gun is a God given right. Guys, there's no guns in the Bible. Are you thinking of the novelization of the Equalizer 2, which, to be fair, is my personal bible. So you've got everyone from GOP senators to the NRA criticizing how Trump is handling this. But no matter how many people abandon him, he will always, always have Newsmax. They'll defend him. Even if it makes them look stupid. Especially if it makes them look stupid.
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B
Can I tell you something? Look at that. Take that full In a weird way, that phone, I think could be mistaken for a gun. I want to show you something. Does that look like a gun? I think it does a little bit. It's a phone. It's black like most phones. That's crazy stuff.
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A
I won't disagree with you there. That is crazy stuff. If you think this couldn't be any stupider, never underestimate Greg Kelly.
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B
Oh, my God. There's a guy over there. Stop. Doesn't that look like a gun? Seriously, it's just my silly phone. I can't change the screensaver. I didn't choose that one. It just popped up. I think it's like Black Lives Matter or something. I do not support, but I can't get rid of it. See you tomorrow.
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A
That is the most Newsmax sentence of all time. I don't know what that is, but I do not support it. It's amazing what you can get canceled. I don't support civil rights. I swear. It's a tech issue. You gotta believe me. I have to say, Greg Kelly, that entire demonstration was just embarrassing. I just. I hope Donald Trump didn't see you shit the bed that hard. Oh. Phew. You're good. He was sleeping. The Trump administration is still scrambling to cover their asses after the unrest in Minnesota, and that won't be easy. Some of them have a lot of ass to cover that this administration is ready to step up and take accountability.
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B
This morning, the blame game inside the Trump administration. You have the President of the United States blaming Kristi Noemi. Noem is saying that she was just repeating what the White House told her to say, that this was the narrative that Stephen Miller had come up with. Stephen Miller attempting to shift scrutiny to Border Patrol agents.
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A
So you have Trump, Noem, and Miller all pointing fingers at each other. It's like a Mexican standoff for people who hate Mexicans. But things are clearly getting extremely ugly inside the Trump administration. And bear in mind, it started extremely ugly, but, you know, par for the course. It all makes sense. No further explanation needed.
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B
I just want to hold up a flowchart. Friend of my understanding of the blame game here.
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A
I don't want to say CNN is struggling financially, but this is the channel that used to talk to holograms of. And now they're just scribbling things on a napkin. Oh, that's why Wolf Blitzer has been selling his nudes online. Yes. So the Republicans are in disarray. Trump is doing exactly what you would expect him to be doing while his cabinet is falling apart. Redirecting our attention to an election that happened two years ago.
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B
We did so great in the election with Hispanic voters. We did so great with black men. We did so great with white. Everything.
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A
White everything. All the whites. Jeremy Allen whites, Betty whites, Walter whites, Snow whites, white chicks. That's a twofer because it's black men dressed as white. But wait, hold on. I'm white and I didn't vote for Trump, so does that mean I'm black?
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B
Yes.
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A
Look who Jim. I just got invited to the cookout. I'll bring my famous craisins potato salad. What's that? I was uninvited. Just good to be in the conversation. And if you thought that Trump would use this rally as an opportunity to lower the temperature in Minnesota, well, you are still stupid.
- [33:06]
B
They have to show that they can love our country. They have to be proud. Not like Ilhan Omar. Did you see what? Did you see that wise guy? You know, she's always talking about. The Constitution provides me with the following.
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A
I will say if Trump was going to do an impression of an African woman, it could have gone a lot worse than that. So let's, let's just be grateful. This is such a weird thing for him to make fun of. The President of the United States is roasting people for knowing the Constitution. This is like the President of Nike being like, oh, I'm Michael Jordan. I like playing basketball in shoes. What a loser. It's not surprising that Trump was mocking Congresswoman Omar. He's been viciously attacking her for months, calling her garbage, saying that she and other Somali Americans should go back to where they came from. And last night in Minnesota, after Trump's rally, someone took his verbal attacks to the next level.
- [34:10]
B
Overnight, a chaotic scene at a Minnesota town hall. A man charging Congresswoman Ilhan Omar moments after she took the podium using a syringe, police say, to spray her with what witnesses describe as an unknown strong smelling liquid.
- [34:23]
A
New reporting that it was apple cider vinegar. Apple cider vinegar? What the. Dude, are you trying to pickle her? I'll show you. Your skin's gonna glow and you'll never get a cold. So weird. More importantly, can we just go back to the footage and watch how Boss Omar's reaction is? Look at this, look at this. She gets prayed and she goes after the gu immediately. Dude, if that happened to me, I would be terrified. But Omar was like, this is dry clean only, bitch. Yes, yes. Now, let's be clear. We don't know why exactly this man squirted Ilhan Omar, and we would not be a trustworthy reliable source if we just speculated wildly. Anyway, here's Donald Trump speculating wildly. Speaking to ABC News, he suggested, without evidence that the attack was somehow staged.
- [35:32]
B
Saying, quote, I think she's a fraud.
- [35:34]
A
I really don't think about that. She probably had herself sprayed, knowing her. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. She was probably like, ugh, I forgot to wear perfume. I know. I'll have Crazy Jeff spray me mid speech. Now, you might be wondering how the President could react to an act of political violence this way, but it's pretty simple. Here, let me just explain. Here we go. Okay. See? Dumb thing trumps brain, trumps mouth. I take it back. These things are great. So Trump didn't spend much time thinking about Congresswoman Omar because he had something much bigger going on. Today, he held an event to promote his new Trump accounts, featuring a lineup of guests that includes Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank, Cheryl Hines from Curb youb Enthusiasm, Michael Dell from the computer you buy when you can't afford a Mac, and Ted Cruz from youm Nightmare. And then there was one truly special guest.
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B
There's a certain person that's here who's the greatest and most successful female rapper in history. Nicki Minaj. And I said, I am going to let my nails grow because I love those nails. I'm going to let those nails grow.
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A
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mr. President, don't let those nails get near your delicate hand. Seriously, look at this.
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B
Ugh.
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A
One slip and Trump's hand is going to start leaking like a busted waterbed. It's like a chainsaw holding hands with a Ziploc bag of chili. Things could get real messy real quick. Now, honestly, these accounts aren't the worst idea that either Trump or Nikki has endorsed. Basically, it's like an IRA for babies. Trump accounts will give $1,000 in federal money to every baby born between January 1, 2025 and the end of 2028. The money will be invested until the child can access it when they turn 18.
- [37:56]
B
Wow.
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A
I didn't expect this from Donald Trump. Mostly the part where he says you can't touch something until it turns 18.
- [38:05]
B
How do you make chicken nuggets? Like, 7,000% better? Short, you let Taco Bell make them long. Start with all white meat chicken nuggets, bread them in crunchy tortilla chips, and serve them with Hidden Valley Diablo Ranch. Yup, that's Hidden Valley Ranch mixed with Taco Bell Diablo sauce. It's exactly what it sounds like and somehow even better. Simple math. Spicy results Crispy chicken nuggets from Taco Bell, a brand new classic at participating US Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last.
- [38:38]
A
We begin with a battle over Trump's immigration crackdown. As the situation gets more and more out of hand, the people behind it are starting to feel the heat. And one person cannot be contained.
- [38:50]
B
Kristi Noem and Stephen Miller are liars. Any administration that allows them to continue in office is rotten to its core. Oh, wow.
- [39:02]
A
Samuel L. Schumer over here. You kiss your lobbyist with that mouth? Guess a video like that is one way to get our attention. But I think it might be even more effective if you just cut it off a little bit earlier.
- [39:17]
B
Kristi Noem and Stephen Miller are.
- [39:22]
A
Okay now. I'm listening. Spill the tea, girl. So, yeah, Schumer came in pretty hot, but other Democrats are trying to bring down the volume just a little. What do you make of the President's full throated support of Kristi Noem? We don't have sound. I think we're muted here.
- [39:53]
B
Ask. Good afternoon, Chris.
- [39:56]
A
Nailed it. I couldn't have not said it better myself. So let's assume that at some point the Democrats can express themselves at a normal volume, somewhere between 0 and Lewis Black. What do they want?
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B
They are demanding three specific changes and roving ICE patrols across the country, an updated Uniform Code of Conduct and accountability for immigration enforcement, body cams on all agents, as well as proper identification and no masks.
- [40:27]
A
Okay, good to see Democrats pushing for some reforms. Is this everything that needs to change about ice? No. Is it a start? Yes. Am I going to keep asking myself questions and then answering them? No. This is my last one. Can I ask one more? Fine. But let's move on to the big, exciting event that we have all been waiting for. Everyone's going, you know what I'm talking about. The new Melania movie. Oh, someone didn't get their tickets in time. Don't be mad, but if you haven't seen the trailer, get ready to be blown away. Here we go again. Hi, Mr. President. Congratulations.
- [41:19]
B
Did you watch it?
- [41:20]
A
I did not. Yeah, I did not. Yeah, I was going to, but then I didn't. Now, when you first heard that there was going to be a documentary about Melania, you probably thought, oh, or huh? Or why? Or can I undo my laces? But Amazon believed in this movie a lot. Like, suspiciously a lot.
- [41:47]
B
Bezos and Amazon are paying $40 million for a documentary on Melania Trump. The most expensive licensing fee ever paid for a documentary. Amazon paid nearly three times More than the next highest bidder, the first lady.
- [41:59]
A
Will reportedly walk away with at least $28 million.
- [42:04]
B
Huh.
- [42:07]
A
Why? Why would Jeff Bezos, a billionaire who has tons of business with a government run by a famously corrupt president known for loving bribes, overpay for a Melania documentary? Hmm, let me think. Well, that didn't help. But whatever else this is, they made a real movie. They even got director Brett Ratner, who you might know from Rush hour or the MeToo movement, And they're spending a ton of money promoting it, which is why we're seeing Melania all over Fox News doing interviews. And they've been asking her fascinating questions. How does it feel being first lady for the second time around? It's quite extraordinary. What is your favorite part of the movie? When we all go to watch it.
- [43:00]
B
This weekend when he's doing the watch.
- [43:03]
A
How do you feel fostering the future? AI? I mean, what haven't you done? Tell us about the future. I've always been curious. What is your favorite time of day? I was told there'd be no gotcha questions. What is your favorite time of day? That sounds like the conversation you have with a co worker's spouse when they show up to the holiday party before your co worker does. So do you always eat hors d' oeuvres or. I gotta go to the bathroom. I will say, I don't want to put all the blame on the interviewers because Melania's not really giving them a lot to work with. I got a special score for that movie, my original score that is called Melania's Vaults. Wow. And where does that original score come from? It's specially made for the. How wonderful.
- [44:00]
B
Wow.
- [44:00]
A
The original score for this movie was made for this movie, you say? And did they hit record when they were filming? Oh, how wonderful. Well, here's $40 million. So. All right, this isn't one of those interesting Timothee Chalamet press tours, but that's not important. What's important is what this movie is about. Just what is it about? This story was never told before. So the audience will see me. How I manage my business, my philanthropy, family. Preparation for the inauguration, and also establishing the East Wing for the White House.
- [44:42]
B
Oh.
- [44:45]
A
No one's told her.
- [44:48]
B
Oh, God.
- [44:50]
A
Oh, I love the East Wing. Especially how it will always be. There is this whole movie just her talking about things that she loves that are no longer here. Oh, my passions. Decorating the East Wing, chatting with Dilbert creator Scott Adams. Let's see, what else? But whether this movie was a legitimate piece of art or a cash grab. It was a cash grab. So I'm sure everyone involved with this project is very proud of the work that they've done. Rolling Stone is reporting two thirds of the film's New York crew asked not to be credited. You didn't want to be in the credits, but how will they know who to get the trophy to at the FIFA Academy Awards? And you know that this is bad because people in Hollywood love taking credit. It is their favorite thing to do. By the way, I was the first person to make that point.
- [45:55]
B
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