
Loading summary
Jordan Klepper
You're listening to an iHeart podcast.
Leslie Jones
You're listening to Comedy Central from the.
Jordan Klepper
Most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. It's America's only source for news. This is the Daily show with your host, Jordan Clover. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm George Bleph. But we got so much to talk about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Jr. Is up Schitt's creek without a shirt on. And Leslie Jones is gonna make J.D. vance wish he stayed in Greenland. But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his Middle east eras tour. So let's kick things off with another installment of Trump meets international humiliation. One after another, indeed. Now, today, Trump's visit to the Middle east brought him to Qatar. It's also acceptable to say Qatar. However, qtar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument, you synth pop coward. Now, yesterday, Saudi Arabia greeted Trump with horses. And today, Cutter said, oh, you think that's cool? How about horses and camels and mother sword dancers? Yeah.
Leslie Jones
Whoa.
Jordan Klepper
That puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow to the uae. I bet they're sweating right now. You know, we're just gonna give him an Edible Arrangement. What the are we gonna do? Of course, Qatar didn't just give him a sword dance show. They also offered him a $400 million luxury jumbo jet. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy. It's a security risk. The optics are terrible. It's clearly unconstitutional. So you gotta wonder, why does Trump want it so bad? And you know, these planes, the plane that you're on right now is almost 40 years old. And when you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar, and you see all these, and they have these brand new Boeing 747s, mostly. And you see ours next to it, it's much smaller. It's much less impressive. I believe that we should have the most impressive plane. We still talking about planes? Look, we're on the tarmac next to each other. You know, I know you're not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there. Cockpit was huge, man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle east getting sword dances and free jets. I mean, is he going to do any actual policy stuff? I will be ordering the cessation of sanctions against Syria in order to give them a chance at greatness. Well, you know what? I spoke too soon. This seems like maybe, maybe actually a good idea. You know, Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship. And Trump thinks the new government deserves a chance to find its feet free of U.S. sanctions. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just think about himself. Syria's new president, Ahmed Al Shara reportedly offered to build a Trump Tower in Damascus. Goddammit. God damn it. I spoke too soon about speaking too soon. But hey, you know what? Good on you, Syria. Whatever it takes. And you know what, pbs, maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children's programming, have you thought of offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street? You know, could be a win win, but let's move on. Just because Trump's out of the country doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home. Today at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Health Secretary and human wet market faced some tough questions about whether he wants his own children to be alive.
Leslie Jones
Something that might be helpful is you've previously said you vaccinated your children.
Jordan Klepper
If you had a child today, would.
Leslie Jones
You vaccinate that child for measles?
Jordan Klepper
For measles, probably for measles. What I would say is my opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I don't think people should be taking advice, medical advice from me. Then what is your job? You know what? You know what, Call me an idealist, but it'd be nice if people could take medical advice from the health secretary. You know, maybe it's actually pretty good advice to not listen to RFK's advice because here's how he spent his weekend. Robert Kennedy Jr. May be secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage contaminated creek. And for sure, don't take your grandkids in there.
Leslie Jones
That creek that RFK Jr. Is around in isn't exactly pristine. In fact, it's a sewer runoff and is polluted with widespread fecal contamination. Swimming and wading are banned, but in this photo, RFK Jr. Is totally submerged.
Jordan Klepper
Hey, hey. RFK promised us he'd find the cause of autism, remember? I mean, at this point, it's like RFK Jr. Is going out of his way to be gross. Does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal part of this story. And maybe, maybe if he was just taking a fecal dip himself, we'd let it slide. But he brought his grandkids. And as a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping. Usually. It's just like we asked you not to give the kids candy. Not we asked you not to take them swimming. And E. Coli, Tainted sewage runoff. Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like, kids shouldn't be at drag shows. They should be bobbing for apples and a Porta Potty. Listen, it's not. It's not lost on me that there is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage and human shit. Yes, that is definitely something we should look into and fix. But until we do, don't go swimming in them. For more on RFK Jr. S fecal dip, we go live to Rock Creek with Troy Iwata. Troy, Troy, Troy, what's it like down there? What do you mean, Jordan? It's a little river with a lot of poop in it. Okay. It smells bad. It looks bad. Is that a fish? Nope, it's poop. Why am I here? And why did you make me stand in it? Because you're a reporter, Troy. You have to get into the story to understand it. Just like we had to get into the Qatari. Qatari jet story with our very own Grace Kulenschmik. Grace, Grace. Grace, what's your report? Well, Jordan, now that I'm here on the jet, I can confirm with my reporting that this jet is awesome. This just in. Rich people are badass.
Colin McCann
And so cool.
Jordan Klepper
Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting. How is. But Grace is doing reporting. It's called investigationary journalism, Troy. How would I know if they're serving champagne or Prosecco if I don't drink a bottle of each? Grace, that is a great point. Grace. Journalism's about experiencing things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure that what you're standing in is poop water? Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can see water. Great. See, now you're reporting. I'm proud of your sport. Grace, back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar gaining access to sensitive information? Oh, I'll tell you what, they have access to movies that haven't even come out yet. I just saw Shrek 12. I don't know how that Shrek keeps.
Leslie Jones
Getting away with it.
Jordan Klepper
Okay. And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope. Just poop and water. Come on, Troy. Journalism, remember? It's not easy for me either. I took a bubble bath so I didn't see the first 30 minutes of Shrek 13. I missed Lord Farquaad's coming out story. This just In Dragon is kind of homophobic. Wow, Grace, so brave of you. See, Troy, at least you don't have to deal with something like that. No, no, Bobby, no. Don't do a cannonball. I'm too close. Bobby, no, don't. Jordan. Some of that got in my mouth thanks to the both of you. Thank you, Jordan. I hate you. JJ. Still in spin 21 everyone. When we come back, Leslie Jones. So don't go away. Welcome back. Welcome to the Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend, Leslie Jones.
Leslie Jones
What's up, y' all? Did you miss me? Cause I definitely have an opinion. I got a problem with these Trump folks. It's not that y' all. It's not that they're corrupt, although they are. It's not that they're evil, although they are. It's not that they're women hating, racist, unqualified dickheads who couldn't run a Dunkin Donuts without burning it down. No. My problem is these people are goofy ass mother. I thought. I thought. I thought Reagan was bad, but at least he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad, but at least he has a hilarious name. But what do we have now? J.D. vance, RFK Jr. And Elon Musk. I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these loser incels. That's not how I plan to go out. I was gonna go out nestle peacefully between the two Michael B. Jordans, but instead we get Elon Musk, who is doing this dumb shit.
Jordan Klepper
Elon. I love the double hat by the way. He's the only one that can do.
Leslie Jones
That get away with it.
Jordan Klepper
Well, Mr. President, now. They say I wear a lot of hats. That's true.
Colin McCann
Even my hat has a hat.
Leslie Jones
Cut that goofy shit out. This is a cabinet meeting. Have some damn respect. This is official shit. How is this guy firing people? If this guy gave me a pink slip, I'd give his ass a black eye. Why don't you fire one of them hats, bitch? And by the way, how you gonna remis the jokes when you don't even know when you're hearing a joke?
Jordan Klepper
What's more challenging, going to Mars or taking on Washington? Going to Mars.
Leslie Jones
He was kidding. You goofy mother. What is wrong with you and how you got so many kids? Cause I wouldn't you with my enemies.
Colin McCann
For.
Leslie Jones
And I hate that bitch. I would rather a turkey baster. Hell, I'D rather a turkey. Then we got RFK Jr. Another goofy mother. Don't let them muscles fool you. He's a piece of shit. No, literally, a piece of shit. This man swims in sewage like a ninja turtle. And they're gonna try to teach us about health.
Jordan Klepper
Seed oil is one of the components of processed foods. And you know all the science indicates that ultra processed foods are what are behind are the principal culprit.
Leslie Jones
Why the you sound like that? What's wrong with your voice? You don't sound healthy. You talk like you on a bad phone line. Hang up. I don't understand what you're saying. And I can't believe this man is from the Kennedys. I thought the Kennedys had swag. Why we got the T moves Kennedy. I wish we could do it like we did back in the day. If you was that child you got locked in the room on holidays because you might hurt somebody. Instead they put this goofy mother in charge of my health. Now I wanna make sure everyone feels included. Cause you trump women is some goofy ass mother too.
Jordan Klepper
Looks to me like the Supreme Court's gonna say that the parents will have the right to opt out. But that could have big national implications not just for Maryland, but all across the country. Madam Secretary. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. No, I should have asked a more. I should have asked a more specific question.
Leslie Jones
Shut up, bitch. How you going up? Questions and answers. That's literally what education is. That's your whole. Because schools got a big issue right now. Like students using AI but her goofy ass probably can't even spell AI.
Jordan Klepper
I wish I could remember the source. But that there is a school system that's gonna start making sure that first graders or even pre ks have A1 teaching. Wasn't all that long ago that it's. We're gonna have Internet in our schools. Whoop. Now, okay, let's do see a 1. And how do you. And how can that be helpful?
Leslie Jones
It's AI bitch. Not A one. A one is a steak sauce, you goofy mother. And it's delicious. But you not in charge of Sizzler, you bitch. You are in charge of education. How you up? Letters. But this brings me to the A1 goofiest mother there is. JD bitch ass Vance.
Jordan Klepper
Look at the size of that trophy next to J.D. vance. I know. Those are some big young gentlemen. And a big trophy as well. Big dudes. Yeah. Oh, and it looks like the trophy fell. That's unfortunate.
Leslie Jones
No, what's unfortunate is that this goofing mother is our vice President. He is such a loser. The trophy decapitated itself instead of being put in his arms. And look what this mother did to the Pope.
Jordan Klepper
J.D. vance was one of the last people to see Pope Francis alive. I know you've not been feeling great, but it's good to see you having a meeting with him. The day before he died.
Leslie Jones
His goofy ass killed the Pope. Old beady little bitch eyed face bitch. And now we got an American Pope. And I'mma tell you something. You better stay the away from him. You angel of God. Goofy ass death. In fact, I even got a Pope. In fact, I even got the Pope a fake body double so we can protect him. Lenny, come on out here. This is my friend Lenny. Don't he look exactly like the new.
Jordan Klepper
I don't see the resemblance. Leslie, you look just like him.
Leslie Jones
I'll prove it. Put up the picture. Okay.
Jordan Klepper
Do the.
Leslie Jones
Do the part way. Do the part way. You are the same dude. Now bless me holiness, so I can be protected from these goofy ass mother. Bless me, Lily.
Colin McCann
Bless you my child.
Leslie Jones
Get out. But seriously, this is to the people who voted this shit in. This cannot be what you mean by making America great again. This is a circus. Other countries are laughing at us right now. We gotta get rid of MAGA because they're not making America great again. They making America goofy asses. But that's just my opinion.
Jordan Klepper
Listen, Jones everybody. When we come back, Colin McCann will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a national Book Award winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome Colin McCann column.
Colin McCann
Welcome.
Jordan Klepper
Thank you. Welcome. I am a big fan. I'm a fan of many of your books. But you also wrote a book, two writers. And in that book you ask writers to not write what they know, write towards what they want to know.
Colin McCann
Right.
Jordan Klepper
And this book, Twist is about underwater sea cables?
Colin McCann
Yes.
Jordan Klepper
What the hell did you want to know about underwater sea cables?
Colin McCann
You mean you haven't been swimming down underneath the cables, figuring out how to chop them or anything?
Jordan Klepper
I'm staying up top. Most of the time. I'm mostly worried about. What about UV rays coming from the sun?
Colin McCann
Well, you know, it's really amazing. I mean 95% of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater. And it's going in places that we have never visited. I was fascinated by this. Cause you know, the underwater have all those, you know, dips and crags and underwater canyons and all sorts of things. And the fact that our voices and our Emojis and all the silly things that we do. Our porn and all the porn traveling at the bottom of the sea. Yes, there it is.
Jordan Klepper
The tits that are at the bot get talked about enough.
Colin McCann
They are slinking along.
Jordan Klepper
Yeah, yeah, but what. So this book looks at. I mean, it really looks about. There's so many big themes that deal with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile, it's hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like, what did you notice in doing research for this? Like, where were the weaknesses?
Colin McCann
Well, the weaknesses are starting. First of all, you know, we're connected. We're all connected, but we're also disconnected in the most extraordinary way. So I was interested in that. But where then are the weak points in the cables? Well, you have landing stations all over the world where the cables come in from the sea into a little bungalow like structure. And you recognize it because it has a chain link fence around it and a generator at the side because they need electricity. And you can actually walk up to a lot of these landing stations, even in New Jersey and Long island, and you can see the manhole covers in the ground. And you can lift up if you carry. Do you carry a what? One of those things to lift up.
Jordan Klepper
Manholes every now and then?
Colin McCann
No, those things.
Jordan Klepper
Oh, just like a steel lever to open manhole covers. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. I carry those all the time.
Colin McCann
Okay.
Jordan Klepper
Yes, yes, yes. I'm constantly. If you see me on the street around New York, you have done this. I'm like a ninja turtle just getting in there.
Colin McCann
You know, you just, you take it out like this and then you lift out the manhole cover and you can actually. The cables coming in to the. Carrying all that porn.
Jordan Klepper
I like this. Wait a minute. There's free porn under the streets?
Colin McCann
You just reach down and scoop it up.
Jordan Klepper
I like to imagine you as a writer just climbing over these fences with these giant steel rods, trying to get this information and people catching you and being like, oh, no, no, I'm writing a novel, don't worry about it.
Colin McCann
But you can also go out and you can dive under and you can see some of these cables. You know, we are actually, you know, we're quite vulnerable even at deep sea. Because if you take out a cable at deep sea, I'm talking like four, five, six kilometers down. If that goes out through, say an underwater landslide or an earthquake or sabotage with a grappling hook, it will take up to six weeks to get it fixed.
Jordan Klepper
Is that right?
Colin McCann
Yeah, because a boat has to go out. They have to find it. It's an extraordinary job. So if we. If we had somebody trying to take out the world's Internet for six weeks, what would that be like, by the way?
Jordan Klepper
Oh, my God. The shit we would get done.
Colin McCann
Yes, exactly.
Jordan Klepper
Can you imagine the connections we would have? The ability to talk to one another.
Colin McCann
We would talk to one another.
Jordan Klepper
Oh, my God. I would build a relationship with my son in a way that I never did before. We would actually work together to try to pass, like, a reliable bill that could keep Medicaid a part of it as well. We would have friends again.
Colin McCann
Well, maybe we should organize some sort of sabotage, some sort of national sabotage.
Jordan Klepper
This is I love. Because you have such.
Colin McCann
Whoa, whoa.
Jordan Klepper
Just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism, but. But you say it with such. In such a jaunty manner. I think you can really sell some people on it. This book also takes place at sea. I love a good. What is it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it. What is it?
Colin McCann
The sea novels are always wonderful novels because, you know, when you go out to sea, you sort of lose everything, but you always want to go back home. So you meet these people who do go out to sea, and they, you know, investigate these cables and repair them. They're on land, they really want a break to happen, but the minute they get out to sea, all they want to do is fix the break so they can go home again. And so this whole notion of home, belonging, not belonging to repair, I think repair is one of the great themes of our. Of our times.
Jordan Klepper
Well, that's interesting you say that, because I think that that comes through here. And if we zoom out a lot of the stuff we talk about, I think America is a pretty pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in that is a sense of hope.
Colin McCann
Yes.
Jordan Klepper
You talk to people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing. They're more interested in burning things down. Or at least they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is that such a. Why is that such a potent theme now?
Colin McCann
Well, I mean, you talk a lot about certainty, and I agree with you entirely. We're sort of diseased with certainty. Everybody has to be so certain they can only go in one direction and the others can only go in another direction. What I am interested in is the flood plains between those canals of certainty, because that's where all the interesting Stuff happens. That's where actually all the interesting people meet. Because we're so much more interested, then we allow for others to think about ourselves.
Jordan Klepper
You have an amazing organization, Narrative 4. Yes. What is Narrative 4?
Colin McCann
Narrative 4 is a global nonprofit that brings young people together to exchange stories with one another. And one of the things we would do, for instance, believe this or not, we could bring kids from the South Bronx together with kids from eastern Kentucky. And one might think in today's America. Right, exactly. That they might not be able to get off, but through the exchange of personal stories, they create this world where they realize they're not so different to one another. So what would happen is we would get together, I'd tell you a story, you'd tell me a story. I'd go back in and I'd say, hi, my name is Jordan, and I have a lovely head of hair.
Jordan Klepper
And I say column, and I wish I had Jordan's hair.
Colin McCann
Exactly. But, you know, they tell really powerful stories that sort of negotiate the distance that we supposedly have between us. Say, for example, there's so a young girl in the Bronx who wears a hijab. She's talking with a boy from Kentucky. Well, underneath her hijab, she might have AirPods. And in those AirPods, she's listened to Beyonce. And the boy down in Kentucky has been listening to Beyonce's most recent album, Cowboy Carter.
Jordan Klepper
I mean, how do you not listen? Exactly. Right.
Colin McCann
Yeah, exactly. And people come together. People come together in music. People come together in stories. People come together in laughter. And I do think you're talking about hope. I do think. I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability of hope.
Jordan Klepper
Yeah. You believe in the availability of hope?
Colin McCann
I do.
Jordan Klepper
Well, I think you can find it in literature. This is a lovely book. Twist is available now. Colin McCann. Gonna take a break. Quick break right back after this. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcast, watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount podcasts. You're listening to an iHeart podcast.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition – Episode Summary Release Date: May 15, 2025
Hosts: Jordan Klepper, Leslie Jones
Guest: Colin McCann, National Book Award-Winning Author
Producer: iHeartPodcasts and Paramount Podcasts
Jordan Klepper kicks off the episode by addressing former President Donald Trump's ongoing Middle East tour, particularly his visit to Qatar. The segment humorously critiques the lavish and somewhat absurd welcomes Trump has received abroad.
Trump in Qatar: Trump was greeted with horse and camel sword dancers, an extravagant display meant to showcase Qatari culture. Jordan quips, “Pick an instrument, you synth pop coward” (00:12).
Luxury Jumbo Jet Controversy: Qatar offered Trump a $400 million luxury jumbo jet, a move Jordan criticizes as a "security risk" with "terrible optics" (01:42). He contrasts this with the outdated planes used by the U.S., highlighting the embarrassment of Trump's opulent travels: “It's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets” (02:10).
Policy Implications: Amidst the humor, Jordan touches on potential policy shifts, such as the cessation of sanctions against Syria, suggesting that Trump's actions might inadvertently support positive political changes: “Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship” (03:00).
The focus shifts to a recent congressional hearing involving Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the newly appointed Health Secretary, who faced scrutiny over his environmental and health policies.
RFK Jr.'s Controversial Actions: Leslie Jones highlights RFK Jr.'s questionable decision to swim in a polluted creek, emphasizing the health risks and hypocrisy: “Robert Kennedy Jr. May be secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage contaminated creek” (05:34).
Public Health Concerns: The discussion points out the broader issue of polluted bodies of water in America, criticizing the lack of infrastructure and urging for policy reforms: “There is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage” (07:00).
In the “In My Opinion” segment, Leslie Jones delivers a fiery critique of contemporary political figures, expressing frustration and humorously denouncing their actions and personalities.
Critique of Political Leaders: Leslie targets figures like Trump supporters, J.D. Vance, RFK Jr., and Elon Musk, describing them as "goofy ass mothers" and "loser incels": “I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these loser incels” (10:42).
Humorous Exaggerations: She uses hyperbole to emphasize her disdain, such as imagining Trump as someone who burns down Dunkin Donuts: “He couldn't run a Dunkin Donuts without burning it down” (11:30).
Personal Attacks: Leslie doesn’t shy away from personal jabs, linking political incompetence to dire outcomes, including the fictional assassination of Pope Francis by J.D. Vance: “This man swims in sewage like a ninja turtle. And they're gonna try to teach us about health” (13:18).
The latter part of the episode features an insightful conversation with Colin McCann, author of the National Book Award-winning novel Twist, which delves into the world of underwater sea cables.
Underwater Sea Cables: Colin explains the significance of underwater cables, noting that “95% of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater” (20:46). He discusses their vulnerabilities, such as susceptibility to natural disasters and sabotage, highlighting the fragile backbone of global communication.
Themes of Connectedness and Vulnerability: The conversation explores themes of interconnectedness and the hidden dependencies of modern society: “Our voices and our Emojis and all the silly things that we do... are traveling at the bottom of the sea” (21:28).
Narrative 4 Organization: Colin introduces Narrative 4, a nonprofit that fosters global connections among youth through story exchanges, aiming to bridge cultural divides: “They create this world where they realize they're not so different to one another” (26:12).
Hope and Repair: Emphasizing optimism, Colin and Jordan discuss the importance of repair and connectivity in a pessimistic societal landscape, advocating for hope through shared human experiences: “I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability of hope” (27:35).
Jordan Klepper wraps up the episode by highlighting Colin McCann's book Twist and reflecting on the underlying themes of connectivity and hope amidst societal challenges. He encourages listeners to engage with broader narratives that foster understanding and repair.
Notable Quotes:
“It’s getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets.” – Jordan Klepper (02:10)
“Robert Kennedy Jr. May be secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage contaminated creek.” – Leslie Jones (05:34)
“I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these loser incels.” – Leslie Jones (10:42)
“95% of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater.” – Colin McCann (20:46)
“I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability of hope.” – Colin McCann (27:35)
Tune In:
Stay Connected: Follow The Daily Show: Ears Edition for more engaging content, exclusive interviews, and extended discussions on the week’s biggest headlines.
This summary captures the key discussions, insights, and humorous critiques presented in the episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened.