Trump’s Affordability Tailspin: 50-Year Mortgages, Tariff Checks & Maybe Socialism | Rob Riggle

Summary

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

Episode: Trump’s Affordability Tailspin: 50-Year Mortgages, Tariff Checks & Maybe Socialism | Rob Riggle
Date: November 12, 2025
Host: Josh Johnson (with The Daily Show News Team)
Guest: Rob Riggle

Overview

This episode delivers a satirical yet incisive exploration of economic policy chaos, focusing largely on President Trump’s recent affordability-related proposals—from 50-year mortgages to “tariff checks” approaching socialistic territory. The show also features a comedic wrap-up of recent right-wing awards ceremonies and a candid, inspiring interview with actor, comedian, and ex-Marine Rob Riggle about his memoir, “Grit Spit and Never Quit.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Trump’s Affordability “Tailspin” (00:28–11:18)

Theme: The Trump administration’s erratic attempts to address economic anxieties with outlandish, dubiously effective policies.

• Affordability Politics Parody (00:28–03:10)

  • Satirical recreation of Trump arguing over which party “won” on affordability.
  • Josh Johnson: “Damn. That man just went through the five stages of affordability.” (02:10)
  • Jokes about people trying to rationalize unaffordability, even blaming “illegal immigrants in my stomach” for hunger.

• 50-Year Mortgages (03:10–04:32)

  • Trump’s proposed solution: stretch mortgages to 50 years for lower monthly payments.
  • News calculation: $300/month savings, but ends up costing $1.3 million after interest for a $400,000 loan.
  • Johnson quips: “This man is creating generational debt. They’re gonna be fighting to get OUT of grandma’s will.” (04:32)

• Trump’s $2,000 Tariff Checks — Is It Socialism? (04:32–09:30)

  • Trump proposes “tariff dividend” checks for middle- and low-income Americans.
  • Satirical confusion: “Did Donald Trump just stupid himself into socialism?” (05:38)
  • Breaks down the math: Tariffs only raise $217B annually, checks would cost $300B—“That’s $83 billion short. And by the way, he’s only $83 billion short if he hasn’t promised the tariff money to anybody else.” (07:05)
  • Mocks Trump’s tendency to “double-spend” phantom tariff revenue.

• White House Correspondent Mock Interview (09:30–11:18)

  • Grace Kuwenschmidt lampoons the plan: “A $2,000 tariff dividend is such a stupid, stupid plan. It’s laughable. But I want $2,000. God, I want it so bad.” (09:30)
  • Admits tariffs are already pushing the cost onto consumers.
  • Finishes on an absurd note: “It’s not just money, Josh. Oh my God. It’s 2000 monies. … With 2000 monies, I could buy my own bus.” (10:55)
  • Punchline: “Why are you so hard for cash anyway?” “I’m really behind on my 50-year mortgage.” (11:14–11:18)

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2. Awards Season Satire: Right-Wing Edition (12:06–19:34)

• Bellator & Fox Patriot Awards Recap (12:06–19:34)
  • Desi Lydic and Troy Iwata riff on made-up and real conservative award shows, mocking the self-congratulatory pageantry.
  • On Steve Bannon’s ‘fashion’: “He’s wearing a shirt by Gucci, a coat by a dumpster, and then another shirt that’s vintage 1942 Hugo Boss that we’ve been told not to ask questions about.” (13:25)
  • Extended lampooning of Sean Hannity’s musical performance at the Fox Nation Patriot Awards, with parodic lyrics about fleeing “High tax New York.” (14:41)
  • Multiple references to country star Jason Aldean’s repetitive presence (“They got Jason Aldean FIVE times.” (16:15))
  • Melania Trump wins Patriot of the Year, promoting her new MGM film: “I produced a new film with Amazon, MGM named Melania. Capturing my life, my business, my philanthropy, fostering the future, building my East Wing team, and of course, caring for my family.” (18:46)

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3. Rob Riggle Interview: Grit, Spit & Never Quit (20:33–34:08)

Theme: Perseverance, career transitions, and the unlikely intersection of military discipline and comedy.

• Returning to The Daily Show Set (20:33–21:02)

  • Riggle jokes about set upgrades: “Really? This place looks amazing compared to the dump it was back in the day. But that one little kitchenette area, still the same.” (20:47)

• Origins in Comedy and the Military (21:32–25:44)

  • Riggle’s quarter-life crisis: “I was in the Marine Corps… flight school was fine, but I wasn’t loving it… I said, I think I want to be a comedian. Now, mind you, I had never done anything comedically.” (23:54)
  • Describes burning the boats, moving to Chicago, grinding through the improv scene, deploying, and—almost 10 years to the day after writing his goals—getting called up for SNL by Lorne Michaels.
    • “Almost 10 years to the day that I wrote that, I got a call from Lorne Michaels asking me to join SNL. So, wow.” (25:44)

• The Inner Drill Instructor: Self-Motivation (26:22–28:35)

  • Riggle shares about the value of internal discipline:
    • “You have to be your own drill instructor…” (26:37)
    • Anecdote: Exhausted and nearly skipping an open mic, his inner voice bullied him out of bed to workshop SNL audition characters—two of which got him the job.

• Military Mindset & Comedy: The Intersection (29:23–31:24)

  • “If you choose a life in the arts, it’s going to be an uphill battle… you really—it requires a lot of mental, maybe even emotional, fortitude… the temptation to quit is way too easy. Way too easy.” (30:15)
  • “There is no secret to success. It’s not a secret. It just kind of sucks. It’s hard work, it’s discipline, it’s consistency, it’s getting back up when you get knocked down…” (30:59)

• Advice for Veterans (31:51–33:05)

  • Cautions against isolation: “If there are veterans out there… don’t isolate. There’s all kinds of amazing organizations out there to help you. You’ve got a great set of skills… Just bring them forward… they will apply.” (32:27)

• Thumb Wrestling Finale (33:39–34:08)

  • The interview ends with a fast, playful thumb wrestling match—Riggle’s massive hands become a running joke.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 02:10 | Josh Johnson | “Damn. That man just went through the five stages of affordability.” | | 04:32 | Josh Johnson | “This man is creating generational debt. They’re gonna be fighting to get OUT of grandma’s will.” | | 05:38 | Josh Johnson | “Did Donald Trump just stupid himself into socialism?” | | 07:05 | Josh Johnson | “That’s $83 billion short. And by the way, he’s only $83 billion short if he hasn’t promised the tariff money to anybody else.” | | 09:30 | Grace Kuwenschmidt | “A $2,000 tariff dividend is such a stupid, stupid plan. It’s laughable. But I want $2,000. God, I want it so bad.” | | 10:55 | Grace Kuwenschmidt | “It’s not just money, Josh. Oh my God. It’s 2000 monies. … With 2000 monies, I could buy my own bus.” | | 13:25 | Desi Lydic | “He’s wearing a shirt by Gucci, a coat by a dumpster, and then another shirt that’s vintage 1942 Hugo Boss that we’ve been told not to ask questions about.” | | 18:46 | Melania Trump (clip) | “I produced a new film with Amazon, MGM named Melania. Capturing my life, my business, my philanthropy, fostering the future, building my East Wing team, and of course, caring for my family.” | | 23:54 | Rob Riggle | “I was in the Marine Corps… flight school was fine, but I wasn’t loving it… I said, I think I want to be a comedian. Now, mind you, I had never done anything comedically.” | | 26:37 | Rob Riggle | “You have to be your own drill instructor…” | | 30:59 | Rob Riggle | “There is no secret to success. It’s not a secret. It just kind of sucks. It’s hard work, it’s discipline, it’s consistency, it’s getting back up when you get knocked down…” | | 32:27 | Rob Riggle | “If there are veterans out there… don’t isolate. There’s all kinds of amazing organizations out there to help you…” |

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:28 – 11:18: Trump’s Affordability Tailspin (mortgages, tariffs, $2,000 checks)
• 12:06 – 19:34: Awards Season Satire (“Who Won It Best?”)
• 20:33 – 34:08: Interview with Rob Riggle (Memoir, Mindset, Military, Comedy)

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Tone and Style

The episode is rich in sharp satire, rapid-fire jokes, and earnest moments, maintaining The Daily Show’s signature blend of biting political commentary and playful absurdity. Even in serious or heartfelt exchanges, humor is always close at hand.

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Conclusion

This episode skewers presidential economic malpractice, lampoons the surreal self-celebration of right-wing media, and closes on a note of humor and hope with Rob Riggle’s real-life experience, motivation, and advice.
Recommended for: Listeners who crave current political satire, enjoy deep dives into comic process and perseverance, or just want to laugh at the news without missing the substance.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Netflix from the creator of Homeland. Claire Danes and Matthew Rhys star in the new Netflix series the Beast in Me as ruthless rivals whose shared darkness will set them on a collision course with fatal consequences. The Beast in Me is a riveting psychological cat and mouse story about guilt, justice, and doubt. You will not want to miss this. The Beast In Me launches November 13th only on Netflix.

[B]

You're listening to Comedy Central from the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. It's America's only source for news. This is the Daily show with your host, Josh Johnson. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Josh Johnson. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Trump can't stop writing IOUs. Sean Hannity's diss track just dropped, and a new breakthrough will allow you to live forever if you're a mortgage. So let's get into the headlines. We all know the economy isn't great right now. Rent is too expensive. Grocery prices are too high price. People are fist fighting Starbucks over bear cups. That one isn't really about the economy, but I just like watching middle aged people fight over cups. That bear has turned Starbucks into Waffle House. The point is, it's rough out there. So no wonder. Last week, Democrats won a ton of elections by running on affordability. And that sent President Trump into a little bit of a tailspin. You know, they have this new word.

[C]

Called affordability, and they don't talk about it enough.

[B]

We are the ones that have done great on affordability.

[C]

They've done horribly on affordability.

[B]

Affordability, they call.

[C]

It was a con job by the Democrats.

[B]

We are the victors on affordability.

[C]

I don't want to hear about the.

[B]

Affordability because right now we're much less. Damn. That man just went through the five stages of affordability. And I get why he feels threatened. Cause normally he can just lie. But you're the president and people know if they ate or not. It doesn't matter how many hats they buy or how many photos of him and Epstein they pretend they didn't see. You can hear your stomach growling when you're hungry. They're not gonna be like that. That must be an illegal immigrant in my stomach stirring up trouble. Get out of there, immigrant. Get out. But you know what? If Trump wants to focus on affordability right now, that's great. There's a lot of stuff that's too expensive. For example, houses. No one can afford a home. Everybody keeps waiting for him to show up on prime day, but it never happens. So maybe Trump could Do something to bring down mortgages.

[A]

The Trump administration moves forward with a plan to introduce 50 year mortgages.

[B]

Or you can make them much longer, you know. Cause you know where we'll all be in 50 years? Dead. You know what I mean? This seems like a bad idea. And if black people could get loans, I'd be worried. But hey, hey, maybe I'm just hating, all right? I mean, how much would a 50 year mortgage save?

[A]

People take a $400,000 loan at 6% interest. Under a 30 year mortgage, the monthly payment would be just shy of $2,400. Under a 50 year loan, it drops to just over 2,100. A savings of nearly $300 a month.

[B]

Oh, boy. $300 a month. See, it's not a stupid idea. You know what? I'm gonna apply for a 50 year mortgage right now.

[A]

But over time, that savings is erased by a much larger interest bill. Because while the total interest on a 30 year loan would be about $463,000, the interest on a 50 year loan would total more than 860,000 DOL.

[B]

Signed Ronny Chang. So you're saying that after interest, a $400,000 mortgage is gonna cost me $1.3 million? That is the opposite of affordability. This man is creating generational debt. They're gonna be fighting to get out of grandma's will. Like, grandkids will be like, I barely knew her, all right? I wouldn't even hug her at Christmas cause her skin was too loose. But look, forget mortgages, because Trump's got other plans to make sure the. You afford whatever you want. You're going to be exhausted from affording. You're going to afford everywhere. President Trump now says he wants to send out $2,000 rebate checks paid for by his tariffs. One of the things we're going to do, we're going to issue a dividend to our middle income people and lower income people about $2,000. Wait a second. Okay, Trump's making everybody pay tariffs, but only poor people are getting the $2,000 checks. So he's just redistributing taxes from rich people to poor people. Did. Did Donald Trump just stupid himself into socialism? I mean, I mean, you're doing a great job, Mr. President. We always believed. Everybody shut up. All right? Don't say a word. Let this play out, and we'll have free health care by Christmas. All right? Nobody, nobody, nobody call him Mango. Mom. Donnie. All right, great idea, Mr. President. Very capitalism. But hey, you know what? $2,000 would help a Lot of people. If the money's there, the money's there.

[A]

If the president sent $2,000 checks to the 150 million people who make less than $100,000, it would cost $300 billion. Even though the tariffs are only projected to raise about 217annually, the money's not there.

[B]

And now I'm starting to get worried because that's $83 billion short. And I'm not saying Trump is the worst president of all time. I'm just saying I've never met anyone who was $83 billion short. And by the way, he's only $83 billion short if he hasn't promised the tariff money to anybody else. We're gonna take some of that tariff money that we made. We're gonna give it to our farmers. The big thing we wanna do is pay down debt.

[A]

The president tapped into tariff revenue to keep WIC money for women and infants and children going out the door.

[B]

Tariffs is one of the reasons why we have the money to actually be able to pay our troops. I think the tariffs will be enough to cut all of the income tax.

[C]

Donald Trump's suggesting that tariffs could fund the country's childcare needs.

[B]

That'll easily pay for the golden dome. And we'll have a lot of money left over. Money left over? The money that never existed is already spent. And you're running around the country promising money you do not have to multiple people. Many times over. Every week I'm at this desk, I say this, and I guess I'll have to say this for three more years, but this is crackhead behavior. Please, for America's sake, you can't go down this path. This is gonna end up with you behind the White House with China doing unspeakable things for money. Please reassure us. When you are promising money to people you have an idea where it's coming from. You put out a truth social post earlier today. I did. Where you blasted the air traffic controllers who had not shown up for work.

[A]

And offered potentially a bonus of $10,000.

[B]

For those who have worked despite the shutdown, I'm sending them a $10,000 bonus. Where's that money coming from? I don't know. I'll get it from some. Somebody please hide the dumpster behind the White House. For more on Trump's plan to give everyone $2,000, let's go live to the White House with our own Grace Kuwenschmidt. Grace, you've been reporting on this story. Is this a serious plan?

[A]

Absolutely not. Josh, a $2,000 tariff dividend is such a stupid, stupid plan. It's laughable. But I want $2,000. God, I want it so bad.

[B]

But you just said it's stupid.

[A]

Oh, it's one of the dumbest things this dumb, dumb president has ever done. It's gonna bankrupt the country and drive inflation through the roof. But on the other hand, Mommy want dead money. Mommy wanna dead money so bad.

[B]

Grace, let me explain. You've already PA this money in tariffs, right?

[A]

I am aware consumers have been shouldering the cost of these tariffs. I'm not stupid, but I am American, so $2,000? Please.

[B]

No. Come on. We gotta be better citizens than that. There are better ways to spend the money. Definitely.

[A]

We could put it toward Medicare for all or paying down the debt. And there's. There's one other program that slipped my mind.

[C]

Ugh.

[A]

But maybe two GS might help refresh my memory.

[B]

I'm not paying you the money.

[A]

Then shut the up and let Trump pay me.

[B]

So that's it then? Americans are fine bankrupting the future for some money today?

[A]

It's not just money, Josh. Oh, my God. It's 2000 monies. Forget Mahdani's free buses. With 2000 monies, I could buy my own bus.

[B]

You can't buy a bus with 2,000 monies. I mean dollars. Why are you so hard for cash anyway?

[A]

I'm really behind on my 50 year mortgage.

[B]

Grace Kornschmidt, everyone. When we come back, we check in on award season, so don't go. Welcome back to the Daily Show. If you've been to the movie theater lately, which you haven't, you know that awards season is officially upon us. So let's get all the latest award show news in another edition of who Won It Best?

[A]

Welcome to who Won It Best, where we cover the only reason to do anything awards. I'm Emmy award winner Desi Lydic.

[B]

And I'm a thin gay guy, Troy Iwata. You know, this past week was packed with award shows, and as you probably guessed, we have to start off by talking about the highly anticipated Bellator Awards.

[A]

Oh, yes, of course, the Bellator Awards.

[B]

Everybody knows what the Bellator Awards are.

[A]

We don't even have to explain it. Nor should we. No, no, let's talk about this year's.

[B]

Keynote speaker, the glamorous, the debonair, the sex symbol of our time, Steve Bannon. I will tell you right now is God is my witness, if we lose the midterms and we lose 20, 28.

[C]

Some in this room, are going to prison, Myself included.

[A]

I told myself I wouldn't cry at the Bellator awards again.

[B]

Every year like clockwork.

[C]

Here we are.

[A]

Of course, like everyone, I watch the Bellator awards for the fashion. Can we talk about Steve's fashion?

[B]

Well, I think we have to. Just incredible. He's wearing a shirt by Gucci, a coat by a dumpster, and then another shirt that's vintage 1942 Hugo Boss that we've been told not to ask questions about.

[A]

Lock him up before some other woman does. But of course, the Bellator awards were just the appetizer to last week's main course, the fox nation patriot awards, where.

[B]

Those who win are declared the most patriotic Americans and those who lose are never heard from again.

[A]

So fun. It's so fun. So fun.

[B]

It's fun.

[A]

It's fun.

[B]

It's fun.

[A]

It's fun. And returning as the host with the most head circumference, Sean Hannity. Let's see that charismatic melon in action.

[B]

Ba ba ba da ba ba ba da da ba ba ba da da wow. The crowd is loving it.

[A]

The vocal commitment, the stage presence, the fine motor skills. Right? I mean, how. How does he do it?

[B]

I just want more Please tell me it goes on for an excruciatingly long time Start spreading the news I'm leaving today no longer wanna be a part of it High tax New York these commie mondani blues are longing to leave right to the very heart of it Bye bye New York.

[A]

It was the perfect song with definitely the correct amount of syllables.

[B]

It was so good. It was so good I could die now I want to die now I might kill myself.

[A]

But Sean Hannity wasn't the only megawatt celebrity to grace this stage. The show was full of stars.

[B]

Wait till you hear the lineup is sick. It's great. It's fun. It's going to be amazing just hanging out with Jason Aldean backstage. Give it up, Jason Aldean. By the way, Jason Aldean is going to be back on this stage. We have a special treat for you because Jason is coming back out. All right, ready for more star power back. I love Jason Aldean.

[A]

No way.

[B]

They got Jason Aldean five times.

[A]

I mean, how can you say no to performing at the fox news patriot awards? It's an opportunity to be heard by millions of people who are no longer on speaking terms with their children, you know?

[B]

But it wasn't just glitz and glam. Hannity also gave us a few classic, heartfelt awards show moment I doubt there's a person in this room right now that would have ever bet 30 years ago that this thing. Not only that Ainsley Earhart would date the other thing, but she will be my wife. I love you, sweetheart. Who is it? What? Mike Walsh is here. Mike, stand up. Good to see you, buddy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sean Hannity and Ainsley Earhart and I guess Mike Waltz are gonna be together forever.

[A]

If those three bottoms can't make it work, no one can. No one.

[B]

But of course, of course, all this was just a lead up to the big prize of the night, the Patriot of the Year.

[A]

Oh, who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? No, don't tell me, don't tell me. I wanna be surprised. Okay, tell me. No, don't tell me. I wanna find out like everyone else. Roll the clip.

[B]

Benny, join me in welcoming Fox Nation's Patriot of the Year, the First lady of the United States of America, Me.

[A]

Wow. Wow. Melania won just a year after her husband won the exact same award. What are the chances? What?

[B]

What?

[A]

So other than that, we're going.

[B]

It's official. They are awards royalty. The Trumps are now up there with the Coppolas, some of the Culkins and the Gyllens Hall.

[A]

And Melania wasted no time doing the most patriotic thing she could do, plugging her movie, the silver screen. And I have been in deep conversation lately.

[B]

You may have heard the news.

[A]

I produced a new film with Amazon, MGM named Melania. Capturing my life, my business, my philanthropy, fostering the future, building my East Wing team, and of course, caring for my family.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

It was the perfect speech with definitely the correct amount of syllables.

[B]

And by the way, such a classy move to shout out her East Wing team after they were all buried alive during the demolition. Rip. Rip.

[A]

So fun. That's so fun. We have so much fun. That's your award show wrap up.

[B]

I mean, I can't wait until. Until next year. I hear they're trying to get Jason Aldean.

[A]

Oh, do you think he'll be available?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Is there anything in this copy? Nope.

[A]

Cheers.

[B]

Thank you, Desi and Troy. When we come back, Rob Wiggle will.

[C]

Be joining me on the show.

[B]

Don't go alone. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is not only an actor and comedian, he's a former Daily show correspondent and a U.S. marine Corps veteran. His new memoir is called Grit Spit and Never A Marine's Guide to Comedy and Life. Please welcome back Rob Werkle.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Thank you. You guys have made some seriously awesome upgrades to this place.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it like to be back?

[C]

It's awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Really? This place looks amazing compared to the dump it was back in the day. But that one little kitchenette area, still the same.

[B]

Yeah, I did notice that.

[C]

Which I kind of appreciate.

[B]

It'll never change.

[C]

It'll never change. That old crusty coffee pot. So. Yeah, that was nice.

[B]

It was crusty when you were two. Now. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you so much for coming. I've been watching you for so long, I actually, without knowing it, I went on like a Rob Riggle marathon. I had watched Step Brothers, the Hangover and just lots of episodes of Martin Family. And I felt wild. Cause I was like, man, is something going on in my life where the same person is in everything?

[C]

Yeah, I think you could write a thesis on that. I think someone did write a thesis on, like, Michael Caine. You know, at any given time you can catch a Michael Caine film.

[B]

Oh, you're blowing my mind.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. We're about to get Matrix level weird.

[B]

Oh, so you have this book and you are not only, you know, a veteran of the Daily show, the Marine Corps veteran and everything. I'm curious, what is it like to do comedy and be in the military? Cause in just my experience, really, just speaking for myself, most comedians are cowards.

[C]

Yeah. You know, people do ask that question or a form of that question a lot, which is, you know, the military and comedy, how does that, you know, how does that jive? It doesn't. They're two totally separate lanes. But I do think that there is some crossover as far as, like the intangibles go. You know, the mindset, you know, working in comedy and a life in the arts, you're gonna be rejected, you're gonna hear the word no, you're gonna be knocked down, you're gonna be told you're no good, you're gonna run into obstacles non stop. It's a hard life. There's no money. That's very similar to the Marine Corps. So, yeah, there's a lot of par. But I do think the Marines did give me certain things, like the proper mindset, the right mindset, that just don't quit. Make that decision before you start and chances are good things will happen.

[B]

Yeah, no, that makes sense. Cause it feels like in the Marines you would get the sort of literal version of everything comedy gives you as a metaphor. Like when I get knocked down, someone didn't laugh. I Didn't actually get hit. You know what I mean? Like, that is because even in your story, like your personal story in the book, it's like at 24, you decide you were gonna do comedy and so you made it work with the military, but at the same time you wanted to be on SNL and you had like set this goal to be on SNL and then you did it like at like the 10 year mark or something, right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it was. Well, I was in flight school. And I'll try to give you the reader digest version of this story because it's long, but matter of fact, it's right here in this book. Everybody.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Just shameless, shameless, shameless.

[B]

Plugging. No, but it's convenient to have it right here.

[C]

It is very nice to have it. It's so good. No, I was in the. Again, reader's digest version. I was in the Marine Corps. I was flying planes down in Corpus Christi, Texas. I had a friend of mine who was up in Chicago doing improv and he said, riggle, this is what we did in college, only it has a name, it's called Improv. And I think you're good at it. I think you're better than some of the people up here. Well, that's exactly what I needed to hear at that moment because flight school was fine, but I wasn't loving it. It was just fine. And once I pinned those wings on, I was in for 10 years. I was locked in. Then I figured out, oh my God, I'll probably do 20 at that point. Why would I get out at such a. So all of a sudden I was like, that's happening, you know? Well, I sat down and had my quarter life crisis, as they call it. And I said, what do I really, really want to do with my life? And I said, I think I want to be a comedian. Now, mind you, I had never done anything comedically. I know no one in the business. I'd never been on stage, I'd never really done anything, but I just had this burning desire to do it. So I quit flight school, went to the ground side on the Marines, which allowed me to fulfill my contract with the Marines, and then moved to Chicago. I ended up getting to New York, taking classes, working seven years, grinding at every place around town, any place I could get stage time, studying with the ucb, all these things. Ended up deploying, going to Kosovo, ended up going to Afghanistan, working on 9 11, down in the rebel piles, ended up doing a bunch of things. And sure enough, 10 years, almost to the Day that I wrote down in the book, this book I was reading at the time, I wrote down in the book, if I quit flight school, I'm going to do what? Number one, get on SNL. Almost 10 years to the day that I wrote that, I got a call from Lorne Michaels asking me to join snl. So, wow.

[B]

It happens, man. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, that's like. That's truly, truly remarkable because plenty of people have, like, plans, ideas for what they want to do. They might even write them down. And then 10 years later, they're like, that's where I left that piece of paper. You know what I mean? Like, you. Yeah, you made it happen. And in the book, in the book, you talk about how there's, like, this sort of, like, inner drill sergeant that gets you to do the things that you don't want to do. How do you. How do you, without getting yelled at, manage to create that drill sergeant for yourself?

[C]

Well, I think everybody needs a drill sergeant in their life of some form. A coach. You can call it whatever you want to call it. And if you're lucky enough to have someone in your life external to you to remind you, hey, get up. Go work out. Go read that book, pick up the phone and call that person you're avoiding because you don't think it's the right time or that you know somebody, if somebody's pushing you, you have a chance of doing it. For the most of us, we just don't have anybody pushing us. And you never will. That's what most people don't realize. You're never gonna have anybody push. You have to be your own drill instructor. You have to be. So I've had many conversations with myself and I learned that voice came out, and it came out in the form of a drill instructor. Because if I was being honest with myself, I was being lazy. I was afraid these are the reasons that I didn't do the things that I know I should be doing. And so it took a drill instructor tone to get me off my butt to go do what I needed to do. And I remember I was on 31st and 7th. I had just taught an improv class, and I knew I was going to be invited to audition for snl and I needed to develop these characters for my audition. But I was exhausted. I had been up. I had done PT physical training with the Marines that morning, since 5:00am so it was 9:00', clock, 10:00' clock at night. I was tired. I just wanted to go home and have a burrito. And go to bed. And I had to stand on the corner of 31st and 7th screaming at myself out loud. So not uncommon in New York, by the way. And I stood there and I argued with myself. And I was like, go. Go down to the ucb. It's open mic. You do sign up for five minutes and just work out a character. I don't have anything to do. I don't even have a character. I don't care. Go make one up. I'm having an argument with myself. Right? This is what you do. Improvise a character. Just come up with, I don't even care what you do. So I lost the argument with my drill instructor, and I went down. I didn't go home. I went down to the ucb and I created two characters that night that I ended up using in my audition. And then I ended up getting the thing. But I. I could easily. I can make excuses all day. I'm very good at it. I could have easily gone home. I could have said, I'll start tomorrow. I'm tired. Let's call it a day. But sometimes you got to kick your own butt.

[B]

No, that makes a lot of sense. And to. To me, it's also just such a phenomenal outlook. Cause now when I'm on the subway, I'll be like, maybe that's just his inner drill instructor coming out. Right? Yeah, right.

[C]

You might look at folks a little different.

[B]

I'll move with less fear. You know what I mean? Exactly. So do you find that these sort of lessons that you took away from the military and, you know, you were doing comedy while you were still serving and everything, but, like, do you think. Do you think that the overlap is, like, incredibly strong, or do you think it was just strong because of your approach to comedy and your personality with.

[C]

Regard to me being in the Marines and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Cause the way that you marry these parallels together in the book is really interesting. And there are ways I've never thought about it. I've been doing comedy for a while. Like, you know, we even have a bit of a similar track, except mine included no military. But I sort of, you know, started comedy in Chicago, moved to New York, all that stuff, and did some improv classes and everything. And. Yeah, I guess there's something about your approach in the book that seems so, like, personal, even though you're applying it in this broad way.

[C]

Yeah, I think there's. Well, going back to, you know, I think there's a lot of intangibles. I think the, you know, the mindset Thing I think if you choose a life in the arts, it's going to be an uphill battle and you're never gonna feel quite satisfied and you're always gonna be self judging and you really. It requires a lot of mental maybe or emotional fortitude because you're going to just run into walls and obstacles nonstop and you have to really believe in what you're doing and you have to love what you're doing to overcome those things because the temptation to quit is way too easy. Way too easy. And yeah, and then if you get that mindset and you put a little, if you put the right ingredients in, I think good things will come. There is no secret to success. It's not a secret. It's what you would expect. It just kind of sucks. It's hard work, it's discipline, it's consistency. It's getting back up when you get knocked down. It's not taking no for an answer. It's just continue to grind, continue to seek every opportunity you can. Continue to grow, find ways to grow. Don't let people define you, you define yourself. All the cliches that are out there, they didn't just fall from the sky. They appeared because of this has been tried and true year in and out, year after year after year for millennia.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. And then. And do you, I guess your transition fully to sort of civilian life from being in the military and everything you said was an easier thing for you because you had lanes that you like kept things in. Like you had sort of mindsets for when you were in one thing and the other. Do you have advice for veterans who are having trouble with that, like adjustment back to civilian life?

[C]

Yeah, you know, I do work with a lot of veterans organizations and one of the problems we're seeing with a lot of our Afghan and Iraq veterans, you know, we have a suicide problem with a lot of our veterans. It's because they isolate themselves. They refuse to reach out and it's. I don't know how you want to classify it, but it's not uncommon really among first responders or veterans or anybody really. It's to hard, hard to put your hand in the air and say I need help. But that's the one thing you should do and you need to do because when you isolate, you start a path downhill and it becomes very, very hard. So if there are veterans out there that are transitioning back to civilian life or whatever and looking for. Don't isolate. There's all kinds of amazing organizations out there to help you You've got a great set of skills that you learned in the military. Just bring them forward because they will apply, even if it's not a direct application. Just trust that if you've got the fortitude that you learned in the military, it'll carry over into civilian life, too.

[B]

I ask everyone that I interview, when we start to wrap up the interview, if we could do it in a way that is a little bit special. Just you and I. Right? And I noticed, you know, from when I saw you backstage and when you came out that, you know, you're a big guy. You're, like a strong guy and everything. I actually asked them to make sure your seat was a little lower so we'd be more level. You know what I mean? And so, you know, you're too big to arm wrestle. I got to bring you down to my level. But I do text a lot, so what about a thumb wrestle? Does that?

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Oh, your hands are huge. Okay.

[C]

All right. Now, do you do the whole count off?

[B]

We can do the count off. Okay. All right. Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4.

[C]

I denounce a thumb war. Right? Is that how you. And then I go like.

[B]

I thought it was gonna be the, like, 5, 6, 7, 8 thing, but we can.

[C]

You're gonna use that. Okay.

[B]

Oh, oh. Huh, huh, huh, huh. No, no, no. Brit Spit and Never Quit is available now. Rob Riggle. We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of Zen. It was a fun moment when Donald Trump turned to his assistant and said, go get me my phone.

[C]

Ready? Boop. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the.

[B]

Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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