Our Earliest Childhood Memories & Dale’s Military School Experience

Summary

The Dale Jr. Download

Episode: Our Earliest Childhood Memories & Dale’s Military School Experience
Airdate: September 11, 2025
Hosts: Dale Earnhardt Jr. & Amy Earnhardt
Producer: Dirty Mo Media, SiriusXM

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dale Jr. Download dives deep into the earliest childhood memories of both Dale and Amy, sparking a candid discussion about memory, nostalgia, and how our minds interpret childhood events. The heart of the episode is Dale Jr.’s detailed, often humorous, and sometimes poignant recollection of his time in military school—a formative period filled with discipline, homesickness, and unexpected camaraderie. The couple finishes the show with fun segments, including “Critter Karaoke” (animal sound guessing), lighthearted household talk, and their signature “Ask Amy” fan questions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Earliest Memories: How Our Minds Remember Childhood

[05:37 – 11:02]

• Both hosts share their earliest recollections—Amy’s vivid preschool and kindergarten memories (circle time, snacks, teachers, classroom location), and Dale’s fourth birthday, which he remembers almost cinematically rather than through his own eyes.
• Dale: “My earliest memory...is my fourth birthday...there was a thought that Dad wouldn't be there…he rides into the kitchen on a big Tonka truck.” [08:16]
• Dale discusses how he recalls the event from a third-person perspective, like a movie scene, not his own point of view, leading into a reflection on how family stories and photos shape early memories.

2. Dale’s Military School Experience

[11:06 – 42:10]
This section is the heart of the episode, as Dale shares a rich, detailed account with a blend of humor, humility, and reflection.

Why Dale Was Sent to Military School

[12:39 – 16:29]

• Dale attended Oak Ridge Military School after incurring minor infractions at a Christian school (“talking in class and being a silly kid”). It wasn’t for egregious behavior, but rather an accumulation of “infractions.”

Arrival & Adjustment

[19:13 – 22:25]

• He recalls his first days as the shortest in school (“I was four foot three. Shortest person in the school by a lot”), the shock of unfamiliar routines, and the homesickness.
• The first two weeks meant no trips home, resulting in every new kid “crying every night...you couldn’t believe your family left you there.” [20:43]
• Notable quote: “That Foot Locker was like a…I survived this experience kind of thing. Like, I hang on to that Foot Locker like…we went through this together.” [20:08]

Daily Life and Discipline

[21:39 – 37:33]

• The militaristic schedule: uniform inspections, brass/shoe polishing, dorm cleanliness, a strict hierarchy (private to lieutenant), and constant minor rituals—beds made with “nurses corners,” toothbrushes “two fingers away” from toothpaste, hangers spaced just so.
• “Most of us spend an hour a day shining our shoes. Every single day…using your own spit.” [24:18]
• The school had a strong peer-led disciplinary structure: demerits for not saluting, infractions issued even by tenth-grade “sergeants.”

Social Lessons and Anecdotes

[25:56 – 32:58]

• New students were all “flawed, wildcats...plenty of chaos.” Peer dynamics included learning who to trust, what behaviors to avoid, and survival tactics.
• Dale recounts a roommate brazenly eating snacks off the shelf at a mall without paying—“He just picked that up, walked around with it, opened it, ate it...and set it on the shelf and just kept on walking...” [28:00]
• Dorm “wars:” Failed midnight toilet-paper raid on a rival dorm, which ended in a good-natured but physical scuffle—“They whooped all of us...we all rolled down [the hill] and played dead, you know.” [32:37]

Military Structure and Ranks

[34:16 – 37:33]

• Dale explains the ranking system (private, corporal, sergeant…up to lieutenant), competitiveness among companies, and the morning rituals of standing at attention and marching, all run by older students with real authority—“you’d have like a 10th grader who was a sergeant just…giving out demerits just because he could.” [35:44]

Inspections and Traditions

[39:37 – 42:10]

• “AFI week”—Army Federal Inspection—brought intense focus on perfection in every room, uniform, and even toothbrush. “We lost the gold star one year because of one person's toothbrush.” [40:33]

Impact and Reflection

• Amy observes, “Now I see why you remember it so vividly—there were a lot of very intense moments.” [42:02]
• Dale notes the lasting physical habits (“That’s why you stomp so hard. It’s from all the marching.”) and admits some camaraderie and admiration for the “seniors” who took their military path seriously.

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3. Everyday Family Life

Food Battles as Kids and Adults

[45:33 – 50:13]

• Dale and Amy swap stories about childhood food aversions. Dale shares how he used to “chew the whole [pot pie] up and spit it back in my plate...made throw up noises and acted like I puked it up like a dog.” [49:34]
• Both reflect on how they see their own kids repeat these behaviors and the challenges of getting children to try new foods.

Critter Karaoke Segment

[51:00 – 55:13]

• Fun segment where Tim plays animal calls for Dale and Amy to guess. Highlights:
  • Amy: “That’s a donkey!” [52:23]
  • Dale shows off surprising knowledge of birds: "That’s a sparrow. They're very common." [53:40]
  • Both react in amazement at some lesser-known animal noises, like an emu and a baby bunny.

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4. Ask Amy

[58:22 – 68:22]

A lighthearted Q&A where listener questions cover everything from fall activities to dog behavior and holiday decorations.

• Best Fall Activity
  • Both rank corn mazes highest, pumpkin picking lowest for Dale, and have fun with memories of taking their kids apple picking.
• If Your Pets Could Talk
  • Amy: “If June Bug could talk, I’d want to know why he can’t stop peeing on my carpet!” [60:08]
  • Dale laments that Gus, their other dog, is “moody” and only affectionate some of the time.
  • Discussion of how their dogs have aged, with stories about hearing loss and barking changes.
• Inflatable Holiday Decorations
  • Both agree they're fun, especially for Halloween, recall putting a giant Frankenstein in their living room.
  • Amy: “With Halloween, the kitschier the better for me.” [65:45]
• Super Motocross Event Recap
  • Amy describes taking the girls to the event, marveling at “how high they actually jumped. Those bikes get high, and the finish line is like, this ramp up—it was like a video game.” [67:29]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Childhood Memory:
  “My memory wasn’t like…so the memory itself...if you look thinking about it like a play or something, Mama’s kitchen, I’m turning four…there was a thought that dad wouldn’t be there, and he rides into the kitchen on a big Tonka truck.” – Dale, [08:16]
• On Military School Homesickness:
  “All of the new kids cried every night. All of us. And, you know, you were crying because you couldn’t believe that your family had left you there.” – Dale, [20:43]
• About Food Battles:
  “Teresa would sit me down in front of a chicken pot pie. I would tear up a chicken pot pie. Right…Now I look at it and go, why did I not want to eat that?” – Dale, [46:27]
• On Blunt Survival Instincts:
  “I didn’t want to be guilty by association, kind of thing. I got to…more uber aware, I guess.” – Dale, on witnessing his roommate steal at the mall, [28:18]
• On Parenting & Empathy:
  “Now that I’m this…now that I’ve gotten on this side of it, I’m like, yeah, she’s just trying to get me something in my belly.” – Dale, realizing as a parent what his stepmom tried to do, [47:20]
• Funny Parenting Parallel:
  “That sounds just like something Isla would do.” – Amy, referencing Dale’s childhood pot pie deception, [50:01]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------|--------------| | Earliest childhood memories | 05:37 – 11:02| | Dale’s military school introduction | 12:39 – 16:29| | First days, homesickness, footlocker | 19:13 – 22:25| | Peer discipline & life lessons | 21:39 – 32:58| | Ranks, routines, marching | 34:16 – 37:33| | Inspections and consequences | 39:37 – 42:10| | Family food stories | 45:33 – 50:13| | Critter Karaoke (animal sounds) | 51:00 – 55:13| | Ask Amy (Q&A, fun family talk) | 58:22 – 68:22| | Super Motocross recap | 67:29 – 68:22|

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Memorable Moments

• Dale’s vivid, almost “cinematic” description of his fourth birthday, questioning memory’s reliability.
• The confessional and relatable tangent about food aversions as kids—leading to parental empathy.
• Military school “toilet paper raid” gone bad, ending in a snow-drenched tussle with upperclassmen.
• Critter Karaoke’s genuinely surprised reactions as hosts try to identify odd animal sounds.
• Amy’s sharp wit and quick corrections whenever Dale meanders in his storytelling.
• The honest, funny discussion of their dogs’ quirks and aging, revealing the warmth of their household.
• Reflection on parenting and the cycles of childhood resistance and adult understanding.

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Conclusion

This episode is a heartfelt, humorous exploration of memory, discipline, and growing up—a journey from the vulnerability of childhood to the challenges (and laughs) of parenthood. Dale’s military school tales are at once sobering and hilarious; Amy’s relatable commentary keeps the tone light. Their chemistry and openness make this episode memorable for long-time fans and newcomers alike.

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For more stories, merchandise, and behind-the-scenes, visit Dirty Mo Media’s channels.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Oh yeah. This is the way it's going to be, girl. We're going to hang out, open a bunch of jars. You got big strong hands. Are you suffering from high crack?

[A]

I'm working.

[B]

Working mouth.

[A]

Hey everybody, it's Dale and Amy for another episode here of bless your heart in the Dirty Mo media studio. Thanks for. For tuning in yet again. Another week as we motor through this season, our first season doing this podcast.

[B]

It's not that bad, Ralph. You having a hard time?

[A]

No, Feel good. I. It's been fun. I mean, I don't know. We have we talked about when we're not gonna. When we're gonna end the season.

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe we should go to the. To the to the listeners on their feedback on.

[B]

On the show.

[A]

When they want us. When we can.

[B]

When are you gonna get tired of us?

[A]

Yeah, when we can.

[B]

When is our quit date?

[A]

I kind of like. I think it'd be fun to drop in and do, like, a couple holidays episodes. We'll. We'll probably end. I mean, I'm just guessing we'd end this right. Right around the same time we stopped doing the. The, you know, the racing ones, which is right around Phoenix.

[B]

Thanksgiving. Yeah.

[A]

But we could come in here and do some holiday episodes around or before or after Christmas. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just to give you an update, but, you know, hopefully, like you guys, we have a lot of great experiences throughout the holidays. Drink of the week for high rock vodka. And as you probably can guess by looking at this thing, it's so. It's a traditional bloody Mary.

[B]

Dale's is not so traditional. His is action packed with beef jerky.

[A]

1. Only one kind of beef jerky.

[B]

Jerky boys.

[A]

Jerky boys.

[B]

He had one piece, and he thought that wasn't enough, so he has now half the bag in there.

[A]

Well, I had a piece in there, and it fell down into the bottom. So I wanted to garnish, as they.

[B]

Say, the only garnish Dale approves of.

[A]

And so when I opened the bag and smelled it, I couldn't stop putting more in there. But we have a lot of jerky boys here at the. At the. At the store. Yeah, Junior Motorsports. But anyways, it's 2 ounces of high rock vodka, obviously. Bloody Mary mix. You could put a little Worcestershire sauce in there.

[B]

You say Worcestershire, I guess Worcester.

[A]

Hey, this is Dale Jr. From the latest bless your heart gear. Go to shop.dirtymomedia.com. you got plenty of options for everybodymomedia.

[B]

I don't even think that's spelled correctly.

[A]

I don't either.

[B]

It's Worcester on the.

[A]

It's Worcestershire. Worcestershire.

[B]

Worcestershire.

[A]

Half a teaspoon of horseradish. Who doesn't love that? You're gonna stir all that up and then garnish it with your choice of toppings. And I like olive. I like that little block of cheese. What kind of cheese is that? We always get those.

[B]

It's some special.

[A]

No, no. One. The ones we have at home.

[B]

I know you asked me this, and every time I blink, it's.

[A]

It's a fun.

[B]

Not a cheddar, and it's not a parmesan, but it's kind of a blend of both. But it's. It's a good.

[A]

It is like a parmesan I would. Otherwise it has this we. You see this little orange tomato?

[B]

You don't like the tomato?

[A]

I don't think it adds much. It's already got tomato. I'd probably put one of those pepperoni.

[B]

Pepperoncinis.

[A]

Pepperoncinis.

[B]

I think you got. Oh, you got a pickled okra in there.

[A]

Pickled okra. That's okay. But the pepperoncinis, I love those.

[B]

I think she was trying to brighten it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It looks amazing.

[A]

Yeah, it does.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you. Hi.

[A]

Rock some celery?

[B]

Yeah, some celery.

[A]

Got a little lime in there.

[B]

You're fascinated. All right. Please go visit hierochbojka.com to find a bottle near you. They have a bottle locator on their website. You must be 21 years or over, so you must drink responsibly.

[A]

So I was thinking about. We were having a conversation last night about our childhood and things we remember and things we don't.

[B]

It's hard. Those are hard conversations. Because it makes me feel so weird that I can't.

[A]

What's your. What is. Do you have the earliest memory? What's your earliest memory?

[B]

My earliest memory is from church, preschool. Like, every. Every memory I have from, like, my younger years is like, you're going to the first day of school. It's in a classroom for whatever reason.

[A]

Your age.

[B]

What was my age?

[A]

Like, how early?

[B]

That was probably four.

[A]

Four. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's probably common for most people is around the age of four. My earliest memory. Like, is your memory from four? Is it in video form? Is it images?

[B]

It's in video form.

[A]

In video form, yeah.

[B]

Like, I remember walking into the classroom. I remember where I sat. I remember circle time, like, sitting on the floor and eating snacks. I remember where in the church building because it's been renovated so much. Like, I remember where that hallway was, the way it smelled, even. And then kindergarten, too. I remember the first day of school. I had the same kindergarten teacher my dad did, ironically, Mrs. Taurus. And so I remember where that classroom was, where I sat. I remember nap time and never being able to nap. I was one of those kids that couldn't nap during nap time. So I never got a gold star. Like, I just remember those things. It was always a classroom. I don't remember too much else. You know what I mean? I guess it was just a scary. You know, they say trauma is what sticks in your mind until you're nervous. I think I was just nervous, so it kind of stuck out. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. My earliest Memory is four as well. And it's my fourth birthday. And the weirdest thing about it is it makes me wonder if it's really a memory or did I build this vision in my head, but from the old memory? Because my memory of my fourth birthday is from the point of view of someone in the room, not me. Like, yeah, so, like, my memory isn't like. So the memory itself is. If I could build this set. If you look thinking about it like a play or something, Mama's kitchen, I'm. I'm turning for it. Or it's my fourth birthday. For some reason, I was. For some reason, there was a thought that dad wouldn't be there, and he would then in turn, be the surprise, because he rides into the kitchen on a big Tonka truck.

[B]

Oh, how cute is that?

[A]

And he's in a black pair of pants and a white T shirt like he wore. And like, I. Like, I see him in all the photos from the 70s when he was racing a local race car to short track.

[B]

He was dressed like a greaser.

[A]

Just like a greaser. And. Exactly. And so. But that memory. Mama's in the room, my mom. There's another person or two that I don't recognize or remember. And then dad comes in, and I'm surprised and happy, obviously, that he's there and he's the surprise, but also the toy.

[B]

The toy is a surprise. But you were surprised because your dad wasn't there when this party started. Oh, he wasn't supposed to.

[A]

Yeah. Like, he wasn't. I guess. Yeah. Well, I guess when we got. That's probably what it was like when we gathered. I'm like, he's not here. And boom.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And so. But the memory that I invoke. Is that the right word?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

The memory that I, like, recall. Recall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is from a perspective of someone, of what you might have seen if you were standing in the room. I see me here.

[B]

Like, that's a bizarre thing to happen.

[A]

Right. And so it makes me wonder if. So in Kelly there. I don't know, in the. In the memory, when I recall it, I'm sitting here or standing. And then mom and Mama. And then dad comes around this corner.

[B]

Yeah. So you're in that corner of the kitchen, and I'm.

[A]

And I'm. And I'm watching it in my memory. When I recall it, I watch it happen. It's not from my point of view. And so I'm wondering if I don't truly remember my point of view and what I experienced that day, but I.

[B]

Somebody else.

[A]

But I've know. But I've. I've preserved it in this sort of movie like format. Movie like format.

[B]

I don't know. That's weird. I didn't know that you could do that with your mind.

[A]

Yeah. Because I've lost the memory itself. But having. But I've built this sort of alternative.

[B]

Sure, right.

[A]

That I've. And it's been recalled to me. I've. I've shared it with people that were in the room, my mom and my grandmother. And they were like. Yep, that's what happened.

[B]

Surely like your answer, somebody.

[A]

So my mind sort of built out. What do you know when you, you. When you build a scene, your mind's.

[B]

Just facing all the puzzles of the stories you've heard together.

[A]

But like when in school you might build a scene in a box.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and so that's kind of what my mind did through my own recall and my family helping me, reminding me. Yep. That's what, that's what happened that day. And so I know it's not like this thing, this, this. It's not this fantasy. It's a real. It's a real memory, but it's not from the old.

[B]

But the way you see your mind is so weird. That is really weird.

[A]

Yeah, I. We were talking about this last night. Like I, I remember that and, and then everything from four years old up until I went to military school. The memories, a lot. There's a lot of memory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they're all very spaced out and not like military school was a year and a half. And I remember a ton of things that I experienced in that little 18 month period. But. And there's more memories packed into that 18 months than. Than I think I can recall from all the years before, all the years after.

[B]

How old were you when you went to military school? Because you look like you were five, but you're.

[A]

I was four. I was four foot three. Shortest person in the school by a lot of.

[B]

And were you like 12?

[A]

I'm trying to remember. I was in the fifth grade.

[B]

Fifth grade. Okay, so you were not. You were like 10 or 11.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, maybe I was. Dang. I don't know. I can't remember. I was, I was in the fifth.

[B]

You're just saying this is the most memorable part of your life.

[A]

I was in the fifth grade, I think fifth or sixth.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, sorry. I was in the seventh grade because when I left military school, I finished the eighth grade and went into as a freshman.

[B]

So. You're like 12.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're 12.

[A]

12, probably. But, yeah, I was. I've told this story many, many times, but I. Oak Ridge, it's like we've driven past it. Yeah, we have. It's on the way to Martinsville, and I've stopped by there a couple times, and I went there. I was going to a South. I was going to South View Christian School, which is on the way to Statesville Airport, and I got a. I got. I was just talking in class and got in trouble, and they were going to. I was. I was told, or led to believe that I would be expelled after the Christmas break because of some infractions. Just talking in class and being a silly kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I met us. I've met a son. I've met the son of one of my classmates from Southview. And so in the past, it's. I'm rambling.

[B]

You met him recently. Oh, okay.

[A]

When I went and did that shoot with Steve Latart for Amazon, where we're driving that Chevelle around the racetrack.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And pushing the buttons. The kid. There was a kid working the set, and he's like, my dad went to Southview with you. His name was blah, blah. I'm like, I remember that name, but I can't picture a face. He said. He said, he's got some of the yearbooks. I said, could. I don't want to see the yearbooks. Can I see the yearbook? I did find it. Somebody posted it on Twitter. And so I was able to see all of the kids that I was in class with for those six months or four months. Right.

[B]

Did that help you bring.

[A]

Yes, it was awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't remember anything about South View, but I remember that. That little Christian school that I went to for four months, I never felt more regular and. And like that.

[B]

At ease.

[A]

Yeah. But I. I was. I was like, they. They. That group of kids, they'd been going there for a couple years, probably in my class, and there were probably about 20 kids in the classroom, it felt like. And they all were like, hey, come on, Everybody's friends. Let's see. Everybody was friends. Right away, all the guys were like, hey, come over here. We'll show you. This where we sit, this is where we eat. This is what we do. And so it was awesome. Instead, you know, my previous. My previous experiences and every experience after that was very, like, on an island.

[B]

Right.

[A]

A couple of people that you had to talk to.

[B]

And that's what school's typically like for most kids. Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, so Southview. I had a really great experience, and I hate that I didn't get to finish going there because I really, like.

[B]

Couldn'T keep it together.

[A]

Yeah, I was. I was having too much fun.

[B]

Yeah, you are. You're too loose.

[A]

Yeah. But they sent me to military school after that, and I didn't know it. I came home from Christmas break, I knew I had this thought, I had this belief in my mind that once we went back after the break, I was going to get expelled. And I'm thinking in my mind, boy, I'm gonna enjoy this Christmas break, but after that, I'm gonna get my ass whooped.

[B]

So you thought it was going to take the whole Christmas break for your parents to find out?

[A]

Yep. So I thought after Christmas.

[B]

So you lived with a stress.

[A]

Just like.

[B]

No.

[A]

So after. So I'm Lee. I'm coming home from Christian school, going on Christmas break, and I know, and in my mind, they're going to expel me when I go back. When I go back, it's going to take a couple days of process, and they're going to go. You got these infractions in this period of time, and that's an expel and automatic. So I walk into the room. I get home from school later that evening. I go up in the living room. Dad and Teresa are laying on the floor, and they have pamphlets all laid out across the floor.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I walk up. Yeah, they're just laying on their bellies, looking at pamphlets.

[B]

That's so weird.

[A]

Yeah. And Dad's, like, kind of sitting Indian style, and they're. They got them all laid out. And I walk over, and I'm like, what are y' all looking at? And they're like, we're looking at schools for y' all for you to go to. And I was like, schools? And they said, yeah, military schools. This one and this one and this one. We're checking. We're looking at all of them.

[B]

Do you remember the other schools that they didn't send you to?

[A]

And I. Yeah, there was a real strict one that was up in Virginia. I forget the name of it, but they weren't all.

[B]

They weren't all close like this.

[A]

There was a Virginia Military Institute was one of them, I think. But we played that other school in basketball, and we went there, and it was like, I'll tell that story in a minute. But, like, naturally, thinking back, I should have been mortified. Like, what, you're sending me to military school. That's scary as hell.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

But I was More like, oh, yeah, let's go to a different school real quick because then I'll never have to be expelled.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

So if I'm going to change schools in this break, then the spell will never happen. So that ass whooping won't happen because that's an ass whooping. I was trying to avoid that, but they take me to military school and I think we went up there and walked around for a day and it looked fine, nothing alarming. They have one. I mean, it's a big campus. They have. There's kids walking around in full uniform.

[B]

It looks like a small college.

[A]

Yes, it's like a little small college, but with dorms, you know, where you can actually live. And so they have kids walking around in dress uniform and, and like brown or dark charcoal pants, black sweaters, white collars, brass shiny shoes. And then these, these hats. Not the, not the captain, like like a beret, more like a. More like it was this sharp, pointed. Yeah, like a newsboy hat. What they gave to new kids were these very. You got brand new shoes, they had lick of shine on them. They were just black shoes. You had your outfit, your base outfit was just green pants, green shirt, so you stuck out. You had a belt, you had a brass buckle, you had to shine that. And you didn't have any metal. No. You were not even a private, I don't believe. But they had rank, you know, that you wanted to acquire. And so the. For all the new kids, there was a bunch of us that ended up. I mean, every. At Christmas break, I imagine there's a lot of families that send their kids to military schools because I wasn't the only new kid. Right. There were a chunk of us that's.

[B]

Surprising to me, right.

[A]

There were a couple dozen of us that showed up and. And they put you in a room, they. You room with another child your age. And they put me in a room with this kid.

[B]

And was he also new or was he.

[A]

All of us are new. And you, you're in a room. You have a desk. It's a square brick building, square room, big long rolling door, big heavy steel rolling door. And there's two beds, two. Two small box cubicles to hang your clothes. Put your toothbrush and all that stuff in there and two desks in a corner to do work, schoolwork, and that's it. You had a Foot Locker with all your stuff in it at the end of the bed.

[B]

I do remember your Foot Locker because I was still having it for a while.

[A]

Yeah, I still have that foot Locker. I'll never get rid of it. That Foot Locker was like a. I survived this experience kind of thing. Like, I hang on to that Foot Locker. Like, it's a. Like, we. We went through this together.

[B]

We made it through, buddy.

[A]

But the first. The kid. So you learn right away. I think we were there for two weeks and we weren't allowed to go home. For the first two weeks. You couldn't go home. And all of the new kids cried every night. All of us. And, you know, you were crying because.

[B]

That's terrible.

[A]

It was terrible. You cried the first night you cried because you couldn't believe that your family had left you there. And then the next couple of nights you cried because you were missing home and missing all of your things, you know, and then over. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then you, you know, I was already kind of in angst with dad and Teresa and being. Being difficult to deal with. And so you have a spell of. Of, you know, being, you know, sort of angry about it. And. But then, you know, you quickly trying to, like, befriend people, like, find out who to trust. And. And so you're, you know, and then you. And you learn, like, you pick the wrong people sometimes, especially some of the new kids, because they're coming. All of the new kids are coming in and they're all.

[B]

They all need direction.

[A]

They're flawed.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

We're all in trouble. The kids that have been going there are starting to be positively affected by the reform of, you know, handling things for yourself, being responsible, brushing your teeth, handling your mail, getting your clothes pressed, shining your brass, your shoes, being presentable, doing all. Being on time. And you're starting to get some uniformity, responsibilities, responsibility. But the new kids are like complete, you know, wildcats and, and not doing. And. And every. And there's a lot of chaos because when somebody's not doing what they're supposed to do, it was. You would have the traditional, like 2 o' clock in the morning. Everybody on the hall would get woken up.

[B]

Good Lord, why?

[A]

To. To bring. To bring the kid out that's not doing what he's supposed to do and. And yell at him in front of everybody.

[B]

Is this office? Like, is this.

[A]

These are. No, these are kids. These, like, seniors high school.

[B]

Get all y' all out of. Out of bed with, like, a horn, like, how did that.

[A]

They would just holler. They would turn the lights on, knock on all the doors. Hey, this person. You know, and then you wouldn't know why we were being woken up you would learn, you know, they were, they'd go into this kid's room, they'd turn his locker, they turn his footlocker upside down. They would tell, you know, your bed's not your bed, you know, isn't the way it's supposed to be. Yeah, everything is not the way it's supposed to be. And this is a problem because your problem is our problem. And our, the halls were all graded on cleanliness. I learned how to do nurses corners on beds.

[B]

Yeah, don't I know it.

[A]

Like, you had to have your toothbrush upright, bristles upright, two finger, two fingers away from the toothpaste. Like it was in your, all of the. In your closet, in your hang. Your hangers had to be two fingers or one finger apart all your hangers. And like it was very detailed and specific and not a speck of dust. And your shoes every day had to be mirror polished. And so, I mean, most of us spend an hour a day shining our shoes. Every single day, every day shining our shoes. It took that long shining our shoes in our brass. Well, when you were a new kid, you got a pair of shoes that didn't even have a base on it. And so you would take the shoe like this and you would cover it with. With polish. Very, very thick. And then you would take a T shirt, cotton T shirt. And, and do, and do this very lightly. And you would cake more and more on lightly, lightly, lightly. Cake more and more on lightly, lightly, lightly. And you use your own spit.

[B]

Gross.

[A]

And mix your spit into it. And you could shine the shoe. And the base on the shoe with was literally just hardened shoe polish that could be a 16th or an 8th inch thick.

[B]

Does it ever like kink and crust off?

[A]

Yeah. And so that was the, the, the work you had to do every day was to keep it from drying out.

[B]

Oh, gotcha.

[A]

To where it would crack. Once it cracked, you're. You're screwed. You had to start over. And so there were people there, there were some older kids and stuff that had worked on their shoes. And you had to literally take care of these things every day to make sure they were, they had the proper amount of moisture. But yet the perfect shot you could, it was a mirror. You, some kids, you could look in their shoes and it was in. It was so perfect. Yeah, it was amazing.

[B]

It's such an odd thing to make kids put their focus into, to keep it from getting into like some guys, the wrong things, you know what I mean?

[A]

Some guys got to the shot, you know, shining the heel the back of the shoe, the side of the shoe. Some guys really got after it.

[B]

The whole shoe.

[A]

Yeah. And you got graded on how well you did on shining your shoes, your brass. We had brasso, everybody. You smell of brasso through the dorms. Everybody shining their shoes, shining their brass. Every day you're. They would get their brass shining and it looked like gold, it was so bright. But that was. That first two weeks was tough. So the we. We are. I've told this story before, but you learn like some of the new kids are. Are okay. And then some of the new kids are. Are truly troubled not to be trusted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're, they're going to take advantage of you. And we go to the first weekend that we had to stay. We didn't go home the first weekend. We're not allowed for the first two weekends, which really sucked. And we're coming up on, you know, Saturday. All the other kids are gone. Like the only people there are the new kids. And. And so there. It's a ghost town. And it's very cold outside. Cold and lonely and, you know, just. They're very stark. Yeah. But there was nothing to do. And so they had a 15 passenger van. They said, man, you know, we gotta, we're going to go to. We got a group that we got where you can go to the mall and you can get in this van. You got to be in the van at this time. It'll pick you up, take you to the mall. You get out and you're, you're on your own. And then you get back to the van and go back to school at this hour. And I don't even know how we knew what time it was. We didn't have phones or beepers or nothing. I didn't know. I don't even remember having a watch.

[B]

Stop and ask someone.

[A]

Yeah. And so we get in this 15 pastor van and I'm with my roommate and we go into the first store we go into when we get the mall is a drugstore. And they always had the drugstore right at the exit of the mall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're walking around in there and I got, I got 10, 20 bucks, right. And I'm trying to do the math in my head of what I can buy. I'm really, you know, working hard to try to think about what do I really want to take back with me with this $20. And this kid that's my roommate comes walking up and he's got, he's opened like a cracker with the, with the dipping into The Nutella kind of thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was kind of like a cracker chocolate situation. And he's eating it, and I'm. Yeah. And we've been there about 10 minutes. And I'm like, dang, you already checked out. And he goes, no. And he set it on the shelf and walked away. And I was like, holy.

[B]

He just stole it, ate it in the store.

[A]

Like he didn't give a crap. Yeah. And I'm thinking, damn, man. I mean, he just picked that up, walked around with it, opened it, ate it a little bit, got done with it, and set it on the shelf and just kept on walking around in the store. And I'm like, my gosh, you know?

[B]

Noted. Flag.

[A]

Yeah. Like, wow, that was a. And I. And so then moments like that.

[B]

Sorry to interrupt. The moments like that make you think, like, okay, he probably deserves to be in military school. I'm not going to do anything like that. Why am I here a little bit?

[A]

Yeah. But I mean, I kind of also felt like I had been pretty. You know, I mean, we talked about it. We talked about it a little bit.

[B]

I know, but it's funny that you think that, because you're just a kid, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Well, I just knew. I was like, all right, man. I got to. That was just a. I didn't want to be guilty by association kind of thing. Right. Because nobody. I'm a new guy. They don't really know my story. They don't know why I'm in there. I'm learning about what he's willing to do and how brazen he's willing to be. But I don't want to be guilty and get in trouble. I don't know what trouble might come.

[B]

Did you tell anybody else about that?

[A]

I didn't tell him about. No. No, no, sir. And so, no. But we. We went on about our day. He did not get caught, but it made me, like, more uber aware, I guess. And, you know, and after. After two weeks, it was like, you. You. You got your clothes, your regular clothes. They finally, you know, they tailor made these pants and all these clothes. And so you finally got your real gear and got to dress like the rest of the kids, and it started to feel better.

[B]

It started to feel less like prison.

[A]

Yeah. The dorms. There was a Holt dorm, which was the older Dorm from the 50s, and some of the older students, the ones that really took it serious. There's a lot of kids that go to the military school, and they're going to leave there and go to the Citadel. Their path is going to be a military path. They've chosen that life. And, and so there's some kids there that actually trying to really get a true military experience. Experience and, and platform.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so there's. Those kids are at the Holt dorm. We're in the armory dorm which was a newer dorm and it was a bit of a. More of the misfits. The, the, you know, and we were out to prove that we weren't a bunch of goofballs that couldn't do anything. And so there was a lot of competition. I played basketball. I tried out and played basketball and made the JV basketball team. I remember scoring a goal one time in a game. I think I only scored one goal the entire season. But I've got this picture of me on the basketball. I've got a picture of me on the team and it's like all these kids and then tiny over here. I was super, super short tiny. And I remember just rambling here. But one, one winter we, we were getting ready to come up on our Christmas break and we were gonna get Holt dorm. We were gonna get them. There had been a bit of a groundswell of camaraderie in the dorm I was living in to show those guys, you know, and we were gonna go. We went through about a dozen of us, went through the entire dorm and collected toilet paper to go over to Holt in the middle of the night and toilet paper TP the dorm.

[B]

So even in military school you were doing things like that?

[A]

Yeah, we were soon we were sure that we wouldn't get found out.

[B]

How?

[A]

Of course we were going to get found out. Of course it wasn't going to work. But in our young minds, you know, 13, 14 year old minds were like we're covert, right? Yeah. We're going to figure, we're going to go over there and figure this out. And so somebody tipped them off. And this may have been brewing for a couple days and planting for a couple days. And somebody tipped him off. It was snow on the ground. We are sneaking over this, you know, there was a field between us and then the four lane highway and then Holt dorm across the street. We're gonna creep over there and we get to this highway and there's a regular ditch. The, the officers and the upperclassmen out of the Holt dorm are hiding in.

[B]

That ditch in the snow.

[A]

Yep. And they whooped all of us and there was this hill and I remember all of us that eventually.

[B]

What do you mean whooped you?

[A]

They beat you up? Yeah.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like a little Bit attacked you a little bit of a. But I remember.

[B]

Yeah, this is ridiculous.

[A]

It is. I remember there being a hill off to the side and all of us eventually ended up at the bottom of that hill. They like chucked us all down there and we, we all rolled down there and played dead, you know.

[B]

Yeah, you got me good. I'm done.

[A]

I don't want to. I don't want to more than play Fossum. Yeah. But, yeah, it was. It was. I remember watching the Washington commanders win the super bowl in the break room. We had a break room where everybody kind of gathered. We have Mike Tyson punch out the video game console at the house. Yeah, that is in our house. Because that Mike Tyson punch out console was the most popular thing that, that was on the campus in the break room. And it was like, it was like a connection to the outside world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you would go in there and buy you a Reese cup and a soft drink and then go over and watch somebody try to beat Mike Tyson. Right. Or go. Go really far. And we didn't really want to play. We believe. We love to stand around and watch the good ones. There was a couple guys try to beat it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there were about three video games, a pool table and kind of a. Just a gathering room with some couches and so forth. And you needed to be a corporal to be able to divvy out demerits. Like, can I ask a dumb question?

[B]

What are the rankings? Like, where does it start?

[A]

The rankings were private, private, first class, Corporal. I think sergeant was next, Staff sergeant, maybe all the way up to lieutenant.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or something like that. And if you went there as a, you know, if you went to that school as a seventh or eighth grader, it would take you through, through the majority, your high school age to achieve some of the higher rank. But you could get corporal within a year and corporal was enough to be able to divvy out demerits, which is crazy to me now, but when you're living it, it was real. If you were a peon or a private first class or a private, you couldn't divvy out any punishment. You couldn't tell anybody anything to do. And you often were the target of punishment and so forth. Drop and give me push ups and do stuff like that.

[B]

Yeah, really just anywhere.

[A]

If you, if you walked by a sergeant or an upperclassman and forgot to salute, they would stop you and give you demerits. You'd have like a 10th grader who was a sergeant just, you know, giving out demerits. Just because he could on the least little, you know, thing or reason. Right. And there's kids that were like sophomores, juniors and seniors that were like, you know, they took their authority serious.

[B]

That would be hard to deal with.

[A]

Yeah, that was, it didn't, it wasn't hard to. It wasn't hard.

[B]

If you knew they were doing it just because they could, that would be hard.

[A]

They were doing it because they could. But they weren't just. You weren't allowed to. They were not allowed to just give demerits on frivolous things, but if you walked by them and didn't salute, they were going to get you. Gotcha, Jan. That's pretty frivolous. But they, they, they were, they were, they'd work to get that rank and they wanted that recognition.

[B]

Yeah. The system has to stay in place.

[A]

They thought, you little, you know, seventh grade piece of crap, you're not gonna, you're, you're not gonna not salute me.

[B]

Golly.

[A]

Yeah, it was crazy. It's crazy to think about it now, but when it was happening, it felt. Well, I guess this is the way it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and we had, we were all assigned a company. I think I was in Delta for a while and a couple echo. I can't remember, in a couple different companies. Charlie, your company competed against the other companies. Every morning we had to stand at attention at like 6:30 in the morning, you had to get up and you had to be out on the. There's this big paved blacktop in front of the school. And every morning you had to be in uniform with all your shined up, standing at attention in line in formation. You had like four or five rows in each company and you had the highest ranked individual on the end of each row and they were in charge of that row. And so I would be standing on the end as the shortest and youngest person and each person beside me would be higher ranked. And the guy on the end was in charge of me. And then there was a company commander in charge of him. It was just like.

[B]

Did you have to march?

[A]

Oh yeah. Really? Oh yeah. March everywhere.

[B]

Like knees up kind of.

[A]

Yes. Well, like regular marching. Regular military marching. Knees up. No, we didn't like. No, US Military marches with their knees up.

[B]

I mean, they all have like this specific look.

[A]

Yeah, well, we had, we marched a lot, but we had to. You had to be there in the morning.

[B]

That is why you stomp so hard.

[A]

Maybe. Yes.

[B]

If I am outside, I can hear him walking around. If I'm outside by the pool I can hear him walking around in the living room. Yeah, that's how hard he walks.

[A]

We.

[B]

It's from all the marching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

We had to get there every morning, and they would check your brass and your shoes. They would. Our. Our leader at the. On the end of my line walked down and looked at all of us, and he. He'd look at. He wanted you to do good. He wasn't going to be a jerk. And he'd look at you and go, all right, man, your brass looks good. Your shoes need a little work. All right, man, your shoes are great. Brass is good. Good job. And because he would get. You know, he didn't want you to fail because he.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And so that was pretty cool. You wanted to get out of the We. I think the Del Delta might have been the. The. The baby company, you know, and you wanted to get out of that one to get into, like, a regular company and Alpha and Charlie and all that. But there were some. There were some officers always at the very front facing us, and they were like. It was like seniors, and they had all the ropes and all the things they did. Dude, they were freaking. They were seniors in high school. But you looked at them and you're like, wow, they're. They're badass. It was so weird. Yeah, I know. And we. And they were. They were good people. Yeah, right. They were very.

[B]

They were people to look up to.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, they were very. They were the ones that were going to leave and go to the Citadel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they had a plan. And you were like, damn, man, I just want to get out here and go home. They're going to leave here and go to more. You know, they're going to go do something more of this. Like, I'm. I've had enough. But it was. We. We did a lot of marching. We had. We had AFI week, which is an army federal inspection. The army is going to come to the school and inspect everything, all of our rooms.

[B]

Wow, that's intimidating.

[A]

And we competed with all of the schools in the area for a star.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And there was a.

[B]

Only one school got the star.

[A]

We there once there was like a gold blue, you know, different colors. And if you got blue, your second got gold. You were top. Top school. We lost the gold star one year because of one person's toothbrush.

[B]

What? A toothbrush?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so what happened to that kid?

[A]

So what. So to be. To make this.

[B]

Did he get in the trench?

[A]

I don't know what happened to that kid. But army federal Inspection week is the week leading up to the inspection. And so all week long, everything we're doing is in preparation for when the army will come and look at our stuff. And so everybody, and on every hall, in every room is being tested and, and practicing and making sure everything's the way it's supposed to be. And our door and our hall leaders, dorm leaders are all coming in and looking at our stuff and going, oh, you know, you got to have this like this. Now can you have it like that? You got to put this like this. I. That's good. That's all that, that hanger, you know, just different stuff. And they would find a lot of flaws. And all week long, we would inspect ourselves over and over and over and trying to be perfect. And so by the end of that week, every room and every toothbrush and every pencil and every desk and everything, everything would be exactly the way it's supposed to be. And one person had their toothbrush laying on its side or something like that, right?

[B]

And feels like it could have happened when somebody shut the door too hard.

[A]

And that would fail us and we would run. We would finish second and not get the gold star. I never. We never got the gold star either year I was there, you know, there'd be a couple things in one room or somebody's. But AFI week was a serious, serious deal. We buckled down.

[B]

Military school. Sounds intense. I can't. I can imagine now why you remember it so vividly, because there was a lot of very intense moments.

[A]

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[B]

This is similar in. And the time frame. But growing up with, you know, not being able to choose what you got to eat and having to eat some gnarly things, or even if it was just something you're forced to eat over and over and over again. What was like the meal that you were like, can't eat anymore because you ate it so much as a kid.

[A]

Yeah. I feel so bad about this.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, so Theresa and I had a. Had a dynamic, dynamic relationship. And, you know, when I think about. When I think back, there was a long period of my adult life where I put it all on Teresa and was like, you know, it was her. It was. It was bad because it was her fault. And when I. As I've gotten older, and especially now they've had kids, like, trying to get our kids to eat stuff, sometimes it's impossible.

[B]

I know. Like, I. In the spaghetti the other day.

[A]

Yeah. And you. You're. And. And so I think back, and I'm like, man, that's me. Like, I did that. And Teresa would sit me down in front of a chicken pot pie. I would tear up a chicken pot pie. Right.

[B]

Now, I know my dad used to make those for me, and I.

[A]

They were good. Well, I hated them. I would. I look at it now, and I go, why did I not want to eat that? The crust, the chicken, the pot, all the.

[B]

So good.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But she put it in front of me, and I would refuse to eat. Eat it. And I hated her for it, you know? And in my mind, she's making me eat something she knows I don't like, and she's making me do it because she knows I don't like it. Right. She's not. She's not sitting.

[B]

She's just trying to have control.

[A]

She's just trying to put food in front of me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

Trying to eat some vegetables. Yeah.

[A]

It's perfectly fine food. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How dare you feed me Brussels sprouts. You know, what kind of cool person are you?

[B]

I think all kids do like that.

[A]

I know. And now that I'm this. Now that I've gotten on this side of it, I'm like, yeah, she's just trying to get me something in my belly.

[B]

Yeah. 100%. My mom. I was a great cook, but she. There was a couple of things that she would make every once in a while that made me want to, like, vomit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She used to make chicken, like, grilled chicken, and she'd put pineapple on the top, and it was something she found in, like a Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. And it had like a ring of pineapple and a cherry. Like, it was like a Hawaiian chicken.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

But the flavor combination for that for me was like, not happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like boiled squash used to try to make me eat squash every once in a while. She was like, I'm not frying everything, y'. All. You're going to eat something healthy. And I just couldn't fat fathom swallowing it. Like, I would gag. Yeah, yeah. So we tried to make, we made spaghetti the other night. And Isla, who doesn't like eating compound foods, she's kind of weird with meat anyway. But she, like, literally had full blown tears over us trying to make her eat spaghetti. And I thought I was trying not to laugh at her face. She totally laughed at her. And then she starts crying harder because Dad's laughing in her face.

[A]

But, yeah, Nicole's over there chowing. Tore up a bowl of this stuff. Yeah, that's the, That's a very frustrating thing for me with the kids is.

[B]

Is I think that made Isla mad too, that Nicole was enjoying it so much. And now she's like, damn it, now I really have to do this.

[A]

I'm like, man, I can't. I'm not patient enough to be like, okay, you're not eating the spaghetti today. You'll. The day you eat it, we'll all, you know, we'll all enjoy how much you like it because you'll eventually eat spaghetti. It's not happening today. I should do that. Instead I'm sitting there going, swallow. Just get some in your mouth. And you're going to, you're going to, you're going to have a breakthrough, you.

[B]

Know, quit pretending to get it on the fork and then spilling it out aside on the bowl. So now it's on the counter that you can't put it in your mouth. Like, the whole process was very. Here's why you don't want to be so patient is because if she doesn't eat that, that means we're going to have to make her something else. And you and I didn't grow up like that because they have to just eat food.

[A]

I'll tell you one of the things I did one time, and this is stupid. Teresa brought one of them chicken pot pies in there for me to eat and she left the room and I, I chewed the whole. Oh, I'm so sorry for everybody that's got to hear this. I chewed the whole thing up and spit it back in my plate the whole Thing.

[B]

Every single piece.

[A]

And then I made throw up noises and acted like I puked it up like a dog.

[B]

The whole freaking thing at once.

[A]

And then I thought she would come in there.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

In my mind, I thought she would come in there and realize that she had made me eat the chicken pot pie. And then I vomited it up and I was like, see, I have thrown it up. Look. See, I told you.

[B]

That sounds just like something Isla would do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's so stupid.

[B]

She like gets it in her mind.

[A]

She walked in and like read. She's.

[B]

She's like, no, I can tell you're fine. And of course you didn't throw it all up back in the same bowl after you ate the whole thing.

[A]

God.

[B]

That's okay. I see now where I gets it.

[A]

I was a problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's why I got sent to military school.

[B]

Yeah, so you said.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

I don't know if that's a reason to send a kid to military school, but it's pretty damn funny that you thought you were so sneaky.

[A]

I for. Did you ever forge your parents name on the report card?

[B]

No. I got good grades, Ralph.

[A]

I forged Dads caught immediately.

[B]

I mean, duh. His autographs available to be?

[A]

Well, no. I mean, maybe this was back in the 80s.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

It had technology. I thought I was going to get it done.

[B]

You just thought your excellent handwriting was going to.

[A]

I think I even had Kelly help me.

[B]

Oh, no, don't throw her under the bus. I think she might have helped you.

[A]

But we failed.

[B]

Yeah, they know better. Yeah, all parents know better.

[A]

So we have. We have something we're going to do today called Critter Karaoke. Oh, yeah? Yeah. This is. Bass Pro Shops is a partner of ours and so we thought we'd come up with a segment and basically Bass Pro Shops, North America's premier outdoor conservation company. And we do a lot of shopping at Bass Pro Shops and online atthebasspro.com. so Tim's is going to play some weird wacky animal sounds and we have to guess, I guess, which animal makes the sound.

[B]

Well, at least we don't have to make the sounds for each other. That would be painful for everyone.

[A]

I can if you want.

[B]

No, no, thanks.

[A]

So let's. Let's go for the first one. All right, here's number one. Oh, you know that one?

[B]

That's. That a stag?

[A]

No, no, just an animal.

[B]

Like a deer. Do it again.

[A]

You gotta know this one.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Yeah. This happens.

[B]

Is it you?

[A]

No, I'll Play it again.

[B]

You with your man. Cold.

[A]

It's a buffalo.

[B]

Oh, really? I've never heard our girls make a noise.

[A]

Never?

[B]

Not really.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

I mean, they've snorted at me, but nothing like that. A buffalo.

[A]

All right, number two.

[B]

Well, that's a donkey.

[A]

Yeah, we have that. You ought to know that one. All right, number three.

[B]

Is that a lion?

[A]

No.

[B]

Can you turn it up?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, emu.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yep, that's an emu.

[B]

They make sounds?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You got a cheat sheet over there, don't you? Yeah. You do.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

You know what an emu sounds like?

[A]

Yes. That second part is very distinct.

[B]

Oh, quail. No, it's some kind of bird.

[A]

Sounds like a dove.

[B]

That's cool. No, that's a dove.

[A]

No, I've done it with my dad. We used to dove hunt opening day every year. And it sounds like a dove. Yep. It's a type of dove. Yeah, it's an Inca dove. Bird.

[B]

Oh, well, it's a special kind of dove.

[A]

Yeah, but dove, bird.

[B]

Those don't sound like the doves that I grew up with. Outside of the window. Yeah, that coo. Okay, next one.

[A]

I think you get this one.

[B]

Why am I so. I have no idea. What is it? Do you have an idea?

[A]

I'm not a bird expert, but that sounds like a sparrow. That's a sparrow. Wow. Dang. They're very common.

[B]

I had no idea. You're so in tune with nature.

[A]

Yeah. All right, next one.

[B]

That's so long.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Ralph. What are we.

[A]

Is that a parakeet? Not a parakeet, no. You want to play it again? Yeah. Sounds like a baby something. It's a baby something.

[B]

Alligator. Alligators, they do too. They have noise.

[A]

Yeah. Squirrel. Not a squirrel. Close. Close.

[B]

Chipmunk.

[A]

Not chipmunk. Closer. Bunny. Baby bunny. There's a baby bunny patch. It's a baby bunny.

[B]

Baby bunny.

[A]

Baby bunny. All right, one more for you.

[B]

That's an elk or a deer.

[A]

That sounds like an elk. Nope, not an elk or deer. That sounds like three different animals. This one's. This one's the toughest one. Is it a gibbon? It's a gibbon, yeah. Wow.

[B]

I don't even know what a gibbon is.

[A]

It's, like, in the mug family, I think. Yeah.

[B]

Bravo.

[A]

Good job. Way to go.

[B]

Gold star. You're really, like, taken aback by yourself right now, aren't you?

[A]

Yeah, he's good.

[B]

Good job.

[A]

The Earnhardt family's always relied on Bass Pro Shops for outdoor adventures. And that tradition continues with us today. Be sure to check out all Bass Pro Shops and what they have to offer. Whether you go fishing, camping, hunting, you can find everything you need.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That's right. At the nearest Bass Pro Shop store. Also, shop online@bass pro.com. he did give me.

[B]

Before we go to asking.

[A]

It's his fault. He did it to you.

[B]

Now I know. I'm sizing you up.

[A]

How was my acting, though? Like, Dale selled it. Yeah.

[B]

He being a good liar is not a good quality.

[A]

Good point.

[B]

Kind of like on your fake id. Let's. Let's talk about that for a minute. What color would your fake ID. Sorry, your real ID. What color would you say that Dell Jr. S hair is now?

[A]

I just got my ID. Yes. Gray.

[B]

Right. Now take that hat off.

[A]

I just got the new. I just got a new driver's license. I would say gray.

[B]

Gray. Yeah, it says blonde.

[A]

Blonde.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, Dale, have you ever really been blonde? Like, since you were the tiny kid? Because I think you're a ginger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like every picture that I Google, this man's gingery. And he refuses to accept it. Refuses. This is. This is reddish hair.

[A]

Yeah. The beard is way more reddish, but.

[B]

Yeah, that's when I met you was when your hair looked like this.

[A]

Yeah. Don't look that way anymore. So you told them blonde? No, they just left.

[B]

It's been that on his driver's license that he's had blonde hair.

[A]

When I was 16, it was blonde, so I guess they've just never changed it. When it comes to money, you deserve to feel safe from fraud and in control. And that's what you get with Cash App. Instantly lock or unlock your card with one tap. If a suspicious charge appears, Cash App declines it and alerts you with security. Lock, face ID or biometrics. Protect your account. Order a Cash App card [e-mail] card for a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional Cash App. For real. Just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code. Secure 10 in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's Bunny. That's Cash App. Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank banking service provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit card issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Instant discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Incorporated brand. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. Tron Ares has arrived. I would like you to meet Ares, the ultimate AI Soldier. He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.

[B]

You think you're in control of this?

[A]

You're not. On October 10th. What are you? My world is coming to destroy your wars. But I can help you. The war for our World begins in IMAX. TRON. ARIES, rated PG13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters October 10th. Get tickets now.

[B]

All right, let's get ready for some Ask Amy.

[A]

Yeah, sounds good. All right, first question. Jamie. This is from Jamie. Y' all ranked holidays last week. How about ranking these fall activities? S', mores, pumpkin picking, and a corn maze.

[B]

Corn maze, s', mores, pumpkin picking, and a corn maze. Favorites in order.

[A]

Pretty easy. Pumpkin picking would be last. I've never picked pumpkins. I'm not ever going to probably pick pumpkins.

[B]

I've done this with the kids every year. I take her to p. The Patterson farm.

[A]

We. I mean, I can walk up to a stack and grab one. Is that picking pumpkins?

[B]

No, we go to the patch.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not going out in the patch.

[B]

Yeah, the kids are obsessed with doing that. It's so fun.

[A]

I definitely want to do s' mores and the maze above picking a pumpkin. So I'm gonna do maize because I love mazes and s'. Mores. Second, what about you?

[B]

I would probably put the maze first also, because I just like the thrill of the, like, trying to get out. But I don't know. I feel like pumpkin and s' mores about the same for me. S' mores are delicious. They're just so messy. But, yeah, I'll go the same order.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Maize, s', mores, pumpkins.

[A]

Anything else you'd add to maybe to that that would go above it, like apple picking or maybe.

[B]

So the last time I took the kids apple picking, I swore I'd never do that again. And I take them. I just go by myself because it's usually still a little bit warm, and they don't want to walk by themselves. They want to be carried. So now that you've got, like, two packs of apples and two kids on your back.

[A]

Oh, geez.

[B]

It's too much.

[A]

Yeah, I would. The only thing I put in there is seeing the leaves change and, like, the.

[B]

Oh, yeah, the leaves changing is always nice. They're starting to change around the farm already.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why are you staring at me like that?

[A]

No, just listening.

[B]

What's our next question?

[A]

All right, next one from Shannon. She wants to know if June Buug Or Gus could talk. What would you ask them.

[B]

If June bug could talk, I would want to know why he can't stop peeing on my carpet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He decorates it like it's his.

[A]

I'm kidding. He does. He pees all over the floor.

[B]

That's really his only flaw.

[A]

I spend every day of my life, probably multiple times a day, seeing if there's pee on the floor.

[B]

Yeah, there's certain areas of the house, too. He does it now that he's gotten older. He will just pee on the hardwoods or the tile, too. Like, he just sprays it all over the house.

[A]

Yeah, he's not peeing in the.

[B]

Which I prefer. You know, like, instead of peeing all over the carpet, it's easier to clean up. But you have to be careful walking through any transition space in our house that he might have peed there just because. Getting ready to leave. Like, you put your shoes on, he's like, okay, peeing on the fork.

[A]

One out of ten days, you're stepping in him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's. Then you're hopping on one leg to try to. To get to the towel.

[A]

Oh, boy. I. I would ask Gus.

[B]

Why he growls at you.

[A]

Why he growls? Yeah.

[B]

Specifically at you.

[A]

Yeah. That's a good one.

[B]

If Gus is tired, he's like.

[A]

Gus is very away from me, moody. Like, most times I can pet him, hug on him, love on him, and he likes it, and he wags his tail. And then the other times, at 40% of the time, you'll go over there and go, yeah, it's kind of low. Just get off of me, Grumpy. I just love to know, like, hey, what's the deal?

[B]

He's always been, like, a very vocal dog. Like, he is almost like, they used to talk to each other.

[A]

He is not a vocal.

[B]

He would, like, oh, like, he'd howl and make his noises, and now he doesn't do that. He just growls at you.

[A]

He used to. He's not a dog that's gonna run in. Like, if you came in the door, he's not gonna run up to you and greet you and greet you and lick your hand or like, you know. Yeah. Hey, who are you? You know, he don't. He's gonna bark, get mad.

[B]

He's attacking the door to see. Make sure you're intruding.

[A]

You're gonna. He's coming after you. Yeah. But then as soon as you're not, it recognizes you're okay. You're not thread. He's back to the couch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unbothered.

[B]

Unbothered.

[A]

And I can't. Like I, he. This is the only thing I don't. The one thing I wish that was different about him is like he. I want him to jump on me like I want to.

[B]

If he was 100 pound dog, if.

[A]

He'S in the floor and I said, come here, Gus. I want him to come climb up on me. Yeah. Or, you know, the other night I was going to tell you I got this head cold when I was with my buddies. So Amy's been sleeping downstairs because I.

[B]

Don'T have time to get.

[A]

She don't want to get sick. So Gus tried to get in the.

[B]

Bed the other night in my spot. What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You lie.

[A]

I swear.

[B]

Did you help him?

[A]

No, he put both paws up there.

[B]

Are you sure he wasn't just looking for me?

[A]

I mean, I don't think so. He was trying to get up and he was, you know, he's doing that thing where he's trying to figure out what to do his back leg, how to get it to where he can get into. And he couldn't get up there. I should have helped him get in, but I thought he'd gonna growl at me. I'd go over there and try to help him. Yeah. So I was like, dang, there's a little bit of old Gus.

[B]

Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

You know, young, but young Gus trying to get in the bed. He used to jump in the bed and sleep at the end of the bed.

[B]

He's so tall. He used to just like stick his butt up there first and then push his front legs off. And then just like he'd be spooning with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But he can't do that anymore. He's got arthritis in his back legs. That's probably what.

[A]

Both of our dogs are old. Yeah, both of them. Damn.

[B]

They're great. But I'm glad they can't talk. To be honest, I don't think June Bug would ever shut up.

[A]

Sure, that's. That's pretty accurate. June Bug, though, has lost his hearing. Really? Entirely. Really entirely.

[B]

You can sneak right up on him.

[A]

There's. He's not like got any left. And so his barks changed when he lost. So he had a stroke and he lost his hearing. I don't know that he lost anything else, but we do know his hearing's gone entirely. And so his barks changed pitch. Wow. Because he can't hear himself. Yeah. That's funny, actually. So his barks have like a little back end.

[B]

Little raspier.

[A]

His bark. So Good. He used to bark like a regular dog, and now he goes by Ra. It's weird. He's got a bat. Yeah. Doesn't he?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Oh, man. All right, our next question from Bill. He wants to know what your thoughts are about the giant inflatables for Halloween decorations or, like. Or Christmas decorations. Inflatables. Yeah. Like, the Thanksgiving are popular. I think they're all right.

[B]

I think they're all right. We have some. It's hard to organize that, though.

[A]

Yeah. I like how in. In Halloween and I think in Christmas, too, the decorations, yard decorations, have gotten larger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Physically larger. Like, because I guess to your point, like, they found a way to make them easier to store. Yeah. With the. You know, with the inflatable stuff, like, you put it away, a little box. Right. You want to get it out. It's this big giant thing. Like, it's. You know, kids love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We have. We had, like, a Frankenstein or something.

[B]

We have a Frankenstein. We have.

[A]

We have a few Frankenstein's. Got to be 9 foot, 10 foot tall. Wow. Yeah. And then we got one of the. You see the big, giant. Giant skeletons. There are the hard skeletons.

[B]

We've got one of those big plastic guys.

[A]

Yeah. And we had one of them. We had him in the living room.

[B]

He was in the living room. He's not. We don't have neighbors.

[A]

He's not for the neighbors. That's. I know.

[B]

He's facing the tv.

[A]

Like, this is like a frat boy's decision right here to put the skeleton in the living room.

[B]

What are we doing when it comes to Christmas decorations? I like it classy and, like, tasteful. I mean, even if there's a lot of it, like, it's not. It's not. What's the word? Kitschy. It's not as kitschy, but with Halloween, like, the kitschier, the better for me.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We have a lot of. Amy did some decorating while I was gone. She only got half of it out. There's a lot in there.

[B]

There's a lot of boxes still sitting.

[A]

Yeah. But there's every. Every. Like when you go into Nicole's bathroom, right. And where the curls. Brush your teeth, there's little. There's a little skeleton sitting on the shelf, and then another little skeleton, and then you're. You know, they're little. Everywhere you go, there's like, oh, the little skeleton sit right there.

[B]

I went to Home Goods yesterday, and I found a home. A skeleton Elvis. He's going in the Elvis bathroom.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

He's holding a bone for a microphone. Like, this was meant for me.

[A]

Yeah. There you go. Yeah, but everywhere you go, man, there's, like, little Easter eggs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's cool, though. Did you guys ever, like, during Christmas time, like, hop in the car when you were a kid and just go.

[B]

See the lights and everything?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. This.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Still do that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a great little charmer. Speedway. Does a pretty good one. Yeah. The light show. That's really cool. They go all out. They do. There's some in South Carolina, too. Out.

[B]

Yeah, There's a really good one in South Carolina. We used to drive in Texas. Like, there's great spaces in certain parts of town, like, everybody went to. So, like, the neighborhood just knew it was their job to do the Christmas lights, and so we drive around. And then one year, we went to Austin. There's a street. I forget what the street name is, but it's pretty famous. And there's, like, everything is so draped. It is, like, lit up. It's almost day light outside because there's so many lights. And it is the coolest thing.

[A]

Yeah. But, yeah, if your neighbors are going all out, I feel like you kind of have to, like, do something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Extravagant. You can't be the one dark house on the block.

[B]

No, you can't.

[A]

Didn't light their house. But I think One more question for you. Kenneth wants to know how you went to the super motocross event this past weekend. Charlotte, how was it?

[B]

I did. I took the girls. It was fun. I saw all of my nascar friends that weren't at the racetrack. All of, like, the other girls were there, and it was really cool. So they had at the drag strip, and they pulled in all the dirt. I didn't know how high they actually jumped. Those bikes get high, and then the finish line is like, this ramp up. It was like a video game. It was really cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're all so fun and laid back. Yeah. I got to meet Aaron.

[A]

Yep. Pleasinger.

[B]

Yeah. He was really, really fun.

[A]

He was on the podcast rides for red bull.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Super, super nice guy.

[B]

So nice. Very tall. My kids were intimidated because there was a lot of people coming at him, and so they were not interested in pictures or whatever. But I got a picture with him. He was very nice.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

The whole experience was cool.

[A]

Yeah. The girls liked it, too.

[B]

They had fun.

[A]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah, they liked it. It's hard. It's hard always. Sometimes it's hard to tell with them. Yeah, they were worn out, but they had a great time.

[A]

That's awesome. It's a good place to stop. Ask Amy for today.

[B]

All right, thank you guys for your questions. If you haven't already, hit the subscribe button on our YouTube page. And don't forget to check out shop.dirtymomedia.com for all the merch. We'll see you next week.

[A]

Thank y' all for tuning in. Check out Dirty Mo Media, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. Honey, do not make plans. Saturday, September 13th. Okay? Why?

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

The Walmart wellness event. Flu shots, health screenings, free samples from those brands you like.

[B]

All that at Walmart?

[A]

We can just walk right in, no appointment needed. Who knew we could cover our health and wellness needs at Walmart?

[B]

Check the calendar. Saturday, September 13th.

[A]

Walmart wellness event. You knew? I knew. Check in on your health at the.

[B]

Same place you already shopped. Visit Walmart Saturday, September 13th for our.

[A]

Semiannual wellness event flu shot.

[B]

Subject to availability and applicable state law. Age restrictions apply. Free samples while supplies last.