Hour 3 – More Wedding Advice, Mike Sando

Summary

The Dan Patrick Show — Hour 3: More Wedding Advice, Mike Sando
Date: August 4, 2026
Host: Dan Patrick with the Danettes
Main Guest: Mike Sando (Senior NFL Writer, The Athletic)

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Episode Overview

In this third hour, Dan Patrick and the Danettes balance their trademark humor and camaraderie with sports insights and life updates. They kick things off discussing NFL offseason storylines—primarily contract news, college football scheduling shifts, and the ongoing relevance of fan experiences at sports events. The latter half centers on an in-depth interview with Mike Sando, who unveils his widely-anticipated Quarterback Tiers survey and reflects on NFL QB rankings, Hall of Fame debates, and the inner workings of league evaluation. Along the way, Dan welcomes listener advice about writing a heartfelt father-of-the-bride speech, integrating both levity and sentiment as he preps for his daughter’s wedding.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

NFL Headlines and Fan Experience (02:17–09:56)

• Bijan Robinson’s Contract
  Dan discusses Bijan Robinson’s new deal with the Falcons, making him the “highest paid running back in the sport, at least for the time being” with up to $25M/year in incentives (02:17).
• Autograph Culture at Training Camp
  • The Danettes debate adult fans seeking autographs at training camps—a poll question for the hour.
  • Paulie suggests “there should be a pen that's 12 and under that they sign autographs and the adults have to wait till they're done... It was a battle. You see these little kids half their size, you're going to put them in a corral.” (07:43)
  • Dan: “If you're a grown up, it's kind of weird...this is big business. They know what hotel you’re going to be in...”
• NCAA Football Scheduling
  Dan celebrates the return of the Notre Dame vs. USC rivalry, which will now appear in the season’s opening weeks starting 2030:
  • “It's a subtle but important shift in scheduling philosophy...elite programs no longer have to fear scheduling another heavyweight. If the expanded playoffs give us something, maybe that’s what it’s going to be.” (08:15)

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Sports Calls and Salary Cap Talk (09:56–16:22)

• Listener Calls: Salary Cap, Rivalries, Trade Logic
  • Discusses MLB salary cap implications:
    “You pay a price of luxury tax with that. But...I applaud them [Dodgers] for reinvesting in their team because a lot of owners don’t do that.” (10:53)
  • Revisits dynamics behind Notre Dame–USC, referencing Lincoln Riley's comments:
    Paulie quotes, “We’re part of a conference. We have a conference schedule to answer to. We don’t make our own schedule.” (12:17)
  • On trades: Teams sometimes prioritize player destinations, but the bottom line is: “We’re running a franchise here. You’re running a business.” (13:24)

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Sports Trades, Small Markets, and Competitive Windows (14:41–16:22)

• Dan and the Danettes praise teams that take risks with trades to “go for it.”
  “Your window of opportunity...is so small in all of these sports unless you have that money to make a mistake. Dodgers...let [Yordan] Alvarez go. He’s going to win the Triple Crown this year.” (15:43)

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Wedding Speech Prep and Listener Advice (16:22–18:39)

• Dan crowd-sources advice for the Father of the Bride toast:
  • Matthew from Texas encourages “getting the crowd involved” and balancing heartfelt and light-hearted tones; avoid making too much eye contact “because you want to keep it together.” (16:22)
  • Dan shares his nerves: "There will not be a happier person in America than me when that speech is over. Because then I'm gonna get my drink on." (18:06)
  • Paulie jokes, “You’re gonna be walking away from that speech...like a runner at the New York Marathon. People are gonna be handing you beers.” (18:25)
• Dan plans to bring his son up as backup for emotional support.

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Featured Segment: Mike Sando’s 2026 NFL Quarterback Tiers (23:22–38:08)

Mike Sando introduces his annual Quarterback Tiers column, explaining the methodology:

“For top tier, it’s really, do you carry the team each week? Do you handle those pure pass situations?...and you don’t really have a major hole in your game. That’s tier one.” (24:16)

Key Insights & Quotes

• Debate of Regular Season vs. Postseason QBs:

  • Dan: “There’s a regular season quarterback and then there’s a postseason quarterback...these rankings would be different if I said, give me the postseason quarterback as opposed to the regular season quarterback.” (24:45)
  • Sando: “With somebody like Mahomes...they tend to not make those kind of sloppy mistakes and it just feels like a more well oiled machine...that really does serve you well when the margins are smallest in those playoff games.” (25:18)

• QB-Specific Discussions:

  • Joe Burrow: “His numbers are almost identical to Lamar Jackson’s and he’s played five fewer games...I think that really helps Joe Burrow.” (26:16)
  • Jalen Hurts: “I think it’s hard to parse out credit in football...he’s really done it when he’s had the best offensive line in the league… Would the Eagles trade—how many players ranked higher on this list would the Eagles trade Hurts for? I think it’d be a lot of them.” (28:19)
  • Sando, on Hurts’ reliance on rushing: "I feel like Jalen Hurts really needs to run... and I don't trust that the older he gets..." (30:26)
  • On rookies and young QBs:
    • Bo Nix is “leading tier three” thanks to a big jump in second-tier considerations. (30:47, 30:58)
    • C.J. Stroud: “It’s a huge year for him. They finally got him some offensive linemen...he has a hard time beating the pressure.” (31:14)
    • Shador Sanders is “35th ranked quarterback out of 35...12 voters placed him in tier five: ‘not a starter period.’ People question his physical ability...accuracy...attitude, his approach.” (32:06; 32:24)

• On Hall of Fame Voting and Belichick Omission:

  • Sando explains why Belichick was left out—committee process, senior candidates, and frustration with system manipulation. (35:32–36:36)
  • “That just really irritated me...You have to put the best people in, and Belichick is so...I was very embarrassed.” (36:09)
  • Sando on Mike Tomlin’s Hall prospects: “Very difficult for him...depends really what the format is, who he has to compete against on the final ballot.” (37:14)

Fun/Memorable Moments

• Mike Sando recounts Philip Rivers joking about following his rankings:
  • “He said, yeah, I gotta watch out. I'll be following Sando's tears or something. And I thought, hey, that kind of made my day.” (33:59)
• Discussion on click-value of QBs:
  • Dan: “If you look at production versus clicks, [Shador Sanders] would be a tier one quarterback, totally.”
  • Sando: “He’s a tier one clicker...” (33:24–33:53)
• Dan jokes about being nominated for the Hall:
  • “If you want to, you can, but if it makes you happy...putting you in over [Belichick] would be a...good first start...” (35:05)

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Concluding Callers and Wedding Humor (38:35–44:01)

• Listeners debate small market strategies (Cleveland Guardians as a model) and the risk/reward pitches for dealing prospects at the trade deadline. (40:08–41:00)
• Dan, on whether his wedding speech will be posted:
  • “It depends on how well I do...it's too special of a moment...But I gotta have a little levity. I can't treat it like it's a funeral. I mean, she's still going to be my daughter, but today she's a bride. How about that line?” (41:24, 42:22)
  • Marvin: “That's a capper.”
  • Paulie: “That could be the Do you believe in miracles of wedding speech.” (42:31–42:39)
• The Danettes joke about speech openings, punchlines, and the hazards of Todd (“Fritzi”) providing comedic material. (43:07–44:00)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Let's give [Kenny Pickett] a hand here. No, I was giving Kenny Pickett a hand, not you, Marvin.” — Dan (04:03)
• “There should be a pen that's 12 and under that they sign autographs and the adults have to wait till they're done.” — Paulie (07:43)
• “If you're a grown up, it’s kind of weird...big business. They know what hotel you’re going to be in, the players where they’re going to be...” — Dan (07:26)
• “There’s a regular season quarterback and then there’s a postseason quarterback.” — Dan (24:45)
• “With somebody like Mahomes...they tend to not make those kind of sloppy mistakes.” — Mike Sando (25:18)
• “He has the best offensive line...really good defense...would the Eagles trade Hurts for...I think it’d be a lot of them.” — Mike Sando on Jalen Hurts (28:19)
• “He will always be my daughter, but today she’s a bride.” — Dan Patrick re: wedding speech (42:24)
• “I'm not doing ChatGPT and say, hey, can you write my speech here?” — Dan Patrick (43:01)
• “That's a capper.” — Marvin, on Dan’s wedding line (42:31)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

|Timestamp|Segment| |---|---| |02:17–07:43|Bijan Robinson contract, autograph debate, training camp stories| |08:15–09:56|College football scheduling shifts (Notre Dame–USC returns)| |10:53–13:24|Listener calls: MLB salary cap, trades, Lincoln Riley on scheduling| |14:41–16:22|Trade window discussion, small market vs. big market team philosophy| |16:22–18:39|Wedding advice and speech preparation| |23:22–38:08|Mike Sando interview: NFL QB tiers, Hall of Fame voting insight| |41:24–42:39|Dan’s “She’ll always be my daughter, but today she’s a bride” capstone| |38:35–44:01|Listener calls on small-market teams, further wedding speech jokes|

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Tone & Style

The tone is amiable, self-effacing, and playful. Dan and the Danettes rib one another while engaging in thoughtful, sports-centric dialogue. Sando’s analytic expertise complements Dan’s practical questions and lived football experience, making for insightful and relatable sports radio.

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This summary covers the substantive sports and life-talk content, skipping ads and promotional segments. For fans and newcomers, it’s a well-rounded snapshot of classic Dan Patrick: sharp wit, authentic sports debate, and a dash of heartfelt life advice.

Transcript

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[Paulie]

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Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised not just words, but a song.

[Dan Patrick]

Well, I thought you were all going

[Fritzi]

to write a song.

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[Fox Sports Radio Announcer]

You are listening to the Dan Patrick show on Fox Sports Radio Final hour on this Tuesday.

[Dan Patrick]

Dan and the Danettes Dan Patrick Show Bijan Robinson, Come on down. You're now the highest paid running back in the sport, at least for the time being. Until Jameer Gibbs of the Lions gets his contract. But earlier today, about two and a half hours ago, Bijan Robinson and the Falcons signed a deal that is going to bring him with incentives up to $25 million a year. Saquon Barkley is second on the list at 20.6 million, then Christian McCaffrey at 19 million. We say good morning if you're watching the program on Peacock. Thank you for downloading the app. And we say good morning to our radio affiliates as well. IHeartRadio, Fox Sports Radio. We have a new poll question for the final hour. Senior NFL writer for the athletic Mike Sando has a deep dive on the quarterback list. We love quarterback list in late July and early August. So thank you, Mike, for putting that out. We have preseason football coming up. That'll be Thursday night. Thursday night football. It will be the Panthers against the Cardinals. The WNBA on NBC and Peacock Sunday, Paige Beckers and the Wings take on Olivia Miles and the Links. The WNBA live on NBC and Peacock. And you have an opportunity to be part of the DP show calendar this year. We have yearbook photos. Send us your worst ones and hopefully we'll include it in the calendar. The address dpcalendar2027mail.com. Yes, Paul.

[Paulie]

Dan, one tidbit on the Thursday night Hall of Fame game, you know, starting for the Panthers at quarterback, Marvin's favorite quarterback, Kenny Pickett.

[Dan Patrick]

Kenny Pickett.

[Marvin]

All right, small hands unite.

[Dan Patrick]

Let's give him a hand here. Yay. No, I was giving Kenny Pickett a hand, not you, Marvin.

[Marvin]

Okay.

[Dan Patrick]

Kenny Pickett. Yes.

[Fritzi]

Marvin.

[Marvin]

I just cannot believe Kenny Pickett is the reason why people come up to me, put their hands up and want to measure. It just happened just one random morning. Ray wanted to measure hands, and I was like, come on, just do it.

[Dan Patrick]

And it changed your life.

[Marvin]

It changed Seaton's life, and it changed

[Dan Patrick]

my life simultaneously because Kenny Pickett had hand size that was under nine. And Ray, big day. Ray goes, why don't we just measure everybody's hands in here? And I thought for sure everybody thought that Seaton was going to win. And all of a sudden. And the. And we did it live. So we didn't know the. I didn't even know the end result since, like, the person with the smallest hands, Marvin and Seaton, I don't know if he's ever been that happy. I mean, maybe with getting married and having, you know, the birth of his son, but that's probably it. Yeah. Paulie.

[Paulie]

Dan, I just went back and looked at the 2022 NFL combine, the scouting and Kenny Pickett during measurement day, his hand size was 8 1/2 inches. Dan, the only draftee under 8 inches, 8, 9 inches at the quarterback position. And it was a revelation the next day on sports radio.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, it still is. I mean, imagine being Kenny Pickett. Marvin.

[Marvin]

Sure, I don't play quarterback. You're right.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah. But there was a little boy. We were in Arizona at the super bowl, and we did a meet and greet after the show. This little guy comes up and he puts his hand up and. And Marvin thinks he's giving him a high five. He goes, no, no, no. I want to see how my hand compares to yours. I'm like, oh, man, but you're a good sport, I think. I think that's when the audience realized that, you know, you were one of us. You were going to be a Dan at. You were going to fit in nicely. Yes, Mark.

[Marvin]

I think that was the beauty about being a backroom guy. Before here, you knew what the show was about. And the worse off it is for you, the better it is for everybody else's contest.

[Dan Patrick]

Dylan, poll question. For the final hour of the program.

[Dylan]

We got another banger from Todd. Per usual, begging for autographs at training camp, stadium or arena is so much fun and part of the fan experience. Kind of lame, unless you're a kid, I guess. Pathetic. Especially when you say it's for your child or cool if you can get some good dough for it on ebay, but where's your certificate of authenticity?

[Dan Patrick]

Decisions, decisions. I think if you're a grown up, it's kind of weird. Or if you say you're getting it for your son or daughter, and I've seen it before, and, you know, the marketplace for memorabilia is going crazy. And these athletes know, hey, I'm going to sign that. It increases the value right away. I mean, people send me stuff for me to sign. Now, granted, I don't know if it's worth anything because I've signed it. But you do sign it, and you hope it comes from a good place that they do want something, that they want to keep. Odds are they probably don't. Yes, yes, Dylan, I do like the

[Dylan]

guy who's like, waiting outside of a celebrity's hotel or something, and they come out, he's like, can you sign this for my kid? And he has a stack of like 50 headshots.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, yeah. And you'll. Then they know where everybody is. That. That's the amazing part of it. This is big business. They know what hotel you're going to be in. You know, the players where they're going to be. And, you know, they're able to take advantage of that.

[Paulie]

Yeah, Paulie, I'm with Todd on this one. I saw some training camp stuff yesterday and there's like 60 or 80 fans there and there's an 11 year old going shoulder to shoulder with a big, sweaty 50 year old. There should be a pen that's, you know, 12 and under that they sign autographs and the adults have to wait till they're done. I'm being serious. I mean, it's just. It was a battle. You see these little kids half their

[Dan Patrick]

size, you're going to put them in a. In a corral.

[Paulie]

Yes, a corral.

[Dan Patrick]

I love that. Yeah. Pens and a corral holding pens. See what I did with that?

[Caller]

Very bright.

[Dan Patrick]

All right. College football chose common sense over convenience. And it doesn't happen very often. Notre Dame and USC, the rivalry returns in 2030. I know that's a long way away, but I like that we are back to maybe scheduling some quality opponents outside of our conference schedule. So Notre Dame, USC grew up with the rivalry, love the rivalry. And it's a subtle but important shift in scheduling philosophy because elite programs no longer have to fear scheduling another heavyweight. If the expanded playoffs gives us something, maybe that's what it's going to be. That you'll schedule a game in the first, second or third week and it won't impact whether you make the playoffs or not. If I go to 2030, week one will be in Los Angeles. Notre Dame, USC, 2031, week one in South Bend, and then 2032 and 2033. They don't have dates yet, but they will take place within the first three weeks of the regular season. I like it when Texas plays Ohio State. I like it now. Was it LSU in Oregon years ago? In Jerry's world, it's just. It's great to start off the college football season, but it impacted you greatly. If you lost that game, it felt like now, if you won that game, well, you got a head start on everybody else. A couple of phone calls in here. Let's see Nate in la. Hi, Nate. What do you have for me today? Morning, Dan.

[Nate]

So while you're in Maine, can we move your monitor in studio from underneath the cameras? And whenever it cuts the Todd, he's looking directly into the camera, which I tolerated until this morning when he kept saying, I'd like to watch as I'm sitting on the edge of my bed putting both legs in my pants.

[Listener]

Thanks.

[Dan Patrick]

Thank you, Nate.

[Todd]

I could see why that would be awkward.

[Listener]

For him.

[Dan Patrick]

Yes, it is. Michael in Sarasota. Hi, Michael.

[Nate]

Hey, Dan, how you doing? Just want to say congrats to the, the Dan EDS for holding it down. But just a couple of quick questions here. One is kind of a funny one, but my Cowboys, who do you think would have a bigger cultural impact winning if they won the super bowl this year? Them or the New York Knicks? And my second question is for the salary cap for mlb. If they were to implement this salary cap, what happens to the teams that are, let's say, over the salary cap already?

[Dan Patrick]

Well, you, you know, you pay a price of luxury tax with that. But I don't, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, Michael. I think it's one of those, how's this going to feel? How are teams going to adapt? Dodgers still going to spend, but. But I applaud them for reinvesting in their team because a lot of owners don't do that. You know, I mentioned yesterday 70% of the owners, they'll reinvest 50%. Okay, that's, that's not good enough. If you're trying to win, and maybe you're not trying to win, maybe you want to be competitive. Maybe that's what I'm missing. You know, keep this in mind with the Notre Dame and usc. Lincoln Riley, I think, was the one when he got to usc, he didn't want to continue this, but it feels like this is the athletic department saying, no, we want to continue this, but, and I don't know, is Lincoln Riley going to be at USC in 2030 when this rivalry resumes? But I think going into the Big Ten, we don't want to add, you know, or have Notre Dame, their quality opponent. You know, we're going to be fighting for survival in the Big Ten. But it feels like this might be the athletic department saying this sounds like a good thing to revisit.

[Paulie]

Yes, Paulie, Lincoln Riley did respond to one of the local reporters, the USC head coach, about it. He said, we're looking forward to playing this game early in the season, even though it's way down the road. He said, quote, we're part of a conference. We have a conference schedule to answer to. We don't make our own schedule, unquote.

[Dan Patrick]

Oh, little shot there. Little shot. Ben and Desmond. Hi, Ben.

[Listener]

Thanks for taking my call. 63185. Just to put a bow on the school trade to the Dodgers. How much of that you've mentioned, you know, the Dodgers didn't exactly give up a haul. How much of that is just due to the fact that the Tigers maybe felt some loyalty or wanted to let him go to his preferred destination. And then also, you know, in recent memory, I can't think of any blockbuster trades. Russ. Small market team made a deal that really put them over the top to get to the World Series. You know, been over, you know, 40 years for the Brewers. You know, as a Brewers fan, I'm good. Let's just roll with the guys we got and see what happens.

[Dan Patrick]

Well, the Tigers traded Verlander to the astros. He won two World Series titles. The Indians traded CC Sabathia to the Brewers. He went 11 and 2. Now, they didn't have postseason success that year. The Royals traded Jorge Solar to the Braves. He was the World Series MVP for the Braves. The Yankees traded Araldes Chapman to the Cubs. The Cubs won the World Series. There are teams that will get players, and it might be the one player that they need. So we're talking about the Astros getting Verlander, the brewers getting CC Sabathia, the Braves getting Solar, and the Cubs getting rolled as Chapman. Not exactly small market teams, but still, these guys are available. The question is, and I don't know if Justin Verlander said, I don't. This is where I want to go. And my loyalty to Tarek Skubel is, thank you, thank you. And for the Cy Youngs and the great performance, but we're running a franchise here. You're running a business. We're running a business. We got to do what's best for our team. You can't go, you know what? We. We gave him up, and we didn't get the best that we could because we wanted to send him to where he wanted to go.

[Marvin]

Yes, Marvin, best case scenario for mlb, the brewers and the Dodgers in the nlcs, where you have a star player in Mazeroski, this. Is that how you pronounce his name? Mizarowski? A guy that's throwing 100 against the Dodgers with Scubal. Is that the best case scenario for mlb? Will it bring more eyeballs? I know we say this every year,

[Dan Patrick]

but, yeah, I think you're going to have. People will be fascinated with the Dodgers, but most of America would root for the brewers because you would say, you know, I can identify with that team. They don't have the budget. The Dodgers do. And it's the big guy like the Yankees and Dodgers. People are probably torn. Who do. Who do I root for?

[Paulie]

Yeah, Paulie, I went back and tried to find a air quote, small market team that acquired someone at the trade deadline in 06, the Detroit Tigers had 95 wins and lost the World Series. The following year, in the off season, they traded for Miguel Cabrera, the great hitter from the Florida Marlins. They acquired Cabrera to try to make that run.

[Dan Patrick]

I applaud teams that are taking a chance. If you had that chance, you just don't want to look back and go, man, we might have had the best team or if we had somebody, your window of opportunity, it is so small in all of these sports unless you have that money to make a mistake. You know, Dodgers, they had Jordan Alvarez in their system and let him go. He's going to win the Triple Crown this year. So you do make mistakes. The question is, how many mistakes do you made and how costly are they? Matthew in Texas. Hey, Matt, what's on your mind?

[Caller]

Hi. Yours truly. Hey. I just gave my father of the bride speech in Spain last week and it went over very well. Had two quick tips for you. First of all, you want to get the crowd involved. First of all, I did a football chance since they won the World cup, got everybody on my side. The second point I would make is I know you said you wanted to keep it light hearted but also heartfelt. So in order to do that, you also want to keep some eye contact with your daughter. Look at her when you're light hearted as opposed to heartfelt because you want to keep it together, keep everything moving and you don't want to lose it. And obviously it's easy to do in that moment.

[Dan Patrick]

Well, thank you, Matthew. I am taking advice from a couple of the listeners. They said go to the, where the reception is going to be, find out where the microphone is going to be and then go over there and stand and just so you get acclimated and that therefore it won't be new when I walk up there. But thank you, Matthew. I've received a lot of really good advice and I appreciate that. I am writing down the speech because then I don't have to make eye contact the entire time. I'm going to be looking down now. I'll look up, you know, for laughter. I'll be very careful, though, with a couple of things I have to say that I'm not going to be able to look over to my, my daughter won't be able to do it. But I'm bringing my son up there. He'll. If I falter, then he'll fill in the gray area and hopefully he'll say something nice about his sister. Yes, yes.

[Dylan]

Dylan, do you have markings on the speech, like pause for laughter and applause.

[Todd]

No,

[Dan Patrick]

no, I don't think there'll be notes there in the margins. It'll be just. There will not be a happier person in America than me when that speech is over. Because then I'm gonna get my drink on.

[Listener]

Now.

[Dan Patrick]

I do have the father daughter dance. Who cares if I screw that up?

[Paulie]

Yeah, Paulie, you're gonna be walking away from that speech. It's gonna be like a runner at the New York Marathon. People are gonna be handing you beers.

[Dan Patrick]

Yes. I'm gonna be walking out like Joe Namath when he won the Super Bowl. I have my finger in the air like, we did it.

[Fritzi]

All right.

[Dan Patrick]

We'll talk some football. Mike Sandoz, quarterback Tier results for 2026. They're here. And we'll come back and talk to him after this.

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[Dan Patrick]

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[Rob Parker]

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[Ari Chambers]

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

[Sam J]

Hey, what's up, y'? All? It's your girl, Sam J.

[Ari Chambers]

And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from together and I heart women's sports because, let's

[Sam J]

be real, women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days.

[Ari Chambers]

So Kelsey Findler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii.

[Sam J]

My first thought is just like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we.

[Mike Sando]

What are we eating?

[Ari Chambers]

The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire

[Sam J]

timeline and the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalenka.

[Sam J]

Shout out to you, naomi, you get the palm.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi, you get the palm for that.

[Sam J]

Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Hey, Portlandia fans.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kerry Brownstein and Fred Armisen here, you

[Fred Armisen]

know us, or rather, you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike and yes, the chicken.

[Carrie Brownstein]

We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia. Ao rewatch our brand new podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process.

[Carrie Brownstein]

How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it.

[Fred Armisen]

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised. Not just words, but a song.

[Dan Patrick]

I thought he was gonna write. I thought you were all gonna write a song.

[Carrie Brownstein]

I remember you thinking that.

[Fred Armisen]

Listen to Podlandia Ayo rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Listener]

Hey.

[Hayes Davenport]

This is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook every episode. We're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers.

[Paulie]

The show's famously super accessible, so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on.

[Hayes Davenport]

We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller.

[Mike Sando]

The definition of what is a movie

[Fritzi]

has kind of changed anyway, too, right?

[Dan Patrick]

What do you think it is now?

[Mike Sando]

It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology.

[Hayes Davenport]

Danny McBride.

[Dan Patrick]

Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on. You make your own. That's great.

[Hayes Davenport]

I call him Tarot Reed.

[Dan Patrick]

It's a good name.

[Paulie]

They're all named after cast members of American Pie.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, I call.

[Hayes Davenport]

I don't. I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leechy Sobieski.

[Fritzi]

Yeah.

[Dan Patrick]

I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still haven't looked at. Haven't looked it up. She was prominent. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Then Mary Steenbergen.

[Dan Patrick]

Why are you guys talking to me? Like, why are you so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play?

[Fox Sports Radio Announcer]

Play?

[Dan Patrick]

I just really.

[Sam J]

I get it.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm trying to set you up for success.

[Paulie]

Here, listen to Hollywood handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Dan Patrick]

Mike Sando, senior NFL writer for the Athletic He's a Hall of Fame voter and his 2026 Quarterback Tears column drops today. Todd thought it was T E A R s like tears. I said and I said, no, it's levels.

[Todd]

I have tears about Bo Nix not being in level two.

[Dan Patrick]

I know Paulie was telling Fritzi, Bo Nix is like a Tier 3 quarterback and Fritz, he's going apoplectic on everybody here. So Mike's been doing this. His 13th annual survey ranking all the quarterbacks into five tiers from best to worst, and also did this with the help of votes from 50 NFL coaches and executives. 35 veteran quarterbacks are ranked, sorted into five tiers, from best to worst. We welcome back Mike. Mike, thanks for joining us. Give me the criteria for tier one.

[Mike Sando]

I'm glad that you asking about criteria. We need, we need a criteria for the hall of Fame. I think criteria is the key to all of these lists. Do you have one? And for top tier, it's really, you know, do you carry the team each week? Do you handle those pure pass situations? Meaning we got to throw the ball. They know we got to throw the ball. They're more nervous on defense than we are on offense. And you kind of know that if you're a fan of a team, when you have to throw it, everything gets stripped away and you don't really have a major hole in your game. That's tier one.

[Dan Patrick]

Okay, so Patrick Mahomes is the, the number one quarterback, even coming off an injury. And I, I, I always look at these lists and go, okay, there's a regular season quarterback and then there's a postseason quarterback. Josh Allen, regular season quarterback's been unbelievable. Lamar Jackson, regular season quarterback. When we get into the postseason, then it's different. And I don't know if these rankings would be different if I said give me the postseason quarterback as opposed to the regular season quarterback.

[Mike Sando]

I really agree with that. And even Josh Allen was in tier one. But I Felt like when we get to these playoff games, there's a sloppiness around Lamar Jackson or Josh Allen. The ball's on the ground. Sometimes there's wasted opportunities. You don't feel like they fully understand how precious each possession is. Right. Whereas with somebody like Mahomes, they're on top of all of that and they tend to not make those kind of sloppy mistakes and it just feels like a more of a well oiled machine. And that really does serve you well when the margins are smallest in those playoff games.

[Dan Patrick]

You only have three quarterbacks in tier 1 4, Joe Burrow. Oh, you got. Oh yeah, you have Stafford and Allen. Okay. Joe Burrow feels like he's gotten a little bit of a hall pass, injuries. He did go to the super bowl, but this is one of those when healthy kind of rankings.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Mike Sando]

I would say the last two years his numbers are almost identical to Lamar Jackson's and he's played five fewer games. I do think that there is a premium put on the pure passing, the ability to throw the ball from the pocket. That's the most consistent sustainer of success, not only in a course of a season, but a course of a career. You don't see a lot of dual threaders at age 37. Dual threading anybody? Right. So I think that really helps Joe Burrow. And look, he was spectacular a couple years ago. People understand his defense was absolutely horrible. I think, you know, when I go on and have a conversation in Seattle, why isn't Sam Darnold hired? Well, number one defense and special teams in the league, people know how they win the games. Right. Sam can do it sometimes. He doesn't do it all the time. And so I think those tier one guys like Burrow, you feel like he can do it all the time.

[Listener]

He has.

[Mike Sando]

It's not like he's missed full seasons in the last couple of years. So I think that's why he gets a little bit of a break.

[Dan Patrick]

But you got Baker Mayfield and Sam Darnold slotted together. It feels like Baker Mayfield does more to help his team win than Sam Darnold.

[Mike Sando]

I think that's defensible. Yeah, I think that's true. I think Darnold probably, you know, winning the super bowl, there's probably some kind of a premium on that. One of the great conversations I had with somebody was like, you know, what were Eli Manning or Joe Flacco over the course of their careers, those Super Bowls were everything. And obviously they, you know, made some big plays in those Super Bowls too, to win him, but I think that helps. That helps. Darnold Low2 I feel like people feel like with Baker Mayfield that he is probably slipped a little bit last year, that it fell off around him and he had a much harder time. And so I think that's probably why he kind of slipped a little bit there and we'll see what happens this year. Doesn't really feel like Tampa's on fire either. That situation feels volatile to me.

[Dan Patrick]

The Jalen Hurts ranking is always fascinating because if I said, hey, you got to pick your quarterback for the postseason, Jalen Hurts is going to be in my top five because I've seen there, there's enough of a sample size there. But why is he 17th on this list, in your opinion?

[Mike Sando]

I think that it is hard to, you know, it's hard to parse out credit in football, harder than other ones when you have great teams around him or not. And I think he's really done it when he's had the best offensive line in the league. They've had a great running game that he's a big part of. And increasingly, you know, least lately they've had a really good defense. So, like, would the Eagles trade how many, put it this way, how many players ranked higher on this list would the Eagles trade Hertz for? I think it'd be a lot of them.

[Dan Patrick]

Who would you trade? Okay, so Mahomes, Allen, Stafford. Burrow. Lamar.

[Fritzi]

Yep.

[Listener]

Herbert.

[Mike Sando]

Oh, yeah. Every day of the week.

[Dan Patrick]

Dakota?

[Mike Sando]

Probably may. For sure. Yes, for sure. I think so.

[Dan Patrick]

Jordan Love?

[Mike Sando]

Yes.

[Dan Patrick]

Brock Purdy. Caleb Williams.

[Mike Sando]

I mean, Caleb I think people would take for the long Runway in the future. You know, Purdy. That depends. I mean, some people think he's productive system to a degree too, but we're getting, you know, after that. Jaden Daniels, Darnold. This is what I think about Jalen Hurts. Do you think, how excited do you think they are right now to sign him, to give him a raise and a big extension?

[Dan Patrick]

Probably not thrilled.

[Mike Sando]

And do you think he's they just picked up a 2028 first round pick in that AJ Brown trade. When they did that, my mind kind of went to, I wonder how much longer Jalen Hurts is our quarterback. As opposed. And if Jalen Hurts were available, like would people be clamoring to get him? I mean, he would make money and get a job. Don't, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it'd be the same as if those guys above him were okay.

[Dan Patrick]

So let's say Baker Mayfield's available and Jalen hurts, same price.

[Mike Sando]

I mean, I would probably take Baker Mayfield. Would you?

[Dan Patrick]

No.

[Mike Sando]

I feel like Jalen hurts. Really needs to run. It needs the. Needs his legs to be part of this, and I don't trust that. The older he gets, I guess, is where I'm coming from.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah. And I think it's fair. And you talk about the offensive line. I get all that. He has weapons, he got a great running back. I understand all that. But I have seen him on the biggest stage in two Super Bowls, be the best guy on the field.

[Mike Sando]

Yeah.

[Dan Patrick]

So I just, I keep coming back to that, whether that's fair or not. Bo Nix did a great job with the Broncos. You got him leading tier three.

[Mike Sando]

Yeah. I think he had four tier two votes last year, seven, 21 this year. So that's a big jump.

[Dan Patrick]

Okay. C.J. strouds, the one that's kind of fascinating. He just lingering there at number 20.

[Mike Sando]

He is. And I think that it's a huge year for him. They finally got him some offensive linemen, I think. You know, I think that's. He is one of those quarterbacks. I think Herbert's in this category too, where, you know, they've taken some hits and you get a feeling sometimes watching them that it's affecting them, even maybe when the rush isn't there. And you can kind of get a syndrome as a quarterback where it's hard to pull out of that. And I think this is a really big year for both of those quarterbacks to kind of feel comfortable again, feel good again. And Shrouds clearly has it in him, but they have not had an offensive line. And it doesn't mean it's all the line's fault, but I think we've seen without one, he has a hard time kind of beating the pressure, beating the defense with his anticipation and the quick, confident throws that we've seen some of the other quarterbacks be able to make.

[Dan Patrick]

I'm federally mandated to ask you about Shador Sanders. You have him as the 35th ranked quarterback out of 35. Yeah. So is this just kind of an incomplete that we're not. We're still not sure what we have here.

[Mike Sando]

It's worse than that because 37 of the voters put them in tier four. To be in tier four, you're either, you know, somebody you wouldn't want to go the whole season with. It could be like a Jacoby Brissette.

[Fritzi]

Right.

[Mike Sando]

We sort of know what he is and we don't. We want to get a different guy. Or tier 4 can be the guy's barely started any games. You know, let's put him in tier 4, so you could give Shador some of that. But he got 12 in tier five. I think that's the most of anyone in here. J.D. mcCarthy got 10, so that's. Five is like, not a starter period. And so people really, you know, question his, you know, some of his physical ability. Uh, you know, and then just his, his accuracy, people didn't feel like was very good at all last year. So, you know, it in my mind, I also wonder, like, okay, do people not like him too? You know, just his, his attitude, his approach, his pedigree, for lack of a better word, just coming up the way he did. I don't think that probably helps him.

[Fox Sports Radio Announcer]

No.

[Dan Patrick]

And then your dad shows up in training camp and, you know, ESPN just spends hours and hours on Shador Sanders. And I, I understand the name, I understand the clicks, but if you look at production versus clicks, yeah, he would be a tier one quarterback, totally.

[Mike Sando]

He's a tier one clicker, you know, so I think he has some value that way. But people didn't see a whole lot to, to build on last year.

[Dan Patrick]

Ever hear from a quarterback after they've dropped on your list?

[Mike Sando]

That's interesting. I say the highlight was this. A number of years ago, when Philip Rivers was giving a. It was one of those off the field pressers. You know, the media's standing around him and I wasn't there. And yeah, I knew him a little bit, but he said, yeah, I gotta watch out. I'll be following, you know, watch out, I'll be following Sando's tears or something. And I thought, hey, that kind of made my day. You know, my kids were impressionable age at that time, and so that was probably the best.

[Listener]

The.

[Mike Sando]

The best reference that I got that I found out about.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, I don't know what Aaron Rodgers is going to think about being there in Tier three. Mike,

[Mike Sando]

I would love to. I'd love to hear it from. And I kind of agree. I mean, one of the quotes I used in there from someone in the league was like, you're not taking him over some of these other guys. I mean, just for his ability to throw and run the offense. That said, doesn't look the way that it used to look like, either.

[Dan Patrick]

Thanks for providing programming for a lot of shows across America this week, Mike. We appreciate that.

[Mike Sando]

I appreciate you having me on. And congrats, too. I know you're. You're in the victory lap here. Congrats on everything. It's it's an honor to be here.

[Dan Patrick]

And don't. You're going to try to embarrass me and maybe nominate me, you know, for somebody contributor to the Pro Football hall of Fame. I mean, if you want to, you can, but if it makes you happy. Yeah, if. If it makes you happy, then fine.

[Mike Sando]

Well, you know, the Belichick omission went over so well, I think. You know, I think probably putting you in over him would be a good. A good first start, you know.

[Dan Patrick]

Okay, how did that happen?

[Mike Sando]

So, backstory. I've been on the committee for 15 years, and there's been a number of times where, like, I get frustrated because you can't make people think the way you think. Right. And you. I'm like, ah. What we found out on this is they changed the voting so that you had three senior candidates, guys low retired, 25 years from playing. You had a coach and you had a contributor. Contributors, like an owner. There's people on that committee that it's like their religion to get the seniors in. Okay. And so these people, you had to pick three of those five on the final ballot.

[Listener]

They picked.

[Mike Sando]

They just spammed the seniors, picked all seniors, leaving off Belichick because they feel like if these seniors don't make it, they'll never make it. And I just. That just really irritated me. That's. That's like taking the process into your own hands, making it about yourself. You have to step back and evaluate these five. We can worry about the process later. You don't like it, then work to change it. But you have to put the best people in. And Belichick is so. I was very embarrassed.

[Dan Patrick]

Belichick stint at North Carolina hurt his chances at all.

[Mike Sando]

First ballot or Pro Football hall of Fame?

[Listener]

Pro.

[Mike Sando]

You know, I mean, look, it doesn't help anybody when they go somewhere else and fail, but come on. I mean, the body of work as a head coach and before that as an assistant coach, I mean, he's the standard in a lot of ways. And so I don't know. When you look at some of the coaches they've put in, I wasn't always on the coach committee in these years. I'm gonna. But I was like, how can you put some of those guys in and not have Belichick skate in? I have no idea.

[Dan Patrick]

Mike Tomlin did enough to be a Hall of Fame coach.

[Mike Sando]

That'll be interesting. Yeah, I think he'll. I think he'll be in the room and he'll be the coaching finalist at some point. And then it depends really what the format is, who he has to compete against on the final ballot. Will he be over able to overcome players? I don't think so. And we've seen that that's one of the reasons they created a lane, a coach's lane. But it feels to me like some of this structure and process is in flux. Maybe they're waiting till after the ceremony to not distract from it, you know, with Larry Fitzgerald and Drew Brees and those guys going in, Luke Kuechley. But I feel like there's they're going to evolve, maybe the committee or the panels, some different people, something after what happened last year and then that'll determine whether a Tomlin, you know, has a chance. I would say right now it would be very difficult for him. Very difficult.

[Dan Patrick]

Great stuff as always, Mike. Thanks for joining us.

[Mike Sando]

Thank you.

[Dan Patrick]

That's Mike Sando, senior NFL writer for the Athletic and his quarterback tears his 13th annual survey ranking all the quarterbacks there. How about we take a break? Last call for phone calls. Well, we learn what's in store tomorrow, right after this.

[Fox Sports Radio Announcer]

Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our [e-mail] and within the iHeartRadio app. Search FSR to listen live.

[Dan Patrick]

Last call for phone calls. What we learn what's in store tomorrow, this day in sports history. All of that coming up. Eric in Virginia. Hi, Eric. What do you have for me today?

[Caller]

Hey, Dan, I'm just wondering who's gonna

[Listener]

have to go to HR tomorrow for the little snafu this morning with your

[Dan Patrick]

live feed from Maine. I'm gonna blame the Internet. I'll blame Elon Musk. I'll just blame him. You know, can't go wrong there. But thank you, Eric. Now, just a technical difficulty and the big German ended up fixing it. Took a little time. Paulie took over hosting the show. I'm gonna have to give him his own show here one of these days

[Paulie]

based off that alone.

[Mike Sando]

It was fun.

[Dan Patrick]

Yes.

[Paulie]

Everyone jumped in. We had fun.

[Dan Patrick]

ASA in Texas. Hi, asa.

[Listener]

Hey, Dan, if. If you have the technical difficulties you had today on your last show, are you postponing retirement?

[Dan Patrick]

Are you?

[Listener]

What's going on?

[Dan Patrick]

Well, maybe you got me with a no pun intended, technicality there, but now I one way or another, we'll do the show even if nobody's able to hear us, if there's technical difficulties. But we'll be at the super bowl in Atlanta. What could go wrong? Chris in Pittsburgh. Hi, Chris. What do you have adt.

[Caller]

Thanks for taking my call. I don't think the big German gets enough credit first and foremost but the reason for my call is I was looking back just talking about the small market teams taking a, taking a chance, spending some money. Lifelong Indian fan, 2016 Colleague in attest to this Andrew Miller we get from the Yankees virtually unhittable the entire playoffs until game seven when he just ran out of gas. They went and spent revenue money from the playoffs the next off season for Edwin Incarnacion. A big bat somebody to Cleveland never, never gets unless they draft him and bring him up. I just think the guardians are, they are a poster child for how to run an organization in a small to mid market. I think going back to John Hart's days back in the, you know, when Jacobs Field opened in the mid-90s, all the way through today and even making a splash yesterday going into this postseason.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, they're always there and there's something to be said for that. And that starts to me with up top well run organization. Mark in Richmond. Hi Mark. What do you have for me today?

[Caller]

Hey, Dan, how are you? 5 years, 200 pound dad bot. Hey, just a quick question. I don't know if it's ever been asked on the air.

[Listener]

At least I haven't heard it.

[Dan Patrick]

Are we the listeners going to be

[Caller]

fortunate enough to see your daughter's speech perhaps posted on the website or something after the wedding?

[Dan Patrick]

I don't know. It depends on how well I do.

[Todd]

Okay.

[Dan Patrick]

But maybe, maybe I have, I have veto power and I need to run it by the home office and, and my daughter, probably not. You know, it's, it's too special of a moment. And see, that's where my wife would be going don't, you know, make it funny and be giggly and do, don't do that. You know, this is your daughter. So I'm like, okay, all right, all right, all right. But I gotta have a little levity. Can't, I can't treat it like it's a, a funeral. I mean, she's still going to be my daughter, but today she's a bride. How about that line? Okay.

[Marvin]

Yeah.

[Dan Patrick]

Are you kidding me? I cried right at the very end.

[Marvin]

I told you, I just cried.

[Dan Patrick]

She will always be my daughter, but today she's a bride.

[Paulie]

That's a capper.

[Dan Patrick]

Mazel tov.

[Paulie]

That could be the. Do you believe in miracles of wedding speech.

[Dan Patrick]

Thank you. Yes.

[Dylan]

Dylan, are you gonna do the like his family gained a daughter, we gained a son. That, that whole thing.

[Listener]

No.

[Dylan]

Okay.

[Dan Patrick]

No.

[Marvin]

Wow.

[Dan Patrick]

Well, no, it's not a wow. It's just people have said that before. I'm trying to make it unique.

[Dylan]

Oh, all new.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah. I'm not doing chat GPT and say, hey, can you write my speech here? Yes.

[Todd]

Todd, are you planning anything comedic? Are you going to try to keep it all sensitive?

[Dan Patrick]

And I'm telling you, you can't keep a secret.

[Todd]

Not only can I keep a secret, I wouldn't be able to give you any information that could help you with any of those jokes.

[Dan Patrick]

How about you open up for me?

[Todd]

Like do a limerick or. Oh, oh, I see what you're saying. Because I can bomb with a couple jokes. Anything you say is going to be hilarious. I know you.

[Dan Patrick]

No, you could be the warm up. You can be the warm up. You could do rhyme time.

[Todd]

I could.

[Dan Patrick]

You could do like five rhyme times. And then now I go, how about a round of applause for Fritzi? And it'll sound just like that by

[Todd]

the time I get to the third rhyme time.

[Dan Patrick]

We want Dan. Yes.

[Marvin]

Are you gonna shout out your new son in law? Like, you know, when we first met Parker, he was great off of the bat in blank, blank, blank. Any good words about him?

[Dan Patrick]

Yes.

[Marvin]

Okay.

[Dan Patrick]

Yes, yes. His name's Josh.

[Marvin]

Oh, that's what I say.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, yeah, Parker. Yeah. I'm gonna say, see, now I'm gonna say, hey, I want to give a shout out to Parker. You know, you're. I mean, Josh. People are going to go, wait a minute. Who's your daughter?

[Caller]

Mary.

[Marvin]

I'm sorry, Josh.

[Dan Patrick]

Yes. Dylan.

[Dylan]

Is Parker's middle name by any chance?

[Dan Patrick]

No, it's not now.

[Dylan]

So you're not. You're not giving any consideration to having Todd punch up your speech with jokes a little bit?

[Dan Patrick]

Oh, no, I would.

[Rob Parker]

It's the worst idea I've ever heard.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, Todd. Todd can punch up my script here.

[Todd]

Yeah. Why would you reach out to Stanlow or Bargazi or Will Ferrell when you

[Dan Patrick]

got me to do Ryan in Arizona? Hi, Ryan. What do you have for me?

[Fritzi]

Hey, Dan, full disclosure. I am in Arizona, so I hate the Dodgers, but I'm listening to all these Dodger fans tell you that the Dodgers are smarter than everybody else and anybody could ask Google. That's simply not true. It's such a huge risk for the brewers of the race to give away their farm system for a guy that's going to sign with the Dodgers in two months anyway. The Dodgers don't care about prospects because they. They're just going to buy a new airfield in a few years. And something that money doesn't buy wins. Because if you look at payrolls and standings, nine of the top 12 teams in spending are over.500. If you look at the bottom 18 payrolls, only four of them are over.500. So you can definitely buy wins.

[Dan Patrick]

Okay, but that's a regular season team. Ryan, I'm talking about do you have a chance to win the World Series and can I keep Scuba away from the Dodgers? At what point do you say, we're going for it? And that's the only thing that I'm bringing up. Look, I get it. I understand the smaller market. But do you. When do you get to the point where you go, let's go all in, let's go try to win this? If I'm Tampa, definitely the Yankees, definitely. Because the American League is not good. And now you have a chance, though to me, it could be a missed opportunity. Paulie, this day in sports history is a great one.

[Paulie]

August not for the bird. August 4, 1983. Dave Winfield of the Yankees accidentally kills a seagull on the field in Toronto. It was between innings. As they're warming up after the game, they were kind of joking around about it and all of a sudden the local policeman that was at the game walked in and arrested Dave Winfield. They brought him to the Toronto Police 14 Division and he was charged with unnecessary suffering of an animal. A $500 fine. The next day it was dropped.

[Dan Patrick]

Yeah, they thought that he tried to kill the bird, I think synagogue. On this date in 1982, Joel Youngblood had a base hit pulled from the game. The Mets were trading him to the Expos, who were playing a night game in Philadelphia. So he went from a RBI single in one game with one team to a pinch hit hit single off Steve Carlton in the nightcap. Two different teams. Todd, what did you learn on the program?

[Todd]

Albert Bria thinks the Saints, especially after finishing strong last year, could be a

[Mike Sando]

surprise team this season.

[Dan Patrick]

What did I learn?

[Todd]

We're excited that The Notre Dame UIC rivalry is back, but not until 2000 and 30.

[Dan Patrick]

Have a great day, everybody. We look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

[Carrie Brownstein]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.