Episode 2: Sarah, The Expert

Summary

The Date My Podcast: Episode 2 - "Sarah, The Expert"

Release Date: January 14, 2025

Hosts:

• Jessica Walter – Host and Creator
• Kyle Lampy – "The Dater" seeking love through the show
• Sarah – Professional Matchmaker and Dating Coach from Macklin

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Introduction to the Episode

In the second episode of "The Date My Podcast," Jessica Walter and Kyle Lampy welcome Sarah, a seasoned matchmaking expert and lead matchmaker at Macklin. This episode delves deep into the intricacies of professional matchmaking, modern-day dating challenges, and the balance between chemistry and compatibility in relationships.

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Sarah’s Background and Matchmaking Philosophy

Sarah introduces herself as a professional cupid with a psychology-based approach to matchmaking. With a background in behavioral psychology and executive recruiting, she transitioned into matchmaking during the pandemic four years ago.

Sarah [00:50]: "I'm a professional cupid… we’re more psychology-based too, so can kind of break it down from somewhat more of a scientific approach."

Sarah emphasizes that while relationships aren't purely scientific, understanding behavioral patterns and psychological principles plays a significant role in fostering meaningful connections. Her approach blends psychological insights with the practical aspects of building relationships, aiming to create compatibility that stands the test of time.

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Kyle’s Personal Story and Motivation

Kyle shares his journey leading up to the show, including a significant breakup that prompted him to seek professional matchmaking. He reflects on past relationships and his natural inclination to help friends find love through crafting messages and offering dating advice.

Kyle Lampy [02:56]: "I've been in long-term relationships since high school, but helping my friends date was always the real fun for me."

Kyle’s transparency about his past relationship struggles and his proactive steps toward finding love set the stage for his collaboration with Sarah.

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The Excel Checklist: Navigating Non-Negotiables

A pivotal moment in the episode revolves around Kyle's extensive Excel checklist titled "Future Wife Attributes." This three-page document outlines Kyle's detailed criteria for his ideal partner, with non-negotiables highlighted in all caps.

Kyle Lampy [10:26]: "At the top, there's a disclaimer… The only hard line is the, in all caps, screaming at us non-negotiables because they are non negotiable."

Sarah's Insight: Sarah recommends redefining the approach from a rigid checklist to a more values-based framework. She suggests focusing on overarching values and compatibility rather than specific, potentially restrictive traits.

Sarah [11:57]: "I think what I like to emphasize a lot more is values-based… Maybe just kind of rejigging, like the bigger picture."

Jessica’s Reflection: Jessica acknowledges the emotional undertones in her own checklist, recognizing areas where resentment may have influenced her criteria.

Jessica [18:31]: "I made this list with a little bit of resentment… I think that if I were to make this list now, it would be much better."

This discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness and flexibility in the matchmaking process, encouraging daters to prioritize foundational values over superficial attributes.

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Matchmaking vs. Dating Apps

The conversation transitions to the effectiveness and challenges of dating apps. Sarah shares her professional insights on how dating apps should be viewed as tools rather than the sole avenue for finding love.

Sarah [19:17]: "Just like a lot of technology, you have to think of them as tools… there's 1001 ways to meet someone."

Pros of Dating Apps:

• Accessibility: Dating apps have become the primary way people meet since around 2018.
• Efficiency: They provide a vast pool of potential matches, increasing the likelihood of finding someone compatible.

Cons of Dating Apps:

• Overwhelm and Burnout: Users can become fatigued from the sheer volume of options and the time investment required.
• Superficial Interactions: The emphasis on initial attraction can lead to dismissing potentially compatible partners prematurely.

Jessica [29:00]: "They have perfectly hacked our dopamine reward system… the instant gratification."

Sarah advises maintaining a balanced approach, using dating apps as one of many tools while also engaging in organic, in-person interactions to foster deeper connections.

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Balancing Chemistry and Compatibility

A core theme of the episode is the delicate balance between chemistry and compatibility in relationships. Sarah explains that while chemistry can ignite a relationship, compatibility ensures its longevity.

Sarah [34:02]: "There's some magic to matchmaking…but the compatibility piece is, like, one aspect. The chemistry aspect is kind of different."

Key Points:

• Chemistry: The initial spark that often brings two people together but may not sustain the relationship.
• Compatibility: Shared values, goals, and lifestyles that contribute to a lasting partnership.

Both Jessica and Kyle share personal anecdotes highlighting how initial attraction can sometimes overshadow deeper compatibility, emphasizing the need for reflection after dates to assess true compatibility.

Jessica [36:18]: "I need to feel you… there's this magic… something there."

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Sarah’s Top Advice for Daters and Matchmakers

As the episode nears its conclusion, Sarah imparts valuable advice for both individuals seeking love and those assisting others in their search.

For Daters:

1. Abundance Mindset: Believe that there are plenty of compatible partners out there.

   Sarah [50:44]: "Keep an abundance mindset because that is a better, more optimistic, hopeful outlook."

2. Open-Mindedness: Be receptive to different ways someone can demonstrate qualities you value.

   Sarah [50:44]: "The right person isn’t going to be exactly like your past matches; they’re unique."

3. Effort and Choice: Recognize that building a relationship requires active participation and effort from both parties.

For Matchmakers:

1. Respect Client’s Preferences: Ensure that the matches align with what the client genuinely seeks without imposing personal biases.

   Sarah [49:22]: "Don't put your own filtering that overshadows everything that he wants."

2. Balance Chemistry and Compatibility: Present matches that not only have the potential for immediate chemistry but also share long-term compatibility.

3. Professional Boundaries: Maintain professionalism to avoid conflicts of interest or personal feelings affecting the matchmaking process.

   Sarah [45:43]: "If someone is falling for you or vice versa, set clear boundaries and remain professional."

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Closing Thoughts

The episode wraps up with a reflection on the challenges of navigating modern dating while maintaining genuine connections. Jessica shares her personal struggle with not wanting to hurt others' feelings during the dating process, highlighting the emotional complexities involved.

Jessica [55:14]: "Dating people is like trying people on… It's okay if you put it back because that's for someone else."

Sarah echoes the sentiment by emphasizing respectful communication and the importance of honesty in the dating journey.

Sarah [56:07]: "As long as you're not ghosting and you're being really genuine… it's better for you and them in the long run."

The episode concludes with anticipation for Kyle’s upcoming in-studio date, promising listeners an engaging and authentic exploration of the dating landscape.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sarah [00:50]: "I'm a professional cupid… we’re more psychology-based too, so can kind of break it down from somewhat more of a scientific approach."
• Kyle Lampy [02:56]: "I've been in long-term relationships since high school, but helping my friends date was always the real fun for me."
• Sarah [11:57]: "I think what I like to emphasize a lot more is values-based… Maybe just kind of rejigging, like the bigger picture."
• Sarah [19:17]: "Just like a lot of technology, you have to think of them as tools… there's 1001 ways to meet someone."
• Sarah [34:02]: "There's some magic to matchmaking…but the compatibility piece is, like, one aspect. The chemistry aspect is kind of different."
• Sarah [50:44]: "Keep an abundance mindset because that is a better, more optimistic, hopeful outlook."
• Jessica [55:14]: "Dating people is like trying people on… It's okay if you put it back because that's for someone else."
• Sarah [56:07]: "As long as you're not ghosting and you're being really genuine… it's better for you and them in the long run."

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Tune In Next Week: Join us for Kyle’s first in-studio date, where he applies the insights shared in this episode to his quest for love. Don’t miss the journey as "The Date My Podcast" continues to explore the multifaceted world of modern dating and human connections.

Transcript

[Sarah]

Foreign.

[Kyle Lampy]

Hello and welcome back to the Date my podcast. This is season one, Date my ex, Kyle Lampy. Kyle, how are we today?

[Jessica]

I'm feeling great.

[Kyle Lampy]

Are you?

[Jessica]

I'm excited for this episode.

[Kyle Lampy]

I'm very excited for this episode. We have a real matchmaking expert and dating coach here. Sarah.

[Sarah]

Thank you. Welcome to chat to you guys today.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yay. Thank you.

[Jessica]

I have so many questions. I'm so excited for this.

[Kyle Lampy]

I know we're going to get in. We have so many fun questions, so many fun topics. But I think first if you could just introduce yourself because you have like a fascinating, interesting job and title. So if you can intro yourself and sort of give us just a quick rundown of what you do.

[Sarah]

Absolutely. I'm a professional cupid, so. So thanks for that introduction, but yeah, I'm Sarah. I'm one of the lead matchmakers at Macklin. We do a bunch of things. Obviously the main thing is helping people find love. So our. The cool part about our firms, we're more psychology based too, so can kind of break it down from somewhat more of a scientific approach. But, you know, relationships aren't science. So there's a lot of other aspects of, you know, what makes someone who they are. So we'll dive into probably a lot more of that later today. But yeah, it's, it's cool. It's not something that I think people go to college for. It's not a major. You? I, I did behavioral psychology. I did executive recruiting and then that kind of blended into the world of matchmaking. So pretty fun.

[Kyle Lampy]

That's really cool. How long have you been doing it?

[Sarah]

So I started professionally during the pandemic, so four years ago. Yeah, but I've always had an inclination to like connect people. So I did that with friends, I did that with recruiting, and then I kind of married up those skills and did.

[Jessica]

That's really cool. Are you guys hiring?

[Kyle Lampy]

For who? You or me?

[Jessica]

For me.

[Kyle Lampy]

Like hiring to be a matchmaker?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

You want to matchmaker?

[Jessica]

Well, I love psychology and I feel like I'm a very good people person and I read people very well.

[Sarah]

Amazing.

[Jessica]

Okay, so if you need an assistant.

[Sarah]

Okay, okay, that's. I'll keep your resume.

[Kyle Lampy]

You are a true expert among an armchair expert right now. I. The same. When I was in high school, I was always in. I said this on the last episode so I won't get too into it. But when I was in high school, I was always in long term relationships. I was in like a four year relationship in high school. So for me the fun was helping my other. My friends date because I was, like, crafting texts and, like, different things, you know, I don't think I'll ever be a. A professional matchmaker. I feel like we'll get into a lot of things, but I think it's so incredible.

[Sarah]

I think it's really.

[Kyle Lampy]

So. Thank you for being here, for helping us out with this journey. So before we get into everything, I know that I sort of gave you a rundown of what the show is. So to do that on air and sort of just lay it out. Season one of the date, My pod date, My ex. I'm basically looking for Kyle's perfect match. Now, I'm only There are a few girls that will be coming on the show. I don't know these girls. I only know I found some through hinge, some through friends of friends. So I've talked to them on the phone. I know what they look like enough to be like, this could be a good match for Kyle. I do want to get your thoughts on the show in itself, because obviously the date. My podcast is unique, but I think more unique is the me trying to set up my ex fiance.

[Sarah]

Yep.

[Kyle Lampy]

What are your thoughts? What are your thoughts?

[Jessica]

What's wrong with us?

[Sarah]

Obviously, it seems that you guys have a great dynamic.

[Kyle Lampy]

Thank you.

[Sarah]

The first thought was, like, what is the timeline? What is this recency? Like, how much has been healed and processed between?

[Jessica]

Would you like to know? I can tell you. So, April. Saturday, April 6th, I was making some tacos for a date night. And, Jessica, I thought you were sharing this. Well, you wanted to be authentic. Okay, so again, Saturday, April 6, 2024. So do that math. Like, seven months ago.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Right. I was making some tacos for date night. I'm an excellent cook. Anyone out there, Ladies making tacos? And she comes in and she sits down on the couch, and she goes, I have to tell you something. And me being a very supportive, loving partner, I'm very interested in what my partner has to say. So I'm like, what? Like, what's up? And then she said, hey, I don't know if I want to do the life that we want to do anymore. And I. I continued cooking the taco meat because I'm not gonna let some good meat go to waste, regardless of what's happening. And then we just had a really long discussion about it. Like, I let her just tell, like, why? What's going on? Like, obviously, this is. This is a big deal.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

And then she got into it and why. And I just heard her out and we ate the tacos.

[Kyle Lampy]

We did. That was.

[Jessica]

And kept talking about it like, wow, this is interesting. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

It was followed up by weeks of couples therapy. It was followed up by a lot of work because, of course, that was my, you know, I had a lot of thoughts leading up to that that wasn't, you know, there was even a discussion you and I had, which we won't get into a year into our relationship, where I was like, oh, I don't know. Sometimes I don't know if marriage and kids are even in my future.

[Sarah]

Totally.

[Kyle Lampy]

Anyway, so all of that to say thank you for sharing. But so, yes, it's been Sarah's like, okay, you're not ready for this, and the show is over. Thank you.

[Jessica]

Let me say that because on, on the dates that I've gone on prior to being on this show, I put all that out there immediately because I want them to know what they're walking into.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

And I already anticipate the question of. And I'm sure what you're gonna ask me next is, am I over this? And the answer I have for that is yes, because a couple things. Number one, we went to therapy. I was in personal therapy, so I got to talk it out really well, we were in couples therapy to figure out, like, hey, is there something we're missing here? Let's. We've been together for eight years. This. The relationship deserves every leaf and stone to be unturned. Like, what are we? Am I missing something? Is there a way back? So that was very therapeutic. I'm also very, like, in my head a lot. I, I, I am very in touch with my emotions, and I, And I know why I feel certain things. So I had a lot of alone time to process that. And then ultimately, what I've come to the conclusion is, is you can. You can do everything right in life. You can plan everything to a T. You can do all the right things and take all the right steps. But life is going to happen sometimes in ways that you least expect it. And that's just. Everyone knows that. And then you have a decision. You can either decide to suffer over things you cannot control. I can't control how she feels or where she wants to do. Or you can be thankful for the things you did get to experience, because how many people never get to feel a connection to someone like we had? They searched their whole lives for that. Yeah, I got to eat. And maybe. And maybe I'll never have it again, but I got to experience it for eight years, and I'm just going to be thankful for that. And I'm going to choose not to suffer over that and actually look at it as a. As it was a beautiful time in my life that I learned a lot from. And I'm actually like, I have no bad feelings at all. I'm just. But I do know what I want for my life.

[Sarah]

That's great.

[Jessica]

And I'm ready to move forward and find the person that wants also what I want. And that's great. And not be upset about this.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampy]

That was so well said. As you can see why I, like, hold all the respect. And this show was a lot of conversation, a lot of. Because I had this idea before we even separated. And it was actually season one was date my friend. And I was having a friend on, so.

[Jessica]

And then she decided to capitalize on.

[Kyle Lampy]

Our heartbreak, and here we are. That's not true.

[Jessica]

Turning trauma into dollars.

[Kyle Lampy]

So anyway, Sarah, with all of that said. Yes. What are your thoughts as a matchmaking expert, as a dating coach? If someone like Kyle were to come to you and say, like, this just happened to me. Right. What would you. What are your.

[Sarah]

Yeah, the end of the day, when I ask a client if they've been through a recent breakup or a divorce separation, you know, are you ready? That really is only something that they can check in with themselves. And I pose the question. You can throw a thousand one scenarios, but there's a lot of preparation to do the inner work. But you can't really move forward without taking action. So think you do need to put yourself out there and date and hopefully not. Yeah. Cling on to the first person, you know, Give yourself time to explore and, like, reemerge and experience new things. So I do think it is the right step to move forward, contributing to that. It's like, wow, it's bold. It is entertaining. You know, hopefully when we're screening for things, I'm curious, like, how much of the list that we're going to get into soon is, like, really pinpointing, like, one person than the other and, like, just where that might pop up, obviously. But yeah, from here it sounds like you guys have done the work, which is like the biggest thing that someone can ask to be, like, growth oriented, not harp on the past and hold that resentment and project that into your next partner. So as long as you're able to process that sounds like you're headed in the right direction already. So that's awesome.

[Kyle Lampy]

Thank you, Sarah. So I'm hired for your agency. No, I asked first. Okay. We're gonna get into the questions and discussions. And we are gonna start with the one, the only something we touched on Kyle's list, his Excel checklist, his spreadsheet that he created, which he titled you guys future wife attribute. So our fantastic producers have printed off this. Oh, oh, three page list.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Kyle, upon looking at this, how are you feeling about this list? Do you have any regrets?

[Jessica]

Listen, this was never supposed to come off of my computer. This was really just a way of me and like the ladies like to say, manifesting. Okay, I was writing down, like, what do I actually want? What is really important to me? And I like to see things out in front of me.

[Kyle Lampy]

Sarah, if you had a, let's say Kyle hired you and he's like, here's my list and he came to you with this. What are you gonna. What are you saying?

[Sarah]

I would say let's crumple this up and start from ground zero.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

No, no, I think you, what I appreciate is like you, you said from the beginning, like, I bring my own goods and bads. You know, I understand these. I'm not expecting 100%. I appreciate also how you're saying, like, I want to manifest this and I want to articulate it and put it to paper. I think that a lot of it can be somewhat like redundant and maybe microscopic. And we need to zoom out a bit and think more. Values based is what I like to emphasize a lot more. Because there will be themes throughout here that I think kind of fit into mind, body, soul, you know, different belief systems and goals. So maybe it's just kind of rejigging, like the bigger picture.

[Kyle Lampy]

Just to give the listeners an idea, I'm not going to go through all of these, but Kyle puts a disclaimer at the top that basically says the following list is a comprehensive dive into what I'm looking for in a wife. I do understand that everyone is different. I am flexible based on the person and what attributes they have. And in no way am I expecting someone to nail all of these a hundred percent. The only hard line is the, in all caps screaming at us non negotiables because they are non negotiable. And then in this, this document you go through and there's like headings, body, mind, soul, political, communication, marriage, sex, children, and then at the very end, in all caps, non negotiables. So Sarah, with the non, with that being said, with the non negotiables.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Kyle Lampy]

I've heard different opinions where some people are like, there are hard non negotiables that you have to Stick by And then other people that maybe are like yeah, you have your non negotiables but things evolve based on the person you're with. And other people maybe are like no, that's you settling if you give up too many non negotiables. What are your thoughts there?

[Sarah]

So thinking about negotiables and preferences so I would say like a deal breaker would be something maybe like fundamental to like the long term goal. If you're all about the marriage and kids and someone doesn't want marriage and kids, that could be a clear non negotiable like non starter. That one I can respect and that one I think really does is something you're going to want to screen from the jump. So that one totally cool. Someone watching TV watching reality tv. A strong personal flaw that you feel this I need to unpack.

[Jessica]

Sure. Let's get into so these because this isn't a 12 page thing I had to like abbreviate but these things mean things to me. Here's, here's why they're much deeper. If a person only watches reality TV I can assume that they also consume content like that the rest of their day. And I need someone who is a little. Has a little more depth because those shows are meant to be just like mind numbing and shallow. And my experience with in with people that I know that only watch reality tv there's not a lot going on there and I, I need someone who is is needs a little more out of things like let's maybe watch a documentary.

[Kyle Lampy]

Let me say really quick. I'll read these off really quick. Kyle's non negotiables. Smoking of anything hard drugs, drinks too much, doesn't exercise, doesn't eat well, stays up all night, hasn't done emotional work on herself. Too much trauma, obsessed with posting on social media. Only watches reality tv. Princess behavior, masculine energy, bad hygiene, bad family. I will say to me it sounds very unfair about the bad family. I admittedly have a father who came from a very tough upbringing and he is like the greatest dad I could ever ask for. If my mom had been like oh you're from a bad family. But my mom had a great family. So it was more so just that you know and then also doesn't you put only watches reality tv. I watched the Kardashians throughout our relationship.

[Jessica]

But you didn't only watch that. Have your hobbies do that. But if that's. I'm talking about this only thing. And again ladies, this was never supposed to see the light of day.

[Kyle Lampy]

Let Me explain the bad family, but.

[Jessica]

We would have a deep conversation. Yeah, the bad family thing is I don't mind if you come from a bad family, but I'm not gonna deal with it. So if you're cool with not being around them because they're bad for you, I'm cool with that. But if we like half to every Christmas go see your shitty dad and mom and uncle and there's a bunch of. It just reignites trauma in you. It's like, I'm not doing it.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I guess the other aspect is like, you know, we're talking about manifestation. If you do want to be reframe things in what you do want verse. She got me verse the not this, not this, not this, not this. Because that kind of speaks it more into and. And that also creates the. The headspace of like seeking those things out of what you don't want. So those are also some kind of small adjustments that we.

[Jessica]

This is why you're a pro.

[Kyle Lampy]

When you look to matchmake people, are there non negotiables that you will look past if you really think like do you basically are like if Kyle came to you and he had these non negotiables and he said, I'm very strict on these. But you feel like you found someone who doesn't meet all of these, would you maybe still introduce them?

[Sarah]

Yeah, I think we would give our client like we could challenge, you know where they want to be challenged. So if you thought of some of these things in like more value based elements like depth and education and intelligence. If intelligence is something important to you in depth, instead of creating these criteria that narrow down the pool, you can think about things in a more broad sense. Like if I want someone intelligent, she can demonstrate it in this way, this way, this way, this way. And then you're actually like opening up the door for a lot of ways that someone can demonstrate that they're like a smart girl and that might be at the sacrifice of her watching or not even the sacrifice might be duel. She's super smart and she still watches the Kardashians.

[Jessica]

That's true.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yes, Sarah, show me. Yes, Sarah.

[Sarah]

Who. Where are they?

[Jessica]

Where are they at?

[Sarah]

Well, you know what though?

[Jessica]

How hypocritical of me. I'm sure. I'm sure someone could look at the things that I do. Like that's you know. Yeah, which I don't know what that is. I can't really think of one thing.

[Sarah]

I don't know if like a girl's like, oh, he like can't watch sports. Sports, right. That would be like.

[Jessica]

Well, I don't like sports, so whatever your thing is. I go to the gym too much. He's like always at the gym.

[Kyle Lampy]

Like he's a lunkhead or something.

[Jessica]

God forbid a man have a hobby.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampy]

I like especially in terms of manifesting because there are a lot of singles out there and manifesting in a way that's more positive and more value oriented versus the know this, know that, you.

[Sarah]

Know, you know what?

[Jessica]

And I think now look. And now that you said that, which is a really good point. And thank you for that. I think I made. I made this list with a little bit of resentment.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

In my heart, which who knows where that came from?

[Kyle Lampy]

Huh?

[Sarah]

That's good. Self awareness.

[Jessica]

So I think, I think if I were to make this list now, especially with your advice, I think it would be much better. Should we do that? Can we get a computer in here?

[Kyle Lampy]

We are moving on from the dreaded list because I will say the first date that Kyle does go on, which will be next episode, she was very smart. Very smart and did consume and does reality tv. So. Got him. Okay.

[Jessica]

I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say.

[Kyle Lampy]

We're gonna move on to dating apps. Sarah.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Dating apps are the thing. I want to hear all of your thoughts because can you remind me how long did you say you've been doing this?

[Sarah]

So since professionally matchmaking. Yeah. 2020. So four years. I do date coaching, matchmaking. I teach workshops on online dating.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay, let's hear just all your thoughts, the pros and cons. Is there an aspect of it where you're like, you know, you're really missing out if you're not going out in person and trying to find people organically.

[Sarah]

Just like a lot of technology, you have to think of them as tools. It's just one avenue, one stream. I think people get like hyper fixated that it's like the only way. So that's one thing. It's like everything's a tool. There's 1001 ways to meet someone. So I don't think down on dating apps. I think that it's. They're actually the number one way people are meeting since like 2018 or something like that. So it's like, okay, really just. Yeah, you gotta kind of join in and give it a go at least. I think for singles, the big thing is people get really burnt out and fatigued and it's like overwhelming donors start, don't know how to market yourself. I think that's probably one big frustration.

[Kyle Lampy]

You Kyle. I'm pointing to Kyle. If you're listening to this, he was using a LinkedIn profile pictures as his main photo. And I said this we must. Well, it looked like one.

[Jessica]

Oh, sorry. That it looked amazing.

[Kyle Lampy]

Anyway, Sarah, keep going.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I guess like the other big things that, like the number one thing that I noticed too is that people make it a popularity contest where you want to be this catch all get the most likes and it's like super broad and like keyword buzzy. I like to travel. Like, let's get. I love wine. Like, you know, just omakase. What'd you say?

[Jessica]

Every profile that I come across on those, it's like, of course you like this. Of course you like this. Of course you like this. We'll get into it.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Be more unique. Okay. Yeah.

[Sarah]

And more unique. Or I think it takes. It does take time. Like the Tinder put out a study or something. Like the Average user spends 90 minutes a day.

[Kyle Lampy]

90 minutes a day.

[Sarah]

Yeah. So 10 hours a week. It's a whole working job to be on the apps.

[Kyle Lampy]

Do you think you were at 10 before I made you get off of it so we could do this show? Do you think you are at 10 hours a week?

[Jessica]

Oh, I treated this like I don't. I have a problem. I don't do. I don't do anything half I see, I go all in, which is like, I'm so glad I never got into drugs because I'd be dead. I can't do things lightly. So I, it was like, okay, I realize this is a numbers game. I'm also a male coming into this realm where it's, it's, it's a completely different experience for us than it is a female.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Just seeing my female friends, like, like the amount of likes they have on their dating apps are like 300 plus. It's unbelievable. And then I show my likes. I'm like, that's a zero.

[Sarah]

Oh.

[Jessica]

Because. Because like, I'm the one who's like.

[Sarah]

Going out the pursuant.

[Jessica]

Right. And the pursuant. Yes. Right. So I'm like, all right, this is a numbers game. I'm going to send out maybe 50 or 60 witty messages a day. I'm gonna hear back possibly from 10. I'm going to start a conversation with those 10, and maybe out of those 10, one of them actually leads to a date. That was my experience with your funnel.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Hey, if you're watching this, I guarantee you have a message for me. I mean, I was like, if you're.

[Kyle Lampy]

Watching this and live in LA, even maybe don't even live in LA.

[Jessica]

No, no. It's just that. Yeah. Within a 12 mile radius of me. You got a message.

[Sarah]

Do you.

[Kyle Lampy]

Do you. How many hours? Give us some hours a week. Because I want to ask Sarah if there's a maybe line where you talk to some of your clients and you're like, oh, that's too much on the apps.

[Sarah]

Right.

[Kyle Lampy]

What would you say?

[Jessica]

Oh, it would be like my wind down routine. At night I would get off work and I would. I would take the dog out and chill on the couch and I would be like, I wouldn't do anything else. But I was like, let's get it going.

[Kyle Lampy]

Two hours, three hours a day.

[Jessica]

Yeah, Yeah. I would say that's. Come on, Kyle, I have a life. I would say, I would say at least an hour, if not two total. A day. Yeah.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jessica]

Seven days a week.

[Sarah]

That's. Yeah. Like full time swiping, basically.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Is that a red flag?

[Sarah]

No, no, I think it's not sustainable to, to do that long term. So I guess, like, if people are constantly repeating the same results, it's like, what adjustments can I make to get better matches? More matches, whatever. And again, it's not even about more. I think it is the outcome. Like, am I getting better dates? Like, if that's the trend, then awesome. Like, things are connecting. Were you on like 10 apps? Did you. One app.

[Jessica]

I've only been on one dating app and it's been hinged. Cause I figured I was like, if I'm going to do this, I need to narrow it down. I can't have. I can't have like bunch of different ones popping up all the time. It would be too confusing.

[Kyle Lampy]

Hinge, if you'd like to sponsor the show, we'd love to have you. Keep going.

[Jessica]

Maybe not after what I have to say.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay.

[Jessica]

I went on a lot of dates though. It worked.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Like, I want to, like. But then. And then that's the other problem. I treated dating like, okay, now I'm gonna have like, like interview questions. Oh, no. I mean, like, it would be like, sometimes I would have two a day. Like, I'm like, all right, this week I got four dates and. But then I put them all through the same thing. It was like, we're gonna meet for coffee first. So it's low barrio during the day. Then if I like you, we're gonna do an activity. If you pass that, then I'm gonna take you to dinner. To dinner. Cause I'm not gonna feed all of la. I mean, listen, hey, I respect the hustle.

[Sarah]

I really do.

[Jessica]

If I was a pretty girl, I would never be thirsty or hungry ever. Anyways, so I. I went through that and because I it streamlined, I was trying to treat it like. And then I realized, ooh, I'm probably going a little too rigid at this. And all the people I met, very awesome, really quality people, they just weren't for me. It was just apparent they weren't for me. Okay, so it was never a bad experience.

[Kyle Lampy]

You both use the word numbers game. Do you hear this? And you're like, he's going too broad. He needs. Or is it a numbers game if you're dating to find your life partner and marry are you? Like, you should be doing it as much as possible.

[Sarah]

So numbers game. There's. There's this book, like, the mathematics of love. Dr. Hannah Fry. And it's also like, kind of in other, like, YouTube videos and stuff. But the demonstration is a City. Like, LA has 8 million people. And if you're like a heterosexual male, like, what percentage of that is female? Just like 50%. Okay. Down to 4 mil. And then she kind of like adds up maybe six criteria, like gender, if they're single, if they're attractive, if they have a degree and, you know, do they also think I'm attractive? Those basic Criteria goes from 8 million to 800.

[Kyle Lampy]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah]

It's just statistically so with that, it just like, tries to put in perspective, like, what really are my deal breakers that I'm sitting on here, you know, what am I really screening for? And then it makes you try to again, like, optimize better and, like, really challenge yourself. What. What am I looking for? And how can I attract that? Everything that I am, I want that to be mirrored in my partner. So show it. Show those things. Yeah, that's what I mean by numbers.

[Kyle Lampy]

Game when you say show it, though, just because I'm curious. With Kyle's dating app, I pulled it up and, like, there were photos. My overall note, which started this, was like, this isn't you. All the way from photos he had on there. He seemed a lot more rigid. Well, now that I'm saying it, people are like, yeah, he's rigid as fuck, but he seems like the photos he was using, I was like, let's use more relaxed, fun photos. But the messages he was typing to the women, he was using, like, hella emojis. And he seemed almost. I was like, this doesn't seem like you. This is like a quirky you. But I think the way you're trying to come across like you have good humor is more of, oh, you're a little like quirky. So is that important? Your photos, your bio, your, the way you message, do you help clients work on that or does it not matter that much for your dating profile?

[Sarah]

It matters.

[Kyle Lampy]

It does.

[Sarah]

You know, you get one split second to make an impression. So photos do matter. But when people are swiping, if they're like ultra fixated on attraction, then that is, that contributes to the problem of like swipe culture. Grass is greener. There's, we're so used to that instant gratification too. Where we like can get so many options in one sitting. Like that is very modern dating. Right. We did not used to have access like that before. So we're over consuming and kind of able to dismiss people a lot easier in today's worlds.

[Jessica]

That's a great point because that's, that's ultimately if you step back and you look at just any app, but let's just talk about dating apps.

[Sarah]

Like right.

[Jessica]

They, there's, there's boardrooms of people that sit around and their whole discussion and their whole job is figuring out how do we get more people on here, how do we keep them here? Because that's how they make money. And I realize that. And they've perfectly hacked our dopamine reward system. They know exactly what's going to get us to look at it. Like for instance, the minute I stopped using Hinge, the minute I, they knew I stopped and I wasn't looking at it anymore. Oh, it's interesting how I didn't have a single like the whole time and Now I have 18. They just floodgates opened up. I was like, oh, this has never happened. We think you, Kyle, we haven't been on here in a while. We think you should come back because we found your perfect matches. And I'm just like, like they were.

[Kyle Lampy]

Sending you to more like their algorithm saw you were stopping to use it.

[Jessica]

But when I'm on there like talking about the, with the people. It used to be like our grandparents.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

They would meet someone and they would find them attractive and then they would, and if they liked each other, they would just go with it. They weren't like looking around. And it's weird because when I, when I'm on there, I, I, I see myself going like, nah, nah, nah. And then I have this realization that like I just said no to, to a, to a person that has lived a whole life that I know Nothing about. I don't know what shaped them. I don't know how they view the world. I don't know what their energy feels like. Because for instance, I'll see a girl on there, I'll be like, wow, this might be one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life. I match with her, we talk and then as we talk, it's like, oh, ew. You know what I mean? Like, or, or there's been some times where I've matched with the girls. Like, wow, this girl's really cute.

[Kyle Lampy]

Oh.

[Jessica]

I like what she has to say. And then I meet her in person and I'm like, thank God I didn't swipe on her because she, look, she, she doesn't photograph well. But in real life, it's like, wow, this person is stunning. And then when you get to know them, they're even way. They're even cooler. You're like, yeah. And I would have, I normally, if I was. If it was, I would have totally swiped past them. So I'm like, is this good for us as humans like to treat people? I find myself looking at people now as like these single serving dopamine hits. And that's not good.

[Sarah]

We are conditioned in that, in like the app world to, to, to work like that. And the algorithms are a whole other thing that are interesting. But it's good that you can like, step back and be like, wait, am I dismissing people too early? And it's good that you're giving people a chance in turn. You'd want the same.

[Jessica]

Exactly. Because, like, I know people are doing that to me too. Like, they're just swiping past me and they don't realize that they're, they're swiping on like the most caring, funny, charming, wonderful, strong, good looking confidence has his life together.

[Sarah]

Is this on your app?

[Jessica]

It's on there.

[Kyle Lampy]

I. Okay, so on that note, I do want to ask about, but it is the algorithm thing. It's interesting. I've heard a lot of notes. However, Hinge, if you do want to sponsor the podcast, I will issue an apology and I will, Kyle, issue that as well. About your app. So it's worked. It's what?

[Jessica]

It's worked. It's just.

[Kyle Lampy]

So with that, that rose. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Get me started on the roses. Don't get me started on the roses.

[Kyle Lampy]

With that. When clients come to you, if someone were to come to you and say, I only want to use the apps, I don't. I mean, do you encourage people to date in person? Or go out or are you truly just, we've found someone for you, and maybe that's why they come to you, because maybe they're not comfortable going out in public.

[Sarah]

Yeah. So one of the big, like, drivers for matchmaking, number one is time. People don't want to waste their time swiping or going on these repetitive dates. The second is, like, discretion. So I'll have some people that just will not be publicly dating or, you know, maybe they don't want to see exes or they don't want to see their work colleagues. So they need, like, a private alternative and then maybe reaching a better caliber, different caliber, a new access pool. So those are some perks to why people would come to matchmaking. But then addition to that, we kind of do the filtering and interviewing and screening and sourcing. So when I come to you, like, hey, Kyle, have this match, I can tell you about her demeanor. Like, I have either met them in person or video. Yeah. And just give you more of this, of the holistic sense, like, off paper, who is this person? And, like, why might they be compatible? So it's kind of nice, like, having, like, an assistant to support you and, like, thinking about things and presenting opportunities that maybe you would never have slept on before.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Kyle Lampy]

Have you ever seen this person's profile, talk to them on the phone, talk to them via video, and you're like, oh, this could be a great match. And then they show up and it's a completely different vibe. Has that ever happened? And you sort of have to tell your client. I don't know how you do it. If you're like, oh, spend an hour on a date. And maybe your client says to you, like, I don't know what you were thinking, but that person did not fit with me. Or you notice, maybe they meet you first in person and you go, oh, I cannot match this person with my client. Has that ever happened?

[Sarah]

Yeah, I'll definitely meet people and screen them in or out. But dating isn't, like, foolproof. Like, even that. Again, that in person experience might not translate to how they connect. So there's some. There's some magic to matchmaking. But the compatibility piece is, like, one aspect. The chemistry aspect is kind of different. There needs to be balance of both. When. When you have an imbalance. Like, if it's all chemistry, no compatibility, it's like hot and heavy, zero to 100. But, like, the flame can dwindle really fast.

[Kyle Lampy]

See, that sounds like the vibe. Give me that.

[Sarah]

No, that's like super chemistry based. The all Compatibility, it can go eight years and then it may be. Doesn't turn into the long. The, you know, the, the fulfilling relationship that we need. So you kind of need that healthy balance of chemistry and compatibility. There's only so much that even a matchmaker professional can screen, but chemistry can freaking grow. I'm always like, okay, seek, seek, don't seek the spark that is like the romantic comedy brainwashing that are again, more like the dopamine stuff. You bump carts at the grocery store. Like you meet at Starbucks. You want this romantic meet. Cute.

[Kyle Lampy]

Right.

[Sarah]

And the reality is that doesn't happen as much anymore.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay. So you think that people can maybe meet and there's not an initial spark, but that, that could still be their person 100%. Ooh.

[Sarah]

More often than not, I have to encourage my clients to go on second dates that. That ends up paying their.

[Kyle Lampy]

The one.

[Jessica]

I've experienced that in my life. I mean, I've had girlfriends in the past where it was like I was enamored with them. Like, I have. I. This girl's like amazing. And then it just goes away so quick and it never ends well. And I've had ones that were like a slow burn that are, you know, you like them and you're around them and it's almost like you going to say. I don't know how else to say. It's. It's almost like they. It's like a moss that grows on you over time. You're like. And then you find yourself and you're like, how did, how did I get here?

[Sarah]

Right?

[Jessica]

Because I wasn't like that initial, like, turmoil wasn't there. And I know some people thrive on that turmoil. That, that, like that adrenaline and that. That anxiety they equate with love.

[Sarah]

Correct.

[Jessica]

Which is. Can be dangerous. Which, which I, I don't. And there's nothing wrong with that. If you do, maybe you're toxic.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah, you're toxic.

[Jessica]

But no, I totally agree. Like, because I'm. This is why this whole thing has been so hard for me is I'm such an in person person. I. I need to feel you.

[Sarah]

Oh.

[Kyle Lampy]

Spice.

[Jessica]

Like, like metaphorically. You know what I mean? Like, I need to. I need to. There has to be something there. There has to be this, like, give and take. I don't know how to put my finger on it, but it's like this magic is such an overused word, but there's something there where you go. That's why these dates didn't work out. Because I know immediately when I sit down and we start talking. There's, there's just this, this exchange of energy that's just not there. And I can't, I have to be in person to feel that. I can't feel that over screen or swiping. But that exchange of energy to me is a slow burn. It's like, oh, there's something here. Let's dig into that. Let's, let's learn more about this person. Let's unveil more. And, and, and if that energy continues to flow, I know it's a good thing. It's, it is scary when you meet someone though, and that energy is like, like you can sit there and talk to them face to face all night. That's a different thing. That's kind of like that more that spark where you, where you leave going, like, did I just find my wife? No, that's when it's like usually it.

[Kyle Lampy]

Might be though, right? Could you have the spark on top of that? Two things. Could you like what Kyle said, can you meet someone and know right then, oh, this isn't the one. Or do you always say like you should have at least two dates?

[Sarah]

Yeah, I think if they are conflicting with the lifestyle you like and, and it make. And it shows up that they don't want something serious and you do anything kind of like deal breaker oriented for sure. Like if, if that's the case then you don't need to, to waste anyone's time. If you're unsure, I think check in with your body. You can sense like that's the chemistry part. It's like if you're under stress, that's the spark. Do not pay attention to those sensations. If you're like, wow, that was enjoyable. I had a good time. They seem really nice. I'm curious to know more. And also you should be thinking about if you like them not. Maybe I don't know if it's the same for men, but a lot of women are like, did he like me? Did he like me? And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, do you like him? And I don't know if it's the same for yourself. If you ever think like, did she like me? Did she like me?

[Kyle Lampy]

That's a great.

[Jessica]

Obviously everyone's different and I can't speak for all men, but what I do know about us is we, we immediately we. When we meet a girl, we know exactly how we're going, what box we're going to kind of put them in. It's like, this is a, this is either not gonna be in my Life whatsoever. Like, as rude as that is, it's like we want nothing to do with that. Or this is like, oh, this is a cool girl, but she's a friend.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Or there's the. I want to touch this person. You know, there's like a, like they make you horny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that doesn't mean the horniness doesn't mean long lasting relationship. Sometimes this is a cool girl. She's just a friend. Is actually, actually kind of more in the middle ground. It's like, oh, maybe what I thought was just a friend is actually something, something more.

[Sarah]

Yeah. That's why I think that checking in the sensations, if you're like, yeah, if, if you felt comfortable, cool, relax. We had a great conversation. There seems some similarities that's worth exploring. And if at the end of the day you call it a friend after a couple dates, no worries. Like sounds like they'd be probably on the same page at that point.

[Jessica]

That, that's a. I kind of like your idea of, of having like a reflection after the date and maybe creating like a little checklist for yourself.

[Kyle Lampy]

Surprise.

[Jessica]

No, but like, list. No, but I mean, I think it's good because especially for guys. I think it's maybe more for guys. We're, we're so stupid when it comes to pretty girls that are in front of us. And I think it is a biological thing. Like your frontal lobe quite literally shuts down. We can feel it. It's like, it's like someone pulling a shade down. If we see a pretty girl, it's like, oh no, it's happening.

[Kyle Lampy]

I feel like some guys would disagree, but keep going.

[Jessica]

No, but it, I mean, I notice it happening and we, we can get blinded by that and realize that, you know, it could be the worst person for us. But because she's like so beautiful or like, oh my God, she's like so hot or whatever, that's not real. But when we step away, I think it's good after a date to be like, okay, she's pretty, let's set that aside. How did I feel around her? How did she make me feel? Was I nervous? Was I comfortable? And after that, not only how did she make me feel? What did we discuss? And do those align with like my values and what I want? Because if the answer is no to any of those, I'm sorry to say it, ladies, but. And the same goes for men. There's so many good looking people out there that just because they're hot right now in front of you, go find a Hot person that also makes you feel good and hits the things that you want.

[Kyle Lampy]

Easier said than done.

[Jessica]

Very easier said than done. And that's why, why we're here.

[Kyle Lampy]

Do you agree with that? Because I do want to know. For women, I think a lot of us, initial attraction, sometimes we can get over. For me, I was initially attracted to you. I thought, you know, you're a good looking guy to me, objective. But I've had some exes where I was not initially attracted to them, but I got to know them or they were funny or they'd have a sense of humor or like their drive and then I was really attracted to them.

[Sarah]

Absolutely.

[Kyle Lampy]

Is that sort of like for men sometimes? I don't think men, not all men are able to. I think initial attraction is very important to them.

[Jessica]

Yeah. If I'm not attracted to you, I don't think there's a realm that I will become attracted to you even if you have a really cool personality. And like, you'll just be in that friend box. Be like, ah, it's just my friend. That's just.

[Kyle Lampy]

What do you say about that, Sarah?

[Sarah]

I think there, there needs to be a baseline attraction for both.

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Sarah]

So baseline, that's that, that can be variable from you and from you. But if you, yeah, if you're saying like amazing person, I'm just never going to be attracted to them, like then, then you do want to move on. But if you find that you're not exploring anyone and you're only going for attraction, then it's like, okay, you need to push yourself a little bit more. Yeah. I don't think that we do need to sacrifice like attraction for the right partner. You will find, you will find it in your match.

[Kyle Lampy]

Do you only do monogamous match hookups or do you do people who want to be in a relationship of three or maybe they're like, I want to be in an open relationship.

[Sarah]

Our firm, Maclin, we're monogamy minded.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay.

[Sarah]

So there's for sure firms out there that will help with different types of polyamorous open relationships. It's difficult to find the one match. So we'll stick in our lane and let people do their thing elsewhere.

[Kyle Lampy]

That's good to know though. Yeah, that's very good to know. I would like to know, as a matchmaker, are you single?

[Sarah]

No. You're not in a relationship? Okay. When I first started, I was single. And then you kind of think, like, I need to practice what I preach, like everything I'm coaching, I need to embody and I need to implement into my own, like, dating life. Are you guys familiar with attachment styles? Yes, yes, yes. So those are things that I had to even process and think about.

[Kyle Lampy]

Are you talking anxious? Attachment versus secure.

[Sarah]

And yeah, and they're different from love languages, where. Love languages, it's like, this is my thing and that is typically always going to be your thing. But with attachment styles, they're. They're not stagnant. Everyone's working towards secure attachment where we're like healthy and stable and that's the goal for everyone. Right. But if you are put under a lot of pressure based on like your upbringing and past relationships, you might lean avoidant or you might lean anxious. And I was actually leaning avoidant. I would try to kind of put little barriers around myself and then just be independent and do my thing, not let anyone too close. So after, you know, helping thousands of singles, I'm like, okay, it's time, Sarah. So, yeah, there's finally a point where you start being more vulnerable. Working together with someone. I was able to become more secure and. Yeah, yeah. Attract a secure partner.

[Kyle Lampy]

How did you find your partner? If you don't want to answer, that's fine.

[Sarah]

Oh, yeah, we. We met at no Vacancy in Hollywood down the bar.

[Kyle Lampy]

In person?

[Sarah]

We bet. Yeah, in person.

[Kyle Lampy]

Amazing.

[Sarah]

2018, a while ago, but we didn't date then. So there is a thing about timing and just, just, you know, working on yourself. And then if things align later down the track, we reconnected and then, yeah, we're together two years now.

[Kyle Lampy]

That's amazing.

[Jessica]

Congrats.

[Kyle Lampy]

Have you ever gotten in a situation as a matchmaker where either the person was falling for you or you started getting a crush on your client?

[Sarah]

Yeah. That is juicy, huh? Yeah, I know the most, like, intimate details of my clients lives. Like, I know about their whole family. I go to their homes. Like, we create a close bond. And that does happen in, in therapy, like where people close form close attachment. It has happened where people, you know, are just like, so do you want to go out?

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I'm not your match. You got to set the boundary. I would never engage in that at all. Like, I know. I think I know how to keep it professional. And I know thousands of girls, like, don't worry, I'm not your match, but I know who your match is. Like, we'll get it sorted.

[Kyle Lampy]

Now, is there anyone that you that comes to you where you not represent whether or not it's been you? Or maybe at your agency where it's just like, maybe they were A concern or you were like, no, we can't. Do you turn people away?

[Sarah]

Yeah, unfortunately, we turn people away. Just cause you have to be transparent. It's like, do I have the right network and resources? Are our expectations aligned? You know, Kyle, I would just be like, it was lovely meeting you, but she'd turn you away.

[Kyle Lampy]

Hey, have fun.

[Jessica]

What? Come on. I'm so easy.

[Kyle Lampy]

That's why I'm doing this for you. I'm doing the Lord's work.

[Jessica]

But you know how easy your job. Because I know exactly what I want. I just tell you and you just go find it.

[Sarah]

Oh, is that how it works? 3D Print your match. Oh, no problem.

[Kyle Lampy]

You're telling her, dude. Oh, easy. Your job would be. And she's telling you this would be impossible. That's what's happening.

[Jessica]

I refuse to believe it.

[Sarah]

It's not impossible. I think it just needs to be revisited.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay. That's a kind way.

[Sarah]

And then it's very workable from there. Because I think the tools for successful client growth, mindedness, which you have, that is a big, big aspect of. Because in a partnership, no one is going to come to you. Perfect. So you're going to have to work together, compromise, do all those kind of things so that that part's big. And the relationship readiness. So you know, once you're getting into the relationships and building that connection, you'll. That's the only time you'll know that you're ready to move forward. Because I can present to you like the most amazing, beautiful, perfect person in the world. But if you aren't ready to receive that, then doesn't matter. That's a whole other thing.

[Jessica]

All I'm hearing is that you are ready to take me on.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Kyle, this is episode two of a show where I'm matchmaking you.

[Jessica]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

And just so you know, when the show's over, I have chosen the dates for this show. My whole goal was to push, sort of challenge some of Kyle's thinking. So I did not stick to this checklist and I'm very excited about it. This is going to be loaded question because I'd like. Actually I'd like to end on your number one advice for dating and singles. But we're going to go to matchmakers. So there are a lot of people who maybe aren't ready to date or they're in relationships and they like to matchmake their friends because like us, they like used to do it when they were younger. And so do you have any tips for matchmakers? Me or Friends or family that like to set their friends up on a blind date. I've been set up on a blind date by my mom and it was horrific and she thought it was like going to be the love of my life.

[Sarah]

So I suppose for anyone like yourself or family members that want to set you up or whoever up, it comes from a place of good intention. But we also don't want it to be like self righteous where like this is what I want for you.

[Kyle Lampy]

Right.

[Sarah]

Versus what he wants for him. So it's always really thinking back about what are these two people really looking for and am I kind of being mindful of really what he wants. It is good to challenge them here and there. So that's, that's totally right. But that I think that would be a big takeaway from here is not to put your own filtering that overshadows like everything that he wants so that, that, that happens and it's not, it's. I know there's no mal intention at all, at all with that. But yeah, I think that's something for us to, to be mindful of when we're doing this.

[Kyle Lampy]

Yeah. So there are obviously I feel there are more singles than ever and more people dating especially this might not be true you guys, if you can fact check it but I just feel like especially women and we're okay with being single longer and like I'm 33 and I'm fine with it now and there are a lot of people who. What after you. Why do you think we broke up? Kyle, you want me to. I don't know. Jessica, tell them. Okay. Anyway. Do you think I would like to know a loaded question. Your number one tip or maybe just overall general people are out there. Maybe they are trying to date and find the one and so what is your tip for those people?

[Sarah]

Yeah, there's so many different tips. I think a big one is just to keep an abundance mindset because that is, that is a better, more optimistic, hopeful outlook that there is someone for everyone. You know, we, we have loads of compatible partners and it is a choice. Yeah. You're choosing a relationship, you have to work on it. It is effort. So I think, you know, not, not just thinking like it's going to come to you and it's easy breezy. So having that, that abundance first scarcity, like no one, no one's good out there. Like everyone's this, everyone's that. Yeah. That's not going to do any service to you. So the abundance and that positivity that goes a really, really really long way. And yeah, keeping keeping an open mind like that right person can present themselves in loads of different ways. So when you're making a list like this, a lot of times it there is, you know, past relationships coming into play. And then you know, when you're thinking when you're starting to date, it's super easy to start comparing as well be like oh, she isn't like this or she isn't like my other ex, blah blah. One of my matchmakers did a really cute analogy when we were talking about clients comparing exes to their new partners. And it's like you could really love ice cream and you could really love pizza. Those two things are entirely different. You could why you like them is different but they can both be really great and you can be happy with this and you can be happy with that and then they are not two and the same. So that's just like another good way to think about like okay, my perfect person isn't going to be exactly like this or exactly like this. They're going to be their own unique person and I'm going to love them because that's who they are.

[Jessica]

I love that analogy because I also love ice cream and pizza. And now I'm thinking maybe I'll move to Utah and become a polygamist because then I can have everything because I.

[Kyle Lampy]

Can have it all.

[Sarah]

You have buffet of options.

[Kyle Lampy]

Well, can you tell us so you obviously Macklin is LA based but are there other areas where it is located around the US if you're not living in one of the cities it's in, can you still use your agency? How does that work?

[Sarah]

Yes, thank you for asking. We are in la, New York and London. So very cosmopolitan international. But we do service like all major city. San Francisco, Miami, everyone's welcome to. It's very inclusive. Men, women, gay, straight, all backgrounds, all religions. Think it's a lot like the psychology principles that is what you know are the foundations of a compatible relationship. Looking at what is your lifestyle, what are your values, what are your long term goals? And those are kind of the pillars that we want people to focus on and that we help facilitate connections.

[Kyle Lampy]

Okay, lifestyle, values, long term goals. I need to keep that in going into these next days. If anyone would like to reach you personally is that allowed? Do you have an Instagram page?

[Sarah]

Yeah, they can reach out to us in all the ways. Our Our Maclin website MaclinInternational.com My personal page is at Instagram Xoserah Jo and I'd be happy to Talk to anyone that's, like, interested in matchmaking and just advise them and give them any little coaching tips and tools. It's my favorite thing. The world needs more love and. Yeah, all about it.

[Kyle Lampy]

Well, thank you so much for coming. I mean, this was super helpful. Do you have any questions before we wrap up for Sarah? Going into these dates, this is.

[Jessica]

It's really. It's. It's. Dating is really hard for me because I don't like to hurt people's feelings, of course. And I. Especially if I can tell that they're really into me and I'm not into them. It's hard for me to keep putting myself out there, knowing that the possibility of me hurting them is there. So. But. But it's not the same for me. Like, tell me I'm not good for you and, like, whatever. You can be as mean as you want me because it doesn't bother me, because I know. Know that then you're just not the person for me. But me letting others down is really hard. Yeah. Which is probably something. So. Yeah. And I had a friend. I said this last podcast, but I had a friend kind of put it this way. She said, dating people is like trying people on. You have to try to see what fits and what doesn't. It's okay if you put it back because that's for someone else.

[Sarah]

Yeah, that's just.

[Jessica]

I'm still trying to, like, work through that, because that's the hardest part of this is. And it's funny because you're like, you'll. You'll maybe go on a couple dates with someone and you think, oh, if I let them know that this just isn't going to work out, they're, like, going to be crushed. But it's like, hey, man, you spent 12 hours with them total. You know, like, they barely. You barely know each other. It's fine like that. And they know what they're getting into. They've met you on an app. So, yeah. It's interesting trying to wade through that. The last thing I want to do is create a wake of just, like, sadness because I listen to my friends that are on dating apps that are females and, like, the stories they have are horrendous how people treat them or, like, ghost them or, like, disrespect them. And I don't want to add to that. I know that I'm not, but I feel like I am if I'm like, well, here's another guy who just took me out and made me feel nice, and then it's not gonna see me anymore, you know?

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampy]

Do you have any words of wisdom for that, like going into even the show or just in life in general? If Kyle's like, I, these girls were really sweet but I need to tell them, like, I don't want to see them again or what. Any words of wisdom for people who maybe the other person is into them and they're like, I just, it's not gonna work.

[Sarah]

Yeah, no, I think it's respectable as long as you are communicating that any form of rejection pings and it hurts and it, it really depends on, you know, how self evolved they are too, how personal they take it. And at the end of the day, that is their responsibility, how they interpret and receive the information. As long as you're saying it in a respectful way like, hey, it was awesome to get to know you, you know, I don't see this being my long term fit. If you have clear reasons, could be worthwhile sharing. Otherwise you can keep it more vague. But yeah, as long as you're not ghosting and you're being really genuine and I don't see any harm and I think it's what's better for you is better for them in the long run.

[Kyle Lampy]

I love that. So, yeah, we'll end on that note. Don't ghost people. It's rude. Just communicate like adults. Ghosting is so wild. Anyway, Sarah, thank you so much for this. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate you helped so much. Thank you everyone for tuning in to the date my podcast and tune in next week when Kyle will be having his first date in studio.

[Jessica]

Yikes.

[Sarah]

Excited to see.

[Jessica]

Yay.

[Kyle Lampy]

All right, we'll see you later. Bye.