The Date My Podcast: Episode 2 - "Sarah, The Expert"

Release Date: January 14, 2025

Hosts:

• Jessica Walter – Host and Creator
• Kyle Lampy – "The Dater" seeking love through the show
• Sarah – Professional Matchmaker and Dating Coach from Macklin

Introduction to the Episode

In the second episode of "The Date My Podcast," Jessica Walter and Kyle Lampy welcome Sarah, a seasoned matchmaking expert and lead matchmaker at Macklin. This episode delves deep into the intricacies of professional matchmaking, modern-day dating challenges, and the balance between chemistry and compatibility in relationships.

Sarah’s Background and Matchmaking Philosophy

Sarah introduces herself as a professional cupid with a psychology-based approach to matchmaking. With a background in behavioral psychology and executive recruiting, she transitioned into matchmaking during the pandemic four years ago.

Sarah [00:50]: "I'm a professional cupid… we’re more psychology-based too, so can kind of break it down from somewhat more of a scientific approach."

Sarah emphasizes that while relationships aren't purely scientific, understanding behavioral patterns and psychological principles plays a significant role in fostering meaningful connections. Her approach blends psychological insights with the practical aspects of building relationships, aiming to create compatibility that stands the test of time.

Kyle’s Personal Story and Motivation

Kyle shares his journey leading up to the show, including a significant breakup that prompted him to seek professional matchmaking. He reflects on past relationships and his natural inclination to help friends find love through crafting messages and offering dating advice.

Kyle Lampy [02:56]: "I've been in long-term relationships since high school, but helping my friends date was always the real fun for me."

Kyle’s transparency about his past relationship struggles and his proactive steps toward finding love set the stage for his collaboration with Sarah.

The Excel Checklist: Navigating Non-Negotiables

A pivotal moment in the episode revolves around Kyle's extensive Excel checklist titled "Future Wife Attributes." This three-page document outlines Kyle's detailed criteria for his ideal partner, with non-negotiables highlighted in all caps.

Kyle Lampy [10:26]: "At the top, there's a disclaimer… The only hard line is the, in all caps, screaming at us non-negotiables because they are non negotiable."

Sarah's Insight: Sarah recommends redefining the approach from a rigid checklist to a more values-based framework. She suggests focusing on overarching values and compatibility rather than specific, potentially restrictive traits.

Sarah [11:57]: "I think what I like to emphasize a lot more is values-based… Maybe just kind of rejigging, like the bigger picture."

Jessica’s Reflection: Jessica acknowledges the emotional undertones in her own checklist, recognizing areas where resentment may have influenced her criteria.

Jessica [18:31]: "I made this list with a little bit of resentment… I think that if I were to make this list now, it would be much better."

This discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness and flexibility in the matchmaking process, encouraging daters to prioritize foundational values over superficial attributes.

Matchmaking vs. Dating Apps

The conversation transitions to the effectiveness and challenges of dating apps. Sarah shares her professional insights on how dating apps should be viewed as tools rather than the sole avenue for finding love.

Sarah [19:17]: "Just like a lot of technology, you have to think of them as tools… there's 1001 ways to meet someone."

Pros of Dating Apps:

• Accessibility: Dating apps have become the primary way people meet since around 2018.
• Efficiency: They provide a vast pool of potential matches, increasing the likelihood of finding someone compatible.

Cons of Dating Apps:

• Overwhelm and Burnout: Users can become fatigued from the sheer volume of options and the time investment required.
• Superficial Interactions: The emphasis on initial attraction can lead to dismissing potentially compatible partners prematurely.

Jessica [29:00]: "They have perfectly hacked our dopamine reward system… the instant gratification."

Sarah advises maintaining a balanced approach, using dating apps as one of many tools while also engaging in organic, in-person interactions to foster deeper connections.

Balancing Chemistry and Compatibility

A core theme of the episode is the delicate balance between chemistry and compatibility in relationships. Sarah explains that while chemistry can ignite a relationship, compatibility ensures its longevity.

Sarah [34:02]: "There's some magic to matchmaking…but the compatibility piece is, like, one aspect. The chemistry aspect is kind of different."

Key Points:

• Chemistry: The initial spark that often brings two people together but may not sustain the relationship.
• Compatibility: Shared values, goals, and lifestyles that contribute to a lasting partnership.

Both Jessica and Kyle share personal anecdotes highlighting how initial attraction can sometimes overshadow deeper compatibility, emphasizing the need for reflection after dates to assess true compatibility.

Jessica [36:18]: "I need to feel you… there's this magic… something there."

Sarah’s Top Advice for Daters and Matchmakers

As the episode nears its conclusion, Sarah imparts valuable advice for both individuals seeking love and those assisting others in their search.

For Daters:

1. Abundance Mindset: Believe that there are plenty of compatible partners out there.

   Sarah [50:44]: "Keep an abundance mindset because that is a better, more optimistic, hopeful outlook."

2. Open-Mindedness: Be receptive to different ways someone can demonstrate qualities you value.

   Sarah [50:44]: "The right person isn’t going to be exactly like your past matches; they’re unique."

3. Effort and Choice: Recognize that building a relationship requires active participation and effort from both parties.

For Matchmakers:

1. Respect Client’s Preferences: Ensure that the matches align with what the client genuinely seeks without imposing personal biases.

   Sarah [49:22]: "Don't put your own filtering that overshadows everything that he wants."

2. Balance Chemistry and Compatibility: Present matches that not only have the potential for immediate chemistry but also share long-term compatibility.

3. Professional Boundaries: Maintain professionalism to avoid conflicts of interest or personal feelings affecting the matchmaking process.

   Sarah [45:43]: "If someone is falling for you or vice versa, set clear boundaries and remain professional."

Closing Thoughts

The episode wraps up with a reflection on the challenges of navigating modern dating while maintaining genuine connections. Jessica shares her personal struggle with not wanting to hurt others' feelings during the dating process, highlighting the emotional complexities involved.

Jessica [55:14]: "Dating people is like trying people on… It's okay if you put it back because that's for someone else."

Sarah echoes the sentiment by emphasizing respectful communication and the importance of honesty in the dating journey.

Sarah [56:07]: "As long as you're not ghosting and you're being really genuine… it's better for you and them in the long run."

The episode concludes with anticipation for Kyle’s upcoming in-studio date, promising listeners an engaging and authentic exploration of the dating landscape.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sarah [00:50]: "I'm a professional cupid… we’re more psychology-based too, so can kind of break it down from somewhat more of a scientific approach."
• Kyle Lampy [02:56]: "I've been in long-term relationships since high school, but helping my friends date was always the real fun for me."
• Sarah [11:57]: "I think what I like to emphasize a lot more is values-based… Maybe just kind of rejigging, like the bigger picture."
• Sarah [19:17]: "Just like a lot of technology, you have to think of them as tools… there's 1001 ways to meet someone."
• Sarah [34:02]: "There's some magic to matchmaking…but the compatibility piece is, like, one aspect. The chemistry aspect is kind of different."
• Sarah [50:44]: "Keep an abundance mindset because that is a better, more optimistic, hopeful outlook."
• Jessica [55:14]: "Dating people is like trying people on… It's okay if you put it back because that's for someone else."
• Sarah [56:07]: "As long as you're not ghosting and you're being really genuine… it's better for you and them in the long run."

Tune In Next Week: Join us for Kyle’s first in-studio date, where he applies the insights shared in this episode to his quest for love. Don’t miss the journey as "The Date My Podcast" continues to explore the multifaceted world of modern dating and human connections.