Summary of "The Date My Podcast" – Episode 3: Melanie

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Date My Podcast
• Host/Author: Jessica Walter
• Episode: Episode 3: Melanie
• Release Date: January 21, 2025

Overview: In Episode 3 of "The Date My Podcast," host Jessica Walter (referred to as "Host" in the transcript) sits down with Kyle Lampe and Melanie Bartlett for an in-depth exploration of Melanie’s journey in the modern dating world. This episode marks Melanie's first official date on the show, where she and Kyle delve into their personal backgrounds, relationship expectations, conflict resolution styles, views on marriage and children, and the pivotal role of sex in relationships.

1. Personal Backgrounds

Melanie Bartlett: Melanie introduces herself as a 41-year-old woman from a small town in Central Texas, specifically around Austin. She moved to Los Angeles in 2020 seeking new opportunities and experiences beyond her hometown limitations. Melanie shares her yearning for the vibrancy and convenience of New York City, highlighting her transition from a confined small-town life to the dynamic environment of LA.

Melanie Bartlett [07:02]: "Hello, my name is Melanie Bartlett. I'm 41 years old. I am just a small town girl from Texas... I kind of like it here."

Kyle Lampe: Kyle, a 40-year-old man, recounts how he met Melanie at a mutual friend's birthday party. Recognizing her stunning presence and vibrant energy, Kyle saw potential compatibility based on Melanie's interests in fitness, travel, and adventure.

Kyle Lampe [08:22]: "Melanie's stunning and her energy was amazing. Then I find out she's single and I'm like, okay, hold on."

2. First Date Experiences

The conversation shifts to their differing perceptions of first dates. Kyle initially believed their first official date was at Bonefish Grill, showcasing his traditional approach by arriving early and being chivalrous with gestures like bringing flowers. However, Melanie clarifies that the actual first date involved a casual ice cream outing, emphasizing a more relaxed and authentic connection.

Kyle Lampe [02:21]: "Our first date was Bonefish grill... we've been together for eight years and then you jumped back in the dating pool."

Melanie Bartlett [03:26]: "We went and got ice cream. That was the first time we had like a conversation that wasn't at like a nightclub."

3. Relationship Attributes

What They’re Looking For:

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Kindness and Humor: "I need someone who's kind. I need someone who can, like, joke with me."
  • Communication Skills: Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and the ability to understand one’s own needs and triggers.

  Kyle Lampe [16:51]: "I need someone who's really good at communicating and also understands their own emotional needs and triggers."

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Complementary Traits: Seeks someone who can complement her already full and active life.
  • Traveler and Deep Conversationalist: Values an avid traveler willing to engage in deep, meaningful conversations.

  Melanie Bartlett [17:42]: "I’m looking for someone who likes to travel... comfortable enough in themselves, and at least aware of their insecurities to be able to talk about them."

Best and Worst Attributes:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Best: Empathetic, pragmatic, kind, humorous, fiercely protective of loved ones.
  • Worst: Overthinking situations, fear of loss and abandonment leading to selfish or aggressive behaviors.

  Melanie Bartlett [28:04]: "People tell me that I'm very empathetic... But then, yes, when with my people, I can be fiercely protective because of that love."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Best: Empathetic, kind, humorous, deeply loyal, protective.
  • Worst: Propensity for anger and exacting revenge through words when hurt.

  Kyle Lampe [30:15]: "I enjoy hurting people that hurt me... I don’t like to share things all the time."

4. Therapy and Personal Growth

Melanie’s Experience: Melanie discusses her transformative journey through personal and couples therapy, particularly highlighting how it helped her understand and manage her avoidant attachment style.

Melanie Bartlett [17:49]: "Personal therapy was transformational... I got rid of quite a few core beliefs that didn't help me."

Kyle’s Perspective: Kyle shares his initial indifferent experience with therapy, finding it more of a venting outlet without significant breakthroughs, contrasting Melanie’s profound benefits.

Kyle Lampe [20:18]: "When I did do therapy, it was kind of difficult for me because it's like, I didn't feel like I was really... Nothing was really groundbreaking to me."

5. Handling Conflict and Attachment Styles

Melanie’s Avoidant Attachment: Melanie identifies as having an avoidant attachment style, where she steps away during conflicts to regain her composure and analyze the situation before reconciling.

Melanie Bartlett [22:14]: "It's someone who steps away, especially during conflict... I need a little bit of time."

Kyle’s Attachment Style: Kyle describes himself as more secure but leans towards anxious behaviors when he senses something is amiss, seeking immediate resolution.

Kyle Lampe [24:58]: "I'm secure, but if I feel like something's like off, I'll want to approach it and get, like, right to it."

6. Views on Marriage and Children

Marriage:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Open to remarriage after healing from a difficult divorce.

  Melanie Bartlett [21:22]: "I am open to getting married again... It took a while to get there."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Expresses a desire for marriage with a solid foundation and pre-marriage counseling to address potential issues upfront.

  Kyle Lampe [20:38]: "I would like to do couples counseling before... marriage counseling."

Children:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Desires children but faces infertility issues; open to surrogacy or adoption.

  Melanie Bartlett [41:02]: "I was diagnosed as infertile at 36 years old... the only option is surrogacy or adoption."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Values biological timing, preferring partners within the 27-37 age range for fertility reasons.

  Kyle Lampe [36:56]: "I do want to have a child someday... those are very fertile years."

7. Importance of Sex in Relationships

Melanie Bartlett: Views sex as elemental and a vital language in relationships. Emphasizes open communication about sexual preferences and desires to ensure compatibility and mutual satisfaction.

Melanie Bartlett [45:13]: "If you have mismatched desires from a sex standpoint, it can be challenging... it's evolving, and it should be."

Kyle Lampe: Considers sex the glue of a relationship, stressing the importance of developing a unique sexual language with a partner to maintain physical and emotional connection.

Kyle Lampe [46:14]: "Sex is its own language... it's the glue to a relationship."

8. Concluding Thoughts and Dating Advice

Melanie Bartlett: Advocates for observing behavior over words in dating to identify genuine compatibility.

Melanie Bartlett [51:04]: "Pay more attention to their behavior and less to their words. If it doesn't align, there's a problem."

Kyle Lampe: Shares the metaphor of dating as trying on clothes, encouraging a respectful yet honest approach to ending relationships that don’t fit.

Kyle Lampe [51:23]: "Dating is just you're basically trying people on to see what fits... it's okay if it doesn't work."

Final Impressions: Both Melanie and Kyle express mutual appreciation for the openness and authenticity of their conversation. They acknowledge the potential for future interactions, leaving listeners anticipating whether a second date will ensue.

Melanie Bartlett [53:10]: "I didn't have any expectations. It was fun in the moment... I felt like she was being really authentic."

Host [57:16]: "Thank you all for tuning in... see you next week."

Key Quotes:

• Melanie Bartlett [22:14]: "I'm definitely an avoidant detachment... I need some sense of space and distance to reestablish your own self separate from a person."

• Kyle Lampe [16:51]: "I need someone who's really good at communicating and also understands their own emotional needs and triggers."

• Melanie Bartlett [45:13]: "Making it comfortable for your partner to share those kinds of things with you without judgment... it's part of learning that language."

• Host [30:15]: "I enjoy hurting people that hurt me... I have to really work on it."

Conclusion: Episode 3 of "The Date My Podcast" offers a candid and heartfelt dialogue between Melanie Bartlett and Kyle Lampe, exploring the complexities of modern dating, personal growth, and the intricacies of building meaningful relationships. Through their honest exchanges, listeners gain valuable insights into navigating the challenges and joys of finding love in today's fast-paced world.