Episode 3: Melanie

Summary

Summary of "The Date My Podcast" – Episode 3: Melanie

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Date My Podcast
• Host/Author: Jessica Walter
• Episode: Episode 3: Melanie
• Release Date: January 21, 2025

Overview: In Episode 3 of "The Date My Podcast," host Jessica Walter (referred to as "Host" in the transcript) sits down with Kyle Lampe and Melanie Bartlett for an in-depth exploration of Melanie’s journey in the modern dating world. This episode marks Melanie's first official date on the show, where she and Kyle delve into their personal backgrounds, relationship expectations, conflict resolution styles, views on marriage and children, and the pivotal role of sex in relationships.

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1. Personal Backgrounds

Melanie Bartlett: Melanie introduces herself as a 41-year-old woman from a small town in Central Texas, specifically around Austin. She moved to Los Angeles in 2020 seeking new opportunities and experiences beyond her hometown limitations. Melanie shares her yearning for the vibrancy and convenience of New York City, highlighting her transition from a confined small-town life to the dynamic environment of LA.

Melanie Bartlett [07:02]: "Hello, my name is Melanie Bartlett. I'm 41 years old. I am just a small town girl from Texas... I kind of like it here."

Kyle Lampe: Kyle, a 40-year-old man, recounts how he met Melanie at a mutual friend's birthday party. Recognizing her stunning presence and vibrant energy, Kyle saw potential compatibility based on Melanie's interests in fitness, travel, and adventure.

Kyle Lampe [08:22]: "Melanie's stunning and her energy was amazing. Then I find out she's single and I'm like, okay, hold on."

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2. First Date Experiences

The conversation shifts to their differing perceptions of first dates. Kyle initially believed their first official date was at Bonefish Grill, showcasing his traditional approach by arriving early and being chivalrous with gestures like bringing flowers. However, Melanie clarifies that the actual first date involved a casual ice cream outing, emphasizing a more relaxed and authentic connection.

Kyle Lampe [02:21]: "Our first date was Bonefish grill... we've been together for eight years and then you jumped back in the dating pool."

Melanie Bartlett [03:26]: "We went and got ice cream. That was the first time we had like a conversation that wasn't at like a nightclub."

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3. Relationship Attributes

What They’re Looking For:

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Kindness and Humor: "I need someone who's kind. I need someone who can, like, joke with me."
  • Communication Skills: Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and the ability to understand one’s own needs and triggers.

  Kyle Lampe [16:51]: "I need someone who's really good at communicating and also understands their own emotional needs and triggers."

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Complementary Traits: Seeks someone who can complement her already full and active life.
  • Traveler and Deep Conversationalist: Values an avid traveler willing to engage in deep, meaningful conversations.

  Melanie Bartlett [17:42]: "I’m looking for someone who likes to travel... comfortable enough in themselves, and at least aware of their insecurities to be able to talk about them."

Best and Worst Attributes:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Best: Empathetic, pragmatic, kind, humorous, fiercely protective of loved ones.
  • Worst: Overthinking situations, fear of loss and abandonment leading to selfish or aggressive behaviors.

  Melanie Bartlett [28:04]: "People tell me that I'm very empathetic... But then, yes, when with my people, I can be fiercely protective because of that love."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Best: Empathetic, kind, humorous, deeply loyal, protective.
  • Worst: Propensity for anger and exacting revenge through words when hurt.

  Kyle Lampe [30:15]: "I enjoy hurting people that hurt me... I don’t like to share things all the time."

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4. Therapy and Personal Growth

Melanie’s Experience: Melanie discusses her transformative journey through personal and couples therapy, particularly highlighting how it helped her understand and manage her avoidant attachment style.

Melanie Bartlett [17:49]: "Personal therapy was transformational... I got rid of quite a few core beliefs that didn't help me."

Kyle’s Perspective: Kyle shares his initial indifferent experience with therapy, finding it more of a venting outlet without significant breakthroughs, contrasting Melanie’s profound benefits.

Kyle Lampe [20:18]: "When I did do therapy, it was kind of difficult for me because it's like, I didn't feel like I was really... Nothing was really groundbreaking to me."

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5. Handling Conflict and Attachment Styles

Melanie’s Avoidant Attachment: Melanie identifies as having an avoidant attachment style, where she steps away during conflicts to regain her composure and analyze the situation before reconciling.

Melanie Bartlett [22:14]: "It's someone who steps away, especially during conflict... I need a little bit of time."

Kyle’s Attachment Style: Kyle describes himself as more secure but leans towards anxious behaviors when he senses something is amiss, seeking immediate resolution.

Kyle Lampe [24:58]: "I'm secure, but if I feel like something's like off, I'll want to approach it and get, like, right to it."

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6. Views on Marriage and Children

Marriage:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Open to remarriage after healing from a difficult divorce.

  Melanie Bartlett [21:22]: "I am open to getting married again... It took a while to get there."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Expresses a desire for marriage with a solid foundation and pre-marriage counseling to address potential issues upfront.

  Kyle Lampe [20:38]: "I would like to do couples counseling before... marriage counseling."

Children:

• Melanie Bartlett:

  • Desires children but faces infertility issues; open to surrogacy or adoption.

  Melanie Bartlett [41:02]: "I was diagnosed as infertile at 36 years old... the only option is surrogacy or adoption."

• Kyle Lampe:

  • Values biological timing, preferring partners within the 27-37 age range for fertility reasons.

  Kyle Lampe [36:56]: "I do want to have a child someday... those are very fertile years."

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7. Importance of Sex in Relationships

Melanie Bartlett: Views sex as elemental and a vital language in relationships. Emphasizes open communication about sexual preferences and desires to ensure compatibility and mutual satisfaction.

Melanie Bartlett [45:13]: "If you have mismatched desires from a sex standpoint, it can be challenging... it's evolving, and it should be."

Kyle Lampe: Considers sex the glue of a relationship, stressing the importance of developing a unique sexual language with a partner to maintain physical and emotional connection.

Kyle Lampe [46:14]: "Sex is its own language... it's the glue to a relationship."

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8. Concluding Thoughts and Dating Advice

Melanie Bartlett: Advocates for observing behavior over words in dating to identify genuine compatibility.

Melanie Bartlett [51:04]: "Pay more attention to their behavior and less to their words. If it doesn't align, there's a problem."

Kyle Lampe: Shares the metaphor of dating as trying on clothes, encouraging a respectful yet honest approach to ending relationships that don’t fit.

Kyle Lampe [51:23]: "Dating is just you're basically trying people on to see what fits... it's okay if it doesn't work."

Final Impressions: Both Melanie and Kyle express mutual appreciation for the openness and authenticity of their conversation. They acknowledge the potential for future interactions, leaving listeners anticipating whether a second date will ensue.

Melanie Bartlett [53:10]: "I didn't have any expectations. It was fun in the moment... I felt like she was being really authentic."

Host [57:16]: "Thank you all for tuning in... see you next week."

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Key Quotes:

• Melanie Bartlett [22:14]: "I'm definitely an avoidant detachment... I need some sense of space and distance to reestablish your own self separate from a person."

• Kyle Lampe [16:51]: "I need someone who's really good at communicating and also understands their own emotional needs and triggers."

• Melanie Bartlett [45:13]: "Making it comfortable for your partner to share those kinds of things with you without judgment... it's part of learning that language."

• Host [30:15]: "I enjoy hurting people that hurt me... I have to really work on it."

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Conclusion: Episode 3 of "The Date My Podcast" offers a candid and heartfelt dialogue between Melanie Bartlett and Kyle Lampe, exploring the complexities of modern dating, personal growth, and the intricacies of building meaningful relationships. Through their honest exchanges, listeners gain valuable insights into navigating the challenges and joys of finding love in today's fast-paced world.

Transcript

[Kyle Lampe]

Hello and welcome back to the Date my podcast. This is season one, Date My ex, Kyle Lampe.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Hello, Kyle.

[Kyle Lampe]

How are you feeling today?

[Host]

I'm feeling great.

[Kyle Lampe]

You are?

[Host]

I'm feeling alive.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay. This is a big episode because this is your first official date. I'm kind of nervous. Are you nervous?

[Host]

I am. No, I'm not. I'm not nervous. I'm excited is a word. And also very curious. Okay. I want to see how well your powers of curation are.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay. Just because this is the first date on the show, I want to know how, how you are with nerves when it comes to dating. Like we've said we were together for eight years and then you jumped back in the dating pool. How are you with nerves and dating?

[Host]

I think now that I'm a 40 year old man, I've come into a new age of, I think the nerves before with dating, like prior, when I was dating before you, I was more nervous about, oh, is this person going to like me? Or I hope that this part of me isn't too much. But now I'm kind of just like, I'd rather show up 100% who I am and if they don't like that, then they're obviously not for me. So as far as nerves go, I'm not nervous about that aspect of like trying to figure out how I'm going to act around them. I'm more of just, I hope that especially like at a dinner situation.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

I hope that like where it goes well, so we're not trapped together while we sit here and try to eat this appetizer and then dread that we also have to have a main course and then try to sign the check and get out of there as quickly as possible.

[Kyle Lampe]

Right. Because a lot of your first dates you've never met. Especially like now with dating apps. Let's real quick talk about our first date. We don't have the same idea of our first date.

[Host]

Well, no, we don't.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay. I think our first date. I think Kyle's amazing at first dates for me. Kyle, can I talk about it? Can I say it?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay. It was, I think.

[Host]

I don't know what you're gonna say.

[Kyle Lampe]

Our first date was Bonefish grill.

[Host]

No, see, that's wrong. Of course that's wrong.

[Kyle Lampe]

No, our first official date was bonefish girl. I was a vegetarian at the time. Kyle. I. My roommate told. Told Kyle, I get time anxiety. I don't like when people show up early and I'm like, oh my God, I feel rushed. So she told Kyle I think he was like, I'm gonna pick her up at 8 and bring her to dinner. Or he told me my roommate was like, do not show up a minute early. She'll get anxiety. You are early bird.

[Host]

I'm an early boy. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

He gets to our neighborhood like 10 minutes early and drives around the neighborhood for 10 minutes. So you didn't show up early. Shows up, has flowers, comes to the door, knocks on the door and then I come down. It was like traditional. And then we get in the car, you open my door. You are like a great first dater. But what do you think our first date is?

[Host]

Oh, well, we did do that.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

But that was the second date. Our first actual date. After we decided this is our first, like, we have to talk about the first time we ever like solo hung out. We went and got ice cream.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

Together. That was the first time we had like a conversation that wasn't at like a nightclub.

[Kyle Lampe]

Was that after we hooked up?

[Host]

We never hooked up. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Kyle Lampe]

Do you lose respect? I let Kyle get it quite quick. Do you lose respect for women who maybe, let's say, let's just say sex. Let's say like you meet them once and you're hitting it off at a nightclub and that night you sleep together. How do you feel about that? Like, do you lose respect? Are you like, eh. She let me get it. So you didn't with me. But.

[Host]

Well, no, just as. I mean, the same could be said for me. Like, you run the risk of someone losing respect for me.

[Kyle Lampe]

I know, but through that.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

I think a lot of men are like that. They're like, eh.

[Host]

I think. Well, for me, I don't. I can't. That mechanism doesn't work in me unless I feel a connection. I've never had like a one night stand with a stranger because it feels weird to me. It's like I don't know. I don't know who you are.

[Kyle Lampe]

Right.

[Host]

But if there's a connection, then yeah, I think you're an adult. As long as it's you guys talk about it and it feels like something you both are into, then yeah, who cares?

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah. Okay. I love that.

[Host]

I prefer not to do that the first night. Like I feel like I'd want to get to know you a little more because I obviously don't know somebody. The first time you meet them, you can feel their energy and feel comfortable around them, but you don't know them. I would rather like, can we like maybe Go. Can we at least like maybe second or third day after we have some conversations? Because I think. And we'll probably get into this, but like, sex is such an important part of relationship. It's a, it's a, it's. It is a language that you two need to speak together.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yes. Which we're going to get into. So before we get into anything else, I will say everyone on this season, Kyle's never met every woman on the season or never seen. For me, all of the women on this season I've either met once in person or never at all. So I only know just sort of like a first date, surface level stuff of like conversation. I know what they look like, I know their interests and hobbies, of course. But it's a journey. It's gonna be a journey for all of us, which I think is exciting. We'll spend the episode and sort of all learn. Okay, is this a good match or not? So without further ado, I'd like to bring out your first date, Kyle, Melanie Bartlett. Melanie, come on in.

[Host]

Hi. Hi.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I'm going to hug you.

[Host]

Hi.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Hi. So nice to meet you guys.

[Kyle Lampe]

So brave.

[Host]

I think you're way, way, way more brave coming into a strange studio with strangers, going on a date.

[Kyle Lampe]

Beautiful. Sit. Yeah. Situate yourself. I think if the mic is not good, I think that producers will let us know.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. So low. This is the first time I've ever felt tall.

[Kyle Lampe]

Is this like. Feels nice, doesn' how are you feeling?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Good.

[Kyle Lampe]

You're feeling good? Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Excited.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, great.

[Host]

Thanks for doing this.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Thanks for inviting me. It was fun and interesting. If nothing else.

[Kyle Lampe]

I want to let Melanie introduce herself and then I'm going to let you know as well as our friends, our listeners, how Melanie and I connected and then why I thought she'd be a great match for you.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Perfect.

[Kyle Lampe]

Go ahead with your intro, Melannie, if you want to say just like the classic sort of where you're from, what you do. So name age, where you grew up and then everything else we'll talk about.

[Melanie Bartlett]

In a bit, I'll just ramble on.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Hello, my name is Melanie Bartlett. I'm 41 years old. I am just a small town girl from Texas. Actually moved out to LA in 2020. So we've been here four years now. Central Texas area, so around Austin, but you wouldn't know the town, it really is quite, quite small. Lived there my entire life, had a few life changes in 2020 and wanted something else. I always wanted to live elsewhere and finally had the opportunity so Yeah, I was, it was only supposed to be here for the winter and Covid so that I could get to New York eventually, but not happening. I, I, yeah, I kind of like it here.

[Host]

Okay, what is it about New York that you're attracted to?

[Melanie Bartlett]

So coming from a small town, we didn't have, we didn't even have a stock stoplight. But no grocery store in town, no gym to go to? No, I mean, it was anything that you wanted for entertainment, you had to drive a pretty far distance to get to it. So the concept of being able to live and have everything at your disposal, the best restaurants, your gym, your local bar, your grocery store within two blocks.

[Host]

Right.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That sounds amazing. I used to go there a lot when I was in the corporate world and just fell in love with the city.

[Host]

That's cool.

[Melanie Bartlett]

So.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

And you can handle the cold?

[Melanie Bartlett]

No, that's why it wouldn't be permanent. I am from Texas, so we don't experience cold there. I would probably be able to do one, maybe one winter of here and then cold.

[Kyle Lampe]

I do want to say how Melanie and I met, how we know each other. So Melanie and I met. We've only met once in person. We met a couple months ago at our dear friend Alexis, who, you know, her birthday party. Alexis is here. Shout out Alexis Wilson, we love. So I went out for Alexis's birthday and I met Melanie. And obviously Melanie's stunning and her energy was amazing. Then I find out she's single and I'm like, okay, hold on. And I keep talking to her and her interest loves fitness, loves traveling, she's successful, she's adventurous. And I was talking to her and I was like, wow, this was a couple months ago. So I was starting to think about different women and I thought, I think this could potentially be a great match for Kyle. So you've never seen Melanie. She's seen you. I gave her a quick rundown. Nothing too deep about you and you.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Still soda know your name.

[Host]

Okay, so yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Okay, we covered the basics.

[Kyle Lampe]

So here we are. We are gonna jump right into it. But just because this is the first date episode, I wanna sort of give you two, as well as the listeners, a what to expect this episode.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

So I have questions and it's a mixture of. There are like surface level questions, first date type questions. Then there's deeper questions, maybe questions you'd not, you maybe wouldn't ask on a first date or second date. But this is the show. We gotta get to know if you guys might be a match. So there's the deeper questions. And then there's the spicier questions. We have questions about sex. We have questions about different stuff like that. I told you, I told Melanie. We've discussed this before, but I'll tell everyone. Like, if you're not comfortable answering a question, you just say, I don't want to talk about that, and we move on. Okay, we're gonna get started with your astrology sign compatibility, which. Kyle, already. You're rolling your eyes.

[Host]

Yeah, go ahead. Let's do this.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, so Kyle's a Scorpio, which I know a lot of you, if you pay attention to astrology, are gonna gasp. Melanie's a Virgo.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I've been told I'm a terrible one though, so. Really?

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, sounds like Melanie's ninja off to a bad start. No. Okay, so here it is. Really quick. According to astrology, Virgo and Scorpio are highly compatible signs that can be a good matches. Friends, lovers or spouses. Complementary traits. Virgos are analytical and detail oriented, while Scorpios are passionate and intense. This combination can create a balance. Similar worldviews. Virgos and Scorpios have similar outlooks on life and enjoy planning and strategizing. Endless curiosity. Both signs are curious and can have a lot to share with each other. And then loyal and reserved. Both signs are loyal and reserved, which can make them a great pair. And then really quick, some of the issues. Virgos can sometimes be too reserved for Scorpios. And then Scorpio's impulsiveness. Scorpios can be impulsive. Out of everything I read. Do you guys feel like that's pretty spot on about yourselves?

[Host]

Well, I just wanted to say that. I guess that's all I need to hear. Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding? What are you thinking?

[Melanie Bartlett]

So I'm actually not much of a planner. That's important. So whatever. I'm very spontaneous.

[Host]

Listen, let me say this. Let me say this. That's all nice, whatever that was. But I refuse to believe that when my mom's womb decided to open up and let me into this world that's gonna dictate who I am for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry.

[Kyle Lampe]

Is that how you feel too?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Absolutely. It baffles me how so.

[Host]

Sorry. And you know what? I may die. Yeah, it may be true. Maybe it is. Maybe. That's so Scorpio of me to say.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That's so.

[Host]

Right. Yeah. Okay, let's get to reality.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, fine. We don't have astrology lovers here. Fine. So we're gonna start off with. Melanie gave us a great sort of intro of herself. And so even though I've introduced you to her, how would you first say intro yourself to Melanie?

[Host]

Oh, like, we just sat down. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

And just like. Well, no, let's say a blind date. She knows nothing about you.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Give us a quick like, I'm Kyle. Whatever.

[Host]

Great. Yeah, I'm Kyle. I recently just turned 40, and I'm really excited about it. I'm a. I'm a fitness enthusiast. I'm a music lover. I was a musician in my past life. I now just do that for fun. And I'm a deep thinker. I like to have deep conversations. So I hope that you're into digging deep. Yeah, about stuff. I don't really care about the weather. Like, you know, what you had for dinner. I want to know what you had for dinner, how that made you feel. How did you source this? Yeah, I love that. There it is. That's me.

[Kyle Lampe]

Amazing intro. Melanie, what are some of your hobbies and passions?

[Melanie Bartlett]

I am into fitness as well. I like. Sand volleyball is really fun for me.

[Host]

Oh, that's cool.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I guess it given my height, but I do love playing at least twice a week. I got really into rock climbing as well during COVID because all of the gyms were shut down and they're. This was when I was back in Texas and it was too fucking hot to run long distances, so I needed something that was still active and provided focus that I wouldn't get a heat stroke in and fell in love with it. The first time I did it with some friends, I just fell in love with it. So I've done quite a few trips. I was actually in Greece earlier this year on a climbing trip.

[Host]

Oh, so you've, like. You've, like, raw. Dogged a mountain, not just in a gym?

[Melanie Bartlett]

No, no. I actually prefer climbing outside over a gym. The gym's just not as fun.

[Host]

Are you scared of dying?

[Melanie Bartlett]

No, that's quite deep.

[Kyle Lampe]

Do you think rock climbing or in general?

[Host]

Oh, I was talking about rock climbing, but I was gonna say in general. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

In general. No.

[Host]

Have you ever had some scary situations, like where your foot slipped and you were like, oh, this is it?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. I mean, so with climbing, like any other sport, that requires a lot of really intense focus that all you can think about. And so for me, it was a great avenue to kind of release some of the overthinking and anxiety that was going on at that time in my life and really stay focused on the technique and where I was and being very, very present. And. Yeah, you have moments when your hand just doesn't have the power anymore or your foot slips. But I've. I'm a very trusting person. So from the get go, I trust the gear. I trust my belayer. You know, I always went out with people who I knew some of their background, so I knew that they could handle the types of clients that we were doing and things like that.

[Host]

That's awesome.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

So I'll be back at camp. I'll be making sandwiches and snacks when you're done.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Snacks are so important.

[Kyle Lampe]

They're very important.

[Host]

So I enjoy it. I'll be at the bottom, rooting you on.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Perfect.

[Host]

You're doing so great.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I can teach you to belay. It's super easy and it's so fun.

[Kyle Lampe]

And belay is like the.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, that's the person who's holding my life in their hand. Hands.

[Host]

Oh, I like that.

[Kyle Lampe]

Oh, I love that. Okay, we're gonna jump into. What are you each looking for in your ideal partner?

[Melanie Bartlett]

You know what? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

[Host]

My ideal partner needs to not complete me, because I'm a complete person. I want someone that enhances my life, and I want them there. I don't need them there, essentially. You know what I mean? I want them to be their own person, to have their own things. But from the top down, quick list. I need someone who's kind. I need someone who can, like, joke with me. Like, I can't feel like I'm, like, bombing out of open mic my whole life. I can't. No one's. Then maybe I will go rock climbing with you and I'll just jump off and then see, that was great response. That laughter was a great response right after a great start. I need someone who's really good at communicating and also understands their own emotional needs and triggers. Because I can't always be the one that's, like, showing up in that way. I need you to also know, like, what you need. Because if I don't know what you need, I can't help. I can't facilitate that and vice versa. Those are my, like, main things.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Similar. I. I'm not looking for. Dating is an option, not a requirement, I guess as I'm not. I'm not looking for someone to fill a particular void in my life. I feel like I have a really full life with a lot of amazing people and activities and work and all kinds of interesting things. So somebody who can Complement that, enhance that. Someone who likes to travel would be important because I am an avid traveler. Someone who is willing to go deep, have the deep conversations, ask the difficult questions, comfortable enough in themselves, and at least aware of their insecurities to be able to talk about them. I think that's really important for a healthy relationship.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

How do you both feel about personal therapy and couples therapy?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Okay. Thumbs up for both. I've done both.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Okay. I maybe should have mentioned in my intro, I am a divorcee. Oh, okay. Good to know. So I have been married before. Personal therapy was, for me, transformational. It really helped in a different version of my life. I was not nearly as in touch with myself as I am now. I was not very aware of when I was having emotions, what they were or why I was having them, where they were coming from, whether it was directly related to what was happening at the time, or maybe just a reaction to something that had happened previously and is similar to what I'm experiencing. Experiencing. So therapy, personal therapy for me was hugely beneficial. And in really understanding myself on, it's kind of breaking down some of the old programming that was not really useful. I think I got rid of quite a few core beliefs that didn't help me, didn't serve me, and have built up some that are hugely beneficial moving forward in my life. Couples therapy, I think it's useful, especially if, as a couple, you're not aligned on communication, but it can only do so much. If you are not aligned on communication, then there's not a whole lot that can fix or resolve that. So helpful, open to it. But certainly there has to be a foundation in place with your partner to really make it work and make it successful.

[Host]

Yeah, good answer. Great answer. I think that both of those are valuable for sure. My only thing I know therapy is like, we're starting to become part of the zeitgeist now, and everyone's, like, really opening up to the power of therapy. Because I was the only child and I only had my emotions to deal with, and I've only had me to think about those emotions. And because I'm a deep thinker, I have always been aware of why I feel what I feel. So when I did do therapy, it was kind of difficult for me because it's like, I didn't feel like I was really. Like. Nothing was really groundbreaking to me. It really felt. It was just nice to have a third person that doesn't know my life, be able to. I could vent to them and they could give me an unbiased opinion about something which I thought was amazing.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

And then couples therapy, using the rock climbing analogy. You know, I think, like you said, great communication. People have done the work on themselves. You can be on a nice, steady path, but if you get stuck, it is nice to have a third eye view of and maybe try to find a different path that you both aren't seeing.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

You know, I think that's. And then before I do get married, I do. I would like to do couples. I would like to do, like, marriage counseling before, because they're gonna ask those questions that we may not even thought of, like, oh, we didn't even think about that. And that may bring up some things of like, whoa, I completely disagree with you. It's good that we're talking about this now.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Highly recommend.

[Host]

As opposed to, like, getting married and then figuring it out like, oh, my.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Situation comes up and you're like, it's terrible.

[Host]

We've made a mistake. That's what I don't want.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, definitely recommend that. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Are you both open? We know you are wanting to eventually get married. One day we're finding out that you used to be married and you're divorcee. Are you open to getting married again?

[Melanie Bartlett]

I am. It took a while to get there.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Melanie Bartlett]

For several years after, I was not sure that I had it in me, honestly. I mean, it was. It was a beautiful relationship while it lasted. I don't regret it. But the ending was really difficult. Nobody gets married thinking that they're going to get divorced. I don't care who you are. Even if it's amicable and both parties think it's the right choice. It's. It's an. It's always a difficult thing to go through. So for a while, I needed to heal from that before I was ready to say, yeah, I'm. I'm. I could see myself being married again.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Now let's talk about arguments and conflict in relationships. How do you both deal with that? You know, we know there's avoidant. You taught me this. There's like, avoidant. What's it called? Avoidant. Attachment and anxiety. An anxious attachment. Okay, let's talk. If you both know what those are, you can bring that into the convo as well.

[Melanie Bartlett]

So I'm definitely an avoidant detachment that I didn't know years before, before therapy.

[Kyle Lampe]

Are you able to tell us what that is, just in case anyone doesn't know?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, it's. It's someone who steps away, especially during conflict or potentially even during affection. You sometimes just Feel smothered and like you need some sense of space and distance to reestablish your own self separate from a person. So I did not know this about myself until therapy, and it really helped bring a sense of awareness to. When I am struggling with those kinds of internal emotions, needing to distance myself, needing to have space for my own analysis before I can come back and say, okay, we can talk about this effectively, rationally, like adults, without losing control or tempers. And that's been. It's been an interesting progression to sort of be able to sit outside of myself and think, okay, like, are we. Is this. Are we really afraid of this? Or is this just something else cropping us that's pulling us away? Is this our tendency? Should we be leaning into this instead of backing off? So I try to communicate that with any potential partner that I'm dating or saying, just so you know, sometimes I will. I'll shut down and I'll go quiet. It's just that I need a little bit of time. That's really all it is. Because I can do my own assessment and come back and have a conversation, and we can find a way to repair. But sometimes I need space to do that.

[Host]

Right. And in the passage, you find, like, say a guy was really into you and they would text you, and they would text you again and, like, would you feel yourself like you're getting. Like you're trying to. You're trying to reach me too much, and it help makes you pull back, like the closer someone's trying to get to you. Do you find yourself pulling back even more and more early?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Early on? Yes. Or in the beginning? Yes. Some of it, I think, is just. I probably have some trust issues. And so as. As a relationship progresses and I get more comfortable with the person that I'm trying to get to know. I'm. I love affection, attention, validation, all of those things from my partner. I think in the beginning, I can be a bit guarded, so. And I'll communicate those things. I won't get message after message after message and just be like, oh, my God, why is he texting? You know, like, hey, I've got this going on right now. Do you need something or what? You know, what can we do to connect if you're feeling the need for it versus just ignoring or getting irritated or something like that.

[Host]

Cool. Great. Yeah, I'm. I'm more. I'm secure, but I. If anything, I'll lean more anxious in that if I think something's like off, I'll want to approach it and get, like, right to it.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

And then if I feel like someone is pulling away, I will want to be like, get back here. Let's figure this out.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Which.

[Host]

I know it makes it pull away harder, but most of the time, I'm secure, I guess. You. Honestly, I've. I've also experienced. It depends on the person.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Absolutely.

[Host]

Some people, I'm like, get away from me, and other people couldn't be closer to me.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Dependent, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Completely agree there. I know if I'm turning into sort of an anxious chase style, something's very wrong. That's. That's a flag for me. That means that this person and I are not aligned at all, and I'm well outside of my comfort zone, so.

[Host]

See, that's so funny. I'm completely opposite. If I start to feel myself wanting to avoid and, like, not answer text.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Messages, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a problem. Right. You recognize that's not your. Your autonomatic behavior. So there's a problem there. Yeah.

[Host]

But as far as closeness goes, like, I can't. When I'm. When I'm into somebody, there's. There's not a level of closeness like, that I can achieve. Like, I. The only way I can really describe it. And I feel like I've said this so many times, and it's like.

[Kyle Lampe]

It's scary.

[Host]

Scary to, like, friends and family that I've told this to. If I. If I love you, I quite literally want us to, like, cut open our chests. Quite literally open. Yeah. Seriously, like, open our rib cages. And I. I want both of our rib cages to do this. Like, I. That's like, I. That's as close as I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I want to be with people that I care about. The people I don't care about. It's like walls. Fort Knox. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

We're going to get into. Before we start getting into, like, spicier, deeper. What are your. You guys feel are your best and worst attributes qualities that you bring to a relationship?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

This is really first date questions. I know.

[Kyle Lampe]

It sure is.

[Host]

I do. I like to get right in there.

[Kyle Lampe]

I know I got a little deep.

[Melanie Bartlett]

All right, what are we best qualities you bring?

[Kyle Lampe]

Best and worst attributes. Qualities you bring. Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

So bad at talking about myself. People tell me that I'm very empathetic. I'm pragmatic, kind. I'm hilarious. I have the best sense of humor. You have to know I am. People don't tell me that. I just know that. Nobody says I'm Funny. I think I'm hilarious.

[Kyle Lampe]

I love it.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I love Big. And it's not even, you know, if you get past that wall, I'll love you big. I kind of love all people Big. I'm like, it is not. It's not easy being a human. And I. I really appreciate everyone for their effort at being unique and human. And we are awesome and we suck and we soar and we fail. So I'm very sort of a loving person all around.

[Host]

It's good.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. But then, yes, when with my people, I can be fiercely protective because of that love. I think the things that I am working on at this stage of my life, overthinking, I can definitely. Man, I can overthink the hell out of a situation. I could create all kinds of ridiculous stories. And so I think what I'm really working on is recognizing when I'm doing that, not acting on it. Sometimes my partners probably don't. Or the people that I've dated probably don't recognize this as much because it is something that I want to get better at for myself. My girlfriends, they know it. They definitely know it. God bless my girlfriends.

[Host]

The support system.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yes, exactly. There's tons more. I'm sure my exes would have lots to tell you about my negative qualities.

[Host]

How about this? What's like, I want to. I really believe that if people can love the darkest part of you, they actually can love you. It's so easy to love the good stuff about people. Yeah. You're funny and you like to rock climb and risk your life and do all these cool stuff. But I want to know, like, what. What is the worst thing about you? Because when I go, it's going to be bad.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. God. The worst thing about me, Fear of loss and fear of abandonment probably make me behave in ways that. That are not best for all. Not best for the relationship. I can be selfish. I can be really self. In fact, I would say I've gotten more selfish as I. I've gotten more protective of my priorities and who I want to be. And I'm absolutely willing to compromise, but it has to be a true compromise. I think too often in my past, I lived for other people. I literally lived for other people. I was. I'm a recovering people pleaser, so sometimes I go to the opposite end of that oops just because I'm so defiantly against falling back into that traffic.

[Host]

Right. Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

And that can come out in scary ways. That can come out in aggressive ways. So cool.

[Kyle Lampe]

Thank you for that.

[Host]

I like that.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

Good.

[Kyle Lampe]

Thank you for that, Mal. Melanie. Let's hear you. Kyle.

[Host]

The good parts. I am very empathetic like you, to a point where it's. It's very. It's. It's annoying to me. I. I can't. I don't like social situations because of that. Because I immediately, when I walk in a room, I find the people that are the bad people and the good people and the people that are gonna take my energy and the people that are gonna. Energy and I. It's just exhausting. Like the mask that I have to wear to be around people. But. But it is also a very, very good thing because I do feel a lot for people and it makes me kind and it makes me warm and loving. So I'd say that's a good thing about me. I myself am a funny person. I. Yeah, you know, I. Again, like I said, I'm a deep thinker and I'm a communicator. So I. People feel very comfortable talking to me. Every. Every Uber I've ever taken in my life, it ends with me getting out of the car, being like, wow, that's amazing that he killed six people and buried all their bodies around.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Every Uber driver is a.

[Host]

Well, I mean, yeah, for real. Yeah, just go, waymo.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

The stuff people tell me is astonishing. Like, I've just met you. It's like, hey, ma'am, we're in line at a Costco. I don't need to know that your husband, you know, divorced you and left you with the kids. Anyways, but so I think that's kind of like a superpower, and I think that's a good thing. I think I'm kind. I. I think I am generous with my time especially. I do have some people pleasing tendencies, for sure. I don't know what else is good about me.

[Kyle Lampe]

Very loyal.

[Host]

Oh, loyal, yeah. Fiercely loyal to a fault as well.

[Kyle Lampe]

Protective. Which to me, I don't know if that's important to you, but it's true. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah, it's true.

[Kyle Lampe]

You will fight for your loved ones no matter what. And others. We've been out before and I've, you know, in Nashville, and someone was mistreating someone and he's not. He's the first one. Which could be a little nerve wracking at times to be the first one to be like the guy who's going to stand up for you no matter what. You don't want to see people being mistreated, whether you know them or not. And you're not going to stand for. For It.

[Host]

Yeah, I guess it's true.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

For about that.

[Kyle Lampe]

Get into the dark ones.

[Host]

Oh, the dark ones.

[Melanie Bartlett]

We need more people.

[Host]

Here's. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah, I agree.

[Host]

So the darkest part of me is, is I don't be scared.

[Kyle Lampe]

Oh, God.

[Melanie Bartlett]

It's okay. This is a safe space.

[Host]

But I, I enjoy hurting people that hurt me or people that I like. I get. I, It's, It's a weird thing. It's like I enjoy it and I want to watch them suffer, but the minute they suffer, I feel bad. It's like this weird cycle.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yep.

[Host]

I don't know what that is.

[Kyle Lampe]

Can we clarify? Do you mean physically or either?

[Host]

I don't care.

[Kyle Lampe]

Like, but you've never physically. Yeah, Kyle's never physically put a hand on me, and I've never seen him physically hurt anyone.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

So can you be painful with your words?

[Host]

Yes.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, my God. The things I've, I have learned that you can't forget about things that you say to people.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

And because I can read people so well, I know exactly what would be the thing that would crush them, and I will use it if I'm pushed there. So that's something I've, I've actually had to really work on to not go there because it's, it's irreversible.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

So I would say that's probably the darkest part of me is that propensity to, like, exact revenge when maybe you don't need to all the time.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. Right.

[Host]

You know, and I am quick to anger, but I've also had to realize that anger is a mask for a lot of emotions that I didn't really realize, like fear and sadness and shame and, like, disgust and embarrassment. It always goes to anger for some reason. I found this probably with a lot of guys, you know, so if I'm angry, I like to kind of maybe step back and be like, am I angry or am I sad, hurt? Do I need to tell them that?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

That's on growth, and that's on growth.

[Host]

And that's on being 40.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I have preach. Amen. Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Religion, God, spirituality. Where do you both see stand on that?

[Melanie Bartlett]

You know, I'm a little bit like America. I'm open to freedom of religion, you know, Love it. I, I, I wouldn't say I necessarily subscribe to a higher power by growing in Texas. You know, it's built in, raised in Bible Belt area. I, I would say I'm spiritual, not religious, in short. And I would say equally, I think faith is something that is very personal. And it's a choice that each person gets to make. And I don't judge someone for their belief system and their faith. Yeah, nice.

[Host]

That's good. I'm the same. But my skeptical mind, when it. When it comes to religion, I don't. It's great if it makes you feel good, and I think it's great if it helps you live a life that you want to live. But I don't subscribe to it. I don't believe in really any religions. I ultimately think that we none of us know anything as far as spirituality goes. I just. We. We are all connected to, like, the earth and each other. We don't understand why or how or the universe is so obviously massive. I just think it's best to just live your life and enjoy this human experience. And then when it's over, we'll find out.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

And I think it'll be cool. Or maybe not so cool, but you can't do anything about it. So just live.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. Be nice. Be kind.

[Kyle Lampe]

We're gonna jump into. I'm gonna ask you both about kids, where you see yourself in 10 years. But I am gonna say this because I've talked to both Melanie and Kyle about this. Now, as we know from the first episode, Kyle had quite a checklist of that he had created a while ago when you got into dating about things you would like your partner to hit. On that checklist, there was age, and I believe it was 27 to 37. Is that true?

[Host]

Correct.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, so I. My. Part of my job for not only Kyle, but this show and every season is to like. Is to. Is to encourage the dater to think outside the box. Melanie's 41. You're 40. And it's interesting, when I talk to Melanie, she may have hinted at maybe she dates a little younger. And you have also hinted maybe you date a little younger, so.

[Host]

Whoa.

[Kyle Lampe]

Well, hold on. Okay, 27 to 37.

[Host]

Chill. Can we. All right. I would love to hear why.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Host]

But I think you don't need as much of a disclaimer as I do, just based on societal norms.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, go ahead.

[Host]

Let's define what. What we mean by that.

[Kyle Lampe]

27 to 37.

[Host]

Okay. Yeah, but you can just say younger. You know What I mean?

[Kyle Lampe]

27 to 37.

[Melanie Bartlett]

It's pretty specific to me.

[Kyle Lampe]

I do want to hear. Because if that's the case, you're both going out of your comfort z necessarily in your boxes with going on this. Being on this first date. So let's hear about what you think and age and reason.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, yeah. So I. Younger is hard. I more specifically would say I don't typically date older than myself. And not that I'm against it. I just don't typically find myself attracted to anyone, you know, just a couple years older than I am. So my age range that I typically look at is between 35 to 45. Somewhere in that range, plus or minus on either side. But for me, age really isn't much of a factor as long as it's not too young. I'll be honest. If it's 10 plus, I'm like, I just don't. We're just, whew. That's. We're in different life stages.

[Kyle Lampe]

You pat him on the head, send him on his way.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Right. I love where you are and I'm sorry. Excited for your future. But like, I've been there. So yeah, I, I'm flexible as far as age goes. I think if the attraction is there, the chemistry is there, the compatibility is there, the age doesn't really matter.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, great.

[Host]

The reason why I said 27 to 37 is just looking at biology and what I want for my life. I do want to have a child someday. And I do. I mean, that's just what it is. Like those are very fertile years. 27 is the bottom of the barrel. Like you. It's like it's a 27 year old who has had to have seen some things. I'm talking like maybe a near death experience. You're not a normal 27 year old. And then 37, I went obviously biological reasons, because I also want to like, find someone and then I want to also enjoy each other's company. I want to be like, great, this is our second date. How about we go make a child and let's get on with it. I, you know, I want to. Because a kid, A kid does throw a lot of life change. Oh my gosh. I also want to be very solid with my partner and have learned about them. And it's like we have this solid foundation that a kid. Yes. Is going to shift, but it's not going to break. So that's why I'm, I'm going that, that way. Because unfortunately I can make children into my 70s. I mean, look at like Al Pacino. He's like, right. You know. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

For men.

[Host]

Right, right. So that. I know that's an unfair advantage, but I didn't map the human genome and that's just kind of how it is.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Okay. It has been mapped though. So we're good.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

Well, give Me those blueprints because I want to see. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

So then that leads me into. And I would like to say this is something I've discussed with Melanie, and Melanie said it was okay to bring or talk about on the show. But kids, I know where both of you stand and just sort of talk about, do you want them? Do you see them in your future? And that.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, Yeah, I definitely want kids. I definitely see them in my future. I didn't have the best marriage displayed for me between my parents, so even as a young adult, I wasn't always sure that I wanted to be married, but I knew I always wanted to. To be a mother. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed as infertile at 36 years old. So my ex husband and I, we tried multiple different ways. We went all the routes, including multiple rounds of ivf, and it just. It didn't work for us and didn't seem that it ever could be. So for me, the only option is surrogacy or adoption. So whatever partner I choose and end up with would have to be comfortable with those kinds of decisions for building a family. But I definitely want to. Big want to. Yeah, that's cool.

[Host]

And when you say kids, there's an s at the end of that.

[Kyle Lampe]

He's panicking.

[Melanie Bartlett]

The ideal God. You know, for the longest time, I was like, three kids because it's perfect, and it kind of mirrored my family unit. And then one parent dies, and suddenly the. The family gets so much smaller. There's such a vacuum when one person disappears that I'm like, maybe four kids. Four kids would probably keep all of the kids happy and feeling complete and being able to move forward even if and when parent passes away. My sister has four children, and it is her household's absolute chaos. But it's also so full, so full of life and love and. Okay, so in an ideal world, yeah, three or four would be the number that I would want to go for, But I also. I would feel so grateful, fortunate, blessed, happy. Just have one. So, yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Where do you stand on children?

[Host]

And I don't understand this because I'm not a father, and I know it changes. I've had friends that have had kids, and I know there's a switch that gets changed. I think your capacity of love. Love grows. But right now, in my unfathered brain, I don't understand how you could give the same attention and love to two things. I really feel just like human nature. One of them's gonna suffer. Like, I'm gonna.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Like, they'll both suffer.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

But I'm gonna. Just one.

[Host]

I'm gonna like one more than the other.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yes. I'm gonna treat it unequivocally. Yes, that is true. But that's true regardless.

[Host]

That's true. I know.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Well, here's the deal. Like you said, it kind of. The amount of kids kind of mirrored your upbringing. I was only a child.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Like, and I. People on being an only child. But I loved it.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Like, I. I got to just my imagination. Like, my room was like whatever I wanted to be. I was in space. I was in a. In a castle. I was drawing, playing guitar. If I went like this, hey, mom, it was like, yes. It wasn't like, hey, mom, mom, because she's with someone else. Like, I got my parents love. I got all the attention. Christmas was unbelievable. And it was family vacations. It was cool because I always knew that it was like, we're a small family, but I know, like, there's no one else I have to compete with, which I also don't like to share things all the time.

[Kyle Lampe]

That's true.

[Host]

I don't like to show things all the time. But I put it this way. I want to. I think your job as a. As a parent is to. Is to. You're basically forming a human. And that human is going to have to interact with other humans and they're going to have to affect the world. And what I want for my kid, I want to be able to give them everything they need from me so they can be the best human. And one. I know I could do that with two. I don't know. I might hate your sister, but you're really cool. Like, I don't. You know what I mean? And again, financially, you have to think about that. Especially in this day and age, especially living in la, having a kid is almost like a luxury. And so having two kids is like, oh, I gotta pay for braces twice. Oh, I gotta go. How many proms are we doing? You're like that, Matt. That stuff matters. You have to think about that. So, yeah, I would obviously like to start with one. See how that goes. If we have the capacity to have more, let's make another one, you know, or let's surrogate make another one.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I. I do want to say, just not because I want to convince you of, you know, having more children than you're comfortable with, but because you didn't have the experience of having siblings. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without my brother and sister.

[Host]

True.

[Kyle Lampe]

Agreed.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That is a bond that no amount of distance, anger, you know, past bad childhood experiences can ever, ever take away. They are there for me for the rest of my life. And having siblings is an amazing, wonderful, beautiful thing.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah, well, it really is. Well, there we go. I feel the same. What'd you say?

[Host]

It sounds like I need a sibling.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, so before you. I have one of you exit and talk to you guys. I do want to get into the space. Yes.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Let's talk about spice really quick.

[Host]

I see you. Don't worry about it. You're not part of this. I hope.

[Kyle Lampe]

I hope you caught that. I love this. How important is sex to both of you in a relationship?

[Melanie Bartlett]

Elemental. So important. And it can look different. I think if you have mismatched desires from a sex standpoint, it can be challenging, but as long as both partners are willing to communicate and talk about it, and, God, where I was raised, it was so taboo. So that was something incredibly liberating for me to discover. To be able to say, like, hey, can we just kind of talk about the sex stuff? And, like, it's. It doesn't have to be a secret, and it doesn't have to be shameful, and we can try new things, and we can try different things, and we can talk about, you know, things that we fantasize in a way that both people feel secure and cared for. So, yeah, it's. It's huge. It's so important. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

No, I love the answer. To me, like, it's the. It's. What are we doing here? You know what I mean? It's like, are we. Then we're just friends? Because you don't have such good friends. You know what I mean? Then let's just be close friends. Because if we're not gonna. If we're not gonna go to Bonetown, then Bonetown.

[Kyle Lampe]

He says, yeah, sorry.

[Host]

And on and on. On a real note, when I said this earlier, sex is its own language. And you develop that language with someone, and if you don't speak the same language, it's gonna be awkward. And I think it is the glue, especially for someone like me who wants to combine rib cages. It is the glue to a relationship. And I'm a physical touch person. If I can't express myself physically to you, I can't. I feel like I can't talk to you. Like, I can talk to you with words, but to me, words are cheap. I'm an actions person. So let me. Let's just. I could put it. I can say a lot more with my body than I can with my words to you.

[Kyle Lampe]

She said, okay, I think it is.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I do. I think it is a little language, and I think it's. It's. It's unique to each partnership, each relationship. And I think that's part of the fun of exploring and understanding who this person is, is learning how to speak that language together.

[Host]

Yeah. How. Have you ever experienced this in. In the past with dating, that you met someone and then when you got to have that conversation, which, by the way, I like to.

[Melanie Bartlett]

It's a great metaphor.

[Host]

Before we do the thing, I want to talk about all of it.

[Kyle Lampe]

Like, do the thing. Oh, like sex? Yeah.

[Host]

Like, I want to talk about all of it. Like, what do you need? What do you like? What don't you like? What's on the table, what's off the table? So it's not like a in the moment, like, game time decision. It's like a freeze moment. I don't. I wanted to, like, go into it being like. It's like how you play a board game. You know the rules of freeze strategy. You're ready to rock.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I'm not giving you all the secrets up front.

[Host]

Listen, every man loves you.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Don't get the cheat codes automatically.

[Host]

That's fine.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That's fine. Well, sure, But I'm talking about, like, what.

[Host]

What's available? Because if I feel free, then I can discover those cheat codes. If I don't feel free, and I'm like, we didn't talk about this. I don't know if I can do this. I feel like that communication is really important up front. But have you ever gone down the road with someone and found out that, like, you discovered something about them that you may have been like, oh, don't know if I can do that the rest of my life?

[Melanie Bartlett]

I mean, I've had conversations with partners who had particular kinks and preferences that I was like, that's. It's not really my cup of tea. Not really my thing. If it's something I haven't done before, I'm open to trying it, open to exploring, because I think it's important to allow your partner to feel. I'm going to say this a lot, but feeling safe in sex is so important. And I want to offer that to my partner just as much as I crave to receive that. So making it comfortable for your partner to share those kinds of things with you without judgment, without assumption, and then being open to the exploration, I think is so. I mean, it's. It's part of learning that language And I think that conversation should always happen. I love talking about sex up front just because I think that gives you an idea of whether or not you're compatible in that particular category. But I like talking about it ongoing and all the time, too. I don't think it's one of those conversations you have, and you're like, okay, we got to figure it out and never talk about it again. No, that's. It's evolving, and it should be.

[Host]

Sure. As you discover yourself, it's like, do you. Do you remember how free. Maybe we don't. But when you see a kid playing on the playground with each other, they're just. There's no shame. They're just so free to just, like, be who they are. That's exactly. I think sex is adult play.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids like, we're Batman at one moment, and then they're unicorn. Yeah. Turn into a unicorn five minutes later, and it's fine.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Melanie Bartlett]

You just go with it.

[Host]

Yeah, but I just. I'm not. I'm not, like. I'm not weird. I'm not, like, a weird guy.

[Kyle Lampe]

Why do you say weird, though? Because, like, you know, don't yuck someone's young.

[Host]

No, I'm not yucking someone's young. But there are certain things that, like, are wild. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want you to dress me up like a dog and keep me in a cage.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

We could talk about it if the food's good, if you give me a little snack.

[Kyle Lampe]

She's like. She gets up and leaves. Okay, this is not gonna work for me.

[Host]

She pulls out a leash.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah. I'm like, that's not gonna work for me.

[Kyle Lampe]

I'm like, okay, well, unfortunately, we have to end the conversation as far as questions, but real quick, we're gonna end on best dating advice you've ever been given, if any.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Man, I think the best piece of advice has actually stemmed from my own experience, and that is pay more attention to their behavior and less to their words. If it doesn't align, there's a problem.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yep.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

I had a friend say this to me. She's dating as well, and she said dating is just. You're basically trying people on to see what fits. And if it doesn't, just like you would with clothes you don't feel bad about putting back on the rack.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Host]

Which was huge for me because I'm so concerned about being respectful and not hurting people's feelings when dating, because it is. People get attached. And so I have to remember. It's like you've only been on two or three dates with this person. Like, it's okay if it doesn't work. Like, they're not going to die. Even though you feel bad, it's like, no, I have a metaphor. It's like I. Putting them back on the rack for someone else to. That they fit for and they enjoy. So that was nice. That was the. Kind of freeing for me.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, I like that. That's a good piece of advice. And maybe even a part of your shadow is being too concerned with other people's feelings to the point that you're not honest with them.

[Host]

Right.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That's dangerous.

[Kyle Lampe]

Well, thank you both. This was fantastic. We're gonna. Kyle, get the heck out of here. You're gonna go somewhere. I'm gonna have one of the producers come in, get you so you can be taken where you can't hear or see. And I'm just gonna get Melanie's thoughts on this. We're not gonna. Just so listeners and friends know, you're not gonna know at the end of this episode if Melanie and Kyle would go on a date with each other. You might have an idea in your head or not. Because then after Kyle's. All of Kyle's first dates are over, we will then have an episode where Kyle. We find out who he wants to go on a date with, if it's one or multiple people, and then we will call that person and we'll see if they want to go on a date with you too. First off, thank you so much.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah, you're fantastic. This is so fun.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I feel like I need to take the questions that you have and, like, take them with me on future first dates are really good. I should be asking these myself. Why am I not doing that? Right?

[Kyle Lampe]

No, I. I mean, you know, you guys, you got into so many things, and I just appreciate that. So open. Are you usually like that on first dates? Are you, like.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yes.

[Kyle Lampe]

Oh, good.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Why waste time, right? And I try to encourage anyone that I'm on a date with. Like, you don't have to impress me. Show me who you are. I don't. I don't want to see your best foot forward. I want. I just want to see who you are.

[Kyle Lampe]

I love that. I love that. Okay, so getting into Kyle expectations versus how it went, and then I want to hear, like, your pros and cons.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I didn't have any expectations. Okay, so good. I think that's also important on first dates. Don't go in with expectations. You will be surely disappointed if you do.

[Kyle Lampe]

Right.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I actually. I actually didn't know who Kyle was. Hadn't met. I hadn't seen pictures of him. Like.

[Kyle Lampe]

You hadn't.

[Melanie Bartlett]

No, I had just assumed for me. Very cute. So cute. Yeah. First impression. He seems very comfortable and confident. Well spoken. Which are all big pluses in my book. A lot of prose. I think we probably have some common thought processes on several things in life. Cons. Oh, those are always harder. This is the part of me that has to go back and kind of think through and.

[Kyle Lampe]

Right.

[Melanie Bartlett]

And contemplate like. Okay, what? Sift out the. Yes, it was fun in the moment, but, you know, on paper, what does that really mean? And sort of think about it from a more logical perspective.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah, and that's good to know, too, because I don't want to put you on the spot to like. Okay, I have to think of something. I do think a lot of people might go on first dates and then immediately, whether or not it's like, oh, my God, that was amazing, or, oh, that was horrific.

[Melanie Bartlett]

Sure. No. So I'm definitely not in the camp of God. I don't ever want to see that person again. And I've had those first dates, so. Oh, God, yes. Yeah. So, I mean, I would be. I would. I would think on it and not going to tell you, our audience members, what my final decision would be.

[Kyle Lampe]

I think you guys were great and I appreciate you being really open. Before you head out, I wanted to just ask, is there anything, you know, like, would you. If people want to contact you because you said some amazing things and get a hold of you to talk about some of this. Where can they find you? Unless you don't want them to.

[Melanie Bartlett]

That's a great question. No, I'm on Instagram. I. My handle is intentionally kind of difficult. Is it?

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay, so do you not want to plug or do you want.

[Melanie Bartlett]

I don't mind at all. So it's at Underscore, Underscore, Mel. Underscore, bell. B E, L, L, E, Double. Underscore, double. Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

So Melanie hates you.

[Host]

Yeah, I figured so. I figured so.

[Kyle Lampe]

So she can't hear or see you. She told me. Which was. I didn't realize this. She did not look you up as far as your looks or anything. And she said, you know, you're very good looking. That's all I'm gonna say. Thanks, Mom. What were. This was a first date. Let's hear your initial thoughts. How do you think that went?

[Host]

I thought it went good for as awkward as a first date in a podcast studio could go okay with, like, lights and cameras. Like, it's. You know, that there's not gonna be lights and cameras, like, if we were to sit down at a restaurant. But I think the answers and the questions that we were able to kind of get into kind of warmed that up. And I. I felt like. I felt like she was being really authentic, and I liked her answers to a lot of questions. I think there was, like, a nice banter there. There was some humor and laughter. She's funny, she's pretty. She looks like she has her shit together, and she knows who she is, which I think is very important. Obviously, we couldn't, like, really get in deep. Like, I want to know. I want to know about, like, her upbringing in Texas, you know, being from a small town. What was that? Like, how does that shape her worldview? Like, what is she doing out here? What. What happened in her marriage? You know, all that stuff.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah. So we'll leave that as the cliffhanger, because that might mean a second date or maybe not. I guess we'll see. So that's it. Thank you for that. Because you were also very open. I thought it was a great, great communication. You shared things that, you know, you're very vulnerable, and I appreciate that. So with that being said, thank you all for tuning in to the Date my podcast season one Date My ex, Kyle Lampe, and we will see you next week.

[Host]

Toodles.