Episode 5: Maya

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Date My Podcast | Episode 5: Maya

Title: The Date My Podcast
Host: Jessica Walter
Episode: Episode 5: Maya
Release Date: February 4, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 5 of The Date My Podcast, host Jessica Walter introduces Maya as Kyle Lampe's potential match. This episode delves deep into Maya and Kyle's perspectives on modern dating, relationship dynamics, personal growth, and future aspirations. Through candid conversations and insightful exchanges, listeners gain a comprehensive understanding of what constitutes a meaningful connection in today's dating landscape.

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Participants Introduction

Jessica Walter (Host):
Jessica sets the stage by explaining how Maya was selected via the dating app Hinge, emphasizing authenticity by never pretending to be Kyle. She highlights Maya's glowing profile and shared interests as the foundation for their potential match.

Kyle Lampe (Dater):
Kyle, the featured dater for this season, shares his enthusiasm and readiness to embark on this journey with Maya. He introduces himself to Maya, revealing personal details such as his recent 40th birthday, his love for the desert landscape of Las Vegas, fitness, music, and his experiences in Germany.

Maya:
Maya, 38 years old from Munich, Germany, recently relocated back to Los Angeles after living in Europe and Florida. She brings a calm and open demeanor to the conversation, showing eagerness to explore a meaningful connection.

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Astrological Compatibility

Jessica:
Discusses the role of astrology in modern dating and its compatibility implications. [00:26]

Kyle:
Admits limited knowledge about astrology but is open to the concept. [05:10]

Maya:
Shares her thoughts on astrological stereotypes, mentioning that while Scorpios are often labeled as stingers, her real-life Scorpio friend is calm and thoughtful. [06:05]

Key Quotes:

• Jessica [05:09]: "We are going to get into your astrological compatibility."
• Maya [05:10]: "I have a really good friend back in Germany who is a Scorpio. She's very calm."

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Jealousy and Cheating

Discussion Points:

• Jealousy:
  Both Maya and Kyle express their views on jealousy in relationships. Maya emphasizes loyalty and trust, stating that jealousy stems from insecurity that can be addressed through mutual respect. Kyle echoes similar sentiments, highlighting the importance of communication and reassurance to mitigate feelings of jealousy. [08:07]

• Cheating:
  Maya defines cheating broadly, including emotional infidelity such as flirting or texting. She advocates for transparency and high moral standards in relationships. Kyle reflects on the underlying issues that lead to cheating, stressing personal accountability and the importance of self-control to prevent infidelity. [10:49] – [13:37]

Key Quotes:

• Maya [08:46]: "I want the person to also give me no reason to... I'm very loyal."
• Kyle [10:54]: "Cheating is interesting if you step back... it's a them issue."

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Worst Qualities and Deal-Breakers

Discussion Points:

• Worst Qualities:
  Maya identifies her struggle with patience, particularly in the early stages of trusting someone. Kyle candidly admits his propensity for revenge and the challenges he has faced in controlling impulsive reactions. [14:45]

• Deal-Breakers:
  Maya values emotional stability and dislikes partners who lose their temper during conflicts. Kyle emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and maintaining one's well-being to prevent becoming a burden in the relationship. [16:48] – [19:01]

Key Quotes:

• Maya [14:45]: "I require a lot of patience, but I don't have that much patience."
• Kyle [17:30]: "My propensity for wanting to hurt people who hurt me... is very deep."

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Religion and Spirituality in Relationships

Discussion Points:

• Maya's Perspective:
  While identifying as spiritual and embracing Christian values like humility and treating others well, Maya does not adhere to a specific religious denomination. She values ethical behavior over religious affiliation. [22:22]

• Kyle's Perspective:
  Kyle distinguishes between religion and spirituality, viewing religion as institutional and often controlling, whereas spirituality is personal and individual. He prioritizes a partner's inherent goodness over religious beliefs. [22:58] – [24:35]

Key Quotes:

• Maya [22:22]: "I believe that it's good to be humble and treat others as you want to be treated."
• Kyle [22:58]: "Religion is a man-made thing meant to control people... Spirituality is your own personal relationship."

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Sexual Compatibility and Boundaries

Discussion Points:

• Importance of Sex:
  Both participants agree that sexual compatibility is crucial, serving as a distinguishing factor between friendships and romantic relationships. They highlight communication and mutual satisfaction as key elements. [24:43]

• Boundaries and Preferences:
  Maya appreciates open communication and giving in the bedroom, while Kyle emphasizes the need to "show up" and maintain simplicity. They discuss adventurousness, with Maya being moderately open and Kyle preferring straightforward intimacy. The conversation also touches on the topic of threesomes, with both expressing reservations and outlining their boundaries. [26:01] – [33:08]

Key Quotes:

• Kyle [26:07]: "I need you to be communicative."
• Maya [27:01]: "I would be more open to exploring because I love that person."

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Future Aspirations: 10-Year Plans

Discussion Points:

• Maya's Vision:
  Maya aspires to be married, have a family, and reside in a sunny state. She values intellectual stimulation and maintaining personal interests alongside family life. [33:52] – [36:12]

• Kyle's Vision:
  Kyle envisions being married with a child, achieving financial freedom, and living in a warmer state outside of California to support his family's growth. He emphasizes enjoying life and securing a stable future. [36:16] – [36:44]

Key Quotes:

• Maya [34:07]: "I would like to be married. I would like to have a family. I would like to be happy."
• Kyle [36:16]: "I would be financially free. I would be living in a state that is on the warmer side."

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Feedback and Conclusions

Post-Date Reflections:

• Maya's Feedback:
  Maya appreciates the depth and honesty of the conversation, valuing discussions about personal flaws and deal-breakers that typically don't surface on first dates. She recognizes Kyle's areas for personal growth and remains open to a second date, highlighting shared values and the potential for mutual support. [37:27] – [40:49]

• Kyle's Feedback:
  Kyle acknowledges Maya's maturity and kindness but notes cultural differences that may impact their connection. He expresses a need for more dynamic banter and reflects on the challenges of connecting with someone from a different cultural background. [41:13] – [44:24]

Key Quotes:

• Maya [37:53]: "There is definitely some red flags, but he still has to grow in that area."
• Kyle [43:03]: "It's all centered around the same thing... I really do need a back and forth."

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Conclusion

Episode 5 of The Date My Podcast offers an in-depth exploration of Maya and Kyle's compatibility across various dimensions of a relationship. From astrological insights and emotional dynamics to sexual compatibility and future aspirations, both participants provide honest reflections on their values and expectations. The episode underscores the importance of communication, personal growth, and mutual respect in cultivating a meaningful and lasting connection.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Jessica [05:09]: "We are going to get into your astrological compatibility."
• Maya [08:46]: "I want the person to also give me no reason to... I'm very loyal."
• Kyle [10:54]: "Cheating is interesting if you step back... it's a them issue."
• Maya [14:45]: "I require a lot of patience, but I don't have that much patience."
• Kyle [17:30]: "My propensity for wanting to hurt people who hurt me... is very deep."
• Maya [22:22]: "I believe that it's good to be humble and treat others as you want to be treated."
• Kyle [22:58]: "Religion is a man-made thing meant to control people... Spirituality is your own personal relationship."
• Kyle [26:07]: "I need you to be communicative."
• Maya [27:01]: "I would be more open to exploring because I love that person."
• Kyle [36:16]: "I would be financially free. I would be living in a state that is on the warmer side."
• Maya [37:53]: "There is definitely some red flags, but he still has to grow in that area."
• Kyle [43:03]: "It's all centered around the same thing... I really do need a back and forth."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of Episode 5, providing listeners and readers with valuable insights into Maya and Kyle's journey towards finding meaningful love. Whether you're a regular listener or new to the podcast, this episode offers relatable and thought-provoking content on navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

Transcript

[Kyle Lampe]

Foreign.

[Jessica]

Hello and welcome back to the Date my podcast. This is season one, Date my ex, Kyle Lampe.

[Kyle Lampe]

Hello, everyone. Great to see you again.

[Jessica]

Kyle, how are you feeling today?

[Kyle Lampe]

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling alive. I'm feeling ready to get into some deep conversation with a new stranger.

[Jessica]

I'm very intrigued and excited about this next person, Maya, because Maya, I found on Hinge. So basically, when we were deciding on how to for me to find matches for the show, Kyle got off Hinge as far as he let me sign into his profile on my phone, which I did. And I just started swiping through women who might. Who might, who I thought would be a good match. I would, like, check them. If I was like, oh, this would be a good match, or like, something. And Maya is someone you matched with, meaning you both liked each other. I will make it clear, though. I never pretended I was Kyle. I was always. The first message to Maya was very much like, I know this is going to sound weird, but my name's Jessica. This is what I'm doing. I think you guys would be a great match. And so, I mean, what.

[Kyle Lampe]

Get to it. There's so much information. This is what happened. She. I let her sign into my profile. She swiped on women to try to find them. As soon as they liked me, she gave them information about the show.

[Jessica]

That's not true. That's not true, you guys, because some women would like you, and then I would tell them the situation, and they would either respond understandingly so and say, okay, that's weird. Goodbye. Or they would respond in a way that was like, oh, my God, yes, let's be on it. And then I got a weird vibe. So I sent Maya my personal cell phone number. We chatted, and after chatting, I was like, oh, this. She could be great. A great match for you. Okay, so all of that land the be said, we're here. You have to give backstory. People are going to be like, what do you mean you found her unhinge with your own profile? No, through Kyle's. So anyway, before we get into anything else, I am going to have Maya come in here. So without further ado, Ms. Maya.

[Kyle Lampe]

Wow.

[Jessica]

Hi, Maya. I don't want to knock anything over, so good to see you.

[Kyle Lampe]

Hello.

[Maya]

Hi.

[Jessica]

Nice to meet you.

[Kyle Lampe]

Kyle. Come on in.

[Jessica]

Come on in. How are you doing? How are you feeling?

[Maya]

I'm doing great.

[Jessica]

Okay, good. Have you ever done something like this before?

[Maya]

No.

[Jessica]

Really?

[Maya]

No.

[Jessica]

Well, thank you for being open to this. I will say, when I talked to Maya, she was so open and kind and like, whoa, this seems really cool. I told her our background. I told her you were my ex. And she was just basically like, let's do it. Let's see how it goes. So before we get into some other things, Maya, can you just introduce yourself as far as, like, name, age, where you're from, and whatever else you want to say in the intro?

[Maya]

Yeah. So my name is Maya. I'm 38. I'm from Munich, Germany. I just moved back to LA. I lived here a few years ago, but then I went back to Europe and I went back to Florida, where I also lived for some years, and I just arrived back last month, so.

[Kyle Lampe]

Oh, wow.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Welcome back.

[Maya]

Thank you.

[Jessica]

Amazing. Kyle, I'm gonna have you say, I know we did this a little later on in the previous episode, but I would like you to introduce yourself to Maya as far as how you would do it if you were on a first date and maybe a blind date. So go ahead and do the intro.

[Kyle Lampe]

Well, Maya, nice to meet you. I'm Kyle. I just turned 40. Things about me that you might find interesting. I was born and raised in Vegas, so I'm a very big fan of the desert landscape. I'm like a lizard. So I like this side of the world. I love fitness, I love music. I have a cute little dog that I spend most of my time with. And, oh, I've been to Germany before.

[Maya]

Oh, really?

[Kyle Lampe]

So we can talk about that.

[Maya]

Wow.

[Kyle Lampe]

Fun fact. I had. I drank my first beer in Germany.

[Maya]

Wow.

[Jessica]

How old were you?

[Kyle Lampe]

I was 16 years old.

[Maya]

Oh, good place to start.

[Kyle Lampe]

I know, it was. It was wild. Germany's a really cool place. I would love to go back.

[Jessica]

When looking. I'd like to say when looking at Maya's hinge profile, why I thought you two could potentially be a great match. Along with. You have very similar interests. Adventurous. You seem like you have an adventurous spirit. Looking for the same things as far as monogamy and different things, like that sense of humor I saw you put in your profile, which I know is important to you. If you are watching this, we'll put screenshots of Maya's profile on the screen so you can kind of see what it looks like. Some photos and just you really were, like, glowing in every photo. You're glowing now. So I was like, this seems just like a really. Like a really fun potential match. We're going to get into the. The questions. First, though and foremost, we are going to do your astrological compatibility. Maya, how do you feel about this? Is that something you ever pay attention to?

[Maya]

I do.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Thank you. Great.

[Maya]

I'm not quite sure if that's. Or if there's, like, more to it with the ascending signs and so on, but I do always ask people, what's your sign? Right. That's such a California question.

[Jessica]

It is. So do you know, if you were to ask someone, what's your sign? And they told you, do you kind of know about it?

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Okay, so then, without reading the compatibility first, Kyle, would you like to tell Maya your sign? And, Maya, I'd like to know your sort of first thought.

[Maya]

Oh, okay. Yeah, sure.

[Kyle Lampe]

Because I. Full disclosure, I know nothing about this.

[Maya]

Okay. That's good. I mean, that's also, like, very typical, because guys, they. A lot of times don't know about it.

[Kyle Lampe]

No.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

I'm a Scorpio.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Jessica]

What do you feel about that? Because some people go, oh, when you say scorpio, and I don't know why. How do you feel?

[Maya]

Well, yeah, so I think the reason why people would be like, oh, yeah. Is because scorpios are supposed to, when they're upset, sting. So that's. That's like, with. With the animal, like the case, and that's how they are supposed to be. But I have a really good friend back in Germany who is a scorpio. She's a female scorpio, so she's not like that at all. She's very calm. She would never, ever say something she has not thought about.

[Jessica]

Have you ever dated a scorpio?

[Maya]

I have.

[Jessica]

You have. How did that relationship go?

[Maya]

Well, yeah, it was, like, not good. Would Sting a little too much when he would get upset, so I ended it.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Jessica]

That's good for you for ending it. So let me just really quickly read what Google says about Aries, which is what Maya is and Scorpio. Compatibility differences. Aries is outgoing and assertive, while Scorpio is mysterious. Mysterious and emotional. Aries like to be in charge, and Scorpio can be protective of their privacy. Do you two find that to be true about yourselves? Do you think you, Maya, are outgoing and assertive?

[Maya]

Mm.

[Jessica]

Okay. Well, there we go. How do you feel about arguments in public with your partner?

[Maya]

Um, yeah. I mean, I would prefer not to argue in public, for sure.

[Jessica]

Yeah. But sometimes that happens.

[Maya]

I cannot think of a time when it happened. Yeah, it would not be me, because I'm a pretty calm person. I don't like to argue. I like harmony.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

So it wouldn't be me who would get loud. It would actually be this Scorpio ex.

[Jessica]

Well, good to know.

[Maya]

And I wouldn't like that. I would be like, hey, this is inappropriate.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yeah. How do you both feel about jealousy? Let's say, in a relationship? Your first thoughts? Are you jealous? For me, I'll admit, when I first started dating Kyle, I was insecure. And I would get very jealous over things that a few years later, looking back, I was like, oh, that was very strange of me to act that way. And it really caused a really big rift between us. The first, like, couple years were pretty. No, the first year. What would you say?

[Kyle Lampe]

Oh, I still have ptsd.

[Jessica]

Okay. Well, anyway, so how do you both feel about jealousy in relationships?

[Kyle Lampe]

Go ahead.

[Maya]

Well, first off, I think it's okay, you know, to be, like, a little insecure until the trust is built. Overall, I'm not really jealous. I want the person to also give me no reason to, like, I'm very loyal. I would never do something inappropriate, and I would show that very clearly also in public, or I would never have, like, a wandering eye or something. And I also expect that from my partner to be very respectful like that. If that's all there and the trust is there, there's no reason to be jealous.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

That's a great answer. I like the answer. Yeah. For me, in the beginning, sure, I. I totally understand that. Until that trust or that, that, like, safety is built, it's easy to get jealous or feel like you need to watch a situation. But I think those are the moments, what I've learned from past relationships, those are the moments where if those feelings arise early on, I think that's when you should talk about that and make that known. Be like, hey, I just want to let you know that, like, I'm feeling insecure about this. I'm sure it'll go away as we get to know each other better. But when you do this, this or this or whatever, it makes me feel insecure. So I would just. If you're going to do that, if you could please just, like, find a way to recomfort me, whatever it is. Like, say you're going out with, like, your girlfriends to, like, a club. Be like, yeah, I'm gonna go out with a club. It's not gonna be a big deal. We're probably just gonna get a couple drinks or, like, whatever. Whatever it is. Yeah. Reassurance. But when it comes to, like, the actual relationship, when you decide to settle down to me, I don't want anyone who doesn't want to be there. And if you want to go, do Something that is going to be disrespectful to the relationship or something that you know would make me jealous, then you obviously don't respect the relationship. So what are you doing here? Just move on, you know, like, so there's no reason to be jealous because what am I jealous? Why am I trying to hold something that doesn't want to be here, you know?

[Maya]

Right.

[Jessica]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

What do both of you, when in a committed relationship, consider cheating?

[Kyle Lampe]

That's a good question.

[Maya]

Cheating? Yeah. Cheating would to me be even emotional cheating. Like having those thoughts, maybe reaching out to other people, maybe just texting, flirting.

[Jessica]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

So you're a lot. There's a lot considered. What about being friends with someone of the opposite sex?

[Maya]

That's okay. Being friends is okay. If I know. If I would know. There's. Yeah. There's nothing between them and even, I mean, it could happen. Right. You could get a co worker or like you meet someone who's attractive or something. But I think the mature thing is to do. To think about it and be like, do I want to tell my partner about this and do I want to start something with the new person? Or like, how do I deal with this? But I think it's really good to be transparent. And I have pretty high morals when it comes to that. So yeah, I would never do anything inappropriate. And if there is somebody I like better than my partner, then that's certainly like a reason to talk with my partner. Right. Or if like that person is giving me something my partner is not, maybe whatever it would be attention, compliments, whatever. So then that would be pretty sad because that should be covered in my relationship. I should be happy in my relationship. Usually if something like that happens, like women, we get hit on or something, there is a very appropriate way to deal with that. And it's beautiful to be in a relationship and to be able to say like, oh, I have a boyfriend, but thank you.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

And usually the other side is respectful and would be like, oh, okay, yeah. And back off and back off.

[Jessica]

Yeah. What do you feel, Kyle?

[Kyle Lampe]

I think cheating is interesting if you step back from the anger or the hurt for a second and you touched on this. What's going on in the relationship that my partner feels the need to step out of the relationship. That's obviously either there's something wrong within our relationship or that's honestly on the cheater. A lot of times cheating is like, that's a them issue. Like, you see it all the time, like in the media, like like these. These. These famous men who cheat on their, like, supermodel wives. Everyone says the same thing. How could he ever cheat on her? It's like it has nothing. It wasn't exchange her for anyone else. It doesn't matter. Because the core issue of why he's doing that is something in him.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

And that'll never change unless he changes himself. So when it comes to cheating, I kind of use this as, like, a barometer for myself. Is what I'm doing, thinking, or acting on something that I would feel comfortable with my partner seeing me do in this moment? And if there's any hint of shame or the automatic feeling of maybe I need to hide this, you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing. Because just as if I was like, hey, I'm gonna go get lunch with, like, one of my best guy friends, I wouldn't feel anything about it. But if I'm like, hey, this coworker from work wants to get lunch after. After work. I'll see you when I get home. And I hide the fact that she's a very attractive girl and she's single, and we've been flirting with each other at work. That's completely different. And I think that's. Now you're. Some might not call that cheating, but you're definitely. You're knocking on that door, and if you knock long enough, someone's going to open it. It's not good.

[Jessica]

So we're going to get into worst quality. When I say, what is your worst quality? What is something that comes to mind? The first thing that comes to mind, and then also some. A quality in someone else that you cannot stand. Do you have something in mind?

[Maya]

My worst quality. So I require a lot of patience, but I don't have that much patience.

[Jessica]

So that's good to know.

[Maya]

Yes. So I'm trying to be. And then other times, I'm super patient and relaxed. So I guess it changed over the years. It used to be that way. But developing trust and all that, it takes a while with me. Okay, so.

[Jessica]

Meaning you trusting someone else.

[Maya]

Yes.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Maya]

When I go into a relationship, I think because I have high morals, I'm very trustworthy. So I don't understand when the other person gets insecure or jealous because I'm always like, oh, but I would never do anything like that. But the other way around, it takes also a while in the beginning maybe for me to just, yeah. Evaluate the situation. Like, what type of person is this? And can I trust this person? I have a very healthy appetite so.

[Jessica]

When you say that, what do you mean, a healthy appetite?

[Maya]

I'm a huge foodie and I'm crazy about food. And so I might have, like, late night cravings or something. And yeah. My friends would say, like, we can't talk with you about normal things for five minutes. And then it's about food. Like, oh, I've been to this place, or I tried this dessert. Or. And then I'm like, just very excited about something that I've tried.

[Jessica]

It's a passion of yours.

[Maya]

It's a passion.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

That's really cool.

[Maya]

Yeah. But some people get annoyed a little bit. Some people don't share that passion, so they get annoyed. Or also when I eat. Yeah. When I really like something, I eat a lot of it. And then people would just stare at me and be like, oh, my gosh, like, how can she eat that much? And appetizer and main course and dessert and maybe a second dessert or something.

[Kyle Lampe]

Good for you.

[Jessica]

Good for you. That's awesome. Is there a quality in someone else where you're like, they have to have this or I cannot be with them?

[Maya]

Yes. So I realized that I really like when a man is able to stay calm when he's very upset or something. To not sting, not lose, like. Yeah. His temper. Because I find that behavior and those arguments toxic. And I don't like that.

[Jessica]

Okay, that's good to know. Great to know about yourself. How about you, Kyle? This might be interesting because part of me thinks is what she just said.

[Kyle Lampe]

It's all centered or kind of around the same thing. I think my propensity for wanting to hurt people who hurt me. I'm just going to say that's, like.

[Jessica]

When you say hurt, though.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

I have never been that. I would assume that makes people nervous. Kyle's never physically laid a hand on me. When you say hurt for me, it's.

[Maya]

Using your words verbally only.

[Kyle Lampe]

Well, yeah, I'm going to use my words verbally with you. But if you were a boy, that's different. You know what I mean?

[Jessica]

A boy or a man?

[Kyle Lampe]

A man. But put it this way. Like, if. If. If you. If you hurt someone that I love or you hurt me, I don't care what happens to you. You know what I mean?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Or anyone that you love.

[Jessica]

Sounds like a sting.

[Kyle Lampe]

It is. It's a big sting. And it. But I have to be careful because in the past, I have ruined friendships and relationships and I've hurt people that. Because you can't take back those things after you let that Kind of go.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

So that's something that I've had to work on and realize, like, emotions are temporary. Your feelings are temporary. Your thoughts are temporary. You actually aren't. Your emotions, your thoughts or your feelings. You're the observer of those things.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

And it's okay to feel anger, and it's okay to feel that, but when you actually go through with it, that's when you've lost.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Kyle Lampe]

You only. You can. You only win when you control yourself and. And deal with those feelings and emotions. It's much better to talk about it, but that would be the worst quality of me as I have the. My. My depth of my propensity for revenge is very deep. Like, those are my favorite movies. Like, I love revenge movies. Yeah, I love them.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

What about equality in someone else? That if they don't have this, you cannot be with them.

[Kyle Lampe]

The ability to realize that they're. How do I put this? I don't want you to become a burden to me. And I want you to realize that when. When we get into a relationship together, it's our responsibility to take care of ourselves, like, mentally and emotionally and physically. Because if we don't, there's going to come a time where one of us is going to have to pull the weight of the other. For instance, let's just say we get together and. And I'll use me as example. Let's say you continue to grow in your emotional intelligence and you continue to take care. Take care of yourself physically. And I just stop. Like, I stop going to the gym. I don't really care about learning more about myself. We're going to grow apart, and there's going to. And, you know, if you're gracious enough to keep me around in your life, you know, maybe in your 70s, you can still go for a bike ride and go for a hike, but I can't. And now it's like, well, we can't vacation together anymore. I have to take you to the hospital every five weeks to get dialysis because you didn't take care of yourself. Those kind of things. So if someone doesn't have the. The foresight into taking care of ourselves for each other, not just a selfish way, I think that's. I can't. I can't do that because I already see the writing on the wall. Like, I'm not going to be, because I'm going to continue to do that. I would hope that my partner would meet me and we would grow together.

[Jessica]

What do you think about that, Maya? Just because I Feel like I'm in a therapy session just because. How does that make you feel? No, because I feel like you say that and marriage to a lot of people is in sickness and in health. So you're sort of going against that. You're saying maybe to a certain extent in sickness and in health. You know what I'm saying?

[Kyle Lampe]

I don't mind sickness if it's out of your control, because a lot of times it is. But I just need to know that you're doing what you can to take care of yourself. Because ultimately, if you love yourself, you can love me effectively.

[Jessica]

Does that feel like a red flag to you? Are you. How do you feel about it?

[Maya]

Well, that's actually really, really deep question. I think that ultimately we are responsible for ourselves, right? For our emotional, mental health, physical health, all that. But I do believe that a relationship can influence that immensely. I have been in relationships where the other person would stop taking care of themselves. I've been in relationships where I would not feel so well any longer because of the relationship. So, yeah, that it's not easy to keep the balance in relationships with all of that. Because if the relationship makes you sad or something, then you're gonna. You're gonna struggle maybe also to be motivated to go to the gym and so on because you're sad or something.

[Jessica]

That's a good point. Yeah.

[Maya]

Or you distract yourself doing that. So it could be that way.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah, true. That's a good point. A lot of times people use that as an escape mechanism.

[Jessica]

Okay, I'm gonna. We're gonna move on to some deeper and spicier questions. I do wanna say, Maya, I saw on your profile, spiritual slash Christian for religion. How important is religion to you in a relationship?

[Maya]

It's. I don't go to church. I don't believe in one Christian religion. I'm not Catholic or Lutheran. But I do believe that it's good to be humble and it's good to treat others as you want to be treated. I just believe in those Christian values, I guess.

[Jessica]

The values. So more like a guideline about just being a good person for life. Okay. Well, how about you, Kyle? How do you feel about religion and stuff and in a relationship? I know we talked about this, but it would be good for me to go deeper.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah. I think religion and spirituality are two completely different things. To me. Religion is a man made thing that is meant to control people and make money and power. Spirituality is your own personal relationship with either yourself, I think that can be spiritual with a higher power. We want to Call it the universe. You want to call it manifestation, whatever you want to call it. I just think ultimately we don't under. We. We can't even fathom how many galaxies and stars there are in this ever expanding universe. So what makes us think that we know the answers of what's going to happen when we die? And I think that anyone who does say that they know the answers, hey, that's great for them if that makes them feel comforted, but ultimately we don't. And I think it's your own interpretation of what God is or how you want to move through life is up to you. But all I care about in the end is are you a good person in your core? And are. And are you a good person because you're a good person, or are you a good person because of a book you read? Because to me, if you're only being good because you're scared of eternal damnation, are you actually a good person or are you doing it because you're scared? I, like, I. I think you should just be a good person because that's what, that's what we should be. I think people inherently are good when they're born, except for, you know, there's some people that get traumatized or are born with some screws loose. But ultimately, I think it's. It's. It's a personal thing. It's not really up to me to like, judge people for what they believe, but that's. That's what I believe.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

It's personal.

[Jessica]

Okay, so let's go into. Is. Is sex important to you in a relationship? Do you think that's an important aspect, Maya?

[Maya]

Oh, yeah, it's definitely important.

[Jessica]

To be on the same page.

[Maya]

Yeah. To be on the same page when it comes to how often and in what way and so on.

[Jessica]

And you feel the same.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yes. I think it's the only difference between a friendship and a. And a romantic relationship. It's a different type of connection. It feels good for a reason because we're supposed to do it. That's what people. That's where people come from. But it is a connection. It's a. It's a different type of connection. Like you. You don't feel connected that way to your friends. You only feel connected that way to your partners that you choose to do that with. And there's a different type of closeness and intimacy that comes with that. And that's like a very important aspect of a relationship. I think it's the glue that. That keeps a love. Like a romantic, like Monogamous relationship together. And I think when that starts to wane or change, that is a great indicator of like, hey, there should be a conversation around this. Why isn't it the same? Is there something going on? Like, are you stressed out in your world, in your life, maybe that's why? Or are you having second thoughts or different feelings? Or is there something that I'm doing that's turning you off? Or all of those things? I think, I think it's a nice kind of like litmus test of how healthy your relationship is.

[Jessica]

Finish the sentence. Both of you, I need you to blank in the bedroom.

[Kyle Lampe]

Show up.

[Jessica]

Show up. Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

I don't know. I need you to be communicative.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

How about you, Maya?

[Kyle Lampe]

That's not one word, that's two words. Sorry. That's fine.

[Jessica]

You don't have to do one word. I need you to blank in the bedroom.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Maya]

Well, that's actually, when I think about it, a really good answer.

[Jessica]

Communicate.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Maya]

And then, well, what is the opposite of selfish?

[Jessica]

Oh, giving.

[Kyle Lampe]

Selfless.

[Jessica]

Okay. Selfless.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Jessica]

I need you to be giving in the bedroom.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Is. Would each of you consider yourselves adventurous in the bedroom or do you kind of like to keep it pretty plain?

[Kyle Lampe]

I think that's subjective, but I can tell you, like, I'm not going to put on a costume and pretend like I'm a knight saving you from a fire breathing dragon.

[Jessica]

How about you, Maya?

[Maya]

Do you consider yourself adventurous to a certain degree.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Maya]

But not anything crazy.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Do you feel that throughout your life and the partners you've had, you've had different levels of adventurousness based on how comfortable you were with them? Like, were there some where you're like, we're just gonna do this for vanilla, and then there's others that you were more interested in exploring because you felt more comfortable with them?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

Oh, definitely. Yeah. I think that in longer relationships that we would talk about things that we both want to explore, for example, and then I would be more open to that because I love that person and I want their needs to be met as well.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Maya]

As long as I'm comfortable with that too.

[Jessica]

Of course.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm just like so simple. Like, I like a good steak, I like to sleep, and you like sex and. Yeah, but it doesn't have to be this, like. Okay, so last Tuesday we tried this. How about next Tuesday? It doesn't always have to, like, up the ante for me. I get like the good old fashioned, just in and out. Feels Nice.

[Jessica]

Really?

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Maya]

How do you.

[Jessica]

Maya's like, it better be more than two minutes, of course.

[Kyle Lampe]

But I mean, like, it's put it this way. There's only so many ways that you can insert yourself into someone. So it's like, it. We're not reinventing the wheel here. Unless you've got. Unless you've discovered something new that I don't know about, but I'm pretty sure we all know about it. Like, that's what I'm saying. There's, like, different positions or whatever. All that stuff is the same route in the same body part. So it's like, why are we trying so hard here?

[Jessica]

Would either of you be open to a threesome if that's what the other really wanted?

[Maya]

I wouldn't.

[Jessica]

No.

[Maya]

I think that it. I have heard that it can mess a relationship up both ways. Like, I've heard the craziest stories where the guy wanted it and then the girls fell in love and left him. Or, like, the other way around. So I've heard all types of stories.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

So I'm like, a little. When it comes to that, a little conservative. I'm like, oh, I don't think I.

[Kyle Lampe]

Need that in a lizard brain level. Like, I'm talking, like, just our Neanderthal brain. That's like, mine. And if someone else goes in there, I don't want it anymore. Like, it's like, that's not mine anymore.

[Jessica]

And when you say that, are you talking about the woman?

[Kyle Lampe]

Kyle, that's why I said it's gonna. I'm trying to be as, like.

[Jessica]

Okay, but, like, word it differently, because it feels like they're your property.

[Kyle Lampe]

And that's why I said I'm gonna sound like a caveman right now.

[Jessica]

Yeah, well, reword it. You're smart enough.

[Kyle Lampe]

If someone else has sex with the woman that's in my life, I don't want to have sex with a woman that's in my life anymore.

[Maya]

Yeah. And I have to say, I do understand that, because when a lot of times, that's a fantasy for men. Right. So then I would be like, okay, how about we do it the other way around? And then they don't want it any longer. No. No, that's not okay. No, that's not the same.

[Jessica]

If it's two guys, one girl, versus two girls.

[Maya]

Yeah. And then I'm like, just put yourself in my shoes. Why would I want that? Would you want that? No. Right, Exactly. So I think it's good to. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah. I think it should be. I think it should be private between two people. And honestly, like, just logistically as a nightmare. Like, you know when you host a party and you're always like, does everyone have enough drinks? Everyone have enough snacks? Imagine doing that. But you're naked. And now you're like, is. Is. Are you bored? Like, is this too much attention? Is this not enough? Oh, forget it. Get out of here.

[Jessica]

Yeah, it's interesting. You guys are very on the same page with that. I feel like when I'm ready to date again, I'll be in more of an adventurous or get out there adventurous, sexual. But I'm also a woman in my 30s. Well, you are too. I'm 33 and I think I would be like, no. If I'm going to, you know, no vanilla. Let's try all the weird shit. Sure. Do you want to go to a sex party? Maybe that weird.

[Kyle Lampe]

I'm going to take back my stance on religion. I think you're going to. You're going to burn in hell. You're a harlot.

[Jessica]

You're a street walker. Maya's like that. You are. But.

[Maya]

But here's the thing. Going to a party like that as a couple, spice things up. It's still monogamous, Right. For example, I don't know. Like, if you promise to stay that way.

[Kyle Lampe]

Right.

[Jessica]

And just be with each other. Yeah, but would you be open to that?

[Maya]

Be curious?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

I don't know if I would need that necessarily. But if my partner wanted to, I. I might be like, depending on what. What stage the relationship is like, if we are both like, really curious, why not?

[Jessica]

But.

[Maya]

But if we are both like, nah, we don't need that. Then no.

[Jessica]

Yeah. How about you? Would you be open to that? Kyle?

[Kyle Lampe]

Going to a sex party?

[Jessica]

Yeah. If your partner was like, let's do it. Maybe we can watch people.

[Kyle Lampe]

Here's the thing. I would love to wear a cloak and a mask and have a dagger and maybe like sacrifice a virgin or something. But that's what they're like.

[Jessica]

No, it's not.

[Kyle Lampe]

Well, that's how I view they are.

[Jessica]

They're close minded.

[Maya]

Oh, you think that's how it is?

[Jessica]

That's what he says.

[Maya]

Well, I have no. I have never been to one. I have no idea how it is. But I don't think that's how it feels. How it is.

[Jessica]

I don't think it's how it is.

[Kyle Lampe]

And also like, yo, this isn't a movie. I don't want to be in a situation where someone else's sexual juices could be Anywhere near me. You know what I mean?

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

So I would rather just stay at my house.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

Order some food.

[Jessica]

What if your partner, though, really is like. I think it would spice things up. I don't want to touch anyone. But, like, let's go together and watch people. And you're completely.

[Kyle Lampe]

This is. No, this is great. This is a great real life scenario. I think a relationship is about compromise. Yeah, but compromise also doesn't always mean finding a solution. I think compromise also needs to have a tinge of also respecting the no's that your partner gives you. Just because your partner says no doesn't mean there always needs to be a way to yes. Sometimes a no is a no. And for me, I don't want to do that.

[Jessica]

Okay, Yeah, I get that. Sometimes a no is a no. And then the other person has to decide, is this make or break for me?

[Kyle Lampe]

For sure.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

And if it is, then going back to my, like, jealousy conversation, if that's a make or break for you, then that's okay. I'm not gonna ask you to stay in something that you don't think you need. And then we obviously aren't meant to be together if it's this big of an issue. But I. I can't change on what I morally or, like, physically want, you know? Yeah, I don't think. I don't think. And I don't think the. A person, the right person that I'm with would even ask me to do that. Cause they would know me enough that, like, that's.

[Jessica]

It's going to change.

[Kyle Lampe]

That's not a thing that we would be into.

[Jessica]

Okay, well, before I have you both exit so I could talk to you privately about how you think this went, I would like to know, in 10 years, what does your ideal life look like?

[Maya]

Oh, well, that's a beautiful question. I would like to be married. I would like to have a family. I would like to be happy to sum it up like that.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Does it matter where you live?

[Maya]

In a sunny state. So I've lived in Florida and California, so I think it's pretty obvious I escaped Germany for a reason.

[Jessica]

Yeah. It's cold, right? Cold and dark.

[Maya]

Really cold. Yeah.

[Jessica]

My dad has German family members and the only word I know is Scheitze. Scheisse.

[Maya]

Scheisse.

[Jessica]

Does that mean shit?

[Maya]

Yeah, that means shit.

[Jessica]

Okay. Okay. Anyway, there you go, Jessica. A sunny state. How many kids, when you look at your life ideally, would you have?

[Maya]

Well, I always say I would like to start with one and then see how it goes. Because it's not only one person is involved. Right. Then if that would be a good experience and my partner would be supportive, then I mean, why not have one more or two more? But it's a decision that not only I make or not only he makes. As life develops or the marriage develops, it becomes clear, yeah, we want another child. We have a girl now. We want a boy or something like that.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Do you ideally would want to be a stay at home mom? And maybe you don't know this, and this is fine, but in 10 years, like, you're a stay at home mom, maybe it's more traditional, the man works, brings in the money. Or are you like, no, I want to, you know, work and have my own career. Or maybe you just want to have hobbies. What does that look like?

[Maya]

Yeah. So it's interesting because you really don't know. Right. If you end up having three kids, then I think it's going to be pretty hard to also do. Maybe. Maybe you're able. I would always like to do something because I get cabin fever. Like, I need something that takes me out of the house and keeps. Also me just intellectually, like, challenged.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Maya]

Because I hear that from my girlfriends a lot. If you do baby talk all day, all week, yeah, it's not really stimulating. So, yeah, I would always want to do something. But, yeah, maybe have both.

[Jessica]

Okay. So, Kyle, ideal. Ten years from now, what's your life look like?

[Kyle Lampe]

Ten years from now, I would be married and have a child. I would be financially free. I would be living in a state that is on the warmer side. I don't know, necessarily here in California because of Ced, trying to raise a family and be financially free. It's so expensive to do that here. But then we'll see what what 10 years can bring. Other than that, just enjoying life, enjoying the. The years I have left.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Thank you both so much for this. So what I'm going to do now, Maya, is I have Kyle leave. He's going to go in a room where he can't see or hear us. And I'm just going to get your thoughts on how that went, sort of what you think about Kyle, and then I'll have him come back in and you head out, and then we're done.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Okay, Kyle.

[Kyle Lampe]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Get out of here.

[Kyle Lampe]

It was really nice to meet you.

[Maya]

It was nice to meet you, too.

[Kyle Lampe]

Thank you for being so open and honest. It's great.

[Maya]

Of course.

[Kyle Lampe]

All right, I'm out of here.

[Jessica]

All right. Thank you so much for doing that. This is great. How do you feel? So in this, I just sort of say, if that were a first date, what would your thoughts be about Kyle? Again, he can't hear you. Feel free to be as honest as possible.

[Maya]

Yeah. So I really want to give you a positive feedback because this was really, really interesting. It was so good to hear those parts, for example, that people don't want to talk about, like, the worst qualities. So it's not necessarily something that somebody would introduce themselves with. Right.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah.

[Maya]

So it's. It's really insightful. It's very interesting.

[Jessica]

Well, thank you. I'm glad you think that. Yeah. That's sort of the goal with this is really, like you said, first dates, you don't really get into maybe the messier things and the negative things.

[Maya]

Right.

[Jessica]

Maybe it takes a few dates to even realize, oh, that person has a quality that I just don't think I can be with them.

[Maya]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

So what do you think about Kyle? And it doesn't have to be positive. It can be negative or maybe it's a mixture of both.

[Maya]

Yeah. So first, when I heard he is a Scorpio and he has the tendency to sting and for revenge and all that, I thought there is definitely some red flags. Red flags. But I see it more as he still has to grow in that area, personal growth, because, oh, my goodness, there have been so many situations in my life that I had to overcome where I had a very, very bad impulse for revenge, but I had to learn to calm down and live with it. And also in hindsight, which I just recently learned, be even grateful for those experiences because even if somebody has hurt you, they have redirected your life course in a direction that has hopefully led you to something more positive, something more rewarding, and where. Yes. Where you end up being actually happier. So it might not have been a great experience. Experience. They hurt you maybe. But yeah, in the end, you kind of still benefited. You might have left that relationship or you might have left that city or so. But then you ended up happier.

[Jessica]

Yeah. That's a great outlook on life. That's so true. I'm a very big believer on, like, everything happens for a reason or you learn from it or grow from it. So it's a good way to appreciate the negative experience. Experiences.

[Maya]

Right.

[Jessica]

Well, again, thank you for this and thank you for being so open and honest and vulnerable. Last question. If Kyle were to ask you on a second date, your thoughts right now, do you think you'd be open to a second date with him?

[Maya]

I would absolutely be open to it because a lot of the things that are really important to me, we kind of have the same opinion on those things. I would also. And he knows that I would be willing to help him with this feeling, impulsive feeling maybe in that moment to sting or for revenge, to become calmer when it comes to those situations.

[Jessica]

Right. Like being a helpful partner and helping him grow, as some people do. That's beautiful. Well, thank you so much for this. This is fantastic. Thank you, Maya. And we. We will chat soon.

[Maya]

Okay, awesome.

[Jessica]

Thank you, Kyle. I just got Maya's thoughts. Okay, so give your honest thoughts. Maya can't see you. She can't hear you, per usual.

[Kyle Lampe]

What do you think we're going international?

[Jessica]

Well, did you not. Okay. Say something that you mentioned when we were doing the switch for all of our listener friends. Kyle had mentioned something that like, you've seen her on.

[Kyle Lampe]

I actually. So Hinge will. Will suggest people for you. Well, initially, for my hingers out there, there's a. They give you like a. Your. They give you like a suggested like they star some people for you. They're like these, we think are your best, most compatible matches. And they're usually like the. The cream of the crop.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Kyle Lampe]

This is from the guy side. I don't know if they do this for girls.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

It's the cream of the crop. And you scroll through and you're like, wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And then when you go to comment on them, they go, oh, oh, but not yet. Do you want to send them a rose? Because that's the only way that you can access this echelon of people you can't like it with. You have to send them a rose.

[Jessica]

That you have to pay for.

[Kyle Lampe]

That you have to pay for. Or you get one free one every Sunday. So it's like, yeah, Sunday, you go on there, you choose. You're like, which one of you ladies is going to get it? And she used to be in that. That rotation. Rotation a lot.

[Jessica]

And then you didn't pick her.

[Kyle Lampe]

I. No, I didn't. I didn't pick anyone because I'm like, I'm not paying. Paying for the roses. That was initially. And then eventually I broke down and I paid for a pack of roses, but then she wasn't there anymore.

[Jessica]

Would you have swiped on her and check marked her if.

[Kyle Lampe]

If.

[Jessica]

If you had the opportunity? There wasn't a paywall like I basically saw.

[Kyle Lampe]

I think so because her profile is great. Like, she's got some really cool, like, adventurous traveling photos. Yeah, she.

[Jessica]

She's a Sweetheart.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yeah. She's so sweet. She's so kind.

[Jessica]

What do you think?

[Kyle Lampe]

I think. And I've experienced this with other dates I've been on with international ladies. There's a different type of energy.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Kyle Lampe]

It's more of like a subdued. There's a wall there, especially German, German, Russian. That whole. There's like this, like, they're. They're sweet and they're kind. They just take a second to open up. And it's really hard just. Especially just on a first date. It's really hard to get banter going with them because they are so guarded and very, like, stoic.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Kyle Lampe]

Which I don't know if they understand. They come off that way to, like American men because we're like, hey, what's up? Baseball, sports, whatever. Yeah.

[Jessica]

I think she's so sweet. I think she's mature and smart.

[Kyle Lampe]

Very mature.

[Jessica]

My thoughts as far as match, because, you know, I don't. I didn't meet her until today. I don't think the energy is a match for you. I don't think the humor. I think she would laugh at your jokes. I think you need more of a banter.

[Kyle Lampe]

I do. I really do need, like, a back and forth.

[Jessica]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, on to the next, baby.

[Kyle Lampe]

I think one date with. With someone who's a little more. That comes from a different culture is really hard to tell because, you know, she could be a completely different person after she warms up.

[Jessica]

Yeah, that's very true.

[Kyle Lampe]

So you don't know.

[Jessica]

All right, well, that was fun.

[Kyle Lampe]

That was fun.

[Jessica]

Thank you all for tuning in. Please tune in next week and we will be back with another date for Kyle.

[Kyle Lampe]

Yes.

[Jessica]

Until next time, thank you all for listening to the Date my podcast, and we will chat soon. Bye.