Falling for a Fugitive

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dating Detectives – “Falling for a Fugitive” (August 25, 2025)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dating Detectives features the extraordinary and harrowing story of Whitney, a woman in her 40s who survived a relationship with a manipulative con-artist who turned out to be a long-wanted fugitive. Hosts Mackenzie Fultz (professional PI) and Hanna Anderson (comedian) guide listeners through Whitney’s cautionary tale—unpacking how her past influenced her vulnerabilities, the red flags she encountered, and the lessons learned. The episode is rich with detail, emotional insights, and practical warnings about manipulation, love bombing, and trusting your instincts (“femtuition”) in the dating world.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Influence of Childhood & Past Trauma

• Whitney begins by explaining her challenging upbringing, including her father’s absence and witnessing abuse in her mother’s relationships.
• Her early experiences built emotional walls but also left her lonely and vulnerable, making her susceptible to manipulation later in life.
• Her story starts after a period of being closed off from dating: “By the time we get to the point where I meet Logan, I am not really dating. I'm super closed off. But I'm also lonely. And I think that really made me a prime target.” (04:14)

2. The Introduction to “Logan” and Early Red Flags

• “Logan” meets Whitney at the bar where she works; he’s arrogant, a bad tipper, yet persistent and eventually charming enough to secure a date.
  • Notable Red Flag: “He was a really crappy tipper.” (05:15)
• He employs heavy “love bombing”—constant gifts, compliments, attentive texts—to win her trust: “He would text, non stop 24/7. He would text, good morning, beautiful.” (15:05)
• His background stories were extravagant—private security for dignitaries, marijuana shop owner, houses and boats—none of which held up under scrutiny.

3. Escalating Manipulation and Financial Abuse

• As their relationship develops, Logan’s requests for money become frequent and justified with increasingly elaborate stories (lost wallet, business needs, etc.).
  • Notable Quote: “Honey, can I borrow $200 until I get a release from my bank? Okay, sure, as long as you pay me back.” (27:33)
• He exploits Whitney’s resources—borrowing her car, taking her money, running up tabs in her name, even putting vehicles and expenses on her credit.
• Logan isolates Whitney, stays in her home without permission, and eventually steals from her (including her gun—an act with serious legal implications).

4. Behavioral Gaslighting & Psychological Abuse

• Logan oscillates between cruelty and affection, eroding Whitney’s self-esteem:
  • Notable Quote: “…he literally just broke me down. He would call me an idiot, call me lazy… ‘why are you such a pig? You look like a sloppy pig.’” (39:33)
• He disappears for days/weeks with stories of “work-related travel” (claiming to be in Iceland, Ukraine, etc.), keeping Whitney off-balance and dependent.
• Whitney acknowledges ignoring her instincts ("femtuition"), explaining, “Because I wanted to believe that somebody else loved me. Plain and simple.” (30:13)

5. Discovery and Confrontation

• Mounting evidence and the loss of her gun push Whitney to act; she ultimately gets her possessions back and forces Logan to leave.
• Despite warnings, police were limited in assisting Whitney due to cohabitation laws: “They won't let you file because he lived in your house? …It's a communal state. Once you have mail or toothbrush brought into the home, everything in the house is yours.” (51:18)

6. The Truth Comes Out: Logan Is a Fugitive

• Months later, Whitney receives a message: Logan is identified as "Chicago’s Most Wanted", with a history of sexual offenses against minors, escape from custody, and identity theft. (58:32)
  • Revelation Timeline:
    • [58:32]: Whitney sees the mugshot on the news, confirming Logan’s entirely false identity.
    • [59:38]: “He actually broke out of custody and injured a police officer while doing that seven or eight years ago. So he had been on the run.”
  • Whitney learns she was not the only victim. “He had four or five other women. We were together the longest... He was scamming women. He was scamming, taking money from people.” (61:43)
• The relief is palpable: “I did feel relief ... because I knew he was in jail, and I knew he wasn't getting out, and I knew that I didn't have to keep watching behind me.” (63:44)

7. Recovery, Reflection, & A New Relationship

• Whitney finds love again with a respectful, supportive partner; she shares the challenges of trusting and healing after such trauma.
  • Memorable Moment: “Now I love my little home life. I am happy.” (65:05)
• Emphasizes the importance of believing in yourself and listening to intuition: “You have to believe in yourself and you have to just listen to your devil … saying, this is not right.” (66:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Love Bombing & Manipulation:
  • “It was always everything, like, you're beautiful. ...and I was like, ooh. Oh, okay. We kind of like that, you know?” – Whitney (15:05)
• On Ignoring Instincts:
  • “Still not listening to my femtuition at this point.” – Whitney (30:06)
• On Feeling Broken:
  • “It was just those little tiny comments... that in the long run, you hear them so often that you start to believe it.” (39:45)
• On Discovering the Truth:
  • “I know who he is now. After two and a half years of not knowing who this guy is, I finally know who he is.” (59:10)
• Host Reflection:
  • “It's not you. It's not your fault. ...If they relate in any way and they're kind of hard on themselves for getting into a bad situation, just remember that it can happen to the best of the best.” — Host A (71:05)

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Important Timestamps

• Whitney's Childhood and Relationship Setup – [03:38]–[05:00]
• Whitney Meets Logan, Early Red Flags – [05:01]–[07:36]
• Love Bombing and Manipulation Begins – [11:39]–[16:40]
• Financial Abuse Patterns Start – [27:28]
• Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation – [39:15]
• Car and Gun Theft; Legal Obstacles – [47:13]–[52:15]
• Whitney Learns Logan Is a Fugitive – [58:32]–[63:01]
• Processing and Recovery – [65:05]–[67:25]

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Red Flags & Lessons

• Bad tipping and arrogance (05:15)
• Love bombing (flowers, gifts, constant texting)
• Vague and shifting backstories
• Financial requests—incremental and escalating
• Taking over assets (vehicles, cash, personal property)
• Verbal abuse alternating with affection
• Disappearing acts & erratic communication
• Isolation from friends and family
• Refusal to provide consistent proof of identity
• Threatening behavior after the relationship ends

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Hosts' Debrief, Reflection & Community Message

• The hosts emphasize how manipulation can bypass the “obvious” red flags if it comes in forms you’re less guarded against (68:31, 71:05).
• They reaffirm that intelligence and strength do not make someone immune: “These things happen to the smartest, most intelligent people. Like, these guys don't want an idiot, you know, like they like the challenge.” (71:34)
• Listeners are encouraged to trust their intuition, support each other, and share stories to break the cycle of shame and isolation.

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Closing Thought

This episode stands as a powerful warning and a testament to survival and resilience. Whitney’s journey—from manipulation and devastation to truth, accountability, and new love—reminds all listeners to trust their instincts, value themselves, and never be ashamed to seek help or share their experiences.

For support: If you are involved in an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-6723.

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Summary by The Dating Detectives Podcast Summarizer

Transcript

[A]

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-6-7233 for support.

[B]

Happy dating detectors Monday.

[A]

Do we have a guest for you. I love. I love our guest this week, you guys.

[B]

Her name is Whitney.

[A]

She is so cool and such a badass.

[B]

Yes, baddy, baddie.

[A]

One thing I. Molly and I were just talking about this. We want to, like, frame it a little bit as we go into the story. I want us to think about the way someone's past shapes their relationships in adulthood, because I think it's very easy to come out of these stories and be like, oh, my gosh, that came out of nowhere. And it's like, no, nothing really does. Nothing does come out of nowhere. We'll get into it. But I'm just putting that out there at the beginning.

[B]

I'm really excited for you guys to hear what she has to say, specifically when it comes to her talking about that and saying she talks about her childhood. And it's so funny because that's like. I just. I know so many of you guys are going to relate to it. I know I personally relate to it. And when it comes to what happens to you in your past, it kind of dictates how you handle relation. It's just. It's really interesting. And this. I just can't believe people like this exist.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, we'll get into it in the dogfish debrief. We haven't done this in a while. If you're new to us and you're starting here, Dogfish. Sometimes I see on Instagram, people are like, what the heck is a dogfish? I'm like, oh, yeah. People aren't with us on the ride all the way. A dogfish is a liar, a con, a cheat.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

They are not who they said they are. And you know what catfish is? That's like using a fake picture online. This is a big fat phony faker in person. And we gave it a name. And then femtuition. We talked about that.

[B]

Y' all know what femtuition is?

[A]

You can figure it out.

[B]

Instinct.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Specifically the one that's really built over time with relationships because we all have it and we gotta trust ourselves. So that's that. And then at the end, we do dogfish debrief. We talk about things we learned.

[B]

I love Hannah is the best. At the dogfish debriefing debut. She. She breaks it down really nicely.

[A]

I just like, one, I'm obsessed with the Google machine. And two, I just like, have to be writing notes or else I go crazy because these guys make me so mad that I have to like, fidget with something. You know what I mean?

[B]

And I love how you have your timeline.

[A]

Sometimes I have to make charts.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.

[A]

Well, this guy was confusing. I mean, it wasn't a chart worthy confusing, but he definitely used that to his advantage. So join us on Patreon, we have a new tier.

[B]

Yeah, if you. We had the $5 tier and then now we have the $9 tier, which gives you the ad free listening. So you get the two bonus episodes, the book club, the live and the forum and. And the Patreon group and all that stuff. And then now you have the ad free listening. Or as we like to call it, the girlfriend experience.

[A]

Wink, wink. So go do that. But those are our announcements. I think we're ready for. For Whitney.

[B]

But yeah, you guys are going to love her. Okay, Whitney, let's go, girl.

[A]

Let's go, girls. Hi, Whitney.

[B]

Hi, Whitney, we're so glad you're here.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[C]

How are you?

[B]

Good. Thank you so much for being here. We are so excited to give you the floor and let you share your story. So will you please take us on a journey?

[C]

I can definitely do that. So my name is Whitney and this one's a doozy. But it has an amazing ending when the story starts. I was in my 40s, and up until then, I really didn't have an easy life. My dad left when I was real little, and then my mom and her husbands were just not very good. I mean, I watched her get knocked around a lot.

[B]

Wow, that must have been so hard.

[C]

And that right there built a lot of walls for me because I was the only one still at home. And I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son. And unfortunately, his dad was a lot older. So just watching the stuff with my mom and then the baby daddy issues, my walls got built up. So by the time we get to the point where I meet Logan, I am not really dating. I'm super closed off. But I'm also lonely. And I think that really made me a prime target. So I Actually worked two jobs for a very long time. So I worked in an office for five days a week, and then I go work at a bar at night. So I always had cash, lots of cash coming in.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

And unfortunately going out. So I was bartending, and he would come into the bar I worked at, and at first I didn't like him. I thought he was arrogant, kind of a jerk.

[B]

And isn't that how it always starts?

[C]

Well, yeah, but he also. He was a really crappy tipper.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

Like, I. I don't like it.

[A]

That's a red flag. Yeah, yeah, everybody.

[C]

And normally I'm like, oh, you can't tip. I don't want to see you again. Don't come near me.

[A]

Would he, like, talk to you and be a jerk, or was he just, like, his vibe?

[C]

His whole vibe? So I was actually bartending a couple of times when he came in, and I was just like, okay, you know, this is whatever. Order your beer and walk away. But then I was doing security one night because I am a very large woman. I'm 5 11, and at the time I was probably about 220 pounds. So I'm very imposing when I want to be. So I would do the door, I would take check IDs or ask people to leave. So I checked his ID one day, and I'd never learned his name. So I was like, oh, that's a cool name. And he had the dreamy blue eyes. And so he's like, yeah, I'm Logan. Who are you? So I'm like, oh, I'm Whitney. How are you? And he sat there and he would talk to me, and then he'd go in and out of the bar. Oh, I gotta take this phone call. I'll be right back. He kept coming in, coming in. Sometimes I'm behind the bar, sometimes I'm doing the door. One night.

[A]

He alone?

[C]

Yes, or with one or two different guys, but normally by himself. So I was off one day, and I'm sitting there and I'm having a drink and talking with my friends, and he sat down with us and was like, hey, how's it going? Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, it's okay. I don't normally sit with customers. But we just started talking and talking about his life and my life, and, you know, he's like, I'm from Dallas. But something just didn't feel right because he didn't even have a draw at all. And you know them Texas boys, they got that nice.

[B]

Yes, it's a. I love a Sexy 7 draw.

[C]

So I was like, okay, whatever. I just kind of blew it off and we hung out and I went to leave and he walked me to my car, which, okay, there's a green flag. Okay, yes, open my door. And he's like, well, I'd like to take you out sometime. I was like, no, that's fine. I don't, I don't date. I don't date.

[B]

Easy peasy. Just like that. Done.

[C]

And so he, he kind of worked on me a little bit for it. He just, he did everything right. He was always complimenting me. Oh, your hair looks really pretty today. Finally, I agreed to go on a date with him.

[B]

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[C]

So we went out and he took me to the movies. And we had to walk through a mall but he still had to have a mask on. And he pulled out a brand new mask. It's still in the wrapper for me to wear. And he held my hand as we walked through the mall and up into the movie theater. Pulling out my chair and the things that guys don't do nowadays.

[A]

And that he was chivalrous.

[C]

Yes. So we go to this movie, and then he took me back to my work because I wouldn't let him pick me up. I'm like, no, no, no, no. We don't do this honestly.

[A]

Smart. Yeah.

[C]

So when he walked me into my car after the date, he tried to kiss me, and I kind of turned my head and let him kiss my cheek just because I was like, no, I hadn't dated in a very long time.

[A]

Yeah, you're like, take it slow.

[C]

The last guy I dated before him turned out really bad also. I think my picker was broken up until recently. So he asked me on another date, and I go. And we. You know, it started being fun, and he was paying for everything, and he would take me out. We would go to movies, or we'd just go to restaurants. And I don't trust easy at all. So he kind of just wheedled in there and broke through my. My boundaries. It was just the little things, like, oh, here's a. Here's a flower, or, oh, I thought about you today, and I wanted you to know, you know. But I'd only met, like, two of his friends, and he would call them his business associates, and I would call.

[B]

His friends his business associates.

[C]

Okay, right. And I was like, okay, so what is your business?

[A]

Yeah, great question, right?

[C]

He's like, well, I own a marijuana shop, but my other business is I'm a civilian contractor, and I own a private security business because he had a military background. And I was like, okay. He goes, yeah, we protect dignitaries and, like, senators and their families, and. And, you know, sometimes we go in and remove people from other countries, like, to make sure that they're getting back into the US Safe. And so he would show me, like, he always had a backpack with him, and one day, it had all his, like, badges and his pins and all the little patches that you should be on a uniform but aren't okay. In the backpack. He's like, well, my daughter likes to play with them. I was like, oh, you have a daughter?

[A]

He's giving you information in funny orders. You.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like, I didn't know he had a daughter for a while, but, I mean, at the same time, he's probably protecting his daughter. At the time he told me she was, like, six or seven. Okay, that's great. Protect your child. He's like, yeah, I own a house and, like, arrowhead on the water, and I have a boat and big trucks and motorcycles.

[A]

He was trying to impress you.

[C]

He was. He was. And it was always like, oh, you look beautiful today. And I will tell you, I was at work one day, I was sweating, my makeup was everywhere. My hair was like. I probably looked like the Bride of Frankenstein at this point. Oh, no. And I look at him. I was like, okay, you can stop now, because I'm kind of over it. But it was always everything, like, you're beautiful. I love to talk to you on the phone. He would text, non stop 24 7. He would text, good morning, beautiful. How are you today?

[B]

Yeah?

[C]

And I was like, ooh. Oh, okay. We kind of like that, you know?

[A]

Sweet.

[C]

Yay. We met not long before Easter. And he pulls up to my house one day and he goes, hey, come outside. I have something for you. And he had the cutest little Easter basket for me with a little ducky in it. Cause he knew I like ducks. I think ducks are really cute. And he brought me candy. And it was the little things, like he'd just randomly buy me. He bought me like a Grundy's coat, which is actually pretty expensive. Like, the coat was $200.

[A]

And was this really early? Like, how soon was he buying you these presents?

[C]

Within, I'd say. Well, he brought me flowers on our first date. So it's just the little things that he would bring. Oh, like a single rose or.

[A]

Yeah, that's cute.

[C]

He would buy.

[A]

I guess it could be love, mommy, but hindsight's 20 20.

[C]

Well, I. I think a lot of it was a lot of love bombing because he was trying to wheedle his way into my life. And he did. Don't get me wrong, he 1000% did. I look back now and I'm like, oh, ouch. I don't understand why I let that happen. But he would do the little things and we'd be out somewhere and we were like, oh, I found this little keychain. And I thought of you when I saw it. It was sweet and it was nice and like he. 2:00 clock in the morning. Hey, I know you're gonna get this when you wake up, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and I can't wait to see you when I'm in town. Because he would travel for work, supposedly. Travel for work. Okay, so. Oh, boy.

[A]

But that does sound very. I mean, especially if you hadn't dated in a long time. That feels really good.

[C]

Yeah. And the last guy I had dated was just like, bye.

[A]

Like, oh, my God.

[C]

I'm like, wait, wait, What?

[A]

So he was a stabber. I hate when guys like that. They lower that bar. You're like, oh, now all I need is someone to, like, smile at me once. And I'm like, great.

[C]

I'm in love at this point. I'm like, oh, my God. So about this time, it's about a month, month after I meet him, I leave the job of bartending because I'm burnt out. I'm tired. So I left the job, and I was like, I have more time to spend with him. And he's like, this is great. This is awesome. So we're about a month, six weeks in, and at this point, I'm in it, you know, I've started to really like him. So, of course, that's when more red flags start popping up. And he had just recently gone to New York for work. Wink, wink, for work. He said, no. He goes, well, I'm there for work, but I'm going to take a couple days, and there's a rave I want to go to. I'm not into the rave scene. So he. He goes to New York, and he goes to this rave, and I don't. I hear from him for the first, like, couple days, and then nothing. So I was like, all right, he's gone. All right, see you later. Have a good day. You know, whatever. So about 10 days after he initially left, he contacts me. He's like, oh, my God, I lost my phone. I just got a new phone. Hey, how's it going? I was like, oh, Oh, I thought you just ditched me. I didn't think that you were gonna talk to me again. And he's like, no, I want to see you. I'm getting back into town tomorrow. I'd like to take you dinner. I was like, okay, great. Well, so we go out to dinner, and he's like, oh, man, I can't find my wallet.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. Stop it.

[C]

I was like, you can't find your wallet? Okay, so thank God we're at Applebee's. I'm like, we're at Applebee's. So I ended up paying for dinner, and that's how things started going. Like, we'd go do things, and he'd, oh, I don't have my wallet on me, or, oh, my debit cards in my car. And we're in your car. So we go to the movies. He finally pays. I was like, okay, great.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

He takes off halfway through the movie.

[B]

What do you mean, takes off?

[C]

Takes off. Like, did he tell you why? No, I got to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

[B]

And he never comes back.

[C]

Oh, no, he came back.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

At the end credits of the movie.

[B]

Wait, I'm sorry, what?

[C]

Yeah, I was like, is he sick? You've been gone for 45 minutes to an hour. Where have you been? And by the way, where are my car keys? He took my car.

[B]

What? Where'd he go?

[C]

No, he said, oh, I just met somebody over by your car because they're bringing me money from my marijuana business and I needed to stash it in your car. And I was like, how did you even get my keys?

[A]

Wait, what? Also, what, a parking lot money exchange?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's not like a legal marijuana business type situation.

[C]

No, not at all. Things weren't adding up. And so the whole time I have this little devil on my shoulder saying, you should look into him a little bit more. A little bit more. I'm like, okay. So I do. I start as you call it the Google machine.

[A]

We love it.

[C]

I love it. So I'm typing in his name and I'm finding nobody. And then I do a nationwide search on him through. I think it was peoplefinder.com or something like that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So I find a man with his name, but he doesn't live. And it's not his picture. He doesn't live. He's not from Dallas, and he looks nothing like this guy. So this guy was from Reading. He wasn't even from San Diego or Dallas or anything. That's like, Reading is like nowhere near where we are.

[A]

So is his name a common name or.

[C]

No?

[A]

Kind of a. Because you remember. I remember you saying his name was interesting.

[C]

Yeah, his last. Well, it was his last name that was really interesting. Well, he tells me, I gotta go out of town. I said, okay. He goes, I gotta go visit my parents in Dallas. He's gone for about three, four days. He comes back and he goes, I'm gonna take you to this great. This great bar. It's awesome. Me and my friends go there all the time. And I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool.

[B]

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

[C]

You should start working there. And I'm like, I'm sorry.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because he knows that. Yeah. I love bartending. Don't get me wrong. I love it because it's fast paced. I have.

[B]

Are you saying, like, I think you would like working there? Like, you should apply or whatever?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Well, that. And I went down from two jobs to one job. And so my funds are drying up because I'm spending so much money. Right. So we go up there. It's a great place. I end up making friends with the owner and her husband. She ends up being my best friend all these years later. It's amazing. What? Yes. So I end up working there. I was only supposed to work, like, every other weekend, just, like, as a relief bartender. That way I still had time to spend with him.

[A]

And. Quick question. Did you ever ask him about the name discrepancy?

[B]

Oh, yeah, That's a good question.

[C]

No, because at that point, I was just like, well, maybe I just don't have his full name. Or maybe Logan's his middle name and he has a first name. But when I looked at his id, it didn't say anything because, you know, I know people who use their middle name as their first name because they don't like their first name. I get.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[A]

So you didn't.

[B]

Yeah, I just didn't.

[C]

I guess I just kind of lost interest in it in my head, and I was like, okay, whatever.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Mackenzie, is Ryan back in school yet? Yes, for two weeks.

[B]

This is the second week.

[A]

I can't believe summer's almost over. But I also am excited for fall.

[B]

I was gonna say fall is coming. Which means we get. We get to change our decor in our house.

[A]

I mean, a refresh. A back to school refresh. Guys, we're talking about Wayfair.

[B]

I love Wayfair. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

As summer winds down, I mean, it is nice to get back into a routine, and you can really refresh your space so easily. I. I love wafer, too. I have the best desk if anyone's working from home. My desk is, like, outlet friendly. It makes it so organized. I have wires, and it's big and has a lot of storage. And it was really easy to get it delivered it.

[B]

They have so much furniture. I love their. I get the big giant mirrors. Like, I have this one empty space on my wall in my living room, and I just. There's. And I got it for a steal. And they have literally anything. I mean, home decor, like sheets, bedding. They have the. Like you said, office supplies for my office. I get some stuff from there, too. The storage and the. Just you guys. Rugs.

[A]

I go through rugs like crazy. Oh, yeah, the rugs are great.

[B]

Yeah, the rugs. I'm telling you, they have everything. And they have a huge selection of outdoor items. So, like, my pool area. I always find cute stuff for the pool area, the patio.

[A]

Important question. This was something I was always like as a kid. I took very seriously. What's your like Halloween decor style? Are you. Do you guys go all out? Do you decorate like what's your deal?

[B]

Yeah, skulls. So anything that's like skulls, glitter skulls or like the cute little ghosts and the cute little just. Well skulls are all year for me. But they have it. They have it.

[A]

I'm on the website, guys. I'm on the website and I found the cutest ghosts that have like neon little lights under them. And Mackenzie, I think you should get them.

[B]

I. I always do. I love them. They're so adorable.

[A]

But I didn't even realize that Wayfair had so many good Halloween decorations. So as we move into fall there's a very very.

[B]

They have good everything decorations, you guys.

[A]

There's actually something for every style, every home, no matter your space, no matter your budget. Wayfair makes it very easy to tackle whatever home goals you have. And there's also just so much inspiration, free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. So no more huge delivery fees.

[B]

And it comes.

[A]

Yeah, it really does. All your must haves you'll find. So get organized, refreshed and back to routine. For way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Have you ever been to a dentist who wants to talk to you constantly while they're cleaning your teeth? Or maybe a therapist who only has openings in the middle of your workday? Or maybe a dermatologist who brings up your cosmetic issues before you do. I'm here to tell you that we don't have to settle anymore when it comes to finding the right doctors. Because we have Zoc Doc. And ZocDoc means that you have options right at your fingertips. Now I've been using Zoc talk truly I want to say like maybe almost 10 years. Which is crazy that I've been a grown up that long. But I have used it for finding all of the doctors I go to now. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment in network appointments. You put in your insurance and it sorts through what you need. Hundred thousand doctors across every specialty on there. That's mental health to dental, primary care, urgent care, anything you're looking for. And then you can filter based on what you need location. If you have a certain gender you want for a certain specialty, they have ratings. You can see what people rate them and like I said, you can book right there and you can even get an appointment so fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. So sometimes even same day appointments. I am not even making this up. I remember when I found my dentist through Zocdoc. My brother also went to the dentist and somebody else went to the dentist and they complimented me and they were like, wow, what a great dentist. You have really great taste. And I was like, well, yeah, all of my doctors are amazing because of zocdoc. Truly, truly. I would recommend them all to anybody. And I do because I rate them on zocdoc. I love this. I use this. You should too. Stop putting off the doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com TDD to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O c d o c.com TDD zocdoc.com TDD.

[C]

Around the time he gets me this second job is also when he starts asking me for money.

[B]

I don't like it.

[C]

Honey, can I borrow $200 until I get a release from my bank? Okay, sure, as long as you pay me back.

[A]

And it starts small. It starts with, oh, I can't find my wallet at Applebee's.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, what do you do? And I'm sitting there, I'm like, okay. I'm like, fine, here's 200 bucks. So I'm working this job and he'll show up and he'll take my car. He's like, hey, I need your car for a little while.

[B]

Well, I need a million dollars. What?

[C]

I'm like, how am I, am I supposed to get home? He's like, oh, no, I'll pick you up. It's okay. I'll be back to pick camping, too.

[A]

He didn't have his own car, right? In San Diego?

[C]

I guess he sold his car.

[B]

Well, why did he get rid of it? He needs the car. Clearly.

[C]

I thought the same thing, but he's like, well, I have work cars, but right now, the Hummer that I have, it's. It's a bulletproof. So they have to use it because one of our other vehicles broke down and blah, blah, blah. I was like, okay, sure. He'd borrow my car and then bring it back. So I go away for 4th of July. This is a couple months in now. He took my car back to my house. He was supposed to drop the keys with my roommate. And he was supposed to leave. No, he took off in my car. He was staying in My house. So when I left, he copied my house key.

[A]

Wait, did you know that?

[C]

No, I did not know that. So when I got back, he's like, yeah, somebody bust out the window in your car? And I took your car and had the window fixed. And you shouldn't have had my car at all. Anyway, so why were you. That's so random. So here's how I could tell he was lying. There's a scratch in the tint in my window on my passenger side of my vehicle. Ooh, got him. The scratch was still in the window. And I called him on it. He was like, no, no, no. Here's the invoice. I was like, so has this guy ever ran a business before? And he goes, why? I said, because his invoice says 001.

[A]

He just went on the Google machine and found the first template.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[C]

Yes. And then, hey, I paid to have your window replaced. Can you pay me back for it? Oh, I said, I didn't take my car into an area where my window was getting broken. So, no, I'm not going to pay you back for it. No, no, no, I'm not paying you because you took my car somewhere and it got broken into. No, that's not going to happen. Nothing was missing. Out of the car.

[B]

Yeah, that's on you, buddy.

[C]

Yeah. Which is funny because I kept money in the car. He didn't know about that.

[B]

Oh, busted.

[C]

So, still not listening to my femme tuition at this point.

[B]

Can I ask why you were ignoring that femme tuition?

[C]

Because I wanted to believe that somebody else loved me, plain and simple. That somebody outside of my family, outside of my son or my close friends, that somebody wanted to spend their life with me because, I mean, I've had bad relationships. Nobody's ever going to love you. I'm like, whatever.

[B]

So you let yourself believe.

[C]

We'D take my son out to lunch or something like that. And I always ended up paying just because he never had his wallet. Well, we left it at the house.

[B]

Or of course, my son's like, mom.

[C]

I don't believe this guy. You. You got to get away.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Were you. Because my brother has been very adamant because my parents are kind of dating other. Yeah, they're, you know, separate dating again. He's like, I know you're the one that'll talk to them. I'm not. I'm gonna be so hard ass. Like, nobody's getting by me. Like, he wants to be the protector. That's like, you know, like, I'm not gonna, like, Anybody. Unless they really prove it. So I could see maybe you're just like, oh, my son's just being protective.

[C]

That's kind of what I thought. But in my head, I know. I know this whole thing is bad. I mean, I've seen, like, the. The Facebook things where the guy's riding a scooter around with a big red flag. I was in love, and I just didn't see past this guy. So we leave the restaurant and we're arguing in the car, and he's driving my car, and I was like, where are we going? We're not. My house is the other way. He goes, I'm taking you somewhere. He pulls up to a gun shop, and he goes, by the way, for your birthday, I'm buying you a gun.

[B]

And I'm like, oh, have you. Wait, have you expressed interest in guns? Like, to see. Is this something you like or.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I used to shoot when I was younger. Like, we lived on a little bit of a farm.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you're a gun girl.

[A]

If. If there was no conversation about that.

[B]

And someone pulled up to a gun.

[A]

Shop, I would be like, that's a threat. I would interpret that as a threat.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

I was like, okay.

[C]

I got excited. We were literally just arguing. I was like, I'm gonna beat you with this picture can upside your head. Like, don't even. Don't make me play gritball right now.

[A]

Do you think maybe he just was like, I gotta buy her something. I gotta buy her a present?

[C]

I think so. I think he was like, oh, I gotta do something. That's gotta be really good. So I get the gun. I get it home. That was August. December. My gun's missing and I can't find it.

[B]

No, stop.

[C]

He took my gun.

[A]

Okay, but what happened between August and December?

[C]

He kept disappearing.

[B]

What? Like, for how long? At a time?

[C]

Sometimes up to two. Two weeks. One time he said two weeks? Yeah, sometimes. One time he's like, well, I'm in Iceland.

[B]

Iceland? That's so fucking random. Come on.

[C]

Right? So he would just disappear. But it was weird. He keep in contact. He would send text messages, but they'd be from random numbers.

[B]

What? Wait, what? Why?

[C]

Well, he said, well, in my business, you got to change your number quite often, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, which one?

[A]

The security?

[C]

Yes, the security job. Yeah.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because if somebody gets our number and it's detrimental to who we're protecting and blah, blah. I was like, okay, you are blowing so much smoke up my.

[B]

That's so stupid.

[C]

I was like, seriously, it's gonna start coming out my ears.

[B]

No, that's a lie.

[C]

I was like, come on.

[A]

So interesting.

[C]

It was just the little things, and a lot of it is just like. You're disappearing with stuff that's not yours. My clothes are disappearing. At one point, I had just gotten a package. I just ordered all these really cute tops. And one of them said something about it was the sweetest Tennessee whiskey shirt.

[A]

Cute.

[C]

That was our song. He took the shirt. It was still in the package. He took the shirt. I couldn't find it. I was like, hey, have you seen my shirt? I was going to wear it to work tonight. Nope. Can't fight it. Well, this girl I had seen pictures of him with. I see her at the bar that I work at, and she's wearing the shirt. I was like, that's my shirt. She's like, yeah, this girl. No clue.

[B]

That is so nasty. I don't like it.

[C]

So we're sitting there, and I see this chick, and she's in my shirt. Same color, same everything. I know that she would never buy that shirt. It's my shirt. And then he shows up at the bar one day wearing, literally, my Nikes, my tennis shoes.

[B]

No, shut up.

[C]

And I. So after work, I'll put on, like, an oversized men's shirt. He's wearing one of my shirts and my Nikes. I was like, why are you wearing my clothes?

[A]

That's so weird.

[C]

Yeah, he would. He would show up at my work and run up a tab, and I'd have to pay it at the end of the night. Like, there goes my tips. Thanks. You know, and at one point, he had me put the Hummer coming back to the Hummer in my name.

[B]

The bulletproof Hummer.

[C]

The bulletproof what? Yeah. He said, wait, why?

[B]

What?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Well, it was part of his package. Like, they were actually going to put it in his name so he could have a personal driver since he no longer had his Jeep.

[A]

So why your name?

[C]

Because. Oh, it needed to be transferred away from him for a minimum of a month so that. Yeah. I was like, okay, there's more smoke. So at this point, I know this is bullshit, but I felt like if I stood up to him, he'd leave me. He'd disappear.

[B]

And you didn't. You didn't want to do anything that would push him away.

[C]

Yeah. And I mean, don't get me wrong, to this day, I still have that mentality. So it's really hard because I'll just shut down. I shut down. And a lot of it I think is I've had boyfriends that I've stood up for myself and they left.

[B]

Oh, that's so hard. I know that feeling.

[C]

I felt like still to this day, I feel like an idiot. But we're about a year in and I looked at his wallet again because I was like, okay, that red flag was still there saying, hey, you need to look. You need to look at this. And what happened? I found an ID in his wallet. It wasn't his name.

[B]

What? And it had his picture.

[C]

It had his picture, but it wasn't his name. Not the name I originally saw.

[A]

What?

[C]

And all he had was like a. You know how you can get like the cash app card or a Venmo card?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's all he had in his wallet.

[A]

That and an ID that you'd never seen.

[C]

Never seen.

[B]

Did the cards have names on them?

[C]

No, the card did not have a name on it.

[A]

Who is this dude?

[C]

That's. And that's what I keep thinking. Who?

[B]

Question of the hour.

[C]

And my friends, they're still searching. They're still trying to figure it out because they don't like him.

[B]

They're like, well, apparently everybody's like some.

[C]

Ting Wong, but in my head I'm like, oh, he's amazing. Yay, Rainbows and kitty cats. You know, because of the love bombing, it was always there.

[B]

That's what you see. Yep. You guys, if you love the dating detectives, but some of you have said you've run out. What do I do? I have a good podcast that you might want to listen to. Okay, so it's called American Hysteria. It's a history podcast that explores moral panics, urban legends, conspiracy theories. I know you guys love a good conspiracy theory. Hoaxes, crazes, and how fantastical thinking has shaped our culture. From the Puritans to the priests present. There's a huge back catalog new episode every week and there's just so many wide ranging topics. So think the Westboro Baptist Church, the mind control, the true crime obsession, Skibidi toilet. I have an 11 year old son, you guys. If you have a fortnite kid, probably. You know what? Skibidi toilet. All of it. The host, Chelsea Weber Smith, takes you down strange American wormholes, presenting forgotten oddities of history, politics, popular culture, and analyzes them through a more modern Len. You guys know I'm in Florida and love a good. Love a good Florida man story. One of the episodes is called Florida Man. So definitely go listen to that one. And you'll be thinking of me and be like, oh, my gosh, now I know what MacKenzie was talking about, because, yeah, Florida man. Hello, bath salts, y'. All remember? Anyways, go listen to that episode. You're. You'll really like that one. You'll appreciate it. Subscribe to American Hysteria now, wherever you get your podcast, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you live. Hey, guys, I'm Whitney Port, and this is With Wit. A lot of you may know me from reality tv, and the reality is, a lot's happened since the Hills. With Wit is dedicated to having real, raw and occasionally ridiculous conversations with the people who have had a profound impact on me. Because on With Wit, very little is off limits. Subscribe so you don't miss any of the amazing conversations to come. New episodes of With Wit are available every Tuesday on all platforms.

[C]

And at this point, my self esteem is shot. Yeah, because at this point, he was also getting really mean. He literally just broke me down. He would call me an idiot, call me lazy. At one point, I. I was sick. I smelled. You know when you're sweating and you just stink?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, God. He looks me, goes, why are you such a pig? You look like a sloppy pig.

[B]

My God, that's disgusting.

[C]

It was just those little tiny comments.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That in the long run, you hear them so often that you start to believe it. And he would kind of alternate between being mean and the love bombing. So if he wanted something, I was the most beautiful girl in the world, and my eyes. He could just see the gold in my eyes, and I'm like, oh, precious. He would do something sweet for me. He would go get me something, or he would make sure that he did something nice. Like he got me a little stuffed husky. I love me some huskies. They are the cutest dogs. So I guess I had said that a couple of times. And so he went and got me one, and then he tried to borrow fifteen hundred dollars. So it would. There was always something behind the love bombing, but a lot of time it was, I don't understand why you're so lazy and why you. You won't do this for me. And he would take my money. Like, one time I had like 300 bucks in my wallet, and I go. I go in, and he asked for, like 20 bucks. So I was like, oh. I was like, so where's the 200 that was in my wallet? There's only. There's only 100 bucks in here. Obviously, you took that money or, oh, maybe your roommate took it. My roommate doesn't get into my. My room because there's a lock on the door.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So time just keeps going.

[A]

And he's like, part of the routine, it sounds like, at this point.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Even, like, the asking for money and, like, finding out that he's done these weird things is almost becoming part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. But my. My whole self esteem is like, oh, I'm just mud on the ground. You can step on me all you want.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And this is getting more towards the end of me starting to catch on to stuff. So in the long run, I put the Hummer in my name. I make him pay for it, though. I was like, I'm not paying $700.

[B]

Good for you.

[C]

I was like. Because at the time, it was the gross weight of the vehicle. You got. You got taxed on that. Oh.

[B]

And it's bulletproof, so it's heavy as hell.

[C]

Well, so it was not bulletproof, exactly. I had asked him, I said, so this is bulletproof. So, you know, shoot me.

[B]

Shoot me. I want to see you.

[C]

Yeah. I was like, show me how it works. He goes, shoot it. He goes, oh, well, they took the bulletproof stuff off of it. I was like, what is it? A wrap?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I was like, you can't do that. You cannot do that. Like, that's Kevin.

[B]

Just a nail polish remover. It's fine, right?

[C]

I was like, is this sort of new wrap that they put on a vehicle now? I'm like, I don't know. I do know about water hose. Oh, yeah. They just rinse it right off, you know, new color and everything. I was like, okay, whatever. And he calls me. He goes, hey, come down to this car place and bring the Hummer with you. Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So I had a friend of mine follow me down in my car, and her husband just picked her up from the car lot because I wanted to be able to get home, because I didn't. I figured he was trading it in, he was gonna get some. No, he traded it in under my name. And somehow I ended up buying the ugliest car I've ever seen in my entire life. I traded this beautiful Hummer in for a 2011 Chevy Spark. That is jalapeno green.

[B]

Not a spark. Was it at least bulletproof?

[C]

Nope. It wasn't even.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

No, no. And it was like. I was like, why? Why? No, I was like, I don't. I don't need another car payment in my name. I don't need more insurance payments because my son, not the Spark.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

Also, I'm still not understanding why he even needs these cars.

[C]

Yeah, right, right. You know what he did is I think he played off the fact that I do get confused by certain things. And he. I think he saw it. At one point, he had blown up the engine on one of my cars, so I had to go get a new car myself.

[A]

This guy, everything he touches.

[C]

So when he originally blew the engine on my suv, I had to go get another car. And he realized he had seen my credit score. And at the time, I had a really good credit score. And so I got that car with very little down. And then about a couple months later is when I get the Hummer. And then all of a sudden, he wants me to trade it in on the Spark. Well, I'm getting confused because I'm like, I thought we were. I thought you were going to put the Hummer back in your name. And. And I'm like, okay, so you can't use that car for work. It's too small. Number one, the back seat is like. It's like driving a Miata. I'm just saying it's super tight. So the whole situation was so confusing. And I. I feel like he used that to get me to go along with it because I didn't understand what was going on. So I trade this in. He goes, okay, I'll meet you at the house in like 20 minutes. I'm going to go put gas in the car. You know, whatever. I was like, okay. Five hours later, he's still not at my house. The next morning, he's still not at my house.

[B]

Where'd he go?

[C]

So I called him. I said, excuse me, where are you? In my car. It's not your car. It's my car. I said, no, it's not. It's in my name. I said, and if you want it out of my name, you better take it over. And the loan payment, because I just signed a loan for this car. So he finally shows back up. Well, I need money for gas. No, you got the car.

[B]

Where was he?

[C]

No clue. He will not tell me. But the thing is, now you have a very bright car. You have a car that most people would not drive because it is literally sparkly jalapeno green. So all of a sudden, I'm getting tickets. I'm getting red light tickets.

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

Toll tickets. I'm getting all these tickets. And I said, that's really funny. He's like, oh, I let so and so borrow the car. No, no, they're not covered by my insurance. You give me the money for these tickets.

[A]

Did you look at where these tickets were happening? Were they, like, in the local area?

[C]

So some yes, some no. So there's little suburb areas of every town. So I'm getting the tickets out of this suburb area or this one.

[A]

So he's driving in places he's not supposed to be. Legally and relationshiply.

[B]

Yes, relationshiply. Yeah, exactly.

[C]

So at one point, he goes, I have to go to Ukraine.

[B]

Ukraine.

[C]

I have to go fight. And we have people over there that we need to bring back.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. I was gonna say. When was this?

[C]

Right at the beginning of the Ukrainian situation. Yes.

[A]

So he has to go.

[C]

He has to go there because there's dignitaries over there. He needs to bring him back. And his ex wife is also over there. So the whole time he's.

[A]

What is she doing there?

[C]

She does the same thing. She does okay for the same company, yet I've never met her. I've never seen a picture of her. I've only seen, like, two or three pictures of his daughter. The ex wife supposedly hates me, wants me nowhere near her daughter, so I can't see the kid. So he goes, I have to go to Ukraine. Okay, can you bring my car back while you're gone? I'd like to have my car, because if you get killed over there, where's my car?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, no, it's on the military base. That's okay because we flew out of a military base. I'm like, huh? Meanwhile, he pulls up right next to a friend of mine, not knowing that she just got a new car.

[B]

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

I love it. He didn't. Spies everywhere.

[C]

He didn't understand that she had just bought a brand new Audi. And the windows are black tinted. You can't see inside her car. She sees him. She calls me. She follows him. I'm like, oh, we got some investigators on my hands over here.

[B]

Love it.

[C]

I love when my friends deep dive into stuff, because they don't. Yeah, they're like pit bulls. They don't release.

[A]

Love it. Oh, my gosh.

[C]

So she follows them to somewhere, some little suburb and not far from where I was working. And she goes, oh, girl, I got to bring you over here. So I take my car and I drive over there. The car's there, but I can't find him. So I texted him. I said, so somebody's driving the car. You need to let me know. I need to get the car back. Where Is it. Somebody took it off the base. Oh, my God. I know he's not on a base. I know he's not.

[A]

Now you're just playing. I love it.

[C]

I'm at that point where I'm like, okay, we're done. I'm trying to get my money back. Because basically it was almost three grand that he had.

[A]

Plus the car is in your name.

[C]

And the car is in my name. I'm like, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. So I'm just trying to get my money back. I'm trying to get the car back. He's still blowing smoke, and I don't know what to do anymore. My self esteem is really low. I'm, like, crying myself to sleep every night. Like, I feel like sludge. I don't. You know.

[A]

Wait, can I ask, when your friend called you, how did you feel on that phone call?

[C]

Were you excited?

[A]

Really?

[C]

Because I was hoping to catch him and be like, give me my keys. Yeah, give me the keys. There was only $2,000 loaned out on the car, but it was still money that I was. I was paying because he wouldn't give me money. He gave me, I think, one or two car payments for it. So it's like, oh, you gave me 300 bucks. Yeah, okay. No, whatever. So he gets back and he finally says, I love you. I just want you to know I love you so much.

[B]

Now he's kissing ass, huh?

[C]

Because he still needs a place to sleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, oh, my God. Okay. No, no. Not doing this anymore. So that's when my gun disappeared. Was that December?

[B]

Yeah, that's when your gun was gone.

[C]

And up until then, I was looking for an out where I could still get my money back. But the gun put me over the edge and was like, no, screw you. No, I want this back. I want this done. And I think what it was was when he stole something that could have had me put in prison. When he stole my gun. Yeah. That could have put me in prison.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Even though I'd never even fired the weapon at that point, it was in my name, and I hadn't known it was gone, so I didn't report it stolen. So I. I said something to him. I said, so, hey. I said, I can't find my gun. He goes, oh, I took it. I'm gonna put a sight on it. I'm gonna put a laser sight on it. You're like, why do I need a laser sight on my gun?

[A]

And BS and like, ask.

[C]

Yeah. And at this point, he knows I'm done. And he's in trouble. So he leaves. He takes off, and I can't fight him. And all his stuff is gone. His little backpack that he had there with all his stuff. I had bought him a shaver, and I bought him some, you know, everything's gone. Everything's gone. Shampoo, conditioner, razors. And I keep calling him. I'm like, if you don't have my gun back, I'm calling the police, reporting it stolen, and giving them all your information.

[A]

Good.

[C]

Problem? I let him in my house. They wouldn't allow me. Well, he's driving my car, and I. I want it back. And I've told him to bring it back, and I want the car. I want. He has my gu. All this other stuff.

[B]

They won't let you file because he lived in your house?

[C]

Yep, because he was staying in my house. Even though he never. He only had one piece of mail sent to my house.

[B]

That doesn't mean that all the property in the home is his.

[C]

Doesn't matter. It's a communal state. Once you have mail or toothbrush brought.

[B]

Into the home, everything in the house is yours.

[A]

A toothbrush.

[C]

A toothbrush marks territory in a home.

[A]

Okay. I hate that.

[C]

So they were like, sorry, nothing I can do. Nothing I can do. Now they're like, you have to give him written warning and all this other stuff in 30 days. I'm like, okay, so, all right, give me a pen. I was like, I will write everything up that you need me to do. So finally I told him, I said, I'm calling the cops. Plain simple. He was at my house a little while later, threw my gun at me towards. Loaded. It was loaded.

[B]

Yeah. That's safe as.

[C]

Oh, yeah. So he throws it at me. It lands on the bed. Thank God.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And, oh, I just don't think we should be together anymore. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I said, okay, so here's the thing. Give me my house key back, give me my car back and get the out pretty damn much. And he. But it was just. It was horrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I finally get the car back. At one point, he just drops it off at my work with the keys on the windshield. I'm like, okay, so I think it's done. I can move on with my life now. Right? So, well, I got. I wait. No, I wake up one morning. It's like three o', clock, you know, when something happens, like the blinds move or something? Air is displaced in your room. Say your husband gets up and.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You don't Hear him. And you don't feel the bed move, but something feels off.

[B]

Yeah. You can feel. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You just.

[A]

Was he. He was not staying with you at this point?

[C]

No, he had. I took in the key back.

[A]

You kicked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You were like, go.

[C]

Well, he was in my room at 3 o' clock in the morning.

[B]

Ew. What? Ew.

[A]

What? Stalker.

[C]

What? I was scared shitless because I didn't believe he could get into my house.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I couldn't reach my gun. After that, I started sleeping with my gun under my pillow, but I couldn't get to it. And I couldn't really think much because you're like, okay, wait, what? What? I was like, just lay on the floor and we'll. I'll talk to you in the morning. And I was scared. I didn't know what to do. So it's just like, just lay on the floor, go to bed.

[A]

Well, that makes sense. You're trying to like, de escalate.

[C]

And he had left. Just up and left. And he texted me, I can get in your house at any time.

[B]

Oh, creep. Ew.

[A]

Wait, is that enough? Like, even though they'd previously been in a relationship, is there anything that feels like a threat to me?

[C]

Well, the funny thing is, is, remember when I told you he. He had made a key?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I had given him a key. He gave me the key, I gave him back.

[A]

Right. And he had.

[C]

He still had my old key.

[A]

But that text, I just feel like that's like a very obvious threat type text.

[C]

You can't actually prove he's the one.

[B]

That sent it because he's using all them different numbers.

[C]

He's using a Google number because Google, you can change your number.

[A]

Yeah. Google voice.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So he's like, threatening you.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't really have time to think about it because while all of this is going on, my mom was real sick. She was in a care home. She passed April 3, 2023. And I'm in the funeral home the next day because I'm having to pay for all this stuff, get her cremated and all that. And I was distraught. And he called me while I'm standing in the middle of the funeral home, and he calls, but it's not a number I recognize. So I'm thinking, okay, it's the hospital or it's, you know, because we're trying to set up transportation for my mom and things like that.

[B]

So you want to answer?

[C]

So I did answer. So I go off, I blow up. I'm in the waiting room at the funeral home. I go off. I go off on him. I tell him, don't call me again. I never want to talk to him again. Just go to hell, you know? Well, he quit calling for a little while, unfortunately. He would randomly call me every once in a while, not very often. I was like, okay, whatever. I just ignored it because he'd forget what numbers he called me from and they would pop up with his name on my phone because I had. I had Logan 12389, 20 in my phone. He showed up at my work one day. He's like, well, I'm living in San Francisco now. Or something like that. I don't know, somewhere. Oakland. I don't know, somewhere else.

[A]

Yeah, we'll stay there.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I said.

[B]

So just somewhere.

[C]

Why are you standing at my work? And at this point I'm like, I don't have time for you. I'm working.

[A]

He's so needy. What does he even want to talk about at this point? Is he trying to get back together or just wants to you to give him attention?

[C]

He's trying to get back together and probably get more money from me. He comes into my office and he starts blabbing about all this new stuff he's got. Oh, oh. I just bought this new house and I have my niece and my daughter living with me. Okay, cool. Why are you here? I don't. Why are you here? Why are you here? So I meet the most amazing man. Oh, in July.

[B]

Hello, Hannah.

[C]

In July.

[A]

Thank.

[C]

2023. We should have been just like a one night, wham, bam, thank you, ma' am type situation. But we're not. And we live together now. We have been for over two years now. We have three beautiful kitties. Life has been a lot better since I met him. But. But my ex was still calling. He was still calling. And he showed up one time and I was like, look, dude, you gotta go. Go away. I have an amazing boyfriend.

[B]

She said, look, dude, you gotta go away.

[C]

You gotta go. Like, I love it. I'm sorry, but get away. I don't want you here anymore. Some of my co workers at the office I worked at, they wouldn't leave if he was still there.

[B]

Because they're worried about you.

[C]

Yeah, because he was like, I can get to you at anywhere. I know where you live.

[B]

And I was like, like, that's.

[A]

Wait, that's so messed up.

[B]

I don't. But were you scared?

[C]

No. At this point, I believe you're just saying this man says, yeah, he's all talk So I told him, just leave me alone. I'm happy. I'm in a great relationship.

[B]

Yeah, go the F away, dude.

[C]

I. I'm so happy. So he had been kicked out of the bar I met him in. He was kicked out of the bar I worked in at the time, before it closed. My bosses wouldn't let him come in to my office job. They're like, so, bye, dude, go away. So I get a call. I get a whole bunch of calls. Like 1 o', clock, 1:30 in the morning. I didn't answer my phone. I'm like, man, I'm sleeping. I gotta be up at 4 o' clock in the morning to go to work. Leave me alone. Like, so I get up in the morning, my friend's like, call me when you get this. I'll probably still be awake. So I call her. She goes, look at the message I sent you. So I look at this text message, and it's a picture of my ex boyfriend. It says, chicago's Most Wanted. Yes. Oh, boy.

[A]

The truth is coming out.

[B]

All right, wait, was it. What name was it? Was it the name that he was? A totally different name.

[C]

Totally different name, but it was his mug shot.

[A]

Wait, tell me everything.

[C]

So when, where, how, why?

[B]

What did he do?

[C]

I had just gotten off the phone with my friend. I. She sent me a video from the news station showing this whole thing with the police officer who caught him. And I almost threw up. I really did. It was like somebody punched me in the gut. And I was like, I know who he is now.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

After two and a half years of not knowing who this guy is, I finally know who he is. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna puke.

[A]

Oh, my God. And this is like local now. This is like local. It is like, oh, my gosh. So it's coming out.

[C]

Yeah, so. And he's, thank God, still. Still in jail. Will be probably for the next 30 to 40, 50 years, hopefully, because of everything that's done. So come to find out, he had taken advantage of a minor.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

So from what I've taken from the news, the most wanted thing that I saw online and the police officer I spoke with, he actually broke out of custody and injured a police officer while doing that seven or eight years ago. So he had been on the run for the past eight years, and the reason they finally caught him was because he had stolen someone's identity. So he had been using someone else's name to work. So they found him in a town, I don't know, probably 30 minutes from where I live, using someone else's name from another state. Because the guy kept saying, hey, man, the IRS is after me for not filing taxes from a state I don't work in. Like, he's in, like, the South.

[A]

The real guy. The real guy.

[C]

But he's. But he's supposedly working in California.

[A]

Poor guy.

[C]

He's like, I ain't even never been. He's like, I ain't even never been to California. So finally the government listens to him, and they open a claim on this. So they do research on it, and it got over to California. And a police officer was like, you know, I'm gonna look into this. I'm gonna see what's going on. So they go to where this guy's supposedly working, actively working every day. And so they said, hey, is this guy here? And they're like, oh, yeah, no, he'll be here tomorrow. And they said, hey, do you have. Do you have a picture of him? Can I see his work picture?

[B]

You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's okay. Smart.

[C]

It's bad, you know, so he gets that. He took a picture of it. So he takes it back and he runs it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Through the. Through the police department. Ding, ding, ding. Your picture popped up. And, I mean, his mug shot gives me the creeps to this day, just because now that I know everything that he's done.

[B]

Yeah, so do.

[A]

Are you finding out? I want to hear more about what he was doing while he was with you.

[C]

So that's the thing.

[A]

If you found that stuff out, he.

[C]

Had four or five other women. We were together the longest.

[A]

We.

[C]

Okay, he was scamming women. He was scamming. Taking money from people.

[A]

Was he seeing other women at the same time?

[C]

That's why he kept disappearing. Of course, every time he disappeared, it's because he was with someone else. He's like, oh, I. I'm up skiing in Big Bear or wherever.

[A]

Iceland.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm learning that, of course his job wasn't real. His military background wasn't real. Oh, and his daughter. He made up his daughter. She was never real. He literally made all of it up.

[B]

Does the ex wife exist?

[C]

No. None of them exist. The business partners don't exist. Nobody exists. And then because this video of him getting caught by the police is going around, more victims of him end up coming forward. So they also caught him again for taking advantage of disabled persons.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's disgusting.

[C]

So I'm watching this video, and I was like, I gotta call the cops. So I Called. I was on the phone with the cops for, like, two and a half, three hours.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Explaining. He wanted a whole timeline of everything. Basically everything I've told you guys. I had to go over with him. I talked to him for a long time, and I asked him, I said, was it something I did or didn't do?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he said, no, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You probably just smiled at him.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he went, hmm, she probably has money. But he also saw I was lonely.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I assume you never got the 3,000 back.

[C]

No, of course not. I just knew, like, I was never gonna get the rest of that money back. And you know what? So be it.

[A]

He's not worth any kind of.

[C]

I mean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, But I did feel relief at that point because I knew he was in jail, and I knew he wasn't getting out, and I knew that I didn't have to keep watching behind me, because that whole. Oh, I. I can get to you. I know where you live.

[B]

That's scary.

[C]

It still. It stays in your head. It stays right there. That somebody could be following you.

[A]

That's so scary talking.

[B]

So unnerving.

[A]

And people don't take it as seriously as they should because it's like, well, he didn't do anything. Yeah, that's not the point. Like, it's psychological abuse.

[C]

Right. And. And that is the biggest thing is, like, in my past relationships, once you show me that you're aggressive, we're done.

[B]

We're done.

[C]

Yep, we're done. That wall is up, and I don't want anything to do with you any longer. And I think a lot of that, thank you to my mother. Came from watching her life. But this more verbal, psychological abuse, I just did not understand.

[A]

I'm glad you mentioned that, because we've talked about this before, where your walls were up towards a very small, specific type of abuse. He came in through a back door. Like, he was, like, being very sweet to you and very manipulative. He wasn't aggressive. It sounds like.

[C]

No.

[A]

Physically or big or macho. Like, he was sweet in the way that he manipulated you.

[C]

And he. And that's where I'm like, you have to watch out for that love bombing. But sometimes you don't see it. You just don't see it. Now I love my little home life. I am happy.

[A]

I do want to ask you some questions about, like, when you met this second person.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, sometimes you go through a kind of like.

[B]

Okay, can we skip to the part we'll talk about?

[A]

The more of this bad stuff, too. But, like, how do you trust anyone again? And how do you bring that baggage to the next relationship?

[C]

So hard. It's hard. It is really hard to go from being called an idiot and stupid and. Because that's what he would do. All of a sudden, we get into a fight. And I don't understand how you're so idiotic.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

It doesn't matter who you are. It just takes the person saying the right thing, and they will look for the biggest. What they perceive to be your biggest weakness.

[B]

Yes. They prey on unmet needs.

[C]

Yes. So you have to believe in yourself and you have to just listen to your devil. Seriously, listen to the devil on your shoulder that's saying, this is not right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because something better is out there, and you found it already.

[C]

I did. I'm very, very happy. But I guess you gotta go through the tough stuff before you can get too. To your fairy tale. And I'm not saying I love a fairy tale right now.

[B]

You can't have flowers without the rain.

[C]

Exactly. There you go. And like, he.

[A]

Yeah, but you got a hurricane, girl.

[B]

You got a monsoon.

[C]

Yeah, I had an earthquake that hit. Was a hurricane.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Flood.

[A]

And he was diabolical in a lot of what he was like. And we don't even probably know half of what he does.

[C]

Oh, I. I don't doubt it. And I was really lucky that I. I kind of wised up to it way before he took everything I had. The worst part about is all he did was waste my time. And I am big on time because you never know how much time you have.

[B]

Amen.

[C]

And so you know what? I'm happy now. And I live life to the fullest as much as I possibly can.

[A]

I love it.

[C]

That's all that matters.

[B]

That was so okay. He used her. He used her for everything. And then having the. Like knowing that she didn't grow up with the greatest childhood and then being with this person that she's afraid to lose, like, that's. That's a. That's an awful feeling.

[A]

I think a lot of us hearing stories, it's easy to be like, oh, I red flag. Like, I wouldn't put myself in that position. And we don't really know what we would do if we, you know, lived a very different life. Like, we. If you didn't come from a home where there were abusive relationships, if you didn't have a previous relationship. I think it was so clear to me that she was really worried about physical abuse. And this guy didn't do that. He had a very different way of manipulating her. And sometimes that's how it works. You think you're like, why do I keep picking these awful people? And it's like, well, they're different types of awful, unfortunately. There's different flavors.

[C]

Yes, there's different flavors of awful.

[A]

It's not you. It's not you. It's not your fault. I definitely want to, like, I mean, the severity of his crimes in Chicago. I mean, the fact that he was a sex offender of minors is obviously. It's like, I don't know what to say even. And to find that out after dating them, well, it's so messed up.

[B]

How awful is that?

[A]

Even if you're like, wait, this person is a dogfish. He's not at all who I thought he was. Or they, or she or whatever, like, you're still mourning the relationship that existed for you in that time.

[B]

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[A]

You still are going through a breakup of sorts. It's just not what you thought. And I. I can't even imagine. And I'm so glad they got him. So glad he is behind bars, because that is scary.

[B]

Yeah. That's where he belongs. And I hope he stays there for much, much longer.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it makes he. He was so good at building her up with the love bombing and then tearing her down and ruining her self esteem so that she felt like she couldn't get anybody else and just wanted to keep it going. Also, we didn't like, say this with her, but she obviously worked a lot and had a very busy life. Has a son.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think, think about if anybody has ever been in a position not like a dogfish story, but you, like, knew you're gonna break up with somebody. It's. It's much easier to just like, go about your life. Like you can stay with someone you don't want to. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, it's hard to mess up your routine. It's hard to accept that these things are happening, that they're bad. Like, I totally see where she was so busy, had so many other things going on that he might. She might get wind that or he's doing something with the car that's confusing. But at the end of the day, sometimes it's easier to just be like, fine, whatever.

[B]

Yes. And just give into it because it's.

[A]

A lot of work to face this stuff.

[B]

I just, I. I'm just connecting so much with the. The whole childhood thing. Like, what happens to you when you're young. It just really can affect how you manage your adult relationships. And what like you are willing to put up with so much more if you don't understand your own self worth or if you don't love yourself first.

[A]

Her story will help people do that.

[B]

Yeah. And I just, I'm so. She's so brave for telling her story. But wasn't. Isn't she a good storyteller? Like, and she's phenomenal. She's a baddie. I really like her a lot.

[A]

And also definitely have to like what we already kind of said. This can happen to anybody. She is such a badass. She's not naive. She had her guard up. She didn't even like him at first. Like, I hope that people, if they relate in any way and they're kind of hard on themselves for getting into a bad situation, just remember that it can happen to the best of the best, including you, because you're the best of the best, whoever you are.

[B]

Yeah. And it happens to the smartest women. Like, these are these stories. These things happen to the smartest, most intelligent people. Like, these guys don't want an idiot, you know, like they, they like the challenge. I think that's part of the fun for them. A lot of the times it's awful.

[A]

We. He. He's a fugitive dogfish. Have we ever had a fugitive dogfish?

[B]

Fugitive dog fish.

[A]

I mean, I guess we have the one from last week in Mexico. But yeah, this con fish is like, we've had a few fugitives, I guess, but this one really felt like, I mean, he was undercover. That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Couple some red flags.

[B]

Bad tipper, 100%.

[A]

Wait, say what you're going to say.

[B]

Oh, I was going to say in the movie theaters. He's like, I have to go to the bathroom. And he comes back like 45 minutes to an hour later. And she's like, wait, and you took my keys? He's like, oh, I left the movies to go meet somebody for some drugs.

[A]

Well, cash money exchange. He said something like that was wild. No, I feel for her. I really. Because I think he was obviously she. And she says, she's like, I saw these things and I. My friends told me and I wanted it to work. And then also he was a confusing dude. Like, he was like, half the time I wasn't even. I was like, why? I don't even know. He had a justification for everything. And also, we've said it before, we'll say it again. If you lend someone money, do not expect to get it back.

[B]

Just call it a gift and call it a day.

[A]

I love when she said, my friends are like pitbulls. They don't release.

[C]

I know.

[B]

I like that a lot.

[A]

Literally wrote it down because that's us. If you're dating somebody and we think there's something up, we're gonna find it. We're gonna find it. Anything else? What else?

[B]

I mean, I was just thinking, you guys, whenever you share these stories, you never know how it could really help someone. So please send us your story and we would love to be a voice or an ear for you, a platform for you. So please feel free to email us investigate at the dating detectives podcast.com and tell us what your experience is. And we love also when you're on social media and you share the podcast and other people say, oh my gosh, the same thing happened to me. And it's amazing the that has been created. So we're really grateful for you guys.

[A]

Well, Whitney said she's been listening and I appreciate that because it was fun to talk to. It was fun to talk to a guest who was like, this past story, like, really showed me this part of my own story. Like, I love that. I hope you guys can, like, meet irl, like go become friends, obviously, be safe. But I just love everybody. That's why I love our Patreon Seamless transition. Join Patreon.

[B]

Join the Patreon. The link is in the show notes, by the way, so if you don't know how to join, just go on. And we thank you so much for all of our patreoners. Do you know when our next book club is? Isn't. It's soon. September.

[A]

We talked about it, but we didn't like, officially put a date down. We can tell you the book we're gonna read. Don't Let him in by Lisa Jewell.

[B]

It's so funny because whenever you brought that book up, it was already on my audible machine.

[A]

Molly pitched it. I haven't even read it. I'm so excited.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

So if you. I know Lisa Jewel is like a big true crime author that people love, so I'm excited. But we'll definitely do that probably in like a month, like mid. Mid to late September, so you've got time. But we do that via Patreon, so you have to join. But like $5 for a book club plus everything else or $9.

[B]

Yeah. Pretty good deal if we say so ourselves.

[A]

Yeah, we love you guys. Honestly, this was a. This was a lot. I mean, she went through a lot, but she's so strong and awesome.

[B]

Let us know what questions you have for Whitney. I wonder. I always wonder if somebody's gonna be like, oh, my God, I know that guy. That's gotta be the guy that I taught, or whatever. So that's always.

[A]

Well, it's happened before. And then, unfortunately, it's, like, not the same person. And we're like, yeah, that's just because there's a lot of people doing this.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

All right, everybody. You know, you gotta trust yourself.

[B]

And, as always, trust your intuition.

[A]

Think of us. Think of us. We love you guys.

[C]

Sam.