"If I End Up Dead, My Husband Did It": Part 1

Summary

The Dating Detectives — "If I End Up Dead, My Husband Did It" (Part 1)
Podcast by Dear Media | Aired: May 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In Part 1 of this harrowing two-part episode, hosts Mackenzie Fultz (Private Investigator) and Hanna Anderson (Comedian) are joined by guest Hannah, who courageously recounts her experience of falling in love, marrying, and ultimately discovering her husband’s elaborate betrayals and escalating abuse. The story, beginning with a seemingly perfect whirlwind romance, dives deep into gaslighting, infidelity, marital rape, and severe psychological manipulation. The hosts and guest discuss the red flags, societal misunderstandings around abuse, and the urgent need for awareness and support. Heavy trigger warnings are present for domestic violence, emotional manipulation, suicide, and sexual assault.

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Key Points & Segment Highlights

1. Opening and Context (00:01–04:16)

• Trigger Warnings: Mackenzie and Hanna foreground the seriousness of the episode, emphasizing potential distress for listeners due to discussions of sexual assault, domestic violence, and suicide.
  • "Some of the worst domestic violence we've talked about on our show, and it's just a lot... I want you to keep that in mind going into it." – Hanna (01:47)
• Purpose: The episode aims to break silence around real abuse stories and empower through shared experience, providing both support and practical insight.

2. Hannah’s Relationship: The "Perfect" Start (04:16–11:09)

• Hinge Beginnings: Hannah meets her future husband on Hinge in August 2023. They click instantly with an “eight-hour phone call” and immediate emotional intimacy.
  • “Our first phone conversation lasted eight hours… we just clicked. All of our morals lined up.” – Hannah (04:27)
• Moving in Quickly: Within weeks, her then-boyfriend moves in for convenience due to car trouble. Early signs are overwhelmingly positive—he pays bills, buys gifts, gets along with friends, seems perfect.
• Engagement and Wedding: Hannah is proposed to eight months in, with friends’ support. They opt for a small, quick wedding pushed by her fiancé.

3. Subtle Shifts & Early Red Flags (11:09–16:44)

• Perfect Harmony? No arguments, full agreement, supportive gestures—so positive it almost seemed too good to be true.
  • “Never in a million years did I ever think... what transpired, transpired.” – Hannah (11:13)
• First Odd Behavior: At Thanksgiving, her husband takes a mysterious call outside, out of character (12:54). This incident plants the first seeds of distrust.

4. The Gaslighting and Erosion of Trust (16:44–29:07)

• Increasing impatience and defensiveness from the husband, especially around his growing absence due to a supposed work project.

• First Major Argument: When Hannah asks about his whereabouts for dinner timing, he snaps back, insisting she stop “nagging.”
  (15:45)

• Skip Tracing – The Investigation: When suspicions grow, Hannah uses online tools to investigate the address her husband is supposedly staying at, unraveling a chain of lies about the enigmatic "Adrian" and discovering another woman lives at that address.

  “I am a debt collector, so I know how to find people... there was a woman living at that house.” — Hannah (28:47)

5. The Unraveling—Confrontation and Violence (29:07–39:53)

• The Confrontation: Hannah contacts the woman at the suspicious address, confirming her husband, under an alias ("Duke"), is cheating. When confronted, he grabs Hannah’s phone, tries to block the woman, and turns physically violent.
• Escalation: The situation spirals as her husband threatens self-harm, grabs a gun, and physically assaults and chokes Hannah when she attempts to intervene for his safety.
  • “He pushed me up against the door and choked me... I was close to blacking out.” – Hannah (37:14)
  • “He looked at me and said, 'You have to go to sleep eventually.'” – Hannah (39:53)

6. The Aftermath and Manipulation (39:53–50:25)

• Survivor’s Guilt & Gaslighting: Despite abuse, Hannah stays deeply concerned for her husband's safety. She uncovers more about his affairs—he supported the other woman financially and emotionally, all while maintaining a double life and lying about his real identity.
• Financial Deceit: He kept his own bank account, letting him spend outside the joint account to fund gifts, trips, and concert tickets for his affairs (51:13).

7. Psychological Control and Isolation (50:25–73:41)

• Attempts to Reconcile: The cycle of hope and disappointment persists. He alternates between begging for forgiveness, blocking access to his phone (“If we’re going to build trust, you can’t look through my phone”), and gaslighting her feelings.
  • “He would take full accountability and be so sorry, but then... he'd flip it.” – Hannah (68:28)

8. Marital Rape and Its Aftereffects (70:57–73:41)

• Explicit Content Warning: Beginning (~70:57), Hannah recounts in detail her husband raping her within the marriage after she says no.
  • "I was screaming no, please don't... and he forced himself inside me." – Hannah (71:21)
  • “You just raped your wife. How could you do what you just did?” – Hannah (72:16)
• Hosts React:
  • “Just because you’re married to someone, you don’t owe them anything... If it’s unwanted... that’s rape, period.” – Mackenzie (85:26)

9. Continuation of Manipulation and Hope (73:41–84:02)

• Toxic Reconciliation: Even after violence, Hannah describes moments where her husband seems remorseful, arranges therapy, and surprises her with an anniversary trip. She desperately wants to believe he’s changing.
• Isolation & Threats: When one mistress threatens Hannah, her husband uses it as another way to appear protective and winning her sympathy (79:35–82:07).

10. Cliffhanger—Prelude to Part 2 (83:47–End)

• Eroding Doubt: After another episode of secretive behavior, Hannah admits to a coworker:
  • “If I end up dead, my husband did it.” (84:27)
• Legal & Societal Commentary: The hosts emphasize the recency of marital rape becoming illegal (not until 1993 in all 50 states) and implore listeners to question outdated beliefs about consent in marriage.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Red Flags:

  “Everything was green flag, green flag, green flag. Everything was perfect.” — Hannah (07:57)

• On Instincts and Intuition:

  “That’s called femtuition.” — Mackenzie (25:46)

• Discovery of Double Life:

  “She said, ‘He never told us his real name. He told us his name was Duke.’” — Hannah (32:18)

• On Marital Rape and Societal Complicity:

  “Just because you’re married to someone, you don’t owe them anything... If it’s unwanted... that’s rape, period. That’s it. Period. We’re not sugarcoating it.” — Mackenzie (85:26)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Trigger Warnings and Context: 00:01–04:16
• Relationship Begins: 04:16–11:09
• Early Red Flags: 11:09–16:44
• Erosion of Trust and First Argument: 16:44–29:07
• Hannah’s Investigation and Confrontation: 28:47–39:53
• Assault and Aftermath: 37:14–39:53
• Discovery of Affairs: 41:17–51:13
• Marital Rape Description: 70:57–73:41 (explicit content)
• Cliffhanger and Reflection: 83:47–End

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Tone and Takeaways

The hosts maintain a compassionate, empathetic, and direct tone throughout, allowing Hannah’s story to be told on her terms while interjecting with crucial commentary on red flags, manipulation tactics, and the importance of not blaming survivors. The conversation is frank, supportive, and at times, heartbreakingly raw.

Key Takeaways

• Abuse often escalates subtly: Perfect beginnings can mask deep-seated manipulation and control.
• Red flags include secrecy, financial control, gaslighting, and isolation.
• Marital rape is real and under-discussed, with legal system failures only recently addressed.
• Support and community can be crucial for survival and healing.
• Trust your intuition—and seek help if something feels wrong.

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Closing Thoughts

This dense and wrenching episode ends with Hannah foreshadowing further trauma and the hosts reaffirming their commitment to amplifying survivor voices. Part 2 promises further revelations and deeper psychological analysis of Hannah’s ordeal.

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If you or someone you know is affected by domestic violence, please seek support from resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline [phone]).

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Transcript

[A]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-6-7233 for support.

[B]

Happy dating, Detectives.

[C]

Monday.

[A]

Hello. Hello.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. We've got quite a story today, Part one of a two parter. But before we get into that, happy Thursday. But first, we're going on tour, if you haven't heard. We have live shows coming up in Chicago, Orlando, and Tampa.

[B]

July 16th is our Chicago date. And then August 5th and 6th for Orlando and Tampa, come see me.

[A]

Yeah, we're going to mackenzie stomping grounds. And all of the info to get tickets is in our show notes, and they're selling fast, so we'd love to meet you and see you. The show will be.

[B]

Can I. Can we talk about how I love how fast the tickets are selling? Like, you guys are awesome. Thank you.

[A]

It really is, like, blowing my mind. It still blows my mind. So that's our first order of business. And Patreon, as always, if you want to support us, there's $5 a month for extra episodes, $9 a month for everything that Patreon gets you, plus ad freedom, girlfriend experience, so you could listen without ads. And thank you to all of our Patreon.

[B]

All right, we're so grateful for you. But that being said, this one's kind of a hard one, you guys, this is some of the worst domestic violence we've talked about on our show, and it's just a lot. So I just want to want you to keep that in mind. Going into it, our guests.

[A]

Her name is Hannah, so love her already. But, yeah, there are major trigger warnings. Domestic violence, rape, suicide, talk of suicide. And like we said, it's a two parter, so we're gonna be on the journey with you. She is so gracious and brave to share this story, but it's a heavy one. And if you want to set it out, we understand you can always write us and we're happy to, like, share the general details. I don't know, like, that's happened before where people are like, just do this.

[B]

Could you just tell me what happened and leave out the stuff that I probably can't handle?

[A]

We want you to protect your little hearts. We love that.

[B]

But also we want you to know that these children stories are real. This stuff really happens. And by talking about it, we are hoping to make the conversation so loud and so big, letting your voice be the weapon that fights against this behavior. So that's why we appreciate our guests coming on and sharing these stories. So we hope that you, if you can listen and push through those hard parts. We just want you to know these stories are real. This really, really happens, and we want to speak loudly about it.

[A]

Our guest is public with her story, and we're always careful about anonymization. Even if we're able to say names, sometimes we don't. So we're not going to say this dog Fish's name or anybody else's name. But she really wants to be loud about this experience because she's passionate about the same thing. We are that. And we can't let them get away with this.

[B]

Brave, you guys. So brave for sharing this. So the community creating that, the safety in this community, it just really helps when you share and when other people share. So we're just grateful for everybody who shares their story with us and allows us to be an ear or a platform.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think we're ready to get into it. It's a. It's a long one and I hope that you don't relate to it, but I know that sometimes of you will and just know that we're here for you as a community when you need it.

[B]

Let's meet another Hannah.

[A]

Hi, Hannah.

[B]

We're so glad you're here. Thank you for being here.

[C]

Hi. Thank you for having me.

[B]

Will you please take us on your journey? We want to hear your story. We want to give you the floor.

[C]

Yeah. So me and my ex husband met off of Hinge in August of 2023. We texted for a couple of days. Our first phone conversation lasted eight hours. We stayed on the phone with each other, what, all night long?

[B]

I've done that before. That's legit. Cause you're just chatting.

[A]

Wait eight hours. For real, though.

[C]

I mean, easily. It started that evening and then all the way until the morning. And I actually think I was late for work that day because we didn't realize what time it was. We related on a lot of different things. Conversations got really deep, really fast. He told me about his upbringing and his family, and I really liked that because I'm not super close with a lot of my family. So he told me that he was close with his family. I mean, we just clicked a lot of what we talked about morals. Right away, a lot of our morals lined up. I mean, everything. Everything lined up perfectly. So I immediately wanted to meet him. And we matched on a Tuesday. And by that Saturday, I had invited him over to my apartment for us to meet and hang out. Earlier that day, I had made chicken tacos and was bragging about my cooking skills. So literally right off the bat, came down from my apartment and met him at his car. We said hello to each other, hugged, walked upstairs, and I told him that my crock pot was still on and asked him if he wanted some chicken tacos. And he said, of course, and sat down on the couch. And within 10 minutes, I was hand feeding him chicken tacos. And. Yeah, so.

[A]

And he was locked in. Someone hand feeds me good chicken tacos.

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

That's it.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Had you been in any serious relationships before this?

[C]

Yes. So before him, I was single for four years, but then before that I was with my high school sweetheart for six years. Those four years I was single. I really took the time to be single, find out what I liked, what I didn't like, find out my boundaries. And when he came along, at first I was a little hesitant, but I mean, like I said, we just hit it right off the bat. And I was like, okay, well, let's lean into this. And so I guess instead of leaning into it, I dove headfirst because we're kind of inseparable since three weeks into us, like, dating. His car broke down and he lived about 30 minutes from my apartment, but my apartment was only 10 minutes from his job. And he didn't have any money saved. He not good at saving money. But I said, things are going so well with us. You only work 10 minutes from my place. So instead of you paying for an Uber every day to go to work, why don't you just stay here? So not like move in, but move in. So he did that.

[B]

He immediately started helping, kind of for convenience.

[C]

Yeah, he basically kind of halfway moved in. He started helping immediately, paying bills. I mean, he paid half the rent, he paid the electric bill. So nothing was thought about it. It's not like he didn't help.

[A]

That's not usually what we hear on this show.

[C]

When we would go out, he would pay for dinner, breakfast, whatever, buy me gifts and everything like that. So everything was green flag, green flag, green flag. Everything was perfect for the next few months. Then both of my best friends announced that they were both getting married. Both of them had destination weddings. So we Got ready to go to. The first one was in Las Vegas. And then my other best friend, she was getting married in Clearwater, which is, like, my favorite vacation spot. And that was about eight, nine months into us dating. And that's where he proposed to me the day before my best friend's wedding, with her approval, of course. Yeah.

[A]

And your friends all liked him. There were no. Nobody was like, hey, I don't know. This is fast.

[C]

I mean, I admitted to myself that it was fast, but it just. It felt right, though. And he just kept saying how excited he was for our future. I can't wait to create a family with me. This is all he's ever wanted. It's all that we've ever wanted together. He never thought that he would get to this point in life and.

[A]

Yeah, saying everything. Had you guys talked about, like, kids and finances and marriage?

[C]

Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, we. Yeah, we had already had all those discussions. We talked about how we wanted two kids. We had all the future type discussions, everything like that. Then we decided on a date. At first, I told him that I wanted to wait until 2025 to get married, so it gives us time to save money for a wedding, because at first we were going to do, like, a bigger wedding. And then I looked into how much weddings cost, and I was like, okay, maybe not.

[A]

On second thought, it's crazy.

[C]

So then we started discussing, let's have a smaller wedding and then we can have it sooner. And I'm thinking spring of 25. But he said, no, I want to get married this year. And I said, what do you mean, this year? It's our halfway done with the year. And he said, you've always said you wanted to get married in October. Let's get married in October. And I said, okay, well, at this point, it's May, and what was the rush?

[B]

Did he say why? Or just.

[C]

He was just excited or he was just excited. He just wanted to be married. And he literally went online and bought himself an engagement ring for him to wear. He wanted. He wanted. Yeah, he wanted to wear a band so badly. And I had never been treated so well in my life. I mean, people think I exaggerate, but I'm not kidding when I say this. Him and I had never had an argument. We would maybe bicker for an hour or two over something, but nothing crazy. We never had an argument. We always agreed. I mean, always agreed. And it's not like he just always agreed with me to, like, shut me up or something like that. We would always come to a compromise. Very healthily. So why are you here?

[A]

I don't want you to be on this show.

[C]

Never in a million years did I ever think this. That what transpired. Transpired. So then we kind of pulled back the reins on having a big wedding. And I mentioned maybe just having our closest friends and family go to a really, really nice fancy dinner. And then afterwards, all of the older family members go home, and then all of us, you know, young ones go out and party for the night. Just something very low key. I'm a very simple girl. I don't need a whole lot. I was just happy to have been proposed to. And I felt so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. I mean, he was perfect in my eyes at the time. So then it's the day of the wedding. We show up to the courthouse, we got married, and then we went and took our pictures. Everything was great. Now we're newlyweds. The rest of the month of October was great. And then November hit. And I'll never forget when we were at Thanksgiving at his aunt's house, and he took a phone call, and he went outside for the phone call, which was weird. He's never done that before. And he was on the phone for probably like a half an hour. And I kind of peeked my head out the door, and I said, who are you on the phone with? And he hurried up and hung up the phone, and he said, it was my brother. And I said, oh, okay. I was like, well, tell him I said hi. He's like, I did. I did. So that. That just always stuck in my head for some reason that I. I don't know. That just always stuck in my head. And then December 1st happened, and he said, I need to help my friend move. And I said, oh, what friend is it? And he said a name I had never heard before. And I was like, oh, you haven't hung out with him since you and me have been dating? And he's like, yeah, it's an old friend from high school. He said, okay. And he went and borrowed a truck from a longtime family friend to help him move, and he was gone, you

[A]

know, for sure he borrowed the truck. Like, we have proof of it.

[C]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yes. Okay. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I don't know where these people go.

[C]

Yeah, he helped the friend move all day long. I mean, he went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And the entire time, I'm like, oh, my God, you poor thing. I bet you're so sore. I hope your friend is at least Buying you lunch. I hope he's paying for the gas. Like, that's a lot. I'm not kidding. He prob. Took 12 trips back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he was like, it's fine, it's fine. Whatever that was in December, and then December, January, February, March. I noticed we started to argue, and it was much less compromising in me being, you know, a newlywed bride. And I really, really, really fell into that submissive wife role because I thought he was leading me as a man, and I'm not really. Neither of us are really super religious, but, I mean, I really yearned for and looked forward to that soft wife life.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even though I still worked hard and I had two jobs and everything like that. I mean, I cooked, I cleaned. I mean, he also helped cook and clean, but I mainly cooked and cleaned. And, I mean, I really leaned into that wifely duty. So he started to just kind of be really impatient with me the next following months. And then in April, he did a project downtown. So he was in town, so he would come home, but the project was being done overnight. And I know that for sure, like, that actually did happen, but the project just kept going on and on and on and on.

[A]

So he's, like, never home at night, basically.

[C]

Like, we went a long time with barely seeing each other, even though we lived together. Because he would be at work at night. Yeah. We would be opposite.

[A]

So can you give me an example of, like, an impatient moment he had with you or an argument that you guys got into around this time?

[C]

If I would ask him what time he's coming home, he would be like, I'll come home when I come home. Don't worry about it. You need a suit. Oh, really? Yeah. You need to stop asking me what time I'm gonna come home. You know, I'm gonna come home. And that's the only time I would really, you know, bother him. I hate to say that. Bother him.

[A]

I. Yeah, you're not bothering him.

[C]

I would call him and be like, what time are you coming home from work so I can start to make dinner so it's still hot by the time you get home or make your plate.

[A]

And he's like, you nagging wife want to know if you should make me dinner tonight? I hate it.

[C]

Yeah, it wasn't all the time, though. He wasn't always like that, so that's why it didn't raise any red flags, and it didn't bother me too, too much. He also had gotten a promotion at work, so I know that maybe he was stressed out because more people, more people were working under him and the upper bosses were looking at him. So he was kind of under a microscope.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah, they really are. It's amazing how the temperature in your bedroom can make or break your sleep. And miracle made sheets are actually inspired by NASA technology. They use silver infused fabric which is temperature regulating so it helps you sleep perfectly all night long. And I like how they're clean. It's the antibacterial silver technology. So they stay cleaner and fresher up to three times longer than regular sheets.

[A]

Less laundry, y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

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[C]

So that was from January until April, May. And then May hit. And we had another friend of mine was getting married and four or five days before we were supposed to go to her wedding, he said he no longer wanted to go. And I said, why don't you want to go? And he's like, well, I'm going to be the only black guy there. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, well, I understand how you feel, you know, being the only black man in a group, you know, I get that. So I decided to just go with some friends that were going. And I said, well, what are you going to do with your day? And he said, well, me and some of the guys that I used to be in a friend group with, high school, we've been talking and like when you're not home, like I've been on the game with them playing video games. And he rarely played video games. Like I could count on my hand how many times. So when he said that, I got happy because I'm like, oh, finally he's gonna go out with friends. I'm happy for him. And he's like, well, me and the guys, we were talking about going to Kings island. And I said, going to Kings Island. I said, why are grown men going to Kings Island?

[A]

What's Kings Island?

[B]

What is Kings Island?

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry, that's like such a staple here. I didn't realize that other people didn't know it. It's a roller coaster amusement park.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, like for kids.

[C]

Well, no, they have like, humongous adult.

[A]

Like a Bush Garden Six Flags.

[C]

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I'll never forget this. I said, a group of grown men are gonna go ride roller coasters together. And he kind of gave me a look. And he was like, yeah, we used to do it all the time. We were in high school. Like, I just want to go hang out with my friends. Is that a problem? I was like, no, it's not a. Not a problem at all. Like, I just. I don't know. That's just making fun of you. Go ahead. Any other day. Normally, we could banter. Like, we could go back and forth and lightly bully each other. That wasn't out of the norm for us whatsoever.

[A]

Love language.

[C]

Yeah, absolutely. And so then the day of my friend's wedding came. He literally helped me get dressed, helped me put my dress on for me, help me put my heels on and, like, buckle them at the ankle and everything. Kissed me, said how gorgeous I looked. Have fun. What time did I think I was going to be home? Everything like that. And my friend came, we carpooled, and I left with her. And at this point, we've only been using my car this entire time because his car, his car had given out. But with his job, he also had a work vehicle that he used during work. So that's how that all kind of worked out. So then we're at the wedding. He's texting me every now and then, but I didn't want to bother him or anything. Like, I know he's with his friends. My one friend that drove, she said she was ready to go, so she drove us all back, and he still wasn't home. And I knew that he left for Kings island around noon. And it was like 7 o' clock at this point. And I'm like, okay, that's a long time. Whatever. And then I look at the clock again. It's like nine o'. Clock. And I had, ironically, found a show to watch, and it was called Ultimatum Cheating. Oh, yeah. And I was watching it, and he came home and he's like, what are you watching? And I told him what the show was, what it was about, and he said, am I. Am I able to cuss on here? Yeah, you can cuss. Okay. He said, you need to fucking turn that shit off.

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

And I was like, why? I was like, did you not have a good time with your friends? What's going on? And he's like, I just. I don't know why you watch all these cheating shows.

[A]

That's a testy Response a hundred percent.

[C]

So that was. I want to say the exact date was May 10, that that happened.

[A]

And so seven months into your marriage.

[C]

Yes. And then May 15, he said, it's Adrian's birthday. Me and the boys are going to go out to dinner, and then we're going to go over to Adrian's house. And Adrian is the friend that he helped move. Okay.

[A]

Who you had never heard about.

[C]

Never heard about him.

[A]

And have you met him at this point?

[C]

No. But the other friends he had talked about, I hadn't met in person, but I heard them on the phone. At one point, he was FaceTiming them. So Adrian was the only one that wasn't real. So then I never really. Again, I never really checked his location unless I was making dinner or something like that. Well, it was getting late, and this happened on a Thursday. And he knew and I knew that it was a work night. And it was like 10 o' clock at this point, and I could see that he had left the restaurant they were at and went back to Adrian's house. And I texted him and I said, hey, it's getting late. When do you think you're coming home? And he read it and never responded. And I let it go for like about half an hour. And then I tried to call him and he didn't answer. And I don't think at that point he had ever not answered one of my phone calls, ever.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So he didn't answer, but then he texted me right after and said, it's really loud in here. What do you need? What's going on? And something just in the pit of my stomach was like, something's wrong. Something. Something's gone awry. I, like, I have no idea.

[B]

That's called femtuition.

[C]

So I texted him back, and at this point, this is when I said, the submissive wife role. Now I'm pissed. So I texted him back and I said, you can't answer the phone for your wife. You can't step out of the room. You can't tell your friends to turn the music down and just answer the phone real quick. Like I'm just. When you're going to be home.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he got immediately defensive and he brought up childhood trauma, I guess you would say. And he said, my aunt and uncle put me under surveillance and took my cell phone away from me. I don't need you watching my location. I don't need you asking me where I'm at, what I'm doing. Yeah, I mean, it was like a flip of a Switch.

[A]

And then all of a sudden, do you feel like, oh, shoot, I did the thing. Like, I'm the problem now?

[C]

No, I. No. She's like, hell no.

[A]

He tried. He tried to put the blame on

[C]

you, but you're like, well. And the reason I felt like that is because I said, facetime me right now with your friends in the background. I want to see them, all of them. And he refused. And that's when he started talking more and more about his aunt and uncle doing this to him when he was younger and da, da, da, da, da, whatever. He finally called me and it was complete silence in the background. And I said, oh, did you walk outside? And he said, yeah, I did. I didn't want my friends to hear me and you argue on the phone. And I said, fuck that. I want to see you on FaceTime with your friends. I want you to send me a Snapchat. Do something. And he refused, but I just had a pit in my stomach. And we got off the phone with one another and I called my best friend Kenzie and I said, either I'm overthinking this shit or he's cheating on me.

[A]

I was gonna say, do you have a theory? Yeah. You thought he was cheating on you. Also, I love that your best friend's name is Kenzie and your name is Hannah.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I love that. Perfection.

[C]

And so she was like, well, don't jump to conclusions. She was very level headed with me. She's like, what do you need me to do? And I said, will you try to facetime him? So she did. He didn't answer, of course, but he texted her immediately after. What's up? And she said, oh, well, I wanted to FaceTime you and talk to you about she has a son. I wanted to talk over plans. You said you were going to dress up as Spider man for his birthday. And I just want. I wanted to talk about that. And he was like, yeah, we can text. Like, I can't talk on the phone right now. And she was like, oh, okay. And this was all over text. He never answered her call. Then she immediately called me back and was like, he's not answering. And that is when I went into full ass detective mode and my past jobs. I am a debt collector, so I know how to find people.

[B]

Oh, good for you.

[C]

So skip tracing.

[B]

What do you do?

[A]

Walk us through it?

[C]

We love this. Absolutely. Skip tracing. So there's a couple different websites that I know, and I looked up the address that he was@onTruePeople search.com. i could see who lived in that house most recently, and it was a woman.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So I looked that woman up and she was an older woman. And I was like, okay, that's not really making sense because he told me that his friend Adrian bought the house. And if he bought that house back in December, then this information should be updated by now. But it's still saying this woman's name. So I go to the woman's Facebook and she's probably in her, I don't know, 50s, 60s. I'm looking around at her friends list, and I see another woman who appeared to be her daughter. I just got curious, clicked on her daughter's Facebook, was looking around, and I could tell from the pictures that she had recently posted. She lives in that house. Because I also zillowed the house and saw what the outside and inside looked like. So I could just tell that this younger woman lived at this house.

[A]

You are my idol.

[C]

Ended up finding her other social media, and I found her Snapchat. And I knew it was kind of, like, unlikely. I added her in five minutes. She actually added me back. Wow. And I thought to myself, like, well, also I could see from her she was roughly nine, 10 years older than him. So she added me back. And I thought to myself, okay, how I only get one shot at this. This is my one shot. And I am just the type of person that I have to have undisputable, undeniable proof that's just the type of person I am. Unfortunately, they don't want any room to question themselves.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Correct. Yeah. Right now, I don't give a shit if I have intuition. I'm following that shit.

[B]

Amen, sister.

[A]

Amen.

[C]

So I messaged her and I said, hey, I know this is really weird, but I got a letter in the mail addressed to Adrienne. I can't remember. I think I made up a last name. Sure. Adrienne Miller. And it has this address on it. But when I looked this address up, your name popped up. So do you want me to drop this off to your house? To you? And she's like, that's really weird. I only live here. Me, my best friend, and my daughter. She has a daughter?

[A]

No, Adrian.

[C]

I was like, no, Adrian lives there. And she was like, no. And then I sent her a picture of my ex husband with nothing else. Just a picture, a selfie of him. I said, do you know this man? She goes, yeah, that's a duke. He actually just left. He was here with my friend.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

So I messaged her back and I Simply said, that's my husband. And I told her his full name, and she said he never knew his name. He never told us his real name. He told us his name was Duke.

[A]

Who's us?

[C]

Yeah. Her friend that lives with her. Oh, boy. Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't really. I don't want to use their real names.

[A]

That's good.

[C]

So the first girl that I. That I actually had contact with, that I Snapchatted, we'll call her K. And then her friend that lives with her, we'll call her C. So it was. It's honestly a blur. The time that happened between when I told her, that's my husband, and she had said, he just got done hanging out with my friend C here at the house. Because the next thing I knew, the bedroom door got busted down almost, and it was him. And he came into the room and he looked me in my eye and he said, what the fuck did you do?

[B]

Oh, what did I do? Oh, okay.

[C]

Literally, I'm not kidding. That's exactly what I said to him. I stood up from sitting on the bed and I said, what the fuck did I do? What the fuck did you do? Who the fuck is K? And then he tries to make up this really long, drawn out story right there on the spot and say it was somebody that he was talking to before him and I even met, and they stayed in contact, but just as friends. And he went to go hang out with her. And then I'm like asking him, like, you told me that Adrian lives there, and she told me that Adrian doesn't live there. And then in the midst of us kind of arguing, he took my phone from me and he ended up blocking. He. To this day, I don't know what he did or how he did it, but I've never been able to find her on Snapchat again.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[C]

I don't know how he did it. What he did, I have no idea. But I. Yeah, interesting. So then also, in the midst of us arguing, when he was done blocking her, had put my phone down and we're still arguing. And then. Sorry, I'm like, shaking reliving all of this.

[B]

No, I can't even imagine. Take your time.

[C]

I've never told the full story like this ever before.

[B]

Thank you for. Thank you for sharing it with us. We really appreciate you.

[C]

Oh. Then my best friend Kenzie started to call me and I answered it and she said, hannah, you need to leave the apartment right now. He's been cheating on you with both A and C. And I remember hanging the phone up, and then I looked at him and I said, now who the fuck is C? And that's when he went silent. Silent. And he walked into the other room and he grabbed his gun and he said that he doesn't deserve to have me and he's just gonna end it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And when the switch flipped in me, of course, and I am no longer mad, I am petrified that he's going to harm himself. I was never afraid for myself. Never at this point was I afraid for myself. So from that point on, I spent the next. This was. This was probably about 11, 11:30 at night at this point. And he kept trying to get me to go out of the bedroom so he could lock me out. And given his. The sum of his little backpedal, his family trauma, his older brother committed suicide when he was about 11 or 12. So I was so scared that he was going to do the same thing, of course. And he kept trying to push me out of our bedroom so he could lock me out. And I.

[B]

That was so hard.

[C]

And I didn't want to call the police because we live in a very, like, country type area, and him being a black man, and then if I tell the police he has a gun, and I don't trust the police with black men. And he knew that, and I know that he used that against me. So he kept trying to push me out of our bedroom so he could lock himself in the bedroom with a gun. And the only thing I could think of doing is getting him to stop. I. Like, he was trying to push me out, and I reached around and I punched him as hard as I could in his side to get him to, like, drop. Drop the gun. And it did make him drop the gun. And then he looked at me and he was so stunned. And then he pushed me up against the door and choked me.

[A]

Oh, Hannah.

[C]

And I was close to blacking out, but I didn't. That was the first time that he'd ever. He'd ever put his hands on me. And then he let go when he could see I was almost done. Like, I almost blacked out. And then, of course, like, my first priority should have been myself, but he grabbed the gun again. And I can only think about him, of course. And then the next thing that I thought would make him stop was I literally faked an asthma attack and I acted like I couldn't breathe in hopes that he would care and go try and find my inhaler for me. And that worked. And he started Freaking out. And he said he was going to call an ambulance. And then I was. I was like, no, like, I just put the gun down. Just put the gun down. As I was like, fake gasping for air. And he. Eventually he put the gun down. Then he found my inhaler. And I told him, like, in between faking breaths, I was like, I'm not taking my inhaler until you unload all. He had three or four guns in the house. He said, I'm not taking this inhaler until you unload all of the ammo and you put it in a separate room. And he finally did. And then I didn't realize how long I had been chasing him around our apartment trying to get him to put the gun down until I looked at my phone after he finally took all the ammo out and put him in a separate room. And it was 5:30 in the morning at this point. So I'd been chasing him around our apartment for like five and a half, six hours.

[A]

So your mental headspace at that point must have been like nothing you'd experienced.

[C]

I did nothing but shake. Like, I'm like, I. I've never been through something like that in my life.

[A]

That is so, so sorry.

[C]

So I said, can we please just go to sleep tonight? Like, it's literally 5:30 in the morning and we can talk about everything that happened and get through this tomorrow. And I remember getting in bed and he was standing on his side of the bed and he was just staring at me. And I said, you better not go in the other room and get the ammo. I swear to God. And he said, I'll never. Oh my God, I'll never forget this. He looked at me and he said, you have to go to sleep eventually.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And I looked at him and I was exhausted. And I said, you know what? I've done everything I can do. If you're going to kill yourself, then you're going to do it. Cannot sit here and babysit you for the rest of our lives.

[A]

Are you even thinking about the affair at this point? Like, is that still on your mind? I would imagine, yeah.

[C]

I mean, yes. But him being alive was like my number one. Like, we are literally still newlywed. And so I remember turning over. He had gotten it. He got in bed. I remember turning over and I realized my phone was on the floor. And I picked it up and I put it on my charger. And my best friend, I had 12 missed calls from her and I had like 20 text messages from her, and I texted her immediately. And I said, I'm okay. We're both in bed. And then I realized all of the things she was texting me, and it was screenshot videos. Because when. Sorry, let me backpedal. Before he had gotten home, before he busted through the door, I was relaying everything Faye was saying to me to my best friend Kenzie.

[A]

Sure. And she put on her sleuth hat and went digging. I'm sure.

[C]

Correct? Yes. And she ended up getting her phone number, and they were texting each other the entire time. Him and I were arguing for those five, six hours. And that is when all of the cards were laid out. So I'm looking through all of these screenshots and come to find out he had been sending money. He sent her money for her phone bill just because. And it wasn't like $5. It was like he paid her phone bill. That was like $200.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

How long had they been seeing each other?

[C]

Well, come to find out, he had randomly added her on Snapchat one months after we got married in November.

[A]

Bro.

[B]

What?

[C]

And then other things I found out. Apparently him and K talk, like, November, December. They ended up not really liking him like he said, but I think you would like my friend C. So. Really, homie hopped in the same apartment.

[A]

They lived together, right?

[C]

Yeah. So the stuff he was helping move was see, stuff out of storage into K's.

[A]

Okay. Disgusting.

[C]

So at this point, emotionally cheated on me with K, and emotionally and physically cheated on me with C. And his

[A]

story to them was that he was single. Like, he.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Lived alone and working alone.

[C]

His name was Duke.

[A]

Wow. Did he have social media?

[C]

No. And that is what I thought was such a green flag when I met him.

[A]

We. People fight us all the time on this because I know privacy. People prioritize it.

[C]

No, it's a red flag to me now if you don't have any social media. He had Snapchat. That was it.

[A]

Okay. I mean, you don't have to be on it all the time, but I want to be able to find you.

[C]

Let's be real.

[A]

I need to at least find a LinkedIn. Like, you have to be trace. I'm sorry. In this world, if you're not online, I'm like, you don't exist.

[C]

He did have an Instagram, but he. I honestly don't even think he had one singular post on there.

[A]

And then if he's telling them another name, I guess it doesn't even matter if he has social media, because he's like, right. They don't See his wedding photos, right?

[C]

And then this entire time. So on his Snapchat. I never was one to have like a private story or close friends on Snapchat. I just posted to my story, my public story, like normal. But after all the puzzle pieces came together, I'm like, oh my God. He made me think he was posting pictures of me and I was the only one in that private horde. And here I am.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

Yeah. So you.

[A]

So he was. It says private story. I'm more of an Instagram girl than a Snapchat girl. So you can see that it's private. But yeah, you don't know who else.

[C]

I don't know who else is in it. So Kenzie was also smart enough. She had woken her husband up and took his. Told him what was happening and took his phone. And while she was on the phone with K, she used her husband's phone to record the conversation to send to me. And Kay explained to Kenzie, like, we are so sorry. We had absolutely no idea he was married in a relationship, yet alone married. He never wore his ring, so he would always take his ring off. Obviously he was using my car to cheat.

[A]

The audacity.

[C]

The whole time that he was working that overnight project, she would come up and see him every single night he was working.

[A]

So he was actually working this overnight project.

[C]

He was actually working. But she would literally come up and be with him on his breaks or bring him food. So yeah, Kay explained, like, no, he literally is telling her that he loves her, wants to be together. They talked about marriage, they talked about kids, they talked about XYZ. And she's also older, so she's 10 years older than him and she has a, at the time, 14 year old daughter.

[A]

Oh my goodness.

[B]

Oh no.

[C]

So I found all that out and he sound asleep. Five minutes, five minutes after he laid down, sound fucking asleep, snoring. And that's when I got up from the bed and went into the bathroom and had my phone on the lowest volume to listen to the video that Kenzie had sent me. And I'm in absolute disbelief, of course, at this point. So I listen to everything, I save everything. I saved K's phone number because in the screenshot I could see it in the text messages.

[A]

Okay, good.

[C]

And then I go back into the bed and I probably slept just from pure exhaustion for an hour and a half, two hours because at that point I think I woke up at like 8:00'. Clock.

[A]

Yeah. How can you sleep with all of that? And also, you're like, I can't talk to him because he's going to grab the gun again. Like he's a loose cannon right now.

[C]

Yeah. So then he eventually woke up and he came out of the bedroom and sat with me at the kitchen island. And this. I'm not mad at myself, but I will, I will never be this soft girl ever, ever, ever, ever again. I took him by both of his hands and I said, I understand you went through a hard time as a child and I understand this is probably why you did this. And I said, please just lay everything out on the table and we can talk about it. Start from point A and we will go to point Z. I don't care how long it takes to get there. Just please tell me everything right now. Because if you tell me the truth, it's only going to hurt one time. But if you lie to me and I figure stuff out.

[B]

Yeah, hurt me with the truth, man.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So little by little, he would give me little bits and pieces. And at this point, this happened so long ago, I don't even remember all of the different lies and loopholes he was trying to tell me. Like at first, I remember he said, at first it was a one time thing. And I'm like, but you keep in mind I did not tell him that I, I was trying to get him to tell me the truth right before I revealed what I knew from K's screenshots and videos.

[A]

And then you get to see if he's lying.

[C]

Yes. So that's what I was trying to do.

[B]

When you start asking questions, it. We already know.

[C]

Like, no, the truth.

[B]

Like, get a lawyer. You already on trial. Godspeed. Like, we're, we already know.

[C]

So I let him talk. And I, I do remember saying like, like, is that all? Are you sure that's all? Is that it? And he'd be like, yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it. And I said, okay, well, I know. X, Y, Z. So that wasn't all of it. And then he would say, well, I didn't get to that part yet. Or I, I didn't lie about that. I just didn't tell you. And I'm like, withholding the truth is a form of lying. Like, so this was a Friday. Then the rest of the weekend happened. Honestly, the rest of the weekend was a blur. And then Tuesday came and I had to go in on Tuesday. So I mustered up enough whatever I had at the time and I went into work on Tuesday, even though I did not feel like going into work. And it was about Halfway through the day, and something was just eating at me alive. Like, you don't know all of it. You don't know all of it. You don't know all of it. So I texted K and I said, hey, this is Hannah. I'm sorry to message you like this. I'm sure you're just as shocked as I am, but, like, here's what he told me. Is there anything else going on? And she immediately texts me back, and she's like, you need to call me.

[A]

That's not what you want to hear.

[C]

So I put myself on break at work, and I walked over to this common area, and I called her. There was just, like, so much more shit. So when I called him when he was at the house, I actually was interrupting c giving him a tattoo.

[A]

Oh, how was he gonna explain that?

[C]

Your guess is as good as mine.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

So it had gotten to the point where she shaved his upper leg like it was gonna go on his thigh.

[A]

And did she do it or not yet?

[C]

No, because I. I interrupted when I called.

[A]

He's like, yeah, my friend Adrian's calling.

[C]

Yeah. So that was new information I found out. She sent me a screenshot of everything he had bought her. Sweatshirts, sweatpants, given her his underwear and hoodies that I had bought him to wear, bought her a brand new pair of Jordans, had bought her and her daughter concert tickets to Tyler, the creator.

[A]

And I'm assuming you didn't share finances like he had his own.

[C]

So, no, we did have a joint bank account, but he kept his individual bank account, and I was okay with it because he would put most of the money he made into our joint bank account. And he convinced me at the time that he would keep his account because he still owed money on his car. And he said, babe, like, I know you budget every month, so it's just easier for me to keep my old account. So you don't have to keep record of money coming out of our joint account for my car payment. So I was like, yeah, that makes total sense. So that's how he was able to get away with it.

[A]

Ugh. Okay. So he's buying them tons of stuff. She's tattooing him. He's there all the time.

[C]

Well, not yet.

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

Almost.

[C]

I don't know why, but the tattoo got me like, that. Just absolutely got me. I think it probably got me because him and I, right before we got married, got matching tattoos on the sides of our neck that says 4, 4, 4. And that means for better, for worse, for Life.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, wait, that's heartbreaking.

[C]

And I don't care. I'm. After everything happened, I discovered the angel numbers 4, 4, 4 means divinely protected. And I'm keeping my shit. I'm not getting it covered. And that is the meaning of that tattoo now for me. Because what happened if there's a God, whatever is out there was watching over me. So I got back to my desk after I got off the phone with Kay, and I just. I didn't know who to talk to. I obviously couldn't go back to work. So I told my boss. I said, I'm so sorry, but I have to. I have to take the rest of the day off. I can't work. And thank God. He was so understanding, and he's like, do whatever you need to do. So I walked out to the parking lot of my job, and I sat in my car, and I'm just thinking, like, who can I call right now? Like, I just. I need to talk to somebody. And the only person that I wanted to talk to in that moment was his aunt, because that's how close I was to her. And I called her, and I. I said, you know, auntie, I hate to tell you this, but he's cheated on me. And she thought I was pranking her, and she was like, don't say that. You're joking. And then she. She could hear me, like, sobbing, and she's like, I'm leaving work right now. Come to my house. And I left my job, and I started driving to her house, and I don't know if I turned my location off quick enough. I don't know if he saw that I had left work, but I realized that he started calling me and calling me and calling me and calling me. So I turned my phone off, and then I got to her house, and I probably was at her house for, like, three, three and a half hours, just crying into her arms, telling her everything.

[A]

Was she supportive? How did she balance being his?

[C]

Oh, she was. She was absolutely supportive of me. So then I told her everything. We talked. She was like, you know, if you decide to leave him, which I think you should. Like, she straight up told me, like, I think I. You should. You know, I still want you to come around. Like, you're still invited to the family holidays. Like, I. I don't want to lose you. I look at you as a daughter because I look at him as a son. And then I realized what time it was, and I got scared because he would have been getting off of work. So I told her that I had to go and I would let her know what was going on, like, later on. And I leave her house and I drive back to our apartment, and I had turned my phone on when I was only 10 minutes from my apartment, and I timed it perfectly so it looked like I was leaving work when I turned my phone back on. And when I turned my phone back on, I had like 10 missed calls from him. He texted me, why'd you turn your phone off? I called your work. I called your extension. Why? Why weren't you at work? Where did you go? I messaged him back and I said, I just got home from work because I thought. Because another part of me, like, I was obviously sad, upset, but I was mad too. I was like, if you can lie, I'm gonna lie too. So I said, I'm on my way home. I just got home from work. I don't know what you're talking about. So I get home, I go upstairs into our bedroom, and I'm looking out of our window, and I could see him through the window of our apartment that he was sitting in the car on the phone with somebody. And all of a sudden, as I'm looking out the window, I get a text from K. And she said, is he home from work? And I said, yeah, I just saw him pull in. And she goes, well, she's on the phone with somebody. Is he on the phone? I said, yeah, he sure is. So he's on the phone with her before coming inside to our apartment. So all the sadness left my body and I'm just in full on rage mode. And then I see him get off the phone, get out of the car, get his things out of the car and start walking towards the apartment. And K had texted me and said, C just got off the phone too. And I said, okay, that's confirmation enough for me.

[A]

Yeah, that's for sure. Also, I hope C was ripping him a new one.

[C]

You would think.

[A]

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[B]

Oh my God. Literally every woman can probably relate.

[A]

I mean, skims is so nice. I think the fit for feels amazing and I just love that there's something for everyone and comfort is priority.

[B]

Well, what I love is that it's not just this a size issue. It's a matter of soft bodies. Not everyone has a perfectly hard body. I lost 175 pounds and there are some parts of me that are soft, including my belly where your underwear goes and squeezes. But skims doesn't. It is the most comfortable underwear I have ever found.

[A]

And the skibs Everyday cotton collection specifically, like that's my favorite underwear.

[B]

I absolutely love how they just don't cut into my tummy and give you that. That little roll that makes you look like a busted can of biscuits. Already now you feel a little bit more confident wearing your undies.

[A]

So shop the everyday cotton and all of our favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order. Be sure to let them know we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show Dating Detectives in the drop down menu that follows.

[C]

So he comes inside and I said, pull down your pants. He said, what? What? What the fuck are you talking about? I said, pull down your fucking pants. And he slowly pulled him down and I lifted up his boxers and I could see that his leg was shaven. And I said, you, you were going to let her fucking tattoo you? And I said, you need to go stay the night at a hotel somewhere. I said, you're not staying here with me tonight. No, and he's like, I'm not going to be able to get a hotel room this late. And I said, okay, fine, you can stay the night here, but tomorrow you're gone. So he stayed the night, and then the next day happened, and then he had gotten home from work the next day, and he immediately came in from work and got a shower and started packing a bag to stay the night at a hotel. And of course, that's when regret kicked in for me. And I was like, okay, well, maybe. Well, maybe. Maybe you don't need to stay the night at a hotel. Maybe you should stay here. And we need to talk through things, because now I'm. I'm scared. Like, I don't. I. I wish that wouldn't have happened, but it did. And I'm crying and begging him not to go. Now the role's reversed. And he kisses me on my forehead and looks me in my eyes, and he said, this is going to make us stronger. I do think we need time apart so I can get my shit together and figure out why I did what I did. It was wrong with wrong of me. And we will get through this. We'll get through this together. And he left and he went to the hotel.

[A]

How did you feel when he said that?

[C]

Awful. I did not feel reassured whatsoever. And the hotel he was at, I shit you not, is one minute from our apartment. Like, what minute? What one minute.

[A]

All right?

[C]

So I texted him, like, two hours later, and I said, I know you haven't eaten anything. Can I please just drop food off at the hotel? Because he had gotten the hotel from Wednesday until Saturday because I told him he needed to stay there for a few days. So he texted me, no, I don't need food. We should not be messaging each other. This should be our time apart. And that's when I went crazy. And I went to the hotel, and I get to the hotel and. And he can see my location, and he's like, I'm not letting you in the hotel room. Like, we need to spend time apart. We need to spend time apart. And I'm like, no, I'm not taking no for an answer. And I thought, well, surely he's not going to say no if I go up to the clerk and ask him what room he's in. Like, you're not going to embarrass me like that, right? You're my husband, right? So I go inside the hotel, go up to the clerk, and I say, hi. Then my husband's name, you know, I'm his wife. I Can show you proof that I'm his wife. And she's like, are you on the registration? And I was like, no. And she was like, well, I'm sorry. Unfortunately, if you're not on the registration, even if you are his wife, I can't tell you what room he's in. But I can call his room and get his permission. And I said, okay, yeah, yeah, go ahead, call him. Call him, Call him. Me being confident, like, yeah, call him. So she calls him, and he tells her, no, don't let her into my room. Don't tell her what room number I'm in. And she tells me that, and I walk away from the desk, and I get a phone call from him, and I'm still in the lobby of the hotel. And he's like, you are fucking crazy. I told you, do not come here. I told you, we need time apart. Da, da, da, da, da. And I said, you're making me think that she's there with me.

[A]

I was gonna say, what is going on if not somebody in that room?

[C]

And he. He didn't budge. He was like, go home. You're not coming up into this hotel room. I'm trying to set a boundary with you, and you're trying to cross it. Definitely trying to flip the tables on me as if I'm the bad guy.

[B]

Yeah, like you're the bad guy.

[C]

So then I go home, and I don't think I spoke to him for, like, two days. And at this point, I had already looked up all of C's social media except Snapchat. So I already looked her up on TikTok. I had already looked her up on Instagram. She didn't have a Facebook, and she never posted anything about him on anything. And then I went on Snapchat, and you know how you can post a public sort? It'll stay on your public profile for, like, ever.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, she had a picture posted of her in front of the hotel in her car. Oh, boy.

[A]

And when was that taken?

[C]

That. That day?

[A]

Oh, no, the day he went.

[C]

Because the filter she had on the Snapchat picture was, like, the date. Wow.

[A]

She made it easy. Okay, so she was for sure in the.

[C]

Oh, yeah. So I took a screenshot of that and I sent it to him, and I said, fuck you. I want a divorce. We're done. I can't believe you would do this to me. And he was like, no, no, no. I told her to come here so I could tell her that I did you so wrong, and I want to work things out with You. And she was literally here and gone within five minutes. And I said, you want me to believe that you told her to drive all the way? It was probably like a 40 minute drive for you to talk to her and cut things off in person for five or ten minutes. No, I'm not believing that. But keep in mind I went through phases of being tough and he's such a good fucking manipulator and is just able to talk his way out of everything. So I held my guns. And then that, that was, I must have been Thursday that I looked and saw that. And I literally did not talk to him, didn't speak to him for the rest of Thursday. And then Friday happened. And at my job, they're always hiring new people. So this guy saw me walking through the hallway of my job and he stopped me and he was like, you're really pretty. Like, I, I know this is kind of weird, but can I take you out? And I said, you know what, fuck it, Fuck it. So I was like, yeah, sure. I said, but here's the situation. And I literally gave him a quick rundown of everything that had just happened to me.

[A]

You're like, this is what you're walking into. Would you like.

[C]

Yeah. And he's like, no pressure even. So, like, I'm new to the job, like, you can like show me around. And like, nothing weird. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure, let's go. So after work, we had gone to this little spot and we were there for maybe two hours just talking. Like we weren't truly, we weren't even flirting. We were talking about work, just chit chatting. Told him the whole ordeal that I had just been through. He told me some like, stuff about his exes, stuff like that. It was honestly like friends, it was not flirting or anything. Then it came time to pay for everything. And he had just moved there and he didn't move, I guess he didn't move all of his money over from one wallet to the next or whatnot. And he only had cash. So he was going into his pocket to grab the cash out of his pocket.

[B]

Oh no.

[C]

So I just handed the waitress, I'm like, here, just take this. Because like he's fumbling his cash. And she swiped my card and he looked at me, he's like, don't ever do that again here. And literally gave me a stack of cash. He's like, don't, don't do that. Don't ever pay for me again. Like, so then I get a text message from my husband and he Said, why did you just spend, like, $60 at, you know, Jimmy B's? Like, if you're like, are you there alone? Are you drinking? What's going on?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So I texted him back. I said, not that it's any of your business, but I just went on a date. And he freaked out. And of course he did. And he was. He was like, we're not getting a divorce. Like, I want to work things out with you. I know this is all my fault. It's like, at. At some points, he would take full accountability and be so sorry, but then at other points, it would, like, he wouldn't, like, firsthand blame me. But it. I don't know how to explain it.

[A]

I mean, it makes sense to me

[B]

that whatever it is kind of way. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It seems like whatever would work for him in that moment. Like, in that moment, he was losing you. So he said, yeah, he needed to say, like, it's not genuine ever.

[C]

So then he freaked out, said, no, I don't want to get a divorce. We're going to work things out. We'll talk when I come home tomorrow morning. He ends up coming home that morning, and we obviously talked everything out, and we weren't good by any means, but we were getting through each day. And where were.

[A]

Were you thinking there was hope to stay together?

[C]

Yes. Because he. This is gonna make this. This is the part where I'm gonna sound so stupid and where people would think I sound stupid.

[A]

Hindsight is 20 20.

[B]

And no, you are absolutely not to sound stupid.

[A]

We don't tolerate that here. And also, it's like, the circumstances. You can't. You have to be gentle with yourself.

[C]

I would ask to look at his phone as reassurance, and he. He wouldn't let me. He's like, if we're going to build trust back, you can't just sit there and look through my phone. And then he would bring up the fact that his aunt and uncle used to do that when he was younger, and he said he doesn't want to feel like he's backed into a corner like that again, like, when he was younger.

[A]

Yeah. And then you start feeling like, okay, if I really want to do this, I have to compromise and trust him and.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's a playbook.

[C]

So like I said, things weren't good between us by any means, but we were getting through each day, and each day got a little better and better. And when he would be away at work, he would always text me. There was never huge spaces of time where he would not text me back or not answer my call or anything like that. This is like, they're really, really. This is probably harder than. I don't know how to explain. This is the hardest part that I'm gonna have to say happened. It was at this point, it's like, two weeks past when I initially found out. So it's probably the very beginning of June at this point. And he. We hadn't been intimate, and one morning we woke up and he started to, like, touch on me. And at first I was okay with it, but then I. I, like, I. My body literally started shaking and was rejecting him really quick.

[A]

I just want to jump in and give you a heads up. She is about to share her husband's raping of her. And she's very honest and graphic, and it's important, but I completely understand how hard this is to listen to. It's about three minutes long, if you want to skip ahead. I'm grateful she's being so open, but it's really tough.

[C]

And I. I was like. I was so nice about it, too. I was like, listen, I'm not ready. I don't want to do this right now. And he did not listen to me. And he tore the covers off the bed, and he got off of the bed and stood by the bed and grabbed my ankles, and he pulled me to the. To the edge of the bed as I'm screaming, no, please don't stop. Like, you don't actually want to do this. Like, stop. And he put me in a chokehold and put his hand over my mouth, like, around me, and he forced himself inside me. And literally, I could tell that his body didn't even want to do it because he wouldn't even stay hard. Like, I could tell that his body didn't even want to do it, but he did it anyway.

[B]

Oh, I am so sorry. That is terrible.

[C]

And when he was done, right, I laid down on my stomach on the bed, and I was just sobbing. And he just stood there and watched me cry. And I looked at him and I said, you just raped your wife. Like, how could you do what you just did? And he. He said, no, you like it rough. You. You told me that you like doing it like that. And I said, no. I said, no. I said, stop. And he just completely turned it around on me and made me believe. As if I didn't say no serious enough. I'm. I don't want to blame myself, but, like, I hate that I. I stayed after that. And.

[B]

And this is someone you Trust. And it's. It's one thing to like it a certain way or enjoy sex in a certain way, but it always has to be consensual. And no is no.

[C]

There's some days that I forget that that even happened. Like, I can't. I still can't believe that that happened. And so he eventually got me to the point where I'm like, okay, I get. I guess that. I guess that's okay. I guess I, like, I got to be okay with it. Like, it's my husband.

[B]

It's hard to admit that, like, okay, this is my husband. That's not rape. This is my husband.

[A]

And a lot of people, you know, don't think that your husband can rape you.

[C]

So that was like, at the beginning of June, and then the summer happened, and part of me so badly wanting to make my marriage work, and it was very, very, very hard for me to know that the person that I thought he was and fell in love with is. Is actually this person. It was hard for me to separate the two when in reality, he was never the person that I actually fell in love with. That was a mask the entire time. And just the manipulation tactics and the being able to just talk his way out of anything and everything. There's a lot of people who think that, like, you know, why wouldn't you just leave? How come you're not able to see that? But honestly, you're lucky. If you've never been in that type of situation, you're lucky. And my birthday is August 1st. And over my birthday weekend was his cousin's or, well, soon to be cousin in law's bachelorette. And I'm really, really, really close with her. And we were going on a trip to Nashville for her bachelorette trip. And up to this point, nothing else violent had happened. He had. He hadn't put his hands on me or anything like that. And it was a couple of days before the trip, and he talked about, like, you should do something for yourself, like, go get a manicure and pedicure. And he said, let me drop you off at your nail appointment and I'll just hang around and pick you up. And I was confused on why he wanted to do that because the nail place is not even five minutes from our apartment. But he kept insisting, kept insisting. So I was like, okay, okay, fine, drop me off, whatever. He dropped me off the nail appointment. I'm thinking everything is like, I hate to say this, good between us. Like, I thought we were moving forward with everything. Nothing bad had happened since then. Nothing Weird, like, sneaky had happened. And then I'm at the nail appointment and I get done with a nail appointment and I call him to come get me. And I could see that he was like, at the, like, there's like a strip mall type ordeal kind of by the nail place. And he was at Petland. And I was like, what are you doing at Petland? And that's like, where you buy. I hate Petland. They sell purebred dogs that are not healthy and, like, come from Puppy Mill or something, right? Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing at Petland right now? He's like, I'm just looking at the dog. So I was waiting on you. And I was like, oh, okay. And he was telling me all about this dog he saw. And anyway, so he came and picked me up while I was waiting for like 15, 20 minutes, which the place is right across the street, basically. Like, it shouldn't have taken him that long to get me. He picks me up and we drove, we got dinner, came back, I started packing, and I was trying on all the new clothes that I had gotten because we were going to Nashville. And like, I'm a girl, so every time we go on a new trip, we need new clothes. Yeah.

[A]

You have to buy a whole new order.

[C]

So I was like, showing them certain things, and all of a sudden he was like, you're not wearing that. Why would you wear that? You would look like a. You're not wearing that. Ew. And I was like, the. I'm not wearing it. Yes, I am. And so that's kind of when, like, the certain types of clothes I couldn't wear started. But I packed them anyway because I don't give a shit. I'm wearing what I want to wear.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Then we go on the trip. And the entire time on the trip I have low key anxiety. Like, if. If he wanted to cheat, this was the perfect time. I'm out of town, I'm four and a half hours away. But he had FaceTimed me. We also had a. We have a ring camera that was on the outside of our apartment. And then we also had an indoor camera. So I anxiously checked those. Nothing weird happened. I didn't see anybody coming or going besides him. So we're on the trip, whatever, everything's fine. Get home from the trip. The rest of August happens, everything is literally fine. September happens, everything is fine. I'm thinking August and September were huge leaps for me of trust for him, because nothing bad had happened, nothing weird had happened. I started to actually Build my trust back in him. And then he said, I have a surprise for you. You need to take off work the first week of October. And I'm like, oh, that's our anniversary. What are we doing? And he was like, I planned a trip for us for our anniversary to show you how sorry I am and to show you I love you and to show you that I'm serious about wanting to do this. Also, in the midst of all of this, I would say sometime in July. He's the one who brought up to go to therapy.

[A]

I was in his j.

[C]

Individual therapy and couples therapy. So we had started that as well.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But yeah, so we were in therapy. So a week before the trip, I saw on my TikTok that C had looked at my profile on TikTok and she accidentally liked and unliked a couple old videos.

[B]

Whoopsie doodle.

[C]

So when I saw she did that, I messaged her and I said, you know what? Why are you looking at my. Leave us alone. So then all of a sudden, 20 minutes later, I get a call from my husband. And he said, what did you say? To see. She just called me anonymously because I have her number blocked and said that. Said that she's gonna come to our place and beat your ass and she's gonna curb stomp you and stab you and da da, da, da da. All this and that.

[B]

Well, that's lovely.

[C]

And he said, I need you to leave the house. I'm scared. I'm scared she's gonna come there. I'm scared she's gonna do something to you. And in my head, I'm like, at this point, I've seen her social media. I know what she looks like. I have six inches on this girl. Also, the way our apartment is, it's like locked down like Fort Knox. He wouldn't be able to get in. Like, there's just no way. And so he. But he begged me. He kept begging me, you need to leave the apartment. Please leave the apartment. Please leave the apartment until I come home. Because he's working out of town at this point. And he speeds home and he stays on the phone with me the entire time. And I listened to him and I did leave an apartment. And finally after like two hours, I said, listen, I'm going back to our apartment. This is ridiculous. So I go back to our apartment. Obviously she's not there. He comes inside and he gives me the, like, the biggest hug since our wedding day with tears in his eyes. And he's like, I'm so sorry that I have put you through this. You do not deserve any of this. I can't believe that I have caused somebody to threaten your life. I'm so sorry. And I truly felt. I feel like a fool now, but at the moment, I felt like he was so genuine in his apology, with tears in his eyes, like, I can't believe I did this to you. I promise to be a better husband. I will become a better man. I'm so sorry. And I believed him. And then that next week is when we went to Nashville for our anniversary, the first week of October.

[A]

Oh, so I'm on a high knight in shining armor.

[C]

Yes. I'm on a high thinking, like, finally, we got past this. Everything is good. The. The trip was probably the last time I had felt true, absolute happiness with him. That trip couldn't have been any better. And then the rest of October was totally fine. And then November 2nd hit, and I was working a double at my serving job, and he texted me right when I got to work at 11am and he was. He was like, hey, just so you know, a group of guys, we're getting together, and we're going to the movies. And I was like, what? I was like, that's not. What do you mean, a group of guys? And then he also said, we also might hit up topgolf. And I'm like, why are you doing all of these activities when you don't even like. Not to sound mean, but he's not friends like that with his co workers. Like, he does not hang out with them outside of work.

[A]

Yeah, last time he was hanging out with a bunch of guys, you didn't know it didn't end very well. So we have questions, right?

[C]

So when he said that to me, I said, okay, that's fine, but can you send me a picture of y' all together? So it's history repeating itself. And then he freaked out in the same hissy fit. We've been doing so well together. We're in therapy together. I told you that. C Called me. Like, no, I don't need to do this. Like, you're putting me under surveillance again. Like, I already lived through this with my aunt and uncle. I don't need my wife doing this. Da, da, da. Whatever.

[A]

Oh, geez.

[C]

And this is when I truly did start to like. I. It's like my soul knew. Like, this is the end. Our marriage is not going to last. But it's like my heart and brain didn't accept it, but my soul knew.

[B]

And you don't want to believe that it's true. But you know in your body that.

[A]

Yeah, your body recognizes this pattern. This is a cycle now.

[C]

And we were texting the entire day, just arguing. Except, like, the last two hours of. I worked, I just didn't text it back. And I get off of work, I clock out, and I look at one of the girls that I work with, and I literally looked her in her eye, and I said, if I end up dead, my husband did it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Foreign.

[B]

So, first of all, this is. And this is only half the story. Like, there's still a whole nother part to go.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

But did. It's crazy, because. Did you guys know that marital rape was not illegal in all 50 states until 1993? You guys.

[A]

I just.

[B]

That's in our generation.

[A]

And I think it's easy to forget how many people don't know that this is so prevalent and has been like. Like, I don't know, the MeToo movement, all of that stuff. Like, it's not enough. Like, we're not even close to being done talking about this stuff. And. Yeah. How many people do. I don't want to think about how many people don't realize that what happened to them was rape.

[B]

Yeah. Just because you're married to someone, you don't owe them anything. Even if you're married to this person, even if it's not violent, it. If it's unwanted and there's no consent or in. There's not enthusiastic consent, then it's rape. Period. That's it. Period. We're not sugarcoating it.

[A]

This whole story is scary. And we just said after we got off the call with her, just like. Like, I'm so happy she's here and safe now, and obviously she's telling the story. At the end of part two, we will get into more of a dogfish debrief. I definitely want to do more research on the psychology of compartmentalizing abuse and assault. You know what I mean? Like, I. I'm interested in talking about that at the end of this and all of the other things that came up. And there will be more. So stick with us at the end of part two, and we want to hear your thoughts. And if you have messages of support for Hannah, we always like to pass that along to guests. So on Dating detectives, podcast, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Patreon, wherever you want to write us, we can always share that support for you.

[B]

Thank you for being so supportive, too. We have such an amazing audience in you guys. And just the way that you're willing to be so supportive and, you know, show so much empathy and concern and compassion. And you guys are such an amazing. We. We ha. We literally have the best listeners ever. You guys are amazing.

[A]

And when you share, it reaches people like Hannah. Like, if we can just give a mic to everybody who needs to share their story, that's all we want to do. So thank you for sharing and posting and hopefully we can just keep sharing stories like this because it's important.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And thank you for tagging us on social media. When you hear a story that you're like, yo, this needs to be heard, you tag us. You tag the Dating Detectives or Dating Detectives podcast. I think we are on socials and just say, hey, you should share this.

[C]

You're.

[B]

You're basically sharing a platform that you feel safe with that others are now feeling safe with. And so it's just growing and helping people to feel less alone. So thank you so much.

[C]

We're grateful for you.

[B]

We love you all and as always, trust your.

[A]

Trust your feition.

[C]

Sam.