Married to a Stranger

Summary

The Dating Detectives – "Married to a Stranger"

Date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz (A), Hanna Anderson (B)
Guest: Dominique (C)
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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OVERVIEW

In this deeply personal and intense episode, hosts Mackenzie and Hanna welcome Dominique, who shares her harrowing story of falling for, marrying, and ultimately escaping from an emotionally and psychologically abusive partner, Patrick. Although not focused on the usual "cheating dogfish," Dominique's account exposes a different kind of partner deception—manipulation, obsession, and coercive control, compounded by religion, mental health struggles, and trauma bonds. Her story is a powerful exploration of how abusers gain trust and exploit vulnerabilities, and how survivors fight their way out.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

Background & Early Vulnerability

[05:11–07:13]

• Dominique recounts a tumultuous childhood marked by trauma and abuse, shaping her sense of self-worth:

  "When I met my first husband, I was already kind of broken... he helped me out... so I felt like I owed him my life." (C, 05:13)

• She becomes a mother young, and endures years of further abuse and being trapped in a refusal-to-divorce situation.

Entering the Workforce & Social Circle

[08:21–11:09]

• Dominique has a reputation as a "people person" at her warehouse job, but distrusts romantic advances.
• After breaking up with a long-term boyfriend, coworkers probe about her availability, leading to an introduction to Patrick.

Meeting Patrick – The Wooing

[11:46–15:06]

• Patrick nervously but sincerely approaches Dominique, complimenting her and asking for her number (“He was making me like, I’m sweating over here. Yes, you can have my phone number.” — C, 12:58).
• His shy demeanor disarms her; he’s described as “very cute,” soft-spoken, nervous—a contrast to “toxic men” she dated previously.
• Early rapport is built on mutual work acquaintances and perceived safety.

Accelerated Attachment & Red Flags

[18:17–27:28]

• First date at Patrick’s house (a risk Dominique acknowledges but justifies due to mutual work history): “I told myself, he’s not a stranger, he’s not a psycho.” (C, 18:54)
• Patrick’s religious background as a former Jehovah’s Witness is discussed openly. He claims to have left due to church politics.
• Affection grows rapidly. Patrick says “I love you” within two weeks, and Dominique reciprocates, despite later regretting the rush:

  “Because I’m a 36-year-old woman and I know better. I know better.” (C, 24:28)

• Patrick showers her with attention, money, and the promise of commitment, which Dominique finds intoxicating.

Moving In Together & Escalating Control

[27:28–39:01]

• The relationship moves rapidly; Dominique proposes a “trial week” of living together after just a few weeks.
• First warning sign ("pink flag") appears when Patrick abruptly leaves after finding an old photo of Dominique and her ex and accuses Dominique of dishonesty — demonstrating controlling, jealous behavior.
• Patrick returns after apologizing, blaming his trust issues.

Engagement & Wedding: Warp Speed

[39:02–47:09]

• Within weeks, talk of marriage begins. Patrick’s sense of urgency (“Why do you want to wait that long? Do you not love me?” — C, 40:34) shortens wedding plans to a mere two months.
• Halloween wedding, chosen by Dominique, becomes a reality with her dream black dress.
• Dominique’s mom expresses concern, but Dominique feels pressured (“If I deny him, he’ll break up with me.”—C, 45:32).
• Despite inner doubts (“I pushed it way deep...I buried it under all those red flags.” — C, 40:42), Dominique proceeds.

Honeymoon: The Turning Point

[46:45–51:54]

• Idyllic honeymoon in the Smoky Mountains marks the last time happiness is genuine.
• Patrick becomes moody and accusatory when Dominique wants downtime: “He comes barging in and starts yelling at me that I ruined the honeymoon... just goes in on me.” (C, 50:51)

The Mask Slips: Onset of Abuse

[51:55–56:46]

• Patrick’s controlling and religious dogma emerges:

  "That's when religion started to creep in, where he's like, 'well, you're a wife now. That's not what a wife does.'" (C, 51:55)

• Commands Dominique to serve him, bans friendships with men and single women, dictates clothing, isolates her from her friends.
• Workplace rage at Dominique’s interaction with her ex escalates into public scene and verbal abuse; starts labeling her disrespectful.

Escalation to Physical Threat & Fear

[56:47–59:52]

• Patrick kicks in Dominique's locked bedroom door in front of her family. Police deem it a non-criminal, "domestic" matter; Dominique feels trapped:

  “It was very scary because... I did not think this through when I agreed to marry you.” (C, 59:24)

• Realization sinks in that she is legally stuck and vulnerable due to marriage laws in her state.

Increasing Isolation, Unpredictability & Stalking

[59:53–77:16]

• Patrick’s demands tighten; Dominique is isolated from all support except her mother and children.
• Incidents of reckless driving (“He is so mad, and he’s yelling at me, and he’s raging out... I’m terrified. I want out of the car. He’s not letting me get out.” — C, 66:00)
• She literally flees the moving vehicle and walks home in the snow.
• Abuse intensifies: Patrick alternates between episodes of “delusional happiness” and paranoid rage, accuses Dominique of conspiring with others.
• Paranoid episodes involve allegations of surveillance by “the FBI,” claims social media is censoring him, and public rants accusing Dominique of infidelity.

Unraveling the Obsession

[75:00–78:15]

• Patrick confesses he was a virgin, had never kissed anyone, and had meticulously planned to be with Dominique for years before approaching her—a calculated obsession:

  “His mother knew about me before our first date. People in his church knew about me. He planned it. It was methodical planning.” (C, 76:28)

• Dominique is deeply disturbed (“Blanket of fear washed over me... this is not normal.” — C, 77:13).

Fight for Survival & Strategy to Exit

[78:15–93:54]

• Fearing for her life, Dominique coordinates an "operation" to get Patrick out, especially after he voluntarily removes guns from the home.
• Patrick's paranoia turns to barricading himself, erratic home behavior, harassment over the family dog, and locking Dominique out.
• Dominique snaps, forcibly tries to remove Patrick and his belongings, but he lingers—living out of his car, stalking her, leaving her unsafe.
• She calls police out of concern for his wellbeing rather than for her own safety, highlighting complicated trauma bonds.

Finale: Law, Mental Health, and Escape

[89:44–94:38]

• After a violent altercation at a gas station leads to Patrick’s arrest, Dominique acts quickly:

  “I spent four hours at the hospital going through every single piece of evidence that I had and to prove to him that he is not in his right mental state.” (C, 92:43)

• She secures a mental health warrant so that, if re-arrested, he would be hospitalized, not incarcerated.
• Changes the locks, packs up all his belongings. When Patrick is released, he retrieves his things and vanishes.
• Dominique is left married but separated; she cannot afford a divorce (“That’s why I said it’s so easy to get married, it’s so hard to get divorced.” — C, 95:27).

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MEMORABLE QUOTES & MOMENTS

• On pressure and love-bombing:

  “He swept me off my feet so hard and so fast. He was giving me everything I wanted from my ex—the attentiveness, the closeness, the romance.” (C, 24:28)

• First pink flag:

  “When he came over for that trial week, this is when the first pink flag pops up... I call it pink because the French flags just go past and...they’re so pretty.” (C, 28:16)

• On gaslighting:

  “He’s trying to gaslight you and make it seem like it’s your idea and that this was—it’s the illusory truth effect. You keep telling someone the same thing over and over, they’re [going to] believe it.” (B, 35:42)

• On abuse:

  “He waited until I married him to show me who he really is.” (C, 61:44)
  “All that’s all it took was that first month to get his hooks in me so deep...” (C, 61:52)

• On the impact of past trauma:

  “When you come from—with the background that I come from, you don’t ever think you deserve anything good.” (C, 47:13)

• On mental illness vs. abuse:

  “Mental illness does not equal abuse, and that is a huge thing to separate. But this was a tough situation.” (A, 03:41)

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IMPORTANT SEGMENTS & TIMESTAMPS

• [02:35–03:51] – Discussion of the intersection of abuse, religion, and mental health.
• [14:30–14:57] – The giddy optimism at the start of the relationship.
• [18:17–19:29] – The risky decision to meet at Patrick’s house—including Dominique’s reasoning.
• [27:53–35:42] – First signs of controlling and jealous behavior, "pink flags," and gaslighting.
• [40:34–41:44] – Pressure to marry quickly.
• [46:46–50:51] – Honeymoon as the point when the relationship turns abusive.
• [51:54–53:56] – Religious justification for control; isolating Dominique from friends.
• [55:13–59:19] – Patrick’s violent outburst, police response, and Dominique’s realization of her lack of legal power.
• [65:06–68:46] – Dangerous, reckless driving incident and Dominique’s escape.
• [70:41–73:40] – Paranoia, accusations, public rants, and surveillance obsessions.
• [75:00–77:13] – Revelation of Patrick’s long-term stalking and obsession.
• [89:44–93:54] – Patrick’s arrest, Dominique’s mental health intervention, and reclaiming her home.
• [95:27] – The reality of divorce barriers for survivors.

---

REFLECTIONS & AFTERMATH

Hosts’ Reflections:

• Mackenzie and Hanna discuss the “me too” moments listeners might find, especially around early conditioning to blame oneself in abusive or unhealthy relationships (“What did I do wrong? I must be at fault.” – A, 100:01).
• Deep emphasis on how unmet needs from childhood can make one vulnerable to manipulative partners, and the importance of developing self-love to reduce susceptibility.
• The nuance between mental illness and abuse is reinforced; not all with mental illness abuse, and vice versa.
• Importance of self-trust and reclaiming agency after abuse.

Dominique’s Closing:

• She emphasizes she is still healing, and is currently focusing on relearning and re-loving herself (C, 98:14).
• Expresses hope that her story helps others feel less alone.

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TAKEAWAYS & RED FLAGS HIGHLIGHTED

1. Love-bombing & Fast Forwarding: Expressing intense affection, pushing for rapid commitment and cohabitation, then for legal ties.
2. Obsessive Control: Banning social contacts, dictating clothing/behavior, religiously justified subjugation.
3. Gaslighting & Emotional Whiplash: Creating confusion, guilt, then sudden reversals (“delirious happiness”).
4. Escalation Post-Commitment: Abrupt change in character, with abuser “waiting until you’re locked in” before showing true nature.
5. Public & Private Outbursts: Rage directed at both Dominique and anyone—her family, coworkers—who “threatens” control.
6. Legal Entrapment: Difficulty removing abuser due to marital laws and insufficient police response.
7. Paranoid Delusions: Belief in surveillance and persecution, possibly severe untreated mental illness, but still alongside manipulation/abuse.
8. Stalking & Persistent Threat: Even after initial separation, ongoing surveillance and unsafe behaviors.

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EMPOWERING LESSONS

• You can love your abuser and still need to leave.
• Early “pink flags” matter—listen to your intuition, and don’t ignore signs simply because everything else feels “like a fairytale.”
• Mental illness is not an excuse for abuse, and support is available for both survivors and those witnessing these patterns in themselves or others.

---

LISTENER ACTION

If you are experiencing or suspect abuse:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone].

Share your story:
Listeners are encouraged to send stories to the show—see [e-mail].

---

FINAL QUOTES

• “He studied you and came in playing the part that you needed... That’s also why so many people get into multiple abusive relationships... It’s not your fault.” (A, 96:46)
• “I’m going to relearn myself and re-love myself.” (C, 98:14)
• “Trust your femme intuition.” (B, 107:46)

---

A searing, cautionary account of coercive control, trauma, and survival, Dominique’s story is a vivid illustration of how abusers operate, the systemic gaps that keep people trapped, and the hard-won lessons of self-trust and healing.

Transcript

[A]

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-6-7233 for support.

[B]

Hi. Happy dating Detectives Monday. Hello.

[A]

Hello. Hi, mackenzie. Welcome back.

[B]

It's a national holiday. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for being patient with me. I had so much going on with primecon, and then I had a Nashville event, and it's been a crazy couple of weeks.

[A]

So we do want to. For being patient, tell people. Last week, we had an episode. Yes, Molly subbed in. It was amazing. Some of you recognize that at the very beginning, Molly's microphone was subpar, and she wants us to tell you that she messed up the settings for her microphone. Only at the beginning of the episode, only in the introduction. So the rest of the episode is totally fine. Some of you were like, I cannot listen to this. And Molly says she's very sorry. She has Mike. And it's. It was. It was great the rest of the time. So just, you know, skip. Skip five minutes and just get into the story. It's worth it. It was really great to talk. I loved.

[C]

Yeah, that song was great.

[B]

I noticed that. And I was like, oh, her settings must be off. And so.

[A]

And then it was fine.

[B]

I really appreciate that our listeners, like, recognize that, and they're so helpful and like, hey, I just wanted to let you know, like, your audio. So thank you so much for recognizing that. But please, if you didn't listen to.

[C]

The episode because of that, it's fine.

[A]

I. She was like. People were like, do we need to buy you a mic? We're like, no, it's. We're sorry. But, yeah, we.

[B]

We're only human.

[C]

What do you want from us?

[B]

I love so much that everybody was just so kind about it. So thank you.

[A]

We have another guest this week.

[B]

Her name is. Her name is Dominique. I love that name so much.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I really think Dominique, the Coco, if you know that movie, you get it.

[B]

I really think that you guys are gonna love her. She's a great storyteller, and she has a very interesting story to tell, and I just, the whole time, like, related to her. So I'm curious to know what you Got. How many of you relate to some of the things that she says also?

[A]

Definitely some abuse, some religious stuff.

[B]

Mental health.

[A]

Yeah. So, like, this case, definitely the Dogfish. His name's Patrick. I don't think she says it until, like, halfway through. So Patrick is the Dogfish. He definitely lived with mental illness and was also abusive. And I think it's just very important that we separate those two. Things like mental illness or having a psychotic break does not equal abuse. But in this relationship, like, his mental health definitely complicated her ability to leave, and it created some real harm.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And we also want to acknowledge that we are not mental health professionals. We can only listen to our guests tell their story, and we have no mental health background whatsoever. So, I mean, yeah, we want to. We just want to acknowledge that we only do what we can and hear what we can, and we just. Yeah, I don't know, just kind of be really sensitive about the topic also.

[A]

So we're making space for the nuance without excusing what happened.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. That's a good way to put it.

[A]

Yeah. And I hope everybody. I think we've had this come up before, and it's like, mental illness does not equal abuse, and that is a huge thing to separate.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

But this was a tough situation.

[B]

Before we get into the story, I just want to thank all of our listeners, first of all, and all of our Patreon. So many of you have signed up for the $9 a month tier. So we had the $5 a month tier, which is like two bonus episodes a month, and then the book club and the forum. And now the $9 a month tier includes the ad free listening. So thank you so much for supporting our podcast just by listening and for being a Patreon or. We really appreciate you, Sleuthes, and for sending us your stories, which you can always send us your stories at Investigate the Dating Detective podcast dot com. So thank you so much. And I'd really like to get into it. Do you guys. Hannah, you ready to meet Diane?

[A]

So ready.

[B]

Okay, let's.

[A]

Hi, Dominique.

[B]

Hi, Dominique. We are so glad you're here. We are ready for you to have the floor. So will you please take us away on your journey and share your story with us?

[C]

Yes. So I guess we'll start with, hi, my name is Dominique.

[A]

Hey, girl.

[C]

And my story is usually it's a little different than what you guys cover because it doesn't necessarily have, like, a cheating aspect to it, but it's not.

[B]

All dogfish are cheaters.

[C]

You're not wrong. So I guess I'll just give you, like, a little background story and tell you how I grew up a little bit. So I grew up not in the healthiest family dynamics. A lot of trauma, a lot of abuse, like, physical and, you know, sexual. So I'm so sorry. Like, I have that from when I was a kid, so. So when I met my first husband, I was already kind of broken. So when I met him, I was not down a very good path in my life, and he kind of helped me out of that. So I felt like I owed him my life because I felt like if I hadn't met my first husband, then I probably would have ended up dead. The way that I was going, oh, wow. So that kind of leads into yes. But, you know, we. We go on. So when he got me on a better path when the abuse started, I was so impressionable because I was 17 years old when I met my first husband. Oh, wow. Okay. I met him when I was 17 years old. I got pregnant with my son at 18, so I got pregnant real quick. So I just. I felt like the way that he steered me away from the life I was. I felt like I owed him something, right? So when he started talking down to me and pushing me, it was kind of like, all right, maybe this is not okay. But at the same time, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. So the name calling and the pushing eventually turns into the cheating and the physical, and it was very, very, very toxic. So, of course, when the abuse started, I was already in love with him. We already have a kid. So I ended up marrying him, and the abuse just got worse. And it was so bad that he actively refused to divorce me for five years. It was ridiculous.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

We were separated. He just refused to divorce me. So I just. I just. I'm just trying to give you a nice little picture of my first husband, because that was traumatic in itself. A whole story in itself. But that was with him when I was 17, and I left him when I was, like, 26. So when I left him, I was like, I'm free, so I just want to date and do. I just want to do what I want to do. So I did that for a couple years, and then I met my ex boyfriend, who is also kind of, like, not a main person, but he's kind of key to this story because I was with him for seven years, and he got me the job to where I'm working now. I got with him when I was, like, 28 years old. Me and him have been separated for two years now. So me and him were together for seven years. And he. He wasn't. He wasn't a good boyfriend, but he's a better friend. Me and him are still friends to this day. And I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Like, he's a person that I want to keep close. You know what I mean? Yeah. But he's not good in a relationship, because he is. No.

[A]

That's very mature of both of you to get there.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. No, so very important. He's been working where we work for 15 years, and I have been there for six and a half years. So being there so long, it's a warehouse. So kind of like everybody knows everybody. I have a bubbly personality. I. I'm like a people person, but I don't like people. Does that make sense? Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yes. So everybody knows me at work because I. I do everything at work. Like, I train the new hires, I fill in for supervisors. I work every shift. It's like I know all the ins and outs of that place. So everybody knows me. Right? So after me and my ex broke up.

[A]

The friend. The one. Not the husband. The friend. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yep. Yep. So after we break up, of course, that's like the talk of the doc. Like, oh, my God, they finally broke up. They finally broke up. So after we're broken up for a while, one of our co workers approaches me and asked me if I'm single now. This man is married. And I'm looking at him like, I know you're not asking me to do. Because you're married.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Get away from me. Don't play me. So, like, he seemed, like, the hesitation in my face, and he was like, it's not for me. I was like, well, I would hope not. So. So he says that he heard that me and my ex aren't together no more, and somebody had asked him about it and wanted to know if it was true. Like, if I was single. And I was like, you know, yeah, I was single. So when I told him yes, I guess he went back and told this person, but he did not tell me who was asking. So I just go about my day, and at this time, I'm working third shift, so it's like six in the morning. I'm getting ready to leave, so I go and I check in with the supervisor. And I'm just sitting there, and I'm just talking with them, making small talk, because I'm trying to stall time to clock out. 10 minutes so I look over and I see two guys, and they're picking up little boxes, and I'm like, more time. So I go help them. And these are two guys that I normally really don't talk to a lot. Like, I know them, but I don't really talk to them very much. And it's an older gentleman, probably like in his 50s or 60s. And then there is a guy around my age in there, and we're just in there talking, and he's making small talk. And I'm thinking to myself, like, this is the most you've ever conversated with me. Is it you?

[A]

Was he cute? Were you into it?

[C]

He was very cute.

[A]

So they always are.

[C]

They always are. So, like, he's making little fun. I'll talk with me. And we get done picking everything up, and I drive away, and I'm going to go leave for the day. And as I'm leaving to go clock out, I see him where I parked his B Drive forklifts. So where I parked my forklift, he was maybe like a few forklifts down. And I see him out the corner of my eye, and I was like, this is not your exit time. Are you following me? So he was indeed following me. And then he said, Excuse me, Ms. Dominique. And I was like, yes, yes, sir. How's that? He was like, may I speak to you?

[A]

And I was like, it's like, hello, my lady. May I please speak to thee?

[C]

I felt so fancy. I was like, nobody has ever approached me like this. You know, typically, men are like, yo, mommy. Like, hey, Jordy. Like, hey, girl. Yeah, you don't turn for those men. No, you turn for the Excuse me, menace.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. So he's pretty much just standing there telling me how over the years of working there, like, we've locked eyes, and he feels a connection, and he just thinks I'm so beautiful. And I'm like a perfect mix of Rihanna and Pocahontas. He was coming in strong. Wow. He was coming in strong. So he said, I'm gonna call you Riri. So that's what he called me. He called me Riri, and he asked for my phone number. And of course I said yes. I was like, you are making me like, I'm sweating over here. Yes, you can have my phone number. Text me as soon as I walk away from you. But as I'm giving him my phone number and he's putting it into his phone, he's visibly shaku. Like, the phone is shaking. He is shaking.

[B]

He's nervous.

[C]

He is so nervous. And I find that absolutely adorable because, like I said, I go for the toxic man. So I've never experienced that before. So it was just. It was definitely something like, I'm 36 years old at this time. I've never had anybody approach me like that ever in my life.

[A]

It's sadly rare.

[C]

It sadly is rare. So I was like, I am going to take this and run with it. So the next night, I come to work and I kind of ask around about him because I don't really know him, but everybody has such good things to say about this man. Such good things. Like, nobody has ever had a problem with him. It's just he's. He's the quiet one on the dock. Okay. So he's definitely very quiet. He's definitely very reserved. And he definitely didn't talk to a lot of people. So when he gets home, he texts me and we start texting. This happens on like, like a Wednesday or something. And we're texting for a few days and we eventually say we kind of want to hang out but don't set like a date. And like, realistically, that Saturday I already had a date and I wasn't gonna cancel my clearance.

[A]

Yes, that's okay.

[C]

So I was like, how about Sunday? So we settled for Sunday. We settled for Sunday at, like 6:00'. Clock. And Sunday morning he texted me, good morning, beautiful.

[A]

I love.

[B]

I am a sucker for a good morning, beautiful.

[C]

I am a sucker for it. Call me, chocolate on a hot summer day. Okay. I'm melting. I'm melting.

[A]

It didn't feel too soon.

[C]

It didn't. Because he wasn't a stranger.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, yeah, I didn't know him, but I've worked there for six and a half years. He's worked there for eight years. So he's not a stranger. Yeah, right. And all these people had such good things to say about him. So.

[A]

And he was very clear. I'm interested in you and would love to.

[C]

Very, very clear. No if, ands or buts about it. Yeah, okay.

[A]

He's cute. Damn.

[C]

It was. It was so stinking. You.

[B]

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[C]

So he texted me that Sunday morning and he asked me if I mind it if we moved it up a couple hours. And I'm taking it like, oh. And I was just like, yes, yes, yes. I'll see you at 2. So we moved it up from like 6 to 2 o' clock. And I'm going to his house again. This is not a stranger. Like I, I've been listening to you guys for a long time. You don't go to a man's house, okay? And I love true crime, okay? I'm not going to end up on a document. Don't go to the house.

[B]

Not end up on Dateline, No.

[C]

But I told myself he's not a stranger, he's not a psycho.

[B]

And he was nervous. So like he was a bad guy.

[C]

He's not going to murder me if he's nervous, right? Like the murderers are cool, calm and collective, okay? They're not shaking in their boots when you give them your number. So we go to this date and I go to his house. And when I get to the house, of course, you know, it's awkward at first. Any first date, no matter whether you know them or not, it's awkward. So we decide that instead of sitting there and like the awkwardness, we would go to lunch. So we went to hibachi place where you like build your own bowl. So we go.

[B]

I love that. That's my favorite.

[C]

I love that we went there. And it's always so much easier to talk over food. And we both love food. Like I am Hispanic and I love food. Okay, so does my love language. So we're easing more into like, tell me more about you. And I tell him I have two kids. But you know, like I said, I met my first husband when I was 17. So my son is about to be 19 on Monday and my daughter will be 16 on December. So I don't have little kids. I have almost adults. So, you know, I'm like, you know, positive dating me? No, you know, small cares. And he doesn't have no kids.

[A]

Yeah. What's his finding?

[C]

A 36 year old man with no kids is rare nowadays. You know, these men have.

[A]

What was his background? Like, what did you learn about him?

[C]

So I learned that he was a previous Jehovah Witness and in his, in the religion he actually climbed the ladder pretty quickly because he wasn't born as Jehovah Witness. He was what you call like an outsider. And he joined it when he was 19. And for somebody who's who hasn't been like raised in there to become one of the high ranking members is really where. And he was a really high ranking member in the church. And I asked him, you know, are you still in the church? And he said that he had left the church, that it had been about eight months since he had left the church. And I, being a Hispanic, I was raised Catholic. But now as an adult, I'm not very religious. So I wanted to know, you know, what made you leave the church? Like, what was it about it? And what he told me was he just got tired of the politics of it and that he saw the corrupt side of church. And I was like, you know, that's why I don't go to church. But, you know, you know, it's just I have my own thing with religion, right? And this is like obviously a very religious man and a religious man with no kids. And I'm just like, I'm the opposite of that. I have kids, I'm not very religious. Like, oh my God, is he not gonna like me no more? Did I just mess up? Oh, my God, please tell me you like me.

[B]

Of course he does.

[C]

Of course he does. So, so we leave and we go back to his place. And when we go back to his place, you know, of course, alcohol enter the chat and you loosen up more. And we're definitely talking about more of our likes and our dislikes. And he tells me about his relationship with his mom and his grandparents. So I just, I was like, you are so adorable. Everything he's telling me, I'm just like, I love you.

[B]

And you have the dreamy stars coming out of your eyeballs.

[C]

I do. Because now we're like a full fifth of patronage. So of course I have like the googly eyes and, you know, we do adult things that night. And when we were having the discussion about the, the religion, he did tell me that he had not been with a woman in 13 years. That is how long he had been in the church was 13 years. So he had not. Because, you know, they are very much like Mormons. They have chaperone dates and you're not allowed to be alone with women. And you date to marry, like, you know, within like four dates, if you're going to marry that one. And if you're not going to marry them, you move on. Yep. So he's telling me all these things and I'm kind of like, I really hope he's not practicing this actively because I'm not going to marry you in four dates. I'm sorry. No matter how much I'm melting, like, I need a. I just need a little more.

[B]

Right?

[C]

So. So I leave that next day and I'm just so smitten. It's just like I didn't want to leave, but we. I had switched shifts. Like, that day that he had asked me for my number was my last day on that shift. So that Monday after our very first date, I had to leave. And we were now on opposite shifts. So from that first date until the end, we were together almost every single day. Every single free moment that I had. I was at his apartment. Wow. And I went to his apartment mostly in the beginning because he is a single man with a one bedroom house. And I have, you know, my kids and my mom and I wanted to get to know him, you know, for myself.

[B]

Right. Privacy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, a lot of privacy, you know, because my kids are nosy. So we are together every single day. And within two weeks, this man tells me he loves me.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So. And I. I set it back. Whatever. Why whatever?

[A]

Explain your feelings right now.

[C]

Because I'm a 36 year old woman and I know better. I know better. But at the time, having some going through what I have gone through, my life and having somebody like him come into my life, it was surreal. It was like. It like. People say it was like a movie all the time, but it really was like a movie. It just like. He swept me off my feet so hard and so fast. He was giving me everything that I wanted from my ex. The attentiveness, the. The closeness, the romance, making sure I'm okay. Like, that man did not let me pay for nothing. Nothing.

[B]

Like he was wooing you. He was. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So if I'm on my way home and I'm like, all right, I gotta go home. I gotta stop at the store first. I need this, this and that. He's gonna give me the money for what I need to take back to my house. Never in my life have I experienced that. I'm.

[B]

I have it. That's so sweet.

[C]

It was his c wise that I love you.

[B]

So he wants to take care of you.

[C]

Yeah, he does. And like, in my mind I'm thinking, this man gave 13 years of his life to a religion. Mm. This man has no problem committing to me and giving me everything I want.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I was fully transparent with him that first day. I told him about my ex that works there who got me the job, that we are still friends. I was in his life for seven years. He has four kids. Like his kids are still actively a part of my life right now. Oh, wow. Okay. They were just at my house, like, maybe a month or two ago. Like, I still love his kids. Okay. And I was fully transparent with that. I was like, you know, I've been married once. I still talk to my ex. We're friendly. We're not together. I don't plan on getting back with him. It's just we're still very much cordial, and I just was very transparent about everything from the beginning and what I was expecting. I said that I wasn't expecting a relationship, but that I was open to it. Right. So when he told me he loved me, warp speed from there, because I want to say, maybe a week or two after that, we start talking about moving in with each other. Wow. Okay. Moving in with each other. And I. You will swear we were a lesbian couple because the U Haul. Because kids are known for the U hauling. Yes. Yes. That's exactly what happened here. So I felt like he was kind of hesitant at first, and I'm like, all right, so I propose that he comes over here for, like, a trial week. Like, he had a little dog. He had a little dog. So I was like, you and the dogs.

[B]

Just bring the baby. That's a green flag.

[C]

Pack your bags. Pack your bags. Come over. Because I have a house.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he has an apartment.

[A]

Had he met your kids yet? Was this him meeting them for the first time?

[C]

No. So we. I brought. After he told me, he. We said, I love you. I brought him over to the house, and my mom cooked dinner for him, and he met my mom and the kids.

[B]

Oh, that's nice.

[C]

Really nice. Yep. And it was a great first impression all around. Like, and they got to know him, and they said he actually, like, conversed with them and asked about them, and it melted my mommy heart to see it. Even though my kids are older. It's like, you want your significant other to get along with your kids.

[B]

Yeah. Of course you do. Yeah.

[C]

And so everything went great when he came to new them, which is why we were talking about moving in with each other. And the trial weeks. When he came over for that trial week, this is when the first pink flag pops up. Uh. Oh. And I call it pink because the French flags just go past and.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, they're so pretty. Red's my favorite color. It's like the color.

[B]

I thought it was a circus.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I thought it was my heart flying by. Oh, God.

[A]

Fall is almost here and it's time to cozify your space Whoa, whoa, whoa Slow down. Comfy stuff at Wayfair.

[B]

I'm in Florida. We don't have sex seasons here. I'm still buying summer stuff.

[A]

Well, what if you wanted to make it feel cozy by turning your home into the season? It can still be warm and nice. You can still go in the pool, but you can also just have, like, cute little fall and Halloween stuff going on. You guys, you love a theme. Don't tell me you don't love a theme.

[B]

I do love a theme, and I don't care how hot or cold it is. Wayfair has literally everything.

[A]

It's so ideal for any season. I mean, but I didn't even realize they had so much Halloween stuff. But I'm looking right now for a very specific type of desk. Like, in our living room. We want to set up, like, a little desk nook.

[B]

Oh, they have it. For sure.

[C]

They have it.

[A]

So many options. And I truly have been looking everywhere, and I just. I don't know. I want something so specific. And I'm now. I almost was like, not even gonna do this ad because I was getting lost in the. In looking at all the options. I'm like, there's too many good options.

[B]

Well, they have a huge selection, and there are so many different styles. There' options for every budget and price point. And there's unique stuff, too. It's whatever your style is, you can find it. And there's free shipping. I. Oh, my gosh, I'm obsessed with Wayfair.

[A]

They also have bedding and bath basics, obviously. Everything seasonal home decor, storage stuff, kitchen essentials. I'm setting up more of a work from home setup, living room, whatever you want to refresh, you could do it at Wayfair. Wayfair makes it so easy to tackle your home goals with room ideas and curated collections. So go cozify your space with Wayfair's curated collection of easy, affordable fall updates. From comfy recliners to cozy bedding and autumn decor, find it all for way [e-mail] that's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair every style, every home.

[B]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So we turn to some really funny places for support. I'm talking our hairdresser. And for me, it's my tattoo artist. Or perhaps even your nail tech. But not everyone's a therapist. But you can find an actual therapist with better help. We've all done it before. You turn to these people for life advice, and they're fun to talk to about these Topics, whether you're looking for help, about relationships or anxiety, depression, whatever. And they might not have the right answers, but you really can get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with Better Help. Better Help has quality therapists. They work according to a strict code of conduct and they're fully licensed in the US they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. They just give you a short questionnaire. You identify your needs and preferences and they will match you with a therapist that's right for you, which you can switch at any time. And it's completely online, so you can pause your subscription whenever you need. And there's over 30,000 therapists, and it's just super convenient at the click of a button. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, Better Help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Find the one with Better Help. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] TDD that's BetterHelp H lp.com TDD.

[C]

Okay, so he's here for a couple of days. And like I said, we're on opposite schedules. So I am working second shift and he is still on overnight. So I go in at 2pm and I want to say, like, the second day he's here. The second day he's here, he texts me.

[A]

I know your face right now.

[B]

You're like, I don't like it.

[C]

Yes, something happened. And he is acting strange because we text all the time. If I'm not with him, we are texting. Yeah. Okay. So while I'm at work, he is texting me, but the texts seem distant. So when I come home, his bags are packed, the dog is packed. The key that I gave him. The dog is packed. Oh, my God. The key that I gave him is sitting on my dresser. And I'm looking around and I'm so confused. I'm like, what is going on? Did something happen? And he's just like, I gotta go. And I'm like, huh? And he's like, I. I gotta go back.

[A]

No explanation.

[C]

No explanation. He just leaves. So I'm going, no, it doesn't work for me either. Let me, let me find this. I'm gonna read you the exact text message I love.

[B]

She got the recipes.

[C]

I know you guys love receipts. I have all of them. I believe I sent Molly like 360 screenshots. It was holy.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

Girls. I did not. I have every single text message from the very first message. That's my Girl to the very last one.

[B]

That's my girl.

[C]

So I said, are you upset with me? He said, no, I'm not. I'm just confused. You seem different. And I'm like, why do I seem different? I was. I was very confused. Weren't you at work?

[A]

Like, how did you seem different?

[C]

Exactly. Exactly. How do I seem different? So I said, it feels like you're breaking up with me. You gave back the key I gave you. What did I do to make you feel like this? Because at this point, I'm like, what did I do? What did I do to make you feel this way? Because you've been perfect, so I'm obviously the problem here.

[A]

Oh, and he said, my heart hurt a little.

[C]

Makes my heart hurt. All right. So he said, the last thing I want is to break up. So I'm going to just read this to you and I'm. I'm just going to ask your opinion of what this sounds like. He said, I don't understand you. I don't understand what you're looking for. I would have treated you like a queen. I would have never done anything to hurt you. All I wanted was someone faithful. I would have been loyal to you for a lifetime. I hope you find whatever you're looking for. I truly do love you. I have wasted enough time. I don't have any time left for the bull. I hope you find happiness. That's all I'm asking for. Obviously you are looking for something else. I just wish you would have told me from the beginning what you were about. I wish the best for you and your family.

[A]

That feels like he's on another planet.

[C]

Yeah, another planet. That's a breakup text.

[A]

Yeah, breakup text.

[C]

I wish.

[A]

Implying that he's like, you cheated on him.

[C]

But yeah. Yes, I. What? Did something. So I said, I have no idea what you're talking about.

[B]

It's your idea.

[C]

Yeah, like. Like I did something. Like, I just told him, like, look, this isn't what I want. I told him, I want you. I haven't done anything other than be with you. I wasn't looking for a relationship. And I found you someone who I'd do anything for. Someone I want to spend my life with. What is it that you think that I've done? I'm so confused right now.

[B]

He's trying to gaslight you and make it seem like it's your idea and that this was. It's the illusory truth effect. You keep telling someone the same thing over and over. They're believe it.

[A]

And you're like, what? Maybe I did do something.

[B]

Yeah. You're like, wait, what? I guess what?

[C]

And I'm ratcheting my brain trying to figure out what I did. Yeah. Like, I was like, I didn't do nothing. And he said, every part of me just feels like, you're not being honest. Something doesn't add up. What? No. And so we're just going back and forth and then he hits me with. Here is my question. How can you be in a seven year relationship with someone you said you never cheated on at the same time, always with a different dude. And I was real confused about this because I didn't cheat on my ex. Like, I was not understanding.

[A]

Well, to me it sounds like maybe somebody told him something like. Or he's got his own stuff he's got to work through, like, his own anxiety.

[C]

The only person that I have been with sexually at my place of employment is my ex and him. Two people. That's it. So I was very confused as to, like, what he meant by that. So it threw me off. So we are just going back and forth and going back and forth, and eventually he stays gone that night. And I think like the next day he brings all his stuff back home.

[B]

He's trying to distract you from what's really going on.

[C]

Yeah. So I'm very confused, but I'm not, I'm not thinking it, it has anything to do with him because, like, this man, he told me he had never been in a serious relationship. He hasn't been with a woman in 13 years. So obviously, like, he might have trust issues, but at the same, like, it's a me problem. Like, I did something. Yeah.

[A]

And you're giving him, yeah, this is all me.

[C]

So he brings all of his stuff back over. And before he brings all of his stuff over, he says, hey, Dominique, I apologize if I hurt you. That was definitely not my intention. I just have all these thoughts going through my mind and I have a lot of feelings for you. So my trust issues took over my thoughts and got the best of me. I just want to trust you completely. And I'm just like, I'm like, it's okay. Come back. So, you know, all right. So he, he comes back and everything's fine for a while.

[A]

And does he say anything else?

[C]

About what?

[A]

Like, I, I'm still a little confused at what he thought you had done. Was he like, I think you cheated on your last boyfriend or was he.

[B]

Like, putting up a, A, a facade?

[C]

So what it was is. So our very first date was June 9th. There was an award and an old picture of me and my ex still in my room. And when I was at work, I guess he was, like, looking around the room, and he found the award with his name on it and the picture. So. Yes. It took him a whole week to tell me what. Really? Because he kept deflecting and he didn't want to tell me what made him feel like he couldn't trust me. Right. But look, realistically, I didn't even know that was still in here.

[A]

If you were cheating on him, you would have hidden stuff.

[C]

I would hide the evidence. I'm not. I'm not going to leave it out.

[A]

For you to see, but I definitely see how you could be like, okay, I. Let's work through this. Like, this is our first issue.

[C]

So. So that is my mess up. I had my excess stuff laying around my room still, you know, so I'm the problem. I did it. I'm so sorry that I caused this rift between us and come back. I love you. Right? So we get past this. He's at his apartment for like, a day or two, and then he comes back and we kiss and we make up. So this is like the end of August. So he proposes then, like, around that time, the beginning of September. So he asked me to marry him. Oh, my God, Yes. I want to spend my life with you. I love you. He even let me pick out my wedding ring. And it was a gorgeous wedding ring. So now we are talking about, when are we going to do it? And I'm like, all right, so sometime next year. And he was like, why do you want to wait that long? Do you not love me? And I was like, I just. Weddings take a while to plan. Like, do you want a big wedding? Do you want a small wedding? He was like, I just want to marry you. And I'd marry you tomorrow if you'd let me. And I'm like, it's all on you. Cute. But I'm like, so see, now we've had a few fights under our belt, so now I'm starting not. Not to become hesitant, but become hesitant. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You have the tiny femme tuition doubt that is very, very hard to hear as someone.

[C]

Yes. Yes, I pushed it way deep.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I buried it. I buried it under all those red flags. I want a fairy tale happy ending.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Mackenzie, I am obsessed with my new sous vide kitchen robot.

[B]

I'm so jealous. I can't wait to get mine.

[A]

Yeah, you need to get it, because it's. It's Actually changed my routine so much. It's made it so easy to make good, healthy food or not healthy food. I made chocolate lava cakes yesterday, which I got through.

[B]

That sounds so good.

[A]

Yeah, no big deal. Suvi is a smart countertop oven, and also it has a meal delivery service. It's very flexible, so you can save time and money and just. It's so easy. You literally. It'll send you meals that have a little scanny thing, and you scan it on your sous vide, and it's like, I know how to cook this. Back up. I got you. And the coolest thing I think about it is that you can put ingredients into it. It's got a top and a bottom. You can do, like, air fryer, oven, whatever, a lot of settings. And you can set them both for different, like, temperatures, time, cooking, whatever.

[B]

Oh, this is. And you can start it from your phone, right? Like, from the app.

[A]

You can do that. And it can keep your ingredients refrigerated until you want them to start cooking. So if you are like, I need dinner done by six, but I don't have time to prep it, but I can do it at, like, noon. You can throw it all in there. You can say, this is how I want it cooked, and I want it done by six. And it keeps it refrigerated and then starts cooking exactly when you want it to.

[B]

I feel like this is for, like, someone like me who's not a cooker, and I only have one son, but so it's, you know, would probably be easy to cook. I just don't want to. But it also seems like it would be great for moms with, like, a ton of kids. Like, or she's busy. She's a taxi cab. Like, taking all the kids to sports and all the things. Like, it sounds like it'd be perfect for anyone.

[A]

For me, I really love roasted vegetables, but I just like putting them in the oven. Oh, my God. Yeah. Good seasoning. Like, it feels so it's such a healthy snack to just have around, but.

[B]

And they're nice and crispy when they're roasted.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And I will literally throw vegetables from frozen into sous vide whenever I have time and be like, I need it later. I just save so much time. And I've been making better food, and the delivery service is really good. Like I said, I recently, recently got their chocolate lava cake desserts.

[B]

Can you stop saying chocolate lava cake? So delicious. I'm getting so hungry. That sounds so good.

[C]

I can't wait to get mine.

[A]

You can get Yours today because suvi offers a 100 day risk free trial. So give it a try. Go to sufi.comdatingdetectives to get 16 free meals when you order. That's s u v I e.com datingdetectives to get sixteen free meals with your risk free trial. Save time. Eat better with Suvie. I love this ad because I love Suvi so much.

[C]

So we're talking about when to have the wedding, and since he was making it seem like he wanted to do it right away, I jokingly say, well, we should get married on my favorite holiday. So my favorite holiday is Halloween. Oh, God.

[B]

That's amazing. I love it.

[A]

Oh, my God. What did he say?

[C]

What did he say?

[A]

Frankenstein.

[C]

He agreed to marry me on Halloween.

[B]

Shut up.

[C]

So we got engaged the first week of September. We were getting married in two months, not a year and two months like I wanted to. Two months.

[A]

And how's the family and friends and community responding to this?

[C]

His mom is all for it. My friends are like, are like, are you sure you said you'd never get married? Because I was very adamant that I was never going to get married again in my life. Right. Because it just, it was very traumatic for me. Yeah.

[B]

I think a lot of people are like, I never want to do this again.

[C]

Yep. I was very much like, oh, no, I'll spend the rest of my life with you, but I'm not signing them papers. It's so easy to get married. It's so hard to get divorced. Yeah. So everybody was kind of. It was my mom. My mom was like, yeah, she's like, she's like, doesn't that seem a little soon? I was like, mom, I'm in love. He's perfect. I'm in love. I'm in love.

[A]

And I don't care who knows.

[C]

Oh, my God. But, you know, she's listened to a few of the fights that we've had. So she was kind of, like, apprehensive, but at the same time, she was like, you know, if that's what you want to do, I'm not going to stop you. But I really wish that you guys would wait a little longer. I was like, realistically, I wish that we could wait a little longer too. But this, this man is so in love with me that he wants to be married to me now.

[B]

And also, I've. If you're anything like me, I've been in a situation where it's like, oh, if I deny him, like, he'll break up with me.

[C]

And I could Talk about he's gonna leave me. Yeah. He's gonna leave me and it's gonna.

[A]

Be all my fault. Packed up his stuff and left for things you haven't even done.

[C]

Right, Exactly. So now imagine if I actually turn him down and crush your little man. Ego, pride or whatever. He's really going to leave me. So I agreed to marry him.

[B]

Because you don't want to lose him.

[C]

Exactly. And. But he did let me pick the date, my favorite holiday. And I even had a black wedding dress that's a picture of that. So cool.

[A]

That is fierce.

[C]

I. The wedding dress was beautiful. The veil was black. The dress was beautiful. And it was a very, very, very small ceremony. It was just my mom, my kids, his mom, his grandparents and his uncle. That was it. And we got married in this cute little gazebo on the water of the little fancy restaurant that they have here. And it just. It was very nice. It was very nice.

[B]

Good.

[C]

Okay. So we got married on Halloween. We were set to leave the very next day. The first to go on a seven day honeymoon to the Smoky Mountains.

[B]

Oh, how pretty.

[C]

Okay. I've never taken an adult vacation in my life. Like when I was younger I was taking vacations. So he is taking me to a two bedroom cabin all the way up in the mountains. And it was so beautiful, so secluded. I bet it was like, I cried when we got there because I've never experienced anything like that.

[A]

Like, did you think you'd ever experience anything like that?

[C]

No. No. And just, just because I. Unfortunately when you come from. With like the background that I come from, you don't ever think you deserve anything Good.

[B]

Yes, exactly. 100. Ben, I'm there, so I get you, girl.

[C]

It was so beautiful. And it just, it healed things in me that I just, I didn't know needed healed.

[B]

On your honeymoon and on this beautiful vacation that you've never had an adult vacation before, were you skeptical at all of anything? Like, if he would do nice things? Like, yeah, right. Why are you being so nice? Like, I don't deserve this? Or were you just like, oh, cool, like, he's showing me I deserve it? Like, were you skeptical?

[C]

No. Definitely didn't think I deserved it, but I was skeptical. But in a way of like, okay, he's showing me what he can provide to me and if he ever caught me doing something that he considered cheating or if I did something to upset him, he's going to take it away from me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So we get there and we do all kinds of things. It was. It was beautiful. So by day three or four of the honeymoon, we have been drinking every day. We've been partying. This cabin is so secluded that we are running around naked the entire cabin just because we can. And we're like, skinny dipping in the hotel, in the hot tub. And it's just we are having the best time. Like, I forget about every single fight we've ever had. And when I wake up, that, like, third or fourth day after drinking all day and all night and just having fun, I couldn't drink and I'm hungover. I'm not a drinker. So by day three or four, I cannot drink no more. I don't want to go nowhere. I don't even want to get in the hot tub. I'm so hungover, and I feel so heavy. And I just feel like I just need a chill day. I need to just lay on the couch and watch tv. Yeah. So that's what I do. Okay. And the entire day. So in this cabin, like where the living room was, I am looking at the TV straight ahead of me, and right next to the TV is the door to go out into the patio area, the covered patio with the hot tub and stuff, Right? So we got up in the morning, I made his coffee like I always do. I took him the coffee outside because he was sitting out on the patio overlooking the sunrise, the beautiful sunrise in the mountains. So I take him a cup of coffee and I sit on the couch and I think I fall asleep. And then I wake up a few hours later. I watch some tv, I make us something to eat. This whole time he's out on the patio. Now, I don't know if he came inside when I took my little nap or whatever, but he's been outside this whole time, so made us lunch or whatever. And I go out there to ask them, what are we doing for dinner? Like, do you want to go out? Do you want me to cook something? So standing there talking to him, and he's just staring straight ahead, and I can tell he's got drunk eyes. And he's just staring straight ahead and he's ignoring me. And so I walk back inside and I'm. I just sit on the couch and I'm watching tv. So he comes barging in and starts yelling at me that I ruined the honeymoon because all I've done all day was lay on the couch and be lazy. And this is not what he expected from his wife and just goes in on me. And so I once again felt guilty for ruining this expensive honeymoon trip. Oh, God.

[B]

That's. I hate that feeling. I relate to you so much.

[C]

So we spend the next day fighting, and now we're down to the last day or two that we're there, and obviously the vibe has changed. The vibe has changed. I'm not having fun no more. I'm ready to go. And it just all goes downhill from there. Just all goes downhill from here. It's just. That is who he becomes. That sweet man that I met and fell in love with is gone and is gone. And it just is replaced with this controlling. And that's when religion started to, like, creep in, where he's like, well, you're a wife now. You're supposed to do this. And that's not what a wife does.

[B]

You're supposed to serve your husband.

[C]

If I did not want to be intimate with him. Well, you're my wife. You have to be.

[B]

That's why he wanted to get married so fast.

[A]

Remind everyone that that's.

[C]

So he was like, true in the Bible. You're not supposed to tell me no.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You're supposed.

[B]

This is your wifely duty or whatever.

[C]

Yep. You're supposed to perform wifely duties. Yeah, exactly. That. I was not allowed to be friends with any male, and I was not allowed to be friends with any women that were single. Yeah. I couldn't wear certain things. I had to act a certain way, and it was just like, he had to have this control over me, and that's. That's pretty much what the men in that religion do. They want complete and total control over you.

[B]

Like, yeah.

[C]

Yes. That's exactly. Like, I'm supposed to be your submissive, and I'm supposed to be a yes man. So when we get back from the honeymoon, we go back to work and we are back on the same shift.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. He goes from working overnights to coming to the shift that I'm on to the shift that my ex is on. So I am working, and my ex comes and asks me a work question. Oh, no. And he sees this from across the warehouse, loses his fucking mind. Loses his mind on me right there in the middle of work.

[A]

Oh, what?

[C]

What did he do? So he says, what were you guys talking about? So I told him what we talked about. He didn't believe me. He wrote up to him and asked him what he wrote up and talked to me about. Ew.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So he has a very calm conversation with him because I'm seeing them conversate because he's like, if you don't tell me what you guys talk About. I'm going to go ask him myself. I said, do you think that his answer is going to differ from mine? Oh, my God. He went and he had the calmest conversation, even laughed. I don't know what the laugh was about. He rolled up to me, called me a. And left the job.

[B]

Like, did he quit?

[C]

No, he didn't quit. He didn't quit. He left. He clocked out. He left.

[A]

What are you just standing there, like, jaw on the floor?

[C]

Yes. And I cannot leave because I'm filling in for a supervisor. Yeah. So I'm. I'm stuck. And so I'm texting him and texting him, and he's calling me disrespectful and I'm his wife. And then it turns into, you better not ever speak to him again in your life. But in the beginning, when I told him that I was friends with him and cordial with him, it was no big deal. He thought that that was very mature of us. And, yeah, he was like, you know, that doesn't surprise me, you being who you are. But now that I've married you, you are. Oh, my God. Like, looking back on this, I look back and I just. I try to. Of course, you can't remember your exact thinking. I try to remember. Try to think of, like, what were you thinking?

[B]

Well, you can't see the forest through the trees, and all the trees are falling around you at once.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. So. And. And of course, I did speak to him. So I did mess up. I did do something wrong. It doesn't matter. Absolutely. 100%. 100%. That was the first time I called the cops on him.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I sent a picture, but he came home. And so I lock my bedroom door because I keep all the good snacks. They'll eat them all, for sure. They will drink all the pops. They will eat all the chips. They will eat all the sugar. So I. We have a lock on our bedroom door. And he also had guns. So I lock my bedroom door when we're at work. So he has a key. I have a key. My mom has the spare key. Just in case. Yeah, let's just. We both lose our key. Nope, he did not use the key. He came in and he completely kicked in my bedroom door. Oh. Completely kicked me off the hedges.

[A]

Or he was there while you were still at work.

[C]

No, my mom and my children were here. Oh, no, I was at work. Remember? I'm filling in for a supervisor, so I cannot leave.

[B]

Oh, my God. So then what happened?

[C]

Because they're. They're already short staffed while you were at work. So my mom calls me, freaking out. Her and my daughter are locked in her room. My son is texting me from his room, and I completely see red. And I walk into the office. I don't tell them what's going on, but obviously he's already left. Patrick's gone. So he's gone. And I have to go into the office. I'm standing there with my mother on the phone. My son is texting me. I'm trying to come up with an excuse as to why I have to leave right now. I'm sorry. You guys are shorthanded. I know you don't have nobody else to do this.

[B]

This is an emergency.

[C]

I have to leave. I think I could make up an excuse about my ex husband. And I leave. So I call my friend. She's coming to get me. While I'm waiting for her to pull up and get me, I call 911, okay? And I explained to them what's happening. I tell them that I'm not home right now, but my mom and my kids are. And this is what's happening. And I need officers at my house right now.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So when I get here, when I get here, the room is destroyed. I beat the cops here. The room is destroyed. And his knee is like bouncing up and down. You can see that like. Like he's a nervous rat breathing with rage. Oh, my God. You can like. You can see like the waves of rage coming up out of him. And I came in here and I just say, like, what the French toast is your problem? What? Why did you. Why? Why? So I'm trying to get him to talk to me, and he's actively ignoring me. And while I'm in here trying to get him to talk to me, the cops pull up. So I go outside and I explain to the cops where we're just married two weeks ago. We just got back from our honeymoon. He blew up at me at work. He left work and came home, destroyed my door, destroyed the room. So one of the cops stays out there with me, and one of them comes back here with him. And I don't know what him and the cops are talking about, but I do know that by.

[B]

Well, surely he's making up lies about you.

[C]

Absolutely. Absolutely. And then the officer comes out there and pretty much tells me that him destroying our bedroom door isn't a crime. And I have no legal authority to have him removed from my house, the house that I had before him. He's not even his Name isn't even on the lease.

[B]

No, but because he has residency, let him into the.

[C]

Because. No, because he's my husband. Because he's my husband. Even if he didn't live here, even if we were married and he had an apartment and I had an apartment, that is my husband. He has every legal right to be in here. And he hears the cops say this. Oh, my God.

[B]

And those are. And by the way, different states have different laws, because that is not the law in some states. So that's so interesting. Oh, my.

[C]

That is the law here in this state. He couldn't get in trouble for destroying the door, and I couldn't even have them remove him for 20 minutes for me to clean up my room, get my kids in order, make sure my mom is okay. No, he. Absolutely no.

[A]

Are the police at all concerned about your kids? Like, are you. Do they express any of that?

[C]

It didn't seem like. Did not seem like it. And it just. Oh, man. Made me feel defeated. And it was very scary because, for one, the reason I called the cops is. I don't know you. Like, yes, I married you, but, like, realistically, I don't know what you're fully capable of. And I did not think this through when I agreed to marry you and said I do at the altar.

[A]

So was that thought their reality?

[C]

This is. That's when I knew that this could possibly become a very dangerous situation. So I was scared because I didn't know how he was gonna react when the cops left. I was scared what this meant for our relationship. I was scared that I've only been married to this man for two weeks, and I've already had to call the cops on you. Like, if this is what's happening now, what's gonna happen in the future? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That fear you're talking about is one of his.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Because they didn't even do anything. All they did was confirm it to him that there was nothing I can do to remove him from this house. So now we have about two more fights at work, and he forbids me from speaking to men, period.

[B]

Forbids. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Because as a wife, that's textbook abuse. As a wife, I should not have friendship with a male. Oh, oh, okay. And my female friends, I cannot have no single female friends.

[B]

Oh, because they will lure you into meeting other.

[C]

Because. Because one of my best friends, she is single. Her daughter is 6 years old. That's my goddaughter. She lived with me for five years. He told me I was no longer allowed to be her friend because she was single.

[A]

Oh, and how hearing all of that feel. Because I would have been like, excuse.

[C]

Me, sir, where was Right.

[B]

Same crapped.

[C]

I felt bamboozled. I felt tricked. I felt lied to. I. It was. This is. This is when it. This is when reality sunk in. Like, oh, shit, I'm married. And he waited until I married him to show me who he really is.

[B]

Yep, he sure did.

[C]

Because now I'm stuck. Because he was. He was Prince freaking Charming in the beginning.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

He was ever. He was perfect. Yep. Perfect. That first month. And all that's all it took was that first month to get his hooks in me so deep that it's gonna take one of those bulldozer flowers to remove two toothpicks from me. That's how deep he was in me. So now I'm no longer allowed to talk to men. Okay. I'm no longer allowed to be friends with women who are single. So at this point, we are in December, and I am at a point to where I am no longer hanging out with. We are no longer hanging out with my friends. Yes. Like, it's just me and him now. So I'm secluded and obviously my best friends, they were here the first time I called the cops on him. So they kind of like separated themselves for a little bit. So it was like probably towards the end of this December when we got like our first real good snowfall. And she called me and she asked if we wanted to go sledding, which was perfect because me and him were actually talking earlier that day about sledding. And then here she comes asking if we want to go. So we do that. So it's me and him. It's my best friend and her husband. It's our other friend, her sister in law and her boyfriend. So it's couples. And the girls, they asked me to go down with him. I go down the hill with the girls and we tumble off, we crash into each other. Everybody's laughing, and we're struggling to climb back up the hill. And when I come back on top of the hill and I had this flood to the next person that's going down. I see him standing off to the side and I know I did something. I did something. So I walk on over to him, and all I say is, what now? Because what's freaking now? You went down the hill and you made me look stupid. You left me up here looking stupid in front of all these people that I don't know. You just have no respect for me. And. And I was like, people you don't know, you toddler. So he just starts going off that. I have him out there looking stupid. He doesn't have.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't need your help.

[C]

He don't need help. No, but it's my fault.

[B]

Of course it is.

[C]

I made him look stupid. I made him look stupid. I'm embarrassing him. I'm not acting like a wife. That I should only go down with him. Yeah, exactly. So we end up having to cut the sled ship short because he's having a grown man tantrum. My friends are looking at him like, are you serious? And he goes and sits in the car, and we get in the car. So now he is raging. He is mad. So now he is speeding out of this apartment complex. And because the snow is kind of high, we're like gliding over the speed bumps, right?

[A]

Very scary and dangerous.

[C]

And I don't like this at all. Very scary. Because he's doing about 40 to 50 in this apartment complex. So now when you get to the edge of the apartment complex, you can either go left or right, and there's like a giant field in front of you. Well, because he's going so fast. And he slams on his brakes. We slid into the field, across. Okay, now. My God, I'm terrified. I'm terrified. I want out of the car. He's not letting me get out of the car, just actively keeping me in the car. And I'm yelling and I'm screaming. So he throws the car in reverse, reverses out, and he goes the opposite way of where we live. Because remember, she does not live too far from me. We go left. We're going to my house. He went right. And then he just guns it. He guns it. He speeds through two red lights. Thankfully, this is not a busy street. This is like. It's an exit to a highway.

[B]

What is he doing? He's.

[C]

He's. He's so mad, and he's yelling at me, and he's raging out about how I'm so disrespectful and why did he choose a wife that was just so disrespectful? And I'm the most disrespectful whore in the world.

[A]

He's trying to scare you, too. And it's absolutely abusive to drive so recklessly.

[C]

So he won't let me out of the car. He won't slow down. He won't let me out. So I don't know what to do. Like, at this point, like. Like I said, I've seen. What do you do many True crimes. I see too much in domestics. Yep. I slapped the shit out of him. I. I slapped the shit out of him. And I kind of like mushed his face into, like, the mirror because it's cold. So all the windows are up. So that makes him slam on the brakes. And we skid into somebody's yard. And my purse goes flying out of my lap. And I take this opportunity to, when I mug them when we slid in, to hurry up, unlock the door, jump out the car with my purse, and I just start running down the street. Oh, my. Then he guns it in the opposite direction. So now I'm trying. I am trying to find my phone because I don't know if I'm going to call the cops again. I don't know what I'm going to do. Because he drove about two miles away from our house. It's in the middle of December. It's freaking cold because we went sledding. I had to shed a layer. So now I'm just in some leggings and a sweater. Oh, my God. And I am walking down a street. Oh, my God. And that's when I realized, yes, he's driven away. That's when I realized that my phone and my wallet fell out of my purse and are at the bottom of his car. So I have no phone, no wallet, no nothing. So to walk, I just start walking, crying. My tears are freezing to my face. And I'm walking and I go past my friend's house. Cause you know, you gotta pass my friend's house because he went the opposite direction. And I think to myself, like, I'm so cold, I should just go to her house. But I was so embarrassed that I was not about to say, this man just almost tried to kill me. I had to hop out of the car. I just kept walking home. So I walked a good two miles home at 11 o' clock at night. And I don't live in, like the best of neighborhoods.

[A]

Did you think. Did you still have that feeling of.

[B]

Yeah, like, do you feel like it was your fault? That's a good question.

[C]

Kind of, sort of. But this is kind of when I start snapping out of it.

[B]

And you're like, what the fuck? This is not on.

[C]

Yes. Yes. Because why am I walking at 11 o' clock at night on the side of the road?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

My man child through a tantrum because I went by myself. Like, I can't even call him a husband at this point. He is my man child. I. I'm so mad at myself. I'm so embarrassed. I like I, I to accurately describe what I was going through was a mix of you're so stupid and it's not your fault.

[B]

You know what? That totally like, I'm so glad you said that because that so true. Like you know it's not your fault, but also you also take all the blame.

[A]

So mad at yourself.

[C]

So mad at myself.

[B]

And it's a mixed, it's mixed emotions.

[C]

Yep. And so this is when it starts to take, take another turn because I walk home and I'm mad. This is when this snapped him into like a deliriously happy state. Oh no, it's, it's a fake happy.

[B]

Yes, I know. Like almost.

[C]

Yes. So the next day, of course I had an attitude. And so he wakes up. Good morning, my beautiful wife. No. Do you want to do something today? Do you want to, you want to.

[A]

Go have it makes you feel crazy.

[C]

His voice is so calm and soothing.

[B]

And like what happened didn't really happen because why didn't happen? Because then he wouldn't be talking to you like that.

[C]

Exactly. So this is when his delusional happiness starts. When the deliriously happy starts, he starts talking to himself and then it turns into people at work are out to get him because I fell in with the supervisors and I'm close to all the supervisors. He thinks that I have turned them against him. So now everybody at work looks at him different and is talking about him. Yes. And it's me.

[B]

Yeah, it's me.

[C]

So he starts talking to himself. Then it turns into Facebook and TikTok are censoring his social media posting because he's been posting rantings. He fully went on a Facebook rant talking about how I cheated on him and how I'm a whore and I'm the biggest mistake of his life. And people are messaging me. And I didn't know, I didn't know that he posted that. So I have people messaging me like, are you okay? What's going on? And I'm like, what are you talking about? Because I'm not letting anybody know that this is what's happening.

[B]

But he's making himself look crazy. Like people were taking your side, right?

[C]

Yes. Yeah. Yes. At work. The blow ups at work, people would.

[B]

Feel sorry for him, but instead it's making him look.

[C]

Woohoo. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I'm, I mean this behavior, I'm, I'm record.

[C]

We'll get to it.

[A]

But.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

So it's a scary place to be for you.

[C]

It is. Because I've never experienced anything like this in my life.

[B]

Yeah, that's so scary.

[C]

So it turns into Facebook and TikTok are not letting him post what he wants. So now the FBI has entered the trap. The FBI is listening to him through his phone.

[B]

Listening to.

[C]

It's recording him. It's listening to him. He has no privacy.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

And it's just he has become so paranoid, so delusional, because in between the angry paranoia that he's not able to speak his truth, it's the delusional happiness. The. Like, my beautiful wife. Even the text messages were, send me, okay, my beautiful wife. I'm going to the bathroom. And then I'm laying down and I will see when I wake up. My beautiful. What?

[B]

And it's just in the beginning, you were like, oh, that's so nice.

[A]

But now how are you feeling?

[B]

Weird.

[A]

Are you. Are you, like just in a state of shock most of the time because you don't know what to expect? Are you trying to get out?

[C]

I don't know. I don't know what to expect at this point. And at this point, I, for one, I feel trapped because I moved this man in here with me and now he doesn't have to now. And he's heard the cops say that I cannot put him out. So by the time January came around, we are not in a. Very. Obviously not a very healthy place. But I'm not really sleeping in my room as much. I'm sleeping on the couch, sleeping in my mom's room. Because when I would sleep on the couch, he would come out there all night and just sit there and stare at me.

[B]

Ew, that's so freaking weird.

[C]

He wouldn't say anything. He would just sit there and stare at me. Or he would come out there and just say, why are you doing this?

[A]

Ew. Blaming.

[C]

Why are you treating me this way? Why do you want to argue with me? So then I went from being in the living room to going into my mother's room and sleeping on a twin size mattress with her because her door has a lock.

[A]

What are you afraid of? What he could do if you tried to leave him?

[C]

It's not that I was afraid of what he would try to do if I left him. It's just that I had nowhere to go.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I'm. I'm trapped. I moved here with my first husband and my kids when I was pregnant with my daughter 16 years ago. And when I got this house, me and my kids were living in a hotel. Okay. So I worked so hard to get this house, and I'LL be damned if you run me out of this house that I worked hard for. So I'm not leaving. I have to figure out how to get you out.

[A]

You have to make your plan.

[C]

Yes. So this is like January. January is where I'm like, all right, Operation get him the Fuck out is in effect. So in January is when it got a little more scarier because the delusions, the paranoia delusions, got even more intense. It got so bad that he doubted me so much that he said that he had to confess something to me.

[B]

What do you mean, confess? What's he confessing? Oh, Bliss.

[C]

Okay. All right. You ready? He confessed to me that he has never been with a woman. That he.

[B]

I'm sorry, what?

[C]

Was a virgin when I met him. That he had never even kissed another woman in his life.

[B]

What?

[A]

And had he lied and told you he had previous? Yeah, he. He did.

[C]

He. So he didn't lie, per se. He told me he hadn't been with a woman the whole time he had been in the church, which is 13 years, which is true. It's not untrue.

[A]

Lying by omission is lying.

[C]

I, I Exactly. So he was so. It all made so much sense because the very first time we were intimate, I remember thinking, this man is the virgin. But I was like, it's okay, because I can work with this. I can bolt him into what I want.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Not knowing that this man was fully a virgin, hadn't even laid lips with nobody. And that was because when he was a teenager, he was overweight and shy, so he never had experience with women. And then he went into the church, and then he lost all the weight, and then. So he never. Wow. He never been with a woman. And then he told me the real reason he left the church. Why?

[B]

Why?

[C]

Why he left the church to pursue me.

[B]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like, what? What do you mean?

[C]

Apparently, his mother knew about me before our first date. People in his church knew about me. He had a real close friend in the church. He told me that he talked with him for a year over his feelings for me.

[A]

And you had never.

[C]

I had never even really met him. I had never had a conversation with him that didn't involve something to do with work.

[B]

He was, like, obsessed with you before you even knew him.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Like a blanket of fear washed over me because it wasn't like a cute little, oh, I have, like, a little crush on you. No, like, he planned it. It's, It's. It was methodical planning.

[A]

It Was like, yeah. Evil mastermind.

[C]

Yeah. That's when I became 100 terrified.

[A]

And he tells you this like himself?

[C]

Yes. Because he's in his paranoid delusion and I don't know what's going through his head right now, but right now he thinks that the logical answer is to just confess the lies. And I feel like that's why he was so torn, because he lied and he knows that he lied. So it kind of made me think like with him being the type of person that he was like, like the religious person that he was, was he having a moral qualm within himself? Because I'm not a religious person. I'm not a Jehovah Witness. Jehovah Witness can only be with each other. And he conformed himself to be what he thought I wanted him to be and made himself that and then approached me.

[A]

Was not that. I mean, the amount of work this person would have to do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is kind of scarce.

[C]

He.

[A]

I mean, it's stalking vibes. I don't know if it's the legal.

[C]

Definition, but it, that's, that's, that's when everything kind of turned more fearful for me because I was like, this is not normal. No, not at all. This is like he didn't notice me one day and was like, oh, she's cute. I'm going to talk to her. No, this, this was a process. This was like he was talking about me to people in the church a year before he even left the church. And by the time I met him, he was eight months out of the church. So this man had a two year obsession with me that I didn't even know about. And that's when it kind of clicked me that this can turn deadly. And when I knew that he knew that there was something wrong is he took all of his guns to his mom's house. He no longer carried the guns that he carried on him. 24 7. The shotguns and the other extra pistol that was in the nightstand he took to his mother's house. And I feel like that's because he couldn't trust himself with it. And I'm so grateful that he did.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

Because if this would have went another way, it could have. Like, I couldn't be here right now with how, with how he is.

[A]

I mean, we hear stories.

[C]

You hear you.

[A]

You're a true crime person. Like the amount of like, I loved you so much I had to hurt you.

[C]

Like, you're either with me or with nobody. And that's kind of what he was turning into. And all the while, the paranoid delusions, like, the people at the gas station wanted me, people at work wanted me. Everybody wanted me. Everybody wasn't. My landlord, like, he spazzed out on me because my landlord came to get the rent one month. And because he was talking my. My landlord's a chatterbox. Yeah. And because he was talking to me when he left, he told me that next month he would be getting him the rent because he didn't like how long he was talking to me. So at this point in January, I know that this man is not in his right frame of mind. Okay? So he bought me a dog for Christmas, right? And we had been fighting so much, and I'd been, like, sleeping in the living room, sleeping in my mom's room, that he pretty much barricaded himself in this room with that dog. Okay.

[A]

Which is scary.

[C]

So he. One day, he couldn't find the dog. I think he, like, he had went outside. I don't know what he did, but the dog was no longer in the room. And I'm at work, and he barges into my mom's room and starts yelling at her that she's hiding the dog from him. Okay? Now, up until this point, he has never yelled at my kids. He has never yelled at my mom. But this specific time, he specifically yelled at her over this dog. And he kept locking me out of my bedroom door. My. Out of my bedroom. So I lost my every loving mind. I took a hammer and I broke down the door. I broke down the door. Because up until this point, you can do what you want to me. I'll be your punching bag. That's fine. I chose this. I married you. But you are not going to disrespect my button. That is what you're not going to do. So once I took the hammer to the door, he's recording me, and he is saying, are you going to come at me with that hammer next? Am I next? Are you going to do to me what you're doing to that door? While he's recording me, like, he's trying to get me to, like. He wants you to, like, yell at him. Yeah. And I'm not. I'm. I'm calm. I'm so calm. My son comes out of his room like, yo, mom, you good? What are you doing? I'm like, oh, yes. And I'm just taking this door down. Like, I turned into him for a split second because I was, like, a delusional calm.

[A]

But I. I get it. But, yeah, it feels very much like you have I don't. You don't know where the dog is?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I would be concerned about if he would.

[C]

The dog was in the living room. Dog was in the living room. It's just because he's so paranoid and he's so delusional. Like, he just thinks everybody is out to get him. So after. After I. I do that, and I sit calmly down after I'm done destroying the door, and I'm sitting there and I'm trying to calm myself down, and I'm like, you know what? No. So I get back up, and I come back in the room and I start throwing his stuff everywhere. I start taking his clothes out of the drawers. Because up until this point, I have not lost my mind on him yet. Okay? I have not.

[B]

But you get to a point where you're like, listen, I'm done.

[C]

So now I'm yelling. I'm yelling. I'm screaming over and over, get out, get out, get out. And I'm throwing his stuff all around the room. I'm throwing whatever I can get my hands on. Like, I do, like, one of those movie sweeps. There's stuff on the dresser. I take my hand and I go like this, and I say, get out of my house. Get out of my house. He gets it. So he puts on his jacket and he goes. Sits in his car. He drove around for a little bit, but then when he came back, he was just in the driveway, just sitting in his car. So this is where he starts staying in his car, staying in the house, staying in his car, stay in the house. Because at this point, I'm over it. Like, I'm. I'm over it. Like, I can only handle so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So now he's leaving my door wide open in the middle of the night. Like, I'm coming home at, like, midnight, and my front door is wide open. My mom is asleep. My kids are asleep. My son's in his room. Like, my. They. They did. We do not leave the door open. This is him. He is unlocking the door, flinging it open. He's turning on all the lights in the house, turning them on, off, on, off, on, off. Like, just going through the whole house doing this. Wow. And I. I can't. I can't take it. So I'm. Now I'm starting to yell. Now I'm starting to be disrespectful. Now I'm starting to be somebody I don't want to be.

[A]

Well, this is.

[B]

Anybody else would have started much sooner. So, yeah.

[A]

And it's reaction.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You were provoked.

[C]

So now he's not even living in the house no more. Now he's strictly living out of his car. And he disappears for about two days. Now, this is when I call the cops again, but it's not because of something he did. I call the cops because I'm genuinely worried. Yeah. Like, yes, you're psycho, but I don't want nothing bad to happen to you. I don't know where you're at. You blocked me, you blocked your mother. Like, nobody can get a hold of you. And I know you're not in your right frame of mind. Right. I could have easily said you've made my life a living hell these past three months.

[B]

Right?

[C]

You're out of my life, out of sight, out of mind. I don't care what happens to you. Yep. But I. I couldn't. Because I know, like, I know there's a small part that it's not entirely his fault. So I called the cops and I reported him listening. I reported him listening. And here they have license plate readers at the stoplights, so they told me where he was at. He's in this general vicinity. He's just hopping from, like, parking lot to parking lot.

[B]

It drives around aimlessly.

[C]

I know he's alive. So then after two days of being gone, he pulls back up into the driveway. He'll grab a few things, then he'll go back out. And this is. He essentially starts living out of his car. Right? So after that, this man started stalking me. So now he's not even coming in the house no more. He's leaving the doors wide open. He's driving past the house. He's not coming in it. He's parking at the gas station. That's, like, at the end of my street. So that way he can look directly up the house. Like, he's not here. But he's making sure that nobody else pulls up because I'm such a whore. As soon as he leaves, I'm gonna have somebody pull up. So he's. He's watching me from a distance. So one day I'm at work, and I am just mentally and emotionally drained. I just am so defeated. Like, I finally got him to leave the house, but he was stalking me.

[A]

That's. Yeah.

[C]

So I still didn't feel safe. Like, I felt even less safe now than I did with him in the house. Because I don't know where he's at. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know what he's planning on doing now.

[A]

You have to look over your shoulder and be paranoid all the time.

[C]

Yes. So now this. This puts me in a state of mind that. That was very dark. Very dark. And so I decide one day that I'm going to leave work early. And my ex, who is still my friend, he notices that I'm visibly upset because obviously I'm crying all the time at work now. And, you know, he hasn't really talked to me because he knows that Patrick has exploded on me three times at work already. Oh, right. So he didn't want to make this situation worse for me. But when Patrick refused to leave the house, I made the statement that, if you won't leave, I'll just wait till you go to work and I'll just put all your shit outside. So he stopped going to work. He stopped going to work. I want to say either at the end of January or the beginning of February, he stopped going to work and pretty much hunkered down until he started living in his car.

[A]

We'll take a moment to remind everyone that when we hear these stories and we hear all the bad stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're also. You also have an ex husband that you're probably navigating. Your mom is there.

[C]

You're working.

[A]

Like, there are other things in your life that you're probably, like, trying to go through.

[C]

Life is. Life needs. Yeah.

[A]

And that's when we shut down and go into autopilot. It's a trauma response.

[C]

Yep. Because I'm trying to figure out a way that this doesn't end with a bullet in my head, because he was. The way that he was acting. So I am so distraught that I want to leave work early. And at this point, like, I no longer have my truck because Patrick made me get rid of it because I didn't need my own car because I had him, and he's going to take me everywhere I need to go.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Text. So I got rid of my truck in, like, November, and so I was like, I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted, but I don't want to be at work, and I'm just gonna walk home. Just. I don't know why I didn't think of an Uber, but I had decided, I'm just gonna walk home. But my ex was like, you know, he asked me if. If I was okay, and I just told him, yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just about to just walk home. And he's like, I've got, like, two more days to finish. And if you want, I know you probably don't want to, but I can give you a ride home. I live, like, five minutes from my job. I live so close to my job. So I didn't even care at this point that Patrick was stalking me. I just said, yes, like, I just want to go home. I want to crawl in my bed. But it was nothing more. Like, he genuinely was just going to bring me home. Okay. So I'm sitting in the break room, and I wait for him to come and get me. And we're driving away from work, and we're pulling onto the street that leads to my house, and two cop cars go flying past me. Oh, gosh. And I make the joke like, well, somebody's in trouble.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

So we're driving. We're driving. And he said something, And I turned to look at him to either respond or laugh. I don't remember what it was. But he. His eyes look past me, and he looks at the gas station that's two blocks away from my house, and there's a bunch of cop cars there. And he said, wouldn't it be funny if that was Patrick getting arrested? And then I was like, ha. And I was like, actually, that's his car right there. And then he's like, no, that is Patrick. And I was like, what? So he turned around, he did a U turn, drove back slowly, And I'm kind of, like, ducking down, and I'm like, that's.

[B]

He is.

[C]

There is six cop cars in the gas station. He's getting put in handcuffs. So I have him pull across the street. There's, like, a railroad track. I have him pull on the other side of the railroad track. And I hop out of the car. I get my phone out. I'm calling Patrick's mom because I had just reported him missing for a second time. Because he was not parked at the gas station. He wasn't parked at the grocery store. I hadn't seen him drive past the house in a couple of days. So I'm like. My worry was he was going to pick on the wrong person, and either he's gonna get hurt or he's gonna hurt somebody. Yeah. So I'm running across the street, and he's getting put in handcuffs. And I'm standing there, and I have the phone in my hand, and I've FaceTimed his mom, and I'm just letting her know that I found him. And me and her, we're not talking. We're just standing there. Cause I'm trying to listen to what the cops are telling him. Does he See me, because I'm trying to figure out what happened. Yes, he sees me.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

He sees me standing there. But I hear somebody on the other side of the truck that I'm standing on saying that I've never seen that man a day in my life. And that makes me turn, and now I'm paying attention to what's happening behind me. Essentially what happened is he was sitting at this gas station, thought this man had it out for him, approached this man, punched this man in the face. And this man proceeded to give him a full beat down. Oh, my God. He fucked with the wrong one. I knew that this was gonna happen. So Patrick was upset because he was arrested and the other guy wasn't. But he threw the first punch. He was the aggressor. So he got taken to jail. That is when I took the opportunity to go to the county hospital and file. I spent four hours at the hospital going through every single piece of evidence that I had and to prove to him that he is not in his right mental state. Because he was also walking around our room saying, is this what you want? Is this what you want, like, screaming it out into the air? Because the FBI was listening through his phone like, oh, my God. He's like, you just want a puppet. You want me to just do what you want me to do? So I, like, had to, like, provide all of this to the hospital.

[A]

I was going to ask. Yeah. Can you say just a little bit about what that process was like?

[C]

Yeah. So what you have to do is essentially you have to go and you have to talk with a mental health nurse, and you provide them with all the information that you have and the reason why you're there, and you provide the evidence. And then they take all this information and they take it to a psychiatrist. And that psychiatrist goes over all this information and then decides whether this person needs to be forced to get help or if it's just not that big of a deal, you know, it's not harmful or nothing.

[A]

It's like a risk assessment.

[C]

Yeah. Yes, a risk assessment. That's exactly what it was. So after spending four or five hours there, they gave me the medical warrant. So then I had to take that paperwork that I got from the hospital. Then I had to turn around the next day and take it to the courthouse and get it filed with the judge. So that way, if he were ever to get arrested again, that he would get sent to a psychiatric hospital instead of jail for a mandatory 72 hour hold. And while he was in jail and while I was Going back and forth to the courthouse and to the hospital. I also took this opportunity to pack up all of his shit and change my locks.

[A]

Yes. Oh, yes.

[C]

Yes, girl. So when he got out of jail and he came here and he put his candle lock, it wasn't working. So he knocked on the door. I opened the door. He saw I piled all of his stuff in the front room. All. When I say all of his stuff, even his dresser was standing upright in the front. Because I did not want him to leave this general area. Like, get your stuff and get out. So good for you. He knew the locks were changed, all of his stuff was packed. He looked around in disbelief. So he got arrested March 3rd. He got released March 5th. And that was the last time I've seen him.

[B]

What? That was it.

[A]

He took a few weird things and left and left.

[C]

And I have not seen him since.

[B]

Is he still alive, do you know? Like, is he woo hoo or like.

[C]

I do. I do know that he's still alive. For a while. For about a month there, his mother didn't know where he was. He was living in his car on his mother's side of town because he lives about 30 minutes away from me. Yeah, he was living in his car over there by her. In and out of a hotel. He lost his job.

[B]

Yeah, he did.

[C]

And eventually she was able to convince him to go stay with her. And the only thing we have left to talk about is a divorce. And you can send that paperwork to my house because we're still married.

[A]

I was going to ask, where's that process financially?

[C]

I cannot get divorced right now.

[B]

It costs too much.

[A]

It's so much.

[C]

That's why I said it's so easy to get married. It's so hard to get divorced. Yep. Because the marriage itself cost us maybe about $300 with, like, paperwork. Thousands. Yes. Yes.

[B]

Dominique, I cannot believe. That is so wild. Thank you so much for sharing your story because there's much, so, so much of it that I think so many people are going to relate to. What do you think, Hannah?

[A]

Well, I want to, like, separate mental illness stuff going on. I mean.

[C]

Yep. And I didn't even recognize it as abuse because I went through physical abuse. Like, I. That wasn't so common in the beginning. Yeah, it's. It wasn't until. It wasn't until, like, December when I was like, oh, you're abusive.

[A]

Well, you said it wasn't until he yelled at your mother, which I think is very telling because you let it. I can take it. And there are A lot of people with mental health problems that are not abusive.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so sorry. And I'm sorry to your whole family because you guys.

[B]

Terrible. I am so sorry, girl.

[C]

It was definitely a lot.

[A]

And learning that he had been planning. Be with you for as long as he was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Totally speculation. But we always talk about how they know how to meet your unmet needs. They're very good at what they do. He had. He studied you.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

He studied you and came in playing the part that you needed. And that's also why so many people get into multiple abusive relationships. And I. I don't. You know, I want to help people that are like, oh, my God, I'm so bad at chip picking people. But it's different types of abuse. Like, he.

[C]

I definitely went through that after him. I was like, what is wrong with me that I keep picking these guys that are no good for me.

[B]

Familiarity.

[C]

Not that.

[B]

It's not a meeting.

[C]

It's not a meeting. It's just these guys are so good at picking who they can torment like this.

[A]

Yeah. It's not your fault. And now we just get to learn how to navigate it.

[B]

Familiarity is comfortable. Yep.

[C]

Girl.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

I'm still. Definitely healing. I definitely imagine. Don't see myself in a relationship for a good long while. I don't blame you. But I definitely am learning to listen to myself more.

[B]

Good for you.

[C]

Trust myself more.

[A]

Can I ask?

[C]

Because you always.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, keep going.

[C]

No, you always want. How following. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love romance. I love love.

[A]

So do we.

[B]

Honestly.

[C]

And I don't want to say, like, he completely destroyed that because you never know what the future holds.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But for right now, that's just not something that I even want to consider that love. Exactly. I'm going to relearn myself and re. Love myself.

[B]

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing, Dominique. We just love you so much. And thank you. That must have been so hard.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It's gonna help so many people. Thank you so much.

[B]

I was about to. Yeah. It's gonna help so many people. And I love that. And you're. It's just so brave of you. Thank you.

[C]

I hope so, because it's so different than what you guys usually cover.

[B]

No, but this is.

[A]

There's dogfish. I mean, the fact that he came into the relationship secretly masterminding the plan to get to you and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kind of duked you into loving him and marrying him.

[C]

Him.

[A]

That's a dog. This is my butt.

[B]

Holy crap. This Guy.

[A]

This was hard because it's also another one of the stories that ended recently.

[B]

Yeah. And, well, I related to so much of that. I think I said in the intro, I said that. So much of what she said, I was like, holy crap. Me too. And that's another reason that we really appreciate when you guys share these stories, because when you have those me too moments, it's like you feel less alone. But so many of the things that she said about, like, when you grow up the way that I did, you feel like you are not worthy of a good relationship or of being treated well, and you're afraid of losing this person. So you're afraid of doing something to disagree with them. I totally felt that. And I know so many of our audience probably does too.

[A]

The thing I kept coming back to was the way that her first instinct whenever anything happened was, what did I do wrong? I'm must be at fault.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I don't know because I do that. I'm not saying, like, we're all these, like, amazing people that are like, oh, we're so, like, self. We're all into growing and improving. Like, I. I think it comes from a bad place of us just hating ourselves. And I wish we did it. And I don't know if it's like women predominantly doing that. I don't know. And also, there's a balance because I want to go into relationships and be like, yes, I want to grow. I want to improve. I don't want to make these mistakes. But also, how do you separate that from when you're not making mistakes and you're not at fault and somebody is really continuously gaslighting you into believing that you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So much so that you kind of lose your sense of reality that he did that for sure. And I'm glad you mentioned her upbringing and her background that's so important to frame where she was when she got into all of these relationships. And we have to have grace for that. I think it's a lot. It's very easy for us to be like, why would someone stay right when we didn't have their experience? And we. We can't ask that question.

[B]

Exactly. And that's a really good point. And at the beginning, we talked about mental health and how that can really affect a relationship. And we want to be sensitive to. To mental health and mental health issues. But that being said, this is why it's really important to work on yourself and feel confident and work on your self. The more you love yourself, the less likely you are to have those unmet needs that someone else can take advantage of, and. Because that's what people prey on is unmet needs. So the more you meet those needs yourself and take care of yourself, the less the chance you can become a victim to someone.

[A]

I'm looking at my notes. There were a couple of things that he would use to, like, you know, gain her sympathy. One being religion and his background with religion. I feel like she. One, she said that she kind of had more faith that he would be able to take care of her and commit because he was so committed to his relation. Religion.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I thought was interesting. And then when he would do things a little, you know, off, like say I love you in two weeks or get jealous about something a little unreasonable, she would say, well, he hasn't been in a relationship in so long.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he planted that. Like, I think we. We don't want relationships to end, especially when they are amazing for the most part. So you really do tell yourself lies to convince yourself. And that's not. That's a human thing. You don't want things to end. You don't want. It's like a. It's okay for us to want things.

[B]

To be good, and you shouldn't have to be scared of it all the time, too.

[C]

So.

[B]

Yeah, that's a. That's a really great point.

[A]

He was so erratic, but he'd also just give her everything she ever wanted. Like the way that they went on that honeymoon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she was like, I just never thought I'd ever get something like this. So of course you're gonna put up with a little bit, because she didn't.

[B]

Even have a wedding ring for her first marriage. And so having this ring and maybe feeling a little bit more special this go round also.

[A]

Okay. I wrote this down, and I'm remembering now. So the thing with. He was very jealous and controlling for.

[B]

Things that didn't even happen.

[A]

For things that didn't happen. I know. And I wrote down, sometimes jealousy feels good. And we need to talk to our therapists about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know that feeling where you're like, I want my part. This is not necessarily specific to her, but, like, I do think there is a part of us that, like, wants our partner to be, like, a little jealous because.

[B]

Yeah, because I'm like, oh, they. Yeah, it's flattering.

[A]

Or maybe this is just me. And I was making a mental note, like, I need to talk to my therapist about that, because I don't think it's very helpful for us in terms of there's a.

[B]

And there's a healthy jealousy. Like, that jealousy is normal. It's a normal human response. Like, that's totally fine. So. But in this case, it was like.

[A]

This was not healthy.

[B]

This was really out of. You know, this was not a healthy form of jealousy, if I had to guess.

[A]

Oh, my God. It was like. Yeah, that was kind of when it started to switch to textbook abusive behavior. But it didn't switch until she was in really deep. And that's what they do, and that's why it's so you can't blame their mental health completely. You can't blame a circumstance that makes them different completely. Because he knows the difference between right and wrong.

[B]

Yeah. And you can see that. Yeah. He knew what to do. And so then it's his responsibility also to confront his mental health and take care of himself without hurting someone else in the process.

[A]

He kept making her feel guilty that she was ruining everything. He.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isolated her from her friends.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It was very erratic, just like she. It was like she didn't know what she was going to get ever. And then also the thing about how he. Like the driving when he drove on the ice so fast and she literally had to throw herself out of the car. Driving erratically is a sign of abuse in many cases because it's used to intimidate you and used to scare you. And in my opinion, it, like, does count under physical abuse. It's like putting your life at risk in a really scary way.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I. And it's. It is. It. It is. That's very scary.

[A]

I was so scared in that. And the, like, her walking back was just like this.

[B]

Could you imagine how she must have. Oh, my God.

[A]

And she didn't know how to get him out of the house later. And that's when it's, like, made me so sad for her whole family. And just the position he put her in. It moved fast. We've said that before. Moving fast is definitely something we can try to slow down in our relationships. But, you know, I have grace. Everybody shows up to relationships in a different place, and she made it very clear why she. She fell for him.

[C]

It just.

[B]

It just sucks that we all want the fairy tale, and I think that's what she was going for, and she just didn't want to mess it up.

[A]

And I get that she also loved him and cared about her abuser, which is a really complicated feeling when she was trying to get him help and didn't want to necessarily call the police. Also didn't really get a lot of support from the police, which.

[B]

But then she also. She was also like, she wanted to protect herself and her family, but also she was concerned for him.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

100% love the person that hurts you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So where I'm really grateful for Dominique for sharing her story. And I know so many of you guys are gonna be like, holy crap, that's a me too moment. And so I'm so glad she's out of it.

[A]

Cause it was some true crime shit in there.

[B]

Oh, a hundred percent.

[A]

Could have gotten bad.

[B]

And I mean, it got bad, but.

[A]

It could have gotten worse.

[B]

I'm curious to know what he's up to now. So I'm hopeful that there's some kind of update and that's. That's a good time to join the Patreon because we do a lot of the updates on the Patreon. So The Patreon is $5 a month. Or you can do the $9 a month tier for the ad. Free listening and you get the bonus episodes and more of the updates and stuff. So join us on the Patreon.

[A]

And also, this was. Dominique is a listener and sent her story in because of y' all who have sent your stories in before and made her feel seen. Yeah, it's just another reminder that if you need a voice, you need a platform. Even if it's not a full story, a romantic story. Like she was saying, she was like, this isn't like what you guys usually get. I wasn't sure. Like, just if you want to share, if it feels good to share, you can send it to us. Sometimes we read emails that are shorter or not quite romantic relationships on the Patreon and talk about them. So email us [e-mail] yes, yes, yes.

[B]

And as always, sleuthies, trust your femme intuition.

[A]

Seriously, think of our voices. Put us on. Like, either we're on your shoulder.

[B]

So many people said that. They do. They're like, wait, they hear our voice? Trust your femtuition. Sorry. We love you guys.

[A]

Love you.

[C]

Sam.