Resort Romance: Part 1

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dating Detectives - Resort Romance: Part 1

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Dating Detectives
• Host/Author: Dear Media
• Episode: Resort Romance: Part 1
• Release Date: March 17, 2025

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Introduction

In the premiere episode of Resort Romance: Part 1, hosts Molly and Hannah of The Dating Detectives delve into the harrowing experience of Laura, a solo traveler who encountered deceit and manipulation during her beach vacation. This episode sets the stage for a gripping two-part series that uncovers the intricate web of lies spun by a resort worker, shedding light on the red flags that travelers should watch for.

Hosts' Initial Discussion

Molly and Hannah open the episode with their characteristic banter, addressing technical difficulties and the absence of their producer, Molly. They emphasize the importance of framing discussions without victim-blaming, encouraging listeners to understand that the individuals sharing their stories have unique experiences and perspectives.

Notable Quote:

Hannah [02:04]: "With that comes new feedback and a lot of responses have been, I'll say it, victim blamey. And that's okay... we really do want to encourage people to ask, why does that person scam them, hurt them, abuse them, etc."

Guest Introduction: Laura's Story Begins

Laura introduces herself as a solo traveler from Canada who embarked on an all-inclusive beach vacation in January 2022. Her intention was simple: to relax and enjoy some time alone.

Notable Quote:

Molly [01:51]: "We have a two part today... I can't wait for you to meet her."

Encounter with Ramon

On the second day of her trip, Laura meets Ramon, a resort worker with a distinct, gravity-defying hairdo that immediately sets him apart. Initially, Laura is disinterested, but Ramon's persistent yet charming demeanor leads her to provide him with her phone number.

Notable Quote:

Laura [10:13]: "It's shiny because of all the gel in the hairspray. Yeah, it defies gravity."

Developing Relationship and Emerging Red Flags

As days pass, Ramon's requests become increasingly personal and financially burdensome. Laura, recovering from a recent breakup where she was ghosted, finds herself emotionally vulnerable and begins to justify Ramon's behavior, believing he's a "nice guy" despite mounting red flags.

Notable Quote:

Laura [24:09]: "I didn't want to ruffle feathers. I definitely, on the inside, was confused and hurt and annoyed because it's not cheap..."

Financial Exploitation

Ramon's requests escalate from purchasing his favorite candy to requesting expensive items like an Apple Watch, running shoes, and even a high-end laptop. Laura, driven by a combination of emotional investment and the sunk cost fallacy, complies with these demands, sending Ramon thousands of dollars through money transfers.

Notable Quote:

Laura [53:38]: "Well, whatever he needed. ... It ultimately ends up being in like $9,000."

Emotional Turmoil and Realization

As Laura sends more money, she begins to notice inconsistencies in Ramon's stories, especially regarding his employment on a cruise ship. Through diligent research, Laura uncovers evidence on social media that contradicts Ramon's claims, leading her to confront him. Ramon responds by labeling her as a "psycho" and ceases communication, leaving Laura devastated and financially drained.

Notable Quote:

Laura [67:38]: "He's tagged at the ship. ... I can see... He's literally at his wedding."

Conclusion of Part 1

The episode concludes with Laura's heartbreaking discovery that Ramon has married someone else, a culmination of her year-long ordeal. Molly and Hannah reflect on the emotional and financial traps that Laura fell into, emphasizing the importance of recognizing red flags and maintaining boundaries, especially in vulnerable situations like solo travel.

Notable Quote:

Molly [84:41]: "And because that's such an extreme right. Like, very rarely are that, like, you're... You're literally at your wedding..."

Insights and Lessons Learned

Resort Romance: Part 1 serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of undercover scams in the travel industry. Laura's story underscores the importance of:

• Recognizing Red Flags: Persistent requests for personal information and money should be a major warning sign.
• Emotional Vulnerability: Being aware of one's emotional state can prevent exploitation.
• Due Diligence: Verifying the authenticity of individuals met online or in person can save one from potential scams.
• Financial Boundaries: Maintaining strict boundaries regarding financial assistance can prevent significant losses.

Hosts' Final Thoughts

Molly and Hannah wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to share their own stories and remain vigilant. They highlight the ethical responsibility of discussing such personal narratives without judgment, fostering a supportive community for those affected by similar experiences.

Notable Quote:

Molly [88:06]: "The entire point of this and what's important to me and Hannah and Molly is the ethical part. So, yeah, we're in the true crime category, but we're ethically telling these stories..."

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Stay Tuned for Part 2:

Resort Romance: Part 2 promises to delve deeper into the aftermath of Laura's experience, exploring the emotional recovery process and the broader implications for travelers navigating the often murky waters of resort relationships.

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Engage with The Dating Detectives:

• Email: investigatethedatingdetectivespodcast.com
• Patreon: Join for bonus episodes and community discussions.
• Social Media: Share your thoughts and spread awareness to help others recognize and avoid similar situations.

Closing Quote:

Molly [89:21]: "Trust your femme intuition."

Transcript

[Hannah]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-777, 233 for support.

[Molly]

Happy Dating Detectives Monday.

[Hannah]

Hi, everybody.

[Molly]

We have no grownup today. Normally Molly, our producer, is here and she's like monitoring everything and running the back office. And now it's just me and Hannah. And by me and Hannah, I mean Hannah.

[Hannah]

No, you're doing great. Did we have an extra five minutes of troubleshooting? Yes, we did.

[Laura]

We don't know what's going on.

[Molly]

It's fine. So there's no grown the room today. I may or may not be wearing pants. We're not sure you wear.

[Hannah]

You don't wear pants when we record with grownups in the room, don't lie to them. It makes no difference.

[Molly]

Right? Anyway, so happy Dating Detectives Monday. We have a. We have a two part today. Yeah, it's a two parter. And we have a guest today that I am just. I think that so many of us will relate to. But also, I feel like it was so easy even for me to say, what the heck? Why did she do that? And I think that that might be something that we often think about what someone else does. But I just want you guys to remember that these are experiences that are not ours. And you never know what you would do in that situation. So my, my heart is just. Anyways, I can't wait for you to meet her.

[Hannah]

No, I want to add to what you're saying because that's so good. And I just. So we've, we're. Hi. We love you guys. We're grateful.

[Molly]

Oh, also good morning.

[Hannah]

Also, hello. I feel like the show is reaching a lot of new people, which is amazing.

[Molly]

Yes.

[Hannah]

With that comes new feedback and a lot of responses have been, I'll say it, victim blamey. And that's okay. When it's done with the open mindedness to have a conversation about it because I want this to be a place where you can say, my gut reaction is to say, well, why were they in that scenario anyway? When we really do want to encourage people to ask, well, why does that person scam them, hurt them, abuse them, et cetera?

[Molly]

That's the right question.

[Hannah]

Correct. Because no matter what mistakes you make or decisions you make, no one deserves that. So that's the focus. That being said, our job here that we've given ourselves is not to. We've decided we're not doing this podcast to say, well, this is all the stuff you did wrong. We're doing this podcast because it doesn't matter what they did right or wrong or whatever, like, but their story matters, and then we can learn from it. So if there's something that you hear that you're like, oh, I don't know if that's the decision that was the safe decision. Oh, now I have a reminder as I move forward, like, it's so gracious and brave of these guests to. To share things that they've reflected on. They've gone through the process of analyzing everything they did, and then they want to share that story. And Laura, our guest, not only you'll hear, tells us her story, but she has another podcast that you can dive into her story even. Even more. She's awesome. And she. Yeah, we should do some warnings. I mean, there's some financial abuse, emotional abuse, and revenge porn, and that hasn't really come up as much in the past. And it's an important, important, important thing because it's far too common.

[Molly]

It can be very, very triggering. And I think that as someone who has gone through something incredibly similar, it's bad. And you feel there's a lot of talk of. There's suicidal ideation, there's talk of suicide, there's death threats. And so just, just a couple trigger warnings there that this, this story gets a little bit deep. So, so just want to warn you guys of that. But before we continue on with that, I do want to show my gratitude to you guys for listening and for supporting our show. We appreciate all the stories that you send in. We appreciate all of our guests that come on and tell us their story. So, so bravely and courageously. So if you have stories to send in, you can just email them to us, and we would love to, you know, when we. We get a lot of them. So.

[Laura]

What's the email? McKenzie, what's the email?

[Molly]

I know the email. The email addresses the dating. No, wait, Invest, investigate at the Dating Detectives podcast dot com. And also we have an amazing group of Patreon who pay the $5 a month and get the bonus episodes and all of that, and that's a great community that those people have created. Oh, man, it's such a great group. So feel free to join Our patreon. We'll put it in the show notes.

[Hannah]

Lastly, shout out to this guest, Laura and Laura's cousin, who apparently listens to us a lot and introduces to us. So special shout out to Laura's cousin.

[Molly]

Let's. Let's do it. Yeah, I don't want to give away. Let's just get into it and let's let Laura tell her story.

[Hannah]

It's wild. Oh, the end of part one is just going to make you guys want to flip a table.

[Molly]

Okay, let's go flip a table.

[Hannah]

Hi. Thank you for being here.

[Laura]

Thank you for having me.

[Molly]

Hey, Laura, take us away. We're ready for it.

[Laura]

I'll start at the beginning. Okay. So my name is Laura and I am from Canada. And my story takes place in January 2022, the very beginning of January. My birthday is two weeks after Christmas, so I've started this tradition to start traveling by myself somewhere hot because everybody's partied out by the time my birthday rolls around. So in January 2022, I decided to book an all inclusive beach vacation. And all I had planned for that trip was just relaxation, avoiding people.

[Molly]

Yes, un peopling.

[Laura]

Exactly. I'm single. Or I was definitely single at the time. And I just wanted to go and have some fun, like, you know, PG fun.

[Hannah]

And you've traveled, you travel alone each birthday?

[Laura]

All the time. All the time, Yep. So I don't think it's a big deal. You know, I live alone. I go through life alone. So I don't think it's that big of a stretch to go to an all inclusive resort alone.

[Molly]

No way.

[Laura]

But it's amazing how many people are actually. They really can't understand how you would possibly do this alone.

[Molly]

Oh, I would kill for a solo cation.

[Hannah]

A solo trip is regenerate. Regenerating. Regenerative.

[Laura]

There's nobody counting your drinks. There's nobody to fight with. It's really great.

[Molly]

I would love to go by myself. And just like you can go wherever you want. Stay as long as you want.

[Laura]

I love it.

[Hannah]

As long as you have Mackenzie's voice in the back of your head. Keep your head on a swivel.

[Molly]

Yeah. And don't die, please.

[Hannah]

That part.

[Laura]

Don't die. Okay, so maybe after I share my story, we might all rethink going again alone. But anyway, so January 2022, I traveled to this all inclusive resort. I'm. Like I said, all I want to do is just be by myself and have a good time. And I really nailed that the first day. The second Day I found myself in the swim up bar just having a good time and I was talking to a bunch of different people and my back was facing the bartender and I was watching the pool and out of the corner of my eye I could feel somebody trying to get my attention. And I was like kind of ignoring it, but it was, you know, it's bigger and bigger. So I turn around and it's a resort worker trying to get my attention. I had set my big beach hat on the bar behind me and he was wearing it. So I pretended. That's ok. Ok, maybe you're nicer than me. I turned around pretending like. Pretending like I thought it was cute. But immediately I was just like, leave me alone.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Anyway, so I smiled and I, you know, whatever. I was convinced that he wanted me to participate in some like, I don't know, guacamole making class or cowboy.

[Hannah]

Like we're teaching pool pole dancing right now. Come joke.

[Molly]

Exactly.

[Laura]

And I just wasn't in the mood. So anyway, we have a little bit of small talk. Thankfully it starts raining and thunder and lightning so we have to get out of the pool. So I say goodbye to the guy, the resort worker and I carry on. I get out of the pool.

[Molly]

Resort worker is who?

[Laura]

Resort worker, let's call him Ramon.

[Molly]

Okay, Ramon. Ramon.

[Laura]

Ramon. Okay.

[Molly]

I like it.

[Laura]

So anyway, we say goodbye and I head back to my room and I'm like, what am I going to do? I'm at an all inclusive resort alone. I'm going to find somewhere else to go have some drinks. So I go to another bar, an inside bar, and I go as far away from people as possible because really didn't feel like communicating. And I was scrolling my phone, doing whatever I was doing, and I could sense a presence coming towards me. And I look up and I see Ramon waving as he's approaching me. I was just like, great, he's found me. So we start talking and I'm thinking like, okay, it's his job. He recognizes that I'm here alone. He's just being friendly. I should be friendly back. But inside I'm just kind of thinking, leave me alone. Like go talk to somebody else.

[Molly]

I'm on solo cation for a reason, fella.

[Hannah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura]

Goodbye, Ramon. This kind of like flirty energy, like friendly but flirty. And I just really wasn't in the mood.

[Hannah]

Can you give us like a picture of him? Like, what is he? What's his vibe? Or do you want to wait? Your eyes just got bigger than I've ever seen Any eyes get well, because.

[Laura]

Like, of course, I could totally give you a picture. But let me describe first. So let me tell you, my first instinct was zero attraction. Not my. Just wasn't interested. So he's 5 7, like medium build, you know, is decent looking enough. Just not my type. But what was really distinct about him is he had an interesting hairdo. So I don't know what the technical term is, but I will tell you. It's like picture this. It's shaved all over except for the top part.

[Molly]

Like a Mohawk.

[Laura]

No, that sounds cooler. It's like, it's long.

[Molly]

Is it like what the kids are calling it, A low taper fade?

[Hannah]

I feel like. Is it where they have like the top kind of tied up in a little ponytail or a bun or something?

[Laura]

Does he look like a tool bag? Laura, we're trying to discard.

[Hannah]

She's like, guys, you can't even imagine.

[Laura]

If it was a man bun, then there would be no story because this literally wouldn't have happened. But no. Okay, so it's the kind where it's like long on top, but he styles it. So there has to be an absurd amount of gel. Actually, I watched him do it eventually. But there's an absurd amount of gel and a lot of blow drying back and forth to try and get it to sit on top like a cone.

[Molly]

So it's like Pauly D. Like Paul from Jersey Shore.

[Laura]

Yes, I think that's probably correct. It was shiny because of all the gel in the hairspray. Yeah, it defies gravity. But anyway, it was distinct and he just wasn't my type. Zero attraction. That's all I can really say with trying to remain kind.

[Hannah]

Was he around your age?

[Laura]

I didn't know. I really couldn't tell. This was a few years ago. I would be in my early 40s at that time. I don't necessarily look or identify as my age, so it's really hard for me to gauge what other people's ages are. So I guess we were sort of in the same range.

[Hannah]

You were like year 18 or something? Like super.

[Laura]

No.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

He was like, I do eventually find out his age and I'll. I promise I'll tell all that. So thank you for that. Anyway, so he's approaching me, we're making small talk. I'm being friendly because, as I said, I'm Canadian and so we have to, you know, be friendly. But on the inside I'm like, just. Just go away. Like, I'm not interested. And it wasn't overtly flirting but there was this sense of flirting. Right. He knows I'm there alone. Anyway, so we talk for a little bit. He tells me some things about his life and then he carries on. He's like, I can't stay with you for too long because management will notice if I'm talking to guests for too long. I'm like, okay, great, see you around.

[Molly]

They want you around here anyways.

[Laura]

Yeah, you weren't invited anyway, so continue doing my thing. The day passes. It's now dinner time and I'm traveling alone. And so the days are really long when you travel alone. So I was the first in line at the buffet at 6pm when it opens. So I eat my meal and then I decide rather than go back to my room, I decide I'm going to sit in, people watch for a little bit. So I'm doing my thing again. I'm on my phone, not paying attention, probably texting people back home. And I sense somebody coming towards me. Guess who it is? It's Mr. Ramon. He's. He's found me again. So we start having conversations. He's telling me, he's asking me how my day was, telling me a little bit more about his life. And he seems friendly enough. He kind of has this like nice guy energy, puppy dog kind of energy. But sprinkled him with like greasy, sleazy energy. Right.

[Molly]

Ew, tool bag.

[Laura]

It's quite. It's quite a combo. Yeah. So we're talking more and more, and then he asks me for my phone number and he's like, literally right across from me. I'm like, this is awkward. What do I do? But it's like the second day of my vacation. This guy works there. I panic. So I give him my phone number, obviously. And I'm like, I can just block him when it's over. It's too hard to avoid him for the week. Yeah, gotta give him my number.

[Molly]

That's a good point. You're like, I might as well just do, like, let him think that everything's fine. Got it? Yeah.

[Laura]

Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do?

[Hannah]

I've been in that situation. I think people are quick to be like, why would you give it to them? And it's like, first of all, you have a flight or fight response a little bit. Even though it's not like a threat. But it is a real weird feeling.

[Laura]

To be like, oh, it's totally on the spot. Like, literally, what are you supposed to do? But then it gets worse. He then puts me on the spot and he's like, well, tomorrow's my day off. Would you be my date tomorrow? I'm like, your date? Like, what? What do you mean? So he's like, yeah, I just thought you had the day off and I just wondered if maybe you wanted to go and explore the town with me inside. I'm thinking, that sounds like a way to get murdered. Like, absolutely not. And I don't know you, like, why? But like, what am I supposed to do? He's literally asking me. So I said, well, I'll think about it. I'm very non committal. I'll think about it. He's like, well, I gotta get going, but you should really come to the show tonight. It's really good. I'm the manager of entertainment, so he's in charge of all of the nighttime shows, the pool, Zumba people. So I'm like, well, I don't know, I'll see. So he goes off when it's time to collect people for the show. He then comes and finds me and I'm like, whatever, I don't need to be in bed at 9:00. Just go. So as soon as we get to the show, he starts texting me because of course he has my phone number. And the first text he sends me is how beautiful he thinks I am and how he was so nervous to approach me at the pool. I was so intimidating. But you're so beautiful and I'm so glad I had the courage to do it. And I'm just like, well, this kind of feels nice. Feels kind of creepy, but like, you're on vacation.

[Hannah]

It's nice to have someone flirt with you on vacation.

[Molly]

And also yolo, like, yeah, okay, yolo.

[Laura]

I'm not attracted to him. I feel like this is part of his job. But anyway, so he carries on, carries on. So as the manager of the entertainment, he turns out to be the emcee of the show. So he's up there on the stage and he's doing his thing. And then when he's not on the stage, he's texting me. So as the show is wrapping up, he goes back on the stage and the lights start to come on and he encourages the audience to start dancing. I'm like, forget that I am out. I don't dance. I don't dance, but certainly not with the lights on. So I bolt, I go back to my dance. It's certainly not with the lights on, so. And I definitely wasn't intoxicated enough. So anyway, it's late, I go back to my room, I get Ready for bed. And sure enough, I get a text from Ramon. And he's like, where did you go? I'm like, well, I. As soon as you turn the lights on, I bolted. He's like, I didn't think your legs could walk that fast because I'm not very tall. I'm only 5:1. And he's like, well, that's a weird.

[Hannah]

Negging flirt thing to say.

[Laura]

Yeah. He's like, well, where did you go? Like, I want to see you. Like, while I'm in bed. It's. It's time for me to be in bed. He's like, well, I really want to see you. Why don't you come and go for a walk on the beach with me? I'm like, no, dude. Like, it's pitch black and it's midnight. Absolutely not. And inside I'm like, I know exactly what you want on this beach and I'm not interested in you. You either want to hook up with me or you want to murder me. And either way, I'm not either of those. No. No. So anyway, say goodnight. I put my phone in. Do not disturb. All is well. I go to sleep. Next day, I wake up, I do my thing and it's like lunchtime or something. And I haven't heard from him, so I'm like, he must have found somebody else. I'm off the hook.

[Hannah]

Totally.

[Laura]

All is well. No, he just was still sleeping. So at some point he sends me a message and he's like, so what time are we meeting today? Like, well, I actually didn't realize that I had committed to it. So I end up having this internal pro slash con conversation in my head. And I'd had a couple drinks at this point, but basically I was like, you know, you're an adult. Yolo. It could be kind of fun to explore with local.

[Molly]

You don't got no rules. Ain't nobody your mama, no.

[Laura]

And, like, it seems fairly safe. Like, he seems like a nice guy. I'm a nice person. So what makes me think that he's not a nice guy? I finally. I was like, you know what? Yeah, sure, let. Let's get together. So I assume that we're going to meet in the public space where. Where we're going to go explore. And he's like, well, actually, why don't you come to my house and then we can go together. And I'm thinking, why did you not do it? You know exactly what's gonna happen. But yolo.

[Molly]

Yolo.

[Laura]

Okay, fine. So I get in a cab and.

[Molly]

I'M a grown up, so I'll do what I want.

[Laura]

I'm a grown at the front of my age. I can do this. So I get into the cab, I give them the address, I take note of where we're going. We're like 20 minutes from the resort. One reassuring thing on the drive was we passed by a police station. Like, good to know, just in case I need it for later. Cab pulls up and I send him a message saying, pretty sure I'm here. Like hurry up, this is awkward. He texts me and I'm expecting that he's going to be waiting for me because when some I know somebody's coming to my place, I'm like waiting and watching and then we're going to just go.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Well, he sends me a message and he's like, should I come down naked?

[Molly]

No. Ew, come on. Really?

[Laura]

No. Immediately I'm like, fuck. Like why, what am I doing? You felt this, you knew this, why are you here? And so I was like, haha, hurry up and come down. Not funny. Anyway, he gets down and he's like, well, come on up. Like let's just go. He's like, well I'm not quite ready yet. So I'm like, okay. I look at his hair and it's not quite done.

[Hannah]

It's not coif.

[Laura]

So I go upstairs and he lives in this really cute studio apartment, but it's really small. So it's a studio apartment. There's not a lot of places to sit. The bed basically takes up the majority of the space.

[Hannah]

So.

[Laura]

So I walk in the door and I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna stand here. Cause I'm not going to the bed. I'm just gonna stand and let him do his thing. But obviously he. He's like, come have a seat, let's hang out for a little bit. I did think ahead and I did bring a couple drinks with me from the resort. So I pull one out of my bag and I'm like, here, do you want one? Because this is super awkward. So we have a drink and we were initially pretty far apart on the bed, just sitting fully clothed. And by the time I'm finished my drink, he's literally right beside me, like touching. And I'm just like, this is so awkward. We're having good conversation. He's telling me about his family and his mom and his sisters and his nieces. Like he's presenting. He's this nice guy, right? He's like closer to me. And you could just, you know, you can Feel the energy.

[Molly]

Yes, I could.

[Hannah]

I'm been feeling the energy this whole time.

[Laura]

I know, right?

[Hannah]

It doesn't feel great.

[Laura]

Oh, but wait. So I'm just. It's just, like, thick in the air, and I'm just like, you know what? It. I guess we're doing this. So, okay. He starts kissing me, so we're, like, making out, and I'm like, okay, I have a little buzz. It's okay.

[Molly]

And yolo, whatever.

[Laura]

And yolo. And next thing you know, we're having sex. So it's amazing, the progression, but it just. It's kind of like you're there, you feel it. Not feel it, but, like, feel, like, the energy and you're just like. Doesn't matter. What happens on vacation stays on vacation.

[Molly]

Yeah, whatever.

[Laura]

We have grown up activity. And it's fun. It's actually. It's pretty fun. I'm trying not to think too much about what the hell's happening because it's not my usual style, and it's kind of. It's just gross. Honestly, it's just so not expected because I'm not attracted to this guy. Anyway, so we do that, and then we decide to leave his place. And then we head finally towards downtown. So we go for some food, we wander around some stores. There's lots of bars and stuff, and we. We're just having a good time. We're getting to know each other. He's sharing a bit more of what his life looks like and some of his past. And I'm opening up a little bit to him about what's happening in my life and who I am. So I learn in that conversation that he's actually nine years younger than me. And so immediately I'm like, oh, that's disgusting. But then I was like, but wait a minute. Who cares? I don't know this guy. He didn't know my age, and I'm never gonna see him again.

[Molly]

Doesn't matter.

[Laura]

YOLO. Doesn't matter. YOLo. So anyway, have a great time. We're together for, I don't know, a few hours. We end up taking the taxi back. I drop him off at his place. He then sends me back to the resort. And I get back to my room, and I literally, as I'm laying to go to sleep, I'm like, well, I didn't die. And that was actually pretty fun, so whatever.

[Hannah]

So he kind of came around, like, throughout the day.

[Laura]

He started being super obnoxious and sexually aggressive the whole time. Obviously less so after we had sex, but, like, it just he, like I said, he was that mix of, like, sweet and charming with the sprinkle of ick, ick.

[Hannah]

But was there a part of you that was like. Because I've, I'm not usually like this. I'm more willing. I, I, what am I trying to say? Like, I'm more willing to like, have a fun, random story a little bit.

[Laura]

Another piece I didn't mention because it really isn't that important to this story. But, like, I had been seeing somebody for a few months prior to my trip and he ghosted me between Christmas and New Year's. And so I was in my feelings. That does feel when I went on this trip, Laura for sure. So I think part of it was that motto, the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. So I was not looking for it.

[Molly]

We've all heard that.

[Laura]

But truly what was going through my brain while it was happening was I was thinking about the guy that ghosted me and I was thinking, what the hell are you doing? This is weird, but let's try this. The best way to get over somebody is under.

[Hannah]

And to be honest, gotta get back on the horse. In a way.

[Laura]

There is something to that. I'm not recommending we all go hook up with resort workers, but there is something to it, especially when obviously I'm never gonna see this person again. So it's low risk. The other thing that was going through my mind as this was happening was, I bet you he does this all the time. New girl, every day, every week, every whatever.

[Molly]

He's a ladies man. Probably.

[Laura]

Yeah. Yeah. And so you. That was pretty gross to be thinking about in that moment.

[Hannah]

But anyway, we've all been there in our own ways.

[Laura]

We've all made interesting decisions.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Laura]

But so the next day I wake up and it's actually kind of more fun because now I feel like I have a bit of a friend at the resort. Not only a friend, but there's this secret between us because obviously, well, I don't have any friends at the resort, so I'm not telling anybody. But I can't let anybody at the resort know that he's just slept with a guest.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

So it's just like spicy, flirty, fun stuff. So basically this continues on for the rest of my vacation. There's flirting throughout the day, and then in the evening after the show was over, I would end up going back to his place and spending the night, but really didn't ask too many questions. Like, I got to know about him on a high level, but really didn't care to ask any deep questions, because what's it matter? So the day that I leave, I meet up with him in the lobby of the hotel and we say goodbye, and it actually ends up being harder than I had expected.

[Molly]

Oh, really?

[Laura]

On the bus to say goodbye, and I'm like, shutting a little bit, a little.

[Hannah]

And alone.

[Laura]

Well, he's, you know the name. Like that, you know, charm. So as the bus is pulling away and I'm in my feelings, I'm like, what the hell's wrong with you? Like, what just happened? You didn't even want to talk to him. You were not attracted to him, but now you're sad to say goodbye. So I fly back to Canada, and by the time I land and I turn my phone on, it has completely blown up, I'm sure. I really didn't expect to hear from him again. It's just full of how much he misses me, how much it was the best time he'd ever had, and how he was so glad that he had approached me because he was so scared and I was so beautiful. And you can just imagine, right? And so I was just like, oh, well, that feels good for the ego, but what am I going to do with this? Right? It was fun. But what happens on vacation, stays on vacation.

[Hannah]

Texting. Like, why?

[Laura]

Like, what do we do here? Yeah. Anyway, it turns out we do continue texting. And so we are texting sporadically for a few days. We're getting to know each other a little bit more. I'm learning more about his family, and I can't remember exactly how quickly it happened, but next thing you know, he's calling me babe. And when. I don't know, when somebody starts texting you babe, that's girlfriend.

[Molly]

Ish.

[Laura]

It will just kind of ends up that you start texting babe back. Like, I don't know. It caught me off guard initially, but then I was like, well, okay, babe is easier to type than Ramon.

[Molly]

You can't curl. You can't roll your R's over text. Come on.

[Laura]

No, exactly. And then, like you said, it then led to. He wanted he could see a future with me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend. In fact, he really, really wished that we could have a baby together, that we could just have this life together.

[Hannah]

Wait, how soon after.

[Laura]

How did it progress to that? Not very long. Like, maybe a week. Wow.

[Hannah]

He's making plans.

[Molly]

He really likes you, I guess.

[Hannah]

I mean, or does he need money? I'm like, what is he after here? I don't know.

[Laura]

I don't know exactly, but that's not what my brain was thinking, nor I.

[Hannah]

Wouldn'T think that either, unless I was on this.

[Laura]

And also, we all know about love bombing, right? Especially like from a distance. We know what it is, but when we're in it, we don't necessarily recognize it as love bombing. So he's really making me feel good and saying all these things that I didn't even know that I wanted to hear. So somehow we're in a long distance relationship, wants to have a baby with me, and I'm just, I'm really trying to process this. Some of my friends back home knew that I hooked up with a resort worker, but they didn't really know anything else. And so I'm not saying a lot in the very beginning because I'm trying to process this. And I know realistically this, this would never work. Like, we live in different countries, there's a bit of a language barrier. And also, I'm nine years older. As I said, I'm early 40s at this point. Never had kids, Always wanted to have kids, but it just, it just wasn't in the cards for me. He didn't know that I had never brought up children to him. But I did feel kind of extra sad on that birthday, thinking I'm never going to get to be a mom. And so.

[Hannah]

And then he starts saying this, then.

[Laura]

He starts saying it. And I'm a big believer in, I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in the universe and all of that stuff. So I'm like, maybe I had to meet this guy in this weird situation for that. We keep talking. And so we met in January. By middle of February, we're talking about me coming back the beginning of March. So two months after I've met him, I naively assumed that I would go back and I would stay at his place. And all I got to do is, I've got to pay for my flight. I'll stay at his place, maybe I'll get a day pass or whatever at the resort. But he's my boyfriend, obviously I'll stay at his house. No, he had a different plan. He's like, you should stay at the resort because I'll be working all of the time. So it just makes sense. And I'm thinking, any idea what this costs? Like, the last time I was at the resort, I upgraded my room. I had a swim out room with the pool and I spent like two nights in it. Yeah, well, that was a waste of money. This time I'm Like, I'm not doing that because I'm not even going to be sleeping there. And also, it costs a fair amount of money to take a cab back and forth from the resort to his place anyway.

[Hannah]

Also, if you're staying there, are you allowed to hook. Like, isn't there a whole dynamic between employee and guest?

[Laura]

Yeah, exactly.

[Hannah]

I would be, like.

[Laura]

Would have to be secretive.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

So I should probably share. Maybe I should have shared this earlier. Some of my past relationship history has been not the best. I've been with narcissists. I've experienced emotional abuse. I've learned that if I have any kind of an opinion or disagree with something, I tend to get thrown away, ghosted, yelled at. So I just try, really, in this point in my life, I used to try to just really keep the peace, go with the flow, you know, be smaller. Yeah. And I say used to because I learned a lot from this experience. I'm not like that at any other point in my life. Just when it comes to men. Today, the beverage aisle looks a lot different than it used to. America's beverage companies are working together. We're delivering the options everyone wants. In fact, nearly 60% of beverages Americans buy have zero sugar. You'll find more variety than ever, including more of your favorites, now available with zero sugar. You'll also find more sizes and clear calorie information on the front of every can, bottle, and pack. We know when it comes to finding balance, the more choices, the better. So, anyway, so I didn't want to ruffle the feathers. I definitely, on the inside, was confused and hurt and annoyed because it's not cheap, but. And I had just gone. And I don't go to the same place twice. But anyway, here we are. So I booked the trip, and we're both really excited, counting down the days till I'm gonna see him again. And then he sort of subtly asks if I could look for his favorite candy. It's a candy that he can only get in Canada. So I go searching and I find the candy, and, you know, why get one bag when I can get a case? So I buy a case. You know, it was only 12 bags, but still. So I'm excited to tell him, I found the stuff, I got it. And then I start talking more about our trip. He then sends me a picture of the sole of his shoe, and it's, like, peeled off. It's barely attached to his shoe. His sock is exposed. And he's like, I guess I need new shoes, huh? And I'm like, wow, that Looks pretty bad. This guy's on his feet for, I don't know, 16 hours a day. You know, it's pretty important that your shoes are attached. So he asks me if I could pick up some shoes for him. Being this supportive, loving girlfriend, not trying to think about, you know, could he possibly be using me for money? Even though if it was somebody else, that would be my thought. But of course. Sure. Send me the shoes you want. $250 running shoes. Okay. That's expensive.

[Hannah]

Was he keeping up that, like, I can't get them here for whatever reason?

[Laura]

Basically, yeah, but. But I didn't pry too much because I didn't. I don't know. It's so funny how quickly you can get attached to somebody and to the idea of something and when you have this past trauma of being shut out or thrown away for it's such. It's not a nice way to say thrown away, but that's how you feel when somebody just cuts off communication because they disagree or they question something. Anyway. And then he also asked if I could find this cologne that he loves. He can't find it there.

[Hannah]

I find it.

[Laura]

Or maybe it was. Or maybe it was that he. It was too expensive there. I can't remember. Turns out it's expensive here too. But, you know, I am all in. I'm this great girlfriend. Sure, I'll bring it. And then this one. This one. So he's got those three things that, you know, it was interesting how he sort of asked price wise, it started to get bigger, which was smart on his behalf. I didn't really think about that at the time, but it is pretty smart. He then planted the seed that he really wanted an apple watch and just really wanted one. I was like, yeah, I have one, they're great. And he's talking about it and he asks if I will bring him one and he will pay me back.

[Molly]

So the audacity.

[Laura]

And I realize how pathetic this sounds. I. I really do.

[Molly]

No, no, remove from it. Not pathetic.

[Hannah]

The forest, through the trees, when all the trees are falling on you at once.

[Laura]

Yes. You're hopeful. I was in it, so why wouldn't he? So I'm like, yes, but you got to pay me back because, you know, this is expensive. All this stuff's expensive. The trip's expensive, whatever, Great. Get the watch pumped to see me. He's like, you know what we should do? We should do an excursion or something on my day off. We should have a date day. I'm like, you're right. We should have A date day. Because we just can't do anything when we want to. So we start talking about things to do, and he suggests we go ziplining. Great. I think that's a great idea. He had previously told me that being the manager of entertainment, he often gets free vouchers for excursions and stuff as a way of, you know, he experiences them, and then he can talk to guests about it and it helps with sales. So I assumed that he would take care of us going there. I was wrong because I ended up booking that. So that was a hundred and fifty dollars. One hundred fifty US Each. But whatever. I'm, again, I'm all in. I'm, like, freaking out a little bit about how much is this costing, but I'm in. And then he's like, well, you know what? Cirque du Soleil is actually playing here. And I've always wanted to go, oh, bless it. Oh, Lord.

[Molly]

Hold on, hold on. Timeout. Timeout. Offsides. I need to keep a fucking towel.

[Laura]

I know.

[Hannah]

You guys should start adding up.

[Molly]

We need. Okay, so Apple watch, shoes du Soleil.

[Hannah]

Cologne, and then there's one other thing.

[Molly]

Adventure.

[Laura]

Oh, the zip lining, right? Yeah.

[Hannah]

And the flights in the resort.

[Laura]

Yep.

[Molly]

And you paid for all this and was like, he's gonna give you back with the money.

[Laura]

Well, I was expecting the money for sure for the watch. I was hopeful that there would be some kind of the rest of it.

[Molly]

You were like, oh, he'll pay me back. It's fine.

[Laura]

Yeah, havesies. At least on our date day. Cirque du Soleil tickets are always expensive, but these ones were 300 US each.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Okay. So my. Just the date day. 300 for zip lining, 600 for Cirque du Soleil, and then I had to rent a car so that we could get to these places. Very expensive day. Anyway, so I travel there again. I'm really excited. Can't wait to see him. And I land and I tell him I'm on my way, and he's telling me how tired he is and that he's going to try and get off work early and I must be tired, too, so he'll see me tomorrow. And I'm like, excuse me. I just flew all the way here again to see you. I'm like, oh, I'm really not that tired. And I was really excited to see you. Oh, and I have a whole suitcase full of shit for you. Yeah, that part. As soon as I reminded him of that, he's like, oh, yeah, okay. Well, if you're not going to Be too tired. Sure. Come by my place. As I was heading to the resort he shared with me, he had some unfortunate news that the owners of the resort were in town. And so he would probably have to work some extra hours because everything had to be perfect because there was. The owners were there and I don't know how this works. I don't know if there's. I mean, it seemed feasible. Sure, yeah. VPs and owners drop by.

[Hannah]

And then also, he can't talk to you, like in public or something. He'd make some excuse for that too. No, that makes sense.

[Laura]

But he's like, I'm really excited you're here, but I'm going to have to work a lot of hours. Like, okay, well, that's a bummer. So I head to his place, I give him his Christmas presents. He's very excited for all of the things and we have a really great reunion. Everything is great, normal, happy. He's so excited I'm there. Can't wait to spend the week with me. Can't wait to have a baby. All is well.

[Hannah]

One, two. Just the natural progression.

[Laura]

So. So you know that when you want to have a baby, you're not doing anything to prevent having a baby. So we're doing the things.

[Molly]

You're playing with fire.

[Laura]

That's right. Anyway, have a great time the next day, go to the resort, do our thing. Like, he's working, whatever. And that night he's like, I'm really tired. I just want to sleep tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm like, okay. I'm under this impression that my long distance boyfriend that I've flown across the country to see, I'm going to be sleeping in his place every night because we only have so many opportunities. I was wrong. I ended up staying there for seven nights. I think I was there maybe three times, maybe.

[Hannah]

And did you see him at the resort?

[Laura]

I saw him at the resort because he was working and we had our epic date day. We had a great time. Like, everything felt normal except that he was always tired because of the owners of the resort and all the extra work. So I was only at his place. I can't remember if it was three or four times. It was just. It was not every night like one would expect. And I was really, really hurt, confused, disappointed, but also pissed off because I hadn't upgraded my room this time and like, the bed was uncomfortable. And anyway, I know big, big problems. So at some point when I'm there, he shares with me that he has always wanted to work On a cruise, and he's scared to tell me, but he has been offered a job on a cruise line and he really wants to do a contract which is typically six to seven months long. And once that contract's up, he'll come to Canada. But he wants to do it because it's always been his dream. And anytime this opportunity has come up, there's been a woman in his life who's gotten in the way of that. Well, who wants to be the woman that crushes a guy's dream?

[Hannah]

Of course. Yeah.

[Laura]

So I'm hurt and disappointed, but I'm like, okay, go for it. And also I'm thinking he's saying he's going to make all this money and it's tax free and it's going to allow him money in Canada. And I'm thinking, well, that's kind of a relief because he can't work when he comes to Canada for a while and I'm going to have to support him. And if I end up getting pregnant, then this is not good. At least he'll have some money. Wow. So anyway, so, yeah, he drops that little nugget on me that he wants to go work on a cruise. So overall, the second time, the second week that we're together, it's good. He's still saying he wants a future with me, wants a baby. It's just not what I had anticipated. There certainly were some little flags, but I was just trying really hard to, you know, this is hard. Long distance is hard to work. Yeah, yeah. So when I get back in March this time, then things start happening for him to get ready to get on the cruise. So in order to do that, he needed to get a police check, a medical, he had to take a course. And all of those things cost money. Well, he wasn't so sure he had the money. He didn't know how he was going to make it happen. But this is his dream job. And I'm just, like, trying to be super supportive. And anytime stuff came up with money, I was always trying to be super supportive and like, well, can you ask your family for help? Can you ask any level of family, can you ask for help? No, no, they don't have money. They can't help. And so I didn't, like, come right out and ask. But eventually he got me to a place of feeling guilty, feeling like I should. Should, like I had to. And I have no idea how much money he made, but I was very aware that I obviously made substantially more. So I was like, well, if I'm all in. I should help this guy. Yeah.

[Hannah]

At this point, if you're planning a future together, it makes sense to want to help.

[Laura]

Exactly. And if he's going to work on this cruise and make all this money, he will be able to pay me back. So I'm like, well, I can loan you some money, but you got to pay me back. Same as the watch. Got to pay me back.

[Hannah]

So I might have missed that. Did he pay you back for the watch? No.

[Laura]

No.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Laura]

Not yet.

[Hannah]

Not yet.

[Laura]

Okay.

[Hannah]

He's still saying he might.

[Laura]

Yes, for sure. So I help him through that. And he was set to go to start his cruise contract in May. So in April, I'm wanting to see him again because once he's on this cruise contract, he's saying I can come visit, but I don't actually know what that's going to look like. So I'm trying to get him to commit to a time when I can come back and see him. But I'm also saying to him, maybe you should quit the resort two weeks early so that you can go spend some time with your family. Because he's talking about how important they are to him. And I don't know, family's really important to me. My mom had died a couple years before I met him, and so I was just really sensitive to how important that is. Right. Anything can happen when you're on, when you're away. So he does end up quitting his job and he's gonna go home. They lived sort of in the middle of the country, so he'd have to fly to go see where his family is. It was like two days before he was to be flying home to see his parents and he had a move out date with his apartment and everything. And so I asked about his flight details. He's like, well, actually, I haven't booked my flight yet because I don't know how I'm going to get the money. I don't know how I'm going to pay for this. What do you mean?

[Molly]

Hint, hint, hint, hint, hint, hint, hint.

[Laura]

How have you not booked your flight? Wouldn't you do that before you. Anyway, we all know what happened. I sent him the money because what am I going to do? Send him the money? At several points leading up to the cruise, I try to say to him, hey, maybe we should just end this, like in a nice way, but you should go work on this cruise single. Like, why would you want to have a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, really? He was offended by my suggestion No, I. I really. I like you a lot. I want to have the. I think he was saying, I love you at that point. I want to have a family with you. Absolutely not. We can do anything. We'll get through this. It's just short amount of time. Whatever. I'm in with you. Great. So the day that he's flying to see his family, unfortunately, he couldn't get a direct flight. So I had an idea of what. Of course I had an idea of what his flight was because I helped book it. I knew he had a layover, but it wasn't a very long layover. Like two hours, maybe. I wasn't expecting to hear from him. I get this panicked video call from him, and he's almost in tears. He's like, I'm so upset I missed my flight. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm like, how did you miss your flight? It's like, I don't know. I was sitting at the gate and then they told me I missed my flight. I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. But go to the. To the.

[Molly]

Yeah. And get it worked out. You're a grown up. You can figure it out.

[Laura]

Yes. Yes. He's like in his mid-30s. Go. Go deal with it. And he's like, I'm just so stressed out. They say that I have to buy a new ticket. They say that there's nothing that they can do. What am I going to do? I'm stuck here. I'm like, so the same cycle. Well, can you ask your mom? No. Can you ask your sister? No. Can you ask your grandpa? I should also just correct one thing because I'm going to continue to say it later on. His grandfather helped to raise him, so sometimes he called him grandpa, sometimes he called him dad. So I'm going to refer to him as Grandpa Dad. So I'm like, can grandpa slash dad help? Nobody can help. And I'm like, well, could they drive to pick you up? Like, I know that that's what my parents would have done. Nope, it's too far. Can't do it. Okay. So I guess the only option here is for me to help you out.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

I really don't want to ask for your help, but I don't know what else to do. So I book. I personally book the flight for him. We get it sorted out, he's on his way. He gets to his mom's house. He's so relieved. He's so happy, so grateful for me. I've saved the day yet again. So once he's there for a couple days, I'm like, okay, so I'm just checking in. I'd still really like to see you before you go on the cruise. Is there any way I can come. I can come to where you are, but I need to ask for time off work. He's like, well, I don't know what the schedule is here. I really want to see you, but can I get back to you? Okay. You know, I'm a rational person. No problem. So he tells me that he has to drive his grandpa slash dad to some three hours away to some family party. And so he's not actually going to be available for me to come visit him. Grandpa, dad is old and he might not ever see this family again. So it's really unfortunate, but I hope you understand. As I said, my mom has died and so I don't have any grandparents. So you're tugging at my heartstrings. Of course. Sure. Nothing's promised. So I'm like, okay, you know, I'm bummed. I'm disappointed. I could come to where you're driving, but I guess. Of course, I understand. He's like, I know. I really miss you. I wish I could see you, too, but I really need you to not be selfish in this moment. You're being very selfish.

[Molly]

Oh, boy.

[Hannah]

How did that feel here?

[Laura]

Awful. I'm like, are you kidding me? Selfish? I'm trying to be so accommodating. And so, you know, looking back, I'm sure there are moments that I'm like, what are you doing? Like, why? Why are you doing this? Leave. Cut it. You didn't even like this guy, but I think there's such a part of you that's in it. And, like, everything I said to him was truthful. And so I believed that he was also being truthful to me. And so, you know, nothing is perfect. Long distance is hard at the best of times, so try to be really understanding. So we get that all sorted. Then he says to me one day in the middle of our random texting, he's like, oh, babe, I just got some terrible news. I'm like, what? He's like, I just found out that I need to have a laptop for my job. Oh, no.

[Molly]

Lord, it's like 1500 bucks.

[Laura]

I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, yeah, there's courses that we have to take.

[Hannah]

They have a little computer room on cruises. Okay. They've got room with old desktops. He can go take his course there, bud.

[Laura]

They all. He also has an iPad. And so I'm like, well, can you not take it on your iPad? He's like, no, no. They said in the group chat. Chat that it doesn't work. You need a laptop. I'm like, well, that's a bummer. Like, what are you gonna do? Can you sell your iPad and get a laptop? You know, you could get a cheap laptop for a few hundred bucks.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

He's like, no, I really want a MacBook Pro.

[Molly]

I really want a million dollars.

[Laura]

Yeah. I'm like, this guy sure has. Has some taste. He knows all the expensive labels. And I'm like, wow. I'm like, I. I understand you wanting that, but could you not just get something to get you by, and then when you. When you're making money on the cruise, get one? Yeah, no, no, I'll figure it out. So what do I do? Well, can you ask your mom? Can you ask your sister?

[Molly]

Yeah, ask your mama?

[Laura]

Yeah, ask anybody.

[Molly]

Just not me.

[Laura]

No, no, no. I can figure it out. They can't help me. I already asked. They can't help me. Don't worry. I always find a way. Like, okay. But then, of course, it just. It keeps coming up. He hasn't found a way. He's panicking. He's panicking.

[Hannah]

What am I gonna do? This job's gonna fall through. Oh, making all of it sit and listen to that.

[Laura]

So what do you think, babe? Does this. Babe?

[Hannah]

You feel guilty?

[Laura]

Okay, well, that's a lot of money.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

I can help you, but you have to pay me back. Like, all of this has been so much money. You really got to pay me back. I will, I will, I will. I promise, as soon as I start getting paid, I'll pay you every pay. Okay. So I send them the money. I don't know. Yeah. 1500 U.S. maybe it was. They're like 2000.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

2300 Canadian. There's a lot of money. Right? So we're really racking up the money here.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Feel sick to my stomach, but I do it because. I don't know, just this. This person that shows up in relationships that I'm not proud of, you know? Anyway, so he ends up. He gets the laptop. I should. This part matters later in the story, but I'm gonna tell you.

[Molly]

Oh, no.

[Laura]

That I sent him the money on May 4th. He got the laptop on May 5th. I'll tell you. Cinco de Mayo. Okay.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Laura]

Really important day.

[Hannah]

I was going to ask that, too, if you sent him the money directly or if you bought like all of these things, some of them you're buying them directly. Like the flights. Did you buy them directly or did you send him the money to buy them?

[Laura]

So the initial stuff I bought directly and took to him, the first round of flights and medical stuff was. Well, I ended up going to Western Union for the first few times in my life. I've never been before and never been since, but I started doing money transfers.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

To him.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Molly]

How much were you sitting at a time?

[Laura]

Well, whatever he needed.

[Molly]

Oh, my God.

[Laura]

I'll tell you. I think I could probably tell you around now we're at like nine grand with the laptop, with the all the things, it ultimately ends up being in like $9,000.

[Molly]

And that doesn't even include the traveling needed.

[Laura]

Oh, that's not my travel. No, let's not look at that.

[Hannah]

Of course not. No, no, no, That's a problem.

[Laura]

Exactly. So, yeah, but like money transfer. So for the laptop, because he didn't give me much, there was no way to really problem solve this. I ended up having to send him money. And then he went to the store and got the computer and he. On May 5, he sent me a picture of his shiny new laptop still in the box. He really couldn't wait to open it. I've saved the day yet again. Great. Anyway, so it's now time for him to start the cruise contract. So I don't get to see him the night before he goes on the cruise. We have a FaceTime and we're talking about stuff and he's saying that he's really stressed because they have last minute changed the name of the ship that he's going to be working on. I was like, well, he had told me the first ship name and then he told me the next ship name and he, he's really bummed. And I'm like, I'm sure it's going to be just as great. I'm sure this stuff happens all the time. It's no big deal. It's like, yeah, I know, but I'm just stressed. Okay, whatever.

[Hannah]

I'm a little. Why is that so stressful? Does it like change a lot of his programming names? Did he have like a cute alliteration name made for a show or something?

[Laura]

No, I don't think so. It really didn't matter. It shouldn't have mattered to him. But it does matter further into the story.

[Hannah]

Okay, okay. He was stressed about it and I don't want to invalidate his feelings.

[Laura]

That's right. His feelings are very, very real. So he Plants the seed. The night before he goes that the ship name he had told me is now invalid. It's a different ship. Okay, great. No big deal to me. He starts working on the cruise and he's tired, he's kind of cranky, he's overwhelmed. All of the things which one might expect, you know, it. It is overwhelming to be in a new job, learning new things. So I'm trying really hard to be super supportive and sympathetic. He's not asking me anything about my life at all.

[Molly]

No, it's all about him.

[Laura]

100% about him. So I at some point, try to share with him that I didn't have a great day. Work was stressful. It just was. I just needed to talk to my boyfriend. I just wanted to share. I didn't have a great day. And I basically was told that I needed to stop being so negative. My life. My life is much easier than his and I should just get over it. I was like, what that? Swear to God.

[Hannah]

Delightful.

[Laura]

Swear to God. And so he's like, you know what? I can't do this right now. And he just stopped responding to me. As I shared earlier, I have this thing where people just. Just stop responding and like, as their way of the silent treatment, as the way of punishing me. So.

[Hannah]

Oh, no.

[Laura]

He knew that that was a problem for me. It's a trigger. And he promised he would never do it, but he started doing it. And I don't know if you guys how you are or if this has happened to you, but when that happens, I get really anxious and then I start to panic and I try to fix things.

[Molly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Laura]

Even though I didn't. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm trying to be like, oh, my God.

[Molly]

You go into fix it mode. Yeah.

[Hannah]

It's like anxious. The anxious attachment.

[Laura]

Attachment, Right. Yeah, totally.

[Hannah]

And sometimes you're doing things that aren't actually pushing them away because you're just trying to do something. At least that's how I've done it.

[Laura]

Yes. Yes. And like, when things are done over text, like typing, of course tone can be misinterpreted. Of course. Things. So I'm like, trying to. Because all I can do is message. Because he said the Internet's so expensive. It's so spotty. So our whole relationship, while he's on the cruise, he's telling me that we can't FaceTime. InterNot's not fast enough. Even though I have had drunk relatives on that same cruise line. Have no problem facetiming me. No spotty stuff. But anyway, again, not trying to ruffle any feathers. So anyways, he ghosts me. He doesn't respond to anything for a few days at this point, and I'm spiraling, there's nothing I can do. Then one day he messages me and he's all stressed out that he didn't pack enough. Like deodorant and laundry detergent, you know, like basic essentials. And he didn't know how he was going to get them because he's on a ship. And I'm thinking, why wouldn't you bring those from home? Yeah, because you're going to be on a ship.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Anyway, he apparently didn't. And so as an attempt to de stress him and be a people pleaser and get us back to a good place, I tell him I'm sure we can get Amazon there. Send me a list of what you need and I'll get it sorted out. Of course he did that. And it was a list of things that cost a hundred and fifty dollars. It was like hair gel. Well, yeah, very important. For the Pomodoro.

[Molly]

Amazon, for the Pompadour, for the Jersey. Mike, what's the Bouffon?

[Laura]

Yeah, the Bouffant. Gallons. Gallons of hair gel, hairspray, extra firm. It was laundry detergent. It was butt wiped, you name it.

[Molly]

I do like a good butt wipe.

[Laura]

Yeah. Okay, so anyway, so I have this list. He tells me, you can have Amazon shipped to this place. And then when I'm in port, I go there. Or somehow it gets to the ship anyway, like, great, tell me where to mail it. So he gives me the information. What has to be on there is obviously his name, the department he works in, and also the ship name in addition to the address of where it's being shipped to. Okay, so he gives me the ship name and it's the original ship name, the first ship. And I'm like, but I thought you got moved to a different ship. Yeah, yeah, I know I did. But everything gets shipped to this first ship. What?

[Molly]

No, it doesn't. Shut up.

[Laura]

Because it's so big. And then once it's on that ship, they then, you know, shoot it to other ships. I'm like, I've never even been on a cruise. It sounds ridiculous.

[Molly]

That is so baloney. Stop.

[Laura]

It is baloney. It's a complete and utter lie. But why wouldn't I believe him? And it's so ridiculous. Even just re saying it's ridiculous. But you're right. Anyway, so red flag number one. It's going to the Old ship, but you're not on it. So anyway, sending the stuff. He's thrilled. He's got all the stuff that he needs now. So at that point, it's June, everything's sort of okay, you know, highs and lows. We talk late at night. For the most part, we're good. We're still talking about the future. Still loves me. There are requests for spicy pictures and videos, as one would imagine when. When you're at a long distance relationship.

[Hannah]

New or. That's a personal question. You don't have to talk about it. No, I just mean in terms of like, if it came up in a weird way or if it was like organic. And I don't know because he.

[Laura]

I think it was.

[Hannah]

His opening line was, do you want me to come downstairs naked? So I could see him being a little.

[Laura]

Yeah, we didn't, we didn't share any intimate photos or videos until the cruise when. And. But it would be him asking specifically for it. And I'm like, well, you know, if I don't want him to cheat on me. Okay. So anyway, so we. There was lots. Enough of that, let's just say. And then middle of July, I get another, oh, I'm not having a good day. Of course not. You've never, you'll never believe this, but I dropped my phone on the ship and it shattered and it's in a million pieces and it doesn't work. And now I'm screwed.

[Molly]

You're the sugar mom. Lord jeez.

[Laura]

I'm like, well, how are you messaging me then if your phone's busted? He's like, well, actually, thankfully I have this Mac the computer because I can do what? Yes, that I have not received a payment for. It's now July, so he started in May. There's been some paychecks.

[Hannah]

Has he. He hasn't paid you for anything.

[Laura]

He hasn't brought it up. And I don't want to ruffle feathers, so I'm just. But every time. I don't know if he got paid weekly or whatever, but I'm very aware he could find a way to send me money. But he's like, well, you can use WhatsApp on your Apple on your computer. I was like, oh, well, that's convenient. He's like, but it's not practical for me to be walking around the ship with my computer, so I gotta get a phone. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Like, well, can you just buy a cheap flip phone or something next time you're in port? Like, you're in port in Florida where all the cruise ships, you know, there's places that you can get. Absolutely. Yeah. So I don't even need to repeat. And he has.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

You know how it goes. Oh, it's so hard to do this. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I end up buying him a.

[Molly]

Phone car out of guilt or like, what were you feeling at that time when you were like, where did you feel like, oh, not again. Or were you like, okay, no, I.

[Laura]

Was like, not again. I'm stressed about money. I'm like, this is ridiculous. But what am I. This is such a stupid statement. What am I supposed to do? I just was so in it.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

And like, I believed him. And maybe there was a part of me that was so financially invested, like, I didn't want to break things off because dude needs to start paying me money.

[Hannah]

True. If you break it off, he's not going to pay you back. Is your first fear. And then we've talked about this before, the sunk cost fallacy.

[Molly]

Sunk cost fallacy. Yep.

[Hannah]

It's like a finance. You might know all about it. We were like learning. Okay. It's like it is an economic theory. It's just like when you invest in something, you're more likely to stick with it even when you know it's not.

[Molly]

Best for you, whether it's emotionally or financially. Even if it's just emotionally. You put so much of yourself into something. And then it's like, well, I can't give up now. I've already, I've already gone this far.

[Hannah]

Like when you read a bad book and you're still have to go to the end, you're like, I gotta finish this even though I hate it.

[Laura]

Yeah. I'm so close. Yeah. Yeah. So no, I definitely was not happy. I was not excited about it. I didn't understand why he couldn't just get a used cheap phone. Like, why does it matter? And then, you know, it was July. He wanted the newest Apple that comes out in September. I'm like, just wait. Anyway, so what ended up happening was it had to be an iPhone pro max and it had to be blah, blah, blah, all.

[Molly]

He knew exactly what he needed. Got it.

[Hannah]

Oh my gosh.

[Laura]

The only way to make that happen was for me to buy it on the US Apple site. So I'm paying for this already expensive phone in US dollars, making it even more expensive. Anyway, I. I do it and I have it shipped to the ship. Just like the Amazon stuff, whatever. Happy as can be. So this is in July. One other thing I Guess I really haven't shared was in the beginning of this relationship, I really kept it quiet because I was trying to convince myself. But by the time I went back the second time, my friends knew a lot, wanted to say something, but I didn't really give them the opportunity because I'm a grown up. I'm not known for making stupid decisions. I'm. I'm not that one in the family that everybody's like, oh, she's embarrassed. Yeah, yeah. And so my brother knew, my dad knew, my friends knew. And I think a lot of people had opinions about it, but they just knew I wasn't asking for opinions, so. So they didn't know that I was sending all this money and stuff. But anyway, so that's mid July. I. He gets the phone, everything's fine because he's, he's happy, he's got what he needs. At some point in August, things start to get a little bit weird and tense again and he stops responding to me. And so I go down. I'm a bit of an investigator myself. And so I start going down.

[Molly]

I like it. I like it.

[Laura]

Yeah. Of trying to find tick tocks of people on the cruises.

[Hannah]

I love this.

[Laura]

He's working on. Right. And as soon as you start on tick tock, all you see. So I was on cruise talk. I was on reviews of these cruise nuts. Sure. It was in. But sure enough the. The name of the first ship I search. And there was a video and it was of a belly flop competition. And I knew that that was part of his job, but it was judging it.

[Molly]

He was judging the belly flop competition in the video.

[Laura]

So the video is of these guests showing the belly flop competition, but on the side, standing beside the lifeguard is a. Is one of the workers on the ship.

[Molly]

He said he was not on.

[Laura]

Here's how I knew it was him because it was at a distance. Yeah, he has very distinct hair.

[Molly]

That weird Pauly D hair.

[Laura]

Very distinct hair. And he also was wearing the apple watch with the very distinct band.

[Molly]

Oh, the Apple watch you got for him.

[Hannah]

Busted.

[Laura]

And also wearing the running shoes that I had bought him. So I tucked this side, little nugget up there. And then I'm. I'm in the rabbit hole. I'm trying to find more and more information. And then I get into YouTube and there's a video of somebody reviewing this cruise. And it's like in the main, like, I think it's what the, like the main promenade or whatever, like the, the main part of the ship when you first get on. And there's, like, stores and restaurants and stuff. And this guy is like. It's. The cameras turn to him, and he's talking, and I see this cruise worker sort of go behind and talk to the guy, and then walks by, like, that's him. That's my boyfriend.

[Molly]

That's that quad.

[Laura]

And he's tagged at the ship. So when he started getting nasty to me and cranky, I said, you know what? Like, I know that you're not actually on the ship. You're saying you are. I don't know why you're lying about it, but I have these two screenshots that are proof. And, like, why would you lie to me? And he basically told me that I was a psycho.

[Molly]

You're a psycho because you. Because you're smart and found. Call us, like, to Ramon, this has been my life for 20 years. As soon as. You know. As soon as you find stuff out and people like, oh, you're crazy. I can't believe you. Look that up, bitch. You call me a psycho because I'm basically smarter than you. Shut up.

[Hannah]

There you go.

[Laura]

I'm a researcher. I research.

[Hannah]

Exactly.

[Molly]

Thank you.

[Laura]

And that was a needle in a haystack. And I found two needles. But anyway, so he was obviously not very happy. And he tried to tell me. He's like, remember I told you that I have a twin? And the guests tell me all the time that there's somebody that looks just like me. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Like, I don't know that I can get over you lying to me about this. Like, what is it? Like. Oh, I should also say he was saying that I could come on the cruise, but then once he got on it, he's like, no, you can't actually come.

[Hannah]

So he's saying it's a doppelganger. Like somebody.

[Molly]

Yeah, he has a doppelganger.

[Laura]

He's like, guests tell me all the time that there's another guy that looks just like me on.

[Hannah]

And they're both. They're going on both of these cruises.

[Laura]

Of course. Yes, of course. So the obvious explanation is he told me the truth initially, then he panicked because I said I was going to come on the cruise. He didn't want me to come on the cruise. Okay. That's my rationalization of this. Not necessarily at the time, but looking back. So anyway, he didn't like to be caught in his lie. I say to him, I don't know that I can overlook this. Why would you lie about this? So then he stops Texting me for two weeks. At the end of August, I was at a wedding and I was feeling kind of cute, so I changed my picture on my profile, like my WhatsApp. And he messaged me and he was commenting on how beautiful I looked and he started talking to me and of course that felt good. I wanted to talk to him. I missed him. I didn't want to give up everything that I thought we were working.

[Hannah]

Did you think you were over in that two week period?

[Laura]

That's a long time ghosted, kinda.

[Hannah]

So you're feeling.

[Laura]

Yeah, I was panicking, sure. And again I'm like, I would. I believed it and I put my life, I really put my life on hold for him to get through this cruise. And I did all these things and now just thrown away again. Like it was really impacting my self esteem, my self worth, all of the things which if we bring it back to the very beginning, is absolutely ridiculous because I was repulsed by him.

[Hannah]

But this is what happens when alone.

[Laura]

When, when people are charming and tell you what you don't even know you want to hear.

[Molly]

They trick you.

[Laura]

You start, yeah. So anyways, we're talking and we're getting back into the groove and then we end up messaging back and forth for six hours. That night, near the end of the six hours, he wanted spicy stuff. It was back and forth. So it's like the equivalent of makeup sex, we'll say. And so I felt better. I felt like, we can work through this. So then the next few days, everything is normal, everything is fine. It was the end of August, so it's now September. At this point I'm like, okay, so it's a couple months. Your cruise contract's supposed to be up in December. What does that look like? Are you still coming to Canada immediately? Am I coming to see you? Like I'm literally counting down every week. He's like, well, I can come to Canada, but I can only stay for maybe a month or so because I'm gonna have to do another cruise contract. I'm like, okay, you said you were only ever gonna do one. That's what we agreed on. And we're supposed to be having a baby. And like my clock had already talked, so it's only ticking louder. Yeah, like this is already going to be hard, but okay. So he's like, yeah, I really don't want to, but my grandpa slash dad needs a knee replacement surgery and I have to pay for it, so I have to do another cruise contract. And I'm like, oh, well, that's hardly fair. And I'm like, well, what about all the money you've made so far? Like. He's like, yeah, I've had to send that to my family. I'm like, you know, you owe me money. He's like, I know, I know. And I'm gonna pay you. Like, well, this isn't really going how we had anticipated. Okay. So anyway, we just carry on. I'm not really trying to ruffle feathers too much. I'm like, we can figure things out. Fast forward to November, and things had been sort of challenging with us. He was less in contact. He was grumpy all the time, and I just figured he's tired. And so I had been out at an event one night, and I won a bottle of wine. And so I like to drink, but I don't typically drink wine. That night, I thought it'd be a great idea to drink the whole bottle. When wine's not your drink of choice, you really feel free to share all of your inner thoughts. So I definitely initiated a big fight with him because I had been drinking, and I essentially said to him, what's going on? Is there somebody else who's offended that I would even suggest that there was somebody else? Sure. I'm like, do you still love me? And he's like, well, no.

[Hannah]

Oh.

[Laura]

I'm like, no. He's like, well, I can't tell you something that I don't feel. I'm like, well, what changed? He's like, I don't know. I'm just really stressed and tired. I don't know. All of this is just kind of.

[Molly]

Welcome to the club, fella.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Yeah. And I said, well, this is a big shock to me because I really feel like I've put my life on hold for you and done everything to support you.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

And. And. And now you don't even know if you love me. A month before your contract's supposed to be up. And so one might assume that probably didn't go well. The details are a little bit fuzzy for me, but I do know that I said a lot. I said all the things that I had been suppressing because I was hurting. I do have this toxic trait, especially if I'm drinking, that I delete messages. So I couldn't even really go back and reread them.

[Molly]

Same. I get brave.

[Laura]

Yeah. But then it's worse because you can't get them again.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Not on WhatsApp anyway.

[Molly]

Oh, you're doing yourself a favor most the time, though. Yeah. You don't feel like it then, but it's usually a favor you're doing yourself.

[Laura]

So I didn't know exactly what I said, but, like, I knew things were great, but we were still together. Like, he just. Like, we didn't have some big breakup. It was just we were together. Things are rocky, whatever. So then, I don't know, a few days later, a week later, it's still in November, he tells me he's. He's not having a good day. We're still texting a lot. He's not having a good day. He just found out Grandpa slash dad died. Oh, my God, that's so upsetting. He probably was late 70s, early 80s. Like, not a big surprise. Grandpa slash dad might have died, but he was really upset. And as I said, my mom passed, so I'm like, we need to get you off this boat. You're almost finished. Like, what can I do to get you home? You need to be home with your family. He's like, nope, I don't want you to ask me any questions. I don't want to tell you any details about anything. I have to keep my game face on. I have to be happy for the guests. I have to put my feelings in a shelf, and I'll deal with them when I get home. I can grieve them. Then I was like, okay, well, I'm here to support you however you need. I understand what it's like because he was such an important part in his life. So, anyway, a few days passes, and he's. He's having a rough day. You'll never believe what just happened to me. Like, tell me. He's like, I had my laptop in my bag, and it fell out and it shattered into a million pieces.

[Molly]

I'm done. This podcast is over. I'm done. I can't with this guy. What? We're done. The episode's over.

[Hannah]

He's four.

[Laura]

He's four.

[Molly]

He doesn't know how to, like, toddler man.

[Laura]

I promise we're getting to, like the extra pile really soon. Oh, God. This is just the buildup. This is just the buildup. So, anyway, I. I'm like, why would you throw your laptop out? But he's not thinking straight. Grandpa slash Dad's dead. He needs to be off the ship. Whatever. He doesn't want anything to do with me. He just wants to deal with his emotions in his own way. But he needed to vent to me that the laptop's broke.

[Hannah]

Yeah, of course. He had to let you know.

[Laura]

Great part.

[Hannah]

And the minute you ask any questions, he's like, I'm grieving.

[Laura]

Exactly. But I'm still thinking, well, dude, you still owe me the money. I'm sorry it's broken. But, like, that doesn't go away.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Anyway, then, I don't know, a week later, grandma dies.

[Molly]

Oh, for the love of peace. I can't.

[Laura]

But sometimes you do hear people dying of a broken heart.

[Molly]

Yeah, that happened to my grandparents. So I get it. It's possible. But this guy.

[Hannah]

I don't know, this guy has a track record that's not working for him.

[Laura]

But. But you don't want to accuse somebody of it. But immediately I'm like. So I'm just trying to be supportive. We're not messaging much because guys grieving. But I'm doing some research behind the scenes. I'm watching his mom's Facebook account. It's public, it's open. We're not friends or anything, but I can see. And so I'm just watching to see her because it was her parents there. Any kind of death notices. I'm Googling funeral homes. I'm trying to find an obituary. Any of it. Don't see anything. But I'm just, you know, maybe things are different there. Anyway, so it's now getting really close to the end of his contract. So it's early December now. And so I'm like, hey, you know, I know everything's just happened with your family, but I'm just checking in. We've all been waiting for the end of your contract. Like, what's the plan? Am I going to see you? Are you coming here? And he's like, well, yeah, but I have to deal with all my stuff with my family, so I won't be able to see you for at least six weeks after my contract. And I'm like, no, this is ridiculous. I've been waiting for seven months longer because I had wanted to see him before he went. I'm like, that doesn't work for me. I'm getting pissed off. We're still together. We're still having this future, Whatever.

[Molly]

Yes.

[Laura]

So I said to him, well, that doesn't work for me. As you know, I always travel in early January for my birthday. I'm gonna book a trip.

[Hannah]

Yeah, I'll come.

[Laura]

Yeah, I'll come there. I'll do whatever I can do to support you.

[Molly]

You were willing to come to him, like, in every. In every sense of the word. Like everything.

[Laura]

I made it too easy. Yeah, but he's like, yeah, that's not gonna work. The earliest date is this. And I said, well, I'm gonna book my trip. If something should change, then something changes. So the next day I booked my trip. I had this real internal dilemma. It's like, okay, do I book the trip to his country and tell him where I'm going to be? Not in his city, but like, where he. Where I'm going to be and give him the opportunity to come see me. If he doesn't come see me, then obviously it's over. Or do I just say, this is crazy, I've wasted a whole year and go somewhere else. I have a very long bucket list of places that I want to go. Right. So I went back and forth and I decided I need to give him.

[Molly]

The opportunity and we want to see what he'll choose.

[Laura]

Totally.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

So I book a trip and I knew of a place that I had never been to, but it's his favorite place in his country. So I'm like, I'm going to book there. So the next day I send him a text. I'm like, I've booked a trip. Here it is. Here's where I'm staying. This is my. I'm going for eight days. And immediately he's pissed off. He's like, why would you pick there? I'm not traveling that far for the love. I. I am not doing it. If you had picked this other place, it's closer. I could have driven, but whatever do.

[Molly]

You want to do?

[Hannah]

He said he wasn't coming either way, so.

[Laura]

Well, exact. Exactly. But he turned it around to make it about him.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Laura]

So I'm like, again, we've all recognized I have this people pleasing side of me.

[Molly]

We all do it.

[Laura]

So I managed to modify my trip and for the first four days I am going to go to that place. And then the second half, I'm going to go to the place that he suggested that he could drive to. So I say, okay, I've made my change. This is what I'm going to do. If you can make it for the second half, I would love to see you. Yes, I'm sure I can make it for the second half. I'm like, great. So I changed my accommodations. I was staying in a beautiful condo at the when it was going to be for eight days. I modified everything. I stayed in a cheaper, not so nice hotel the first half and then I made the second half to be nicer because we'd be together. Great. He knows everything. So it's now like Christmas and New Year's and I don't hear much from him. You know, the Odd texts here or there, 0 facetiming. I tried. He just declined my calls, but I'm like, he's grieving. No posts about grandma or grandpa or anything. But I'm super sensitive because my mom died three days before Christmas, so it's. It's already, like, a sad time for me. And my dad was visiting me, so I just let it go, right? Like, it's not that big of a deal. The day before I was supposed to be where he knew I was traveling. I checked Facebook, and I noticed that his mom had been. Had tagged herself traveling to where I was going. I was like, that's weird. Maybe. Maybe he's trying to surprise me. And I'm going to get to meet the mom. Oh, no. Stepdad, the sister, they're all traveling here, right? And I'm like, maybe he was just trying to do something nice. He has all my itinerary. So the night before I'm set to be where I'm traveling, he texts me, he's checking in how I'm doing. I'm like, I'm doing okay. How are you? And he's like, well, I'm okay, but my mom just got into a car accident and she's in the hospital.

[Molly]

Bless it all.

[Laura]

And I'm like, oh, really? Where did it happen? In your home city? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, oh. So again, I'm thinking he's surprising me. He doesn't know. I know. I'm not going to say anything. I recognize right now I sound completely stupid, naive, hopeful, whatever, hopefully hoping for the best so I don't let him know that I know. And, yeah, go take care of your mom in the hospital. I hope she's doing okay. It's not too serious, right? Anyway, so then that day I fly and I fly to the home country to where I was meeting him that he couldn't go to, that mom is now in. When I land, I'm kind of expecting that they're going to meet me at the airport. So I'm, like, looking through the crowds of people, and I don't see him. I'm like, that's okay. It would be hard to find somebody at the airport. So I get into my shuttle to my hotel, still hopefully, super hopeful. And for whatever reason, I decided to. Brace yourself, ladies. I decided to check his Facebook account. Oh, no, we're not friends on Facebook. We're just friends on Instagram. But I see that he is tagged in a post on Facebook congratulating him on his wedding.

[Molly]

What? Oh, holy Crap. I didn't see that guacamole. Dude, I'm telling you, it's social media every time. So, like, oh, my God.

[Hannah]

This whole time, I knew something was gonna happen, but I didn't think this. I. At no point. I mean, I thought maybe he had another relationship on this cruise ship. Whatever him being literally at his wedding is. It was not on my bingo card.

[Laura]

Mackenzie. No.

[Molly]

Well, and because that's such an extreme right. Like, very rarely are that, like, you're. You mean to tell me you're at your wedding, you've been with this girl almost a year, and now you. And she wasn't even invited. How rude. Like, how that's so terrible and how heartbreaking that must have been for her. So I just. After. After the next. Like, the next half is a freaking roller coaster doozy. So whenever you listen next week, you're just gonna be like, okay. And then we'll do the. The dogfish debrief after that one. But, oh, my God.

[Hannah]

We'll go into detail about everything we can learn from this next episode.

[Molly]

But I'd love to hear your thoughts so far. Keep the conversation going on Patreon. It's $5 a month. If you want to join us on Patreon. The. It'll. The link is in the show notes. Show notes. Or you can keep the conversation going on social media, which, by the way, we really appreciate when you guys share your. Share the dating detectives on your social media, because I. I just think that's really rad. And the more that you guys share, the more awareness we bring to these types of situations. This dogfish situation. And I would like to point out that this morning I have Google alert set up, and we.

[Hannah]

Yes, I saw this.

[Molly]

Yeah. On newsbreak.com. we were featured in a. In an article there. So I'll be sharing that on our social. So that. Yeah, that's really cool. I think just talking about dog fishing and what it is.

[Hannah]

The other thing is just we can have all these conversations. Laura is a listener. Like, Laura's in the comments, too. So just be respectful and understanding. And I love how she talks about where she was in that moment. Like, she got into kind of her breakup beforehand, and she's so independent. She's such a baddie. A baddie. Like, the fact that it's unsafe to travel alone sucks. Like, I just love that she takes life by the horn.

[Molly]

I love the idea of the solo cation. But you just.

[Laura]

Just this.

[Hannah]

I hate Ramon is the problem.

[Molly]

Yeah. And also we. I know that we Talked about this at the top of the show in the intro. But if you have thoughts that have anything to do with how could she get herself into this? You guys think about something stupid that you've done and be like, how could I get myself? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, do you think that people that experience these situations don't feel dumb enough? Like, they already feel dumb, but it's not dumb like being evicted. No. Part of that means it's like saying, I can't believe.

[Laura]

Like, well, she brought it on herself.

[Molly]

She was wearing a short skirt or whatever. Exactly. It's not. It's not cool. So let's keep that to a minimum. But there are several times I was like, oh, girl, why did you do that? Like, it's right. It's like, oh, man, you have natural thoughts and that's fine, but just try to show some kindness.

[Hannah]

Yeah, we're not bringing this up specifically because of Laura. It's just been like a bigger theme in the last couple of episodes where people are bringing those conversations to the table, which, like we said, it's not that you can't have those conversations as long as you do it being open to the fact that you don't know what it's like. You don't know it wasn't your experience, and they are not at fault no matter what they did.

[Molly]

Right. And the. The entire point of this and what's important to me and Hannah and Molly is the ethical part. So, yeah, we're in the true crime category, but we're ethically telling these stories in a way that. And by that, I mean these people are telling their stories from their own point of view. So right, wrong, or indifferent, this is their perception. Your perception is your reality. Right. So this is their story, their perception. So anyways, but we do want to hear your thoughts. And if you. If you do disagree, that's fine too. Like, you can disagree, but you can. I think you can do it kindly. Do you know what I mean?

[Hannah]

Yeah. Be sweet. Anyways, it's just my two cents, so that's that. Oh, one more thing. If you're in la, I'm doing a self defense workshop. I posted about it, but y'all should come take this.

[Laura]

That's so cool.

[Hannah]

It's gonna be fun. And I got some brands to sponsor it. Let me show you this. I'm gonna show you mackenzie.

[Molly]

That would be amazing.

[Hannah]

So this is. I'm gonna tell you. So we got Overdrive, drink testing strips. I got. Why can't. Oh, self defense. Keychains from self defense keychain store. And then this is called go guarded and basically it's like a carrier for your pepper spray. And it has a little, you know, knife thing if you needed it for when you're running by yourself.

[Molly]

Oh yeah, that's nice to have some kind of protection. And it's light, nothing heavy.

[Hannah]

Exactly right. And she started this was just like a woman who was a runner and I don't know.

[Molly]

So anyways, keep sending in your stories and on the subject line, make sure you put like some like give me like five or seven words like detail. Don't just say dogfish because then we have 7,500 dogfish stories. So give me like a summary. But anyways, email us. Investigate the datingdetectivespodcast.com Send your stories. We love hearing from you and we I Next week. Next week is going to be a doozy. So make sure you tune in and give us, make sure you're reviewing and giving us the five stars too, please. We love that. And as always, trust your femme tuition.