B (2:18)

Oh, yeah, she makes fun of me because I call it the girlfriend experience. Because with the Patreon, you pay like the $5 and you get the two bonus episodes and the book club and the fun forum and one on one chats with us and stuff. But also the $9 tier is the ad free listening. So I call it the girlfriend experience. It's like the whole thing.

A (2:37)

But yeah, you get all of our episodes, this one main feed and Patreon ad free.

B (2:42)

All of them. Ad free. And so I think that's. I think that it's the girlfriend experience. I think it's appropriate.

A (2:48)

We're your girlfriend.

B (2:49)

Come on. Anyway, it's so. I think. I don't know, I just think it's cute. And yeah, we are your girlfriends and we. We really love you. So thank you for your support on the Patreon. Thank you for listening. And also, if you have a story to send us, please feel free to do that. It's investigate at the datingdetectives podcast.com. you can send us your story. We would love to be a platform or an ear for you.

A (3:14)

So, yeah, yeah, Scarlett was a listener and I'm so grateful she contacted us because this is a really important one. I think we're ready to hand it. Hand it over to Scarlett.

B (3:32)

So we have Scarlett and Scarlett, we would love for you to share your story. You have the floor, darling.

C (3:40)

Okay, well, first of all, thank you for having me on. I'm gonna tell you a little bit of a backstory because it kind of goes with the. With my story. So I had a kind of rough childhood. It wasn't great. I grew up very fast. I grew up around alcohol and drugs and abuse, and I was married very young. I married my now ex husband. We met when I was 14. We dated, got married when I was 19. We had our two beautiful girls. Yeah, it was very fast. We had our two kids. And he became physically and mentally abusive, and he ended up injuring my back during one of those rages. So once that happened, I left him. And I spent the next three years enduring four back surgeries, endless hospital stays, a ton of physical pain. Yeah. And I was just rebuilding my life. And this was all right during COVID So I was rebuilding myself, doing everything I needed to do as a single mom, pushing forward in my career. And then we lose my dad suddenly to lung cancer. I'm his power of attorney, so I had to make those end of life decisions. It was pretty devastating because it was so sudden. So that's kind of where the story begins. I was healing from the back injury. I was in therapy, you know, just rebuilding my myself. I was in a great place in my career. I had a great career, happy with my job, happy with life. And I get a random friend request on Facebook, and I normally don't accept Facebook friends. I keep my profile private, and I just. It's not me, but he was Friends with my cousin. So I figured out, you know, I'll accept the friend request. He was an older gentleman, and so I accepted the friend request. Later on, my cousin vouched that he was a decent guy. So a few weeks later goes by, and I get a message from him on messenger asking if I was at this particular restaurant that day. And I was like, yeah, it was kind of odd, but okay, yeah, I was there, and I didn't. I didn't see him. At least I didn't recognize him. Thinking back, I remember someone saying, sitting a few seats away, and, like, kind of kept glancing over at me, but just kind of blew it off and whatever. So a few weeks after that, I'm at the same cousin who was friends with him on Facebook. She had a birthday party, so it was just family. And we walk in the kitchen. There's, like, some guys by himself eating. And I. We were thinking, it's, like, fat, like, I don't know, some distant family or something, so don't think anything of it. And then he messages me, and he's like, hey, I was at the same birthday party. And I was like, okay, well, you know, I'm sorry I keep missing you. I just didn't. I didn't recognize him. And, you know, we were just friends on Facebook, so I don't know. Pictures can look different than someone in person, I guess. So a few months go by, and he starts messaging me again on messenger, and we just kind of start going back and forth, and I don't really think anything of it. I'm not looking for a relationship. You know, my life's going great at this point point. And he's also 14 years older than me, so I really didn't think of him as, you know, that, like. Of being in a relationship with someone with that big of an age gap.

B (7:12)

Right.

A (7:13)

But it. Was it, like, flirty or. He just kind of was like, I'm friends with your cousin.

C (7:17)

Yeah, he was polite and just kind of, like, asking who I am and, you know, asking about me, but nothing too flirty at first. And then he did ask me to dinner, and I was clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship, but that, yeah, I would go to dinner. Being that I got married so young, I had ne. I've never been in the dating scene ever. And so I don't know what to. I've never been on, obviously, a blind date or even a first date like that as an adult anyways. And so, yeah, it was very awkward for me, but he made it very Comfortable, you know, he was a little bit older. He opened the door, he pulled the seat out for me, and we started talking. And he had just gotten over a brain tumor and some sort of like flesh eating disease.

B (8:04)

What?

C (8:05)

Oh.

B (8:06)

Oh, my God.

C (8:08)

Yeah. So we, you know, we bonded over that. We had just both pretty much almost. We'd been hospitalized several times during the same time and, you know, really bonded over that and understood each other because of the, you know, having just gone through that. So he was sweet, polite. He paid for the meal and walked me to my car and did all of the gentleman things. I was impressed because his car, he washed his car, he had. His clothes were pressed, you know, the effort he was making.

B (8:36)

Sure. Yeah, the effort, exactly.

C (8:38)

Yes. Yeah. And right before we leave for dinner, he asks me if I want to go to a hot air balloon festival. And I say yes. And so he immediately gets on his phone and he gets the tickets. So I was like, wow, I'm really impressed by him. You know, he's. It was vibing. It was like, okay, this is good. Green flags. He's doing all the right things. You know, it was nice for me not to have to plan and make all the decisions. And, you know, he just got on his phone and did huge.

A (9:09)

This episode is brought to you by Suvie My new obsession. Suvi Kitchen Robot is is the full name. I've been using it so much. It is a really easy device that includes a lot of different settings. You could do air fryer, baking, broiling. I don't know. I'm not really a chef, so I don't really know a lot about these things, which is why this is so perfect for me because I've been making food healthier food so easily and so much more. My favorite thing about it is the built in refrigeration. So you can set up whatever you want to make maybe in the morning and say, you know what? I want this dinner to be done by 7pm it will keep it refrigerated until it's time to start cooking, and then it cooks it by 7:00pm I just made like a braised beef. Like I don't even know what it was because it was through their. They have a meal subscription service too, so they can send you meals and they have a little card and all you do is scan the card and the robot's like, I got this. It has a top and a bottom and you. It'll do both separately. I made rice, peas, this vegetable thing with the beef and the sauce was so good. And I Have had it like leftovers, which are so good. It's my favorite thing this week. I also made cookies in it last night. Just made some cookies and I didn't have to preheat the oven because we love an air fryer moment. The meals are chef crafted, delivered right to your door. Lots of different options and you could pick them. You can pick how many you want. Oh, this says 15 cook modes. I mean, come on. And if you're not a great chef like us, no shade to Mackenzie, but if she were doing this with me, she would agree. Having something like this changes the game in terms of making healthy food, making good food when you're kind of lazy and you don't have the best timing in the world. So you should definitely try it. Suvi offers a 100 day risk free free trial, so there's nothing to lose. Go to suvie.comdatingdetives to get 16 free meals when you order. That's S u v I e.com dating detectives to get 16 free meals with your risk free trial. Save time. Eat better with Suvie.

C (11:35)

We're leaving and I'm driving home and I live off on Main street and I realize he's behind me. So now he knows where I live because I live in a kind of cul de sac. And I mean, he. He would be able to. He knows what neighborhood I live in, so I'm like, oh, great. Like, he still doesn't have my phone number at this point, but now he kind of knows where I live.

A (11:57)

Wait, so the date, you say bye at the restaurant and he ends up.

C (12:02)

Following you in his car behind me? Yeah, we live in the same direction. I was nervous for him to know where I live. I'd never been in the dating scene, so I don't. Obviously I didn't even. Hadn't even given him my phone number at this point. So him possibly knowing where I lived made me nervous. You just never know. I had been in an abusive marriage and I was just super alert and aware of my surroundings and didn't feel 100% comfortable with a stranger knowing where I lived. Like, I, maybe I should have gone the other way. But I have cameras at my house and I share my location, so I wasn't too concerned. So he messages me about the next morning and he's like, hey, can I pick you up? And I'm like, well, I can't. Like, he knows where I live. So for whatever reason, I really trusted him. And so he picked me up and he made us breakfast and we watched the balloon Glow at sunrise. And, you know, we just had a nice. Nice.

A (13:05)

What? A cute date.

C (13:07)

Yeah.

B (13:07)

That is a cute date.

A (13:09)

Yeah.

C (13:09)

We had a really good time, and I still had not given him my phone number.

A (13:13)

Can I ask?

C (13:14)

Like, messages?

A (13:15)

Okay. And what have. What have we learned about him at this point? Past marriages, kids, jobs.

B (13:22)

Yeah.

C (13:23)

So he has lived in several different large cities. He tells me he's in insurance, and he's also been a private investigator.

B (13:31)

Oh, okay.

A (13:33)

I know one of those.

B (13:34)

Yes, I know one of those too. I know about 600 of those. Did you ask more about that, or was that kind of very. He was just like, I'm a PI and you're like, oh, okay.

C (13:45)

Yeah. So he said he was current. Like, he had just retired from insurance, but he had been a PI And I guess it kind of went along with insurance somehow. I'm not too sure how that worked. He didn't explain it, but, I mean, it makes sense because I'm a P.I.

B (14:03)

I do insurance cases, so I could see how they would work together. But you just weren't super, super clear about everything. It was just kind of, oh, okay, I got an idea. What you do.

C (14:12)

He talked about his past being a PI, but he talked about a few cases. Of course, he couldn't give details, but he talked about a lot of, like, cheating cases and, you know, just gave us a few stories. But he never. He was never really specific about who he worked for, where he worked. He was very vague when it.

B (14:33)

Vague. Very vague as possible.

C (14:35)

Yes. So, yeah, he just kind of told me about his mom and his family a little bit, and, you know, just very trusting. Very, very trusting. He was somewhat willing to, you know, tell me a lot about his background, and he was really interested in mine, which was nice, you know, that someone was interested in hearing about me. So, yeah, we. We started talking, and then that next week, after the Pot Air Balloon Festival, he showed up at my work and with flowers.

B (15:05)

Wait, not invite.

C (15:06)

Oh, not invited.

B (15:09)

Okay.

A (15:09)

So I don't like it. I don't. I wouldn't like it.

C (15:12)

Yeah. Was fast. So I think I had had my work listed on my Facebook profile or something. Or he's a PI, so maybe he was able to find it that way. But he showed up at my work unannounced with flowers and asked if he could take my car to get washed and filled with gas. And he was like, you know, women shouldn't do those things. Yeah. So.

A (15:37)

Because I'm like, I know that's love bombing, but I would absolutely say yes.

B (15:41)

Right.

A (15:41)

Be like, thank you, God. Just do it. I would fall for that.

C (15:47)

Well, I did fall for it, because my job was so demanding. I was working so many hours a week, and, you know, single mom. And I was just like, yes, please, here's keys. Like, help me out. It was a little. It was a red flag, for sure, but it was nice to have the help. So he. From that week on, I never had to put gas or wash my car for.

B (16:09)

For quite a while.

C (16:11)

He would just do it every week. So that was. That was nice to have. So then about two months later, he takes me to Vegas for my birthday. Yeah. So his mom lives there. He had lived there in the past. He got us a hotel room. He got the flight. He paid for everything. He used valet. He opened doors. He carried my bags. He carried my purse. Nice.

B (16:38)

Okay.

C (16:39)

Yeah. I was like, wow, this is refreshing, you know, and introduced me to his mom, who was just incredibly sweet. So that made me trust him more, because his mom totally, you know, introduced mom, and she's super sweet. And then he starts posting everything on Facebook. I mean, he's taking pictures of me all the time and posting everything on Facebook, and we start to get this, like, Facebook fan following. So, like, between my friends and his friends on Facebook, we start getting these people that are just, like, rooting our relationship on and just super excited every time he posts.

A (17:18)

Yeah. Couple goals, right?

C (17:21)

Yeah. And so it was. It was cute at first. It was like, you know, everything we did, he was posting. So after that trip, a few weeks after, we were having a memorial for my dad, and my grandpa passed away right after my dad. So we were gonna combine the memorial service together for them. And so he offered to drive us and kind of, you know, just kind of support me and just kind of be there for me. And I thought, why not? I was kind of in a weird headspace having things happen with my dad, and, you know, just. It seemed really sweet of him to want to be there and just support me and do whatever I needed him to do to be helpful during that week. So he did. And he takes us to dinner, and he invites my sister and her whole family. So there's like, 12 of us eating at this expensive steakhouse. He said he had been a manager at that steakhouse, like, years before, like, 25, 30 years before or something. And so the bill comes, and he pays for everyone. And I mean, I'm talking, like, this steakhouse. There's, like, 12 of us, and without nothing, pulls out a credit card and pays. So, of course, my family's like, wow. Everybody's really super impressed. I'm impressed. And it was just comforting to have him there during that time. So we get back from Phoenix, and he tells me he rented us a hotel room at one of our local, like, casino resorts, and we have tickets to a concert. So I go, and we have a great time. But a few days later, I started getting really sick again. So I see my doctor, and I do some blood work, and it turned out I had a UTI and active Epstein Barr virus. What's that? What is that? Yeah, it's. It's kind of like having mono. It's not mono, but 90 of the world has some sort of Epstein Barr virus within them. But it's. Whether or not it's active, it makes a difference. So it was active, and it makes you super sick. Kind of like what mono would do for several months. So I was extremely sick. Sick for about, like, probably six months. I mean, I. My health was declining. I was like, could you work together? I could work, but I was like, I was having to do, like, blood transfusions and vitamin transfusions and blood work every week, and just. I was. I was not doing well. Yeah, I was barely holding it together, and I had a very demanding job, so it was. It was difficult. But, you know, I had him there to. To feed me, to, you know, run my errands for me and just take care of me when, you know, do the things that I couldn't do because I was still having to be at work. So I'm getting through that, and then I start to feel a little bit better and the virus is out of my system. But then I'm still sick, and I'm like, well, I go back for more blood work, and I'm having stomach issues, brain fog, headaches, fatigue. My eyes were really sensitive during the time we were together. I had about five or six UTIs, and it was, like, almost every month I was getting a uti.

B (20:49)

And were you sexually active with him during that time, too?

C (20:53)

Just in the beginning, yeah, in the. In the very. The first few months. And then I just got sick, and it dwindled. But my other symptoms were extreme fatigue. I was extremely fatigued. I had headaches. I was super weak. I had fever. It was sort of like the flu symptoms. A lot of, like, nausea. And even my eyes were super sensitive to. To light. I lost weight. I was really, like, having the flu for a few months. For, like, six months.

B (21:26)

What?

C (21:26)

Yeah. Doctors couldn't figure it out. I went to my primary, and she did all this blood work and a few things came back kind of high or low. And she went over it and she was like, I'm not, I'm not seeing anything as far as like thyroid and iron and vitamins and all of that was pretty normal. They just chalked it up to being Epstein Barr. And after Epstein Barr was non active in my blood and they said, well, maybe it's just kind of like the lingering effects of the fatigue caused by Epstein Barr. Oh, sort of like the long Covid, you know, you just kind of.

B (22:04)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

C (22:05)

It lingers. The second doctor was a little bit more thorough. She checked for stomach issues and she even. I did like a charcoal thing where it like cleanses your, your.

B (22:19)

I've heard of that before.

C (22:20)

And none of that worked. So the dealing with the mystery illness was super frustrating. It felt like I wasn't heard. They were trying to do things to make me comfortable. There wasn't anything they could give me. I mean, nothing helped, especially with the fatigue and the brain fog and the body aches and the fever. You know, I. You can't. I couldn't just be on ibuprofen every day to try to help with things. It was, it was really, really frustrating. We just, we couldn't figure it out. Nothing. My blood work was coming back fine. So during this time, he's wining and dining me. He's taking me to concerts, to festivals. He took me to a Las Vegas a few times, to Colorado a few times. Like, he's taking me lunch at work. He's just. I really relied on him during that time because I was. I was just continuously sick. So I'm starting to feel a little bit better. And he invites me on a cruise to the Caribbean.

B (23:21)

And he's paying for all of this?

C (23:23)

Yeah, so he says it's free because he has an onboard casino perk type thing.

B (23:29)

Okay.

C (23:30)

Yeah. So he, he's a gambler. He just said you have to pay for your flight and your food package. So I do. We spend a week on the cruise. He did spend a lot of time at the, in the casino, on the ship. And he was a big gambler. So that was his reasoning behind the trip being free. Anyways, I had never been on a cruise before. I had never left the country before. So yeah, we're, you know, living the life like it was. It was like a dream. It felt like, like a queen or a princess. Like it was just whining and dining here everywhere. He posted during the cruise on Facebook that he was going to ask Me to marry him.

A (24:16)

Oh, wait, he posted that on Facebook?

C (24:18)

Yes. And so I see the post and my. My kids, our friends on Facebook, and I'm like, oh, my God, you cannot. You know, you can't do that. And he. He says, no, it's a joke. I was just trying, you know, it was just a joke. And I'm like, I need.

A (24:32)

Wait, was this, like a status? Was this a comment? Was it a full on photo? Like, I need the details.

C (24:38)

So he posted a picture of me on the balcony of our room with, like, the ocean, like the. Like the sunset in the background. And he was like. Said something about, like, he was going to ask me for my hand. And then he said some more things. And then at the end of the post, he was like, I was going to ask for my hand at dinner. But you had to read through the whole post, so.

A (25:01)

And he didn't hide it from you or anything.

C (25:03)

Oh. So I. I see it and I'm just like, what? And then. And he's like, no, no, it was just. It was a joke. And I'm like, okay, this is, like, really too fast. It's only been a few months. I am not even looking to get married. Like, I'm starting to feel a lot of pressure and I start to kind of push away because it was just really too fast for me.

A (25:24)

That would freak me out too. Especially, like, we need to have that conversation before you put it on.

B (25:29)

Yeah, that's probably fair, right?

C (25:32)

Yeah.

B (25:36)

Ooh.

A (25:36)

This is the second time a zocdoc ad has come up, and I've been like, I really need to go on zocdoc and make an appointment. I've been having a back thing, guys. I don't know what's going on. I'm falling apart. Luckily, I have an amazing doctor that I've been going to for years that I found through zocdoc. I found my dentist through zocdoc. I found my gynecologist through zocdoc. Let me tell you what it is before I start telling you about all my doctors. ZocDoc is an app that makes it so easy to not only find great doctors within your insurance plan, but also make the appointment right there in the app. You can also see reviews of them. You could do it by location. If you have specifics about what kind of doctor you want to see. Like, if you want a certain gender, whatever, you can do that. It makes it so easy and it can be so tough to get to the doctor. You want to stay healthy. But the system makes it really impossible to find the right doctor a lot of the time. ZocDoc changed the game. I've also been complimented because I've recommended doctors to friends and family and they've been like, wow, you have really good taste in doctors. Like you find great people. I know it's basically ZocDoc. I also just love that I can book the appointment fast within their website and sometimes you can even get a same day appointment. They have over a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty. Mental health, dentist, primary care, urgent care. Like I said, you can put your insurance information in and filter by that. And I didn't even mention ZocDoc is a free app and a website where you can just search and compare all of these high quality in network doctors and click to book. Free.

C (27:06)

Free.

A (27:07)

That's huge. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com TDD to find and instantly book a top rated doct. That's Zocdoc.com TDD Zocdoc.com TDD I'm gonna go use it right now. I really need to go book that appointment.

C (27:34)

So that happened. We get back and I'm still kind of sick. I'm starting to experience some back pain again. So because of my past injuries got me a little worried. So he accompanied me to my mri and while we were getting out of the car to go into the building, he mentioned that he had lost his job after the trip. So it'd been like two months, two or three months and he had lost his job and never told me. And again it was a part time job, but still I didn't, I felt terrible because I'm like, oh my gosh, he lost his job. He's like, it's okay, no worries. But I want to talk to you about moving in. And I'm just like, oh no. Yeah. So he drops that on me. We're walking into the building and I'm like, look, I'm, let's just get this MRI over. I, we need to talk about this. I don't trust a lot of people around my kids. Like moving in as a huge step that's, I mean it hasn't been very long. And so we're going to the building, going to my mri, we don't talk about it again. He never brings it up. So I'm thinking, okay, he knows that I was opposed to it and we kind of just leave it at that. So right after that I'm getting, I'm still very sick. And I decide that I need to step down from my job for health reasons. It was a hard decision to leave my job. I had been there almost 12 years. I. Wow. I really, I was so dedicated and loyal to that place, and we really were like a family. But it was not fair for me to stay there. And they really relied on me. I was a chief operating officer, so I was. I was operating the whole firm. And it was just not fair for me to not be my best self and have to take a lot of time off for medical appointments. And so I made that hard decision to leave so that I can get better. And so I gave my two months notice. I saved money to take some time to heal and to start my own business. I leave my position and I'm home a lot more. And he's like, not leaving my house. Like, he's spending the night, every night. So I kind of mentioned it. And he's like, oh, yeah, let's go to my apartment. We, you know, go and check in, everything's okay. And I'm just like, this is weird. Why is he not leaving? You know, he keeps telling me, yeah, I have my place, but it's just more comfortable here. But, you know, he's being very helpful because I'm still sick and trying to get better. And he's, you know, doing a lot for me, but then he starts getting really jealous of my time. Oh, yeah. So he's not letting me out on his side. Like, he's driving me to my hair appointments, to my nail appointments, to doctor appointments. I mean, he.

B (30:22)

Keeping tabs.

C (30:23)

Keeping tabs. Yeah. Every time someone calls me, he's asking who I'm talking to or who the text is from. And that's huge. Red flag. I'm like, you're with me 24 7. And this is weird.

A (30:36)

When do you notice that this is happening? Is it like an overnight thing or does it gradually get more and more invasive?

C (30:43)

It's. It was kind. It was so. It was after I left my job, when I was home more, I had noticed when I was still working, I would kind of go to lunch and I would, you know, sometimes pass him on the. On the road. And we live in a pretty large city, so that was kind of weird to me. I'm like, well, why was he in this area of town? You know? And he would just be like, oh, yeah, I was coming from so and so place. And it was just really weird. I was starting kind of get weirded out by that. But when I was. When I quit my job is when he. When I started noticing it a lot more. And so I started to get worried. And my sister actually thought, well, he's a P.I. maybe he has a tracker on you.

B (31:31)

Oh, no.

C (31:33)

He knew everywhere I was, I would. I'm not. I'm not joking. Several times. I would be at places, and he would show up, and I was like, I didn't tell you I was coming here. This is really weird. And I'm not talking about, like, Target or something. I'm talking about, like, random place places. Like, I was waiting for a Home Depot order, like, the online order for pickup. And he's like, oh, yeah, I saw you. I was going down the street. And I'm like, he doesn't even live on this area of town. Like, what? And it's. It's not a main street. It was just really odd. So I take my phone, and I'm like, maybe something's on my phone. They can't find anything. There's not any weird apps or anything strange on my phone. So I buy a device that looks for trackers. And so my sister and I are looking. We're going over my car with that little tracker device. And immediately I'm not talking. Like, 30 seconds in, he calls me, and he's like, what are you doing?

A (32:31)

No, this sounds like he's got a camera on you. I'm like, how does he know?

C (32:35)

Yeah, right? So I'm baffled. I'm like, what? Is it a coincidence that he's calling? I don't know. So he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, oh, nothing. I'm with my sister. And so he's like, oh, well, I'm wondering when you're gonna be home. I made us plans for dinner. And I'm like, okay. So, like, I don't know if it was coincidence and he was just trying to be nice and take me to dinner or if he actually knew what I was doing at that moment. I do have a dash cam on my car, but I never allowed him access to that.

B (33:07)

Okay.

C (33:07)

I did not find a tracker. But I was really scared when he called. Cause I thought, oh, my gosh. Like, what if there is a tracker and he knows I'm onto him? Like, what do I do now?

A (33:16)

Yeah. So that feeling, I mean, if you're having these suspicions, I imagine you're scared. I just want to make it clear for the audience who hasn't been in this position, why not just ask him? Why not just, like, I don't know, confront it? I think there's A lot of reasons not to. But what was going through your head as far as what you were afraid he might do?

C (33:35)

Who knows? That started. Things started to get really kind of dark, and I started to see a different side of him. I started to see someone super. Like, he was judgmental. He was really jealous. It was just a different side.

A (33:50)

He.

C (33:50)

He just had to keep tabs on me. And was he getting mean?

B (33:54)

Like, mean about it or just weird?

C (33:56)

He would get, like. He would. He would get really quiet. Like, say, I would go with my sister. We normally spend at least one Saturday a month together, all day. And he would get really angry when I would say, hey, I'm going to be with my sister tomorrow, or whatever, and ask me, well, where are you going? What are you doing? And when I would be done with my sister, he would come over and just be, like, super standoffish and kind of angry. And having been in an abusive relationship prior to that, I was already on edge. I was. You know, little things like that really scare you.

A (34:34)

Totally.

C (34:35)

So I just kind of stayed quiet about it. I was kind of trying to find ways to figure out what. Where this was coming from. Was I. Was I going crazy? How did he know where I was? It just. It. It started to be. It wasn't coincidental anymore. It was as. Everything seemed so, like, planned. So things are getting rocky, and I'm trying to break things off with him because I'm starting to get really scared.

B (35:01)

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

C (35:02)

Yeah. Like, my fem tuition was on the highest alerts.

A (35:06)

I'm glad you told your sister, too. It sounds like you.

C (35:09)

Yes.

A (35:09)

You weren't totally keeping it to yourself, which is.

C (35:12)

Right.

A (35:12)

So it makes it 10 times even harder because then you're like, I'm really going crazy.

C (35:16)

Yeah. I mean, after my first divorce, we got really close because she was kind of like my protector, knowing what I had been through. And then she didn't want it to happen again. So I'm planning on breaking things off, and he tells me he planned another cruise for us to go to Mexico. This time and again, I don't have to pay, but I have to purchase my flight. So I think about it, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, what do I do? And so I. I end up going. We go and I tell my mom before we go, I'm like, look like I'm gonna go because I couldn't get my money back. And I'm. Again, I wasn't working. And so, you know, I know that sounds crappy, but I went and Because I couldn't get my money back.

A (35:56)

Was there a part of you that thought maybe it would be a change? Like, maybe it would be great? I could see that.

C (36:02)

Yeah. When we were on trips together, he was a different person. He was. He was the same person from the beginning. Very, you know, sweet and chivalrous, and we really enjoyed those times. But I was also kind of guarded at the same time.

B (36:16)

Yeah, of course.

C (36:17)

Yeah. So I texted my mom, and I let her know, like, hey, I'm probably gonna be breaking things off after the trip, but I'll be checking in with you. Things like that. So this trip was really different. He. We didn't really spend a lot of time together. He was in the casino most of the trip, including during the time I was sleeping.

A (36:36)

Okay, yeah, not so good.

C (36:38)

So then we get a letter from the front desk saying that his car declined. So I'm like, oh, great. Oh, no, what do we do? And so he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it when we're at port. So I asked him again. He's like, I took care of it. Okay, cool. So I. I think it declined. His. He was just spending too much at the casino. So I'm thinking maybe he's acting different because maybe he's sensing that I'm gonna break it off with him. Maybe he's intercepted text messages. I don't know. Maybe he knows I'm gonna be ending.

B (37:14)

That's so weird.

C (37:15)

Yeah. So we get back home, and he's still not leaving my house. And I'm like, okay, I have to break things off. Like, this is crazy. So a week after I find an eviction letter in his car, I never.

A (37:33)

Oh, no, from when?

C (37:36)

From, like, right before we went on the cruise. So I asked him. I'm like, what is this? What is this? And he's like, oh, don't worry about it. I took care of it. And I'm like, are you sure? Yeah, I took care of it. Don't worry about it. And he's like, I'm super embarrassed. It's just, you know, I have to move some money around and this and that. And I'm thinking, okay, well, he's not working. Maybe, like, his retire. I don't know. You know, he's maybe living on a fixed means because he's retired. A few weeks later go by, and I asked him about it again because he's still not leaving my house. And I'm like, hey, let's, like, go to your house and Then he admits that he did get evicted, and he put all his belongings in storage. So that just opened the door for me to say, you know what? You need to leave. Like, yes, dude, I have no words. And looking back, I should have. I, I saw the flags, but I didn't pay attention to them or I was scared. I, I, you know, there's so many things that.

A (38:36)

So many things. And he sounds like he very intentionally wanted you to feel a little bit dependent on him.

C (38:41)

I was.

A (38:42)

With helping you so much.

C (38:43)

Yes. I was very dependent on him. I was sick at the time. I had just lost my dad. Like, I was going. I was going through it, and it was just all at the same time.

A (38:53)

How did he respond?

C (38:55)

So he said, okay. He got all of his stuff. He packed it in his car just like that. The day before he left, he said, can you just give me, like, it was like, three days? And I said, yeah. So day before he left, he deleted everything on social media. It was, like, wiped. Everything was wiped out. Deleted. He unfriended everyone that were mutual friends. Like it was. Nothing ever happened. Yeah. So he leaves.

A (39:28)

He goes, a little petty, but whatever.

C (39:31)

You go, yeah, I was petty. I was just like, okay, this is weird. But so he leaves. And then I was working. I was. I had a federal contract that his mom had helped me get doing legal work. I've been in the legal field for 22 years. So I was working for the same attorney his mom works for. And then my contract just went stale. Like, they just stopped sending me work. And their excuse was like, oh, well, we just don't have that much work right now. But I suspect he or his mom may have had something to do with that.

B (40:05)

A hundred percent.

C (40:06)

So now I'm without a job again.

B (40:09)

Oh, my God.

C (40:10)

And so, okay, fine. But then I start feeling. I'm like, I'm feeling better. I'm not. I'm not sick. Like, I was. I'm not. I'm out of bed. I'm not fatigued. I'm not nauseous anymore. I'm not getting UTIs. Then I start to wonder, was he maybe putting something in my food or.

A (40:28)

I was just like, no freaking way.

C (40:32)

I can't explain it.

B (40:33)

So something had to have been happening, right?

C (40:36)

Either my body was, like, crying out to me. I don't know. He was always cooking dinner or lunch, you know, bringing me lunch.

A (40:44)

Cooking, right.

C (40:45)

Yeah. My kids were not getting sick. Thankfully, I was. And, I mean, he was so, so attentive that he would bring me my food. Right. And So I don't know. Something in my gut tells me he may have been putting something in my food to make me sick. Because after he left, I'm telling you, within days, I just started to feel better.

A (41:08)

Wild.

C (41:09)

Yes. Then I start to get mail that he forwarded from his apartment to my house, and there are credit cards in my name that I did not know about.

B (41:21)

Oh, he is stealing money. Oh, my God.

C (41:25)

So totaled about $25,000. Oh, my God. I got the first one, and I was just like, what the heck? What is this? My heart just dropped. I mean, I. All of my savings were to open my own business, and now. How am I gonna explain this to my kids? How am I gonna start my own business? I was out of work for so long, being sick, and now I have all this debt, and I went from no debt to debt, and it just. It rattled me.

B (41:59)

It was like, can you file fraud on the cards? Or whatever?

C (42:03)

So I've been trying to talk with them about that to see. It's hard again. It's electronic. It's. You know, things are done electronic, like, electronic applications online. So it's difficult to they for them.

B (42:15)

To prove that it wasn't you or whatever. What were the charges on? Like, what were the 25,000? Like, what was that for?

C (42:22)

I was. Charges for a lot of meals, concert.

A (42:25)

Tickets, everything you'd done together.

C (42:27)

Everything we had done together.

A (42:29)

Oh, my gosh.

C (42:31)

Yeah. Well, shit.

A (42:33)

Disgusting.

C (42:33)

Yeah. So, yeah, my heart was in my feet while the blood just rushed out of me. I reach out to him, and I'm like, what is this? Like, how. How did he even get my Social Security number?

A (42:47)

Right.

C (42:48)

But he's a P.I.

A (42:50)

Can they get that really easily? Mackenzie, that kind of a Social Security number? You.

B (42:55)

You. Yeah. But I will be honest with you. Even private investigators, even on a comprehensive report, it doesn't show a Social Security number, all of it, but you can get it.

A (43:05)

But I feel like if he was in your house, he probably had access. Like, he tried to.

C (43:09)

Yeah.

A (43:10)

Go on your computer or something.

C (43:12)

Like, I'm not sure. I mean, I keep. I have a safe. I keep all my information in the safe. But, you know, I don't know. I don't know if. Yeah, you're right. Maybe he got on my laptop and found something, you know, an old, like, tax return or something saved in my files. I'm not sure. So I confront him about it, and I'm like, what is this? And of course, he denies it. Then I find that he had been sending himself $2,000 a month from my Venmo account. So he had my password to my phone. And I'm so sick during this time. I'm not keeping up with my own personal things. I am telling you, I was so sick. I just. I wasn't checking my bank account. I was just paying my bills. And that was it. I was just. I was barely holding on.

A (43:59)

Oh, my gosh. And you can't even.

B (44:01)

Funny.

C (44:02)

Yes.

A (44:03)

So much. But you can't even argue against that because it's from your own account.

C (44:07)

Right. So I. I did go to the police, and they told me it is a civil matter and it's hard.

B (44:12)

Yeah.

C (44:12)

Fraud. Especially when it's electronically done. Yep.

B (44:16)

Well, they're not trained on that either. That's electronic. Crimes are so different. And we don't have the knowledge and the training and the manpower yet to. To accommodate.

A (44:25)

To keep up with it. Yeah, it changes every day.

B (44:27)

Yeah.

C (44:28)

Yeah. So, unfortunately, it is a civil matter. I could sue him, but because he is now on disability benefits, those are not garnishable. And he owns nothing that I could put a judgment lien on. So that's why I decided to come on your show, in hopes that, you know, he doesn't do this to anyone else.

A (44:53)

So did he. So he denied it. What was that conversation like for you?

C (44:58)

Well, I called him and I said, you know, hey, I got these. These things forwarded to my house, and I never opened these. How did you get my information? And he just totally denied it and, you know, just kind of turned it around and, you know, just. He just totally denied it. He. He didn't take any responsibility.

B (45:17)

What.

A (45:18)

When was this?

C (45:19)

It was the end of 20. End of last year. End of 2024.

B (45:24)

So this is kind of super recent.

C (45:26)

It is pretty recent. Yeah.

A (45:28)

I'm like, where is he? I want to find him.

C (45:30)

Yeah, right. Last I heard from him, he is living with his mom in Las Vegas.

B (45:37)

That's not funny.

C (45:39)

It is. And it is.

B (45:42)

Under the circumstances.

C (45:44)

Yeah, I mean, you know, you get what you deserve, I guess. He had emailed me in April. I got engaged, and to someone I had known before, and congratulation.

A (45:55)

Thank you.

C (45:56)

So we applied for our wedding license and got this random email address that said, word on the streets is that you got married. And it had our wedding license attached to the email. So I look up the IP address and it comes back to Las Vegas.

A (46:15)

So this dude is fully stalking you?

C (46:17)

Yes. I'm.

B (46:17)

I'm 100%.

C (46:19)

I'm just like, what would make him. I hadn't Even posted anything on social media. Nothing. I tried to be very personal at this point. So he used a system called Tyler Host, which is known for people. You have to have access to Tyler Host. The copy of the wedding license had the Tyler Host sort of logo on it or whatever. Know that being in the legal field, legal professionals use it, but you have to have access to Tyler Host.

A (46:47)

Like you pay for access, or is it. You have to have a license of some kind.

C (46:50)

You have to have like some sort of a license or, you know, to have access to that particular.

A (46:55)

Well, this guy should lose his PI license because I don't know much, but I've heard from Mackenzie that you do not abuse that access.

B (47:03)

Yeah, it's. Yeah, that's a felony. That's like hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines. Yeah, yeah.

C (47:10)

So I responded to the email, I said, yes, I'm. I am getting married. Do not contact me any further. Well, then he starts to email and text and call and harass me and it was just non stop. So my now husband, he had to put a stop to it. He just got on the phone, he's like, look, do not contact her again. And I have him blocked on everything. Every platform, his number, everything.

A (47:36)

What was he saying in these messages?

C (47:38)

Yeah, he was just saying, like, I knew. Well, he did admit that he was following me. He said, I knew that you were meeting up with some guy. The guy I was meeting up with was someone who I had a brief relationship with. He had a storage locker and it. It was originally put in my name. I'm the one that got it for him. But then we changed it into his name. So the first few months he had that locker, he was giving me the payment and there was absolutely nothing, nothing going on. I would just stop, get the payment, and then buy. And that happened twice. And he was like, I know where you were and I know that he was in your car. And I'm just like, what are you. What are you talking about? You know, he starts telling my fiance, then she's a cheater, and I knew where she was and I had to follow her because I couldn't trust her and things like that. Just, you know, trying to put these negative thoughts in my then fiance's mind. So, yeah, I haven't blocked on everything. I'm now happily married. I'm healthy. And the.

B (48:49)

Good for you.

C (48:50)

Thank you. The final. He's jealous, I hope.

A (48:54)

Oh, he for sure is.

C (48:56)

Yeah, well, he doesn't deserve. He doesn't deserve me or anyone for that, you know, for the way he acts. It was just terrible that he could take advantage of someone like that at such a vulnerable time.

B (49:10)

How much did he ultimately get from you?

C (49:13)

So it was a little that. See, 25. About $29,000.

B (49:20)

Oh, my God, that is so much money. This guy would. He's flat out just stealing.

C (49:25)

Yeah, he was stealing and he was whining and dining me on my own dimensions.

B (49:30)

Have you ever gone to like, the. That's a lot of money. Like, that's a grand theft, right? Like, don't. Can't you go to the district attorney or something?

C (49:36)

I did go to the police, and they were like, it's a civil matter. And, you know, at this point, I honestly, I'm happy in life. I'm, you know, I'm married. I've moved past it. I. Yeah, that he doesn't do this to anyone else.

A (49:50)

Plus, it sounds like he doesn't have anything. Like, if you sued him, you're not getting.

C (49:53)

I wouldn't get anything. I couldn't even garnish because his, you know, his main source of income comes from Social Security. Yeah. And you, you know, they're not garnishable. I. I just. I want to move on. I just this week got a job interview and yay, sign on bonus is $25,000.

A (50:13)

Oh, my gosh.

B (50:15)

Shut up.

C (50:16)

Yeah. God is good. And if I, you know, you know, it comes back to me. So I don't want to waste any more time or energy on this. I want to just leave it in my past and I hope that no one else gets taken advantage of.

B (50:32)

Yep, absolutely.

A (50:33)

So we think he was maybe poisoning you. We know he was opening credit cards in your name, and we know he was venmoing himself money. And we know he was following you physically, which maybe he also found ways.

C (50:46)

To stalk you other ways, like camera devices.

A (50:49)

We don't know.

B (50:50)

Yeah, he had to have been doing stuff, something that was like, like outside of the nor. Like something more than what the regular Joe could do. You know what I mean?

C (50:58)

Right. So can are do PIs have access to things that. That a normal tracker can't be like?

B (51:08)

So as far as a PI license is concerned, you guys know I'm always, like, kind of trying to do things on the up and up and very ethical.

A (51:17)

You're by the book, and thank goodness I am.

B (51:20)

And so I wanted to know, like, okay, this guy's obviously using his PI license for nefarious reasons. But what I found was that there was no history of a PI license or a PI job or A PI Anything. And so it makes me wonder if he just said that because he thought it would be cooler than saying, like, oh, I'm in insurance. And it. Like, in the insurance industry, you can get, you know, information, but not really through insurance sales. It's more like insurance investigation. So I wonder if he just happened to work for some kind of insurance company, but said he was a PI but he's not actually living nowhere.

A (52:01)

No state. No nowhere.

B (52:03)

Wow.

C (52:05)

Okay.

B (52:06)

So I think he's definitely lying about being a PI.

C (52:10)

Wow. So all the stories were.

B (52:13)

Yeah, he's. I think he. And I will say that you can. If look 50 pages deep into the Google machine does not a PI make. Okay. So I think that he just happened to really dig to get information and happened to come across some information that he was able to deem true and then was like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm a PI and so he wanted you to. I think it was just, like, a thing of being cool.

A (52:38)

And when he was being creepy. Creepy, he could be like, well, but private investigators. My job. This is. I know. Maybe I'm a little paranoid. Like, he could justify that, and you cannot.

B (52:47)

Even as a PI There is no justification to looking up someone for nefarious reasons or personal reasons or whatever. It's just not allowed. It is illegal. Illegal investigation. It is a crime. You cannot do it.

C (53:01)

Wow.

B (53:02)

He's just a stalker.

C (53:05)

That. That just confirms. It just confirms my story even more.

B (53:10)

Yeah. And that's scary. That's so scary.

A (53:14)

Mackenzie, how can we verify that someone is a licensed private investigator or has had a license?

B (53:19)

So every state governs their own private investigators, and there are many states where you don't have to have a license. You just have to, like, work with someone who is a private. Like in the state of Florida, you have to have a license through the state of Florida, the Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. But there are some states, like, I think Wyoming or something, there are some states that they just, like, they just say, hey, you can be a PI and there's no license involved. You just have to work with a certain company. So it just depends on the state. But you can go to the state and figure out if someone is a. A registered or licensed or known private investigator there. Yeah. So it just. You just have to know what state they're in, and you can go search it up, and you can go to. If you go to the Google machine and type in whatever state like Florida or California, association of Licensed Private Investigators or Association of Private Investigators, you will Find a, usually a dot org. Like for Florida, it's Florida association of Licensed Investigators. You can go there and you can look up who the, the, the leaders are of it, and you can see who's a member of these groups and who's a, you know, and that's f dot org. So every state should have their own or something similar to an association of investigators.

C (54:33)

I'm baffled to hear that he'. PI I feel like it confirms my suspicions about a lot of things. I just, you know, I thought he just had access. I think he's just crazy. I think, I think he was just stalking me, and now I don't feel as crazy as I did. I, I feel like I feel validated.

B (54:55)

Good for you.

C (54:56)

Yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm baffled. I'm just like, why would someone say there's something that they're not and, you know, tell you all these grand stories about their time as a PI and that never happened? You know, he was very vague about his past and his background, but like I said, he did tell us stories about his time as a P.I.

B (55:22)

What kind of stories? Like, what kind of cases he. You said he worked, like cheating cases and stuff.

C (55:26)

Cases.

A (55:27)

And he probably just listened to, listened to an episode of us and was like, yeah, I followed a person who knew this colony. He just took Mackenzie.

C (55:35)

He might have.

B (55:36)

No, what happened is, what happened is someone said, yo, man, I think my girlfriend's cheating. He's like, let's go do, let's go spy on her. That's what happened.

C (55:44)

It was self made.

B (55:46)

Yeah, he's a self made investigator. And that's so illegal.

C (55:50)

Like, you, you have to, you have.

B (55:52)

To follow your state's laws, but at least here in Florida, oh, boy, you go to jail, pay a big fine. Yeah, he is a licensed insurance agent and his license is active. And I know obviously less about that than I do about PI licenses. But even if he has access to get information with an insurance agent license, whatever he has access to, I still feel like if you're using it for nefarious reasons, there's probably a law against that. And so if you wanted to pursue that and kind of like find, you could. All you have to do is contact the state. Like, you just got to find out, listen, this is the state we're in. And then you just type in the state, and obviously for anybody listening, if you wanted to research that, just type in the state and then type in Florida who manages private investigator licenses or who managers insurance, and you just go to the board like the head of the head honcho of that division and email them and say, hey, this is what's going on. How do I investigate this?

C (56:52)

Okay, that's good to know. It at least gives me something if I do decide to pursue it. He, you know, he really did pull the wool over my eyes at a very vulnerable time in my life. Of course. But thinking back, you know, how sick I was and how. Where my mind was, I just. I was not in a good place and I was. I was. I was vulnerable.

A (57:16)

Do you think he saw on your cousin's Facebook or your Facebook that you'd had a death of the family, that you were single and obviously you're adorable? So he. It could just be that he was like, I have a crush. But I also think that there's something to be said about how much he stalked you and seemed to get information, like, up front. I could totally see him knowing that you're vulnerable.

C (57:37)

Absolutely. Yeah. So, you know, thinking back, I would recommend not to post a lot on your social media because people like this can really use that to take advantage of. So once he. I do have a private account, but once I friended him, of course he could see, you know, that I lost my dad. I posted that. I posted, you know, I had posted where I worked. I posted little small trips that the. That my kids and I had been on and pictures of us. And people my age, we tend to post a lot on Facebook. I'm. I know that's also telling of my age, but we overshare sometimes, and I totally did that. And I think he was easily, you know, had. He had that information easily accessible to be able to take advantage of me.

B (58:23)

That made me so mad.

C (58:24)

I mean, I'm a single mom. I had a great job, but I'm also a single mom and my girls are both in school, so I'm the only source of income in this home. And to take advantage of someone like that is just disgusting. It's terrible. I just pray that it never happens to anyone I miss. You know, I pray that my girls learn from this. And listeners listening, protect yourselves. Don't be. Don't be vulnerable or try not to be.

A (58:57)

You're going to help a lot of people by sharing it. Like I said, we're all going to check our accounts, but also, you know, you talk to your people and you got out of it as soon as you felt safe to do that. And I wish it had never happened, but I'm glad you're okay. Do you have any advice for people dating how to avoid being vulnerable in that way.

C (59:14)

Yeah. Don't share everything on social media. Innocent things that you post could give someone, you know, an idea. Don't allow someone to move so fast. If you see those flags, even if they're not red or, you know, maybe they're purple, I don't know. But trust your instincts. Look at those flags. And you know me coming from an abusive background, I wasn't great at saying no. I. I said yes to everything and I was a people pleaser. And now having gone through therapy, I know better, but I. And I didn't know at the time, but really work on yourself. If you want to be in a relationship, work on yourself and just be aware of how you're feeling and, and those flags that are coming up.

B (60:01)

And Hannah said something interesting on the Patreon episode we just recorded. Hannah said, is this my femtuition or is this my anxiety? And it's like it doesn't matter. Whichever one it is, just follow it because they both telling you no appare.

A (60:16)

The endless struggle. But that's where therapy and really checking in with yourself, you get. You get to learn your mind better. And it takes so much time.

B (60:26)

Absolutely.

C (60:27)

Yep.

B (60:28)

Thank you so much for sharing this story.

C (60:30)

Thank you for having me on.

B (60:32)

No, it's been. It's been a pleasure. I just can't. I hate, I hate how. I hate to say the word simple, but how simple. It just seemed like he just took advantage of you for your money and then he was gone. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it just sucks.

A (60:48)

I wonder if he's had practice.

B (60:50)

Yeah. I wonder who else he has hurt.

C (60:52)

Yeah, I. I think that because his past is erased on social media that, you know, I couldn't find in anything, I have a feeling he's done this to other women. And that's why he's never been married or had kids. Because he moves around to, you know, city to city and he finds his victim and possibly just keeps using people and it's just sad. I've listened to you for years and I never thought that I would be in this situation. But it happens. In the blink of an eye. It can happen. It does happen.

B (61:31)

So how about that? This little lying liar, McLiar pants, this.

A (61:37)

G guy given PIs a bad name.

B (61:40)

Yeah, I don't like crazy. He's either. Listen, he's either completely lying, which yes, he's totally lying, or he's illegally conducting investigations. He's just saying that he's a PI to be cool. But let's Be real. Either way, he's lying. He's not a P.I.

A (61:56)

Why do you think he told her he was a PI?

B (61:58)

Because it sounds cooler than saying, I'm an insurance agent and he wanted to sound cool. That's what I think.

A (62:03)

You don't think he was trying to maybe intimidate her or you have an excuse for why he was being stalkery?

B (62:11)

I think that he. If you're gonna have an excuse for, like, why, you know. So if you'd be like, oh, I'm a PI so of course I know. And so she would. She'd be like, well, how did he know where I was? Oh, well, he's a PI So that she wouldn't assume.

A (62:25)

Yeah.

B (62:26)

Yeah, she wouldn't assume. Oh, he's really stalking me. She'd just be like, oh, well, he's a P.I. of course he's gonna know this. Which people assume about me. They're like, oh, you know this because you're a P.I. no, idiot. I know this because it's on a freaking Google machine because you put it there. Stupid.

A (62:38)

And also, if he. If he did know those things because he was a P.I. like, if you are dealing with someone who is a licensed private investigator, they're not allowed to abuse those resources. They're not allowed.

B (62:49)

Absolutely not. And you. You are not allowed to use those resources. And a lot of people even ask me, just. And just for reference, people say, well, if you. You know, if you wanted to look somebody up, can you. No, absolutely not. And I won't. And so when I do clapback videos and someone says, oh, you're fat and ugly, and I'm like, let me see a little bit about this person and find out who they are. Consider the source. And they all know that, because when you go to the Google machine, I can find out that you.

A (63:17)

Yeah, you're not doing anything sneaky. You're just Googling public record.

B (63:21)

Stupid. When you get arrested, it's public record. I can see that. I just happen to know where to find it easily. And a lot of people don't know where to look. So don't think that I'm utilizing resources. I. I'm very ethical. I don't like to do things out. Like, I'm very by the book, so.

C (63:38)

Right.

A (63:39)

It's legal.

B (63:40)

Yeah. So this guy is totally illegal and lying and probably both together at the same time.

A (63:45)

Before we get into some of the emotional parts of this story and her relationship, like, if you are a good person and you're listening. So I think you are protecting Your information because it sounds like he didn't have access to PI resources, maybe insurance resources. I don't know. Like I don't know how we got the information, but it did make me think of Delete me, which we do advertise with.

B (64:07)

I love Delete me.

A (64:08)

Genuinely recommend as a first step to protecting your information online. Do you want to talk a little bit about what it does?

B (64:15)

Yeah. So delete me. If you're not paying the 9 Patreon tier, then you hear the delete me ads and it's basically a service that finds the information online that anybody can find all willy nilly. They find what you don't want on the Internet and they remove it for you. So it's like a subscription service and then they send you like always working. Yeah, it's always working behind the scenes to find the information you don't want online and take it down for you. They tell you what they found, where they found it, and it's because data brokers collect your information. So if you ever like Google someone and it says oh you can have their phone number and it'll say xxx for the last four pay 1295 to get the rest of the phone number. Then you pay the 1295 and they're like pay 1379 to get their address. And you keep adding that's. Those are data brokers who are collecting this public information and charging you for it. And so it makes it so easy for anybody to get. So you can remove your information and Delete me helps find all that information from the data brokers and take it away from them.

A (65:16)

Can't you also put a watch on your social. Oh my God. Social Security number. I said this before we were recording too. I was like the Social Security number so that you're notified if it's used and if you use it, great. But if he uses it or someone else uses it, you know, and your.

B (65:32)

Credit, you can do. You can watch your credit, you can watch your Social Security, you can do all of that.

A (65:36)

So, so let's do that. Let's. I'm not. Even if it's not delete me, like just something in place so that we can all be aware of what information is out there about us and keeping track of it, keeping track of your bank, your Venmo. The Venmo thing is so disgusting. And I say that obviously it's like hindsight 2020 for all of us now that we've heard the story. But she was going through so much. I completely understand why she wasn't on top of every Venmo payment. And if he was doing a small enough amount every day, you might not notice that. Like, think about the subscriptions. We don't know we have. Like.

B (66:13)

Yes. And if it's not amount that affects you, like, if you're living paycheck to paycheck, you're going to notice if $2,000 is gone.

A (66:19)

Totally.

B (66:20)

You have more money in your account. Like, you might not notice that.

A (66:23)

You know, I don't have notifications on my Venmo, but I'm going to turn them on, like right now because, yeah, I want to know. I want to know if anyone gets in there. Also, the default setting when you create a Venmo account is that it just stays logged in all the time. But you can change that so it logs you out every time you close the app.

B (66:46)

Yes. So that someone can't just like use your fingerprint all willy nilly and get in your stuff. I literally hate everyone I know.

A (66:57)

This.

C (66:58)

This person.

A (66:59)

Okay. Okay. So back to the beginning. She was in a very vulnerable position at the start. And I think he knew that. Yeah, it's just so hard. It's just so hard because those vulnerable positions are going to happen. Like, it's not her fault that she went through what she went through, that her people died in her life, her loved ones died, that she was going through that Covid was happening. She had a 13 year old and was sick, had back surgery during COVID That alone.

B (67:31)

Covid was a lot. And I think a lot of people took advantage of that too. Took advantage of the COVID situation.

A (67:39)

I think that, yeah, it's just a hard thing. You have to set that boundary with yourself to try not to make huge decisions or jump into fast relationships when you're in a vulnerable position. He love bombed for sure and created a dependency on him. It was like I said when we were talking to her, I was like, it sounds nice. Like he was doing a lot of very helpful things around the house.

B (68:06)

He was very helpful.

A (68:08)

My friend jokes about that with her husband, her new husband. She's like, I think he's trying to make it so I can't live without him. Oh, also the fact that he posted them a lot on Facebook is like a green flag in a way. Like, I think a lot of people find it offensive when their partner doesn't want to show them off on social media. And I wonder if he did that on purpose. Oh, you know, to kind of make it. Make it seem more serious, make her trust him, make him just Seem. I don't know, like he was committed. So why wouldn't she move in with him? Why wouldn't she marry him? It's just funny. What else? What else? Oh, I googled.

B (68:45)

Make himself look better. Sorry, go ahead.

A (68:47)

No, it's okay. The device that detects if you have a tracker on your car. I didn't really know that that was a thing. And it's right here on Amazon for $39.99.

B (68:57)

Yeah, you can. Anything that connects to something like that, you can. You can usually find pretty easily.

A (69:03)

Well, that's good to know. What else? Oh, let's talk about the poisoning. Allegedly.

B (69:09)

Allegedly. So, guys, I don't believe in coincidences. What are the chances, like, all of a sudden, like, you never felt that way before, you're with this guy, and then all of a sudden you break up with him and you've never felt that way since? Like, what are the chances? Do you know what I mean? Like, there's. I mean, if it looks like duck and quacks like a duck, it's a.

C (69:27)

But.

A (69:27)

But we don't know.

B (69:28)

We don't know that for sure. This is for entertainment purposes only. We don't know. Whatever. We can't prove it. Whatever. But.

A (69:34)

And we'll never know. But.

B (69:36)

Come on. It'll take a fricking rocket surgeon. Let's be real.

A (69:38)

Well, I think it's interesting that there are. We were talking about this a little while we weren't recording, but there are types of poisonings that can, like, cause pretty much all the symptoms she talked about, including UTIs. And I think if you are ever in that position, it's interesting that you can. Your doctor's not going to assume you're being poisoned. That's crazy.

B (69:57)

I don't. Well, because they don't. Who would say. Who would think that right away? You know what I mean? Like, then it's like, oh, it's immediately. I would like, for me, it's murder. It's immediately attempted.

A (70:07)

Absolutely. But now we're getting there.

B (70:10)

A doctor would just be like, oh, that's, you know, it's nothing.

A (70:12)

Yeah. I don't know. But you can request a panel that checks, like, environmental factors.

B (70:18)

Yes.

A (70:19)

Called. And that if you feel like you might want to know for sure if that's something that's happening. I really hope nobody relates to that. But people are crazy. People are crazy. And I think he, you know, wanted her to be dependent. Like I said, he wanted her to be under his control so that he could live in her house and Take all her money. That was his whole job.

B (70:42)

That's all he wanted, was to steal the 30 grand from her.

A (70:45)

How do you steal $30,000 from a single mother who has been through what she's been through? Like, how do you.

B (70:52)

Like how. I don't know where he got the audacity, but he needs to put it back.

A (70:57)

He needs to lock it away. Yeah. I mean, and I bet he's the type that would do this again as long as he can.

C (71:06)

Yep.

A (71:07)

And, yeah, we talk about it a lot. It's hard to know what to do in a case like this because she's in a much better place. He doesn't have any money, I bet. And even if he does steal someone else's money, it's not in his name. So he's not getting. She's not getting anything. It's his license for insurance, his job. Maybe there's something to report there, but we'll keep you posted.

B (71:32)

Yeah.

A (71:32)

If anything comes up with him, it.

B (71:34)

Would be interesting to know if we can. If we can file a complaint against him, like, if that's what she wanted to do. And you could file against the insurance board or something.

A (71:44)

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sad for her that she's. But how? Like, she, like, came on with a smile. She's so sweet. I just. I love you guys. You guys make me feel like I can do anything. I watch so many of our guests go through hell and back with a smile, and I'm like, these are the strongest people.

B (72:04)

You're strong, too, Hannah. We're all stronger than we believe. And I just. I honestly feel like there's something to telling yourself every day. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are confident. The more you hear it, the more it becomes true. You just keep saying it, even if you don't believe it at first. The more you hear it, it's that. It's that illusory truth effect and just keep telling, and it works.

A (72:25)

Talk to yourself in the mirror like you're talking to your friend.

B (72:28)

Talk to yourself in the mirror like you're talking to yourself at 4 years old. Are you going to tell her she's fat, ugly, and incompetent and stupid because she let a boy hurt her? No, you're going to say, it's okay, girl. You get back up. Like, do you know what I mean? So if we keep treating ourselves and each other like that, then we're going to be better for. So that's what our guests do.

A (72:45)

For me, I just heard something in a book where she referred to that negative self talk we have as emotional abuse, which is not mind blowing. But I just had never thought of it that way because she was like, if you think about the ways that you have talked to yourself and you think about saying that to a partner or somebody in your life, that would be horrible. Like, some of the things that we say to ourselves are the most abusive things we've probably ever thought or said. And when you. I don't know, at least for me, that resonated to frame it that way, it's just like, oh, God, like, that's not me. I don't want to be that. And I don't deserve that. And I know that. And none of us do. So that's a start. That's the start for protecting ourselves against this. But I'm so happy she found somebody.

B (73:32)

Yeah, me too. And that's kind of. That's a good point too, is that, like, I bet she won't let this guy do nothing to her. Do you know what I mean? Like, because you learn a lesson from every situation. So anyways, thank you, Scarlett, for sharing your story. And I'm curious to know how many. How much.

C (73:48)

How.

B (73:48)

How much percent.

C (73:51)

How many.

B (73:52)

Wait, is it. How many of our audience or how much of our audience has experienced something like this?

A (73:56)

Of our audience has experience? Or you could have said maybe what percentage of our audience.

B (74:03)

Just how many of y' all experienced this before? I want to know how many y' all have.

A (74:07)

Have you get it? Exactly. Has anyone ever like, hacked your Venmo or taken your phone to use your Venmo to Venmo something like, I'm sure.

B (74:17)

Like, I would like to know. Anyways, you can send us your stories, your dogfish stories. Investigate at the Dating Detectors podcast dot com. We love you so much. And as always, trust your intuition, Sam.