The Cult of the Twitter Vegan: Part 1

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dating Detectives

Episode: The Cult of the Twitter Vegan: Part 1
Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz, Hanna Anderson
Guest: Claudia
Release Date: October 6, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this gripping two-part series opener, hosts Mackenzie and Hanna sit down with Claudia, who shares her harrowing story of deception, manipulation, and survival after falling for a charismatic "Twitter vegan stud." Through Claudia’s firsthand account, the episode explores the red flags, psychological tactics, and dangers of love-bombing and financial abuse in modern dating—especially within marginalized queer communities. The conversation unpacks how isolation, emotional vulnerability, and social media personas can set the stage for disastrous relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

[05:16] Claudia’s Introduction: Vulnerability and the Twitter Connection

• Claudia, age 27 in 2019, was vulnerable after leaving a toxic relationship and found comfort in Melissa, an upbeat, popular, masculine-presenting lesbian ("stud") on Twitter.
• "She’s saying everything I need to hear right now in this super vulnerable moment…" — Claudia [06:00]
• The romance developed rapidly—texting escalated into intense emotional and romantic involvement within weeks.

[07:49] Early Red Flags

• Melissa discloses a history of turbulent relationships, including claims of being victimized by a racist, religious ex-wife and a second marriage "just for insurance."

• Repeated stories of exes refusing to sign divorce papers provide ready-made excuses for unresolved entanglements.

• Claudia describes her initial unease upon visiting Melissa: an empty apartment, distant behavior, and pressured veganism.

  “I was immensely hungry on this trip." — Claudia [09:28]

[11:55] Escalation: Love-Bombing and Rapid Commitment

• After an awkward initial meeting, Melissa pours on love-bombing through frequent, emotionally intense messages and plans for a future together, encouraging Claudia to move to Tennessee after just a month.
• Claudia seeks a fresh start and opportunities for career advancement, making her more susceptible to Melissa’s persuasion.

[17:21] Patterns of Control and Isolation

• Once living together, Melissa displays emotional detachment, discourages Claudia's natural extroversion, and weaponizes her vulnerabilities, urging her to abandon her former relationships and question her own worth.

  "She would take everything that I told her and use it against me… pinpointing where your trauma is, and she would poke at it." — Claudia [19:14]

• Acts of isolation intensify, along with guilt-tripping and gaslighting about Claudia’s love languages and needs.

[23:01] Manipulation and Financial Exploitation Begin

• Melissa steers joint decisions in her favor—pushing for couple tattoos (with several preceding exes having her name tattooed as well), and persuading Claudia to pay for all furniture and daily necessities.
• On the pretext of throwing a housewarming party, Claudia is left to shoulder all financial responsibility for furnishing their new home.

[33:22] The Proposal & Transactional “Love”

• In a dramatic, public display, Melissa proposes at a housewarming with strangers; Claudia feels pressured to accept despite misgivings, rationalizing her acquiescence due to circumstance and ongoing love-bombing.

• Melissa quickly maneuvers for personal gain, referencing an offhand deal for a truck as an engagement "gift" and insisting Claudia sign for the vehicle.

  “I felt obligated… it was all to scam me." — Claudia [37:24]

[43:45] Financial Control, Pregnancy, and Further Isolation

• Melissa encourages Claudia to cut ties with friends and family, framing her as the source of negativity. Claudia finances donor sperm, fertility treatments, and failed attempts at IUI solely from her own accounts.

• COVID-19 amplifies Claudia’s depression and feelings of isolation; Melissa remains emotionally distant, urging pregnancy as a distraction or solution.

• Claudia, vulnerable and desperate for love, ultimately conceives and has a baby with Melissa still married to a previous partner.

  "I felt invisible in my home. I felt invisible to Melissa." — Claudia [54:46]

[58:55] Financial Deprivation and Stay-at-Home Motherhood

• Melissa urges Claudia to quit her well-paying job—ostensibly for mental health and childcare—without providing financial support. Claudia spends down savings to support herself and the baby, as Melissa avoids all responsibilities.

[63:43] Nashville Relocation & Financial Ruin

• Both secure jobs in Nashville, but Melissa reveals she has $0 to contribute to the move—forcing Claudia to take out a loan for the relocation.

  "Melissa looks at me and she says: $0. And why? I look around... I'm like, excuse me, one more time?" — Claudia [64:14]

[67:25] The Breaking Point — Credit Issues and Real Estate Trouble

• Melissa’s poor credit (in the 500s) prevents them from leasing homes together; Claudia is forced to secure a property solo, pay a steep deposit and additional school fees, all while shouldering the physical and emotional burden of the move.
• A confrontation over a Wi-Fi router triggers an outpouring of Claudia’s pent-up frustration and the beginning of her emotional exit.

[75:26] Rebuilding Support, Emotional Separation

• Claudia reconnects with her old network for support, enters a period of platonic cohabitation with Melissa (using a 50/50 parental schedule), and begins dating a new partner, Amber, experiencing similar struggles.

[81:01] Melissa’s Unraveling and Manipulation

• Caught off guard by Claudia’s candid move to date others, Melissa reacts with rage, fakes a breakdown and claims admittance to a mental health facility, making suspicious claims about ketamine therapy and restrictions.

  "Why do you have your phone? Genuinely, it's two o'clock in the morning and you're sending me dissertations... Where is the nurse?" — Claudia [85:18]

[86:58] Asset Manipulation & Escalation of Abuse

• Melissa attempts to extort Claudia for her engagement ring under a false story about buying her a BMW, is asked to leave the home after a serious domestic dispute (including physical violence witnessed by their child), but delays leaving and stonewalls divorce proceedings.

  "My lawyer told me... in domestic disputes, somebody is supposed to leave in a cop car. The cops did not handle it at all..." — Claudia [90:00]

[93:42] Information Leaks and New Complications

• As the divorce drags on, Claudia discovers Melissa and her new girlfriend are exchanging secrets and sensitive information with Amber’s ex-wife, plotting and surveilling their lives for over a year.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rapid Emotional Attachment and Love-Bombing:
  "She’s saying everything I need to hear right now in this super vulnerable moment…" — Claudia [06:00]

• Red Flags on Repeat:
  "So you're telling me... four or five girls have your name tattooed? I felt sick. I felt fucking sick." — Claudia [24:14]

• Isolation Setting In:
  "I didn't even recognize myself. I was losing weight. I actually shaved all my hair off. I did a full Britney Spears." — Claudia [49:00]

• Breaking Point and Burnout:
  "You had one fucking job and that was to take care of us, and you couldn't even do that... And the audacity to ask me about a fucking WiFi router…" — Claudia [74:28]

• Manipulation and Financial Abuse:
  "Melissa looks at me and she says, $0. And why? I look around... I'm like, excuse me, one more time." — Claudia [64:14]

• Childlike Rage and Empty Promises:
  "You're stupid. So I absolutely lose my shit. I had just had it." — Claudia [74:28]

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Important Timestamps

• [05:16] Claudia begins her story: vulnerability, meeting Melissa on Twitter
• [09:28] Red flags in Melissa's apartment; early vegan control and emotional distance
• [11:55] Melissa reveals second current marriage; Claudia rationalizes, stays
• [16:02] Claudia moves to Tennessee
• [19:14] Manipulation begins: love language weaponization
• [23:01] Melissa presses for tattoos; reveals multiple exes with same mark
• [29:10] Claudia is pressured to pay for all shared household expenses
• [33:22] Public proposal, followed by transactional demand for a truck
• [43:45] Claudia pays for all fertility efforts; feels increasingly isolated
• [54:46] Claudia's depression deepens; only support is Melissa
• [63:43] Move to Nashville; Melissa confesses to having no money
• [68:09] Rental crisis triggers panic attack and urgent self-reliance
• [75:26] Claudia reconnects to family and old friends
• [81:01] Melissa’s unhinged reaction to Claudia dating, fake facility story
• [90:00] Physical violence and police ineffectiveness
• [93:42] Discovery of exes’ information exchange, deepening distrust

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Tone and Style

• The episode is candid, darkly humorous, and raw—mirroring Claudia’s storytelling voice and the supportive, informal banter between Mackenzie and Hanna.
• The hosts balance empathy with practical analysis, regularly pausing to validate red flags, break down manipulation tactics, and underscore the warning signs (“I’m low-key an Amber fan… I’m not a Melissa fan, obviously” — A [98:37]).
• The episode intersperses serious, emotional moments with irreverent asides (“Did you get the WiFi router?”… “Go fuck yourself. It was just like, I had it” — Claudia [74:28]), giving listeners both catharsis and actionable insights.

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Next Episode Teasers

• Part 2 will include more revelations: other victims coming forward about Melissa, the escalation of abuse, and the eventual escape.
• Listeners are encouraged to send in their own stories and tips, with assurances of confidentiality and support.

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Final Host Takeaways

• The overarching message: If you recognize manipulative patterns in your relationships—whether financial exploitation, rapid isolation, emotional gaslighting, or being asked to sacrifice your support system—trust your intuition and reach out for help.
• The hosts remind listeners of the importance of community validation and the danger of suffering in silence.

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For listeners affected by abuse or manipulation, resources and the podcast’s community are offered for support and sharing.

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End of Part 1. Catch Part 2 for the conclusion of Claudia’s story and further detective work on The Cult of the Twitter Vegan.

Transcript

[A]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-77733 for support.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Happy Dating Detectives Monday.

[A]

Happy dating Detectives Monday, y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

Hannah got new glasses. She looks so freaking cute.

[A]

And you got a new tattoo, which is so freaking cute as well. It's very Halloweeny.

[C]

I got two new tattoos, me and my best friend. Y' all know the nail junkie I always talk about on my social. She does my press on nails and she's my best friend of 30 years. Anyways, every time we're together we go get matching tattoos. And so we got the mean girls because it's October 3rd, it's Mean Girls day. So it's the get in loser with the pink coffin tattoo. And then we got a flash tattoo for Halloween. So it's really cute.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Happy early Halloween, October. We've got a lot coming up. You're going to be in la?

[C]

Yes, I'm coming to la. I'm so excited. I'm in. If you guys don't know, I'm in Tampa and Molly and Hannah are in la. So when we get together, when I'm able to go to LA and visit them, it's always really cool to, you know, be in the same room.

[A]

We should tell people about the self defense hang just because we haven't put it on an episode yet.

[C]

The Don't Get Killed Club. That's such a cool name. It's so catchy.

[B]

I really like. Will you tell us about it, please?

[A]

Yes. I, after doing this podcast a little bit, I was like, man, I really wish I knew self defense. And I think more people should. So I put my money where my mouth was and I just found a self defense coach and said, hey, if I get people to show up, will you teach us? So we've been doing it, probably we've done like five now. But on October 15th in LA, Wednesday at 6:30pm in West Hollywood, MacKenzie's gonna be there, Molly's gonna be there, I'm gonna be there. And it's 35. All the profits go to the domestic violence hotline. So if you want to come take a self Defense workshop and then meet us and hang out with us in West Hollywood. Yeah, we'll put the link in the show notes and on social media and everything. But we're gonna do a self defense club.

[C]

Not for nothing, but October is domestic violence awareness month. So this is a great time to really talk about it. And, you know, I mean, talk about it all the time, but obviously because it's, you know, the month of awareness for domestic violence, just want to put it out there that you can protect yourself and there's options. So let's do it, you know, And.

[A]

Bri, the girl who teaches it her, you can find her self defense with Bri is what she goes by. It's so practical. Like, it's all very much. It's not about like being the strongest or winning a fight. It's just like, how do you gtfo basically, how do you get yourself out of situations safely? Ideally de escalate before anything even happens. But it's all. It was very much like hair pull. Like, it's very basic practical scenarios that I just feel so much better about. And also I give everybody free pepper spray.

[C]

So like, oh, my God, I love it. And there's only 35 spots, so get your booty signed up. If we're not already sold out, we'll.

[A]

See by the time this episode drops. Anyway, enough about that. What else? Other housekeeping.

[C]

Oh, a dating debrief. So our producer, Molly has another she's got a love connection dating debrief situation. So if you're in Southern California and you're looking for love, like, legitimately and you want to be part of dating debrief. Can you send your email to castingating debrief.com and let us know a little bit about you so we can get some info and maybe, I don't know, do a little love connection.

[A]

I think it's fun. And if, like, Molly has put all this together, I would trust her with anything. Yeah, I would definitely trust her with my dating life. So you guys should send a casting.

[C]

Hundred percent.

[A]

I think that's it. Join Patreon. We love you on Patreon. This is a two parter.

[C]

Yeah, this one today is a two parter. Sorry, not sorry.

[A]

A lot of you actually love it. So trust me, when we were doing this, it was like there was so much Claudia, our guest, iconic, fabulous storyteller has what happened to her and just we talked about, I think you said while we were recording, like, your voice is your weapon, man. Her weapon is sharp. Like, she has used it to the Max. And I'm so glad that she's here.

[C]

I like that she's. She's basically not shutting up. So I think that's great. Yeah, I'm honestly, I do.

[A]

And quick trigger warning. There is some abuse involving children and disgusting physical abuse a little bit. It might not come in this part one. And there's other stuff. We're going to definitely do a big debrief at the end.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So should we go ahead and jump into it?

[B]

I would.

[C]

I would love to go ahead and.

[A]

Jump into part one.

[C]

Hi, Claudia. Thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Hello.

[C]

We would like to give you the floor now. Will you please take us on your journey?

[B]

Yes. So I was 27 years old when this story began. In 2019, I was pretty successful for my age. I had just got out of a relationship with a very toxic ex. And basically through my job, I did a lot of traveling. I was in a long distance relationship. I was just living this life of chaos and I was just ready to slow down. Also, my self esteem, my self worth, everything was really low at the time. So I'm on Twitter and I see this really positive, super tattooed vegan sort of brand stud on Twitter and. And everyone's like, oh, my God, you're saying the right things. I love it. And I was like, okay, this is sort of piquing my interest. They end up sending me a message and we become friends. I'm like venting to them about my toxic ex and they're like, positive. Right? So they're like, oh, my God, you deserve better. You're so amazing, you know, wow. I've never met anybody like you before.

[A]

Was this person like a famous tweeter, like where they have a big following or just kind of, you know, Twitter across your page? Yeah, people have like their little corners of Twitter.

[B]

It's like a little corner. They were popular in sort of that like, lesbian area, which is sort of small.

[A]

Tell the people what a stud is in case any of our listeners.

[B]

Basically a masculine presenting woman. So we're dming. It's going good. She's saying everything I need to hear right now in this super vulnerable moment. And so obviously, as lesbians do, we start liking each other and moving very quickly. So we're texting and it's getting serious very fast. And I'm not talking like, oh, is it a couple months? I'm talking like a couple weeks. She ends up telling me, hey, this is getting hot and heavy, but I want to let you know that I've been married before. And basically, I'm divorced, and I'm like, oh, okay, what's the situation with that? And she ends up telling me, oh, well, I married this girl. I really wanted to be with her, but she comes from this Christian family, and they were racist because her name is Melissa. Okay? Melissa is African American. And so the woman that she married was white. And she said that her family was racist. They were pastors, and they were very against her being gay. So it led to issues in their relationships. And basically, she said that the girl decided that it wasn't for her anymore, took everything out of her account and ran away home. And Melissa.

[A]

Everything out of her.

[C]

She took all her money?

[B]

Yeah. So Melissa's like, this girl took all my money and ran away. And it was really hard on me. And she wouldn't sign the divorce, and I had to serve her in the paper, and, you know, this whole dramatic divorce. And I'm like, oh, man, that's. That's sad. Okay, what's one divorce in our late 20s, you know? Cool. So I end up telling her, hey, I want to come see you. At the time, I live in Virginia, and she lives in Tennessee. So I'm like, I'm gonna fly out and come see you. I get there, and immediately the vibes are off. It is just really weird. And I think I said it before, like, she's a vegan. She has all these really particulars. I end up getting to her in her apartment, and it's empty. It's empty.

[C]

What do you mean, empty?

[B]

Like, there's no furniture. Like, she just has the essentials. A bed, a dresser, like a staged.

[C]

House or something very, like.

[B]

I would say bachelor, but not even that good. I'm talking one pot, one pan. Oh, yes. And I'm kind of like, you know, I would say that I was more privileged. So I was like, okay, like, maybe let me not be too hard on her. So I'm trying not to, you know, get on to her. Like, what's going on here? Because we're just meeting, so her apartment's empty. There's not a lot of food. And I'm like, hey, what's going on? And she's like, oh, I'm a vegan. It's really hard for me to find things to eat that are healthy. I'm very strict about my diet. And at this point, she was already feeding me this, like, be a vegan. Be a vegan. It's good for you. So I was, like, kind of leaning into it, even though I didn't really want to be a vegan. I was immensely hungry on this trip.

[C]

But sometimes we do stuff that's like. You know, we're like, okay, it's fine. And it'll impress the person. It's not a big deal.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, what's cauliflower in comparison to steak? You know? So, like, that's fine. I love. But she's being super weird. She's not really being. No, she's just. She's almost being distant, quiet. Oh, okay. And the intimacy was awful. Like, we just were not clicking. It was not going good. And I have an anxious attachment style. So I'm like, what's wrong with you? Are you okay? And she's like, I'm fine. Like, when you keep asking me, it's kind of frustrating me. Like, I'm fine. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm not feeling good about this. And she was like, you've just never been in a real situation with someone that's liked you before. Like, you don't know what love is. She's very, like, rash. Like, you don't know what love is. And Because I was like, listen, usually when you meet somebody, you're kind of in this honeymoon phase and totally. Really.

[A]

Maybe a little awkward if you hadn't met in person yet, but you get through that, and it's like a cute awkwardness.

[B]

Exactly. And I'm really good at making things less awkward. And she was just really, like, it was not good. I did not leave feeling good. So I end up leaving. And the same night that I get home, she calls me and she's crying. She's like, I need to tell you something. It was sort of the reason why I was a little weird. She's like, I'm. I'm married. And I was like, well, yeah, you said you were married and then got divorced. And she was like, no, I'm. I'm married to someone else.

[C]

And I was, like, currently married. And I'm.

[B]

Yeah, like a second. And I saw. I was like, like a second wife. And she was like, yes, but let me explain. I am only married to this woman because she needed insurance. She was super sick all the time. And, yeah, we did date, but I married her so she could have insurance. And we were supposed to get annulled, and we ended up staying in the relationship longer than is required, and now we can't get annulled. And I'm trying to.

[C]

Now you have to get divorced.

[B]

Now you have to get divorced. And she's like. And the girl is refusing to Sign the papers.

[C]

Why?

[A]

This is a trend here, right?

[B]

And I was like, okay, once again, she's crying and she's like, I just wanted to help her out. I just wanted to do something good. And I'm like, okay, you know what? This super positive vegan stud is probably just in an unfortunate situation. And I'm like, you know what? Okay, that's fine. Everyone has their baggage.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

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[B]

And then when she spilled this whole I'm still married and I accepted it, she started laying everything on really thick because now she knew what she could get away with. So really, the phone calls became more frequent. She was sending voice memos that were super long and oh, my gosh, I love you. I just woke up. I'm thinking about you. Here's a selfie. This could be us. I can't wait to take you here. I can't wait to take you there. What color comforter do you think works? Almost being like, oh, let me show you what you're missing out on. So there was a part of me that should have ended it, but I think with all of the text messages that I was getting, I just felt like the trip was an anomaly. It felt almost like maybe this is supposed to be better or it will get better. And this was just, they're awkward and maybe my vibes are off or maybe I am trying to get over my ex a little bit. So to me, I felt like I was missing something and like, maybe I should just keep trying. Like I said, she's feeding so much positivity and being like, so outside of the weekend, being so light hearted that it just felt like she's a good fit, you know, Especially because before Melissa, I was in a relationship where the person was very negative. They were very hard on me, they made me feel inadequate. They would call me names and be like, oh, you're kind of stupid and all this stuff. So I just really had become super pessimistic about everything. So when I met Melissa, her whole entire brand was, like, uplifting everybody. It felt really good for somebody to appreciate what I was bringing to the table because I didn't feel appreciated before. So we end up discussing the possibility of me moving to Tennessee. Now, like I said, before two weeks, we're probably looking at about like a month at this point. She's like, you should.

[C]

She's been only talking for a month.

[B]

We've been only yes. And I've only seen her once. And she's like, oh, remember that U.

[A]

Hauling thing I said earlier?

[B]

It was yes. And she's like, you should move out here. We could live together. You could start over. You know, your life is really complicated there. You can be your true self.

[A]

I have a question. Age of Melissa. What does Melissa do for work? Like, what's that situation?

[B]

So I was 27, Melissa was 28. She worked in retail, so she wasn't like jobless or anything. She was making decent income. I was making more, but it wasn't a huge conversation. So she was like, you should move to Tennessee. And I'm like, okay. So I end up applying internally at the company that I was at to move internally to go to Tennessee. They did so happen to have a job. I end up accepting it and they are going to relocate me. The company is going to pay to relocate to Tennessee. Yeah. And it did feel like an opportunity to leave because I was having a lot of friendship issues. My parents were kind of touch and go because they weren't exactly comfortable with me being gay. I just had a lot going on. My fight or flight kicked in and I was ready to. I was ready to go. So, like, it was opportunistic for you.

[C]

You were like, you know what, things are not going good here anyways. Might as well take this chance.

[B]

And I actually had visited Tennessee a lot before and I did already have an impression that I liked it a little bit. So. So I wasn't just diving in. I mean, I was on her specifically, but with everything that was going on, it just felt with her giving me all of this attention and it was something that I really needed. And then I kind of wanted a fresh start. And then honestly too, with my job, I felt like I could go higher. And this was giving me an opportunity to get a promotion. And it's like, oh, I would love to take this new, harder challenge if I have somebody in my corner really rooting me on. So. So I felt like I could genuinely be successful, which I think Melissa knew that I could be successful too. And so she just laid it on really thick. So I end up going down there. I moved down there. I'm excited and the vibes are off. So I am like a super exuberant person. And I like to download my day. I like to know about your day. And she was never interested. I would come home and be like, oh, let me tell you about today. And she just seemed almost bothered. And so my response to her being bothered would be, what's wrong with you? Are you okay? And then it would start off with her being like, you're always asking me what's wrong with me? And I told you nothing. I just need quiet. You come home, you do all this talking, maybe you should talk less. Maybe you need to sit within your peace. She was isolating me without me even being isolated from my family yet. And also a big deal was my love. Languages are acts of service and gifts. And I would tell her, hey, it would be nice to get flowers or something every now and again. And she would say stuff like, all of those love languages never worked out for you before. You should really think about it. That's what you really want. And she would take everything that I told her and use it against me. It was very much like pinpointing where your trauma is. And then she would poke at it. So she knew that I kind of had a rocky relationship with my parents and, and she knew that those situations made me sad, so she would use them and then blame me for them. So you are not accepting of love and you've never known love, therefore you're not really loving and you don't know what you're doing. And it was very much like calling you stupid or telling you that. Just almost the same thing that I came from and the relationship before that, which is, oh, you're stupid, oh, you're dumb. And, but in a way that it's like positively spun. And so everything was sort of self help. Oh, if you're struggling with the way that you look today, maybe you should delete your Instagram. If you're struggling with feeling sad about the people that you're not around anymore, maybe you should sit down and think about what type of people you should have around you or, or what they did to you to make you upset. So I feel like she really took what she knew hurt you and threw it at you. And it sort of just to, for me, I'll be honest, I talk a lot. I'm a little bit extroverted. All of the self help and her telling me that we are never gonna know how to love and all that stuff, it just made me stop talking over time. And then I would be like, oh, well, I don't wanna make you mad. Like, I want you to, you know, I want you to love me, I want you to care about me. And she would just ice me out. And she would ice me out for hours to the point where I would be like grasping for attention. And it was just kind of that feeling of I'm not really feeling loved the way that you told me in the text messages. I'm feeling very much like I was sold something and got a lemon.

[C]

Wait, is this like a thing where she was like, oh, come here. And then she didn't expect you to say yes? Maybe.

[B]

I, I, I would argue that, I would argue that I, I would argue that the opportunist was her because I was really well off. I had A home. I left a home. I had a company that moved me. They were giving me a lot of sign on money.

[A]

Oh, yeah, she benefits from.

[B]

She's benefiting from it. And of course she's like, oh, we can split the rent. You know, this, you know, living together in this economy, you know, splitting the rent. So I'm kind of grasping onto these little moments of her being happy, trying to get that Melissa from the textbook back. And that's around the time when she brings up the tattoos again. So I want to say right in the beginning, she sent me a text message overnight and said, what do you think about this? And it was my initials. What do you think about this font? And I was like, oh, you know, that's cute. And it was kind of like this laugh, like, haha, you should get mine too. And there's something flattering about somebody getting a tattoo for you. It's kind of, you know, mentally ill of all of us, I think, a little bit. So she sent that, and I was flattered. And then she was like, you should get mine too. And it was very much like she texted me about it, and I felt like it was super special, but I didn't think she was gonna do it. It was one of those things again, people talk stuff like that all the time in text messages when you're just flirting, like, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'd get your name tattooed. And then one morning in Tennessee, she just wakes up all happy and excited and she's like, let's go today and get those tattoos. She would wake up with this all of a sudden energy, right? And I'm like, oh, look, Melissa's happy today. And she's like, let's go get our names tattooed. And it's like, oh, shit. Okay, let me put on my. Let me put on my pants. And oh, I'll pay for it. Oh, she's giving me a gift. She's giving me a gift. She's happy today. And I also have a lot of tattoos, so I was like, okay. Like, no biggie. I guess I'd never tattooed anybody's name before, so new experience for me. Now, mind you, the tattoo artist she knew, and I remember she only ended up getting my initials, but I ended up getting her name, and it was very much played that way. And I went in getting it small, and I remember the tattoo artist being like, ugh, we have to make it bigger if it's gonna be straight. We have to make it bigger if it's gonna be straight. And it ended up Being a lot bigger than I anticipated. And she just got like my little measly initials on her hand, which was fun. Fully tattooed, right? You could barely see it. So I actually, when we got in the car, I'll never forget this. I felt bad. I was like, hey, like, I'm not. I did not anticipate it being this big. I kind of feel weird that you only got my initials and I got your whole name. And it ended up being a conversation where she mentioned someone else having a tattoo, like a girlfriend. And I was like, oh, I didn't realize. But she was like, yeah, this girl has my name tattooed. And this girl. And these were not like wives. These were girlfriends. Like, random girlfriends. And I started doing the math. I'm like, so you're telling me the same day of the tattoo that four or five girls have your name tattooed? I felt sick. I felt fucking sick. I was like, holy shit, this doesn't feel special at all. And I remember it was very much like she just kind of brushed it off her shoulder, like, yeah, well, you know, I'm popular, so why wouldn't people have my name tattooed? I felt so awful that day. I remember just. I was so sick when she was just casually like, yeah, other girls have my name. And I'm like, great. I feel like I am a part of a cult.

[A]

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[B]

So like I said, I'm there. I'm not really enjoying the experience, but at this point I'm going to work. Everything's fine for the most part, but we're just bickering. It's just not going. So I end up telling her this apartment is too small for me and it's like 600 square feet. I'm like, maybe the reason we're arguing is because it's too small in here. And honestly, in the back of my mind I'm like, it's not that it's too small. I genuinely think that maybe we're not a good fit, so I should just live Somewhere else.

[C]

So I'm like, so hard to admit too. Especially when you meet.

[A]

Oh yeah, you want to find other excuses first.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like it's definitely just the apartment.

[B]

Yes, for sure. And so I was like, I'm going to look for another apartment. We can just date in different homes. And she was like, okay, like I understand that. Really understanding and super nice all of a sudden. And all of a sudden wanting to be more intimate. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to go look at apartments. And she's like, I'll come with you. You, it'll be fine. And I'm like, okay, cool. Of course she comes with me. Apartment shopping. And she's like, oh, like, what's a two bedroom look like? What if we just got in a bigger place together and split the rent? And I'm like, okay, you know, let me think about it. The next day she was like, hey, the apartment complex that I live at also has townhomes. And I already talked to them and they're willing to put you on the lease. And we can get in this bigger townhome, we can split the rent. We all is well and we can just see where this takes us. Okay? And I'm like, I feel like because.

[A]

You like pulled away a little bit just by saying yeah, now she's like.

[B]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. So I'm like, okay. I end up telling the company. They're like, okay, we're going to ship your stuff down to this town home. And we start prepping to move. It's about a week. Okay, Like a week move. So when I decided that's a big process too. Yes. And so my company's sending this stuff down, but I decided to leave a lot behind. I was like, oh, I'm not gonna bring couches and like huge furniture. I'll just buy some stuff when I get there. And knowing that she didn't really have anything either, I was like, cool, we can buy furniture together, start over, start over, have a fresh start. And so we get in this town home and I'm like, okay, we gotta buy couches and get this stuff done. And she was like, yeah, we really do. Because we're gonna have a housewarming party on Sunday. Okay, so this is Monday. We're gonna have a housewarming party on Sunday. Mind you, I'm now in Tennessee. I don't know anybody. I'm sort of just there on my own accord. And I'm like, okay, we're gonna have a housewarming party for strangers. We don't have any furniture. It's Monday. And you're like, we need to have this ready by Sunday. And she's like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. So we're like, couch shopping, bed shopping, mattress shopping. And I'm like, okay, let's go to the furniture store tomorrow. We can work on the cost and everything when we get there. That day that we're going to the furniture store, she goes, oh, I'm hung up at work. I can't go. If you could go to the furniture store, pick out everything, you can just facetime me and we'll look at the stuff together and decide on stuff. And I'm like, okay, well, you know, are you gonna apple pay me? Like, how are we gonna split this cost? And she's like, oh, it's all the same pot of money. You know, I can buy the other stuff. You just gotta buy this. Nope, right? And I'm like, okay, whatever. I need a couch.

[C]

We're not married.

[B]

We've been together. We're not married. We don't have a joint account. I don't know what this is. So I go to the furniture store and I buy the furniture, I buy the couches, I buy the lamps, I buy the side tables. You name it, I bought it all. Expedited it to be delivered in a couple days. So I'm unpacking. We're getting everything in there. They're moving all this stuff in. At this point, Melissa hasn't spent a dime, so I'm spending on everything. And mind you, I'm also buying food on the side because she's only buying vegan food. And I'm just, like, genuinely hungry. But it was very, like, pushed on. Like, why would you have that in the house? Like, that's so nasty. Like, cheese, you know, it's just, like, really berating me for wanting other foods.

[A]

It's one thing to be proud of your choice, but you can't yuck other people. Like, yeah, there's a limit to forcing it on other people.

[B]

And it's like, let me be unhealthy and eat some taco meat. It's gonna be okay. She's really big about it, so moving in, she's not really buying anything. But mind you, we're getting everything set up for this housewarming party on Sunday. And honestly, it's happening so fast, and I'm so stressed, and we're kind of going back and forth, and she's like, listen, I know this is hard, but I've started over before I Had my first wife take everything that I own and move on with everything. And I'm like, you know what? You're right. I'm here to start over. You know, mind you, by the way, she's still married to the second wife. She's. This is still in the background happening.

[C]

Like, this is a legal marriage. And they're like, it's still on paper. Like, it's still.

[B]

And she's just like, yeah. The girl's not answering me. What am I to do? So I'm like, okay.

[A]

You're like, okay, it's not your fault.

[B]

Yeah. Like, it's not like the girl is calling or I'm seeing her stuff or anything. She's like, it's. There's no sign of her anywhere. And I would assume if they were in a real marriage, this girl would be like, how dare you? You know?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it was, like, quiet. So I was like, okay, maybe it really is nothing. So I get everything ready. I'm putting out all the food for the housewaring party. It's Sunday. I get dressed. I'm meeting all these people for the first time, and we are playing charades with these people. I don't know, in a state I'm not from. And Melissa proposes while she's still married. Yes. And. All right. All right.

[A]

After a month in front of strangers during charades.

[B]

Yes. And it was actually the duration of this time frame at this point is about five months. So from talking the very first Twitter message to proposal, it's been about five months. So I'm sitting there in front of all these strangers playing this shit game of charades, and I'm like, what do I do? So I'm like, okay, what did you do? So me, I freeze. And I'm like, of course, at this point, I'm like, genuinely at a loss for words.

[C]

Everybody would be, I think.

[B]

And I'm like, okay, I'm in. I'm living in this house in a state I'm not from with all these people.

[A]

I say, yes, girl, I get it. Because it's like, even if in the back of your mind, you're like, yeah, this is a conversation we can have later. Like, let's just.

[B]

Exactly. I'm like, there's all this pressure and. Yeah. And, like, we're just now starting to split the rent. This is a. A lot going on. I'm like, okay.

[A]

And also, I assume you guys are like, I love you so much. Like, you're. Are you not saying I love you yet?

[B]

Or, no, no, we're saying, I love you. I. But I'm still having second thoughts. Like, okay, this love feels weird in comparison to the very. Anybody that's been in lesbian relationships know, they are absolute fairy tales in the first six months, in my experience.

[C]

Well, that's every relationship, ain't it? That's.

[B]

That's my experience, too.

[A]

But coming out of a toxic breakup, like you said, I think it's easy to be like, well, maybe I. I don't know what a healthy relationship.

[C]

That's a good point. That's a good point.

[B]

And that's how I felt. And I was like, maybe this is what settling and slowing down is like, right?

[A]

Maybe it's boring. Maybe it feels fine.

[B]

Exactly. And that was kind of her thing. She was like, oh, you know, you're only wanting all these big things, things because of social media. You should tone down on social media and, you know, all that stuff, who.

[A]

She thinks she is. Okay, continue.

[B]

And so the day or the night she proposed, I don't even remember that much. I think it was just all a lot rushing at once. And I think that around that time, right, because she's getting what she wants. She was doing a lot of talking, which isn't normal for her. And it's almost as though she didn't want me to talk about it and that she was just telling me what was going to happen next and I'm still sitting there swirling in my thoughts, but she wasn't letting me think. She was basically like, oh, now that we're engaged, onto the next step. It was very fast. I felt like I had no room to talk, but also I felt like, oh, she's finally invested, so I'll just let this ride out. Because even though I don't really feel like I should have said yes to this proposal, look at how she's acting right now. I could say yes to that. So she was giving me this glimmer of light that made me feel like, okay, maybe it is early and maybe we're not going to get married right now. Right, because she's married. So in my mind, I'm going to wear this engagement ring for a while. So I started making excuses in my mind for not leaving to say, ah, I can always call it off, or I can just leave when I'm ready or stop when I want to. And so the very next day, she basically gives me this other proposal of. Remember when we joked around about me proposing to you and getting married and all this fun things and text messages I mentioned if I got you a ring that you would get me a trip. It's like 18 hours from being proposed to and she's got the trick. I'm sorry. And when I agreed to that, it was under the assumption that sort of like that situation of when you're like, yeah, I'll buy you a million dollar home, you're kind of just saying. And maybe in five years when you propose to me, that seems reasonable.

[C]

It's just kind of being. It's just kind of, what do you call it, Like a banter?

[B]

Not banter, but like, yes, that does seem flirty.

[A]

Especially if you were like joking about getting married and she was like, I don't want a ring, I want a truck. And you're like, okay, babe, I'll get you a truck. Yeah. So casual.

[B]

Yeah. Cause I'm like, she has a car.

[C]

Do you want it to be bulletproof too?

[B]

Yeah, like, you want a Hummer? Like, let's do it. And her telling me that and me being like, yeah, yeah, like, I'll buy you a truck. I felt like I was obligated to almost like, okay, she spent money on me for once. So yeah, I do owe it to her to sign for a truck. That's the least I can do. I can, you know, I would assume that this ring is ten grand. You know what I mean? I've convinced myself that she's made this huge financial deposit when in reality it was all to scam me. So I felt obligated to buy her the truck. And honestly, I just remember thinking, though, when she showed me the truck, I was like, how long has she been looking at these trucks? It wasn't like she just went online and was like, truck.com. she had picked this out a long time ago. She had already had plans for what she was going to do with her car and trade ins and everything. And I'm like, oh, you've really already talked to an agent type situation. I just felt trapped. Like, okay. Like, almost like the paper was in front of me. Here, sign, sign here. Don't read the fine print.

[A]

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Did you know October 10th is World Mental Health Day? So this year, let's say thank you, therapists. I say thank you to therapists every day. My therapist, she shout out I love you. And I. I don't know how I operated without it. I've been with my therapist for three years. But can I tell you how hard it was to initially find a good therapist? It felt like dating. I had to make so many calls and it took a long time to get into offices and nobody worked with my schedule. Then I tried betterhelp and betterhelp made it so easy to not only get an appointment quickly because it's so flexible, but to try multiple therapists. And I think that's okay. Like if you have one therapist session and it's not a fit, that's normal and it's okay to try a few different ones. And I think it's important that people hear that because a lot of people will go to one session and it doesn't feel good and they don't go back. It's like dating. Like you don't know sometimes after the first date. Better Health Therapists have over 5 million people worldwide on their mental health journeys. And they have so many therapists to choose from with so many schedules and it's affordable. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US There's a short questionnaire at the beginning that helps identify your needs and preferences. And their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate mean they typically get it right the first time. But if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations. And I'm just such a strong believer that therapy is such a wonderful, consistent part of life. You might feel like you don't need it all the time. But then when you get to a point where you do need help, having that established relationship with somebody and also that habit of checking in with somebody on a professional level makes all the difference. So thank you to therapists. Especially on this World Mental Health Day, we are celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] TDD that's BetterHelp. H E L P.com TDD.

[B]

So yeah, so I get her this truck and mind you, as these things start happening, me and Melissa are doing better. She's happier with the things that I'm doing. So in my mind I'm like, okay, you know what, maybe if I let this ride out a little bit, it is going to straighten up. We are going to be in love. This is going to make sense. Maybe this is, this is what she's saying it is, right?

[C]

Cause you're justifying it.

[B]

Yeah. She's happy now, right? She's got Me, where she proposed to me. And now she's got this truck, this nice, shiny, brand new truck. And what she was doing is she would give me the good Melissa when I would meet, like, a level in her game, you know, like, oh, I proposed to you and you said, yes, I'm a little happier. You got me a truck. Oh, my God, I'm very happy. And then when there was nothing in between, she was mad and, oh, I don't want to talk to you. So then I'm like, oh, I need to work harder. Let me go make her a vegan meal. Let me pay for something, or let me plan a date or do things that I would want done for me. Because if it just makes her smile a little bit, then I'm feeding into her, maybe giving me a morsel of what she was giving me via text message. So then pretty much around that timeframe, I start calling my friends, and I'm like, hey, by the way, like, I'm engaged. And everyone's like, to who? You just got out of this relationship?

[C]

To this married girl.

[B]

To this. Yeah. And they don't even know that. Right. I'm keeping that to myself because also, yeah, because that's weird. No one knows about this second marriage, by the way. None of Melissa's friends. I don't even think Melissa's family knew about the second marriage. It was like the secret between me and Melissa. So I'm not really telling my friends about this second marriage. I'm like, oh, I met this girl and we love each other. It's a whirlwind. And. And they're like, okay, this is weird, Claudia. And I tell my family, and my family's like, you know, I'll be honest. I'm not really feeling it. You know, they're kind of getting more distant. So I'm telling Melissa. I'm like, listen, man, everybody is not feeling this. You know, I'm venting to my partner. And Melissa's like, they're just all jealous of you. You know, you. You needed new friends anyway. You're in a new state. You don't really need your family. People cut their families off all the time, and they just want to see you unhappy. People are. They're just jealous of you. They're jealous of you. You don't need to worry about what you're feeling.

[C]

Did you believe her? Were you like, yeah, yeah, because I did.

[B]

My self esteem, my self worth. Like, my whole life felt kind of blurry. Like maybe she's right, you know, maybe these people are jealous of me, because, mind you, she's in my ear. Like, you're this perfect person. You're going to be positive. You're going to live this new, free life, and people are going to want what you have.

[C]

This person loves me. Why would she steer me wrong?

[B]

Why would she steer me wrong? She's. She's also.

[A]

She sounds like she speaks in certainties a lot, where, like, everything you've mentioned when she gives you advice is not like advice. It's. I know better than you, and this will be better for you. It's. That's why I was like, who does she think she is? And I asked how old she was because I was like, is she like 10 years older than you? She's acting like she's.

[B]

And that's her whole genius. Yeah. Her whole Persona online was very like, all right, guys, it's the beginning of the day. Start your day off right. You know? And everyone's like, oh, my God, I needed this, like, life coach today. Very life coach vibe. So she's telling me, well, you came from all this negativity, and you have all this negative stuff around you. Maybe you're the problem. So I definitely started feeling like, okay, I'm the issue. She knows what's right and I don't. I should listen to this yogi. You know, it was very much like, she's my teacher, I'm the student. And she uses herself a lot as the baseline. Look at me. Everyone thought I wouldn't go anywhere and I wouldn't be anything. And look what my first wife did to me. And I still was able to come up, you know, I was able to get out of that debt after she stole all this money from me. You know, all her positivity towards me was for me to look at her and emulate her image. And I'm very like, I hyper fixate. And she's like, you're just overthinking everything, you know, okay. This whole thing. So I'm isolating myself. And at this point, I'm in Tennessee, in a place I'm not from. I don't have any friends, and I'm engaged. So, of course, as lesbians can sometimes do. We've got the ring, we've got the truck, we've got the place. You know, where are we at on having kids? You know, you're isolated. Because I'm telling her, hey, I'm feeling a little sad, like I don't really have anybody here to celebrate with. And she's like, you know, being in a great place can be lonely sometimes. And you know what? You just have to focus on yourself and what's really important. And we're getting older, and we should just explore this love. And we should. We should just start looking at donors. Like, it. It'll be fun. You know, we can kind of just move along as it goes. Like, we should look at donors. She starts sending me all these cryobank places, and I'm like, okay. Mind you, in the back of my mind, I'm like, claudia, do you really want to have kids? Like, are you really ready to sacrifice your life? And I'm like, okay, you know what's what harm? Why not? So we're looking through donors. We find this donor, and she's like, ugh, I really like this donor. And when you're on some of these cryobank websites, they'll be like, oh, they only have three vials left.

[C]

So, of course, it's a sense of urgency. It creates a sense of urgency.

[B]

It's a sense of urgency. So Melissa's like, we should get it. You know, even if we're not trying right now, we should get it. You know, we should get it. And I'm like, okay. I go and I buy the sperm. Oh, now cheap. How much. Can I ask?

[C]

How much does that cost?

[B]

So I think it varies. The cryo bank we were using was based out of California. Every vial was about $1,000. And then.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, different. So you're. And then you would basically just ship it. It'd be like another thousand. So you're about four grand. And as it. It stays in. Yeah, it's a lot.

[A]

And you have to store it.

[B]

Yeah, you have to store it. Exactly. So now Melissa's like, so we have this donor sperm. I mean, come on. What are we waiting for? And I'm like, okay, because you start looking at donors, you're talking about baby names. You're cut. Yeah. And now it's like, we're engaged. We're doing good, because at this point, I have nobody else to talk to except for you. So anything you're telling me sounds good. And every time I give you something that you want, you're. You're being nicer to me. You're giving me affection. You're treating me like you want to be with me. And that's all I've wanted from the beginning, is to feel wanted and loved so I can settle down and have a family, clearly. So I'm like, you're right. Let's do it. So we end up going to A fertility clinic to do IUI and if you don't know what IUI is, what? Intrauterine. It's basically the doctor puts sperm in you for you. So we start going to the fertility clinic, and I'm using my insurance, and I'm paying the deductible and out of pocket. So at this point, I'm paying for the sperm, and now I'm paying for the fertility appointments. We start trying, and I have three failures, so I'm just not getting pregnant. So now the sperm vials that I've bought and the appointments that I've paid for is ended up in nothing. That's such a hard journey.

[A]

And I bet you're in a weird emotional place after.

[B]

Yeah. Cause it's like, dang, I can't have kids. You know, you kind of get scared, like, maybe, wow. Like, I can't have kids. And now in the back of your mind, you're like, I want to keep trying because can I have kids? So we end up going to a different fertility doctor who basically tells me that I have a blockage that's preventing me from getting pregnant. Once I get rid of that blockage, it'll be no problem. So we're good. Basically. Melissa's kind of. She seemed like she was backing off and getting kind of distant when it wasn't working, but now that she knows there's a path forward, she's like, oh, okay. Like, all you need is a surgery. It'll be fine. Okay. So Covid happens, shut down.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

Yep. Covid happens, shut down. Fertility clinic shut down. Everything is ghost quiet. So we're basically stuck in the house, staring at each other, working from home, the both of us. I am spiraling because at this point, when somebody is isolating you and then Covid happens, and you are truly not even able to go outside, it turns into depression. I was very depressed, and I would go to Melissa and be like, I am so sad. I feel so bad about myself. I'm not feeling like myself. I. I was like, I should go to a mental health facility. Like, I'm not doing good because I was so alone. It was like, if someone locks you in a white room, you're like, I'm starting to hear things. Like, I was constantly spiraling and crying because then I'm going to Melissa to kind of fill that void. And then she wasn't. So I was not just isolated. I was isolated in my home too. So I was just alone with my thoughts, and I have somebody telling me that my thoughts are wrong. So I just was genuinely lost. I didn't even recognize myself. I was losing weight. I actually shaved all my hair off. I did a full Britney Spears. And I remember going to Melissa and being like, I need to do something. And then I just shaved my fucking head. And I start missing my ex. I'm like, this. This shit is not working out so much here that I rather go over here. At least she was fun. She was toxic, but at least she was fun, right? So I end up telling Melissa. One, I'm like, we're arguing. And I'm like, listen, I'm going to be real honest with you. I miss my ex. I don't want to do this with you. This is not working. What did she say? She's like, I get you missing your ex, and that's okay. I can heal with you. I can heal with you. And I wasn't expecting her to say that. I thought the conversation would be over. And I was like, yeah. And like, also, we don't have anything in common. Like, I'm just not. This isn't. I'm not feeling you and you're not feeling me, and I can tell. And she's like, claudia, you need to think about this. Like, it's 90 day, fiance. You need to heal with me. And eventually you'll feel the love that I'm giving to you. You're too broken to feel the love that I have here.

[A]

It's your fault, Claudia.

[C]

It's your fault.

[B]

You're feeling love. You're not feeling it. You can't accept it because now she has an excuse. You're not over your ex. Of course you can't love me. And I'm like, okay. So my whole escape has backfired on me. And she's making me feel like, okay, this is okay to heal with somebody. This isn't an unfamiliar feeling. And no one really wants to heal alone, right? It's selfish to say, but especially during.

[A]

COVID when you've already moved and had no community. Now no one has community, right?

[B]

And if I had a friend to tell this to, I'm sure they would have been like, bitch, get your life together. But I had nobody to talk to. So I'm like, okay, well, this sounds okay. So things don't start opening back up, but they open the fertility clinics back up. They start opening medical facilities back up. The fertility clinic calls me and said, hey, we can schedule your surgery now. Me and Melissa kind of been living sort of a boring, not talking life. And Melissa's like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, like, you should schedule the surgery. And I'm like, okay, I schedule the surgery, and I pay for it. I have to pay for the anesthesia, the deductible, everything. So I'm like, okay, I.

[C]

Of course you pay for it, because she's not going.

[B]

Of course. So I pay for the surgery, and then they fix it, and everything's good. So we haven't yet started trying for another baby or anything. I'm just. Now I'm just chilling, right? Nothing gets brought up and just kind of living the COVID life, right? Which is all a blur. And I think Melissa was getting bored, and she was like. And I think everyone was getting bored. Everyone got to this point in Covid when we started making really wild decisions, and she was like, we should get pregnant. Like, we should find a donor and get pregnant. I felt like I was so alone. I was so sad. I had no one to relate to me. I had no family. And I'm like, maybe a baby. It's sad to look at it like this. Maybe a baby would be fun, you know, Maybe a baby would fill this void of not feeling love, because, of course, there's no love like, your child's love. But I needed to feel something, anything. And I think having a baby was, like, a huge step, because I wanted to feel something. I wanted attention. Not in a way that's like, oh, I wanted to get pregnant so everyone can stare. I wanted attention from Melissa because I felt invisible. I felt invisible in my home. I felt invisible to Melissa. But I was so depressed. And I'll be honest. Like, I was too depressed to have a kid. Absolutely. I actually have said this before. I think Melissa was so wrong for pushing me to have a child because I felt like she knew how mentally ill I was. She knew that I was depressed, and who would let me, as a, you know, a person that's like, I'm depressed, and I hate myself. And even sometimes feeling suicidal in those thoughts be like, yeah, you should have a kid. That's the healthiest thing for you to do, is have a kid. We end up using donor sperm, and I get pregnant in 2020, and Melissa is having the time of her life. She's so excited, and it was kind of bittersweet. Like, I was happy that I was able to get pregnant, but I hadn't quite pieced together that having a baby with somebody is definitely more permanent than a marriage. Right. I can divorce you, but I can't necessarily take this back. Right? Yes. And even in. Even in, like, lesbian relationships, a lot of People think you can just one bio mom and the other mom can just disappear. And that's not necessarily the case.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And nor should it be. I mean, if you're both doing the process together, then.

[B]

Right. Equal your baby. 50. 50. So around maybe like four or five months, we need to move into a bigger place. So we end up leasing a new home to have more space. And at this point, during COVID she finally gets the divorce. Basically in 2020, while I'm pregnant, she finally gets the divorce. And I think that's because the courts were closed and all that good stuff. So through this whole entire process, including being pregnant, she's still married.

[A]

And did you see these documents and stuff, or was she just telling you that it was.

[B]

I did see the document. I did see the docum. So six months pregnant, she's like, we need to get married. She's really pressing the we need to get into justice of the peace asap. And I think there was a part of me that was continuously moving away from it because I think deep down didn't want to do it. Didn't want to do it. But red flags everywhere. Love them. Clearly. My favorite part.

[A]

I feel like it sounds like even though you deep down didn't want to, it is possible to not want to deep down and still want it to work, but you wish that you did want. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah. It's like this. Like, I sacrificed everything to be here, and I have to sit on my decisions. Like, I have to. I did this. I isolated myself. I moved my job. I can't turn back now and be like, oh, I was wrong. I don't want to sit with the fact that I'm wrong. Yeah. Like, Claudia, you're making the right decisions. Just keep on trying, keep going. When I didn't have anybody to tell me that this doesn't make any sense. Right. So six months pregnant, we get married at the justice of the peace. For sure. A formality. We're in mask. It just. It wasn't romantic. I want to say she, like, took me to Capitol Grill after. Like, it wasn't like some special situation. Yeah. So we end up having the baby. All is well. Not a lot of huge changes. But Melissa is overjoyed. Right. And at this point, you're both happy.

[C]

Like, you have the baby and you're.

[B]

Both like, oh, this is bittersweet. I didn't have anybody at my birth. I didn't have any friends, no family. Yes. I had a home birth.

[C]

Was she there?

[B]

Yep. I had a home birth. I Had two midwives and she was there. So I was really by myself. And my newborn was colicky, didn't sleep much. It was hard, and I didn't have community to help me. So it's just me and Melissa at this point. Covid had lifted a little bit more, so now she started going back into the store. So I'm at home with the baby, and I have terrible postpartum. We're just coming off of COVID So I do not want to put the baby in daycare because at this point, I'm working from home, so I'm like, it's fine. I'm not putting the baby in daycare. I'm going to work from home and take care of the baby while you go into the store. So that's what we agree upon. And I am struggling. My job was hard without a baby, and with a baby, I'm like, breastfeeding on one side and doing an Excel spreadsheet on the other. Like, I am struggling.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

He doesn't sleep. And Melissa, when she does come home, which is later in the evening, she's helpful. But nine to five, I'm there by myself and I have no help. So I'm getting more and more depressed. I don't have anybody to help me, and I'm getting frustrated. And so I'm talking to Melissa and I'm like, listen, I am not doing well. I just started seeing a therapist. I was like, really severely postpartum. And I'm so sorry. That's.

[C]

So was she supportive?

[B]

Yes, seemingly so. Right.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

She ends up telling me, she's like, listen, you can quit your job and I can take care of the house. Right? Ooh, and me, I'm like, first time that you.

[C]

I bet.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

I mean. Cause at this point, first time I have. You have said that you were gonna take care of anything. So I started thinking about it, and I'm like, yeah, you know what? Cause of course she's like, you should quit your job and focus on you. Focus on your mental health so you can be good for the baby. And all this positive affirmation on quitting my job, and you could be your true self and maybe you can be creative, you know, all that good stuff. And I'm like, okay, I need a break. I am not mentally doing well. And I. I do think it's in the best interest to quit my very good job. Okay, So I quit my job and I'm just a stay at home mom, which is by far the hardest job in the world.

[C]

Was that okay financially, though?

[B]

So it. It felt okay financially. I didn't see any bills coming through. Lights weren't being turned off or anything. But I started realizing that there was no money coming into the house as far as, like, groceries or napkins and tissue. So I have my savings, so I'm just spending my money. You know, things for the baby on Amazon, stuff like that. I'm very independent. I'm not good at saying, can you give me $50? And so I'm just kind of doing it with the expectation that she's going to come home and see an empty fridge and know that she needs to get groceries or help me out with groceries. Right. Does she.

[A]

I assume she's not going to the grocery store.

[B]

No. And when I would ask, because at some point I'm spending my saving and I'm like, hey, we need a lot of groceries. And she's like, oh, you know, I'll grab some on the way home. And she's just bringing, like a few things and just vegan stuff.

[A]

Just rice, broccoli, and Oreos. Yeah, that's not enough.

[B]

Yeah, she's like, bringing produce. And mind you, I'm like breastfeeding 40 ounces a day. I'm producing as much.

[C]

Certainly you're starving.

[B]

Yeah, I can't survive off a cauliflower anymore. Like, I need things. So we need food. We need food. And when I would come to her about money, it's almost like it was easier if she figured it out, that she had to do it. But when I said something about it, it almost felt like she was mad at me. Fine, I'll do it. Fine, I'll buy it. You know, okay, whatever. If we need it, I'll get it. And basically I decide, okay, I'm noticing in the household that I don't like living like this. I like my financial independency. And I just want to state, at no point so far do we have a joint account. Okay. So I don't know about her finances and she doesn't know about mine. So it was probably a couple months in that I was like, this savings is getting slimmer than I'd like, and I'm starting to feel less comfortable because I am the only one buying things. I can't be the only one buying things. So when I realized that I had taken so much ownership and she wasn't doing things that I would expect her to do if she's taking care of the household and I started having to sacrifice the things that I wanted to basically provide and I Don't even have a job. So I was getting tired of being like, you see that we don't have groceries. I just one day woke up and was like, I'm not doing this. And so I was just. When I tell you I was applying every single day, three to four times a day, I was so tired of feeling like there was a part of me that knew, okay, something's not right financially. And so when I started realizing that this kind of feels like we may be struggling, I was like, okay, I. I don't really know what she's doing, but I have to make sure that I'm okay. So I start. I get off my ass, and I am applying. We both decide that we want to live in Nashville, and she decides that she wants a new job, too. So I'm applying, and we both get a job offer to be in Nashville. Oh. So, yeah, super positive. And both of the jobs offer relocation and sign on bonus. So even better. Even better. So we start talking to the jobs about what's going to happen. My job tells me we need you here in three weeks, and we're not going to give you your relocation and sign on bonus until your first paycheck. So you're going to have to start here first, and then we'll give you the stuff.

[C]

That way you can't cut and run with their money.

[B]

Right?

[C]

That's fine. Right?

[B]

Yeah, that's fine. So her company tells her the same thing. We're not gonna give you relocation and sign on bonus until you start work here. Yeah. In Nashville. So I look at her and I said, all right, I gotta move in three weeks, and we're gonna have to front it. What do you have for the move? Tell me what we have for the move so I can kind of make sure we have it all situated. Melissa looks at me. Oh, my God. Melissa looks at me and she says, $0 and why? I look around and my head is. I'm all in the clouds. And I'm like, excuse me one more time. She goes, I don't have anything.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And at this point, I don't even have the words to be like, what did you do? I am now sitting here thinking to myself, I don't have any support system. I only have so much left in my savings. And.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Cause you just kind of expected that she was, like, saving money and not blowing at all.

[B]

Like, yeah, like, we had bills, but we weren't, like, balling out of control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not buying groceries. So I'm. I'M assuming you're keeping that money.

[A]

So where is it going?

[C]

I don't like it.

[B]

Don't know. So I'm like, I'm. I'm the type of person that's like, I can't fixate on what you've done wrong. I need to worry about getting us to Nashville. So I'm like, listen, I'll take out a loan, and then when we get there, I'll use my relocation and my sign on to. To cover the cost. And of course, Melissa's like, it's fine. I'm going to give you all the money to pay off the loan as soon as we get there. You know, it's fine. Okay. All of a sudden, Melissa's being nice. I'm so sorry.

[C]

And were you like, okay, that sounds great. Like, were you excited?

[B]

In my head, I was starting to. Okay, Claudia, you got to get out of here.

[A]

This.

[B]

You've trusted this person to take care of her.

[C]

Like, my intuition is going off because.

[B]

Now I'm a mom. You've let me and our child down, but I'm also in this position, too, of, like, I can't dip out just yet because I don't have any money anymore, cannot take care of my child right now by myself. I have to start this brand of the custody situation.

[A]

Like, you don't know what that's going to be be.

[B]

It's. It's a really, like, a lawless land. I have no idea. So I'm like, let me just focus on getting us down there, and then I'll worry about next steps. Mm. So her company offers a week in Nashville to find a place to stay and to get everything situated before you move down. So we drive down to Nashville with the baby, and she's actually working like, she's in the office while she's in Nashville. And I am going around looking for a school for my son. But the very first day that we got there, her company had set us up with a real estate agent to find a place to stay. And we were going to lease because, of course, we're not exactly in a position to be buying a home, clearly.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So we go and look at houses. The first couple days, I find a house that I really like in a good area, close to some schools that I was interested in that was affordable. So we tell the real estate agent, let's apply for this place and turn everything in. The real estate agent's like, should be no issue. No one else is put in on this house. It's going to be fine. So the rest of the week, mind you, we're only there seven days. Probably about Thursday. I'm still looking for places for my son to go to school because I'm very picky.

[C]

As you should be, right?

[B]

So me and Melissa are headed to a school to visit. And in the back of my mind, I'm like, dang, it's Thursday and we still don't have anywhere to stay. Like, we don't know where we're gonna live, and we gotta be out of here by Sunday. So I'm thinking in the back of my mind. So we're in the car together, and the real estate agent calls me Anxiety. Oh, God. So I put her on speaker, and she's like, hey, so the owners of the home don't feel comfortable leasing to you. And I'm like, why? You know, why not? I have good credit. Everything should be fine. What's your credit? And she's like, well, the other credit on the application is, like, in the 500s.

[C]

That's not good enough.

[B]

And I am. I'm embarrassed. So I'm like, oh, okay.

[A]

And you didn't even know.

[B]

You're like, no clue. So I'm at this point, she's silent. Melissa's silent. I'm like, all right, thank you, real estate agent. I'm gonna get off the phone now. Cause I'm embarrassed. And at this point, my blood is actually boiling. So Melissa's saying nothing. And I look at her and I said, pull the truck over. Pull it over. I get out of the truck, and I am physically vomiting. I'm so panicked because it's Thursday. I still have not picked out of school. I don't know where we're gonna live. And at this point, in the back of my mind, it's like, claudia, once you get this situated, get the hell out of here. So I'm at this point not even focusing at yelling at her. We get back to the apartment, and that night I sat in the bathroom, and I was applying to homes by myself, just with my information. And people are contacting me, and they're like, hey, yeah, come visit. Come look at it. We definitely would love to rent to you if you want to. Cool. The next day, I tell Melissa, hey, I gotta solve. I'll be able to get a lease, and then you can live there, and we can worry about everything later. So let's go look at these houses. Melissa's like, no, I need to be on the lease. And I'm like, well, you kind of lost that privilege. Well, and then it's also too. Like, why? Like, why do you need to be on the lease so bad? And my mind, it's like, ding, ding, ding. Why does she want to be on the lease? But here's your fake name. She was like, well, the first few houses we seen, there was this one house that was a little more expensive. Why don't we contact the owner and just let them know up front what's going on? Like, I feel confident about that. And I'm like, okay, because at this point, you're talking Friday. We got two days to find a place, and then we have one week to. To move after that.

[C]

Oh, my. Stressful.

[B]

My hair is falling out. Like, I am losing weight. I'm not eating. I am absolutely at the most stressful point ever. Not to mention dealing with postpartum, trying to reason with the fact that I have to put my son in school and start a new job, and I have no friends and no family. I have nothing. So the worst I know. So I text the owner and see what he. Maybe he'll be willing to. So embarrassed. I text the owner, and I'm like, hey, listen, we've seen your house. I wanted to know if we could look at it. But I just want you to know that my credit score is really good. I make a lot of money. I have a letter from where I was leasing at saying that we're honest people, but my partner has shit credit. It's bad.

[C]

I just tell you, but we just want to rent this place.

[B]

Yeah. I just want to let you know before I even waste your time coming there. And the owner says, listen, come on by. Let's see how it goes. We tour the home. And he's like, listen, you guys seem like good people. I'm trusting you. I'm giving you good faith. I'll lease to you. I'm like, okay, good. My stress is coming down a little bit. Now we have a place to stay. Now. I've already arranged the moving truck, which is about four grand. And now, you know, this man is like, we can lease. And he looks at me, he goes, but I'm going to be honest with you. Your security deposit is five grand. And meanwhile, homegirl got zero dollars, like, zero dollars and zero cents. And I'm.

[A]

But she's the one that's also like, let's go to this expensive place.

[C]

$0.

[B]

Yeah. And it's more expensive than the place that we were originally looking at. So I'm like, okay. I wire him the five grand because it's like, Saturday at this point. We're leaving the next day. I also had to put down another grand to save my son's spot in a school.

[C]

And you're kind of like, at this point, you're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[B]

Like, you gotta move. Yeah, I have. At this point, I don't. Right at this point, she's tagging along, but in my head, I'm thinking about myself and my son. I'm like, we. I gotta get the hell outta dodge. I'm not gonna miss out on this opportunity because you didn't make responsible decisions.

[C]

I gotta do what I gotta do at this point.

[B]

Gotta do what I gotta do. So we start packing up the house and getting ready to move. The day before the moving truck gets there, she has this bright idea. Melissa comes to me and she says, I think that I should take the baby and the dog and we're going to go ahead and go down to Nashville and you can be here when the movers get here and you can pack up with them. And I was like, why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

In her mind, she was like, you know, dealing with the dog and the baby is probably a lot for you. It's probably going to be easier for you to just. Everything's already packed up. It should be easy for you to move. It should be nothing. I'll get there a day before you. You come after. Anybody that's ever moved knows that last day of moving, you realize that you've packed nothing up. So I am stressed out.

[C]

You have 65 boxes and nothing is packed.

[B]

65 boxes. And so she left the day before. So the day of the move, movers are there like 6am I've up all night still packing. And that's awful. While they're moving, like putting stuff in the truck. And I'm trying to hurry up and pack stuff so I can put it in their truck, but they're moving really fast. So I'm packing stuff and stuffing it in my car. I'm sweating. I mean, I am too stressed to function. So finally everything's packed up for the most part. And I call Melissa. I said, hey, the moving truck's on the way. And I'm on my way. Melissa goes, oh, well, did you get the WI fi router? And I was like, well, no, because Melissa was supposed to go back and have a dentist appointment, and we still had the key to the house. So I was like, I'm not taking the WI fi router because that's how you open the front door. And that WI fi router has to be returned. So no, I didn't take the WI fi router, but I did pack up a four bedroom house. And she's like, well, it's stupid that you didn't take the WI fi router. You're stupid. So I absolutely lose my shit. I had just had it. I was losing hair, I was stressed out. Like, you took the baby. I'm packing up these boxes. You didn't help. Let me tell you something. I wasn't just packing up boxes. I was patching fucking holes. I was painting walls. I was doing all of this by myself, sweating after giving birth, being a mom, financially being in charge of everything. Like I had just had it. You had one fucking job and that was to take care of us. And you couldn't even do that. And the audacity to ask me about a fucking WI fi router. Go fuck yourself. It was just like, I had it. So the WI fi router was just the tipping point. And to be honest, I think when she said something about the WiFi router, everything that I had been feeling those last two weeks with the move just came out. I'm like, how fucking dare you? Because at this point, I'm at my last leg. I'm like, when I fucking get there, don't even unpack your shit. Get the fuck out. I'm like going off on her. I'm calling her everything but a child of God. I am literally giving it to you. I'm calling her everything but a child of God. Claudia. I am giving it to her and I hang up in her face. I'm like, click. I'm out of here.

[C]

Child of God.

[B]

I'm so pissed that I start calling my friends, my friends that I haven't talked to in years. I start calling my mom, I start calling my dad. I'm livid. I'm taking this three hour drive and I am dialing like I'm a scammer. I am dialing around. No, I'm not playing. I literally went to everybody and I'm like, listen, I'm. I'm caught up in this shit and I'm sorry. I need my community. And everybody, like with open arms is like, welcome back. We, we fucking knew it. So I get there and at this point I'm planning in my head next steps, but at this point I still haven't started my job. This rent that on this lease I just signed is super high.

[A]

I was going to say, can you handle that if worse comes to worse and you had to pay for it on your own?

[B]

Yeah, I Would say eventually, but initially, right now, yeah, because initially I have to take all my relocation and my bonus money to put towards that loan.

[C]

To put towards the loan.

[B]

Yeah. Right. And so I'm like, shit, I can't really put her out. I need help with the rent, I need help with the rent. I need help with the daycare, I need help with moving around with a child. And I can't go just yet. But I'm out of it in my head. I'm already out of the marriage in my head. So I get there, I'm just like, whatever. We're just kind of operating around each other. I start my job, she starts hers, and nothing's really going on. We don't really talk that much because at this point we're busy. Right? We have excuses to be busy. But on the back end, I'm talking to my family, I'm talking to my friends, My self esteem's getting higher. I'm going to work, I'm making friends, I'm getting more comfortable with the thought of my son being in school. I'm starting to get more trusting of my circumstances because now I'm starting to be able to financially depend on myself and, you know, a little bit more confident.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I've paid the loan off. I'm feeling good.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So from time to time we're starting to bicker, we end up having argument. So I was like, this is over. I was like, you sleep in another room, I sleep in another room. I don't care what you do. You want to date other people, that's fine. I'm going to date other people. Let's go ahead and get on a schedule because I'm telling her we're going to get a divorce. I'm over you not doing this. So let's go ahead and start a 5050 schedule, but live in the same house. So you live in your room, I live in my room. You take the baby Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I'll take the baby Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday.

[A]

Wow. And what's her response to this?

[B]

She's kind of like, okay, but you can tell sort of like, okay, Claudia has said this before. So maybe Claudia is not really going to go. Sort of like, she doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously. But like I said, I told her bluff. Call him at bluff. So she like I said, you can date, I can date. We live in separate rooms. You watch the baby on these days? I watch the baby on these days. So some, some months go by, we're operating around each other, not really having any issues. I don't know if she's dating, but I am very open about the fact that I am. So at this point, I'm on hinge. I'm on the sites. I meet a girl named Amber, and.

[A]

Okay, yeah, right.

[B]

Amber is also going through a divorce. She's also has one small child about the same age. She's basically living the exact same life that I'm living. They're living in the same house. They're separated. They're just making it work for the kid. But they're both dating. Everyone knows that. Everyone's dating. Okay.

[A]

How safe is that? So now you're like, oh, I'm so afraid someone's going to judge my situation. I found someone in the same situation, and no big deal, right?

[B]

We're like, trauma dumping. It's just. It's. It's really working as far as, like, having somebody to talk to that relates. And it wasn't any pressure either. Like, we went into the situation, be like, hey, complicated. Not looking for anything serious. You know, let's just keep it cool. So over time, we end up going to see each other. Now, mind you, Melissa knows that I am dating. I am. No secret about. I have on my dating shoes, and I'm. I'm going out the door, watch the baby. I'll be home when I get there. So I go on a date with Amber in true lesbian fashion. Dates, like, eight hours. Spend the whole day together, and we're two bottles of wine in, and just everything's great. So the next morning, I'm back at home, and I get home from work, and Melissa's like, what's that on your neck? Now, I really personally didn't know I had a hickory, but I lied. Oh, no. I lied. I was like, nothing. That's not nothing. And then I burned it with a curling iron. Yeah, I was like, nothing. And in my mind, I didn't feel like I had to answer her. We're not together. Yeah. I'm like, I can do whatever I want to do. So I have this hickey on my neck. She doesn't say anything after she ask about it. So I just continue on my day, texting Amber, taking care of my kid, doing like I should. The next morning, I'm in the baby's room, and Melissa texts me, and she's like, hey, are you in the baby's room? And I'm like, yeah, but I'm putting him back to sleep. And then I'm gonna leave out and make him breakfast and get ready for Work. And she was like, don't worry about breakfast. I'll handle breakfast for the baby. You can stay in there until it. You know, until whenever. And I'm like, oh, okay. That's nice. So I end up the baby's back asleep. So I go in my bedroom to get ready for work. Cause remember, Melissa's supposed to be cooking breakfast for the baby. I walk into my room, and Melissa's in my bathroom, and she's going through my watch. The. The funny. So the funny thing about this is.

[C]

The apple watch thing.

[B]

Yes. Our whole entire relationship, I have never gone through Melissa's things, and Melissa has never gone through my things, I think. So she's going through my watch, and she's like, oh, yeah, you got a hickey on your neck. It's not a hickey. She was like, you're a whore. How could you?

[C]

But you guys have already discussed that you are dating.

[B]

Like, you made it clear. So I'm looking at her dear headlights, and I'm like, I'm confused. Like, you're over here cussing me out. I can show you. Look through our messages where we have definitely said that we're dating. And she's, like, crying and screaming, and.

[A]

She'S like, well, now she knows that you were serious and she was serious.

[B]

Yes. So she takes my watch, and she runs and leaves the house with the watch. Then she's calling me. Like, she's calling me so many times that my phone is glitching, and I'm answering, and she's hollering in my ear, how could you? Like, she's just screaming, and I'm like, what the hell is going on? We had an agreement. She's not even giving me the space to talk. Because at this point, I'm like, what in the hell? So I'm like, okay, whatever. She's being erratic. Nothing I can do about it. So me and Amber still talking. The next day, Melissa comes to me, and she's like, I'm gonna be going to a mental health facility. I need to take some time to myself. Now, mind you, the whole night pretty much up until this point, she's screaming and crying in her bedroom, slamming door, you know, just really making her presence of being sad known. So I'm like, okay, that's a nice.

[A]

Way to say that.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm like, okay, you want to go to a mental health facility? I absolutely agree with that. She's like, just take, like, very dramatic. Just take care of the baby. I'll be back when I get back. I Just need help. And she's got, like, a little paper bag with an outfit in it. And she's like, you know, I'm gonna leave. I'm like, okay. So that same night, she texts me, and she's like, had a talk with the therapist, and I had some treatment, and I'm feeling okay right now. Oh, boy. Now, okay, I'm no professional, but I'm like, why do you have your phone? So then she's like, yeah. I'm like, I thought they'd take that along with your shoelaces. Like, what I thought they do. They take everything. So I'm like, okay, what do you mean, treatment? She was like, oh, ketamine. And I'm like, that's a.

[A]

They just like, you walked in, and they were like, here's some Ketamine. Day one, right away, that feels.

[C]

Wait, what's ketamine?

[A]

Ketamine?

[B]

Well, it's.

[A]

It can be like a party drug, but there is therapy. There's, like, medical therapy that people use ketamine for. For depression. That has great results.

[B]

Great results. It's still kind of in testing, but yeah.

[A]

And it's also, like, a consistent thing.

[B]

It's also, like, private institutions. Like, it's not like a mental health facility.

[A]

You're not getting it at cvs.

[B]

You're not. And ketamine is not. Not. It's not easy to get. So it's not clicking to me, but I'm like, okay, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. So I end up asking her, how did you get in this mental health facility so quickly? And she goes, oh, when you tell somebody you want to kill yourself, they make moves. And I was like, so you told some. You. You should if you're. If you're. Baker acted. I think that's what it's called. 72 hours is the, like, just Googleable chat GPT to, you know, 72 hours is about the timeframe that you're locked up, and that's because the health professionals are making sure that you're safe to yourself. So I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense, Melissa. That you have your phone, that you claim you're doing ketamine, but you're also telling me that you got locked up because you're suicidal. And she's like, yeah, you don't know what you're talking about. Like, this is some new stuff. And I'm like, okay. In my head, I'm like, this is a lie. Gotta be a lie. But at this point, I don't care, you know, I'm here with my baby. Everything's fine over here. I hate that you're going through that. And she's all night sending me dissertations. You said this to me years ago. You said that to me years ago. How could you lie? And I'm like, why do you have your phone? Genuinely, it's two o' clock in the morning and you're sending me dissertations. Where is the nurse?

[A]

Also like, yeah, baby, go to bed.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, this does not make sense. So I'm like, hey, can you let me know what mental facility you're in or do you have any paperwork? Because going into this divorce and if there is going to be child custody, like, if you're not safe, I need to understand that, you know, I'm trying to be reasonable. She's like, not your business. I'm getting the help I need. And I'm like, okay. She comes back three days later and I can't feel certain that she was in a mental health facility. I don't feel certain of that. But at this point, I didn't have the time to go comb through where she probably was. At this point, me and Amber are still talking. So this is not like a. Oh, she broke me and Amber up. And I don't want to say me and Amber are dating, but we're not not dating. We're definitely. We're only talking to each other. You're talking. Yeah, yeah. And she's dealing with her divorce situation and it's very high conflict as well. We're both sitting down at the dinner table being like, let's unload this bullshit. So after the mental health facility, I get a call from Melissa and she's crying again and she's like, I need your ring. I need your ring. You need to give me a ring. I need to sell your ring. I need it. And I'm like, why? She's like, I bought you a BMW. You know, I was trying to appreciate you. I bought you a car. And now I need. I do not believe that she bought me a car. I have no proof of car existence. Because on the phone I was like, okay, slow down. If you bought me a car.

[C]

Oh. She was trying to say, like, oh, I bought you a car.

[B]

I was going to give it to you. Yes. And she's like, I need your ring to sell. Because being that I drove the car off the lot, I have to give them the deposit. Like, she's like, making this whole thing. Mind you, your credit score is 500. So who would sell you a BMW.

[C]

Much less a Honda?

[A]

And when did she buy that? Like, where has it been? I'm confused.

[B]

And so me being still being reasonable, I'm like, listen, if you bought me a car, sign it over to me. I'll take over the payments. Don't worry about it.

[C]

No worries. I got this.

[B]

Yeah. No way. I'm not doing that. I'm not giving you shit. I need your ring. I'm in debt. You know that. You know, just constantly, like, wouldn't stop. I'm like, hey, I gotta go. I'm at work. You're doing a lot. She's still consistently asking me about the ring. Basically not going anywhere with it. Me and Amber still dating, not giving you shit. So I finally, things are just tense in the house and Melissa will not leave. And I asked her, I'm like, listen, we have a lot going on. Everyone's really angry. You're having a lot of big emotions. And I can take over the lease. You can go, you can live wherever you want to live. You can take whatever you want to take. I got it. She's like, no, I'm not leaving. And I'm like, okay, well then I'll leave. You can take over the lease. She's like, no, you can't go anywhere because we are co parenting and in the orders of the state, you can't just change your address with the baby. And I'm like, okay.

[A]

So I finally, of course she knows those laws, right?

[B]

And nothing else. So I filed for divorce. I officially filed for divorce. And I basically said, you keep your assets, I'll keep mine, and we'll have the baby. 50, 50. Which if it's 50, 50, you don't owe child support because you have the kid the same amount of time. I send it to her, and that same day we end up getting into a domestic dispute. I had walked down the stairs and I was actually holding the baby and we were arguing and I was back to the door and I was holding the baby and she hit me in my chest. Like, she punched me in the chest. I was holding the baby against the door, and I had never seen that glaze in her eyes before. So when she pushed me and I'm holding the baby. So now as a mom, I'm just absolutely in protection mode. Something in her eyes told me that if I didn't make a move to call the cops, this can be worse. Because what will you do to me? If I had put the baby down or if I wasn't holding the Baby. And I remember she called. Her friend, was like, I'm probably going to go to jail. She was, like, moving to the garage. And I was frantic, right? I'm on the phone with the 911 operator. They're getting someone dispatched. And it was unfortunately to say, cops do not handle domestic disputes in general, but domestic disputes with lesbians very well. So they didn't do anything. They were like, all right, play nice, friends.

[A]

Yeah, cat fight.

[B]

Cat fight. I felt like when the cops, two male cops came in, they were already very much like, this is just another one of those things. And I remember they did bring a female cop, showed up to take pictures of my chest because I was already bruising, it was already spreading, and they had took pictures. And I feel like it was very much like, okay, well, good luck. They just packed their shit up and left. And my lawyer told me, when there is a domestic dispute, somebody is supposed to leave in a cop car regardless of if they get charged or not. They're supposed to diffuse the situation. They didn't. I think she told them, like, oh, I'm just gonna drive away. And they were like, okay, bye. She could have easily drove around the corner and came back and did whatever she wanted to do. And I just want to say, too, I'm 4 foot 11 and 95 pounds. Melissa is immensely larger than I am. So I really felt like nobody was taking accountability for protecting me in those situations. And I think in a lot of domestic disputes, that's why women stop calling the cops and don't actually go and get help, because it's like, no one's going to come for us anyway. I feel absolutely thrown away. And so I get a lawyer. And the first order of business is getting Melissa put out. So I get my lawyer to draw up a temporary order to get Melissa to leave the house in 30 days and using the domestic dispute and all those things as basically reasoning for it. So obviously, Melissa's pissed. She knows that she has 30 days to get out, and we know her credit's not very good, and she probably doesn't have a lot of money, so I'm telling her to get out. And she may be grasping for straw. So she's pissed, aggressive, stomping through the house, closing doors, talking shit. And I'm like, listen, it doesn't have to be that way. You could take whatever you want out of the house. I'll give you furniture. I'll give you an extra bed for our son. I'll give you extra medicine, whatever you want to take out of the house, you want the pots and pans set, you want the plates, Take it.

[A]

Just get out.

[B]

Just get out.

[A]

Take what you need and get out.

[B]

And I'm not trying to be combative. Like, I've already offered you to leave under better circumstances, and now you're being put out. And it's unfortunate, but that's what it was. That's what was going to have to happen anyways. So the least I can do is. You want a washer and dryer, Take it, whatever. So basically at that point, it's just this back and forth. Melissa is refusing to sign. So six months passes by, still no signing. Me and Amber are still dating, and Amber is going through her divorce as well, and she's going through a divorce with a woman named Kayla. So her divorce is also really messy and sort of a note. Right? So Melissa's still not trying to sign the paper.

[A]

So do you think she just didn't want to get divorced? Like, she wanted to keep interview with her or was like, was she trying to get something else?

[B]

I think that in the story, you will see that there was a reason that she was not divorcing. But at this point, I'm just thinking she wants, like you said, like, she just wants to stay connected to me because maybe in her mind, she's like, oh, well, Claudia is probably gonna go get married to Amber. And, you know, if I still attach myself and too, when you're not divorcing someone and signing that paper, it stops me from being able to buy a house or buy a car or get any assets, because then you're likely to have some type of ownership to it.

[C]

Your hands are tied.

[B]

Oh, so we're still really high conflict going back and forth about my son. You know, I would notice things, hey, is our son eating well? Because I'm noticing that he's this. And, you know, going back and forth. And she's like, leave me alone. I'm not telling you nothing. You know, And I end up getting a call of like, hey, have you seen Melissa's new girlfriend? At this point, we're probably about eight months into still not being divorced. And I get the Instagram post from my friends, and they're like, yeah, she's dating this girl named Taylor. How do we know that not just a friend in a picture? Because they got each other's name tattooed. And so I see the tattoo and I'm like, oh, yeah, she's got her. She's got her teeth into this. Yep, here's another one. So my friends come to Me. And they're like, you. Because I'm a girls girl. And I'm like, listen, I'll text. I'll message this girl right now and be like, listen, girl. But I knew that she was in too deep. There was nobody that could have came to me and been like, you need to stop talking to Melissa. And I would have been like, oh, you're right. So I'm like, I'm not going to this girl. You know, I don't want for her to go to Melissa. And it to be even messier because I still don't have a signature on this divorce. Right. So I end up starting to tweet, sort of, you know, subliminally being like, yeah, was anybody else married to somebody that's had three wives? Was anybody else, you know, did anybody else realize that they were being married to somebody who was dead broke? Like, I was talking shit on Twitter.

[A]

A subtweet, if you will.

[B]

Yeah, a little nice, clean subtweet. And I want to say about three months passed. We're at a year now of her still not signing the divorce and Taylor being in Melissa's life. They're dating. And I know because my son is talking about Taylor and stuff like that. And I had went to Melissa and was like, hey, I know that Taylor's around. I don't really give a shit. As parents, I would like to speak with her and just touch up on some things. If she's taking care of my son in some way, shape or form, I want to be able to talk to her. I'm not going to try to fight her or anything like that.

[C]

Yeah, of course. Because you're a grown up.

[B]

Yeah. It's not like if this is what it's going to be, it's been a year. If we can all be civil, let's be civil. I literally told her. I was like, you could sit down with me and Amber and we could sit down together and have Outback Steakhouse and, you know, talk.

[C]

This Outback is delicious. I'm not going to lie.

[A]

How can anyone be upset at an Outback?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. You know, get a Bloomin Onion and just coast through. So Melissa's like, no, you can't talk to Taylor. And I'm just like, okay, you're being petty. So months are going by. Things are still high conflict at this point. Amber is divorced from Kayla. Me and Amber are living together at this point. It's been a year and, you know, everything is kind of still doing 50, 50 on a temporary order. No child support, nothing like that. I get a DM from Taylor.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

And Taylor says, hey, girl, I am so sorry that I never came to you and introduced myself because I was taking care of your son, and I just want to apologize. Hey, Taylor.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Oh. And she goes, and I also want to warn you that your girlfriend's ex wife, Kayla and Melissa have been exchanging information for a year. So my girlfriend Amber, who. We were both getting divorced at the same time. Our exes teamed up. That's.

[A]

So I did have a moment when you were explaining the whole thing. I was like, just put them together. They sound like they ruin each other's lives, and just put them. Let them do it. But now I'm like, wait, what information?

[B]

Everything. And it was really fucking scary because how far are these two people willing to take it? For a whole entire year, they were exchanging information. You guys are watching our steps and listening to our phone calls. And it wasn't just me and Amber not feeling safe. They're exchanging information about our kids, their kids, schedules, what they're doing, what's going on in the parenting app. Kayla was exchanging financial information about Amber to Melissa and vice versa. All of our sensitive information was being exchanged.

[C]

Okay, so hold on.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Timeline, receipts, proof, screenshots, charts.

[A]

Definitely need some charts.

[C]

Melissa and Claudia's new girlfriend's ex, Amber.

[A]

X, is talking to Melissa.

[C]

Can we not, like, honestly, what the hell?

[A]

I'm low key. An Amber fan.

[B]

I really.

[A]

I don't know why I get a good vibe so far, but I'm not a Melissa fan, obviously.

[B]

No, definitely not wild. Yeah.

[C]

And I obviously don't want to say too much because it's only part one, but. Okay, so neck on the next episode, we might. We might hear from maybe some more people who might or may not have.

[A]

Had an interaction with interactions with Melissa in the past.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Wait a minute. Yeah. Not to spoil, like you said, but I. I think they're my favorite episodes when survivors of the same dogfish get to come together somehow.

[C]

Yeah. And there's like, I love the wonder. There's like a group chat, and I.

[A]

Love a group chat. And also, they're always iconic. They're always awesome. They always have good taste in victims. Like, what is that?

[C]

Absolutely. It's wild. But also, I just want to acknowledge all of you who share your stories and send them in to us. And if you have a story that you need a platform or an ear for, please email us. It's investigatedatingdetectivespodcast.com Send it in to us. We would love to hear from you and love to the opportunity to be an ear for you or a shoulder for you. A platform. So make sure you're emailing us your stories.

[A]

Yeah, please. Because we also will work with you however you're comfortable. We work with a legal team. We anonymize you. We could anonymize your voice. And also on Patreon, sometimes we'll just read emails submitted that maybe aren't long enough or maybe aren't romantic related, but they're a job fish. Like from your work or something. Like anything.

[C]

We have some crazy ones of those.

[A]

Crazy. And it's a fish. Yeah. And we don't even realize sometimes that we can learn from these stories until we write them down. So if you need an ear or just one event, you can even send an email and just be like, I don't want you to do anything with this. I just needed to write it out. We'll be like, I, I get it. It's therapy.

[C]

Yeah. 100%.

[A]

So, but thank you. And then always put in the subject something that tells us about your story just to make it a little easier to organize because a lot people will be like, I had a dogfish. And we're like, yeah, we know that.

[B]

That'S what the whole show is about.

[A]

That we're pretty good. We can assume.

[B]

But.

[C]

And we, we just really appreciate you trusting us to, you know, help you share your story. And you have no idea how whenever. The more you share, the more it helps other people, other listeners. And so it's. We're just really grateful for that. So thank you. So I guess we, we should wrap it up now and just listen to the next episode.

[A]

We'll be back next week with a very long dogfish debrief at the end of that episode that ties in everything here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, Claudia, let us know your questions in the meantime or thoughts as we wait.

[B]

Okay. Love you guys.

[A]

Love you.

[C]

And as always, trust your intuition.

[B]

Sam.