The DIY PI

Summary

The Dating Detectives - Episode: "The DIY PI"

Release Date: November 18, 2024
Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz & Hanna Anderson
Guest: Alexis

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Introduction

In the "DIY PI" episode of The Dating Detectives, hosted by professional Private Investigator Mackenzie Fultz and Comedian Hanna Anderson, listeners are introduced to a gripping firsthand account of uncovering infidelity and navigating the complexities of a shattered marriage. Alexis, the featured guest, shares her tumultuous journey of discovering her husband's deceit, employing her own investigative means, and ultimately reclaiming her life.

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Alexis's Story Begins

Alexis recounts meeting Dan, her husband, shortly after finishing nursing school at age 22. Their initial connection was strong, built on shared professional interests and personal similarities. Alexis describes Dan as ambitious and hardworking, traits that initially drew her in.

Alexis [04:14]: "Dan was like, I love to work. I want to make a lot of money. I have big dreams. I want to go back to school. I want to be a nurse practitioner."

Despite being in a long-term relationship, Alexis felt a profound connection with Dan, leading her to leave her serious boyfriend after engaging with Dan over a brief period.

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Early Signs of Trouble

As their marriage progressed, Alexis began noticing inconsistencies and evasiveness in Dan's behavior. She describes him taking on multiple jobs, maintaining separate phone plans, and exhibiting secrecy around his schedules.

Alexis [11:19]: "He was always having to stay late for meetings. I don't know what goes on at that job, but they take advantage of him."

Despite her growing suspicions, Alexis struggled with trust, partly due to Dan's dismissive reassurances and her desire to believe in their relationship.

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Discovery of Infidelity

The turning point came when Alexis found incriminating texts on Dan's phone indicating an affair. Her confrontation with Dan revealed his dismissive attitude and denial of any wrongdoing.

Alexis [24:10]: "He was like, I'm gonna get an apartment. Would you like to move into it with me?"

Feeling betrayed and confused, Alexis sought advice from friends and ultimately decided to take matters into her own hands by hiring a private investigator.

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The DIY PI Approach

Faced with uncooperative Dan and mounting evidence of his infidelity, Alexis resorted to covertly tracking his movements. With the help of her friends, she installed a tracker on Dan's car, leading her to a secret apartment where Dan was involved with another woman, Polly.

Alexis [26:13]: "I bought a tape recorder at Staples. I put it underneath our couch. Tonight's the night. They're like, oh my God, we're barely getting to the shift, the shift end to, like, go home."

Her clandestine investigation confirmed her fears as she discovered Polly's belongings and evidence of their relationship within the apartment.

Alexis [27:26]: "There was a cuddle pillow on his couch. A flip phone with her texts. It's her, it's her. This is where they live."

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Confrontation and Divorce

Armed with undeniable proof, Alexis confronted Dan, leading to a heated dispute and eventual realization of the depth of his deceit. Despite his attempts to mend the relationship through marriage counseling, Alexis knew the marriage was irreparably damaged.

Alexis [33:25]: "He still lives in that same apartment complex with that girl right now."

The confrontation culminated in Alexis filing for divorce, supported by her friends and family, allowing her to finally escape the toxicity of the marriage.

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Aftermath and Healing

Post-divorce, Alexis focused on rebuilding her life, finding happiness as a single mother, and engaging in new relationships. Her journey underscores the importance of trust, self-worth, and the strength found in supportive friendships.

Alexis [78:03]: "To this day, like, I'm still in that high where I'm like, I am free of a very bad person in my life. It feels so good. I felt like a million bricks came off my shoulders."

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Insights and Takeaways

Throughout Alexis's story, several key insights emerge:

1. Trust Your Instincts: Alexis's initial suspicions, although unsettling, were pivotal in uncovering the truth.

2. Support Systems Matter: Her friends provided the emotional backbone and practical assistance needed to navigate her discovery.

3. Self-Investigation Can Be Empowering: While hiring a professional PI is ideal, Alexis's determination to seek the truth on her own highlights the lengths one might go to find closure.

4. Healing and Moving Forward: Alexis's resilience in the aftermath demonstrates the possibility of finding happiness and stability after betrayal.

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Notable Quotes

• Alexis [04:14]: "Dan was like, I love to work. I want to make a lot of money. I have big dreams."

• Alexis [26:13]: "Tonight's the night. They're like, oh my God, we're barely getting to the shift, the shift end to, like, go home."

• Alexis [33:25]: "He still lives in that same apartment complex with that girl right now."

• Alexis [78:03]: "I am so free of a very bad person in my life. It feels so good."

---

Conclusion

In "The DIY PI," Alexis's harrowing yet inspiring story serves as a beacon for those facing similar challenges in their relationships. It underscores the importance of vigilance, the courage to confront uncomfortable truths, and the strength found in reclaiming one's life. Mackenzie Fultz and Hanna Anderson adeptly navigate this narrative, offering listeners both a cautionary tale and a message of hope.

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If you have a story to share or need support, The Dating Detectives encourages you to reach out via their Patreon or email at [e-mail].

Transcript

[Host 1]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.

[Host 2]

Happy Monday.

[Host 1]

Hello, everybody. Oh, we have such a good guest today.

[Host 2]

I love her. You guys are going to absolutely adore her.

[Host 1]

You're going to be obsessed. One of those storytellers that is just going to make you laugh, even if you want to scream or cry or whatever, you know, it's like we laugh through it.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I was. You guys are gonna. Her story is gonna kind of blow you away.

[Host 1]

She is the best.

[Host 2]

But before we get into it, I want to remind you guys the. Well, first of all, I want to thank everybody for listening to our show, but our Patreon, you guys, and this community. I cannot speak highly enough about our community of Patreoners. You guys are amazing. If you want to join the patreon, it's only $5 a month, and you get two bonus episodes a month. And we have our. Our little community where we get together and chat. So we would love to have you guys there.

[Host 1]

We also give them early access to merch, which, like, may or may not be happening somewhat soon.

[Host 2]

Hint, hint, hint, hint.

[Host 1]

And we're starting a book club. We've talked about it, but if you haven't heard, we're reading the Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty, and it's very good. And that's going to be through Patreon. So we'll do a virtual meetup. It's going to be on November 24, so there's still time to listen or read the book. We love an audio book, but that's just gonna be through Patreon, which is another bonus. So if you wanna join book club and read books that are in the genre of dating detectives, then come to Patreon and read with me.

[Host 2]

And your support means so much to us. So thank you so much for everybody who comes up off their. Off their $5 a month to support us. It just means the world. We, we just. I. I can't believe people, like, pay money because they know, literally I cannot.

[Host 1]

And then when I see everybody talking about the episodes, like, with each other, it just is Kind of the best thing ever. I want everybody to, like, become best friends.

[Host 2]

And we really appreciate when you guys share on your social media. Holy crap. The. The number of people that have said, oh, my gosh, my friend posted about your thing, and I listened to this person's story, and that totally happened to me, and I thought I was the only one. And you just never realize how sharing another person's story will impact someone else. It's kind of really cool.

[Host 1]

Shout out to our guest. So her name is Alexis. Real quick, thank you, Alexis, for coming on. And also, she heard about our podcast through Nobody Should Believe Me, Andrea Dunlop's podcast, which we were guests on, which is so cool. So if you don't know about that podcast, you should go listen. And she just was like, oh, my God, I've listened to everything and need to tell you about what happened to me. And that is the most special thing ever for people who actually are part of this community, who are like, all right, hold my beer. Let's go.

[Alexis]

Yep.

[Host 2]

Hold my mascara.

[Host 1]

Hold my mascara. I'm obsessed with that. That's literally perfect. And I'm gonna use it real quick, you guys.

[Host 2]

Also, there are some things that happen in this story that are illegal. We do not condone them. We do not, like, hashtag, do not try this at home. Don't. This is not something that we condone or support. We never support breaking the law. Laws are there for a reason. They're very important.

[Host 1]

So we, on the record, don't condone.

[Host 2]

Yes, do not.

[Host 1]

Also on the record, we love Alexis.

[Host 2]

So just a little disclaimer, just letting you know, we do not condone this behavior. So we're ready for you guys to meet Alexis. Shall we hear her story?

[Host 1]

Let's take it away.

[Alexis]

Let's do it.

[Host 2]

Okay, let's get into it. All right, Alexis, take us away. Tell us your story.

[Alexis]

Okay, so my story starts a long time ago when I was 22. I had just finished nursing school. So excited to be a nurse, I got my first nursing job. And one of the first days on the job, I worked with a guy who was so cute. And I was like. I was like, who's that? And they were like, oh, he's super shy. That's Dan. Like, he doesn't talk to a lot of people. And I was, I don't know, intrigued by him. We didn't really talk. The first time I ever worked with him, he didn't work there full time. He worked there part time. I said I didn't see him for, like, a Week. Then I saw him again. We worked together and I worked the evening shift. So after like 7:00, the patients were in bed, so it was downtime there. And we talked the entire night and we really connected. And I was like, I like him so much. Oh my God. I had a serious boyfriend at the time too, which I told him in conversation. And he's like, oh, okay, well, I'm single. And he had such a good conversation. And then I worked with him another time. We talked the entire night and I gave him my phone number.

[Guest]

Is he also a nurse?

[Alexis]

He's also a nurse. He was also a nurse, so we had that in common. So he called me that night as soon as I got home from work and I was like, hey, I didn't expect you to call me tonight. I just gave you my number. We talked on the phone the entire night. Like, the sun came up. We had so much to talk about. After I hung up the phone, I was like, I'm dumping my serious boyfriend of three years tomorrow. I'm obsessed with this guy. He's amazing. I'm telling my friends, wait, and how long.

[Host 2]

This is how long?

[Alexis]

Had like a week. Like I worked with him three times over a week. I've never even hung out with him outside of work.

[Host 2]

Listen, when you know, you know.

[Guest]

When you know, you know.

[Alexis]

I felt that way, especially if it.

[Guest]

Was like a college boyfriend before and like nursing school boyfriend.

[Alexis]

It was a college boyfriend. So it was my college boyfriend. Like a super nice guy, but we weren't a good match at all. And I felt bad to dump him because he was a really nice guy, but he just wasn't right for me. So I told my friend who worked there also. She was also in nurse there. So I was like, you know who I really like at work? Dan. And I was like, I'm actually gonna break up with my boyfriend for Dan. Like, I. We hit it off. Like, we have so much in common. We have like a crazy connection. And she was like, you're telling me a joke. You must be kidding. Because she had worked with him for a while before I started working there. She was like, he's so strange. He's so quiet. Like, I can never picture you with him. And I was like, you don't know him. Like he is. He's very soft spoken and he's a little bit introverted and I'm the opposite. But we got along great. So she was like, okay, good luck to you.

[Guest]

Opposites attract.

[Alexis]

He was totally opposite. Then I started to find out a Little bit about Dan. Dan grew up in Africa. He came to the US when he was in ninth grade. He was like 14 years old. The country he's from speaks English, so English was his first language. But he had a heavy accent. He was like made fun of in school. He worked really hard to ditch the accents. Didn't. Had a very different high school experience than I did. And then after high school, had gone to nursing school and he was an rn. So we had very different upbringings, very different lives. But one thing we did have in common was that we had weird family dynamics. I'm not close to my parents. I didn't come from like a warm, loving family. And he didn't even really meet his parents until he was 14 because he mostly lived in boarding schools. His parents came to the United States when he was 14, 5.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Guest]

And they left him back.

[Alexis]

They left him behind him and the siblings. And there was a younger brother who will come into this whole story. But he had to be like two or three when the parents left, like a baby. But that is very typical that they will leave the kids with a relative, come to America to establish a life and bring the kids over at a later time. But because of the cost of visiting from the United States to Africa, he didn't see his parents for like 10 years. So he never had a close bond with them. I know it's so strange, but if you talk to anyone else from that country, they'll be like, oh, yeah, no, it makes sense. Any of those countries, they, it's common. Wow. And probably for the first five years that I knew him, he told me very little about growing up in Africa. He's like, one day I'll take you there and you can see it. But I didn't have a great childhood. It was really hard. And he would say like little things here and there, you know, he's like, I lived in a boarding school. We just didn't have enough food. I was always hungry. I never saw my parents. I didn't want to press him. It was like. But I felt so bad for him. I'm like, oh my God. Like, let me love him. I'm a caretaker. I want to take care of this man. He's amazing. And one thing I will say about him, super ambitious. He's like, oh. This was his second job that I met him at. He worked there part time. He had another full time job. He's like, I love to work. I want to make a lot of money. I have big dreams. I want to go back to School. I want to be a nurse practitioner. I want a big house in the suburbs. I want the American dream, Beautiful wife, family. That's my goals. That's what I want. And I was like, oh, my God, that's what I want. I want to be a wife and a mom. That's all I want. We want the same things. And I was like, I work hard. We're a perfect match. So we start dating. It's like, so I can't say he love bombed me. I know everyone, like, starts their stories like that. He just. I don't to this day. He wasn't super over the top. I think he just. He never had a serious girlfriend. He was 25 when I met him. I was 22.

[Guest]

Okay?

[Alexis]

We're three years apart. He was like, I never dated a girl like you before. I never had a serious girlfriend. Like, this is so nice. You're such a good match for me. It wasn't that over the top. We didn't even hang out every single day. So I met him in October, November, December, January. We took a big trip. We went to Miami for the long weekends. We came back from Miami and he told his. He said, you can't meet my parents, because in my culture, if you're bringing a girl to meet your parents, you're telling your parents, this is the girl you're going to marry. And I was like, oh, okay. But then shortly after that Miami trip, he's like, I want you to meet my parents. This is a serious relationship. I really feel like I want you to meet them. He's like, you have to come to church with me on Sunday. You have to meet them in church. Was an African church. It was. I'm super white. I stuck out so much. And he made me sit in church with him the whole Sunday. And then I met the parents, and they were ice cold to me. And I was like, well, nice to meet you. And then we left. And then he called me later and said, my parents are very upset with who I'm dating. I knew that was going to happen, but I tried, and they're throwing me out of the house if we're going to continue dating.

[Guest]

That was like throwing him out of the house. I mean, my mom's passive aggressive when he's not Jewish, but that's the extent of it.

[Alexis]

So I'm also Jewish, but my parents didn't care.

[Guest]

I'm not sure.

[Alexis]

I'm not super close to my parents, but I mean, I lived with them at that time, and they. I was like, he's My mom was like, is he Jewish? I'm like, no, not. Not even close. So then he came to the house. He's like, he's black. I was like, yes. She was like, well, I mean, does he have a good credit score? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, well, that's what matters.

[Guest]

Oh, good for her.

[Alexis]

They were like, okay with it.

[Guest]

I mean, good.

[Alexis]

She was like, credit score over 700. He's fine. He also drove a brand new Mercedes. It was like, so nice. I was 22, so I was like, wow, that's a sign of success.

[Guest]

Yeah. And parents just want stability, right?

[Host 1]

When we get to the end of this story, there is something that our dogfish says to Alexis that makes me so mad. So it'll make more sense when we get to the end. But it's about basically shaming her for some sex fantasy ideas. And I do our little ad for Dipsea. We've done it before. You've probably heard me talk about it, but I just really am passionate about what Dipsea does because of how many people don't feel confident or comfortable exploring their sexuality. Which I do think translates into your confidence and comfortability with yourself and your just desires across the board. Dipsea is a female founded app for spicy audiobooks and more created by Women for women. And their app has over a thousand spicy audiobooks, all crafted by a team of professional writers and top, top tier narrators. And you might think it would be a little cheesy to hear an audio spicy thing, but they're really good guys and a lot of the accents are debilitating. But no matter what you're looking for, that's my favorite thing about this app. It gives you a real chance to explore your fantasies or learn just about your desires, whether you're alone or with a partner. And I do want everyone to have that opportunity to shamelessly do that. Let's talk about the fun stuff. So of the romance genres, we've got contemporary historical, dark sports, Western, Romantasy. That's a new one for me. Sapphic, less new for me. I love all of these, but there's also new chapters released every week, so you'll always find something new to enjoy. And I also love that they have wellness parts of the app too, where you could do like guided breathing things, guided self touch. You can do some learning stuff about sexuality or wellness. They have questions you can go through with a partner. There's just so much. So for listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com TDD that's 30 days of full access for free. When you go to dip S E A stories.com TDD dipsystories.com TDD we'll put all this info in the show notes and if you like it, you should tell me which ones you like because it's fun. Okay? It's really fun. Okay. PSA for anyone who rents where they live. Like me. If you have not heard of bilt, you're about to thank me. It's you can earn points on rent and it's a reality now. When you pay your rent through bilt, you don't even have to check with your landlord to start earning points that you could use toward flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, even your next rent payment. Let me break it down for you. There's no cost to join bilt. I am a member. As a member, you'll earn valuable points on rent and on your everyday spending. Built points can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines and even the ones you haven't heard of. There are over 500 airlines and 700,000 hotels and properties around the world where you can redeem your built points. Points can also be redeemed towards a future rent payment and unique experiences that only built members can access. So if you're not earning points rent, my question is, why not? Why not? Honestly, it's so helpful and they have so many good points connected to local restaurants and places in my area that are really fun and then also obviously all the travel stuff. So start earning points on rent. You're already paying by going to joinbuilt.com TDD that's J-O-I-N B I L t.com TDD make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Join bilt.com TDD to start earning points on your rent payments today.

[Alexis]

So he was like, I'm gonna get an apartment. Would you like to move into it with me? You've been together for like six months at this point. And I was like, okay, that's decent. Yeah, I'll move into an apartment with you.

[Guest]

I mean, especially if he just got thrown out of his parents house.

[Alexis]

They gave him like a week to leave. I don't know. But I went with him to get the apartment. We got it, we moved in. It all was really quick. Then we were living in the apartment and then a like two months after we were living there, we went to Aruba on vacation. And while we were in Aruba, he Was like, now we're sharing some bills because we're living in this apartment. And my parents are still giving me so much pressure because now we're living together and we're not married, and they're super religious. And I just.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah, would you.

[Alexis]

Could we just get married? And I was like, okay, I want to get married, like, so bad. I really did. But I was like, I really don't. We haven't been together, like, a long time at all. What will my friends say if I tell them I'm marrying my boyfriend of eight, seven ones at the time? He's like, it doesn't matter what anyone says. You don't even have to tell anybody. I just want to be able to tell my parents that we got married. And he talked me into it over the vacation. Plus, we were, like, in paradise. So in Aruba. And I just started to really think about it and think, like, he's so stable. Maybe this is a really good choice for me. This guy and I are going to have an amazing life. We already have good careers as it is, and I think this is a great idea. And we got back from Aruba, we went to town hall, we got the marriage license, we picked a date. I did tell my parents, I said, I'm going to get married to him. And they said, please don't tell us anything else. We are not in agreement with this. So we get married. Everything's great. The first year of marriage was incredible. We were so happy. We did a lot of traveling. We had, like, low rent on that apartment. We had great careers. We were making good money. Everything was wonderful. And then I got pregnant, and I was freaking out, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm 24 now. I'm 24. I'm pregnant. We've been together for, like, two years almost.

[Host 2]

Did you feel like you were still too. Did you feel like you were too young for that?

[Alexis]

Yes. So I was like, I can't have a baby this young. Like, what are we gonna do? We don't have any help. My parents are gonna be so mad. And he was like, you can do whatever you want. I don't care either way. He wasn't, like, so excited, but he was like, if you want to have a baby, have a baby. If you don't want to have it, don't have it. I was back and forth, and then we decided to have the baby. And I told my parents when I was, like, six months pregnant, I was like, I have some news.

[Guest]

Oh, God.

[Alexis]

I was, like, sucking in my Stomach. Actually, my mom accused me. I was like, I have something to tell you. She said, I already know what it is. And I said, what? She's like, you got a boob job. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Guest]

You were like, no, but thank you.

[Host 2]

She thought you had a boob job.

[Alexis]

Thank you.

[Guest]

This is milk. I also love the idea of you, like, sitting down your parents to be like, guys, I got a boob job. Like, what if you hold them in the same way that you tell them that they're going to be grandparents?

[Alexis]

I don't like plastic surgery. I don't like it. I don't like it. But I was like, it's not that. So then I told her. She said to me, I just want to let you know that you just ruined your life. Now you will never be able to get rid of this guy. He is going to know you until this baby is 18 years old at a minimum. And I was like, all right, thank you. Yeah.

[Guest]

How did you feel like, what went through your head?

[Alexis]

Didn't expect her to be thrilled about it, but that was like, oh, okay. So we left their house. He's like, oh, don't worry about it. You know how your mom is. It's going to be fine. Once they see the baby, it'll be fine. So he used to go out with friends sometimes, but not often. He didn't have any close friends. His brother was super popular and had a million friends. So he would go out with the younger brother, five years younger. The brother worked in law enforcement, so he would have a lot of friends from law enforcement. And the brother's like a social butterfly, so he would go out with his brother occasionally. So while I was still pregnant, he went out one night with his brother. I actually dropped him off at the place. They went out. I didn't want to go because I was pregnant. I wasn't really invited, but neither here nor there. I even dropped him off because I was like, if you guys are going to be drinking, I don't want you to take your car. I'll even pick you up. Call me later. I went home and I get a call, like 1:00 in the morning from my high school boyfriend. Not the boyfriend I dumped for him. My boyfriend from high school from, like 10 years before. What? But we still were in touch via, like, social media. I haven't talked to him on the phone in, like, at least five or six years. I almost didn't answer it. I was like, hello? And it's so loud in the background. He's like, hey, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm home in my house. He's like, so, so random. I'm out at. He's at the place. And he's like, your husband is here? And I'm like, oh, man. I know. I dropped him off. He's like, yeah, he's here with a girl. He's like, he's. He's here with a girl. She's sitting on his lap. They're making out. And I'm so sorry to tell you, but I'm letting you know.

[Guest]

What a homie.

[Alexis]

I was like, it's not him. He's like, I know what he looks like. He's all over your social media. It's definitely him.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God. You're like, he's got a doppelganger.

[Alexis]

And I was like, it's. It's the brother. Like, he's like, no, his brother is here too, but it's him. And I was like, honestly, I'm pregnant. I was like, this is so cruel of you to do. I immediately turned on him. I was like, please don't contact me again. I can't believe that you would do this to me. And I hung up on him. And I didn't speak to him again for many years. When my husband came home later, I was like, you're not going to believe what happened. And he was like, what? I tell him the story. He's like, that is so awful. Some people could be so jealous of other people's happiness. And I was like, yeah, right. He's like, just so you know, I love you so much. I am so faithful to you. And a whole speech. And I was like, oh, you don't. I don't even believe that for a minute. I don't even question it. You don't even have to justify it to me. I'm hook, line, and sinker. I believe anything you say. So he said, okay. So that happened. Then I have the baby. Things are good with the baby. He's, you know, a good enough dad. He went right back to work. So I was home with the baby for a few months. When the baby was six months old, we start house hunting for our first house. And we end up buying this adorable house. It's like my dream come true. It's so cute. Front porch, three bedrooms. So beautiful. I was 25. We bought our first house. Such a nice area. I thought as soon as we bought the house, he says to me, this is not our forever home. Just so you know, this is a starter home. To me, I want to live in that neighborhood, which was like, on the other side of the same town. And that neighborhood looked like Stepford Wise. And he's like, I want to live there. And I was like, okay. He said, that's my dream. That's my goal. I don't care how hard I have to work, I am going there. So, okay. Then took a managerial position in a hospital, and he worked 7am to 3pm but they weren't exact hours because he was salaried. So if he had meetings and emergencies and things, he would stay later. I was working evenings, so we had opposite shifts, and I was hardly seeing him. My mom would watch the baby for like an hour in between. So he was home every evening all by himself until like sometimes midnight until I got home from work. And I was home every day all day by myself with the baby. So we weren't seeing each other a lot, but it was for the baby. And he was. Seemed to really like his new job. Things are going okay. He's always having to stay late for meetings. And at some point, my mom's like, he's picking up the baby later and later. I don't know what goes on at that job, but they take advantage of him. They keep him so late, he doesn't even get paid for it. I'm like, I know. He said he works too hard. I feel bad. So he's working these long hours, and one night I get home from work, it's midnight. He's definitely asleep in the bed, and his phone was laying on our bedroom floor charging face up. I never knew the password to his phone. He never gave it to me, but I never really asked. He also was not on the same phone plan as me. We had separate phone plans when we married. And then I talked about, let's get them together. And he's like, I get a huge, huge discount from my brother's law enforcement job. We're on a phone plan together. And I can't add anyone else because it's his plan. I have to stay on that plan. I cannot be on the same phone plan as you. He was, like, adamant about this. And I was like, okay. On the front of the phone is a text. It's a girl's name. And it said, had a great evening with you. Have a great day tomorrow, love. And then the girl's name, love. Love you. It said like, love you, love you. It wasn't I love you, but it said like, love you.

[Host 2]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Alexis]

What?

[Host 2]

How old is the Baby, at this.

[Alexis]

Time, under a year, I wake him up. I was like, wake up. I was like, what is this?

[Host 2]

Did your stomach fall into your butt?

[Alexis]

It was the worst feeling. I felt like someone lit my body on fire. And I was like, this is going to be so bad. So he's like, oh. He was so calm. He's like, oh, that. He's like, this girl's so inappropriate. And I was like, what? He's like, this is a girl that I work with. She's at the job. She sits at the desk with me during the day. He's like, she's really like a secretary. I have to sit next to her all day. She got my phone number from the snow chain. There's like, a chain. You call down management. There's a snow emergency, and people can't get into work. He's like, she took my phone number off the snow chain. I never even gave it to her. And she's always texting me. And I asked her to stop, but I don't want to make work uncomfortable by making a big deal of it. He's like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, unlock your phone. I want to read the conversation.

[Guest]

I was going to say, let's see that conversation.

[Alexis]

Then he was like, no. He's like, are you saying you don't trust me? And I was like, no.

[Guest]

Yes. That's exactly what I was like, I.

[Alexis]

Am not unlocking this phone. I'm not unlocking this phone. I refuse to do it. And I was like, okay. A few days later, though, he throws his phone on the kitchen table and tells me, this is the passcode. Feel free to go through it. Oh, great. Which, of course, it was like, there was nothing in it. After that, he starts to be more open with his phone. But I tell my best friends. I'm like, girls, this is what happened. What do you think? They're like, he's lying. He's cheating. You need to find out. So I was like, how? How am I gonna find out? They were like, he's doing it in the evenings when you're not home, obviously. But I'm like, the baby. They're like, you need to bug the whole house. So I was like, okay. Did you do it? Did you do it?

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

Bug the house? Yeah, I did it. Oh, yeah, I did it.

[Guest]

Is that allowed?

[Host 2]

Yeah. Yeah, that's allowed.

[Alexis]

She lives there.

[Host 2]

It's her home.

[Guest]

Okay, great.

[Alexis]

I bought a tape recorder at Staples, like. Like you use in college. It was like, 12 hours of recording. I put it underneath our couch. I started it. I left for work. I dropped the baby off of my mom's. I was at work, all my best girl co workers on, like, I did it. It's under the couch. Tonight's the night. They're like, oh, my God, we're barely getting to the shift, the shift end to, like, go home. I race, oh, my God, he's asleep. I get the recorder. I go back to my car, and I'm shaking uncontrollably, and I'm playing back the tape recorder, and I felt like my ears are deceiving me because I start hearing a girl's voice, and I'm like, what she say?

[Host 2]

What she say?

[Alexis]

Like, they're just talking about work at first, but she was in my house. She's not on speakerphone. She's in my house. She's sitting on the couch that the recorder is under. I was like, he has her in our house with the babies there too.

[Guest]

Disgusting.

[Alexis]

And they're, like, eating dinner together. The baby's there. It really didn't record anything juicy. They're, like, flirting a little bit, but there's no sex or anything in the tape. And I only recorded that one room. And they left the room at some point. And I don't have any more audio you couldn't hear.

[Guest]

Yeah, but that's enough evidence. I mean, all you need to know is that he's not telling you that this woman is a girl's house while.

[Alexis]

I go to work.

[Host 2]

That's enough. That's enough.

[Alexis]

Yeah, and he's the same girl from the text message because he says her name in the tape. So I go in the bed, I lay down next to him, and then I sat up and I. He woke up and he. I called his job and I told his job, he's not going to be into work tomorrow. He's had an emergency take him off the schedule. So the job was like, oh, okay. She said, I'm calling him in dead.

[Guest]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

It's important that I was in his car. I went in his car because then I searched his whole car while I was there. I was like, what's in this fucking car? I want to know anything and everything. So I.

[Host 2]

Did you find her panties?

[Alexis]

What'd you find?

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

I found an American Eagle, women's jacket, size small, in the back seat, which wasn't mine, and it had, like, dog. Like, dog hair inside of it, like the person had a dog. And then I found in his glasses case there was a little note that said, I brought us lunch. He saved it in his glasses case. And there was a flip phone that they had been texting and she had sent him, like, the name of a song. He sent her a dick pic. Oh, there wasn't that much text in there, but enough.

[Guest]

Oh, that's all you need.

[Alexis]

There was a couple other numbers saved, too, that didn't have names. I don't know who they were. I never did really find out. So I woke him up in the middle of the night and I said, I just had the worst nightmare. And he said, what? What nightmare? I said, I had a nightmare that every time I go to work, you have a girl over here and you cheat on me in my own house. He already knew that I knew something. So he said to me, what did you do? What did you do? And I said, I have a whole house on video. He said, video? What rooms are on video? He's looking around for a camera in our bedroom. And I was like, the bedroom in the living room? And he said, tell me what you saw in the videos. I was like, you were here, so you know what I saw. So I know. He's like, so you know that I'm not sleeping with anybody else but you. And I could. I wanted to call his bluff and be like, I saw you guys having sex.

[Host 2]

He was calling your bluff.

[Guest]

Yeah, he was. Or he wanted to see what you knew before he admitted to him what I knew.

[Alexis]

And he's like, so did you get it on video when I told you to leave this house, that this has to stop? And I love my wife. I don't want her coming here anymore. I was like, no, I didn't get that on video. He's like, well, that's what happened. Tonight was the first night she's ever been here, and I'm so sorry for it. But things got out of hand. She came over. This was the only time she's ever been to our house. And I told her, she's got to. This has got to stop. I can't continue on. I love my wife and my child. And he was lying. And I was like, I don't believe anything you're saying. Like, you gotta go. So we fought through the entire night. The sun came up. He left the house. I don't know where he went. Oh, I told him I found the flip phone too. I threw that at him. I was like, and here's your dick pick phone, Yo.

[Guest]

What does he have to say about that? How does he deny that?

[Alexis]

I don't remember what he said about that. But there wasn't much he could say. He came back at some point in the afternoon. He's like, I want to restart our whole marriage. Let's restart the whole marriage. He said, I want to go down to the ocean. I want to throw this phone in the ocean. I want to restart. I love you so much. I would do anything for you. I would do anything you want me to do. I'm going to do it. And I was like, if we get divorced right now, I can't afford this house. I'm going to have to live with my parents. I have this baby. At this point, I had told my best friends what happened. They were like, you have to go to a lawyer. Like, tomorrow. You have to divorce him. He's disgusting.

[Host 2]

Your parents, are they still supportive of you?

[Alexis]

They were supportive enough. Like, they would have taken me in, but I definitely didn't want to go there again. My parents are always like, that guy's an idiot. That's not going to work out. That's marrying him is the worst. My mom's like, I told you, you ruined your whole life. What did I say? I'm always right. So I was like, I can't even face them over this. So I end up throughout the whole day of him crying on his hands and knees. I decide I'm going to forgive him. He said, we can start marriage counseling immediately. He gave me the keys to his Mercedes. I drove a Jetta. He's like, I will take the Jetta. You could have that Mercedes. I don't need a flashy car. I'm not trying to impress anybody. I'm a family man. He's like, I want us to start going to church on Sundays. We're not even religious.

[Guest]

But he's just grasping at straws.

[Host 2]

He's grasping.

[Host 1]

He's like, here, have a Mercedes.

[Alexis]

Have a Mercedes. So we went to marriage counseling. Like, pretty quickly after that. He threw the phone in the ocean. He did a whole dramatic display. And the marriage counselor was so great. I really liked her. And he seemed to like going. And in marriage counseling, he starts to disclose a little bit more about his childhood. And he says, like, how bad it really was. A lot of abuse. And he's so grateful to have someone that finally loves them and he can trust them, but. And I felt really bad for my marriage counseling sidebar. At one point, I was alone in the room with her, and she told me, I just want to tell you that you are totally. You make your own decisions. But he has a lot of tendencies of a narcissist. And the more I found out about his childhood children who grow up so traumatically without any love from anybody. They are the people who tend to become narcissists because they have an unhealthy relationship with love and they are just trying to get it from everywhere as much as they can. And she's like, this behavior with him is going to continue. He's going to try to get love and attention from other people outside of the marriage as much as possible forever. Unless he does deep therapy one on one with somebody, this marriage counseling is not going to be enough. But she said, if you accept this behavior that he does and you want to look the other way, then you know that's your decision. And I felt like, oh my God, she's an idiot. She doesn't know him. He's the best. He's a great man. He made a bad mistake. Everybody makes a mistake. And also he continually tells me he never slept with her. He maintains it till he's never. To this day, to this very day. My child is a teenager now to this day. If you asked him like with a gun to his head, you'd be like, I never had sex with that girl, ever.

[Host 2]

He's Bill Clinton.

[Alexis]

He. He never had sexual relations with that woman. Woman. Yeah, no, literally, that woman. And he changed his job too. He immediately applied for a different position in the hospital. So he didn't work with her anymore. That was part of his deal with me.

[Host 2]

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[Alexis]

So I forgive him and we get back together. We never really were apart and we go on with our lives and then fast forward because it looks like he's.

[Host 2]

Doing the work he seemed to be.

[Alexis]

Doing the work he did. He went to marriage counseling with me for a full year. Kind of trickled out. We stopped going and I. I didn't want to see him as that kind of guy that does that stuff.

[Guest]

That's a great way to put that. By the way, a lot of people have.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Have shared it that way too.

[Alexis]

I wanted to believe that he was who I married, that I. Who I wanted him to be. And he sometimes times, was that guy. He could be a great guy. And the dynamic of our relationship became that. As long as I didn't ask him about where he was and what he was doing and be obsessive about his phone, things were great. And if I asked him any questions that were on, like, a do not ask list, was a lot of problems for me. He would ice me. He would leave the house. He wouldn't come back for the whole night and not tell me where he went.

[Host 2]

A do not ask list.

[Alexis]

He'd be like, you can't ask me about what I'm doing all the time. That's not fair. I said, I'm sorry for the one event, and I've never done it again. And you have to just trust me.

[Host 2]

No.

[Alexis]

Can't be constantly interrogating me about where I am and what I do.

[Host 2]

I want to hear from, like, a professional if that's, like, what. What they. Is that, like, an appropriate standard or an appropriate expectation? I want to know.

[Guest]

It's interesting.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Guest]

I feel like a lot of people. I'm sure I've heard many times people doing the thing where they're like, am I going to be paying for this one mistake forever?

[Alexis]

The marriage counselor did say, marriage counseling. If you choose to forgive him, you really have to choose to forgive him. You can't throw the affair in his face for the rest of your marriage.

[Host 2]

I get that.

[Guest]

But that doesn't mean you can't ask for reassurance.

[Alexis]

So she did say that, too, which is like. And you have to be totally transparent with her going forward so that she feels comfortable that she can. You can re. Earn her trust. Yeah, I, like, I am. I deleted my social media. I threw my phone in the ocean. I'm transparent. It's out there. So after that happened, some other things that had happened earlier in the marriage, I did look at a little bit differently, too. At one point, he had told me about someone at his job that was having an affair and had gotten the girl pregnant. And he's like, yeah, the guy's so stressed out, he's trying to convince the girl not to have the baby so his wife doesn't find out. Was like, a crazy story. And I was like, was that about him? Like, was that about him? I always felt like I had a million little pieces of puzzle, but I could never make a puzzle because I never really caught him doing anything at this point. And I couldn't throw my Life away for, like, gossip. Rumors. I heard from this person who heard from that person that he did something. So we end up having another baby. We have two babies now. I have a girl and a boy. It's really cute. Things are going well because I don't want to see what he's doing. Years go by. Nothing crazy happens for a lot of years because I just stop investigating him. He goes to work. He doesn't always come home. I don't know what he does. I don't ask a lot of questions about it because I don't want to be iced and treated like shit for three days. Yeah, I kind of make peace with my life. And people were like, that sounds horrible. But it wasn't because I loved being a mom. The kids were amazing. I was working as a nurse. I had a great job. I was so happy. I work with a great team of nurses. I have a lot of best friends. I spent a lot of time with them, and my life was really good. I was really happy. When my second child was, like, five years old, I told him that, I want to have another baby. I love being a mom. That's all I want. And he's like, I want to go back to school to become a nurse practitioner. So I said, you could do that. And I want to have another baby. So that's what we start working on. I get pregnant with the third baby. He's in school to be a nurse practitioner. He's about to graduate. Toward the end of my pregnancy. He tells me toward the end of my pregnancy that he has to do a clinical rotation. It has to be in Texas, and we live in New York. He's like, I got to go to Texas for a month. I'm going to be staying in an Airbnb. I was like, okay. Like, that's. I'm going to leave me here seven months pregnant while you go to Texas. And he's like, it's fine. I'm going to talk to you every day. He leaves me seven months pregnant with the two kids. Also, my mom's helping me. And he goes to Texas. And the time he's in Texas, he really was in Texas. What he was doing there, I don't know, because I couldn't get in touch with him. Sometimes for days at a time.

[Guest]

That's horrible.

[Alexis]

Yeah. He'd be like, I'm so busy. I'm so sorry. Texas has terrible cell service. They're known for that. And he was always like, a story, and it was like a quick story, and a good story was really good at it.

[Guest]

People from Texas, let us know if you're known for bad cell service.

[Host 2]

We need to know about y'all Texans.

[Guest]

I have not heard that. Let's just say where.

[Alexis]

Where's that part of Texas? Maybe not all, but that very part of Texas.

[Guest]

Of course, actually, only the spots that he's in is known for badge service.

[Alexis]

I said part, but I booked the Airbnb that he stayed in. So I had the Airbnb lady that owned the house, and at some point I called her and I was like, hey, I have not been able to get in contact with my husband all weekends. I very concerned. So she tells me, oh, he left the Airbnb for the weekend with his brother. He's visiting from New York, and they're staying in, like, the major city of Texas. I'm not even. I'm not going to say the city, because I don't remember what city it was, but a major city in Texas. And I was like, really interesting. He didn't answer his phone all week, and he calls me, like, late midnight on Sunday, like, hey, I've been so busy. I was like, no, no, no, Just stop. Because I spoke to the owner of the Airbnb, and she told me that your brother is there, and you guys would have been partying all weekend and staying at a hotel somewhere. He's like, yeah, you knew that? Oh, I was like, I did not know.

[Host 2]

When did you know that?

[Alexis]

He acted like he had told me that. I don't know, but he acted like he had told me that, and I forgot. And he's like, pregnancy brain. I told you that.

[Host 2]

Oh, I'm pregnant brain. Stop.

[Alexis]

He blamed me.

[Guest]

Oh, he's awful.

[Alexis]

He gets back from Texas and he tells me we can't have any sex because I'm pregnant, and he's worried about it. It was some weird story. I was like, I haven't seen you in a month. He's like, we cannot have sex because I just feel like it's not right while you're pregnant. I was like, okay, something happened in Texas. I'm never gonna know what happens. I'm telling all my best friends this again. And they're like. My friends are like, alexis, wake up. He did something in Texas and he doesn't want you to know about it. He has some kind of disease and he.

[Host 2]

Yeah, that's exactly where my head went.

[Alexis]

But again, I can't prove it.

[Host 2]

Girl, the proof is in the femtuition.

[Alexis]

But you know what? Like, I. Women have to see it. You have to, like, I couldn't throw away my family for, like, a hunt.

[Host 2]

Yep.

[Guest]

That's why people call mackenzie.

[Host 2]

It's absolutely true.

[Alexis]

Well, stay tuned, ladies, because I get there.

[Host 2]

Oh, no, girl.

[Alexis]

So then during this time, he finished school, he graduates. He knows he's going to get a big promotion. He's like, let's buy that dream house over in pleasantville over there. So I'm like, oh, God. It's like going to double our mortgage payments. It's so expensive. He's like, let's do it. We move into the new house. The new baby's an infant, and we have the other two kids. The house is five bedrooms in ground pool. Like a dream house. So gorgeous. Now I live in my dream house. During this time, my first house that I lived in, my next door neighbor. We had become best friends. And then I bought my new house, and my next door neighbor, like, three doors down, became my other best friend. So those are two of my best friends in the world. So now I live in the new house. He's always working. And fast forward Covid hits, and he starts working crazy, erratic hours. He works full time at a hospital near my house, and he takes a Covid contract. You could do contractual nursing jobs for, like, six weeks, three months. They were paying them boatloads of money. He's like, this is our chance. We're going to make so much money during COVID And I was like, I'm kind of worried. Like, I don't want you to get sick. I'm so concerned about him and his health. He says, this is a great opportunity for us, Alexis. We can put a roof on the house. We could do a new kitchen. I got to take all these jobs. So I was like, okay. He also starts a business doing cosmetic injectables like botox, lip fillers, all those things. So he has that business now, and he has these other two jobs, and he takes a third job as an adjunct professor at a university by our house. And he's working, like, weekends doing, like, clinical rotation with nursing students.

[Guest]

So he's never home.

[Alexis]

He's never home. And he works nights mostly, so we've gone overnight. So I'd say to him, I can't remember what job you're going to. Can you just write it down on a calendar? I don't know where you are. I can't keep track of it. And he can't ever give me his work schedule. It's just too complicated. He doesn't even practically know. It's so crazy. I can't keep track of want you.

[Host 2]

He doesn't want to. Okay. Right.

[Guest]

He's confusing you and tiring you out. Yeah. And were you seeing like you were seeing the money? Like, as he worked more, you would see that he was making more money.

[Alexis]

His main hospital job that he had all along, before COVID hit, we had a joint checking account. My paychecks went in there. I still worked full time at this. His hospital job that he worked three days a week went into that account. And then all his other jobs went to a totally different bank. And he said that's where he had his business account. And he wanted it that way because of his business. His business was the excuse for all of that. And sometimes he would sell money from that bank into our joint checking account for extra things.

[Host 2]

So you couldn't keep track of how much money?

[Alexis]

No, I had no clue.

[Host 2]

You couldn't see if there was, like, how much money was coming in or not coming in, if any.

[Alexis]

I don't even know. And I was telling my best friends, I'm like, he's always gone. I don't even know where he works. And now we got a second cell phone for the injectable business.

[Host 2]

Oh, no.

[Alexis]

He will, like, call me from different phones. I'm like, I'm so. I'm so confused. I feel confused all the time. One of my best friends was like, you know, my friend so and so, you know, she cheated on her husband and they ended up getting divorced. But, you know, her affair went on for a long time. You should talk to her. So one night I'm over the house and she's there, and I talked to her. I said, how did you get away with that? She's like, I had jobs. And I would always confuse him about my schedule, about where I was. And then she said, on my days off work, I would have errands to run, and something would go wrong with the errands. So I'd be gone extra long because there was a mishap. Wow.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Alexis]

The color drained from my face because my.

[Guest]

Yeah, my face right now.

[Alexis]

I'm like, doesn't it sound like she wrote a book? And he read it? I'm like, yes. Yeah. The day after she said that, he was off work, and he's like, I gotta go out. I'm going to the gym and I'm going to grab groceries. I was like, okay, he's gone for like six hours. He comes back. I'm like, where were you for six hours? He's like, I went to the gym by my brother's. House because I worked out with him. And he's like, I went to go buy salad materials. He's like, maybe you don't watch the news, but I do. There is an E. Coli breakout. There is no romaine lettuce in any stores. I have been to, like, six stores.

[Host 2]

I don't like it.

[Alexis]

And it was true. There was, like, an E. Coli breakout in the romaine.

[Guest]

Oh, my God. Just make pasta.

[Alexis]

Additionally, my friends were like, he works out so much, and he's literally fat. And I was like, I never. I never thought about that. He said, getting in worse shape. He's never. He's never looked fit. I don't think he goes to a gym at all.

[Host 1]

My God.

[Host 2]

Why is he gaining? Why is he fat?

[Alexis]

He has this crazy work schedule. He has two phones. Like, this is all shady. Then a couple of other things happened. Something was wrong with his car. And he tells me that, oh, something's wrong with my car because my brother had borrowed it and drove it on the beach, and he caused something in the car to break. And I was like, your brother borrowed your car? He's like, yeah. I was like, you didn't tell me your brother took the car. He's like, I don't have to tell you everything that goes on. And I was like, he just has, like, a whole, like, social life that I don't ever know what he's doing. Like, something isn't right.

[Host 2]

How long is this going on?

[Alexis]

This is all going on over the course of at least a year. One little shady thing after another. But it's just, like, pieces of shady things. Pieces, pieces. Then I get something to the house that was like. I'm saying it's a cell phone bill, but it actually wasn't a bill. It was something about his cell phone. I opened it up. It was mail, and it had two phone numbers on it. One was the work phone, and one was another phone number that I've never seen. So I brought it over the neighbor's house. My best friend, neighbor. And I was like, did you call it? I called it, and it didn't have a voicemail set up. And then I waited when he got home, and I said, what is this other phone number? He's like, oh, my brother has that phone. I was like, everything is his brother.

[Guest]

Everything is his brother.

[Alexis]

What? The brother's, like, number one scapegoat. He's like, because he needs a phone that's undetectable for his job. You know, that he does a lot of undercover work. I was like, doesn't the police department provide undercover phones for them? He's like, you don't want the police know the police department to know everything you have to do for your job. And I was like, that sounds illegal. I don't know.

[Guest]

That's like, I'm not sure. But, no.

[Host 2]

I'm a detective, but I don't want the police department to know what I'm doing now.

[Alexis]

I'm like, something's shady with the brother. He has a shady phone. For some reason, I do find out his brother does have that phone because I go through his backpack one night while it's the daytime. He used to work nights. He was sleeping during the day in the house. Every now and then when he was sleeping during the day, I would ransack his car and his work bag, never finding anything, really. But he had a work iPad. He used to watch movies at night on. And I go to the messages. And he had been messaging with that phone. That's how I realized his brother did have it. There wasn't much that was said between them. It was like, nonsense conversation, really. But he sent his brother a screenshot.

[Guest]

Probably not scheduling the gym visits.

[Alexis]

They were not at the gym. No.

[Host 1]

Okay, screenshot.

[Alexis]

He sent his brother a screenshot of an nclex, which is the boards that nurses take. Every nurse takes it to become a nurse. When you pass your nclex, then you're considered, like, a regular registered nurse or licensed practical nurse, whichever one you take. But it said rn, nclex pass. And it was a screenshot of the test result, and he sent it to his brother. So I was like, whose test result is that? At this point? I'm in my mid-30s. Like, we don't. And he's older than me. We don't know anyone that just finished college that took boards. Like, who would that be? So I confronted him about it. I said, what is this shit? Whose NCLEX pass results is this? First of all, he's like, did you go through my car again? You went through my backpack? He's like, I'm seriously worried about you. I feel like you're into mental illness. Oh, okay. You're obsessed with this. You don't. You own my schedule. You go through my stuff. You never leave me. I have no peace. I work so hard for this family. I have 10 jobs. I come home, all I want to do is get some rest, and you're going through all my stuff. He's like, that is. One of my brother's friends just took their boards. He asked me, look, up the results and send it to him. I was like, no, you can't look up other people's results.

[Host 2]

Yeah, that's not a thing.

[Alexis]

It's not public. You can't look up someone's public. It's not public. I know because I'm a nurse. I took an nclex. I know.

[Guest]

Does he think you're in a nurse?

[Alexis]

He's trying to confuse me in saying that he can look it up because he's a professor at a university and he has special abilities to do that.

[Guest]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

So this is another weird thing, but what am I going to make of that? I don't know. Then the semester that he was teaching at school ended. He had two clinical groups on Saturdays and Sundays. One group gave him a thank you gift for being their professor, which they always do, Like a gift card to Dunkin Donuts. Thank you for this semester. And the other group didn't give him anything. I didn't see anything. So I said, they didn't give you a thank you gift. And he said, no. He's like, that group sucked. I told you that. I couldn't stand them. I was like, oh, okay. Again, telling my best friends. They're like, there's no other group, Alexis. He doesn't have another job. He goes out and does whatever he wants on Sundays and pretends that he's at a fake job. I was like, I don't believe this.

[Guest]

This is like.

[Alexis]

This is all happening in rapid succession. I still can't see it. I can't believe it. I don't see it. At this point, I don't know what I need, but this isn't it. It's not enough for me. What I really needed was someone to, like Clockwork Orange me, peel my eyes open with a machine and make me watch him have sex with another girl. And I'd be like, okay, yes, I'm ready. But I didn't have that. And I just never really caught him cheating. I'm driving home from work, and I see in my car some weird thing plugged into the dashboard. So I pull it out. I Google it. It's a tracker. He's tracking my vehicle. I come home, I was like, are you tracking my vehicle? He said, yeah, that's Progressive Snapshot. I know you guys are sponsored by them. He said, yes, it is, and he doesn't want to have another conversation. I called Progressive. Shout out to the lady at Progressive. She's like, no, girl, that is not progressive. Snapshot is blue. It says Progressive in orange letters across It. It says our logo. That is.

[Guest]

Oh, love her.

[Alexis]

She's like, you need to leave that man. He's tracking your vehicle.

[Host 2]

Shout out. Progressive Customer Service.

[Alexis]

She actually told me, like, her whole life story. I was on the phone with her for, like, 30 minutes.

[Guest]

That's beautiful.

[Alexis]

She raised two boys all by herself. She did it.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

Her husband left her for his secretary. She told me so. Lady at Progressive? Yeah. God damn it.

[Guest]

She was like, what's his number? I'll get him.

[Alexis]

She was like, this isn't right. Why is he tracking her? So then I confronted him. I was like, I call Progressive. He's like, it's an independent tracker. I'm going to submit the results to Progressive. I was like, no, stop. Just please stop if you're embarrassing yourself now. So one of my best friends works in the same hospital as him. The local hospital to our house, but she is in the or. And the OR nurses clock into the or. They stay in the or. It's a sterile, clean unit. They give you your clothes at work. You change out of your clothes at work. They eat there. They. And they go back to their cars at the end of their shift. OR nurses don't always. No other nurses in the hospital. But I was like, I need you to find out intel on him in that hospital. Like, you need to ask around about him. She's like, I never leave the or. I'm like, you've got friends. Like, I need you to ask around. So she does, and she gets back to me right away. She's like, I really like a couple friends, but one of them is a nurse manager up on whatever floor. And she actually mentioned to me that she just saw him the other day go in the break room with a nurse. And it was a really weird exchange. And she said the nurse's name. So now she's like, it's that girl Polly. Does that name sound familiar to her to you? And I was like, I don't know who that is. She's like, me either. So we Google her. We're like, let's see who she is. She has a Facebook that she hasn't been active on since, like, high school. And then she has an Instagram that's private. I have no mutual friends with her. I'm like, damn it. So my best friend looks. She's like, I have a mutual friend. She's like, this guy is a chef at my brother's job. I hardly know him, but I'm going to. I'm going to get in contact with him.

[Guest]

We're going to ask him.

[Alexis]

She, like, calls her brother, gets his phone number, called him. She's like, so random. Could you please. We'll do anything. Please screenshot this random girl's Instagram and send it to us. And the guy does it. He does it. Almost right away. She's like, I got her Instagram. So it's nothing. It's like, new bag. Like, there's nothing crazy. I'm looking at the pictures and then I literally almost threw up because I. Oh, no. The most recent post and she hardly posts is the nclex pass results, the.

[Host 2]

Same ones that he sent his brother.

[Alexis]

And I was like, it's her, it's her. This is the girl. There's something with this girl. Like this. There's. I've seen this picture before. I have seen this picture. And it's so, like, finally passed my board. Now.

[Host 2]

Bingo. Bingo.

[Alexis]

Got him, Holly. So I. My best friend's like, you do not reach out to her. Do not contact her. We need to get more intel. And then the last strike. So I'm driving to pick my kids up from work. A lady calls me from my health insurance company and asks me do I want to switch my prescription medications over to mail delivery. So I said, I don't take any prescription medications, but my husband takes one pill for his blood pressure. So she's like, okay. And she's like, just give me the name of the prescription and the dose and I can switch it over. So I give it to her. And she's like, does he take any other medications? And I was like, I don't think so. I was kind of laughing. She's like, you don't know what other medications he takes. And I was like, he doesn't take any others. She's like, okay, well, ask him if he takes any other medications and you can give me a call back.

[Guest]

Oh, my God. She's like, looking at her screen and watches True Crime and knows what to ask.

[Alexis]

So I don't actually think she could even see his medications, though. I think she just said it. I don't know. He's in the shower. I go through his work bag. He kept his prescription bottle of his blood pressure medication it in his work bag. I open it up and it's mixed pills, like, different pills. And there's not all the blood pressure pills. It's other pills that are totally different color. So I googled the number audit, and it's Cialis, which is basically Viagra. And we, like, hardly ever had sex. So I was like, I've never seen this in my life. I don't know where he gets it from. I never knew he took it. I'd never know him to have that ever. So I again, tell my best friends. I'm like, he's tasialis in his bag. They were like, well, I don't know. Could be anything. I'm like, the Viagra was the last straw. I said, I am going to hire a private investigator to follow him. This is what I need. I need a private investigator to tell him that's. Did you do it?

[Host 2]

Did you do it?

[Alexis]

Did you do it? So I Google private investigators near me a bunch come up. One is a woman. So I picked her.

[Host 2]

Yes, because of course you did.

[Alexis]

I trust the women the most. She was young. She was awesome. I tell her the whole situation. She's like, I'm going to be totally honest. You. I hate cheating cases. I hate doing surveillance. It's very expensive. It's hit or miss. I can sit on a case for hours and see nothing, or I could get something. And so at this time, I think he's cheating on me in the city. Because he would go to the city half the week to work at a hospital there.

[Host 2]

She's not wrong. She's not wrong.

[Alexis]

But we lived in the suburbs, so I was like, I don't think he's cheating on me in the suburbs where we live. I think he's cheating on me in the city. She's like, if you wanted me to surveil him in the city, I need two people for surveillance in the city because of public transportation. She's like, it's like $1,000 an hour. It gets crazy. She's like, I don't recommend it. She's like, here's what I'm going to tell you to do. She's like, who owns his vehicle? I was like, it's in my name. It's actually my vehicle track. Perfect. She said, track his vehicle. So I said, no, he's going to see the tracker. He actually tracked me. She's like, no, no, no. I'm going to tell you. A tracker to get. He's never going to see it. It's a magnet under the car.

[Host 2]

Yep.

[Alexis]

And charge it for a long charge. It lasts for a week. You're going to get the program that goes with it. And you call me back in one week and tell me where he drove to. So she's like, you don't need to hire me. Track his car and call me back. I was like, okay. So my one best friend buys the tracker and another best friend activates it. And we put it under his car and we're tracking him. And the first couple of days, he doesn't go anywhere. He goes to where he says he's going. And I'm like, almost disappointed. I'm like, oh, all this and he's not even doing anything. Day three comes, it's a Thursday. He comes into the kitchen, he's getting ready to leave for work, and he takes one of those Viagra pills right in front of me because he thinks I don't even know and I'm not even paying attention. I watch him take it. He leaves the house, five o'clock, two hours before his shift starts, by the way. I'm like, we go to work early. He's like, I gotta go in early. He leaves the house. He goes, I have a group chat with all my best friends. I'm like, guys, it's on. He just left. And he took Viagra. Like, it's on. Tonight's our night. So we're all waiting to see. It's not like maps. It's not. It's like things as it's going. So you watch like little red dots popping up as he's driving.

[Guest]

This is so like Criminal Minds.

[Alexis]

We're like all watching. He goes to an apartment complex 10 minutes from the house. He parks and he's there all night. At some point, I have my mom come to the house and my best friend and I go in her car to the apartment complex. His car is there. It's the apartment building. So I don't know where he is in this building. And the compass is on the side of the building, it's not in the front. So even if he walked out of the building, I couldn't see which door he came out of because you'd have to be in the woods to see that. And it was the middle of the winter and I'm not going in the woods. And this. I was like, we got to get out of here. So we just left. So now my blood is boiling. I call the private investigator back. I'm like, listen, I tracked his car like you said. He went to an apartment building overnight and he's cheating on me with someone in an apartment, but I don't know what apartment he went to. So she's like, let me help you out. I can do a quick five minute search for you and tell you every address associated with his name. Maybe we could find it like that. So she goes, she's like, oh, it's this. Is this the apartment complex. I was like, yes, ma'am. She's like, this is an apartment that he gets mail at or has gotten mail at. It's associated with his name. I had the unit number, now she gave it to me. So I go to my neighbor best friend's house and I say like, this is the apartment. This is the unit that he was at. We have to find out who lives there. Did you go in gun to blaze and what happened? So she googles the address of the unit and sees the listing for when it went up to be. For like when it was up to be rented, when it was still empty. And she. This apartment was leased eight months ago. So I was like, whose apartment do you think it was eight months ago? She's like, I don't know, but the real estate company, my sister in law works for them. I'm going to call her right now. We call the sister in law and she's able to pull up the lease agreement on her computer. And she's like, it's signed by Dan. Oh, it's his apartment. He has a.

[Guest]

Oh my God. It pays to know people, to know people who know people. Man, that's wild.

[Alexis]

My neighbor was like, do you need anything else? I'm like, oh my God. Do you think that he's like super depressed and he's been going there alone just to cry? Like, there's a mattress in the middle of the apartment. She's like, no, no, I don't think that. No. I was like, it could be. It could be.

[Guest]

Oh, he poor thing.

[Alexis]

So there. It's the middle of the day, all our kids were in school. We drive over to the apartment complex again.

[Host 2]

How far is this from your house?

[Alexis]

I'm saying 10 minutes. It's probably less.

[Host 2]

Oh, okay.

[Alexis]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God. That's what the PI said.

[Alexis]

So close. So we go to the apartment. We're gonna knock on the door as the plan. But as we get closer, walking down the sidewalk in front, it's a ground level apartment with a door entry and there's two windows next to the front door. I can see from a distance there's a ring doorbell. And I was like, go back, go back. There's a ring doorbell. I don't want to be on the ring. And she's like, okay, so we go back, we go back home. I was like, we gotta regroup, we gotta think about this. The following day, I send my kids to school. I'm pacing my back and forth, and I'm on the phone with my three best friends. I was like, I have to get into that apartment. I have to see inside that apartment. Because everything in my life depends on what's in there. Like, what I'm going to do next. Am I going to burn this house down and throw my whole life away? I have to know what he has in there. Every secret in his life is in there. Yeah.

[Guest]

Did you think so? Obviously, your friends were like, he's cheating, but. So you said you thought he could be depressed. What were the stories you were telling yourself to convince yourself that maybe it wasn't.

[Host 1]

Wasn't cheating?

[Host 2]

I.

[Alexis]

So I told myself that maybe he really is going through so much depression. Like, he's seen so many bad things during COVID He's been in so many major hospitals. And I felt like maybe he just kept all that in. Maybe I haven't been supportive of him enough through that. And he had said that to me. And he's just like, you're so busy with the kids. I really started to kind of feel sad for him in a way. I thought, like.

[Host 2]

And blame yourself, probably.

[Alexis]

Maybe he's going through something, and I'm so blind to it that I'm so focused on my kids and my job in my life. I haven't even seen it. And he got a separate apartment to have peace from that. I feel sad for him. So I tell the private investigator, I'm gonna break into this apartment somehow. She's like, you've been arrested. I was like, no, I'm a soccer mom. I drive a minivan. I don't even have a speeding ticket. I'm in the most vanilla person you're ever gonna meet. Just like, well, I'm not a lawyer. I can't give you, like, legal advice. But it's technically marital property if it belongs to him. And I don't really think anything's gonna happen. So I guess it's. It's up to you. Just like, if it was me personally and it was my husband, I break in, I was like, okay, thank you. I tell my best. My neighbor best friend. I'm like, I'm going there. I'm gonna break in. So it's the middle of the day still. Covid times. Everyone's masked. I put on mask. My mask. I put on sunglasses. I put on his down.

[Guest]

I was gonna say, are you gonna wear, like, a ski mask for. To get around this ring?

[Alexis]

I didn't even have to. I didn't even have to because everybody was dressed like that.

[Guest]

I'm glad you didn't. That's too scary.

[Alexis]

Ladies. Everybody was walking around like that at this time. Everyone had a mask on. It was the best time.

[Guest]

It was a great time for crime. Robbers.

[Host 2]

It was the best time to do crime.

[Guest]

Great time for crime.

[Alexis]

The best test. And I. I had been there the day before, so I knew which side of building to approach, because I don't want to be caught on the ring camera. There's two windows next to the front door, so I approached from the side furthest from the door, and I got to the window, and I had a little crowbar, and I was like, I'm just. It was a slider window. I had seen it the day before. I'm like, I'll just be able to slide this open with the crowbar, like, in every movie. So there was a screen. I'm on the phone with my best friend. I'm like, there's a screen. Just, like, take it off.

[Host 2]

Hold on, hold on. Timeout, offsides. Hold on. Too many players on the field. Listen, I just want to make it clear that on the Dating Detectives, we do not condone breaking and entering. And so I just want to put a trigger warning out there. This is not something we condone, but this is part of our guest story, so we're going to let Alexis.

[Guest]

And it's also entertainment purposes only. This whole podcast is entertainment purposes.

[Alexis]

I've never done anything illegal in my life, like, ever. Only underage drinking. That's it. Okay, okay.

[Host 2]

So now that we've given that disclaimer.

[Guest]

No, we have. We had to cover our bases. Alexis, we are obsessed with you. Back to the crowbar.

[Alexis]

So the screen just. I literally touched the screen. It was so old. It just, like, fell off. So anticlimactic. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Guest]

Like, the movies were more fun.

[Alexis]

Let me carefully pry this window open. I go to, like, pry it, and the window just, like, cracks. I'm like, oh, it didn't work. It just cracked. So I'm like, what should I do? The window just, like, cracked. It was, like, a slow crack, too. I was like, watching it travel. She's like, just knock the window out with the crowbar. Come on. I was like, all right, just use the crowbar. I just, like, hit it so many times. All the glass shatter, and I just jumped through the window. Oh, my God, guys, my whole body's shaking. I can't. I'm, like, shaking uncontrollably. Actually, I could hang up the phone with her at some point because I couldn't hold the phone. My hand was shaking so much. I was like, I'm in the apartment. I'm in the apartment. I land on their bed.

[Guest]

This is Mission Impossible Alexis edition.

[Alexis]

I'm on the bed. I get up. The apartment, first of all, is so nice. It's fully decorated. And some of the decorations are from my house that he's been secretly sneaking out. And I didn't even notice it was missing, like, stuff in our basement. There's a painting hanging in the bedroom, and I'm like, that's mine.

[Host 2]

Okay. Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

I'm still on the phone with my best friend right now because I'm like, what should I do? She's like, open the closet. What do you say? I'm like, his clothes halfway was his clothes. The other closet was her clothes. I'm like, oh, her clothes. She's like, open the drawers. I'm like, I'm not ransacking anything. I was, like, totally respectful of this space, whatever it was. I just wanted to stay.

[Host 2]

Were you respectful of the space of the love nest?

[Alexis]

My lawyer later called it so totally respectful of the love nest. I'm, like, looking in the drawers. I'm like, checking her bra size. I'm like, okay. And then I opened the night table. It's full of sex toys, bonded shit, lube, condoms, like, anything you can imagine to have sex with, which he never had sex with me like, that, ever. We had, like, the most missionary, vanilla, wholesome sex life anytime. I'd be like, do you want to, like, spice it up? He'd be like, you're a slut. That's disgusting. Please be, like, so horrified. He'd be like, what?

[Guest]

That's traumatizing that experience right there.

[Alexis]

I'm seeing, like, all this, like, a dildo. I'm like, oh, my God, like, what? What? So I actually said to my best friend, I'm like, do you think he's had sex with her? She's like, no. I. I still couldn't believe it. So then I go in the kitchen. The fridge is full of food. They have a full spice rack. They're cooking that much that he needs every spice. They must have been going there a lot. I continued through the apartment. They have a desk. He has a computer on it, which I didn't touch. And there was a printout of a trip. They had taken a weekend trip that weekend. I had gone away for a travel sports competition from one of my children, and I had all the kids with me. And my best friend had gone, and I couldn't get in touch with him that weekend, only, like, via text. He wouldn't answer his phone for some reason or another. And I remember my best friend saying, like, that song, like, say my name. Say my name. She's like, make him answer the phone and say your name. Where is he? I'm like, he's working. He's working. But he wasn't working. He was on a trip with her. I go into the closet. They had my beach bag that I've been looking for all summer. Like one of those big bog bags because they've been going to the beach with. With my beach. I was like, I'm taking the beach bag. So rude. I couldn't fit it through the window, so I didn't take it. I was like, really? You took me beach bag over here? Like, this is so rude. It is.

[Host 2]

And those bog bags are expensive, FYI.

[Alexis]

It was a really nice one. It was really nice. I still don't have it back, ladies. He kept it. He had a bless our nest pillow on his couch. Bless our nest.

[Host 2]

You stop it right now.

[Alexis]

It was like the ultimate offense. I'm like, there was like a sex game. And the table, like, next to the couch, like, they just had sex all over the house. And then by the front door was his and her Yeezy slides. And he had just bought the same easy slides for he and I. They were at our house by our front door. Matching set as well. And I was like, okay, I've seen enough here. I'm going to go. I'm going to let myself out the window. I exited the window. I went back to my photos. I took some. I took photos of her closet. I took, like, one other photo, but I. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't even use my phone.

[Guest]

No, for sure. But you got some evidence.

[Alexis]

I felt like I was in that. It didn't even matter. In the end, I was the one who needed to see it like nobody else. But I felt like I was in the apartment for, like, three hours. In reality, it was probably like a minute. I really wasn't there long. I drove to my best friend's house. I come inside. She's like, oh, my God, are you okay? I'm like, so weird because I feel amazing. I feel like someone just cut a noose off my neck that I had been wearing for three years.

[Host 2]

The relief because. Because you knew for that long.

[Alexis]

And I felt like I was going crazy. I wasn't going crazy as a full girlfriend. A full second life at this apartment with this girl. So, of course, being the most empathetic person I am I'm like, we have to tell the girl that he has a wife and kids. And I really do feel bad about that. So she's like, yeah. So the private investigator. I had actually given her that girl's name. And she gave me her phone number, like, one second. So I sent her, like, a very heartfelt text, and I was like, I am so sorry to be reaching out to you. My name is Alexis. I'm married to Dan. We have three kids. We are fully married, living together. I don't know what you heard, but he's not single, and I am so sorry. And she wrote back, lol. What are you talking about? And I was like, she doesn't understand what I said. And my friend's like, yes, she does. She knows about his wife and kids, you idiot. I was like, she's. She's not dogfish. She knows. She's like, she definitely knows. She's, like, living with him. She has to know. Which she did know. Which was even more sad for me. I'm like, she knew about me.

[Guest]

What about. Sorry, I should wait.

[Host 2]

How long was he with her? Do you know now how long he was with her?

[Alexis]

I've spent a lifetime trying to piece the whole timeline together. She had mail there, by the way, when I went in the apartment, and I saw her name. So I was like, okay, it's Polly. It's confirmed. Like, there's no question. Someone later sent me a picture of them at a housewarming party. That was taken when my baby. When I was. When my baby was first born and when this will happen. My baby was, like, three. So, like, three years. They were on and off.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

After this happened, I went to a lawyer the following day. She's like, let's. Let's get this going. I'm like, I want a divorce. I want to file for divorce. We were supposed to go to Disney World in, like, three weeks. He comes home from work. I'm standing in the kitchen, and I say to him, I canceled the Disney World trip. And he was like, why? Why would. Why cancel Disney World trip? I'm like, I don't want to go with you. And he's like, why? I'm like, because the whole secret apartment that you have doesn't sit right with me. He was like, what did you do? What did you do? And I was like, I didn't do anything. And then he left, like, right then. And he just left. He went right back out of the house and left. And then he starts texting me. Did you break into the Apartment. And I said, no. And then he called the police. The police came and asked me about it. And I said, I have literally no idea what apartment he's talking about. I was like, are you telling me that he has an apartment? I'm so confused right now. They were like, yeah. I was like, this is. I. Then I. I acted really upset. I'm like, my. So my husband has a secret apartment. You're telling me? And the officer said to me. He said, I am. I learned from the best. He said, I'm so sorry. Like, I'm so sorry. This is a different issue here than I thought it was. You have a good night now. When I had come back from that apartment, after I broke in and I went to my friend's house, she was like, oh, my God, look at you. I had cut my whole leg open with the glass. I never even felt it. I felt amazing. My leg was, like, bleeding. It was a down jacket. It had shredded. There was feathers everywhere. I probably left a trail of feathers back to my car.

[Host 2]

So you left evidence and nobody checked it?

[Alexis]

They were like, blood and feathers. He texted me. He's like, they're fingerprinting the whole apartment. I was like, break in, please. I just. I felt great. I ended up filing for divorce. He denied the apartment for a while. Then he said that I made him get the apartment eight months ago because I kicked him out. And I'm lying, saying I don't know about it because he used a lot of money to fund that secret life of his, and he was going to be responsible for it, the divorce. And he's like, no, no, no, it's not secret. She knew about it.

[Guest]

Oh, I hate. Oh, he's.

[Alexis]

I know. He did cop to it in the end. He's like, yeah, I had a secret apartment. Fine. I did it. And he had to pay for all that. He had a secret credit card, which he had to give me the records of for the last year. And I went to the secret credit card with my lawyer, and then I had my camera roll open to see what I was doing. When he was at hotels and restaurants and nightclubs and living a whole secret life, it was just. You could follow his every action on that credit card. I'd be home making Christmas cookies with my kids that Christmas, and he was in a hotel with the girl, and he bought her $600 in jewelry. And they had gone to the liquor store. They had gotten takeout. I could just see, like, everything that he was doing. My next move was I went on Facebook and deleted all pictures of him and changed my marital status to divorce. And of course people were like, what happened? And I said, no need to wonder what happened. Dan has been having an affair. But if anybody has any information about other affairs he might have had, my DMs are open.

[Host 2]

Oh, no. They flooded in.

[Alexis]

People started contacting me. Some girl contacted me. I didn't know her. She said, I dated Dan's brother a couple years ago and I'm letting you know that your ex husband used to come to the house regularly and sleepover with girls. And you know, the brother said, what goes on at my house stays at my house. Don't you ever tell his wife if you meet her.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

That was one of the calls I received. And I then got a DM from a girl. She said, please, like, don't retaliate against me. I thought of contacting you for a very long time once I found out about you. I dated him for almost four months. I was totally in love with him. He was my boyfriend. And then I found out from other co workers that he had a wife and kids. And I was mortified and I wanted to die. It fucked me up so much. I have felt so horrible for so long. It was so sad. I felt so bad for her. She was like a beautiful girl too.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

There's no hard feelings for me. I am so sorry. He is such a bad guy. The time that he dated that girl overlapped with the time he was with the girl in the apartment. So I don't even know how he was doing all of that. But he told her that he was single. He never even mentioned a wife and kids ever. And he had blocked her on my social media because then I went into my block list on Facebook and I saw her name and her family and her friends. He had them all blocked so she couldn't find me, which really was like, balls, because she still probably could have found me. So we got divorced, obviously. To this day, he maintains he's never cheated on me. He has no idea what I'm talking about. He still lives in that same apartment complex with that girl right now, to.

[Guest]

This day, with Polly.

[Alexis]

Polly and him are still together right now. Polly, on the flip side, was engaged when I uncovered the whole thing, which is, I guess, why she wasn't upset about me, because she had her own secret thing going on. Yep. She had an apartment almost across the street with the fiance. So I called him up and let him know. He thought I was lying. He's like, I don't believe any of this. She's amazing. You don't know her. I said, okay.

[Guest]

You're like, I've been there.

[Alexis]

I said, this is where they live. You're welcome to look into it. Like, you have my number. He called me back like two days later. He's like, her car was there. She sleeps over. I'm like, I know, I know, know. I know it hurts. I know.

[Host 2]

You're like, bless your heart.

[Alexis]

I tried to tell you. I know. He was like, this is devastating. You don't understand. We were supposed to get married. I'm like, I have a mortgage and three kids, so they definitely understand. I have a lot of problems now.

[Guest]

He should consider himself lucky.

[Alexis]

We, you know, I had to get divorced. I had to sell my house. We lost everything. It was totally. I didn't even care. That's how I felt about it. I was like, my dream house. I was so happy to live there. When we were selling it, I didn't care at all. I had to move back in with my parents and live in my parents living room because they don't even have room for all of us. And I didn't even care. I was like, I rather live in a studio apartment with these three kids than be in a house with that person. He was so horrible. Once I was out of it, I could see everything for what it was. I'm like, I. He probably cheated on me like 100 times. I'm just lucky. I don't have a serious disease. We really didn't have sex much, thank God.

[Host 1]

I.

[Alexis]

To this day, I feel like I don't even know who he is. I don't. I don't even know the person I was married to was. He could have a secret apartment for eight months. I don't even know if that was his first apartment. He did make a lot of money. He could have pulled off so many things. There was just so many things that happened over the years. Like, all made sense finally. I'm not crazy. I was never crazy.

[Host 2]

Exactly. I was about to say, you were never crazy.

[Guest]

You never know.

[Alexis]

But I know they all tell this woman, like, you're crazy. You're losing it. What are you talking about? And he. I believed it. I was like, maybe I am going crazy because of this. The incident that happened when my son was a baby, you know, that's still on my mind and it's playing tricks on me. And I believed him.

[Guest]

So where are you now? Are you okay?

[Alexis]

Where am I now? So I'm getting married in September. I'm engaged the most wonderful person.

[Host 2]

Congratulations.

[Alexis]

Yes. So the day I filed for divorce, my friends were like, what? What now? Like, what do you want to do? I was like, I would like to start dating. I feel amazing.

[Host 2]

That is so good.

[Guest]

Did you mourn it? Like, I think the process of you figuring it out was, like, you're mourning.

[Alexis]

It was morning for, like, the last two years, which I found now. Like, that's pretty typical. People say the last two years, they were, like, checked out of the marriage, but they say, that was me.

[Host 2]

That's me.

[Alexis]

But. Right. You said the last two years, like, just in it. Because I got to be. The last two years, I was like, just. I got to pay this mortgage. I got to raise these kids. And I had a therapist those last two years, too. And I was always telling her, like, I'm so unhappy with him, but I feel like I have to stick this out. I need a commitment. I was so ready. And then I was single, and I didn't know how to date, so everyone was like, you have to go on the apps.

[Host 2]

And I was like, oh, gosh, it's a shit show.

[Alexis]

But I did it. I met a guy on the app. He's amazing. So nice. We worked. It worked out.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

What's the statute of limitations on breaking and entering? Just wondering that part because we want to make sure that, like, that's gone.

[Alexis]

So later, in the whole chaos of us getting divorced, he was determined to have me arrested for that. For that. He was. And his brother was in law enforcement, so they really, like, hashed up a plan to have me arrested, and they just couldn't because the police were like, there's no proof that she did it. Like, we. There's just. This isn't a real crime, and nothing was taken. So he ended up cooking up a plan with his brother to say that I beat him up. And they made a citizen's arrest, and I went to jail overnight.

[Guest]

Okay, Right. Wait. They made up this story that this happened.

[Alexis]

I mean, it's a really funny story. It was a Saturday. I had just gotten back from a communion party with the kids. I'm making dinner. And he walked in the house. He was allowed to come in and out of the house, which was hell for me, until I finally got, like, an order from the court that he couldn't. And I was like, oh. Like, why are you here? And he would never speak to me. He would just ignore me no matter what I said, and he would videotape me the whole time. So I was like, okay, we're gonna do that.

[Host 2]

Trying to make himself look like the victim.

[Guest]

What a true.

[Alexis]

Of course he was in the house. He talked to the kids for a little bit, and I was like, I need you to leave. It's really uncomfortable when you're here. He never even talked back to me. He left the house, and then the cops come. The cops have been coming regularly. I had called him. He had called them. I kind of called him every time he came to the house, because there was times where I'd sleep during the day because they work nice, and I'd wake up in the middle of the day. He was in the house. I was sleeping. I just said, like, this is so uncomfortable for me, and it should be uncomfortable for you to please stop coming.

[Host 2]

I don't like it.

[Guest]

I don't like it when the kids were home, too, or the kids weren't even home.

[Alexis]

No, the kids weren't even home. And you would come during the day. I woke up one day in the middle. I, like, woke up, and he was standing in the bedroom, but I didn't have an order of exclusive occupancy. Yes. He was, like, standing over me, which he was like, I was just getting something I needed. And I was like, I can't live like this. But the cops were like, that's not a crime. It's his home. He can be there. So I couldn't do anything. So the cops came. I was like, he called you guys. I don't even know why he's leaving. It's over. So then he was out of his car. He motioned to the officer. He talked to the officer in his car. The officer comes to the front door to talk to me. He's like, did you assault him? I'm like, what? He's like, did you assault him? I'm like, no. He's like, well, he's saying that you beat him up and he wants to press charges. I'm like, I did it. Can he. Can he do that? He's like, we're not going to arrest you. But he could file. He could do a citizen's arrest. I'm like, is that a real thing? And he said it was, but he said, let me call my supervisor to come over here and talk to him. We'll talk him out of it. The supervisor comes to talk him out of it. He's saying adamantly, no, I want her arrested. And my kids are there the whole time. And my kids are like, mom, the cops are here, and they're giving them coloring books and, like, petting our dog. And my Kids think it's, like, so exciting. And I'm like, I'm going to get arrested. These kids have no idea. The cops were amazing. I have to say, they felt so bad. So then they called a woman cop to come. So the woman cop takes me in the house. She's like, listen, I am so sorry. I. We are gonna have to arrest you tonight. I was like, what? So I called my mom at this point, too. She had come over. My mom's like, I'm sorry. I'm stepping in here. Absolutely not. I said, no, I'm putting my foot down here. She's not getting arrested. They were like, mom. Like, this is not a time where you can deny the permission. Flip. She's getting arrests.

[Guest]

So mom behavior. It's like, no, no, no. Actually, I'm in charge. And the queen says, no, officer.

[Alexis]

Like, she's like, I'm going to tell you exactly how it's going to go down. I'm going to take care of everything. Don't panic. It's going to be fine. She told the kids that he got hurt and he has to go to the hospital and I have to go with him. So the cops are going to drive me. So my kids are like, really? My mom's going in a cop car? She's like, yep. And they were like, so cool.

[Host 2]

I was like, oh, my God. That is so. That was nice of her.

[Alexis]

So then I went upstairs. She was like, girl, brush your teeth, wash your face. There's no toothbrushes in jail. She's like, it's so cold. You gotta layer up. She, like, picked my clothes from my closet. She dressed me. She cut the strings out of my sweatpants. She was like, double your socks. I gotta take your sneakers. Like, I had no idea what was happening. So then they took me out to the car. She had me wave goodbye to the kids. And then she opened the door. And when I was behind the door, they handcuffed me. I went in the car. They took me up to the precinct. They played music in the car. And they charged my phone, too. My phone was dying. So she was like, we're gonna book you. She's like.

[Host 2]

So they knew they just had to do what they had to do.

[Alexis]

They had to do it. She's like, I'm so sorry. Sometimes this happens.

[Host 2]

So even though you didn't assault him.

[Alexis]

It was a citizen's arrest. So the police don't think you committed a crime, but citizens have the right to make an arrest is how they explained it to me. She's like, It's a harassment charge. It's going to get thrown out. Do not worry about it. She was so nice. So they booked me. It was like the whole thing in the movies. And then she's like, you can't stay here tonight because we don't hold women here. You got to a different precinct. So I went to a different precinct where they hold women overnight. I slept in this little cell. They got me, like, a hot breakfast in the morning. And then I was like, what happens now? Like, I have. It was so an outer body experience. They came in the morning, they took me out of the cell. They, like, strip you down again. I had been stripped to this point, like, so many times. The ladies at that. The ladies were so nice there, too. They were like, you had three kids. You look really good. I was like, thank you. Thank you. And then you go on like a chain gang. I got chained with a bunch of women. You go in the back of the paddy wagon, and they take you off my courthouse to be arranged. She did tell me that was going to happen. She's like, when you get to the courthouse, you're going to go into a big cell with all the women who got arrested in the county that night. And that's like. That's gonna be like the movies. Like, you see the movies when everyone's sitting in the cell together. So I was like, okay. So I asked the girls that were in the paddy wagon with me. I'm like, what's gonna happen? They're like, oh, we get arrested all the time. They were like. They were like, regular. So then we get there. They put us in the big cell with all the other women. And then everyone was, like, going around saying what they did. And then I was like, oh, well, my husband has a secret apartment that I discovered with the help of a private. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Backup tells the.

[Guest]

This is backfiring for him because now you're getting a bunch of friends who are all like, let's go get him.

[Alexis]

They were, like, loving it.

[Host 2]

And they don't give a. Because they go to jail every day.

[Alexis]

They don't care. They were like, oh, my God. They were so interested in this story. Everybody was laughing. They were saying stuff about their boyfriends. I got arranged. My. My best friend had called the lawyer for me, so that was nice. There was a lawyer waiting for me. The whole thing got thrown out. It took, like, a few months to get rid of it, but I got thrown out. When I left jail, like, in the afternoon, they were like, bye, Alexis. It was so nice to meet you.

[Host 2]

I was like, ladies, that is kind of hilarious, actually.

[Alexis]

And it was fine. Everyone's like, oh, my God. How was it being in jail with all the criminals? I'm like, it was like, the best day.

[Guest]

You're like, it was like camp.

[Alexis]

It was the best day ever. It was like, I went to jail.

[Guest]

And it was like, camp.

[Alexis]

They were all like, had been arrested before. They like, to get a public defender. I was like, no, I don't think think so. They're like, all right. They brought. They told me. I was like, I'm so hungry. They're like, we're turkey sandwiches. They bring them. Just wait. You can have as many as you want. I was like, all right. So that is.

[Guest]

My God.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

I didn't even care. I was like, I've been through so much shit. I don't go to jail. Sure, fine. I'll do anything now. I don't care. I feel, wow, great.

[Guest]

I love how, like, the release feeling. And then just getting him out of your life was like. It's like washing your hair. You're like, I just.

[Alexis]

It's been years, and I still feel like. So to this day, like, I'm still in that high where I'm like, I am free of a very bad person in my life. It feels so good. I felt like a million bricks came off my shoulders.

[Guest]

I'm so happy for you.

[Alexis]

Thank you.

[Guest]

I'm obsessed with your friends. I'm obsessed with you because obviously you make good friends in jail and anywhere else. So they told you their opinions throughout, and you had to see it for yourself. So if you're. One of your friends was going through this. This kind of thing, what would you say to them? As a friend that's been through it.

[Alexis]

You never make somebody feel bad because they're staying in an abusive or cheating relationship, because it is so hard to leave. And my friends never made me feel bad about it. They were never like, you idiot. Like, what are you doing? They were always like, when you're ready to go, you'll go. Because when you make a friend feel bad, they just stop telling you. And then they just, like, keep it inside. My friends are like, we support you no matter what you choose. And they always stayed that way. When I was finally ready to go, they were so happy. But when I wasn't ready, they were like, okay, well, you know, maybe if he has sex with another girl, you'll be ready.

[Host 2]

Thank you for sharing that. Because we had a professional that was saying that that's one thing that you don't want to do is pressure someone to. Or make. Make someone feel stupid for not leaving an abusive relationship because you want to be supportive of it.

[Alexis]

Happens all the time. People think, yeah, I feel like they're doing a favor to be like, you idiot. Like, you have to get out.

[Guest]

But then they don't want to come to you anymore.

[Alexis]

That's right. It just isolates them more.

[Guest]

Yeah. And it's also. It's not even just like any kind of relationship that you're outgrowing. It's like you have to do it yourself. And there's no shame in that. There's also no shame in wanting it to work for your kids, for yourself, whatever. And I don't think it's a bad thing to have hope. You just eventually get to give it to the right person.

[Alexis]

I know. I know.

[Host 2]

So we need pictures of this new fella, and I want you to keep us updated and see how you guys are doing. Thank you so much.

[Guest]

We googled him and stuff.

[Alexis]

Obviously we did been verified for any guy that any of us ever went out with. And love that. Like, clean. And then he's divorced as well. So I was like, tell me about your ex wife. It's a trick question. Is she crazy? And he's like, oh, my ex wife? No, she's not crazy. He's like, she's an amazing mom. Like, we grew apart. She's remarried, and she's. She's actually amazing. I love his ex wife. She's great. So supportive. So, yeah, it worked out. He's great, she's great. They're all great.

[Host 2]

I love that so, so much. Someone said on my social media, someone made a comment, they said, I have what they say. I have years of investigative experience. I've been online dating for 10 years.

[Alexis]

Yeah, that's the truth, though. Oh, God. Online dating was not the same experience for me because I came out of such a bad relationship that I was like, what's he gonna do? Get a secret apartment and sleep with everybody?

[Guest]

Call the cops on me? Child's play.

[Host 2]

How long did it take you to trust him?

[Alexis]

I never didn't trust him. I know you guys have discussed on your podcast, like, betrayal, trauma. I feel like I don't really have that because I had the therapist for two years before I got divorced, and I still have a therapist now. I never left my therapist. I go faithfully every week, and I just felt like, very good about him, and he never gave. Gives me a reason not to trust him. He lives Such a wholesome life. He goes to work. He communicates with me through the day. He comes home. He just is such a great guy. And his ex wife was like, I'll vouch for him. He's a great guy.

[Guest]

Yeah, that's helpful, though.

[Host 2]

Hannah's happy, because Hannah loves happy ending, so. She loves it.

[Guest]

I want to see the wedding pictures. When you get married. When are you getting married?

[Alexis]

We just got our engagement pictures back today in September. Send them, please.

[Guest]

Send us.

[Alexis]

My wedding is planned. Getting married on a farm. We're so excited. I never had a wedding, but the first one because we got married at court. My first wedding, the whole thing. Like, my first time I got my dress, having the whole bridal experience. Very exciting. The kids are so happy. They love him.

[Host 2]

I love that the kids are happy for you. That's awesome.

[Alexis]

The kids actually love Polly, too. Whatever.

[Host 2]

I mean, it's fine.

[Alexis]

No, I'm fine with it. My daughter said once, she's like, you know, mom, dad, he lives with Polly. And I have to say, Polly's like, one of the best babysitters he's ever had. I was like, that's so nice. Babysitter there.

[Guest]

Did she mean babysitting the kids or babysitting her dad?

[Alexis]

I don't know. She's not the babysitter.

[Host 2]

Hilarious. Thank you again so much. I. You're so brave for telling your story. Thank you so much.

[Alexis]

So welcome.

[Host 2]

So, first of all, happy ending. I love happy endings. That makes me so, so happy.

[Host 1]

She's sending us her engagement photos, and everything is good. And her kids are okay. And he's. Honestly, he sounds like he's okay, and.

[Host 2]

Paulie's okay, and that's fine, and it's okay for everyone to be okay. But this went on for so long.

[Host 1]

Well, let's talk about how hard it is to leave.

[Host 2]

Well, she's a good representation of why people don't leave. Like, you know, she's home taking care of the kids and doing all. And believing her husband when he's telling her all these things, and she's just trying to support him.

[Host 1]

I also just think that she emphasized so much how much she loved other aspects of her life. She was like, I love my job. I loved my kids. I loved my house. I loved our, you know, our income. I loved my friends. I lived two doors down from my best friend and then my other best friend.

[Alexis]

You know what I mean?

[Host 1]

Like, she was like, leaving. My husband will just throw everything up in the air. And that's.

[Host 2]

That's so much Insecurity for her.

[Host 1]

Yeah. I love when she said that. Like, she wasn't sure if she could throw her life away from rumors, Right?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And it's like that little string that you're like, do I want to pull it?

[Host 2]

Yep. And you ha. At that point, it's like. Like, do I believe this, or is this all just. Is this a facade? Like, what. What is real and what isn't? And you don't want to believe it because this is someone you love. So. Gosh, what a hard. But I do love that when her friends would talk to her, like, when she. When her friend. Her friends knew what was going on. Her friends were never mean to her. Like, I can't believe you don't leave him. Like, that's so stupid of you. Like, how could you not? They just. They were supportive of her, and if she wasn't ready to leave, they were like, okay, well, we're here for you. And, yeah, they just supported her.

[Host 1]

Yeah. They were like. They weren't dishonest. You know, like, if she asked them or showed things, she. They would be like, well, I think that means there's a woman there. And then if it was a way for her to, like, you know, tell herself a different story, which is, like, how she probably was coping, they were like, okay, we're here. I was thinking about When Harry Met Sally, you know, the Carrie Fisher character that's always, like, dating married men, and they're like. Like, nicely kind of like, yeah, he's not. He's not gonna leave his wife. And it's like, it takes time. Like, I know that was, like, this running joke, but it's like, I. I don't know. Like, now I have a whole different perspective on. I mean, obviously, Carrie Fisher probably shouldn't have been dating married men. So that's a whole other thing. That's. That's where we could talk about poly. Carrie Fisher was a little bit of a poly situation where she knew she was dating a man with a wife and kids.

[Host 2]

Yeah. And she. Well, she had a fiance herself.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God. True. I felt weird that in the episode was like, what a. And it didn't sit right with me, even though the sentiment still stands where it's like, she was doing bitchy things. I don't know. I just wanted to point out that afterwards, I was like, I don't like that I called her that because she was, like, young, and I don't know her story. Like, I'm hearing his story. Yeah, him a bitch. Call him a narcissist. How about that? But I just was, like, putting that out there.

[Host 2]

Well, I kind. I want to be careful when I say this, but there's always two sides to every story. But let's not. Let's not discount the fact that everything he did, she's got proof for. Like, this is. This is something she's just, like, making up. You know what I mean?

[Host 1]

So that's why I was like, I feel weird that I, like, yelled about this one lady, that I actually don't know her story also. Totally. Anybody can come for me for my bias. Like, I. I do give a little bit more of a. More slack to women because I'm like, what. What's her story? Before I judge. And men, sometimes I'm like, I've heard your story before, so I should hear their story. And that is something we keep saying. We would love to hear stories from men, no matter what you've been through.

[Host 2]

We want to hear. And we want to hear. I want to hear stories from other polys. I want to hear stories from women like Polly, who did get with a married man and how that went. And what was the. What did you think about, like, when you were out to dinner together? Like, did you ever have to, like, look over your shoulder, like, yeah, I want to know those things. Like, what was your experience in that?

[Host 1]

Yeah. Because I think. I mean, as easy as it is to write off all cases, you know, once a cheater, always a cheater. It's like, there are different types of it. There's different things that lead you to that. It's not okay. You know, it's not okay. I'm not saying it's okay, but, I mean, one thing he did very well was use his trauma from childhood and his family to justify some of his behavior, which is not okay. Like, I always say, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. So, Polly, whatever you went through, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility, girl. Okay? But I'm glad it worked out, and I'm glad you're nice to the kids. That's my message to Polly.

[Host 2]

It is good that the kids were. That the kids are okay with it. Like, they're.

[Host 1]

I'm like, go to therapy. Yeah, Yeah, I know. And that was so interesting where she was like, they see their dad more now. Like, it's honestly better.

[Host 2]

It is really interesting. But, you know, it's just. It kills me how long it went on. But I feel like Alexis feels really good about where she is now. The kids are happy, and I I just feel like everything happens for a reason, and it sounds so cliche and might even sound dumb, but it's not untrue. Do you know what I mean?

[Host 1]

Of course I'm looking at my other notes because so many things happened that led her there. I mean, it wasn't just like. I mean, I loved when she and her friends were Instagram sleuthing like one of my own. Oh, the way they went to the mutual friend of the mutual friend, got that screenshot, connected it to the other screenshot. I was like, that is what we gotta do.

[Host 2]

Yes. People don't realize how easy it is to get that information. It just requires you to pay attention. That's all. You just got attention.

[Host 1]

It's so funny how, like. And also, I get it. Okay. Confessions of a. Of a recovering Instagram Sleuther to the max. Like, I've had recovering.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Thank you. I'm not totally.

[Host 2]

But I.

[Alexis]

We still do that.

[Host 1]

No, of course I do.

[Host 2]

We're not stopping for good.

[Host 1]

I'm not stopping. I used to sleuth. I'm not saying the word. I'm not allowed to say. I used to sleuth on my partner's exes, like, nobody's business. And when I tell you, my therapist was like, we gotta talk about this. Like, what's going on? Because I was, like, triggering myself. And it wasn't about the person. It was about, like, me comparing myself to everybody else.

[Host 2]

The comparison trap. Yep.

[Host 1]

And I was able to find out so freaking much. I've worked on it because I'm like, why are you doing this? But it did teach me so much about what information is available. And I've had partners be like, how do you do that? Like, that's not normal that you can even figure that out. And I'm like, no, hold my mascara. Like, it is normal. Trust me. Like, women know how to do that, whether it's for our own anxiety and we need to talk to therapy tests about it, or it's to make sure we're not getting dogfished.

[Host 2]

Yeah. And I wasn't.

[Host 1]

Because I looked. Because I looked a lot. No. But I mean, I'm. I. It's hard. It's hard with all that information out there, but it is worth. It's better in the end. Well, the women in this story just made me. So I literally texted you guys afterwards. I was like, women are magic. I was, like, emotional based on the bond of the friendships of, like, them all coming to her side.

[Host 2]

The women in jail snaps in the snap cup for her besties and the jail cellmates that were like, girl, we've been in prison before. We ain't afraid to go back. Give us his name.

[Host 1]

O. Oh, my God. Also, just, like, how nice they were to her.

[Alexis]

Like, yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, this is what's gonna happen.

[Host 2]

We're all in prison together. It's fine. Oh, don't worry. I've been here 20 times.

[Alexis]

Your shoes.

[Host 2]

Your shoes are uncomfortable. You get two turkey sandwiches. It's fine.

[Alexis]

It's gonna be fine.

[Host 1]

You can have as many as you want.

[Host 2]

I was like, wow, I love it, even.

[Host 1]

No, I mean, not that going to jail is, like, on the bucket list, but I was like, I mean, that's nice to know that people, like, they.

[Alexis]

Were there for her.

[Host 1]

I know women. Women are magic. And I just loved all her friends. And I think she's probably a great friend and probably, like, so helpful to anybody else that is going through something because she's got that kind of, like, funny but direct approach to navigating it.

[Host 2]

So, yeah, we really appreciate Alexis telling her story. And as you can see, like, these stories vary from different experiences and different levels of what we might consider interesting or, like, you might not share your story. Like, this isn't interesting enough or this wasn't bad enough or whatever. Please share your story. If you need a voice, share with us your story. Because we. This is just about different experiences, not one particular type of situation. And on the Patreon, we do a little email reading. So if you send a us an email and tell us your story, if it's not something that's. Maybe it doesn't make the main feed, maybe we can share your story on the Patreon when we do the emails, because those are always crazy and interesting, and we like to support you in that way, too.

[Alexis]

So.

[Host 1]

And I just. Yeah, I just want to get to chat with all of you about what you're going through and let you know that you're not crazy. That feeling she had at the end of, like, oh, the release. I'm not crazy. How many people have shared that with us?

[Host 2]

She said she still feels that way. Like, she still feels so relieved. Like, just relief. And I'm so happy. It was like. And a lot of people are like, oh, I was so sad. But I think a lot of people also have said, I just feel. I felt relieved. It's because, you know and, you know, you knew and you knew, you knew that you knew that you knew. And then when you could, finally, everybody else knows that you know now and you know that they know and they know you know that they know. And now it's just like relief. And then it's like, haha, I knew.

[Host 1]

I do hope, like, there's. I want to reach through the microphone to anybody that's maybe scared but is in that position where they know, you know.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

That your femton. Fem tuition knows. And it's like, it will be really hard, but it also will feel like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. And.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Just get your people around you. We're part of that.

[Guest]

We're here for you.

[Host 2]

Can we. Real quick, I want to talk about the private investigator.

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Host 2]

When she calls the private investigator and says, I think my husband's cheating. Whatever. I want to see what's going on. And the private investigator says, listen, in the city, I don't know if you guys ever been in New York City, but every time I go to New York City, I'm like, I do not know how I would do surveillance here. And I've been doing this 20 years. Okay? So when the private investigators. Like, this is in the city. I don't know, like, you're gonna need to narrow it down. The private investigator was not blowing her off. Like, initially I was like, ew. And then I thought about New York City, and I'm like, yeah, this track. So the private investigator was basically saying, listen, you're gonna waste your money if you don't narrow this down. And so she was saying, get me some. A little bit more detailed information. And that's what Alexis did. And that's when the private investigator was like, okay. And then the main thing that private investigators have is resources that law enforcement and regular citizens don't have, and that is databases. And there are databases that private investigators have that law enforcement does not have just because of different legalities and different, like, you know, different laws, rules, whatever.

[Host 1]

Interesting.

[Host 2]

We are bound by a. A different set of guidelines than law enforcement. Right. So it's a whole different can of worms. So the private investigator, I think she said, I hired the private investigator because she was a young. She was young. She was a female, because that's who she related to. Right. So I think that the private investigator did the right thing by saying, sounded.

[Host 1]

Like she was like, she didn't take advantage of her. Like, she was like, no, I'm not going to sit there and get no information because he had so many jobs, and he wouldn't even tell her, his wife, where he was.

[Host 2]

Oh, he. It was crazy. And then he would just like, disappear for three and four Days at a time. Like, where are you going?

[Host 1]

Oh, my God. My favorite was when he was like, yeah, in Texas, they just, like, don't have Internet. I'm like, it's not.

[Host 2]

There's no Internet.

[Host 1]

That's a developed place. Like, girl, where are you? Are you camping? Like, come on.

[Host 2]

There's no Internet in Texas. There's guns, but no Internet.

[Host 1]

There's no Internet.

[Host 2]

Anyway, so thank you again to Alexis. If you have any kind words for her, just share them on our socials, or if you want to message us, we will relay them to her. And again, I'm so grateful for her sharing her story because it just goes to show you that these experiences are so different from one another. And if you're going through something like this where you just feel like you're absolutely bonkers, you're like, I. I'm crazy. Like, I've got to be crazy. You might not be.

[Host 1]

Yeah. You're probably not. Even if you are a little bit wrong or whatever, it's like. Like, you're allowed to feel that way whether you want to work it out with your couples therapist or. Oh, my God, I love. Didn't. They went to couples therapy, and he, like, played them, and the therapist was like, so I'm getting some narcissistic. We didn't talk about that. We don't have to go into it, because I know we're wrapping up. But the narcissist definitely, like, the way she talked about his narcissism, like, a hundred percent. The fact that it will never go away, and unless he does deep, deep therapy, I was like, oh, we haven't. Yeah, that applies to a lot of people we've heard about.

[Host 2]

Yep, it definitely does. But again, continue the conversation on Patreon. It's $5 a month. Come join us on Patreon. Continue to share the Dating Detectives. We appreciate that, and we love. And we love your support so much. It just really means the world to us and your friendship. So thank you guys.

[Host 1]

And you can email us your stories.

[Alexis]

Wait, really quick.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah, I'll tell. I'll tell you the email address.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you got it.

[Host 2]

The email address is investigate at the Dating Detectives podcast dot com.

[Host 1]

Nailed it.

[Host 2]

Love it.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Host 2]

Yeah, email us your story.

[Alexis]

Thank you.

[Host 1]

Okay, so, yes, all stories. Any stories. We want them all. And now, as always, trust your intuition.