The Dog Show Dogfish: Part 1

Summary

Podcast Summary – The Dating Detectives

Episode: The Dog Show Dogfish: Part 1

Date: November 10, 2025
Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz (Private Investigator), Hannah Anderson (Comedian)
Guest: Jessica
Main Theme: Unraveling a high-stakes romance scam within the dog show world, coined as a “Show Dogfish”

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Overview

In this riveting first part of a two-part episode, Mackenzie and Hannah dive deep with guest Jessica into a harrowing story of manipulation, grief, and financial exploitation within the close-knit dog show community. The episode invents the term “Show Dogfish” to describe romance scammers who prey on their victims within specific hobbyist circles. Jessica bravely shares how she became entangled with “Dylan,” a well-known dog trainer who took advantage of her vulnerability following her father’s death, leading to emotional devastation and serious legal entanglements.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Stage: “Dogfish” Defined

• [01:15] Mackenzie introduces the vocabulary:
  • “Dogfish” is a step beyond “catfish”; it’s an expert scammer.
  • Because Jessica and her scammer were involved in dog shows, this is now a “Show Dogfish.”

“Dogfish is what we made up for calling a true scam artist in the dating world. More than a catfish. Like real deep, not there for what they say they are.” – Mackenzie (01:15)

2. Jessica’s Background & Connection to Dylan

• [05:30] Jessica shares her life as a rural dog groomer and competitor, recently featured in a magazine for her accomplishments.
• [06:52] Dylan, a skilled dog trainer, messages Jessica with congratulations; prior knowledge of each other via the dog world but not direct friendship.
• Initial exchanges are friendly and not overtly flirtatious.

3. Emotional Vulnerability and Escalation

• [07:21] Jessica’s father falls severely ill; she’s isolated, dealing with a breakup, and seeking connection.
• Dylan leverages late-night calls and emotional support, becoming Jessica’s confidante in a time of grief.
• [09:36] The hosts discuss the natural human need for someone to listen as a scammer’s key point of entry.

“Everybody just wants somebody to listen. Yeah, it’s so normal, but it can set you up in a scary way.” – Mackenzie (09:36)

4. The In-Person Meeting and Relationship Acceleration

• [13:58] Jessica’s father must travel for medical treatment—coincidentally to Dylan’s state. Dylan offers support and a place to stay.
• [16:18] Their first meeting is intimate, comforting to Jessica, who is overwhelmed by her father’s illness and tumultuous home situation (ex-partner still living with her).
• The relationship quickly progresses emotionally and physically during this stressful period.

5. Grief, Dependence, and Proposal

• [19:48] Jessica’s father dies suddenly in hospital after a whirlwind of illness, further isolating her.
• [22:53] Dylan is near-instantly at her side, filling every support gap, and soon ramps up the romance: “I’m in love with you,” “we’ll be a power couple.”
• [31:21] He sends elaborate photos of diamond rings but proposes with a simple pearl ring, overwhelming Jessica with rapid talk of weddings and a shared future.
• Jessica acknowledges her mental state: “I’m so overwhelmed with all of this...I didn’t think he would actually go through with that.”

6. Financial Exploitation Under Duress

• [39:44] Dylan manipulates Jessica into wiring $40,000 for a vehicle, which he claims he can “haggle for” with cash.
• Jessica reflects that she wasn’t in her right mind and did it just to “get it off her plate.”
• [40:50] She receives the car, but the vehicle title and paperwork remain in Dylan’s control. When asking questions, she’s shut down or met with anger.

7. Control, Isolation, and Forced Commitment

• [46:00] Dylan pushes for a prompt marriage, preferring a courthouse wedding with the promise of a more elaborate celebration later.
• Jessica feels swept up and unable to push back: “People have said...that was so out of character for you...but I’d never lost my dad before.” (47:24)
• [47:51] At a critical moment, Jessica asks for a timeline (“because I have dogs!”), and Dylan explodes, rips up the marriage license, and abruptly leaves—a major red flag of emotional volatility and control.

“He just took the beautiful marriage license and ripped it up, rolled down his window and chucked it out the window...I just...I don’t even know what to think or feel...” – Jessica (49:33)

8. Push & Pull: Manipulation Peaks

• [57:51] After the blowup, Dylan returns with apologies and love-bombs Jessica: flowers, cards, and renewed professions of love.
• He then shows up unannounced, insisting they leave immediately for New Mexico to get married—which she does, almost in a trance state.

9. Control & Entrapment

• [62:35] Post-courthouse wedding, Jessica feels Dylan’s disengagement and apathy; she’s isolated, without transportation, and now feels truly trapped.
• At his mother’s house (who is also portrayed as eccentric and enabling of Dylan), he takes Jessica’s truck keys and controls all movement, reinforcing her powerlessness.

“He goes, yeah, why? You don’t need them. You’re not going anywhere.” – Dylan, recounted by Jessica (66:05)

• [66:05] Jessica’s self-reflection highlights profound personal change: “I had been single from the time I was about 22...I had my own home, my own business...to be feeling so vulnerable and controlled, that really didn’t sit well with me.”

10. The Breaking Point

• [74:00] At a dog event, Jessica gets word that her dog is gravely ill at home. She uses this real crisis as a means to escape, driving ten hours back. There’s an immediate feeling of relief at being home.
• [78:00] Jessica learns from her dog-sitter that a process server tried to find Dylan at her home to serve him lawsuit papers.
• With help from her lawyer, Jessica discovers online court records: Dylan is being sued for $2 million for fraud.

“It’s $2 million for fraud.” – Jessica (81:53)

• Jessica is struck with terror about her own liability and the gravity of the situation: “Now I’m married to the guy. Does that mean my assets are in jeopardy...I have, I’m in trouble. I’m in big trouble.” (81:57)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Community & Shame

  "[Jessica] talked a lot about how other guest stories have inspired her and made her feel a little less dumb, a little less alone.” – Mackenzie (03:50)

• The ‘Dogfish’ Lexicon

  “Show dog fish...because she does show dogs.” – Mackenzie (01:56)

• Red Flags in Action

  “Delete me makes it easy, quick, and safe to remove your personal data online at a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everyone vulnerable.” – Mackenzie (10:44)

• Manipulation Revealed

  “He starts sending me the t-shirts and the sweatshirts with his team logo...we’ll show up at dog events, and we’re the power couples with the matching cars...” – Jessica (40:50)

• Raw Vulnerability

  “I, in all honesty, I probably knew before I married him that this could be a mistake. But he was real good at explaining himself and spinning it into, I’m just so afraid to lose you.” – Jessica (66:22)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:15: The origin of the “Show Dogfish” term
• 05:29: Jessica begins sharing her personal story
• 16:17–19:45: Jessica meets Dylan in-person; Father’s illness and passing
• 31:21–35:00: Dylan escalates talk of marriage and finances
• 39:44–42:50: The $40,000 car purchase and lack of vehicle title
• 46:00–49:33: Dylan insists on getting a marriage license, then destroys it in a fit of anger
• 57:51: Dylan’s “love bombing” (apologies and excessive affection) post-conflict
• 62:35: Jessica describes feelings of entrapment after marriage
• 66:05: Realization of being stripped of independence (keys taken)
• 74:00: Jessica uses her dog’s health crisis as escape from Dylan during a trip
• 78:00–81:57: Discovery of lawsuit, learning about Dylan’s multimillion dollar fraud

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Cliffhanger & What’s Next

• The episode ends with Jessica in a panic after discovering Dylan’s $2 million fraud lawsuit, worried about her own exposure and desperate for a path out.
• The hosts tease that even they don’t yet know the conclusion (“We’re suffering together!” – Mackenzie, 83:15), promising to revisit and debrief the case thoroughly in Part 2.

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Listener Takeaways

• The story is a stark warning about how grief and emotional upheaval can make people vulnerable to scammers—even those in shared communities and niche hobbies.
• Psychological grooming is often gradual but relentless; red flags include sudden love-bombing, requests for large sums of money, and attempts to isolate a partner from friends, transportation, or independent decision-making.
• Listeners are encouraged to send questions for Jessica ahead of Part 2 and reminded of the importance of trusting their “fun-tuition” (gut instinct).

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Tone

• Deeply empathetic, candid, with moments of dry humor (especially from Hannah).
• The hosts intentionally maintain a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere, validating Jessica's experience and encouraging survivor solidarity.

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Next Episode: Tune in for Part 2 for the aftermath, repercussions, and a “Dogfish debrief” analyzing red flags and learning opportunities for the Dating Detectives community.

Transcript

[Mackenzie]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-6-7233 for support.

[Hannah]

Happy Dating Detectives Monday. Do you know Hannah? Do you know that my, some of my followers actually say that to me? They'll be like, happy dating Detectives Monday.

[Mackenzie]

And I'm like, so cool. Of course, it's a weekly holiday. We have rebranded Mondays as a happy day.

[Jessica]

She said it's a weekly holiday.

[Hannah]

It really is. Anyways, welcome. We're so glad that you're here. Thank you for listening to the dating detect Detectives. Thank you for our patreon. Thank you to everyone who supports our show. We appreciate all the positive reviews and the, the five star ratings and all that. So if you haven't done that yet, please feel free. We really appreciate that so much.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, feel free. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. And if you're new, we are the Dating Detectives, obviously. And today we have a guest. Yes, nice to meet you. And, and it's a show dog fish, if you will, because we have some people in the show dog world in this story. So I was like, oh, my God. Dogfish. Show dogfish. Show dogfish. But if you're new, dogfish is what we, what we made up for calling a true scam artist in the dating world. More than a catfish. Like real deep, not there for what they say they are. Therefore, you know what I mean, they.

[Hannah]

Lie and they lying, they lie.

[Mackenzie]

And so that's the vocab update. But now we have show dog fish because she does show dogs.

[Hannah]

I, I really, that's actually a really clever show dog fish. I'm not gonna lie. You did great.

[Mackenzie]

Thanks. Jessica is our guest and. Oh yeah. So she is in a very rural area and it was probably one of the hardest episodes to record, to ever record.

[Hannah]

But listen, if it cuts out, bear with us. Listen. Some of us live in like in. I always say that the, the folks don't even wear shoes to the Walmart, okay? Like it's, this is a very rural place. So give us some grace, please.

[Jessica]

Bear with us.

[Mackenzie]

She was recording in her car because like I mentioned, she has a lot of dogs at home. And also She. I love Jessica had no WI fi. Yeah, no WI fi. But she listens to the Dating Detectives. And she was like, I have a long commute. I always listen in the car. And I was like, well, this feels right then to record in your car because this is where we chat with you every Monday.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

A lot of our listeners actually listen from their car on their way to work or whatever. And I think that's really cool. So thank you, guys.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, let us know what you listen.

[Hannah]

Yes, but there are some kind of not so great parts about this and there's. I'll tell you. We'll tell you a little bit about part two also, because it is going to be a two parter.

[Mackenzie]

Sorry.

[Hannah]

Not. Sorry, but there's a little bit of not. It's not animal abuse, but you. There's not animal abuse, but you guys are real sensitive about the animals, which I really appreciate. So just that.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, yeah, there's gonna be some.

[Hannah]

It's sad dog.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah. And then also some, you know, just general, like family health stuff and dog health stuff and then some weird stuff. After the dog dies, you'll know what we need. You're also going to want to, like, throw your phone across the room.

[Hannah]

It was frustrating to hear her story. It was awful.

[Mackenzie]

This guy. This guy. There's also some revenge porn that comes up in part two. And yeah, it's a crazy, crazy story. And Jessica's great and has such a great sense of humor and tells the story so well. And I'm so excited that she was willing to be vulnerable and share it because, I mean, we'll talk about it with her, you'll hear. But she talked a lot about how other guest stories have inspired her and made her feel a little less dumb, a little less alone. You know what I mean? Like, all those things that come out when you feel like you've been through this. So.

[Hannah]

And that's what we talk about. Yeah. Every episode you tell your story and you're creating a sense of community for someone else that you don't even realize. So just thank you for being so brave and sharing your story and just please just let us be an ear or a platform for you because you never know when that's going to help someone else just get through whatever they're going through. So we're really grateful.

[Mackenzie]

Well, before we get into it, tell them the email so they can send us their story.

[Hannah]

Oh, yeah. If you would like to submit your story, please email us. The email address is investigate at thedatingdetectivespodcast.

[Mackenzie]

Dot com. Nailed it. All right, shall we give it to Jessica?

[Hannah]

Let's meet Jessica. Let's bring her in. Oh, Jessica, I'm so glad you're here. We would like to give you the floor and let you tell your story. Take us away, Jessica.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Jessica]

So this all happened sort of the end of 2013. I was 42. For all intents and purposes, I was single. I'll just leave it at that.

[Mackenzie]

Okay. Like dating.

[Jessica]

Not really.

[Mackenzie]

Situationship, as they say.

[Jessica]

Kind of a messy ending type situationship.

[Mackenzie]

Sure.

[Jessica]

Yeah. I had my own little grooming business. I've been doing that for years. 20 years. Participated in dog shows and different dog events and raising my dogs for those events. I happen to have one who was awesome. We earned a whole bunch of titles in a bunch of different events. So we were featured in this annual magazine. Various people had seen it, congratulated me, that kind of thing. And one of them happened to be this guy that I kind of knew of him. I hadn't met him, but I had heard his name. I, you know, seen his Facebook profile, that kind of thing, his dogs. And he reached out to me on Facebook messenger, said, hey, congratulations, good job promoting the breed in a really positive light. Whatever.

[Mackenzie]

Are you, like famous in the dog show world or at that time, were you? She's like, not, No. I see it in your eyes.

[Jessica]

I just feel like I was a big fish in a little pond. Not like a big fish in a big pond. You know, just. I'm still kind of a.

[Mackenzie]

That's. I don't know a lot about it except for what I see after the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when the dog show comes on. So was he also in this world?

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Jessica]

So, you know, just kind of polite pass by communication with him. Nothing that I really thought anything of. Until towards the end of October, I find out that my dad is real sick. I'm not getting a hundred percent of all the information on him at the time. He kind of. I don't think he wanted to tell me everything. And then the sticky part of this situationship was my ex was still living in my house. Separate bedroom, you know, I went to work, he did his thing. Not together. And so my dad starts slowly telling me a little bit more about what's going on with his health. But he specifically says, don't tell him. I don't want him to know. So I'm like, don't tell me.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Yeah, I'm kind of like, I have nobody to talk to. And this guy lived, Dylan lived. So far away from me that I kind of felt like, well, he can't, he can't harm me, you know, he doesn't know who my dad is, anything like that. So I feel a little freer to open up to him. So we start chatting more frequently and I start opening up saying, you know, I'm worried about my dad. I don't feel like I know everything that's going on, but to me it sounds bad. Like I said, he lives in totally other state. He seems attentive, he seems to want to listen to me. You know, we have the dog thing in common. So I start just pouring my heart out to him about what's going on with my dad and all the mixed emotions that I'm feeling and everything. And we start talking on the phone. We have late night conversations. It progresses to phone calls during the day when I'm at work, you know, I can put my earpiece in and talk, but he's always willing to listen. So I just feel like I finally have like I don't need anybody to do anything or fix anything, just but somebody to be there to listen.

[Mackenzie]

This is why so many people are like falling in love with ChatGPT because everybody just wants somebody to listen. Yeah, it's so normal, but it can set you up in a scary way. But he seems like he was like, you knew who he was, what was his job like, what did he, what's his background?

[Jessica]

At the time that we started talking, I really didn't know that much about what he did for a living. I just knew that we had this group of people that were this team and they always did really well at the dog events. Obviously he was a skilled dog trainer. That was at that time. That was really all I knew about him. He seemed to not have to work a regular job because he could call me at any time and he could be up really late. Like he would be driving to dog events and we'd be talking throughout the night. So. So it was just like I really needed to have somebody there to listen to me.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

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[Jessica]

So as I'm starting to find out more about my dad, as we go through November, my dad is looking for places to get treatment and finds out that any place close to us can't handle what he's got going on. So we actually have to go to the state where Dylan lives. And I'm like, well, that's quite a coincidence, you know? So my dad makes arrangements and I'm insistent that I go with him because I didn't feel like I had gotten the whole story. So I wanted to make sure that I was there for the doctors to be able to explain what was going on, what my dad needed and that I understood.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

So I let him know, like, hey, my dad and I are coming down there. My dad's going to be in this hospital and I'm going to be there with them. He says, that's fantastic. I'll pick you up at the airport. You can stay at my place. We can spend time together. You know, you just seem like the perfect woman, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, I'm not even really hearing some of these things that he's telling me because I'm so fixated on my dad, you know. So towards the end of November, like, I don't know, maybe a week before Thanksgiving, Dylan says, you know what, I can't wait to meet you. I'm going to come up there. And I'm like, oh, that's going to be a problem because my ex is still living in my house. And I was like, I don't. How am I going to handle this? And he's like, don't worry, I'll get a hotel room. You can come and stay with me when you have free time. I just really want to be there for you and I'm going to take you out to dinner. We're going to, you know, do all these things. We'll spend time together, whatever. I'm like, okay. You know, I just, I honestly could not process all of everything at the time. You know, I'm busy with work. I still have over 10 dogs of my own to take care of. Oh, yes.

[Mackenzie]

Wow.

[Jessica]

Yeah, I think I had 12 or 15 at the time. So it's just like a lot going on. It's a really busy season for a dog groomer. So he comes, he stays at this hotel I go there whenever I can. You know, I usually have to come back home three times a day, at least. But we're getting to spend some time together, getting to know each other a lot more intimately. And then my ex finds out that I'm seeing someone else, and we have this big argument. I'm like, we've been done for months. I don't understand. I'm just letting you live here until you figure out where you're gonna go. Like, what's the big deal? Well, apparently it was a big deal to him. He's like, I'll find a place to move asap. And I'm like, that's great. So Dylan's there for a few days, like the long weekend. He goes back to where he lives, and he goes about whatever he does on a daily basis.

[Mackenzie]

So that meet, like, your first meeting him, were you, like, butterflies, big crush, or are you just like, okay, this is nice.

[Jessica]

I just remember, like, feeling really close to him because we had talked on the phone so much, and he had made a long trip, and I had created this image in my head of the guy I thought he was based on, you know, late night conversations, whole day conversations. And he was tall, dark, and handsome. So, you know, at. At first, I. I thought I won. We have all the same interests, and I'm smitten and infatuated with this person that I've been talking to. So, yeah, it was. It was a wonderful weekend for us. So I'm really looking forward to going out to New Mexico, seeing where he lives, how he lives, getting to know him even better. But I'm anxious the whole time about my dad. So we all go out there. He picks me up at the airport. I tell my dad I have a place to stay. I don't need him to pay for a hotel room. You know, he has my phone. He can contact me anytime. And I know what time the doctor's appointments are, and I will be there. So we go to Dylan's house. Everything is pretty, pretty smooth. You know, I get to meet his dogs. Even better, spend time with him again. We really don't do much but hang out at his house. He goes to the gym when he wants to. I'm not really into going to the gym at the time, but, you know, I'm keeping myself occupied or with my dad at his appointment. So we find out that my dad made the appointment with the wrong people. He was supposed to see an oncologist, a cancer doctor, and he made an appointment with the brain surgeon. So the trip kind of gets cut short, we all fly back and my dad has it in his head that after the holidays he's going to go back there after he contacts the right doctors and everything else. Unfortunately, the trip was harder on my dad than everybody expected.

[Hannah]

Oh no.

[Jessica]

He got pneumonia after the first trip. He was in the hospital for a couple of days and then like four or five days go by and he ends up back in the hospital again. Oh my. I had to take his DNR papers to that hospital after the first and say, this is, you know, this is what my dad's wishes are if he ends up here again. This is what he want. This is his signature. But I got a call at like 9:00 clock at night. It was a snowstorm, blizzard. It took me. It's normally like a 20 minute drive there. It took me an hour and a half to get there.

[Mackenzie]

God.

[Jessica]

They did put my dad on a ventilator and kept him breathing until I got there. And then they said, you know, we're going to shut down the ventilator and he's gone in a very short time after they turned that off.

[Mackenzie]

That sounds like all of that. Like a whirlwind that happened so fast.

[Hannah]

Very fast.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Now, knowing what he was diagnosed with, they didn't tell me, but they knew, like his girlfriend and his, his work associate knew back in April of that year that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 non small cell lung cancer. Doing the research, you know, eight to 15 months. And that was about eight, nine months. So I was grateful that I was able to make the trip with him and, you know, be there in the hospital with him, but I kind of felt robbed. I could have been spending more time with them over the summer.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

So, you know, I, I'm just going through all the emotions, you know, guilt and grief and just feeling like I. Like he wanted to stay alive until I got there. And then it took me so long and it just, it was really. And they gave me some of his personal belongings to take home from the hospital. I still have the sweater that he wore to the hospital. And, you know, I said, I. I don't even know what to do now. So, you know, I go home. Of course I'm not getting a whole lot of rest and sleep, but, you know, just trying my best to just get through my days. When I knew I was going to be going with my dad to the hospital. A friend of mine from the dog club who was also a groomer, I had made arrangements with her to take over my grooming because I knew that either my dad was going to stay there and get treatment, or he's going to keep going to doctor's appointments, or I wanted to be with him, so at least I didn't have to worry about grooming dogs. But I also didn't have an income, so I'm just.

[Hannah]

Which is troublesome.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yeah. I have, you know, 12, 15 dogs to feed. So as I'm driving home, all I'm thinking of is, I need somebody. I need somebody. So, of course I pick up the phone and I call Dylan. And he answered. You know, middle of the night, and I tell him my dad passed, and I'm exhausted and I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling. I'm just a mess. So within 24 hours, he's on my doorstep, which, at the time, I was so grateful to have somebody there and just, you know, somebody to lean on. But then I start getting the calls about his personal effects and his trust and his will and his properties and, you know, all of the. The real stuff that has to go on admin.

[Mackenzie]

People don't.

[Jessica]

Yeah, the hard stuff.

[Mackenzie]

So hard.

[Jessica]

Yep. He has dogs and he has people on his payroll and he has things to take care of. So fortunately, there was a trustee in charge of the majority of it. But there were still things that I had to deal with and the funeral arrangements, and I'm not thinking clearly, so I'm not thinking, oh, life insurance policy. But then after a while, I'm thinking, okay, I'm kind of screwed here. Now. I have no way to pay my bills. So I contact the trustee and I'm like, you know, what? Did he leave? And I'm still at least kind of cautious enough that I don't talk too much to Dylan about this. So he tells me a few days later that he's going to go back to where he lives, deal with some business so that he can get his residual checks or whatever income he had going on. Some of that is still kind of a little bit of a blur because my head was just spinning.

[Hannah]

I bet it was.

[Mackenzie]

But on the outside, I was thinking, like, what? Why is he able to, like, drop everything for someone? Not that you guys weren't together, but, like, it's almost a green flag that he's like, I have to go home, do a little work, and then maybe I can come back. How long had you been talking at that point?

[Jessica]

Maybe a month, six weeks at the most. Oh, okay. So, you know, he goes back, and then the trustee is starting to say, hey, there's some insurance policies you can keep your electric on and pay your bills and that kind of thing. So, you know, I managed to pull myself together, go drive to where I needed to to sign the policies or whatever it was. Like I said, it's kind of a little bit fuzzy because of what was going on for me. But I managed to get some checks so I could keep everything kind of rolling.

[Mackenzie]

Guys, we always talk about how Mackenzie and I both, we're not chefs, okay? We're not meant to be spending all this time in the kitchen. However, because we have Green Chef, it is making it a lot easier for us to eat healthy, eat clean, and do it really fast and have healthy habits. Thank goodness for Green Chef. I'm very excited that we partner with them because Green Chef makes it so easy to spend less time in the kitchen and more time enjoying fall, our favorite season. With their new heat and eat meals, you can enjoy delicious, wholesome meals in just three minutes. And it's perfect for supporting your wellness journey because they have recipes that are fresh, organic, seasonal produce and 100% responsibly sourced proteins to help you feel your best. Recently I made the Moroccan spice tilapia with couscous, which, I mean, I know fish is very healthy, but fish is kind of like, I don't know, I'll either buy it and freeze it and then forget I have it or make it wrong. So this was so good and I felt like I was a real chef, guys. I mean, I am. I'm a green Chef. Green Chef's real clean ingredients help you build lasting, healthy habits without the hassle. They have salads that you can have ready in just five minutes or protein filled breakfasts. Nutrient rich smoothies. Green Chef is ready to nurture any of your nutritional needs with 80 plus dietitian approved weekly meal options. Green Chef makes it easy to find meals that fit your lifestyle. Mediterranean gluten free, plant based, protein heavy, even gut and brain, health and calorie. Smart choices. And the recipes change every week. Flexible. You're never going to get bored. Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green chef. Head to greenchef.com 50datingdetectives and use code 50datingdetectives to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code [e-mail] 50datingdetECTives I can't get over how good the skim soft lounge pajama set is. In fact, I was out to dinner with our producer Molly and her fiance, Elise. And Elise and I were just talking about how not only are they so comfortable, but they somehow make butts look so good. And then Molly and I were like, but how do they do that? Because they're so loose and the leg part is like loose and flowy and doesn't feel tight, but then the butt part, like, is, is. Is. It's hugging all the right places. I don't really know how it's done, but I have been wearing them too much. I got them in gray. They're just the best, softest pajamas that I've really ever had. And I think a lot of the skims clothes, like the bras, the basics are great because they work for a lot of different body types. And I've heard from a lot of friends that it's sometimes the only fit that they've been able to find that they really feel genuinely comfortable and sexy in. So I think that's important. And skims is also just like really cute. Like, everything is cute. Also, the holidays are coming up. Matching pajamas. Now is the time. And this is such a good gift for anybody. They have women's, men's, kids, pets, so many options. Go check it out. But I have to just rave again about the soft lounge sleep set. If you get any pajamas, get those. Shop our favorite [e-mail], and after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the skims holiday shop is now [e-mail].

[Jessica]

So he was there for the funeral. I don't remember if he came back or. But he's like in and out all the time. He would say things like, I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you to be alone. Your dad would want somebody to take care of you and help you with all these things and give you a better life. And he just, I think he kind of used. You know, I don't, I don't have any brothers and sisters, don't come from a big family. So it was really me being by myself at that time. And he would always make reference to me being alone. And then the next thing I know, he starts sending me pictures of like loose diamonds on a black pad. Like if you were gonna go to a high end jewelry store and pick out the quality of diamond that you want, the size of diamond, and then you can pick out your setting. So he starts sending me these pictures of these diamonds on the black pad and constantly texting or calling. And again, I am. I'm so overwhelmed with all of this. Like, I didn't know that my dad had all the things that he had and all the properties, and, you know, then I start to think about all the stuff that's in his house, and he owned my grandma's house, and that had to be cleaned out. And just, like, I was overwhelmed with the amount of things that it. It looked like were facing me. So I'm dealing with all that, but I'm also getting these constant barrage of text messages and phone calls, and then all of a sudden comes the. I'm in love with you. You know, I want to marry you.

[Mackenzie]

The diamond or the love? He said, I love you first, or then start sending diamonds?

[Jessica]

Yeah, I think he said he loved me first. And it was all such a chaos.

[Mackenzie]

It's a blur, I guess. Yeah. I think even. Even just them being close together at all is a little too quick.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm not even really sure how I'm feeling in any moment during December and early January about my dad, and then to be bombarded with all this, oh, you're perfect. We'll be a power couple. I want to take care of you. You know, it was just such a whirlwind. And I look back at it now and go, wow, I can't even believe I got through that, you know, halfway sane. So it was only maybe two weeks later, he tells me he's coming up, we're gonna spend some time together. He wants to talk to me, and he shows up with this. It was precious, but it was a little, like, pearl ring. Totally not what I. Like, he had led up to this diamond. It was actually his mother's ring. It was the ring, I think, that he.

[Hannah]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Jessica]

To his mother with so me being.

[Mackenzie]

Why was he sending you all those.

[Hannah]

Diamond pictures if he was gonna bring you a pearl?

[Jessica]

Yeah, I. I don't know. I. I think because I was like, oh, I don't need all that. Like, that's too much, you know? Yeah, I was just. I'm pretty simple, so, like, I don't need some big diamond. And, you know, it just all, like.

[Mackenzie]

Were you excited by that, or were you just kind of. I feel like that response is a nice way to be. Like, I'm not there. I'm not interested in a ring now, but thank you. Like, oh, no, that's too much like, In a way that's like a nice way of kind of talking him down. Or were you like, bring it on.

[Jessica]

Part of me, I think, was in disbelief because it had been so soon. And like, I'm a dog girl, country girl. What are we gonna do with this big thing on my. Like, I'm not gonna be able to wear it when I'm working with my dog. And I was just like, yep, you know, it's a really sweet pipe dream kind of thing. And. But I didn't think he would actually go through with that. You know, I thought maybe it was a romantic thing that, you know, oh, you're worth all this to me and whatever, but. And I would kind of wondered where it was. And I had never seen him spend an exorbitant amount of money on anything, so.

[Hannah]

Yeah. So it didn't seem okay.

[Jessica]

Yeah, I'm just like, whatever. But I'm kind of in shock when he gets. He literally got down on one knee, presented the weight presentation and asked me to marry him. And, you know, I'm kind of dumbfounded. Like, did he really. Like he's on his knees.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Jessica]

I don't want a big dramatic scene right now. So, you know, I'm thinking, okay, we have a year long engagement. Two years, whatever. Why not? I don't. I don't need that. We don't need big drama. We'll just. Yeah, I'll wear your little pearl ring. You can call me your fiance. I've got way more important stuff to deal with. And, you know, not to be kind of egotistical about it, but it's not the first engagement ring I received.

[Mackenzie]

I was going to say, have you been engaged before?

[Jessica]

I mean, I had been married. I was in my 40s. Of course, I had been proposed to. So, yeah, I was just like, okay, great. So he doesn't stick around long again and he goes back and then it's talk of the future and what we're gonna do and where we're gonna go and, you know, we're gonna be again this big power couple. And he starts showing me real estate listing. And, you know, we should sell both of our houses and move into this house or we should buy that house.

[Hannah]

Yeah, he's on it. He's like, let's go. Go.

[Jessica]

Absolutely. Like, he's, he. And I'm, you know, I'm still trying to get my feet securely underneath me. So, you know, his house is nice. And of course, where he lives, it's probably worth three times the amount that my little country home is Worth, but you know, it was mine. And so I'm, I'm still a little hesitant and just kind of pushing it off. Like, yeah, you know, we can look at some houses next time I happen to come down there. Or, you know, are you sure that's where we want to be? Maybe a different state, I don't know. But it's easy and fun to get caught up in all of the dreaming of the future.

[Mackenzie]

So yeah, yeah, it is so true.

[Jessica]

So I have a young girl, an adult, but young, who comes to stay with me and help me take care of my dogs because some days are just really hard to get out of bed. I'm having sleepless nights. I'm trying to wrap my head around everything that I'm learning about my dad's estate and the will and you know, it's just this huge thing. And so I've got to get a lawyer. We've got to have meetings with all the lawyers. And you know, he's still, it's, it's like messages, text messages all the time, or we're on the phone together. He'll call me while he's at the gym, or he'll call me while he's working dogs or he's still traveling to dog events and he'll call me while he's on the road for that. I mean, we are in constant contact. So it's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving around in a 10 or 12 year old minivan with probably 250 plus thousand miles on it. And I knew I needed a new vehicle, but I wasn't in a huge hurry. I would have probably bought a newer minivan because they were so practical for hauling a bunch of dogs around. But you know, he's like, oh, you'll, you'll really love a Suburban. They're great. I can fit three, four dogs in them. We can just have the back seat taken out and you know, you can fit at least four dog crates in it and then we'll match. And he was driving a Suburban at the time. I ended up, he found one that had four wheel drive for me because where I lived we got a lot of snow. I lived out in the country, so a four wheel drive for me was really beneficial. I just, I'd never had a vehicle that nice. My vehicles were always at least five, six, seven years old, you know, with 100,000 miles on them. And so I was tickled to be able to afford something that, you know, it was a few years old, but it wasn't as old as What I was used to. So he had. I guess he had been looking online. I don't know. I really don't know how he found it. Or he just came across one and said, here we go. This is perfect for you. And he tells me to go look at. So I go and look at it, but the place is closed. I'm like, why did you have. When they were closed? He goes, well, I just wanted to make sure he liked it. I'm like, okay, whatever. And then he says, well, so we haven't agreed on a price yet, so you should just wire me $40,000. And how many thousand? 40. He knows I got a substantial life insurance check. He's the man of the relationship, and he'll get. Why does he need the money now?

[Mackenzie]

Why can't he wait until the deal is done, and then you can send it to the person selling you the car? Okay. All right.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Well, had I been in my right mind, that. That probably would have been a question I asked.

[Mackenzie]

I was so overwhelmed. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Yeah. So I get his information, and stupidly, I wire him the money because he says if he has the whole amount, he can get them down to a better deal. And, you know, men are better at haggling. Whatever. Yeah.

[Hannah]

Oh, boy.

[Jessica]

So there was probably some longer drawn out explanation, but. But I just like, okay. I just, you know, this is one thing I can take care of just to get it off my plate, because I have so much. So I wire in the money. I don't know if the next day or two days later here, the truck appears like they bring it to me, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Wow.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Jessica]

So he's not kidding. I have this beautiful. It's only a couple years old. Beautiful truck. Now I can, you know, haul dogs, and I drive safely, and it doesn't have a million miles on. I'm, like, super stoked about it. And he starts sending me the T shirts and the sweatshirts with his team logo on it. And, you know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get you logos for the truck to match mine, and we'll show up at dog events, and we're the power couples with the matching cars, all this. And I'm just. I'm sort of kind of zoned out at this point. I'm like, yeah, great. That's wonderful. Awesome. I have to go to this, you know, and I have to. I have to do this, and I have to do that. And they're cleaning out my dad's house, and I'm having to Go pick up boxes and stuff and all of this. And there was a temporary plate put on the back of the vehicle so that I could operate it legally. But I forget how long they're good for. I don't know if they're only good for like 30 days or something like that. And it would get to the point where it was expiring or expired. And I would say, hey, you know, I need to put my license plates. I actually had personalized plates on my vehicle and I kind of wanted to transfer them over. That was my one little kind of treat to myself with my personalized plates. I wanted to put regular license plates so that I wouldn't have to be trying to figure out. And I couldn't understand. I had sent him all the money. So why don't I have a title and why can't I put my license plates on this vehicle? But at first he was just real dismissive whenever I would ask about it. And then he just started to get angry and kind of trained me to not ask questions about it. But it never sat right with me. And I would bring it up, but very briefly so as not to anger him significantly.

[Hannah]

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[Jessica]

So then he's like, hey, babe, we need to get our marriage license. And I'm like, we do like this already. And he says, well, yeah. And I said, I can't in a wedding this quick, you know, this is, like, fast. He goes, we're just going to get married at the courthouse. We'll have a big party later when we move into our house. And. Da, da, da.

[Hannah]

And he is wanting to legally bind himself to you.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yep. Well, we'll do, like, terrible dog shows or a honeymoon, and, you know, we'll just take the whole year. And, like, as I look back, I'm thinking, this even possible. You know, I know I have a little bit of money, but can he. But in the moment, I'm not thinking about any of this. I'm just like, totally, of course, swept up in everything. But I'm still, you know, okay. But I still have all this stuff to do. There's all These responsibilities and it. People have said, people close to me, but not in those exact moments, like friends that I had been close to year or two years earlier were like, that was so out of character for you. Like, you are Miss Independent, Miss. Nobody's going to tell you what to do. But, you know, I'd never lost my dad before.

[Hannah]

Of course.

[Jessica]

Like, in On One side of my Hat, I'm being told I have to do all these things, and this is your responsibility and still take care of your dogs and. And pay the girl who's helping you and do this and do that. And so he's over here on the other side going, I'll take care of everything. I'll take care of you. You don't have to think about anything.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

You don't have to.

[Hannah]

Unmet needs. Oh, my God.

[Jessica]

Yeah. So, you know, I'm just spinning, spinning, spinning.

[Hannah]

Of course you are. You poor thing.

[Jessica]

So he drives to me, picks me up, and he said, we're just going to go down and get our marriage license. And I'm thinking, okay, I don't. You know, in hindsight, I'm asking myself, well, how long are these things good for? But at the moment, I'm just like, okay, this is another thing on my plate. We have to go do this. We'll get this done, and then I'll be able to come back and focus on what I have immediately to do here. Go get the marriage license. And on the way, we stay there, like a day or two. Nothing really stood out. It wasn't, you know, like, he went to the gym and ordered food. We work, dogs, whatever. And then. And it's, you know, it's a considerable drive. So, you know, we have time in the car to talk about our future and everything that was going on with my dad. And he would still listen. He was attentive. And then I kind of mentioned, like, okay, so, like, what are we talking for? Timing? Because I kind of need to know if you want to be gone on this, like, honeymoon, dog trial trip. Like, I have to kind of arrange everything. And he just was like, I. I wasn't allowed to question him, and I should just always have a bag packed and be ready to go at his whim. And, you know, like, I wasn't saying no. I don't want to go there on that day. It was just, hey, can you lay this out for me? So I have an idea. Because I have dogs at home I have to take care of. I have meetings that I have to attend. I have things that I have to do for the estate, clear things out, you know, that kind of thing. And he just flew into this. Just weird. Like, it was so uncalled for. All I was doing was asking for a simple timeline. Like, where are we going? What states are we going to? How many days are we spending in each place? That was all I was trying to ask for. And he just said, you know what? If you're not going to go, you don't want to go, then you don't have to. We don't even have to get married. And he just took the beautiful marriage license and ripped it up, rolled down his window and chucked it out the window. You know, we were going down the highway and he rolls his window down and lets the wind take it. And I just. It was so. It was so odd because I wasn't like, I wasn't pitching a fit, like, I didn't want to go. It was none of that. I. And I'm like, you have totally overreacted and blown this way out of proportion. Like, I would have never expected a reaction like that out of anyone, much less him, because I'd never seen that side of him. I'm like, who is this guy that I'm now in a. He's a full wit.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, but. And I'm crazy that he, like, waited until the moment you had a marriage license to flip the switch. It's like that within the hour of, like.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

Getting it more solidified in some ways.

[Jessica]

And so I just kind of sat there and didn't see say anything for the rest of the drive. And it was pretty much hours. And he'd put his earpiece in and he'd call other people, and I could hear him, like, talking about business and this person and that person and whatever. And I just sat stone silent. So, you know, my. My dog sitter or whatever is still at my house. And we get there and so I grab my stuff and get out and go inside. He's on the phone, so I'm thinking, all right, cool. And I get inside and my girlfriend's like, I can just tell by looking at you what is going on. And I kind of condensed it, but was just like, he freaked out. I don't know what just happened, but, like, I think I need some time to myself. And she's like, well, he's still sitting out in the driveway. And I said, yeah, I should, and talked to him and he was still on the phone. And I. I walked out to the driver's side and he rolls down his window and I said, Are you still on the phone? Real quietly? And he nods yes. And, like, I put up two fingers. I'm like, I need two minutes. And so I could hear him saying, hey, man, just give me a minute. I gotta switch over. I'll be right back. And so he just puts it on mute. And he's like, what's up? And I'm like, I just don't really understand what happened back there. And I just kind of need a little bit of time for myself right now to process with everything I've got going on with my dad. I'm not sure where I'm at or what I'm feeling. I don't know that you want to take the time to explain it to me now. He goes, that's fine. I'm on the phone. I'm headed back home now anyway. I have some business to take care of. And I'm like, okay, and I'll call you when I'm done. I'll let you know that I get there safe. I'm like, okay, I appreciate that. And I just remember neither one of us said, I love you. So it was just like, he lost, and that was it. And I'm. I'm just like. I don't even know what to think or feel or like, I'm already numb. Can now, like this, you know, like that gurgly stomach. Butterflies, but not the good butterflies. And I'm just thinking, you know what? I think this is a mistake. I. I think I should, like, we should just end this, you know, the marriage license is out the window now. I go back in the house and I explain a little bit more. We talk about it, and we just. I was like, I don't. You know, I kind of don't. I want to get my mind off of things right now. Let's just sit down and watch. Watch Find Quantity Bee. And I want to pet my dogs and just chill out. So, like, a whole day goes by and I don't hear from him. But I know that if he had driven straight through, which was his. His habit, he just drove straight through. He'd stop once or twice to go to the bathroom, get something to drink, and that was it. He would just power through. I'm like, I know that he made it back to his house already, but I don't have a text, I don't have a phone call, nothing. And so there was a part of me that was relief, but there's also that part that's, like, a little bit panicked. Like, this is a dude. I was just promised to marry and now what's going on? And I remember thinking, that's crazy. Like, you know, get a grip. So, you know, I'm surprised that he hasn't contacted you because I could just tell he's really in love with you and this and that and.

[Hannah]

Oh.

[Jessica]

And I'm like, I must have looked at her funny because I'm like, what? And I'm just like, what are you talking about? And she says, well, it just doesn't seem like him. Every time I've talked to him or anything he's ever said to me, you know, he's just madly in love with you and wants to get you this beautiful house and you guys have this beautiful facility. And I was like, what do you mean every time you talk to him? And she's like, well, he messaged me on Facebook and asked for my phone number, said that he wanted to talk to me. And I'm like, well, why would you give him your phone number? She goes, well, I don't know. You guys are together, and I didn't see anything wrong with it. And he said that I might be able to help plan some things or whatever it was. And I still just thought it was kind of weird that he reached out to her like that. But I mean, I guess I could see, yeah, if he wanted to do something or, you know, she's taking care of my dogs. If we're off together, he should have her phone number. Something happened to me, so I didn't think too much of it at the time. But it looking back, I thought it's weird that he didn't say anything to me about it. That's what I found. The. The strangest. That whole scene in the truck just makes me wonder, like, is there a lot more.

[Hannah]

He's a little bit.

[Mackenzie]

Woohoo.

[Hannah]

Yes. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Yeah. And so another day goes by and I'm like, okay. I just. I don't know if I need closure or if I just want to know that he made it there safe. It's just weird. And I feel like I have to reach out. So I send him a text. And it was something just, you know, pretty benign, like, did you make it home safe? Are you okay? Whatever. And he immediately calls me. He's like, oh, baby, baby, baby, I'm so sorry. I was just really busy. I'm trying to get stuff going.

[Hannah]

Okay, fella?

[Jessica]

And there was always some good explanation for either why he didn't call me or what he was doing or whatever. And I said, well, that I'm kind of confused. I Kind of thought that, you know, the whole marriage license and the way we left things and I thought that it. Oh, and I'm really having a hard time processing the way that you reacted and do, you know, throwing the marriage license out and.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, he went like full freaking weird.

[Jessica]

He's like, I'm so sorry. I don't know. It came over me. Never loved anybody like you. And I just feel so strongly and people really need like the perfect couple. And I've never met anybody who's so perfect for me.

[Mackenzie]

I've never loved anybody like you as an excuse for justifying like anger and abuse. Yeah, that's awful.

[Hannah]

Gaslighting.

[Jessica]

He starts with the, you know, dozen roses and flowers and FedExing me like overnight. Beautiful, flowery, wonderful cards filled with I love yous. And, you know, we have such a wonderful future and all of this stuff. And I'm just kind of sitting here trying to like, I can't even process this all. I'm so overwhelmed with everything and wow. I just was. Even if I'd sit down and try and watch TV or something, there's no way I could train my dogs. And I was just, I felt like I sat down and just stared out the window or, you know, went to meet this person or went to my dad's house and picked up this stuff and I was just sort of on autopilot the whole time. It's only, I don't know, four or five days later and he shows up at my house. Now I'm sure he's. We've had conversations over the four days. Sure. He's probably kind of gotten an idea of what my days are like. I wasn't thinking too much about it, just, you know, taking care of my responsibilities. And he just shows up, I happen to be home and he's like, hey, babe, are you packed? Are you ready? And I'm like, packed for what? He goes, well, we're gonna go get married. I'm like, when did he tell you that? Sorry, what? When he arrived at my.

[Mackenzie]

You didn't get an invite to your own wedding is what I'm hearing. He just showed up.

[Jessica]

Like, I don't remember us having this hard ass conversation about it. He's like, well, don't you remember you said we were going to go and meet my mom after we get married. I've told her all about you and she's really excited to meet you. And you know, we like, this is planned and I can't even fight back at the time because I thought like.

[Mackenzie]

Mentally.

[Jessica]

To Even formulate an argument. And I, I, you know, I was kind of afraid to be alone and he would, he would bring it up and I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you to be alone. You know, I'm, I'm sure that your dad wouldn't have wanted you to, to go through all this by yourself. And I, I was grieving and I hadn't had a chance to, to really grieve him, so. But, you know, I wasn't thinking straight. And I'm thinking, okay, here's, here's this person who's going to be on my side no matter what happens. And I was just like, okay, whatever. And so I walk in the house, I'm like, well, I guess, I guess I'm packing. And I have no idea how long to pack for, but I know that his mom lives half a day away from where he lives, so I figured, well, I better pack at least for three, four, maybe five days. I don't know. So we get to New Mexico, we get all settled at his house, and the next day we get up, get dressed. Like, I have nothing special to wear. So I just, you know, have a short sleeve blouse and a pair of jeans. We go to the courthouse and think he got a duplicate marriage certificate or marriage license or something. And we're standing there with all, like all these other couples and I'm just, I don't even know what's happening right now. Like, I'm numb. And so, you know, we're just in a courtroom. It's just nothing, you know, it's another day and so it's all about over with. And I don't even remember saying I do I. Everything was a blur. But I remember us walking out of the courthouse building and he's like, oh, we're just gonna go to like, I don't know, like an IHOP or something like that. We're just gonna have breakfast for lunch and. And then we're gonna go back to the house and then I'm gonna go to the gym. Like it was just an ordinary day, like nothing special had just happened.

[Hannah]

So did he, like, right after you guys got married, did it seem like he just lost interest in you? And he was like, okay, like, that's it. Yep.

[Jessica]

Old, distant. Serve my purpose in that moment and just go do what you need to do. I'm going to go do what I need to do. And then when I need you to fill a role, I'll let you know. But like, what? He picked me up, so I have no access To a. I have no way to get out of there. I can't. Like, I'm stuck. I was with it enough to know that there was a side that I didn't want to see. And I felt very, very vulnerable, not. Not having a way to get away from him, you know, so, you know, I just kind of keep myself busy doing things around his house, dealing with the dogs that were there. So we go. We go to visit his mom and. No, now I'm thinking back.

[Mackenzie]

We did.

[Jessica]

We did go back and get my truck before we went and visited her. See, it's. Some things are still fuzzy and blurry. And then as I'm through exactly what happened, I have to go back and go. No, no, no, wait a minute. You did go back. So we did go back. After we got married, I got my truck and a couple of my. I think I took four of my dogs with me, and he had his, too. And then we go to visit his mom, and she's. I. I don't even honestly know how to explain her. She just very eccentric. Like, she had this real cute little bungalow house, and the yard was perfect and the shrubs and everything were perfect. But there were windows that had, like, cracks, like the big spiderweb cracks in them, like multiple windows. And I thought, oh, did that just happen? You know, And I'm thinking these things to myself because I'm afraid to say too much. I don't.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

You know, now I'm kind of walking on eggshells around him, afraid to ask things. I know that his mother is super important to him. So, you know, I don't want to say anything to offend her. And she just kind of walks around in a housecoat and slippers all day. She spends a lot of time in her room, doesn't talk to me a lot. And one of the things that was really odd to me was that she had him sleep in his bedroom and I slept in a guest bedroom even though we were married.

[Mackenzie]

She sounds definitely odd. So is that her only child?

[Jessica]

Yeah. And I. Shocker. Yes. And I find out later in talking to her, like, the next day or two that she had a lot of trouble conceiving, that she was really blessed when she had him. It was a difficult pregnancy, blah, blah, blah. So that's. That's her baby. And so the next day, he goes to the gym there and leaves me alone with her. And I'm, you know, trying to converse with this woman and trying to get to know her a little bit and just try to be friendly. This is My mother in law and you know, I want to have a relationship with her. And it occurs to me that the keys aren't in the ignition in my truck. And I thought, okay, well, I'm sure I pulled them out of my truck. Not wanting to leave keys in my truck. Lock the doors, whatever.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

So I start digging through my purse and I had like this big black leather bucket purse, you know, way too big, can never find anything. And I'm, I'm like, I can't find where my keys, I can't find my keys. What if I want to move my truck? What if I want to go to the gas station? Like, where are my key? And I'm having to, you know, take my dog to go potty and walk them around and do their thing in her little tiny yard. And I don't know where he is. Like, I'm trying to text him, I have no keys. I really don't like this. And I call the girl who is babysitting my dogs and I tell her, I'm like, you know, I think Dylan takes my key and I don't have my keys and I can't go anywhere. I can't, can't leave and I can't even lock the truck, you know, if I need to feel like I need to lock the truck. And so I'm really, really starting to get like freaked out and weirded out and I don't like this and I don't know what to do and I just needed to tell somebody. And a little while later, he comes back and I'm like, honey, where were you? You know, I tried to be sweet and not set off anything. And he's like, well, I was at the gym. I'm like, did you take the keys to my truck? He goes, yeah, why? You don't need them. You're not going anywhere. And I'm like, well, but what if I just like, wanted to go get a soda or wanted to get some food or whatever? And he tells me that he had my keys but I didn't need them, that anything that I would have needed, his mom would have taken care of. So when I realized that he was taking my keys on a regular basis and leaving me completely stranded, and I have my dogs and I, I just, I can't go anywhere and do anything. I'm thinking, I think I just made a huge mistake and I got to get out of this. And I really just wanted to get like, I didn't want to go on the trip, I didn't want to go any Farther. I just wanted to go back home. And in all honesty, I pray probably knew before I married him that this, this could be a mistake. But he was real good at explaining himself and spinning it into, I'm just so afraid to lose you. And I just thought we had this all planned out. And you know, he would say things like that, like, we've, we've talked about this. I thought we had this all planned out. But at the time I was a little bit forgetful. I'll admit that I have a lot that I'm trying to deal with. So I wasn't always thinking straight. And he would want to talk late into the night, so I wasn't getting a whole lot of sleep either. Anytime we were apart, it was like we were on the phone all day and night. But the key thing was really bothersome for me, not being able to just drive to a gas station to get a soda or if my dogs were in need of anything, that was a big deal for me. I had always been really, really independent. I had been single from the time I was about 22 until I married him. So I had dated, but I had my own home, had my own business. I was in charge of my own life and my own destiny. And so to be able to be feeling so vulnerable and controlled, that really didn't sit well with me. But I had nobody else, you know, and he always would talk about, you know, this, this is you and me and you know, you ride or die, that was a big phrase he used all the time, was ride or die and always got your back. And loyalty is a big deal. And now you're my family and I'm gonna take care of everything. And you've got enough on your plate. Don't want you to worry about other things. But he was heaping extra things onto my plate that I was really starting to worry about. And so yeah, after, after the day with his mom, I just, I was like, I, I just don't like this. I, I have to figure out a way to address this with him and that isn't going to send him into this, you know, this rage, but I'm just not okay with it. And we're leaving the state that his mom lives then and we're going, I don't know, it's probably six hour drive or so to another state where there's an event that I don't really participate in that particular venue with my dogs. But it's something that he is highly titled in and his dogs excelled in. So we're going to go to that. He puts the keys in my ignition as I'm, you know, getting my dogs ready to get loaded and everything. And he gets in my truck and programs the GPS to the address of the hotel that we're going to. So, you know, I'm. I'm thinking my. My mind is racing that whole morning trying to figure out, like, how is there any way I could possibly get away from him? I'm thinking, well, if, you know, could I outrun him? We both are driving similar vehicles, but could I outrun him? Could I out drive him? You know what? And then I remember that I have temporary tags on my vehicle. That starts to make me a little nervous. I'm always worried that they're going to expire, that I'm going to get pulled over with them. And then I'm thinking, how would I explain it? That I'm trying to get away from my husband, that, you know, it doesn't make any sense. So I'm thinking, okay, well, I have to get in my truck and drive to this next. This next state and the next hotel. But at least for the next however many hours, I'm not sitting next to him in a vehicle. I know I'm at least safe in my own vehicle, not with him. So I was like, okay, well, maybe if I can just make it through the next week or so, if I just don't say anything, I won't make him angry, I won't question him. Just kind of ride it out, you know, just to keep my dogs and I safe until I can figure out a way to get out. So that was what we did. We just drove to the next hotel. And then the next day we went to the event venue where they were holding the event for the dogs. So at the event, he's all good, you know. Cause he's kind of the star. I am just trying to stay out of his way, help him if he needs it, but he really doesn't. So, you know, he kind of does his thing. I'm on the sidelines or by my vehicle, letting my dogs in and out, getting them pottied, giving them food, giving them water, Just keeping myself busy and out of his way. When he would be up to perform, I would go in and clap for him because that was what was expected. I have to be the supportive teammate and wife. But when they were. When he was waiting his turn, I would just stay back by my truck and keep an eye on my dogs and all that. I don't remember exactly what time it was, but it was Kind of mid. Mid to late day. That's when I got the phone call from my dog sitter that one of my dogs was pretty ill, not doing well, and she didn't know what to do. Calling me for advice, like, hey, what do you want me to do? This is what's going on. So I told her where the emergency vet was. I said, I'm going to hang up and send you a screenshot with the address. If you can GPS it, I will call them and give them a heads up that you're coming and what's going on. I'll give them my debit card number so that they know everything is paid for. So I did that. Send her the address and everything. Now we're going to. Texting back and forth that she's got him in the car, she's on the way. I knew how long it should take her to get there and everything. So now I'm nervous and stressed out. People are starting to notice that I'm visibly upset about something. He comes over to ask me what's going on, what's going on? And I tell him I got the phone call, one of my dogs is not doing well. Explain the situation to him, and he's like, oh, well, you know, she'll ha. She'll handle it if she's got him to the vet. There's really nothing you can do. Just let the vets take care of it. But I'm like, yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it. There's nothing I can do. By the time I would get home, it's too late. So I said, I'm just gonna wait for her to message me or wait for them to call. But I'm obviously really, really worried about him and stressed out about it. And, you know, I'm already stressed because I really don't want to be there. So it only takes probably two hours or so for them to call me and tell me that he's really bad. It's very serious. They don't know what they can do for him, but you know, they're going to try a couple of things. I'm. Now I'm like, okay, I want to go home. I want to. I just want to go home. And that's all I want. All I was thinking about was like. And I told him, I want to go home. I think I need to go and be there. He's like, well, you know, what's going on? You're really. You can't do anything. And. And I just said, I need to be there. I need to go home. This is my dog, he's sick. He's at the emergency vet. I need to go. So you could tell that he was irritated by it, but because there were so many other dog people around that, you know, anybody else, they would have gone, you know, they would have left and gone home. So I think he knew that he couldn't, he couldn't cause a scene or say, no, you can't go, because everybody would have just expected it. So I just got in my truck and punched in my address at home, the GPS and got out of there. And that was not how I wanted to come up with an excuse to go home, but I was going to use it. And he ended up. There was nothing they could do to help him. He was too far gone and found out that, you know, they were just going to have to put him down. And I said it would, you know, it'd be selfish of them to, or of me to make them keep him alive until I could get there because it was about a 10 hour drive. And I just said, you know, if my girlfriend can at least be there with him because he knows her, she knows him, somebody provide him some comfort, I, you know, I'll let him go. But of course I'm, I felt horrible. I felt guilty and responsible and should have been there for him, but at least I was on the way home at that point, so. But of course my phone is blown up with him, you know, messaging me and calling and everything else. And so luckily he was kind of distracted by doing his thing. So I could just kind of drive in a little bit of peace and try and hurry home. And I got, I got home late at night, 10 or 11 o' clock that night, and I just get the dogs taken care of, get them back in the house, get them exercised and back to their house crates. And I, I'm exhausted and you know, like, I felt like I could breathe again being at home. So I just wanted to get some sleep because I wasn't sleeping good. I was completely stressed out. So the next day we get up and take care of all the dogs and the animals and everything and have some coffee and sit down and my girlfriend says, hey, I have to tell you something. And my immediate thought was, there's something else wrong with one of my dogs. What else? She's like, no, no, no, everything is fine with the dogs. But the day before your dog got sick, there was a guy here, he was apparently a process server trying to serve Dylan with a lawsuit with papers for a lawsuit. A Subpoena or something. She didn't know exactly what it was, but they had asked for him specifically by name and had a manila envelope with papers that they wanted to give to him. And I'm like, what? She said, yeah, I kind of tried to ask him some questions, but I really didn't know what to ask. So I'm like, well, what is this? She said, I asked the guy, what. What is this about? And he really didn't want to say too much, but he said, you know, that there's. There's some papers, there's a lawsuit or something. She said, I don't know. I really don't. Didn't understand at all. She was very young. She was, like 18 or 19 years old, you know, probably scared, not knowing what was going on. So I was like, what? So I believed her. Like, I knew that there was enough truth in her story that something was going on. So I was like, okay, how do I find out? And how would they have even known that he was at my house? Like, how would they have put us together? And so the only thing I could come up with was, you know, there was a paper trail for the marriage license and for the marriage. So I thought, okay, it had to have been somebody from where the state that he lived in. How do I find lawsuits or legal cases or anything like that? Like, how would I even go about finding that? So I called the attorney that I had been using to deal with my father's state and asked her, and she said, well, you know, probably depends on whether the state has, like, local circuit court access pages or if it's statewide or whatever. So, you know, I'm just typing in anything that I could think of trying to find out, like, what is this lawsuit that he's involved in? And I was able to find out that, yes, the county that he resided in did have a website that would provide whether there were documents. I was still trying to navigate and find all the information, but I was slowly starting to piece things together that there, in fact, was a lawsuit against him in the county that he lived in. And it was, like, right before he wanted to come back to my house that I had. That I had been able to figure out that, yes, you can actually see the documents that they scanned in when they filed the case. And I could read through it all. I think I even had to print it out to. To make sense of it, because I'm not accustomed to reading legal documents myself. And so, you know, to. To just figure out what everything was about. But I think I Probably yelled for my girlfriend, you know? You're not going to believe this. Look at this.

[Mackenzie]

It's.

[Jessica]

It's $2 million for fraud.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God.

[Jessica]

And I was freaking out because I'm like, $2 million. Like, who's responsible. Responsible for that? You know? Now I'm married to the guy. Does that mean my assets are in jeopardy if they. If he's found guilty? So I just was like, oh, my God, what did I do? I have. I'm in trouble. I'm in big trouble.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, no.

[Hannah]

What is this guy's deal? Oh, my God.

[Jessica]

He.

[Hannah]

He ought to be ashamed of himself.

[Mackenzie]

Just so y' all know, we usually record episodes in one sitting, and then the editing determines how long it's gonna be. In this case, because of some of the connection issues, we don't know the end of the story either. Molly told us. It's wild. But at the time of this episode coming out on Monday, we're with you. So please send us all your questions, and we can try to ask Jessica as we talk to her again.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

Because I'm on the edge of my seat.

[Hannah]

I know. I really want to know what I. I hate being left in the dark, but also, I feel good about knowing that we are left in the dark, just like you guys and you.

[Mackenzie]

You feel we have to suffer, too.

[Hannah]

Yeah, we have to suffer, too. We're suffering together.

[Mackenzie]

We're gonna do a very thorough dogfish debrief, which is when we go through parts of the story that we can learn from, or just like that, we need to digest more at the end of part two, so. But that's. I mean, you have the opportunity to let us know what you want us to talk about in the debrief this week as well, if you want more Dating Detectives. In the meantime, we put out bonus episodes on patreon. It's only $5 a month, and if you want all of our episodes, add five free. You can pay $9 a month. Yes. For the girlfriend experience. Also, some of you. I know, like, some. If we try to be on top of. If there's ever an issue with Patreon. So you can always email us or message us if you have any questions. I mean, honestly, that's. That's what I got for you.

[Hannah]

I want to just.

[Mackenzie]

I need to hear.

[Hannah]

I need to know more. Exactly. I need to hear more of the story. So, anyways, until next week, thank you so much, and, as always, trust your.

[Mackenzie]

Your fun tuition.