The Escape: Part 1

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Escape: Part 1" – The Dating Detectives

Introduction

In "The Escape: Part 1," The Dating Detectives delves into the harrowing true story of Ashley, a guest who recounts her journey from an exciting new relationship into an abusive and controlling partnership. Hosts Mackenzie Fultz, a professional Private Investigator, and Hannah Anderson, a comedian, guide listeners through the complexities of Ashley's experience, highlighting red flags and manipulative behaviors often overlooked in the early stages of dating.

Ashley’s Story: From Romance to Control

Early Connection and Rapid Progression (05:00 – 07:23)

Ashley begins her narrative in early May 2023, shortly after ending a conversation with a previous partner. While casually browsing TikTok, she encounters a charming man whose profile exudes a "Casey from Yellowstone" vibe. Intrigued by his charisma, Ashley likes his TikTok, prompting him to follow her and engage on Instagram. Their interaction swiftly progresses, with him complimenting her smile and expressing an eager desire to meet in person. Despite initial hesitation, Ashley decides to visit him, leveraging her parents' cautious approval for a weekend visit, emphasizing her love for travel and new experiences.

Initial Red Flags and Love Bombing (07:23 – 11:33)

During her first visit, Ashley is welcomed warmly by his family, fostering a sense of belonging she had long yearned for after growing up in a broken family. However, subtle control begins to surface when he insists on her cooking and cleaning from the outset. Despite enjoying the initial days, the relationship starts showing signs of imbalance. Ashley notes, “He wanted me to move out as soon as possible, ignoring my career aspirations,” indicating early signs of manipulation (22:07).

Escalation of Control and Conflicts (11:33 – 44:45)

As the relationship intensifies, Ashley faces constant demands to comply with his traditional views on gender roles, leading to frequent arguments. Mackenzie and Hannah interject with insights into controlling behavior, emphasizing the importance of recognizing such patterns early on. Ashley describes how daily fights become the norm, with her partner using financial support as leverage: “He kept holding the bills over my head,” showcasing financial manipulation (25:46).

A pivotal moment occurs when Ashley discovers a harassment charge from the previous year against her partner through a surprise revelation from her mother (43:26). This discovery shatters her perception, but fearing confrontation, she chooses to ignore it initially. The situation deteriorates further as his controlling nature forces her to abandon personal boundaries, culminating in physical aggression during a heated argument in July (60:58).

Hosts’ Insights and Reactions

Throughout Ashley’s recounting, Mackenzie and Hannah provide critical analyses of each stage of the relationship. They highlight the warning signs of love bombing, financial dependency, and escalating control. At [20:52], Hannah remarks, “You have to remember that controlling behavior can often be masked as affection,” underscoring the deceptive nature of such abuse.

Mackenzie adds, “These red flags are subtle but significant,” reinforcing the importance of vigilance in new relationships. Their commentary serves to educate listeners on identifying and addressing similar situations in their own lives, fostering a community of awareness and support.

Notable Quotes

• Mackenzie (22:07): “He wanted me to move out as soon as possible, ignoring my career aspirations.”

• Hannah (25:51): “He can't just expect that. It's like a conversation you have to have.”

• Ashley (43:33): “I was scared. Even though it was just a harassment charge, I don't know the story at all.”

• Mackenzie (47:12): “That is so manipulative and gross.”

• Hannah (51:25): “No, you don't deserve to be abused. Like, that's abuse. It's horrible.”

Conclusion

"The Escape: Part 1" concludes with Ashley's story at a critical juncture, where physical violence becomes a terrifying reality. The hosts commend Ashley for her bravery in sharing her story and emphasize the importance of recognizing abusive patterns early. They encourage listeners to seek help and support, reinforcing that they are not alone in their experiences.

Resources and Support

Throughout the episode, The Dating Detectives provide valuable resources for listeners experiencing similar situations, including hotlines and support networks. They stress the significance of community support and open dialogue in overcoming trauma and rebuilding trust.

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a powerful reminder of the complexities of abusive relationships and the subtle ways control can manifest. Mackenzie and Hannah's compassionate and insightful approach offers both validation and guidance, making "The Escape: Part 1" a crucial listen for anyone navigating the often treacherous landscape of modern dating.

Note: For those seeking further assistance or wishing to share their own stories, The Dating Detectives encourage reaching out via their website, fostering a safe and supportive community for all listeners.

Transcript

[Hannah]

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.

[Mackenzie]

Hello. Happy Monday.

[Ashley]

Happy Monday.

[Hannah]

Welcome back from the Mediterranean, you guys.

[Mackenzie]

I went on a Mediterranean cruise. It was so lovely. We went to Turkey and Greece. Athens, Santorini. We went to Italy. All these really cool places. I got a new tattoo just to commemorate the trip, and it was just.

[Hannah]

So much fun, but we missed you.

[Mackenzie]

Thank you.

[Ashley]

While.

[Mackenzie]

While we were gone, there was a hurricane. My roof is half missing, but it's okay. Like, it's not raining into my living room anymore because they put tarps over. So now in the next six to seven weeks, they'll be fixing my room. So it's fine. Just letting you guys know.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Mackenzie]

Everyone's asking for updates, and I. So here we are. I just tell everybody at the same time, like, everything is fine. And we know for real. Not a lot of damage, which I'm grateful for.

[Hannah]

But I'm glad your mic was okay.

[Ashley]

I know.

[Mackenzie]

Well, it was weird because I was gonna have to take all of my podcast stuff to Europe with me, but my bags, every single one of them, were already overweight, and it was like I wasn't gonna be able to come home from the case. I was working in another state. Cause the hurricane and the airports were closed. It was a nightmare.

[Hannah]

It was a mess. Well, shout out to Molly for stepping in.

[Ashley]

Yes.

[Mackenzie]

For holding down the fort. You guys are amazing. I'm so excited that Molly was able to step in. So thank you, Molly, but I'm glad to be back and see your beautiful face.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God, I missed you. And this story that we're about to hear is a difficult one, but it's. I'm just very lucky that I have both of you. But your energy is, like, helpful to go through some of these stories with because we, like, need each other.

[Mackenzie]

And this. This story is a doozy. It is. We're gonna have to get into it. But before we do, you guys, don't forget to sign up for the Patreon. It's $5 a month. You get exclusive access to, like, extra information sometimes if you know.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

Not allowed. On the main feed. But also we do live events where you can connect with us and there's a whole, there's a whole platform, like a whole.

[Ashley]

What do you call it? Like a chat.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, there's like a big chat where we can all connect and it's just really cool. And you get early access to merch that we're working on and stuff like that. So any extra episodes? Oh, yeah. And the two bonus episodes a month, that might be something else.

[Hannah]

And I love everyone on Patreon. And we'll keep people updated because this case is so. It's going to be a two parter.

[Mackenzie]

Sorry. Not sorry. I don't know what to tell you.

[Hannah]

It's a long one. We're going to need a breath in the middle. And she's like, it's fresh. Like it happens.

[Mackenzie]

We actually needed a break during recording because that's how intense it got.

[Hannah]

Oh, I love her. But I, yeah, I'm still kind of processing it and she is too. Like it's pretty fresh. It happened not that long ago, so hopefully we can help her. You know, you'll see in any kind of thing moving forward, I, I will give some content warnings. It's definitely deals with domestic violence and some. It's probably our most like, closest to true crime story that we've had in terms of violence and abuse.

[Mackenzie]

So just you guys were talking violence, domestic violence, we're talking talks of suicide. We were talking like all kinds of things that are very, very, incredibly, incredibly violent. And I just need you guys to just, just know that some of the things can be a little bit sensitive. So. Yeah, but at the end of the day, she's here to tell her story.

[Hannah]

So spoiler alert. She's.

[Mackenzie]

She doesn't die. The princess doesn't die. Oh, she's here. So I'm really grateful for her sharing her story. And also you guys, I have to tell you, thank you so much for sharing our podcast on your socials because every time you share, there's always someone that goes, oh, my friend so and so shared this and I have this story. And then this community that you guys are creating by sharing is really, really helping other people get through some of their own trauma. So by sharing, you are just making the conversation bigger and putting a spotlight on it.

[Hannah]

This episode especially, I am so hopeful that we're gonna take this butt head down. I am so angry that he is just.

[Mackenzie]

Ah.

[Hannah]

Anyway, this is one of those ones.

[Mackenzie]

You'Ll want to be on the Patreon for because that's where we're gonna be posting updates.

[Hannah]

Updates for sure. Yeah. But, yeah, if anyone, you know, you're like, oh, maybe they're dating him, send this bad. Or if they're dating someone similar. Let's, let's, let's. Oh, these guys. I don't even know where to start, girl.

[Mackenzie]

So, okay, we've hyped you up enough. Let's get into it, shall we? Let's. Let's hear from our guests.

[Hannah]

Give it to Ashley.

[Mackenzie]

Take it away. Okay, Ashley, thank you for being here. We're ready to hear your story. So take us on the journey, girl. Take us away.

[Ashley]

Yeah. Thank y'all for having me. Okay. Well, it is early May 2023. I'm 25 years old. I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time. I was just scrolling through TikTok, a guy I was talking to. We just ended things. So I was kind of just like, I don't want to talk to any men at all, you know? So I was not looking, kind of just scrolling through TikTok, and I come across this guy's page and I was like, oh, he's really cute. Like, he was riding a little horse and he was just given, like, all the, like, Casey from Yellowstone vibes.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Ashley]

So I was like, oh, he's. He's really cute. So I liked his tick tock. And then he came to my page and followed me and started liking my stuff. And then that led into Instagram, which is where we started actually talking.

[Hannah]

Wow. Does this happen? Like, are you somebody that meets people on TikTok and Instagram a lot? Are you, like, a slider?

[Ashley]

No, it's. No, it is, it is. But, like, never on TikTok. Like, Instagram, yeah, I will talk to a ton of people on Instagram, but TikTok never. I never use this as, like, a dating form or anything like that, so.

[Hannah]

Anything's a dating app if you try hard enough.

[Mackenzie]

I'm just saying.

[Ashley]

So we started talking on Instagram, and literally the first thing he said to me was, your smile is gorgeous. And then we started talking from there. He, right off the bat that first day, he was like, I want to meet you and all of this stuff. He was like, when can I come fly out and visit you? Oh, wow. Yeah. Right off the bat. And I was just like, okay, cool. Like, give it a few days or something. Let's talk. So anyways, he wanted to fly out and see me, and he was like, persistent on doing that. Well, I still lived with my parents, and my mom was like, you know, we're not having a stranger in our house or anything like this. So me, though, I do love to travel, and I love to, like, just go out and just have experiences. So I told him this, and he was like, okay, well, if I can't come there, I will fly you out to me. So I tell my mom. I was like, well, if you won't let him come here, I'm gonna go out there and visit him.

[Hannah]

What did she say?

[Ashley]

She was just like, do whatever you want to do. But, like, I mean, I was only going out there for a weekend, so it was like, it's like a first date. Yeah. It wasn't anything crazy. He talked to her on the phone before, so, like, it was just. It was kind of like she. She wasn't okay with it, but she was just like, whatever. Do what you want to do. Have fun.

[Hannah]

So I need to know, like, what you knew about him. Now my mom is coming out, like, yeah, how old is he? What's his. Like, how much did you know going into flying to see him?

[Ashley]

I knew all the general information, me being, like, a realtor and everything. I looked up. We have a separate app, so I looked up. Like, I looked up his background and stuff like that, because we have to look up people's background before we show them houses.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

This is what I wanted. This is what I like to hear.

[Ashley]

So it'll show. Like, it's so in depth. Like, it'll show all their phone records, places they lived, all the cars they've driven, like, all that stuff. And all their mug shots or what?

[Mackenzie]

And all their mug shots, too.

[Ashley]

No big deal.

[Hannah]

Pisces.

[Mackenzie]

They really can. You have no idea.

[Hannah]

Mackenzie, you should add that you should get your real estate license. So then when you're on surveillance, you could also be, like, taking stock of the neighborhood.

[Mackenzie]

I'm just saying.

[Ashley]

Yes. I look him up, and nothing comes up. So I'm like, he has a clean record. And that's what I was, like, trying to tell my mom about him coming out here. I was like, I've looked him up. Like, he doesn't have any record. He seems like a great guy and everything. So the day before me going out to visit him, he had sent me flowers to my work. So it's just crazy because he lived so far away from me, and he even put in that effort to be that. So then I fly out, and right off the bat, we. We, like, go to a little restaurant, just have lunch and have a couple of drinks, and then immediately, right after that, we go back to his house and we like just hook up. Okay, good for you.

[Mackenzie]

Okay. Is he drunk or did he just have like one drink?

[Ashley]

We had like a whole tester flight thing.

[Hannah]

So we were.

[Mackenzie]

We're white girl wasted.

[Hannah]

You're feeling good.

[Mackenzie]

Okay, so we.

[Ashley]

And I don't know, I normally don't do that, but I was like filling it. Didn't know if I was gonna come back out there again, so I was like, might as well test drive it before I buy it. So we're at his house afterwards and we had dinner reservations. Well, we fell asleep and didn't make the dinner reservation. So he's like, well, how about I just take you over to my parents house and let you meet everybody?

[Mackenzie]

Oh, okay.

[Hannah]

Now. Wow.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

I was like, okay, we're. We're really jumping the gun. It's the first day I'm here, first day I've ever met you. But I was like, also, family is important to me and I'd like to see how their family is because if I don't like the family, I don't want to be with someone, you know, if I can't be around them. So I was like, hey, this will be good for me to get to know him and his environment and all of that.

[Mackenzie]

Sure. Yeah. You guys, the holidays are coming up, so I want to talk to you about this new website that is advertising with us. It's called Uncommon Goods. You guys, they have the coolest little like, gifting ideas. So think of holiday shopping stress free. This website has original, handmade, really, really cool gifts. So if you're someone who's like, I just can't find something for this one person. You will find something for everything here. Hannah, didn't you find something that you were talking about earlier?

[Hannah]

My family got my grandpa a book of New York Times cover pages for the day he was born. And it's like it shows his, obviously his year and then like everything that's happened on his birthday from the New York Times. It's a cool present, so you can do a lot of customizable type stuff. Yeah. And he's a nerd about history, so he likes that. But they've got everything. I like, where was this website my whole life?

[Mackenzie]

I know you can get custom made bread, cookies and put a nice little message on them or like an anniversary date or something, like super personalized stuff. And it looks really, really fun. I'm so excited to get some of their stuff for the holidays because I'm really, I'm a gift giver But I like to find stuff that's specific to someone. Do you know what I mean?

[Hannah]

That's so maybe uncommon, perhaps.

[Mackenzie]

Uncommon. Good. So you're supporting artists and small independent businesses, and many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So shop now before they sell out. Can you guys believe it's already. It's like, hello, November holidays. It's time to get going.

[Hannah]

How good would it feel to have your presence done, like, soon? Oh, I've never in my life been that ahead of the game, but I feel like this is the year.

[Mackenzie]

I want to do it super soon. But I. I really love the idea of personalizing something. So think of high quality, unique, handmade, made in the US products. Things that are meaningful that maybe you wouldn't normally think of. So uncommon, out of the ordinary gifts.

[Hannah]

Can I also add that I've always had trouble finding gifts for, like, people I work with, like my boss sometime.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, because you don't want it to be, like, too intimate.

[Hannah]

Too intimate. You don't want it to be like, too much money. If, like, when I was an assistant, it was like, you guys know what I'm making. Like, I don't want to get you something. Like, I didn't know. I never knew what to get a boss like that. So this, this would have saved my life.

[Mackenzie]

These are really nice gifts. And they have kids stuff too. And, like, stuff that, you know, stuff for kids to make, like book lovers, die hard, sports fans, things like that. So these are not just like the same selections that you could just find anywhere. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back a dollar to a nonprofit partner of your choice. And they've donated more than $3 million to date, which I think is incredible. I love that so much.

[Hannah]

That's amazing.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah. So to get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com TDD that's uncommongs.com TDD for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon goods. We are all out of the ordinary.

[Hannah]

So, MacKenzie, you're a PA?

[Mackenzie]

Yes, I am.

[Hannah]

I think the people know that. How much of our information is online that we don't know about?

[Mackenzie]

Yes. All of it. You guys.

[Ashley]

Yes.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Mackenzie]

So much of your private personal information is out there on the Internet, all willy nilly for anyone and everyone to see. And it's more than you think it is. Your name, your contact info, Social Security number, home address, information about your family members, people you're associated with. And it's all Being compiled by data brokers and sold online.

[Hannah]

Oi yoyo. And so you, I mean like you know where to find all this stuff and so do these data brokers, but we don't.

[Mackenzie]

And they make a profit off of it. Like your data is a commodity. Anybody on the web can buy your private details.

[Hannah]

So how do we stop it?

[Mackenzie]

If you think about it, that can lead to identity theft. That's a big way to do identity theft and harassment. Unwanted calls like how do they get my phone number? But now you can protect your privacy with Delete Me. So as a person who exists publicly and who is a private investigator, I know how much information is out there. I'm hyper aware of the safety and security, especially online. And it's easier than ever to find that information. So Delete Me is a subscription service that removes your personal info from hundreds of data brokers. Right. So it basically makes it unavailable to those people, so it makes it less attainable online. Sign up and provide Delete Me with exactly what information you want deleted. And the Delete Me experts take it from there. So Delete Me will send you regular personalized privacy reports showing what information they found, where they found it, what they removed. But it's not just a one time service. It's always working for you in the background. So it's constantly monitoring and removing the personal information you don't want on the Internet. So it does all the hard work of wiping your and your family's personal information from those data broker websites. So if you ever go online and it says paid this much dollars to get this information, that's a data you're paying. It's so easy to get.

[Hannah]

We've used this. I really like it. We've also helped some of our guests get set up with it. Yes, they've dealt with some harassment and stalking from online perpetrators and they've had great experiences with it. So we can personally vouch for it. And I'm glad that it's been able to help some of our guests.

[Mackenzie]

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[Ashley]

I go over there and I fell in love with his. It was only his mom and dad and sister there, so it wasn't his entire family. But I made all them and had a great time. First of all, like, where they lived was in the country and everything. So when I went to their house, it was just very, like. It made me feel like home. And his. His family was just so warm and welcoming and making me feel comfortable. Like, I get nervous around families, meeting them for the first time. So when I went over there and they were just, like, greeting me with hugs and everything like that. That was. That first night was. Was really good just to get to know them. It just made me feel really welcomed because they would ask me about my family and, you know, just really try to get to know me and involve me and everything and not just kind of, like, leave me off to the side and, oh, this is just another girl or whatever, you know, I grew up in a broken family, so to have that feeling of family again, going over there and being with his family and everything was just kind of like that sense of being a one big happy family again. So I really like that. So this is Mother's Day weekend, and I was like, I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm flying.

[Hannah]

Oh, my gosh. And now you're, like, with his family on a holiday. Wow.

[Ashley]

The next day was a Saturday, and his brother is having a baby, so he was having a diaper party. So I met his entire family that day and all of his friends and stuff like that. And then they have a skeet shooting contest.

[Mackenzie]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[Ashley]

So it's like real country.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, it is.

[Ashley]

So we're out there. And keep in mind, this is the second day. Okay. He comes up to me. We're sitting on the golf cart thing. He comes up to me, was like, I love you.

[Mackenzie]

Okay. How long has this been?

[Hannah]

Like two hours. Two hours. And you've been talking how long?

[Ashley]

Two weeks.

[Hannah]

And how much older? Okay. I actually don't know that he's older than you, but I'm just assuming. Is he older than you?

[Ashley]

No, I'm older. I was only, like, three months older than him.

[Hannah]

Okay, but you're the same age. Okay.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Ashley]

So he says that, and I'm taken off guard. I'm just like, oh, thank you. I didn't know what to say. I was like, I'm only gonna say that if I feel it. So.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Anyways, he kind of got mad that at that night and was just like, why didn't you say it back? And so I told him I was like, only gonna say it if I feel it. And then the next day was Mother's Day, so I went to church with his family and all of that stuff. Well, then I have to leave. And coming home, I was just like, okay. Like, that was. That was fun. He was a little bit love bombing, but it was a fun time and everything. Well, on the way to the airport, he asked me. He was like, we have a. It was Memorial Day weekend, that next weekend. And he was like, me and my family always go up to the lake house and do a big thing for Memorial Day, and I would love for you to come back. And I was like, okay, Sounds fun. So I was like, go to the lake house, like, all that stuff. I was like, yeah. So we booked my flight to come back.

[Hannah]

And he's paying for these flights?

[Ashley]

Yeah, yeah, he paid for the first one. The second flight, I think we went, like, half and half on.

[Hannah]

Okay, this is fast. He. He. He's pedal to the metal.

[Ashley]

Yes.

[Hannah]

But you sound like you're kind of having fun. You're like, I'm not thinking about marriage. I'm just like, oh, this is a fun summer. Like, we'll see.

[Ashley]

I'm getting to know this person. So I'm like, this is fun. I get to go somewhere new and do things with them and live that life for a little bit. So it is fun. So I go to their house, and I get out there, and we had a good time. I think I was there three, four days or something. The last day, we were about to leave the lake house, so he started, like, just being kind of controlling at the lake house in front of his entire family. So he would ask me, he would be like, can you go make me a plate of food? Or whatever. Which I. I will literally do anything for my man. But, like, I have no idea where the food is in this house or where the plates are or anything like that. So I'm like, now I have to go up to his family and be like, hey, where is this? Because your son wants it.

[Hannah]

You know, was he kind of entitled in the way he was asking? It wasn't like a cute, like, babe, will you get me, like, some water? It was like, hey, can you get me some food?

[Ashley]

Yeah, if it was, like, one time, whatever. But he asked multiple things. And I don't know. It's the second time I'm out there, and I feel like the guy normally puts their best foot forward, and it's like, right, yeah. 100.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God, you're right. He should be having you sit down.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Yes. Like, why am I doing this stuff for you? And if you're busy and you can't run inside and get some food, I'll go make you some food. But you're sitting there not doing anything, and you can't walk two steps and get your own food. So anyway, like, testing you. I don't know. I really don't know. So I'm all the way upstairs packing our bags, and he comes upstairs from the kitchen and was like, hey, will you go downstairs and make me a plate of cake? And I was like, dude, you literally just came from downstairs. Like, what is his. You could make it yourself. I'm like, I'm packing for us right now. So that turned into a whole argument. So we finally get in the truck, and we're heading back to his house, and the whole truck ride is silent. And I'm like. In my head, I'm like. I'm kind of. I'm kind of annoyed because you just boss me around in front of your family, and I just don't know how to. How to react, really. So we finally pull into a restaurant, and we start talking, finally in the truck. And he was like, you know, what's wrong with you and all this stuff? And I was like, well, you just embarrassed me in front of your entire family. And I was like, I will gladly do these things for you later on in the relationship. I was like, but this is our second date. I don't know why you're asking me to do all this stuff for you.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, it's freaking weird.

[Ashley]

Yeah. And he was like, well, I just want more of a traditional relationship where the woman cooks and cleans and does, like, all that stuff, and I do all the work. And he would just praise this traditional relationship, which I'm fine with that. Like, I'm fine with not having a job, but, like, in this day and age, you need to have it.

[Hannah]

Yeah. But if you guys agree on.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Oh, yeah, that's true, too.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah]

He can't just, like, expect that. It's like a conversation you have to have.

[Ashley]

So then he's like, well, my brothers, their wife and their girlfriend does these things without them even having to ask. And I was like, well, that's great. But again, our second date, okay. And I'm crying, and he's just like, it's okay. Like, I just know that I need to give you more time. And I'm like, more time to bow down to you. And be your servant right now. I don't know, I'm just kind of thrown off by all of this. Yeah, we go inside and eat and then we go to like a little ice cream shop afterwards. And we're in the drive through of this ice cream shop and he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I was like, I told him no because I was like, dude, this is such a bad, bad timing. I was like, you just made me cry and now you're asking me to be your girlfriend.

[Hannah]

Like, right.

[Ashley]

So that like hurt his feelings, I guess. And I could see that. And I was like, oh no, like I'll be your girlfriend, like playing around with him. And he's like, no, you're gonna have to ask me because I'm not gonna get rejected again and all of this stuff.

[Hannah]

Oh, so he's six?

[Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah]

Great.

[Ashley]

So we're just like going back and forth. He was like, you're gonna have to ask me and all this stuff. I just like leave there and not, not being his girlfriend, I guess like we're just kind of like still talking because we both are hard headed and I'm not asking him to be my boyfriend. So coming home that weekend, kind of not knowing like where, where I wanted to stand in that relationship, like I didn't really know if I even wanted to be in something like that or be controlled in that way. So after I came home, I had this thing happen with my dad and I really needed support and I called him and I was telling him about it and I was crying my eyes out on the phone to him and he was just like, I don't remember exactly everything he said, but I remember he was just like talking to me. So comforting. And he was just like, listen, you can't help this, like it's not your fault, like all of this stuff and, and kind of just like leaning into me and letting me cry and show that emotion because I haven't, I don't cry a lot and I definitely don't cry around other people. So when I let it all out to him, I felt vulnerable and like I was letting my walls down. And the way he spoke to me was really comforting and I felt like. And now talk to him about everything. So after, after talking with him and everything, I, I felt like, you know, I wanted to try, see, see what this relationship could be and how things could grow. And I felt like giving him another chance and giving it a try. So we started really getting serious after that. We were like dating, but he wanted me to move out with him. He kept saying he wanted me to move out as soon as possible and my job here, I needed to wait until after summer before I could do anything. And I told him that, and he was just like, basically saying, you hate your job anyways. Like, why are you in it? Why don't you just quit and move out here and all of this stuff? And I was like, well, it would be. It would look good on me if I saved the extra three months. And it would also give us time to get to know each other.

[Hannah]

Yeah. Because you are still. If it's not even the end of summer, still very early.

[Ashley]

Yeah, it is. So, I mean, this is like a month into us talking, if that. And both of us had a dream. Well, I think it was his dream, but my dream was to always have rental homes and bnbs and, like, do the flip homes and stuff like that, and basically just build, like, an army of houses that. I had mentioned that to him before, like, wanting to have all these different homes and stuff like that, and wanting to start getting into flipping homes. So me being in real estate, I was able to look up homes out there and stuff and see what we could possibly get started on out there. And actually sat down with his dad and we had a conversation. They were going to help us invest into our first house to flip, because that's the thing. Like, I would love to start doing it here, but you have to have the money to invest into the first home to flip it. So they were going to help with that. And that was basically just going to start my dream career. So he was like, well, come up. Come out here and, like, let's start all that together. And I was just like, okay, so do I stay here and stay in this job that I hate, or do I go out there? Because if I go out there, it could go really well or it could go really bad, but I'm not gonna know if I don't try.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

So the tracks. Yeah. I decide, like, okay, I'm gonna move out there. So I quit my job here, but before I moved out there, we both had family beach trips planned, and of course they were on. It fell on the same week. So, like, I couldn't. It's not like I could go a week with his family, and then he could come a week with mine. It was, like, on the same week.

[Mackenzie]

Wow.

[Ashley]

And so we had planned after the beach trip is when he was going to come here and help me pack up everything and move. So during that week, I told him. I was like, well, I'M going to go on the beach trip with my family because that's going to be the last week I get to see them and I want to spend that time with them. And honestly, my family didn't have as much money as him. So like the house we were in, me and my sister in law were sharing a bed. So like, he wouldn't have had a place to sleep anyways. But he made me feel bad and he was like, well, how about you go half the week with your family and the other half with mine or something? So I was like, okay, I guess I can make that work. So I went the first week with his family and that ended up being like fun the first couple of days, but we were already getting into so many fights on this trip. Fights about like, he asked me to dry his hair after he got out of the shower and stuff like that. And I was too busy getting ready and I didn't have enough time and I was like, hey, I don't have time. Like, I'm still getting ready for these pictures. So, like, please dry your own hair.

[Mackenzie]

Like cater to me. Dry my hair?

[Ashley]

Yes.

[Hannah]

Like with a blow dryer or a towel. Sorry, I'm still dryer.

[Ashley]

Yeah, because he had like longer hair.

[Hannah]

Oh, okay.

[Mackenzie]

Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

[Hannah]

Is he a dog?

[Mackenzie]

The hell?

[Ashley]

So I was like, I was like, I don't have time to do your hair right now. And he was like, well, you just never do anything you say you're going to do.

[Hannah]

You never said you were going to do that.

[Mackenzie]

He said it rude.

[Ashley]

I'm like freaking out right now because I was like, are you really starting a fight over me not drying your hair? Like, do your own.

[Mackenzie]

Honestly, I cannot.

[Hannah]

I would have been like, yeah, I'll do your hair. Bring the clippers out right now.

[Ashley]

We don't have a problem anymore.

[Mackenzie]

No freaking way.

[Hannah]

Oh my goodness.

[Mackenzie]

I know you guys have heard me say this before, but your nighttime bedroom temperature has a huge impact on your sleep quality. And I know this because my husband sleeps really, really hot. I sleep really, really cold. And sometimes neither one of us can sleep because we're just not comfortable. So if you wake up too hot or too cold, I highly recommend you check out Miracle Maids bed sheets. So Miracle Maid sheets are inspired by NASA and use silver infused fabrics that are temperature regulating so you can sleep at the perfect temperature all night long, even with your spouse. Traditional bed sheets also can harbor a lot of bacteria. More bacteria than a toilet seat, which is gross, which can lead to like, acne, allergies, stuffy noses, disgusting. But Miracle Maid offers a whole line of self cleaning antibacterial bedding like sheets, pillowcases, comforters, stuff like that. And it actually prevents up to 99.7% of bacteria growth and requires up to three times less laundry. So basically, not only can you sleep at a comfortable temperature where you're actually getting sleep, but you can feel clean, which is what I love about it. So stop sleeping on the bacteria and make sure that you are comfortable and not only comfortable, but luxuriously comfortable without the high price tag of other luxury brands and feel as nice if not nicer than the sheets used by some five star hotels. And they have a lot of colors which we love, so we sleep comfortably. A little bit more clean and they have a lot of colors to choose from. My husband is their biggest fan because he, he really does sleep like sweaty, but I sleep really cold. So go to trymiracle.com TDD to try Miracle made sheets today and whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one or your husband who sleeps really sweaty, if you order today you can save over 40%. And if you use our promo TDD at checkout, you'll get three free towels and save an extra 20%. Miracle is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 30 day money back guarantee. So if you aren't a hundred percent satisfied, you'll get a full refund. Upgrade your sleep with Miracle made, go to try Miracle.com TDD and use the code TDD to claim your free three piece towel set and save over 40% off. Again, that's try Miracle.com TDD to treat yourself. Thank you Miracle Maid for sponsoring this episode.

[Hannah]

So as you guys have heard, especially if you're on our patreon, we are starting a book club soon and we'll be reading books that fit in the genre of our podcast. But a lot of you have expressed interest in romance books. So while our our, you know, our book club won't be like a romance erotica book, much as I would love it. But if you need some of that and you're a reader, you gotta go to Dipsea. You've heard us talk about Dipsy. It's an app.

[Mackenzie]

By reading we mean listening. Like me.

[Hannah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean audio. I forget even that. Yeah, audiobooks are real and this app is literally just a huge amount of spicy audiobooks and audio stories in general. And when I say spicy, like spicy. I heard about this app a long time ago and I loved it because it was female founded and its whole angle was by women for women, but also for really anyone. Like you can find a combo of romance no matter what your needs are, no matter what your fantasies are. And I'm not just talking sexual orientation and gender. I'm talking vampires. I'm talking Greek gods. Like you can, you can get anything you want at Dipsy. But it's so good and it's not cheesy. Like the actors are amazing. And basically this app, it's over a thousand spicy audiobooks all crafted by a team of professional writers and top tier narrators. So it's more fun than just having one person read you a story. It's like there's actors and stuff and yeah, you can have anything. It's got a rugged cowboys, Scottish sailors.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, cowboys. You ain't no cowboy.

[Hannah]

Yeah, yeah, right. What I also like about this app is that it's very easy to explore and very easy to help you explore yourself. They have guided wellness audio, they have some meditations, they have things you can do with a partner and talk about sexual wellness with anyone, really. Like self touch guides, breathing. Sex is part of health and wellness and having fun with that by yourself is the first step in having fun with that with other people, in my humble opinion. So what a good way to start. And also they are giving us 30 days free for you guys. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com TDD that's 30 days of full access for free when you go to dipseastories.com TDD dipseastories.com TDd.

[Ashley]

So that was one little fight. And then the next night we all had planned to go to dinner by a certain time, by like five or six, I think it was. So we had planned this all day and I had got up and got ready. Well, he decides that he's going to take a nap before this. So he's still asleep like 30 minutes before we leave. So I was like, okay, let me start waking him up. So I'd go in there like every 10 minutes. I was like, hey, wake up. We're about to leave. And he just would not wake up. And he like yelled at me. He's like, just go without me. So I did.

[Mackenzie]

Wow.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

Did he cry about it?

[Ashley]

Oh yeah. His entire family was like, yeah, just leave. Like he can find a way here, like your car's there and all this stuff. So I'll leave and I go to dinner with them, start getting phone Calls from him and he is just like, why the F did you leave me? He was like, you left me with nothing. And I was like, you literally told me to leave, so that was annoying. And then halfway through the week leave to go meet my parents at their beach house. So I get there and I kid you not, the first day I get there, like I pull up in the driveway and they're all at the beach. So I just go inside and like throw on a bikini and I go meet them out or whatever. And I'm sending him, I think I FaceTimed him to show him like our house and everything. And he automatically looks at me and was like, why are you wearing that bikini?

[Mackenzie]

No.

[Ashley]

And I was just like, the beach. And he was like, I specifically told you not to wear that bikini because it shows too much. And I was like, dude, I'm with my parents and we're at a beach where the majority of the people there are all like older people. It's like really retirement town.

[Mackenzie]

And also we just want to put a period out. We are at the beach. Period.

[Hannah]

Like, yeah.

[Ashley]

So that was a whole day's worth of texting, back and forth, argument and stuff. And then the next day, me and my family, we all love to go to different breweries and stuff like that. So we go to a brewery. Well, he gets pissed off at this. He was like, why are you at a bar? And it's like 4:00. Okay. It's not like midnight or anything. It's 4:00. And they after.

[Hannah]

What does he want you to do? Just sit at home and talk on the phone with him?

[Ashley]

Exactly.

[Hannah]

In a full length gown that covers.

[Mackenzie]

Your long sleeve and you're in a goose down part.

[Ashley]

Yes. So we get into a fight about that. Well, because my sister in law, he.

[Mackenzie]

Gets into a fight about that. Let's be real.

[Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So my, she's not my sister in law yet, but at this moment she's my brother's girlfriend or fiance. So we get home and she's in the bed with me. And I was like, I'm just gonna let you overhear this phone call because I already know how it's gonna go. And I was like, I just want you to hear it. And so I put him on speaker and she's like, he, he doesn't even know that to this day. But like she heard everything. And I mean, it was like an hour and a half conversation of nothing but him just yelling at me the entire time. He was like, I can't Believe you're going to a bar. You know what the bar scene is? And I was like, it's not a bar. Like, a bar. Like a club is different from a brewery.

[Hannah]

Yeah, yeah, brewery. Also with your parents.

[Ashley]

Yeah. And he was like. He was like, I'm just mad I can't be there to protect you and stuff. And I was like, honey, I'm with my parents. They've protected me the past 25 years. I think I can protect myself. We're fine.

[Mackenzie]

We're gonna handle it. It's fine. Yeah.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So anyways, we get off that phone call, and my brother's fiance looks at me, and she's like, this is so bad. Like, that's so bad. Like, why do you want to move out there?

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

And in my head, because I've grown up partying and drinking and all that since the age of 15. I was like, you know what? Maybe he doesn't want me to drink as much. So, like, maybe this is good. Maybe it'll help me not drink as much. Maybe it'll help me mature.

[Mackenzie]

Right.

[Ashley]

And maybe I don't. Like, even though the bikinis I wore. I never wore thong bikinis or anything like that. I mean, it's a bikini. It's going to show your cheeks. But I was thinking, like, maybe, you know, I shouldn't dress like this and I shouldn't drink this much. So I.

[Mackenzie]

Because now he's in your head and he's. He's saying, enough, and you're starting and you're. Yeah, okay.

[Hannah]

You're like, he's actually maybe making me a better person. Maybe he's good.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe this is fine. Maybe this is fine.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So I'm, like, brainwashed. But regardless, I still continue to move out there. So he comes up here and we pack all my stuff and we start heading out to. For me to move out there with him. And we are, like, over halfway.

[Mackenzie]

Were you worried at all? Like, I don't know. Are we just like, this is fine.

[Ashley]

Oh, no. I definitely had a gut feeling.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Ashley]

And I chose to not listen to it because I was like, I'm looking at it. I mean, I did really like him, but I also was like, the business opportunities and stuff.

[Hannah]

Okay. Yeah.

[Ashley]

Because I'm like, honestly, all we're fighting about right now is me going to a bar without him or me wearing these clothes. So I'm like, I don't know. I. I've never been in a controlling relationship, so I guess I didn't see those red flags to begin with.

[Hannah]

Well, people who are very controlling can do a good job of making it seem like it's just. Just you disrespecting them or you not.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Meeting their needs. And it's not. It doesn't come off like they're, you know, the master near the slave. Like, that's not.

[Ashley]

No, they're really good with their words, for sure. And can manipulate you. And I learned that. I fell right into it. So, yeah, we're, like, halfway driving out to his house, and it's a Monday night, and I was like, oh, it's Monday night. Let's get home and let's watch the Bachelor. And he was like, that is not going to be played in my house. And I was like, dude.

[Hannah]

Oh, boy.

[Mackenzie]

This guy.

[Ashley]

Yeah. I was like, I love to watch this. This is what me. My friends always, like, drink wine, and we'll talk crap about, like, it's our. My girl time. Yeah, I always do. And he was just like, I'm not allowing you to watch that, because that's one. One girl dating 15 guys. And I just. If you're allowing you.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, honey. Yeah, okay.

[Ashley]

He was like, if you're watching that, you're gonna go out and do that. Meanwhile, he's watching Dexter. And about. I was gonna say, he's watching Dexter.

[Hannah]

That's not how that works. Oh, man.

[Ashley]

I told him right then and there. I was like, I don't like this because I already feel like you're clipping my wings. And he would manipulate me, and he would make me feel bad for watching TV shows. And I told him. I was like, we haven't even made it to your house yet, and you're already controlling me and telling me what I can and can't do. And he's like, I'm not controlling you. You should already just not want to do these things. We would fight a lot, but it's also like, I've never fought in a relationship and not had it end in a breakup. Every fight I've been in, we've always just broke up and been done in my previous relationships.

[Mackenzie]

Right.

[Ashley]

So now how we were fighting, it was like, kind of just like, oh, this is kind of cool. Like, we can fight and then get over it and be back to normal and, like, romanticizing the Notebook, I guess.

[Hannah]

You know, this is your life partner. You love to hate them. Like, it's part of your dance.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So I get out there, and four days after I move out there, it's my birthday. So I'm like, first of all, I'm kind of irritated because on my birthday, we got into a fight because one of my guy friends text me happy birthday, and I literally told him. I was like, can we not do this? It's my birthday.

[Mackenzie]

Like, yeah, can we just not right. Just today?

[Ashley]

Yeah. I was like, it's literally. You've met all of my friends. I was like, I've never done anything with this guy. Like, I don't know.

[Mackenzie]

I mean, I could see how that could make someone insecure, but also, like, let's calm down.

[Hannah]

You can't say you're not allowed to.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, don't say not allowed. Like, that's absolutely not gonna work out.

[Ashley]

Yeah, no, I totally can see that too. Like, how it would make you feel uncomfortable. So that's why I just blocked him. Even though this is my freaking best friend, I blocked him, and I removed him off everything. And I was like, will that make you happy? I was like, I can talk to him whenever I come home or whatever. But I was like, I'm just like, if this will make you happy, I'll just do it. Like, I just don't want to fight on my birthday.

[Mackenzie]

Well, for the love of God, it's my birthday. Let's calm down.

[Ashley]

Yeah. And we're just texting back and forth at this point because he's out in the lake. So meanwhile, while I'm in there all by myself, my mom calls me, and she was like, hey, are you near him right now? And I was like, no. And she was like, well, I'm gonna send you something. I want you to delete it right off of your phone as soon as you get it. And she was like, this is what your dad just sent to me.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, no. What is it?

[Ashley]

Oh, I open my phone, and it's a mug shot of him.

[Mackenzie]

Wait, you didn't see that before?

[Ashley]

No, because it got expunged and dropped. So apparently, my app doesn't show things that have been dropped, I guess.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, they don't.

[Ashley]

It.

[Mackenzie]

Okay, y'all. There's a way around that.

[Hannah]

Yeah, I was gonna say Mackenzie. How do we. How do we see that stuff?

[Ashley]

Yeah. And, well, I like me, like, back then when I looked him up and everything, I thought, oh, this app is good enough. Like, it shows me literally everything. So I've seen all I need. See? Well, literally, if you Google his name, it's the first thing that comes up. But I didn't know the beast didn't go that far.

[Hannah]

You were like, I've seen his TikTok. I've seen his instagram I've seen his background check. Wow.

[Ashley]

So I see this, and it's just a charge for harassment. My mom was like, just don't tell him about it, because I don't want him to get mad at us for listening it to you or whatever or mad at you. We don't know what he would do. And she was just like, did you know anything about this? And I was like, no. But now I'm scared. Even though it's just a harassment charge, like, I don't know the story at all. So I was like, oh, shoot. So now I'm, like, looking at him in a different light already. Yes.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Hannah]

Does it say when the charge was?

[Ashley]

Yeah, it was the previous year. So it was like five months before we started talking, before all this happened, because it was all so fast. So I see that, and I kind of just keep that in the back of my head because at the end of the day, it's a harassment charge. Like, it could literally be for anything.

[Mackenzie]

Yep.

[Ashley]

And I was like, I don't want to bring this up to him right now. We literally just fought about my guy best friend. I'm not going to bring it up right now and continue this fight on my freaking birthday. So I kind of, like, forget about it and I just go on about my day, and we continue to just live life. Meanwhile, he's not going to work at all.

[Mackenzie]

What do you. What do you mean?

[Ashley]

So because he works for his family, he can, like, kind of just go as he pleases. So both of us just, like, every day we're trying to move stuff, trying to get, like, our life going here.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

The fights happen so often that it was almost every day. We had a little swing outside, and I would go sit on the swing and debrief out there, and he would come sit beside me, and I would just look at him, and I would be like, I'm so tired of fighting. Like, why do we fight every day? This is meant mentally exhausting. You make me feel crazy. I've never fought like this with anybody else before. And. And he would look at me, too, and be like, you know, I don't want to fight like that. Like, I think he really did like to fight or something, because he would start an argument every day, and it was just simple arguments, just him asking me to do things that I was like, you can do it yourself. You know, Like, I would. I would kind of stand up for myself in a sense and just be like, no, like, do it yourself. And that's when he would just throw Everything back on me so fast. We just got into a lot of fights about him trying to control me. And I just don't like to be controlled. So I would fight back. And there were some. Some days I just chose to bite my tongue and just bow down and do what he said because I didn't want to get into another fight. But when I tell you it was probably. We got into a fight out of seven days. We probably got into a fight four or five days. So it was a lot. And I was going to get into real estate out there, so I was already taking courses to get my real estate license. So he told me I can move out there and he will cover all of my bills and all of that stuff for like three months or however long it took for me to get my real estate license there. And he would constantly hold that over my head. So we get into a fight and he'd be like, let's see if your bills get paid this month.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, no, that's not gonna work out, fella.

[Ashley]

We.

[Mackenzie]

I don't know. That's not gonna freaking work out.

[Hannah]

You poor thing.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, that's awful. That is so manipulative and gross.

[Ashley]

So this is like three weeks into me living out there. We're just going about life. He's not going to work. I'm doing my real estate course all day while he's just out mowing grass occasionally. And just random, random.

[Hannah]

Watching Dexter. Right?

[Mackenzie]

Watching Dexter. Learning how to kill people, literally.

[Ashley]

So we were like just doing this whole playing house thing, trying to get everything moved in and all of that. So we had a trip planned to go to this competition for a kids league that he coached. And it was like an eight, nine hour drive away. Like, it was. It was a pretty far drop. So we had a lot of time to like, talk in the car.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

And this is when I decide to bring up that charge. I found out about him.

[Hannah]

I was thinking, how do you, like, casually bring that up to someone? Do you just like, I am curious how you did it.

[Ashley]

Well, I told him because my brother was getting married in two months, and he was constantly saying, like, I want to come with you to the wedding and all this stuff. Let me be your plus one. Well, my brother wanted the wedding to only be very small. People that they knew. He didn't even want me to have plus one. Some of his friends that had girlfriends weren't even allowed to come because, like, that's how small they wanted it. So I had mentioned to my brother about it before. I was just like, hey, can. Can he come and be my plus one? And my brother was like, no, because initially my dad hated the fact that I was wanting to move out there in the first place.

[Mackenzie]

Of course.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

So my dad hates this guy. Literally. He told me before I left, he was like, I just don't like you being that far out there, because if something happens, I can't be there to help you.

[Hannah]

Right.

[Ashley]

So that being said, my brother knows that my dad hates the guy I'm with. So my brother was like, well, even if he did come to our wedding, our dad's gonna be there. And that interaction, like, I don't want them to meet for the first time at my wedding.

[Hannah]

Yeah, fair.

[Ashley]

So I was like, I. I get that, or whatever. Well, on this truck ride, he's just sitting there, like, constantly telling me. He's like, I really want you to talk to your brother. Maybe he'll, like, end up letting me come to the wedding and all this stuff, like, pushing me to go to the. To get him to come to the wedding.

[Mackenzie]

Why is he pushing it so hard?

[Ashley]

And you know what he said? Oh, he was like, well, if this is my family and my sister wouldn't let me bring you to the wedding, I just wouldn't go to the wedding.

[Mackenzie]

Stop it.

[Ashley]

And I bring it up in the truck. And I was like, hey, my brother, you know, say he lets you come to the wedding. Like, I will have a conversation with him and say he let you come. I'm just going to let you know right now that if you meet my dad, there's probably going to be a conversation brought up eventually about your mug shot. And he was like, my what? And I was like, well, somehow my dad found your mug shot and sent it to me. And I haven't said anything about it because I didn't think it was. Would ever be, like, an issue. But, like, you know, now if you're gonna meet my dad, I don't want you to be blindsided and thrown off by my dad asking you about it.

[Mackenzie]

Okay? So you came in and you were.

[Hannah]

Like, I'm on your team.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, okay.

[Ashley]

And he was like, well, I'll tell you what happened during that charge. It was. It was literally nothing. And so right then and there, he's telling me that he was in a relationship the year before me and that girl started dating a cop and would tell that cop that, like, he was showing up to her house and all this stuff. And just because she told the cop that he got pissed off and was like, oh, we didn't charge him for harassment and all this stuff. And he also said that when all that happened, like the harassment charge, him and his ex saw each other in a bar, and she came up to him and decked him in the face, but she had, like, a beer bottle in her hand, and so he was going to charge her for assault. So I was just like, okay, whatever. Like, anyways, the harassment charge was nothing you did. So, you know, like, he was like, and I'll tell your dad that too. Like, he. He literally went into depth about this entire story.

[Hannah]

My ex was crazy.

[Ashley]

Oh, yeah, exactly. So that whole week I went knowing that and everything, I told my mom about it. I was like, oh, yeah. Like, he. He just said it was basically misunderstanding all of that stuff. Well, on the way home, one of his friends call him, and his friend was like, my girlfriend has been cheating on me with her ex husband. And, like, I want to fight the dude. He was like, but where can I go that you guys can get me out of it once I get thrown in jail and stuff like that? Because he was like, I'm. I'm gonna go to jail for fighting and all of this.

[Hannah]

That just doesn't. That. No, don't like it. Okay.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, boy.

[Ashley]

I'm, like, hearing all this. And so he's sitting over here saying, oh, well, you need to go to this county in this county, because this is where we have the ties with. And, oh, so I already know all this stuff. And it's like, where we lived at. So I was like, okay. So around. He's got, like, the entire county we live in. So I was like, okay. But I, like, clearly wasn't thinking anything was gonna happen to me at this moment. Like, I'm just like, oh, good to know. Like, he's got the cops by the balls. Yeah. So we get back and it's fourth of July. I'm thinking we're gonna go out to the lake and we're all gonna have a grand old time, and it's gonna be fun and all this stuff. Well, it was definitely not. I mean, it was just. Oh, God, it was a terrible weekend. And I met one of his friends. Girlfriends. It was like, the only girl I got along with there. And she had asked me to come over and take a shot with her.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, no.

[Ashley]

I took a shot with her. And that started a whole argument with him. And he got pissed off. And he was like, tell me what? Because I told him, I said, I have more fun back in my hometown during fourth of July than I do out here. He's like, then why don't you go back out there? Then I looked at him because not only did he hold the bills over my head, he would always say, why don't you just go back then? And.

[Mackenzie]

But if you did, he'd probably cry about it.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So I was pissed off about that, and we got into a fight about that. And his way to resolve that was to take me to a little store that. It's like a drive through. You could get a whole gallon of a margarita and to go.

[Hannah]

You're in one of those places that has drive through margaritas gone.

[Ashley]

Which I loved. Like, that was cool.

[Mackenzie]

That sounds. That sounds, like, totally convenient.

[Ashley]

Yeah. But anyways, he tried to, like, get me that, and I was like, you just yelled at me for drinking. Like, I'm not gonna drink right now. So that was just a. That was a whole nother little argument that happened on July 4th that will play a role later. So all this was July, and we're still just doing life. Like I said he would. He went to work probably two days the entire time I lived out there with him.

[Mackenzie]

Wow. Really?

[Ashley]

Yeah. And meanwhile, I would cook every night. I would clean the whole house and everything every day. Like, I did all the. I literally did everything, which I love, because I love to clean and do all that. You're fine.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, as long as he's demanding it.

[Hannah]

He's got to go to work, though, to make this work, like.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So we were living the traditional relationship he wanted. So August 1st, we had this trip planned. We were gonna go to float down a river, go to a little cabin out in the middle of nowhere.

[Mackenzie]

That sounds amazing.

[Ashley]

Go float down this river. Go to a concert.

[Mackenzie]

He's gonna ruin it. He gonna ruin it. Oh, boy.

[Hannah]

Is it just the two of you?

[Ashley]

No. So we were going with his brother and his brother's girlfriend and all of their friends. So we get there, and I like, FaceTime. My mom. Because this is, like such a. It's like, made to look really, really old. But there's, like, three parts of the cabin. There's like a main one and then two little small cabins on the side.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Ashley]

So it's just really, really cute and rustic. So I called my mom and I was like, look at how cute this place is. But it. It also looks like I might get murdered here. And she said it, and I was like, oh, God, I shouldn't have said that. Yeah.

[Hannah]

Now your mom's like, okay, great, I'll.

[Ashley]

Be there right now.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, I'm on my way to come get you.

[Ashley]

So my mom was like, just leave your location on, like, all this stuff, because she's just like. Just like, keep us updated and everything. So we are just getting settled in that night. And meanwhile, I had a drink. He had, like, two drinks, and we're outside, and they want more alcohol. So I go into town, which is 20 minutes away from us, so I don't know how much he's had a drink while I was gone.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Ashley]

But he was drinking straight bourbon, so I don't know how much he had a drink. But I got back, and we were, like, all blowing up the tubes and stuff to go tube down the river the next day. Well, my best friend calls me, and since moving out there and, like, trying to get our life together out there, I haven't really talked to many people back home. Like, I was just so busy out there. Oh, no. So when she called me, she had also just moved away. So, like, we both were busy. And this is the first time I've got to talk to her in about a month. So I was like, oh, well, we're not doing anything. Like, we're just all chilling at the house, so I'll answer this phone call and just talk to her. So I stay on the phone with her for, like, 30 minutes, and. And Julian comes up to me, and he was like, basically saying, like, hey, I'm gonna get in the shower soon. And I was like, okay, well, let me know when you get in the shower. I'll get off the phone and come get in the shower with you. And he was like, well, why are you on the phone? So everyone's wondering why you're on the phone. I was like, I'm talking to my friend. Why does it matter? I haven't spoke to her in literally months.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, go away. It's my best friend.

[Ashley]

So I continue to stay on the phone with her, and then he pokes his head in the cabin again, and he was like, hey, I'm hopping in the shower. Like, let me know he's getting in the shower. Well, my friend on the phone thought that. He said, hurry up and get off the phone. Which he didn't at this time, surprisingly. But he was like, what'd she just say? Like, he heard her ask that. He was like, oh, hell no. I didn't say that. But if I did, you're gonna get the off the phone.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, what?

[Ashley]

And, oh. And I was like. I was like, oh, we're not even about to go down this road. So I was like, hey, let me call you back? I'm about to go see what this is about. So me and my best friend hang up the phone, and he's in the shower, which where the shower was was an outhouse shower. So it's literally, like, outside. So I go in there, and I was like, hey, we're not even doing this. Why are you still being controlling? Like, this is getting worse and worse and all this stuff. And I was like, this is not okay. And he just starts yelling at me. He's like, you're. You're not taking a shower with me and all this stuff. And I was like, okay. Then, like, I guess I'll wait for you to get out of the shower. So me being petty, I grabbed the towels. I grabbed the towels that, like.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God, you pulled, like, a parent trap.

[Mackenzie]

No, I love it.

[Ashley]

I grabbed him, and I go back into the cabin because I was like, well, he's gonna have to run outside naked. So he, like, he comes back in, and he's like, I had to draw off with a hand towel because you literally took the towels. He's like, f you. He's like, you know what? I don't even want you here anymore.

[Hannah]

Get.

[Ashley]

Get out. He's like, I paid for this. You're not welcome. Welcome here. And I'm like, dude, we are four hours away from where we live. Like, where? How am I gonna leave Anywhere?

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

So I don't move. So he comes over to the bed, and he picks me up and starts charging out the door.

[Hannah]

And, oh, my God.

[Ashley]

I was like, what the heck? So he throws me up against the door, and he's got me pinned on the door, and so I literally, like, have my hand on his throat, and I'm like, pushing him away from me and stuff like that.

[Hannah]

Well, Ashley. Oh, my God.

[Ashley]

He lets me down finally, and I go try to grab my phone to call one of the girls that were inside the next cabin because it was just me and him in this other cabin. So the main cabin is where everybody else was. I tried to call one of the girls in there, and it rang once. And he grabs my phone and shuts it off and throws it away. Because I tried to be like, hey, Siri, call 91 1. Like, all this stuff, too.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ashley]

And he's. That. That didn't happen because he just turned my phone off and threw it. And I'm yelling at him. I'm like, dude, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm in his face. He's in my face. And he's like, hit me, then hit me. And I was like, in my mind, I'm thinking about that X that did hit him. And he tried to charge. So I go over to the window because now he threw my phone. And I try to bang on the window because there's people outside, but they have the music turned up loud.

[Mackenzie]

They're like, oh, no, they can't hear you.

[Ashley]

They can't hear me. So when he comes over to yank me away from the window, I get pissed off. And he's so close to me, Like, I lift my knee up to, like, I was. I didn't kick his balls, like, hard or anything, but I grades them because I was like, back the F up or I will, like, hit them hard.

[Hannah]

You know, self defense is necessary in this situation.

[Ashley]

And when I did that, it pissed him off. So he grabs my throat and, like, slings me on the ground, and my whole face hit the ground.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, my God.

[Ashley]

So I was like, that happened. He snapped out of it. It's like he had to hurt me to. To quit arguing with me.

[Hannah]

I was gonna ask you. Yeah. Like, could you see in his, like, a change in him when he was being that way?

[Mackenzie]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you could?

[Ashley]

Yeah, for sure.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

It was like he saw red. And then as soon as he would hurt me, he just stopped. So then he finally was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that. And he goes outside and sits around the cabin, and he's just sitting on the ground crying because he was like, I can't believe I just put my hands on you and did that, like, all this stuff. And I was just like, yeah, same dick.

[Hannah]

And now you have to comfort him.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Yes, yes. It escalated so fast, and we actually had a conversation before I even moved out there about abusive relationships because I had told him about my dad, and my dad saying, I don't want something to happen to you out there and me not being able to help you. So I had told him about that. I was like, hey, listen, everyone's worried about me coming out there, and I don't want to get out there and something does happen. You know, we talked about all this before, and he was like, no, I was raised better than that and everything. Which he was like, I've been around his family. I know how they raised their other boys and stuff. So I was completely under the impression, like, yeah, we fought all the time, but never did I ever think that he would lay his hands on me. I think in that moment, I was just kind of shocked and taken back by, like, okay, well, you told me you would never do this, so I'm like, it's. It's okay. I was like, you've been. We've been drinking. Like, you know, just. I mean, don't let it happen again. Like, why did this even start? You know? And, I mean, that was, like, a minor thing, so it didn't really bother me that bad. Like, I wrestle with my. With my brothers growing up and all that stuff. Like, I can handle my own when it comes to the story.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

But it's not about being able to handle it. It's. He. No, you don't deserve to be abused. Like, that's abuse. It's horrible.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So I'm so sorry that happened.

[Ashley]

We're just outside talking, and we decide it's midnight at this point, and he's like, let's just leave and all this stuff. And I was like, I'm. I don't want to leave right now. Like, I came here to have a good time this weekend. We haven't even tubed down the river yet or went to this concert. I was like, like, let's stay here, sleep it off. Try to have a good day tomorrow, and we'll go from there. So we stayed the night, and we just go to sleep like nothing ever happened. Wake up the next morning, and we start going tubing on the river. Well, all of our phones are in a Ziploc bag or whatever, you know, to drive it, keep it away from the water. Yeah. So we're chipping on the river, and I see him on my phone because we had pulled over at a little sandbar and where it just all, like, hanging out there, and I see him on my phone because my phone was connected to Spotify. So I see that. Okay. But I just think that he's on my phone changing music. Well, mind you, before I moved out there, we both agreed to delete Snapchat. So I haven't had Snapchat on my phone.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Hannah]

And your reasoning behind that just, I. I mean, I feel like it's somewhat common knowledge, but.

[Ashley]

Well, no, when I left that beach trip, he. He told me on the phone, he was like, hey, I'm gonna delete my Snapchat. Like, you're about to move out here. We're gonna see each other every day. I'm gonna delete mine. And he never asked me to delete mine, but I was like, well, I only Snapchat him. So I was like, it would be pointless to have one.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

So I just deleted Mine and never worried about it again.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Ashley]

So I'm thinking, like, we get off the river, and we're all gonna go to dinner that night, and it was all gonna be good. So we get back up to the house, and I'm in the shower, and next thing I know, the door slings wide open, and he's holding my phone with Snapchat pulled up. How he re. Downloaded it is out of. Out of my mind. Because, like, you have to have email.

[Mackenzie]

Yeah. Yes.

[Ashley]

But I have a notes app on my. On my. On my old phone, I had a notes app that I literally kept locked. So I also don't know how he got into that. Unless he used my face when I was asleep or something, I would not.

[Hannah]

Put that past him.

[Ashley]

And so I'm assuming that's what happened, because I'll tell you how I found that out later.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, God.

[Ashley]

So next thing I know, I'm in the shower, and he's holding my phone, and he's showing me a picture and all these texts that I had sent to somebody like, a year ago, before I even had met him.

[Mackenzie]

Okay.

[Ashley]

I was like, first of all, I'm in shock because I was like, why do you have my Snapchat? Like, I've never re. Downloaded that A. And B, why are you bringing up stuff from my past? Because if I was doing something in this relationship, I could see him getting mad, but I'm like, dude, this was a year before I even knew you, so I don't. I don't understand. But anyways, he just sees that, throws my phone down, calls me a. Grabs my throat, and shoves me in the shower, which is completely made of stone. So there's, like, a little stool that. My God, rock and everything. And I was like, dude, I, like, fell against the wall. And I was like, if I would have fell and hit my head or something, I would have been dead thin and there. So then he runs out of the shower, little outhouse, and I don't know where he went, but I had just got in the shower, so I'm like, well, I can't finish my shower now. Now. And I've never seen how he would act if he was truly angry. Like, I've never been around him truly mad. Like, our fights or simple little fights. Like I said, it never escalated. But because I knew that the night before, he had gotten so mad and already put his hands on me because of just a phone call, now he's pulled up my phone and saw pictures and stuff. Regardless, it wasn't anything I did in that relationship. It was all in the past. But he's still so mad from seeing all this stuff. He was a lot more angry than he was the night before. So I knew what he did the night before over nothing. So it's like, well, tonight now he's more angry, so what could he do now? And that's what. That's what did scare me the most, because I didn't. I didn't know what it could escalate to. I'm scared and I don't want to be locked in this cabin again, held hostage, right? So I was like, well, he's not in here right now. So I threw my bikini back on and I booked it inside. I ran inside to the main cabin and I ran to the first person I could find. And I showed them the bruises on my arms from the night before. The bruise I had, like, right here from him slamming me. And I was like, guys, this happened last night. And I was like, he's mad right now, and I don't know what's about to happen. I'm scared. And I was like, I'm bawling my eyes out right now because, like, first of all, we drink on the river all day and I'm like, telling them this. All of the girls, all of the guys, they go outside and they're like, we're going to go find him. Like, let's calm him down, you know?

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Ashley]

And so all the girls inside, they're all sitting around me and they're like, yeah, you're not the first girl this has happened to.

[Mackenzie]

Oh, my God. They know of others. Oh, my God.

[Hannah]

I. I'm gotta remind everybody she is here telling her story with us. She is okay again. Spoiler alert. Very good. Spoiler alert. She's okay. Feel like we need to remember that the whole time. It's one of those.

[Mackenzie]

It's so much, right?

[Hannah]

I'm so angry.

[Mackenzie]

My heart. My heart is racing. The whole story. I'm so mad.

[Hannah]

We'll do a deeper debrief, Dogfish debrief at the end of part two, which will be next week. But for now, we're gonna put some resources in the show. Notes that are related to this and we'll put more next week. And we just wanna hear your thoughts and support for Ashley or anything that comes up for you. We will be in all the comments and stuff on all of the platforms. And this is a really tough one. They're all tough, obviously. It's not like one is. You know, everybody's got a story so I'm just grateful she's here.

[Mackenzie]

But we would love to. I mean, even though we're only kind of halfway through the story, I really want to open the floor up. So if you have any kind words that you want to share, you know now, or you can wait till the end, but we always relay those to our guests so they can know that they're supported. And if you have experienced something similar and you want to share your story, too, make sure you email us. Tell us your story. The more we talk about it, the more it's heard, the more there's a spotlight, the more there's a community, a sense of community for everyone that needs that support. So make sure you email us, Hannah. Hannah knows the email address.

[Hannah]

Yes, I do investigate at the Dating Detectives podcast dot com. Oh, if you're so smart. I got it. But yeah, I mean, a lot of. I hope that other survivors of this are. Feel less alone hearing these stories. And if you. Yeah. Have anything you want to share or if you have a story that's not the same of as this, even if it's a love story. See, I'm like, I need to talk about something happy. You can send that.

[Mackenzie]

And some people. I noticed that some people say, well, I didn't want to send in my story because it doesn't seem crazy enough. And it's like, listen, you guys, this isn't about crazy stories. This is about your personal experience.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Mackenzie]

And there are different levels. There's something that's not as crazy, but you still have a story to tell. You still have a platform to stand on. We will be your voice if you need it. It doesn't have to be, like, crazy.

[Hannah]

And we need to redefine what trauma means, because it's not always a person in a dark alley jumping on you. Like, it is subtle. It is some people, it's most likely people you love. Like, the person that's most likely to kill you is your husband. Just saying any. Also any. Like, you know, we're always into the professional points of view in terms of any psychologists or people that work with assholes like this guy. Like, what's his deal? I don't know why I always want to have some kind of, like, understanding of their behavior. Maybe it just makes me feel safer.

[Mackenzie]

No, I. I think so many people would totally understand that. So stay tuned for next week to get the second half of the story. You guys, you're going to shit your pants. Like, you are just. It's. It's not over. And just when you think it's over. It's not over again. And then it's not over again, and you're just. By the end of it, you're like. I don't even know, like, what is even hap. It's wild. It's wild.

[Hannah]

We love you guys, and we are all here for you, and we're all in this together. And he has all. I mean, as always, this is like, you know, we always come back to it. Please trust your femtuition.

[Mackenzie]

Trust your femtuition.

[Hannah]

See you next week.