The Escape: Part 2

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Escape: Part 2 – Ashley's Story

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Dating Detectives
• Host/Author: Dear Media
• Episode: The Escape: Part 2
• Release Date: November 4, 2024

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Introduction

In "The Escape: Part 2," The Dating Detectives delves deeper into the harrowing story of Ashley, a survivor of an abusive relationship. Hosted by professional Private Investigator Mackenzie Fultz and comedian Hanna Anderson, this episode uncovers the manipulative tactics and escalating abuse that Ashley endured, offering listeners crucial insights into recognizing and escaping toxic relationships.

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Recap of Part 1

Before diving into Part 2, the hosts provide a brief recap of Ashley's story. Ashley met her partner on TikTok, and their relationship progressed rapidly despite being long-distance. Within a couple of months, she moved to his state and moved in with him, enticed by promising work opportunities and her strong feelings for him. However, underlying tensions and frequent fights soon surfaced, setting the stage for the intense events that unfolded.

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Ashley’s Story: A Detailed Account

Meeting and Moving In

Ashley describes how initially, the relationship seemed promising. "[...] I was smitten with him and saw definite work opportunities," she shares. However, the swift progression of their relationship masked underlying issues that would later escalate into violence and manipulation.

Escalating Abuse and Initial Red Flags

Within the first few months, disagreements turned physical. Ashley recounts, "He attacked me. He put his hands on me," revealing that this was not an isolated incident. Friends informed her that she was not the first victim, heightening her realization of the abusive pattern.

Attempting to Escape

After the physical assault, Ashley sought help from friends. "I was in shock because it all just took a nasty turn," she admits. Together, they devised a plan for Ashley to leave. However, complications arose when she couldn't locate her phone, which was crucial for calling rideshare services or coordinating her exit.

Manipulative Tactics and Control

Her partner's manipulative behavior intensified. At one point, he pulled a gun on her while driving, an act that left Ashley in severe shock: “He put his finger over the gun's barrel. I don't know why. I just felt helpless.” This escalation from physical to potential lethal violence underscored the dangerous dynamics of their relationship.

Loss of Communication and Isolation

Ashley lost access to her phone after her partner reported it stolen, effectively cutting her off from support systems. "He changed the recovery email to his own," she explains, allowing him complete control over her communication and access to personal information.

Final Attempts to Escape

Desperate to leave, Ashley decided to act on her friend's urgent pleas for her safety. "I shut my location off and took off down the road," she recounts. Despite encountering additional obstacles, including a speeding ticket and constant harassment from her partner, Ashley persevered. Ultimately, with the help of her stepdad, she managed to return home safely.

Aftermath and Recovery

The aftermath was fraught with challenges. Her partner continued to harass her by hacking her accounts and threatening legal action for slander. Ashley took measures to secure her identity, including freezing her credit and obtaining new identification documents. She emphasizes the importance of community support and advocacy in her healing process.

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Key Points and Red Flags

Ashley’s story highlights several critical red flags in abusive relationships:

• Rapid Progression: Moving in quickly despite the relationship's short duration can mask deeper issues.
• Isolation: Controlling access to communication tools like phones isolates the victim.
• Escalation of Violence: From verbal and physical abuse to threats involving weapons.
• Manipulation and Gaslighting: Blaming the victim and alternating between violence and sweet apologies.
• Control Over Personal Information: Hacking into personal accounts to maintain control.

Notable Quote:

Ashley at 10:29: "He cannot see my phone because he reported it stolen, and every time he does, my phone shuts off except for his number."

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Host Insights and Discussions

Throughout the episode, Mackenzie and Hanna provide empathetic and analytical commentary on Ashley’s experience. They discuss the psychological manipulation involved and the complexities victims face when attempting to leave abusive relationships. The hosts emphasize the importance of recognizing red flags early and the societal challenges in supporting survivors.

Notable Quote:

Mackenzie at 72:10: "There are so many elements of starting your life over that you don't know about if you haven't been through it. It feels almost impossible."

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Takeaways and Lessons

• Recognition of Red Flags: Early signs of abuse are often subtle but critical to acknowledge.
• Importance of Support Systems: Friends, family, and advocates play a crucial role in helping victims escape.
• Legal and Personal Empowerment: Securing personal information and seeking legal help are essential steps in recovery.
• Community Awareness: Sharing stories like Ashley’s empowers others to recognize and act against abusive behaviors.

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Conclusion

"The Escape: Part 2" serves as a powerful testimony to the resilience required to overcome abusive relationships. Ashley’s courage in sharing her story not only highlights the manipulative tactics of abusers but also underscores the necessity of community support and legal advocacy in protecting and empowering survivors. The hosts conclude with a call to action for listeners to educate themselves on red flags and support those who may be facing similar situations.

Final Quote:

Hanna at 75:37: "Fight for yourself. You're with you. That's all you've got."

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Additional Resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]
• Crime Victim Advocates: Available through local and state resources
• DeleteMe: Protect your personal data [JoinDeleteMe.com TDD]
• Factor Meals: Healthy meal options [FactorMeals.com TDD50]
• BetterHelp: Online therapy support [BetterHelp.com TDD]

Listeners are encouraged to reach out to these resources for support and further information on preventing and escaping abusive relationships.

Transcript

[A]

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.

[B]

Happy Monday. Welcome back to another episode, Part two.

[A]

Today of the Escape, Ashley's story.

[B]

And intense, right? If you didn't. Just fair warning, if you did not listen to last week's episode, this is a part two, so go back and listen to it and then listen to this one. Because if you don't, then you'll be like, wait, what? And you'll find yourself going back anyways.

[A]

So we'll do a quick recap for those who listened and want to refresh. And for everybody, this is a story with definite physical abuse and domestic violence. And it's.

[B]

It's awful sensitive. Yeah.

[A]

Very abusive and. And scary. Really scary. And it's really. Can be very. Yeah. Triggering. So take your time. Or if you want to write. We've had people reach out to us before and be like, this story was too much for me, but I would like to know what happens. And we'll like, just let you know. We can DM you like. We get it.

[B]

Some things are really hard to hear and we get that. So, yeah. But thank you for being here. And we, as always, you guys, don't forget to send us your own stories. You can just email them to us straight to the show and we'll either talk about them on Patreon, which, by the way, is only $5 a month. So if you're. If you haven't joined Patreon yet, do it. It's so cool. We have a great community of Patreon is there and we appreciate you guys so much. But we do two bonus episodes a month, so things that don't. That you don't hear on the main feed, you'll hear on Patreon. So send us your stories.

[A]

Let's recap really quick.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[A]

I said I was gonna recap and I never did.

[B]

Sorry, Squirrel.

[A]

Okay, so Ashley, yes. She meets a guy on TikTok and the relationship goes very quickly. They are long distance, but within about a month or two because she sees some definite work opportunities and also is smitten with him. I Think moves to his state and moves in with him.

[B]

They move a little quick, but they. There was opportunities for both of them, so. Yeah.

[A]

But they've definitely been fighting a lot, and they've just gone on a trip, and he attacked her. I mean, he put his hands on her. She found out from some friends that this was not the first person he's done that to. These girls were like, yeah, you're not the first one. And I wanted to throw my chair across the room.

[B]

Right. And so she's. She basically just, like, runs to the friends to get help. And so we're. Now we're moving on to what happens next. So hold your pants on.

[C]

And I'm telling them this. All of the girls, all of the guys, they go outside, and they're like, we're gonna go find him. Like, let's calm him down. Yeah, you know?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And so all the girls inside, they're all sitting around me, and they're like, yeah, you're not the first girl this has happened.

[B]

Oh, my God. They know of others. Oh.

[C]

And I was like, why didn't y'all tell me? And they said, we didn't associate with him or talk to him for a year because of his ex girlfriend and him, because he. They did this all the time. And they said when he met you, we thought that he had changed, and we thought he was better. So we didn't tell you about it.

[A]

What was going through your head as you heard them telling you that?

[C]

Yeah, I don't know. I honestly was kind of in shock because I was like, this all just took a nasty turn, and it keeps getting worse.

[A]

It's like it's happening to somebody else.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. No, it doesn't feel real at all. So they're all telling me this stuff, and meanwhile, he got in his truck and left. Well, I'll start trying to find my phone, and I can't find it. And I tell all them. I was like, you guys, he was the last person to have it because he showed me that picture in the shower.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So his brother calls him and was like, hey, she's looking for her phone. Do you know where it's at? So she can call an Uber and leave or do whatever she needs to do. And he was like, oh, I left it on the nightstand in our bedroom. So I go in there, we all tear this whole room apart, and my phone's nowhere to be found. So I go inside, and I grab one of the girl's phones that was in there with me, and I call my Mom. And my mom doesn't answer any random numbers, so I keep calling over and over, and I was like, God dang. Like, please answer your phone. And so I DM to my friends, because I don't know my friend's phone numbers. DMs my friends off of her Instagram. And I was like, hey, this is Ashley. I don't know where my phone is. Can you guys track it? And so they finally were. Well, they couldn't really call me or anything, but they called the other girl's phone number. I gave them her phone number, but none of them would call me back until the next day. Like, my friend sitting. But my mom finally called me back, and she was like, ashley, your location is off. Like, I don't know where your phone is. And I was like, yeah, I figured that much. So we all know he has my phone. And we're all sitting there trying to come up with a plan to, like, how can I leave and remove myself from the situation. Don't have a car to get home. Because we only took one car here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're like, the whole group Only took one car?

[C]

No, just me and him. Oh, there's other cars there. So his brother's girlfriend was like, you can take my car and. But drive four hours. And I don't. I don't know where I am. I don't have a phone.

[A]

One of them should have driven you. Yeah, I don't care that you're on vacation. Drive her.

[C]

Yeah. They even offered to buy me a plane ticket. I was like, okay, but how am I. I mean, I can get to the airport if y'all call me at Uber, but what am I going to do when I land wherever you are sending me? Like, how am I going to call anybody? I'm so confused. They were trying to come up with these options, and I appreciate them trying to help, but as soon as we're in the middle of talking about all this, he comes walking in, drove back up and comes walking in, and he was like, y'all, we've ruined your weekend. We don't want to ruin it anymore. He was like, y'all go to dinner because we had reservations. He was like, y'all go to dinner. I'll stay here and help her. And. And I looked at them and I was like, I do not want to be here by myself with him. And so they were like, okay, well, what we'll do is we'll take him to dinner with us, and you just stay here. And I'm like, okay, so No, I don't get dinner. Right.

[B]

Like, now you are the one who.

[C]

No, Like, I'm in the middle of the woods. There's no Internet, WI fi, anything out there, so I can't even watch tv.

[B]

He knows good and damn well he's got your phone.

[A]

Oh, my God. Of course. Because he doesn't want you to leave. Was his brother, like, so his brother was in the group that was trying to help you, but was he, like, mad about his brother's behavior or just kind of like, this is who he.

[C]

Is, Mad about it because it's happened so many times. They also told me that they didn't even want him to come on this trip. He basically invited us on that trip. Yeah, he was like. They told me. They're like, you. Y'all weren't supposed to come at all. But they're like, again, we thought he changed and maybe it would be, like, a fun trip. So then they decide, you know, we're gonna go to dinner and take him. Which would have been fine if he would have got in their car, but he got in his truck separately and drove separately. So I'm sitting on the front porch, just rocking in a little rocking chair, like. Like, what am I doing? You know? And about 20 minutes later, I hear a truck pull back up the driveway. Oh, God. So now everybody is gone. They're at dinner, and.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Pulling back up. And he comes up and he's still yelling at me. And he's like, you're a. Like all this stuff. And, God, he's just being so nasty to me. And he's like, we've ruined their weekend. Like, we're leaving. And I was like, we have been drinking all day. It's now 11:00 at night. I do not want to drive anywhere with you. And he was just like, no, we're. We're leaving. He's like, pack your things. So he packed my things for me. And he was like, first of all, I was like, I'm not leaving with you. And so then he. I guess because I didn't get the truck with him, he yanks me down the driveway. And he's like, then start walking. And I'm like, out here in the middle of nowhere. But our little driveway looped around and it came to a carport in the back. So I just take off running, and I go around and I'm in this. I thought it was a carport, but it's like a barn, and it literally looks like Texas chainsaw. And I was like, I'm Like, I cannot stay here. Like, I will literally die in this little barn. I can't. I can't do this. So I just run back to the cabin because it's only lit up place. And as soon as I get back on the porch, he intercepts me and was like, get your. We're leaving now. So I tell him I was like, I'm not going anywhere without my phone. And he was like, ashley, if I knew where GD phone was, I would give it to you so I'd never have to see your face again. So now I'm thinking like, dude, did I actually lose my phone? Like, I know we've been drinking all day, so maybe I lost it. Like, now he's in my head.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So then we get in the truck and me. Because we packed in a freak or he packed my stuff in a hurry and I had to grab everything in a hurry. I leave my whole purse at this cabin with my keys in it. So we start driving back to our home. And I don't realize I left my keys and all that stuff there until we got home.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

So as we take off out of the driveway, he's driving like a bat out of hell. And he's still yelling at me. He's calling me names and all this stuff. And I just look at him and I was like, I would never say the things that you're saying to me to the person that I love. And I was like, I can say a lot of stuff about you already, and I'm not going to. And that pissed them off because then he pulls his gun out and he was like, ashley, he was like, what would you say? What would you say?

[A]

While he's driving?

[C]

Yeah, while he's driving. So he's like, what would you say? And he puts it like, it's on my leg.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So as soon as he does that, I'm in shock because I'm just like. Like he really just pulled a gun on me. Like, it went from physical hands to now it's a gun. So now I'm in shock. And I'm just like. I don't know what he's planning on doing. We've both been drinking all day, so I'm just confused. And I just go silent. Like, I don't say a freaking word.

[B]

And I would have been scared to death.

[C]

I freaking. I put my finger over, like, my hand over the gun. Like the barrel where the bullet comes out. Yeah. I don't know why. Like, am I gonna block it with my hand? I don't know, but my hand.

[A]

Just any kind of like feeling of defense. I get it. How freaking scary.

[C]

So he, as soon as he pulls this on me, he snaps out of it and he was like, I can't believe I just pulled a gun on you. So then he pulls into a gas station and he was like, you probably need water or something. So I go in and now it's like 11:30, 12:00 at night. And I go inside to get a water and to use the bathroom. And I still don't have my phone. And I don't know why I didn't think about grabbing like a coat, a worker in there's phone or something and asking them to call the cops for me or anything like that. Like, I don't.

[A]

You're in shock.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't. And like, like I said, we've been drinking all day. I guess I really wasn't fully believing what was happening. So I just go inside and use the bathroom, get a water, and I come back out. And when I come out, I see the trucks gone. And I was freaking out because I was like, this dude left me. But little did I know, I look over and he moved all the way across the parking lot. So I go up to the window and he had locked the door. I look in the window and he has my blanket in the window, over the window shield or whatever. And when I look through the window, I'm like, let me in. And he's not moving. I look through the window and he's still got the gun between his legs. Like he's just staring down. And I'm like, I'm like, hello, let me in. So then when I get in, I see that, like, I'm putting two and two together. I'm like, this man's about to commit suicide and he doesn't want his brains on the window. So he put my blanket on the window.

[B]

No.

[C]

So I get in and he. Exactly that. He says, I just can't believe I've done all this stuff to you. I just want to end it all right now. So then I have to be like. I mean, I'm never. I'm never gonna tell someone. Kill yourself or anything like that.

[A]

Like, oh my God, you take that seriously. Of course. Because you're a normal person.

[C]

Yeah. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, no, like, I need you here. I want you here, like, trying to talk him out of this. I'm going to do what I can to like, not escalate. That situation.

[A]

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[B]

So now that the days are shorter because of daylight saving time, is it daylight savings time saving time?

[A]

You know, I actually just saw that it's daylight saving time unless you're in.

[B]

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[A]

I just got, I think it's my New favorite, I got the truffle butter filet mignon.

[C]

What?

[B]

Oh my God. That actually sounds good.

[A]

It was so good. And I can't believe that it came in like a pre made meal kit. It was so, felt so fresh. And then I also got. It was like a mushroom cauliflower risotto and chicken. And that was really good too.

[B]

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[A]

It is kind of crazy. And I've, I'm someone that relied on the frozen meals for a long time because they're just so convenient. But they're not good. Like they don't fill me up.

[B]

They don't have any flavor.

[A]

They're like, yeah, even if, even if they're good, I feel like I need to eat too, to feel nourished. And I don't feel like that would factor.

[B]

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[C]

So I finally talk him down and I'm like, hey, just let me drive the rest of the way home and you just get some sleep. So he goes to sleep over there and I drive four hours. Like we don't get home until 5am so. Which I hate driving that late at night anyways. Like, it's so annoying that I went through all this and now I have to drive. Barely stay away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

This is where it gets good.

[B]

What do you mean? Oh, bless.

[C]

Oh gosh. I have to make light out of this situation because this is the only.

[B]

Way I can understand that.

[C]

So like I said, we get back at 5am and I wake up the next morning. It's like 10 or 11 in the morning. And I realized, like, you know, my MacBook is still at our house. So I was like, let me go see if I can find my phone. Or I actually got my laptop, because I was like, if I did lose my phone, I had the wallet on the back of the phone with my card in it. So I was like, if I did lose my phone, I need to go log on to my like for Citizens and lock my account and all of that.

[A]

Get everything out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So I go and grab my laptop and I pull up First Citizens first to get that out of the way. As soon as I log into my bank account, I see where it says, I venmoed him $500. This. I was like. So now I'm like, okay, he definitely has my phone. I did. I'm not going crazy. So then I start going through my nightbook, has all the messages and stuff. So I go and I see where in our messages between me and him, he had sent screenshot. That screenshot of my locked notes app to himself. So he had all of my username and passwords to everything. He sent that to himself. He sent the screenshots from my Snapchat to himself for whatever reason. And then I see a random phone number on my text messages, one that I don't recognize. So I click on it and I start reading it. And I guess he did delete the first half or something. Or he had messaged this person off of my phone before and deleted it. I looked at my recently deleteds too, and it wasn't there. But all I saw, from what I gathered, he was texting his ex fiance, but he's acting as me and he's telling her we're arguing, and I just want to talk to you about it because I know you dated him or whatever. That's how it started off. So she's fully thinking that it's me messaging her about him. Okay. And then I scroll down further, and I realized who it was because she put her. Like. It was like, hey, girl, me. Me talking was like, hey, girl, I'm gonna add you on Snapchat. And so she sent her Snapchat name or whatever.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So that's why I saw. I saw the name, and I was like, that says X.

[A]

And this is the ex that hit him. Allegedly.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And then I keep scrolling down, and then it's. It just says something about like, I don't want to be involved in this. Y'all have fun with whatever y'all are doing. Like, it sounded like he was trying to get her to have a threesome. My thoughts or something.

[A]

No way.

[C]

So all I see is that he added her on my Snapchat, and I don't know what was said on there yet, so that's all I know. Well, he starts walking into the kitchen as soon as I'm finding all this. So I look at him, and I was like, why did you venmo yourself? 500 for my account. A. And he was like, I was just trying to be a dick. And I was like, okay, well, you can Venmo. Yeah. I was like, you can Venmo me that back now. Because, like, you know, I have no money out here. I don't have a job. Like. Yeah, so you're gonna have to give me this money anyways, so you just go ahead and send it back to me. So he did. He sent it back to me. His caption on it was payback. So, yeah. Then I said, well, why did you text your ex off my phone? And he was like, I was just trying to embarrass you. And I was like, I don't know who she is. I'm not gonna get embarrassed by that. Like, I don't understand how that's embarrassing. And then I gotta find my iPhone, and I see that my phone is outside in his truck. What?

[B]

Because, of course. I mean, I guess I'm not surprised.

[C]

Because even if your phone is turned off, your MacBook can still track your phone and all that stuff. So I tell him. I was like, hey, my phone's outside on your truck. Can we go look for it? And he's like, yeah, I'll help you tear my truck apart. So we go out there ripping everything up, can't find it. It's just. It's just gone. And I was like, that's so weird. Like, where the heck is it? Then he's like, I don't know. Well, we come back inside, and we literally just. We're tired from last night. So, like, we just sit down, and we're watching Dexter. We're watching TV and all this stuff. And this goes on for a couple hours until we finally decide to speak on what happened the night before. So we actually start talking, and we have a really good conversation. Because, like I said, he's good with his words. He was talking about the Bible and all this stuff, how he wants to change and be a better man.

[B]

Well, yeah, let's try that. Let's start. Let's Start there.

[C]

So we were talking about, like, our goals and all of that stuff. And honestly after that conversation, I was like, maybe we can work through this. That's how manipulated he was to me because I was honestly thinking we could work through this. We had spoke about the Bible and everything like that and how he wanted. He wanted to change and. And our goals for the future. And I told him this whole Snapchat thing, it's gotta stop. I was like, I don't know why you redownload Snapchat, but let's back both go on here and delete our Snapchats again and let. Let's move past all that. So we spoke for probably an hour on the couch and came to that good conclusion. So after we had this talk, my friends are messaging him now because they still haven't heard from me and they can't get in touch with me on my phone. So they're messaging him. And he looked at me and was like, why did. Who all. Did you tell? Like, who all is involved? And I was like, nobody's involved. They don't know anything. All they know is that I don't have my phone. They probably think I just. I've lost it while I was drinking. And I was like, but if you give me my phone back, then I can call everybody and let them know I'm okay. And he was like, well, do you want it back? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I would very much like it back. And so I got outside.

[B]

Do you want it back? No, idiot.

[C]

He tells me where he hid it in his truck, which was under his seat cover, like the back little pocket of your seat. He put it under the seat cover in that pocket. In the pocket, turned it off, turned the location services off, all of that stuff. Which pisses me off because the guys at the cabin all searched his truck too. Like, they went out there trying to find it, and they couldn't find it because they knew he had it too. And they're like, they're like, I won't stand for this. I'm going to go out there and I'll find your phone. And none of them can find it either. So he gives it back to me. And I immediately call my friend that's been blowing up my phone. And I was like, hey, I'm alive. I didn't say anything of what happened because he's right there with me. But she on the phone was like, ashley, I don't know who was on your Snapchat last night, but somebody was messaging me. And it Was not you. And I was like, are you kidding me? What does it say? And she was like, they were asking me for nudes, acting as me. Basically saying that me and him were, like, arguing and stuff, and that he's been watching porn, and I would rather him watch somebody I know versus somebody I don't know. So he's asking her for pictures of her, but he's acting as me. She didn't screenshot this, so he doesn't know I had the messages. She got someone else's phone, took a picture of her phone, and sent me all of this while I'm outside.

[A]

Because Snapchat notifies you if you screenshot.

[C]

Exactly. So she sends me all this, and I'm reading it, like, right outside on our front porch. And I'm like, holy crap. And then she was like. And I texted, you too. She texted my phone and was like, hey, is this really you Snapchat me right now? And he replied and said, yeah, it's me. I'm all good. I'm fine. Like, all this stuff. And she knew it wasn't me, so she was like, I'm gonna continue going with this. So she played along with it. She was like, just FaceTime me instead. I don't want to send pictures. I'll just FaceTime. And he was like, I don't want to FaceTime. I'm in bed with him. Like, all this stuff, it was a whole. Like, none of it made sense, but she just played along with it. So she had all the evidence that. So she tells me about this, and I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna go inside and ask him about this, because this is also not okay. And she's like, well, please just call me back after. Let me know what happens. I hang up, and I try to go inside the door, and he's standing in front of the door with the door locked. And I'm like, hello, Let me in. And I show him just through the door. I'm like, what is this? I was like, you got caught? And he was like, that's not me. Blah, blah. Yeah, I had your Snapchat last night. Because I was like, I know you're on my Snapchat. You show me your. My Snapchats and stuff.

[A]

You downloaded it?

[C]

Yeah. He was like, yeah, I was on your Snapchat, but I changed the password. So it was a super easy password. So, like, a hacker probably got into it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What a dumb shit.

[A]

Were you, like, scared, or were you, like, laughing?

[C]

No, I was like, so this hacker also has my Phone number. Because my best friend text my phone number and asked if I was the one Snapchat buying her. And you replied, yeah, what a dumb. So then he's like, get off my property. You're not welcome here anymore. So I have my laptop in my phone in my hand, and he's kicking me off his property. So I just start walking up the road, because keep in mind, I don't have my keys. I can't get in my car and leave. It's still at the cabin. So I start walking up the road, and I don't know who to call because I'm scared of the cops around there. He's got. Yeah, yeah, you know, because I already know that from the week before, so I don't know who to call. And his parents are out of town and his brother and all them are still at the cabin, so there's only one other brother that's home. So I call his brother's wife, and I was just like, hey, this is what's happening right now. He just kicked me out of the house. I was like, I don't feel safe. I don't know what's going to happen. And I told her, like, he pulled a gun on me the night before and all this stuff. And I was like, all I'm asking is, can. Can you just come pick me up and take me to a police station or something? Take me to your house or whatever. And she was just like, they just had a newborn baby, so she didn't want to bring me over to their house and then risk him showing up and, like, hurting the baby or something. So she was like, well, how about you just stay on the phone with me and I'll call the cops for you. And I was like, okay. I mean, whatever. We'll just. We'll go that route. So I'm still on the phone with her, and he hops in his truck and drives up beside me on the road. So he pulls up to me and he's like, get in the truck. And I'm still on the phone with her. And I look at him and I'm like. I'm like, I'm not getting in the truck with you. And he pulls his gun out, like, doesn't point it out.

[B]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

And he's like, get in the truck. And I say out loud because she's. She's still on the phone. So I was like, I'm not getting in the truck with you. You have a gun. So she knows what's going on. And I hear in the background, his brother say to somebody. I don't know who he was talking to, but to somebody in the background, he said, if this actually happens this time, it's on you. So I'm freaking out. Like, how many times does this happen?

[A]

What if this actually happens this time it's on you. Meaning what?

[B]

Like, if he kills himself, it's at your fault, right? Is that what he's saying?

[C]

Or kills me.

[A]

It's your fault.

[C]

No, like he's. He's act. He's saying that if something happens to me, then it's on.

[A]

Like, he's not talking, okay?

[C]

He's talking to somebody else, and I gotta get it their dad or something on the phone. Because meanwhile, this whole time, the parents are calling him, and they're like, you need to give her her phone back because the other brothers have already told him what happened at the cabin.

[A]

Oh, so maybe they're like on the phone with dad or something. Okay, got it, got it, got it.

[C]

So I think the brother is on the phone with them. And, I mean, I really don't know who he was talking to, but all I know is he said, if this happens for real this time, it's on you. So she's apparently calling the cops, and he comes up, jumps out of the truck and just rips my phone out of my hand, turns it off and throws it. And he picks me up and runs up the stairs and throws me inside the house. So I'm like. I'm thrown onto the couch, and I'm just sitting there, and he comes up to me, and this was a side of him I had never seen before. Said, this is what really scared me. But he was bent over me in my face, and he was spitting my face saying, what the did you do? Now you've got everybody involved. You've done this for the last time. How deep do you want your hole? Literally asking me about my grave. Oh, God. So I'm freaking out right now, and I don't know what's going to happen. So he tells me to go start packing my stuff. And as I do, because I'm like, yeah, I want to get the F out of here. I go back and start packing my things. And he comes back there and he's like, you know why you're packing all this, don't you? And I was like, yeah, to leave. And he was like, no, this is going to be less. I have to clean up when we're finished here. And so I'm fully. I'm fully thinking, you know, this man is about to kill me.

[A]

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[B]

To you by BetterHelp. So November is obviously the month of Thanksgiving and we are talking about Giving thanks and gratitude. And I want to show gratitude to my therapist at Better Help. So. So I have been working with a therapist at Better Help. If you just need an outlet or a place to talk through something or deal with something in your life that doesn't have to be super serious, get on with Better Help and find a therapist and start learning to thank yourself and learn to appreciate yourself a little bit more. So it's hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything in this crazy world and it isn't easy. So no matter what you're going through, give Better Help a try and learn to give things to yourself and to others and focus on a little bit of gratitude. That has really, really helped me a lot. If you're thinking of starting therapy, Give Better Help a Try, it's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists also at any time for no charge. So if you're not comfortable with who you're working with, but therapy is a great way to learn positive coping skills, set boundaries. It empowers you to be, to be the best version of yourself. Learn to show some gratitude to yourself and others. Let the gratitude flow with better help. Visit betterhelp.com TDD today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp H E L P.com TDD.

[C]

Because his parents were calling him back to back and they were like, she's 13 hours from her family. We're supposed to be here to protect her and keep her safe and everything. Like give her her phone back, give her her keys back. And that's when he was like, she doesn't have her keys. And so his parents had actually told him that they were going to send someone out to have a copy of my key made or something. Which I was like, how are they going to do that if I don't have my keys? But anyways, they had told him that they were sending someone out there. So while all this is happening, I'm like solely relying on the fact that somebody is going to show up to the house. So although I'm scared, I'm not too scared because I'm like, somebody's coming. Well then a random number calls him and when he answers the phone it's the police chief on the phone. Because they're all buddy buddies. No, they called, I guess the sister in law called the cell phone number instead of actually dialing 911 because now there's no of that phone call being made out to my address. I live out there. So this police chief calls him and he picks up the phone smiling at me, and all I hear him say is, yeah, we're all fine here. Because the cop was like, hey, I just got this phone call. Is everything good? And he was like, oh yeah, we're all good. She's packing her stuff, about to leave now. And so everybody thinks I'm leaving. Like they all think I'm leaving. And the thing is too with, I think what was going through my head is with them being in construction and them having big equipment, he could have dug a hole big enough for my car, for me, for my clothes, everything, and put me in it. And then just literally said, I just left and went home.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

I was freaking out when he got that phone call. I know that the police chief is on the phone. So I'm also still thinking that, okay, maybe a police is going to come out here now too. I mean, it's a cop. Like I thought that's their job even to do a welfare check or something. Well, after he gets off the phone with the police chief, he's had enough time waiting, I suppose. So he's like, let's get this over with. And he throws me over his shoulder and he. He takes me into the bedroom and he throws me on the bed. And I thought like, literally raped me or something. Like, I was freaking out, I was scared. He starts grabbing the pillows and I'm scooting back on the bed and he just comes on top of me and puts the pillow over my face. And he does this three times. Like he'll. He smothered me. Then he would pick it up and like see if I'm still alive and then smother me.

[B]

Smother you? Like, were you like, were you literally out of breath or was he like not doing it right?

[C]

No, he was not doing it right because the sides of the pillows were still up. So I kept turning my head and just like breathing outside. It's like freaking annoying. So by the third time he did this, somehow I got my legs up and I just leg pressed him off me and he went flying up and hit the end of the bed frame. That's the old 100 year old bed. So it was like a real iron footboard or whatever. He hits his shin on that and gets so mad that he charges at me and starts strangling me.

[B]

What?

[C]

And I see him, I see him grip the Headboard above me with one hand and shove down harder so he had a better grip. And it was that. That was where I had just came to the conclusion I probably was actually gonna die right then and there because I couldn't get my legs up to kick him off. I didn't know how to get out of being strangled. So I literally was like, okay, this is where I die, and came to that conclusion because I literally. Everything started going black. I was like, it's like the movies. Like, your throat is like. Like all the. All the nasty sounds and stuff. Like, you make that. So I was, like, about to kick the bucket, and he just stopped. And he gets off me, and first thing he says is, I think you broke my shin. And I was like, that's what you're worried about right now? Your chin. So then he grabs my face, and he's like, just breathe. You know I would never hurt you. Just breathe. I don't necessarily know if I was trying to plan the way out at that point, because I knew I didn't have a way. So I just felt. I felt helpless. So after he tried to kill me, I realized, you know, I still don't have my keys, and I have to wait now for the brother to bring them back from the cabin, which wasn't going to be until the next day. So although he just tried to kill me, I don't have a way to get out. I don't have a way to leave. I don't have a way to call anyone right now to help me. I don't have a way out. And my best bet is just to wait until I'm able to get my keys back the next day. So I'm crying, and I just look at him, and I'm like, how did this get so bad? Like, it's been three days, and it started, and each day got progressively worse. I was just like, dude, I don't. I really. I don't know what's going on. And I can't get away. I can't do anything right now. I've no. Literally nobody here to help me. So I finally get to go outside because I was like, can I please go sit on the porch and get some fresh air? This is all a lot. And I go out there and I'm just crying, and he makes me a freaking glass of wine and brings it out while I'm sitting on the front porch, which I don't drink, because I'm like, okay, he probably drugged it now.

[B]

Like, yeah, definitely. Let's not drink it.

[C]

So I didn't do that. But we sat out there, and me trying to figure out how to go about this. He was like, if you want to leave, I will help you pack your things, and I'll. I'll let you leave. Like, this is bad and all this stuff. And I didn't want to tell him I want to leave because when he actually let me.

[B]

No, he would not. Of course not.

[A]

He's two personalities.

[C]

Yeah. So I was like, I'm gonna play into this manipulation. So I literally look at him, and I was like, well, if you. If you never do it again, then I'll stay. And I know I had to wait until the next day when his brother brought the keys back home. So I stayed with him that night. And we didn't sleep in that bed because I was having panic attacks. I was like, I cannot be in this room where you just almost killed me.

[B]

Did you tell him that?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, he's like, oh, I understand. He's so sweet now. And he's like, I can't believe I did all this stuff. I'm so. I'm so over it all. So I. I slept out on the couch, and he slept on the floor beside me. And I was like, I don't even want you around me. Go sleep in the bedroom. I want to be out here by myself. But then I was scared to not know where he was at, so I was like, yeah, just sleep on the floor. So we slept that night. And the next day, we wake up and we go over to his. His parents house, and we go fishing and all this stuff. And he.

[A]

Do they say anything?

[C]

His parents are still in Singapore.

[A]

Oh, they're in Singapore. So Noah's home.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So while we're over there, he is acting like we're back to normal, and he's talking about our future. He's like, do we want to put this offer in on this house? Do we want to build our barndominium? Do we want to do all this and that? And I just look at him, and I was like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. Like, I don't want to have this conversation because I'm so emotionally drained. And then he gets mad again, but he, like, doesn't get physical or anything. He's just, like, kind of stressed out that I don't know what I want, I guess, or it's frustrating him.

[A]

I feel like he's. He's, like, digging his claws in deeper after what happened where he's like, I need her to commit to me more. Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah. So he took me over to his horse because he knows I love to ride horses. So he takes me to his horse and he was like, here, just. Just ride the horse. In that moment, I was like, you don't know this, but when things happen in my life, I would go hop on my horse and literally that's where I would do all my thinking. And I was like, you don't know that, but this is helping me. Well, he's thinking, it's helping me, like, oh, she's gonna stay. I'm like, no, this horse just told me to get the f out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I feel like you're about to jump the fence and ride away on the horse.

[C]

I literally should have. I should have. So he keeps asking me, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? And I was like, okay, I'll just, I'll stay. Like, I'll stay. And because he's like, we can work through this. I want to work through this and everything. So I'm just like, okay, like, I'll stay.

[B]

And you're just appeasing him at this point, right? Like, you're just trying to like make. Tell him what he wants to hear.

[C]

I had planned on leaving Tuesday because I knew that him and his brother were going hunting so he would be gone and I could pack up all of my things and leave. So I planned on that. It's Sunday right now. Well, his brother gets back at like 5 or 6 at night, and I have a 13 hour drive back to where I live. So I didn't want to like, get my keys back and leave that night and be driving like all through the night by myself. I knew I had to stay at his house one more night until the next morning. Initially, I was going to wait till Tuesday, so it's gonna. I was gonna have to be there two more nights, but I got up Monday morning and I was like, okay, I'm acting like a normal day. I was like, I'm gonna go to the other house and wash the dogs and bring them back over here, make us dinner, like, do all this stuff, like just going about our normal routine. And he was like, well, I'm gonna go to work today. So he was gonna have to come over to his other house and cut that grass and everything. So I knew that going over there, he would be showing up there soon. But this is the first time I got away from him. So I get in my car to go over to the other House. And I immediately call my friend, and she. As soon as I get on the phone, she's like, ashley, tell me right now that you're okay. And I broke down and I said, I have so much I need to tell you. And I start telling her the story, and she's freaking out. She starts crying, and she's like, I love you. I want you to be alive. You need to come home right now. Like, what are you doing out there? And I was like, I'm gonna wait till Tuesday. And she's like, wow, wait, you don't know if he's gonna go hunting. You need to come home right now. And, like, when I heard the fear in her voice, I was. I was crying. And I mean, it was awful. She's like, if you don't tell your mom right now, like, I'm calling her for you and everything. Because me and my mom did have, like, a code word. She was like, if anything ever happens, say this word. But I was scared to text her because after he stole my phone, I knew he was so involved in my phone. I didn't know if he could see my text or anything like that. If I said this code word, what is she going to do? Call me immediately? And then I can't explain what's going on. So my friend was just like, just leave right now. This is the one time you're away from him. Like, leave. And I was like, what about all of my things? And she said, it's materialistic things. Just freaking leave like it's your life. So I was like, you're right. So I shut my location off on my phone and I take off down the road. And I knew it was only a short amount of time before he realized I was gone because he was supposed to come to that house later. So I get about 30 minutes on the road. I already don't have but 60 miles to the gallon left in my car. So I was like, already low on gas. I'm stuck in traffic. I'm freaking out because I'm like, he's gonna know I'm gone. He's already starting to call me over and over, and I'm like, crap. I was like, he already knows. So then I start speeding. Like, I'm going 90 something down the highway. A cop pulls me over.

[B]

No.

[C]

And I immediately. I stick my head out the window. And I'm just trying to hurry up this process. I'm like, I know I'm speeding. I was like, I'm running from my boyfriend. He's behind me. I was like, he's gonna come after me. And I was like, I'm running for my life right now, so write me a ticket, do whatever. Just like, hurry this process along. And he just took back. And he was just like, okay, well, here's your ticket. And wrote me a ticket and sent me on my way. And I'm just. My mom's. My mom was on the phone when all this happened. She heard all this too, and she was just like, why didn't he escort you to a police station?

[A]

Yeah, literally.

[C]

So I was pissed off about that. And I was like, well, I don't want to go to a police station around here anyways. I'm going to wait till I get a little further out. So I'm still speeding down the highway. Like, I really don't care at this point. But he's still calling me. And apparently when he stole my phone, he turned on stolen device protection on my phone.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

So when this happens, he is able to report my phone being stolen, and so it shuts my phone off. And he put in the notes that the only number I could call is his phone number.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So with this stolen device protection thing that he put on my phone, how that basically works is that he was able to somehow, like, if he reports it stolen, it pops up like a gray text box on your phone and it says, this phone has been stolen. Please dial this number. And it only gave me his phone number to call. So every time he would go in and report it stolen, it would shut my phone off. Okay. And it was basically locked the phone back so it wouldn't turn it completely off. It would just lock my phone and it would only give me that option to call his. That phone number, and it would make me lose my directions and all of the calls I was on before. So after I call his number, I'm on the phone with him and I talk to him and I tell him, like, hey, I'm just on the phone with my mom. Let me hang up and call her. So after I call that number, I really don't know how it works. I think it's after you call that number back, then it allows you to, like, unlock your phone or have access to it or something. So I would call him, and then my phone would work again. So I would hang up with him, and then I would call my mom back and I could. I would be on the phone with her and have my directions back until he decided to shut it off again. So it was a constant. I mean, I have all of the screenshots of where it says, this phone is reported stolen on my email, like, over and over and over. So he did that back to back. And that's when I told my mom. I was like, let me just. Please let me. I have to talk to him. Like, let me hang up the phone with you and stay on the phone with him. That way I can keep my directions and stuff up. I was like, that's all I need is to have directions. So I answer the phone call, and he's like, you're a coward for leaving. You couldn't even look me in the eyes and tell me you wanted to leave. And he's just cussing me out and all this stuff. And he was like, I had to get on your MacBook and see that you're halfway across Louisiana right now. And he was like, if you don't think I'm right behind you, you're out of your mind. And he's sending me pictures, like, showing me he's on the highway. So I know he's behind me. And he's like, I'm showing up at your house. He was like, I'm pulling in your driveway. And he said, you better have your entire family ready, because when I pull out my 9 millimeter, whatever happens is on you. And I was like, it's not on me. You're following me home right now. You have the choice to turn around and go home. And we were arguing, arguing. And I come to the conclusion that I need to play into his little manipulation again to get him to stop following me. So I told him, I said, you really think I would leave everything on behind? Like, I just need to go home for a couple of days, clear my head, and then I'll be back. And he was like, oh, well, if I knew you were coming back, I wouldn't be following you right now. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be back. Like, now I'm like, really playing into this. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll be back. But he still continued to do that to me. Like, shut my phone off randomly. If I didn't stay on the phone with him. He had shut my phone off. So I finally got to another town, and I called that police station, and I was like, hey. Told them this situation. I was like, can I stay at the police station until my parents can come pick me up? And they're like, honey, we close at 5. You can't stay here.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Because we're closing.

[C]

Yeah. So I was like, guess I'm putting the pedal to the metal, you know, like all the way home. So my stepdad was finally able to meet me two hours away from where I live and escort me the rest of the way home. So I get home, and first of all, I tell him I was like, listen, I need a couple of days. I don't want you to talk to me. I want you to give me my space. That night I start getting Gmail notifications that someone has signed into my Gmail. And so I go in and I try to change my Gmail password. Well, he changes the recovery email to his email address.

[B]

Oh, geez, of course he does.

[C]

And even though I didn't have my email passwords or anything like that on my phone, but all of my passwords were the same, so if he had one, he had them all. So he signed into that. So he hacked into my Gmail account for both of my, like, my coupons, email and my real email. Yeah, he hacked into those and which in that case, he then hacked into my Snapchat again and changed that password. He hacked all of my social media accounts and changed those passwords. And when I tried to go in and change the password, it would send an email to the email I didn't have access to. So he had did all of this. And I was like so pissed off at this point. I just told him that night. I was like, you're so psychotic. I was like, you think I was coming back? I'm never coming back. I was like, give me my shit back. This is insane. You not only only got physical with me, but now you're hacking into all of my things. And it got worse. And I was only staying in contact with him once I came home because I thought he would have a change of heart and maybe send my stuff back to me or at least just some things, because this is the kicker. When I moved out there to get a job and everything, I had to have a driver's license out there. So I had switched my driver's license, my insurance. Like, in order to switch your driver's license, you have to go get new insurance out there and then register your car out there and get a driver's license. So I had to go through this whole process when I was out there. And when I was out there too, like to get my driver's license, they won't give it to you right then and there. They ship it to you in two weeks. So meanwhile, he still texted me and he sends me a picture of my driver's license that got mailed to him. And he also sends me a picture of the speed in ticket I got and was like, you gotta pay this. And I was like, can you please ship this stuff back to me? Like, literally all I asked for, I had left my Social Security card out there, my birth certificate, all of that stuff, because I had to have all of that to get my license. So I left those important pieces out there, and that's all I asked him for, was like, I could care less about the rest of my stuff, but I want that main stuff back and, like, my grandma's jewelry and stuff like that I had out there with me. Like, just the little things. And he was just like, you left it. You can come back out here and get it. And he just kept saying, the only way you're getting your things back is if you come out here alone to get them. And I was like, why? So you can finish the job? Are you insane? I'm not coming back out there by myself. He's like, I'm trying to make this easy on you. You come out here and you could stay the night with me, and then you turn around and go home. I don't want you driving that far, like, with no sleep.

[B]

No, I ain't trying to wake up dead. Who is this guy?

[C]

And I was like, well, if you're trying to make it easy on me, let my stepdad come out there with me. Let me pack my things and then leave and we'll be done with. But he was like, I don't want to be done. Like, I want you back. He was thinking that I would come out there, I would pack my things, we maybe could go to dinner and maybe we could talk and maybe we could get back together. And I kept telling him. I was like, you realize I'm never getting back together with you, right? And the thing is, I had the WI fi was in my name out there. So, like, I claim full residency out there, so it blows my mind that I cannot go back out there and have any say on who comes onto the property and who doesn't. Yeah, but the laws out there are different. So he starts making all these tiktoks about me saying, remembering who the f I am after someone's dusty daughter didn't value me and all this stuff. And this whole time, like, oh, my.

[A]

That's so gross.

[C]

Yeah, this whole time I'm keeping my mouth shut because I'm like, dude, if I got on here and I blasted everything you did to me, then you would be going down. So then I texted that Ex fiance off of my mom's Facebook, because I obviously didn't have my Facebook or anything at the time. And I texted her just to see, like, hey, was this man like this before, or am I the first girl this has happened to? And she went into a whole story about him breaking into her home, like, all this stuff, and, like, literally everything he did to me, he did to her.

[B]

And you were not even surprised?

[C]

No. And I. I told her, I said, also, I want to just apologize because he was the one Snapchatting you and texting you. And I was like, that was not me. And I was like, I don't know what was said, but I was like, I just want to apologize for that. And she was like, honey, it wasn't him just texting you. She was like, he sent me your nudes. And I was like, oh. And she was like, he was calling her throughout our entire relationship, asking her to come over and have sex with him. So once I figure out all of.

[B]

This, like, why would he send her your nudes?

[A]

To try to get her to do the threesome?

[C]

Yeah, I think it's because of the threesome. And she was like. Because I said, do you have proof of this? And she was like, as soon as I saw your nudes come through, I blocked your account. And I was like, well, rightfully so. But I was like, can you at least describe the pictures so I'll know if it's me or not? And she did. She described them, and I was like, yeah, that's me. But so I knew she wasn't lying, so I figured that out, and that pissed me off even more. And so basically I tell him, like, I'm not coming back to get my clothes or anything like that. I just kind of keep, like, dragging this on because I'm just hoping he'll change his mind. Well, then he posts my stuff for selling Facebook, and thankfully, I had my neighbor come over who's really good with it. She helped me hack into my Facebook and my Instagram and TikTok, and we were able to get those back using burner email accounts. So anyways, he posts my stuff for sale, and all of my friends are commenting on it. I'm commenting back on it because now I have my Facebook back. So I'm commenting, and I'm like, this is all my stuff I want back. And this is before anybody knew what had happened. So before he deletes everything, people screenshot it and they send it all around the town we lived in. So that's amazing. I had so Many people reaching out to me about it then. But then after I found out about him sending my nudes and stuff to his ex fiance and all the stuff he did to me, I was pissed off. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna make my TikTok. So I make my TikTok. And I told the story that I'm telling to you guys right now, and my DMs are flooded from all of his previous ex girlfriends, from any girlfriends that he's ever had any sort of relationship with. This one girl, she messaged me and said, hey, on the 4th of July, he actually messaged me asking me for nudes. And I was like, okay. So every time we got in a fight, it seems he was messaging other people. This other girl. So he told me he hasn't been in a relationship in a year. Right. Well, this girl messaged me, and she was like, hey, I'm just trying to figure out the timeline of when y'all are together, because I was with him in February. I moved in with him in April, and we broke up in May. And two days after we broke up, I got sent a picture of you out here with him.

[B]

And I was like, guy, oh, my God.

[C]

I was like, so you're. You're telling me I was talking to him while he had a whole girl living with him before I even moved out there? Like, oh, my God. The same girl he invited to the lake house because I wasn't supposed to go up there that night. And then last minute, I changed my mind. I was like, yeah, I guess I'll come up there. I come up there. And he had invited the same girl he dated to the lake house. And she showed up, apparently while I was inside. And she was knocking on the door and everything. He never unlocked the door. She sat out there for two hours, and she finally ended up. Ended up leaving. And then she found out later that he didn't let her in because I was in there.

[A]

Wait, this is the most recent time that you went when his parents were not there or when you guys were at the lake house with the family?

[C]

We were apparently there with the entire family.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah. She said that he told her that he would have to bring her upstairs and sleep on the air mattress because everyone was asleep inside. And I was like, dude, I was upstairs on the air mattress.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And she was like, yeah, I saw, like, little kids shoes outside and stuff like that. Like, I was confused. And I was like, okay. So we were all up there. That's bold. That's bold of him to invite her to come up. Which I have no hard feelings towards any of the girls because I know how manipulative he is.

[A]

Yeah, he's playing everybody. I'm so glad that you all got to connect.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I just found out a lot of stuff. I also found out that all of these five girls have tried to charge him with things, and it's all been swept under the rug and dropped and everything like that. He also has hacked into a lot of his ex's Snapchats and stuff, too, and he's still using them. So I've got sent screenshots of him on other girls, Snapchats, texting other girls. So what he does is he'll act like a girl and be like, I guess he's acting lesbian. And he's like, hey, girl, I'll trade you my nudes for yours and stuff. Or what spicy photos do you have? Like, it's just stuff. I'm like, what girl talks like this?

[A]

And that's crazy.

[C]

Yeah. So he still has a ton of his ex's stuff. And what blew my mind is that he would take our long showers, and I'm just like. I would ask him. I'm like, why are you in the shower for an hour long? And he's like, I'm just in here on Facebook, Marketplace. No, honey, you're in there doing whatever.

[A]

Snapchatting everybody and their mom.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So, yeah, basically right now, he still has all of. Well, he might have burned all of my things by now. And after I made my video, I did have one girl message me. She said the week I came home, she was supposed to go see him that weekend. So he was apparently already talking to somebody, like, before I even left, I assume. And she was supposed to go see him. And then I made my TikTok, and she was like, I'm so glad this came across my for you page. Because she was like, I was supposed to see him. And she was like, you just saved my life. So that was my biggest thing. And I also knew one of my friends saw him on Tinder around here, and I was scared that he would possibly find a girl out here and have a reason to come here, you know? So I was scared. Apparently, anything he does right now, if he were to show up here, it becomes premeditated because he's 13 hours away. So if he shows up here, charges double. So that what help gives me peace of mind. But, yeah, it's just a lot of things. I figured out that he was Doing to me that our entire relationship. And. And the thing that scared me is I was only out there for a month, and he did all of this stuff to me physically and stealing my identity and literally all that.

[A]

I had to put a movie.

[C]

Yeah. I had to put freezes on all of my credit accounts and stuff. It's been insane trying to build my life back here because I don't have a driver's license. I didn't. I had that temporary driver's license they gave me. It's a piece of paper. So I tried to go get my address changed, and the post office wouldn't take a temporary driver's license. I went up to the DMV and I raised Kane because I was like, yeah. They were like, we can't take this temporary id. And I was like, I'm here to get a driver's license. I was like, this is all I have, lady. Like, I'm not going back out there to get my driver's license. And I was like, and the person who has it will not send it to me. So I was like, I need one now. So she ended up giving one to me. I had to wait, though, until I had the title to my car out here. It was still out there, so I had to get another one ordered. And it's just a whole process you wouldn't even imagine you would have to go through. It took longer for me to get everything back to normal than it did me moving out there.

[A]

Well, this is a good reminder because people ask a lot of the times, like, oh, why didn't you leave? Which is not the right question to ask. But then it's like, there are so many elements of starting your life over that you don't know about if you haven't been through it. Like, this is just one thing that takes so much time if you don't have a car to get there, if you don't have a place to live right away, like, if you don't have that support system. Worse. It's like. It's almost impossible. It feels impossible.

[C]

I think I just got my driver's license and Social Security card and all that. I finally got that, like, two or three weeks ago.

[A]

So you left in August?

[C]

Yeah, I left in August. So it's been, like, two months.

[A]

It's been two months.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I. I'm so sorry.

[C]

So it's been a lot. A lot to tick in, but I am so sorry. Started therapy. We're. We're doing a little bit better now. It gives me peace of mind knowing that I'm further away from him. But it scares me, too, because a lot of the girls that went through everything, they said I'm the first person to speak up about it because they all live near him and they're scared to death of him.

[B]

So common. And unfortunately, how do we get this guy in jail?

[C]

His family wants to sue me for slander right now.

[B]

Good. Sue the shit out of me. Let's talk about it. Start a conversation. Sue me.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Let's do it.

[C]

So I'm like, I'm just waiting for them to roll up in my yard with papers because I know that's a threat. And what are they gonna sue me for? They have everything I own. So moral of the story, being home for two months and not having, like, I couldn't get a job or anything without having my Social Security card. I did nothing but get my life back in order. So during all that time, I've gathered everything I need and put everything in chronological order of. I mean, I've told this story so many times, I feel like I have it down pat, too, but I've been able to gather everything I need. I'll say that.

[A]

Yeah. And.

[C]

And as long as I think the main thing, too, is having a lot of people that went through the same thing and with the same person to speak up about it, because I know that helps their strength in numbers. And with everyone coming forward with it and allowing me to use their story helps my case to bolster your own.

[B]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just can't even. I. It broke my heart when you said he strangled you, and the only reason you're alive is because he chose to let go. Like, what. What. What do you. How do. How do you. I'm. Girl, you are so brave for sharing. I'm so grateful for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm so grateful for you.

[A]

When we took a quick break, we were talking about the way that this escalated so quickly and the signs at the beginning that you are. You're not the only person who reacts the way you did that are like, okay, he's saying all the right things. I don't want this to be true. Like, he's not going to do it again. Or that's just like, he's been drinking. So that's just like, he's angry. Like, your story will help so many people recognize things in their relationship that they should not settle for. And it's hard to recognize that.

[C]

And I think, too, I was so blinded by what could be. Like, I could start my Potential career here and everything. And I just wanted it to work out so badly that all the little arguments and stuff we had in the beginning should have been red flags. And they were like, I knew that in the back of my head and I didn't want to accept that. One little part I'll add into the story. Whenever I came home and was on the phone with him that like, first or second night he was saying how it was all his fault and how he was going to commit suicide. And I told him. I was like, well, in my head I'm thinking, I'm like, if he does actually do that and then his parents come home and see that he's dead and I'm now back home, like, that's gonna look real bad. So I called his parents and I was like, this is the situation. I'm home now. I was like, you might want to send someone to go over there and check on your son. And I was like, he just tried to murder me. And she was like, well, we thought you were going to be our future daughter in law. And all this stuff. And I was like, yeah, I felt so too until your son laid his hands on me. And her response was, well, people make mistakes.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Okay, we're done here.

[C]

Like.

[B]

Like this is it. This is done.

[A]

That's so shameful.

[C]

It shows me that they just enable him and it has happened. Like there's so many stories. I'm not even going to talk about them because first of all, I don't know what's true and what's not, what people have said. But then also it just not my stuff to tell. But yeah, it's just, it just he's doing this, everything. Yeah, yeah, he's done it. He's done it since he was a teenager. So it's just like people just let it happen. I think they're honestly more scared of him. I think his parents are scared of him. So.

[A]

And they're probably in denial about their parenting. Like, if they accept that he's done these things and if they make him face the consequences, then they also have to accept their parenting that like this is what happened to their son.

[C]

Yeah, I think my biggest thing is too, like, the only reason I'm going forward with the things I'm going forward with is I want there to be a paper trail of things because like I said, I didn't see any of this on his record before or anything like that. So I want the next girl to be able to see that and just at least see what he's done, and she can make the choice if she wants to go further with him or not. But I would rather somebody know that going into a situation than be blindsided like I was. And I was definitely. I've always been the type. I've traveled to go see people all the time, and I'm just kind of like, go with the wind. And so I think I kind of needed this. I didn't need it, but it was a reality check to be like, you're too trusting. You know, like, I want to see the good in people. And we unfortunately just don't live in a. In a world where everyone's just good and we're. We can trust them.

[A]

Well, it's not your fault at all. But, yeah, if we can take anything away from these stories, that's all we can really do.

[B]

What are you doing right now that, like, what are you. What are you trying to do right now?

[C]

I have a job now, so I've. I've got that back on track. And I was able to rebuild half of my closet with just business clothes. I'm just. Honestly just trying to get my materialistic things back, which isn't top of my priority right now. So I'm just kind of.

[A]

Are you with your parents, living with your parents again?

[C]

Yeah, I am until I'm able to rebuild and.

[B]

But it's safe there? It's safe, yeah.

[C]

Honestly, I don't want to be by myself right now.

[B]

I don't blame you.

[C]

And I think that's one of the main things I learned from this situation is just always fight for yourself. Because I witnessed firsthand how the criminal domestic violence cases get overlooked or don't get taken seriously. So in the end, it's only you who can protect yourself.

[A]

Yeah, I'm very upset. And we will be debriefing about the way people just didn't handle this. Like, every step of the way, you were kind of completely on your own.

[C]

And I know, like, I could have done more to fight back or get out of it, but, like, honestly, I. I can't say there's a right or wrong way to handle it, because at the end of the day, I'm alive and I'm here to tell the story. So obviously I did something right.

[B]

Yes, girl.

[A]

Oh, my God. And it's. Yeah. I'd much rather talk more about all the things he should not do and people like him should not do, because.

[C]

I've gone through all of this. I have been trying to figure out ways I could use what I went through to Benefit other people. Which I'll say this because he obviously knows now that law enforcement is involved. But the people who helped me the most, the only person. When I came home, the cops wouldn't listen to me. Nobody would listen to me. The only person that I got to help me was the crime victims. My crime victim advocate, she literally called me every single day and was updating me, telling me how I could go further with things, what I could do to stay safe. So that. That's been the biggest help for me.

[B]

If someone's trying to get through this, what are some lessons that you learned that you could share?

[C]

I think this is common sense. But the first time your partner lays hands on you to. To get out of there, because if they do it once, they're going to do it again. I saw firsthand how quickly that progressed over a span of three days. So I'm thankful that he showed me that early on because I. I know I was only out there a month, so my feelings weren't involved as much.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But for other people, you know, it is hard if they've been with somebody for kids. Yeah. Or if they've been together for seven years and somebody just switches up like that. So I am. I'm thankful that he showed me that early on and I was able to get out. But I think the main thing, too, was talking to your friends and family about it, because they're the only people who had my back out there. Clearly, I couldn't trust the cops or anything. And if it wasn't for my friend, I would have stayed until Tuesday, and I probably wouldn't have. Like she said, he probably wouldn't have went hunting or anything like that, and I probably would have not left. So even though it's hard to talk about that with people, I mean, you never want to go to your friends and family and be like, hey, the person I love is hurting me.

[B]

Yeah, but how do you do that?

[C]

You don't. And you paint a picture, it's. You paint a picture that they want to see the light that you want them to see him in. They only see the good things, but at the end of the day, they're the ones that could potentially save your life or help talk you out of that situation. Because I was so blinded to wanting things to work out, I didn't truly see how bad it was until, like I said, I called my friend and she was bawling her eyes out. And that's what hit me straight to the heart. So I think, too, another takeaway is to not rush into things.

[B]

That's it. That's a really. Well, you would think it'd be common sense, but it's not necessarily.

[A]

And a lot of us learn it the hard way.

[C]

Yeah. And especially now with people like, with speed dating, like, you know, the Bachelor, for instance. Like, it's literally. I don't know, it's just such a common thing that. And I. I am 25, so I want my life to get started eventually, so I was ready to start that life out there. And. Yeah. I don't know. I. I think it's just the most important thing is to fight for yourself.

[B]

Fight for yourself. I love it. Yes. Fight for yourself.

[A]

You're with you.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That's all you've got.

[B]

Wow. Well, thank you again, so much. We. We really appreciate you and love you. Thank you so, so much for sharing. This is.

[C]

Thank you guys for having me. This is awesome.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Someone is going to feel empowered by this. You guys. How.

[A]

How's everybody doing?

[B]

I know. Listen, I. My. I was all up in my feels during this. I know, man. My heart was racing.

[A]

Yeah. We were like. I mean, obviously there's moments where we were, like, tearing up, and I feel like by the end, I was just, like. Wanted to punch a hole through the wall. Like, I was so angry that he is allowed to do all of this and get away with it.

[B]

There's. There's just so much. I just feel like this guy's. I feel like this guy's family was really helping him when he needed a different kind of help.

[A]

Ugh. No kidding. No kidding. Well, let's get into it. If you're a newer listener, this is the Dogfish debrief section, where we just go through parts of the story that we want to kind of debrief. And then also, if there's anything we can learn or support each other through hearing the story. But we've written down some topics that came up, and we'll start, I guess, towards the beginning. I mean, he started out. I think it's a great example. And unfortunately, it's in double time because of how fast the relationship went. But it was a great example of, like, building up abuse. And he was, like, from day one, turning things to be her fault and being controlling, but then very manipulated for it. She kept saying he was good with his words. Like, he's. He was good with his words. He's good with his words, and he.

[B]

Knows what to say.

[A]

People all over can relate to that in different ways. And, like, have you ever had a work experience where you went into a meeting or went into a conversation expecting, like, you were like, this is what.

[B]

I'm here to say.

[A]

This is what I want to accomplish. And then you walk out and you're like, what just happened?

[B]

Yeah, because people make you feel a certain type of way, and you're like, oh. And it. You, you're like, oh, they're right.

[C]

They.

[B]

They. They paint themselves in a light that you don't expect and that you're.

[A]

And then you. Yeah. And then you walk away like, I wasn't being myself or that's not what I plan to do. And. But I like them or I agree with them. I think it's so confusing to lose yourself in that conversation. That's just like an example that came to mind, and that's more universal, I think, like, if anybody listens to this story and has judgment toward her, which she said people online have been very critical of, like, you did the wrong thing. Which just drives me nuts because you don't know what you would do in that situation.

[B]

We. I want to talk about that. So it's easy for us, as armchair sleuths or as just an outsider looking in to say, oh, this is how this person responded. And for us to say, oh, well, they should have just. They should have just left. Right. How do you know how you would respond? How do you know what your fear level is? How do you know what your fight orf. Flight response is going to be in that moment? Like, you have to do what's best for you. And let's just say she got herself out alive and she's here to tell her story. So let's. Not that.

[A]

If we're throwing. If we're shooting all over the place. Excuse me. Then we should be talking about what the guy should have been doing. Yeah, the conversation of her doing anything wrong is just missing the point because he's wrong. That's. That's it. We should be focusing on why his behavior is what it is and the enablers and him.

[B]

It's so easy to be the person saying you should do this, but it's less easy to do it when you're in that situation. What is your brain going through? What is your fear? What is your anxiety level? Like, you have to. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, you don't know what you're going to do. We can all learn from these stories and feel less alone, but we can't, like, throw stones and stuff because, yeah, everybody's different. I don't know. I just think it's not her fault, obviously, but drives me nuts. So anyway, yeah, he was really controlling. Told her she couldn't wear a bikini, told her she couldn't watch the Bachelor, told her she couldn't have any male friends.

[B]

And these are a lot of red flags.

[A]

They are. But when you really want something to.

[B]

Work, you kind of. You find yourself overlooking things to be like, oh, okay, it's fine.

[A]

Oh, did you think I. I wrote. I forgot about this when she said she was kind of attracted to what she wanted to be. Like, he said not to party. And she was like, well, I have been partying a lot, so maybe he's a good influence. Yeah, I would like to be more like that.

[B]

And so in her mind, she kind of took that as, oh, he's leading me in the right way. Like, he's, you know, he's being a good. A good influence. I mean, like you said. Yeah.

[A]

And once you adopt that, then anything he tells you to do, you can justify in that way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, oh, well, yeah, maybe the Bachelor is horrible show. That's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You want to cheat on my boyfriend, which is like, no, it's not. Have you seen the Bachelor? It doesn't look fun. Like, I don't want that life anyway. What else?

[B]

The part about him taking her phone.

[A]

Oh, how vulnerable.

[B]

How. Okay, when you're in a situation, like in today's day and age, we're all on our phones, right? Especially me. Like, I work on my phone. I live on my phone. I talk. Like, everything is on my phone. Everything's electronic. And so when you take away someone's phone, like, I can't get from here to the Walmart next door to my house without my gps. Do you know what I mean? You rely on it so fully. And so when he took her phone, that was her lifeline, and she was.

[A]

In the middle of nowhere with no friends.

[B]

I had no idea where she was. Like, what are you supposed to do?

[A]

I don't know. I mean, I think it's like, that.

[B]

Was a shit move.

[A]

I mean, it was genius because you had full control over her and access to all her information. Later, she found out about stolen device protection because he could, like, put that on. Like, I can.

[B]

You believe how he even manipulated all.

[A]

Of it, the whole technology thing. Like, I did a lot of you reached out to me to when we were talking about passwords before. 1. I'm looking up the one I use. I think it's 1Password. I I, based on our episodes, was inspired to start paying for a password system that, like, really Locks it down and changes them periodically. And I mean, I don't know if that would necessarily help in this case because all he has to do is get access to that. But I just, I'm hyper aware now of protecting my technology and information after these stories.

[B]

Yeah. Because these folks are out of control.

[A]

I don't like it. I also. How do you find an expunged charge?

[B]

Oh, the Google machine doesn't expunge things. You can expunge it in the court, but the Google machine don't expunge stuff.

[A]

Okay, good, because she did when she found it on Google eventually. I just didn't know if there was like, so it's still there. Even if it's. It's still there somehow.

[B]

Remember that episode where we were talking about the guy worked for Google or something and he's like, oh, yeah, he removed himself from the Google machine. No, you did. Shut up. Like, that's not a thing.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

You could find it. You could find.

[A]

You can find it. All right, Google, everybody. Google the. The next date you go on.

[B]

Let's get sponsored by Google.

[A]

Yeah, Google. You know, you might have some extra cash. Throw it our way.

[B]

We'll talk about you on our show.

[A]

This guy was a. Oh, he's awful. Awful.

[B]

He almost killed her dead. And that broke my heart.

[A]

It's so scary the way that he would be so violent and then go back to normal. Just a flip flop like he would. Just the apology, the, oh my God, I can't believe I did that.

[B]

But it's so textbook and like, yeah, it's so, it's almost so textbook because that's so common among so many abusers. And it's easy to have the sympathy for someone because most of us have sympathy or empathy towards another person. And we're like, oh, you know, I understand how that could happen. I've been there too. I've lost my cool or whatever. And so we forgive. And then it just happens again and again. And then the. By that time more time has gone on, you're more invested. Then you have the, the sunk cost fallacy where it's like, well, I've put so much time into this relationship, so.

[A]

Now maybe I should keep investing.

[B]

Yep, all of these things come into play. So it's not just, oh, now, now you should have got out. There's just all of these other things that just. That are. They play into this whole algorithm.

[A]

And I, I also noticed moments where she would change her behavior just to avoid conflict, which I think many people have done. And it Goes back to the feeling of losing yourself in relationships where you stop being yourself just to avoid the potential freak out. And that is so something that people can get really good at. Like you can get into a routine of knowing how to avoid putting yourself in their harm's way.

[B]

We're really, really grateful for Ashley and everybody like her that tells their story. But Ashley was so brave to tell us what she went through and so, so grateful for her. So if you want to send her any nice messages on social media, we will make sure that she gets them. But thank you for listening to her story. And just these conversations in the sense of community really helps people to. To heal and grow. So thank you guys for listening and supporting these guests that tell their. Their horrible stories.

[A]

She offered one piece of her story that I think was good and I maybe we wrap up on this kind of thing. So the police did pretty much nothing, which was another area that I wanted to rip my hair out. G. Really in with his family, it sounds like really just not taking the threat seriously.

[B]

He had more help than he should have from the law enforcement that should have been protecting the victim.

[A]

He needs help in a very different way than he was getting.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, but that's. I. If you can't get help from your local police department or from your local sheriff's office or law enforcement, you can go to your county's or your state's victim services website and see the resources that are available for you there.

[A]

So she talked about. Yeah. The crime victim advocates you can apply.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On those websites for a crime victim advocate, it sounds like hers was like, life changing. And I want to look into that more because that seems like a good resource.

[B]

Amazing. A lot of people don't know that resource exists. Also.

[A]

We'll put it at the bottom or post on social about it.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good idea. We should do that. And then you guys, please, please email us your story. The email address is Investigate the Dating Detectives podcast dot com. Is that right?

[C]

Yay.

[B]

I did it. You did overcome my. My fear of the S's and the words.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, we can do hard things.

[B]

We can do. And words are not hard. But they are. But that's fine.

[A]

They are. Wow. That was a moment in history.

[B]

And thank you again so much, Ashley. We love you so much.

[A]

We love you so much. And we want everybody's thoughts and responses and any ideas on ways to further support survivors of domestic violence, please send our way. As always, we love you. Anything else?

[B]

I mean, I don't think so.

[A]

Let's not Just go take a. A walk and call someone we love.

[B]

Continue to trust your femtu.

[C]

Sa.