Podcast Summary: The Dating Detectives – "The Mind Control Romance" (Feb 9, 2026)

Podcast: The Dating Detectives
Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz (Private Investigator) & Hanna Anderson (Comedian)
Episode: The Mind Control Romance (February 9, 2026)
Guest (Anonymized): "Anna," from the UK

Overview

This powerful episode features an in-depth interview with Anna, a UK woman whose relationship with a charming but manipulative man spiraled into extreme psychological and physical abuse. Through Anna’s story, the hosts shine a light on the insidious tactics of “dogfishing” (romantic deception), coercive control, reproductive sabotage, and psychological gaslighting, as well as the challenges of recognizing and escaping such relationships. The episode is a vital resource for education, warning signs, support, and survivor solidarity.

Major Themes

• Manipulation and Mind Control in Romantic Relationships
• Weaponization and Fabrication of Mental Health Issues
• Reproductive Coercion and Medical Tampering
• Isolation, Gaslighting, and Erosion of Self-trust
• Importance of External Support and Gentle Intervention
• Justice System Shortcomings for Non-physical Abuse
• Survivor Recovery, Friendship, and Advocacy

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Anna’s Story Begins: The “Perfect” Suitor (03:43–07:14)

• Initial Contact: Anna, a young entrepreneur in the medical sports field, receives a business-proposal DM from “Toby.” His approach is professional—not flirtatious—luring Anna into trusting his intentions.
• Charisma and Public Performance: At his gym and a restaurant, Toby is treated with deference—waitstaff comp their meal, reinforcing an aura of celebrity and influence. Anna wonders, “Is this guy a secret celebrity?” (06:50)
• Early Red Flags: Toby’s lavish lifestyle doesn’t match his living situation; he drives an expensive car but lives in a rough neighborhood, which Anna dismisses at the time.

2. Escalation: Odd Behaviors and Gaslighting (09:03–14:54)

• Childish and Dangerous Actions: Toby behaves erratically, e.g., throwing a dog’s stick into the road (10:57), acting like a child during disagreements (“He just giggled, literally like a child…” 11:13), and public tantrums (“starts, like, throwing the bike and stomping his feet like a child” 13:35).
• Isolation from Family: Toby senses Anna’s parents’ disapproval and encourages her to spend less time with them.

3. Weaponizing “Mental Health”: Inventing Dissociative Identity Disorder (14:54–19:58)

• Memory Blackouts: One morning Toby feigns not knowing Anna, claiming three personalities (child, protector, self), and discusses blackouts—“There are three of me.” (15:53)
• Legitimizing with Trauma: He ties this explanation to alleged severe childhood trauma, making Anna excuse his behavior: “It excused the childish behavior. I was like, oh, he can’t help it. Who actually is a child in that moment.” (17:22)

4. Control Intensifies: Hypnotherapy and Memory Manipulation (20:49–27:01)

• Hypnosis as Control: After Anna’s night terrors, Toby pushes her into “hypnotherapy”—he claims to be a trained hypnotist. Anna is highly susceptible, and he uses hypnosis to plant false, traumatic memories and erode her trust in her family (“…I started to shift my beliefs about how truly they wanted the best for me or not.” 24:49).
• “Ultimate Control” Move-In: Anna buys a house; Toby moves in, doesn’t contribute, and isolates her from friends and family.

5. Drugging and Induced Dissociation (27:50–33:32)

• Memory Gaps Expand: Anna finds herself blacking out—awakening places she doesn’t remember entering. Toby claims she, too, now has “multiple personalities” and uses this as further leverage to undermine her reality.
• Isolation is Complete: She loses all external points of reference, dependent solely on Toby’s explanations.

6. First External Intervention: Anna’s Friend (33:35–35:15)

• Reconnection at a Wedding: Anna’s friend observes her strange behavior (appearing heavily intoxicated despite Anna’s lack of memory or alcohol use), while Toby gives contradictory explanations.
• Gentle Suggestion: Friend proposes Anna take a break from Toby to see if her symptoms improve, framing it as an experiment, thus providing Anna with a safe exit.

7. Revelations: Pregnancy and Reproductive Coercion (39:06–41:46)

• Tampered Birth Control: Anna becomes pregnant despite being on the pill. At her friend’s suggestion, they test her pills and discover they are sugar pills—her medication has been swapped (“they said, yeah, it was just sugar pills” 41:04).
• Trapped by Sabotage: Anna realizes Toby orchestrated the pregnancy to trap her, prompting her decision to escape.

8. The Escape and Retaliation (43:40–55:23)

• Physical Threat: As Anna tries to leave, Toby unleashes rage: he vandalizes her family’s property, breaks into her parents’ garage, and damages luxury cars.
• Resisting Legal Recourse: UK authorities require more concrete evidence for tampered medication, so Anna focuses on self-protection: stays with family, replaces car/phone, gets a restraining order.
• Digital Abuse: Toby hacks Anna’s accounts, publicly shaming her by leaking truths and lies, further attempting to destroy her reputation and business.

9. The Drugging Revealed (48:27–51:33)

• Medical Confirmation: Laboratory tests find high levels of GHB (a date rape drug) in Anna’s blood—explaining the blackouts, memory loss, mood swings, and withdrawal after the breakup (“Yeah, you need to be honest with us about the drugs that you’re on…” 48:27).
• Profound Betrayal: Anna grapples with the knowledge she was routinely drugged and questions what else was perpetrated while incapacitated.

10. Justice and Collaboration with Exes (60:08–62:57)

• Connecting with Other Victims: Anna, with her friend’s encouragement, contacts Toby’s ex-fiancée. She learns Toby is infamous in the underground drug scene—he provided steroids, sold drugs, and used restaurant owners’ indebtedness for favors.
• Anonymous Tip/Legal Action: Together, they report Toby’s drug operation; police conduct a warehouse raid, finding £15,000 in counterfeit goods and substantial cocaine. Toby is arrested and sentenced to five years for drug offenses (not for abuse)—but, as the hosts lament, not for what he did to Anna.

11. Recovery, Advocacy, and Moving Forward (65:19–73:33)

• Surviving and Thriving: Anna describes slow recovery: insomnia, trauma responses, but new love found with a patient partner (a single dad).
• Support Systems: Anna credits her supportive friend’s “gentle approach” as crucial to her escape and recovery.
• Future Plans: Anna and Toby’s other exes are considering creating their own podcast/storytelling outlet to raise awareness and provide support.

Memorable Quotes & Key Timestamps

• "There are three of me."
  — Toby, explaining his sudden memory blackout to Anna, (15:53)

• "I started shifting my beliefs about how truly [my family] wanted the best for me or not."
  — Anna, on Toby using hypnosis to implant false narratives, (25:00)

• "He switched them. I mean, I just immediately I blamed him … That was the final proof that something was seriously wrong with our relationship."
  — Anna, on discovering the sugar pills, (41:11)

• "You need to be honest with us about the drugs that you’re on… GHB in your blood."
  — Anna, recounting what medical staff told her after blood tests, (48:27)

• "It just felt like he was punishing me from every angle he could get."
  — Anna, on the waves of digital/reputational attacks after her escape, (55:26)

• "I felt like I wanted to - like, shower it off... rinse your mouth out a hundred times."
  — Anna, describing the revulsion and aftermath of learning she was drugged, (51:33)

• "Don’t change your mind about your friends and your family being there for you from the beginning… Don’t let them take away your other voices of reality. And then the second thing is: don’t play with mental health: if someone says they’re a therapist … don’t let them therapize you because you’re dating them."
  — Anna’s closing advice, (65:44)

The Hosts’ Analysis and Takeaways

Weaponization of Mental Health

• The hosts stress the distinction between weaponizing a mental health diagnosis versus actually having and managing one.
  “The problem is not the mental health disorder—the problem is the weaponizing of it.” (82:44)

The Dangers of “Love-Bombing” and Isolation

• Toby’s pattern—charm, rapid escalation, isolation from support networks—mirrors other cases of relationship-based abuse.

Challenges in the Justice System

• Despite the severe abuse, Toby is only incarcerated for drug offenses. The hosts decry this as an example of how “reproductive coercion” and covert domestic violence are ill-served by current legal frameworks.
  “I think the thing I’m most upset about is that he’s doing time or whatever, but not even for what he did to her.” (74:10)

Importance of Support and Gentle Friend Interventions

• Anna’s friend models an ideal approach—gentle, non-confrontational, science-based, allowing Anna small steps toward autonomy rather than issuing ultimatums.

Red Flags & Lessons for Listeners

• If a partner:
  • Attempts to isolate you from family/friends
  • Undermines your trust in your own mind/memory
  • Discourages outside mental health care/insists on treating you themselves
  • Manipulates birth control or your body in any way
  • Induces or excuses blackouts …these are severe red flags.

Closing Thoughts

• Anna is now safe, recovering, and building a new life.
• The hosts encourage listeners in similar situations to reach out, emphasize the importance of self-defense, strong support networks, and trusting one’s own senses.
• They reiterate: “Your partner is not your doctor or therapist. Support is not the same as diagnosing or treating you.” (81:16)

Notable Sections & Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |-------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|------------| | Opening & Guest Introduction | Content warning and Anna introduced | 00:01–03:35| | The charismatic first meeting | Toby’s public manipulation, the “celebrity” act | 03:43–07:14| | Weaponized mental health | Claim of multiple personalities, introducing blackouts | 14:54–19:58| | Hypnotherapy & control | Memory manipulation, moving in, isolation accelerates | 20:49–27:01| | Drugging & personality shift | Anna’s blackouts, Toby claims she has DID herself | 27:50–33:32| | Pregnancy and pill tampering | Discovery of switched birth control, realization of reproductive sabotage | 39:06–41:46| | Vandalism & digital abuse | Toby’s retaliation escalates post-breakup, hacking and public shame | 43:40–55:23| | Confirmation of drugging | Medical confirmation of GHB poisoning | 48:27–51:33| | Legal closure & ex collaboration| Reporting Toby for drugs, his arrest, connecting with other victims | 60:08–62:57| | Anna’s recovery & advocacy | Healing, advice for survivors, anticipation of Toby’s release | 65:19–73:33| | Dogfish debrief & wrap-up | Red flags, justice system gaps, audience takeaways | 74:02–end |

Final Takeaways

• Trust your instincts and seek outside perspectives, especially if someone tells you not to.
• Never allow a romantic partner to isolate you from your support network or manipulate your sense of reality.
• If you suspect medication tampering, reproductive coercion, or drugging—take it seriously and seek medical/legal help.
• If you have a friend in a controlling relationship, gentle and scientific approaches are the most effective.
• Sharing survivor stories breaks silence, informs others, and builds solidarity.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, reach out to a trusted resource or helpline for support.