David Green (4:57)

Yeah, that was awesome. One of my favorite things that you said is the more rooms you're in, the more hands you shake, the more people you meet, the better your business grows. Can you explain how that actually ends up working out.

Felicia Rexford (5:10)

Can change? I think anybody's life, if they're willing to get themselves off the couch, dressed and to an event, you will realize the reason why you went for my. My motto in 2024 was two words. It was show up. And I held myself accountable to that if I was invited to, you know, we're all busy. I have two boys that are busy. I just came back from Arizona for a soccer tournament. My husband's a fire captain in Las Vegas. He's gone 24 hour shifts half the month. I'm a single mom, so to speak, and we are very busy in real estate. If there's anybody that has the excuse to not show up, it's me. But I told myself Those are my two words and I'm going to show up in 2024. I stood and shook more hands and spoke on more stages, had more opportunity just because I put myself in the room. And sometimes you're not going to see it right away. Sometimes there's instant gratification. I came, I met this person. They want to buy a house sometimes. But really it's the relationships that are that you're fostering over time. So you meet somebody and two weeks later their mom wants to buy, or two months later, you know. But when you're doing that over and over and over again, that now becomes a constant influx of, hey, we need your assistance. Hey, we met at. I don't know if you'll remember me, but I'm like, of course I remember you. We ate tacos and talked real estate. Of course I remember you. You know, so that works. We are in a society now. I'm just gonna call it as it is. People are lazy. People want to do the lazy man method. They don't want to show up and, you know, then don't. Then don't make the money. I don't know what to tell you.

David Green (6:50)

So how. What would you say to the person who says, well, I can accomplish that by just making a social media video, talking about real estate, and I'll put it out there and 1100 people will see it instead of 20 or 30 people at a face to face, belly to belly situation.

Felicia Rexford (7:07)

Oh, so face to face, belly to belly is Always going to be my preference. You know, I think one of the biggest issues with social media right now is understanding what's real and what isn't at it is for me. So I'm seeing people that even I love on social media and I engage with and then I show up to the event and I'm super disappointed. You and I have talked about this briefly in the past. Super disappointed because the person that they're trying to be on camera is this image and then you meet them and they're just totally different and it's a sad disappointment. So, you know, that's one thing I've always been really true to. If I talk a certain way, think a certain way, have my own religious beliefs, believe in parenting a certain way way, that's what I'm gonna put on social media. If you are attracted to me for one of those reasons and want to work with me, awesome. If you don't like me for one of those reasons, awesome. We are both saving time, not working with one another, you know, but belly to belly, I enjoy because I feel, for me at least I feel like I instantly know who I'm also attracted to, who I want to work with, who I get excited about working with. When we have visions aligned, entrepreneurial ide align. When they stimulate me and they're filling my cup. Listen, I don't want to be around just energy suckers. Like, I can give you a lot of energy. You have to be able to do that in return. There's only one way I'm going to figure that out mostly, and it's going to be at an event, you know, so that's. That's my preferred.

David Green (8:42)

I think that's profound. As you're talking, I'm thinking about how, like we used to sell Real Estate 30 years ago, 40 years ago. This is before our time. But the value proposition from the agent was I will market your property and I will get it in front of more eyeballs than anyone else. I have a big database of people. I'll put it in the newspaper, I'll put it in a magazine, I'll put it in the brochure somewhere. You are constantly saying, I can get in front of more people. And that was the way you brought value. But in today's market, there is no secret squirrel place where you can put a property. There is no off market. If there was an off market, it would be. That's a market. It's just a different kind of market. Everyone sees everything. It all goes into an MLS and then it goes out to a portal like Zillow or Realtor or Redfin. They're all sequence in the mls or a wholesaler locks it up and then they broadcast it out to their email list. And if you're trying to get top dollar for your home, that's the worst way to do it. You're never going to get as much money for it because you're selling it to a shark. And so the, the homes that stand out, that get the fastest offer or the best offer are no longer the ones that get in front of the most people. There is no more that it is the one that makes the strongest impression, the best pictures. The it's positioned in the best way. It's priced the best way. It's. It's articulated in the listing description in the best way. Even the order of the pictures makes sense because it's kind of like online dating. If people are swiping and looking at humans all the time, I say the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah. If you're a girl and you get 50 dms a day, you're not looking at every one of them. You're just looking for the top 10%. And like, maybe I'll look at it quickly and if you don't make a good impression, I'm gone. You have a tiny, tiny little window. You're like a sniper and you've got to hit that target. And what you made me think about when you were talking is it's not only how you market the house, although that's an important part we should talk about today, it is how you market yourself. If you are just making a video on Instagram and it looks like all the other videos that everybody saw on Instagram, you didn't stand out. It doesn't matter how many impressions that you got, you didn't make an impact on anybody. When you're at the event, when you're talking to the person, when you can look them in the eye and they can get a feel for if you're honest or dishonest, you're penetrating, you're impacting that person's heart, which is what makes them remember, oh, we met at this event and we talked about this versus I might have saw your Instagram video six months ago as you, like, did a TikTok dance and called that working. What is your advice to sort of like the generation of Realtors that are listening to this show that got into this because they thought it would be easy money, or they like the idea of selling houses, but they also like the idea of being A little mini celebrity online and getting all the validation for themselves and mixing it with business. Like, I'm sure in Las Vegas, you must see this dynamic I'm talking about.

Felicia Rexford (11:29)

I do, and it's. It's kind of sad. I think that now more than ever as adults, I hope that's who we are for posting. Like, be authentic. Be authentic. And so I would also say one doing. Doing reels and things like that, and being social media famous is not going to convert you to dollars in your bank account. Don't think. Don't think of that. But I think that the authenticity is also lacking. And I'm gonna say this. If you are a person who is in real estate and doesn't like social media and reels and things like that, that is also okay. I actually, David, I have an agent on my team. I. In the first few years, you know, it's. I just saw a meme the other day that says, excuse your mom. It's the first time she's ever been a mother. This is new to her. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. I saw that hit me so hard because I'm like, gosh, you know, I think that we all thought when we're adults, we're supposed to have it all figured out. David, you're a man with thousands of homes as a portfolio. We just look at you to have it figured out. No, you're in your first time of your life. You have thousands of homes and new issues, and you're figuring it out. Still, David Green's not even going to have all the answers for everything, right? So when I was first a leader to my team, I was like, you got to be doing social media. You got to be on social media. You know, all of this stuff. And that almost makes me recoil to even say out loud now, because it took some time for me to realize that is not everybody's superpower. I can look at a camera and promote a house and a person and this and that and have fun with it. That's maybe a little bit more of my Hispanic speaking with my hands, body language. Crazy craziness, you know, My husband, who's also an agent on my team, loathes it. Doesn't want to do it. Like, not my thing, you know? And for a while there, I was pushing him. I have another agent, Lacy Terrio, on my team. She is an incredible realtor. She's incredible because when you are her client, you are her client, and she takes care of you. And here, my new leadership, you know, real estate Team skills were do this. Do you got to be on social media, all this stuff. Wrong. I really think that that's the wrong answ for people that it does well for, do it. Do it great. Good for you. For the people that it doesn't do well for, don't do it. My other brother, Grant, he's my little big brother. He's like 6 foot tall. He's 10 years younger than me. He is a great handshaker. People love his energy. I'm like, grant, you need to be doing more open houses and, like, starting to showcase everybody's strengths. And so to answer your question in a very roundabout way, I'm sorry, it's look at who you are. Stand in front of the mirror and look at who you are. And if whatever your strength is, showcase that. And if it's not social media, that is okay. You can still be a successful realtor. You don't have to do the reels, you don't have to do the video. You have to work really effing hard. You have to show up. You have to be ethical. You have to care about people. You have to be willing to put yourself last sometimes because real estate is that seven days a week, and sometimes things just land badly, you know, and it's on the day that you thought you're going to have off, and guess what, you don't have it off anymore. You know, there's a really ugly side to real estate. Not just the Corvettes that people want to showcase on social media and all of that stuff. There's a. There's a real grind to this business.

David Green (14:56)

I often wondered, like, when I was in production and I was selling a lot of houses myself, I probably had more money or wealth than your average real estate agent would. Because I owned real estate. I never wanted a Ferrari or a Corvette because I'm going to a listing appointment and you're going to pay 6%, and we're going to split that amongst the two. And I'm not going to discount it because I know how much more money I'm going to make you with the strategies that I had and the way I could negotiate and just like the tenacity of we're getting every single last dollar for this thing. But if I'm showing up in a Ferrari, you feel like you're paying 3% instead of 2% to pay for my car.

Felicia Rexford (15:37)

Yeah.

David Green (15:38)

It never struck me as someone be like, wow, he has a Ferrari. He must be the best. I mean, there's like maybe a tiny percentage of people that Think that way. It always looked douchey, right? I would wear a suit to show respect to the person. I was going there, but I drove a Toyota Camry because I wanted them to see me as we're the same and we're going to look at your money the same way. What is your thought on this obsession that realtors have that they get a license, they get a suit, they get a fancy watch, they take a picture where they're looking at their watch or they're looking over here, even though the camera's there with their sunglasses on. And all of their posts are sort of presenting this air of success, even if it's there, does it benefit them to do it that way?

Felicia Rexford (16:20)

You're, you're gonna attract who you're, you know, you're gonna attract what you're showcasing, that's for sure. So if you want to look douchey, then attract douchey people to work with and have fun on those deals. You know, I do a lot of va, but I also am starting to do a lot more kind of high end here in Vegas. And if I had to categorize the clientele, the owners of these high end properties and buying these luxury properties and things like that, they are hard workers. Whatever it is that they do, they work hard and they appreciate that from me. I am not the one showing up in the suited and booted. You know why? Because sometimes I'm coming from soccer practice, you know, but I will show up. So yesterday I had. Yesterday it's spring break here in Las Vegas, so all the kids are off. Yesterday was the day that I promised my kids an arcade day with their friends. And then we were gonna do just some fun stuff on the strip. All of this stuff, right? What did I put on? I put on blue leggings, a hoodie, flat tennis. Barely looked like, you know, anything to look at, that's for dang sure. And we're gonna go mom mode, Full mom mode, without a doubt. I'm going to get a phone call to view one of my high end luxury homes. It just happens. And this client is pretty adamant at me being there to showcase the property. And with some quick finagle, I was able to call Nick. Nick was able to come pick up the kids, take them to the next spot so I can go in this direction to meet a luxury buyer to tour luxury property. And I said, hey, I'm in leggings and a hoodie. I am so sorry, but I will make this happen. Nobody cared. The luxury buyers that showed up, the Luxury sellers. I did show up. I did my best to showcase the property, build the relationship, highlight all the features that I felt like maybe missing because the buyer's agent wouldn't know of the XYZ. We're talking a $2.4 million property. Now, I'm not saying that that's my everyday, but I am saying that both parties, I honestly can tell you appreciated just the fact that I made it work. I showed up, I figured it out, and I did it. Even though I'm leggings that moment now when I have a more scheduled, you know, showing. Do I come professionally dressed? Of course. I'm showcasing a beautiful product, you know, and I want to show you that I am also a professional. Just doesn't always work like that. So I'm just not the. We're freaking human, David. We are human. And I am definitely not the person that's driving a Ferrari every day and, you know, wearing diamonds all over me. And I think that that came from my humble beginnings. And I like who I am. I can reach all, all types of people and understand where they're at in life and respect it, you know, down to those, you know, first time home buyer, va $350,000 budget. I'm telling you, there's still some of my absolute favorites. We're gonna meet at coffee and we may be in a hoodie, but we. I got you. You know that that vision of the whole high and mighty Ferrari thing is just not my favorite.

David Green (19:23)

So on this topic, we're going to get into something that I don't think I've ever heard discussed on a real estate podcast. It's sort of taboo, but this topic does come up behind the scenes a lot. And I. If you're not comfortable talking about it, we'll take this out. We can skip to something else, but I think it's important for people to hear. And this is real talk real estate, where we. We keep it real, okay? Just like you have some of the. The douchey dudes that showcase their Rolex, right? They're in their. Their nice car and they put a picture of their hand on the steering wheel and their watch and it says like, grind until no one doubts you or just that type of stuff. There is also a female equivalent of this where women dress promiscuously, have body augmentation. They are selling sexuality under the guise of a legit business. And I will frequently hear the people that market themselves complaining that their clients do not take them seriously, that if they were a man, they wouldn't have to deal with this. Meanwhile, like Boring Bob on Zillow can gets. Nobody clicks on his profile at all. He gets nothing. But the, the, the fake hair, the fake makeup, the, the like sexy approach that those women are comfortable with can get them attention and it might lead to some clients but like you just said, it's going to attract a certain kind of person. What's your take on if that's a legit marketing strategy? If, if that actually is going to backfire? Can you give me some wisdom as someone who works in the industry in Las Vegas specifically.

Felicia Rexford (20:52)

Specifically, I have, I think I have a pretty good example of this. I feel. And maybe this is like a way too big of a casting of a net, right? Because I'm just like throwing my opinion out there. This isn't going to be for everybody. I feel like respect is always going to outweigh that. You know that body image thing that we just talked about. I have earned so many men's respect by just working hard and doing what I'm supposed to versus being the person in the core set and things like that. That where you're probably going to take that away, take that respect aspect away and then you're going to question why, you know, they're treating you a certain way. Sometimes that's by setting boundaries. Sometimes that's by doing what I did yesterday and drop, dropping what I was doing to go work, actually work. W O R K like showed up to show the house. I actually closed. Another high end deal came through Instagram. The actual initial connection came through Instagram. If you go to my Instagram, I'm silly. I am the mom that dances in the kitchen with her kids. I like having a good time. I truly try to live like tomorrow could be my last. And how am I going to leave the room, you know, when that happens? Well, how are people going to remember me? It's not going to be by selling houses. God, I hope not. You know, so this gentleman reached out to me through Instagram. If you go to my Instagram it's not because I have promiscuous everything on. Right. Although I do love my body and I do love wearing pretty things. That's not something I'm taking away from any woman out there. He, he DMed me and he started talking about his purchase price which was high end and about possibly cutting commissions and what are your thoughts on this? And started to kind of deep dive. I love like literally pull on the let's talk business. Right? Let's talk. No, I'm not Going to give you any kind of commission cut. When we're talking about this number, we can talk about strategizing a different way. This at the other. But we went back and forth, back and forth. Fast forward, fast forward. Two years later. He's one of my really great friends. He has sent me all kinds of business. He does very well for himself. He's a high profile lawyer in town. What I found out was he said, you know, I was really attracted to your energy. That's what he told me. He said, I was really attracted to your energy. And I'm not going to lie, I DM'd three other realtors, all female and nobody ever got back to me. You're the only one that got back to me. So then I went and showed him houses and we developed a relationship. We break bread together after viewing homes now which he's buying and selling and buying and selling and he's introduced me to this plethora of people. He was attracted to my energy. I think that is such an under utilized topic and it is my superpower and I promote it. You know, I also guard it because again, energy suckers out there all over the place. So he was attracted to my energy. Then I showed up, I worked for him and at the end of our first transaction, he wrote me a text message that I'll always remember. Mind you, he's also, he comes from the Middle East. He also comes from nothing. His story, he should write a book. I mean, now that I've actually broke bread with him and learned his story and where he is now, I love the man, I truly, truly do. But he wrote me this long text message and he goes, I'm going to tell you something. I never thought women could work the way that I work as a man. I did not know that until I met you. And I thought that that was really powerful coming from him as well, because I could. I was picking up on social cues, maybe ethnic cues, you know, things like that when we first started meeting and. And I'm not the person that necessarily needs the door open for me and the chair pulled out for me. It's not me trying to be over independent, it's just who I am, you know, so that was a huge compliment. But. But it also was a moment where I really reflected on everything he said. He was attracted to my energy, not what I'm wearing. He was attracted to my work ethic. And in the end I garnered his respect. And over and over again he has blessed me with a lot of business and I will continue Showing up for him because of that, you know, does that kind of answer your question?

David Green (25:05)

Oh, that's an awesome answer. I think that's what everybody needs to hear. And if I. If someone said to me, david, why is Felicia successful? I'd say, well, you could sum it up pretty easily. It's the type of human that she is. She doesn't have a super secret marketing strategy. She's not buying leads from somewhere that nobody else has access to. She doesn't have, I don't know, some MLS wizardry. People meet her and they can tell she wants my business, she wants to do a good job, and I can trust her. Okay. It's. Sometimes we can't articulate why we can tell that about a person. If you're not experienced, like as a police officer, I would frequently have to observe human behavior, recognize something that did not make sense, and then go intervene and investigate, find if there was a crime, make an arrest. But when I wrote my report, I could not say. I just had a gut feeling something was wrong. And so I. Right. You have to be able to articulate into language what I observed. Right. And I would learn there was like, okay, every human has a baseline behavior in a certain area. If you're at a concert and everybody is walking this way and they all have wide eyes and they're all looking like there's some pep in their step because they're excited about this Las Vegas concert, and there's one person that's kind of sitting against the background with dark sunglasses and a hoodie with his arms crossed, looking at all the people. That's weird. He shouldn't be doing. He should be excited to go see Tay Tay. Right? That's. I'm now going to pay more attention to that person or maybe find a reason to go talk to him and poke questions to see if that reveals that. That, you know, that's the guy that has the gun or the bomb strapped to their chest, or he's looking to rob somebody or whatever. It's a deviation from the baseline. But before you're trained in how to articulate it, you just call it an energy. You don't know what else to say. Right. People can tell that you are a woman of integrity, that you're good at your job and that you work very hard and that you respect yourself. You know, all these things about you. And so you're picky about who you work with because you're not going to give Anyone less than 100%. In other humans, I find they end up working with Someone they don't like, and then they match the energy of the person that they're working with. You ever seen someone in that kind of like a relationship romantically, they're like, well, if they're not going to try, I'm not going to try. I'll just do what they do. Right. It never works because then the other person does it and it becomes a race to the bottom where you're each blaming the other one for why you're not giving your best. Most of us respond when someone else gives us the best. And so you just don't put yourself in those situations. And I would love for the agents that are trying to build their business to understand. No, no cheesiness here. It starts with who you are as a human being. And if your heart is not in the right place, if you're getting in this because you're greedy or lazy and you think it's easier than another job, if you don't bother reading what the contract looks like, and you think, I'll just go run and ask my broker every time there's a question. You're the energy sucker that we described.

Felicia Rexford (27:51)

Yeah.

David Green (27:52)

People can sense it when they meet you. And you don't know that. And I'll finish it with this. A lot of humans have been trained, unfortunately. So to see the guy that you just described, the Middle Eastern guy that is not used to a woman, that is intelligent and capable, and we judge that person, we say they're racist, they're bad, they're a misogynist. I don't have to look in the mirror at myself because I put the blame on them immediately. Even if they are that thing, Are you giving them reason to think it? Right. The same for the woman I described earlier. That's like sexualizing themselves on their profile. And then they are complaining that they aren't treated seriously. If they're not treating themselves seriously, if they're not explaining in their videos everything they know about the market or real estate, instead they're just like, look at my big fake lips. This is why you should work with me. You're drawing the very thing that you're then gonna complain about. And it feels like with your background, being in the military, doing the stuff you did, you were just trained not. Not to do that. You were always trained to look at yourself and say, how could I be better?

Felicia Rexford (28:56)

Oh, that's so unbelievably true. And it's funny. I, like, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt too, because I have a little bit more Cultural experience with the military. You know, we worked with so many different people. My, my stepmother is from. She's Jordanian. She was an arranged marriage that came here. When I hear her talk Arabic, speak Arabic, I'm always like, like, who are you yelling at? She's like, I'm just talking to my aunt. It's a more abrasive conversation, you know, And I just have learned to just not let that dictate how I treat people. I'm going to give them the same over and over again. And a lot of times I learn I have a lot to learn from different culturals and backgrounds. I learn, oh, they're not being abrasive or mean. It may be a cultural thing. And then I just kind of work through that. But I'm going to keep giving you my same energy, and let's see how that's received and reciprocated, you know. So I like how you were saying, you don't just kind of judge. If there's anything in this industry will teach you, it's definitely not to judge a book by its cover and definitely get to know the person, but they don't know it. A lot of times it's a trial basis, though, and there's a moment where I will cut it off if nothing changes or if what we think is happening is happening. For example, we were just driving over here and we've got a client flying into town, and the WhatsApp, there's, there's a distance between us. So we're WhatsApp communication, me and one of my other agents. And the WhatsApp communication has not been really nice. Now I can't really judge yet because it's all WhatsApp. I haven't met this person, so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. We're going to be meeting here soon, but one of my agents has had a hell of a week, and this is nobody's business, right? Her husband's been sick, 104 temperature. She's been running all over the place. I have similar things going on. Again, clients don't want to hear that. This, they don't want to hear this. But we're trying to figure out who's going to take this client on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. And behind the scenes, we're trying to strategize this to make sure the client's taken care of. And today I made a decision. I said, you know, this isn't feeling right in the WhatsApp. This person hasn't been treating us very well. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt. But when we meet on Friday, we're going to meet on Friday. I'm going to give them all day Saturday. And I said, lacey, Sunday, you're taking off. Off. You're taking it off. You're going to spend the last day with your husband, and you're going to spend the last day with your kids. And you know what? I'm going to do the same thing because I need a day. And I know that we're just starting this relationship with this client. If they are the person that I think they may be, that may not be an okay answer for them, and that is okay. We will part ways and they can go work with somebody else. If I was reading it wrong and they understand, then we'll continue working with each other. But if we lose this client on Sunday because you and I both need to take a day for all the reasons that aren't any of their business, it's okay if we don't do business together. And that becomes a superpower in itself. David, being able to say we're not in alignment. You don't like me, I don't like you. We're not jiving. This is not gonna work. Well, let's save ourselves the next. I guess you like using your dating, you know, like, let's just save ourselves the next 60 days of misery. Go find somebody else else, you know, and that, really, in real estate, is a huge superpower. You do not, nor should you, work with everybody.

David Green (32:21)

What is your advice to the agent who hears this? And they're thinking, oh, God, that's what I need to be able to do. But I'm too meek. I don't know how to have that conversation. I end up agreeing to do something I didn't want to. And then my attitude gets bad, and I build resentment, and you spiral. Because they have a hard time having that straightforward conversation.

Felicia Rexford (32:40)

It's. It's serious transparency and clarity. And honestly, it's learning how to have adult conversations. A lot of times, like, I will get in my own head and be like, oh, this is going to be a rough phone call. It's going to be a rough phone call. The drive and thinking about it being a rough phone call makes it worse. Make the phone call. Like, you have to say it anyways. Whether you say it in five minutes or an hour from now, make the phone call. Guess what? Appraisal didn't come in. That sucks. Let's figure this out. Like, just have it. It's. We just. Like, we Just make it into these big things. And in reality I feel so much better right after I make the phone.

David Green (33:17)

Call, you know, like I, I can't agree more.

Felicia Rexford (33:21)

I'm so sorry.

David Green (33:22)

It's an annoying part of being a human being that you just have to make peace with. I used to before Jiu Jitsu class, I would be anxious all day long. I'm gonna get my ass kicked. It's going to be super hard. I'm going to be exhausted. Like I'm trying to plan so that I'm thinking I won't lose and my mind just won't stop racing of everything I could do. And it's like the closer it gets, the more I start looking for excuses not to go. I hated it. And then I got there and it was five minutes of this sucks into the warm up and then I just stopped thinking about it sucking and I just paid attention to what I was doing. And then I got done with class and I felt great. Right.

Felicia Rexford (33:56)

Firing people, going to the gym, it's all the things, you know, like thinking about the gym for a 12 hour day is going to be a really shitty 12 hour a day. Going to the gym at 6 o'clock in the morning and being done with it, your day just turns around. That is the reality of it. We all know it to be true. Yeah, we all will be like, well, maybe I'll go at 8, maybe I'll go at 12, maybe I'll go at 6, maybe I'm not going to go because I deserve a day off.

David Green (34:18)

You know, that's exit your brain talks you into it. Yep. I have the same issue now when I have to let somebody go. I hate, hate, hate having to do that. I start thinking about all the ways this is going to affect them, the pain, it's going to put them in the bat. And I start to empathize with how they feel and I completely forget that the whole reason I'm having to let them go is because they're not doing that same thing for me. They're not thinking about all the files that they're not getting done and the clients that they're blowing off and the half ass effort that they're making. Right. And then I talk myself into it being so tough that I keep putting it off. So if you're listening to this and you are struggling with those conversations that you know you need to have, have, it's normal, you still got to do it. You will feel so much better if you just do it. And even if it's awkward you'll think about what made it awkward. You're like, you know, what if I just started the conversation off this way? I'll give you a little hack. I've learned when I have to have a tough conversation, don't start the call off by saying, hey, how is. How are you today? Or, how's it going? It's not a good idea. They're gonna then start to talk about their day, and I'm like, now what am I gonna do? Like, I'm about to drop a bomb on you, when you just thought, we're gonna be friends, and then I can't do it. Right, Right. Just say, hey, I. This is going to be about five minutes. This is what we're going to have to talk about. And then I'll let you tell me what you think, then say it and, like, let them figure out what they're going to do. So you'll sort of, like, decompress afterwards and ask yourself, like an after action report. You're from the military and you're like, all right, we screwed it up here. Next time, let's not. And then it gets easier each time.

Felicia Rexford (35:45)

And that should be the debriefing moment for all of us. Yes. We used to debrief every single flight. Most of the learning happens in the debrief. Debrief to yourself. You know, just attack it. And I will say, for the majority of the time, people respect. I think we're, like, circling around the world word respect today. People respect the clarity. They respect you just having the conversation. You know, they can almost understand it more. It's the buffering that actually makes the waters muddy, you know? So I haven't, like, again, I haven't been in the dating world my whole life, but I would think it would be very similar. Like. Like, oh, yeah, we're not clicking. It's not like, oh, how was your mom's, you know, surgery and knee, and now you're mud in the water. Like you care. We should move on.

David Green (36:28)

You know what, though? I think in when you were dating, you had a purpose. You're like, I want to find the person I'm going to marry. So you're dating and you're like, all right, you all. You could be the person. Let's keep going. Or you're definitely not the person. Let's cut it off. I think in the generation today with people that are single, they don't know what their goal is. They don't have the goal of marriage. It's sort of like, I just want to do Whatever makes me feel comfortable and I'll just see, see how that feels. And they use these vague terms like energies and situationships and whatnot. It's similar with real estate agents that don't know the path they're going to walk. So like with the David Green team, we have a buyer's presentation, just like we had a listing presentation. And you're going to give every buyer the same plan. At the end, you're going to say the same thing. They're going to commit to whatever it would be. You're going to have a form filled out. When you know the goal, there is a lot less anxiety and a lot less opportunity for it to get confusing. But if you don't have a goal and you're letting your client leave need, they're going to be seeing you and they're going to be seeing other realtors at the same time because you haven't made it clear that they need to be committed to you. And then you're going to go complain to your girlfriends about how he won't commit. But you've never brought up the fact that you want commitment and ask, well, what do I, what do you need for me to give you that commitment? We sort of muddy our own situation and then complain about how it's not working out. Do you, do you see this sort of in the real estate space as well?

Felicia Rexford (37:44)

All the time. My again, Lacy, man, Lacey's also coming up on this podcast too. She should listen to social media stuff. But she, I was so proud of her and I really celebrated this moment with her the other day. We had, it was a high end buyer and they called and I'm sure you've heard this phone call before. We only work with listing agents. We're a $2 million buyer, but we only call listing agents because we feel like we're going to get the better deal this way. So they call every listing and they want to try and work with the listing agent to double end it. But really double ending means I want to get this like extra super crazy, amazing deal. And they wanted see a listing. It was actually one of my listings. And so that's nice to have a team because now you can redelegate a different agent to help, you know, show the client. So it was a weekend that Lacy had something with her kids and she's like, I'm gonna go and meet them. And I said, good for you. Go see if this is go date. Right? Go date. Go on the date. See how it goes. You know, go see if that energy Transfers if they're good people, this, that, the other, but lock it down. And if they are not willing to commit to you, that is the only moment that they get of you. And did she showed up, she showed her worth, her value, what she could do for them. They wanted to go see another property and this other property they had seen with another agent and all these things. And she's like, look, we're either going to sign a buyer brokerage agreement, you're going to work with me because I just drove 45 minutes to get here to see you away from my kids on a Saturday that we had an event 45 minutes back. Tomorrow, I'm going to give you my day and my time and my energy, and you're going to get all of me, but we are going to commit to one another other. They signed the bba. She earned that client by stating her worth and standing in her truth, which is, I am going to take my time away from my family, but I am not going to do that with somebody who does not respect me. Our big word for the day. So you've got to be willing to have those conversations or that person. Do you think that a $2 million buyer is going to respect you if you give them four days of your time for free and don't have that conversation? How are you going to negot a real estate deal on their behalf if you can't even have one firm conversation with them?

David Green (40:00)

So the. So the rebuttal to that is going to be, not that I agree with it, but I've just heard this from people so often, but if I do that, I'm going to look like a bitch and then they're not going to like me. What do you say to that?

Felicia Rexford (40:14)

How I said it may have just sounded like a bitch. Is that exactly the tone that I would use? No, you have to show your worth. You have to show your worth. So stand there and have the conversation. And it was funny because she didn't know if she got them and there was a house that they wanted to submit an offer on. And she was strategizing and she was talking with the agent. She was doing all of this stuff. And it was kind of funny because they met at that house. She goes, I'm going to be bring the bba. We're going to go look at this house. I've already strategized all this. She did so much for them. She proved to them that she wasn't just a pretty face or just another realtor. It was proving. And after they viewed that house. It was funny because it was a. It was kind of like a dating situation. Husband, wife, standing in front of their car. And the wife goes, are you going to tell her or am I? You know, we've decided to work with you. And they were so excited because they felt like, I have this person now in my corner. It's not just the random face on the sign. You know, it doesn't have to come off like you're a. Or the tone that I'm telling. I'm saying it with aggression because I believe it, because we are all. Our time is so, so valuable if we all don't know that we can be gone tomorrow and that the last meal you had with your family could have been the last meal. Like, when you start to really put that kind of thing into perspective, those conversations get a whole heck of a lot easier. So that's the perspective that you need to have the hard conversation go a little dark, apparently, you know, but it needs to be had. It needs to be had.

David Green (41:43)

One of the ways that I've sort of pivoted with the way that I bring value to people is I'm starting a group for people who want a deeper relationship with God. And when people hear that, their first response is always, I'm here to make money. Why are you talking about religion? I don't want someone telling me what to do. Oh, another person that's trying to push their thing on me. It's not that. It's that I have found what you just said is exactly what needs to happen. And it's not rocket science science. Everyone kind of already knows that's what they need to do. Then you have a team, and you tell your team to go do this, and 10% of them do it, and they succeed, like lacy, and 90% of them don't do it. And you sit there and you get frustrated and you become nice, and you have them practice. And after doing this for a decade, what I've realized is they actually don't believe in their own heart that they are the best bet for that person.

Felicia Rexford (42:34)

It's true. Or. Or.

David Green (42:35)

Or they have their mom's voice in their head from when they were 10 years old and they screwed something up and she was having a bad day and she criticized them, or their dad walked out. Whatever it was, their identity is still wrapped up in this version. That is not the best. And as they hear Felicia saying this, they're thinking, well, yeah, I'd love to be able to do that. If I was Felicia, I would But I'm me. And the only antidote or recipe that I have found for people in that situation is to find who they actually are in the eyes of their creator. He did not make this person with low self esteem. You did not come out the womb like that. That the enemy, which you, I call, you know, the devil or Satan's armies. Different people have different names for it, but there were spiritual forces that saw hurt. You felt came in, gave an accusing voice against you. You believed it, it became part of your identity. And now it feels wrong to stand up for yourself. It feels wrong to have that. Convers became the enemy. You became Corella Deville because you didn't want to be the victim anymore, so you became the bad guy. And now you are the bitch that's walking around rubbing everybody the wrong way. Like it's honestly a spiritual condition that is stopping most people from being more successful. And nobody wants to say that because I can't sell you a course for how to be a top producer. If I tell you that it's a condition of your heart, what's your thoughts on that?

Felicia Rexford (43:57)

You're like just like speaking to my soul right now. So two things I've told like everybody close in my proximity. There was a moment in church when I was a kid that really stuck out, I mean significantly stuck out to me. And it was one of the days that an old school church and just think of everything old school, right? Pews and all that stuff. And he was preaching about the submissiveness of a woman to a man. And he was really leaning into it pretty hard to as a. And I told Nick this before. I was like, if I had to guess, I probably was around 12, so around the same age as my youngest son. And as a year old, I felt my face just kind of like burning, like getting hot. Like I was actually physically for the first time. And I really felt on fire. And I'm listening and I'm thinking, I don't think God made me this way to be this submissive. Not on stage, staying in your place, woman. And that may be how you're reading scripture and presenting it, but I know that God made me this way for a reason. There's a reason why my face is on fire. I told Nick I was probably 12 years old when I realized I'm not that woman. And that. And there's a beauty to that kind of woman. And there's a beauty to the kind of woman that I am. Right? And over the past three, four years, I found myself on a lot of stages. And it's funny because people want to always give us hats, like they coin us titles. And so an easy title for me is that I'm a realtor, that I'm a real estate investor, that I'm a mom, you know, that I'm these things and I'm like, what title do I want? Like, what is this title that I want in life? You know? And I have found that it's an. Like, I really want to be people's cheerleaders, and I really want to be an encourager. And so when I step on stage and somebody hands me a microphone, it's for me to say exactly what you just said on a big scale, loudly, with my body and my arms flailing, because I believe it. I believe that everybody in the audience has a path and a reason. And they may not have had the mommies, the daddies, the people in their life to tell them and to reassure them of that, but we all have these superpowers, you know, I am not good at everything. I'm not supposed to be a brain surgeon. I'm not supposed to be, you know, this, that, the other. And that's why, like, even in my nonprofit world, women moving mountains, you know, but you find the little girl that's supposed to be a brain surgeon, and you look at her and say, you can do this. You are meant to do this. You're special, you know, and you're right. There's still a lot of little girls out there, out there that have overwhelming self doubt. We live one life. This is your shot at it. I just said on the last podcast, I plan on sliding into home base dirty as I'll get out. Like, I just want to live my truth, and everybody needs to know that. And people still come to podcasts like this, David, to hear that and be like, she's right, I can do this. You know, so that's what they get today then. That's what they get today. But if there's a chair, if there's a title that I can give to myself that I want to coin for myself, it would be somebody that can inspire you to be the best version of yourself. We're all capable of amazing things, but it starts with you. You have to believe it. You have to believe it.

David Green (47:24)

And oftentimes that starts with kind of reconstructing where your identity that you're operating under came from. It's not a thing. You snap your fingers and be like, all right, I'm just going to be positive. You have to ask yourself if you're agreeing with the voices that are telling you that you're not worthy. And you have to stop that agreement and start asking yourself different questions. In the group I'm going to be forming, we're going to be like dissecting these issues. Like, for one, you mentioned a hot button topic with a lot of women today, and it's the word submission. And when we say submission, that typically brings up this idea of less than, like a slave, you're under the control of somebody else. Okay. I don't think that is what was in the mind of the people that were writing it. That is the way that we have interpreted that word in English. Just like there's a verse, the meek shall inherit the earth. Meek sounds like weak, mild mannered, pathetic. Meek was actually a word that they used back then, the Greek word to describe a wild stallion that had been brought under control so it could be ridden. It was not weak. It was power that had been brought under discipline. So it was useful. That horse could now be used by people and trusted. It wasn't going to trample the person who's trying to write it. It's really saying the strong and self controlled will inherit the earth. When I think about submission, it's more about who you're loyal to. Right? We don't want a military full of a bunch of soft, spineless jellyfish that are afraid to engage and don't give their best. We want badasses in there. But I want them loyal to the American military. I don't want to worry about are you going to submit to the Russians or the Chinese if they pay you? I want to know that you're loyal to this. Right? So when I think about submission, it's much more about am I committed to a cause? Are you submitted to the belief that you need to work for your clients with all of your gifts, or are you unsubmitted? Meaning you're like a mercenary, right? Whoever pays me the most, whatever's the easiest path. I'll take the downhill road, wherever it is. I won't be loyal to my partner. I won't be loyal to my client. I'm for sale, right? That's an unsubmitted person. They're not submitted to any form of authority or any mission. So sometimes to. To be submitted or to be submissive is to be all in on your goal, knowing this is what I am doing. And that means that there may be a person that you're taking orders from. Just like in the military, right? Everyone's taking orders from someone. I'm often told that, like, well, David, you don't know what it's like because you're not submissive. I'm like, that's not true at all. I had to submit to bigger pockets. I have to submit to every client that I ever take. I have to submit to the audience of this podcast. If they don't like what we talk about, they are not going to watch it. I have to be submitted. Even as a leader, it does not mean weak. And I, I think, I love that you brought this up because nobody wants a bunch of people walking around, naval gazing, calling that submission like. Like you said, you have a light, you shine your light, people are drawn to your light, your business thrives. I would much rather that each person finds what their individual light is and then works with that. So, like, you, you train agents as well. You have a team. Do you find that there's some that do better in open houses and so they should double down on that and, and others that do better in other scenarios.

Felicia Rexford (50:33)

Right. And it takes me a little while because sometimes they don't see their gift. Like, they literally do not see their strength. It's kind of like mama birds sitting back. I have two boys. My two boys could not be any more different than they are. From their likes to how they communicate, to how I have to parent them, to how I love them. They are completely different. That transfers over into my, my team all day, every day. And a lot of times they don't see their strengths. So it's learning. Okay, this is how we're going to showcase Lacey's strengths. This is how we're going to showcase Nick's strengths. This is how we're going to showcase Grant's strengths. And I have year end reviews with them. We review their numbers, their stats, how many deals they're doing, of course. But we also go into deep dives on who they want to be as people. What I see as their strengths, what I believe they should maybe lean into going into the next year. Absolutely. We're just so different. We're so dynamic of humans. Real estate is not, do this and you'll be successful. And that's what I love. I love. I'm asked to sit on these like high producer panels, right? And I sit down next to these guys and girls and I look around and they're the names that are on the billboards and all this stuff. And they all do business so differently, so unbelievably differently. Yet we're all sitting on the high producer panel and we all know about how much business we do, how much we make, but we all do it so unbelievably differently. So I think we've hit on this multiple times today too. But it's just really enjoying and understanding your strengths. What makes you unique and dynamic. And like watering that, you know, that is your thing that you need to water. But that starts with you in a mirror. Like sit in front of the mirror and really reevaluate yourself and see what you can be bringing to the table and lean in on that. And how beautiful is that? You know, you were made a certain way for a certain reason. There is a reason why you got on bigger podcast and got the bigger biggest platform in the world. How many lives did you get a change? You know, like there's reasons that these happen, but then you owe it to yourself to show up. Like, how sad would it be to be given those opportunities and then not show up? That would be crazy. What a waste.

David Green (53:02)

That's a great point. You're not serving anyone. If your definition of submission is to just sit there and stare at the ground and say, well, who am I? My that the military doesn't want people like that. You don't know high performing sports team wants a player like that. It's. You have to give your best to be properly and authentically submitted.

Felicia Rexford (53:23)

Let me say one thing, and I'm not trying to hide, but this probably is a whole other podcast. So like I'm just gonna like, this is like my pen in it, right? Because there the word submission and being, you know, submissive. I am a married woman. Woman. I am a married woman to a man who is maybe more meek, to use a word that you. And mild tempered. Not in front of the camera. Doesn't like to be loud, doesn't. You know, we can go through a whole dinner, the man may say five words, you know, so there is a dynamic that I also embrace and, and that's one of a wife at home and learning those kind of beautiful submissive roles, which are very unique for myself specifically because he's gone half the month. I drive the kids, I feed them. I did it. I did. I can take care of it. I can do everything. And then my man walks through the door and I realize there's this beauty to a woman that's submissive in certain ways. This is what I'm saying. This could be a whole other freaking podcast.

David Green (54:24)

You're making me think I should start a real talk faith and get into this topic.

Felicia Rexford (54:29)

It's a. It's A huge, huge thing. And it can be a huge issue in my marriage and then it can be a huge beauty, especially when I realize it, tap into it. And he taps into the things that I need. Because, man, do we have two completely different personalities. And then when you look at it from a wife, husband role, it can be a clash or it can be really learning how to, like, do a beautiful dance together.

David Green (54:53)

You know, it's so profound that you mentioned when you're in realtor mode, you need to be the leader and take charge. But when you step in the front door, it is not only okay, but it is almost like required to step into. I'm going to be the, the supportive role in this case, because your relationship will work out much better if he doesn't feel like he's submitted to you all the time and then you lose respect for him and then you do everything on your own and then he disengages, like, well, and that's the freaking spiral that so many relationships fall into to. Right? I had a similar struggle when I was in law enforcement and I worked in bad areas. It was like in Oakland, the bad parts of San Francisco, Richmond, or the, the high security jail where you show an ounce of weakness and you just created a problem for yourself. Right. Like, there is never a point where they know I'm scared. I wanted everyone in that jail to think that I wanted them to try something and I was looking for them to give me a reason. You can't bring that energy in the front door. Oh, right. Like that. You just, you just terrify everybody and they'll never connect with you. It's. Oh, it's okay. And expected that I would turn that off when I took off my uniform. And now I'm going to be sweet and funny and kind and then you got to be able to flip it on when you go somewhere. I, I noticed there's a lot of people that don't want to do that and they try to justify it by saying, well, this is just who I am. And what I love about what you're saying is, yeah, that's who you are. You can be more than just that. You can be that. You can also be. Be this.

Felicia Rexford (56:16)

And what a dynamic opportunity you're giving yourself. Like when we have the Rexford Group team meetings, what chair do I sit in? The head. I sit at the head of the table. And my husband's one of the agents and he sits to my right. When we go home and my man comes home and we have dinner, who sits at the Head of the table. It. And, and let me tell you, is that easy to do? Is it easy? Easy? No. But it is worth the effort as well. So understanding when those situations change, that should. And mind you, my husband is not a weak man. He's a fire captain. He's in charge of a fire station. He has people's lives on the line. He is a hero in his own right. It's just I'm this way when it comes to real estate. And then we need to be a certain way when it comes to being parents and lovers and everything else. And there are different roles there, there. So. Wow, what a dynamic like. Com. That's why I said this could be an entire podcast, because I'm definitely one way when it comes to real estate. My clients, the grind, work, get it done, let's go. You know, all of it. And then there are beauties in changing it up and allowing my man to be the man of the home, you.

David Green (57:32)

Know, So I think it should be. In fact, I think we'll do another show and we'll talk about this because, Because I see this like in the business world where I have a lot of females that work for me and with me they are in this conundrum where they don't want to be dependent on a guy. And they've kind of been taught that if you are, he'll cheat on you, he'll leave you for someone younger. He'll. He'll take it, he'll lock you away and chain you in the basement. You'll never be able to do anything. And I want complete empowerment where I don't need anyone for anything. And then they're lonely. Like, it is not attractive as a man to have someone say, I don't need you for anything at all.

Felicia Rexford (58:09)

Yeah.

David Green (58:09)

The guy's like, well, then I guess I should find someone that does because I want to be needed and I, I need to be. That's kind of my purpose in life.

Felicia Rexford (58:15)

Nature's role. Yeah, right.

David Green (58:17)

And so there's this lie that Satan introduces that you have to pick being this like, walked all over version of a woman that doesn't use her skills at all, which is not biblical. That's not what Proverbs 31 talks about. Or this fire breathing dragon that makes sure men know you have no slack with me and I'm gonna run everything and the minute you do something I don't like, I'm going to leave. And it's frankly destroying families. Like, our birth rate is plummeting. The people that get married are Plummeting. And now we're sort of recreating a new definition of relationships where they're open a lot of the time, or it just. It's. It's ugly and it's messy because this conversation isn't being had. So I'd love to have you back and just have you share your experience. What went well, well, how you learn those lessons, what my experience has been like, and get a true understanding of what a person of faith understands when it comes to what hat they're wearing, where they wear it, and how to be excellent, frankly, in both roles.

Felicia Rexford (59:10)

I am for that. And it's that. And you talked about something that. That's not talked about enough. I think that is a huge one. And mind you, I'll throw my hand up and say, still, still figuring it out. But I definitely. I tap into it so much more, so much more now. And I. My marriage. We've been married for 20 years, and my marriage seems to be better now than ever. And we have loved each other for 20 years, you know, but there's that respect zone that I really have to figure out. And. And like you said, a man wants to be a man. A man wants to lead and that kind of thing. So, yeah, this is. This is a whole other conversation. Robert saying, we have five minutes left. I'm like, we need five hours.

David Green (59:53)

Well, men need to hear this, too. Like, that's part of what I'll be talking about in the. In the group I'm starting. If you guys want to hear more about that group, then DM me the word faith on Instagram. You'll get a link. But men need to understand that when you go to work and you are somebody else's, like, whipping boy or stepping stone. And you just play your little role of being submitted to your boss when you go home, your family and your wife still need you to step up and be a leader and anticipate things and take charge and put things together and take things off of their. Their plate. You can't have this. Like, oh, whatever. I'll just let someone tell me what to do. When you get home, your kids can sense that energy and they don't listen to you. Right. Like, you have to. Even as a man, if you're the guy who just shows up in the military and you're the whipping boy, sometimes life puts you in that situation. You got to be able to flip that script. And the good news is we all can do it. There is a power out there that will empower you to do this. If you get clarity on it. And I'm going to be talking about that a lot more. Felicia, thank you. This has been an awesome conversation. I think people that are listening to this with their mind blown. If they want to follow you and get a hold of you, where can they find you?

Felicia Rexford (60:57)

Instagram's a big one. So. FeliciaRexford, spell my name a little differently. F A L I S H A. Obviously. We have a website. It's the Rexford Group LV for las vegas.com. you will see my personal cell out there all over the place because, yes, I do real estate. And yes, yes, I still answer my phone and text messages and all of that stuff. Facebook and I just got back into YouTube, actually. So if you wanted to follow me there, that would be amazing, too.

David Green (61:24)

What's your YouTube handle?

Felicia Rexford (61:25)

Felicia Rexford.

David Green (61:27)

There you go, folks. Make sure you keep it respectful because if you don't, I will find you and I will personally make you regret if you treated my friend bad. Felicia, thank you for being here today. If you guys want to follow me, I'm on Instagram @David Green24. Dim me the word faith if that's something that you're interested in. And check out the one brokerage dot com. That's my mortgage company. We help realtors sell more houses for their clients. Guys, make sure you go give Felicia a follow and some support and let us know in the comments what your favorite part of today's show was. Felicia, thanks for being here. I'll see you guys next week on Real Talk. Realtors.

Felicia Rexford (62:00)

Thank you. Sa.