Podcast Summary: The Deep Dish – "Married for Good"

Released on April 24, 2025 | Host: The Gospel Coalition

Introduction In the episode titled "Married for Good," hosts Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter delve into the profound and multifaceted aspects of marriage. Joined by esteemed guests Jen Wilkin and Vanessa Hawkins, the conversation navigates through personal experiences, biblical insights, and practical advice aimed at enriching and sustaining Christian marriages.

1. Celebrating Longevity in Marriage The episode begins with the hosts introducing their guests, each bringing decades of marital experience to the table.

• Vanessa Hawkins shares, "Married for 28 years, we've been friends since third grade... Love at first sight turned into a deep, enduring love" (02:13).

• Jen Wilkin highlights her long journey, "We're hurdling toward 32 years of marriage, having met in college and married in 1993" (02:49).

These introductions set the stage for a rich discussion on the evolution of marital relationships over time.

2. Lessons Learned Over Time A key segment focuses on the wisdom gained through years of marriage.

• Vanessa Hawkins reflects on her growth in handling conflicts: "I was really conflict averse... Now I know that conflict can be a very good and healthy thing" (05:09).

• Jen Wilkin emphasizes the concept of "faith becoming sight," understanding her husband's strengths that were once perceived as weaknesses: "In a crisis, he is able to compartmentalize... I now see that as a strength" (05:35).

These insights underscore the importance of evolving perspectives and embracing each other's growth.

3. Navigating Change and Seasons in Marriage The conversation delves into how marriages withstand and adapt to various life seasons.

• Vanessa Hawkins shares the impact of external challenges: "Loss of parents, seasons of sickness... it requires changes and deep love to navigate" (08:16).

• Jen Wilkin discusses reconnecting during busy parenting years: "We had to find each other again as the seasons of life pulled us apart" (07:32).

The guests articulate that change is not only inevitable but can also be a source of strength and deeper connection when navigated with grace and understanding.

4. Nurturing and Encouraging the Marriage Maintaining a thriving marriage requires intentional effort, as highlighted by the guests.

• Courtney Docter shares her realization about the importance of fun and quality time: "We didn't do a good job of just taking time to reconnect with one another" (19:03).

• Vanessa Hawkins emphasizes prayer and patience: "We pray together wherever we are, and that helps us stay connected" (16:56).

Practical strategies such as regular date nights, shared hobbies, and open communication are discussed as vital components for nurturing marital bonds.

5. Challenging Common Marriage Platitudes The hosts and guests critically examine widely accepted marriage advice, offering nuanced perspectives.

• Courtney Docter addresses the saying, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger," revealing her experience: "It led to terrible late-night fights... Now I see it as a general principle to address issues promptly" (24:24).

• Jen Wilkin recounts encountering unrealistic expectations in church teachings: "Married on false pretenses because of weight... and needing to be available for intimacy always" (28:20).

They advocate for a balanced approach that recognizes the complexities of human relationships beyond simplistic advice.

6. Scriptural Foundations for Marriage Integrating faith into marriage, the discussion highlights relevant biblical principles.

• Courtney Docter cites Romans 12:9-21, emphasizing genuine love and mutual honor: "Let love be genuine... Seek to show hospitality" (39:40).

• Vanessa Hawkins references James 4 on humility in conflicts: "It's my pride that's always mine. I humble myself to foster love" (42:30).

The guests illustrate how grounding marriage in scripture fosters resilience and deeper spiritual connection.

7. Advice for Women in Challenging Marriages Towards the end, the conversation offers hope and guidance for women facing difficulties in their marriages.

• Jen Wilkin advises seeking community and professional counseling: "Ask him to go with you to counseling. If your church doesn't have resources, ensure you receive trained guidance" (48:07).

• Courtney Docter encourages perseverance through prayer: "Pray for grace to endure today... Marriages can change and grow" (48:43).

The emphasis is on not succumbing to despair but actively seeking support and divine intervention.

8. Finding Joy in the Mundane The episode concludes on a lighter note, celebrating the simple, everyday moments that strengthen marital bonds.

• Vanessa Hawkins cherishes folding laundry together: "We get to talk and hang out while folding laundry. It's simple but sweet" (50:55).

• Jen Wilkin enjoys shared hobbies like gardening and identifying trees: "We have interests that keep us connected and create shared memories" (51:27).

These anecdotes highlight that joy and connection often lie in the ordinary routines of daily life.

Conclusion "Married for Good" offers a heartfelt exploration of marriage, blending personal anecdotes with biblical wisdom. The guests underscore the dynamic nature of marital relationships, advocating for continuous growth, intentional nurturing, and unwavering faith. For listeners seeking to deepen their understanding and strengthen their marriages, this episode serves as both a guide and a source of inspiration.

Notable Quotes:

• "I was really conflict averse... Now I know that conflict can be a very good and healthy thing." — Vanessa Hawkins (05:09)

• "Faith becoming sight... I now see that as a strength." — Jen Wilkin (05:35)

• "We pray together wherever we are, and that helps us stay connected." — Vanessa Hawkins (16:56)

• "Let love be genuine... Seek to show hospitality." — Courtney Docter (39:40)

• "Pray for grace to endure today... Marriages can change and grow." — Courtney Docter (48:43)

Resources Mentioned:

• Book by Jen Wilkin: Ten Words to Live By, Delighting in and Doing what God Commands – A fresh biblical look at the Ten Commandments.

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