He Stared In 1,000+ Adult Films… Now He's a Christian.

Summary

Podcast Summary

The Deep End With Lecrae

Episode: He Starred In 1,000+ Adult Films… Now He's a Christian
Guest: Joshua Broom
Date: February 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This emotionally raw episode centers on the extraordinary life and redemption of Joshua Broom, a man who starred in over 1,000 adult films before radically transforming his life through faith. Host Lecrae guides a deeply personal conversation that explores Joshua’s trauma-born journey into the adult film industry, the brokenness that defined it, his battle with shame and suicidal ideation, and the healing he found in Christ and community. The dialogue pulls no punches, tackling the hardest questions around shame, addiction, mental health, and what true healing and identity look like after a dark past.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origin Story: Early Life and Father Wounds

• Joshua’s fatherlessness: Raised by a single teen mother in a small South Carolina town, with his father living nearby but absent, Joshua tried to make sense of his invisibility by striving for worth and significance through achievement.
  • Quote:

    “I would look out this window...at the life that was in arm’s distance, but I didn’t know what his voice sounded like. The way I made sense of it was I must be insignificant.”
    — Joshua Broom [06:15]

• First exposure to pornography and lack of healthy conversation about sex:

  “At 13, I saw porn for the first time, and I didn’t really know how to feel… That just became another part of my conquest.”
  — Joshua Broom [09:17]

• Striving for significance: Acting, modeling, and basketball became coping mechanisms to prove his worth, especially to his absent father.

2. The Road to Hollywood and the Adult Film Industry

• From modeling to porn: Joshua describes being headhunted for porn and how the industry specifically preyed on people with broken family backgrounds.
  • Quote:

    “Someone just came up… and they were headhunters for the porn industry… The person [agent] that represented me… straight up asked, ‘How did you grow up?’ because it was a value proposition, looking for brokenness.”
    — Joshua Broom [21:45–24:16]

• Emotional manipulation:

  “In that moment, I was just sitting across from a man saying, ‘You got what it takes.’ To have a man affirm you… even though it’s not good, it’s an affirmation.”
  — Joshua Broom [27:48]

• Industry secrets: Joshua unmasks the adult film world as mechanical, disconnected, and driven by coercion, not connection — detailing the illusion of intimacy, performance drugs, detached identities, and the trauma endured.
  • Quote:

    “She’s got a clean AIDS and STD test… but there’s no conversation. You walk in, there’s a director telling two people who are broken but compensated to be there... There’s no legitimate connection.”
    — Joshua Broom [31:36]

3. Spiritual Crisis, Shame, and Suicidal Ideation

• Descent into despair: Despite outward “success,” Joshua discusses growing numb, developing a split personality (between stage name and real self), and the devastating cost of suppressing pain.
  • Quote:

    “It was almost like you had to develop a split personality… If you can’t completely detach the two, you can’t be successful at what you do.”
    — Joshua Broom [42:00]

• Industry darkness: Joshua shares the high suicide and overdose rates among adult film performers and the deep, unspoken pain beneath the surface.
  • Quote:

    “47 people have died of suicide or overdose — my friends, not just people I knew about. When they die, their PR group announces their stage name… It’s all about chipping away at your humanity.”
    — Joshua Broom [43:47]

• Personal trauma: Joshua reveals being drugged and raped during his time escorting, burying the pain in isolation, and escalating suicidal thoughts.
  • Quote:

    “I ended up getting drugged and raped. I never told anybody... The only way I saw forward was to die.”
    — Joshua Broom [48:24]

• Power of shame:

  “Shame is a demonic tool… Faith doesn’t cancel the need for real care.”
  — Lecrae [52:47]

4. Turning Point: Faith and the Road to Healing

• Catalyst for change: Reaching rock bottom, Joshua has a powerful encounter with God after a bank teller calls him “Joshua” (his real name) for the first time in 18 months, leading him to call his mother and finally accept her love.
  • Quote:

    “She puts her hand on my shoulder and says, ‘Joshua, are you okay?’ … That was the first time I heard my name in almost 18 months.”
    — Joshua Broom [53:24]

• Meeting Hope — literal and figurative: Joshua’s wife, Hope, responds to his confession without shame, telling him, “You are not defined by the worst thing you’ve ever done. God is the author of you.”
  — [55:40]
• The transformation of identity: Learning to live as a new creation, with practical steps in ongoing healing: confession, accountability, and replacing lies with truth.
• Letting go of the past through forgiveness: Joshua’s journey to forgive his father, even without the reconciliation he longed for; releasing rage that once plagued him and choosing to break generational cycles as a father himself.
  • Quote:

    “God brought me to that point… What came out of my mouth was, ‘I’m sorry for blaming you for every wrong thing I’ve ever done.’”
    — Joshua Broom [85:47]

5. Marriage, Community, and Living Redeemed

• Unique challenges in Christian marriage: Joshua’s wife models radical grace by refusing to allow his past to shape her feelings and by standing firm against the voice of shame.
  • Quote:

    “I choose not to speak to myself the way that Satan does.”
    — Hope (Joshua’s wife), recalling a Bible study moment [61:34]

• Legacy and fatherhood: Living present and open with his children, choosing to break the silence around pain and loss (including discussions about miscarriages and his father’s absence).
  • Quote:

    “God has a plan for that hurt, and Satan has a plan for that hurt… Healing is a journey, not a one-time event.”
    — Joshua Broom [86:29]

• Practical healing disciplines: Ongoing confession, community, accountability partners, and counseling.
  • Quote:

    “The depth of your confession will equate to the level of your healing.”
    — Joshua Broom [73:10]

• The industry is a mirage: Pornography is not about sex, but about seeking intimacy and connection; true healing comes through honest relationships and open confession, not secrecy or shame.
  • Quote:

    “The antidote for addiction is connection… Porn has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with intimacy.”
    — Joshua Broom [77:17]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you strive after something that’s vapor, what you’ll find is vapor.” — Joshua Broom [25:25]
• “Purity does not look like… The virgin can be less pure than the prostitute.” — Joshua Broom [81:10]
• “You are not defined by the worst thing you’ve ever done, and you won’t be defined by the greatest thing you ever do, because you are not the author of you, God is.” — Hope, relayed by Joshua [55:40]
• “If the old is gone and the new is here, I don’t know that man.” — Hope [66:16]
• “To the person that says, ‘Me too,’ versus the one who confesses honestly — the depth of your confession determines your healing.” — Joshua Broom [73:10]
• “God doesn’t waste a thing. If you could understand who you could become in the most healed, transformed version of you, you’d laugh at every lie Satan throws your way.” — Joshua Broom [67:35]
• “I felt like you saw me.” — Joshua Broom on being recognized as “Joshua” instead of the stage name, marking the beginning of his healing [43:34]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Origin and Fatherlessness: [04:05]–[09:07]
• First Exposure to Porn: [09:17]
• Modeling & Hollywood Beginnings: [15:07]–[18:59]
• Entry Into Porn Industry: [21:45]–[27:12]
• Industry Mechanics & Numbing: [31:33]–[35:51]
• Dark Side: Suicide, Drugs, Violence: [43:47]–[47:40]
• Turning Point: Suicidal Ideation & First Steps Out: [48:24]–[53:24]
• Meeting Hope and Salvific Encounter: [55:40]–[60:20]
• Marriage Healing & Facing Shame: [61:34], [64:48]–[66:16]
• Forgiveness and Fatherhood: [83:25]–[86:29]
• On Confession and Ongoing Healing: [73:04]–[73:10], [77:17]
• On Porn, Intimacy, and Recovery: [76:23], [80:47]
• Final Encouragement and Practical Steps: [91:02]–[92:43]

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Flow & Tone

The conversation is candid and unflinchingly honest, with moments of humility and vulnerability undergirded by hope. Both Lecrae and Joshua repeatedly step into their own stories with rare transparency, offering practical wisdom while refusing to sugarcoat the pain or minimize the work of recovery. The tone is compassionate, reflective, and ultimately, redemptive.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Trauma, addiction, and shame are complex and require courageous vulnerability, community, and accountability to heal.
• No person is defined by their worst or best actions; identity comes from something deeper, rooted in God’s love and grace.
• Open confession, rather than secrecy, is fundamental to deep healing.
• Faith initiates healing, but practical steps and honest relationships sustain it.
• There’s hope and a way forward, no matter how deep the brokenness.

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If you’re struggling: Tell someone. Find community and accountability. Healing begins with the first honest confession.

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For further resources and to connect with Joshua Broom’s ministry, visit Walkworthy.

Transcript

[Joshua Broom]

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[Lecrae]

you don't just go from, I got a girlfriend in high school to I'm an adult film star.

[Joshua Broom]

I'm gonna say something heavy.

[Lecrae]

That's what they're here for. So how has Satan tried to rise up in this new marriage that you have with your past?

[Joshua Broom]

A girl looked at my wife and said, how do you not wrestle with comparison knowing all the people he's been with? How does that not bother you? She just said, well, I choose not to speak to myself the way that Satan does. That's powerful. There was a time in my life where there was an HIV outbreak and I had had unprotected sex with someone who contracted HIV and died.

[Lecrae]

Oh,

[Joshua Broom]

this is the deep end with Lecrae.

[Lecrae]

All right, y', all, I'm excited about today. So a lot of people have heard my next guest's testimony in different platforms and so on and so forth. I mean, if you haven't heard, you know, comes from a small town of South Carolina. Like, literally 3,000 people, you know, moved to Hollywood to chase his dream of being an actor and became a very prominent adult film star. He found emptiness and all of that, and ultimately found Jesus. But I think what a lot of us appreciate about Joshua Broom is that he is willing to talk about the stories and the things that people typically don't talk about. People in the adult film industry have been mad at him for it. People in the, you know, in communities all over the world have been set free from some of the things he shared. And, man, he just unpacks it in a healthy way, in a way that I think, you know, blows your mind, because there's some questions. You're like, yo, I can't believe he answered that. And he does. And there's some deeper underlying things that I think we forget about people in all types of places in society. So he's now an incredible pastor, a leader, father, husband, all the things, and just a man after God's own heart. So, Joshua Broom, man, we appreciate you being here, bro.

[Joshua Broom]

Hey, I'm so glad to be here.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

It's an honor.

[Lecrae]

Nah, man, Honor's mine, bro. So for anybody who does know your story. Right, you grew up in South Carolina.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

You? Small town.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Product of teenage parents.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. So my mom and dad were both 15, and, you know, they weren't dating. They just, you know.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

They did their thing, and then here I am, so.

[Lecrae]

And then you're growing up, you know, you're not knowing dad.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Obviously there's a father wound, major father wound there. But I'm in my mind, I'm like, you're a young, strapping, attractive dude. You're like, I can act. I can model. So you go where everybody goes.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

You go to Hollywood.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

And when in Hollywood, you kind of get tricked into becoming an adult film star.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

You end up doing it. It takes off over a thousand movies later.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

A lot of. A lot of trials and tribulations. Oh, yeah. And you meet the Lord, and now you are unpacking all of this stuff for people. So I want to understand more of, like, who Josh was and is. Not so much like, oh, yeah, he did this, he did that, he did this. But, like, what made this man the person that he was? Because a lot of times when you see adult film stars, we don't think of them as dynamic human beings who somehow they got here and how did they get here? You know what I mean?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

So. So I want to talk a little bit about that. I know some of your story, and I relate, and a lot of it is that origin story of a father wound. I didn't grow up with my biological father. He was, he, you know, went to war with drugs and lost. Yeah. And was no longer part of my life. I met him again for the first time in 2021. Oh, wow. And, you know, it created in me a lot of pain, a lot, lot of poor decisions, a lot of trying to figure out who I was and define who I was. And I know that's, that's similar to you. So I'm just curious, like, you're in the same town as your dad growing up. You're watching him through a window, like, talk to us a little bit about the situation.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. So my, my mom, she worked at this restaurant, you know, her whole life. And it was, you know, one of those, you know, you, you got a meeting, two sides, top of type of spots. And I would sit there after school and I would look out this window and I would see a green Z71 truck pull into this convenience store and a young man would get out, an older man would meet him out there, and they would say hello. He would go in, get some snacks, come out. And the name of the store was Rogers. And Roger was my grandfather, but also my dad, who's a junior. And so I would, I would look at the grandfather and the father that was across the street, at the life that was in arm's distance, but I didn't know what his voice sounded like. So the complexities of what doesn't make sense to you, you have to make sense of. Yeah, and the way I made sense of it was I must be, you know, insignificant. It must be my fault. And you know, as a man, you have a high achiever personality. So if, if you're doing things in the name of the Lord, you know, doing things with excellence, working hard, utilizing your gifting, that's amazing. But if you believe the lie that I need to do enough, build enough, have enough so that I feel as if I'm enough, that that lie is going to serve you wrong every time. And that's what I was chasing after. I was chasing after, if I'm honest, I thought, man, if, if I would succeed enough, maybe that success would feel like what it would feel like if I heard my dad say, I'm proud of you.

[Lecrae]

Now he's a teenager, so he doesn't even know how to be a dad.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

But why are you ignored? Like, why don't you have a relationship with him?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I think it was. I mean, that's how shame works, you know? And I think it's easy to become apathetic towards him in retrospect, thinking, like, you know, why did he maliciously choose not to be my father? But the reality was he got married, you know, when he was, like, 17, 18, and then started another family. And then, you know, me being in physical proximity, he would see me here and there. And maybe he tried to connect a few times along the way, but never stuck, you know? And so I think it's just the reality of he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. And then because of shame, the way it works, it went from I don't know what to say to seemingly, it's impossible to say anything at all.

[Lecrae]

So. So you're growing up, like, whether he meant it or not, you're feeling like a cancer, like somebody that's like, I'm not. Something's wrong. Cause he won't. He won't love me. He won't hug me. He won't tell me I'm valuable. And what is that? How's that fleshing out for you as a young teenager?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I mean, it was. Everything was every. My life was built around basketball. It was like, all things basketball. And then. And then at 13, I saw porn for the first time.

[Lecrae]

Okay.

[Joshua Broom]

And then never having a conversation about sex, intimacy, relationships, anything like that. You know, average age of exposure right now, eight years old. You know, I saw it at 13, and I didn't. Didn't really know how to feel about what I. What I saw, but I was intrigued, but I knew I shouldn't look. And then I. Then I began to think, man, maybe if I reenact what I see, I'll feel the emotions. I don't. So I started. That was another part of my conquest. It was like basketball, fitness, good grades, and girls. And that just became another part of if I'm accepted or I succeed in these areas, it would mitigate the wound I have in another area.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And that was just kind of, you know, that took me into college. And, you know, you go into a fraternity and there's less accountability because I'm not. You know, I'm near my mom, and then I'm doing all this stuff and just kind of spiral, you know, out of control. And then all of a sudden, I find myself in Hollywood, California, with. With access to everything.

[Lecrae]

Yeah. Is there a heartbreak that happens before? Because I just think of my story, right? Like, I didn't start off an objectifier. I became an objectifier of women.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

I. I didn't start off seeing him as just, like, transactional. I started off, like, really, like, in love with a particular young woman. And then she was older than me and was kind of like, this is just an exchange. And she ended up sleeping with one of my friends. And I was just like, wait, I thought we were a thing. And that, like, light bulb went off, like, oh, I don't need to give my heart to these girls. You know, like, how did that. Cause you don't just go from I got a girlfriend in high school to I'm an adult film star. Like, talk to us about that process, that breakdown.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, that's interesting. I don't think anyone's ever asked me that. I think it was like, the porn was part of it. Like, the watching of the porn and then, you know, desensitizing yourself. That and also having an appetite for something I didn't understand how to navigate. That's why, you know, the Bible talks about not, you know, not. Not awaking lust until it's a time, you know, a certain time. It's like, man, I had an appetite for something I didn't know how to navigate. And then I had access to things, and I didn't have any accountability. And I think on top of that, there was a moment where my mom got married for a very short period of time. And in that short period of time, this man was hard drugs, physically and emotionally abusive to my mom. And I remember one day there was a dream I was sharing with you about. And this kind of where it started where I was pushing on this door because I heard an altercation, and I couldn't get the door quite open. And then as I'm pushing the door open, there's a dresser pushed against the door. And then I got it cracked open just enough. And. And I saw this man hitting my mom. And I couldn't get the door open no matter how hard I tried. And then the same whisper in my ear from Satan that when I was looking across the street at the dad I didn't have access to that said that I was insignificant or not good enough. And then he's like, well, how would I identify myself? Well, at least I'm my mother's son. I know that to be true. And. And now I can't even protect the thing that I say is most important to me. So I go, that's why the. You know, the balance of guilt and shame is so important. Guilt is I did something wrong. Guilt is I am something wrong. And in the shame of me not being able to protect my mom, you know, I was like 9, 10 years old. I don't, I think that just made me not. Not care.

[Lecrae]

Okay.

[Joshua Broom]

About anything. Yeah. That life is meaningless. And I'm. And I, and I think, I don't think I was malicious in my, you know, my transactional pursuits with girls, but I think it was just. I. I wanted, I wanted to stop hurting.

[Lecrae]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And yeah, if you care, you hurt.

[Lecrae]

So if you can numb it.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Even though you're not really getting rid of those feelings, you're just stuffing them down.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, that's why pornography works so well, because it, it numbs what you don't want to feel. It covers up what you want to hide. It'll never reject you.

[Lecrae]

Yep, yep.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, I think that played a, a big part in, in my thinking. In that way. It just became a conquest and a transaction. And I'm like, man, no one's gonna have feelings for me anyway. And even if they said they would,

[Lecrae]

like, you know, right now, now I'm sure you are. You were an athletic young guy. You're an attractive young guy. You knew. Like, when did you know, like, hey, I'm. I'm a good looking dude. I need to be a model or an actor or something like that.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, so it's like, you know, like old school. Like you. I was walking to the mall with my mom and was in like, model searches and, you know, someone stopped me. It's like, oh, you, you could, you know, you could do some stuff for Colgate or, or whatever, you know, and there was this. Her name is Donna Ehrlich, and she had a modeling agency close to. Somewhat close to where I live, so. In Columbia, South Carolina. Okay. And she just like, took me under her wing. And all of a sudden I started getting opportunities and, you know, they were. Was working with a voice coach because I, I used to say, like, mater tater yonder.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

You know, winder. Stuff like that. Like, we gotta, we gotta clean that up. Okay.

[Lecrae]

I made a miter.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, Miter. Yeah.

[Lecrae]

I'm going yonder.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

But so you, when you, anybody who follow your story knows, like, Rocco Reed was the, your adult film star name.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

But before Hollywood, right before Rocco Reed, what did you believe about yourself? Right? This woman is like, you can model. Like, what were you pursuing? What were you chasing? What were you trying to prove and to who?

[Joshua Broom]

I think I was trying to be significant. And I think the way that I was trying to be significant is through my creativity. I can make you feel something, whether it be telling a Story, whether it be creating a project that looks aesthetically beautiful. I think I was trying to manifest beauty outside of myself, and I thought maybe the aesthetic would help something deeper. But what did I think about myself? It's funny. It's like, I think it was this false, not even false, humility. I would have probably been perceived as prideful, but I was so insecure. I wanted to be perceived in a certain way. But if you stripped it back. I'm this scared little kid that his daddy didn't want. No matter what, no matter how big I'm winning, no matter what I'm doing, at the end of the day, it's like I'm that kid that got looked over. And I think I just didn't want to feel that. And I wanted to prove both him and myself wrong.

[Lecrae]

So. And I can relate 10,000%. You know, my dad abandoned me. I want to prove that I'm valuable, so I'm a high achiever. I'm going to be great. I'm going to win talent shows. I'm going to. I want to be the desire of all girls. I want to be somebody. Everybody wants to be like. And I'm chasing this thing.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Because if you celebrate me, that means I'm something.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, right.

[Lecrae]

Didn't know I was something before I came out the womb.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, but.

[Lecrae]

But you're literally getting, like. I mean, you're getting celebrated. You're, you're, you are. You got a modeling agency, you get out to Hollywood, and the modeling is working and the acting is not as much. Right.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. It's like I got. I got onto the improv, so I was training at the improv, which was a big deal, and I was getting opportunities. But it's like, it's. Once you are established in modeling, it's like they, they, they look at, you know, your resume, and it's like, okay, yeah, this guy will work. But acting very different. You know, you got to develop a reel, you got to audition, another audition, you know, so it's like modeling was so much easier to be successful at in contrast to acting. And I think that even though I had really great drive, fear stopped me from trying harder because, like, modeling was just like, opportunities were coming left and right. But acting, you had to grind it out a little more. You had to want a little more, had to do a little more. So I think, even though I would have said it was true, that my desire was to be more successful at acting, like, that would be more. So my passion, modeling, just kind of came hand in hand with that. And that was something that was easy for me to be successful for. So it was something I just leaned into.

[Lecrae]

We're talking about a lot in this episode that has to deal with fatherlessness. And I've been trying to be a good father. And so one of the things that I've done is make sure my kids get good rest and that I get good rest. And I don't just mean sleep, I mean recovery. That's why I love Brooklyn bedding. I got my son a Brooklyn bedding mattress. It is handcrafted in the their Arizona factory. There's no middlemen, there are no gimmicks, just quality materials and intentional design. He sleeps like a champ, as do we. And listen, they understand that sleep is not a one size fits all thing. So they offer mattresses for every body type and every sleep style. My son is 5, 8, I'm 6, 4 even hard to find sizes. So if you sleep hot, their glaciotex covers and copper flex foam make a real difference. And they back it all with 120 night comfort trial. So there's no pressure. If you're ready to invest in better sleep, go to BrooklynBetting.com and use my promo code LECRAE for 30% off site wide. That's BrooklynBetting.com promo code LECRAE. I am telling you the truth. It's awesome. Okay. I'm sitting here with Joshua Broome. He's a big guy, I'm a big guy. And we work out pretty heavily now between work, family and everything else that life throws at me. Dinner is a stress point. And so everyplate has become clutch in my household. Every plate is budget friendly meal kit designed for busy families. Ingredients come pre portioned, the meals are ready in about 30 minutes and the cleanup is way easier than starting from scratch. They got comfort forward meals, more chicken options, more veggie forward dishes, and a bigger mix of global flavors. So nobody's going to be bored at the table. And honestly, it's made weeknights a lot smoother. It's why I'm so big, because I

[Joshua Broom]

eat healthy with every plate.

[Lecrae]

Just being honest. So what I want you to do is I want you to try Every plate for $2.99 per meal on your first box, plus free steak for a month. Protein@every plate.com podcast use the code LECRAE STEAK. That's every plate.com podcast code is LRAE STEAK. Eat well. Let's get back to it. And then when you, when you you're In Hollywood, when are you getting to the place where you're realizing, like, the thing you thought you were after, like, that you. I think the thing you thought would make you seen actually made you invisible.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, right.

[Lecrae]

Like, when are you getting to that place?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, the, the. The represent. The person that represented me, like also representing Tyson Bedford. So it's like, so it's like, you know, when, when like you're in the room with him, it's like you're being overlooked. You know, when you think you're somebody, it's like, man, I think that. But, but also, like, I never really gave up because, I mean, I, like, I didn't turn to, to do adult films because, like, I was failing in any way.

[Lecrae]

Got you.

[Joshua Broom]

Like, I was winning. Like, I. Yeah, I had a. Had a spot at the bottom of, you know, Laurel Canyon right before it turned into Crescent Heights, on, on Sunset. Like, on the corner of Sunset. I love, I love my roommates. I love my life. You know, I had money in my bank account. There was like, there was no reason, like, a lot of people who end up where I ended up, you know, there was a financial pressure or significant sexual abuse. None of those things were true of me. Someone just came up to me, was like, hey, I mean, probably people know the story, but people. Three girls came up to me. They were headhunters for the porn industry. And they were like, they, they would go out on Friday, Saturday nights looking

[Lecrae]

for good looking girls.

[Joshua Broom]

Good looking? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, like, go. These three gorgeous girls come up to me like, hey, would you ever consider doing porn? I'm like, what? I'm just trying to get your number, maybe like, hang out. Like, what, What? Like, what are you talking about? And like, oh, it's like, we, we're associated with this agency. If you want to meet with our agent who can, we can set up a meeting. And I was just like, this is like the craziest thing I ever heard. But I, I mean, I just wanted to holler the girls and, and then, and then just kind of what, what they said started marinating my mind. And I had the, you know, I had the card. So I called the number and he was like, yeah, just come, you know, come by.

[Lecrae]

You're 22.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

So your frontal lobe is like, still.

[Joshua Broom]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Barely, like, barely flickering. And. But I, I, like, I, I said in my head, I'm like, man, if I get here and I get to the spot, and it's like, you know, like a Motel 6 and it's like, weird, dude. Like, picking lint out of his belly button. It's like, I'm gonna bounce, you know? But I. I think in this, in the same way, like, Satan can't create anything, but he's really good at counterfeiting things. And I walk in this spot, and it's adjacent to Universal Studios, it's in Studio City. And it's like, you got all the. The Beamers and Bentleys in the parking garage, and they bring me through there. And then I walk down this hallway and. And very similar to my modeling agency, where it's like, if you've been on the COVID of Men's Health or gq, it's. It's up on the wall to celebrate the talent you represent. So I'm walking through the wall and all of a sudden, you know, it's. It's Playboy and Hustler and. And all the stuff, and it's like. It's obscene but strangely familiar.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

At the same time.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And then I sit down and. And talk with this guy, and he cut straight to the chase, and he's like, I want to ask you three questions.

[Lecrae]

I.

[Joshua Broom]

How did you grow up? What are you doing in la, and what do you hope to accomplish? And in retrospect, how did you grow up should have been a red flag, because he was. It was a value proposition. It's like, hey, what, What? You know, is there any aspect of your life that contains, you know, broken. Brokenness? Is there a brokenness within your family dynamic? It's like, yeah, I just grew up, you know, I said, well, I just grew up. Me and my mom. And he's like, you know, perfect, perfect. And I'm like, I'm in LA trying to, you know, be in this creative space, modeling act, produce all this stuff. And I guess I want to be famous. And I think that's so interesting because if you think about, like, being famous and being rich, there's no metric attached to those. Like, there's no way of, like, truly accomplishing that. Like, you could. You could. You could accomplish, like, a goal you set in those parameters. Right. But what does it mean to be rich? Like, what does it mean to be famous? Like, what. How many followers? How many, you know, how many labels? Like, how many deals? Like, what do you need to have do equates to that, you know, definitive achievement of that thing? And there's not one.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

So if you strive after something that's vapor, what you'll find is vapor.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And. But I didn't believe That I thought my idea of what I would feel like was attached to stuff, status and in praise. So he, you know, he, he right off the jump, he's like, you know, you've got acting background. They're going to start. They're in the beginning appearing all these movies. You'll be the lead in all these roles and I'll make sure you're working all the time. We can try. You know, you'll have a high rate and in all this stuff, like, you'll be the guy. You'll be rich. You can, you can have and do whatever you want. Yeah. And when he was saying that, not like, not one part of me was like, yeah, let's go. You know, it was like, man, what if this is close as I can get to what I actually want, but I'm not good enough. You know what I mean? Because I want, I wanted to be an actor.

[Lecrae]

Yep.

[Joshua Broom]

But what if I wasn't good enough? And I think there's so many times where you, you never know what you could do if you don't step out of faith.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Like, Peter would have never walked on water if he didn't get out of the boat.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

That's right. So there's so many times in your life, it's like, man, just, you know, one, like, don't give up. Like, keep going. Like, it doesn't matter how many times you fail. If God put something on your heart that you're gifted at and people around you affirm it, just because you fail a few times along the way, don't give up. But it's so easy to give up. And I think I was. I did not have the capacity to keep trying because I truly didn't believe in myself.

[Lecrae]

That's what I was going to say. Like, you mentioned Peter and it's like, it wasn't like Peter was like, God, I don't think you can keep me up. I think he didn't believe in himself.

[Joshua Broom]

He was like, yeah, his confidence. He was fully confident in Jesus. Right.

[Lecrae]

But I don't think I am good enough to do what you're doing. But like, what. Because opportunity knocked for you in this realm, what do you think it was providing you emotionally? Because if you're doubting, what is this saying to you? Because you're obviously not contemplating the consequences of all of this. Not at all. But what is it like? What do you think it is promising you emotionally, not just financially, but just like, what is this giving you?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, I think in that moment, I was just sitting across from a man saying, you got what it takes? You know what I mean?

[Lecrae]

Just to have a man affirm you. Yeah, bro.

[Joshua Broom]

A man look you. And I say, I see something in you.

[Lecrae]

Yeah. And even though it's not good.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

It's an, it's an affirmation.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I see something in you. And you can be successful because you got what it takes. And I'll be cheering you on the whole time. I'll be right by your side, man.

[Lecrae]

That's tough because it's really manipulating your, your, your brokenness.

[Joshua Broom]

Absolutely. I mean, I mean, people ask me, associated with, you know, human trafficking or sex trafficking, um, the, the way that you identify those things is force, fraud, coercion. Those are the three primary elements that are foundational in both of those things. And people would ask me, does, does that exist within the porn industry? No. No, it doesn't exist. Is the, is the foundation of it. It can't exist without it.

[Lecrae]

So you, you know. Well, I want to, like, talk about some of the, the things that I think people don't know.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

Like, I mean, you talk a lot about this, but I think there's still a layer that doesn't get peeled over the top. I just saw Drewski sitting courtside. Comedian Drew Ski sitting courtside with an adult film star. And you know, she's like, I'm living it up. And he's like, I got the good looking girl.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

What is it that allows a person to not feel shame but to almost be proud? Like, yeah, you know what, what do you think is going on in the minds or what was going on in your mind that could even allow someone to feel like, I'm good. Yeah, I'm golden.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's the same thing of, like, anything you do that is bad, but it feels good. It stops feeling bad eventually. And I think, like, there's this aspect of, of searing your consciousness, but. But also to be successful, you, in a way, you have to, you have to suppress reality. Because, I mean, that's. It was no coincidence that that agent said, okay, I'll make you famous, I'll make you rich, you'll be the most popular guy. What do you want to change your name to? Because if I can, if I can get you to distance yourself from your humanity, that you'll say yes to something you know, you should say no to. And, you know, you. The. The first day I ever walked on set, it's like, you know, I. It's strangely familiar. I walk on set, you Know, I fill out paperwork. There's catering. There's, you know, the makeup room. You know, there's. There's someone shooting BTs and, you know, and at the end of the hall, there's, you know, there's this. This girl that's surrounded by lights and she's shooting a film. And this. This PA comes up to me and he's like, hey, I understand it's your first day. Here's a Viagra. Take it if you want. It's in your hand. It's yours. We need you in 30 minutes.

[Lecrae]

So the Viagra is what allows you to. Because obviously you're nervous. You're not like, oh, yeah, let's. Let's. Yeah, yeah. So that's another probably misconception is that. That you all are excited and enticed. And this is going to be.

[Joshua Broom]

So she's.

[Lecrae]

She's a gorgeous. Like, what is really going on?

[Joshua Broom]

Well, there's. There. The. The lie is that at any point there's legitimate connection. Like, she's. She's like. She's shooting, you know, by herself or whatever. And then you just walk into frame. There's no, like, conversation prior to. Like, I. The only thing I know about her is that she's got a clean, like, AIDS and STD test. Because where I seen. Because, like, part of the filling out the paperwork, you gotta, you know, it's like, okay, this ID matches this test. Okay. Okay. This is when they're. Her test expires. You gotta get a new test every 21 days. So it's just like, there was that, but there was no conversation. And then you. You walk in the camera and it's like, you know, like. Like a good fight scene. Inception, you know, like that. That fight scene in the elevator. Crazy. You wouldn't watch that fight scene and think that that was legitimately reality. You would think there's been some cgi, some editing, you know, some choreography that happened. You know, some, you know, it had been altered in post. And the same thing. There's a director telling two people who are broken, but they're being compensated to be there. And he's directing everything that's happening. And it's like, there's. There's start. You know, there's a cut and let's adjust this. I need some water. This is hurting. She's using numbing cream. You're using erectile dysfunction medication. Because the scene could go on, you know, two, three hours. Make sure they get. Make sure they get. But also, it's like, you. You think that you Know when the girls, you know, looking into the camera, you think it's like you're locked into their eyes. Like. No, like, there's. There's a camera on your shoulder, and you're moving out of the way. You know, you're moving out of the way to get out of the screen. And there's this. This facade. There's this. You know, this. This trick that you think that person is looking at him, but she's just looking at a camera, is. Is completely disconnected from connection.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

So to. To do that and to be able to do it successfully, you got to be on another planet.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And it's got to be nothing to do with her and everything to do with performance.

[Lecrae]

So this is what's crazy to me.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

Like, and. Because you. You actually painted a picture really, really well. What's crazy to me is that what God calls one of the most intimate spiritual acts.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

You all are numbing yourself to that reality so that you can just get the job done. There's no connection. There's no understanding of the spiritual realities at play. There's none of that. It's just like, Rocco and Cindy. And then it's like you're engaging in something super spiritual, super intimate, but your brain is just trying to get your job done. I'm curious when you. When you leave and you go home, man, right now. Now there's the beginning stages where. I don't. I don't know. I'm just. I'm thinking of, like, three people in my mind, right? I'm thinking the character one is like, yo, that's crazy. I can't believe I did that. And that's wild. I'm thinking of character two who's like, that was weird. Like, what was that? I'm thinking of character three who's like, I don't. I don't even know. I don't know what this means. Right.

[Joshua Broom]

Like, yeah, I think I was. I think I was all three. Okay. I was. I was all three of like, man, this is crazy. I can't believe I did this. And then after the fact, I was like, I was super weird, you know? Cause, like, you think, oh, this is, like, sexy or whatever. It's like, no, it's like, there's camera A, camera B, camera C, there's someone shooting bts and then more often than not, like, the girl's got someone. Like, if she's got a pimp, he's. He's standing in the corner watching, or. And then sometimes there's, like, a random person, like, Standing, you know, snacking on, catering, you know, someone in the corner eating Doritos, like. Like watching your favorite show. And it. And it's completely arbitrary. Like no one. For the most part. You know, there's exceptions to this, but for the most part it's not every. Like people around are like perving out. It's strangely arbitrary.

[Lecrae]

It's work.

[Joshua Broom]

It's a yes. Another day at the office. Because they're probably shooting five scenes that day and they just over and over and over and over again. And so I mean, I'm just thinking about how like the last day, or I'm sorry, the first day, I just. I remember I had like lube like on the hair of my legs and I couldn't get it off. I like took a shower afterwards and I just like. Even if it was gone, I still felt it. I just felt gross in a way. And. Man, have you seen Redeeming Love?

[Lecrae]

The movie? Yeah, Yeah, A long time ago.

[Joshua Broom]

Well, there's a. There's a. In this movie, you know, the girl is, you know, a prostitute. And then she. She comes out of life. But then she. She goes back into it because her heart, it's. When there's peace and quiet, when she's with that dude, it's the most terrifying thing she's ever experienced because she. She had never experienced quiet. Like peace is terrifying if you've never experienced it. And chaos is comfort. And she goes back into the chaos and she does. She did the thing that she said she would never do again. And she's in this stream and she's got a rock and she's scrubbing her arm and scrubbing her body. And what she's trying to wash off is not skin deep.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And I'm just like, man, that was me. That was me. I was in the shower and what I was trying to wash off of me was not on my flesh. Yeah. It was on my soul.

[Lecrae]

It's so interesting to me, man, because every guy. I mean you, you've done over a thousand of these films, you won awards, all this type of stuff. And I think guys on the outside looking in are like, man, you got to do this and you got to do that. And that's amazing. Like, bro. Like, man, I love that woman. And you just. You casually got to be with her, but you're not seeing it that way. And then there's an internal turmoil as well. And in a small way, I can relate. I'm just tell you, my small way is I remember a night my friend and I Were drunk. We're on this main drag in Dallas, matter of fact, and he's like, yo, it's prostitutes over here. I'm about to get one of them, and he solicits a prostitute. They do their thing in the car. And I was like, huh, I wonder. And another night I'm by myself, I'm super drunk, and I'm like, I'm gonna grab one of them. And we go up to the bedroom and I'm so, like, in my mind, I'm just drunk. And let's. Let's. Let's do this. Let's get this over with. But something is internally bothering me to where I can't. I can't perform. Like, I'm like, I'm sorry. She's like, what's wrong with you? You got a girlfriend? You got a wife? What's going on? I said, I just. I don't know, but. But it was something in me that I couldn't even understand. And I'm like, I gotta pay this girl and tell her to leave.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

And I. And I'm wondering, like. Like, what is that? That, like, did you recognize, like, there's something spiritual or something here? That's not right. When are you starting to realize that?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. So, I mean, I was. There was a girl I dated for a long time in the industry, and she was very well known, and so was I. And what comes with that is more often than not, you know, you. You become friends with people in your work environment. And so I was. I was friends with a couple of dudes. And the industry, when I was in the industry, very different than today because, like, there was like, there was like 30 dudes that did that for their career. There were like 30 established dudes. Because the director, he's. He's footing the bill for everything. So, like, the director is getting, you know, a check from producer once the director hands him a finished film. So the directors, you know, he's. He's renting a spot, he's paying for permits, he's paying for the. The female talent. He's paying for, you know, the sound, lights, you know, all the stuff. And the guy is the only person that is not guaranteed to get paid. Because if the guy can't do his job, then he just lost 20, 30 grand of production. Everybody's getting paid by the guy, but the guy caught. So the director would just hire the same people over and over and over again. If I can trust you to get the job done, I'm gonna hire you every time. Yeah. So that was this, you know, because of proximity and time, I was friends with these guys, and then I was sitting at dinner, and we were at Mastro's in Beverly Hills, and we were sitting there, and I had had sex with his girlfriend two days ago, and he had had sex with my girlfriend that day. And we're both saying that we were in monogamous relationships. Like, if someone would even look at her when we were out and about, or, like, try to grab at her because of who she was, like, you know, I'm the jealous boyfriend.

[Lecrae]

Wow.

[Joshua Broom]

But suppressing the reality that we're both having sex with multiple partners multiple times a month. But so with our lips, we would proclaim we're in a monogamous relationship. But the reality is that's absolutely not true. Yeah. And I think when you suppress reality, chaos is inevitable. I think that's what began to happen in me. And all of a sudden, like, stuff that never bothered me started bothering me. And then the. The fix for that in the industry is this stuff called caberjack, and it's for paraplegic. You. You. You. You know, you shoot a needle into the cavern of your junk, and, you know, you. You're good to go for four hours no matter what. And, you know, then you become dependent on that. And then all of a sudden, you can't. You know, you can't.

[Lecrae]

You.

[Joshua Broom]

You can't use it without it. And then it's like, when in the middle of that, man, it's just like, dude, what. What. What am I doing?

[Lecrae]

You know, how does it.

[Joshua Broom]

How.

[Lecrae]

How are you able to, like, cut scenes over with. But you're dating somebody and, like, how. Emotionally. Yeah, go ahead.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I'm just like. Because. Because there's belief that. That Rocco Reed and Joshua Broom. That. That's not something that you call me. These are two completely different people. It's almost like you. You have to develop a split personality and that. That I have nothing to do with this person, and this person has nothing to do with me. Because if you can't completely detach the two, you can't be successful at what you do.

[Lecrae]

Yeah. Now, is it difficult to be emotionally available? Is it difficult to, like, be intimate? Like, just to feel a sense of, like. Because you're doing this ritualistically. A thousand films.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I mean, it was weird. I mean, so weird. It's like, you, like, if we were to, like, be intimate, you'd be like, well, we can be intimate, but I can't have an orgasm because I gotta. I gotta save it, you know? And, wow. Such. Such a weird. Such a weird time in my life where. And then obviously, like, you're not emotionally healthy and you're not emotionally available, and, you know, like, going out is like, let's go get a table and a bottle. You know, let's. Let's be around people. Because, man, I tell you what's scary for me at that point in my life, you know, I could. I performed in England in theaters in front of 10,000 people.

[Lecrae]

Like, a live.

[Joshua Broom]

Like, they would. They would have, like a. A theater that was full of people, and they'd have a live performance. Yeah. And it just be like, that would just be, you know, a. A Tuesday at the office for me. But if. If a man would look me in the eye and shake my hand, mess me up.

[Lecrae]

Why is that?

[Joshua Broom]

Because I felt like you saw me. If someone would, like, say my real name. Because I, like, towards the end of the time in the industry, no one was calling me Joshua.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

I mean, I don't know if you know that. That part of my story, but, like, I went almost 18 months where Rocco Reed, Rocket Reed was the only per. Like, Joshua Broom didn't exist.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Because my mom and anyone that cared about me was like, okay, this. This was one thing at first, like, my friend, like, my friend, like my fraternity brother is like, oh, that's cool, man. And then all of a sudden, it's been a few minutes, and then, you know, there's outbreaks of HIV and people are dying left and right. There's. There's 47, bro. There's 47 people that should be in their early 40s with a career and a family and something. 47 people have died of suicide or overdose. That were my friends, not people that I knew about, not people who were in the industry. So many more people than that, but people that I knew and sat across from tables and knew their real names.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And when they die, there's a. You know, their PR group says this is how many scenes they did. This is what they were known for. And. Oh, yeah. And their AKA is their real name.

[Lecrae]

So I want to take a break for a second, because conversations like this one that I'm having with Joshua are reminding me of how real mental health actually is. And when you hear someone talk honestly about depression or suicidal ideation or anything along those lines, it's a reminder that faith doesn't cancel the need for real care. And it's one of the reasons why I'm extremely grateful for Talk Iatry, and talk IATRY is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnosis and even ongoing medical management for conditions like anxiety, depression, adhd, bipolar, bipolar disorder, ocd, ptsd, insomnia and more. Unlike therapy, only apps talk I trust psychiatry. So that means you're meeting with licensed medical providers who can actually diagnose what's going on and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. And the best part is that over 600 clinicians are in network with major insurancers. So you can use your insurance instead of paying out of pocket. And getting started started is going to take a few minutes for you. You're going to complete a short assessment and then you can be seeing a psychiatrist in days, not months. Over 300,000 people have already found care through talkiatry. And if this episode hits close to home for you, I need you to head over to talkgiatry.com Lecrae complete the short assessment and get matched with an in network psychiatrist in minutes. Okay? That's talking. Talkeyatry.com Lecrae Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Joshua Broom]

I don't know if you knew this but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes extra feeful terms.

[Lecrae]

@mintmobile.com Talk a little bit about that. Like are there ever any conversations or discussions internally about how dark you feel or low you feel like 40 some people are taking their lives or overdosing. Are there ever combos about like something's not right, you know what I mean? Does that ever happen? I remember being in college and this is, you know, after the failed attempt at prostitution story and I remember being at Mardi Gras with a bunch of friends and one of my friends was drunk and he looked at me and he said I think my soul is getting taken, man. And it was like you feel that way too. It was the first time I ever heard someone verbalize. But I'm just curious, was there ever discussions or you guys talking about this?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I, I think also like as a man, like I didn't know how to be a man and I thought, and many people might think that the way that you have to carry yourself as a man is That I have to pretend like I'm okay when I'm not okay. And if I were ever to say I wasn't okay, that would be me exhibiting weakness. And I think in that industry, if you. If you flinched, you know, you would be perceived in some sort of way, or at least you thought you would be. Okay.

[Lecrae]

Okay, so you're guarded.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, it was just. Yeah. And I'm gonna say something heavy.

[Lecrae]

That's what they're here for.

[Joshua Broom]

So in the middle of. Well, not in the middle. Towards the end. So in. In 2011, like the. The agent that I had, you know, every porn agent is also a. He runs like an escorting ring. So escorting is just a fancy word for prostitution. And. But they condition you to think, man, if there's a check involved, it's all good. And so I was. I was introduced to this. This opportunity to go to Paris, and I was going to bartend shirtless at this spot, and I was going to get like 50k for it. And I was like, okay, go to Paris for a few days. I'm just working one night and I'll go out, like, whatever. Great. And I got. I ended up getting drugged and raped at this party. And I never told anybody. And. And then, you know, I recently, this. This person gets prosecuted. And I was one of over a thousand people that this happened to. And. But I share that. To say when that happened, I had people who I was real close friends with, but there was no way I was going to tell anybody that. And just the way that played out in my life because I chose not to tell anyone that just dove deep into suicidal ideation and just thought, man, even though it wasn't what I wanted to happen to me, because it did happen to me, that defined an aspect of me. And now my only path forward is to live in the reality that that had happened to me. And the only way that I saw forward was to die. And that's when I really started struggling with suicidal ideation. But I think there's. There's so many people that want to leave the industry. Like, everyone on that list, I said, you know, there's. There's 40 plus people. Many of them left the industry. Like my friend Cagney, she. She left the industry, she bought a dance studio, and she wasn't running it. Just dance was something that was important to her when she was a child. And she bought a dance studio in Ohio where she grew up. And. But then someone got wind of who owned it, and they started blasting their, you know, their. Their Facebook and Instagram page and calling the parents, like, don't you know who owns this? And then, even though she wasn't doing what she. She used to do anymore, she couldn't get away from who she was. And then she posted on Instagram this picture of her on the beach smiling, and she said, I can finally smile. And then she went to her hotel room and shot herself. Oh, and. And that. And that story is horrific and heart wrenching, but that's hundreds of other people's stories.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Where they. They didn't. Man. It's. It reminds me of. There was this. This Navy SEAL who was on Sean Ryan. I forget his name, but he. He lived as a transgender for a minute, and they were like, you know, I just can't. I knew you as a Navy seal, and you're like. You're like this, like, assassin, you know, like, what made you want to be a woman? And he. His response was, I never wanted to be a woman. I just didn't want to be me.

[Lecrae]

Mm. You're tapping on the front door of something. Because I think when people are running from who they are.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Or their perception of who they are, and then when they ultimately say, I'd rather end my life because of things that have happened to me, you're. You're tapping on the front door of a very demonic tool.

[Joshua Broom]

Oh, yeah.

[Lecrae]

Called shame. Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Right.

[Lecrae]

Like, evil loves to use shame ironically. Even as we were talking, like, I don't. I've never told my failed prostitution story publicly before. And I. In the back of my mind, it's like, oh, man, now what's gonna happen? And this and this. And I was like, no, we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the power of our testimony. And so I don't care. You know what I mean? Like, I do, but I. But God be with me to not. Because that frees other people. How did you fight the Satan's attempt to just use shame to ruin your life?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I mean, I. I walked into a bank, and I was committed to taking my life. I tried multiple times. But, like, it's so interesting. My. My dependence on other people's opinions of me were so strong that I needed someone to convince me to take my own life. And the way that I was going to do that is I was going to go into a bank and I was going to deposit a check, and I. Normally, I wouldn't go into a bank and hand a check to a teller. I would go atm, Dropbox, mobile, deposit anything other than that, because on the memo of the check, It's. It was clearly articulated what it. I was being compensated for. And. And they. And the. And the person that was writing this, they would write the most grotesque, antagonistic stuff just to poke at you, because it's all about chipping away at your humanity. And a broken person is an easily manipulated person. And. But on this day, I was like, this is. I want exactly what I thought would happen. And I go in and I hand the check to this teller, and she says nothing. And I just began to weep. And it was the middle of day, and it's like, not really that many people in there. So she comes around the corner and puts her hand on my shoulder and says, joshua, are you okay? Joshua, can I get you some help? And that was the first time I heard my name in almost 18 months. And I was just like, man, I need to call my mom. You know, because I had. I just. I stopped answering the phone. Not because I didn't want to talk to her, because I knew what she was going to say. You're better than this. I love you, but you're better than this. And I didn't believe I could change. And so I called her, and she lit me up when I called her. But. But she's like, hey, I'm always gonna be your mom. You're all, I'm. You're always gonna be my son. You're better than this. Please come home. So I did, and. And then I tried to build another kingdom, and I worked in the health and fitness industry and, you know, worked my way up to the top and. And found, you know, I got. Got the right credentials and found the right mentors and. And did all. I did all the same thing again. And I met this girl, and

[Lecrae]

I

[Joshua Broom]

was just like, man, if. If she knew me, she would want anything to do with me. So we were out on this run, and I was just like, hey, I'm this kid that his daddy didn't want. And I've done all this stuff to try to overcome that, and I've done all this pornography, and it's on the. It's on the Internet for the world to see. This is who I am, expecting her to walk off, slap me, I don't know. And she. She paused, you know, rightly, you know, as abrasive thing to hear. And then she looked at me and said, hey, I want you to know that you are not defined by the worst thing you've ever done, and you won't be defined by the greatest thing you ever do, because you are not the author of you, God is, do you know him? And I wanted to say yes. And maybe even I would have thought I was a Christian, maybe because there was a Bible in my house. At some point you do the rituals. I grew up in the south and went to VBS when I was a kid, all that stuff. But I didn't know what to say. And then she was like, well, I'm not perfect, but I've been walking with Jesus since I was in the seventh grade, and he's a foundation from which I live my life. What kind of food do you like? I was like, what? And she started asking me questions about my family and my life and my preferences. And I'm just like, why are you still here? And what began to, like, just pull at me was, what if she's right? What if I'm not defined by who I didn't have and the things that I've done? Yeah, what if that's true? And she invited me to church, and I heard the Gospel. And I think it's so interesting the way that God meets you, because it was a. What was being preached is Second Samuel, chapter nine. And there's this interaction between David, Mephibosheth and Ziba. And ultimately David, who he. He invites Mephibosheth into his kingdom. Mephibosheth was the son of Jonathan. He had this friendship with Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of Saul. And Meth was the son of Saul. I mean, the son of Jonathan. So he was next in line to be king. So Saul and Jonathan, they die, and he's hiding because he historically next in line to be king from a previous kingdom with an existing kingdom, that person's hunted down and killed. And he's hiding. He thinks his destiny is death. And David invites him into this kingdom. He's like, hey, he finds him. I'm going to restore your grandfather's land. I'm going to invite you into my kingdom. I'm going to give you a seat at my table. Not for a day, but forever. But my fellow chef's response was, what do you want with a dead dog like me? I was like, yes. I was like, grace sounds amazing for whoever that's for. And then. So interesting. We've been talking about shame. So. And then he. And then he goes to Hebrews 12:2. He's talking about Jesus being a pioneer, you know, and the perfecter of our faith, and how it was with joy set before him that he endured the cross, scorning our shame. And it's just like, joy. Why would he have Joy. And then I had a supernatural moment where like I shared with you, like there was a time in my life where there was an HIV outbreak and I had had unprotected sex with someone who contracted HIV and died and I was left unharmed. And then as I, as I'm hearing this and thinking like man, good, could I have a relationship with God? And I just felt like the spirit drawing me to himself. And then I experienced a tangible Romans 5, 8, where God showed me in my blood where HIV was coming for me and he stood before me. That like Romans 5, 8 is, is. It's. It's polarizing in that man. You know, it's like, would, would you die for a. A good person? Maybe, but what about an enemy? It's like man, while we were yet still sinners, Christ died for us. Christ died for you, knowing the worst of you. And he met you in the middle of that. And it was then in. I realized that not only did I have a father in heaven, like vaguely, I had a father in heaven that knew me deeply, that was willing to intercede in. In my life to the extent where he would save me in spite of me. And I think that is. Was the catalyst for the beginning of undoing.

[Lecrae]

Right.

[Joshua Broom]

Every. Every story that Shane had wrote in my life.

[Lecrae]

So, so I similar moment of salvation, scales fall off my eyes. God, you forgive me for all the wrong I've done. And I do think there was some supernatural healing that took place.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, right.

[Lecrae]

Like, oh shoot, I feel healed from a lot of the baggage that I think Satan wanted to tear me down from. But as time goes on, I realize, oh, there's some deeper things that I still haven't healed from that God is still healing me from. And you know that young woman eventually becomes your wife. Right.

[Joshua Broom]

And her name's Hope, which is pretty cool.

[Lecrae]

Yes, it's crazy. But like, you know, how has Satan tried to rise up in this new marriage that you have with your past? Like, what lies do you begin to fight now as a, a husband who has this past of all these sexual exploits?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah, I remember we had, we had been. I think at this point we were engaged and we were sitting in a co ed Bible study and a girl looked at my wife and said, can I ask you something? When someone asks, brace yourself. And she was like, I just can't understand. How do you not have resentment in your heart towards him, knowing that if and when you have kids there, there will be difficult conversations that you have. How do you not have resentment that maybe those images will Always be on the Internet. And. And how do you not feel, you know, how do you not wrestle with comparison, knowing all. All the people that he's been with? Like, how does that not bother you? And she just said, well, I choose not to speak to myself the way that Satan does. That's powerful. And it's like going through, you know, premarital counseling. You talk about love languages, and, you know, mine is, you know, words of affirmation touch like most guys. And because, like my wife, I feel like her family, if you turned, like, the Hallmark channel, like, on the side and, like, shook the tv, like, that's what they would. They would fall out, you know. And so, like, very. She grew up very secure in herself. So her primary love language is quality time. And I thought quality time was a quality experience, a quality gift, something of quality given by me. And it was. That it was. It was so hard to wrap my head around the fact that what she wanted from me was me. You know, she. She wanted to, you know, sit at the. The end of a pier at night, and the water is completely calm and there's no phones, there's no. There's no. Nothing. Just me. Not. Not out at dinner, not, you know, at a movie, not. Not anywhere. Just me. Yeah, an undistracted me. Like, the greatest gift that I could give her was my presence. And I think her. Her needing that from me, but also me being able to see and hear from her that this is my greatest need from you. The way that you can love me best is not to do for me, not to give to me, but to be there for me. And when you don't see yourself as much and then you hear that and you're trying to get there, and then you hear her say something like that, it undo something in you. So I think there.

[Lecrae]

There were.

[Joshua Broom]

There has been many moments like that that the way that she didn't react, she chose to respond was healing in me for you. And I remember we got, you know, we got pregnant for the first time, and we were, like, running a CrossFit gym together at the time. So, like, the cute thing to do would be, like, here, you know, take a picture. Like, here's a. Here's a big kettlebell. Here's a medium kettlebell, and here's a. Here's a baby kettlebell. You know, we posted that picture on, you know, on. On social, and within six hours, someone had created a. A fake account with my picture and sent pornography to every single person on her friends list, like, including, like, grandparents, sister Brother, mom, dad, like all of her friends, she, she taught at an elementary school. So all the, you know, all the teachers that she taught with, like anybody she was friends with sent all this to. And it's like in that moment, it's like, either you're gonna allow that to crush you, are you gonna combat it? And she just wasn't bothered by it.

[Lecrae]

You got a real one, bro. Oh dude, you got a real one.

[Joshua Broom]

And she was like, well if, if the, if Sacredians 5:17 says that the old is gone and the new is here, it's like, I don't know that, man.

[Lecrae]

That's good, that's good.

[Joshua Broom]

So, so her, her suggestion to me is like, if I don't know that man, don't pretend like you're still that man.

[Lecrae]

That's good man.

[Joshua Broom]

And I, and I think it's like this duality, man, I, I would love to get to a place where we can talk about this because I, I, I'm so passionate about this because like in, in the healing, like God doesn't waste a thing. And it's like if you could understand, like this is what Satan wants to keep you from. If, if you could understand who you could become in the most healed, anointed, transformed version of you that's walking in the, the Acts 1:8 boldness and authority that God has given you and the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. If you understood, if grasp who you could become. Yeah, you would laugh at every lie that Satan would throw at your way. So I think it's like I want to share the nitty gritty parts of my story and the healing parts, but it's just like, man, like in those moments God is shaping you and, and he's removing from you stuff that's, that's holding you back from being who you could become.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Because I mean, I think it's a, it's a wild statement. But man, anyone in the porn industry that's in the top 5% of that industry, you would be more successful doing the thing that you were actually gifted at than you're doing now.

[Lecrae]

I don't think that's wild at all.

[Joshua Broom]

But I mean that's, but that's just, it's hard for those people to wrap their head around.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Because I mean there's so many people that, cuz you weren't built for that. Yeah, but that's what they would say. Yeah, I'm living my best life, you know, And I think that's why a lot of people have a hard time like who are still in the industry, it's like, it's like, josh, I thought you were my guy, man. Like, you, like, I can't even, you know, when I'm in la, it's like, I don't even want to, like, really hang out with you. We can get dinner. But it's like, man, I. I don't. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to, you know, if, if. If a picture gets taken or whatever. It's like, man, you're frowned on, you know, in the industry because you speak so poorly about it. It's like, you, you, you. We live in a world where I can disagree with you, but if I disagree with you, I must hate you. But that's not true. So it's like, man, do I think you should be doing something different with, with your life? Yes.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

It's because it's not because I think less of you. It's actually I think more of you. Right. So do. Do I despise the industry and would do anything to tear it apart? Yes. Do I hate one person in that industry?

[Lecrae]

No.

[Joshua Broom]

No.

[Lecrae]

Yeah, that's good.

[Joshua Broom]

And I. And I think. And that that's what I'm really trying to navigate.

[Lecrae]

But shame will often make a person assume that others hate them or look down upon them.

[Joshua Broom]

But I think it's even deeper than that in that. Because, like, when I. When I jump from the porn industry to the health and fitness industry, what I would say is, I tried to put enough good dirt on my bad dirt so I didn't look dirty. What I was trying to do, I was trying to manage the perception of other people because I truly thought that internally I was. It was impossible for me to really change. So if I can't change, maybe I can put on a mask. Right. And look like I'm okay. So you tell me I'm okay, so I feel like I'm okay.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And in that industry, this was true for me and true for everyone I've talked to. You don't stay in that industry because you have to. Like, you truly believe there's nothing else you can do.

[Lecrae]

Ah, yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

It's like, I can't leave. Yeah.

[Lecrae]

I don't have another option.

[Joshua Broom]

This is not. This is not what I do. This is who I am.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And the industry, it's built on telling people you can't. Because on set it's like, who. Like, what are you gonna put on your resume? Like, you're. You're gonna leave, you're gonna, you know, you're Gonna leave the industry? What are you gonna put in your resume? Who's gonna marry you? What would you tell your kids?

[Lecrae]

Who would ever understand?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. How could you ever do anything than what you're doing now? God.

[Lecrae]

Dude.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Yep.

[Joshua Broom]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistants assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms. @mint mobile.com I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi Dan. Hey. How's it going today? It's going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan which is America's largest injury law firm. That's pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said 20 billion one 20 billion is an insane number. Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually I think somewhere north. Probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on.

[Lecrae]

Awesome.

[Joshua Broom]

So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's £529 from your cell phone.

[Lecrae]

We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call.

[Joshua Broom]

247 365.

[Lecrae]

Wow.

[Joshua Broom]

Dan Morgan from Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show. Thanks for having me. Visit forthepeople.com for an office near you.

[Lecrae]

It takes a lot, man. Like have you had to. I mean you going from fatherlessness, father

[Joshua Broom]

wounds,

[Lecrae]

you know, being objectified, objectifying people.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

You know, mental health challenges, suicidal ideation. What is the ongoing healing process for you look like? Like what does that mean? Because if, if I'm somebody and I. And I hear everything that you've experienced.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

And I say so I just, if I just give my life to Jesus then I'll be better, right? Like what?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. Well your, your salvation will be secure and you will be better. But that your problems Won't go away.

[Lecrae]

Okay?

[Joshua Broom]

Because you. You have disordered thinking. You've got bad habits, you've got lies that you've believed. And, you know, I mean, I wrote a book last year. It's called Seven Lies Will Ruin youn Life. And it was really about if you believe a lie to be true, it's. It seems true to you, so you live out that lie. So there has to be this unearthing of lies. That's good. So there has to be a commitment to. To walking in integrity. There has to be a commitment to confession. Has to be a commitment to just recalibrating yourself. So there's. There's a guy that I have a conversation with every Friday. And, you know, it's like the good, the bad, the ugly. I just want to, like, because as an extrovert, just for me, it's like when I'm processing out loud, it's like, I did this. And he would. He wouldn't say, man, it's messed up you did this. Or it would say, well, what led you to make that decision? It's a different question. So you got to internally, like, man, because something I say often regarding anything, the. The depth of your confession will equate to the level of your healing. And I like that. And when people, you know, people sit in circles, like, man, I slipped up, you know, went to the website. It's like, man, you pray for me. Like, God will honor that. But to the person that says, man, I felt really hurt or disrespected by someone. And I got home and I felt lonely. And then I ended up going in my room and I got a tablet or my phone and I went to this website, and then I put this in the search bar. And then I watched porn and I masturbated. And then I felt terrible about it, and I woke up at 1am and I actually did it again. And this has been a reoccurring behavior in my life for years. And I've never told anybody. Like, that person is going to experience something drastically different than the person that said, me too. That's good. And I think in the. In the examining, because you got to get someone to listen in the examining of what was the emotion that you felt prior to that? What. What was the. The catalyst that drove you to the website? And then even on the website, what you put in the search bar, like, those things are evidence of wounds that you're using porn as a band aid to cover. So it's in the depth of my confession. Someone that's really listening to me is like, man, what I hear is you felt like you were alone. Is that something that's been happening for a while? It's like, okay, I saw that you were looking for this sort of porn. I think that kind of points to some woundedness in your childhood. Like, did you have a mom or a dad that wasn't there? Or did you feel abandoned or were you mistreated? And I think all of that, because porn has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with intimacy. That's good. And intimacy in sex, they don't always intertwine in that intimacy can happen without sex and sex can happen without intimacy.

[Lecrae]

What do you think people. What don't people know about the adult film industry?

[Joshua Broom]

It's a mirage. And like, when you watch porn, if. If you've placed your faith in Jesus, if you watch porn, what you're seeing is the polar opposite of the sex that exists inside of a marriage bed. It's not similar to. It doesn't even look like it. It's not even. You know. And it's like, man, if. If you have a desire to watch porn, I think that's. That's the big thing. Like, people who wrestle with porn addiction, they're not sex addicts like that. That might be a byproduct of the porn. That might be something else. But you don't desire to watch porn because you're crazy about sex. Your heart is longing for connection. The antidote for addiction is connection.

[Lecrae]

That's right. And coming from addicted family members, it's always family trauma that is fueling a lot of that. So that's.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. So for me, it was, you know, I. I went to counseling for a hot minute, and like, with. It's. It's wild because I think by no means are we in a discipleship epidemic because everyone's being discipled by something.

[Lecrae]

Yes, Right.

[Joshua Broom]

But we're being discipled by the world more than the word.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And for me, all I ever knew was, like, sitting across from a man and being discipled. And not only here's how to read the Bible, but this is what it means to navigate conflict. This is how it. This is what it looks like to be a good husband. This is what it looks like to be a good friend. Let your yes be yes and your no me no. This is what it looks like to walk in integrity. And he just walked with me. And I think him walking with me and him holding me to a standard that I was not yet ready to hold myself to. I think that was. That's a large part of the healing that transpired. And my wife just, like, refused. She refused to give up on me. And when. I mean, give up, like, for the most part, you know, it's just been. It's just been a, you know, a gradual uphill climb since I gave my life to Jesus. But there's been some bumps and bruises along the way. But, man, I wish I could see myself the way that she sees me.

[Lecrae]

That's a blessing. I really feel like God gave you something special there. I feel like I get grace personified in my wife as well. Also, I get really drawn to broken people because I've experienced a lot of darkness and done a lot of dark things in my past. And, you know, I tell people all the time, especially, like, you know, Christians, too, because a lot of times, obviously, it's connecting with non believers. You know, you. You can talk to them from a different vantage point, but connecting with believers. I think a lot of times believers will keep things on the hush because they're like, I'm supposed to be better than this.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

And I always. I tell people all the time, I say, man, I don't care if you're in a hotel room with strippers and you're doing cocaine. You can call me.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. Like, and I. And I think you. You. You have to live that way.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Because it's. It's like, how do you end up there?

[Lecrae]

Well, you.

[Joshua Broom]

You end up there because it was, like, small compromises over time.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

And to the person where, you know, I. I get the opportunity. So I. I serve at a ministry called Walkworthy, and we got, you know, podcast resources, all that stuff. But my calling is to help the church, the body of believers, understand what biblically, what a sexual. A healthy sexual ethic looks like. But also what does healing and transformation look like? What is the off ramp to not looking at pornography or not feeling desire to look at pornography or living in the chaos that pornography causes in your life? 52% of all the divorces that happened from 2022 to 2024 listed pornography as one of the primary catalysts for the diverse.

[Lecrae]

That's crazy.

[Joshua Broom]

So. And that's a secular stat.

[Lecrae]

52 is crazy.

[Joshua Broom]

And I mean, you look at pornography use, like, within the church. It's astronomical. So for me, it's like, man, if I can paint a picture of. Of how dark it actually is, but also be a prime example of man, purity is possible.

[Lecrae]

Right. Transformation is possible.

[Joshua Broom]

But. But purity does not look like. Because, like, the the virgin can be less pure than the prostitute.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

Because if. If you. If you list your good deeds, you know, on a spreadsheet, it's like, man, I haven't done this, but I've done that. That's why it's so not as much anymore. But it used to be just diabolical for, you know, people to, you know, it's like, man, they let you in there in their pulpit. They let you preach, you know, And I just jokingly say, like, hey, you know, David, you know, you know Moses, Saul, Solomon. I was like, man, I was like, I haven't killed one person.

[Lecrae]

Not one.

[Joshua Broom]

You know, but even if I had, it's like, man, the Bible is. Is full of sins.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

That underneath the grace of God, they've been redeemed and transformed and then used by God. But yeah, man, if we.

[Lecrae]

If we. If we. If we go full circle, you know, as. As we round. Round it out, if we go full circle. Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

You.

[Lecrae]

You started with this father wound that made you feel like you were worthless. You end up with a heavenly father that gives you your entire sense of worth and being.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Now you are a father.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

How does your story play into you being a father now?

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. Mm,

[Lecrae]

man.

[Joshua Broom]

A lot to say about that, because I think to a certain degree, God was really kind with me in that, you know, supernaturally, it was like a Men in Black when I gave my life to Jesus. Regarding memories, I cannot recount one sexual experience I've ever had outside of with my wife. That doesn't mean that I had, you know, I still had, you know, bad, like, disordered thinking.

[Lecrae]

Sure.

[Joshua Broom]

You know, objectify people. You know, when. Even. Even when a new believer, like, those things, I need to. I need to mature in those ways. But just time that passed. Lust was something I didn't struggle with as much. But all of a sudden, I found myself wrestling with rage. And I'm just like, what. What's going on? And then God woke me up at 3am A few. A few nights in a row, and I was like, all right, Lord, what do you. What, you know, what do you want to show me? Want to tell me? And it's like, you need to forgive your dad. It's like. And it's like, man, what if reconciliation doesn't meet your expectations?

[Lecrae]

Are you.

[Joshua Broom]

Are you still willing to forgive? Like, it's easy to forgive if you reconnect with your dad. And he's like, man, I'm gonna be a great dad to you. You know, I'm Gonna cheer you on and be a great grandpa to your kids. But what if you knew that when you extended an apology to this man that he still wouldn't show up? That makes the desire to get to forgive more difficult. Because if reconciliation is not going to match your expectations of what's going to happen, are you still willing to do it? And it's even in after you do it, like, forgiveness is not like a one time event, it's a journey. So God brought me that point. And of course I say this to my wife and just, you know, this is just another example of who she is. Out of the blue, she just like puts a piece of paper down on my desk and she's like, hey, there's your dad's number. Call them. So I like going through my head like, you know what I'm gonna say and all that stuff. And when I finally call him, I had all this stuff like mapped out what I was gonna say. You know, I had my monologue ready and what came out my mouth was, I'm sorry for blaming you for every wrong thing I've ever done. It was the most true thing I ever said because I had the rage that was in me was that every wrong thing I had done, every, every, you know, not yet happened, you know, conflict with my kids or images sent to my wife or all this stuff, it wasn't my fault, it was his fault.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

And when I let that go, man, that like what came off of me. But even in that, you know, my son, my oldest, you know, I got a 7 year old, he's, you know, 7 year olds ask 5 million questions a day. And he would just be like, dad, why don't you have a dad? You know, last Father's Day, like. And I think what you do with that hurt, it matters because God has a plan for that hurt and Satan has a plan for the hurt. And Satan's plan is for you to suppress it and you to superimpose it onto the people you love most. Yeah, you know, that's that idea, like you bleed on people who didn't cut you.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

Like Satan wants you to be frustrated about something that has nothing to do with your family. And you take it out in your family because you just, you, you just take out stuff that's, you know, people who are closest to you. So it was going through that process that I was experiencing healing. But man, when our first son was born, I remember that he's born and you know, he's, the nurse has him he's got, you know, little, the little beanie on. He's like cone headed and still slimy, you know, like kind of, you know, cute but ugly looking. And the nurse is like, you can touch him. And I, and I go over there and I kind of reach out my hand and as I'm reaching Natasha, he grabs my finger and it just like rocked me. And I heard God whisper to me, I love you more than that. Like what you feel that you would do anything for him, that you would lay your life down for him. Yeah. That's something I put in you so you would understand how much more I love you. And they're just like memorial stone moments like that. And even in like very like hard circumstances. I've got permission to share this, but a year ago we were pre. We found out we were going to have another baby. And so my wife's super creative. She was going to put like in these balloons, she was going to put, Here's a picture of Cannon, here's a picture of Lincoln, here's a picture of Judah, here's a picture of Abel, and here's a, you know, here's the, you know, picture of this new baby we're going to have. You know, you're gonna pop, pop, pop. And you would see their face. And we did it pretty late. Like by the time she finished, it was, it was getting late. And we're like, we'll, we'll open it in the morning. Well, that, that night my, My wife miscarry and thank you. And then some time passes and then Cannon, it's like, what's in the box? What was in the box that you had? What was in the box? And you, you have a choice either and say, don't ask about the box. We don't talk about the box. Or you lean into what's uncomfortable. And we said, hey, mommy had a baby in her belly and that baby died. And because the gospel is true, we know that baby's in heaven. And. Yeah. And that was a year ago this week. And to the day that Hope lost that baby, that we lost that baby, we just found out we were pregnant again.

[Lecrae]

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. To the day I will be praying.

[Joshua Broom]

But, but I think in that it's like, well, you, you know, you guys are telling people we don't live in fear.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

So it's like, because what, what the enemy wants you to do is you, like, it's, it's a, it's a right and respectful and an intellectually wise thing to do to, to navigate how fragile life.

[Lecrae]

Life is. But at the same time.

[Joshua Broom]

But at the same time, how dare you not be excited?

[Lecrae]

That's right. That's good. Especially to the day.

[Joshua Broom]

So we won't live in fear.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

And in, in we will battle the duality of being excited and being afraid. Yeah. But. But fear won't rob us. I love that of a moment of joy. And I think it's just moments like that of if you're willing to depend on God and trust God and step out and go through the refining fire, you come out different on the other side. And you just do that over and over and over and over again.

[Lecrae]

We gonna celebrate on that high note.

[Joshua Broom]

Yes, sir.

[Lecrae]

Man, I can't thank you enough for your story, bro.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

Like the freedom that you offer others, the freedom that you've tasted, and big shout out to hope.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah.

[Lecrae]

That's the real MVP of this whole story.

[Joshua Broom]

It's true.

[Lecrae]

That's the real mvp, man. We appreciate you, man. And I personally appreciate you. Thank you, man. Like, this is powerful stuff.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. I mean, my just, my big hope is like, man, if you're, if you're struggling with something, tell somebody. That's good, you know, that. That's step one. Like, what do I do? You know, two, two thousand people a month reach out to me, minimum. I. I love Jesus, but I'm struggling with this. It's like, man, have you, have you really told somebody?

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

Like, have you not just, like, nodded or like, me too, or, or, you know, the, if you maybe confess 99 of it, but the 1% that you haven't said that seems unmentionable is the, is the 1% that's going to set you up free.

[Lecrae]

Yeah.

[Joshua Broom]

So tell somebody, you know, set some accountability in place. You know, covenant eyes, all that good stuff. But, man, you got to tell somebody.

[Lecrae]

Relationships, some community around you, man. That's it. That's good.

[Joshua Broom]

Yeah. And then you get. You gotta have people like, like Andrew Carter. Like, I call it Proverbs 27, 6 Friend wounds of a friend. Because, I mean, he, like, it was about two years ago when I, you know, I was busy and stuff. He hit me up. He's like, man, you're killing it, man. I appreciate it. Like, you look, you don't look so good. It's like your face, what's up? You know, because it's easy to find people to pat you on the back, but it's, it's difficult to find friends that'll tell you what you need to hear.

[Lecrae]

That's right.

[Joshua Broom]

And so it's like, man, find. Find somebody to pour into you. Find someone that'll call you out and call you up. And, man, whatever you haven't said out loud, maybe you confessed unto God and you've been forgiven, but you haven't confessed to another man or woman. And you're not healed. So, Joshua Broom.

[Lecrae]

Thank you, brother.

[Joshua Broom]

Thank you. Fire. This is the deep end with Lecrae.