I Asked 4 Christian Singles What's Wrong With Dating

Summary

The Deep End With Lecrae
Episode: "I Asked 4 Christian Singles What's Wrong With Dating"
Release Date: July 16, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this candid and energetic episode, Lecrae gathers a diverse panel of four Christian singles—Chaz Smith, Tony Collier, Matthew Hudson, and B. Simone—for an unfiltered roundtable on modern Christian dating. Through personal stories, laughter, vulnerability, and honest debate, they explore what’s broken in Christian dating culture and how trauma, standards, faith, and the realities of being single intersect. No question is off limits as they talk about sex, celibacy, trauma, preferences, and what it really means to want love while healing.

---

Panel Introductions

• Chaz Smith: Actor, content creator, comedian, known for blending faith and humor.
  "I’ve been in one relationship, about one and a half, two months. I’m also a virgin. Still waiting." — Chaz [23:12]
• Tony Collier: Speaker, author, leader, very open about her story and uses humor and authenticity to offer hope.
  "I’ll say the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever said about dating. I just don’t know if there’s a man that would want to carry all this baggage with me. So I’m actually content being single forever. I got two baby daddies." — Tony [17:04]
• Matthew Hudson: Comedian, storyteller, founder of the “God Is Funny” platform; transparency about singleness, celibacy, and being late to “understanding women.”
  "I’m a 37-year-old virgin. I done had close calls, you know, but I’m running, like Joseph!" — Matthew [13:06]
• B. Simone: Entrepreneur, entertainer, comedian, best-selling author, outspoken about growth, purpose, and challenging people to heal.
  "I’m 36, so this is the first time in dating that I’m trying to do it God’s way. Yeah, I’ve never tried that before." — B. Simone [08:31]

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dating Credentials & Personal Journeys

Each guest introduced their relationship background and current status:

• Tony is twice-divorced, single mom, and openly discusses trauma and the feeling of being “too much” or having “too much baggage” for someone to want her ([16:33]–[19:24]).
• Matthew and Chaz, both celibate/virgins, shared navigating purity while also re-evaluating “purity culture” and the pressure it creates, as well as their honest struggles with rejection and late blooming ([13:06]–[15:23]; [23:12]).
• B. Simone expressed that this is her first attempt at dating “God’s way” and has a new resolve for both abstinence and higher standards in men, especially in purpose and ambition—not just money ([08:31]–[11:44]).

2. Contentment & Singleness

Panelists described what being content as a single means:

• Gratefulness, fulfillment, or “submitted to the season” they’re in ([26:31]–[28:06]).
• Tony: “I could genuinely die tomorrow and be so grateful, but I feel like…if I don’t get another thing, that’s OK.” ([27:26])
• B. Simone: “I pray for my husband, but I’m still content.” ([28:00])
• Open discussion about praying in hope (“like Hannah”) vs. surrender (“like Mary”) ([30:12]–[31:53]).

3. Approaching, Flirting, and the Realities of Christian Dating

• Men (esp. Matthew and Chaz) admit to being non-approachers and feeling awkward about shooting their shot—preferring DMs or “divine appointments” over cold approaches ([33:18]–[36:37]; [41:04]).
• B. Simone and Tony admit they are direct, cheerful flirters—but worry men may misread even friendly compliments as flirting ([29:03]–[29:48]; [48:11]–[49:26]).
• “I really love, like, celebrating men…affirmation is important for men, the building up of men. I want my son to grow up around women who honor him.” — Tony [29:17]
• Many panelists confessed to being awkward or bad at flirting, especially when trying to avoid sexual overtones ([48:10]–[50:19]).

4. Preferences, Standards, and “The List”

• “Standards vs. delusions” game with candid takes on money, submission, celibacy, physical attraction, and friends of the opposite sex.
• On money:
  • “He needs to make more money than me”—most panelists lean toward “delusion”; nuance matters and security is the real desire behind it ([58:42]–[60:53]).
  • Cultural differences in expectations about money and provision ([60:20]–[61:17]).
• On submission:
  • Both women expressed longing to submit to a man who is leading and trustworthy ([62:42]–[64:03]).
  • “If my man can lead…I will take a cooking class, I will rub some feet…I can’t wait to do that. I’ve never experienced that either.” — B. Simone [62:55]
• On having (or not having) friends of the opposite sex: nuance around boundaries, wisdom, and respect for a spouse ([65:08]–[67:49]).
• On celibacy and sexual history:
  • Both men would prefer a virgin but are open, and discuss the impact of “phases” in one’s past ([54:35]–[55:56]).
  • “What I learned back in church stuff was ‘don’t go out there and have sex and don’t bring no baby home.’ But actually teaching me what’s going on with my body, nobody did that.” — Matthew [83:12]
  • Sexual compatibility only comes with communication, patience, and a willingness to learn; it’s not a biblical or lasting “test” for a healthy marriage ([81:34]–[86:06]).

5. Therapy, Self-Betterment, and Work on Oneself

• Lively debate on whether “he/she needs to be in therapy” is a standard or delusion.
• Most agree openness to therapy and self-growth are vital, but therapy isn't a magical fix ([74:09]–[79:38]).
• Tony: “Marriages that have some sort of premarital counseling, marriages that have individuals who are whole or pursuing wholeness…are staying married longer.” [76:16]
• Lecrae shares: “Marriage exposed my selfishness. It was a lot easier to be single…” ([86:44]–[87:32])
• Panelists agree: marriage (and relationships) inevitably shine light on our flaws; readiness and willingness to grow are key.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• B. Simone [08:31]:
  “This is the first time in dating that I’m trying to do it God’s way. I’ve never tried that before.”

• Tony Collier [17:04]:
  “I just don’t know if there’s a man that would want to carry all this baggage with me. So I’m actually content being single forever. I got two baby daddies.”

• Matthew Hudson [13:06]:
  “I’m a 37-year-old virgin. I done had close calls, you know, but I’m running, like Joseph!”

• Chaz Smith [23:12]:
  “I’ve been in one relationship...I’m also a virgin. Still waiting.”

• Tony Collier [29:17]:
  “Affirmation is important for men, the building up of men…I want my son to grow up around a generation of women who can honor him.”

• Matthew Hudson [83:12]:
  “What I learned back in church stuff was ‘don’t go out there and have sex and don’t bring no baby home.’ But actually teaching me what’s going on with my body, nobody did that.”

• B. Simone [62:55]:
  “If you’re leading and you’re allowing a space for me to be in my feminine…I can’t wait to do that. I’ve never experienced that either.”

• Tony Collier [76:46]:
  “Marriages that have some sort of premarital counseling, marriages that have individuals who are whole or pursuing wholeness…are staying married longer.”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment/Topic | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Panel Introductions & Dating Credentials | 02:31–16:33 | | Contentment & Singleness | 26:31–31:53 | | Approaching, Flirting & Christian Dating Challenges | 33:18–41:41 | | “Standards vs. Delusion” Game (Money, Submission, Friends)| 57:24–67:49 | | Preferences & Sexual History | 54:35–56:58; 81:08–86:37 | | On Therapy & Self-Betterment | 74:09–80:11 | | Marriage Exposes Selfishness & Openness to Growth | 86:44–90:37 |

---

Tone & Atmosphere

• Raw, vulnerable, open, and humorous; panelists swing between self-deprecation, empathy, occasional playful banter, and soul-deep honesty.
• Faith-forward but never preachy, always questioning how "God's way" applies in real dating life.
• Comfort with Ambiguity: No pat answers; the cast values growth, communication, and transparency over projecting “purity” or arriving at some mythical destination.

---

Conclusion

Lecrae and his panel of four Christian singles pull back the curtain on the complex world of Christian dating—with all its baggage, hangups, big faith, and real hope. They model what it means to approach love and relationships with both high standards and grace, all while laughing at themselves and each other. This episode is encouragement for anyone navigating dating and singleness with honesty and an open heart.

---

Panel Social Handles

• Chaz Smith: @chazsmith (working on “WHHW,” an animated Bible series)
• Matthew Hudson: @mtthwhudson
• Tony Collier: @tonijcollier
• B. Simone: @thebsimone (“LLTTA” women’s empowerment app)

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[B]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. Start your free trial on shopify.com Ladies

[C]

and gentlemen, today I have a pretty cool lineup. And the reason why I have them all here together, because they got something in common. Ain't none of them married.

[D]

Who, like, how do y' all know that?

[C]

I want to play a game with y'.

[E]

All.

[C]

It's called standards or delusion. Standard or delusion. Physical attraction is the first priority.

[B]

No, not first. Well, I think it's the first thing you notice.

[D]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[B]

Let me explain.

[D]

I don't be approaching no women like that.

[F]

For real.

[B]

You don't?

[D]

Nah.

[B]

How you expect to be?

[E]

How you gonna go to life?

[F]

Can I ask you a deep question? Is it something that you're working on?

[D]

No.

[F]

Or you just act doing it?

[C]

She was like, what does flirting look like for women?

[D]

Like, how do y' all flirt?

[E]

I suck so bad. I'm so funny and so goofy, sis. She's so funny.

[F]

I'm like, I'm trying to flir with you.

[E]

I'm trying to have sex with you. Oh, no, not sex. Not sex. But this is the first time in dating that I'm trying to do it God's way.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, oh, you got a Bible. You have a church home.

[F]

I'm gonna just say the most vulnerable thing I've ever said about dating. I just don't know if there's a man that would want to carry all this baggage with me. So I'm actually content being single forever. I got two baby daddies.

[D]

Dudes be going for the baby mamas and stuff like that.

[A]

For real?

[E]

For real.

[C]

I have friends.

[D]

Well, even Christians.

[C]

They're saying, man, I don't know if I can trust our sexual compatibility. How do I even know if they can satisfy me?

[F]

Sexual compatibility isn't biblical.

[C]

So we can just go on to the next.

[D]

I do want my first time to be fired on

[F]

this is the Deep.

[D]

And with Lecrae,

[C]

ladies and gentlemen, what you just are tuning into right now, if you're just now tuning in to, is going to be something new and something fun today. I have a pretty cool lineup. I have some incredible people here, people that I love and admire. Well, if you're listening, you can't see to my left is Chaz Smith. Chaz is an actor. He's a content creator. He's a comedian.

[B]

I'm an actor now. Okay. I like that.

[C]

Acting in some stuff.

[D]

Voiceover.

[C]

Yeah, I guess, huh?

[B]

What world I am. Yeah. Continue.

[C]

He built a massive audience by blending humor, faith, culture. He's one of those people who can just make you laugh, but he makes you think as well. So, you know, I think you popped off with. On in the vine days and then

[D]

you just kind of.

[B]

It was wild.

[D]

That was a while ago.

[C]

You're still here, brother. You know? And to my right, we have Tony Collier. Tony is a speaker, an author, a leader who has been very, very, very, very open about her story. And she's done some amazing things. I think her use of authenticity, of being real, adding some humor in there as well, is just created a way of talking about hard things that gives people some hope. And then we got my man Matthew Hudson over here.

[D]

What's happening? What's happening?

[C]

Matthew's a comedian. He's a storyteller as well. He's a creator of God is funny.

[D]

Oh, wow. Thank you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Many people don't know that. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's a creator of. That become one of the most recognizable voices in Christian comedy. He uses humor and he points people

[D]

to how good God is.

[C]

And he brings conversations. Excuse me. Brings them, you know, back around to, like, sometimes they're funny. And he's also one of four funny brothers.

[D]

Six.

[C]

Six.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

I thought he was old.

[D]

Technically, you have six sisters and they

[E]

all have same mama, same daddy, y'.

[D]

All. Well, no. Well, two of them know. Well, my dad had a life before you came to Christ. I didn't. Met my mom, and she had. She had the six of us.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. Yes. No girls, no stepsister.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

Okay. Because of the other two.

[B]

So your mom couldn't have girls, basically.

[F]

Well, that's.

[B]

No.

[D]

The dad somehow diving too deep.

[B]

I wasn't asking us. I wasn't making a scientific.

[E]

Wait, let me get my intro.

[D]

One more intro.

[C]

We have B. Simone in the building, ladies and gentlemen, entrepreneur, an entertainer, a Comedian, best selling author, also a podcast selling.

[E]

I mean, it's so well, 30, 000 copies.

[F]

But it didn't get

[D]

manifest earlier today.

[E]

I think manifesting through Christ.

[C]

5,000 is. 30,000 is better than 5,000 B. Yeah,

[E]

okay, I know, but they never. They never.

[D]

Okay, you were just complaining about not getting your intro.

[B]

Now you're interrupting your intro.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[D]

Yeah, good gracious.

[C]

All right, listen, you've been challenged. I mean, she does challenge a lot of people to be healed, you know, purpose. She is never, ever afraid to let people see her grow in real time.

[D]

Ever.

[E]

Well, I kind of am now.

[C]

Oh, are you okay? She has historically not been afraid to let people.

[D]

I'm just kidding.

[C]

So. So, man, this is a crazy diverse group of individuals. And the reason why I have them all here together. Cause they got something in common. Ain't none of them married.

[F]

Come on.

[C]

Ain't none of them married.

[D]

So, you know, like, how do y' all know that? Cause, like, who told. Like, who told. Like, oh, this person would be a good candidate because he's not dated or married. They're chronically single.

[F]

If you say that, people are going to assume that maybe you are. And you just lost probably all of your potential that's watching right now.

[D]

And that's the goal. Remember how we talked about that earlier?

[E]

Weed them out.

[D]

To weed them out.

[E]

Weed them out.

[B]

So you want the ones who gonna

[D]

go after because they think you can. I'm not saying I'm married or anything. I'm just saying. But who told me how you know, like, how do y' all know?

[F]

It's not my business.

[C]

We have ways.

[E]

Stop googling.

[D]

We have ways. Gotcha. It's true, though.

[C]

So if I'm. If I'm not. If I'm incorrect, I don't think I am. But right now, dating is.

[D]

Is.

[C]

Is a bit of a mess out there in these streets.

[A]

For sure.

[D]

I've. I've.

[C]

You know, I hear it's a mess. Doesn't matter if you in the church or you outside of church, you in the streets. I hear it's just a mess. People can't find nobody or they find people and then they find out stuff about the people that they didn't want to find out. And so you got folks who are doing the whole purity thing and still can't have an honest conversation about sex.

[D]

You got folks who.

[C]

You got men who don't know what lead is, women who, like, what is lead. You got all kinds of stuff. You got women who ask for the Bare minimum effort, and they get told they're too much. You got a lot of stuff going on. Standards, betrayal, waiting. Purity, leadership. Red flag, green flag, Blue flag, Crips and bloods, all this stuff. But we want to talk about it all, man. So I got four people sitting at the table today, and we're going to be coming from different perspectives, different places. Honestly, there may be a couple of them who should not be trusted with a microphone on this topic.

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

Look, I'm here to learn.

[F]

I've never talked about relationships ever.

[B]

I got. I got way more questions and advice, man.

[F]

I've never talked about it.

[C]

So it's just authenticity, you know what I mean? But here's what I want to do first. I want to go around and I want to hear your dating credentials or relationship history. Just to give us a little why you feel like, you know, relationship history.

[E]

What's dating credentials?

[C]

When somebody says, hey, like a resume, this is what I.

[D]

Where I'm at with it.

[C]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like, what's your.

[C]

You know, how do you feel? Are you single? Well, we know.

[D]

Is it like. Like my height, weight? Like, I mean, your credentials help. This what makes me an eligible bachelor, you know, you.

[C]

Because. Okay. Cause here's the thing. Some of us have been in some serial relationships. Some of us have been married before, some of us having been in a super serious relationship. So where are you at with it and how are you?

[E]

What's going on?

[B]

Let's start. Okay.

[E]

Go ahead, please. Do you know, I don't know where this is going.

[D]

All right. Keep it.

[B]

Keep it real.

[E]

You don't have to edit anything out.

[F]

Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[D]

It's all Good.

[E]

Okay. I'm 36, so this is the first time in dating that I'm trying to do it God's way. Yeah, I've never tried that before.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

Not even. Just.

[E]

Even the. Ever? No. You're my boyfriend. We're having sex.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

You're not my boyfriend. We might have sex sometime, you know?

[F]

Yeah. Well, yes.

[E]

So this is the first time in this season that I'm trying to do it God's way, but also with trying to do it God's way, I'm also not tempted. So I haven't been in a situation where my promise to God has been tested.

[C]

Okay, well, I have.

[E]

Let me take that back a little bit to the extent of I'm about to, like, break my abstinence or something. Oh, you've been abstinent for three years? Yeah. Well, you could Be sober for three years. If you're alcoholic, there's no alcohol in the house.

[F]

That's good.

[E]

You get what I'm saying? So I haven't been tested in that way of like to test the fruit. Like, am I really going to stick to this promise that I made? Okay, so that kind of scares me

[C]

because I'm like, is that intentional or you just. It's by happenstance. You just ain't been around.

[F]

The Lord may be protecting you.

[E]

It's intention. I think it's also intentional because the people that I could possibly have sex with, I'm no longer in that season of like, I'm not even attracted to those type of people. Okay, so if I was attracted to a man,

[F]

why.

[E]

Wait, wait, I think you just got tested just now.

[F]

That's.

[E]

That's just.

[D]

That's real. That's real though, you know?

[E]

So like, oh, you got a Bible? No, you be highlighting your Bible. That's crazy. You got little. Okay, you be studying like, oh, Lord. Yeah, that's like a new thing. Like at first it was like, oh, you sell drugs. Now it's like you have a church home.

[D]

Dang, that's crazy. Is the nine to five thing still a thing?

[E]

You know, I had this conversation the other day and I think I meant what I said.

[D]

How did it gonna go there?

[E]

No, that's a great question.

[D]

Cause it's a credential stuff.

[E]

Yeah, it's a credential. I meant what I said. But I also think you don't have to put down a group of people. People to say what you want. So I don't have to say I hate oranges. I could just say my favorite fruit is apples.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

I prefer.

[E]

I prefer apples. So the whole nine to five thing isn't like, I would never date. I just would rather date a man that is conducive to my lifestyle. And I also meant what I said when I'm like, I'm not dating A, at Foot Locker. Which camera's my camera at 36.

[D]

Okay, well, he's. He might be a good salesman though.

[E]

But here's the thing.

[D]

He's.

[C]

He's highlighting scriptures.

[E]

B, but here's the thing, okay. Are you there to learn how to open up your own footlocker? Are you studying the systems and operations? Like, are we trying to. Or are you just like, man, I love selling st. I love J's.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is it about the ambition and the drive or is it about the. Because I don't want people to misconstrue here.

[E]

We go. Don't misconstrue.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want. It's about the vision and drive, not. You need to be able to have enough money to buy me my.

[E]

It has nothing to do with money. I'm in a season of budgeting right now.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

All right.

[E]

So it ebbs and flows. I done seen a million dollars lick liquid in my account and I didn't. Had to fire everybody because I couldn't afford payroll.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[E]

So I. It's not about money. It's about. Do you know your purpose in life?

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And you're not settling for just trying to make money. Go to work, go home, watch tv, eat dinner and do it all again.

[C]

You have a little more drive and ambition.

[E]

What is your.

[C]

There's some people who may be content with that, but that ain't content for you.

[E]

100%. And I don't. And. And as. And I'll let.

[D]

No, go ahead.

[B]

This.

[E]

Your credentials.

[D]

No, no, I get it. I get it.

[F]

Her credentials.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

This is your.

[D]

I have nothing to say. Yeah, this is good.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Do you disagree?

[D]

No, no, it good. I hear what you're saying. So that.

[E]

That's just where I am right now.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And I don't even know. Did that answer the question? That did. Okay.

[D]

That did. That's a good credential.

[C]

Let's let. Because Matthew was talking. Matthew, let's swing it your way.

[D]

You know. Well, I've been out here for like 38 years. Well, 37 years going on. 38 years single. Okay.

[E]

What?

[C]

The whole time married.

[D]

Just like we're not married. Okay. I got you.

[F]

I.

[D]

Probably one. Probably one real relationship that I felt like that was. That could have been it.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

But didn't work out. So I have. I. I ain't never been out in the streets like that either. So I'm kind of.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Well, I would say like I'm a virgin.

[E]

You're a virgin.

[D]

But I done had. You know, I done got close.

[E]

You're a virgin?

[D]

Yeah, but I ain't never. I've never like went all the way.

[F]

Yep. I don't want to say when.

[D]

I've always tried to date like you,

[C]

like the 40 year old virgin.

[D]

For real. Well, I don't want to claim that because I'm at. Because I have some close call. Like I done been close.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So like I'm still on this absence, purity journey. But don't just think that I'm just like one of them, you know, the

[F]

corny Christian, the things your tongue was in her mouth.

[D]

I used to be. I used to wear like a badge, right. But I realized that.

[F]

Cause I can do other things.

[D]

I ain't into no, not the other things, but you know, you just.

[E]

People just associate everything but penetration.

[D]

No, I've no.

[E]

Okay. Sorry.

[D]

No, I just. When I say close calls, like you sometimes, like when you get. When you run into that temptation, you almost. You go there, but you be like, you know what?

[F]

Let me stop.

[D]

Let me get up out of here.

[E]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Oh, you chasing for real?

[D]

Yeah, like I'm running. She got the coat, but I'm out the door.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

So that's good.

[D]

But I don't try to wear that as like a bad because then, you know, I understand, like what I'm doing is for that person.

[F]

This is so safe here.

[D]

Well, I'm just saying it for the people.

[E]

For sure.

[B]

It might not be safe on that side because on that side they would just be like on their own stuff.

[F]

Yeah, they got on their own for sure. You get to say that.

[E]

That's great.

[D]

That's amazing. You know, I'm. I'm a.

[E]

Got no soul t.

[D]

Well, you know, soul ties can be created through like emotional connection to it.

[F]

Oh, this is true. Okay. I'm about to say you gliding through

[C]

like the DMs going to light up.

[D]

My DMs. They lit up. It's not for people that I. I want.

[E]

Yeah, that's the issue.

[F]

Cuz the DM lighter uppers are just. That whole group did not get.

[D]

Anyway, you get your. And shout out to them for seeing me as somebody.

[F]

That's right.

[D]

Desirable.

[F]

You don't have to. They have to stay over there.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But yeah, I'm out here, man, and I'm.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Trying to, you know, do it the Lord's way. And I have inappropriate questions and I'm learning. No, you know what I'm saying? I'm growing. Yeah, man. I'm just taking a day at a time.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

You know what I'm saying? I respect that. I would say where I met with this whole dating thing is like, women are still like a. They're still like a strange thing to me because I didn't really start dealing with women until I was 18. I wouldn't hit no nothing in high school.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

When I got to college, that's when they start coming around. So I'm kind of late to the understanding women game. So it's a lot of things that I'm learning to accept about the differences between a man And a woman and how we operate.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So that's why I say, well, I'm at right now in a place of just accepting things for what they are and not trying to change or, like,

[F]

why don't you process this way? Why don't you think this way?

[D]

Yeah. Why would you think like a man letting people be who they are and then, you know, making the decision if I want to stay or go.

[F]

So, Matthew, this is amazing.

[E]

So beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

You know, but you just came out

[D]

of the bat, like, just, you know, you know, credentials. You know what I'm saying? This is how I'm showing up out here. You know what I'm saying?

[F]

I really love that.

[C]

Let's hear your biggest cheerleader over here.

[F]

I'm going to be everyone's cheerleader. That's who I am. Okay.

[C]

So, Tony, tell us.

[F]

This is so interesting. I've never talked about relationships and dating

[E]

in public, but you say you talk about everything.

[F]

I know. That's why it's so shocking to me.

[D]

Wow.

[F]

Because I usually. I'm very vulnerable. I've told all my business, and now I kind of feel, like, nervous. My pits are sweating a little bit. I just want to say that I want to name it in the room, so.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

I can maybe feel a little bit more comfortable.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I am 34. This is so weird. Never nervous.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I love it, though. This is real bravery.

[E]

Okay. Brave.

[F]

All right, so 34. I've been married and divorced twice. My first marriage was very abusive. I was super young. I was 19 when I got married. I was like, this is it. I'm gonna have one of those love stories. Like, we got married fresh out of college, blah, blah, blah. I had a daughter in that marriage, and it just. It got way too violent, so ended up having to leave. Rebuilt my whole life with Jesus, all the things. Then I was like, this is my comeback story. I met a pastor. I was like, I'm Cinderelli. Okay. I'm about to go in ministry. We're going to be pastors. And for six out of the eight years, there was so much infidelity, but I had no standards, and I didn't want to get another divorce.

[E]

You knew?

[F]

I knew the whole time.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

I caught him year two and then just kept finding stuff over the years, but just no standards, no, you know, real security. Confidence in myself. Was really embarrassed by the first divorce. I grew up Catholic, so it was like, you ain't supposed to get divorced. So I didn't want to get a divorce again. And it got to the point where I had healed so much, which is why I love that that's a part of your. Just your brand and everything. Thank you. Because I healed so much in the marriage while being damaged that in the marriage, I was like, I do not deserve this anymore.

[E]

Like, this is crazy. What am I doing? This is crazy.

[F]

I cannot do this. And so we had this huge church, we hillsong pastors, all the things. And then my ex husband ended up calling me and telling me that he was being extorted by someone that he'd hired for sexual favors. And I was like, this is it. This is the Lord's rescue. I ended up having a son in that marriage. And so I have two kiddos, single mom, I run my whole life. Like, I just, I do ministry, I travel, I preach. I would say this, this is. I'm gonna just say the most vulnerable thing I've ever said about dating to my counselor just so I can get the bejeezies out of my body right now. I told my counselor one time last year, I was like, I just don't know if there's a man that would want to carry all this baggage with me. So I'm actually content being single forever. Because, you know, you've got like, I got two baby daddies, okay? I've got all this trauma, I've got two kiddos, and I, you know, celibate. I wanna do it God's way and I have a platform and there's just like a lot of things to navigate. And so I think my most like, vulnerable thing right now is like, get it guys. It's all good. Like, it's a lot of baggage. And I'm really, truly, deeply content with being single and being me and Jesus for.

[E]

But hello?

[C]

Yeah, Some godly billionaire.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Absolutely amazing out there. Are you crazy?

[F]

I just, I want to say it because I'm like, when I get really nervous about something and I don't want to be vulnerable, I'm like, what's the hardest thing that I could say right now so I can get it out? And that's probably like my deepest insecurity.

[D]

You know, men like that, like, exist outside of social media, so we got a lot of people online that say we don't want the baggage and all that stuff. But dudes be going for the baby mamas and stuff like that.

[F]

For real.

[E]

For real.

[D]

They do. They love smart, we resilient, they love the kids.

[F]

We literally. We're not dependent. Like.

[D]

Yeah, they just don't talk about this, though.

[C]

Are you Doing that's really good.

[D]

Well, you know, I'm just wondering, does

[F]

he do it like there may be baby mamas watching?

[D]

You know, I think as I get older, you know, she might have a kid or so. Okay. But you know, I would say or

[F]

so he couldn't say two.

[E]

It couldn't come out. It couldn't come out.

[F]

Or so half of one.

[D]

Yeah. Like, you know.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

They exist, though. I know a lot. I know some people. Well, I'm not saying I know some people, but I just know people I'm in association with.

[F]

I want to honor you for saying that because I do think I know that there are women that are watching that have the same feelings for sure. Who I don't know. This is a lot.

[E]

A little bit for sure.

[F]

So thanks for saying that.

[C]

That's good.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I put a case on my phone and I insure my car and then went ahead and sprung for an extended warranty on my laptop as well. And then what I didn't realize was for years I have actually put off the one thing that actually protects my family. Term life insurance. So I get why people avoid it. It sounds like a whole lot like it's just a big process, but it's not anymore. Because Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance that you can get done today. It's made for busy parents like you. It's all online, it's on your schedule, and it's right from your couch. So you can be covered in under 10 minutes, often with no health exam required. If you got kids, the time to lock in low rates is now. If you got coverage through your job, that's a start. But it may not be enough. And if it disappears the second you change jobs now, what are you going to do? Right, so Fabric follows you. We're talking a million dollars in coverage for less than than a dollar a day. It's adjustable to fit your family and there's a 30 day money back guarantee, so there's no real risk in checking it out. And Fabric's partnered with Gerber Life, which is trusted by families for over 50 years. Nearly 20005 star reviews on Trust Pilot. So join the thousands of parents who already are protecting their families. You can apply [e-mail] lacrae that's M E E T fabric. Fabric.com lecrae use my link so they know that I sent you. Policies are issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available in certain states, and prices are subject to underwriting and health questions. I've been Keeping it with me, especially in the summer, throw one in the water before workout, after flight. And honestly, just during a long recording day. This is not just for athletes, y'.

[A]

All.

[C]

It's for anybody who's trying to stay sharp. So Drip Drop is doctor developed, and it gives you three times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks. And I've really been enjoying the. The zero sugar plus flavors because I don't want a bunch of extra sugar during the day. So it's just become a part of my routine now. And not because I'm dehydrated, because I'm trying not to get dehydrated. So right now, Drip Drop is offering my listeners 20 off. Your first order, go to Drip Drop dot com. Use promo code LECRAE. All right, 20 off. Come on, now. Drip Drop dot com. Promo code LECRAE. All right, man. Drum roll.

[D]

Jazz, the actor.

[C]

Tell me your.

[B]

Yeah. Where I'm at right now. I'm 31. The baby on the panel. I've been in one relationship. It was about one and a half, two months long.

[E]

I was.

[D]

But it was. That's like two years. Like, 10 years ago. Like, two months ago.

[B]

No, this happened. This happened two years ago.

[F]

Okay. Yeah, it was recent. Okay.

[B]

I'm also virgin. Still waiting.

[E]

What?

[D]

Virgin power. Agnime. I love this.

[C]

I didn't.

[E]

You're a virgin.

[F]

This is the best.

[D]

I did not.

[F]

It's giving me some hope in men. Truly, J.

[B]

And I got a few friends who are, too, as well.

[C]

Me, too.

[D]

I can name, like, five virgins.

[E]

What?

[C]

Guys, a lot of dudes out here.

[F]

I think we're about to shift the entire generational dating pool right now.

[E]

I think I want us. Me dating with y'. All.

[D]

You might not meet none, but I'm just saying we.

[E]

Hey, Dare.

[D]

Yeah. It's something out there.

[F]

This is amazing.

[C]

You know, I have a question because

[D]

of this, but I'm gonna get to it later.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

Well, some things I ain't gonna admit to unless I'm in my small group, so just.

[E]

That's cool.

[C]

I'm just. You know, I mean.

[D]

But I'm gonna let.

[C]

Chaz.

[E]

That is amazing.

[B]

Yeah, I'll share this. So the relationship that I was in, to be straight up and honest about it, I was in it because I wanted to be in a relationship more than I wanted to be with her. And I could. I wasn't honest with myself about that.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

And the thing is, it's not like I wasn't praying about it. It was actually super clear. Like, we could have been great friends, but in my heart, I was like. Like, matter of fact, I genuinely. I feel like the Lord was like, no, this ain't it. Not because of who she was or anything like that. It was just like, this should be a platonic relationship. This is not the person for you. I heard it loud and clear, and I said, word, let me go ahead anyway. And I felt like. And there was a specific moment where I felt like I heard it very clearly. And when I ignored that, it made it so easy for me to just ignore his voice and all the little things. And so the whole relationship, we're just. It was just very. One of my friends was like this. Just like, after we had separated, he was like. It just felt like high school. Like, I. I'd never been in a relationship, for. It was before. It was. There was that, but I just wasn't. I wasn't really wholly submitted to the Lord in my heart. I know I sound super Christian, but, like. Or Christianese, but I was, like, wanting the comfort and satisfaction of being intimate with somebody, like, emotionally and relationally and all that. And it just. I ended up hurting her really badly. And then it was tough. It was like it kind of. She had to process through stuff. She ended up talking to her community about it. And I remember I seen them at one point, and that was. I felt so much shame because six

[F]

would have you up and down.

[B]

Like, relationships take two people. But I'd put most of the blame on myself, for sure, for how it turned out.

[E]

For being disobedient.

[B]

Yeah. Straight up. Did not turn out. So I. Yeah, I was working through that for a while, but where I'm at right now, I genuinely question whether I'm ready to be in a relationship yet right now. Like, I. I think something that's come up a lot just in my own time is like, I feel like I could be just really. I think I. My focus should be just undivided in terms of doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

[E]

Your purpose?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. So. And I don't like that you mentioned your content being single. I pray about that every day. Lord, help me to just enjoy you. Because sometimes I'm like, I'm holy.

[F]

I just want somebody to be like,

[C]

yeah, you know, I haven't been single in a long time, but I don't. I couldn't. There's no way.

[D]

I don't believe I could. It's not possible.

[C]

I would need supernatural power for sure to just be content being single.

[E]

Definitely at the.

[B]

What does that mean? Cause I hear that. I hear that. So what does it mean? How would y'. All. Yeah, like, how would y'. All.

[E]

It's just like a piece in a. You're, like, submitted to the season you're in. Like, I feel like I. For the first time, I'm finally in that season.

[F]

I feel like it has the remnants of, like, immense gratitude.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, it's.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

I'm at a place right now where I. I'm an extrovert. Like, I. The little test and stuff. I'm, like, 97.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

I want to be around people, but even, like, not just intimate relationships, even people I'm okay not being around because I'm so grateful for, like, going home, making spaghetti, and just, like, listening to Anna golden, who I love so much.

[E]

Doing your workouts.

[F]

Doing my workout. Like, and I've never felt that in my whole life ever. Like, desperate. Okay. So insecure. And. And really, I think it, like, when I really process it, I'm like, what is that feeling? It's like, oh, I'm really grateful for what I have. I am so grateful for whatever this is.

[E]

And if I don't get another thing, that's okay.

[B]

And do you, like, in your time of prayer, like, you're not asking for anything else?

[F]

No, I actually have started my new prayer time. Rhythm is reading a psalm out loud every day and then a gratitude journal. Because I literally want the Lord to know. Like, I'm so grateful for this. I look forward to this. This morning, when I did my gratitude journal, I said, lord, I'm so grateful for the food in my refrigerator. And that's something I've never, like, I just. We don't pay attention to that Western culture. But I think because I'm just so giddy that I'm just content. It's like, I wouldn't say.

[E]

I don't.

[B]

Go ahead.

[C]

No, no.

[E]

I wouldn't say. I don't ask, but I already think, like, I pray for my husband, but I'm still content.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

So I'm like, thank you, God, for this billion dollar brand that I'm building. I thank you, God, for ltta having a hundred thousand women on the app. I think, like, I'm thanking him in advance for things that I want, but I pray. I think I pray over my womb. I thank you, God, for my babies that are in there. Like, I'm not saying I don't want it, but I'm not begging for it, but I'm concerned it's coming.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Whether that's five years, 10 years, whatever that is. I'm preparing right now for that.

[F]

I don't have that. If the Lord didn't give me another. Like, I love an expectant prayer like that, I think. And maybe it's just the trauma talking. Like, I just. I could genuinely die tomorrow and be so grateful, but I feel like. And have nothing else.

[E]

I feel like that, too.

[C]

I love this.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, but y' all don't. Y', all, like, I don't go to the gym or anywhere and be like,

[D]

I gotta get out of here, or.

[F]

Oh, temptation.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, just the thought of, like. Cause you're content.

[F]

I think I've been nasty for so many years.

[E]

No, I'm still a little nasty now.

[D]

I don't.

[E]

I be walking up to niggas like, you fine. I'm like, you are so fine.

[D]

I have that.

[E]

I do that.

[F]

You do it.

[E]

I do.

[F]

But I do love, like, celebrating men. I do love being like, oh, my gosh, you look amazing today. I love your cologne. Like, I love that.

[D]

Yeah, I do that all the time.

[F]

But. What. Say it again.

[D]

Y' all compliment me often.

[E]

I do.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

It sounds like a loaded question. Was that just a curious.

[D]

No, I was just asking because I.

[F]

Well, it was a whisper.

[D]

I was just asking because, you know, men don't get a whole bunch of compliments. I'll be wondering, like, where the women.

[F]

Well, I do think we're afraid that you're gonna take it as flirting.

[D]

Well, for sure.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Absolutely. We will.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

And will.

[B]

And we will.

[E]

I'm gonna remember we didn't take it too far.

[F]

Yeah. But I have a son, and I'm realizing, like, affirmation is important for men, the building up of men. And so I really do try my best to platonically say, man, I really honor that you said that, or, man, I really see you. Because I want my son to grow up around a generation of women who can honor him and not use him as a tool for sexual Whatever.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I got a. Something that came to mind about contentment is, like. What about, like, Hannah, when she was praying for a child weeping before the Lord, you know, like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, she was deeply asking for more.

[E]

I think that's okay, too. Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm. Because sometimes I think, like, yo, if I'm Is praying and desiring, this should I do. If sometimes I feel like I gotta trick myself into thinking, like, I don't need to be married in order for God to be like, all right, he's ready, like, you know. Yeah.

[F]

I think it's, like, preparing you. Okay, so this is a scripture that comes to mind. I'm sorry, guys. Like, we're gonna get biblical just a little bit. John 11 comes to mind. It's the. I think it's actually the scripture that totally flipped my mind in this. And it's Martha and Mary, these sisters. Their brother has died. Jesus comes on the scene. Martha goes up to him, and she's like, jesus, if you would have been here, I would have had what I wanted. A brother that was alive. Even now I know that God will give you whatever you want. And she's not talking about, like, Jesus, I hope. I know that God's gonna let you raise my brother from the dead. She has no context for that. That Mary, however, is like, jesus, if you would have been here, my brother wouldn't have died. And then she just start crying. There's no. But there's no. Even if there's no. I still believe in you, and I trust you. And I think what Jesus is allowing all of us maybe to experience in this moment is that it's okay if you're Martha or Mary. It's okay if you wake up in the morning and you're like, I done it. I don't want nothing else. Whatever you want. And it's also okay to be like, I really want this. And I. And I want it.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

And that's okay, you know, and then

[E]

just ask them to prepare you for it. Yeah, just prepare me for it.

[F]

So, yeah. Which is kind of why I like that her and I are, like, processing it a little bit differently. Because you have someone that's like, I'm praying in preparation for the thing that I desire, but I'm content.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

For me, I'm like. I'm content and legit, bro. You could take me today. Like, I don't actually need it. And I think that, like, both can happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm gonna need that wife before I go, man. I'm gonna need that.

[E]

I'm gonna need, need that.

[D]

I'm content, but I'm a need that life content.

[F]

But you never know. Mary may have been closer to Lazarus than Martha was. For my story. I've been married twice.

[D]

Right.

[F]

I actually know what. I know what marriage is. I know divorce is it divorce. And I know what divorce is. And for me, my fear isn't, man, I'm going to leave the earth and not be remarried. My fear is I'll get married again and get divorced again.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

So.

[D]

Right.

[F]

So that's a whole different structural makeup to come to God with. Wow, you guys have.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

So let me ask y' all this. You know, I wanna. I wanna.

[D]

That.

[C]

I think we talked a little bit about, like, this, the struggles kind of a little bit. But, like, Pew Research says 67% of daters feel their dating lives are. Are going poorly. 53% say it's hard to find someone who wants the same type relationship, and 46% say it's hard to even approach people. So I'm curious, fellas, like, in honesty, do any of these resonate? Like, I mean, I know, Chaz, you saying, like, I don't even know if I want to even do anything right now. But are there. Do y' all feel like there's obstacles for dating for y' all as men?

[B]

You go ahead first.

[D]

I don't be approaching no women like that. For real.

[E]

You don't?

[D]

Nah. How you expect to be surprised?

[B]

So how you gonna go?

[D]

Right. Right place. Right place at the right time.

[F]

I want you to talk about this.

[C]

What does that mean?

[F]

What does that. Does that mean?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, like I said in my. In my credentials, I'm late. Like, I'm still kind of, like, learning this, and I'm 37. I still, you know, and I was a real, like, a comedian and all that, but I was real reserved. Like, coming up, like, this was not in my plans to be on stages and stuff and having this big personality and people inviting me places and stuff. So when I get off the stage, I'm like, the complete opposite, you know, I can see a nice young lady, and I won't say nothing, but I can find the Instagram, though.

[C]

And then when you shoot her a

[F]

DM, are you going to be a DM? Lighter upper.

[D]

I will. I've been a good DMer in my past.

[C]

What's the DM? What's a good DM?

[F]

Oh, how do you go about it?

[B]

You use voice messages.

[E]

Ooh, I love that.

[D]

Well, no, what you do is.

[E]

I like that.

[D]

A good voice message off the real. Yeah, I ain't that bold. I'm not that bold.

[F]

Introverted, can't do it.

[D]

I'll probably, like, find the page, hit a couple likes, you know.

[F]

Okay. Yeah. Follow in the past just so that she know I was.

[D]

I go like. I go back, like two years. Like, oh, shoot. Might hit one light and be like, I'll leave it alone.

[C]

You one of them types?

[D]

I'm one of them types, but I'm a Christian. One of those types, though, so. I try to keep it real.

[F]

Not like the one that's, like, nasty.

[D]

No, I mean, not me. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm one of the ones when

[C]

she's reading her Bible. And that's.

[D]

No, see, that's what you don't. That's what you. This is.

[A]

This is.

[D]

This is. This is key.

[E]

Okay?

[D]

If you, like. If you're interested in, like, a woman of God, man of God, and you feel like they're legit and you go to their page and you see all the scripture and stuff like that, you avoid those. You don't like those. Yeah, you like the ones that were

[E]

like, the selfie or.

[D]

Yeah, the selfie and stuff like that. So you.

[C]

Psychology behind it.

[D]

Because you can save that for real conversation. If you actually get the number. It's like, I've been Christian all my life. I know the. I know the lingo and the scriptures. That don't interest me. It interests me.

[F]

You should write a little handbook.

[D]

But it's like, I've seen it before. I want to see. Can you enjoy yourself? You know what I'm saying? What are you doing?

[F]

Are you going for a run?

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Because traveling.

[D]

The scripture might be out of context. 99. So I'm like, I know that verse. That's not what it's talking about. But you look good, so, you know.

[C]

But you don't need that.

[D]

That's not even. He's not even talking to you. God. God is within her. She shall not fail. That ain't talking about you. It's talking about the. The children of Israel. You know what I'm saying? So misapplication. I can't do nothing with that. But if she, you know, if we end up following each other, she gonna laugh at something that I do. And once you're in my dm, that's. That's it. You know what I'm saying? But I'm not an approacher. I would probably be in that percent of, like. I don't be approaching women like that. And it could be because of, like, this ain't really been ingrained in me on my own, like, being nervous and all of that stuff. But I do believe that I still have opportunity because of what I do to meet a whole bunch of women. But it's just like. And I think in those spaces, it's just like, right place at the right time.

[B]

You meet nobody at bci, man.

[D]

It was a lot of pretty women there.

[E]

But it's like, oh, the Black Christian Influencer Awards.

[D]

It was good. A lot of beautiful women. There, But. And when you. When you. Like, I did a comedy show there. So it's like, when you working and stuff like that, you ain't really got a time to be, like, in the mix. Like, just, like, as a serious. And then it's a lot of people.

[E]

Do you get nervous?

[D]

For who?

[E]

When women to go up to. Do you get.

[D]

Yes. I don't need that persecution.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

Oh, you don't want to be creep. I felt like it would be creepy.

[F]

Yeah. Like you're leveraging the power.

[C]

I never talked to him because of that. But I can see where you.

[D]

Nah, man. But it's actually easier that you got the mic.

[E]

There's groupies. I seen them.

[F]

Oh, you. You don't get rejected.

[B]

They be backstage.

[E]

I'm like.

[D]

But it's just. It's just more of a me thing. Like, for some reason, I'm just not an approacher. I'm not finna be up going, can

[F]

I ask you a deep question? Is it something that you're working on?

[D]

No.

[F]

Or you just not doing it?

[B]

She was like, mutual friends.

[F]

You want to be like that?

[D]

I'm not. I don't want to be like that. I'm just like that.

[E]

But you don't.

[F]

You're not even gonna, like.

[D]

No.

[F]

I'm gonna challenge myself. On Saturday, I show up to somebody.

[D]

I did it five times in my life. Oh, man.

[B]

What happened? What happened, dog?

[D]

And I got one. I got a boyfriend, but usually it works out, but it's just, like. It's just not something that I want to do.

[E]

Okay, so what did you do in those five times? How did you do it? How did you walk up, like. What did you say?

[D]

I think the last. I think the last time I did it, it was a girl. We was working out heels for atl. Y' all ever heard that?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. She was out there, and I was like, yo, she's. She's beautiful. I have to. I have to do this. So I got my homeboy. I was like, hey, bro, walk with me as I go and support me as I go.

[F]

Walk with me.

[D]

Let's do shot, brother. My homies was behind me walking, and I walked up to her. We just got to talking about the workout, and then we. We walked about 0.5 miles.

[F]

Okay. You remember?

[D]

We turned back around, only for me. I was like, I mean, I think you look nice. I would like to get to know you. Like, what you into?

[F]

And what.

[D]

And then she was like, I got a boyfriend. And I was like, I just walked A mile. I just walked a mile.

[E]

You could have told me at two and a half. Went in for the half hour.

[F]

You took a whole.

[B]

I had.

[D]

I had to find.

[B]

But you, you.

[D]

I had to find the entry point. And that's why I was like, why, why am I. Why do I need to do this? Why am I doing this? That's so bad. You should have hit her. I just walked a mile. Walked a mile for your number.

[F]

You mean to tell me a mile walk that's actually good for your health is not worth.

[D]

Like it was not worth eternity? Not if you don't get what you looking for. But what I did, that's one sign it did show me that. Like, it's not that bad.

[F]

Cause that's how you actually reframe your brain.

[E]

You have to work that muscle.

[D]

I'm good, I'm good.

[C]

Gotta get a bunch of no's sometimes. Go work on or something.

[F]

You know, you don't want to do it.

[D]

I, you know, I only, the only reason why it's like not a big deal for me is because I don't have a problem meeting women. Because I'm just, you know, they out there, they in my DMs, they're at events and stuff like that.

[F]

Like, why would I go up to Express yourself. You could just unrest them.

[B]

But what if.

[C]

I guess I'm just curious. You create a pool through the stuff you do, but there ain't nobody swimming in your pool that you like. What if somebody's outside the pool? You just like, oh, well, she didn't

[F]

come to my pool. Lead us look. Right.

[D]

I'm just, you know, if she looked like the girl that I tried to holler. Oh yeah, I would go. I would step outside the pool.

[F]

You have a type.

[D]

It's just in extreme cases, I would have to do it. Like if I see somebody, like, I gotta go, at least try to talk to her. But that's, that's very. Like, it ain't that many times that I've like make a. Make a cold call like that. It's just respect.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. You've never spoken to me.

[C]

What about you

[B]

said, hi, I've been on dates with.

[A]

Yo.

[E]

I'm sorry. You never approached as many times we'd have been in the same room.

[D]

We only been in the space. Like, I don't think I've ever personally.

[E]

You never felt like the inkling to challenge me.

[F]

But he wouldn't act.

[D]

Well, when you was in the. You were in a space where you wasn't doing it. God's way at the time. Wow. But not. This is not a shot. But you said you've never, like, I've always been. I ain't gonna say I've always been, like, the guy guy, but I've always been, like, a super church boy, and I was very frail, yo. No,

[F]

I just be thinking, like, it's your vulnerability. You said you were frail.

[D]

Like, church, like, growing up. Church will make you, like, real out of touch. You know what I'm saying?

[F]

But it just feels like disconnected feeling.

[D]

Reality is like, if you listen to rapping stuff. Back in the day, I was like, this person going to hell.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I got you.

[D]

So I wouldn't even know how to relate.

[C]

He would have judged you before.

[D]

He would have loved you. But now I'm on the love tip.

[C]

All right, so you never know. We'll wait when the cameras and the lights off. You never know. Who knows?

[D]

You know, we all here together.

[F]

This is amazing.

[D]

Okay, Chaz, talk to us.

[B]

I've been on dates in my adulthood with a total of five different people. That's it. I just don't really be liking nobody for real. True, Chad.

[F]

You know what? Honestly, that. I'm glad you said that. Okay. Because we've got someone who's like, I am not going up to anybody. This is helping all the women right now. It's like, why y' all not coming up to us?

[B]

So, okay.

[F]

Like that. And then it's like. Or I just don't really like y'. All.

[B]

And then typically, my approach, like, my brothers and my friends be making fun of me, because when I am interested in somebody, they say, like, I be shooting from Yucatan. Just, like, deep. Not even. Like, lights ain't even on in the gym yet. I'm shooting from half court.

[F]

Like, what is Dom.

[C]

Way out of, like.

[B]

I mean, that's what they say. It'll be like, like. So typically, if I'm. If I'm gonna hit somebody in the DMs, is historically, it's been like a voice message.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

You know?

[E]

Oh, that's fire.

[B]

Just really straightforward.

[F]

That's good.

[B]

I feel like I ain't really got no Riz. I just. I just, like. I'm just straightforward. I'm like, hey, I think you're beautiful. I know it's your page.

[F]

That's not, like, just really direct.

[E]

What is.

[B]

That's it.

[C]

Why are you shooting too far so.

[B]

Cause they. Because, like, from their perspective. My brother, for example, would be like, yo, you gotta, like, take more, like, mass approach where you. You Know, like, a couple posts, respond to some stories, do stuff like that slowly.

[E]

Like, yeah.

[F]

That they're lying to you. I want you to know it.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, because

[B]

this. This. This kind of gets on my.

[E]

I think it's.

[B]

This is something that gets on my nerves. We can talk about this in a second.

[F]

Oh, I like it.

[B]

But it's like, women will be, like, upset that a dude is just a friend for a while, and then out of nowhere, they're like, hey, I like you. It's like, wait a minute, You've been deceiving me. But then there's other women who don't like dudes who are straight up and just, you know, say out the gate, like, yo, I want to talk to you. Like, whoa, can I get to know you first?

[F]

When I was in high school, I literally used to say the phrase, I want a gangster. I want a dude that's like. That don't like me that much. That's kind of, like, chill. And the truth is, it's because I was deeply insecure, and there was a type of man that, like, if he's cool enough, if he, like, kind of likes me, that makes me cool, too. But the truth is in my. In my, like, actual security and health directness makes me feel safe. Tell me what you want.

[E]

What it is.

[F]

Just tell me. Like, and I just think that what we're really talking about is the healthy woman versus the unhealthy.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And the. In the. Why.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

What is the intention behind it?

[F]

Yeah, because I don't. Like, I am very direct, and I'm also not very perceptive. So that's, like, a weakness of mine. It's like, if you're flirting, I won't know unless you say it.

[E]

What are you.

[F]

Why is this. What are you doing? You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

So for me, it's like the voice note, like. But honestly, I think the reason why I say health and unhealth is because in my growth and health, I value that more. Like, I'm seeing that in myself, at least in the people that I talk to.

[B]

That makes sense.

[D]

Like, go ahead.

[B]

The last time I approached somebody, it was. Yeah, about. About a year ago. No, that's not true. In person. Last time I approached somebody in person or I just saw them out, it was at an event. She was with a bunch of friends, like, a group of, like, 10 people. I was like, let me wait. Because I could walk up that. I don't know, whatever. At a certain point, she was just. It was just her and one of her friends. So I walked up to her. I was like, hey, excuse me. Think you're really beautiful. What's your name? And she paused. Cause I put my hand out. She was like. I was like, are you single? She said, oh, I have a boyfriend. I was like, ah. All right. Have a good day. I feel like she might have been lying, though.

[D]

She don't know.

[F]

That's the story you're telling yourself?

[E]

Yeah. She had a paper drag that onto her. You can't assume that.

[B]

I don't know.

[F]

What's gonna happen is the story that you tell yourself, if not validated, you will actually take that story and apply it to every other female, and they will get.

[E]

They're lying. They're lying. They're lying.

[B]

You know what the truth is? I've been used to rejection all my life.

[D]

That's what it is.

[E]

You are used to rejection.

[B]

I experienced it a good amount at a young age. So then it's like, it's carried over. I'm working through it. I'm definitely working through it.

[C]

Kiana. Kiana cheated on me in the seventh grade, bro. I had to overcome that.

[F]

Y' all be remembering, though, for real.

[D]

Oh, I.

[C]

You remember Kiana Richmond?

[E]

I remember you.

[B]

You said the first dance

[E]

comment under this video.

[B]

I had a kiana in eighth grade.

[C]

See what I'm saying? See what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah, with one of my friends, too.

[F]

Yeah, my friend, too, is on the

[E]

basketball team together, bro. Why they.

[B]

Nothing.

[E]

They remember, like, Keanu Ree. They did not for the girl.

[F]

Okay, but I will say this. Like, I do think that it is much difficult, much more difficult for men to trust again than women. And I say that from someone who's just like, yes, I was in a really bad marriage, but I'm just gonna try again. I'm gonna try again. Like, we will heal and rebound and go after you. Y' all will literally hold on.

[D]

I be trusting, though, for dear. I be trusting easy.

[E]

You do?

[C]

Why not?

[E]

I be trusting easy.

[B]

Easy.

[D]

I would trust, like, well, until. Until something pop up.

[F]

Like, what I'm gonna do trust first.

[D]

Well, you do.

[E]

I do, too.

[D]

I do be trusting. But, like, some these days, a lot of stuff that I believe in, but I don't really be like, I'll start again, you know? Okay. I'll get back out there. Okay.

[C]

So here's the thing about me. I hate waiting. Like, not a little bit. And I know I gotta grow, but, like, when you put on hold in that music, that should be, like, illegal. And I realized that a lot of the Financial stress that. That a lot of us carry isn't because we don't have the money. It's because we're waiting on money that we already earned to show up. Like, it's. We're on someone's schedule that somebody else picked. And what Earn in does, it fixes all that. It's a fintech app. It's not a bank. It's not a payday loan. It just gives you access to the money that you've already worked for. Up to 150 a day, up to a thousand between paychecks and tips are optional. Standard transfers take 1, 2 business days. No mandatory fees. You need it faster.

[D]

Okay, cool.

[C]

Expedited transfers start at 399. And they stop. They cap at 5.99. So 5 million people are already using it. And honestly, it's wild that this simple opportunity did not exist sooner. So download earning on the App Store or on Google Play. It's spelled earning E, A, R, N, I, N G. Minus the G, though. Earn in. Right. So when you sign up, type in the deep end with lecrae under podcast and it's going to help the show. Earn in is a financial tech company. It's not a bank. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors. Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Expedited transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary, don't affect the service available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply, so visit Earnin.com for full details.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[C]

I have a random question because we were talking about guys approaching or and you brought up flirting. Like, you can't tell if they're flirting or not.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

What does flirting look like for women? Like, how do guys. How should they know?

[D]

How do y' all flirt?

[E]

I suck so bad. I'm so funny and so goofy. Sis. She's so funny.

[F]

I'm like, I'm trying to flirt with you.

[E]

I'm trying to have sex with you. No, not sex. Not sex. But like. But back in the day, I'm not your sis. That's good.

[F]

I'm like, oh, she funny.

[C]

It's my sister.

[D]

Do you flirt now that you in the. In the space that you in now? Do you like, how was that versus.

[C]

Yeah. What is flirting? I have to be wanting to know he's interested.

[D]

What would you do?

[F]

And this is new for you, too. So, like, flirting without the intention of sex is different. So what you be doing now?

[E]

That's what you do? No, I'm trying to act like you a nigga.

[C]

Oh, that's what you do. You just look at them.

[E]

No, what would I do if I

[F]

was, like, bright skin, you know what I'm saying?

[E]

I get nervous and then I get goofy.

[C]

So goofiness is your flirt.

[E]

Yes, but then I'm goofy with everybody, even ugliness, every dude, so it's confusing. No, don't get it twisted. You were flirting with me. No, no, no, no.

[C]

Okay, but. But in general, if you.

[E]

I don't know how.

[F]

No. Okay, I got mine.

[E]

I don't know how to flirt.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

I don't. I need to be more feminine.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

Okay. All right, so I. I would say I flirt in two ways. I'm very direct. I'm like, oh, my gosh. I think you're so attractive.

[D]

You say that?

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Oh, I say stuff like that, though.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[F]

I think you're. But then I'll walk off. Or I'll even say things like, hey, you'll be like, I think it's worth.

[E]

I'm like, you smell so good. Yeah, can I get a. Like, I'll switch real quick.

[F]

That's good.

[E]

No, not me.

[F]

I'm like, let's sit in it. Let's stare at each other.

[D]

Come on.

[F]

Oh, yeah. I love. But I value vulnerability. I just love it. And, like, again, it equates to safety for me. Okay, so I'm like, if we're on the same page, if we're being honest and upfront with each other, we can be safe. But I will say things like, hey, I was looking at your Instagram, like, just some of your old posts, and I just really admire your leadership. I love, like, what you're putting out in the world. Like, I think that's just amazing.

[D]

If that's flirtatiousness or is that just, like, encouragement, Encouragement.

[F]

And then I'll. I don't know, like, for me, I'd

[B]

be like, dag, I appreciate that

[E]

gifts,

[F]

too, are, like, a thing. Like, I.

[D]

You give gifts.

[F]

I'm giving an example.

[B]

These signs.

[C]

That's what I was.

[F]

I'm an example.

[D]

You give gifts.

[F]

Gifts are my love language. But I also really love all people, so it's kind of weird. I just like all the random People. I'm like, I want to help this lady that I don't even know. I just love it.

[E]

Right?

[F]

So there was a guy at my gym, and he said he's a trainer, and he said something about, like, you guys have a good weekend or something. Like, maybe have your favorite snack. My favorite snack is a Kit Kat. So about a week later, I bought a Kit Kat.

[E]

But you liked him.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

And so. And I snuck into their little, like, office area, and I put it on his desk, and I said, like, hope you enjoyed this weekend, Tony.

[D]

Fire.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And then.

[F]

And he.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

As I saw him see it, and I was like.

[E]

Like, I just love it. Like a creep out the window. Hey, Tony.

[F]

And I also think that, okay, this is a little spiritual, but it's not. I also think that, like, there's power in discernment. Like, I think that for sure, when we know that someone's kind of into us, that this guy was totally into me. I knew it. So I was like, I'm just gonna, like, be a little. I be knowing. I be knowing. I be knowing. And so I honestly threw the hanky at him to let him know that I know he's liking my pictures. He's like, oh, okay. Yeah, I know. And so. But I also feel like it's really difficult for men to be upfront and direct. And I'm like, I can make it easier without trying to be like, oh, he talked to me like, you know,

[D]

like, that's what I'm saying.

[F]

Hey, here's a little Kit Kat.

[D]

Even if they do make it easy for me, I'd still be tripping.

[F]

Have you honestly, what you afraid of?

[D]

I ain't really afraid of nothing. It's just like, it's. I just have a preference just not to engage. But I do want terrified. I do. I feel like I still will. I think the Lord sees and understands like, man, so he makes accommodations for it. So he'll be like, man, I'll help him out. Like, he. He'll throw the handkerchief. I love him.

[B]

So this man got the. Trying to have the Isaac story preferences.

[C]

I want to ask a couple questions about preferences because I'm curious Yalls preferences as like, I got a list. Oh, Lord.

[D]

And that's the problem.

[B]

I had a list and deleted it.

[F]

I want to talk about that and

[B]

then have another one.

[F]

I want to talk about a list

[B]

and then deleted it again.

[F]

Why you got Are so vehemently against standard boundaries? There are.

[B]

Wait, what? What? What?

[D]

Who is.

[B]

Who is you guys, like, just more

[F]

Ethereal, More like pointing above.

[C]

It's not the battle of the sexes. Now, I. You kind of hit on this earlier, but I'm just curious, for. For everybody, kids dating somebody with kids, is that like a maybe? I consider it. It's like. Doesn't make a big deal. I know Matthew's like, it's whatever one or.

[D]

Well, I want to clarify.

[F]

I know you want to clarify.

[D]

I'm not as close to the idea as I used to be when I was a little bit younger. So if I come across as like a kid, it's like. It's more of a. Am I ready to be a stepdad? You know what I'm saying? Do I want to take on that role? For real?

[B]

For real.

[D]

She look good. She cool, but she do. I actually met a girl like this. She had a son. I thought she was dope, but I just couldn't get over the ideas. Like, I don't know if I'm ready to be a dad. But then, now that I think about it, it's like, I was probably just. I was making up stuff for me to not be able to engage, but it's a responsibility, you know what I'm saying? So I won't be knowing if I'm ready for that. And then you gotta have the money, too. So I'm in Foot Locker right now.

[F]

I have so many things to say about my mom.

[C]

Can you be a stepmom? B.

[F]

Can you be a bonus mom?

[E]

Yes, I have been.

[F]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So it's not an issue for you.

[E]

And I, like, take pride in that. Cause I had a stepmom that I didn't get along with, and that wasn't. We didn't have a healthy relationship, so I'm like, if I could be. I know. I feel like I know how to be a step mom.

[F]

That's really sweet.

[E]

I know how you've seen what it

[F]

looks like not to be.

[E]

Oh, my God. And it affects the children so much.

[B]

So.

[E]

Yeah. I'm not saying I want that now.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

It's not a.

[E]

Like, it's not a non negotiable.

[C]

Non negotiable.

[E]

Non negotiable means, like, you're, you know, you're not negotiating. I would negotiate on that.

[C]

That's Chaz.

[D]

What about you?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No kids. No kids. Okay.

[E]

And that's fine that you know that, like. Absolutely not.

[D]

I'm.

[C]

I'm curious for. For my. Virgin fellas, does she have to be. Is that a preference?

[F]

Is it like mando?

[C]

Or is like, I was.

[B]

Yeah. I was gonna. I was thinking about bringing that up. I. I honestly would prefer that. Yeah, I would prefer that.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm just curious. So it's like, hey, this is.

[D]

This is high.

[C]

How high on the priority on the preference list is it, like.

[E]

But would you date somebody that wasn't a virgin? Like, if I had a chance. If you really liked her.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

But you would prefer it?

[B]

I would prefer, yes.

[C]

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. I was just curious.

[F]

Fear.

[D]

Yeah. No, I don't care. Now we get into.

[F]

So funny.

[E]

Teach me some now. Now we married now what's up? How you doing?

[D]

No, I don't. I don't. I don't care. I don't care. I think I used to, but then I was a part of purity culture, so everything was like.

[F]

Yeah. I was about to say it probably was like, oh, you can't.

[D]

Yeah. Like, you shouldn't do this. And it's just like, now that I've gotten away from that, it's just like, man, Like.

[F]

Yeah. The legalism and all that. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. So it's more of. All right. I remember I was talking to a girl, and she was like. We actually went to college together. And she was like, she wouldn't want to be with a virgin. And I was like, okay, cool. And I was like, well, I don't mind being with somebody that had sex before, but it's just like. You know how people talk about they had a phase in their life, and I'm just like, how long was it? Did you have, like, a phase?

[C]

Shout out to my wife. Cause I definitely had a phase.

[D]

Right, right. I had a phase two. So now I'm like, I don't really mind, but it's just like, if you got. If you had, like, a phase. Phase for real. It's just more. I don't know if I can get it into that. So, like, it just. It just depends. I think it's, you know, growth, maturity, because you never really know. You know what I'm saying? One thing I'm learning about women, it's phase.

[C]

Like years or bodies.

[F]

Ah, yeah, it's both.

[E]

And how do you know? I mean, it could be two bodies in four years. Like, you don't like.

[D]

Yeah, see, that's not. That's not what I'm saying.

[C]

But it was two bodies. But it was a lot of times in four years. Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh. Oh, you talking about. Oh. Oh, yeah.

[C]

I don't mean. I mean, you know, I'm just.

[D]

I don't think I Would really. I think it's just a conversation. But I don't. I don't. I'm not looking for, like, a virgin. I done had a virgin. Not I had. But, like, I done dated a virgin.

[E]

I had a virgin, but I captured her in the wall. I'm like, oh, line up in the basement. Like, what?

[D]

And that's the problem about with virginity and stuff like that. If you're not careful, like, you really can make that. Not saying that you are, but you really can make it like a thing more like, like. I mean, it's kind of put yourself,

[F]

like a barrier, as it should.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But we live in a broken world, right?

[D]

Right. What you're saying. Yeah.

[A]

So. Yeah.

[C]

So I want to play a game with y'.

[B]

All.

[F]

So excited.

[C]

It's called Standards or Delusion.

[B]

Oh, I like this.

[C]

I'm gonna read you something that somebody said they need in a partner.

[E]

Sweating.

[C]

And y' all gonna tell me, is that a standard or is that a flat out delusion?

[B]

All right.

[F]

I'm so scared that one of them's gonna be on my list and you

[D]

guys are gonna say delusion, because everybody got a list.

[F]

Okay?

[C]

So let's see who knows the difference.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

All right, so I'm gonna start with the fellas on this one, because this is mostly aimed at y'. All.

[B]

I swear. If 6 over 6ft is on there.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I'm six three. And I think it's. But I think it's stupid for somebody

[F]

to say, oh, they gotta be strong word chest.

[D]

Like, it's so strong.

[B]

This is subjective. I think it's dumb. There are so many great men who are under six feet, and people are just.

[E]

Exactly. Well, yeah, that's fine. But you're not gonna be.

[D]

Oh, I'm six feet.

[B]

No, you're not. Go ahead.

[E]

How tall are you, Matthew?

[F]

Don't say it out loud.

[E]

He said, oh, my God.

[F]

Put it on his lower third later on.

[C]

Okay, fellas, is this a standard or a delusion? He needs to make more money than me.

[F]

Ah.

[C]

Is she delusional, or is that a healthy standard?

[F]

That's really hard.

[B]

How much money does she make?

[D]

Does she need.

[C]

Did he just need to make more money than her? Is that a standard?

[B]

I feel like there's nuances to that, but I'm gonna lean towards delusion.

[E]

Yeah, really?

[D]

Delusion.

[B]

I'm gonna lean towards delusion. I think the. Oh, go ahead.

[D]

I was. I would say delusion without explanation, but if we get into it, I think it's like you said a little bit more.

[B]

Because, like, you, for example, you make a lot of money. Like.

[D]

Like, I don't.

[B]

Do you prefer for your man to be making more money than you?

[E]

Like, I think it matters how secure he is. Every guy I've dated, I've made more money than. And it's been stressful.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Because he couldn't handle the fact that you're making money.

[E]

I've always been cheated on. He always cheated on me with somebody that was broker.

[D]

And that's crazy.

[E]

I'm not saying that.

[F]

Yeah. That had less influence. Had less influence that they could manipulate. Control.

[E]

Right. Or he felt more powerful with her.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[E]

He felt like a man. And maybe. And I take accountability on stuff like that, too. Like with my ex, God rest his soul, he passed away, but I was always trying to change him.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Like. Well, you need to do this. It's like you. You need to. You.

[B]

So I think.

[E]

So I take accountability for not making him secure in that relationship.

[B]

From what I. From what I know, just from what I've heard in other relationships, that statement sounds like. Like what's. It sounds like what's behind that is just women's desire for security.

[E]

Security and provision. And if you can do that, making whatever amount you're making, as long as I feel taken care of, nigga, whatever you doing, you handling home.

[B]

So I. Yeah, I think that's a very surface level statement. There's more to it.

[C]

Matthew's struggling.

[E]

What you think?

[F]

It's interesting, culturally, this question, I think, lands differently with different cultures.

[D]

Exactly.

[F]

So I have a lot of, like, white female pastor friends, podcaster authors that

[E]

make way more money.

[F]

And it's not even. Like, they wouldn't even think to answer it because there's so much security and connection in the relationship and health. Probably generational legacy type health that we don't have access to. In some ways that it's like, this is for us. Like, it genuinely doesn't become a breakdown.

[D]

Ooh.

[C]

It's not you and me.

[B]

No.

[F]

It's literally not us.

[D]

I'm saying, man.

[F]

And I can really see it.

[E]

But they're men.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

In that culture.

[F]

I mean, I stay at home. I have literally, like, some of the largest pastors in the world. White women. They don't even. They're like such and such cooks. And when I get home from a ministry trip or whatever, like, they're with the kids. Like, there's no. It's just not there. I think that's a cultural conversation.

[C]

Yeah. I would have been more than happy to be an accomplice. If my wife became like Oprah rich,

[D]

I'd be like, hey, how do I.

[B]

I'd be a stay at home man.

[D]

I think.

[B]

Ok.

[D]

In general, I think most men that I, at least people that I know, they all have a desire to take care of their.

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[D]

They always have that desire now. You know what I'm saying? When it comes. But when they get to the money part is where it's just like it don't really to me, it's like it's not that big of a deal outside of like if we're doing this together, it's just like what does it really mean for you to make more money than me unless you have like this major expectation? It's like I had a girl tell me, she was like, why would you. Why would you want me to. I was like, would you ever get me like a haircut or something? She was like, well, why would I do that? And it's just like, no, that's why. And that's the culture.

[F]

There's years of like maturity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I know some really solid men who like married for a season, Their wives are making more money for them while they were building something. And like so like if they got like you were mentioning earlier, like they got a mission and a purpose and they're on that, eventually it's gonna.

[E]

That's totally fine.

[C]

Let me go to the next one. Stand standard or delusion? I'll start with the ladies, but you throw it up. Well, this is kind of to. To the ladies. This is standard or delusion. If the man says she needs to

[E]

be submissive, I think that we going biblical. Go ahead, Pastor. If you submitted to the Lord and you are leading and you are providing and I would gladly. I can't wait to submit to my man.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

If he is leading and making me feel secure and you are allowing a space for me to be in my feminine. I'm masculine all the time. I have to be. I'm on zoom calls. I'm making decisions. I'm half a million dollar deals. Like I'm over here talking like what? Read the fine print. I have to come into every environment being masculine. If my man can lead in that space. What? I will take a cooking class. I will learn how to cook. I will rub some feet. I will rub your back. I will. What do you need me to do to make this a better environment for you to walk in your purp and me to honestly get behind you?

[F]

Let me cater to you.

[E]

I swear I can't wait to do that. I've never experienced that either.

[C]

Your DM's gonna be flooded again.

[F]

No, genuinely, like, as a single mom, I literally lead kids. I do not sleep well at night because if someone comes to the door, it's me. Like, I would love to be submitted to someone who genuinely wants to protect me. Oh my gosh. I want to sleep and can lead.

[E]

That's congregative.

[D]

That's great.

[E]

The brokest could be confident.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

I'm sorry, baby. You gonna make me believe in that T shirt line? Come on. What?

[B]

Come on here.

[F]

Foot Locker.

[B]

What?

[E]

They be so confident and bold. You sound like you got some authority.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[C]

A burst pipe, a dead water heater,

[D]

the AC calling it quits.

[C]

Who do you call?

[D]

HomeServe is an easy way to handle

[C]

unexpected home repairs with plans covering stuff basic homeowners insurance usually won't.

[D]

Instead of scrambling for a contractor, you

[C]

may one call to get the repair process started. Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe right now.

[D]

Go to HomeServe.com podcast for 50% less your first year.

[C]

That's HomeServe.com podcast savings compared to renewal

[D]

price void in Florida.

[C]

Okay, what about this one? Is this standard or delusion? She or he cannot have close friends of the opposite sex.

[F]

Oh, yes, standard. I didn't been cheated on one too many times. I don't want to try to act like. Like I. I think there's so much wisdom in it.

[C]

Okay?

[F]

And I don't think that it's about friendship. I think it's about boundaries and I think it's about function. Okay, like, the truth is, like, I had a male best friend for years and years and years, but when I got married, the function of that relationship changed because I wanted to honor my husband. And there are things that I do think are biblical that men and women kind of get from each other.

[B]

Other.

[F]

Like, whether we like it or not, our bodies, our minds, our souls are attracted to something that the opposite sex has. And so if you let them into too much of an intimate space, they're gonna pour into that thing. So you just gotta. You gotta be wise.

[E]

You gotta protect it.

[F]

You gotta protect it. That's how it works.

[D]

You're saying it's a standard that you're like, nah, this. They can't have a close friend.

[F]

So I think it goes something that you said earlier. It's like, I think it's a standard with some nuance. Like, I just think that it's not delusional for me to be like, hey, like, you've got a female best friend. We're about to get married, you guys.

[E]

Y' all's relationship has to shift a little bit. Yeah, I think that's healthy.

[D]

I think I only. I'm only gonna say delusion, because that's the only choice, but I think it's. I think that somebody like me could have benefited from. Again, I grew up in church and stuff, so they told you, like, nah, you don't need to be dealing with.

[B]

You didn't have sisters either?

[D]

No, and I didn't have a sister. So I think if I would have been taught, like, the benefit of having female friendships, I think I would be a lot better than I am. But it was so, like, keep it separate.

[E]

Stay away, stay away.

[D]

Then it's like, now I'm dealing with women, I'm like, bro, what you talking about? Like, friendship. Yeah.

[C]

That's why I try to throw close in there.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Friendship.

[C]

I would consider these women my friends.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But. But close is like, every day.

[E]

What you on, what you got going on?

[D]

And I think that's to your point. It's like, I had a girl that was like, we were pretty close friends, but once she got married, it's like, I understood there's a level of respect, but, like, her friendship was very beneficial for me as far as, like, understanding women. Understanding women in a sense and stuff like that. So it's like.

[C]

And if you were her husband, would you care if the way y' all were before she got married, if it stayed that way?

[D]

If I was the husband, yeah. No, I would be like, nah, you gotta tighten up a little bit.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Because it's outta respect. But usually if I think men do a good job of understanding that, it's like, all right, well, if you marry now, it's just a different season. It's like, with anything, you just like, all right.

[F]

Even with single friends.

[E]

Yeah. It's like my homegirl.

[D]

I would expect the woman to even have that conversation before I even address it. If you know that you in a different season, it's like, you know how to tighten up. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

We'll start with you on this one, Chad. Standard or delusion? Physical attraction is the first priority.

[B]

No, not first, but I think it's the first thing you notice.

[D]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[B]

Let me explain. Let me break it down. Let me break it down. Let me. Let me explain.

[E]

I know, I know.

[F]

That was.

[D]

Let me explain.

[F]

I apologize.

[D]

I don't.

[B]

I wouldn't say it's the first priority. I say it's the first, like, it's like, this is how I break. This is how I look at it.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

If you going shopping, right? And the storefront, like, what's in the windows doesn't look good. You're not gonna go in the store.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Right?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

So the first thing that men notice is what somebody looks like. That's like. That is why it's called physical attraction. But for dudes, I think it is. It's different because I know so many women will be like, oh, I wasn't attracted to him at first, but then he just.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

100. I don't think it's irony first, but

[B]

I do think it's the first thing we notice. I wouldn't say it's at the top of the priority list.

[E]

Right, Right.

[B]

But for real, I wouldn't say set

[C]

the top priority because, like, yo, like, like, like, I'm trying, okay.

[B]

A nice body ain't gonna help me raise a child. Like, that's not. It's important. It's. I think it's needed, but I don't think it's the most important.

[F]

But that's why we saying first, because you got the two.

[B]

If it was first. If it was first, I would only date 10.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Well, that's. I wouldn't say they would be tens, but, like, if it was the number

[B]

one priority, I would only date people who. I still are the top of the

[D]

crop in the world. I think women that I date are all 10 to you. To me, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Like your personal preference. Maybe.

[D]

There's no. There's nothing. Okay. Looks aren't. Let's just say looks aren't the most important thing. We could say that. But nothing matters.

[B]

Nothing else matters.

[D]

Nothing matters. If the shoe don't look good.

[B]

That's why I'm saying it's the first thick comfortable.

[E]

Is it giving you a bunch?

[D]

I'm not going to be able to find out because I'm not going to approach.

[B]

If it don't look, you'll be approaching anybody anyway. But. But if the shoe look nice and you put it on. If you. If the shoe looks like amazing, you put it on. And after walking a mile. Exactly.

[D]

You going to take it off. But you only put the shoe on because of what it looked like.

[B]

Because it's the first and most important thing. So look, this is what I mean by like, I would only date. There are women who I've been like, oh, she is super attractive. Are there other women who I find more attractive than you? Absolutely. But I'm still like, oh, she is.

[F]

There are other. Make her attractive.

[B]

Right. And she. But like if some. There's like a minimum threshold where it's like, if she's this attractive, then I'm

[D]

like, okay, yeah, but you, you find that information out after you try it on. But the only reason why, like if, if you didn't like the shoe.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You're not going to try the shoe on. Yes.

[E]

Okay, let me make the scenario.

[F]

I may be vain.

[D]

She gotta look good.

[B]

Absolutely.

[E]

Okay, if you walk into a room and there's a group of 10 women and they're talking and you walk up and you're like, this girl in the red dress is fine. Like, that's the one I want. And all of them start talking, but the girl to the left is a seven and her energy is just fire. Are you still like, she is just fine. Let me try to get her number. Or am I like there's like, okay, so like, are you just in that scenario?

[B]

So there's.

[D]

Yeah, I feel you.

[B]

There's a minimum threshold of attraction to a point where I'm like, oh yeah, no question. She's fine. Fine. Like it. Yeah. There may be people who are more attractive, but if I don't have the oh, no question type feeling about, then I know it's going to be.

[E]

When it comes to me is her question.

[F]

I feel like we're agreeing. I missed it. Dang it. I do feel like we're agreeing now.

[B]

Yeah, I do think there.

[F]

I think you have to be attractive.

[B]

I've like,

[E]

no question, like you question me.

[F]

Let me see there.

[B]

There are times where I'm like, where I've been like, oh, this person. I could acknowledge this person is attractive. But I've tried to make it work where it's just. It just didn't work out well and the other person ended up getting hurt. I don't think anybody wants to be on their wedding night and their wife or husband is looking at them like, eh, you know, like that's doing them a disservice. Let them be with somebody else who thinks they're fine.

[D]

But you know the scenario. You can see the finest woman in the room, but that don't mean like

[E]

there's an energy there.

[D]

Yeah. It don't mean it's like, oh, I want to talk to her. The seven. It ain't. Well, I'm gonna take the numbers away but the one that doesn't look as good is still, she's not attractive. It's just like, oh, everybody know that this. All right. Everybody know she look good. But I'm attracted to this person and in my mind she's.

[E]

She's a 10.

[D]

She's a 10 and she's funny and she's easy to talk to.

[F]

I think. Long story short, I genuinely believe that men have to be attractive for sure

[E]

to the women that.

[C]

Now why were you saying I may

[F]

be kind of vain because I too feel that way.

[E]

But do you like ugly?

[F]

Like what? Like. But what's ugly to you? May not be ugly to me. What's me?

[D]

You know, Do I get a question too? Like am I

[F]

some. It's. It's up there. I, I definitely. I don't know what it is. I think there may be a little vanity in there.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

But I personally, I'm not saying that they're generally looking like whatever but I personally have. I want, want to be like, that's my guy.

[E]

You want like shamar more.

[D]

Why do they use him as a.

[E]

Because they're 90s. Fine, we just go to the.

[F]

But I don't have like I easily

[D]

can be in the same conversation.

[F]

I don't have like that. Like what does the world think they look like? Like, I'm just saying, me personally, if

[B]

you can roll over in the morning breath smelling boogers and all that they sick.

[D]

And you're just like.

[B]

And that's.

[F]

Yes, because that's what I want. I want to, I want to be. Be so attracted. I want to be like I over there.

[E]

Oh, I know.

[F]

God.

[C]

I feel like am I. My, my philosophy on it is that I. I feel like I don't think

[E]

I ever had one of them.

[C]

Physical attraction is what gets you, but what's behind it is what keeps you.

[B]

Exactly. Like the shoe.

[D]

The shoe analogy.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

The rest of the store.

[C]

Okay, so. All right, last one for this particular segment. And then I have.

[D]

I have a couple, couple other deep end questions.

[A]

Yeah, I mean.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So.

[D]

All right.

[C]

He needs to be in therapy standard or delusion or have been in therapy delusion

[F]

standard.

[E]

I would say open to.

[B]

Ready fight standard.

[C]

He needs to be open to it.

[E]

He needs to be open to it. Yeah. Because especially if we're getting married, I want to do marriage counseling.

[D]

Okay. That's a little different.

[F]

Like, it ain't.

[D]

Well, I'm thinking about personal. Personal therapy for sure.

[E]

For sure.

[D]

Standard. Are you saying that he gotta be a personal therapy?

[E]

He needs to be open to it.

[B]

You don't like talking about your feelings?

[D]

Nah, I'm just like. I feel like, for me, I got hip to therapy. The conversation in 2019. Ish.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

And it's just like, everybody was like, therapy, therapy, therapy. And it's just like.

[E]

Did you try it?

[D]

No, I was open to it. The idea. I didn't think it was the money.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

When I ran into it at 2019. Cause it was either God or nothing. But it's just like. I feel like. I feel like the culture is pushing for everybody to have stuff worked out,

[F]

and it's just what therapy is.

[D]

I didn't. I said that's what it is. But it's this push to, like, try to get to this space where you're just like, I guess, saved, complete.

[F]

But I think that's a projection.

[D]

Let me finish.

[B]

That's not the best word to use,

[D]

but I guess it's not the best word. But it's just like, people want people in therapy. They want you to make their nervous system feel good. And all of this stuff is at the root of it. It's like, man, well, that's what you go to therapy for, just to work out these things and get to this space. And it's just like, we got all this access to all of this stuff, but the stats say that we're having the most amount of problems, but everybody wants everybody in therapy. And it's just like, what's the chicken or the egg? Yeah, it's just like, we got all

[E]

of the information constantly trying to grow. And even if I don't, I'm not in therapy. But you have a mentor, like somebody that you're learning from, somebody that can guide you, somebody that's older, somebody that whoever. But like some man or male figure that you're. You can be corrected by.

[F]

Yeah. Let's speak to the stats, though. So there's a. There's tons of research around.

[B]

I know she got them too.

[F]

Let's speak to the reason why our divorce rates are so high is because people have been damaging each other in relationships. Because historically, therapy was not a conversation, I. E. The reason why you just really leaned into it in 2019. Right now, statistically, marriages that have some sort of premarital counseling, marriages that have individuals who are whole or pursuing wholeness is really what we're talking about because we can't be whole on this side of heaven.

[E]

Right.

[F]

Are staying married longer. So if we were to measure up the statistics right now, what we're really saying is wellness and health matter not only to marriages, but to you as an individual. And I think it should not be any type of cultural war when it comes to our wellness. It should actually just be the standard

[E]

for ourselves, for everybody, for every.

[F]

I don't. Whether I get married or not before I leave this earth, I want to look more like Jesus, and I want to act more like Jesus. To do looking more like Jesus means I'm submitted to him acting more like him. The fruits of the Spirit being patient. I learned patience in theory.

[D]

I didn't learn patience in theory. Well, but I'm. I'm pretty. I can be patient, though.

[F]

I know you can be patient, but to the.

[E]

To.

[F]

To a far extent, that won't even allow you to pursue something because of the waiting.

[B]

The waiting.

[E]

Because of the patience.

[F]

Like, the patience. Like, you're like, I'm just gonna wait. But, like, that's your own. Like, the things that you've described. I don't want to go too deep because I don't want to pathologize you, but what I'm saying is I don't want to name what your name may be that you need to go work out.

[E]

But are you a therapist? But I'm not just at an appointment.

[F]

No. But at the end of the day, our whole entire beings are declining. Like, that's the sin in the world, 100%. Like, our. Our physical wellness, it's declining. So we go to the gym. Like, our. Our physical body's medical, like, expenses are raising because we're getting older and we need doctors. There is no reason that we should be rubbing up against mental and emotional health if we don't do it physically. Like, oh, man, everybody want to go to the gym now. Y' all trying to get healthy.

[E]

It's like, yeah, for sure.

[F]

But everybody want to go to therapy now. Y' all trying to not pop off on someone, not be afraid of things that you were afraid of before, not allow your past to dictate your future. Of course.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I just feel like they. I feel like, like, culture in the world. They try to. They try to put. Like, if you do this, you get this outcome. Therapy is not the.

[E]

It's not the end all be all.

[D]

Yeah. It's not. It's a part of it. It can be.

[F]

It's a resource, but it's our Source.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm against the, like, is this a dilute? Like, I'm not gonna require a person for that, but it's just like. It's people in therapy that's. I've dealt with people that go to therapy, and they. Some of the most crazy.

[F]

My ex husband. It's just, like, went to therapy and literally did not take anything from it. But that's because he also wasn't connected to the source, actually surrendered to the Lord.

[D]

Right. And that's what I. That's what I care about. It's like, don't make it. Don't push it to me. Like, this is going to. This is the thing. It's just like, okay, like, the gym.

[B]

It's.

[D]

If you want to. You need to eat better, go to the gym. It's just like, this is something that you have access to, and if you choose to explore it, I would recommend that you choose. Yeah, but it's not a. It's not a Mr. Mr. Fix It. And that's what I hate.

[C]

Yes.

[F]

No. Well, we can't arrive. And I do hate that thing that therapy's like. I'm all healed now.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

What are you talking about?

[E]

Still on earth. Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

No, you're not.

[C]

That's good.

[F]

You know, so. Yes. I don't think it should. I. I love the balance of, like. I think that it should be something that we offer up to people. I don't think it should be mandated necessarily. And at the same time, I do think that it makes you better, and that's what we should want to be better.

[C]

Similar to the gym analogy you used. I think it could be a standard for some of us. I don't know if delusion is the right word.

[D]

Right, Right.

[C]

Maybe that's too far.

[D]

Far.

[C]

But I do think it. It's like, she's got to work out. That could be your standard. But I definitely would want her to be open to working out. Like, hey, you got to care about your health. Mental, physical, emotional.

[F]

We want you to be here for a long time.

[C]

That's good.

[D]

All right, I'm going a little deep before we.

[C]

Before, you know, y' all been here.

[E]

I want to play.

[B]

You said what?

[E]

I want to play.

[F]

No, we already played earlier.

[E]

All right, fine.

[D]

I gotta go there.

[C]

I mean, this is a little playful, too.

[F]

Huge.

[D]

No, this is definitely gonna be playful

[C]

for B. Cuz I know B Like to play anyway,

[D]

but, you know, I'm

[C]

just not, you know, I'm just. I'm just being devil's advocate. A Little bit.

[E]

We like that.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

All right. So the. The.

[C]

I have friends where one was a virgin, one was not, they got married, wasn't great. I have friends. One was a virgin, the other one was a virgin, they got married, they didn't know any better.

[B]

It was great.

[C]

I got friends where neither were virgins, and it was wonderful. And now you do have people, even Christians. I'm not saying they're right. I'm just saying this is what they're saying. We know they're not right, but they're saying, man, I don't know if I can trust our sexual compatibility without knowing something. How do I even know if they can satisfy me?

[E]

Me?

[C]

I'm throwing this ball up in the air.

[E]

You can be taught that, though, sexual

[F]

compatibility isn't biblical, so we can just go on to the next. No, not you. L. But I'm like, that's just not a general makeup of a healthy marriage.

[B]

The way that I've understood is, like, if you care about pleasing the other person, you should be good. Right? Like, that's.

[E]

You said the way that, like.

[B]

I mean, I don't got no experience. I'm just saying, like, the way that I. What I've heard, like, you commuted and you commute.

[F]

Communicate women to be. It's. It's the best.

[B]

Like, I bet, like, communicate. Ask people who know what they doing,

[D]

who've been married for years, still lobbying it.

[C]

Cause y' all in the room.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, I've been on. Yeah, go ahead.

[F]

I just think there's just been. God, I was gonna say so many experiences, but I don't wanna seem like I was.

[E]

I've had a lot, but I was.

[F]

I just. I've experienced some things, and I just don't think. Think it's important.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

What's important?

[F]

Sexual compatibility.

[D]

It doesn't.

[E]

I don't.

[C]

That doesn't.

[E]

I think sexual compatibility is important, but I think it can be learned.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, you can teach your.

[F]

I got 100 things. Like, man, gotta get somebody experienced in this. Like, I just. I don't know why I would ever think.

[D]

I do. I do want my first time to be fired, though. I do want it to be, like, whether I do want my real, actual

[F]

first time for marriage therapy that you're gonna go to with your future wife. You guys could go to a sex therapy training class.

[D]

And that's what I wanted to touch on. Cause I think I never really learned. What I learned back to the church stuff is don't go out there and have sex and don't bring no baby home.

[F]

Yeah right.

[D]

But actually teaching me like what's going on with my body and stuff like that. To this day I don't hear enough about that from like I be a lot of stuff we learn it be coming from like rapping lyrics and all this stuff. It's like.

[F]

Or tip drill.

[D]

It's just like when I honestly speaking when I get married, whenever that is. I don't really know what I'm walking into aside as we supposed to be making babies but what are the expectations? Like what are you like periods. That stuff is mind blowing to me. Cause it's like women's cycles and stuff. It's so annoying, man. Only because. No, let me say what I'm saying. It's because. Because I don't know.

[C]

Oh it's annoying that you don't know.

[D]

It's annoying because I don't have like I know you have to do self stuff but it's just like I'm so new to this stuff. I feel like still it's just like when I experience it, it's just like man, I don't really know what's going on. I don't know what to help. I don't know what the always the right words to say. So it's like a lot of this stuff unless you really like you say do the thing work yourself. Like it's not a lot of spaces for Christians to go and learn about this topic and how to navigate it because it's.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[D]

So I didn't mean to say that it's. No, it's annoying because it's like man, like I shouldn't be annoyed because I should understand a little bit more. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

[C]

I like what you said. There's not enough spaces. I. I forgot the name of the book somebody gave me before I got married. But it was like something about. It was like music in the sheets or music.

[E]

I love that title.

[F]

Something like that.

[C]

It was something along them lines. But the reason why I appreciated it and I be 100% my marriage counselor was a couple and they was teaching my wife some stuff.

[F]

They was like hey, you see that's what I mean. You got to get.

[E]

You know. Is she a virgin? Can I ask that? I'm sorry.

[F]

No, you don't have to say not

[C]

stained as I was I. I was the. I was for the streets got it got it end in I was all for. I was whole fraternity. It was all bad.

[D]

Listen it was bad.

[C]

It bad.

[D]

God to Is Going good.

[F]

And he's able.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Right. Point I'm making is you can go and learn. Point I'm making it. Yes.

[E]

So I believe that, too. You can learn how to please your partner.

[B]

Ain't that the whole point? Like.

[C]

But I. I will say this as somebody who in for the. There was stuff I learned in a book that taught me more than I ever knew.

[F]

Even.

[E]

Even doing intimacy, like learning somebody's body and. Yeah, I just want to.

[F]

I'm gonna say something hard. I feel convicted about it. I think if anyone is listening or watching this podcast right now, I think you need to put away your. I think when you're looking for a spouse, you need to put away all your sexual desires and focus on the human being. So we need to stop with all that.

[D]

I never heard of that.

[F]

Just put them away.

[D]

Cause I got desires. Yeah, I already know they is, but I got them.

[F]

Yeah, but if not, your sexual desires are so strong.

[A]

Strong.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

That they will overtake you. Make decisions that you don't want to make.

[F]

Just put them away. Just put them away for right now. Or when they're ringing on that veng. When you get in that little marriage counseling, be like, what you trying to do?

[E]

How the day come?

[D]

What if you say not put them away? Okay, I can reframe that, but put them in context.

[F]

Put them in the back seat.

[E]

In the back seat.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Just.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Don't let them leave because you. It's okay to have them and feel them, but there is a place for them. Right, Right.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Love it.

[D]

That's really good.

[F]

One point. Here we go. So

[C]

we're talking to people only. Only one of you has been married before, you know, and what marriage did for me was it exposed my selfishness. So I didn't realize how selfish I was.

[D]

Easy.

[C]

It was a lot easier to be single because it was kind of like I was doing my thing, and then I could daydream about what it's like to be with somebody else. But then somebody moved into my space, and then I realized, like, oh, I'm real selfish. Cause I never had to work on this stuff before. Like, maybe with a roommate, I had to work on some of it. But, like, in a marriage, I just. It came out more. So I'm just curious, like, for y', all, is that something that you think about? Like, man, what do I need to work on on myself before I get into this? And am I open to having marriage? Expose some stuff about me, and am I willing to grow in those areas?

[B]

I don't Think there's any way a marriage will not expose some stuff?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Close to each other in your space.

[B]

There's nothing. You can't hide anything. Like, there's. Yeah, I. I think for me personally, I've just tried to consider, like, how can I be more consistent and disciplined as a person just in my own time? I know, Like, I don't. I'm not accountable to another person. Like, if I want to go out and see a movie at 9pm, I could just do that.

[F]

That.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Like, that's not.

[C]

You're always on vacation.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm. I'm a full time single human. I've been that way for nearly 31 years. So, yeah, it's gonna be interesting. I don't. I don't know what. What it's gonna be like, but. Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear what y' all think.

[F]

I love it. I want to grow so bad. I want to be better. So bad for myself, for my children, for the people that I get to interface with. I. At first, I did not want to get married again. Like, I was just like, all men are dead to me. It was in my own health. Intoxicity.

[D]

Right, right, right.

[F]

I love marriage in that there is someone so close to you and they love you so much that they would not dare let you stay in brokenness, in fear, in imperfection, in sin. Like, how beautiful is that to know, like, you are literally not correcting me because you're against me, but because you are so, like, covenantly. I think that's a word. Like, for me. Like, that's just amazing, dude. Like, you want the best for me, therefore you'll challenge me. Like, where do you don't get that in a lot of other relationships because nobody else really has to. They're not stuck to you. They're not biblically bound to you. There's no covenant there. This person is literally supposed to be with you forever. And so they're like, who do you want to be 15 years from now? Like, that's what I want to help you get to.

[E]

Yeah, I just love that. I love that.

[C]

Yeah, that's great.

[A]

Break.

[E]

Yeah, I think it's gonna be definitely difficult, like.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

You know, a beautiful difficult.

[F]

But, like, building that trust too.

[B]

Like.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Why are you calling me out?

[E]

Yeah, literally, like, I was in the gym yesterday and I cry in the gym a lot. Not a lot, but because of the

[F]

dope, all the stuff for these.

[E]

It's just a lot. Like, my trainer had me do this burnout and I Had to do, like, 40 leg lifts after my whole four sets or whatever. And I'm doing my leg lifts, and I'm like, like, 10. And it started burning at, like, 10. I'm like, I have to do 40.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

He's like, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop. And he's counting with me, and he's pushing me, and I'm like. I'm like, I'm about to cry. He's like, cry. Don't stop. Don't stop, like. And I'm like, crying, and I'm. And I get to 40, and he's like, that's what it is. Like, no. No progress without pain. And literally, it's so crazy because that morning I was like, God, thank you for the pain. Like, when you get on the other side of it, you're good. But, like, in it, it hurts so bad. And I think about that a lot with my partner. I'm. I'm like, we gonna go through some stuff. Like, who do I want to go through the pain with? Yeah, Like, I. I want to go through the pain with. I'll choose my person. Like, I can go through the pain with you, because it's not always going to be good. You know, it is, because it's really

[F]

not the pain or the grief or anything that, like, will take you out. It's going through it alone that will.

[E]

Right. Maybe you have somebody having the right person. Oh, man. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So, like. Yeah, it's not. I don't expect it to be easy, but I expect it to be a beautiful pain.

[D]

It's good.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Don't say anything.

[E]

What do you say?

[F]

Don't do it.

[E]

Yeah, I don't do it.

[D]

What was the question? What was the question? But we could. We could move on, I think.

[C]

All right, check this out.

[E]

I don't have anything to say.

[C]

This we're going to do next up is going to be a lightning round, but this is only for the exclusive, folks.

[D]

Sorry.

[E]

Ooh.

[F]

Bye, boy.

[C]

Reconstruct you, I see.

[E]

Oh, is this for an app? Like, do you have an apple?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So this is exclusive. We're gonna do a little lightning round

[D]

before we let them go.

[C]

If y' all are not. If y' all didn't catch the lightning round. We love you. We appreciate y'. All. We're gonna do more of this in the future because these are some great individuals. Make sure you follow them all on social media. Get your social media real quick.

[B]

My socials are Chaz Smith on everything, and I'M working on an animated series about Bible stories for kids called whhw. Series dropping in September. September.

[E]

Oh, I love that.

[D]

Just look right here. This is, this is, this is me at Matthew Hudson. M t t h w h u d S o n There we go.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Tony J Collier. T o n I j C o l L I e r I'll follow

[E]

all you guys when I get back on social media and the Beast Simone on everything. And yeah, go subscribe to the ltta app.

[F]

Boom. Let's go.

[C]

This is the deep end with LeCrac.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.