Ask Me Anything #8: John Answers Your Questions

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show – Episode 900: Ask Me Anything #8: John Answers Your Questions

Date: May 13, 2026
Host: Dr. John Delony
Producer & Co-Host: Kelly
Network: Ramsey Network

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Episode Overview

Celebrating its 900th episode, The Dr. John Delony Show marks the milestone with another “Ask Me Anything” installment. Dr. John, joined as always by his producer and co-host Kelly, takes on a range of listener questions—spanning relationships, personal growth, daily habits, fears, and the lighter side of life. The vibe is candid, irreverent, and insightful, marked by the camaraderie and quick wit between Dr. John and Kelly, and punctuated with laughter, honesty, and a spirit of curiosity.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. What Should Couples Agree on Before Marriage?

Timestamp: [02:18–08:58]

• Core Insight: Instead of focusing on agreeing about specific topics (money, religion, kids), couples should prioritize how they’ll talk to each other when things get hard and how to maintain their friendship over time.
• Values vs. Beliefs:
  • Values are “who you are”; beliefs are “how you act that out.”
  • Dr. John explains differing methods of expressing generosity and faith within his marriage, demonstrating the importance of aligned values despite shifting beliefs.
  • Quote: “I want folks to have the same values; I don’t care about their beliefs.” – Dr. John ([03:32])
• Ego in Relationships: Letting go of needing your partner to share every belief or passion is essential for genuine intimacy and growth.
• Favorite Reference: Esther Perel’s concept that we may have multiple “great loves” with the same person as we evolve over time.

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2. Is It Wrong to Stay Single After a Bad Breakup?

Timestamp: [08:58–12:17]

• Key Message: No, staying single is healthy if it’s for reflection and healing—not as a defensive retreat from intimacy.
• Advice: Use single time to process pain, reflect on patterns, and intentionally consider what you want in future relationships.
• Quote: “Being single is different than being alone.” – Dr. John ([10:05])

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3. Dr. John’s Infamous Morning Routine

Timestamp: [12:23–19:40]

• Evolution: Dr. John’s routines have ranged from “pathological” and “militant” to more balanced and present.
• Current Routine Summary:
  • Early rising (between 4:45–7:00 AM)
  • Breathing exercises (Nordic Wave app)
  • Exercise (rebounder, walking/ruck, weightlifting at home)
  • Meditation, prayer, and being present with family
• Lessons Learned:
  • Structure is valuable when rooted in personal values, but should not create rigidity or enslave you.
  • Turning Point: Inspired by Alex Hormozi, Dr. John realized he had become “a slave to the morning routine.” Choosing freedom and presence over mindless structure became essential.
  • Quote: “If I can’t live the life I want without militantly scheduling every second of my morning, then I’m not free.” – Dr. John ([17:01])
  • Metaphor: Starting the day by keeping promises to yourself fills your pitcher—essential before serving others.

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4. Favorite Deer (Venison) Recipe

Timestamp: [20:20–22:33]

• Dr. John defers to his wife, who excels at simply prepared backstrap (venison or elk), minimally seasoned with salt and pepper.
• Regularly uses Bearded Butchers’ seasoning for ground meats.
• Running Joke: As a Texan, John admits (with shame) his wife grills better than he.
• Memorable Banter: Texas-related trivia and playful ribbing about state pride.

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5. Emotional Cheating vs. Physical Cheating: Which is Worse?

Timestamp: [24:34–27:55]

• Research: These experiences are often gendered; men reportedly focus more on physical acts, women on emotional betrayal, but this is not universal.
• Dr. John’s Perspective: Physical affairs generally feel worse to him, but both are destructive. Importantly, recovery from both is possible.
• Kelly’s Perspective: She, too, finds physical cheating more troubling, but has put guardrails on opposite-sex friendships to avoid emotional drift.
• Quote: “Both can be pretty destructive…and couples can come back from affairs too.” – Dr. John ([25:48])

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6. Can Couples Have Opposite-Sex Friends?

Timestamp: [28:08–32:27]

• Both Agree: Yes, but boundaries and intentionality are crucial.
• Risk Factor: The danger lies in friendship supplanting marital intimacy—when you find yourself sharing, confiding, or seeking validation from someone outside the marriage.
• Guideline: Would you say or do this if your spouse were present? Transparency is vital.
• Drift Warning: Emotional affairs often happen by degrees—not with intent, but by unguarded, incremental boundaries being crossed.
• Quote: “To be in hell is to drift; to be in heaven is to steer.” – George Bernard Shaw, via Kelly ([32:10])

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7. Beliefs Dr. John Has Changed His Mind About Recently

Timestamp: [33:04–36:52]

• Political Compassion: People often seek safety and belonging, not always thoughtful agreement. This realization has increased Dr. John’s compassion.
• From Understanding to Action: Formerly, John believed the right information would fix problems. Now he prioritizes right action over deep analysis—doing precedes feeling or clarity.
• Quote: “What’s more important is less than understanding, is doing the right thing.” – Dr. John ([35:09])
• Try small, intentional actions to change your outlook and relationship dynamics.

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8. Biggest Splurges & Quirky Expenses

Timestamp: [38:52–41:21]

• Dr. John: High-end products (“buy it once, buy it right”), pet snakes (expensive upkeep), lymphatic massages, hunting/outdoor trips.
• Kelly: Shares that structure in the morning, recommended by John and Cody (John’s brand manager), changed her life.
• Sheila (Dr. John’s wife): Splurges on travel and relational investments—time with friends and creative pursuits.

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9. ADHD: Managing Diagnosis for Self and Family

Timestamp: [43:20–48:48]

• Key Practices:
  • Grace and acceptance—stop “going to war” with yourself about neurodiversity.
  • Build in space for good days and bad focus days; don’t beat yourself up when it’s not working.
  • Family changed their expectations (not reading character failures into ADHD behaviors).
  • Minimize alcohol for better sleep and reduced internal chaos.
  • Always have a “hyperfocus” passion project, even amid other demands.
  • Well-being basics: sleep, exercise, community.
• Humorous Acknowledgment: Kelly jokes about calling Dr. John’s wife for the real story.

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10. Maintaining Faith in Humanity Despite Trauma Exposure

Timestamp: [49:52–54:15]

• Source of Hope: The helpers—emergency responders, neighbors, and regular people who show up for others in crisis.
• Quote: “Go be the helper. Don’t just look for them.” – Dr. John ([53:57])
• Cites the Mr. Rogers quote: "Look for the helpers," and calls adults to action, not just observation.

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11. Favorite Song to Hear Before You Die

Timestamp: [54:15–57:26]

• Dr. John: “Piano Man” by Billy Joel—wants it at his funeral for the communal, spirited singalong.
• Kelly: “Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John—for the joy and group camaraderie. (First instinct was “I’ll Remember You” by Skid Row, but not the tone she wants.)
• Other silly/fun tracks also suggested, reflecting the show's playful side.

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12. Greatest Fears: Existential and Practical

Timestamp: [58:08–70:13]

• Dr. John:

  • Existential: Being unable to protect his family, especially his kids—not being able to shield them from suffering.
  • Practical: Heights; and, now, his son driving.

• Kelly:

  • Existential: Losing her son’s affection/connection in adulthood; deeply affected by listener letters about estrangement.
  • Practical: Clowns (originating from childhood exposure to Poltergeist and reading about John Wayne Gacy).

• Alex (team member):

  • Existential: Loneliness and insignificance.
  • Practical: Needles and being pinched.

• Ben (team member):

  • Existential: Not leaving a legacy or being remembered.
  • Practical: Public speaking (but not rapping in front of crowds).

• Shared parent anxieties around children’s safety, and the importance of intentional relationships.

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13. The Art of Nicknames

Timestamp: [72:18–76:24]

• Dr. John has a well-known habit of giving unique nicknames to show staff and friends.
  • Examples: “Bethamphetamine” for Beth; “Onomana Mia” for Mia; “Grandma Kelly” for Kelly (much to her chagrin, as she’s only three years older).
• He relates a high school football story about acquiring an enduring (unprintable) nickname from a coach, later adapted to “Dills.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On relationship endurance:
  • “If your ego is tied into ‘everybody has to believe what I believe,’ you’re going to have a miserable, lonely, moronic life.” – Dr. John ([06:49])
• On values as anchor:
  • “Let’s get the same values and let’s navigate our beliefs.” – Dr. John ([07:51])
• On healing:
  • “Being single is awesome. Just don’t do it as a defense mechanism—do it for recovery.” – Dr. John ([09:12])
• On morning routines:
  • “I was a douche 9.0.” – Dr. John ([12:44])
  • "If I can't go live the life I want to live without militantly scheduling every second of my morning, then I'm a slave to the morning routine." ([17:01])
• On restoring humanity:
  • “Go be the helper. Don’t just look for them.” – Dr. John ([53:57])
• On nicknames:
  • “Anytime you have to give yourself a nickname, it’s a total douchey thing to do.” – Kelly ([73:22])

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Episode Flow & Tone

• Atmosphere: Celebratory, loose, and fast-paced, with plenty of inside jokes, laughter, storytelling, and a healthy serving of humility. The interplay between Dr. John and Kelly offers both comfort and candor.
• Language: Candid, sometimes irreverent, always conversational and direct.
• Useful For: Listeners seeking real-world wisdom on relationships, self-care, and growth—tempered with humor and the knowledge that everyone, even experts, are works in progress.

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• [02:18] – What should couples agree on before marriage?
• [08:58] – Is it wrong to stay single after a breakup?
• [12:23] – Dr. John’s morning routine & changes
• [20:20] – Favorite deer/venison recipe
• [24:34] – Emotional vs. physical cheating
• [28:08] – Friends of the opposite sex
• [33:04] – Changed beliefs (recent shifts)
• [38:52] – Biggest splurges/quasi-crazy expenses
• [43:20] – ADHD: Management strategies
• [49:52] – Maintaining faith in humanity
• [54:15] – Last song before you die
• [58:08] – Greatest fears
• [72:18] – Nicknames (given and received)

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Summary:
Episode 900 is a quintessential Dr. John Delony Show—raw, wise, hilarious, and packed with practical insight. Dr. John and Kelly mark the major milestone with reflection, realness, and reminders that life is best lived with intentionality, curiosity, and a willingness to laugh at yourself (and your co-hosts). If you want clarity on relationships, inspiration for daily habits, or simply the honest company of people figuring it out as they go, this episode delivers.

Transcript

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Foreign. This is an ad for better help. You work hard to be the strong one for everyone else, but you're running on empty. That pressure just doesn't disappear. It takes over your life. And talking to someone can help. Go to betterhelp.com deloney for 10% off.

[Kelly]

Can you believe that you haven't got pulled off the air in 900 episodes?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Your clever editing is much more extensive than I thought.

[Kelly]

What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married? What is your current morning routine and how has that changed over the years? Is emotional cheating or physical cheating worse?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, that's tough. What up? It's the 900th episode of the Dr. John DeLoney Show. Nine hundo. Dude, that's awesome.

[Kelly]

I know. Can you believe that you haven't gotten pulled off the air in 900 episodes?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I've gotten pulled off. But your clever editing, which I found out recently, is much more extensive than I thought.

[Kelly]

Yeah, for those out there. I don't think John realized that I do my darndest because I have bills to pay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you do your damnedest.

[Kelly]

You do your dam make sure we stay on the air. And sometimes that has to be involve a little creativity. I basically, I save you from yourself.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't need save. I do need to save you for myself.

[Kelly]

Do we need to play the. The.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nope. We're good. We're good. Something. Yeah. So if you happen to have a job where the person you work with is being recorded all the time, a useful potential HR move is what Ben does. He just has a folder for in case my job is on the line. And it's all the things Kelly edits out of the show that he has in a folder somewhere. It's a big folder. It's a big folder. It's a big folder. All right, so as we do every one of these stone episodes, we do

[Kelly]

the ask me anything.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The ask me anythings. All right, So I. You sent them to me. I got my head down trying to edit this book, so I haven't even opened it. So these are gonna just come riw. We're gonna high on our own supply and we're gonna just get it done.

[Kelly]

All right. You ready for the first one?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let's do it.

[Kelly]

Okay. What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married? I.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You know what? I. This is a great question. I think the thing they should agree on the most is how we will talk to each other when things don't go the way we want or think they're going to go. I. Because I Think there's so much pressure. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. I don't think that's true anymore. I think there's some things statistically out in the world that say most couples do better if they talk, if they agree on these things. That's all true. Right. If you agree with somebody, of course, it greases the wheels and makes interactions easier. But I. I think the thing that you need to agree on is we are going to remain friends and we're going to do things that keep our friendship not only intact, but it. That juices our friendship up and that we're going to come up with a way to talk about things when we get sideways and. And. Or when we disagree. And I think. Let me add one more thing. I think having a set of values underneath everything that y' all anchor into is important. The challenge is some people listen to the show and they're 20 and they just got married. Some people are getting married for the third time and they're 56 or whatever, like 75 or whatever. And so what you think is a value at 19 is going to change. And so I want folks to have the same values. I don't care about their beliefs.

[Kelly]

Give some. If you would expand on values versus beliefs. What's the difference? And when you talk about. Because it seems kind of.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Values are squishy. Yeah. Values are who you are. Here's who we are. Beliefs are ways I'm gonna live out who I am. Right. And so here that again, I don't want to be more squishy, but here's a good example. My wife and I have a shared value that we believe in God. Now, our belief to how that is expressed in our lives, what we actually believe about that, what we believe, that means for how we act, how we post things on the Internet or don't wait. Those things have changed a thousand times. And they'll chat, they'll change a thousand times more. And often we don't believe even the same thing, but we're anchored in the same value that. That we're going to seek this thing. Right. Another thing is generosity. We're people who are overly generous. That's just one of our core values. And I would rather get to the end of my life with an empty wallet than get to the end of my life with. I could have helped out some folks. And whatever I like, my wife likes. Very formal. Let's help this particular group out. I like walking around and seeing the security guard Last night at the club, it was, it was a security guard was working on Easter. We're recording this a day after Easter. And I had just got some, I had some cash from another thing, like, and I was like, dude, that guy's exhausted. It's cold outside. Like. And so I like to be generous in, in private, quiet ways that nobody sees that's going to affect that guy or that woman's day today. My wife likes more formal things and so us always navigating what that looks like. We both have different beliefs on how we want to do that, but a core value is we're obnoxiously generous people. And so when she says, hey, I really want to give to this thing, that's not coming out of the blue and I'm going to do whatever I can to figure that out. And when she's like, hey, you had that 20 or that 50 or something dollar bill yesterday in the car, I need that for. I'm like, I gave that somebody. She doesn't get mad, right? Because she knows that's, that's who the guy I married is. Right. So that's the difference between values and beliefs.

[Kelly]

Okay, so what do you do? So beliefs. And you said those, they've changed a thousand times and they'll change a thousand more. Is that just continuous conversation about how that's changed? Do you have to have the big sit down conversations when the beliefs part change again?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If your ego is tied to, you have to believe everything I do, I believe. And if your ego is tied to, you have to like everything that I like and you have to be passionate about the things I'm passionate about. I hear that a lot. Like, my wife's not passionate about my music. Who cares? My hope is she's passionate about how passionate you are about that thing. I will never be as passionate about gardening as my wife is. She went and got her master certification, like here in Tennessee to become a master gardener. Like, I'll never have that kind of interest. I love eating the produce when she's. When in, in the, in the fall,

[Kelly]

which by the way, my husband has his as well. So I feel you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I am super passionate. I love how much she loves gardening. She thinks stand up comedy is kind of not that great. I love it. And she especially doesn't think I'm funny and. But she really loves how much I love this thing. Right. And so if your ego is tied into, everybody has to believe what I believe, then a, you're gonna have a miserable, lonely, moronic life, and B, you're putting a ton of pressure on somebody to be something they're not. And that means your marriage, over time, will become performative. Right? And so all that to say is, man, believe what you believe. That's why we read books. That's why we listen to shows. That's why we, like, go to, like, lectures. That's why we listen to podcasts, so we can learn new things. Like, I know what I believe. Show me something else. And that's the fun adventure of life. And Esther Perel said this, and I just love it, but I think it's understated. She says most adults will have three or four or five. I don't remember exact number of great loves in their lifetime. And if they work really hard, they can be with the same person. I love that sentiment. I just think it underestimates the amount of change people have. I'm, like, on version 14 of myself. My wife is on version. She hasn't changed much as me, but, like, six or seven of herself, which means for me, I get to always be discovering a new person as my wife is becoming whatever she's becoming. And I've just learned to let go and love that part of my life. Like, what are you into now? What do you like now? What do you not like now in the bedroom? What did you used to like that you don't like anymore? What are you, like, interested in? Like, I. Getting to know somebody new has become awesome. And when you're anchored into. We're married and there's not a chance you're going to leave, man, what a fun, adventurous life you can have. But it. It. It takes you letting go of your ego that what I believe is right, and you have to believe what I. What a stupid thing The. The belief is. Like, let's. Let's get the same values and let's navigate our beliefs. Occasionally, beliefs will crash into, yeah, we need to have a sit down. But I. I think it doesn't have to be that dramatic most of the time.

[Kelly]

All right, second question. I just got out of a relationship, and I was hurt pretty badly. Is it wrong for me to stay single?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, stay single is awesome. What I would suggest is not staying single. As a defense mechanism, but staying single as a recovery mechanism. The mechanism's the wrong word to use there, but yeah, dude, like, if you blow your knee out or you hurt your foot, like, you don't go play basketball the next day on another court. Like, you need to take some time out. If you get injured and then you go get surgery and you go to rehab and you get well and then you avoid playing ever again. Maybe that's the right choice for you. But I want you to be intentional about that choice. Right. I have had three different knee surgeries on. All of those were related to adult basketball leagues. I'm calling it like I'm good. Right. So I. If you got your heartbroken, you got hurt, somebody treated you bad, somebody's abusive or whatever.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Dude. Take some time to heal. Take some time to, to metabolize that. Take some time to ask yourself what do you really want? And this is a hard question and I don't mean this to but ask yourself and get some wisdom from a counselor, from a close group of friends. Did you contribute anything to some, to that situation? Is this the second or third or fourth person who's hurt you? And if so, what are you bringing to these relationships? What are you looking for in relationships? So being reflective and then asking yourself, moving forward, what's going to be different about any new relationships I get into. But I will say this. Being single is different than being alone. And if somebody breaks your heart romantically, it is not healthy to turtle up and not hang out with all humans. It's. It's good to say I'm not on the dating market right now. That's find well and good. And there's some people that just being single is awesome and they are full and whole in their life and they don't want to get married, they don't need to get married. Great, awesome. Wonderful. Live your best life. But for most of us. Yeah. What do you think?

[Kelly]

Oh, I agree. I. I know people that bounce from one to the other like relationship wise without. Because I think it's a fear of being alone. So they bounce from the one to the other when sometimes you need that time in between.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I think almost all of them.

[Kelly]

Yeah. To figure out what happened. And in the case of the person that I'm thinking of, this happens over and over and over and over. What's the common denominator here?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Ao.

[Kelly]

Yeah, you. Yeah. And so what am I bringing, what am I expect? In the case of this person, it's. The expectations are too unrealistic. And when said person, that person can't live up to them, then it's on to the next. So. But yeah, I think it's important. But again, yeah. And I know some people that never got married, never wanted to get married. They're fine and they just, they love their life. Great. But don't do it because you're scared to get hurt.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kelly]

All right, now we're getting to the little less existential questions.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, you just smiled. What is this one?

[Kelly]

No, this one's not bad at all. So, your current morning routine. And I just wanna preface this by saying. So since we've been doing AMAs, people have always had a huge interest in your morning routine. And now, having said that, your morning routine from when we started doing this five years ago has been all over the map and sometimes has been flat out crazy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I was a douche 9.0.

[Kelly]

I mean, oh, my God, it has been. It's been insane.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes.

[Kelly]

So the question is, what is your current morning routine? And how has that changed over the years?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Man, I'll answer the second question first. It's dramatically different. Like, wildly different.

[Kelly]

Your morning routine has been exhausting to hear about.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Over. It was pathological. It was. It was a. It was a. I'll go back and say I needed to do it, but right this second, the last year or so or six months, in all honesty, it's. It's been pretty chaotic as I'm. Whenever I. I know that when I start a book project, I'm giving up a year of my life. I know that. And so I get out of balance all over the place. Like, this morning I was up. I don't know, 4:45. I think I was up writing because I wanted to send a chapter before I got to work this morning. So it's. It's. It's a chaotic time. Where I'm at now is I get up early still most nights of the week. I mean, most nights, ooh, that sounded awesome. Because I'm hardcore. Most mornings I get up pretty early, so before 6, and it could be 4:45, it could be 5:45, it could be whatever. Sometimes I sleep until 7, but I try to get up early. And two or three days out of the week, I will go sit in front of red lights and do this breathing app. I use the Nordic Wave breathing app, and I go through the breathing exercises that actually has been transformative in a way that I wouldn't have imagined. I've heard it and read about it on James Nestor's work and all that. It has been really wild.

[Kelly]

I'm glad you're not doing them anymore while you're driving.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm not doing them in a vehicle. I'm doing them sitting down. And this year, I. Man, I'm gonna go down a rabbit hole. I got into lymphatic transfer throughout your body, so I went Got a rebounder and all. So I'm work. It's a whole thing. I don't want to get too dorky, but too late. So, yeah, you'll see me jumping on a trampoline. A trampoline. A rebounder, as the ne you call it.

[Kelly]

One of those little trampolines, right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Yeah. And I do that for a while, and then I'll usually go head out for a walk or a ruck in the morning, and then three or four other days of the week, I'm lifting weights in the morning in my home gym and try to get outside. The second part of that is I'm trying to be more intentional about being present with my family in the morning when I can. And so I want to see my kids. I want to sit down and be goofy and poke at each everybody and share coffee with my wife if I can, that kind of thing. So being present in the morning, which sounds funny to say, the last two or three months, I've just been at zoo, but trying to be present in the morning with them. That time's just getting so finite for me. And so, long story short, some time of exercise, some time of meditation and breath, work and prayer. Sometime of trampolining, which, gosh, what a dork. What a dork. And then sometime with relationships. And so that's. That's the crux of my morning routine.

[Kelly]

What are. What are some of the crazier things over the last five years that we've been doing these. That have at times been involved in your morning routine?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, dude. I mean, five years ago, when I started this show, I mean, I was militant. 4, 5, 9, I think is when I got up. I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was some obnoxious time without. I don't care if I had one hour of sleep. If I had seven minutes of sleep, I was getting up at that time, and I'd. I'm trying to think what I would do. I would get up and I would go meditate, and I'd go sit in a cold plunge. And then after the cold plunge, I would go. I don't know, do kung fu with, like. I. Dude, I was alone, right?

[Kelly]

I picture you playing the song. Everybody was kung fu fighting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, dude. With you just over there, it was the.

[Kelly]

You're the best around.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It was the Karate Kid one montage. Yeah, yeah, dude, it was so. And then I would go lift weights, because you never skip a day. And then on the way back, I would be doing breathing exercises in the car. I Mean, I was just too much. It was Alex. It was actually Alex Hormozi that somebody asked him and he was the first guy that I went, oh no, you're right. And somebody's like, what's your morning routine, bro? And he's a big jacked finance, fix your business. And that guy. But he's beefcake Jack. And he scoffed at the guy and was like, I don't have a morning routine. And the guy's like, what do you mean? And he said, if I can't go do live the life I want to live without militantly scheduling every second of my morning, then I'm a slave to the morning routine. Then I'm not free. And when he said that, I was like, oh crap, I am. I have created a life to give me freedom and I'm wholly unfree from it. And so that began. Like, dude, what if I just enjoyed getting up in the morning because I'm being productive? I feel better when I do breathing exercises. That's like reset my nervous system in a powerful way. I feel better when I exercise. I feel better when I'm laughing and hanging out and being goofy with my kids and annoying them. I like seeing my wife and having long hugs in the morning. That gives me a better life. And so getting morning sunlight is a must. And so those things have given me a freer, better life, a healthier life overall.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I will also say though, as someone who never had any kind of morning routine besides get up and we gotta go. Exactly. And then roll in, you know, late, which I still roll in late, but not near as late as you. So that's fine.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hope that felt good.

[Kelly]

It did. Hey, I have to do what I can. But there's still. I have found a benefit over the last. What am I, almost two and a half to three years? And it was because of you and Cody, John's brand manager, that I developed a morning routine that looks nothing like your old ones. But having structure have some structure in the morning has changed everything for me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So there is a benefit to having some structure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I think structure based on values is important, right?

[Kelly]

Well, because mine was always. Because I didn't have structure around workout and stuff. I had this whole shame cycle about I didn't work out. Now I suck and I'm a horrible human because I didn't do and then. But having changing the mindset on that and changing how I did it did help.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here's where morning structure is important. I think you start your morning keeping your promises to yourself and there's something profound about I can count on me to do the things I said I was going to do. And I think a lot of us run through life looking out at other people and saying, well, they never. And why didn't this. And you need to make me feel a certain way. And, and you become unanchored because your body doesn't trust you. You don't keep your own promises. And that's where that, that old. I forgot the general. But he gave that speech and he's like, make your bed. Like, nobody can take away that from you. You got out of bed and you made your bed because you start the

[Kelly]

day with a win.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You started the day by keeping one promise to yourself. And those build on themselves. Right? So for me, a morning routine, a structure is I'm, I said I was going to do this thing for me so that I can spend the rest of my day giving myself away. It's Will Guidera's. I'm gonna wake up and get my pitcher and I'm gonna go to the faucet and fill it all the way up so that as a, as a husband, as a dad, as a co worker, I can, I can fill everybody's water glass all day. And at the end of the day, mine should be empty. And then I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and I'm going to fill that sucker up because I'm worth that. And then once I do that from a good place, a healthy place, then I can be of service to everybody in my life.

[Kelly]

I like that. Yep. All right, last question. In this segment, I would have said, what is your favorite venison recipe? But I love that the person that said this in that just says, what is your favorite deer recipe?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My, my favorite. I, I, my wife. This is my big, this is my biggest Texas shame is that my wife is better on the grill than me. She's better at cooking meat than me, and she's just so good at it that I gave up, I quit. She's just awesome at it. And so my favorite.

[Kelly]

Are you allowed to go back to the state?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No. No. No.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I didn't think I got a letter, a cease and desist letter.

[Kelly]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're not allowed.

[Kelly]

You get to Texarkana, you have to stop.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right? That's exactly right. Yeah. Most people in the United States don't know that, but Texas also has its own checkpoints. You have to, once you cross the Mexico border, you have to go through the, the federal. And then you have to pass Texas. And usually they give You a test of some sort. You have to shoot a bow and arrow.

[Kelly]

Exactly. It's much harder.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kelly]

Yeah. You have to name, like, who is the Yellow Rose of Texas?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's right. You have to rattle off George, straight answer that one.

[Kelly]

Who's the Yellow Rose of Texas?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's it. What's her name? It's the woman.

[Kelly]

Emily Morgan.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Who?

[Kelly]

Emily Morgan.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, I would have got that wrong.

[Kelly]

Yeah. You know why? She's the Yellow Rose of Texas.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Santa Anna's.

[Kelly]

She was. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kelly]

Lady of the evening. While our troops.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, we got revenge on the Alamo.

[Kelly]

They tried to name an elementary school in our area after her. And because, like. And they were like, man, maybe we shouldn't.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, yeah. Whatever it takes. What was I even talking about? Oh, I. I like. My wife cooks venison, backstrap, elk back strap, whatever animal access to your backstrap. And she does it very, very minimally, mostly with just salt and pepper. And that's pretty much the way I like it. It's pretty awesome. We also have a lot of ground. We. I mean, we eat venison probably three or four nights a week. Um, and I use the bearded brother, the bearded butchers. Those guys have a seasoning line that's just out of this world, man. And I pay for it. They don't give it to me for free, so it's not like a sponsorship. I love their stuff. And that's what I put in, like just ground meat and stuff like that.

[Kelly]

All right, before we go to break, when we come back, I'm going to ask you about emotional cheating versus physical cheating.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why? Fine. We'll be right back. All right. I started my Cozy Earth adventure with their amazing towels. And then I got Cozy Earth sheets. And then I got these Cozy Earth blankets and their comforters. And now I'm rocking Cozy Earth socks. And I recently got some Cozy Earth Everywhere pants. I didn't need another pair of pants, but I got the Cozy Earth Everywhere pants. And they are awesome, too. My house is full of cozy Earth stuff, and I didn't mean for it to get that way. Their stuff is just so great. Let me tell you about their sheets. They're made from viscose from bamboo. And I don't even know what that means, but I do know this. These sheets are soft, breathable, and somehow they keep you cool without freezing you out. They help me sleep better. They're so comfortable. And here's the deal. Cozy Earth gives you a hundred night sleep trial on all of their bedding and a 10 year warranty on everything else. So you can try Cozy Earth gear all over your house and there's no risk. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney and you'll save up to 20% off your entire order. That's cozyearth.com DeLONEY use code DeLoney and if you get a post purchase survey, tell Cozy Earth that you heard about all their amazing gear right here on the Dr. John DeLoney Show. You're going to want to look around one day and realize Cozy Earth has taken over your house too. All right, we're back. AMA Episode 900.

[Kelly]

Yes. Can you believe that we have put up with each other for 900 episodes?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, pretty much. Ben and I both have been in here for the almost all 900. I mean, I've been here for all of them. Been for.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We have like 17 associate producers.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Either that says something about me or me.

[Kelly]

I'm not sure which one.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's right.

[Kelly]

Yes. All right, our next question is emotional cheating or physical cheating? Worse.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, that's tough. That's one of the one. That's one of those things that is often gendered in the research. The old saying goes, and I haven't read this research recently, but the, the older research was if a wife told her husband I'm having an affair, his first question would be, did you sleep with him? And if a husband told his wife I'm having an affair, her first question would be, do you love her? And so I think it depends on who you are. And whatever. I always will. My default is a physical affairs. Worse. But that can be a very gendered. Because I'm a dude and that might be why I have that same bias. I think both of them are. Can be pretty destructive. And also because I get this question all the time with 100% certainty, people, couples can come back from affairs too. Emotional and physical and otherwise. What do you think, Kelly? Do you identify with that or no?

[Kelly]

I do because my wife is on

[Dr. John DeLoney]

my side with that. She's like, I don't care if you like somebody. She does. But like if you sleep with somebody, I'm like, okay, I'll kill you both

[Kelly]

I and y', all. I know Sheila, man. 100 could do it and it would be efficient.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It would be on our list of things to do that just check it

[Kelly]

off and move along.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then she'd stop by the P.O. box. I mean, the post office.

[Kelly]

It would be clean. Yeah. And no one would ever find y'. All.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No.

[Kelly]

Yeah, it would be.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

She would never, she would, she would never tell a soul.

[Kelly]

I would be reading. I would be listening to a podcast about your unsolved murder. Yeah, 100%. And I would just be like, hats off. Yeah, it'd be brilliant. But I, I agree more with Sheilin. With you. I have more of an issue with, with the physical part. Yeah. Which I know not all my female friends would agree with that. And I'll put myself out there a little bit. I have years ago had a male friend that I realized actually my husband

[Dr. John DeLoney]

was like too close.

[Kelly]

Too close. And so I was like, oh, oh, this is the thing that I've heard people talk about. And so I had to put some pretty hard guardrails in. And now I've got male friends. Cause I work in a male dominated field that we just. I don't talk about my spouse. I don't talk about, about these kind of, you know, we don't ever have the conversations of, oh my God, my husband did this or that. No, we just don't go there. And it usually is, you know, football, working out, work, that kind of conversation. And so I have more of a problem with the physical part of it than I do the emotional. But I know that that's not the norm for universal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think most females have a problem with the lovey dovey. The more emotional open. But also, I am not that you don't have emotions. I don't have any. I don't care about your feelings. I don't want to talk about your feelings. I mean, that's just not me in any way.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So if. Great. If you find someone that wants to talk about your feelings with you, have at it. I mean, I don't have to worry about it then.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kelly]

Because my husband has a whole lot more emotions and feelings than I do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

As do most humans.

[Kelly]

Except maybe your wife.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Most people. Fair, fair. Oh, she's got them. They're just very sharp. Yes.

[Kelly]

All right, next question. This kind of goes back to what we were just talking about. Can couples have friends of the opposite sex?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

A 100. Yes. I think you have to be boundaried and wise. And the times I've gotten. I'll say I got myself in trouble, but the times I have found myself over emotionally invested in someone in a woman who wasn't my wife is that friendship became one of the most important friendships I had. And then suddenly I'm calling that person or texting that person or I think of something and I can't Wait to tell that person and that's on me. Right. Like if I, if I leave this little executive club membership too, that's my marriage. And I start leaning on people of the opposite sex for I, I, I think that can get heavy. Now I've got, when I say great, I mean super close friends that are women but they're all bound and structured and I've always believed in like it, it's when you, I, I think I don't, I shouldn't tell my wife that I had that convers. Like that's when I think for me the signals over the last 25 years I've been with my wife, like that's when I know that's, that's not right. And so I'm always open with my wife about who I'm talking to and why and about what and whatever. And she's got the passcodes to so all that, it's like living in unstructured way. But I, I, I say this probably too boldly, but I'm pretty sure you know, you know, you know, I'm holding this information for this friend that's not my, my husband or not my wife or I'm talking about things that would, if my husband were sitting right here at this table, I wouldn't be talking to this guy about that stuff. Right. And so I think that's a good litmus test for you. But yeah, I think you absolutely can have friends, you can have close friends. What do you think?

[Kelly]

Oh, I 100% believe so. I've worked in male dominated fields all my life, working in radio before this and music industry. So yes I can. And like I said, having been someone who at one point in time realized I was getting too close, I've also learned though, yeah, you have to be intentional. I think you have to be aware and just intentional. And you have to also be aware like what is the other person's intent and feelings.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, that's the thing. You don't know.

[Kelly]

No, but you have to be aware when those signs start coming up that, oh yeah, okay, we're not on the same page here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, I have a line that you don't have, right? Yes.

[Kelly]

And, and by the way, for most

[Dr. John DeLoney]

people when they figure that out, it feels good.

[Kelly]

Oh 100 everybody wants to be wanted.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, you would. Yeah. Yeah, right. It feels good. And man, that is every danger sign flash.

[Kelly]

Right. And that means you need to turn around and look at your marriage and go, what's, what am I not getting?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We need to solve this.

[Kelly]

Yeah. What do I don't. Or what do I don't feel like I'm getting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Here. And how we need to fix that instead of, oh, but I am getting it here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right, Exactly.

[Kelly]

So, yeah. You just have to be intentional and careful and aware.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

To me, the words validation. Where am I going for validation? That is. Why do I need that validation? Why do I. Why am I making up stories that I'm not getting it here? Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm truly not. But heading back towards my wife, my spouse, my. Your husband, whoever you happen to be. Why am I seeking external validation? What's going on inside this marriage that is making me look elsewhere, not making me. Why am I choosing to look elsewhere is a better way to say that.

[Kelly]

You mentioned something one time, and then I heard a great quote about drift, and I think that that's where you have to be careful and these kind of scenarios is one degree. One degree, one degree. And then all of a sudden, you're in an emotional affair or holding things from your spouse and telling this person. Because it's just. It's usually not a hard. Right. Like, you don't go into those kind of relationships, going, well, gonna sleep with that guy, or whatever. It's these little bits of tiny little, you know, death by a thousand cuts. And all of a sudden, you look up and you're like, oh, I'm telling this person all this stuff and not my spouse, or vice versa. But, yeah, it's just this slow little drift. Until all of a sudden, the boat's fac. Direction was George Bernard Shaw, who said, to be in hell is to drift and to be in heaven is to steer. But that idea that you're not. You're not paying attention.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The word is intentional.

[Kelly]

Yeah. And so it's just being intentional and not looking up and you're, you know, go in a completely different direction that you didn't intend.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It takes a lot of courage to turn and face the challenges at your home or the challenges in your marriage. It takes a lot of courage. It's hard, especially if you have a volatile spouse. And I don't mean violent, but I mean volatile. Like, they're gonna get their feelings hurt and pout for four days, or they're gonna try to attack you back. Like, it's hard, man. It's all. That's hard. But you're exactly right.

[Kelly]

All right, next question. What belief have you changed your mind about recently?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, God, a thousand things.

[Kelly]

D and D. Video games.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, no.

[Kelly]

Oh, come on. You've 100 changed your mind about DND.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I haven't changed. I, I, I've, here's what I've changed my willingness to participate in a campaign. Look at me.

[Kelly]

But you changed your mind and you talked about this because you always joked about what a, you know, dork fest it was. No offense.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, no, I've changed. I've changed my mind on. It's a net. Good. Yes.

[Kelly]

Right in the. Because it's a community.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's a community, yes. So a couple of things I've changed my mind on. Oh, man. I don't want to get in trouble on this. I'm trying to think of ways I can say it and I can try.

[Kelly]

Oh, please remember I had it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Thing number one is I look at our, what's currently happening politically, the mess that is that we're sitting in, and I thought that people were sitting down and digging into issues and digging into the cult of personalities and tribalism. I thought people were digging into why am I in this gang or not? And making that decision. I'm in this side. I'm on this side. I'm not on either side. And here's why. And I don't believe that anymore. I believe that most people are exhausted and cooked and scrolled out of their minds, myself included. I think we are so overwhelmed and we are going to places where we feel safe, not the places where we agree. And I think that that gives me a lot more compassion than thinking, oh, you looked at the math and you thought three plus three is 14. Then, then I can say you're dumb. Your brain doesn't work right. You're an idiot. I can, I can make all kind of statements about you, but if it's like, no, no, no, I'm fried and I'm scared and I don't, I'm exhausted and I just want fill in the blank to stop. I need somebody to give me a story as to why I have a lot more compassion. And that's changed because I spent the last 10 years just angry all the time. Here's a big one. This is the biggest belief I've changed. You ready for this one? I, I'm a guy with two PhDs, two doctorate degrees and a master's degree and a bachelor's degree I have. I thought that you would solve your body's problems, your life's issues, if you got the right information and a big belief I have changed is what's more important is less than understanding, is doing the right thing, like going and acting towards. And so if somebody's Like, I don't understand why I need. I don't care. Just start walking in the mornings. Yeah, but what's the physiology and the. Doesn't matter. For most people, that's a distraction. I want you just to start walking in the morning and getting some morning sunlight and if your spouse will go with you, it's going to change your life. Or I don't feel like being nice in the mornings. I'm tired. I don't care. Do one nice thing for your spouse in the morning when you wake up, make their coffee for them. So I think that act of acting before the act of let's think and understand it all, try to drill down. I, I've changed my belief on that whole, like 180. Start doing the next right thing. And over time, the feelings will follow and then you will find enough energy to dig into the how and the why and all the nerd stuff. If you want to go down those roads, but just start acting in the way you, you want somebody to act towards yourself, go start becoming the person you want others to see you becoming. And so much of this other stuff will follow.

[Kelly]

I think it's that whole idea of just do something.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do something.

[Kelly]

Something.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. And sometimes they're doing the something is stop doing anything. Right. Like they say in medicine, like if. If you're doing an intervention and it's hurting the person, you don't know why, stop doing that thing. Right. Stop. And then we'll like reset. But don't just keep doing it more. And. Yeah, so. But taking action.

[Kelly]

Well, the whole, I mean, the whole. The. What is it? The, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and again and expecting different results. Yeah, do. Just stop. Stop.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do something different or do something different. Yeah, if. If waking up every morning and going to your spouse for the last two years, if that's not bringing you together, which it won't, just try it for 60 days. Wake up and look over and whisper to yourself two things. You're really grateful about that person. And then go do one nice thing for them. Just do that for you so that you become the person you want to be in your marriage. It may not change them at all. I almost guarantee it will. But just go do that thing and you'll find, oh, I begin to see a whole bunch of nice stuff about them when all I could see was how bad they were. I like who I'm becoming, which makes me more attractive to be around emotionally and spiritually. Like, go be that change that you want to be.

[Kelly]

How very man in the mirror of you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How very Gandhi of me. Go ahead. Yeah.

[Kelly]

Never in my life have I ever thought of putting you in Gandhi in the same sentence. So that's, That's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Agree to disagree.

[Kelly]

All right. What is the thing that you splurge on the most that people would think was crazy?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh.

[Kelly]

Or what's one thing that you splurge on that people. Most people would just be like, I'm not doing that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I've got so many things. My wife, she's like, you're. We're buying.

[Kelly]

What.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What are we doing?

[Kelly]

I don't think people know you're. You can be pretty bougie.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I, I, I'm real big on. Buy it one time.

[Kelly]

Yeah. A certain brand. Not, not, not in a brand way. Not, like, because you want the fancy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I want the highest quality.

[Kelly]

You want the quality. And so you could be pretty bougie about those things.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Insanely bougie about it. Yeah. People don't know. I've got three pet snakes right now, and those are expensive to upkeep, and people didn't know that about me. And I've, My dad and I used. There's a whole other backstory to that, but I've collected snakes my whole life. And people. That surprises people, the amount of money I spend on it and keeping them up and taking care of them and all that.

[Kelly]

Oh. I remember when I found out, and it was a couple years ago, whenever Andrew over here had to go, he

[Dr. John DeLoney]

was buying the special kind of mouse for me at a, At a store like, an hour ago.

[Kelly]

The mice were adorable. And, like, what are these for? And I mean, when I found out I was. That you collected. You had snakes, I, I was floored.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then I, I spend money on. I have been getting lymphatic massages, which are very unique and very weird. Yeah. They just doesn't sound good to say, but they're.

[Kelly]

No, they're actually. I've heard they're very helpful, but it just sounds really disgusting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, but it's. They're actually, like, unbelievable. Like, it's strange. It's. It's a very strange experience, but it's pretty amazing. And those are, those are pretty expensive. Trying to think what else. I spend a lot of money on hunting trips and just hunting and traveling. I like that.

[Kelly]

What is something that Sheila like that she really values as far as that she'll spend money on? Because that's, I mean, I know you, but Sheila always seems so, like, down to earth and grounded that she. But there's got to, what's her thing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

She spends money on travel. She spends, she spends money on what I would say relational investments. And so all of her, her college roommates, they still go on a trip every year or two trips, like one or two trips a year. She is, she'll, she goes and visits family a lot. She goes to weddings of friends, kids. Like, she's very invested in people and so that's a high priority item for her. And so she'll travel and when we didn't have any money, she would drive and be gone for two weeks. But she's like, this is a wedding. I'm like, why? And she's like, because that's our friend's kids. And the way she, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, right. So you know what I mean? So that, that she's very relationally invested and she spends money on her. I, I'll, I'll call it her art, but it's more her creative acts. She spends money like in her gardening and her writing and things like that. So.

[Kelly]

All right, when we come back, we're going to talk about your adhd.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Don't have it.

[Kelly]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right. I'm excited to tell you about a brand new sponsor of the Dr. John DeLoney Show, Capstone Wellness. I've spent the vast majority of my career working with teenagers and young adults and their families. I know from personal experience that finding help and care for teenagers and young adults can be a nightmare, especially when your teenager or young adults need significant care. If you're a parent and your teenage or young adult son is struggling with trauma, addiction, mental health challenges or destructive behaviors and you're running out of options, I want you to consider residential treatment care. Capstone Treatment center is a residential treatment program for young men. In this live in therapeutic setting, your son can fully step away from the chaos of the world for a few months or more and into a structured environment with trained, licensed clinicians. This is daily intensive work that has the power to transform your child's life and your family's life. And listen, I know folks at Capstone, it is faith based, but they care for all types of people in all walks of life. If somebody close to me had a son who needed this level of care, or if my son needed this level of help, Capstone would be my first call. Residential treatment is a very serious investment in time, energy and in money because this type of care is completely different. Financial aid and scholarships are available. Go to capstonewellness.com DeLoney to learn more. That's capstonewellness.com SL DeLoney all right, the 900th show. Ama, we're back. All right, go for it, Kelly.

[Kelly]

All right, so this person wrote in and wants to know, I was recently diagnosed with adhd. What are some of the processes that you've put in place to make it manageable for you and your family?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Who? Man, I think that's sounds like an accusation. I don't think that's fair or true. Even though it's very fair and very true.

[Kelly]

Would you like for me to call Sheila and ask her this question instead?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, so here's some things that I've put into place over time. Number one, I quit going to war with myself. And what I mean by that is I stopped trying to fight chemistry, biochemistry. I stopped trying to fight my natural inclination towards things. I give myself a lot of grace. So what does that look like? I used to, when I, like in grad school, when I was working on a paper, I would sit in a coffee shop from 8:00am until 8:00pm and I knew at 8:05, I'm not getting this paper done today. I. I just knew I was cooked. My. My head was all over the place, and so I knew. But I would sit there and try to grind it out, and I would end up with 14 paragraphs, half of which were garbage, and then I would leave. Freaking loser bum. You piece of crap. You like, whatever. I don't do that anymore. So what does that mean? That means I give my sp self space. So this, like, this book time, like, I've. It's due Friday of this week, but I've already turned in the whole manuscript and now I'm going back. Like, so I built in time for myself now, knowing you're going to have days where you sit down, you're like, it's not happening today. And then when I know those days are coming, I go make the best of them. Like, okay, cool. I'm gonna go all in on my kids. I'm gonna go all. Me and my wife are, we're gonna do something awesome. My son and I are gonna go play video games. My daughter and I are gonna do something. And so, but that is give myself a lot of grace. We don't put. When I say video games, we go to the arcade. We're not sitting there going, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, I'll get there.

[Kelly]

I thought Dr. K changed your mind.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He did. I got a video game for Christmas. I got a Switch game for Christmas.

[Kelly]

Oh, nice.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes, we haven't played it yet, but

[Kelly]

once a book is playing the Hogwarts game, it's actually amazing.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Another thing about ADHD is it's not something I implemented, something my wife implemented. Similarly, she stopped thinking I wasn't a good person. She stopped thinking that I had some sort of character and moral flaw when the light bulb went off, like, oh, he didn't see that pile. Or it's not that he was just sitting in there going, I'm going to make us all late. Because, like, he literally thought, you know what is a good time right now? To also shine my shoes and also, you know what I need to research tires I need on my wife's car. We should do that now while I have one sock on, a T shirt on, my jeans are on, but my belt is somewhere. And we're all late to church already. Like, that's not a good time. But she, she stopped the, the, the anger part of it. And then it just became pragmatic. And so if we get to a certain time, she'll just get in the car and take the kids and she'll head somewhere and I can walk outside and the car's left me. She'll, I mean, she'll say, I'm leaving, but I don't get my feelings hurt anymore. And so it's, we've just taken the, the humanity pressure off of it and then it just becomes tactics. A few other things is I try really hard to keep myself well. Sleep has been magic exercises. Magic. Having friendships and things. And here's another thing. It's an unspoken under. It's, it's. People don't think this about people with adhd. They can laser in obsessively on something that they really, really care about and the whole world goes away. And so it's not a matter of you can't focus at all. It's. Generally speaking, you don't focus on things you don't give a crap about or that aren't that important to you. And so a, a, I don't call it a hack, but a thing that's become important for me is always having a thing that I'm super, super, super interested in, even if I'm busy. And it, for me, it brings all of my attention and focus up. And so I always have a thing I'm thinking about or working on or want to be involved in, even in the middle of a big project. And I'm on the road a lot when I'm in a busy season, I have another thing, right? And it allows Me to. I like when I'm writing right now, I have a notebook right next to my. Where I'm writing manuscript, and it's got jokes in it, and it's got ideas for a science experiment. I mean, a science paper I want to do with one of my colleagues over at Belmont. Like, I. I keep a list over here going, so that little. That little guy going, ha. I don't just try to shut him down, because the energy it takes to shut him down affects my other work that I need to get done. And by the way, I'll say this one last thing. I don't know if there's any physiological connection whatsoever. There probably is not. I've never heard this in the literature. I didn't do this for some big statement. I just pretty much quit drinking. Like, even. Like, I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I would have a drink pretty regularly. Right. I just have kind of stopped. And it wasn't like some big, I'm gonna quit drinking. I just didn't feel good the next day. And it would always affect my REM sleep, but when I look back on the last couple years, man, it has dramatically reduced. And it might be the. The better sleep, but it has dramatically reduced my. My feeling of chaos that I had in my head all the time.

[Kelly]

It was amazing. How so? I quit drinking, too. Again, not as a big statement or because I had a problem with alcohol. It was just. Women who are of my age. Nothing will learn.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

When you're in menopause, your new nickname is Perry.

[Kelly]

Seriously? Yeah. It's better than some of the other nicknames you've given me. But the idea that. Because your body just metabolizes it differently and. Yeah, it was. I mean, even the very little amount I drank, which was like maybe one or two a month, it's just crazy how I felt better.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah. And then you realize, oh, because it's poison. It really is. And you just. So how much better I felt not even having a glass of wine a week in my system just changed, kind of. It was a big difference for something like that. All right. This is a pretty big one. In your career, you've seen some terrible things. Thinking about, like when you were working at the schools and the accident scenes and those kind of things. Not horrible things here. Hasn't been that horrible. How do you maintain faith in humanity?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is a strange response to that, but the people who respond in those situations. And so I don't. I have a strange sense of peace that the world has bad actors in It. And I think that I. I just know that. I know people aren't. Well, like, on the extreme end of psychological distress. I know, like, true people with narcissistic personality disorder, there are true violent people in the world. I know that. My real question is, where are the people that are going to show up and be with hurting people, Put people and systems in place to stop those folks? And that takes a lot of courage. It takes stepping out of line when people get out of control. Where are the people that are going to rally up? And I never went into those scenes alone. There was always people with me, and there was always a team of people there. At any given scene, there might be a child who'd passed away, who was dead in one room, and a mom and a daughter who are screaming, and a husband who's out in the front yard on his hands and knees trying not to throw up. But there would be police officers and EMS folks and a social worker and me and my partner and the medical examiner. I mean, there's so many people there for one reason, to help this family. And so my faith in humanity comes from every. Like the NAT in Nashville, the power was out for five days. I'm on a text thread of people on my street. The number of texts that were going around like, hey, we're not at our house, but we've got power. You come. Here's the. Here's the front door code to a group of strangers. Anybody need anything? I'm going to the stores. Like, people show up. And as a person of faith, I'll never forget it was Bibo Norman who once said, when he. I think he was in Haiti, I think that's where it was when he saw there was just a big massacre. And he asked the pastor there, how do you still believe? And he said, oh, I. I stopped asking God, where are you? A long time ago. I'll never. I'll never get that answer. I have to start asking where God's people and they show up and that to me or they or they don't, Right? But that's the question. Where are the people? And in. In my world, people show up.

[Kelly]

That goes back to that Amazing Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers quote. Look for the helpers.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's it.

[Kelly]

The whole idea in that, for those that have never heard it, is if you have children and you're coming upon in these huge, big situations, 9, 11, those kind of things, where it's, how do we talk to our children about these, Teach them to look for the helpers.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I. I would Say right now, we have a society of people standing around looking. And so I would amend that quote right now to go be the helper, like, for the adults. Go out and be the helper. And, like. So, for instance, this isn't to toot my own horn. I'm trained for this. I was at my daughter's soccer game, and, like, probably a thousand yards away, there was a big. We all heard it. And everybody's got quiet on the soccer game, and everybody stopped, and then the games resumed. Well, I looked at my wife. She's like. Like, all right, I know. Like, she knows. I'm gonna go over there. I jogged over there, and everybody got out of the. There was a pretty big wreck, but everybody's okay. Two. Two teenage girls got out of one car, and one teenage boy got out of the other. The two teenage girls are sobbing, and it's like, are you okay? Yeah, we're okay. Well, it was the teenage boy that actually was his fault, and he was curled up against the fence and just with his hand in his head. And I wouldn't stop by that kid for a while, and it was like, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go sit with this kid. He. He just got in a wreck. He just. Clearly just got his license. He's scared to death. He doesn't know what to do. And then after a little while, I said, hey, because his parents weren't there yet. And I said, stand up. We're gonna go over there and make sure they're okay. And he looked at me and said, I'll go with you, but we're gonna go over there and make sure those girls are okay. And, like, I'm gonna model it with you, and I'm gonna walk with you, and he's gonna see me with them. Their mom and dad showed up. They were right behind him, watch their kids get in this wreck. It was a whole thing. But I'm gonna go be the helper for that kid. And we got through it. I hugged him, and he was still freaked out. And then his parents came. But it's like, go be the helper. Don't just look for him, because there was nobody coming, right? Like, go be it. Go get in the middle of it. And I think we need people to put their stupid phones down and go look around their neighborhoods and see, like, where can I go be a helper right now?

[Kelly]

What's the last song you want to hear before you die?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Who let the door. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I got so many. Mike Jones. I Want to hear some old swish a house? The last song. Piano man by Billy Joel. No kidding.

[Kelly]

We all said the last song. If. If all of us are around and something happens to you right here, one of us is definitely going to be pulling up. Little Drummer Boy on our road.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I will haunt y'. All. I will. I will. I will claw my way back to the Upside down and I will find y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, I. Piano man by Billy Joel. That's. That's the song. I have that in my will. I want that to be the last song played at my wedding. I want. I want everybody at my funeral. I want everybody. Same thing. I want everybody. Kidding.

[Kelly]

Sheila know.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, she. She. I gave her the list of the songs. She's like, I'm not doing any of those songs. Her exact words for me, I'm not doing errands for you after you're dead. And I was like, oh, nice. She goes, I'll plan your funeral. I'll keep you in mind. But you'll be gone, and the funeral will be for me and everyone who comes to celebrate your life. I. I like the idea of, like, let's head out into the world and go do some good now. And that's what. That's what I hope my legacy is. But I hope that's my last song. What is yours?

[Kelly]

You know, I've been thinking about it ever since we.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Same theme song, High kick, two, three.

[Kelly]

No, No. I would probably say in a similar idea, just because I think this is a song that makes everybody, like, dance and get together. Would be like Benny and the jets. Just because. I mean, it's just a time that everyone's gonna start singing. Everyone's gonna have fun. I've probably danced on a bar or two to that song at some point in time in my life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Best weekend.

[Kelly]

Weekend before last. But fine, it was Easter weekend this past weekend, you know, celebrating our risen Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you very much.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Shout out. Shout out.

[Kelly]

But the idea of playing something that is gonna bring everyone together to put their arms around each other and sing and have fun and be joyful and not some big. Honestly, for some reason, the initial song that came into my brain was I will remember you. Skid Row.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I had that, too.

[Kelly]

I don't know why it immediately came into my head.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, I don't want people singing, like, a ballad.

[Kelly]

No, that's. And that was my thought. I was like, no, I want something fun. But that was the first thing that popped into, like, immediately into my brain. So that tells. But we. I both. I know how we both feel about that song and about Skid. You know what else I want?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. Like, that would be awesome. They'll get a voice track that would be so. Oh, awesome. If it just, like, give it a little tlc.

[Kelly]

Don't go chasing water.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, not tlc. Don't hate on the ghetto boys like that. But, like, it would be so rad just to have, like, that. Man, that song is sublime. It's perfect.

[Kelly]

All right, one more.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it's not good to listen with your kids. If you're driving. You're like, I want to hear that song. Don't put that song on your kids.

[Kelly]

I have a whole playlist that. That now my son. I can now. But one of my favorite things ever was realizing that I could. If I had my. My phone connected to a speaker in the house. I make sure I had my watch on my Apple watch, because I can control it. And I start hearing, like, Jay Z, Hard knock Life. And I'm like, nope, nope. You know, just being able to move past certain songs.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I wasn't paying attention the other day, and my son, I heard him, he was. Someone was on. He just goes, geez, dad. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I wasn't paying attention. And we were just. I was just sitting there driving, and so, yeah, good call.

[Kelly]

I understand. All right, so I'm gonna do. So I'm gonna ask this question, and then I want kind of the practical answer and then more existential. Okay. What's your greatest fear? So we're talking like, the big existential fear. And then, like, I know one of your practical fears and probably the one you're gonna say that yours is, but then you're more like everyday type fears.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

O. What do you know my practical fear?

[Kelly]

Heights.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I hate heights.

[Kelly]

And I'd love to hear the rooms vers like, what everybody's fears are.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'll paint you a picture of my existential fear. It is me on. It's funny because it's counter to this. It's me like, on a hill, on a mountain, on top of a building, like, or on a second story looking out. And I can see far. And it's the. Like, whatever it is. The water, the fire, the like, oh, this is it. And more importantly, not for me. This is it. And I'm with my kids. And so my big existential fear is my kids are in a situation. My wife is in a situation that I can't shield them from. I can't protect him from. And that keeps me, like. I remember when my son was young and he's like, I'm still hungry. I literally pulled the car over into a gas station to get some food. My wife's like, what are you doing? I was like, those words set off something to me. I'm sure it's childhood related, but it's like those words, like, have they register with me, the thought of my kids being hungry. The thought of my kids being tariff, like, in terror. The thought, like, man. And that's why the global stuff going on right now keeps me up, because I'm just thinking if my kids are walking in those streets and like. And I don't know how everyone doesn't put their own kids there because we won some lottery that we were born here. Like, that stuff. That stuff haunts, haunts, haunts, haunts me. So, yeah, okay, the regular fears is heights it.

[Kelly]

Or is there do you have, like, a different fear?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My son got his past, his driver's test this morning. So he is.

[Kelly]

That is.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He is a licensed driver.

[Kelly]

That is a fear. As a parent, I get it. That is a huge fear.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I told him last night, I said, I need you. Because he's like, this afternoon, he's gonna pick up my daughter from soccer practice. And I said, FYI, your life's about

[Kelly]

to get really great. You got to go for this part right here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, I know.

[Kelly]

And then it's going to be amazing.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My wife was smiling ear to ear last night. I'm sure panic mode, but I looked at him and said, I need you to understand this. And you can't because you're 16. But I need to say it to you. When you and my daughter, when you're driving around your sister, my heart is not in my chest. It is in the. This car. And the thought of y' all not coming home, I cannot process that. You gotta come home. You gotta make it home, which means you gotta drive safe. And he's like. And he actually, to his credit, he's like, I got it. Yes, sir. Like, he. He understood it, but it's that. That scares me right now. That sense of like, you know, and just see it.

[Kelly]

I've had a driver now. My son's been driving for four years, and there are still times I get that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So. But it's a whole lot less than it used to be. Used to be. I mean, if he drove to school, which was like 0.3 miles, I was terribly terrified watching Life360, you know, making sure he showed up. But now, I mean, he drives to. He to Florida last year by himself or him and a friend, so. But man, when you get a driver in the house that can start doing things, oh, it's amazing. Especially when you're like, oh, we're out of, you know, milk.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Yeah. I. In. Yeah. Heights. I. I just have a thing. I just don't like being up in the air too high.

[Kelly]

But Alex, big existential fear and then like practical, immediate fear.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I think existentially I have a fear of like, loneliness and also just not being useful. Important to the people that I love. So, yeah, I guess that's the existential one. But more practically, I have two that

[Kelly]

are kind of tied together.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I hate needles with a passion. I'm so terrified of needles. And the feeling that I get, you know, whenever a needle is put in me is the feeling of being pinched. So I hate being pinched. That's a soup.

[Kelly]

I get.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I get really weird about it. Like if I get. Don't even. I see the little pinches over there. That freaks me out. Like, it. It sends me into a place that's like. So whenever I like, give blood, I. Oh, dude. Or whenever I'm getting.

[Kelly]

I have to. If I'm getting a shot or getting blood taken, I have to watch. Yeah, but it's a control issue. I found out. I have to know what's happening.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I just. I don't. I don't even think I have that. I just kind of into it. I haven't given blood since I was.

[Kelly]

That says more about you, doctor.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Since I was like 18, which I shouldn't admit, but I'm terrified of going in. Them telling me you need needles. And I'm like, I don't want them. I don't want them. The longer you don't go, the more and bigger those needles will kill them all at once. Rather. No. I don't know. Yeah. I guess my existential one is like not leaving a legacy or not contributing anything to society that will remember. I don't have kids currently, so you know that that's just a floaty existential fear. Practical one, public speaking, I can't do it, man. Like, I'll. I have anxiety. Like. Like nervous poops. Like, all kind like cold sweat, like, diarrhea rocket stuff. It's crazy, dude. I just. And I can get up on stage and rap 2000 people. Which is weird.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because that's scripted, right? Like there's. So you were at my comedy show the other night. Is like, does the thought of going up and doing stand up. Here's the thing. I would love to do stand up. I would love to try it. I think I, like, I would love to do it. The idea of it of, like, the anticipation of, like, oh, you're next, you're next. Like that thinking about it already is like, I'm freaking out. Like, really, I don't know why. I just can't do it. Hey, and can I just say this before you give your skelly. I took your advice. I opened for Fiona Collie last night. I took your advice, and I'm on a whole nother level. Oh, did it. Did it work? Yeah.

[Kelly]

Okay, well, now you got to tell us what the advice is.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, I gave him feedback on his, like, his last stand up. Yeah. So I asked Ben for some notes and the set he saw, I did 25, which is a pretty long set, and 25 minutes and.

[Kelly]

And

[Dr. John DeLoney]

a lot of my stuff, I say, I guess the jokes, like, I think the show's. I. I'm proud of the stuff, but it's more. Well, here's what happened in my house. And it was some silly stuff that happened. Like, some funny. Yeah, you've been to, like, like some silly stuff. But Ben was the one who called out, like, I know you think about bigger stuff and deeper stuff and, like, kind of avoiding topical issues and avoiding things. You know what I mean? Like, they make me frustrated or mad or whatever. And so last night I went up kind of unhinged, and it was, it was, it was, it was the. Here's what's funny. It was the single most comfortable I've been on a comedy stage. And that was. It was a new. I felt it in. In the middle of set, like, yeah, like, if y' all don't laugh, that's fine, because I'm saying something that I believe is true, not trying to, like, desperately do a silly thing to make y' all laugh. And it made the whole thing way more powerful. So well done, brother. Nice. I love that.

[Kelly]

All right. My existential big fear is of somehow being alienated from my son. And I think that goes from. Because I'm the one that reads all the emails on this show and the vast. I mean, hundreds a week of emails of people that don't have relationships with their children and now with my daughter, that that would not happen. I have a special needs daughter, and so that wouldn't happen just because of her mental capacity. But we have a fantastic relationship with my son. But I just reading all those emails, I cannot fathom not having a relationship with him because I just. Not only do I love him so dearly, I like him. I've got this great coming into an adulthood person. And. And that would. That just devastates. If I sat down and think about it, it devastates me. Somebody nothing to believe that it'll happen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, I saw this recently. One day your kids will be amongst strangers, people you don't know, telling them about the home they grew up in. What story will they tell? And I was like.

[Kelly]

And we all roll our eyes about our moms and all that. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. There's gonna be a day when he's like, my mom's calling. And he probably already does it, but it's just devastating.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I always said that after I had a son, I felt like I should go to my mother in law and apologize because the fact that one of these days my son, like, he got. He's in trade school right now for automotive and he got this big certification this morning.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, congrats.

[Kelly]

Thanks. He's very excited. And I was the first text. But one day I won't be.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yep.

[Kelly]

I can't tell you what that does. It just. It rips me apart. And I don't want to be that mother in law, so I'd be okay with it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But.

[Kelly]

Yeah, it's awful. My everyday practical fear is probably not practical. Terrified of clowns.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, you are.

[Kelly]

I don't like clowns one day. So, I mean, I'm okay if, like I go to the zoo. If I went to the circus and there's clowns there, that's fine. But I'm not gonna watch it because if I watch something like that or I don't go to haunted houses anymore, strictly because there's always clowns.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And I will have nightmares.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did you have an issue with a clown growing up?

[Kelly]

I know exactly where it started. Couple. Couple ways. Poltergeist. Because I was probably elementary when Poltergeist came out.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The original one. Yes. Yeah. I'm like the original one in Massachusetts. Stop the witch burning.

[Kelly]

Yes. Enough of that, thank you very much.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

They're in Salem.

[Kelly]

In Salem. The. No. And then my mom used to read true crime books as well, which is where I get my fascination with that. But she would read the books and there was always pictures in the middle of the books, you know, Gacy and Gacy. But she was reading a book and I didn't know what the book was. All I knew was I went in and I would look at the pictures in the middle of the book, I wasn't supposed to. And there was of him as a clown and I knew that he was someone that killed people. And I was like, well, there you go.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And we're out.

[Kelly]

And we're out. So I don't like clowns. I have a T shirt at home that I hardly ever wear because it's probably not appropriate, but it says the only good clown is a dead clown. I don't like them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nice. Yeah, my, my two fears. The real one is losing my kids. I got, I got three little ones.

[Kelly]

And

[Dr. John DeLoney]

specifically car crashes. There's some. I was talking to my wife about this the other day. I've seen or been a part of probably about a dozen car crashes. Like when I was.

[Kelly]

Don't ride with hummus.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, hashtag. None of them were my. Two of them were my fault because I too was 16 once. They were very minor. But that's something that just when my wife is driving the kids around or whatever, I'm watching the iPhone tracker and I have to make myself stop because it's not healthy. I know that. So that's my, my real big fear is there, Gina. I don't have, I don't have anybody tracked. I have nobody on my phone for that reason. I just, I, I, yeah, I just can't. Otherwise I'd be glued to it. What I feel is, my practical fear is the ocean. We shouldn't be in the ocean. Humans aren't meant to be there. God is very clearly telling us, don't go here. There's a very large, dangerous creature. It's always trying to spit us back out.

[Kelly]

We have a pretty diverse group of fears here and some pretty screwed up people.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We have some very screwed up people, that is for sure.

[Kelly]

Well, that was our last question on this 900th episode.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That was anti climatic. Give us another one.

[Kelly]

Well, we have to go. We have other shows to do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here we go.

[Kelly]

But you know what's coming up this year, later this year?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Huh?

[Kelly]

1,000.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's wild.

[Kelly]

We'll hit that later this year. Isn't that crazy? I mean, that is.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We'll get canceled before then.

[Kelly]

No, we've made it. 900. Come on. Genuinely, a thousand episodes is crazy, but we got to go to one more break. So we'll come back. We'll come back with something else. So stick around.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right. It's summertime. You're going to be running and gunning all the time. You're going to be traveling, you're going to be out having Fun. You're going to be outside working, and when you come inside, here's what I want you to do. I want you to get good, awesome sleep. And how are you going to do that? Helix mattresses. Because Helix mattresses rule. I sleep on a Helix. My wife sleeps on a Helix. Well, duh, because we sleep in the same bed, but my kids sleep on Helix mat. And when people come stay at my house in the guest room. That's right. Helix Mattress. Why they are the best. Helix does not build just one mattress for every person and expect them to be comfortable on it. They build mattresses for you for how you, as an individual person sleep, whether you're a side sleeper, a back sleeper, a hot sleeper. They make mattresses for everybody. I want you to get online and take their sleep quiz. It takes like two minutes. And Helix will match you with the perfect mattress just for you. Sleep. No guesswork. This is one of those small decisions that will change how you show up every single day. It will change how your summer goes, and it will launch you into the fall. Go to helixsleep.com DeLoney and get 27% off site wide during their Memorial Day sale. That's 27% off at helixsleep.com DeLoney. And this is only for my audience with Helix. Better sleep starts right now. All right, we're back.

[Kelly]

All right, I've got one more question.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right.

[Kelly]

You love to give nicknames.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes.

[Kelly]

And a lot of people don't know this. We don't have to go through everybody's nicknames in the room because some of them we don't need to. But you give a nickname to pretty much everyone that works on the show.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

To everybody.

[Kelly]

Everybody.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I have a friend named Beth. She came over yesterday for Easter. Never occurred to me. New nickname. Bethamphetamine. That's the greatest one ever. Is that awesome? Right? When I saw her, I was like, bethamphetamine. I was like, where was that? I've been friends with her for eight years. Never even popped into my head.

[Kelly]

Well, my favorite one is the. The lady that used to be our coordinator. There's our PC on this show, Mia. And you named her Onomana.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Anamana.

[Kelly]

Onomana Mia. So that's probably my favorite. I don't care for mine.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's yours?

[Kelly]

What do you always call me? Grandma Kelly. Oh, that's the three and a half years older than you. I would just like to point that out. 103 and a half years.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

300 and a half years.

[Kelly]

We're both Gen Xers. We're both born in the 70s.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So many jokes I'm not going to make on that one anyway.

[Kelly]

What are some nicknames that people have given to you? Not that you've given to yourself because anytime you have to give yourself a nickname it's a total douchey thing to do. What are some nicknames that you have had in your life?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I can't repeat any of them. These are names that my friend's parents have called me also because that was just my name. I have a buddy whose mom puts Caleb's mom home. She's in her mid-70s. If I call right this second, she would go, that's what she still calls me. Have I not told you the story?

[Kelly]

Why?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

When I was 17 years old, I was in a playing football on Friday nights in Texas on Friday Night Live.

[Kelly]

I mean that's, that's church.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It was church. And the quarterback threw four interceptions. And as a receiver, whenever the ball gets picked off, it's just open season. I was getting killed. Hold guys will take. Just come running. And the fifth ball he under threw by like 15 yards. And I didn't try, I just stopped. I just stopped and the ball got picked off. And right when it happened I was like, oh, it's gonna suck tomorrow. Because the morning after every football game at 6:30 had to be at the school to watch film of the game before. And that next morning we, I mean we got beat. We got blown out. 30 or 40 point loss. Next morning we're watching film and I'm like no, no, no, no, no. And coach who was, I think I've told you, his dad was his son. I, I saw him when he was this big Beasley Cowboys.

[Kelly]

Oh cool.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

His dad was my football coach.

[Kelly]

I didn't know that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. And so when I say he unloaded, he ruined it. And, and you could see me just stop. And this defender just waits for the like a punt and catches it and runs it and he plays it, rewinds it, plays it, rewinds it, plays it, rewinds it. And we're all just waiting, waiting because I mean it looks so bad. And he just goes damn it, Deloney out there playing like a though Deloney. And I knew at 17 I was like, oh, that's my name forever. And it was. I was. I still am. Still am. It got modified to dills in college so that people could say it all the time like in church and stuff. But that's still my name.

[Kelly]

And it might just continue to be.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I. You know what? It's time it just is. That's how a chunk of people in my life know me. Any other questions?

[Kelly]

No. No. I think that I'm so happy right now that we'll just end there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I prefer of all of those. I just think that's funny. My friend Ryan called me that once and that stuck for a long time.

[Kelly]

Nope. Deals it is.