Could This Secret Destroy Our Family?

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show — “Could This Secret Destroy Our Family?”

Episode Date: June 29, 2026
Host: Dr. John Delony, Ramsey Network
Format: Caller-driven advice on relationships and mental health

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the complexities of secrecy, infidelity, family loyalty, and personal integrity within close relationships. Dr. John Delony takes multiple calls—most notably from a woman named Holly in Denver grappling with her brother-in-law’s repeat infidelity and the secrecy surrounding it, from Ashley in Houston weighing a move for mental health and family versus her husband's career, and from Eric in Indianapolis wrestling with his wife’s desire to foster children while he's unsure he's ready. The host skillfully unpacks tangled emotions, relational boundaries, and the difference between being “nice” and being “good,” all while urging listeners to live with honesty and intentionality.

---

Segment 1: The Weight of Family Secrets

[01:06-13:01] Holly’s Call from Denver, CO

Key Discussion Points

• Background: Holly’s brother-in-law had an affair 12 years ago; his wife found out, but their adult kids do not know. The affair restarted a year and a half ago and ended again, after which the mistress reached out to Holly asking for help to end contact.
• Holly’s Position: Frustrated at secret-keeping; her husband defended his brother, causing marital tension. She resents being complicit and feels anxiety and discomfort during family gatherings.
• Integrity vs. Loyalty: Dr. John challenges Holly to evaluate the kind of person she wants to be and whom she wants to be loyal to—her husband, her brother-in-law, or her own values.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. John:
  “Loyalty...means I’ll be there when you need me. And you better believe I’m going to tell you the truth, too.” [08:14]
• Holly:
  “I want to be the person that tells the truth.” [10:09]
• Dr. John:
  “You’re incomplete inside your own chest... you’re struggling with the woman you see in the mirror because you’re not whole with yourself.” [10:37]
• Dr. John, on boundaries:
  “If you keep everybody’s secrets and you end up melting yourself in the process, like, for what?” [12:59]

Actionable Insights

• Dr. John suggests Holly sit down with her husband and state clearly: carrying this secret is not who she wants to be. She can communicate boundaries: either she addresses the truth with those affected, or distances herself from situations that force her to hide.
• He highlights the distinction between being a “nice” guy and a “good” man, urging integrity above surface-level harmony.

---

Segment 2: Should We Move for Mental Health?

[19:35-38:37] Ashley’s Call from Houston, TX

Key Discussion Points

• The Dilemma: Ashley and her husband have discussed moving from Houston to Wisconsin for closer proximity to extended family, in hopes that it would ease Ashley’s sense of isolation as a stay-at-home mom. However, her husband’s career opportunities would diminish, forcing a significant pay cut.
• The Issue: Is a move worth the financial risk for perceived mental health benefits, or does she need to invest more fully in her existing community?
• Family vs. Finances: Dr. John urges careful consideration, highlighting that “wherever you go, you will go with you,” meaning that feelings of loneliness or anxiety may persist regardless of location.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. John:
  “Wherever you go—new job, new spouse, new person on the side, new raise, new million dollars—you will go with you.” [23:54]
• Ashley:
  “I think we’ve been planning to move up there for so many years that I’ve put things on hold.” [25:36]
• Dr. John’s Wife’s Wisdom:
  “If I’m going to be well and whole, I’m going to choose to live right here where my feet are.” [28:17]
• Dr. John:
  “Don’t come to terms [with staying]. Come to terms with the life you want.” [29:42]
• Dr. John, on kids and family proximity:
  “Your children’s lives are not your life. Trying to run it back in any shape or form or fashion is a fool’s errand because you’re trying to give them what you had. And they have different lives.” [31:36]

Actionable Insights

• He recommends Ashley commit to fully living and investing in her current community for a set period (60, 90, 120 days), building local relationships as if she were staying forever.
• He also advises a clear conversation with her husband to define shared goals and realities, ensuring neither resents the other for decisions made half-heartedly.

---

Segment 3: Torn About Fostering

[40:13-51:27] Eric’s Call from Indianapolis, IN

Key Discussion Points

• Background: Eric’s wife is passionate about becoming foster parents, while he feels reluctant, overwhelmed by their busy life and his own reservations.
• Infertility Factor: Their difficulties conceiving may be a root element, but Eric is unsure if his reluctance is about logistics or deeper emotional unease.
• Honesty in Decision-making: Dr. John warns against “going along” to avoid conflict or please a spouse—foster children deserve wholehearted commitment, not reluctant compliance.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. John:
  “We work so we can live. We don’t live to work.” [47:03]
• Dr. John, addressing Eric’s anxieties:
  “If you open your eyes in the morning and try to get through your day so you can get to the recliner at the end of the day, you’ve built a life of misery for yourself.” [48:23]
• Dr. John, on fostering:
  “Yes, there is no right time... You’ll always have that sense of there’s another human being relying on us. The algorithm on this side of the fence never makes sense.” [50:11]
• Dr. John’s tough-love closing:
  “Please, please, please don’t just do this to keep her happy. That little kid that you take in deserves more than that.” [50:09]

Actionable Insights

• Dr. John tells Eric that honesty is crucial; only foster if he can invest fully, as ambivalence is unfair to the child.
• He notes that the challenges of fostering (or moving, or secret-keeping) don’t go away with “perfect timing”—meaningful change is always hard, so clarity of intent is essential.

---

Segment 4: Notable Listener Story — The 3AM Grocery Store Bench

[53:38-58:13]

Key Discussion Point

• A Viral Good News Story: Kelly reads a touching story from the “Good News Movement” about a night-shift grocery worker who began writing uplifting receipts to lonely late-night customers. The simple gesture started a ripple effect, creating a small community for insomniacs and night workers, culminating in the installation of a “3AM Bench” outside the store.

Notable Quote

• Story excerpt:
  “You never know when ‘Have a Good Night’ is the only good night someone will have. So I write every time for everyone. Because being seen matters. Being seen saves lives.” [58:13]

---

Important Timestamps

• [01:06] — Holly explains her brother-in-law’s secret affair and its aftermath
• [08:14] — Dr. John distinguishes loyalty from blind allegiance
• [10:09] — Holly voices her desire to be a person of integrity
• [13:13] — Conclusion of Holly’s call: actionable next steps for her
• [19:35] — Ashley introduces her “move or stay” dilemma
• [23:54] — Dr. John’s recurring insight about “you go with you”
• [29:42] — Advice to “come to terms with the life you want”
• [40:13] — Eric shares his fear about fostering
• [50:09] — The powerful reminder about honest intent in fostering
• [53:38] — Touching listener story about combating loneliness
• [58:13] — Key quote from the “3AM Bench” story

---

Summary & Takeaways

This episode is a deep exploration of honesty, boundaries, loyalty, and self-awareness within family dynamics and personal choices. Dr. John Delony pushes listeners and callers to confront discomfort for the sake of long-term wholeness:

• Secrets corrode self-respect and erode relationships.
• Moving or changing circumstances won’t fix internal struggles—work on roots, not just scenery.
• Don’t “just go along” with life-changing plans out of guilt or convenience—children, spouses, and you yourself deserve intentionality and clarity.
• Simple acts of recognition, even a kind word on a receipt, can transform someone’s lived experience.

Dr. John’s warm realism and humor guide the episode, always returning to the need for living in integrity and connection.

Share-Worthy Quotes

• “If you keep everybody’s secrets and end up melting yourself in the process, that’s what’s happening... for what?” — Dr. John [12:59]
• “Wherever you go, you will go with you.” — Dr. John [23:54]
• “I want to be the person that tells the truth.” — Holly [10:09]
• “Please, please, please don’t just do this to keep her happy. That little kid you take in deserves more than that.” — Dr. John [50:09]
• “Being seen matters. Being seen saves lives.” — Good News Movement story [58:13]

---

Listen to this episode if you want:

• Honest, practical advice for complex family problems
• Guidance on living in integrity under social pressure
• Reassurance about making and sticking to hard decisions
• A reminder of the quiet power of human kindness

Transcript

[A]

I'm calling for the good of someone else. He had an affair about 12 years ago and the affair ended. His wife found out. They've been okay, I guess, since the affair. He and his wife. Fast forward to about a year and a half ago and I got a message from the woman that he was seeing that they were seeing each other again.

[B]

Yo, yo, what up? This is John with the Doctor's John Deloney show coming to you live from Nashville. I'm live. You're not, but we're coming to you live, taking real calls from real people.

[C]

We're not live.

[B]

We are right now, right this second.

[C]

But when people hear this, it's like three weeks later.

[B]

That's not our fault. If they were here, it kind of is. That is our fault. It's our fault. I guess we could release it live.

[C]

Nope, not a chance.

[B]

Yeah. You edit a lot.

[C]

Yep. Because I want to keep my job.

[B]

Oh, that's fair.

[C]

And you have to feed your family, so you're welcome.

[B]

There is some comedy people who listen to Like Me live and they're like, oh, oh. This is the unedited version. Let's go out to Denver, Colorado and talk to Holly. What's up, Holly?

[A]

What's up?

[D]

How are you?

[B]

Awesome.

[C]

How are you?

[D]

I'm good.

[A]

All good.

[B]

Ex. You're not good. You wouldn't be calling. Oh, maybe you are. Maybe you are you calling just.

[A]

I'm good. I'm calling for the good of someone else.

[B]

Oh, nice. You call in for a friend. That should be a new segment. Calling for a friend.

[A]

Exactly. All right, perfect.

[B]

So what's up?

[A]

My, I've been married for 37 years. My, my, it's been a wonderful, wonderful ride. My brother in law, my husband's brother, very, very, very good guy. Not a. He's a nice guy, but he hasn't been a great guy. He had an affair about 12 years ago and I found out by accident. He asked my husband to keep it a secret. I eventually found out, was very upset with the both of them for keeping secrets and the affair ended. His wife found out. Their grown adult children do not know. They've been okay, I guess the last since the affair. He and his wife. Fast forward to about a year and a half ago and I got a message from the woman that he was seeing. Same woman that they were seeing each other again. Yeah. Wasn't great. Went on for probably about another six months or so.

[B]

What did you do when she reached out to you?

[A]

You know, I listened. I had spoken to her. She called Me after the first affair and apologized for doing what they did to our family.

[B]

Did you know her?

[A]

I did not. I did not. She was very nice. She was very humble. She was kind about it. Even though what she did was extremely wrong. What they both did, and we let it go. That was. You know, all that time went by, and it happened again, and she reached out to me and said, hey, I really need him to leave me alone. I don't want to do this again. We've been carrying on for a little bit. Can you please talk to him and tell him to stop contacting me?

[B]

Whoa, whoa, hold on. That's wild.

[A]

Yeah, Crazy.

[B]

That's wild. Why would she reach out to you and not his wife?

[A]

Because apparently they swore to each other that he didn't want his children to know. And she said that she would never do that to him. She had enough care and respect for him that he would never. She would never blow the whistle on him.

[B]

But she blew the whistle just dragging you into this thing.

[A]

She did, you know, and that's when it became my business.

[B]

So the moment. The second phone call, the moment she hung up, did you tell your husband?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And absolutely no secrets.

[B]

Where are y' all now? Or where's this whole mess now?

[A]

So they ended it about a year and a half ago. The second time. The second time, his wife does not know still.

[B]

Oh, so now you're a part of the secret keeping.

[A]

I always have been. His children don't know. My children do know. They found out by default, and I had to explain it to them. They're grown. They really. We don't want much to do with. With him. But my husband there. He and my husband are very close. My husband defends him, and it's. It's caused an issue with it, with our relationship.

[B]

Well, you defend him, too, because you started the call by saying he's a very, very good man.

[A]

He's. No, he's a nice guy. He's not a good guy.

[B]

Okay. Big difference.

[A]

Yeah, big difference.

[B]

I know lots of really nice guys that I don't want around my kids.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

And I know. I know some really, like, just crass goofball, like, classically not nice guys that I would love around my kids because they're good men.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

They're just morons.

[D]

Right.

[A]

So, yeah, they're just idiots.

[B]

This whole thing feels really tangled up, and so I want to pull it apart. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You got issue number one, where you still have something in your spirit about the fact that your husband kept Secrets from you a decade ago.

[A]

I don't. Okay. Now as time has passed, I. We don't have that kind of a relationship. I understand why he did it. His brother confided in him. I respect that. But we have a very, very strict rule of not keeping secrets. And he. I think he would tell me eventually. It just.

[D]

It.

[A]

He just didn't want it. He just wanted it to go away.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And it didn't.

[B]

And it never does. But him keeping a secret from you. Here's how we handle this. In my house, I would say something like to my wife, like, hey, somebody we know, somebody we care about, a family member just dropped a humongous bomb in my lap and ask me not to tell you about it. Just know it's a big ugly mess. And my wife, who honors. Just because of her work and what she does and what I do, she honors confidentiality. But here's what I wouldn't want her to do. I wouldn't want her to feel me carrying extra weight that I don't normally carry and her thinking there's something wrong with us.

[A]

Right?

[E]

Right.

[B]

So I don't need to know the details. She doesn't need to know the details. But each of us owes it to the other person because we're married. Hey, we're both carrying something ugly. But he, he. And so that's. That's issue number one. So you say you and your husband are good and square. Awesome. Now what's Thanksgiving?

[A]

I do, I do have a little bit of resentment toward him because of the fact that he still continues to not defend his brother. He feels some sort of. It. They had huge trauma as kids. They're trauma. Bond is sick with those two.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And I understand that part of it as well. But I feel like it's just a little bit of betrayal. And he needs to go to his brother and say, hey, dude, that's not. What you're doing is not cool. And you're affecting my family. And he hasn't done that. And that's.

[B]

So your. Your brother in law doesn't know that his mistress reached out to you?

[A]

Oh, yeah, he knows. I've told him everything. I read him up and down. I. I am not afraid to say what I need to say to him.

[B]

So let your husband have his relationship with his brother. Okay. Because. Because that's. It's. I'd have no problem. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I've got no problem with the ride or die aspect to it, but is any part of a good relationship, and this is what I call loyalty Right. Loyalty does not mean like, I'll just do whatever you say all the time, forever. Loyalty means I'll be there when you need me. And you better, you better believe I'm going to tell you the truth too. Loyalty is both sides of that, of that, of that, you know, scale.

[E]

Right?

[B]

And so the, the men and women in my life that are most loyal to me, dude, they are there if we need to hide the bodies and they're going to let me know what they think about that.

[D]

Okay?

[B]

Right. So let him have that relationship with his brother. What I don't want you to sacrifice is your integrity. Because you just said you, you don't mind saying what you want to say when you want to say it. But you haven't told, you haven't told that woman that you haven't told your sister in law at Thanksgiving, have you?

[A]

No, we don't, we don't have much of a relationship. She's very private, she's very dependent on him.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I let that, I let that go a long time ago. That's for them to figure out.

[B]

Okay, so what's your concern?

[A]

Crossing. Because I'm still carrying this secret and it's causing me anxiety every time we see them because their grown children think that they have this idyllic, wonderful marriage and he's this great guy and I'm sitting there where all my whole family is sitting there listening to this facade and it crosses every boundary that I've established for myself.

[B]

So what would, in another way of saying that it sounds like you feel forced to become somebody you don't want to be. From a moral and ethical standpoint, yes.

[A]

And to appease my husband and for him to continue this relationship with his brother.

[B]

Okay, so who do you want to be?

[A]

I, I, I want to be the person that tells the truth.

[B]

Okay. So when I asked if you haven't, why you haven't told his, your sister in law yet, you said, well, I don't have a relationship with her. She's private. Again, that's, you're making it about her. Yet the issue is you're struggling with the woman you see in the mirror because you're not whole with yourself. The word integrity comes from the word integer. Whole round never stops.

[E]

Right.

[B]

And you're incomplete inside your own chest.

[A]

I'm trying to, I'm trying to please everybody else to make this.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Not. Yeah.

[B]

And so, okay, there's a difference in saying to your husband, I respect till the end of the earth you have a special relationship with Your brother. I'm glad you have each other, in fact. And if you're struggling with respecting him because he's not upholding his end of what loyalty is, which is to look at his brother and say, hey, this isn't who we are as men, or he's not wrestling with the reality that, no, that's who my brother is. That's who he is for a decade.

[A]

Yeah. Then, I mean, take it or leave it.

[B]

Say that again.

[A]

Take it or leave it.

[B]

Take what or leave it?

[A]

The. The burden of carrying their secrets or.

[B]

No, it's not about that. It's about you looking at your husband and saying, hey, you're. You're welcome to do what you want to do in this relationship. This is who I'm going to be.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And either I'm going to have this conversation, and I'll give you all 30 days, because I'm not carrying this other woman. And by the way, I would block that other woman. She. That's a weird end around triangulation that I would not be a part of. And you could tell him you married a woman of integrity. And for a year now, I've been carrying around this bag of lies, and I can't participate or I'm not gonna make the phone call, but I'm not showing up to these family events anymore and pretending everything's okay. And I don't think you have any responsibility unless you have a close relationship with your nieces and nephews and you feel like you're lying to them. You don't have a relationship to their adult kids. That's their. If they want to lie to their kids, they're gonna lie to their kids.

[A]

I do have a relationship with them, and that's part of the package.

[B]

Okay? So I think sitting down, your husband and saying, I am being forced to be somebody that I abhor, that I. I don't want to be.

[E]

You. You.

[B]

You're asking me to be a liar, and that's not who I am. You're asking me to be a person who's not. Who doesn't have any integrity, and that's not who I am. I can't play this game. And by the way, y' all put me in this position. It's not like you went digging. Their dishonesty brought it to you.

[A]

Yes. Okay.

[B]

And as the old saying goes, not by my hand, but in my life. Because. Because if you keep everybody's secrets and you end up melting yourself in the

[A]

process, that's what's happening.

[B]

Like, for what? Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what's happening.

[A]

And I don't, I don't, I don't want to do that. It's, it's gotta, it's gotta stop. I can't, it's too heavy.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Set it down.

[A]

All right.

[B]

But I'll challenge you as a part of being a person of integrity is not blindsiding people and not hiding from truth or not hiding from reality.

[E]

Right.

[B]

And by the way, your brother in law will probably run you down. I can't believe she can't keep a secret. She's going to blow up my whole family. And hopefully your husband is of the character to say, hey, don't talk about my wife. And b, bro, you did this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like you blew up your family, not us.

[A]

Yeah, I, I, I, I have empathy for him. He's hurting and it's obvious. And I want find a better path and, and find some happiness. And I, I, but he doesn't want that for him.

[B]

He doesn't want that. And you can want it for him all day long, but he's, I mean, he's made his bed for, with another woman for, for 12 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

All right.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The, at the end of the day, all we can control is us.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Your thoughts and your actions. That's it. And it's, it feels powerless sometimes, but that should be a really empowering, an empowering thing to hear. All I can control is me. And at the end of the day, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, I did the next right thing and I'm a person who tells the truth. And I want to be able to look my spouse in the eye and say, I'm not, I don't respect you right now, or I'm not respecting this part of you because of this and this and this. And with all due respect, I. Few bonds. Few bonds are more ride or die than a close brother or close sister, close family bonds. But when he looked at you 37 years ago and said, till death do us part, you became his number one. And so he gave you a sacred obligation, if you will, and said, we're in this and I'm not going to put you in positions to where you have to bury yourself. That's unfair on his part. And he might say, this is why I kept secrets from you. This is why I didn't tell you. And y' all are gonna have to deal with that part of your marriage. Because if keeping secrets and keeping facades is more important than connection and love, then y' all have, then your marriage has bigger issues.

[E]

Right?

[B]

Y' all may be sitting around with a facade, too. So be as honest as you can be and direct as you can be and give him a path to do the next right thing. And, man, I'd block that woman. I don't. I don't play triangulation games. I'm out of those things. But I'm also not going to look somebody. And then I lied to him either. Thanks for the call, sister. We come back, a woman asks if it's reasonable to want to move closer to family if it means her husband would take a career and a pay cut.

[E]

Be right back.

[B]

All right, this is going to sound wild, but I have a couple of pet lizards. And the other day I went into a local pet store to get some crickets and I just wanted to buy a few crickets. And at the checkout counter, they wanted my address, my driver's license, my phone number. I might as well have had to bring my Social Security card, my passport. Listen, I just wanted some crickets, and they wanted my soul. Every time you give out your cell number, your email address, or buy something online, data brokers are there to grab your information and sell it behind your back to the highest bidder, leaving you vulnerable to spam and scams. This is a big part of why I personally use and recommend Delete Me. Your phone number, your home address, pictures of your family, your family's information, and more. All of it is just floating around online in the background, sitting on data broker sites that you've never even heard of. Delete me finds your personal information online and they remove it for you. Not just once. They keep monitoring for your information and cleaning it up month after month. You can close the gap between what you think is private and what actually is. You cannot build a peaceful life if parts of your life are being bought and sold online without your permission. Get Delete me, go to joindeleteme.com DeLoney and get 20% off an annual plan. That's joindeleteme.comDeloney it all started with the Cozy Earth towels. These giant, awesome absorbent soft towels. And then I got cozy Earth comforters and blankets. And, dude, they were awesome, too. And then I got some Cozy Earth socks. And now Cozy Earth is in every nook and cranny of my house. I recently got a pair of the Cozy Earth Everywhere pants. Dude, I didn't know that I needed another pair of pants, but I got them. And like all the other Cozy Earth gear, they are incredible. Especially during the summer months. And of course I love my Cozy Earth sheets. Listen, they're made from viscose from bamboo. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that means. But I do know that my cozier sheets are soft and breathable and somehow they keep me cool without me freezing out and without me getting night sweats in the middle of this hot summer. Cozy. Your sheets help me sleep better. And here's the deal. Cozy Earth gives you a hundred night sleep trial on all of your bedding and a 10 year warranty on everything else. So there's no risk to try out Cozy Earth for yourself. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney and you'll save up to 20% off your entire order. That's cozyearth.com DeLONEY use code DeLoney and if you get a post purchase survey, tell them you heard about Cozy Earth's amazing gear or right here on the Dr. John DeLoney Show. All right, take two seconds and hit the subscribe like thumbs up. What is it? What else? Kelly, the Share Share Share it.

[C]

Yes, you can share it with someone that you think might need to hear that call. You can like subscribe, comment. We love comments.

[B]

We read them. Your your spirit is darker and colder than mine.

[C]

Well, it's also my job. So.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Oh, let's go out to Houston H Town, home of the surging, surging Astros, and talk to Ashley. What's up? Ashley?

[A]

Hi.

[D]

Thank you for talking to me today.

[B]

Of course. Thanks for calling. What's up?

[D]

So me and my husband keep going back and forth with whether we want to live here by the Astros or up north.

[B]

How far up north?

[D]

Wisconsin.

[B]

Oh my gosh, that's the moon. If you live in Texas, that's not north. That's, that's, that's another solar system. Oklahoma is up north.

[D]

It's pretty cold up there.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Okay. So, but man, you don't, the question is you don't take leaving Texas lightly.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

What's the question?

[D]

Well, for us to make that move, I think I'd be a happier, well rounded mother and wife. But the career he has here in Texas is slim up there. So he would be changing careers and in doing so be taking a substantial pay cut. So the decision is to move up north for my mental health or stay in Texas and be financially secure.

[B]

Well, that's a no brainer. But the way you phrase that is. I mean, tell me, tell me more about your mental. What about changing locations? Is going to quote unquote help your mental health?

[D]

Well, so it's just my husband, myself and my three kids here. We've got a very small circle, no family, you know, very few friends.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And I feel like I'm.

[B]

Go ahead, let me interrupt you because when, when you get on this train and it heads out, that's a story you've told. I can already tell. You've told that story to yourself over and over. You told it to your husband. Why do you have a small circle? Why have you chosen that?

[D]

I think as a stay at home mom, it's, it's maybe harder to meet people and sometimes you meet people and maybe you don't click with that person. So it's this never ending cycle of play dates that end up going nowhere because the moms don't click or the kids ages don't line up. You change schools, you change daycares, you change extracurricular activities and it's hard to build a long term circle.

[B]

It's very hard. And it's also hard to change jobs and careers and move literally entirely across the country. Both of those are hard.

[D]

Absolutely.

[B]

One of the concerns I have. Do you have family up north? Is that why I want to go home? Go, I mean go up north.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Who's up there?

[D]

We've got mom and dad, brothers and sisters, I've got grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins.

[B]

Okay. So I, I, yes. If, if you are struggling with your mental health and you need to do something else, whatever that thing is, move, change jobs, whatever, that's your well being and your relationship with your spouse and your relationship with yourself. It's always more important than money. Always. Right. And I'm always, I always want to keep two truths in, in hand. Okay. Truth number one is people were storytellers and we often fantasize where we're not. And so it's like you'll pick yourself up and drop yourself in the middle of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc, maybe that would be wonderful. But maybe you get to see them a couple of times a year on holiday or once a year on holiday and everyone's on their best behavior and there's food out and there's laughter and there's telling the old stories again and the same rhythms and routines and we're not clicking and the kids don't line up. That will be present there too.

[D]

Yeah. My husband does tell me something similar. You know that we currently we see them once a year on vacation and he says I have this, you know, rose color colored glasses where yeah, everybody's gathered round, we're laughing, we're having a good time, but that's not the reality of, of their day to day life.

[B]

He's right. He's right.

[D]

But then I come back to Texas and it's hard to not envision even getting to see them once every other month. You know, six times a year would be so much better.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

Than once.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So that's not only for just me, but my, my kids as well.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

You know, they have a small circle here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that, that's truism number one. And, and I think your husband's right is it's easy to just pick yourself up and say it's going to be a holiday 365 days a year. And it's absolutely not. There's going to be way, way, way more days. You're a stay at home mom with a few kids by yourself, and your cousins are working and your sisters and brothers are working and their families are working and you'll get together maybe once a week, once every two weeks, maybe. Maybe. And. But you'll have games and you'll have school and you'll have kids growing up. Like, like that's all reality. The second truism here is the one I want to focus on and that is this. Wherever you go, new job, new spouse, new person on the side, new raise new million dollars, you will go with you. And so when people tell me they need to do something else for their mental health and they're not in an abusive situation, I always want to pause because if you're struggling with anxiety, you're struggling with depression, you're struggling with things right now in your real life, those things you will go with you wherever you go. And so if it's hard to connect, if it's hard to just drop your shoulders, if it's hard to be like, oh man, I had a couple of moms over and our kids played. They're fine, they were nice, they're fine. They're not going to be my people. I would want to dig into that. What prohibits you from going, going again and then going again?

[E]

Right.

[B]

What is it about you that has kind of closed that circle off and said, I don't want to meet, I don't want to get close to people here in Houston?

[D]

You know, I think we've been kind of planning to move up there for so many years that I've put things on hold.

[B]

Here you go. There you go. You haven't lived where your feet are. Yes. You haven't lived where your Feet are. And that is a recipe for anybody to feel untethered. And feeling untethered is a recipe for hanging on to the past or projecting into the future, which is anxiety, depression, all those things. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I've told them before, if I could, I mean, if I could like, release myself with this, like, strong desire to go up there, I would, I guess I, I feel like he's, in a way, led me to believe that eventually we will be there. So it's this back and forth that's been going on and I would dig

[B]

into that because if he said, I'm going to work here for three years and then we're moving and now we're on year 10.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I would sit down and say, hey, I've got some integrity concerns. Here was our plan that we made together. And it seems like you've unilaterally changed the plan,

[E]

right?

[D]

Yeah, I do, Yeah. I feel the plan does get changed. I mean, we own some land up there currently that I thought eventually we'd build on, and that's been years. You know, we try to reach a dollar amount, goal wise is as the finish line, and we, we reach that goal and then that gets moved as well.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And I know he's kind of climbing the ladder in his position here in Houston, and, and I know how difficult it would be to make a certain amount of money and then have to step away from that.

[B]

Well, I mean, the money, money gives you margin, money gives you options. Money is, I mean, you work the job so you can have the life you want.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And most people get that backwards. They try to get a job they want and they try to cram some sort of life into that. And that's backwards. But really the, the conversation is to clear the deck completely and ask yourselves, you and your husband get together and say, what kind of, what kind of world do we want to create? Because we get to choose. And every one of those worlds will come with sacrifice and with change and with shifting and all that kind of stuff, and every one of those choices comes with hard things. But I, I can tell you as somebody who lived in Texas for 40 years and then we packed up and moved across the country. We left our friends, we left our families. I, I didn't just leave friends. I left 40 year friendships.

[E]

Right.

[B]

And we left our families. And part of the thing we did was we budgeted for a lot of trips. We had a line item in a budget for, for years for flights and for gas. Because part of us coming here was we're going to go back. And also my wife did a way, way better job than I did. She immediately plugged in and said, if I'm going to be well and whole, I'm going to choose to live right here where my feet are. And I am going to have to make good, close friends. And she's got some ride or die friends. I struggled with that because I left some long term friendships. And over the past several years, I've really put an anchor down. And I tell you what, man, I sleep different now.

[E]

Right.

[B]

And she recently told me. It shocked me. We were driving somewhere and I said, hey, we haven't talked about this in years. Like, do you, do you still want to be buried back XYZ place in, in Texas? And she said, nope, should have buried me in Tennessee. It's more. My home is. And for two Texans who lived for 40, you know, this, like, for. I mean, that was a wild, like, wow. You know what I mean? That was a big shift.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, I guess I just, I mean, I. I could come to terms with staying here.

[B]

Don't come to terms, I think come to terms with the life you want. And if, if that picture of your life is. I want to be surrounded by grandparents and family and jillions of cousins, et cetera. And there's a reality to that, then let's put that on the table. But it sounds like you've had a. I thought we were gonna. And he. Your husband's like, I thought we were gonna. And y' all had. Were saying the same words, but y' all had different pictures of what you thought your life was gonna look like and feel like. And so in the process of. I thought we were gonna. And I thought we were gonna. Now y' all are further apart than ever.

[D]

Yeah. I definitely don't think he thought this is how it was gonna, you know, happen. Once we had kids together. Yeah, I was completely fine. But I had a different circle, of course, too, before I had kids.

[B]

Sure, sure. How old are your kids?

[D]

I've got nine, five and two.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And, you know, the older my oldest, the older he gets. I just, I see him not having a relationship with his grandparents, with his cousins. It's. I have this mom guilt about it, and I feel bad that they don't have something that I had and, and cherished so much growing up myself.

[B]

Yeah. And so A, that's real. Okay. Feel that. And B, your children's lives are not your life. And trying to run it back in any shape or form or fashion is a fool's errand because you're trying to give them what you had. And they have different lives. It's a different time, it's a different planet, it's a different everything. And that doesn't mean that wanting. I. I think more families should. Should be closer to more families. I get that. Totally, totally get that. And my wife and I make extra. Like we. I mean, it's. It's tough, but we make extra sacrifices to make sure our kids know some of their extended friends and our extended friends and family. I get that. Totally. But also my kid. My kids have a different life than I had.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, what's a safe amount of time? Or how do I just come to the conclusion that if this is what we choose when those feelings come up, that I'm sad because it's Easter and my entire family's together and we're not there, or my son has a pre K graduation and I see grandparents with their grandkids and my kids don't have that. How do I not dwell on that? Not spend, not let it just ruin the occasion? Yeah.

[B]

I'm of the belief now, and I've changed my mind over this over the last several years. I don't believe we can help the initial feeling. I think feelings come. I think they're wired in because of genetics, because of personal experiences. I think we have feelings. I think we get to choose the moment. We get that feeling, however small or however big it is to then go do the next thing for us, the next right thing. And so if you see. If you're at a pre K graduation and you see a bunch of grandparents and you are looking at your kid who's looking down at you from the stage and they're beaming, holding their certificate, feeling that pang of I wish Grandma and grandpa were here. That's real. You can't run from that. That's a real feeling inside your real body. And then sometimes a quickly, quietly whispered prayer saying, miss you, Grandma and Grandpa. And then a moment of gratitude for look at all these other kids. Like, that's awesome. And then recognizing I. I chose to do. I chose this life for me, for my kids, for everybody. And then I'm gonna. I'm gonna try to be as present as I can in that moment. And by the way, that takes practice. That's not something you can just a switch you can flip on and off. And sometimes you just got to deal with. I'm sad. I wish they were here. I wish they were here. And if you want to move, I think there's another layer here. If your husband's really good at his job and he's quote unquote, climbing the ladder or whatever, and he's doing that stuff, well, wherever he drops himself in whatever town, he's going to make his way through the ranks at whatever place he shows up at. If he's good at what he does, if he's good with people and he does his work with excellence and he works really hard and he's fun to be around, he's going to make his way through whatever profession. My fear for you guys is that you have fantasized about not being where you are and that you're it. Yes, it's going to be awesome, and yes, it's going to be cool to be around cousins, like to try to run back your childhood. And at the same time, it's not going to be. You're going to go with you. Your feelings are still going to be in the middle of your chest. And in fact, there's a play, a chance that it all works out great. And there's also a chance that it hurts worse because you're. You're my sister, my cousins, y' all are supposed to be here. Well, we got to work. We got this. Timmy's got soccer. Billy's got violin practice or whatever. Do you and your husband have a good marriage?

[D]

You know, I mean, I. I think we do. I think this is, you know, really the biggest issue we have because it. It comes up more often than it should.

[B]

Okay. Have you.

[D]

I'm. My fear is I'm gonna eventually resent him for me thinking he's keeping me here in Texas.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And why, you know, when he sees how upset and distraught I am frequently, why isn't that enough to make him say, okay, let's go?

[B]

You have a great point. And if he was on the phone with me, he would probably say the opposite. I'm working so hard to give her the life that neither of us had.

[D]

Absolutely.

[B]

We go home a couple times a year. Neither of us had this kind of money. We're able to give our kids this. This opportunity and that opportunity. And by the way, Christmas is not as fun as she remembers it when we get home, and Thanksgiving is not as great as she remembers it when we get home. And, like, I don't know what it is. I'm working as hard as I can for her. I don't know what it is about this amazing life we've built here that she's so unhappy with. He'd probably say the same thing. Just on the other side, Right?

[D]

Oh, he does. And I do see his point. He does very well for us and we don't want for anything. And I don't want that to go unappreciated. It's just these feelings that I just can't shut off.

[B]

Sure. I want you to do the work of two things. Two homework assignments for you. I want you to be very clear not I had this, so my kids have to have that.

[E]

Right.

[B]

I call that Uncle Rico syndrome. It's a little bit more sensitive when it comes to family because I think relationships with kids and their grandparents is sacred. And I think. I love the idea of kids and cousins all being big masses of. I love that it's not always reality for most people. Um, but I want you to actually be honest with yourself. What do you think that is going to give you day in and day out? The second thing is I would love for you to commit to 60 days, 90 days, 120 days of. I am going to plug in fully here. I'm going to pretend I live here forever. What conversations would I have with my neighbors? What conversations would I have with my. With my kids, their friends? Would I have a house full of 13 year olds and 9 year olds or 2 year old, whatever the ages of your kids are? Would I call other moms?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like I'm gonna pretend I'm gonna. This is where I live forever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what does actually plugging in here look like? Because if you always have a foot in Wisconsin, you're never going to be where you fully are.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Thanks for the call, sister. I'm really grateful. We come back. A man asks how to support his wife's desire to foster while being honest that he doesn't feel ready. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is here and everything has gone awry. The kids are out of school, routines are out the window. We're traveling, we're getting home. We're doing laundry. At weird times of the day, we're sleeping less. Listen, if you're not careful, you can end up running on fumes. If you don't slow down and take care of yourself, all that stress does not just go away. It shows up in your body, in your work, in your relationships, in your interactions with your kids and your spouse and your patients everywhere. And if you've recently been in therapy or seeking help and you've stopped because your schedule's gotten bonkers and it's important to keep finding ways to get the help you need. And that's why I'm a big fan of Better Help. Better Help is an online therapy platform that matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. All of their therapists follow a strict code of conduct, and you can message your therapist and schedule sessions right inside the app. If it's not the right fit with your first therapist, you can switch anytime at no extra cost. Get the help you need, go to betterhelp.com DeLoney and get 10% off. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com DeLoney all right, let's roll out to Indianapolis, Indiana. Indianapolis, India. Don't look at me like that, Kelly. I can read. Good. And talk to Eric. What's up, Eric? What up?

[E]

How's it going?

[B]

Good, man. How are you?

[E]

Good, good. Hey, thanks for taking my call.

[B]

You got it. What's up?

[E]

Because my wife really wants to do foster care, and I really struggle with that. I don't feel the same way. I don't know what to do with that. I love my wife and I want her to be happy, but I don't want to, like, allow myself to, like, get pushed into it or pulled into it and then wrestle with potentially, like, resentment or feeling trapped in a life that I don't like. And so I don't know how to navigate that. Like, how do you. What's a helpful way to converse as a couple and decide on this? This one of those things you push through because, like, nobody's ready to foster. Like, nobody's ready to have a kid or. Or what?

[B]

I mean, fostering is different than having a kid. Those are different things. And fostering is a huge, huge, huge blessing and a huge responsibility. It's hard, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I would be careful about trying to nail down jello. And the jello is, quote, unquote, a life I don't like.

[E]

Right.

[B]

Because you don't know. You don't know what it will feel like to have that extra responsibility and that extra anchoring and that extra, like, yeah, like, I'm doing good in the world. I get to love a little kid, like, wildly. Right. And I get to watch my wife come alive. Probably this is one of the reasons you married her, because she has a big heart, huh?

[E]

Yes. Yes. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like, if you're honest, what scares you? What do you think's gonna happen?

[E]

Oh, man. Life, like, already just feels very busy. Feels like, over committed. I don't feel like I have enough time to myself. And so, yeah, I think that's like mostly what concerns me.

[B]

Do you have your own kids?

[E]

No, we don't. No. We want to have kids, but I think we're probably unlikely to naturally.

[B]

What makes you think that?

[E]

That's. We've. We've had some like fertility tests and stuff and so looks like might be a difficult road for that.

[B]

Okay. And I've been down that road personally, so. Shout out to you guys. It's hard. It's hard. Can I ask a personal question?

[E]

Sure. It.

[B]

Where does the, the infertility challenges lie? I just.

[E]

You just cut out on my end with, with me, I had to do like six months of chemo when I was like 15 or 16. And I'm pretty sure that. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I've got some close personal friends that in a very similar situations.

[E]

Tough.

[B]

I mean they're an n equals 1. And this doesn't work out for everybody, but I can tell you that exact situation. And they just, they're on foster number two and it's been a gut wrenching, amazing, scary, terrifying, life changing, wonderful adventure. And I spent time with both of their foster kids and both of them are amazing and super challenging and all that stuff all together. If there's any shame or guilt on your end, I want you to be honest about that and head directly into that as though you don't want to capitulate to your. A plan B for your wife because you can't give her kids. And if, if you're wrestling with that, I want you to be honest about it. Okay.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that's hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I don't feel like. Yeah, I don't. I haven't really experienced that. I mean, I know there was nothing really that I can. Could do about it. Like I was just stuck with, you know, doing chemo.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

When I was younger.

[B]

Of course. Of course it's not a. It's not a matter of guilt like I screwed something up. But if you married somebody and all she's wanted. So she was a little girl's kids and she chose you, that's hard. Right? This is hard. This is what it is. And you. Nobody did anything wrong, but life just handed this to both of you. Right. The second part of it is, man, if you're. If you're quote unquote, already over committed or you don't have any time for yourself, I would say you have a wild scheduling issue. How old are you?

[E]

33.

[B]

All right. Can I be a jerk for a second? Is that cool?

[E]

Sure.

[B]

Like if we, if we were hanging out, having a drink Just eating nachos. I'd. I would take a drink before I said this. My daughter was just in the booth because my wife had to go to a doctor's appointment and she dropped my daughter off, who got to hear the first call and a half by the way. She was not impressed. She's 10, not impressed at all. And I have two kids, a high school kid, an elementary school kid, plus a full time job, plus I'm on the road all the time, plus my wife's got two jobs and I'm writing a book, like, and I go to stand up comedy and I play in a band. Where do you not have time? You get what I'm saying?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I, I feel like I've got a pretty busy life and I've got a pretty amazing wife and there's seasons when I don't have time. But like, tell me what you're experiencing where you don't think you could. You don't have quote unquote space.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I own a coffee business with my family, so that keeps us pretty busy, just like running that and probably in like a growth season there. So there's some thoughts about, about that. I also just like things around the house. Like the more we put on our calendar, the more chaotic and disorderly the, the house feels. And that's. That might be a big one. Just like coming home and it's just like, feels chaotic. And we're working on buying this house for my grandpa. It's kind of like a fixer upper. And so like, I just see these projects when I'm at home and I see these projects when I'm at work and it's just like constantly kind of spinning. I try to block out evenings or whatever just to like turn everything off so I'm not just always spinning. But those are probably like bigger, the bigger ones, I guess, specifically.

[B]

So remember these, these truisms, okay? We work so we can live. We don't live to work. And the reason we work is to help people. And as a bonafide caffeine addict, I applaud you. Thank you for putting coffee into the world. And hopefully it's good coffee. As someone who loves family businesses, I'm. I honor you for working with your family because that's hard.

[E]

Right?

[B]

But we do those things so that we can have the life we want, all right? Not the other way around. And if you want to take on a cool project and resurrect your grandfather's old house and fix it up and you and your wife want to do this together. That's amazing and awesome, but that's, that's a life you're entering into. It's not a bunch of crap you have to do so that then you can quote unquote, turn it all off. What I have found is when people open their eyes in the morning and they try to get through their day so they can get to the recliner at the end of the day, they've built a life of misery for this for themselves. And what I want to do is get to the end of the day and collapse on my pillow because I worked really hard and I had a day full of laughter and relationships and adventure and hard work and is sometimes tiny little amounts of fun or whatever.

[E]

Right?

[B]

I can just tell you this in a million years, in a million years, 22 year old me would have never for a second believed that when I open my eyes nowadays, I can't wait to get up and go into my garage, home gym and work out with my 16 year old son ever. I could never have imagined that when Turnstile was coming to town, the first person I would text is my son saying, you finally get to come to a real mosh pitting show with your old man. Never in a million years would I think I'm scanning the country music concerts to take my son or my daughter to everything changed. And I could only see it on this side of the fence. And so what I don't want you to do is to imagine all the math doesn't work. I'll say it that way, right? You will have less sex for a season and then you, it will come back, you'll have less money forever and ever. Amen. Right? Like you, you'll be busy. You'll always have that sense of there's another human being relying on us. And so the algorithm on this side of the fence never makes sense. But I tell you what man, I did not realize what being alive was until I was on the other side of that fence with two kids looking at me saying hey dad. And so I, I, I can't tell you if, if you say, hey, I don't want to foster your wife. O is owed that level of honesty and integrity. And please, please, please don't just quote, unquote, do this to keep her happy. That little kid that you take in deserves more than that.

[E]

Oh yeah? Yeah.

[B]

And yes, there is no, there's no like right time. Like you're never going to be not busy enough or the house will be just perfect enough or whatever.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I promise you this, man. When you're 90 and you're in a rocking chair on the front of an old creaky porch holding your wife's wrinkled up hand, and y' all have had a series of foster kids and you end up adopting a few of them and y' all have a wild, exhausting, frustrating, adventure filled life, I promise you won't look at each other and say, man, I wish we hadn't have done this and we'd change the cabinets.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can promise you that.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And also, it sounds like I'm berating you. I'm not. If fostering is not for you, it's very, very hard. Very hard. Navigating the court system, learning this kid's story as it unfold, like all that is really, really hard. It's not for everybody.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So if it's not for you, be honest.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It changes you. And it's. I tell you what, man, like I few people do, I salute more than those who choose to enter into foster care. And step, I mean that is, that's, that's a. A team, a family that is heading into really messy lives and saying, we're going to be the change we want to see in the world. That's a high, high calling and. Or it's a high, the high form of service. Because regardless of what parents are going through, regardless of what parents are struggling with or doing or not doing, those little kids, man. So shout out to you, brother. I wish you guys the best. Thanks for call. We'll be right back. I've seen the data. So many of you avoid talking about life insurance because it forces you to imagine things that you don't want to think about. Here's what you need to remember. Life insurance is not really for you. It's protection for the people you love and the people who depend on you. I recommend term life insurance from Zander Insurance. When a family loses someone they depend on, the last thing they need is financial chaos on top of the deep grief. People don't always realize how much they carry for their family every day. Childcare, meals, transportation, paying bills, holding everything together. Term life insurance helps protect your family so they can focus on grieving and healing and not scrambling to figure out money. Zander is the company that I've used for years, long before I had a show. Because I trust them. Xander makes buying term life insurance simple. Their team shops top rated companies for you. They work for you, not the insurance companies. And they help you understand your options in plain language. And they Help you find coverage that fits your family and your budget without pressure, gimmicks or confusion. You don't need a sales pitch. You need protection for your loved ones. Go to Zander.com to get a quote today that Xander with a Z.com

[C]

all

[B]

right, Kelly, something awesome happened. What is it?

[C]

All right, so this was, I think I've mentioned before, there's a Instagram channel out there called Good News Movement. And I love it. It's just happy, joyful things that are

[B]

happening in the world that's better than the Instagram Joy's. Forward me from the other channel you follow called Bowel Movement. I'm glad. Tell me about Good News Movement. That sounds way better than what you usually send me.

[C]

Nothing that you ever say will be focused, will be featured on this channel. Let's start with that. No. So this was one that they posted the other day and it's a little long, so bear with me. But I thought it was pretty awesome and it ties into a lot of the things we talk about. So someone post it. I'm a cashier at a grocery store. Night shift, 10pm to 6am you see the same people. Insomniacs, night workers, people avoiding empty homes. Last week, a man came in through my line at 2am Bought $17.23 in groceries, paid with the $20 bill. When I handed him his receipt, he stared at it for a full minute, then looked at me and said, can I ask you something weird? Sure, I said. Can you write something on this receipt? Anything. Just something a human would write to another human. I was confused. Like what? Anything, he said. Your name, the weather, a smiley face. I don't care. I just need proof that someone saw me today. He said it so matter of factly that it was like it was a normal request. I grabbed my pen, wrote on his receipt, Hope you have a good night. From Marcus. He folded it carefully, put it in his wallet. Thank you. You're the first person who has said anything to me in six days. Then he left. Couldn't stop thinking about it. Six days without human conversation. How is that possible? Started paying attention. The woman who buys her cat food at 3am but never speaks. The guy who gets his coffee and donuts at 4am headphones in. The teenage girl who buys single serve meals. Eyes down. We're all here. Same stores, same hours, completely alone together. So I started doing something. Writing on receipts, little messages. You matter. Someone sees you. Hope tomorrow's better. Did this. For two weeks, no one said anything. Thought maybe I was being Weird. Then one night, the cat food woman, 3am she got her receipt, read it, looked up at me. First time we'd made eye contact in eight months, she said. So you're the one writing these? I nodded. She started crying right there at the register. I'm going through a divorce. Living alone for the first time in 32 years. These notes are the only kind words I've gotten in months. I've been saving them. I have 14 of them on my fridge. She showed me a photo on her phone. Her fridge covered in grocery store receipts. My handwriting all over them. You've been talking to me, she said. I just didn't know how to talk back. Word spread somehow. The coffee guy, the teenager. They started talking to me, to each other. The store at 3am became different. Less lonely. People started showing up just to talk. Not even to shop. Just to exist around other humans who were also awake when the world was sleeping. My manager noticed. Why are people hanging out at the store at 3am they're lonely, I said. They need somewhere to be. Expected to get in trouble. Instead, he did something I didn't expect. He put a bench outside the store with a sign that said, the 3am bench for anyone who needs somewhere to be. People started using it. The cat food woman, the coffee guy, the teenager. Strangers becoming friends. Because someone put a bench outside a grocery store. The first man came back, the one who asked for the original receipt. 2:00am Same as before. But this time he wasn't alone. He brought his neighbor, David. David's going through something. And I told him about this place and about you and about the bench. They sat outside for an hour, just talking. When they left, the man handed me something. A receipt from six months ago. The first one I ever wrote. He'd laminated it. Kept this in my wallet. Every day on bad days, I read it. Proof that someone saw me. You saved my life with a grocery store receipt. That night, Marcus thought you should know the bench is there every night now. People show up. 2am, 3am, 4am when sleep won't come. When loneliness feels too heavy. When they need proof that someone sees them. They sit. They talk. They exist together. All because one man asked for something human on a grocery store receipt. All because loneliness is an epidemic that nobody talks about. All because sometimes being seen is the difference between surviving and giving up. I still write on receipts, every single one of them. Because you never know who's counting the days since someone spoke to them. You never know whose fridge is covered in your handwriting. You never know when have a Good night is the only good night someone will have. So I write every time for everyone. Because being seen matters. Being seen saves lives.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

I won't even add anything to that. That's beautiful. Go out and see folks. Love you guys.

[E]

By.

[B]

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