How Do I Co-Parent With My Ex?

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: How Do I Co-Parent With My Ex?

Date: May 29, 2026
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)

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Overview

This caller-driven episode of The Dr. John Delony Show explores three core relationship and mental health themes:

• Navigating emotional parenting after divorce, particularly as a co-parent and sports coach
• Whether or not to expedite marriage ("elope") for non-cohabitating Christian couples with children
• Navigating feelings of insecurity and jealousy in new relationships after infidelity

Dr. Delony provides grounded, compassionate advice, emphasizing emotional attunement, the importance of modeling healthy masculinity, and the value of direct and honest communication in sensitive situations.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Co-Parenting an Emotional Child After Divorce (Jake, Atlanta)

Timestamps: 02:09–11:58

Caller Situation

• Jake is a recently divorced father and little league coach struggling with his six-year-old son’s emotional breakdowns during sports.
• Jake feels "old school" about feelings, while his ex-wife is highly nurturing—causing parenting clashes.
• He also struggles balancing dad and coach roles and feels guilt about the family split.

Dr. Delony's Core Guidance

• Validation for Emotional Children:
  “He’s six. He’s supposed to be emotional. He’s got two siblings under five and went through a divorce. His world exploded.” (04:08)
• Normalize Big Feelings:
  “Every feeling is okay, not every response is.” (06:06)
• Emotion Coaching Techniques:
  • Spend one-on-one time (Jake already does weekly lunches)
  • Share your own struggles with big feelings as his dad; model healthy responses
  • Offer simple action steps when emotions are high (“Go sit on the bench, take a breath”)
  • Avoid post-game sports critiques at home; focus on being dad, not coach

On Athletic Achievement and Masculinity

• “Most men are socialized to ‘get over it.’…That made for very angry adults.” (05:00)
• “Masculinity is: I feel this thing, and I go do the next right hard thing. That comes from modeling, not breaking and rebuilding.” (11:36)

Co-Parenting Strategy

• Don’t battle ex in front of child (“no parents in the dugout” rule)
• Accept mom’s nurturing approach—kids benefit from multiple forms of love.
• Focus your energy on steady presence and post-game conversations.

Memorable Quote

“The thing your kid needs more than anything is a dad who loves him...what he needs is an adult who will wade into that blast radius as a sturdy presence.” (11:58)

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2. Is Eloping the Right Move for Intimacy and Blended Family? (Kate, Austin)

Timestamps: 16:38–32:03

Caller Situation

• Kate, 26, has a 2-year-old from a past relationship and is dating a longtime friend (now boyfriend) who lives 2.5 hours away.
• They abide by Christian values (sex until marriage) but are eager to move forward; divorced ex’s morality clause prevents cohabitation until 6 months of exclusive dating.
• Caller wonders if eloping would make the transition easier for her and her son.

Dr. Delony’s Core Guidance

• Slow Down, Build the Foundation:
  “Getting married to somebody is different…do we want to build a life together, you and me, ride or die? That, in my opinion, is best done when we are grinding out life in the same community…” (21:02)
• Don’t Rush For The Wrong Reasons:
  “I wouldn’t go marry someone trying to skirt a legal document just so I can sleep with him.” (32:03)
• Prioritize Your Child’s Experience:
  “What kind of world do I want to create with my son?…right now your secret world is with a two-year-old little boy and that’s it.” (25:34)
• Seek Counseling Before Big Steps:
  Encourages ongoing premarital counseling (which they’re doing), mentorship, and making sure the relationship can handle daily realities—not just history or chemistry.

Advice About Temptation and Logistics

• “You’re a 26-year-old single mom working a full-time job in Austin...I want you to be an adult. Grown-up number one value is: ‘How do I take care of this kid?’” (25:18)
• Suggests child be shielded from unnecessary confusion due to “pseudo-secret marriage” or rapidly changing household dynamics.

Memorable Quote

"Looking back…six more months is nothing." (32:00)

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3. Navigating Jealousy Over Partner’s Opposite-Sex Friends After Betrayal (Justin, Tampa)

Timestamps: 35:17–48:57

Caller Situation

• Justin, 34, was cheated on in his last marriage (ex-wife had affair with his best friend).
• Now dating a 24-year-old woman with longstanding male friends (platonic, out-of-state) and feels uneasy about her maintaining these friendships.

Dr. Delony’s Core Guidance

• Honor Your Trauma:
  “You got set on fire by two people who were really close to you. Your radar should be attuned.” (38:18)
  But also, “You can’t go through the rest of your life not trusting people.” (39:49)
• Communication and Trust:
  • Partner has already shown openness and transparency (e.g., phone access)
  • The core issue isn’t her; it’s caller’s emotional wound.
• Practical Self-Regulation Training:
  “Let your first response be a breath…is this real?...Don’t ask to keep secrets, don’t demand total control—find the middle, intentional ground.” (43:15)
  • Use physical cues (hand to chest, scratching thumb) to self-regulate before reacting.
• Put Both Feet in the Boat:
  “If you want this relationship…you're going to have to put yourself in a position where she could hurt you as bad as your wife did.” (45:13)

Notable Quote

“I have a huge feeling…it’s a big one. What’s the next right thing to do?” (47:04)

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4. "Am I the Problem?" – Mother’s Day Boundaries (Nicole, Columbus)

Timestamps: 51:08–56:43

Situation

• Nicole, a mom, planned a Mother’s Day getaway with just her husband and kids instead of the usual family gatherings.
• Both her own mother and mother-in-law were annoyed, though Nicole scheduled separate celebrations for them.

Dr. Delony & Kelly’s Take

• Firm Support for Boundaries:
  “Not only is she not the problem, she’s the gangster. That’s a high bar from me.” (54:40)
• Parent Reactions:
  “Why can’t aging parents be disappointed and not smash their kids with it?” (52:42)
• Boundaries as Parental Maturity:
  “I’m heartbroken for the state of our culture in how many people cut off aging parents...and when crap like this happens, I get it.”
• Humorous, Direct Tone:
  Delony uses humor to illustrate parental maturity (diarrhea and butthole jokes abound).

Notable Quote

“Nicole, we honor you here on this show…and God help your poor little husband if he doesn’t follow the roadmap you’ve so kindly given him.” (56:43)

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Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• “He’s six. He’s supposed to be emotional. His whole world exploded.” (Dr. John Delony, 04:08)
• “Every feeling is okay, not every response is.” (Dr. John Delony, 06:06)
• “Masculinity is: I feel this thing, and I go do the next right hard thing.” (Dr. John Delony, 11:36)
• “Looking back…six more months is nothing.” (Dr. John Delony, 32:00)
• “You can’t go through your whole life not trusting people.” (Dr. John Delony, 39:49)
• "Let your first response be a breath." (Dr. John Delony citing Jefferson Fisher, 43:15)
• “Not only is she not the problem, she’s the gangster.” (Dr. John Delony, 54:40)

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Flow & Tone

Dr. Delony is informal, direct, and compassionate—often using humor and lived experience to connect. He challenges societal norms (especially around masculinity and parenting) but always steers callers toward empathy, intentional action, and clear boundaries. Regular co-host Kelly offers affirming, calm perspective, especially in "Am I the problem?" segments.

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Key Takeaways for Listeners

• Parenting after divorce is about presence, not perfection; emotions are normal for kids.
• Let relationships evolve with time; don’t let logistics, guilt, or loneliness rush important life decisions.
• Previous betrayal makes rebuilding trust hard—but ultimately, vulnerability and openness are necessary for healthy love.
• Communicate your boundaries unapologetically, even when family pushes back; self-care enables better care for others.

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Suggested Segments to Listen To

• Handling a child’s emotional outbursts as a co-parent and coach: 02:09–11:58
• Should we elope to have sex sooner? Blending family and faith: 16:38–32:03
• Coping with girlfriend’s guy friends after infidelity trauma: 35:17–48:57
• Mother’s Day boundaries and parental expectations: 51:08–56:43

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For comprehensive insight into common struggles faced by parents, partners, and those healing from betrayal, this episode delivers equal parts empathy, practical wisdom, and tough love—always in Dr. Delony’s signature blend of real talk and wit.

Transcript

[Caller]

Foreign.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is an ad for BetterHelp. May is mental health awareness month. And the stress you keep pushing down is showing up in your relationships and your health. If you need to talk to a licensed therapist, make today the day. Go to betterhelp.com DeLoney for 10 off.

[Caller]

He's always been a very emotional kid and he loves to play sports, he loves to compete, but he gets in these emotional states when he's playing. Something goes wrong, he'll just break down and cry. And I'm having a hard time navigating that, knowing what to say to him because I'm kind of old school, I guess.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What up? What up? This is John. Dr. John DeLoney Show. Thanks for being with us last night here in Nashville. Probably the most influential band of my life, Tripping Daisy was here. And if you don't know who that is, I pity you. I'm sad for you. In the 90s and early 2000s, there's not a band I listened to more other than Pantera, but I. They weren't an influence. They. They were just kind of an obsession. Tripping Daisy was a band I followed around. I watched the shows at different cities across Texas. I tell you what, man, I haven't listened to a couple of their records in years. And those songs are encoded into my DNA, like in my mitochondria. If you got young kids, be very careful what you let them listen to because they'll remember every word forever. But, man, to the Tripping Daisy gang, dude, they're still out rocking and it was awesome. I'm gonna go catch another show or two on their tour. They're so good. Get and listen. Here's the meta here. Put your screens down and go see a live comedy show, go see a concert, go bowling with your friends, get out and go be in the world. I tell you what, man, I slept good last night. I smiled when I woke up this morning. So much better than doom scrolling our lives away. Let's go out to Atlanta, Georgia and talk to Jake. What's up, Jake?

[Caller]

What's up, John? How you doing, man?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm good, brother. How are you doing? Well, so what up?

[Caller]

So I got a question about my 6 year old son. He's been playing sports since he was about three years old and he's always been emotional. Yeah, he. We kind of start early around here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, get on it.

[Caller]

He was so. He's always been a very emotional kid.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

And he loves to play sports, he loves to compete, especially with his friends. But I'm a little concerned because he. He, like, he gets these. In these emotional states when he's playing. Something goes wrong, he'll just break down and cry. And I'm having a hard time navigating that, knowing what to say to him because I'm kind of old school, I guess, mentality. Like, just flush it and move on.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller]

But his mom is complete opposite, and I'm just worried, future wise, what that'll do to him.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nothing. He's six. He's six.

[Caller]

Yeah. Just.

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, are. Are you and mom not aligned on this?

[Caller]

No, we're not. We're actually. We actually got divorced about a year ago.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

And so that kind of complicates it as well. You know, I'm. I'm his coach also. So that brings another wrinkle into it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller]

So, you know, I've got nine other kids that I'm responsible for, and I can't really take time out of the game to go address his emotional breakdowns. And she'll pull him out of the game and talk to him and then he'll miss an at bat or something.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I can't do like, you. You've got to be coach. The. The. Is this your first kid?

[Caller]

He's my first, but I've got three.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Jeez. You got. All right, so let's contextualize this for. For him for a second.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

His whole world has exploded. He's got two siblings that are, what, five and younger?

[Caller]

So his one sister is four and the next is two, so under five.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So he's got a divi. Like a divided attention, divided parents, divided household. That on top of what may be a genetic predisposition to just really big feelings. I have those.

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean, that's what I was going to say, too, is I'm an emotional guy, too, but there you go. I didn't want it to, like, that be my fault. And like, is there something I could do better now that I didn't get, you know, as a child or whatever it was, other than just, like, ignore it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. And I would say you and I both grew up in a world which was shove it down and shut up and.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That made for very angry adults. Fair.

[Caller]

Exactly.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. So most men are socialized to get over it. Right. Let me put this way. Never hear somebody say, I'm going to go make her a woman.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. Women, Girls are allowed to become women.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Boys have to be made into men. Right. As though they have to be disassociated from one thing and created into another thing.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I think that's insane. And at the same time, there's characteristics of men that we have to have. Right. But all I have to say is this, I don't want to get too distracted. There's. Your son has big feelings. Awesome. And he, at six years old, has so much going on in his life, on top of his genetics, that he, his little bitty body can't hold them all.

[Caller]

Great.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Cool. I promise you he's embarrassed that he cries too.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so what I, what I like to tell younger kids is every feeling is okay, not every response is okay. And what do I mean by that?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

When he's cool and y' all are having breakfast together, which, God help you, a six year old kid who's just gone through a divorce, you gotta spend extra plug in time with him.

[Caller]

Oh yeah. I, I go to lunch. His school is two minutes from my work, so I go to them at least once a week.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But even that time, which is amazing. I'm glad you're doing that. Is divided among his friends, right?

[Caller]

Actually, no. I pull them aside, we go sit by ourselves. So it's just one on one time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Really great dude, that you're crushing that. Way to go, man.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What I would tell you is letting him know, like, hey, I have big feelings too. And sometimes they get so big and they come out as yelling or mean or angry and yours come out as tears. It's all good. When that happens, I want you to go sit on the bench or I want you to go give a, like a, give him a thing to do.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And know that like after the game you can sit on the, on the drive home. We're never going to talk sports on the drive home. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. I mean, pro coaches say that, pro athletes say that. On the drive home. I'm back to dad and we're just gonna chill then maybe later in the day and say, hey, man, I saw when you struck out, your feelings got real big. Tell me about it. Yeah, and all we're doing is we're going to norm the fact he's got big feelings. He will watch you to learn how to grow up and make that transition. And what's a, what's a good way to do that? And I don't want him growing up to be an angry, raged out guy like his dad is.

[Caller]

Right. Exactly how you deal with mom.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I, I, I, I have a no parents in the dugout rule.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And good luck with that one. Right. She'll, she'll take you to Court. Right.

[Caller]

So I don't exactly see that's.

That's the.

It's hard to navigate that. But last night was, like, a great example of what you were just talking about. So he was getting ready for bat. He was on deck, and one of the other kids got confused and went ahead of him, and that just kind of wrecked his night. And, like, for the next five minutes, he was emotional. I couldn't get out of it. I'm trying to get people back in line to go hit. Well, he finally came back around. We got him to go up to bat, and he laced a single. And so I walked up to first base, and I was like, dude, that is great. I am so proud of you for, like, putting back your emotions for a second and playing the game. And I think that really just, like, made his day, is that I told him I was proud of him for pushing those. I don't even want to say push him back, but just be in the moment, play the game. And he got a hit and was able to calm himself down a little bit.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And the language I use is, you did the next right thing. You got back in there. Right. And again, I want to contextualize this. He is six.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He's not 24.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. He's not 18. He's six. And so even if he had gotten back up there and struck out and turned into a super, like, atomic fit or whatever, you can't scream. You can't throw the bats. You can't curse at the ref. Right. Like, you can go sit down on the bench and compose yourself. That's okay.

[Caller]

Right? Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But. And so we're going to do. What's the next right thing here? But. But, man, the fact that he got a hit. Cool. Great. I mean, that. That was neat for the night. It was a neat, like, end of a Disney story. Right. But.

[Caller]

But it won't always happen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No. In fact, more time. Baseball is the only sport that you do something three out of ten times. Right. And they call you a Hall of Famer. Right. So.

[Caller]

Exactly.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like, yeah, most of the time, he won't get a hit after that, but it's letting him know, like, hey, I'm proud of you for getting back in the box. Way to go.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And he'll begin to learn. Oh, I have this humongous feeling. And then I'm going to go do the next right thing.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You get what I'm saying? So. And. And again, let his mom comfort him. It is what it is. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm not gonna go to war with mom in the dugout on. You know what I mean? Especially a year after divorce. I'm not.

[Caller]

I'm just not exactly. Yeah. And I'm just trying to. And I don't want to. I guess I've taken the opposite way where I don't want to interfere at all. I don't want to say anything to her, at least. I just kind of let it happen, and I don't want to, you know, cause any, you know, strife. So I don't think that's the right thing either. But, you know, I'm just. It's kind of hard to, you know, deal with all of it going on at once.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, I. I think the. And she's gonna have guilt, too. She's gonna miss her kid. Y' all split custody?

[Caller]

No, not yet.

Okay.

Hopefully in the future, I guess. You know, with them being super young, it's. We didn't want to have them in different households, you know, every other week. So right now it's just weekend off, weekend on.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So do they all three live with her during the week?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Almighty. Dude. How do you breathe, brother?

[Caller]

It's.

It's not easy. Like, it's taken me almost a full year to, you know, which I am very close to them. Like, we're in the same town. My mom still keeps my youngest, so I go see her as much as I can. I go to the school events. Every. Pretty much every event that they've got, I try to go to. So I try to make the time and go see them, but it is. It is very tough.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. And it's not even the. The events are cool. It's the bumping each other in the kitchen. It's the attunement. Right. It's the ups and the downs of the little, tiny little things that happen.

[Caller]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Man. I. I. Geez, I just don't know how cup. I don't know how people do it, man. Like, 24 hours, 48 hours for my kids, and I start getting a little bit, like, itchy. You know what I mean? Like, anyway.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah. Trust me, I know. But, I mean, I kind of brought this on myself, so I can't, you know, can't feel too bad for myself.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Both can be true. You can blow your marriage up and still feel heartbroken. You don't see your kids. Both those things are all right.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You know what I mean? But, yeah, it. The thing that your kid needs now more than anything is a dad.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Who loves him. And he's gonna have. He's Gonna have already have big emotions. He's already gonna be six and not know how to, I mean, not have the physical capacity to hold them. And then you dump two little ones, and then you dump a divorce. He, he's just a walking stick of dynamite dude. And what he needs is an adult who will wade into that, that blast radius as a sturdy presence. And I'll sit by you and then later in the evening at night or whatever, I'll, I'll sit with you and say, like, man, tell me about that. That felt like it was big and go from there. And the more you can. Again, he's sick, so you can't do much, but the more you can over the next 5, 10, 15 years, open up to him about. Yeah, I had big emotions too, and I had to shove all mine down. I wish I'd been able to cry when I was six. I wasn't allowed to, right? Like, the more you can share some of that stuff. I, I, I believe in my guts the true picture of masculinity as I feel this thing, whatever this thing is, and I go do the next right hard thing. That's it. And it comes from modeling, not from breaking and rebuilding, just comes from good men modeling. Yeah, I feel real sad right now. And I'm going to get up and go to work for my family. I feel real scared right now. I'm going to grab this sword and head into this to defend my neighborhood, right? Like, it's, I feel this thing and I'm going to go do the next right thing. It's not, I, I don't feel anything because that's a recipe for pathology. So thanks for a call, brother. I think you're, I think you're, you're on the right track, man. You're on the right track. Please. All parents of young kids playing Sports. They are 6. They are 10, they are 14. They're supposed to have huge emotions. They're supposed to be hormonally disregulated. They're supposed to have big stuff. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. When we come back, a woman asks if she and her boyfriend should elope so they can have sex even though they can't live together yet. I can't wait to hear this one. This show is sponsored by Better Help. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Listen, millions of people are experiencing mental and emotional distress right now. I'm talking about our friends, our neighbors. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about me. We're Communicating with everyone all over the place with our phones, with our laptops, but we're not connecting with anyone. We're more anxious, lonely and overwhelmed than ever. Listen, talking to someone can help. I have seen a therapist and having a good therapist makes a huge difference. My wife has seen a therapist. My friends and family, I recommend that they see therapist. It's important when you need someone to talk to. And for you. This is where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. Their therapists are fully licensed in the United States and they follow a strict code of conduct. You can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the platform. If it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime at no additional cost. You're worth it. Talk to someone. Go to betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com DeLoney when it comes to supplements, there's one main company that I trust. Thorne. I was first introduced to Thorne by professional athletes over a decade ago. And Thorne continues to be the main supplements that I trust. For me and my family, supplements continue to be an unregulated industry. And that means it's flooded with garbage and nonsense. Most companies cut corners and they lie on their labels. You don't know what you're getting. But not Thorne. They make every product at their world class facility In South Carolina. 35% of their employees work in quality control and they reject 15% of the raw materials because good is not good enough for Thorne. It's why pro athletes, Olympic teams and over 60,000 doctors trust Thorne. And it's why I trust them too. Stop guessing what's going into your body. Stop filling your body with nonsensical supplements. Go to thorne.com u deloney and get 25 off your entire order. When you create an account that's t h o R-N-E.com the letter u/deloney. Go check them out. All right, let's go out to the 512 Austin, Texas and talk to Kate. What's up, Kate?

[Caller]

Hi, how are you?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm doing good. How are you?

[Caller]

I'm great. Thank you for having me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You bet. What's up?

[Caller]

Well, I'll start with my question and I'll kind of work backwards because there's a lot of context and a lot of information. First and foremost, the question is, should my boyfriend and I elope in advance of a wedding or sooner? Where so that we can have sex sooner.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I got. I got to hear more. Tell me more.

[Caller]

Okay. So how old are you then? I'm 26.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. All right.

[Caller]

We've been best friends since we were 17. We kind of pseudo dated back at that time, and we were both. We were both big hot messes. And just through toxicity and trauma, it exploded. And we've kind of been on and off best friends since then, but have always been really close. He's the only person that's ever known me well. He's known me better than anybody else. So a couple years ago, there was a bit of a falling out, and we kind of went our separate ways and dated other people. I dated somebody that I probably shouldn't have, but got pregnant and was in that relationship for about two years. So I got out of that relationship last year. It's been about a year, but as you probably know, once. Once a mom decides to leave, it's been over for much longer emotionally. But I left about a year ago, and we started kind of toying and talking about the idea. We got back in contact, were friends again for several months. We kind of started playing with the idea of dating. And I had done a ton of counseling while in my other relationship. And a couple of things that kept coming up once I had already decided that I was going to end it was that despite the fact that, you know, we had always. We had, for the most part, always been friends, he was the one person that I didn't want to risk a relationship with because he was the one man that I couldn't risk losing. And that was kind of the green light in my head of, oh, yeah, you probably should have dated this person. Like, if that's what was the big

[Dr. John DeLoney]

falling out about y' all had a few years ago,

[Caller]

he. He admitted that he was in love with me, and I was not prepared to hear that. And so he got. He felt super rejected by it. Went and d someone from his past that was a bigger hot mess than the two of us put together. And I just said, I can't watch this. I can't. I can't stand by and watch. This isn't going to go well. And.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, he didn't feel rejected. You rejected him. I mean, he may have felt it, but he felt it. It wasn't like he was having this out of body experience.

[Caller]

Yes, that is true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So fast forward.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How long have y' all been talking? Two months, three months, six months? A year?

[Caller]

We've been talking since about October. We have been dating since yes. Okay. Yeah. It was about six months after divorce that we started talking, and then we've been officially dating for a little over three months.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Please, God, don't marry him yet.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I'm a super romantic. I like. Dude, you're. You're gonna be hard pressed to find someone who's more in love with the idea of being in love than me. I love it. Obsessively so. And you don't even live in the same town, right?

[Caller]

No, he lives about 2 1/2 hours away.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. How long TL can be in the same town?

[Caller]

Late fall, so kind of November, December. Ish.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why so long?

[Caller]

He has a job in the Houston area that he's. He's getting a new job here in the Austin area, but it's not going to start until then. And he has a lease that isn't up until around that time either.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. I forget the. Like, you're calling me asking, should I get married real quick so y' all can have sex? That's a whole other conversation. I would. I would love to hear about that. But the real issue here is I know y' all have been friends for a long time. Getting married to somebody is different. And making sure. Like, not that y' all like each other and not that y' all have had a long term friendship, but do we want to build a life together, you and me? Ride or die. And that, to me, again, in my opinion, is best done when we are grinding out life in the same community. We're seeing each other regularly. We're seeing each other annoyed, frustrated, sleepy, tired, excited, happy. And it builds and builds and builds.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Otherwise, everything else, you're filling in the blanks with whatever story you're making up and that those mutual stories being made up when you finally do get married and move into the same house, it's a collision.

[Caller]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And by the way, what it it. What's holding you back from having just gone to the courthouse?

[Caller]

So my ex and I have a morality clause that says that someone can't move in until we've been exclusively d. Dating for six months. So that puts us around July. So the elopement, if it happened, would be around the July, August timeline.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But y' all aren't even going to move in until November, right?

[Caller]

Yes, but. So he right now comes to Austin every weekend to either spend time with me or spend time with me and my son when he isn't with his dad. And. But he can't. He can't sleep in the house overnight while my son is in the house. So that would be able to change in the July, August timeline. But I don't want it to confuse my son right now. My son knows that he's, he's mama's boyfriend, he's mama's friend. But if he's going to be spending the night around my son, I don't want my son to still have that label on him because I want him to be kind of eased into this idea that he will be a part of the family. He's going to have to start calling him by a different name. He can't keep calling him by his first name and just trying to help that transition be as healthy as possible.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. How old's your son?

[Caller]

He's two.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, geez. Yeah, I, I would, I would slowly roll on this one. I, I guess I just don't know what the rush is.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, you're gonna do what you want. That's cool. Tell me about the sex. Do you have like a value that you don't want to sleep with anybody unless you're married to them now?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Does he have that?

[Caller]

We're both, we're both Christians and we would ideally not be intimate until marriage. There have been slip ups, but we're trying to hold to that as best we can until we're actually married.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

But I also don't think it's a super smart idea for him to be spending, coming and spending weekends, you know, starting in July, August when he can. And I mean he has his own room in my house and his own bed, so we don't share a bed or anything like that. But it just still doesn't seem like the wisest to have that temptation looming.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You okay? You know, like I'm like a nice guy. Right. Is that fair? Okay, so can I just be super honest? It's gonna sound mean, but I'm not trying to be mean.

[Caller]

Go for it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I feel like I'm talking to a parent of you and a high school version of you and a 25 year old version of you all in the same person.

[Caller]

That's very valid.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so I want to peel away all of these layers and here's what I never want to cash in on. Here's what my values are. And because you have a kid value number one above and beyond romantic relationships, Finding somebody trying to romance back like a decade old friendship, all that number one value is what kind of world do I want to create with my son? I say like when people get married, I tell them like you have a secret world. The kids don't even go in that secret world. It's you and you and your spouse. Ride or die, death do you part. It's all, all there, right, Right now you don't have that. Your secret world is with a two year old little boy and that's it. And so you ask yourself by yourself, what do I want him to experience? And I don't think it's. You're doing all of this theater so that you don't tempt yourself, right? That's my job for my high school kid and my 10 year old. Like my job is to do these things. But for you, you're like, well we got his own room, we got it. You're a 26 year old single mom working a full time job in Austin. Like you know, you get what I'm saying? I want you to be an adult. Like a grown up and grown up number one value is how do I take care of this kid? Value number two is how do I navigate a relationship I might want to pursue for the rest of my life. And those are separate things. I, I fully 1000% agree with you. The confusion your little 2 year old will have if there's this guy that dips in and out every other weekend that just, yeah, totally get that. And I think, I think you, I think you feel that and you're right. The second thing is, is if you're con, if you're serious about you and your, and your boyfriend get to fast forward some things because y' all known each other a long, long time. But I'd start going to premarital counseling and see is this a guy I want to not just be friends with, not be close to. I have several 30, 40 year friendships with, with girls who are now grown women that would not have been good match for me to get married to, right? That I've known for year, for decades longer than I've known my wife. I've known him forever and maybe not decades, but at least decade and a half longer than I've known my own wife. But they would not have been good people for me to build a world with no right. And so if you, if you're interested in that, then when he comes to Austin or you go visit him in Houston, y' all go see a pre marriage counselor and you'll get into the deeper things. Do we, are we aligned on values? How are we going to do conflict? How are we going to do, how are we going to do communication? What do we want our faith values to look like lived at, like, get into some of those things. So come July or come August or come November when he packs up and moves across the state to come see come live by you. Now y' all are. Now y' all are in. You get what I'm saying? But having, like, a pseudo secret marriage where you got this guy coming and going, it. It will never be real until November, and then come November, even, it's gonna. I mean, geez, Louise, that's. What a mess, right?

[Caller]

You know, so we do have two rounds of premarital counseling lined up with two different couples. He's got a mentor, and I've got a mentor, and both of them and their spouses are licensed for premarital counseling, so they're both going to handle that. My mentor lives in Houston, where I'm actually from, and her and her husband have also started mentoring. He has dinner with them every other week for a couple of hours. So we've got a lot of really great older people in our corner that are kind of mentoring both of us and helping guide us and navigate, you know, me being a single mom, being a future stepdad and whatnot.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's awesome. And yeah, blending that, because he's also going to be in a relationship with this other guy for. For the rest of yalls time together. Right. And so navigating all that's hard and it's messy, but it's a hundred percent doable. You just have to be intentional about it. Can I ask you one personal, personal question?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you're like, I called you about sex. I'm like, I got even more personal question than that.

[Caller]

Go for it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How much of your current situation is you looking up? The smoke is cleared. You're six months out of a bad marriage. You got. You're a single mom. How much of this is. You're lonely?

[Caller]

I don't. I really don't think that that's it, if I'm being totally honest. I. It was about three months before I left my ex that I felt like my head came out of that postpartum haze and I woke up and I was just like, not doing this for the rest of my life, and I left.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Was that guy abusive? Was he unsafe? Why'd you leave him?

[Caller]

Not physically abusive, just very, very manipulative, extremely controlling, verbally abusive. Just a lot of mental mind games. Just constant mind games. And I came to realize that he hated who I was at my core, and he hated my personality. And I either had to choose if I wanted to like my himself or I wanted him to like me. Because both couldn't be true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

H. Okay, so papers are officially filed. That thing is officially done and over.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. All right. Yeah. I guess what I would tell you is you're going to look up when you're 70 and hopefully you're married to this guy. I really hope I. I mean, I'm like rooting for you guys big time. But if you. If you're married to this guy Till you're 70 or 80 or 90, let's say 90, that just sounds more fun. 90. Looking back, you'll have been married 60 years. If you wait till you're 30

[Caller]

and

[Dr. John DeLoney]

looking on a horizon like that, six more months is nothing.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's true.

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's just. It's nothing. And so, no, I. I wouldn't go marry somebody trying to skirt a legal document that I signed just so I could sleep with him. And I wouldn't ping pong back and forth with a new romantic partner in the house of my 2 year old who's still babbling about learning to talk and shim sham and go back and forth between me and some controlling, unsafe, emotionally abusive acts of my. Like, that's a lot of transition. I would get core things first. Core thing number one, make sure my kid is in a stable place. Make sure our relationship is rock solid. Number two, make sure not just that I have a history with this guy and that I like this guy and that a light bulb came on in therapy. No, no. That won't get you through the daily grind that is. Dude, why, when you floss, there's always flex on the mirror. And why do you do the dishes like this when I do them like that? And why do you put your underwear there? Like, that kind of stuff grinds a marriage down. Right? So I want y' all to get involved in those conversations. And dude, then in a few months, it's a few months, but Houston to Austin, dude, I made that trip a thousand times in my childhood. Like, or my younger years. Not my childhood, but in my younger years, like, y' all are dating, y' all are seeing each other. It's great. It's awesome. Cool. I just wouldn't rush this process. But you do whatever you want because you're a grown up. And part of me thinks you'll be married by the end of this phone call. But also, if. How about this? If y' all get married in November, Kelly will send you a signed autograph picture of her that y' all can frame and put on your mirror. Not on your mirror. That's too weird. But on your fridge because that'll be awesome. Thanks for the call, sister. We come back, a man asks if he's crazy for feeling insecure that his girlfriend has close guy friends. We'll be right back. All right. I started with cozier towels. Then I got hooked on their blankets and their comforters. And then I started wearing their socks. And now I've got Cozy Earth in every nook and cranny of my house. And I recently got a pair of their everywhere pants. I didn't need another pair of pants, but I got them. And like all other Cozy Earth gear, the everywhere pants are awesome. And of course, these Cozy Earth sheets. Listen, these aren't normal sheets. They're made from viscose from bamboo. And I don't even know what that is, but it means they're soft and breathable and somehow they keep you cool without ever getting too cold or too hot. Cozy Earth sheets help me sleep better. Here's the deal. Cozy Earth gives you a 100 night sleep trial on all of their bedding and a 10 year warranty on everything else so you can get a bunch of Cozy Earth gear with no risk. Try Cozy Earth for yourself. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney and you'll save up to 20 off your entire order. That's cozyearth.com DeLONEY with code DeLoney. And if you get a post purchase survey, tell Cozy Earth you heard about their amazing gear right here on this show. All right, let's go out to Tampa, Florida and talk to Justin. What up, Justin?

[Caller]

Hey, Dr. John. Super honored to be speaking with you today, dude.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm honored to be talking to you, homie. What's up?

[Caller]

Thanks, man. Yeah, so I have somewhat of a. Am I the problem for you? Just for having an issue with my girlfriend's close guy friends.

Oh.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How long have y' all been dating?

[Caller]

We've been dating for about four to five months.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How old are you?

[Caller]

I'm 34.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, how old is she?

[Caller]

She's 24.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nice.

[Caller]

So a little bit of an age.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Just a cool decade. All right.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so tell me about what you're experiencing. Yeah, I mean, I said nice, and I think I sounded creepy when I said that. I didn't mean that like, you know. Oh, yeah, bro, like high five. I was saying nice, like kind of making fun of you. Okay, so back to it.

[Caller]

Yeah, there we go. There's a little bit of stuff that we've experienced for sure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. No, I was super making Fun of you. I wasn't like, high five. Okay. Okay, so go for it.

[Caller]

Yeah. So a little bit of backstory.

My.

I was previously married. My ex wife left in 2024 after revealing she had been in an affair with one of my best friends.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm sorry.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was a tough season for sure. And so this is really like, my first kind of serious relationship since then. Kind of took some time, but. And so as we were. As we've kind of just been dating, she's fully aware of my. Of my situation. She's never been married, but so she is fully aware of the situation and all in everything that I have gone through. So she's been, like, open and honest the entire time about these close friends that she has. These are friends that live, like, out of state, that no romantic history with them or anything. And so they don't like. But they'll call on occasion and just, like, catch up. And so there's. There's a little bit of stuff in me, I guess I feel that I'm just. I just kind of struggle a little bit with the concept of. Of her being, you know, just continually catching up with these two guy friends. And so, yeah, that's. That's kind of the basis of my question.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I've got friends like that that are women that I catch up with. And so that on its face, I don't. I mean, I don't think it's weird even a little bit. The. What I. What I'm want to honor you with is something in your guts tell you, tells you something's awry. And it could be you got cheated on and was right under your nose and with a close friend and your wife. And now your radar is really sensitive. And if that's the case, dude, I honor that. You should honor that. You got. You got set on fire by two people who are really close to you.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Your radar should be pretty attuned. Right. And the person you're with who's gonna potentially spend the rest of her life with you should be honorable. Should honor your radar like that, Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The other side of it is you may be having us. Like, like, no, dude, I'm the problem here. Like, I'm. My radar is overly attuned to the point that it's irrational.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think for me, it is kind of. It is kind of that way in the sense of, like, you know, this was. This was a guy that I. This. The affair partner was a guy that I trusted and like, let really, really close and So I knew him and like these guys I don't really know. So it's hard for me to know their int. Intentions. And that's the biggest thing is like, I, I feel trust.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Listen, hold on, hold on. Even if you knew them, you won't know their intentions. So trying to figure those intentions out is a waste of time.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like, let that ride. Like a, yeah. Probably know their intentions. And B, like I, I, I, I'm not gonna spend one second of energy on that because I don't know, I thought I knew my best friend on the planet's intentions and he cheated on me with my wife. Right. So I, I'm not going to get in somebody's head about their intentions. And you can't go through the rest of your life not trusting people.

[Caller]

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so you're gonna have to wade through that fire, your body going, don't trust. Remember last time? And you have to say, yeah, I have to get through this tension and get to the other side of it and begin to learn to practice trusting people again. Because I can't go through my whole life isolated, alone. What does she say when you bring it up?

[Caller]

She, you know, she honors that as well. She has, I mean, she has said that these are longtime close friends and that, you know, that there's not been any romantic interest and that they weren't guys that she, she, she has said that she has high standards. And so with one that like, validates me that I could fit those high standards. But to like, just, I do feel like I trust her when she says that. And also, like, she has given me like, complete access to her phone and like, which is totally new territory for me where in past relationship it was like, so guarded over that. And so it, but it, but it's also, she's kind of held her ground too, to say, like, she doesn't, these are, these are lifelong friendships that she wants to continue to have. And I don't want to be like the controlling boyfriend that's like, stop talking to all men. So just how, like just, I guess some advice and how to navigate some of that stuff.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I, I, here's what I hear and tell me if I'm wrong. I hear you saying, no, I trust her and I don't think she's nefarious. In fact, she's gone already shown more willingness to be open and, and vulnerable and like, put all, everything on the table than even your wife was. And so I hear you saying, I think the, the issue is in Me.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if that's the case, then it's simply coming up with a practice of intentionality. Like, God, this word is so beat down on the Internets. But it's a mindful practice of when I feel my chest starting to tighten or I feel it, because here's what you don't want. You don't want to say, yeah, you can talk to those guys. I just don't ever want to hear about it. Because then you're asking your girlfriend, maybe your future wife, to begin keeping secrets, and that's a recipe for disaster. And so the other side of it is you don't want her having to check in with you every time.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. And so, yeah, it's you realizing, oh, I just. I'm feeling a kind of a way about this. And it can be as little as I. For me, it used to be I'd put. I've talked about this on the show. I used to put my fist in my chest. That was just a quick little reminder for me, like, dude, you're good.

[Caller]

Good.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Now it's all the way down to. I scratch my thumb with my forefinger, and it's just like a small, little, dude, you're good.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you could probably. People could probably go back and mine my shows and see when I've done it on this show. Right. Like, it's just a small little physical reminder to me that, oh, my body's trying to protect me. I'm good. I'm good.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

Some. And some of that has been me navigating as well, where I've had suspicion in the past, but for the sake of, like, keeping the peace, like, not said anything and so. And not been true to myself. So just wanting to, like, feel my feelings and honor my feelings, but also not let my feelings, like, control and run my. My actions.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So my buddy Jefferson Fisher has a great. A great response here, and he's the one who taught me this, and I love it. Let your first response be a breath. So whenever I'm feeling like I saw that phone just buzz, I bet it's those guys.

[Caller]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that gives you a pause before I say anything, before I text anything. Is this real? And I, I. It's such a fine line between I feel like something bad is going on, like you probably felt with your friend and your wife. And I'm not going to say anything. I just want to keep the peace. I want everything to be cool. And the other. The other extreme is I'm just gonna be me, bro. And that's just the way because sometimes people who are just being them, their asses. Right. They're irrational. Right.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so it's being able to be in the middle there and say, I'm not going to keep the peace. This is actually a big deal. And so I'm going to set up a time and I want to have this conversation or the other side of it is like I have this feeling this isn't real. It's all good. It's just my body trying to protect me from things that it's experienced before. Good for you. Good on you body. But I got this. And here's the scary thing for you. If you want this relationship with her to work long term, is she somebody you're thinking serious about or, I mean, you'll only be dating four or five months, but do you already see like, man, I, I, she could be somebody I want to spend a lot the rest of my life with.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

It's, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're going to, this sounds harsh. You're going to have to put yourself in a position where she could hurt you as bad as your wife did. You're going to have to get in the boat and put both feet in the boat.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's a scary, that should feel terrifying to you because you've done that once and it, and it got you burned bad. But if you try to hedge it, all right, I'll get in this boat, but I'm keeping one foot out just in case the relationship will. I mean, it's like y' all are both canoeing, but you got a foot. I mean, you're both paddling a canoe, but you got one foot in the water, it's just gonna turn in circles. You're never gonna get anywhere. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But dude, like on its face, if you have a girlfriend that's 24 and she's got 10 year old friendships with guys that she met in middle school and they're scattered across the country. I don't, I've been married for 24 years. I, I would have zero. And when I say zero, I would have less than zero issue with my wife catching up with old friends. Not even a tiny bit. And I, she doesn't have any issue. Like, I do that too.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so that having friendships like that, especially like checking in how we do and all that kind of stuff. That's great. Nightly text messages, I love you, miss you. Like now we're getting into some, into some not safe territory, right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I think it's A matter of you and let's, let's, let's play this out. Let's say this relationship doesn't become your new forever relationship. Okay. You practicing feeling a big feeling. Pausing and then considering with intentionality what's the next right move for me Will pay dividends at your job in your next relationship, if you ever have kids. It will be masterful.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I told a previous caller that to me is the highest form of masculinity. I have a huge feeling. It's a big what's the next right thing to do?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And sometimes the next right thing to do is like I said, to grab a sword and head off into the middle of danger on behalf of everybody. Right. Men go first and men die first. That's the way that rolls. And sometimes it's who. That's a big feeling. I'm gonna sit here and be rooted and peaceful. Right. I'm going to be the person everybody can anchor to.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's the thing. You got to practice. Can I just tell you, I hate that your wife and your best friend did that to you?

[Caller]

Yeah.

Thanks.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Have you fully grieved that. That they blew up your nervous system?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah, I have.

I've.

I've seen some specialists and was able to go to, you know, an intensive therapy counseling thing. So co. I definitely feel. And I wouldn't even allow myself to be in a serious relationship considering the next steps if I hadn't grieved that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So that's good.

[Caller]

And I feel that I've gotten tools to help kind of again, not ignore my feelings, but also not let them run. Run me as well done kind of leading there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Awesome. Awesome. There is a world where you can be really happy that you're girlfriend has close friends.

[Caller]

Yeah. Well, in playing that out too, like if this isn't our forever for both of us, like, last thing I would want is for her to not have friends anymore either because some boyfriend ruined it. But also like, yeah, I want to honor, you know, her, her friends and, and stuff. So just more or less like making sure that I'm not like ruining something for her either.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. The fact that you just said that as articulate as you did tells me you're way on the path to being. Well,

[Caller]

thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I mean, feel that. Feel the feelings of jealousy. They're normal and they're right and they're whatever. And then go do the next right thing, whatever that happens to be. And my, My guts tells me that your. My guts. My gut tells me that your Gut knows the difference between I don't like this. Like, I wish she wasn't talking to a guy right now. Which fine versus I think something shady is going on. And when something shady is going on, commit. I will never squash that voice again. I did that, and it cost me my marriage and it cost me my best friend. Actually, they. Their actions cost it, but I'll never squash that again. And I'm gonna be happy. My wife's got friends. She can reach out to you. It's awesome. And by the way, Jessica, been doing this for a minute. Don't read the comments on this on this call because everyone's gonna have a bunch of opinions. You have an open dialogue with your girlfriend. And, man, I'll be. I'm rooting for y' all like nobody else is. We'll be right back. Last night, I had a great night of sleep. Why? Because I slept on my Helix mattress. My whole family sleeps on Helix mattresses, all of us. Why? Because Helix mattresses are amazing. They don't just build one generic mattress for everybody. They build mattresses for you. Whether you're a side sleeper, a back sleeper, a hot sleeper, even you stomach sleepers. Everybody has their own mattress with Helix mattresses. I want you to get online and take their sleep quiz. It takes, like, two minutes, and Helix will match you with the perfect mattress for the way you sleep. Sleep for you with no guesswork. This is one of those small decisions that can change how you show up for everyone every single day. Go to helixsleep.com DeLoney and get 27 off site wide during their Memorial Day sale. That's 27 off at helixsleep.com DeLoney AND listen, this is only for my audience with Helix. Better sleep starts right now. All right, we're back. Kelly, am I the problem?

[Kelly]

Yes, 100 you are.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Y'. All. Listen, this show would be 5x bigger than it is right now if Kelly would not edit out the things that we talk about off air.

[Kelly]

Also, we would have no jobs.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, but for, like, two weeks, this show would go to the moon, and then it would have a hard crash landing. But listen, I just have so many opinions on things.

[Kelly]

Yes, you do, and I do, too. And I think that our opinions are. Are matched on a lot of things,

[Dr. John DeLoney]

but we're not going to edit this. You edit them out of the show. All right, that's fair.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Thank you for employment. Continual employment.

[Kelly]

All right, we have it. Am I the problem right now?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You are the problem, but go ahead.

[Kelly]

It's from Nicole in Columbus, Ohio.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Kelly]

And Nicole writes, I had the idea to do a weekend trip for Mother's Day with just me, my husband, and my kids. I thought it would be a nice change because we normally run from one family gathering to the next, and it can be tiring. I brought this up to my mom and she was disappointed. I also mentioned it to my mother in law, and she seemed downright angry. I let them know that I planned on meeting up on a different day with both of them to give gifts, but on the actual day, we would be gone. Is it selfish of me to want to do something a little different? And that I thought would be very enjoyable for Mother's Day with my family. Would you like me just to answer it and be done?

[Caller]

Just.

[Kelly]

Why she did everything right.

[Caller]

She.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

She's a hundred percent right.

[Kelly]

Yeah. She had the conversations beforehand. We'll make plans.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why can't aging parents be disappointed and not take that disappointment and just smash their kids in the face with it? Why can't they think to themselves, ah, it's Mother's Day. I would love to have lunch with my son and his wife and our grandkid, but how awesome is it that my son has taken his wife out to celebrate her for Mother's Day? Why. Why is that so hard? I do not. I'm so frustrated is not the right word. I'm. I'm heartbroken for the state of our culture with how many people cut off aging parents and how many aging parents cut off theirs, their young adult kids. And also when crap like this happens, I get it. Like, who would not want their kid celebrating his young wife on Mother's Day when they have, like, an infant. That's. That's the thing. That's awesome. But to make it about, like, what about me? Especially when they set up, like, hey, we're gonna celebrate, you guys. I just want to do something special for all husbands out there. You know what she did? High five. Dirt. Not only is she not the problem, she's the gangster. That's a. That's a high bar for me. Listen, she told her sweet young husband what she wanted for Mother's Day. That's the win. That's so awesome. She gave him a road map and he's trying to follow it, and both parents are like, no, I. Okay, okay, I'm done. What do you think, Kelly?

[Kelly]

I think we both agree she is definitely not the problem here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You just talk. You know what you just did to me? You just talked to me in the mom Xanax voice. You know, like when moms are screaming at their kids, they're like, shut up. I can't sit. And the phone rings. They're like, shut up. Hello.

[Kelly]

Hey.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You just did that to me. You just did it. Yes, I did.

[Kelly]

I've tried to counteract all the energy right now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I just.

[Kelly]

But you're 100% right. And I think she did exactly what she should have. She had a conversation ahead of time. So this email came in for those that don't know, because this show comes out after Mother's Day. It's right now April 28th. We still have two weeks until mother's Day. And she sent this in about a week ago. So three weeks prior, at least she spoke to them. Here's the plan. Here's what we're doing. We will celebrate you on a different day. And they both got mad.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

They threw adult temper tantrums. And I get it. Be disappointed. I'm trying to put myself like, if I lived in the same town as my son and it's Father's Day and he has a wife and a young kid, and he calls and says, hey, dad, for Father's Day, we're gonna do something as a small family. This for Father's Day, and you and I are gonna go do xyz. I would immediately be like, oh, man, I want to hang out with you Father's Day. And then, because I'm a grown up, not about all things. I still think butthole jokes are funny, but, like, on most things. And diarrhea jokes. The best. The best.

[Kelly]

So not most things. Some things.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And by the way, we need to have another conversation. You can edit this out. Do you know what a pelvic floor is? Just found out about those. Didn't know that was a thing. I did know it was a thing. I just didn't. Anyway, listen, I think those things are hilarious, but I would be an adult and be like, yes, how awesome is that? My son and his wife and his young little kid are hanging out. Anyway, that's all I'm gonna say about that. No, you're not the problem. You have achieved gangster status. Young mom. What's her name?

[Kelly]

Nicole. And she's in Columbus, Ohio, and she's awesome.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nicole, we honor you here on this show.

[Caller]

Go.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And God help your poor little husband if he doesn't follow the roadmap you've so kindly given him. He will, though, because he's awesome, too. Love you guys. Bye.