I Think My Mother-in-Law Is Having an Affair

Summary

Summary of "I Think My Mother-in-Law Is Having an Affair" Episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show

Release Date: November 20, 2024
Host: Ramsey Network

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Overview

In this episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show, Dr. DeLoney tackles intricate relationship and mental health challenges faced by his callers. The episode centers around three main listener queries: concerns about a mother-in-law potentially having an affair, navigating the dissolution of a business partnership, and overcoming self-imposed boundaries to live without fear. Through empathetic dialogue and practical advice, Dr. DeLoney provides actionable steps for each dilemma, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries, asserting oneself, and prioritizing family and personal well-being.

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Listener Call 1: Josh from Austin, Texas – Concerns About Mother-in-Law’s Potential Affair

Timestamp: [00:05] – [14:12]

Issue Presented:
Josh reaches out with concerns that his mother-in-law may be having an affair while staying with his in-laws. Initially believed to be a temporary arrangement due to the man’s divorce, Josh and his wife now suspect emotional involvement. The situation is further complicated by their young child, who frequently stays at their in-laws' home.

Dr. DeLoney’s Advice:
Dr. DeLoney stresses the importance of prioritizing the child's safety over strained familial relationships. He underscores the necessity of setting clear boundaries and distancing the child from potentially harmful environments. Emphasizing data and behavioral patterns, Dr. DeLoney advises Josh and his wife to act decisively to protect their family, even if it means burning bridges with the in-laws.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “My job is to protect my kid.”
  [04:24]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “Your son is not going over to a place with strange men that you don't know.”
  [05:13]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “You and your wife need to decide what's best for your family and how you're going to navigate it moving forward.”
  [13:21]

Key Takeaways:

• Prioritize Child’s Safety: The well-being of the child must come first, warranting decisive action.
• Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing firm boundaries with in-laws is crucial, even at the cost of strained relationships.
• Communicate Honestly: Open and honest dialogue between spouses strengthens their ability to make unified decisions.

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Listener Call 2: Dave from Ontario – Navigating the End of a Business Partnership

Timestamp: [18:59] – [29:56]

Issue Presented:
Dave discusses his tumultuous relationship with his business partner, who has recently stepped back from their construction renovation company. The partner's personal life challenges have led to instability in the business, leaving Dave uncertain about the company’s future and concerned about potential legal and financial repercussions.

Dr. DeLoney’s Advice:
Dr. DeLoney advises Dave to approach the dissolution of his business partnership with minimal explanation to prevent escalating tensions. He emphasizes the importance of documenting the exit strategy meticulously and seeking legal counsel to protect against future liabilities. Dr. DeLoney likens the process to a divorce, recommending a clear, written agreement to divide assets and responsibilities, thereby safeguarding Dave’s reputation and financial standing.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “Your relationship is not what you think it is.”
  [21:33]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “Put that down and have your lawyer draw up an agreement.”
  [24:35]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “This is like a divorce. You’re dividing assets, tools, jobs, payouts. Let’s have that in writing as soon as possible.”
  [29:23]

Key Takeaways:

• Minimal Explanations: Limiting the amount of explanation can prevent fueling further conflict.
• Legal Documentation: Securing a legally binding agreement is essential to protect against ongoing liabilities.
• Clear Exit Strategy: Defining and documenting the steps to exit the partnership ensures a smooth transition and mitigates potential disputes.

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Listener Call 3: Emil from Mission Viejo – Overcoming Self-Imposed Boundaries and Fear

Timestamp: [33:29] – [49:56]

Issue Presented:
Emil seeks guidance on breaking free from self-imposed boundaries that stem from a traditional upbringing and past traumas. These fears hinder his ability to pursue personal dreams and effectively market his spray tan business, leading to self-doubt and diminished self-confidence in professional settings.

Dr. DeLoney’s Advice:
Dr. DeLoney employs a metaphor comparing Emil's challenges to learning to drive a manual transmission car, emphasizing that initial struggles are natural when acquiring new skills. He encourages Emil to shift focus from what he fears to whom he aims to serve, fostering a mindset geared towards helping others rather than seeking validation. Dr. DeLoney advises implementing small, manageable goals—such as committing to five daily marketing actions—to gradually build confidence and overcome fears. He also highlights the importance of replacing negative internal narratives with affirming truths about one’s inherent worth and capabilities.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “You have to practice being uncomfortable. You have to practice failing. You have to practice somebody saying your spray tan sucks and going, that doesn't feel good, but I got 10 more clients today.”
  [40:46]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “The fear is protecting you from getting your heart stomped on again and again.”
  [43:42]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  “You're stronger than you think you are.”
  [46:58]

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace the Learning Curve: Accepting that initial difficulties are part of the growth process helps in overcoming fears.
• Shift Focus to Service: Concentrating on the value provided to others can diminish self-doubt and enhance motivation.
• Set Achievable Goals: Breaking down tasks into small, daily goals facilitates progress and builds confidence progressively.
• Reframe Negative Beliefs: Actively countering negative self-talk with positive affirmations strengthens self-esteem and resilience.

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Closing Insights

Throughout the episode, Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the significance of prioritizing one's own and one's family's well-being over external pressures and strained relationships. Whether it's setting boundaries to protect a child, legally safeguarding against a failing business partnership, or overcoming personal fears to pursue a passion, the underlying message revolves around taking decisive, informed actions to foster healthier relationships and personal growth. Dr. DeLoney’s compassionate approach and practical advice provide listeners with the tools needed to navigate complex emotional and relational landscapes effectively.

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Conclusion

"I Think My Mother-in-Law Is Having an Affair" delves deep into the nuanced challenges individuals face within familial and professional spheres. Dr. John DeLoney’s insightful guidance serves as a beacon for listeners grappling with similar issues, offering hope and strategies to reclaim control over their lives and relationships. This episode reinforces the importance of self-advocacy, clear communication, and unwavering commitment to personal and familial well-being.

Transcript

[Josh]

How do my wife and I address concerns about my mother in law potentially having an affair and cheating on my father in law?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her.

[Josh]

No, no, no.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

God. Thank you. What up? What's going on? What's. This is John, the Dr. John DeLoney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us, man. Three times a week dropping new episodes, me sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move. And not always hurting, I guess people just stuck, stuck in the relationships, their mental and emotional health. And it's real people going through real struggles. And we're going to sit down, we're going to figure it out, we're going to do the next right thing. If that's you, if you found yourself stuck, man, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to john deloney-l o n y.com ask a s k please. We're getting close to a major milestone here, so don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Just take two seconds. Subscribe to the show, especially on the tubes. It makes such a big, powerful difference. All right, let's go out to the 512 Austin, Texas and talk to Josh. Hey, Josh. What's up, dude?

[Josh]

Hey, what's going on?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nothing much, man. Rocking on to the breaking dawn. What's up, brother?

[Josh]

Hey. So I guess I'll just get straight into my question of how do my wife and I address concerns about my mother in law potentially having an affair and cheating on my father in law.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her.

[Josh]

No, no, no, no.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

God. Thank you. Actually, that would have got us a lot more subscribers. That would have been kind of awesome.

[Josh]

Yeah, that would have been good, right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. All right, so tell me more. Tell me about it.

[Josh]

Well, so just kind of give you some context. How we have finding out or why we're coming to this conclusion is about a year ago, my in laws, they were approached by someone that they knew. My mother in law had a relationship, I think a coworker or something, and he was going through a divorce. I guess he had his assets frozen, got kicked out of the house, house, blah blah, blah, and then decide or asked my in laws if he could stay with them for the time being. Well, a few months turned into a year and at first I thought he was just, I Guess scamming them, taking advantage of them because the story is that so my mother in law and my, my wife, they both have a. Have had a good relationship and so they talk all the time and so. And overhearing these conversations I first thought the. This guy that was staying with them was just taking advant. But the stories that my mother in law kept saying and kept, you know, relaying to us, now I'm starting to feel like he, she's covering for him because they're, they're getting emotionally involved.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you like pina coladas, huh. I get it. So that's a pretty far leap to from hey, this family friend is going through a divorce. I'm gonna crash there for a little while. To man, that's turned into a year to I think my mom's. My mother in law's having an affair. At worst a physical affair. At best an emotional affair. I say this with all due respect but like what business is it of yalls of yours?

[Josh]

So. And that's the thing is I probably wouldn't care as much but it's clearly having an effect on my wife who's starting to realize it. I think I saw it a lot sooner, saw the writing on the wall. But the other aspect which makes it difficult and kind of what gives, I guess us some say so is my son. He's 15 months old. He goes and stays there a couple times a week.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Absolutely not, no way, no how. And here's why. Not because of the affair, but because the vast majority of abuse, physical and sexual is done with step parents or visiting boyfriends kind of thing.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I don't know this guy. I don't think about this guy. I don't trust this guy. I don't have a relationship with this guy. My kid's not going over there, period. End of story.

[Josh]

And that's kind of the mentality I've had. And the issue that coming across is my communicating that to my wife. She's. She's. Again, they had a. Their. The relationship between my mother in law and her have always usually been good and she's worried by doing that they're gonna burn some bridges and the connection's not going to be there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's not how it works. The bridge has been burned, but not by y'all. Y'all are responding to a bridge that's on fire and it was lit on fire by your parent, by your, by your in laws. Yeah, it's, it's. They don't get to set fire to a bridge and Expect you to walk across it with your precious 15 month old and then blame you for the singe marks on your clothes. It's not how it works.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Y'all did not like the fire of this bridge. They did. They torched it.

[Wife]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so cool. They're allowed to do whatever they want to do. What's going to happen in your house is your wife had a really beautiful picture of her close relationship with her mom and her mom being the best grandma of all time. And so when it comes to the boundaries, there needs to be a clear boundary. My son, my daughter, is not going to stay at a house where there's a strange man living there, period. End of story. And so y'all get to decide. You want to see your grandkid or are you going to keep being a supportive house for this guy? Y'all get to pick. And one of them is going to break my heart. But that's not my job. My job is to protect my kid. And I'm just going to look at the data. My kid's not going over to where strange men are staying, period.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you and your wife are going to have to grieve the fact that we thought we man our picture for this was going to be so different than what it actually is, and that just. That hurts. That's the worst.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You keep mentioning that your wife and her mom have this amazing relationship.

[Wife]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Has she sat down across the table and looked at your mom and said. I mean, at her mom and said, mom, I think this is starting to feel inappropriate.

[Josh]

No. And I.

[Wife]

We've.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So the relationship. It's not amazing. Then let's stop couching it as that. Because if you can't have that conversation, your relationship is not amazing.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you can't be honest and you can't be direct and you can't be like, hey, I'm gonna put all this on the table, because here's what I'm seeing. If you can't do that, then it's not a relationship. There's some transactions happening. There's some performance happening. Right.

[Josh]

Well, and we've both been. We're both guilty of being people pleasers and trying to make sure, you know, our parents on both sides are happy. We're both the oldest. We both have the, you know, this mentality that we got to make sure everybody's taken care of. And sometimes it's out of own expense. And I know that's gonna. That's a difficult thing for her, is to confront her mom, who's Been very vocal and pushy in other aspects of our lives.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, that was gonna be my question, brother. Because this kind of person is not just. Yeah. Pushy and vocal about. I want to see that kid. There's other stuff going on, isn't there?

[Wife]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So the best thing I would tell you is you guys solve for reality sooner rather than later.

[Wife]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And there probably is not going to be some big showdown. There's not going to be some big. Come to Jesus. Some big. That's just not going to happen. Your mother in law doesn't. Doesn't care about that kind of stuff. What she cares about is her way.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Whatever she wants. And so knowing that, that this isn't a matter of interpretation. This isn't a matter of somebody just doesn't have some info that they. So that they need to help make a better decision. You're dealing with somebody who cares about one person themself. And if they've invited another man to live in the house, then your father in law is participating in this.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so dude, I want to just be away from that mess. And let's, let's say altruistically, let's say they're just. Your in laws are amazing people and they gave shelter to a guy that just got wronged. That's awesome. If that's the case, then if I'm you, I'm going out to have coffee with that dude and I would look him dead in the eye and say I don't know you and I'm not sending my kid over to a place with strange men that I don't know.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh my. Who do you think you are? I am the father of that kid. That's who I am. And I wouldn't bat an eye. And here's the thing, man. You and your wife, as first kids, as people pleasers, y'all chose to create a human. And now your role has shifted because otherwise you're going to end up using your kid as a, as a function in your people pleasing. And that's not fair to that baby.

[Wife]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know. I just dumped it all on you. How does that sound?

[Josh]

Easier said than done, that's for sure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yep.

[Josh]

And I've had conversation. I haven't had conversations. I've met the guy that's there and he seems obviously if there is a lot more red flags to it, I would be. This would have. I probably would have kind of put my foot down a little bit more. But it's just getting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't. Wait. I don't I don't wait for red flags with my kids.

[Wife]

Yeah, yeah, no, you're right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I. If there's no red, if there's no red flags. So it reminds me, I think I've mentioned it on the show. There's a great story. Kelly brought it to us once. Producer Kelly brought it once. There was a kid getting walked through a temper tantrum inside of a grocery store or inside of a store like a HomeGoods store. And dad just got frustrated and started carrying him out. And the kid was kicking and screaming in the parking lot as they were heading out to the car and a man was walking into the store and the man stopped and said, is that your kid? Right. Basically saying, if you've just kidnapped a kid who's screaming and fighting you, I'm intervening right now.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And ended up they got all worked out. It was fine. The dad's a dude, I just got a kid, he's throwing a temper tantrum as bananas. But the dad who got stopped in the parking lot ended up circling back and saying how grateful he was that a man took a moment to stop and potentially protect his child. And so if you as a dad, a new dad, practice looking other grown men in the eye because it's going to happen with a soccer coach, it's going to happen with a teacher, it's going to happen with a who it's going to be the rest of your life if you practice walking up and saying, hey sir, I'm whatever this guy's doing, hey Dan, I'm take you out to coffee. What's up? I'm seeing you have coffee. Hey, this is my son and I don't want to be weird or anything or hurt your feelings, but all the data says that a lot of challenges come from strange men in the homes that I don't know you that well. If he's a man of high character and integrity, he's going to look at you and say, data boy, this is the kind of dad you're a good man. Let me tell you about myself. Let me tell you what I've been through. When your son's over at this house, I will protect him till the moon and back. And if he throws a temper tantrum, how dare you talk to me like do you believe it then, bro? He just, he got. You know what I mean?

[Wife]

Right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You learned all you need to learn. But your heart's going to race in route to that conversation. You're going to be nervous about it. Your mother in law may be all mad about it. Your father in law may be all mad about it. You're going to walk away from that conversation 10 inches taller because I think the person you're starting to lose the most respect for is yourself. You and your wife together.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So there's not an easy path forward, brother. But I hate it for you. I hate it. I wish your wife could leverage this quote unquote amazing relationship she has with her mom just to go, mom, what in the deal? What's going on?

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if she can't, then that should be the big red flag to tell you just what how not solid this relationship is. And then you all need to do what's best for you too and your family.

[Wife]

Right.

[Josh]

I wish I could get her to talk to you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, tell her to call me. I'm happy to. Or just take a recording of this and, and let her listen to it. I can't think of a worse. I can. One of the worst things to have to grieve is I had a picture in my mind that I thought my parents, I thought they would become this kind of grandparent and they're not.

[Wife]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I hear this all over America and I think, I think the counter is people are just writing every all their parents off because they didn't perfectly match this picture. And I think that's probably too far too. But there's some middle ground. And the middle ground is going to be I'm not leaving my 15 month old there. And by the way, that also sucks for y'all because I was free babysitting. Right? Yeah. I mean it's got a whole bunch of costs to it.

[Wife]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But if my mom, mother. If my mom is having an affair with a live in guy that they gave refuge to and my dad is going along with it, or my mom is a bully and she's a liar and she's making excuses for this guy because she's got emotions because she's using him to prop up gaps in her marriage with the other guy. I don't want my 15 month old anywhere near any of that mess. And I'll swing in for Thanksgiving and I'll swing in for Christmas, but I don't want anything to do with that mess. And now you and your wife have to live in the ash of what was and what could have been and what we hoped for and what we thought was going to happen. Y'all got to do the hard work of saying, okay, what's Easter going to look like for us this year? What's Christmas going to look like what's babysitting going to look like? And that's heartbreaking, but it just is. It's just owning and dealing with reality. Owning and dealing with reality. And I think our entire culture is set up to avoid reality. I'm really proud of you two for having this conversation, for thinking about it, and for wondering what we're going to do. I think at the end of the day, you and your wife need to decide what's best for our family and how we're going to navigate it moving forward. And then her parents get to decide, are they going to be immature about it? They're going to feel a fit about it. They can have honest conversations about it. They get to decide what happens next. I just can't own all of that. You have to do the next right thing for you and your family. Appreciate the call, my brother. Appreciate it. We'll be right back. All right, good folks, I want to tell you about Cozy Earth. The holidays are on us like a freight train. And these stores keep playing the little drummer boy over and over. Can we just be a done with the Pahrumpa Pum pums? Listen, at this time of year we need to create peaceful environments, especially a peaceful sleep environment. And I call mine my sleep sanctuary. And for me and my family, a big part of our sleep sanctuary includes bedding and bath linens and comfortable clothes from Cozy Earth. Listen, y'all know I love the sheets and I love the bath towels and all the good stuff there. But you don't know that Cozy Earth has amazing hoodies and crew neck T shirts. They're called Cityscape hoodies and crew necks. And they come in men's and women's and kids sizes. I can't stop wearing them. And my wife loves Cozy Earth's long sleeve bamboo pajama set. They're so amazing. And just wait till you feel the Cozy Earth cuddle blanket. It's big, it's heavy, it's super soft. It just makes you go. All of these things make incredible gifts during the holidays. And don't forget, Cozy earth offers a 10 year warranty on all of their bedding. So amid the holiday chaos and the Pahrumpa pom poms, you can create your own peaceful sanctuaries. Your own peaceful sleep sanctuaries with Cozy earth. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code deloney for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. That's cozyearth.com deloney and if you get a post purchase survey, say that you heard about cozy earth on this podcast. Yo, I saw a headline the other day that made me want to set both of my ears and my nose on fire. One third of the United States population's background. Their information is now totally public. 115 million of us. Our personal private information is just out there for anyone to find and do with what they please. And with data breaches becoming more frequent, it feels like we're losing control over who has access to our personal information. Nothing feels like ours anymore. And that's why I love Delete Me. They are the best folks out there, taking care of all of your private data and getting it out of the hands of the bad guys. Deleteme removes your personal information from the countless data broker websites that buy, sell, and trade your data. And that information includes your name, address, phone number, work history, property values, places you've lived all throughout your life, and much more. And as much as I hate the interwebs, here I am. I'm on them everywhere now. And Delete Me puts the power of my data back in my hands, helping me take control over where my information is stored and who has access to it. And your information doesn't need to be in the hands of other people. So sign up with Delete Me today. Individual Delete Me plans start as low as nine bucks a month, helping to protect you from the risks of unwanted exposure. And online scammers, spammers, stalkers, and thieves. Go to joindelete me.com DeLoney today for 20% off. That's join j o I n deleteme.com DeLoney all right, let's roll out. Roll out to Ontario and talk to Dave. What's up? Dave.

[Dave]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's going on, man?

[Dave]

Hey. In a bit of a tight spot with my partner.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, Tell me about it.

[Dave]

Well, he stepped out of the company.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh. Business partner. Business partner. Romantic partner.

[Dave]

No, sorry, sir. Business partner.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Dave]

Best friend, previous roommate, fellow minister at church.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so y'all got some history together. Okay.

[Dave]

A lot of history. It was my. We were. Before he was married. Everything was super. It just has kind of gone downhill since he met his wife.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's gone downhill? Your. The access you had to him and you being the focus of his life. What's going down?

[Dave]

That was that. That's not really the issue. The issue is his personal life is going through. I mean, honestly, since. Since the day he was married in 2019. I think it was 2019. Yeah. Since he was married, it's been a roller coaster for him.

[Josh]

So.

[Dave]

Because he's in A place of leadership that creates a roller coaster for everybody else. And he was in leadership for. He trained me from nothing in construction. We're construction renovators. And he also actually introduced me to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the true gospel. And so when he was in the place of leadership, when it would go up and down, I was just along for the ride. Once I became his business partner, then his. It became. It affected me more and my reputation more because we were always changing. And now that he stepped most of the way out of the company, it's left the company on my shoulders. And yet he's still involved. And I'm concerned that I have no idea what the next step is going to be because he might come back, he might step out completely, he might ask for profits. I have no idea.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So what. What, what about this best friend who, by the way, everyone who gets introduced to some sort of faith says it's the one true faith. So, like this person who has been a spiritual influence in your life and a professional influence and a personal influence. It sounds like it's a lot. Hold on. It sounds like it's a lot of smoke and mirrors. If you can't sit down and say, bro, what are you doing?

[Dave]

I can and I do. But it becomes a big argument every.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, then your relationship is not what you think it is. Or let me say this, it's not what you. What you are fantasizing. It is. And I don't mean fantasizing in a sexual way.

[Dave]

Exactly correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's not real. And so.

[Dave]

Exactly correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How can I help you? What's like, what's the next right move for you? What's the question?

[Dave]

So I've reached out to. I was given an offer from another company.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Ah, okay.

[Dave]

So I've reached out to him to accept the offer. He'll get back to me actually tomorrow. So it's just. How do I. So you're absolutely correct. I'm holding on to a friendship I had with this guy before his whole marriage and life crisis and before he changed. So you're absolutely correct. So how do I respectfully and properly step out of the business side and also our real estate side? Step out of that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, I love that question.

[Dave]

Only be tied into the church. I'm not leaving. I'm actually a musician amateur. Not leaving the church at this point. But how do I respectfully step out without just blowing the whole thing up?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So, man, that's a great question and I'm going to. The answer is surprisingly simple. But yes, I'll just put it out there. Number one, you say about 10% of what you want to say or think you should say. So say as little as possible. Not in a manipulative way, but knowing this is a person who has demonstrated through their actions they don't care what you say. They don't care about the integrity of the partnership. They have moved on with their life.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so what they have done in that process is there's not a lot of, like, they don't need a lot of. He doesn't need a lot of explanation. A lot of explanation. And by the way, the more explanation you give is just going to put gas on a fire that he's got raging inside of him. That has nothing to do with you.

[Dave]

Correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's as simple as Henny to have a direct conversation with you. It's going to be pretty tough. Okay, Dave, what's going on? I've accepted another opportunity at another business. It's been my life's honor getting to work with you and I will never forget the investment you put into my life. In a couple of days, I'm going to circle back and we can talk through how we're going to, you know, separate the company, how I'm going to get bought out if I don't know the details of how you're going to transition. Once he hears the words I have taken a new position, period, he is going to go full fight or flight. He won't hear another thing you say, I know. So, so don't.

[Dave]

Okay?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. And in a couple of days we'll circle back and we'll work through the details. And I don't know what that means to get out of the real estate part and the business. I don't know if you have equity in the company. I don't know any of that kind of stuff. If you do, you need to write out specifically what your expectations are for that exit.

[Dave]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because you're an owner. This isn't a matter of like, I'm quitting my job and you're turning in a two week notice to your boss. You're an owner, right. Or you're a partner in this company. So I don't know what that kind of looks like. Here's the.

[Dave]

It's kind of a mess, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, I would.

[Dave]

Nothing's on paper. It's a mess. It's a real mess.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. You need to be very clear and you probably ought to meet with an attorney before you sit down because what if you don't?

[Dave]

The only advantage to the Mess is. My name is not really. It's. It's. It's. I don't know how to describe it. I've never seen it in anywhere else. Nothing's on paper.

[Josh]

It's.

[Dave]

But because he's stepping out, my name is getting more and more onto the liability side and we have a mess when it comes to our paperwork and so on our taxes and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, but hear me closely, Dave.

[Dave]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You stepping out and taking a new job does, in fact, does not absolve you of the mess you already have created there. If you have your name on documents, if you are a partner, if you are an owner, if you are somehow already in the middle of projects that are underway, you will still be liable for those as you leave.

[Dave]

That's correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so if there's 10 restoration projects or 10 rehab projects going and you just quit, but you were part of the guy that signed the contract with that original company, they still come after you.

[Dave]

That's correct. So the plan is January 1st, I step out.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. He may pull a grenade pin before that.

[Dave]

I know that. I know. I'm expecting it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so here's what I would do. I would spend your energy not trying to predict or contemplate how he's going to respond. Instead, I would spend my energy on writing out very clearly for myself and for him. Here's what the next steps will look like. And then underneath that, in fact, the last, the last three jobs I've transitioned out of, I sat down with a plan two out of three times my plan has been readily accepted. Like, I'll stay, I'm going to overlap. I'll work here and I'm starting my new job. I'll be available for you. You can pay me contract and I'll stay on. That's been accepted. The other one wasn't. One of them wasn't. They said, we're going to, we're going to pay you out, but we want you to go ahead and go early. That's cool. It's their, it's their facility, it's their place. And so you can have all the plans in the world. It's all well and good. If you want to just walk away and have no equity in this thing and that's what you've decided, then put that down and have your lawyer draw up an agreement that says that I'm terminating this partnership effective immediately. If not, who knows what he gets on the phone and does and you're still a quote unquote partner or co owner until January. I would not do that. He can drag you through all kind of things.

[Dave]

Nobody knows about this except for one close friend who won't mention it. Do you recommend that I just, I guess, quietly do the steps, separate our tools, kind of finish up the jobs to finish up and maybe let him know, like just Christmas, Merry Christmas, I'm leaving. Would you recommend something like that or just go with my plan.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if you think he's in a position where he's going to steal your stuff, then, yeah, you need to do the next right thing to protect yourself. But I don't want you to cash out your dignity and your honor and your character in the process. So what that would mean is if he says, hey, I'm taking on some more jobs for the new year, I.

[Dave]

Know that's the challenge. That's why I kind of have to talk now. Because it's going to get really, really basically a betrayal if I wait.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I think there's a personal betrayal and there's a legal betrayal.

[Dave]

That's correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because you or him are going to sign contracts with a customer who expects you to be running the show because he ain't doing it. And then it's going to be gone. So, yes. If you think the day you tell him, hey, I've taken a new position, I'm going to. I'm planning on starting January 1st. I'm going to help you wrap up this year. If he doesn't, if you don't think he's going to respond to that in a, in a positive way, he's going to lock you out of the building, then, yeah, you can get your stuff out.

[Dave]

No, he's not that extreme. He's just going to try to convince me for the next three months, every day that to stay okay, by you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Deciding you're going to stay for the next three months, then that's part of, you know that.

[Dave]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's like me going to stay at my dad's house. I know my dad's going to try to convince me of his political views. This is how my dad rolls. But I'm choosing to stay at his house, so that's kind of the price I pay to be there.

[Dave]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You get what I'm saying? But any sort of like, I think the meta lesson here is, especially initially, the least amount of explanation, deep conversation, he will not hear you. He's been able to have his cake and eat it too, or I don't know how that saying goes. How does that saying go to, I don't know, make his cake and have it, eat it, too. What's the saying?

[Bella]

Having your cake and eating it too doesn't sound right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is that right? Yeah. He's been trying to have his cake.

[Bella]

And you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You can't have it. That saying. He's. He likes being a co owner where he makes money and you increasingly, over the last four or five years, have been running everything. And that's going to come to an end. His. His gravy train is coming to an end. He's going to be upset about it. And so say as little as you can and then come up with a plan in writing a few days later when the smoke is cleared. Expect him to be angry because you've just blown up his life. That's okay. He made that choice. Hand him a piece of paper and says, here's my expectation and my plan. Let's work it through together. Every job I've ever left, I always send my. My exit strategy in. In writing. It's always a proposal, and I'm hoping they accept it. And I'm also offering things. I'm going to keep working here. I'm not going to leave you all high and dry. I'll finish all the reports, I'll turn the budgets in, whatever the thing is. And I think it's looking at the world y'all are in and saying, okay, the next three months are going to be a mayhem, and then I start this new job moving forward. But the days of handshakes and it's going to be all good. That has to end. You guys start putting stuff in writing and almost think of this like as a divorce. My buddy Dave says, once somebody says, I want to divorce you, you are now in a business transaction. The romantic part is over. We are now into dividing up assets, and we are dividing up the path that we are going to exit this. This partnership. Similar thing here. The moment you accept this position, I accept this job. Now we are fully in business mode. Hopefully I can stay friends through it, but. You're dividing assets, you're dividing tools, you're dividing jobs, you're dividing payouts, your divine debts. Whatever y'all got on the table, let's have that in writing as soon as possible. Thanks for the call, brother Dave. Appreciate you, man. Best of luck to you. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This month is all about gratitude, and most of us have a person or two we'd like to shout out for helping us out somewhere along our life's Journey. I'd like to take a moment to thank two people who have transformed my life. One is the great Marilyn Fannin. And two is the great and powerful Dr. Jean Will Thompson. Marilyn gave me a chance when no one should have. She brought me along and taught me poise and professionalism. And she challenged me when I needed help. And Jean Noel taught me how to be a dad, a husband, a professional, and how to balance the seemingly impossible weight of caring for a whole bunch of people all at the same time. Big time. Thanks to Marilyn and Jean Noel and for all you listeners. I know you have people in your own life that you're grateful for and hopefully you stop and thank them. But there's one person that we often don't take time to think enough ourselves. We don't always acknowledge that we're surviving or moving forward. We're grinding towards a better life, better relationships and a better world. And in a world where everything's gone bonkers, this isn't easy. So here's my reminder to thank the people in your life, including you. And sometimes we need more than just a thank you. We need some professional and personal help. We need to talk to someone who is trained to help us discover true gratitude for ourselves and others, especially during the holiday seasons. That's why I recommend my friends a better help. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk with your therapist anytime so it's convenient for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. Plus you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. This holiday season, let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com deloney all right, let's go out to Mission Viejo. Viejo.

[Bella]

Mission Viejo.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Mission Viejo said the former geography teacher, California. And talk to Bella. Hey, Bella, what's up?

[Emil]

Hello, Mr. DeLoney.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's going on?

[Emil]

Not much. I'm really excited to be on the phone with you. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Of course.

[Emil]

I just have a question. I wanted to know. How do I break free from self imposed boundaries and live without fear?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That sounds like you went to like a woman's empowerment conference.

[Emil]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did you take like an online quiz? No, I. I'm just playing with you. I'm just. I'm trying to break the ice a little bit. All right, tell me about your. Your self imposed boundaries and your fearful living.

[Emil]

Yeah, so I'm 31. I have been on a self healing journey for a few years now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's that mean?

[Emil]

And like, sorry I'm. I'm getting so emotional right now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you're good, you're good, you're good. You're safe. What's up?

[Emil]

Thank you. Just. I think I grew up in a very traditional or old school way of living. I lived in Mexico for two years with my grandparents, and it was very difficult because I had to help my family raise my siblings. And so I think I had to listen to them a lot and follow their directions. And there's a lot of trauma, all that stuff, And I think when I, you know, my mid-20s, I started thinking that I need to heal all this trauma. And I think I live with a lot of fears still, and a lot of it holds me back from pursuing dreams and ambitions, and I just need a little bit of guidance.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Very cool. Okay. Well, congratulations on saying no more.

[Emil]

Yes. Thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I'm proud of you because you know what you're doing. You're thinking of three generations from now.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it takes a bold step to just stop and turn and face the fire.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good on you.

[Emil]

Thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And know, that analogy sounds good stitched on a pillow, but when you turn and face a fire, it also means you on behalf of the generations that will come after you get burned up to.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So it's part. It's. It's just. It's not a bug. It's. I mean, it's a feature. Right. It's part of stopping generational hurt. So tell me something that you're scared of.

[Emil]

Um. I think so. I. I started my own little side business.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Emil]

And I'm having a hard time, you know, putting up content on social media, going out to pass out flyers. Just. What do you mean? Like, reaching out to clients.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so the marketing part.

[Emil]

Yeah. And I think a lot of it is I'm a little shy, and I'm also afraid to, like. I think I get complacent in the moment because I'm like, they don't want to. They don't want to talk to me. So I think I'm just going to leave it and try to find a new client.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's the name of one of your younger nieces or nephews? Just give me a random name.

[Emil]

Emil.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, Emil. So imagine Emile was choking in a restaurant, and you don't know the Heimlich maneuver.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You saw this somebody hurting you, saw somebody who needed something. What would you do?

[Emil]

I think in the moment for him, I would maybe stick my hand in there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, no, but you can't do it. You don't Know how?

[Emil]

Okay. I don't know how.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What would you do?

[Emil]

I would ask someone for help or call 91 1.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Would you ask for help? Excuse me. Emil's choking. I'm sorry to bother you. Emil's chicken. How would you get people's attention?

[Emil]

I would probably yell for help.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There you go.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So it's in there. When you saw somebody who needed something desperately, you would have no problem turning and yelling to a restaurant. Hey, help. Somebody help. Right?

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's your side business?

[Emil]

I'm a spray tan artist.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, what's the business?

[Emil]

So I go and I provide a service to people that are looking to get a knife. Golden Tan.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I may or may not need that service. I may or may not be one of the paler people who's ever lived. Okay. So if you went and got certified to be a spray tan artist and you're doing that because you want to avoid a clock in and clock out job, or you have this picture of owning businesses and making six figures, or you really kind of want to have a reputation like, she's kind of cool because she's good at making people look better.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're a naturally quiet, I don't want to bother people kind of person.

[Emil]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If it's so. It's so. Making a marketing material. I hate the word content, but that's the word. That's the world we're in making, putting that message out. Hey, I want you all to help me make six figures. I want you all to see how good my work is. Some people are wired for that. I'm not. You're not? If you wake up every day and say, hey, there are people who don't like what they see when they look in the mirror. And I believe everyone has inherent beauty. And I've learned this craft where I can help accentuate people's beauty and give them a moment of peace from how awful they talk to themselves, you would scream at the top of your lungs to get that message out. I can help you exhale when you look in the mirror, you're beautiful. And I see it, I'm going to help you see it, too.

[Emil]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so it's the same thing. But what I found in my life, that in my personal life, is when I get excited about doing something that's just for me, I don't like talking about it. I feel weird about it. And when I make, like an ad or I put something on social media about it, you can see it coming a mile away. Like, hey, what's up, bros? This is John. I've got this thing I want you to buy.

[Emil]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But like, I just put out some new conversation cards about sex and intimacy. I mean, listen to the show. So many people are struggling because they're married to someone, they love somebody, and they don't know how to say, I'm struggling in this area.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And now I've got this tiny little thing that costs like 15 bucks or something that will give you a path. Like, I'm passionate about this one or the parents and kids, like, parents want to talk to their kids. Kids want to talk to their parents and they don't know how, as silly as that sounds. Here we are. I'm going to. I'm going to give you a tool. I'll talk about that till the end of time. So I think the first thing is asking yourself, not what do you want to do? Ask yourself, who are. Am I waking up every day to serve and to help? And I don't. I think you'll find over time, your fear about calling out and telling that message will go away. It will, it will. It will greatly lessen because you would have no problem screaming to help out. Emil.

[Emil]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. You have no problem. Just because. Just talking to you. You have a. You have a pretty amazing spirit about you. If your friend came and sat with you and she was like, I just feel so ugly, you would not. You would not think twice of getting real close to her face and looking her dead in the eyes and saying, you are beautiful, would you?

[Emil]

Yeah. No, I wouldn't.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, exactly. That's who you are.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so here's the second part. What does your fear get you?

[Emil]

Nothing.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, it's. It's serving a role. It's serving a purpose.

[Emil]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What is it giving you?

[Emil]

I don't know. I don't know how to answer that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I take a couple of just guesses and you tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm right?

[Emil]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The idea of you being. Doing art growing up in the home you grew up was silly. It was kid stuff. You got pushed into a maternal role. You had to be mom at a real young age.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The idea that you're going to do art, that you're going to do beauty. Shut up. We got those mouths to feed. You need to go over there and get those kids bathed.

[Emil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. And so what your body knows, your nervous system knows, your soul knows to get all woo woo about it, that deep down the thing that you feel like you're best at doesn't matter. It's not that big of a deal. Nobody cares. And so what your fear gives you is protection against somebody else telling you that the thing that you think is important doesn't matter. Again, your fear is protecting you from getting your heart stomped on again and again and again.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is that fair?

[Emil]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. The marketplace is mean. The marketplace isn't nice. It doesn't care about your feelings. It cares about service. Can you serve other people? And how much is it going to cost me? And so to enter into the marketplace, you're entering back into a world that got you hurt for most of your childhood. And that's a world of, I believe I have value. I believe I have a cool way of doing life. And people said, I don't care what you think. I don't care what you feel. Get those kids fed and get them and bathed up and get them to bed. I'm watching tv. And so I want you to see your body, your boundaries, your fear. Your body's working perfectly given the circumstances you were raised in. You're not messed up or broken.

[Emil]

Okay?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you get that? I want you to hear that there's nothing wrong with you, given what's happened to you in your life. Your body's working perfectly. What you are trying to do is learn how to do something new. And so here's what I mean by that. If you're. You ever driven a standard, like a car that's got a clutch?

[Emil]

I've tried, but it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Emil]

I've not gotten it down.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I driven. I. My first car was a standard. I've driven a car, a standard for like, what, 20, 30 years? Forever. Manual says Kelly. Kelly GPT. There are manuals. Right. So, um, when you first start trying to drive a manual, it's gonna buck and kick because you're not gonna get that ratio of gas, pedal, and clutch. Right. You know what I'm saying? After driving one for 30 years, it should smooth out a little bit. And if it starts getting really rough and you got a problem.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You are learning how to do a whole new thing, and that is put yourself out there, start a small business, say, hey, I have a talent and I think I can help you. I see something in you you don't see, and it's going to go right. Because it's new.

[Emil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But if you were helping Emile learn how to drive a manual, a standard, you'd be really graceful with them the first couple times you're driving. Never done it before. Of course, you're going to be bucking and kicking in the car, stalling. Of course you are.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me about your self imposed boundary.

[Emil]

Well, I think a lot of people see my potential, you know, like, my friends and like my loved ones, they all see that I'm capable of doing things. But again, I just hold myself back every time. And I think when I'm on my own, like, if I'm. If I'm going somewhere by myself, I know how to do things and I'm independent. But then, like, once I'm in the. Like in the presence of my friends or, you know, like at work, I think I kind of pull back and I'm. I'm not as competent. And I think that also holds me back. Like, I don't know how. I don't know if there's a term for that, but I just kind of dim myself and just follow someone's lead, but then I don't follow the lead correctly because I'll mess up or something. And then I'm just like, oh, then that causes me a little bit of insecurity and I'm like, oh, my God, I suck at this. You know?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Well, there's two sides to that. Sucking at something isn't a bad thing.

[Emil]

Right. Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you sucked at something and it got you hit across the face growing up, that's another thing.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you sucked at something and somebody said that's why your mom left, you know, because of your attitude.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Then, yeah, you're going to spend your whole adult life trying not to suck at things because it's. It's an act of war in your body.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Fair enough.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did I hit that on that nail on the head right there?

[Emil]

I think you're right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Emil]

Because somebody actually did say that to me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know they did.

[Emil]

About my dad. Yeah, I know they did.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And hey, it wasn't true. No, wasn't true. And what your body has learned over the course of your life is that when other people are around, it is your job to make sure everybody has what they need and to shut your mouth. And I'm sorry that you were treated that way, but it was wrong. And you get to choose what happens next.

[Emil]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so it's about practicing. And for someone like you, Bella, you know what I would do? I would tell my friends, I'm practicing being more assertive now. You'll actually have to get over it. And they'll all laugh and be like, whatever, Bella. Yeah, okay, but I bet they'd go along with you, wouldn't they?

[Emil]

They would.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And when it comes to putting out ads or marketing materials, make a commitment to the only person that matters right now. Bella. I will do five a day, period. I'm just going to do five a day. I will send five emails, five client reach outs. I will do five. Social media. I don't care what the thing is. I don't know what the thing is. And there in California, I will do five a day. When those five are done, I'm finished for the day. Yeah, I'm just gonna do five. That's all of the stomping on my spirit I can handle. But what you're gonna find is your body's gonna learn over time. You're not gonna die. And in fact, you're much stronger than you think you are. You just have to, like, tiptoe out on that ledge and you're gonna realize it's not a ledge. The word that keeps coming to mind is you got to practice. You got to practice. You got to practice. You got to practice being uncomfortable. You got to practice failing. You got to practice somebody saying your spray tan sucks and going, that doesn't feel good. But I got 10 more clients today. Either they're right, I got to do better, or whatever. Okay? And I'm going to go to the next thing. But listen, the things that keep you, kept you safe as a kid are going to destroy your small business. They're going to destroy your adult relationships. They're going to continue to erode your own belief in you. And it's time to not let those voices from your childhood, those nonsensical voices, continue to have a seat at the table in your life anymore. You're not welcome here anymore. Voices. Time for y'all to go. You look around at a bunch of empty chairs, and you have to fill them up with people who love you and care about you and who are willing to walk alongside you, let you fail, cheer you on. I'm going to be honest with you. I think you're on the right path. I think you just need to come down, impose some symptoms. I mean, some symptoms. Impose some systems on yourself. I will do five a day. I will make one phone call. When I get uncomfortable. I'm just going to put my fist in my chest. I'm going to hold it there. I'm going to keep making the phone call. I'm going to keep making the piece of content. I'm going to keep making the flyer. I am going to send these out to people because I'm here to help other people feel Beautiful. I'm here to accentuate people, give them amazing photo shoots and amazing weddings and whatever else. The thing is, because I'm here to serve, I'm here to lift other people up. And what I think you're going to find is a, you're stronger than you think you are and B, all those years of keeping your eyes open to keep you safe, reading a room is going to make you amazing. When somebody walks in sheepishly for the first time and says, I don't feel beautiful. Can you help me feel beautiful? And you're going to go, oh man, sit down or come here into the booth. I got you. And you're going to be a gift. Thanks for the call, sister. I'm grateful for you. I'm going to send you a copy of Building a Non Anxious Life as my gift to you. I want you to read it all the way through and I want you to use it as a road map to slowly start practicing a new way to walk through this crazy, crazy world. You're a blessing. Talk to you soon. We'll be right back. I'm so proud that Thorne supplements, my favorite supplements on the planet, have continued to partner with me and our show listeners for health, longevity and just feeling good. Thorn is one of our longest standing partners on this show and it's because I trust them, I use them, I read their research papers and I know their products are great and that my fans will love them too. Here's the deal with supplements. There's so, so much garbage out in the marketplace and other than my admitted gummy candy problem, I'm pretty freakish about what I put in my body. And that's why I trust my health and the health of my family with Thorn. Personally, I've been taking Thorn supplements for years and years, way before I was on the Internets with these shows and my wife and kids have been taking them well. And here's what I take every single day. I take the super EPA fish oil, the methylated B vitamins, creatine, phosphatidylserine and more. I take Thorn for specific physiologic needs, for me to keep my body and mind optimized and for overall longevity and health. And here's the cool thing. We've set up an amazing opportunity for all of the listeners of the Dr. John DeLoney Show. 25% off everything in the Thorne store. And not just on your first visit, but every time you make a purchase through our page in our account. This isn't a sale that's going to Change from week to week. All you do is go online, create an account through my page and you'll get 25% off from here on out. Forever. It's that easy. Go to thorne.com u deloney. That's Thorne. T h o r n e dot com, the letter u slash deloney for 25% off everything in the store. I trust Thorne. My family trusts Thorn. And you can trust Thorne too. Kelly, what did I put on the Internet?

[Bella]

All right, you said my wife has been out of town for several days. When she got home today, I was overwhelmed by how much I missed my friend. I was so happy she was home. This led me to think. I used to think love and marriage were only about fireworks and hot feelings. And sometimes they are. But after years of hard, hard work, I'm finding a good marriage is when two people can't wait to hang out with each other. Even after all the heartache, the do overs and challenges. If your marriage is barely hanging on, know this. The work and the forgiveness and the healing is worth it. I promise you. A good marriage is worth it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. My wife was out of town for days this time. And it was hard, man, it was real hard. And the first night I was mad. The second day I was frustrated and, and I guess I was just reflecting last night. Like I couldn't wait till she got home just to hang out. Like I just missed my buddy, right? And it wasn't about like, I need some help around. It wasn't that at all. In fact, by the time she got back, she'd been gone long enough. She was gone for days this time. We'd gotten into a routine. Me and the kids, we were in a routine. We were laughing, we were being goofy. Josephine and I had worked through our demons and whoa, there were demons. We worked through them. Like we were, we were just in it. And then it was like, oh man, I missed my buddy. Like some things happened. And I guess just in a moment of reflection, man, if you had told me five years ago, six years ago, 10 years ago, when things were real, real rough between us, that I wouldn't, I would just want her to come home. And not because like, oh yeah, now it's go to not because of that, but just because I miss my buddy, I never would have believed you. I never would have thought that was true. And here we are. And so it was just a cool, I don't know, just a cool little moment I had when it's like, I'm so glad I didn't quit. I'm so glad we sat at the table and said, I'll rebuild this thing if you will, and let's do this thing together. Because I never could have imagined that here I am with two knuckleheaded kids who I love, who are just being maniacal and too many dogs in the house, and, ah, all the stuff I was on my buddy to come hang out, on my buddy to come home, and I just. I never would have seen that coming. It was pretty cool. So if you're struggling, hang in there. If you got to rebuild, rebuild. Just telling you it's worth it. It's worth it. Love you guys. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. Bye.